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WHEN I GOT BACK INTO THE HOUSE, YONAH WAS *OBVIOUSLY* UPSET WITH ME, NOT BEING IN THE HOUSE FOR SO LONG AND THEN COMING IN AND LEAVING AGAIN! I COULD TELL BECAUSE PINE NEEDLES AND SUCH WERE STREWN ABOUT THE PLACE (EVEN ONTO THE FLOOR!) AND HE HAD THAT “STAND” THAT HE TAKES, AT HIS DOOR. BUT... BUT... BUT... WHEN I WENT IN TO HIM, HE IMMEDIATELY CAME FORWARD TO MEET ME AND HE HAD “CUDDLES” AND... ONCE HE KNEW I WAS BACK... HE ATE! IT'S ALMOST AS IF HE WON'T EAT UNLESS I'M HERE! HE NOTICES WHEN I'M AWAY! SO I THREW... ALMOST LITERALLY, 4 FRANKS INTO A POT OF WATER, 2 SLICES OF BREAD... “MEAL” AT ALMOST 19.30!!! And with it, the 2gC,D with that! *** AFTER *** YONAH WAS ON MY SHOULDER AS I DID THE WASHING-UP! WOW! WE'RE BECOMING MORE AND MORE... AN “ITEM”! AND I'M IN ABSOLUTE HEAVEN WITH HIM! SMILING ALL THE WHILE. WHEN THE WASHING-UP WAS DONE, I WENT INTO HIS ROOM TO GET READY FOR THE EVENING “CHANGING OF THE WATER” AND HE WENT “HOME” BUT WOW! WHAT AN EXPERIENCE WITH HIM!
At 19.45, I took the nightly 3g/c with a Naprox and was in the midst of “water changing” when I heard a “Hello?” at the front door. There was a pleasant, young lady standing there and I have to say that I was “curt” at first, but she was so sincerely apologetic and “lost”... she was on her way to Long Lake... from NEW HAMPSHIRE! The poor thing! So I looked-up the most direct route (on-line, of course) and we chatted briefly and he was, indeed, polite and pleasant and THANKFUL for my help... so it was a delight to chat with her. And so... I returned to “waters” and to tucking-in Yonah for the night. Bless him. - So, at the end of this day, I have to note that I have a REALLY SORE THROAT! I'm thinking it's from all the talking of late, with Rita. I'm not used to talking, at all, this much... and then too, there's the matter of the “chest” and such, and I don't doubt that that has something to do with it. And RUN-DOWN! REALLY RUN DOWN! tonight. And the late meal... I now know that I CAN'T DO THAT! Apparently my body NEEDS the nourishment no matter what so... As long as Yonah is here... I MUST take care of ME so that I can take care of HIM! No questions. No exceptions. - And so... now I'm off to a Brit... ONE... a bit of ice cream (because I didn't have any after meal... there just wasn't any time) and then... A SHOWER! A PROPER SHOWER! And to BED!!! I REALLY AM FEELING SO DAMNED RUN DOWN! - Tomorrow... lavage and I have to bake bread! BUT... ALL THE MORE MOST IMPORTANT OF ABOVE ALL ELSE... I NEED TO BE SURE TO SPEND TIME WITH YONAH!!! NO MATTER WHAT! OR HOW! - 21.44 JUST DID A QUICK CHECK OF ACCOUNTS... JULY'S RENT CHEQUE CLEARED... TODAY!!! I've half a mind to send a sarcastic “Thank you for being responsible” note... I've another half a mind to include a throat punch... and another half a mind to send a note explaining WHY I don't appreciate the rent being taken so late. What half wins is to be seen... but now... SHOWER AND BED!
Fri.02.Jul. 7.36 YONAH'S SHOPPING IS DONE! GAS BILL PAID! INET BILL PAID! I-BNQUE TN DONE! YONAH'S HOUSE-KEEPING IS DONE (changed kitchen roll too)! MORNING PILLS TAKEN! OFF TO MAKE A WASH... AND IT'S BLEATING RAINING... ALL BLEATING DAY! OH WELL.. I'M GOING NO-WHERE! BUT SOC.SEC. WAS POSTED AT 6.25 THIS MORNING... I'M THRILLED... (fuck).
19.27 It's been a REALLY HEAVY DAY TODAY... CHEST, HEAD... BODY IN GENERAL. And it rained all day. - BUT... I MANAGED TO GET ALL THE LAVAGE DONE, EVEN PUT IT ON THE LINE (and now it's all... in the shower, on the rack and jeans are hanging in Yonah's door-way... still wet... but I didn't expect “dry”, to be honest... I'm not THAT far gone... yet). AND MANAGED TO BAKE 2 LOAVES OF BREAD... today, with 6 eggs (from the old batch) and 5 tblspns (give or take) of yoghurt! (I've had a slice... IT'S REALLY DELICIOUS!) HAD ... and I mean, with-out a choice... HAD to take a nap that began as a 30-minute and ended-up about 90 minutes, after which, I felt a bit better but not for very long. BUT... I continued with Hoovering the HELL out of the floors AND giving the kitchen and loo a good mopping... - Got “stuck” on the back gallery with Rita for another hour or so... chatting, that put me back. But I managed to get “meal” (4 franks, veggies and ice cream) in at just shortly after 17.00. Washing-up was done as I went along so... there's nothing left to be done... I've even put the trash in the bin!!! (It's 19.33... and Yonah is having his “evening snack”... HOW IT DOES MY HEART SO MUCH GOOD TO SEE HIM EATING!!!) - All said, the day was REALLY QUITE PRODUCTIVE! BUT... Now I have to go back to yesterday's Journal entry and expound on the “notes” I dashed-off before last night's shower and bed... and I have Yonah's Journal to catch-up with.... I've just gone through the “book-keeping journals” to balance accounts and such. (It's going to be a tight month but... I JUST HOPE THE TRUCK PASSES INSPECTION!!!! FUCK ME! I'm NOT planning on it, of course. But, I'll need to know that it's OK IF I decide to bring Yonah to Ray Brook... which I'm NOT considering unless it's ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY since they won't let me into the building... and I'm NOT comfortable with THAT BULL-SHIT ON SO MANY LEVELS!) - Well... feeling a bit like shit... - Oh... will have Yonah's radiator on over-night tonight... to keep that “chill-damp chill” out and away from him. AND... HE'S HAD ANOTHER “KISSIE-LOVEY” DAY TODAY, INCLUDING ANOTHER “RIDE ON THE SHOULDER”... though this one was quite brief. He's gotten quite”cuddly.” - One more note: I've FINALLY put the “Design” account on FB into DELETE! 30 DAYS AND IT'S DONE... and no more “notifications” of the bull-shit posts from “the South”. Fukkem... I'm sick of it... them... and the bull-shitterie that is FB! DONE! Another item in the “Clean House” list... gone. Seriously... FUKKEM! FUKKEMALL! - 20.23 Done with THIS Journal catch-up... on to Yonah's... I've taken “night pills”. Would like a quick shower before bed. Yonah's radiator is on (#3) and I'll leave it on over-night because of the rain and damp chill. He's eaten and I can tell that, even though I have the desk lampe on, he's about ready to call it a day. (Truthfully, so am I... I'm TRULY tired again tonight! If only I could figure out how to get back to an old routine... Actually, what I'd like is to get on to Yonah's routine! Something to work on.) But now... WATER CHANGE time and then... wind-down and wrap-up! - Another... WHAT A DAY... BECAUSE OF... THE LITTLE MAN! - 23.36 Caught up with Yonah's Journal. Watched a Brit. *** UP-GRADED YONAH'S SHOPPING TO “UPS GROUND”! (Cost: 7,99$ but I'd MUCH rather it came via Corey than those dolts next door. Though I hope Corey's delivering because of the address! Fucking Pee-Oh! I NEED to work on this fuckerie!) - That mouse is back! More peppermint sprayed. Honestly!!! Oh well, as long as it stays away from Yonah... - Well... No shower tonight. I'm tired. It's late. I'm off to bed!
Sat.03.Jul: 8.06 OK... Good night, last night, one loo trip, no “contractions”. Morning, this? Not. As I removed Yonah's back-board, a ZING in the right shoulder blade and a bit of pain... and quite a bit of “discomfort” with the breathing since. But waters have been changed, coffee has been made, pills taken, breakfast on the veranda, served... I'm dressed, and “organic” broccoli is waiting to be prepared to be put up. (And Yonah has some this morning, to be sure.) I'm ANGRY!!! this morning... with me, with my body, with why my body is in the state it's in, with the not-knowing, with the inability to comfortably seek any sort of medical attention, never mind, “service”. This morning I'm ANGRY... with and at the world, as it is, for the fact that now, I have a MAJOR LOVE in my existence, a little one whom I worship and adore, not just LOVE with my ALL, and who obviously reciprocates that LOVE... and HE (Yonah) will now be better, live longer in the company of a kind, loving, caring some-one and the WORLD appears to be working to TAKE ME OUT... NOW! It's similar to mother... 21 years of utter SHIT & HELL... followed by a few years of STRIFE & STRIVING, providing for ungrateful brat off-spring, then meeting a man who, apparently gave her ALL a human-being could desire, for comfort and happiness and BAM! MAYBE 10 years (I can never be sure because I don't know when they married and all the rest...) later... SLASHED HER AND IT ALL WITH BLOODY-FUCKING LUNG CANCER AND THEN TOOK HER OUT! REALLY? FOR THIS, WE'RE BORN, WE “BECOME”? USELESS! AND NOW IT SEEMS, IS MY TURN AT BAT... ONLY “LIFE” HOLDS THE BAT AND GETS TO SWING IT AT ME, MY BODY, MY HEAD... MY “LUNGS”... MY LITTLE BIT OF JOY... Yes, I dreamt of a little place in the Adirondacks and, in my final “moments”, relatively speaking, here I am, not truly “enjoying” it but a lot better off than I've been in MUCH of my past. AND NOW, with it, the LOVE to give AND receive... and I have NO idea... Will I get another few months? A year? 5 years? Mother's 10? Will I get another 10 minutes? AND... let's add that I don't feel that I have anyone who has the where-with-all to give me any idea, unless I manage to get into the truck and travel many miles and hours! Add to THIS shit-heap... IF there actually IS a way to extend the time (surgery)... DAYS IN HOSPITAL? AWAY FROM YONAH? NOBODY'S GOING TO COME IN TWICE DAILY TO MAKE SURE THE WATERS ARE FRESH, THE FOOD IS FRESH, HIS HOUSE IS CLEAN, TO OPEN AND/OR CLOSE WINDOWS APPROPRIATELY, TO PUT UP THE BACK-BOARD, REMOVE IT IN THE MORNING... ********** KEEP HIM COMPANY **********, TALK WITH HIM, STROKE HIM, CUDDLE AND SNUGGLE! NOBODY!!!!! I DON'T HAVE THE GIFT OF TIME! Yes... this morning... this “Shabbat” morning, I'M ALMOST LIVID! But I've gotten it off my chest and... well... Yonah is up, and all but the “company” part for him has been attended, and there's MUCH more than I NEED to get onto HIS site... for others to know... NOT, mind, that I expect ANY of them to actually give a jolly shit. These are “HEAVY” times... HEAVY days.. so it's time to live the moments... and let the days attend... as they become the moments. - That said... it's chilly, damp, grey and I've things to get to... TYPING, posting... and LOVING YONAH! - 20.34 ANOTHER ENTIRE DAY WITH... YONAH!!! And I'm STILL on his February Journal! But I DID HAVE TO TAKE 2 SNOOZES DURING THE DAY... I tend to feel better after them and I wonder why. Other-wise, today, my chest bothered me TERRIBLY... tight, a bit “painful”... and I can't really tell if it's “internal” or “muscle. But no matter... today was “concerning” again... until “meal”. - But for “lunch”, I'd cooked-down the broccoli (organic) that I didn't put up for Yonah (which was, for me, mostly the stems) and had that over 2 slices of bread. FILLING! Like having “evening meal” at noon. So, for evening meal, I mashed a tin of salmon with some olive oil and spices and made 2 “sammiches”... and had some ice cream after. It was filling and obviously, since I'm not hungry now, it was sufficient. - Well then... about a half hour ago, I was changing Yonah's waters and had only 2 smokes left so I changed the waters, got him “tucked-in”, grabbed my running shoes, put them on and headed into FamDoll... smokes, dish detergent and moth balls (for a tab of over 30$ fuck). I drove in “almost dark”! I don't like it, especially since it's been raining all day, but I made it... there and back! And how I remember the days when it would have taken me almost 4 or 5 hours to walk that! - Anyway, Yonah and I had a most marvellous day, which I will record in HIS Journal and now... I NEED a shower again tonight... and tonight I truly have no choice.... let's just call it “broccoli”. And I want to back files up tonight (to be safe... there's a LOT of work on this lap-top that I cannot afford to lose... especially Yonah's). So... off I go. - Yonah, mean-while, is nicely secure and I saw him, on his perch, all ready for seepie-nigh night... if he isn't already asleep, which I can hope. - Oh... haven't seen Rita all day, save the moment she was walking to the PO, up the drive. She must have come round the house because I didn't see her come back. And I CAN hear her what-ever it is she's listening to... BUT EVER-SO softly and mostly in the loo. And now, her place is rather dark. I'm thinking she's “reading” in the living-room. (I still have to get my hammer back...) Never mind... Must get to the back-ups before Brits, shower and bed.
Sun.04.Jul: 17.57 Due to my own irresponsibility, I've utterly WASTED ANOTHER day!!! BUT ONE THING I'M LEARNING FROM THESE DAYS OF PASSING TOO MANY HOURS CHATTING WITH RITA: I CAN NO LONGER SKIP MY LITTLE LUNCH AT NOON AND CANNOT... CAN NOT EAT EVENING MEAL LATER THAN 17.00! I SKIPPED MID-DAY MEAL, THOUGH I TOOK MY VITAMINS... AND DIDN'T GET BACK INTO THE HOUSE UNTIL 17.00 FOR “MEAL”... WHICH, AGAIN, THIS EVENING, WAS THAT “SALMON” ON BREAD... AND BY THE TIME I GOT IN TO THROW IT TOGETHER... AND EVEN NOW AS I TYPE THIS... MY INSIDES AREN'T JUST “UNCOMFORTABLE”... I'M IN PAIN... COMPLETELY FROM TOP OF HEAD TO END OF FINGERS AND TOES... IT'S HORRIBLE... MY HEAD'S “FLOATING”, MY CHEST FEELS AS IF I'VE BEEN THUMPED REPEATEDLY. MY ARMS ARE SORE, MY LEGS DON'T WANT TO HOLD ME UP. EVEN SITTING HERE AT YONAH'S WORK TABLE... IT'S AN EFFORT, SITTING UP-RIGHT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT BUT IT'S HORRENDOUSLY UNCOMFORTABLE! IF I WANTED TO DIE, THIS WOULD DO IT... I'M CERTAIN. IT'S 21° IN YONAH'S ROOM AND I'M COLD ENOUGH TO WEAR A SHERPA... THOUGH I'M WEARING A FLEECE. MY EYES DON'T WANT TO FOCUS, MY STOMACH WANTS TO HEAVE THE SANDWICHES, MY FEET FEEL LIKE THEY'RE ON THE VERGE OF “CONTRACTIONS”. I CANNOT... CAN NOT SKIP FOOD ANYMORE! IT'S JUST TOO MISERABLE... AND SO, I HAVE TO BE EXTREMELY CAREFUL, NOT FOR ME... BUT FOR YONAH... WHO HAS OBVIOUSLY MISSED ME ALL DAY. EARLIER THIS AFTERNOON, I STROLLED TO NANCY'S TO SEE JACK AND FIND THE NAME OF THE VET SHE GOES TO IN GLENS FALLS... SO I CAN CHECK TO SEE IF THEY'RE “AVIAN”... ALL THREE VEHICLES WERE IN THE DRIVE, AND JACK BARKED WHEN I KNOCKED BUT NOBODY CAME TO THE DOOR. SO I CAME BACK TO THE HOUSE BUT CHECKED TO SEE ABOUT WHITE PINES FOR YONAH (AND TOOK A PICTURE OF A LITTLE TURTLE I HAPPENED UPON IN THE GRASSES... IT' BEEN YEARS SINCE I LAST SAW A TURTLE IN THE WILD! I HAVE TO GET BACK DOWN THERE BECAUSE I FOUND 3 “CANDIDATE” TREES FOR YONAH. BUT I WAS FEELING RATHER “OFF” THEN... WHEN I GOT BACK, I MADE THE MISTAKE OF TALKING TO RITA WHEN SHE WENT TO HER POST BOX... BECAUSE SOME SHIT PARKED *AT* THE FRONT DOOR AND DISAPPEARED SOME-WHERE. I WANTED TO KNOW IF THEY WERE VISITING RITA... AND THAT LED TO “CHAT” ON THE BACK GALLERY (AND I APPRECIATE THOSE BECAUSE I'M LEARNING HER “LEFTIST” POLITICAL LEANINGS... I FORE-SEE TROUBLE IN THE NOT-SO-DISTANT FUTURE ANYWAY... TO THE POINT, I'M OFF TO TRY TO GET MORE OF YONAH'S JOURNAL DONE BEFORE IT GETS TOO LATE... *AND* I FEEL EVEN *** WORSE *** BECAUSE HE'S BEEN ALONE IN HERE ALL DAY! I'VE BEEN ON THE BACK GALLERY, BUT NOT WITH HIM.. SO I'M SPENDING THE TIME WITH HIM NOW... BUT, AGAIN... THERE WILL BE NO MORE OF THIS “SKIPPING” MEALS AND SUCH!!! NO MORE! NEVER AGAIN!!! I SIMPLY CAN'T. (I WONDER... DIABETES? OR CA? NO MATTER... I'M NOT GOING TO “PLAY” ABOUT... I HAVE YONAH TO THINK ABOUT AND CARE FOR!!!) - That said... - 23.56 Still not feeling “completely right” but better after packing in some calories of yoghurt with fruit cocktail and some ice cream. Tired. Almost “afraid” to go to bed again tonight. So I'm late! - Nancy sent a text. She's going to Albany tomorrow and when she gets back, will stop by here to invite me to dinner. I really don't want to go... in case I drop. - I've got a lot of work to do on Yonah's Journal... so I'm planning on just popping into bed for a snooze... see how that works, and taking “naps” instead of going for solid HOURS. I usually feel my worst in the morning so I'll try “naps through the night” and see how that works. Meanwhile... AVOIDING “chats” with Rita from now until Yonah's work (including photos and videos) is done... I NEED to get that complete before... - Off to nap... and I'm not going to bother with teeth and such tonight. I don't want to get THAT comfortable.
Mon.05.Jul: 10.24 I've been having a “rough” morning thus far... with light head, heavy chest. After getting Yonah settled for the morning, I've taken a 20-minute snooze, but it doesn't seem to be of any “better”. BUT WHAT JUST MADE MY EVERYTHING BETTER... NANCY STOPPED BY JUST NOW... AND GAVE A “TOOT”, WHICH HAS BECOME OUR LITTLE JOKE. AND SHE'S GOING TO CALL HER VET TO SEE IF HE'LL TAKE YONAH... AS A NEW PATIENT... FOR A CHECK-UP AND IF NEEDED... A BEAK TRIM! AND SHE SAYS... THEY LET PEOPLE INTO THE OFFICE WITH THE LITTLE ONES!!! I'M SO EXCITED! *** AND *** NANCY SAYS... “I'LL TAKE YOU DOWN”!!! SHE'S OFFERING TO DRIVE US DOWN THERE! NO DOUBT SHE'LL BRING JACK TOO, BUT... OMG! I * AM * FEELING *MUCH * BETTER... OF HEART AND SOUL!!!
Now, if only I could get my body together! - Last night was another ALL-TOO-TOO-LATE night of getting into bed at mid-night! I didn't shower, didn't even bother to brush my teeth. I'd watched some “QI” before and had a “snack” of yoghurt and fruit cocktail and that “almost” helped with the horrible feeling I'd had most of the day. - I set the “leg pillow” into the pile of pillows under my head, and an alarm for 2.30. My plan was to “nap”, on and off through the night since my snoozes during the day seem to be more “restful” than a solid night's sleep. Well... at 2.30, I got up, pee'ed and went back to bed with an alarm set for 4.30. Originally, I thought I'd get up at 2.30 for 2 hours, then back to bed for 2 hours and up... in 2-hour intervals. As I laid down again... after pee'ing, THIGH MUSCLE CONTRACTION IN THE RIGHT LEG!!! I REALLY GAVE THE LEG A “THRASHING” SHAKE and though it didn't completely stop the pain, I drifted off to sleep! I woke to, what I believe, was the... OH WAIT... it was the 6.00 alarm!!! I was thinking it was the 7.00! Well, THAT explains why I was so confused about the time this morning. I kept looking at the clock and couldn't figure why it was always so “early”... I'd been thinking I got up at 7.00! I got up at 6.00! OK... I'm NOT losing my mind... as quickly as I thought. - Anyway... so I slept from 2.30-ish to almost 6.00 and woke, the world spinning, my chest full of the usual heaviness of late, but I got up and into the morning routine. - Got the soc.med. and such done and am now where I've been... at the work-table with Yonah. - THE SUN IS SHINING AND TAKING THE MORNING'S DAMP CHILL AWAY! Yonah's window is open and we're together... AND NANCY IS MY LIFE-LINE! I MEAN... WOW! - In a while, I'm going down to the river to get another white pine for Yonah. Other than that... it's work on his journal!!! (And honestly, today, this morning... I'm hoping to make it through this day... I do, honestly... feel HORRIBLE! BUT... there's SO MUCH to attend to with/for Yonah... and Nancy's given me “new life”!) Now... back to BUSINESS! I MUST FOCUS ON THIS... YONAH'S JOURNAL AND WEB-SITE! - 11.40 YONAH'S FEBRUARY JOURNAL PAGE IS LAUNCHED AND LIVE! AND THE SUN IS POURING IN THROUGH THE WINDOW... THE AIR IS WARM... AND I NEED TO GO GET HIM A NEW TREE! (And figure out how to get it into the house... HIS house...) - Every little addition to his site makes me feel better... I want ALL info on... before... well... “things” take their course. - I'll head out for the tree after mid-day pills and nosh... WHICH, OBVIOUSLY, I CAN'T PASS ANY MORE! I fucking HATE this getting “older”... And... FUCKING NEXT MONTH... “... passed in his 67th year”... OH FUCK ME! REALLY! Just FUCK! - 21.10 Odd... but for a few hours, I was feeling SUPER! Right after meal, I had energy... ENERGY! My head stopped spinning, the tightness in my chest stopped. And I managed to FETCH AND PLANT AND PLACE 2 NEW WHITE PINES IN YONAH'S HOUSE... THEN... DID A BIT OF “REPAIR” ON THE FEEDING TRAY IN THE BACK AND THEN... PREPARED MEAL... THEN HOOVERED THE HOUSE AND CHANGED YONAH'S WATERS! I WAS FEELING QUITE “NORMAL”... and just now, my head “took off” for the heights, my chest is getting heavy again... Well? I had a few REALLY GOOD HOURS today. I'm wondering if it's the exercise of going down to the river and climbing the Hill or the “meal” which was a lot of veggies, 2 turkey franks, a bit of spaghetti thrown in and a slathering of ketchup and a sprinkle of grated cheese. What-ever it was... it worked well for a few hours. - And I've had my “night meds” already... so I would have thought I'd feel MUCH better. But... this old body... it annoys me! - NOTE!* I ORDERED MY VITAMIN C DIRECTLY FROM COSTCO THIS EVENING!!! MUCH MUCH CHEAPER THAN BLAMAZOOM AND... THERE, THEY'RE GOING FOR ALMOST 23$ YET... AT THE LIKES OF TheeBai (I'm NOT including their names because of this Journal being on the Internet) they're selling at upwards of almost 60$/bottle! SOME-body's got a racket. Anyway, I'm feeling MUCH better having ordered them. In a day or so, I'll have to open another bottle. When I think... not too long ago, a bottle would last me about 250 days! NOW... it lasts me 50. I wonder, often but not always, just what the 10 grams is doing “in there”. Sometimes I think the “pains” are caused because “dead” tissue is being “cleaned out” and the rest is healing. “Healing” can, some-times, be rather painful. I'm bringing up SOME pale, darkish “green” again, but NOT the quantities I used to. And, for the most part, what comes up with a “clearing cough” is “white”, as if being cleaned by peroxide. Well... I wonder... and I'll probably never know. But I'm feeling better knowing that there's another whole bottle here, another on the way... and if Costco keeps that price and I can... NEXT time I'll order TWO bottles... because, as long as Yonah is in my life, I'm going to do what I can to KEEP my life... for as long as I can. - Well... its 21.22, I've had the night meds, I'd like to have a “tart” or 2 (and no more... we'll see) and a shower because I've been quite sweaty today. - Oh... spoke with Rita a couple of times today... thankfully NOT the 5 and 5-plus hours. (I TRULY WANT to curb all the “chatting”. I'm sure it will cease... as soon as she starts associating with the others folks... and I hope it turns that way.) - Right now though... I'm TIRED. So... I'm off to, perhaps... some “QI”, a shower and BED! (I keep forgetting that I was up quite early this morning and have had a maybe-15-minute snooze all day. It takes almost nothing to drain my energy... BUT... I did have a pretty good, and productive day... all told.
Tue.06.Jul: 15.20 HOT! HAZY! ICK! - I DID NOT WANT TO GET OUT OF BED THIS MORNING! OH! I DID NOT WANT TO GET OUT OF BED THIS MORNING! I didn't get IN to bed until mid-night and THEN READ for a while! Not much. Not for long. AND... I *THINK* (I have cause to believe?) that I slept through the night! With, of course, ONE exception... loo-run. Other-wise... I DID slept... I believe. No contractions, no repeat loo-runs. And this morning, I heard the alarms... and stopped both... It was about 7.45-ish when... I felt terrible about Yonah being behind that “block”, so I got up and went into “morning routine”... loo, kettle, water changes, a “sweep” on Yonah's house and... it all just fell into place from there. Thankfully, no “chats” with next-door this morning. AND... well... it appears the “screening” I put up at the “Feeding Garden” keeps the squirrels away... but NOT the chipmunks... so there's a little more work to be done there. THEY actually climb the stump and manage to get up and around. The “OK” aspect of chipmunks: they don't BOUNCE and SPREAD the seeds. Still... - And then... BUT the loan got paid... AT FUCKING LAST! THAT was the FIRST item once on-line this morning. It annoys me... the transfer from VT “appeared” on Sunday, was on “hold” even yesterday, although... ALTHOUGH... ALFUCKINGTHOUGH, IT “CLEARED” YESTERDAY BUT... WASN'T AVAILABLE UNTIL THIS MORNING! FUKKEM! SHIT-BAG BANQUES. Oh well... the payment is still WAY before the “Due” of the 25th. Not that it makes any difference to my “credit score” or anything. But it's gone... done... - The rest of the day... I did a bit of “cleaning” for Yonah's March Journal page. (There's still MOST of the month waiting.) So I've been with him MOST of the day. - And I had a “lie-down”... at about 9.45... alarm set for 10.30... and got up from that at... 11.30! It wasn't a “sleep”, HOW-EVER... I'm to understand that Alvin came by round-about 10.45-ish and KNOCKED on the back door! The inside door was open and I DIDN'T HEAR IT! I'm “concerned” about that. He came to leave, in the screen door, BACK door, an “invite/notice”... “Picnic on the 24th”. OH JOY! - When I'd gone for it, Rita and Chris were on the back porch. Yes, they got theirs as well, and, amusingly, were “impressed” that Alvin delivered “in person”. And so... we got into a bit of “chat” until Chris left (thankfully). Of note: Chris sits on the back gallery to have her smokes... THE SMOKE COMES INTO THE HOUSE ON THE AIR! I'm NOT happy about that! I can handle the stench (imagine... after so many years of smoking in the flat... I DESPISE the stench now...), it really isn't any worse than John D.'s garbage burning. And it isn't for as long a duration, BUT YONAH! The smoke comes in and goes into HIS ROOM! I DO NOT LIKE THAT! Still, were he out-side... there's MUCH WORSE out there. Oh well... I don't see cause to mention it. (Still... I think of me, walking down to the bridge to keep the smoke from travelling into Joan's. Well... People. Responsibility. Consideration... AND THEY'RE “Vermonters”... so it REALLY isn't worth the what-ever. Though, Rita asked if I'd be offended if she decorated for the Christmas holiday and aside from the actual “I don't give a shit”... I “made mention” of still looking for another place to move to. Chris said “Make sure it's at least 2 bed-rooms... my mother will be packing and moving too, if you go.” And Rita said “I don't WANT another person next-door!” (Well, I must say, to my-self... NOBODY asked ME before SHE moved in... though I DID say: “But you can have Alden's 28-year old illegal with 5 kids and 10 husbands, the most recent due to be let out of Dannemora any day now.” Neither of them were amused. Oh well... Me? I'm waiting for it to REALLY get around... Maybe Rita can “chat” about it... at the picnic... which I will NOT be attending, to be sure.) - Aside from that, I've put together a preliminary “Biz Card” for Yonah. I'm not “thrilled” and I doubt it'll print properly. And I don't have enough colour ink in the printer. I'm thinking going “VistaPrint”... I should be able to get a batch printed... Of course, 500 is a bit much but... I'll look... for schitzengiggles. - Mean-while anyway.... it's time to throw something together and call it a “meal”... Looks like “fritatta” tonight... I have the eggs... I don't have the ambition or interest. But... I CAN'T skip it so... Off we go. - At least the sun shone today... AND YONAH AND I WERE TOGETHER. - OH... AND HIS FOOD, MINERAL BLOCKS and a little mirror... ARE DUE TO ARRIVE THIS EVENING! WOO-HOO! - 23.15 Fritatta for meal. Yonah was on my shoulder as I did the washing-up! (Noted on HIS Journal.) Sadly, I got carried away after changing the waters, looking-up something and didn't get to “nigh-night” until it had actually gone dark in his room! BUT, we managed and he's been quiet since... - Right now, I'm feeling “light”, and a bit “ick” because of heat and humidity so I'm cutting this short tonight... brushing teeth and going to bed. - BUT ONE NOTE: THIS EVENING, THE “HEALTHY SELECT” AND THE MINERAL BLOCKS AND LITTLE MIRROR ARRIVED! POOR COREY... HE DIDN'T GET HERE UNTIL ALMOST 19.00! WE DID CHAT BUT... HE SAID IT WAS A “HEAVY” SORT OF DAY FOR DELIVERIES. (He'll be back tomorrow and Thursday a well... for Yonah.) *** AND GLEN CAME BY TO GIVE ME AN INVITATION TO NELL'S BIRTHDAY (again this year)! (The picnic on the 24th July... Nell's “do” on the 1 August... and me, not even entertaining a passing notion about attending either. -I'm tired... and “lightly floating”... time to try for bed ... 23.21 Power-down, lights out.
Wed.07.Jul: 7.39 And... “morning routine” is complete. One notable: Some-how, I haven't had a “morning HACK”. AND, before I put the lights out for bed, last night, I “browsed” to see the long-term effects of “MegaC”... It's said that 11G/day is the high-end “tolerance”, that, as I do, it should be taken in “doses” through the day, and that “in studies” it's shown to “improve” a “quality of life” when used for different ailments... including several cancers! The one negative is that it “might” or “may” cause “iron retention” which can lead to complications. But other-wise, it appears to be quite beneficial. AND... it's mentioned, several times, that the “MegaC” “kills cancer cells”. (They didn't say “how” in the sites I hit, but the ones I was looking at weren't the “high end scientific”. Still....) SO! It would APPEAR that I CAN stay on this 10G/day for quite the while AND that it DOES “improve quality of life” AND that it IS KILLING cancer cells. OH... but... BUT it CAN cause “fatigue”. So that explains the “snoozes” and such. YAY! NOW... to find the cause of the horrific “light-headedness” and accompanying nausea and... away we go! (What-ever... I suppose.) - Anyway... Yonah is up and awake and waters are changed and the sun shines through a rather hazy morn. And I'm off to... what-ever this day brings. - I noticed that there's still quite a lot of seed on the feeder in the back this morning. Good sign that the squirrels aren't getting at it but I'm wondering where the birds are. I'm just wondering. At least it's there for them, should they wish to partake. (I should work on something for Winter... with a “roof”.... AH... A “project”! - (What I'd like most right now at the moment... a “lie-down”. I slept through the night... but it's another “I wanted to stay in bed a while longer” day. - Have to ring Richie.... or, since I have to go to town, stop by for the inspection and oil change appointment; have to ring the vet in Ray Brook about accompanying Yonah. Probably ought to mow the lawn. And MUST get to his Journal... and PHOTOS! OK... Sitting here like this gets none of it done... ON with the day. - And Yonah has more food due today... tomorrow, the millet and my vit.C! (I'm excited now, that I can order directly from CostCo!) - 21.01 I'm SO tired again, tonight but I took tonight's “pills” at abut 20.25 so I need to sit up a while longer. - Just finished the entry on Yonah's Journal. He's all tucked-in for the night and the house is settling. May it do so properly and peacefully. - I say that because this morning, I heard some of Rita's music coming through the loo wall and, well, it's not exactly all “Gordon Lightfoot”, as she was listening to a couple of evenings ago as we chatted on the back gallery. More approaching the old “Black Sabbath”. Thankfully, it was loud enough to come through Yonah's wall. I WILL NOT TOLERATE THAT BULL-SHIT AGAIN! But, truthfully, it wasn't all too loud at all so I'm not whining. - As for the day? Well... shamefully, I got a little more of Yonah's “March” page cleaned (and then I'll have to transcribe). I had a bit of a “dragging” sort of morning. Not as bad as some but certainly not as good as others. - But I DID, after “lunch” manage to get into town to FamDoll and en route, stopped at Richie's to make an appointment for an inspection and oil change on the 13th (at 8.00... early morning to come!!!). When I said I had the oil and filtre (I'd told him already before) he seemed annoyed. “Don't DO that!” he almost snapped. When I said I already HAVE it he said “We'll use it but I have to charge you the regular price for the change.” and he gave me a 39$ price. With the oil it would have been about 60$ and I told him “Charge me what-ever you would normally. I'm just grateful that you have the lift. I can't contort under the truck to do it myself.” (I might be able to and honestly, if I get the gumption, I might just give it a try anyway and he won't have to bother again... oh well.) - In OTHER NEWS... I sent a text to Nancy asking her for the name of her vet. She's in Albany but she sent back the phone numbers and said she'll call them tomorrow to see about taking Yonah and will “text” me after. I took the number and did a “trace”... IT'S ANOTHER “VCA” HOSPITAL! WOO-HOO!!! It's abuot 125-130km South, out-side Glens Falls... The “High Peaks” in Ray Brook is only a 45 minute drive. SO... I'm going to figure my finances and, it looks like I'll make the appointment in Ray Brook... another VCA... IF they'll allow me to go in when I bring Yonah. (I'm already working on fitting his old “house” in the truck and have started research on what to expect from a beak trim... and am THRILLED that he'll get a “physical” at the same time! Oh, beak trimming? between 10 and 25$ for a general trim... Not bad! And I can get a “First Visit” 25$ exam at High Peaks! Not bad at all!) - And so, I'm more at peace... I'm just HOPING his beak doesn't grow any more before we get to the vet! I've put up the other mineral block on one side of his house... the other is in his food dish. And tonight he was scratching in the sand which is good too. Oh well... we'll do what we can. I just NEED to KNOW that the truck will make the trip up and out to Ray Brook! I do NOT want a break-down with Yonah in the vehicle! - And now...a Brit (probably QI) a tart, a water, a shower and to bed! I AM quite tired! - (And there seems to be the smell of cigarette smoke coming from some-where... It had better NOT because if THAT happens... INDEED, I'll be on the phone and in the post to Mass-hole Central! Fuck! Not only don't I like the stench in the house... I'll NOT have Yonah subjected to it. Bad enough I'll have to make sure the back door is closed when Chris comes... but I'll mention me smoking out front... and see if she's bright enough to catch on... though I doubt it... most seriously. - On to Brits, tarts and showers... I AM tired. - But... aside from the momentary “woozies”... it's been a fairly good day. (Oh, I got peroxide today... I'm going to “cleanse” the ears and see it that helps with the “woozies”. Hey... don't try, don't know...)
Thu.08.Jul: 7.31 Yonah is having another “fluffy” morning, but I just looked-in and he's having some breakfast so, I'll be “keeping an eye open” today. It might be another rainy morning. It isn't “cold”... just damp. Waters have been freshened and kitchen roll, changed. His over-night poops look quite OK, save a bit of a “leeching” of liquid that I don't believe ought to be there. But other-wise, it looks OK. He wasn't his usual “curious” self when I opened the curtains this morning. But he DID coo when I put his “bird-song” play-list on. And I'm about to phone the vet to make an appointment, taking it for granted that I'll be able to afford it, both the fees and the travel, after Tuesday morning when the truck gets the “once-over”. I went to sleep last night, thinking of the “beak trimming”... and what I'd read about it: it IS a bit of a trauma, and the recommendations are to get him home as soon after as possible, a relatively dark and quiet room, no “visitors” and the likes for several hours, at least. I don't like the “trauma”. I expected it might be traumatic. I just hope there's no “pain” or ANY discomfort to him, though, realistically, I understand there will be... After all, the travel to the vet and back, being in a cage in a moving vehicle. A stranger handling him... a HUMAN stranger. Tuesday, it will be only 9 months since he came into the house, into my existence. No, I don't “like” this, but it WILL be better for him... a “health check” and a “trim”. Oh... “Life”... it isn't “fair” but, that's the way of the entirety of “Creation”. For today, I've nothing on an “agenda”. It's supposed to rain all through so... I'll work in his room, on his Journal, we'll spend time together and I'll watch... with extra care. - In other news, last night I didn't shower... I was THAT tired! Got into bed, read a bit and by about 23.30, the light went out... and I didn't wake again until about 4.00 this morning! And I didn't need to run to the loo! So I drifted back to sleep until about 6.00 which is when I got up and out of bed... NOT because I needed the loo but because I heard Yonah coo'ing. And the “morning routine” commenced, immediately. I was “rested” and ready to roll... then. All morning chores attended, I'm now sitting, dressed, at table, coffee at hand and for the first time in a long time, “relieved”, which is something I've been meaning to put time aside for for a while but never got round to. And now, I'm tired again. But there's under-things on the soak in the basin just because that was the only thing in the house that truly needed to be done. And I'm tired again. I woke, feeling quite well and, it appears, as soon as I get up and move about, the head goes all “light and woozy”. This morning, I wasn't congested. I'm wondering if it doesn't have something to do with the position of my head at night, with the extra pillow. I didn't really have the “morning hack”. My chest isn't “painful” or exceptionally “heavy”, as it usually has been for oh, many weeks. But my head... round and round and round... There IS a bit of a “heaviness” or a sensation of something being “swollen” in the left ear. I've been cleaning my ears with alcohol and yesterday, got peroxide to cleanse. I wonder... Is it really “vertigo”? Bob B. had it so bad that he'd take days off from work, unable to get out of bed with sickness. I don't like that notion. And to be honest, it's never been something I've ever actually believed in, so to speak. But having read-up on it, it IS actually an ailment, sadly, it's difficult to “control” and “treatment” is merely twisting one's head about to “slosh” “crystals” in the inner ear, back into place. Well, at least it isn't “terminal” and it doesn't require invasive procedures. There's that. But I'd like to get rid of it. So I'll try the peroxide. That “fullness” sensation might have something to do with it. I'm aggravated by the dizziness, wooziness, nausea.... - OK, that said and jotted. - And too, at least it's still “calm”, thus far. No banging about next door (which reminds me... I need to get my hammer back). Didn't see her at all, yesterday. Not that I have anything in particular against her... but I'd really rather not. I've come to learn just about all I care to know... thus far. And it still annoys, the smoking on the back gallery. I mean, I have enough sense not to because I KNOW the smoke will go into the flat. But, it's the “expecting consideration for other” from a “Vermonter”... I DO KNOW BETTER. - Let me let that go. No sense... time to get on with the day... just time to get on with the day. - 21.40 I can't believe I haven't gotten to add anything to this AND I hve yet to get to Yonah's Journal! - SO...
AT THE TOP OF THE LIST ****** YONAH HAS A DOCTOR APPOINTMENT ON FRIDAY, THE 16TH AT 15.00!!! AT HIGH PEAKS! A PHYSICAL AN A BEAK TRIM! (Now... if his beak would slow down with the growing, that would be MOST appreciated!) YES, INDEED! AND HIS “MILLET SPRAYS” ARRIVED TODAY! And he appears to be rather afraid of it. But more on that on HIS Jouranl. I RANG, SPOKE WITH “MEG” WHO “REGISTRED” HIM AND ASKED “WHAT COLOUR IS HE?” WHAT? A MOURNING DOVE. WHAT COLOUR IS HE? I could have but I didn't say “Chartreuse”. Oh well... NOW... I'M SOME-WHAT EXCITED, SOME-WHAT ANXIOUS AND PETRIFIED OF THE DRIVE WITH HIM... ESPECIALLY THE DRIVE BACK AFTER THE POOR LITTLE GUY WILL HAVE BEEN “MAN-HANDLED”... NOT TO MENTION... THE BEAK TRIMMING! BUT, AT THE VERY LEAST, SHOULD ALL GO WELL... I'LL KNOW WHETHER OR NOT I'VE DONE A GOOD JOB AT KEEPING HIM HEALTHY!
AND, I GOT INTO A BIT OF A POLITICAL CHAT WITH RITA WHOM, I'VE COME TO LEARN, IS A STAUNCH SUPPORTER OF OBAMA! AND, WHO WAS QUITE TAKEN A-BACK WHEN I REFERRED TO HIM AS A “DIVISIVE NIGGER” AS HE'S BEEN CALLED BY MANY A BLACK PERSON, TO BE SURE INDEED. SO! HERE WE GO! I NOW AWAIT THE RAMIFICATIONS... ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THAT SHE RATHER CUT OUR CHAT SHORT WHEN I “SHARED” LC's COMPARISON BETWEEN “PETER” AND M'SELF. ALAS... FUKKIT! The worst of that was... during the “chat”, I felt my chest “implode”, as it does... when I got back into the house I noticed the time: 17.15! The chicken was done (because I'd thrown it into the oven, frozen, at 15.00) but there was nothing to go with. I CANNOT DELAY THE MID-DAY OR THE EVENING EATING ANY MORE! THERE'S NO “SKIPPING” EITHER. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THIS OLD BODY, BUT *THIS*, THE EATING, IS SOMETHING THAT'S TRULY DISCOMFORTING IF MODIFIED! I WONDER: AM I “FEEDING A CANCER” NOW? “EATING FOR TWO”, AS IT WERE? PROBABLY. FUCK.
Meanwhile, cute: As I was preparing the table for meal, an older fellow “appeared” at the front door on the porch. How fucking charming. He said “Hello” and continued on with his “looking about” as strangers will do. I'd thrown veggies on the hob and was out for a quick smoke before meal and as I stepped out... FOUR of them. Parents and teens. MORE FOLKS FROM... RUSSIA! So they asked about the name of the town, we chatted about Russia and such, they tell that there's a population actually known as “New Russians” in Russia... mostly the “new capitalists” who tend to drive high-price cars and dress like mobsters. We chatted about Brighton Beach. The APPROVED of the PO sign I'd done and the father asked if mail posted from here would be cancelled with “New Russia” or Plattsburgh. (And... they live in New Hampshire but they obviously know a thing or two... Odd, or not... the last person to come to the door, the young woman... also from NH. Oh MY! They're “getting out and about” now.) So I said, probably not but there's a stamp that CAN be used and I'll ask the PM tomorrow if she'd give it a use on their post card. (THIS ought to be FUN... and VERY telling about a LOT of things in that shit-box.) They thought me most kind. I pointed-out that it's really not any effort, I can't promise but.. And, with cheerie smiles all round.. off they went. - OH, and Yonah's house got a complete ... COMPLETE cleaning today, kitchen roll and a pool-wipe... and THREE changes of waters! - In any other news... I took a snooze... for almost 2 hours and therefore there-by... fucked the entire day other-wise. Not a damned tap of a key on the actual WORK I NEED to get done. - Ah but this morning, Nancy DID text me, and confirmed that she brings Jack to Queensbury which I learnt is a VCA hospital! And again... she offered to drive me down there, had I not gone with High Peaks. But truthfully, I prefer High Peaks because it's only a 45-minute drive away as opposed to over an hour to Queensbury. But I AM IMPRESSED! Nancy came through! - Other than that and this and that... “meal” was chicken with veggies and WOW! AM I EVER NOTICING THAT AT ABOUT 17.00, IF I MISS MEAL BY MOMENTS... I SUFFER! PAINS IN THE CHEST, HEAD GOES SPINNING! HORRID! Now I wonder WHAT the ACTUAL fuck is going on with this old body! But... Yonah will be going to the doctor... which is more than I can say for me. - Now... it's almost 22.00 and I MUST shower before bed as the rains pound and pour in the night. Thankfully, it's not cold tonight, but Yonah's radiator is on in his clean room, his windows are open a bit for the air. And I'm about to hit another “episode” so I must get to his Journal, into and out of the shower and off to bed! - No, there's nothing of importance on the agenda tomorrow... other than... JOURNAL WORK! - Another day... another day.
Fri.09.Jul: 8.13 Already quite humid and my chest is “humidly heavy”, with slight hacking and light-headedness. Nice way to start the day. But the night went well... shower and reading and lights out just before mid-night (I heave cause to believe). Up once at 3.00, for not apparent reason, but I went to the loo anyway and right back to bed to sleep. Woke again, before the 6.00 alarm... to the “morning call” and got up, opened curtains and door and... believe it or not, went back to sleep on Yonah's futon for about another hour. It's not bad... not a “bed”, but then, the mattress is over-price cheap... it suffices though. And I had a few dreamlettes, but the only one that I can still recall at the moment is a snippette of the one I woke from where-in Yonah and I were doing something in the house and somebody came along and pissed me off and I went on-line to look for a flat and JUST as I saw something listed that looked attractive and affordable... I woke up. Hmmmm.... Where that dream goes and what it means is to be seen. - Meanwhile, I'm up, dressed, have put the last of the cod liver oil seeds out for the birds in the back. The sky is trying to clear, the sun is trying to shine AND YONAH HAS HAD A BIT OF BREAKFAST! And I'm having coffee... having changed the waters. Another day... another day... oh yes indeed... another day. - 10.34 Been “keeping busy on-line” this morning as the heat and humidity rise. DID ask the little “PM” to hand-cancel the post card for the Russians and she agreed. OK. I did what I needed to do about that. - Mean-while, am in Yonah's room and he's facing the wall again... with the “Woo-HOO!” this morning. (I have to wonder if the “Vermonter” hammering doesn't have something to do with this, though I can't figure what one would have to do with the other.) And he's “preening”. I wish next Friday was done with already. -
AND... I'd just like to note that my chest truly feels as if it's about to implode on itself this morning. If not for Yonah... I swear I'd just “throw in the towel” at this juncture today, let what-ever this is take what-ever it's come to take. Even my arms ache this morning. But there are “good” days and “bad” days... and all days come and all days go. So we shall see... indeed.
Got an e-mail from Gina this morning. VERY pleasant. It seems she appreciates the correspondence, and in today's she again says “Keep it up with the vitamin C! Yonah needs you. We need you.” Nice, I suppose. But the “we”... no, not really. And well... it's been too long a ride, too high the fare”... “we”... When I'm gone, the world will carry on. “Need”? I shouldn't think so. But how “kind”. - Now... on to the work I didn't do yesterday... Yonah's March Journal. I MUST get this ALL caught-up... and there's a SHIT-TONNE-LOAD OF PHOTOS TOO! Oh well... every day needs its “purpose”... - 16.58 I made a RUN to the market, primarily to get a yam for Yonah, but I picked-up a couple of other things as well... The yam is in the toaster oven because I see that baking in foil is the best way to preserve any nutrition and it's the vit.A I want for Yonah! And I DID DASH, and I didn't go any-where else. And the truck is running well-enough and will, hopefully pass inspection and run even better when the better oil is in with the new filtre and Yonah and I will roll along merrily, o'er yonder “High Peaks” on Friday! - And I'm feeling slightly better now that I have felt all day. It's the “moving about”! I REALLY HAVE to make sure I DO some... SOME in the course of a day. Today, it's that REALLY HEAVY MOSTLY IN THE CENTRE OF THE CHEST. I'm doubting it's the lungs because breathing is clear and easy enough. The heart? I hope not... NOT NOW! FUCK! Anyway... I'm off to “meal”. Been working on Yonah's Journal today... got March “edited” and am now transcribing. - Oh... took a 40-minute snooze before bolting to town too... - 23.14 2 episodes of QI... 2 PopTarts and 2 servings of yoghurt and peaches and I'm exhausted... so I'll “catch-up” tomorrow... I'm feeling better tonight than I've felt all day... odd, that... I usually feel better at night. But sleep seems to make me worse. Oh well... I'm tired.
Sat.10.Jul: ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
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*** YONAH “CLIPPED” HIS OWN BEAK!!! *** *** ANOTHER ABSOLUTE MIRACLE OF “NATURE”... AND ANOTHER LESSON TO ME: AT ABOUT 11.15, YONAH WAS OUT AND ABOUT, DOING HIS USUAL “EXPLORING” ABOUT THE ROOM AS I WAS WORKING AT THE TABLE, ON THIS JOURNAL WHEN, I DIDN'T SEE EXACTLY “HOW”, BUT I NOTICED HIM SHAKING HIS HEAD AND SCRATCHING AT HIS FACE. THEN I NOTICED, THE “EXTENSION” ON HIS UPPER BEAK WAS HANGING, BY THE SLIGHTEST LITTLE BIT, THE REST WAS DANGLING LOOSELY! OF COURSE, I WAS IN AN “INTERNAL PANIC”, LOOKING FOR ANY SIGNS OF BLEEDING BECAUSE EVERYTHING I READ ON BEAK-TRIMMING SAID THAT THEIR BEAKS, AS THEY GROW LONGER, ALSO DEVELOP BONE AND BLOOD-LINES, WHICH IS WHY I NEVER TRIED TO TRIM IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. NO, THERE WAS *NO BLOOD*, SO I WAS RELIEVED ABOUT THAT. SO, I PUT MY HAND IN CLOSE TO HIM, EXPECTING HIM TO PECK AT IT, AS HE ALWAYS DOES, TO SEE IF HE'D ACTUALLY PECK ENOUGH TO MAKE THE DANGLING BIT RELEASE. WELL... HE PECKED, THEN BACKED AWAY AND SHOOK HIS HEAD ALL THE MORE, PECKED AT THE SAND IN HIS HOUSE A BIT AND THEN CAME BACK AT MY HAND AND... AS HE PECKED AT IT AGAIN... THE BIT CAME OFF, IN MY HAND!!! AND IT DIDN'T BLEED! AND IT DIDN'T APPEAR TO CAUSE HIM ANY DISCOMFORT AT ALL! IN FACT... HE BACKED AWAY AND BEGAN TO PECK AT THE SAND AGAIN, AS HE NORMALLY DOES, ONLY THIS TIME, HE WAS, AS HE ALSO DOES, PICKING BITS TO SWALLOW! SO I BACKED AWAY TO WATCH WHAT HE'D DO NEXT AND HE WENT DIRECTLY FOR HIS FOOD AND ATE! AS IF NOTHING HAD HAPPENED TO HIS BEAK! WHEN HE'D HAD HIS “FILL” OF SEEDS, WHICH HE APPEARS TO BE ENJOYING ALL THE MORE (SINCE HE CAN GET AT THEM EASIER AND CAN GET MORE WITH HIS SHORTER BEAK). AND NOW, ALMOST 45 MINUTES LATER, HE'S ROAMING ABOUT HIS HOUSE... PERFECTLY “NORMAL”... PERFECTLY “USUAL”... BUT WOW! HIS BEAUTIFUL LITTLE FACE IS AS IT SHOULD BE! HE'LL BE ABLE TO EAT BETTER NOW! AND MY HEART IS *DANCING*, MY ANXIETIES ARE GONE AND, AS I'M TO SAY, PROBABLY TO THE POINT OF ANNOYANCE... I AM IN ABSOLUTE *AWE*, ONCE AGAIN! “NATURE”... WHAT AN ABSOLUTE MARVEL! ASTOUNDING! “AWESOME”... OR, IN THE “OLD” SENSE OF THE TERM... “AWFUL”... “FULL OF AWE”!!! |
18.48 RITA'S CHRIS AND GRAND-SON ARE VISITING AND WOW! DO I EVER KNOW IT!!! THE FUCKING BANGING OVER THERE! THE FUCKING FLOOR ROLLING!!! AND THE STENCH OF CIGARETTES! I realised today, that I'm going to have to “delay” sending next month's rent cheque out because of expenses this month and was, for a brief while, feeling “concerned”. I won't post it until it arrives after Soc.Sec. is posted to the account, BUT RIGHT NOW, AT THE RATE THIS SHIT IS GOING... I DON'T CARE! AUGUST RENT IS PAID ANYWAY... ALREADY, AND IF HE WANTS TO MAKE ANYTHING OF A LATER PAYMENT... LET'S ROCK AND ROLL! NOW THAT YONAH WILL BE WITH ME AND I KNOW IT, AND SHE'LL HAVE A DOCTOR... MAYBE WE'LL SEE SOME NICE LITTLE TOWN ON THE ROAD, MAYBE EVEN RAY BROOK... AND I'LL EXPAND MY “NEW HOME” FOR US. HELL... AT THIS RATE, I'LL EVEN CONSIDER SARANAC LAKE! I HADN'T, BUT, IF IT MEANS A PLACE OF QUIET, AWAY FROM THIS TRASH... I'M IN! AND NOW, AS I TYPE, I'D SWEAR I CAN SMELL CIGARETTE COMING IN THE WINDOW! I MAKE EVERY EFFORT TO KEEP MY SMOKE OUT OF THE POST OFFICE AND NEXT DOOR... THIS SHIT IS THE END OF THE LINE! TIME TO OPEN “WAR”... I'VE NO PATIENCE!
I've been with Yonah all day today.... and it's been WONDERFUL... I'm on the transcription of the 16th March now and moving along... until the shit-show opened. Now though, I HAVE TO “cut'n'paste” today's *NEWS* at the opening of today's entry here... - 20.39 AND... this other-wise FANTASTIC DAY comes to a peaceful close. The Vermonters left at about 20.00 THANKFULLY, and there was one “thump” after and thus far... all is calm again. THANKFULLY.- And Yonah, with his BEAUTIFUL face and “self-trimmed beak” is just, as I hear, fluttering over to his “night perch”... all waters have been changed and food, freshened. He did NOT like the sweet potato! So now, I'll have to think of something else or some other way to get him his vit.A. BUT, at least I don't have to worry about “soft foods” for a week or more... HIS BEAK IS FINE! OH... BUT WE ARE BLESSED! - And I've only just taken the 20.00 pills so I'm up and about for a while. - One note: I'VE HAD THE FIRST REALLY “GOOD” DAY TODAY IN THE LONGEST WHILE! NO MISERABLE PAINS IN THE CHEST OR SHOULDER! IT MUST BE RELATED TO THE STRESS... NEW DOCTOR, THE TRUCK, THE TRIP ON FRIDAY... YONAH'S BEAK. YONAH EATING. YONAH IN PAIN... THE MOMENT HIS BEAK SNAPPED AND THERE WAS NO BLEEDING AND HE GOT INTO EATING... NO PAIN! SO... LET'S SEE WHERE IT GOES FROM HERE! - And now... I've taken the pills, had a beaker of water, will have yoghurt and peaches and a QI or two and a quick shower (just because) and off to bed. HOPEFULLY I'll wake pain-free (or a very dull pain, I'd settle for that) because tomorrow... I want to mow the lawn and get more sand from the river. May the weather co-operate for both. - I'll have to make a run into FamDoll in the early morning too... sadly... a run into town. But, other than that... there's just the work round the dump and more of Yonah's Journal. And I have to get his photos on there too... so I can use the site as a “reference” for the doctor. I WANT him to SEE how I've cared for Yonah so he can SEE how dead (literally) seriously important Yonah IS! - But WHAT A LOVELY RELIEF... YONAH'S BEAK! BLESSINGS, BLESSINGS, BLESSINGS! - 22.56 TO BED!
Sun.11.Jul: 20.30 and I'm only JUST getting to even put anything down for the day. - I got up this morning, to the sound of “the call”, waking from a dream:
A bird... a white bird, large, named, as I recall, “Stevie”, who had the run of a house I was visiting or staying at. And we, the house-owner and I, had to step out or something of the sort, for a brief while, but only just out-side the house. Yonah was in the house too, but he was, as he does, staying in his own room. At some point, “Stevie” went “missing”. I looked in his “house/cage” and he wasn't there! I was heart-sick, thinking he may have gotten out of the house and was lost!
It was a brief dream... that might have gone on, but, as I was waking from sleep, I became aware of the fact that the only way to stop my anxieties was to WAKE UP... and so I did... and from there, EVERYTHING rolled, non-stop, through the day! - Yonah's waters got changed, curtains opened... I did my “internet” with coffee and then... it all un-ravelled. A TOO-LONG chat with Rita who was on the porch when I put the food into the feeder out back... I came into the house and BOLTED to FamDoll only, for smokes. When I got back, I got busy with mowing the fucking lawn. The White mower died so I did most of it with the Bolens. Thankfully, the back was damp enough so there wasn't too much dust. Well that took longer than I'd expected, mostly because my chest was about to explode so I had to slow down. OK. Mowed... I rested on the front porch and decided to do the hand trimming... front, South side... along the drive. Into the house... and it was almost time for meal! I tossed a pizza into the oven, stripped at the kitchen basin and put ALL the clothes in to soak. Showered. Out, Ate the pizza. Washed the clothes, put them on the rack. Washed the dishes. Put the jeans in to soak a brief while. There as some kind of BROWN... almost like bird-shit but LARGE splatters on the jeans. So I scrubbed them. Put the dishes up. Hung the jeans on the line... After everything was done... by about 18.30 (because meal wasn't until about 17.45!... but I'd taken the “pills” before the shower). I went in to sit with Yonah for a bit and Dan came by and he had Kira with. We chatted on the front porch a bit, about the coming “New Russia picnic” and why I won't attend. And by the time that was done... well... it was about 19.30! That's when I had “dessert” and by then... it was time to tuck Yonah in for the night! And now... he's tucked-in and I'm at table... having taken my 20.00 “pills” with a tap water and I need another quick shower before bed. POOR YONAH was alone most of today! But tomorrow is expected to be, at least, cloudy all day (bloody 10mm RAIN ON BLEATING TUESDAY OF COURSE), and I want to get photos and videos on Yonah's site so we'll be together ALL DAY! YAY! - I'm thinking of sleeping in his room tonight... thinking. - But I'm starting to get tired now so... hopefully... early night, early morning tomorrow... WITH YONAH!!! - My chest DID feel like it was going to explode after the mowing, but it's calmed. AND... GRATEFULLY... NO COUGHING OR HACKING BLACK AFTER THE MOWING! Just the now-usual “white suds”. And no black when I blew my nose! So... THAT was perfect.
Mon.12.Jul: 21.31 I'm running late, as usual, and tomorrow... well... “snooze at 'Uncle Richie's'”? I doubt it. Thankfully I should be back in about an hour... - But LAST NIGHT WAS AN ABSOLUTE HELL!!! ABSOLUTE! HELL! I wanted to back-up images and other files before the fucking Microsoft pulled their “up-date” bull-shit and I had NO choice because when I changed the names on the “WiFi” it removed the “metre” and the fukshitz managed to push through their fucking nonsense so the lap-top would either “restart” on its own or it would simply pull the “up-dates” when I powered-up... SO... I went for back-up AND IT TOOK ALL NIGHT AND ANOTHER 90 MINUTES WHEN I GOT OUT OF BED AT ABOUT 6.30 THIS MORNING! BUT I GOT IT ALL (and the “up-dates” ran... fuck me... thankfully, no trouble... yet) BACKED-UP BEFORE SHUTTING DOWN AND RE-STARTING... MANUALLY! BUT... I WAS UP ALMOST EVERY FUCKING HOUR FROM 23.00 UNTIL ABOUT 4.00 THIS MORNING! THEN AGAIN AT 5.30... *** CONTRACTIONS IN THE FEET AND LEGS*** ALL THROUGH THE FUCKING NIGHT! And before lights out, I was SO comfy... having taken that 2nd shower and all and marvelling at how well I actually felt! Yep. Fuck me! So I was EXHAUSTED when I got out of bed this morning! BUT... ODDLY... NOT IN PAIN... LEGS, EYES, HEAD, CHEST... I ACTUALLY FELT WONDERFUL... ALL DAY!!! - Well... I wasted another 2 hours on the back gallery with... after finishing mourning routine. At noon, gulped the mid-days with left-over coffee and... SPENT THE ENTIRE REST OF THE DAY WITH YONAH... AND TONIGHT... ALL THE PHOTOS ARE UP-TO-DATE... VIDEOS TOO! “SLIDE”, MANUAL... DONE! AND WE HAD THE GRANDEST TIME TOGETHER! HE'S TRULY IS MY HEART-BEAT. AND HE'S SO PLAYFUL NOW THAT HIS BEAK IS BACK TO WHERE IT OUGHT TO BE! AND HE'S EATING WELL! -
ONE NOTE THAT HAS MY ARSE BURNING... THERE WAS SOMETHING IN YONAH'S HOUSE THIS MORNING THAT LOOKED LIKE MOUSE SHIT!!! BY HIS FOOD DISH!!! MOUSE SHIT??? I WAS BLOODY RIPPING PISSED!!! SO... I TOOK THE MOTH BALLS THAT I HAVE IN THE HOUSE AND WENT A TOUCH “MAD” IN THE CELLAR THIS MORNING. ALONG WITH HAVING TO POUND THE 4x4s BACK INTO PLACE UNDER THE LENTIL... AND I GOT TO TELL RITA ABOUT THAT TOO. BUT... MOUSE SHIT IN YONAH'S PLACE? I'M DECLARING WAR ON THIS SHIT-BOX! I WILL NOT HAVE MICE IN THERE. BAD ENOUGH IN THE REST OF THE HOUSE. SO NOW... THROUGH THE NIGHTS, I'LL BE CHECKING! MEAN-WHILE, THERE' A *BAG* OF MOTH BALLS IN THE INSULATION OVER THE ENTRY DOOR TO THE CELLAR (UNDER YONAH'S WINDOWS), ANOTHER ON THE JOIST UNDER THE SHOWER AND LOOSE MOTH BALLS SCATTERED ABOUT IN THE INSULATION AND SUCH DOWN THERE. WHEN I CAN AFFORD, I'LL BE GETTING A SHIT-LOAD MORE AND THAT FUCKING CELLAR IS ABOUT TO BE BLOWN APART WITH THEM (AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T RISE INTO THE HOUSE...) I'M BLOODY FUCKING RIP-ROARING PISSED BEYOND DESCRIPTIVES!!! THIS FUCKING BULL-SHIT IS “GONE” AS SOON AS WE CAN GET OUT OF AND AWAY FROM HERE!!
On that note... it was, other-wise, a perfect day of sun, nice breeze, low humidity, comfortably warm... and tomorrow... DRENCHING RAINS. Tah-fucking-dah. Oh well... Friday's forecast has changed to sunny. I'll deal with the rains now... - Time for a Brit and quick douche and off to bed... Necessary early morn tomorrow... (PLEASE LET THE TRUCK PASS INSPECTION, THE OIL CHANGE BE PROPER... AND LET IT ALL BE MUCH LESS THAN I'M EXPECTING!)
Amen.
23.13 A FUCKING MOUSE... as I was watching QI! Luckily, I found one more bag of moth balls and some got poured into the W/D platform where I'd “sealed” the hole in the wall with styro. The rest are in that “cabinet”. Bad thing... I can smell them. But the mouse “escaped” into Yonah's room and he's up on his perch, sleeping (I went in to look). Tomorrow's “craft”... something to trap mice... I'm thinking juice bottle, somehow. - Meanwhile... no shower... off to bed.
Tue.13.Jul: NINE MONTHS!!! WITH * YONAH * !!!
13.04 I'm only JUST getting to sit at the work-table to get some notes here today! Time just RUNS by, SO QUICKLY! And I can't really account for so much of it, though I haven't actually done “nothing”, other than a 20-minute lie-down this morning. KRISTE! This “Time” issue is getting on my nerves! - So let's get a note or two because... there's much more I WANT to get done today, even though it's over-cast... “warm”... and bleating humid again...
LET'S BEGIN WITH THIS MORNING AND.... MOUSE-SHIT IN YONAH'S HOUSE AGAIN!!! EVEN AFTER PUTTING MORE FUCKING MOTH BALLS DOWN LAST NIGHT!!! AND A JUICE BOTTLE, “RIGGED”, WITH SEEDS IN IT TO TRAP THE LITTLE SHIT-BAGS! I AM EVER-SO FUCKING BLOODY PISSED! BUT, HAD A BIT OF A LITTLE “CHAT” WITH JEFF THIS MORNING WHEN I WENT OUT FOR A SMOKE AND HE SAYS THAT THERE APPEARS TO BE SOME KIND OF TROUBLES WITH MICE THIS YEAR.... SAYS HE, HE HAS MICE IN THE HOUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN *YEARS*! IT NEITHER COMFORTS NOR CONSOLES ME BUT, GOOD TO KNOW IT'S NOT JUST “THIS DUMP”... STILL... I'M RIPPING-PISSED! THEN, I LOOKED UNDER THE FUTON IN YONAH'S ROOM AND NOTICED *SHELLED* SUN-FLOWER SEEDS!!!! WHAT THE FUCK? YONAH DOESN'T GET SUN-FLOWER SEEDS WITH THE SHELLS ON!!! AND THERE WAS QUITE THE QUANTITY! Well... just more to deal with until...
AND BUT... THE TRUCK... OIL CHANGED... INSPECTION, PASSED!!! 60,00... NOT THE 80 I'D THOUGHT (but then, I supplied the oil so...)!!! PASSED... NO PROBLEMMES, NOTHING! I got there at about 8,05 but there was somebody else before me with some “emergency”... I didn't get back to the house until about 9.45!!! Yes, I was annoyed, but HAPPY about the inspection and all and the oil... NOW... the NEXT MATTER OF SERIOUS IMPORTANCE: YONAH AND THE DOCTOR VISIT! (I've a feeling it's going to be quite the week-end when al of these things are done... BUT... it's OK! Do it all now! Especially Yonah's doctor visit. NINE MONTHS TODAY! We're pushing an entire YEAR!!! (AND MY LOVE FOR HIM IS AS STRONG IF NOT STRONGER TODAY AS IT'S EVER BEEN! Oddly, today is very similar to the 13 October 2020... over-cast, rained this morning, humid now... the major difference is the temperature.)
So... Out of here by 8.00, return by 9.45-ish... quick lie-down with Yonah, up, check post. Grabbed 2 “sammiches” and left-over coffee for mid-day pills. Watched a bit of “news” with and came into Yonah's room to put paper-work away, tidy, be annoyed by the “seeds in the futon” and... the time is running away again. - Oh... last night, 2 “contraction episodes” again and this morning, I felt a touch “heavy in the chest” again... and it seems the “phlegm” is turning “greenish” again... pale and lightly but... we'll see what's to come. - Right now, I have Yonah's Journal to get to. - AND YES! He's been SOOOOOOOO LOVEY today! And was OBVIOUSLY happy when I got back to the house this morning. MY GOD! HE'S AMAZING! - 21.18 THIS HAS BEEN A MOST MARVELLOUS, MIRACULOUS DAY! - In addition to the truck passing inspection and such... THIS EVENING, NANCY ROLLED BY AND BROUGHT “COOKIES” AND “FRUIT-NUT” TREATS AND MILLET SPRAYS FOR YONAH!!! JUST OUT OF THE BLUE. I was working on putting new photos and videos on his site when I heard the familiar “TOOT” and a knock on the door! And there was Nancy. She'd obviously been shopping and... SHE THOUGHT OF YONAH! So she came in for a little while to see him and left... THEN... AFTER DINNER, SHE SENT A “TEXT” ASKING IF I'D LIKE SOME “ORGANIC CHICKEN ALFREDO” AND JUST AS I SENT HER THE REPLY SAYING I'D EATEN... SHE'D DRIVEN DOWN, IN HER NIGHT-CLOTHES, WITH A PLATE! (It REALLY IS DELICIOUS, but I have it saved because I truly couldn't eat another bite... I'd made a salmon-veg soufflée and I was stuffed!) Yep... I'M JUST BLOWN OUT OF THE GALAXY THESE DAYS! “AWE”... THAT'S THE ONLY TERM I CAN THINK OF... “DIVINE, HEAVENLY AWE”!!! MORE-SO BECAUSE OF YONAH AND EVERY-THING ASSOCIATED WITH HIM! EARLIER TODAY, I'D TAKEN A “SNOOZE” IN HIS ROOM AND HE WOKE ME BY PECKING AT MY TOES! WHEN I LOOKED UP... HE CAME *RUNNING* UP MY LEG... SO MUCH AFFECTION! YES, INDEED... I *DO* *KNOW*, FOR A FACT: HE TRUSTS ME AND LOVES ME AS MUCH AS I LOVE AND ADORE HIM! As I put on his Journal... to think of 9 months ago today, he was on the living-room floor, unable to walk or fly. I didn't expect him to make it through the night! Then, the next day, I didn't really expect him to make it through the week! And tonight... 9 months later... he's in a large space all his own... and he's my heart, soul, essence... truly, he's my lungs and heart as well... he's THE ONLY reason I'M here... 9 months later! AWE... HEAVENLY, DIVINE, MIRACULOUS AWE!
Now, on the “flip” side of it... I'm annoyed because the house smells of moth balls and I have TWO juice jugs “rigged” to trap mice. BUT, I MUST keep in mind... Jeff said that his sister (or somebody) has been inundated with mice this season and he has them for the first time in years. So... I just can't stomach them being in Yonah's house! And I'm PISSED-OFF! - But it's late... Nothing on the agenda for tomorrow except river for water and THE DAY WITH YONAH. - I'll watch an episode (or 2) of QI and head to bed.. - WHAT A DAY! - (Truth: As much as I don't like what goes on around this house, I WILL ADMIT: MY LIFE HAS COMPLETELY CHANGED SINCE COMING TO NEW RUSSIA... and I can't help but think: Mother had 10 REALLY GRAND YEARS AT THE END... I'm 5 days away from my first 2... Let's see... But I don't believe “Life” is going to be so “kind” with me. There's a shit-shower waiting... ) - BED! 23.37
Wed.14.Jul: 11.10 OK. So I didn't get out of bed until almost 7.30... and I got RIGHT to the task of washing Yonah's pool... and I've washed the “shelter sweats”... AND poured MORE MOTH BALLS UNDER THE FUCKING W/D PLATFORM! AND HOOVERED THE HOUSE AGAIN... BUT... THE ENTIRE FUCKING MORNING! TIME THAT I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO SPENDING WITH YONAH! WHY? Well... MICE! FUCKING MICE! IN YONAH'S HOUSE AGAIN, LAST NIGHT! BY HIS FOOD! AND, THE COOKIE FROM “TANTE NANCY”... ACROSS THE FLOOR IN THE MOSS! 2/3 EATEN! FUCK! I'M *SO* FUCKING, BLOODY RIP-ROARING READY TO TORCH THIS FUCKING BOX! “Traps” it is now... This SHIT has GOT to stop! And when I came out of the cellar, Mayor R. Swipe was at the PO: “What are you exploring this morning?” So I said “I've got so many mice in the house I'm ready to call the department of health.” (I can't wait for THAT to get to the Mass-hole.) - AND... it's gone hot and humid! AND... I need to get into town... AND I ought to get gas in the truck... AND I'm going into the “budget”... AND with all the cleaning I've done this morning, I haven't come across a shit or a fuck to give. And there we have it. AND... it started out to be a “fairly good” day and now my chest is being rammed by I don't know whats. Yeah... I'm on the verge. - NOW... it's time for mid-days which, to me, is “the day is fucked”. I'm sweating... - The sweetest things though: Yonah's pool is sparkling clean, as is the kitchen roll under it and “Tante Nancy” just rolled by en route home... TOOT! I LOVE IT! (Especially since it annoys the Vermonter next door.) - That's that for this. - I was also planning on a trip to the river for water at some point. Oh.. this shit-box and “plans”. FUCK! - 14.47 FUCKING WASTED MY TIME WITH YONAH TODAY! I DID make a run into town... about 90 minutes ago... FamDoll... the usual smokes, kitchen roll for Yonah... AND A 5$ plastic “beverage dispenser” which I've “rigged”... hoping to trap these fucking MICE!!! AND another 3,50$ for BLOODY MOTH BALLS (which are now “in”/”under” that GOD-FORSAKEN BLOODY PLATFORM IN THE KITCHEN FOR THE “W/D” which is RAISED off the actual floor with SPACE in there for vermin to take housing! HOPEFULLY, the added moth-balls will BLAST them away! But that “jug” might help too... it won't “kill” but it MIGHT set their little hearts all a-pounding! I'm REALLY at my wits' end! (Of course, Mayor R. Swipe didn't help with it's “pfftt!” attitude about the “sugar ants” which it claims it's house is loaded with as well this year. Fuktard.) AND... a REALLY QUICK RUN... DASH... MARATHON-SPEED through the market. But the IDIOTS are out today! Standing in aisles, can't figure where the fuck their headed. AND... Rylan tells that there's a funeral in town at the ONE church on the main... and the cars are parked ALL along the main, AND in the church lot... AND in the FamDoll lot! REALLY! It was NOT a “civil” day to be in town. BUT... I made it! OH... AND... I wanted to fill the tank on the truck (because... I'VE FUCKING GIVEN-UP ON THIS MONTH'S BUDGET AND THE FUCKING RENT CHEQUE FOR AUGUST WILL BE SENT SO THAT “FUCKING LAND-LORD” DOESN'T GET IT UNTIL THE 3RD OF THE MONTH AT THE EARLIEST.... YONAH'S DOCTOR COMES ABOVE AND BEYOND *** ALL *** ELSE NOW!!!) in preparation for Friday and had planned on 25$ BUT... 17$ FILLED IT! I was SO relieved! And then... I “rolled” at about 110km/h back to the house where, once in, “HELLO” to my LOVE and stuffed the moth balls, put the groceries away and ... am now catching-up with Journals (I never posted JUNE on LN!) in the sun, HEAT AND HUMIDITY! I'm TIRED! But there's no time for rest... and I'm with Yonah who was OBVIOUSLY SO HAPPY TO SEE ME BACK! (And I'm in a horror, worrying that it's taken 9 months to get his Trust... and Friday? I DREAD the results of that! But... a physical will be better... I'm thinking.) - Now... off to post all this to the servers and... What-ever comes will come... At least I'm with Yonah... AT LONG LAST! And there's nothing more on an “agenda” but cleaning the truck for Friday... (tomorrow). - 15.21 FUCK! ALL my journal pages are current... but WORD-PRESS is a bloody pile in arse! - Moving along... FUCKED THE DAY! - 21.05 Day's FINALLY done! Yonah's previous Journal is up to 22 March. We had a BEAUTIFULLY MAGNIFICENT day together today (all noted in HIS Journal on HIS web-site which I ought to put in some-where... so HERE:
YONAHTAUBE.COM
(I'm “coding” it in case somebody happens upon this, my Journal, on-line. We must think of everything, to be sure.) - As for the rest... I've changed the waters, put down a fresh bit of kitchen roll under the food AND... THERE'S A BAG OF MOTH-BALLS UNDER THAT KITCHEN PLATFORM AND THE “JUG” IS SET-UP WITH A PIECE OF KITCHEN ROLL OVER THE OPENING IN THE FOIL I PUT ON TOP... AND THERE ARE A FEW SEEDS ON IT SO THAT IF/WHEN A MOUSE GOES FOR THE SEEDS... PLOOP! INTO THE JUG IT GOES! THERE'S MORE SEED IN THE JUG, JUST AS AN ADDED ATTRACTION. I'm hoping it won't be necessary, and I really am hoping it'll be devoid of rodent in the morning... because I'm HOPING the moth balls will work! They used to. We'll see... (I wish I knew about when the vermin go into that room... but, I'm sure they don't have a “time”. Maybe I'll find out on Friday night because I'm planning on sleeping in with Yonah... after the doctor.) - Speaking of Friday... Nancy invited me to dinner at 16.30 but I told her that I don't know when I'll be back, after the doctor. “Late is OK.” she said. But the fact is: I REALLY don't believe it's all in Yonah's best interest to be left “alone”... Yes, the recommendations for doctor visits are a nice, quiet, relatively dark place, alone, for a few hours. But I'd like to be in the house... just in case. I mean, with Yonah's new “affectionate” turn. Well... we'll see how he takes the trip and such. THAT worries me too... rolling along... not to mention my lack of trust in the truck and I do NOT want to have to be towed... with Yonah! Oh... me. “Anticipatory Anxieties”!!! - Other-wise, a day in the house for the most part, though the sun did come out and the temperature rose (and too, the humidity). But... all told... a delight, to be sure. And now... a “QI” with a bit of fruit and yoghurt and off to bed! I did manage a “half snooze” today, but... - OH... and I should note: It was another “quite good” day! Chest and head and such. Even more of a note, I've started putting peroxide in the left ear, because it's been bothering me, feeling “swollen”, sometimes “sensitive”, sometimes an itch... in-side. It still gets the itch but since I started with the peroxide, I'm not getting those “dizzy-nausea spells”. I wonder... “Vertigo”? Or something they just didn't want to bother with? No matter... what works, works. What doesn't work, doesn't. The “MegaC” appears to be doing well because the “hacks” were “clear-white” again today. Maybe the peroxide will attend the other bit. No telling. - 21.20... late again... time for a Brit and bed!
Thu.15.Jul: 19.24 IT HAS BEEN A FULLY-BUSY DAY ALL DAY TODAY!!! TRULY... NON-STOP... ALL DAY! But, before I get into that, let me quick-jot a little note about a dreamlette from which I woke this morning:
I don't recall how it began or any particulars other than, I was in a crowd of people, strangers, in a “meeting” or “gathering” of some sort, business-related, I believe, and I touched my face for some reason and felt a little “bump”, about the size of a small pea. ZIT! But one of those “sub-cutaneous” zits. (I actually have a small one on my right cheek that I've been “working on”... a small one...) As I touched the one with my finger-tip, I could feel MANY others on my face! And from the way it felt, I could tell there were MANY MORE, and they were of a size that was visible to others! They were just 'appearing” as I stood there! I was mortified at first and then, it crossed my mind that they might be little tumours! I was developing cancer as I stood there, in the crowd! And with that thought, I kept my out-ward composure but inside, my thoughts were SCREAMING at the notion that these things would just fill my entire face, working into my scalp and at the rate they were multiplying... it would be obvious that I was dying right there, in front of this crowd of people! AND... I woke to the sound of the 6.00 alarm.
Well, thankfully, it was the 6.00 alarm and I was exhausted, so I turned it off and waited for the 6.30 which sounded and shortly there-after, so too, Yonah called... the day had commenced. - Up, morning routine, waters, food, change of kitchen roll because that fucking mouse was in there again last night. The bit of paper that I'd put in the “jug” had fallen in but there was no fucking mouse in there! Oh well... I'll try again tonight. DAMNIT! - Had coffee and vits, checked the e-mails and... by about 9.30... I was OUT THE DOOR TO CLEAN THE TRUCK BUT.. horrifically, I was “intercepted” by Rita for about an hour. (I truly NEED to just stop that... and so, as of now... it's stopped! I'm losing time... ESPECIALLY TIME I COULD BE SPENDING WITH YONAH!) - Well... I finally got to the truck... I pulled it up to the kitchen and emptied everything out of it... HOOVERED it from end-to-end, top-to-bottom! Used a little of that “shampoo” on the carpeting where the stains from the very first day are still there. THEN... took a bucket and some Lysol and scrubbed the carpeting with that. As that dried, I cleaned all the glass on the inside of the truck, then scrubbed and bleached the floor mats and put them aside to dry as well. Wiped the “plastic” surfaces with a bit of “Armorall” to clean, mostly, but didn't use a lot of cleaners because I don't want “fumes” or 'scents” in there tomorrow when Yonah is in. By then, because of the hot sun, the floor mats were dry so they got a douse of “Armorall” as well... And the carpet was dry so it got ANOTHER Hoovering. Then I got the notion to get a grey towel from the FamDoll, to put on the back seat so that Yonah's “travel house” won't slip about... Into the truck and off to FamDoll! Towel and a pack of smokes... up to the market for franks for tonight's meal... and a gallon of milk for Rita... and back to put the mats into the truck and... WASHED IT WITH OIL SOAP! AT LONG LAST! So that's one CLEAN vehicle, to be sure! (I'm just “concerned” about spills of anti-freeze, and dusts and such... I don't want ANYTHING in there but fresh air!) And... that all took until 16.45!!! And THEN, I came in, threw some veggies and franks in the pot, cooked those whilst I tried to get me together. (Oh... and I went into town today a SWEATING MESS! REALLY... ICK! But there wasn't time to “tidy” and besides... I was in a hurry and I didn't care... As I said to Rita: I'm up, moving, still breathing... I'm RUNNING!) By 17.00, I was at table... watched a bit of the “news”, by 18.00, washing-up was done, I'd Hoovered the house (because of bringing out-side dust and dirt in through the day). And now... 19.56... time for “night pills”... Yonah's waters are changed and fresh so getting ready for sleep will be fine (in 30 minutes or so). - I have to say, it was a productive day... and tomorrow, if it's anything like the day after I mowed the lawn, I MIGHT have a “good day”! (Today was pretty damned amazing... considering.) - It's getting cooler, at last, and the skies are clouding. There's supposed to be rain tonight and early in the morning tomorrow... but the afternoon is supposed to be rather hot, mostly clear but “possible averses”. I'd prefer NOT driving through “averses” with Yonah... but I'm hoping we'll miss them as we roll along. (And a little rain would be nice to rinse the truck better?) - Now then... a quickly notation:
THE BLOODY OIL PRESSURE IS STILL GOING UP TO ALMOST 75%!!!! I'M FUCKING ON THE VERGE RIGHT ABOUT NOW!!! ALTHOUGH I'VE JUST LOOKED IT UP AND THERE'S A LOT ON-LINE ABOUT IT... AND 9,9/10... “GAUGE CLUSTER” WELL... THAT HAS TO BE REPLACED, I KNOW... (I JUST NEED THE 500$) SO... AT LEAST IT ISN'T “MAXING OUT”, AS THE CALL IT. WE SHOULD BE OK TOMORROW... I WON'T PUSH THE TRUCK UP THE MOUNTAINS TOO HARD ANYWAY.
20.13 Journals are caught-up... iPod and phones on the charge. And there were TWO calls from High Peaks during the day... I'll have to ring them in the morning. I just thought: I'M SO BLEATING OLD... I COULD TAKE THE PHONE OUT TO THE PORCH WHEN I GO... BUT, I'M NOT USED TO DOING THAT, IN THE FIRST PLACE, AND IN THE SECOND PLACE, I NEVER GET CALLS ANYWAY. STILL... I NEED TO GET INTO THE HABIT OF TAKING THE PHONE OUT WITH ME! - Oh... and I'll add this little note as well: THIS is a month where my “budgeting” is completely TRASHED! AND I DON'T GIVE EITHER FUCKS NOR SHITS! AFTER YONAH IS ATTENDED, WE'LL WORK THE REST OUT. BUT RIGHT NOW... IT'S ALL FOR HIM... AND THE REST CAN EAT SHIT! Probably a touch irresponsible but... - And tomorrow, I'm expected at Nancy's but I'm not planning on it. I AM planning on spending a wonderful evening with Yonah... and the night as well. Pfffttttttt! - 22.11 off to the shower... I NEED one!
Fri.16.Jul ***** HELL AT THE DOCTOR'S TODAY!!!!! : 8.59 I'm just going to pull a “copy/paste” from Yonah's Journal this morning:
It's 8.44 and we've been up and about for almost 3 hours now. The “morning routine” of waters and food changed, a little “house-keeping” are done. It's over-cast this morning, a touch on the humid side. But the forecast is for clearing this after-noon... for the time we'll be on the road. “Comforting”? Oh, just in the slightest way. (I'm growing all the more anxious as the clock ticks away the minutes.)
Yonah's started a new adventure: I was in the kitchen, with coffee and such for a while, and when I came to move lap-top into his room, so I can work with his company, I looked-up from the table to the door to his room and there he was! He's taken to “exploring”... on the floor! And he'd come to the door! When I walked over, he came RUNNING toward me! It's as if he DOES KNOW it's me, and as if he's thinking “THERE YOU ARE! I was just coming to find you!” All these months, together... and I'm reminded of the early days, weeks, when I wanted, SO VERY MUCH, to be deserving of his trust but didn't want a “bonding” of any sort, because I didn't want him “close” to me, so that when he returned to “the wild”, he'd re-unite with the other doves quickly. I had NO idea, and NEVER had the intention of us being together... especially at THIS point in time.
Well? Sometimes “Life” and “Fate” have other plans. And today, this morning, he and I truly are so closely “bonded” together, he obviously sees me as his “flock” and I? Well, to me, he's Friend, Companion, Family, Heart and Soul. (I hope I can sufficiently express this importance to the doctor today.)
I got down on the floor with him and we “played” a bit until I needed to get him up so that I could see him as I brought “me” into the room and he came over and began “preening” me! Yeah... We're the “Best of Best”... Unless “Life” simply wants to be cruel, we'll be the very same this evening... after our “road trip” today. Hey! Who knows? Maybe he'll enjoy the ride... and we can go other places together some-how. (Maybe... more “hope”...)
I'm really quite a mess right now... and I have to ring the doctor's office to see why they phoned me twice yesterday... I'm just a mess this morning... really. - And last night wasn't any help... I didn't get to bed until almost 23.30... did a bit of reading. It was hot and humid last night and I was up 4 times during the night, with contractions! And, to be sure, each time aggravated me all the more! So it was another night of “back brace” and socks and the last time I recall seeing the clock was at about 4.10 this morning! The “FML” just gets to be driven ever-deeper! And at about 6.15 I was back up, rolling with the day. - 9.12 Just off the phone speaking with Samantha at High Peaks... the calls yesterday were to confirm today's appointment... and when I told her that I'd missed the calls because I was cleaning the truck for about 5 hours she said “You spent 5 hours cleaning the car just for today's appointment? I think that's a very well-cared-for bird.” Good... I've begun impressing the importance. - And now? Yonah's back on the shelf and I'm about to “pass out” or something. I want to snooze. I don't want to snooze. I'm a little hungry, not hungry, thirsty-not-thirsty, this is going to be some kind of some kind of... today. - But I'm relieved to have gotten through to High Peaks and... well... on with this day... I suppose. (I still need to open the truck for an airing... just in case there's “scents” or something. It would be nice to be able to “talk this anxiety out” but... once again... alone again... naturally.) - 13.38 I'm showered, dressed, all sorts of “things” together... and I've had 3 or 4 “crying sessions”... I don't know WHY I'm so GOD-AWFUL AFRAID... the trip, the doctor, the “findings”... the truck, the weather, the roads, the shit-sax on the road... OH... the DREAD! And this morning, Nancy came by and when I told her about cleaning the truck and Rita confirmed/verified, she mentioned dinner when I get back. I said “I might make it back on time.” and she said, “Well, I figure you'll drive at 2mph so... 3 hours there, half an hour there, 3 hours back....” and she and Rita had a chuckle. - Meanwhile, I'm just terrified for Yonah! The truck. The drive. The doctor. The “change” in everything. Even Nancy said “You need a Xanax!” (If not for “other health issues...) I'm also afraid of “episodes”, “contractions”... and having to pee! Oh well... I need to stop. - It's 13.43. We're out of here AT 14.00. It's only about 35 miles (closer than Plattsburgh), Gl maps says about 44 minutes. But... I'm not certain where I'm going, other than UP INTO THE HIGH PEAKS... Thankfully, I won't have to go THROUGH Lake Placid (and the congestion). And the incline isn't really horrific for more than a 6-mile stretch. So... So... OK... Time to power this lap-top down. - OH! YONAH'S BEEN PULLING HIS MOSS APART THIS MORNING... IT'S EVEN ON THE FUTON! AND HE'S SPENT TIME ON THE SHELF... AGAIN... Doesn't put me at ease, to be sure. -
20.28 Well... WE MADE THE TRIP... WASTED HOURS AND A QUARTER TANK OF GAS! AND TONIGHT, I BELIEVE I'M STILL JUST “NUMB” FROM THE EXPERIENCE BECAUSE WHEN THE “NUMBNESS” IS OVER, I'M GOING TO BE... WELL, LET'S JUST PUT IT THIS WAY: UNDER DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES, WERE I IN GREAT HEALTH, I'D BE SITTING HERE WITH AN EXTREMELY LARGE V-TON... LARGE GLASS, FILLED TO THE BRIM... WITH ONLY THE SLIGHTEST SPLASH OF TONIC!
IT WAS BLOODY-FUCKING HELL! YONAH WENT INTO HIS LITTLE “TRAVEL HOUSE” WITH-OUT A FUSS (I HAD TO “BRING” HIM, OF COURSE BUT HE NEVER MADE A MOVE OTHER-WISE), I GOT IT INTO THE BACK SEAT AND IT FIT PERFECTLY! I PUT THE BEIGE TOWEL OVER IT AND BY ABOUT 14.15... WE WERE ON THE ROAD! THE DRIVE WAS SURPRISINGLY EASY AND AS WE PASSED THE CASCADE LAKES, I WAS QUITE MOVED! IT'S GORGEOUS UP THERE IN THE PEAKS! KEENE IS A “CUTE” LITTLE TOURIST TRAP VILLAGE, TO BE SURE, AND QUITE SMALL. NORTH ELBA ISN'T AS “DESOLATE” AS I'D THOUGHT BUT VERY NICE, INDEED! BUT I MADE ONE WRONG TURN, NOT 5 MINUTES FROM THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE AND... ROLLED DIRECTLY INTO THE CENTRE OF THE VILLAGE OF LAKE PLACID! THE SUN WAS SHINING, THE HUMIDITY WAS HIGH... AND THE FUCKING STREETS ARE ALL CONGESTED WITH TOURISTS AND VEHICLES AND DELIVERY TRUCKS *** AND *** THERE'S CONSTRUCTION ALL OVER THE BLOODY-FUCKING USELESS HELL-HOLE! SIGNAGE IS COMPLETE SHIT. “DETOUR” AND “WEST” BUT VERY FEW NAME SIGNS, AND FEWER ROUTE SIGNS. JUST “DETOUR” AND “WEST”!!! I DROVE RIGHT THROUGH THE VILLAGE, EVER-SO SLOWLY! (I WOULD HAVE MADE IT TO THE DOCTOR'S AT LEAST 10 MINUTES EARLY BUT... NO!!!!) DROVE THROUGH THE VILLAGE AND THANKFULLY, STOPPED AT SOME “INN” ON A ROAD OUT OF TOWN WHERE THE DESK-LADY DIDN'T KNOW WHERE THE FUCK SHE WAS AND HAD TO USE “GGL MAPS” TO GET ME BACK ON TRACK! WELL! SHE GAVE ME THE WRONG DIRECTIONS AND THANKFULLY, I HAD THE GOOD SENSE TO SENSE THEY WERE WRONG SO I HAD TO DRIVE BACK INTO THE VILLAGE, (THANKFULLY, NOT BACK INTO THE CONGESTION THOUGH) WHERE I STOPPED AT A STEWART'S AND ASKED AN OBVIOUS “OLD LOCAL GUY” FOR DIRECTIONS. BLESS HIM... HE GAVE ME A “BACK WAY” TO GET BACK TO WHERE I SHOULD HAVE MADE THE LEFT TURN INSTEAD OF THE RIGHT AND ZIP-ZIP... YONAH AND I WERE BACK ON TRACK. SADLY... WE DIDN'T MAKE IT TO THE DOCTOR UNTIL... 15.45!!! OK, BAD ENOUGH? NOT EVEN CLOSE! I BOLTED INTO THE OFFICE AND NOTICED *EVERY*FUCKING*BODY* WAS WEARING MASKS! FUKTARDS! AND SOME OLD BROAD WITH A DOG ALMOST SHOVED ME OUT OF HER WAY TO GET TO THE DOOR BEFORE I GOT TO IT! ONCE INSIDE... SHE JUMPED TO THE DESK WHERE 2 “WANNA-BE SUPER MODEL” TYPES WERE SITTING, IN SCRUBS AND MASKS! SHE SHOT TO THE WINDOW, ANOTHER BIMBO CAME OUT AND GOT HER DOG WHILST THE 2 AT THE DESK IGNORED ME! THEONE DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME FINGERED A BIT OF PAPER AND SAT BACK. THE OTHER ONE STARED AT A COMPUTER SCREEN! CALMLY, I SAID “I'M SO SORRY. I HAD A 3PM APPOINTMENT.” THE CLOSES ARSE LOOKED UP AT ME AND I COULD SEE IN HER EYES... “DISGUST”! MY ATTITUDE STARTED... “OH. SORRY YOU MISSED IT.” SHE SAID AND TURNED AWAY! I SAID “I'VE BEEN ON THE ROAD SINCE 2:00.” “OH,” SHE SAID, “TOO BAD YOU CAME IN ALL THE CONSTRUCTION AND TOURIST SEASON.” SAID I, “I'VE BEEN PREPARING FOR THIS FOR DAYS...” AND SHE SAID “YES, I TALKED WITH YOU.” “WHO ARE YOU?” I ASKED. “SAMANTHA”, SHE REPLIED, AND AGAIN, TURNED AWAY, TAPPED ON HER KEY-BOARD, PULLED-UP SOME SCREEN AS IF I WASN'T THERE! “SO, I CAN'T MAKE ANOTHER APPOINTMENT FOR ANOTHER TIME!?” “WE'RE BOOKED SOLID.” SHE ALMOST SNAPPED. “OH, I SEE THEN.” I SAID. SHE LOOKED AT THE OTHER MORON AND SAID “HE MISSED HIS APPOINTMENT AND I CAN'T GIVE HIM ANOTHER ONE.” AND THE OTHER ONE SAID SOMETHING TO HER AND SHE LOOKED THROUGH THE SCREEN. “I HAVE AN OPENING ON MONDAY AT 4:30 IF YOU'D LIKE THAT.” WELL, THINKING, AT THE MOMENT, THAT NOW THAT I KNOW HOW TO GET THERE... I'LL TAKE IT. I DON'T LIKE BEING ON THE ROAD THAT LATE BUT... “THAT WOULD BE FINE.” I SAID. “YOU'RE SURE YOU CAN MAKE THAT ONE?” SHE ASKED, SNIDELY. “NOW THAT I KNOW HOW TO GET HERE I CAN.” A SNAPPED. SHE CONFIRMED AND I SAID “I'M REALLY SORRY TO HAVE INCONVENIENCED YOU SO TERRIBLY. BUT I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, I'LL BE BACK HOME SHORTLY AND ON-LINE POSTING A REVIEW. IF YOUR JOB BOTHERS YOU SO MUCH, IT'D BE BEST FOR YOU TO FIND ANOTHER ONE.” AND I LEFT. BY THE TIME I GOT BACK TO THE TRUCK I WAS NUMB ALREADY. I STARTED THE TRUCK AND AS I PULLED OUT I SAID TO YONAH, WHO'D BEEN IN THE OLD HOUSE UNDER THE TOWEL ALL THIS TIME “WELL BOO, THAT WAS AN EXPERIENCE! LET'S GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS WHORE-HOUSE AND THAT QUNT!” (LOUDLY-ENOUGH SO THAT THE 2 OR 3 PEOPLE IN THE LOT COULD HEAR.) - THE DRIVE BACK WASN'T AT ALL SO BAD AND MUCH QUICKER SINCE IT WAS MOSTLY DOWN-MOUNTAIN. BUT... COMING BACK UP OUT OF KEENE... THE FUCKING ***** ***** CHECK ENGINE ***** ***** LIGHT CAME ON AND STAYED ON EVEN WHEN WE GOT BACK, YONAH WAS BACK “AT HOME” AND I WENT TO PARK BY THE GARAGE! IMMEDIATELY AFTER I GOT YONAH IN THE HOUSE, ON HIS FUTON, OPENED THE DOOR TO HIS “TRAVEL HOUSE” I WENT OUT TO MOVE THE TRUCK AND RANG THE “HIGH PEAKS VCA ANIMAL HOSPITAL” AND TOLD “SAMANTHA”.... “THAT APPOINTMENT I HAVE FOR MONDAY... LET'S CANCEL THAT. SHALL WE?” SHE SAID “OK. I'LL CANCEL IT.” AND SHE STARTED TO SAY MORE BUT I CUT THE CALL. ***** NOW... MEAN-WHILE, BACK IN THE HOUSE... YONAH WAS OUT AND A-TOP HIS HOUSE... AS IF THE DAY NEVER HAPPENED!!! I MEAN... AMAZINGLY SO... AS IF IT NEVER HAPPENED. I DID REMOVE THE TOWEL ON THE DRIVE BACK AND NOTICED HE WAS AT THE FRONT OF THE “TRAVEL HOUSE” CLOSEST TO ME. BUT EVER SO CALM. AND SEEING HIM BACK AT HOME, COMPLETELY AT EASE!!! HE'S ONE MOST PRECIOUSLY CHERISHED LITTLE GUY! WHAT A TROOPER! SO I PUT FRESH WATER IN FOR HIM TO HAVE A DRINK, FRESH FOOD... WHICH I PUT A-TOP AND HE *ATE* AND I WENT ON WITH PREPARING MY MEAL FOR THE EVENING... WE GOT BACK AT ALMOST 17.00!!! FIVE FUCKING HOURS OF NOTHING BUT DRIVING!!! YES, I'M PISSED-OFF TO THE CORE BUT, LUCKILY FOR THE WORLD... STILL RATHER SO CONSUMED WITH ANGER THAT I'M STILL NUMB!
Meal... 2 franks, some veggies and a few gnocchi... ice cream... done by 18,00 and I spent time with Yonah... and changed the waters again at about 19.30.... By about 20.30... he was tucked-in and I'm pondering a Brit, a nosh and going into his room for the night. (It's 21.01 now and it's DARK already... Indeed... shorter days are here.) - I sent a text to Nancy saying that I wouldn't make “dinner” because I'm REALLY BAD COMPANY tonight and no, I didn't get to see the doctor... “We'll talk later.” she replied... some time later... “Sorry!” Yeah, well... me too. I'm fucking pissed. (Damned shame I'm not drinking, though there is enough for a good martini in there... I think, but never mind.) - So it's another warm and humid night and that's the end of this day... Live and learn and now to see about Queensbury... come the week. FUCK! (As for the truck, I'm thinking that “Check Engine” will go off but I'll ring Richie on Monday to see if he has a moment to check it out... FUCK! I'm just SO HAPPY I GOT THE INSPECTION DONE BEFORE THIS BULL-SHIT! WHEW!) - 22.47 lights out!
Sat.17.Jul: 10.31 Slept-in until the 7.30 alarm (7.23 actually). Been “keeping occupied” all morning. And now, getting to sit with Yonah and getting back to the Journals! And just a passing note: there's a “lumpy sort of concentrated discomfort” in the upper-right with a bit of “tightness” in the throat this morning. But.. I'm rolling along. - Over-cast. Due to rain through the day. I'm thinking of the “check-the-fucking-engine” fucking light but not going to “check” it today... We'll see tomorrow. Meanwhile... - 20.40 Yonah is tucked-in for the night. There's a light rain falling (and annoying me as it taps on the tin roof of that god-forsaken cellar shed). A few cars passing on the main. The back door is closed. The front is open. - It turned out to be a “productive” sort of day. I FINALLY configured a bit of a “shelf” to put Yonah's food on, raised to the level of his perches. No food on his floor tonight! I worked most of the day on Journals, his, of course, and all the while, in the back of my mind, that mouse bothered me and I kept mulling ideas for a shelf or some way to raise his food high enough to be out of reach of the little rodent. I even thought about it when I took a 2-hour “snooze” from about 10-12.00! It was at about 14.00 when it struck me: when I bought the “L” brackets for the living-room shelf, I'd bought a package of 4 smaller! I just had to find them and when I did... I “wired” them to the side of Yonah's “house” and put a piece of slat from a pallet across it. IT WORKED! Until, of course, it was bed-time. Yonah's tail rests on it so tomorrow, I'll cut from the remaining piece of underlayment and re-work it... For tonight, I'm hoping the little mouse can't get at Yonah's food and if that's the case... indeed... we're re-working the shelf to keep it! It's not that I really mind the mouse. I DO mind that it eats Yonah's food. And I DO mind my worry that it might bring some sort of “mite” or “flea” or some disease in. I do NOT want Yonah taking ill! So, the choice is no choice... the mouse will have to find snacks else-where. And I don't believe that's a problem... considering it seems others are having mice troubles this year as well. Though I DO wonder what Yonah thinks of the little “visitor in the night”. No doubt he's used to mice... and larger... “visiting” in the darkness. I wonder if he notices. I wonder if he sees from his perch and thinks “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT NOW?” or “Oh look, another one!” or “Hello little friend. What news from the woods?” Well... what-ever. As I say. I don't resent his company, but I won't have his company leaving “leavings” in his house... I will NOT tolerate Yonah being ill! - In other notes: I had a relatively “good” day... health-wise, though my general mood and attitude is still “pissed” because of yesterday. This evening, I've taken “night pills” and am “feeling” them in the chest. At least I hope that's what I'm feeling in there. - I forgot to mention last evening... there's a “Chief Naval Corpsman” I've corresponded with on the Twatsboard for some time and yesterday received a lovely, complimentary “DM” that said that there's some sort of “brick” on some road/path/street in his town that has my “handle” (JKNordländer) on it, with hopes for my good health! We exchange “best wishes” once in a while, and send off little “Hello's” from time to time but we have “Nursing” in common and he likes to tell of his kids and such. But of all the things... a complete stranger caring that much! How humbling “Life” can be at times... Some would say I'm “deserving”... I say... well... no, of course, I'm not. But it IS most humbling. - On that note... time for a Brit and off to bed before mid-night! As I say, there's a bit of a “rock” in the chest at the moment and I've just had one of those “gagging tickles” that got me almost choking and nose dripping. I'll have a little nosh with Brit (QI) and then off to bed... and HOPE for sleep through. I believe I had one of those last night!!! Not even a “pee run”! (But tonight I doubt a repeat... my right thigh has been “tight” for a while now... but hey... we sort of hope.) - Oh... and tomorrow...
TWO YEARS IN THE “LITTLE PLACE IN THE ADIRONDACKS”
23.02 Well... screwed the 22.00 bed thing again... Thankfully... tomorrow's Sunday. - PS: It's been raining, supposed to rain harder over-night, it's not warm but not cold... and the “fumes” from the moth balls under that fucking platform in the kitchen... I'm getting pissed about that as well... I'm tempted to rip it up, but I'm going to need that spray-foam insulation or something to block the holes for the plumbing and heater exhaust immediately. OK... the end of the day.
Sun.18.Jul:AT 14.00 TODAY: TWO YEARS TO THE HOUR: *A LITTLE PLACE IN THE ADIRONDACKS*
7.16 Rain. More rain. AND MICE (or mouse) AGAIN!!! And waters are changed, so too, the food, and Yonah is in his little space on the shelf. And my morning routine is complete. Amen. AND A RATHER DISTURBING DREAMLETTE JUST BEFORE I WOKE: A *YELLING* SPREE! A CALL FROM ALDEN AND THE MEMORY OF THE DREAM BEGAN AS THE CONVERSATION WAS ALREADY IN PROGRESS. I WAS IN THE KITCHEN IN A FLAT NOT LIKE THIS ONE, BUT IT WAS MINE, AND IT WAS THE 2nd YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF MY HAVING MOVED-IN, AND IN THE MIDST OF SAYING SOMETHING COMPLETELY UN-RELATED, ALDEN MADE REFERENCE TO MY BEING IN THE FLAT, I SAID THAT TODAY IS MY 2nd YEAR ANNIVERSARY, HE COMMENTED ON HOW “TIME SURE PASSES QUICKLY” AND THEN ADDED “SO I HEAR YOU'VE HEARD FROM THE OTHER APARTMENT. ARE YOU STILL THINKING OF MOVING OUT OF THERE?” TO WHICH I REPLIED “YES, I HAVE HEARD... AND HOW THE FUCK DO *YOU* KNOW ABOUT... NEVER MIND! I ALREADY KNOW BECAUSE I KNOW WHO I'VE SPOKEN TO ABOUT IT AND *THAT* IS WHY I WANT TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, AMONGST OTHER REASONS, LIKE FILTH AND VERMIN, THE ONES OUT-SIDE AND THE ONES IN-SIDE THIS HOUSE AND TOWN! I'VE FUCKING HAD MORE THAN I CAN TOLERATE OF THE BULL-SHIT AND THE FUCKING BORED SHITS AND THEIR GOSSIPING AND HOW THEY CAN'T FUCK WAIT TO EITHER SPREAD SOME OR CREATE SOME WHEN THERE ISN'T ANY!!! AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH *YOUR* FUCKING LIES, AND PHAIRIE-TALES AND UTTER NONSENSE THAT I'VE COME TO FIND OUT ARE JUST USELESS! AND I'M TIRED OF FIGHTING TO KEEP A CIVIL HOME IN A HOUSE THAT WILL *NEVER* BE CIVIL!” AND JUST AS I WAS REACHING THE PINNACLE OF MY ANGER AND IT WAS BEGINNING TO ACTUALLY CAUSE ME PHYSICAL PAIN IN THE CHEST, STOMACH AND LIMBS (HEART ATTACK? IN MY SLEEP?) THE DREAMLETTE JUST STOPPED... AND, AS I RECALL, MOMENTS LATER, MERE MOMENTS LATER, I WOKE. THE CLOCK READ 6.34. I LOOKED AT IT AND DECIDED TO STAY IN BED UNTIL THE 7.00 ALARM.
Not very nice on an “anniversary” day...Now to see if it isn't my brain ridding itself of the fuckerie from Friday's foray to Lake Placid, the mice and ants, the Vermonter next door who now owes me 3,19$ and my hammer... and such OR if it isn't “premonitory” and there's an all-out battle coming down the line to a theatre near me. Which-what-ever... There's the morning... rain, rain and rain again and more mouse shit in Yonah's house... AND THE LITTLE SHIT ATE THE ENTIRE COOKIE I'D LEFT IN A LITTLE “DISH” ON YONAH'S “CORNER LOFT” AS WELL AS HAVING GONE THROUGH YONAH'S SEEDS! Tonight, there will be NO “food-stuffs” IN Yonah's house... BUT that jug will have seeds and breads and cookies and all sorts of goodies and I'm going to work on it to make it readily accessible... ONE WAY ONLY! And “ASAP” the “holes in these floors are to be sealed and I've had more than enough. - Ah... Sunday, Sunday... Fuck. - 15.30 I AM JUST FINISHING A DAY FULL OF ACTIVITIES!!! It all began at about 9.00 (maybe just earlier but...) when I got the saw and the “underlayment” out to the kitchen, rulers, pencils and away we went... Yonah now has a new “loft platform” in the corner, larger, longer, and resting on an “L” bracket and a perch, and the perches are set so he can sit in his little white pine! And there's a MUCH nicer shelf for his food (which will be temporary until we get Mr. Mouse out of the house... there's a “cookie” waiting for him tonight... heh-heh-heh... fuck) with a nice “liner” on it. I cut the “new” roll for the “loft” and “food shelf”. And I cooked 4 eggs for US for OUR lunch today. Yonah hasn't gone to his yet but I'm hoping.... - THEN Nancy stopped by because she'd been out and was on her way back home and I happened to be on the front porch having a smoke. Sadly, my “mood” hasn't improved much at all, in general but I got to tell her about Friday's fiasco. She didn't appear too “sympathetic” though she DID say “Oh that's just wrong.” when I told her of the apathy of the “prima donnas” at Ray Brook. “You missed a really nice, quiet dinner. We had BBW chicken and salads...” Yep, so I did. Yeah, well... seems I “missed” a lot on Friday... and quite honestly... FUKKIT! - THEN... AS I'M WORKING IN YONAH'S ROOM... THE FUCKING LOO BASIN IS GURGLING AGAIN! Bad enough this house is on my nerves to begin with and then THAT! Mice. Fucking plumbing. And then Ms. VT decided to hammer the walls again... it wasn't “bad” but today, it got on my nerves. But I continued to work along... Anyway... JUST THE SHELVES TOOK UNTIL 12.29 WHEN I GRABBED MID-DAY PILLS WITH LEFT-OVER COFFEE AND CONTINUED ON... AND I've Hoovered the house as well! - AND I “FACTORY RE-SET” THE SAMSUNG PHONE TODAY! CLEANED THAT FUCKER OUT! WHAT A FUCKING PAIN IN THE ARSE! There's a “back-up” on the lap-top but it's all in files I can't open with-out all sorts of bull-shit. And I down-loaded TWO new “programmes” ('apps”... fuck) to try to get the info off the phone and NEITHER of them was of much use so I had to “un-install” those too! AND THEN I HAD TO RE-INSTALL THE BROWSER, THE “VOICE” AND “DIALER” AND SKYPE! THANKFULLY, IT FOUND (AND I DON'T KNOW HOW OR WHERE) ALL THE “CONTACTS” AND PULLED ALL THE MESSAGES AND CALL HISTORIES! I THOUGHT I'D LOOSE ALL OF THAT AND WOULD HAVE TO RE-DO THE CONTACTS! BUT... *** AND OF COURSE, IT'S FUCKING TRYING TO “ACTIVATE” A-FUCKING-GAIN SO I'LL HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THAT FOR ANOTHER YEAR OR SO. BUT... IT CALLS, I HAVE THE CAMERA AND SPACE AGAIN! STILL, IT TOOK THE BETTER PART OF AN HOUR! - One thing I truly MUST include here (and will do so on Yonah's Journal as well....)
YONAH HAS BEEN SO SO SO WONDERFUL ALL DAY! SO CURIOUS WHEN-EVER I PUT SOMETHING INTO OR TOOK SOMETHING OUT OF HIS HOUSE. AND HE SAT A-TOP AND STARED DOWN AT ME AS I DID THINGS ON THE WORK-TABLE, HEAD COCKED TO ONE SIDE. AND AFFECTION!!!! HE TRULY WANTS THE AFFECTION, CONNECTION, ATTENTION, CLOSENESS TODAY. AND I LEARNT THAT THE “FLUTTERING WINGS”, SPLAYED TAIL AND “woo-HOO!” IS AS I SUSPECTED... I'M BEING “WOO'ED”! As one person on a forum put it “He's saying 'Hey you! Get over here and give us an egg!” Part of me is SO depressed because of it but another part is ASTOUNDED... IF THIS ISN'T “BONDING”... NOTHING IS! Oh, and Nancy asked “Does he NEED to see a vet? He's SO WELL cared-for!” What-ever... HE'S BEEN... CUDDLY... EVEN CLIMBED ON MY ARM AS I INSTALLED HIS NEW “LOFT”!
15.48 I can't believe this day is done (so too, at last, the rain). I need a bit of a lie-down... I'm “feeling” better than I did this morning but that FATIGUE has just SLAMMED ME! - And I have NO idea what I'll have for evening meal... but I can't care right now. - 19.40 Journals are up-dated! - Yonah and I are ready to settle-down for the night soon. Aside from the Vermonter next door suddenly “re-modeling” after having an entire day... the world is calm... I've even had a hot water as I worked on the up-loads to the servers! May the night be calm... I'm in NO mood nor frame of mind to “cope well” with bull-shit tonight. - Noting... Nancy and Paul went by, headed South on the main... I was on the porch having a smoke... no toot. Then... a bit of a while ago, I was on the porch, Nancy and Paul came up the main, turned the corner onto the Hill... no toot. Hey! “Got along with-out ya before I met ya gonna get along with-out ya now”. Fuck off and have a nice day. - 20.28 Yonah is tucked-in and on his “seepie-nigh-night” perch. And I've take “night pills” and will have a tart or 2, a Brit, a shower and to bed! It's been a day! And I'm tired and HOPING for a night of SLEEP! - Lavage and a trip into town tomorrow. (I wonder: “Check Engine”? I don't care.) -
***** EUREKA!!! JUST AS I STARTED TO TYPE, IN THE KITCHEN, AT THE TABLE, I HEARD “CLUNK” IN YONAH'S ROOM. SO I GRABBED THE TORCH AND SHONE IT IN ON... *** THE JUG *** AND THERE IT WAS... A BIG-EYED TINY LITTLE ***** MOUSE ***** !!! THE JUG WORKED!!! AND THE MOUSE IS NOW OFF TO “THE MAYOR'S” YARD!!! Yes, I released the little thing, after, of course, taking a photo. I'd left Yonah's food in there for him because I WANT food available to him. And I planned on checking the jug before heading to bed later... but... ***** EUREKA !!! ***** GOT IT! HOPEFULLY IT'S THE ONLY ONE! But now I wonder where it came from! It didn't come through the kitchen so there's “SEARCHING” on tomorrow's agenda as well... to find holes and the such. (I hope more aren't behind the futon. THAT thing is a pain to get into, behind and under.) BUT YAY! I'M HAPPY!
Now... to Brits and bed. (I have to stay up for a while anyway... let the pills settle.) - Oh... and dear Yonah; I went in, removed the jug with the help of the torch, and put it back in on the bottom shelf where it had been and Yonah? Just perched, as if nothing was happening. WHAT A CHAMP! WHAT A GUY!
Mon.19.Jul: (On Tuesday 20 July 9.04 because... well, I jotted notes during the day as I worked on this Journal, Yonah's “March 2021 Journal” and his current Journal... It was a “busy” day...)
I got out of bed at about 7.00 this morning but really would have liked to stay there, dozing, for a while longer. I was TIRED this morning.... and waking from the “dreamlette” didn't do much to make for a restful waking, as noted. - Last night, I got to bed by 23.00, read a bit and I put the light out at mid-night... and had two “loo trips” during the night... “loo”... thankfully not contractions. When I got up for the 1.30 loo trip I noticed the alarm clock was re-set to “brightest” meaning the electric must have gone out at some point. Can't figure why though... it's just been raining... almost constantly, no “storms”. Oh well. So much for this “21st Century” bull-shit. We're SO “advanced”. Honestly, “humanity” is disappointing in SO many ways. From politics to technology, priorities are fucked. Meanwhile
DREAM: Old man gathered his friends for some sort of “sport” abusing Yonah. I said “You won't be doing that!” he said I'd make him the fool. I said “You made excuses for beating your wife. You made excuses for not bringing home the pay-cheque. You can make excuses for this.” He was palpably angry! I said, calmly “GO ahead and beat me. Make it good though, because if you so much as make a move toward that dove, no matter what you o to me, I will hurt you, I will take you down! And with what-ever strength I have, I'll rip you apart, with my bare hands if necessary. You might play your 'game' with your 'buddies', but you will NOT touch that little bird! I'll inflict more pain on you than you could ever imagine. So go ahead, give it a try. I'm telling you now, it'll be the very last move you ever make in this life-time. And if you have ANY doubt about it, go ahead... give it a try... make a move. There'll be a 'game' alright, but it's not going to be with that bird. I'll make you look forward to an Eternity in Hell because that's where your 'Heaven' is right now.” and with a slight smirk “Come on, make your move.” - I woke, facing the wall, actually saying these words aloud. Not yelling, nor screaming. But in a some-what deep, raspy, “stage whisper”. I heard me speaking. I was in a “hypnogogic” state, in a “lucid dream”. I knew I was in bed, I knew I'd been sleeping, I knew I was still sleeping and yet, awake. It was the anger, the bitter rage in the dream that pulled me out of it all. I wasn't physically or actually in a rage. I was “angry” as I woke, prepared to lunge at the old man with every-thing I had, but I was other-wise perfectly composed. - I decided to get up and go to the loo... It was about 1.35.
8.00 TOOT TOOT!!! (Nancy came rolling by... I guess she's NOT all THAT angry with me. When we last spoke, yesterday, I was still in a “sour” sort of mood and told her about the “experience” at Ray Brook. She DID say that it was “wrong” of “Samantha” to simply “dismiss” me but then she said, about my anxieties and anger: “It's not them... it's YOU.” Yeah? I let it go at the time, but I can't but think that she KNOWS I was quite nervous the day before and spent the entire day cleaning the truck and had the inspection and oil change done to make sure the trip went well. And, when I told her that I'd gone “into Lake Placid” she did say “Oh no...” so I'm not sure WHAT the actual fucking problem was... Still... a “toot” as she passed... I don't know. Surely I'll find out... eventually. Oh... and she DID mention some sort of “dinner” to come during the week again. I'll probably “miss” that one as well. The 24th should be interesting... the “New Russia Picnic”... which I most certainly will “miss”... no matter what. I'm just in NO mood for much these days.) - 9.15 Well, OK... I've actually managed to “accomplish” something this morning... there was a basket of “under-things” in the bed-room that needed washing... 3 t-shirts and pants and a pair of socks... it's all on the rack on the back gallery so... there's the “house-hold reason for being out of bed today. - EARLIER... I STEPPED OUT TO HAVE A QUICK SMOKE ON THE FRONT PORCH AND THE SUN WAS TRYING TO BREAK THROUGH OVER THE EASTERN HILLS, A BIT OF A “MIST” WAS FALLING OVER THE HOUSE AND OBVIOUSLY, ON THE MOUNTAINS TO THE WEST BECAUSE... THERE WAS A RAINBOW “ON” THE WESTERN HILLS! A COMPLETE RAINBOW! I ACTUALLY MANAGED TO GET SOME PHOTOS OF IT. (Now to figure where I'd like to post them... if I'd like to post them at all... But it was... well... WOW! AND I was there... “right place at the right time”. Too bad it was faint. But still... WOW! What a way to start a day!)12.16 Just checked the calendar for mid-days (an “E” day) and noticed: Joe is 56 years old today... Imagine? I have it on the calendar and had I not had it there, I wouldn't have remembered. Oh my! I'm starting to “replace importance”. Not that there's anything wrong with that. - And I'm only JUST getting the 23rd March of Yonah's journal done. - AND HE'S PULLED ANOTHER OF THOSE “BLOOD FEATHERS” TODAY! I SAW THE LITTLE DROPS OF BLOOD ON THE KITCHEN ROLL IN HIS HOUSE AND FUND THE FEATHER... *BROKEN* OFF! WITH BLOOD ON IT! AND I'VE JUST GONE THROUGH THE LIST OF VETS AGAIN... AND GOTTEN THE DIRECTIONS TO THE ONE IN QUEENSBURY... NOT A “VCA” BUT THE ONE THAT NANCY GOES TO. IT'S 66 MILES AND AN HOUR AWAY! I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CALL THEM TOMORROW (I won't call on a Monday). HE'S GOING! IF THEY'LL TAKE HIM! - The electric bill came today too... 39$! NOT BAD! Back to “normal” again. BUT... I'm going to have to work the budget thing here. I thought: Alden will probably come to town for the “picnic” on the 24th. Chances are he won't come here... to the house... to me, anyway. I've no doubt he'll drop in on Rita (who I believe is out shopping with her daughter this after-noon... thankfully), but won't come to me! BUT... just on the off-chance... I'll have to make sure the rent is available... or... have a fucking drag-down with him (which I'd rather, but...) - Anyway... having a bit of “sharp pain” in the “upper right”... it doesn't “seem” to be “internal”, more like a “muscle”, and the right arm is “sore”. I'm growing ANGRY with and about this now. “LIFE”... it always goes that, when we've nothing worth “being” for, we drag on. Then, suddenly, we have purpose, something, some reason to continue and the WORLD comes CRASHING AT US WITH BULL-SHIT. REALLY! Conception, birth, existing... the WORLD... NONE of it is worth the annoyance and aggravation, the disappointment, suffering... there's no reason, logic, cause, purpose... FUCKING WASTE! THE ENTIRE SITUATION! But I'll move along now. I'm working myself into a fit. - Oh... I NEED to check the truck too... FUCK. Well... in a little while, I'll try a run into town... see what that brings. (Perry's is on sale this week.) - 13.14 The Vermonters have returned from where-ever they'd gone and... THE FUCKING SLAPPING OF THE DAMNED SCREEN DOOR... REPEATEDLY! I haven't forgotten when, a couple of weeks ago or so, Rita let that door slam as she was on the back gallery with company and snarkly said “Oh, have I slammed the door and disturbed you?” Yeah? FUCK YOU! The day is coming... SLAMMING THE DOOR... REPEATEDLY? TRASH!AND... SMOKING ON THE BACK GALLERY... AS THE SMOKE COMES WAFTING IN THROUGH THE BACK DOOR... NEVER MIND... MY WASH IS ON THE BACK GALLERY! OH YEAH... TIME TO GET THE FUCK OUT! - 16.53 And Yonah and I are listening to reggae as some sort of concoction cooks for tonight's “meal”. 2 sammiches made from the sweet potato that I discovered in the fridge (from a week ago... maybe longer but I don't care... maybe it'll run through me? we shall see), ketchup, grated provolone (I think) and the “dry cheese” with a bit of butter. Nourishment? What-ever. I DID get to the market today but I didn't get anything of real substance. I needed smokes and well... HAD to make the trip worth the while. - BUT THE “CHECK-THE-BLOODY-ENGINE” LIGHT WENT OFF AS I ROLLED OUT OF FAMDOLL!!! SO! THERE WE HAVE IT! - The sun is FINALLY coming out and the HEAT is RISING... with the humidity from all the bleating rain! - I doubt the lavage will be dry but... it's there. - And tomorrow... a call to Queensbury Hospital... to see if they'll take a look at Yonah ... at some time in future. (I'm already on the verge of dipping into August rent... and... AND? I don't have any shits or fucks to give about it.) I MIGHT just go ahead and try for an appointment this month... it depends on how I feel tomorrow. (Today, I'm not exactly “well”... been “off”, “light”, a bit “floaty” all day.) - Anyway... I got a few days of Yonah's “March” Journal done... NOT as much as I'd like, but better than none at all, I suppose. - And I'll have meal, and be back in with Yonah who has been SO LOVEY again today... - HE DROPPED THAT “BLOOD FEATHER” TODAY AND I'M REALLY CONCERNED AND WORRIED FOR HIM... PISSED AT THE WORLD. AND THE LEFT WING IS “HANGING LOWER” AGAIN. BUT HE'S BEEN FLYING ALL OVER THE PLACE... HE EVEN FLEW TO ME TWICE, AS I SNOOZED ON HIS FUTON! OH MY GOD! HE'S MY HEART AND SOUL! - And now... on to meal and... - 22.01 Yonah's Journal for March 2021 is complete! And July is current to-date. - There's a bit of a thunder storm rolling in and I'm running LATE... in spite of having been here at table at 20.30... pills taken at 20.00 on the mark. - And I have “notes” running through the day, but I've been WITH YONAH ALL DAY... save about 30 minutes when I ran for smokes and provisions. So I'm quite OK with being late now. - I'll have to catch-up tomorrow... because I'm NOT going to be going to bed at mid-night and feeling like SHIT in the morning... now... QI, a nosh and to bed! - 23.26 fukme... AGAIN! I REALLY HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET MY SHITTER INTO BED EARLIER THAN THIS!
Tue.20.Jul: 9.22 OK. Grey again today, and chilly... and again, I would have liked to stay in bed a bit longer, but this morning's been so “off”... from the very beginning. - Let's start with a “quick dreamlette”... some little “portion” of a dream or, well, I don't know, really, but...
I was in a flat, much along the style of those in The Bronx, and “Rita” was living in the flat next door. She was having kids in to visit... several... many... too many kids, screaming and running about in the hall. I could hear them inside my place. Suddenly, there was a “BANG!!!” on a common wall! I'd put up with more than I could tolerate any longer and, with blood pounding, I went out to the hall, truly ready to beat the shit out of the kids AND put Rita in a place she really didn't want to be in! As I stepped into the hall, her door was directly next to mine (quite similar to the doors on Creston Ave. as I think of it) and hers was slightly open so the kids were running in and out of the flat. I'd just knocked and was ready to YELL into the flat when I woke.
The “6.00” alarm had just sounded as I was coming out of the dream (or, it had sounded and that's what pulled me out of the dream...). Needless to say, I'll suppose, as I looked at the alarm clock on the shelf (5.53) I was ANGRY from the dream and wondered if the “BANG” didn't actually come from next-door here. AND, if so, I was ROARING ANGRY thinking it had been IN YONAH'S ROOM and loud enough for me to hear it in the bed-room! In THAT anger... I dozed back off until the 6.30 alarm when... I heard Yonah calling and got out of bed to begin the day. - In an “off” sort of order, I put the kettle on, put the coffee in the press, took out the broccoli that I'd pulled from the freezer yesterday to give to Yonah today... went in to open Yonah's curtain, remove the “light block” and get ready to change the waters... from there on... it was a “typical rolling along” for a while. - THEN... I suddenly decided that it's time to start getting ready for “Heating Season”... I do NOT want an empty tank come October this year! I'd LIKE a FULL tank but that's not really possible, with “minimum deliveries”... SO, for a few hours (and I still really haven't finished) I worked on how to take the rent-aside for August now, put money aside for oil, pay August in August and put September's rent aside in August's Soc.Sec., taking 200 or 250 out of what's in the account now and having the rest available to go toward expenses next month and in September... there a LOT of “juggling” to be done, but as I say, I do NOT want to be sitting here again, this year, when the temperatures start dropping... and running the oven to keep the cold and damp out! (I don't even know that the oven will hold through that sort of abuse this year.) So... it's been an aggravating sort of morning thus far. - AND... I'VE BEEN HAVING ONE OF “THOSE”... “DIFFICULT” MORNINGS... *MUCH* LIGHT-HEADEDNESS... ANNOYINGLY-SO! IT'S NOT SO MUCH IN THE CHEST THIS MORNING AS IT IS WITH THE “DIZZINESS”. I WONDER IF THERE ISN'T “SOMETHING ON THE BRAIN”... CA-LUNG METASTASIZES TO THE BRAIN, MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, AND I WOULDN'T PUT IT PAST THOSE SHIT-SAX AT THE E-TOWN ABATTOIR TO SIMPLY NOT EVEN “MENTION” THEY'D FOUND SOMETHING IN THE CT SCAN. BUT... RIGHT NOW... I WANT TO GET YONAH CHECKED AND SEE H OW MANY YEARS A “VET” SEES HIM WITH ME. IF WE'RE TALKING MINIMUM 5 YEARS... I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF ME TO TAKE CARE OF HIM! (The shit-fuck is... low-end surgery can require 10 days in hospital! I've NO doubt I'd be shipped to BTV... and 10 days of NO YONAH is 10 days TOO-TOO-FUCKING MUCH! AND WITH THIS LOON NEXT DOOR... AND NOBODY I TRUST ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF YONAH... THERE'S A LOT I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT... AND WORK ON... IN ADDITION TO FINALLY SETTLING THIS BUDGET BULL-SHIT!) - “LIFE” is becoming twisted again... BUT... I'll just have to take it as it comes and work on it now... QUICKLY! (I'm thinking that, WHEN I settle this month's budgeting chaos, I'll use what I've managed to manipulate for Yonah's check-up. The rent for August wouldn't go out until AFTER the 24th anyway so, if Mr. Moron of Mass should show up for the picnic and mention it... “It's not the 4th Wednesday yet”... fuktard.) - But, honestly, right at the moment... I'm going for a snooze. THEN I HAVE YONAH'S APRIL 2021 TO GET AT... and today's... AND PHOTOS! Things to do, to be sure. To be sure.... on this somewhat chilly, grey day. - (Oh... and there's a trip to the skip too! Things... to do... or not to do... tah-dah.) -
14.12 YONAH HAS BEEN SO EXPLORATIVE, INVESTIGATIVE, ACTIVE TODAY!!! I've just put it into his Journal but... it's an “OMG”! to be sure! He's been on the desk lamp, on the “file” where I keep papers on the work table, he came to wake me from a snooze by flying to my leg and running up to my shoulder, as I sit at the work table, he's come to fly onto my shoulder and hop across my neck, back and forth. I brought him into the kitchen and he watched me doing the washing-up after my “lunch” and then flew back to his house! He's a completely different little guy today! It's SO up-lifting to see him gaining confidence, wanting to “explore”, to get to new places! And it's encouraging to see that he's got the good health and energy!
(I'm having a rather “difficult” day, with some pains in the right side of the chest, coughing up small “clots” of phlegm and they're a touch tinted with the old “green”. I'm having one of the “concerned” days... and it's toying with my general attitude. It WOULD be MY life... to have ALL of this fucked now...) - 21.25 I'm sitting at the kitchen table and up-loading today's *** YONAH *** pages to the server when, from the corner of my right eye... A BLOODY MOUSE... FROM UNDER THE FRIDGE!!! HOW? WHERE? WHERE IS IT COMING FROM... IN THAT DIRECTION? WELL... NOW I KNOW THEY DON'T COME IN DIRECTLY THROUGH YONAH'S ROOM. BUT NOW I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHERE AND... BUY MORE MOTH BALLS! OR SOMETHING! And I've only JUST managed to complete a *** SERIOUS AUSTERITY BUDGET *** for this and next month (giving me a bit more money to “use” this month, putting aside 200 for OIL because I'm concerned about heating in October!!! and “living” on 30$/week for FIVE weeks... THIS should be interesting, but I've “lived” on much less... I don't care, as long as Yonah doesn't get touched by ANY “austerity”... and he WON'T!!!). But now... MOUSE CONTROL! I'm pissed! (But the “jug” is set on the shelf in Yonah's room so I'm going to let the little bastard get in there whilst I'm still up... and I have to be up for at least another 30 minutes because...
TODAY I'VE GONE BACK TO THE “3,2,3,3” ON THE VIT. C! I'm having pains in the chest again and, well... MUST TRY!
Other-wise... AN ENTIRE DAY WITH YONAH TODAY... as I worked on his Journal (April is being “cleaned”) AND took photos... HE WAS SO ACTIVE TODAY! AND SO LOVEY! SO YES... NEW PHOTOS AND A NEW VIDEO! ALL POSTED TO HIS SITE! (YES... I MUST take better care of my-self now... I wonder if I'd be eligible for any of these new “pills” or “injections” I see... instead of DAYS in hospital and surgery. Maybe I ought to find an MD? Well... I'll find one for Yonah... then I'll find one for me... I suppose. If they say “surgery”... NOPE. And I'll have to wing it.. I CAN'T leave YONAH for 10 days! There's NOBODY who'll give him the attention, affection and companionship... NOBODY will come here and spend QUALITY time with him! And I'm NOT leaving him ALONE! I'll see if I can't find some kind of “service” that might... I'll look... I'm not saying I'll go for it. “Time”... that's what I need... TIME!!!) - Spoke with Eve today! She's at the lake and doing well. I mentioned something about feeling better knowing she's not in The City and she obviously didn't want to talk about that. Gee... I wonder why (no I don't). But we talked about Yonah for a long while and she laughed and then said “He's not a wild bird anymore! He's your companion!” Yep... she understood by the time I finished going on about him. It was good to hear her voice. Good to know she's doing well. Good to know she's not in The City. And she sounded glad to hear from me and thanked me, as she does, for keeping in touch. - It ran evening meal a bit late... like... 17.45 late. Veggies and noodles with “buddah” and ice cream after... and THREE C's. (And I've taken 3 more at 21.00 as well.) - And that threw me off going back to be with Yonah... so I was LATE getting him “tucked-in” tonight. But he didn't seem to mind... He's in now... and I'll have to keep an eye on his house for a while... his food is still in there... I might go in before I go to bed and take it out for the night. I HATE doing that but... I do NOT want MICE crawling about in there! I read, last night or this morning, that they carry mites and diseases! NOT to Yonah, they don't. Which is another reason why I can't leave for 10 days for surgery! NOBODY will come to make sure the mice don't get at him! - Well... time to start “wrap-up”... late to bed... and it might be the “new normal” for a while... I'm going to try getting back to 11g/day for at least 2 weeks and see how it goes... which means 3g at 21.00 and having to sit-up until 22.00. “I don't like it but I guess things happen that way... doo-doo, dah-doo-dah-doo, doo-doop” (fuck). - 23.20 end of day.
Wed.21.Jul: 9.19 It really wasn't “enough” sleep last night and only one loo-run... contraction in the lower calf. But I got right back to sleep and woke, this morning, with the 6.00 alarm... didn't want to get up but... “Morning Call” and the day was rolling. - Now, at the work table, rain falling again out-side, it's 21,6° in Yonah's room and I'm “chilled”... not to mention, there's a “sharp rock” in my upper-right this morning. Yesterday I went back up to 11g/day on the C... I wonder... I'll try again today at 11g and “note” but today, I had to admit, is a bit “more concerning”. I've looked into “non-surgicals” for “CA-Lung and it appears that they're quite the “first choice” in treatments of late. Sad part: I have NO... ZERO... NONE... and if possible, NEGATIVE trust in ANY of these quacks these days. With the way of the world lately, I'd suspect an attempt to “knock off” those of us who are “weakened”, to “use and abuse” as “tests”... not to mention all this “covid vaccine” bull-shit... I rather suspect some sort of THAT bull-shit would be “snuck in” (as it were). “Traces” of “tracing elements” and toxins galore... just to see what the effects might be. Honestly? It's not just the U.S. any more, I suspect the entire world of having gone “Full Nazi”... where “medical tactics” and “experimentation” is concerned. So now, here I sit, wondering if I have a longer expectancy with-out interference and “intervention”, and a better “quality of life”, even in constant pain
(9.27 I'm typing away here with Yonah on my neck!)
even in constant “wondering”. I mean to say that I'm not “hacking” often, and what comes up is only slightly “tinted”
(9.38 and AGAIN with the shoulder! He's getting QUITE BOLD! I LOVE IT!)
with the slightest hints of “green”... light, no “dark flecks and specks”, and the quantity is NOTHING even NEAR what it used to be. But the “stiffness” in the right side of the neck, and the “ping” in the chest... and THAT I can't really tell whether it's IN the chest or the muscle. And I can't be certain that it isn't “posture”, sitting at the work table and slouching? Oh... - And Yonah's being SO “cozy” this morning... Now I'm wondering: is he trying to tell me... “You're about to 'go'. I'm here to take you along.”? Oh, how the mind concocts. Well... I have to get to the river for some water at some point today (hopefully the rain will stop soon and the river isn't all TOO high). I usually feel better after movement and motion and the sort. We'll see how it turns out. - 9.51 already and I've JOURNALS to “clean” and such! Sounds like the “Vermonter” next-door is up and about. (Owes me the hammer, 3.19 for the gallon of milk... and it's bothering me that it asked if I'd take it shopping twice monthly... “Vermonter”... “entitled”... “liberal”... AND A TOUCH OF THAT “White guilt” bull-shit. Oh... here we go! Just pile THAT shit onto the rest!) - Moving along... just moving along. - Time, I think, for a snooze. - 11.29 Just up from a 40-minute snooze... WITH YONAH! I'd laid down on his futon, alarm set, (it really is a “HEAVY” sort of day for me today... breathing is perfectly fine, coughing is “productive” and no “gurgling” or any “congestion” to speak of by there's the “pain” in the shoulder, from the upper chest, and it works down the arm... and I'm toying with ideas of trying to find a competent, trust-worthy doctor... preferably “local” but I'll bet the closest will be in Plattsburgh... oh well... we'll see... next “break” from Journalling and such... something else to “look up”) and AS I LAID DOWN, HE CAME FLYING OVER TO MY LEG! I dozed-off and when the alarm sounded, I woke to find him right where he'd been! He snoozed with me! - I wanted to make “borscht” today, having gotten 2 tins of beets at market yesterday, so I got up and went into the kitchen to cut the onion and such... put the pot on the hob and went back to his room to get my coffee and HE CAME OVER AND GOT ON MY SHOULDER! So we went into the kitchen, TOGETHER... where I did the washing-up and opened the front door... with him on my shoulder! We looked out on the main. The rains have finally stopped (again) and it's getting comfortable, temperature-wise. Then, into the bed-room where I checked yesterday's lavage... still slightly damp to the touch so I moved the rack toward the window fan and when we got back to the kitchen and close enough to his door-way, he went back to his house! Familiar surroundings again! I went to the back door to open that, and when I got back to the work table, he was on the pot with the orange tree. And now... he's in his house, on his perch, in the corner closest to me where he can “watch” me. It's as I told him: “I NEVER even imagined it would EVER get to this, between us!” He TRULY IS my “Companion”, my “Family”, and I say with no exaggeration, my “Life”! (Now I have to do something to make sure we have each-other for as long as HE needs. - And now, as the “traffic” rolls along the back drive (damn these shit-sax), it's almost time for my mid-day break and pills. - Later, should the weather permit, I'll toddle to the river for tree water. The exercise might help with the “pain and stiffness”... it often does. I just have to take it slowly... oh well... it's like Eve was saying yesterday: she'd just attended a 100th birthday for a neighbour... sharp as ever, active as much as possible... mobility is a bit difficult but other-wise... Hey... if Yonah and I have another 20 years... GOOD LORD... ME... 86! (Then again, Liz said, back in high school, that she'd gone to some “clairvoyant” who fore-told... I'd live to that age... wouldn't that be a kick in the shitter?) - 21.06 The last daily instalment of today's 11gC have been taken. Yonah is tucked-in. The rains FINALLY came to an end late this after-noon. AND I DID MAKE IT TO THE RIVER FOR WATER! - And as I was coming back up the Hill, “Casella” was delivering bins... In a chat with Rita she said “I didn't want to take advantage of you. And I have a LOT, with the moving. And I want to get back to recycling and this is 'No Sort'...” I'm thinking there's animosity because I didn't jump to offer to take her into the market “twice a month”. You know what? FUCK YOU! I was told she has “people”... and she does have an inconsiderate daughter. So? So... But I DID get my hammer back. And there's been NO mention of the milk at 3,19... and I'll let her hang herself with that one. But she gets some kind of “boxed food” delivered monthly, a service she pays 31$-per for and they sent her a bag of kale. She doesn't like it so she gave it to me. (Ah... to pay the milk? What-the-fuck-ever. I'm in no mood. Especially since she chooses to put out 35$ for trash removal... HEY! I offered at no cost other than the sticker. None of MY business.) And she asked about my flat hunting and commented “I just hope he doesn't put anything in there that I won't be able to deal with.” Fuck you again, dear. - It looks like we'll be “NY Neighbours”... as long as she doesn't piss me off... it'll be a quiet little house. (I'm just thinking: I ALMOST offered to re-hang the clothes line over there again... I'm glad I didn't. Besides... I have to do my bed linens and I'm now wondering if her “spore” shows, will there be cigarette smoke on them from it puffing away as they hang to dry. Oh... THAT'LL be HELL set loose!) - BUT... indeed... a delightful day with Yonah and THREE SNOOZES WITH HIM ON MY LEG OR SHOULDER! I NO SOONER LAID DOWN AND HE CAME FLYING OVER TO ME! AND ALL THE WHILE I DOZED, HE WAS THERE, QUITE AND MOST COMFY! AND PLAYFUL... AFFECTIONATE... AND RIDING ON MY SHOULDER AS I WALKED THROUGH THE HOUSE! I WISH I HAD THE WORDS TO DESCRIBE MY ELATION! OH YES, INDEED... HE IS MY LIFE... WE ARE COMPANIONS... “FAMILY” OF THE TRUEST SORT! - But I've been in a bit of pain all day too. And today, I've been exceptionally tired... THREE naps and I'm ready for a night of it now. The pain? The 11g? I'm not “congested”. My breathing is clear. No “rumbling” or “gurgling” in the chest. Just the shoulder and back pain. And I did start to look for an MD. They're ALL some-how associated with “UVM”! Looks like I'll have to bite that bullet. Oh well... I WOULD like to know (now), what's going on in there. AND... since there are non-surgical approaches... well... no hospital? I'll take it! And we'll “work the particulars out from there”. Something to get to... - I'm also seriously pondering a Friday run to Walmarde, Plattsburgh, on Friday. I have quite a list to make the trip worth the effort. Items I CAN'T get anywhere closer. Yes, it's going to make August a VERY difficult month, financially... but... FUKKIT! To be sure. AND... I'm NOT sending the rent out until well, Saturday's the 31st, Sunday's the 1st... it wouldn't go out until Monday anyway... and I don't give a shit! It won't be in the account until Tuesday... FUKKIT! I have things I want... and shopping at Hannaford's... and Yonah's doctor... YONAH'S doctor... Mr. Shitfux can go scratch... and we can go to court or what-ever... (I've got the stove, the shifting foundation, mice, a shitty face basin in the loo, an improperly installed shower... and surely, the up-stairs... anyway... I'm pondering. Tomorrow at 13.00 is tele-re-cert for FS and then I'm off to the skip. And that's ALL that's on the agenda for tomorrow, other than Yonah's Journal... and TIME WITH HIM! - So now... a Brit, some nosh and bed! It's 21.25... and 22.00 will be the END of this day! - 22.47
Thu.22.Jul: 7.54 “Morning Routine” complete including pulling the trash bag in prep for the after-noon after the FS call which I'm pretty sure I'll miss because neither phone rings-through properly, so I'll have to trace and run about to get the “re-cert” done. And I did NOT want to get out of “sleep” this morning. Poor little Yonah... called before the “6.00” alarm and I slept until it sounded at which point I turned it off and he called again and I dozed until the “6.30” alarm and then I got up because, well... IT'S CHILLY IN THE HOUSE this morning... still only 19,7° in Yonah's room where I am now. It occurred to me, last night, before lights out: We're at the end of July... and the nights have been, for the most part, in the teens! We haven't had a “June”... we haven't had a “July”... we haven't had a “Summer”... And, whilst I'm typing, my throat feels a touch “swollen”? My chest is a touch “clamped” (for lack of a better way to describe it as I type), my eyes feel “pushed”, my head is light, my right arm is sore, and when I woke, I was feeling “congested” and it's “one of those mornings” again. And honestly... were it not for Yonah... I'd be right back in bed... “waiting for God” this morning. Now then, that said, a thought for the morning:
There IS a chance (slight as it might be) that ALL of this “chest and breathing” bull-shit MIGHT me (slight as that chance might be) is a chronic infection... some illness/ailment associated with all the SHIT I inhaled over the last few years in VT... the dead shit in the 5225 barn, she vapourised shit in in the air as I biked from 5225 to Bedford and St-Armand and St-Albans, AND THE SHIT I INHALED BIKING IN THE RAIN TO E.FAIRFIELD PO EVERY MORNING AND EVENING, the shit in the 5199 barn, the shit in the 5199 yard, and this morning, in the loo, I was looking at some old e-mail Journal entries I'd posted back in the 5199 days where the shit-sax up-stairs had their garbage out-side my window and through the days and nights, I breathed their maggot-infested garbage AND the dog shit they'd put in... THERE'S SO MUCH that points to “damage” from that, which well-might NOT be ... “CA”. Although, I shouldn't doubt that some sort of “excision” would be called-for, it might just be some sort of “treatable” situation with “proper medications. Yes, I DO suppose I should... OUGHT... to seek “proper medical attention”? (I just don't ... DO NOT look forward to being subjected to the ignorance of these “special children” at this local abattoir AND I do NOT look forward to hearing “Burlington”! And we can forget “10 days in hospital”. I WILL NOT leave Yonah... NOT EVEN FOR A 24-HOUR period! So? BUT... yeah, I really ought to have this “checked” anyway. At least if I KNEW what the actual fuck my body is doing I could “plan” properly. - MEAN-WHILE... a propane delivery just arrived. ALMOST 50$for 19 gallons? Well.. . I've just compared to the previous bill... THAT was 20,9gal... today was 19,0. This one is just less than the last, at same price. The “glitch”... IF I wait until next Soc.Sec. I won't get the discount so... off to RE-RE-BUDGET... and THEN... on with a day with Yonah... the FS call... the trip to the skip. - 8.58 OK THEN... WELL... AUGUST BUDGET IS A FUCK! BARBED SPIKE, WHITE-HOT, CRUNCHY PEANUT-BUTTER, TOTAL RIP! AND THE LITTLE “PLAN” FOR A SHOPPING AT WALMARDE... COMPLETELY OUT! AND THE “OIL” FORECAST? YEP... OUT AS WELL! AND I HAVE TO FIGURE IN YONAH'S DOCTOR! NEVER MIND ONE FOR ME. (WHICH COULD BE ANOTHER VISIT TO AN ER, I SUPPOSE... FOR NOW... UNLESS I CAN GET MEDICARE/MEDICAID TO COVER THAT... SOME-HOW...) I'm just wondering how I managed to get it all so screwed-up. OH... but then again...there's always a possibility of pushing September's rent into September's Soc.Sec. THEN... shoving October and November around and trying to get December back so that January 2022 comes out “level”... and of course, WINTER is in there with oil, heating and such. Although, November will (might) bring 700$ toward oil which is what I used all through this past Winter... with electric bills through the sky... and too, there's electric “Level Billing” which, as of now, stands at about 53$/month which could put money INTO my budget come the “higher Winter billing months”. 9.06 WHAT A FUCK! THE BUDGET FOR THE ELECTRIC WENT UP TO 54/MONTH! SUNNUVABITCH! THE CURRENT BILL IS JUST SHORT OF 40$... NOW I WONDER: SHOULD I GRAB THE 54 OR WAIT FOR THE NEXT BILLING? THAT MIGHT GO UP AGAIN! AND WHEN I DID MY “AVERAGE” CALC, IT CAME TO ABOUT 57$/MO. FOR THE PAST YEAR. I HAVE A LOT OF FIGURING TO DO... AND ALL THE WHILE, MY CHEST IS PAINFUL, AS IS MY RIGHT ARM... AND THE THOUGHTS OF POSSIBLY DROPPING DEAD IN MY SLEEP, OR STANDING AT THE KITCHEN BASIN... OR... ONLY PASSING OUT... AND THE 10 DAYS IN HOSPITAL... AWAY FROM YONAH! SO THIS IS WHAT I'VE LIVED ALL THESE YEARS FOR. AND I CAN FEEL ME... FALLING... NO! FOCUS ON THE “BUDGET JUGGLE”! (So much for a morning of “Journals”... I asked for this... or... did I?) Time to simply “focus” and move along... hit the budget until I get it settled. Then I can get on with the rest. But... no matter... Walmarde is OUT. It'll all have to be done “piece-meal”. Fuck me and FML! - 9.27 DEFEATED... thus far. It's going to be HORRIFIC... BUT NOT “Starvation”. (10.41 Nancy stopped by this morning... she's offered to pay me to help with the installation of an “electric fence” at her house... and she's leaving for Albany at some point, so she wants this done today. Although, on second thought, maybe not today since she said she's taking Jack with and will be gone through the week-end so... anyway, she gave me the “manual”... and I can barely make sense out of it! My brain is almost in “shut-down” for some reason... maybe it's the “fatigue” of late, or maybe it's pre-occupation with... pre-occupation. I'm thinking the “activity” might help with the pain, as it usually does. But anyway, I've tried a few “videos”... and, of course, they're no help. Mean-while, she's going to “toot” when she comes back from running her “errand” of this morning... AND I HAVE THE FS CALL AT 13.00... Oh well... we shall see... There's nothing I can do about it at the moment. Still... my brain just won't handle this. I'm “running-down”. I just want to spend a day with Yonah who is quite active this morning... ALL OVER THE ROOM... PRECIOUS BABE!) - And now, on to Journals and Budgets and bull-shit. I'm about to just pay the current bills at hand and let the rest “balance itself”... in the plans of Justin Trudeau who's always claimed “the federal budget will balance itself”. Yeah... well... - 12.58 Here I sit, having had plain oatmeal for “lunch” with the 2gC. Oh well. But... Tante Nancy came by... just as I was starting to eat... WITH YONAH ON MY SHOULDER, NEWS ON THE LAP-TOP... WE WERE COMFY-COZY. AND I MADE IT TO THE DOOR TO GREET TANTE NANCY AND YONAH WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH COMPANY SO HE TOOK OFF BEFORE SHE CAME IN! (HE WENT TO HIS ROOM! IMAGINE THAT!) Anyway... Nancy's insisting on paying me to install the “electric fence”... INSISTING: “We're friends but I insist on paying you. I don't want you to do it with-out getting paid.” Ah... funniest bit? She had NO idea what all the parts and bits were about in the “kit”... especially the wire! So we sat on the living-room floor and I explained it to her. Come to find out, some guy came, put some of the “flags” into the yard and she thought that's all it would take, that Jack would some-how learn that the flags were his boundary. WELL! When I explained, she said “OH THAT'S A LOT OF WORK!” So I told her that it really isn't, but we'll need to figure where she wants the “transmitter” and such. She's leaving for Albany today, will be back on Sunday and I said I'd go up and do the work... And when I told her that I needed to take a call today and then bring my garbage to the skip, she told me to bring my garbage up to her place. (I still need to get smokes but... I'll “ponder”.) And then we “mentioned” Ms. Nextdoor and I got to tell her about the milk, the hammer, the garbage... but when I got to tell her “She's a Vermonter.” she whispered “That's ALL you have to say...” - 14.27 MISSED THE FUCKING CALL FROM FS!!!!! FUCKING ATT PHONE RANG BUT WOULDN'T CONNECT! FUCK! AND I TRIED CALLING BACK IMMEDIATELY AND GOT “VOICE MAIL”! FUCK! AND SINCE THEN... I'VE BEEN WAITING TO SEE IF THERE'D BE A CALL-BACK BUT THERE ISN'T. AND THEN... THEN... SOME FAT WHITE-TRASH OLD SHIT ON A LOUD MOTOR-BIKE PARKED *AT* THE FRONT DOOR WITH RADIO BLARING, SMOKING A FUCKING CIGARETTES WHILST I WAS TRYING TO RE-CONNECT WITH FS! I'VE LOST IT! I'M FUCKING FED-THE-FUCK-UP! - THEN NANCY CAME BY TO LET ME KNOW THAT PAUL WILL BE EXPECTING ME (AND THE GARBAGE). She said “Have fun on Saturday.” I said “I'm staying home.” She said “No you're not.” and well... off she went. And I've been “chatting”, as I used to in the Shelter days, about moving... looking for a place, doors open so that it goes “out” and the “Vermonter” has been parked on the back gallery. - And now it's 14.31 and I'm exhausted, still need to get to town for smokes, still planning to bring the trash to the skip... but I'm TIRED! AND I don't want to leave Yonah alone... POOR LITTLE GUY! - (OK. Friday morning, 8.18... “Catch-up” form yesterday's 19.09 notes here...) I DID get out and into town... in a “mad dash”, to be sure. Off to the skip to dump the garbage... QUICKLY... THEN directly to FamDoll and directly back to drive up to Paul and Nancy's to see where the “electric fence flags” had been placed. I didn't expect to find anybody at home, so I got out of the truck and started to “measure” the line of the flags. Paul came out and we chatted. He called “Come to scope the situation before getting started?” He understands. So we chatted briefly and he's going to get “input from the boss” on the final perimeter, and I'll get back tomorrow. I'm looking forward to doing this but then again... But I'll do it. - Rolled back to the house and made A MAJOR HUGE HORRIFIC ERROR... GOT INVOLVED WITH ANOTHER “CHAT” WITH “THE VERMONTER”! FUCK I TRULY MUST MAKE CERTAIN TO STOP THAT (though it's good because I get to know more and more than I really am suspicious of... after all... it's a “Vermonter” and from personal experience, NOTHING GOOD comes from those). Well! I didn't get back into the house until... 18.00!!! Meal was late. Meal pills were late! AND THEN...
I BOLTED IN TO SEE YONAH FIRST THING IMMEDIATELY RIGHT AWAY TO FIND THAT THE BIT OF KITCHEN ROLL UNDER HIS PERCH HAD BLOWN INTO THE POOL!!! AND IT SIPHONED WATER INTO THE REST OF HIS HOUSE! WATER FROM SIDE-TO-SIDE, END-TO-END!!! SO, BEFORE ANY-THING ELSE, THAT HAD TO BE REMEDIED! So the pool and trees came out, the pool got a good “rinse” (no soap this time but a thorough wipe), the “tray-bottom” got a good wipe-down, AND ALL THE SAND got replaced with fresh... the moss got a good soaking and cleaning, ALL of the kitchen roll got replaced, all waters got replaced and the house got put back together... clean and fresh! Hey! NO PROB! None at all! But I felt worse than SHIT... poor little guy. I have NO idea how long he'd been in there with that wetness. Thankfully, he had run of the house so he could get away from it. But... it's more about leaving him alone. I HATE that! I know I can't stop leaving the house, but... I DON'T “must” talk with that one next-door... so... - I was done with it all by 19.00 and THEN... well... the 17.00 vits. had been taken, in a gulp, at 18.00 but I NEED to make sure that I EAT these days so... some of the borscht went into the pot, 3 eggs cracked and stirred in, a bit of dried-grated cheese and a bit of “Stir Fry” veggies... one pot, one swoop. Something to put into the stomach. When it was “cooked”... almost, I sat and stuffed it down the throat. Fine. Vits. Food. Done! Washing-up and... I made a point of spending the rest of the evening in Yonah's room (still feeling HORRIBLE about leaving him alone for so long and in that dampness). - A couple of things that came from today though... I learnt that Rita's July rent cheque still hasn't been cashed (I TOLD HER but... never mind... and it gave me the assurance about my “juggled budget” for this and next month... I'm NOT going to fret... I'll pay August in August, September in September... AND... ultimately, I managed to figure out 100 gals of OIL... MAYBE BEFORE AUGUST... “maybe”. - ANYWAYYyyyy... and mean-while, Rita got a delivery of oil today (I saw the truck); says she, a quarter-tank (for her) came to almost 250$!!! Says she, Avery's charging 2,69/gal, says she, she's paying 2,40/gal because she's on some “pre-pay” or what-ever. I'll have to call them tomorrow... or... to find out how much 100 gals will cost me. IF I can get 100 THIS month and 100 next, with the quarter tank I have, it MIGHT FILL the tank! OK. That's NOT an entire Winter, but it's a start and it'll hold until November when HEAP comes (?). No matter... I'm NOT looking forward to another COLD September, October and most of November! And this Winter, should Yonah and I still be about... WE WILL NOT BE CHILLED TO THE CORE! ESPECIALLY NOT YONAH! - Well then, the remaining time this evening was passed with me, with clip-board and paper, trying to figure out how to lay the wires for Nancy... (and now... caught-up...) - 21.41 NOTES: I'm going to have to wait until 22.00 to take the next round of vit.C now... and for “meal” I tossed some borscht into the sauce pan, 3 eggs, some grated dry cheese and a bit of veggies. Haven't have ice cream or anything because I was so late eating and I HAD to spend some time with Yonah... and so I did... sketching Nancy's house and trying to figure the configuration of this “electric fence” (and it's driving me nuts!). - Sadly, I do believe Yonah isn't “pleased” with me tonight, but I did manage a couple of “cuddles” and kisses at “seepie-nigh-night time. And tonight... radiator! It's expected to drop to 13° so his radiator is set to “3”. - In other quick note: I BELIEVE I FIGURED HOW TO GET 100 GALS OF OIL THIS MONTH (or next)! Pay the rent from the August income... and then September's from September's income... and I MIGHT be able to get by with 200 gals before October! It's still going to be tight but... we'll be warm for the cold before November! That 200 gals might make a FULL tank! I can hope... AND I can keep current with other expenses! WOOHOO! - As for the Walmarde shopping... Well... Yonah needs a doctor too so.. we'll work at it. - Right now... 21.47, time for nosh, a quick Brit, tonight's 3gC (oh, and this being back up to 11g/day... it's playing havoc with my stomach and bowels again... I can tolerate 10... 11 is obviously “pushing”, but I'm determined to keep the 11 until end of month!) - Tomorrow I'll have to work on “filling in the blanks” from the notations I've made. This day is just making me sick... almost literally because I'm sneezing! Fatigue? Quite possible... I didn't have a snooze today and I was SO tired this morning! MAYBE (I doubt it) I'll sleep tonight? I have to get up to Nancy's tomorrow to work on that fence... I OUGHT to be “awake” for that... I imagine. - 23.03 Two episodes of “QI”... I had ice cream with tonight's pills (yeah... milk-fat with pills... good to line the stomach but “absorption”? Oh fukkit! Not much choice in the matter and maybe at least SOME of it will get into the system. Yonah's radiator is on. His house is clean. The rest of this shit-box is “settled”... Now to see if I get ANY “rest” at all tonight... again. And tomorrow? If that comes... it'll come when it gets here.
Fri.23.Jul: 9.05 Getting “caught-up” again this morning because, with all the fuckerie of yesterday after-noon-into-evening... well... and throwing everything off by and hour... actually TWO hours, and the pre-occupation with budget and bull-shit... - I did manage to get to sleep last night. One loo-trip. (Yonah's JUST having breakfast!) And I didn't even get any reading in before putting the light out... I finished the “QI”, got up brushed teeth and went to bed! - This morning? DEAR Yonah was up and about and calling at about 5.00 already! I woke, I heard, I COULDN'T get up! So I waited for the “6.00” alarm and... up, and roll! Waters, coffee, a bit of internet, and this morning, I crushed the egg shells in the freezer, started to “heat” some for Yonah (for the calcium) but they browned! As they were heating, I was reading... and it's specified that they're not supposed to “brown”... just dry and bake long enough to sterilise! BUT, the OTHER method is to BOIL for 10 minutes. SO I mixed some of what I had left from the freezer with most of the “browned” and BOILED for about 15 minutes. They've since been rinsed and are in the sieve... to drain and dry. - Looked-up a bit more on these “electric pet fences” and I'm just figuring it's going to HAVE to be a “double loop”... Hopefully, there's enough wire for all of this. And the location of the “transmitter”... it shouldn't be out-side but that's where Paul had suggested yesterday. - Anyway... I'm going to hang about the house this morning, just in case FS calls back (though I doubt they will... so I'll just have to keep following-up. Oh well... *** I HAD TO UN-INSTALL AND RE-INSTALL “SKYPE” ON THE BLOODY “LG/ATT” PHONE AGAIN LAST NIGHT. AND I TESTED IT... ALL BEFORE GOING TO BED... IT WORKED LAST NIGHT... SO WE SHALL SEE HOW IT GOES, IF IT GOES, TODAY! PISSES ME RIGHT-THE-FUCK-OFF!*** - And so... I need a moment of lie-down... it's “getting to me” again... that BANG, WASH FATIGUE! (And I have digging to do today!) - 22.15 Well... I DID go up to Nancy's to measure the wire for the “electric fence” and according to the diagrams in the manual, AND and nice lady named “Ann” at the manufacturer's a double loop is the ONLY configuration that will work the way Nancy wants it...
More to follow about chatting with Paul... (Saturday 24th 13.30 CATCH-UP!) - OK... let's see how much of yesterday I can recall (my mind being what it is these days...) After a morning of sun-shine and trying to figure out that “electric fence”, I FINALLY got out of here and DROVE up to Paul and Nancy's after “mid-day pills”... at about 13.00. When I arrived, the cars were in the drive but the place was completely silent so I got right to “measuring”... and as I was so-doing, Paul came out of the house. Well, we chatted about what “The Boss” wants and he was SO hesitant about so much of it that we both decided that I'd just roll the wire to see if there's enough to make, at the very least, a “double round” around the back yard (and there's JUST enough, but we shall see how it works when it's laid properly... I believe it SHOULD be “just” enough). It actually was pleasant talking with him and as I rolled, he went about “weed-wacking”. Of course, AS I began, there was a slight drizzle, but thankfully, it didn't last long and I was able to get the wire rolled-out and back and... we agreed to wait until Monday when “The Boss” was back and she could clearly state her wishes and we could work from there. (I'm just glad that I got to talk with the company and have it confirmed that the “double” is really the “only” solution, not to mention that “Ann” mentioned that running the wire along the house could cause “over-charging” of the “signal” to the collar AND could possibly cause the signal to penetrate into the house which would, effectively, keep Jack away from the wall. Nothing beats being properly “armed” with information. And so, about 14.00, I was back in the house... and HAPPY... particularly because I was back with YONAH! - As for HIM... he wasn't eating well all day. He was his usual “playful” self, and had his usual “energy”, but I noticed he wasn't eating as much as he normally does in a day. So I was pre-occupied with that all day... and into the night as well. I felt better being around, whether he wanted to play or not. He does seem more at ease when I'm in the house, whether or not in his room. He “knows” when I'm around and when I'm not. Precious little guy. - As for the rest of the time, other than chatting with “Ann”, I really didn't “do” much with the day. (I should have, at least, Hoovered, but really, although I was feeling better, after the “activities” at Tante Nancy's I was tired... and I'm remembering that, for that month on the 11g/dayC, I was ALWAYS “fatigued” so, I'll just attribute it to that.) - At about 16.00, having NO idea what I'd have to call a “meal”... I decided to take 3 of the “old” eggs and beat them into some flour... for... dumplings! I was in the mood and had the ingredients... and there were 4 franks left in the freezer and the veggies, so... into a pot of boiling water went the dumplings (I miss my old “paddle board”... speatzle would have been nice... I looked to see if I couldn't “order” a replacement but as it is with almost everything that USED to work properly, everything is “improved design”... in other words... total shit. More of my “life-time” gone... and irreplacable. Oh well... at my age, it doesn't matter.) When they were floating, I seasoned the water, added the franks and veggies and by 17.00 was at table... for a 30-minute “dinner”. By 18.00... all done! - I started settling-in in Yonah's room but, as time does now, it CAREENED by and away... and as I tried to get into Yonah's Journal, well... I did manage to get the most recent photos/videos coded into the pages, added another 6 pages to the future photos and... it was time to change waters and get the day wrapped... Yonah tucked-in for the night. - MY regret... time away from Yonah and NOT enough time together with him. BUT, I'm happy time away was only but about an hour... I'm going to HAVE to get to Walmarde soon and I dread (as always) THAT time away. (I'm pondering Sunday... first thing in the morning, if weather cooperates. If not Sunday... Monday... either way... first thing in the morning... up to Walmarde, quick stop at Hannaford's and BACK TO YONAH! I'm pondering.) - Well then... by 20.30... Yonah was tucked-in, the house was settled and I was preparing to sit for night pills, a Brit, a shower and bed! - As it turned-out... I had night pills, 2 episodes of “QI”... DID get the shower in. But as I say, “shower” was NOT an “optional item” today. The 11gC is “taking its toll” on the bowels again and, although there weren't any “incidents”, it's the constant “light flow” and not being able to “properly clean” after a sit on the carsie. Still, the shower was welcome... and I have to get more bathing shampoo! - By the time I was done with the shower, I was EXHAUSTED... (And I'm going to attribute “exhausted” to the C...) I'd quickly jotted a couple of “notes” on the day's events onto this Journal page on the lap-top and REALLY just COULDN'T give the day another minute. By about 23.15, I was in bed, had a bit of a read and... LIGHTS OUT! - (Addendum: No call from FS today... Perhaps Monday? Or I'll get a “notice”. August is promising to be crazed enough already, with the shift of budget... Oh well... Why not add to it? Eh? Another year, another year older... the bull-shit will keep this old brain stressed and I should be just fine with that... yeah... right... what-ever.) - Another day... done, gone, finished... “Good night. I LOVE you.” to Yonah whose radiator fends-off tonight's threatened 12° and... That's that for this!
Sat.24.Jul: 10.45 Nice morning. Quite sunny and comfortably warm. And the morning routine is done... Sadly, though, I heard Yonah calling, this morning, at the “usual” hour, which was MUCH, MUCH too early for me to get out of bed, obviously, because I heard him, but just couldn't wake up! Then came the “7.00” alarm and when I heard it, I realised that poor Yonah was awake for hours already, and it was WAY DUE... curtains, light block, water changes, food freshening... So at last, I got up and... I've been “rolling along” from since. - “Whites” got washed and are on the rack in the shower. I'm still having morning coffee but have done with the “internet” of the morning. I'm dressed... in “fresh” clothing (save the jeans which are the “work” pair but I don't care). And I've minced more of the “Tante Nancy treats”, cleaned the little dishes from Yonah's previous little house and... about an hour ago, Mr. “Mayor” and an entourage, were across the road “in the park”, arranging tables and putting up signs of some sort, on poles. I've NO idea what the signs are, and I've NO interest in them because I've NO intention of going over there today for the “fête”, as it were. (It's going to be an annoyance, keeping away from them... “'them”, I'm almost rather sure. Hopefully they'll keep their distance. Bad enough they'll be parking in the drive... with-out so much as a “considerate” mention. And when I want a smoke... well... we'll just have to see how it works out in the long run. I'm just hopeful that, at least, SOMEBODY has the good sense to leave well-enough alone... and me too!) - Meanwhile, I have “Notes” that need to be expounded-upon from last night. I was EXHAUSTED when it came time (approx. 22.00) to shower and get to bed. So I “jotted”. - IT WAS ABOUT MID-NIGHT WHEN I WAS ACTUALLY AWAKENED BY THE SOUND OF... A MOUSE... TRYING TO GET INTO AND OUT OF THE JUICE JUG IN THE KITCHEN... TWICE! I HEARD IT, GOT UP, WENT TO THE KITCHEN TO FIND IT HAD GOTTEN IN AND OUT! I'LL HAVE TO WORK ON THAT! This morning, I still can't say for certain, but it appeared or seemed a mouse had gotten back up to Yonah's food... so there's more that needs to be done about that... today. - Meanwhile, Yonah's just had breakfast and I'm ready for a snooze! I was exhausted last night, woke a bit weary... have been “fatigued” this morning... and I don't doubt it's the 11g of C playing into it. I've discovered my body's “max tolerance”... 10g. But I'll keep the 11 going for a while longer... at least a week. - Feeling? Not “good”, no “bad”. “Common” and “typical”, I might say. But not “painful”... yet. - So, 10.58 and the pee-oh closes in about 45 minutes... I'm going to snooze for about 20 of those... now. - 12.49 I've had my almost 30-minute snooze, from 11.00 until 11.28. The alarm had been set for 11.30 but DEAR Mr. Yonah Taube decided that 28 minutes was sufficient and again... AGAIN... he came to wake me, landing on my leg, scooting up to my shoulder. When I opened my eyes, there he was, staring at me as if to say “Don't you think it's about time to get up and got on with this day?” - AND TODAY... AS I HAD MY LITTLE LUNCH (2 English muffins and this morning's coffee) HE HAD A SPLASH IN THE POOL! THE SUN HAS BEEN SHINING AND HE HAD A “BASK” ON HIS “LOFT”... FOLLOWED BY A SPLASH IN HIS POOL... FOLLOWED BY (as I type) A SNOOZE IN THE MOSS! If nothing else, I HAVE to be comforted by seeing that the thoughts and decisions to include these things in his house were correct! Perches from trees, sand from the river, moss from the woods, white pine trees, a little pool with fountain and river rocks... and one obviously content little dove! Just... WOW! Of course, when I see him, as he is, laying on the moss, eyes closed, so comfortable, I keep thinking of what would be, were I not here, making sure that all in his house is maintained... making sure we have “together time” (which he's appreciated so much today and we've had quite a bit of and will have quite a bit more of as the day rolls along). Yes, I'm sure Nancy's heart is in the right place, her intentions are pure and honest. BUT... it truly IS as people have said: Yonah is “spoiled”. And I, most certainly, do NOT believe that ANYBODY else would give him as much care and LOVE! It puts me in a different point of view, perspective on my own well-being. - I'm back to the 11g/day, at least for another week, because of the “discomfort” and slight “discolouration” of expectorants of late. And today, indeed, I “know” I'm back to the 11g. I was feeling quite fine on the 10g/day and I'll go back to that soon enough. But one of these days, soon... a serious search for an MD who can actually “follow” what's going on will be pursued. Not for me... But now I have a little LIFE I'm responsible for... and I made a vow... and I'll make sure I keep good, that vow. - OK. Meanwhile... that's this morning... and now... the lap-top reads 13.01 and a glance across the Hill shows... THEY'RE COMING! The tables are set-up, the chairs are arriving, the cars are rolling by (and no doubt, parked in the drive). Mr. and Mrs. “Mayor” are, of course, established. Quick count... 9 attendees. I can't see who and more-so... I don't care. I only “care” about when they'll leave... and I hope it's 16.00 or so. Although, as long as nobody comes by to inconvenience me in any manner, I really don't care how long they “hang”. Just stay away from my door. (I'll be stepping out the back for a smoke in a bit... hopefully I won't be harassed by the Vermonter. Really, I'm just fed-up with all of this bull-shit. OK. It's only one day and it's been 2 years since the last one of these, but... I'm fed-up...) - I have yesterday's stuff to fill in and some more work on Yonah's Journal to get to... The house should have been Hoovered yesterday... it wasn't... but... never mind all that now... moving along... - 18.13 Well... ANOTHER ERRONEOUS CHAT WITH... The “picnic” WAS and MOST of what I wanted to know was... the “rumours”. OH! One thing I learnt was “the talk”. “Alden is SO fortunate to have him in the house because he, pretty much, takes care of it all.” “He takes care of business.” “He's very serious.” “He's very quiet.” “But he loves to talk.” For the most part, “STELLAR” reviews. I'm in the “IN”, as it were. So... fine and dandy. THE BAD NEWS: The street light was discussed. “THERE'S A WORK ORDER IN ON IT!” BUT THE WORK ORDER HAS BEEN “IN” FOR ABOUT 2 WEEKS... “THEY JUST NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT.” YEAH? I'VE MADE IT KNOWN I'M GOING TO BLAST THE OFFICE IF THEY PUT IT BACK ON THE WAY IT WAS... SO LET THAT GET AROUND! (I'm already composing my “formal complaint” AND a follow-up because I expect to get shit on it. Anyway... I'm fucking late with meal again! Left-overs in a pot on the hob. I'm sorry already. - BUT FOR THE MOST PART? A PERFECT DAY WITH YONAH WHO AGAIN... when I laid down for second snooze, came to wake me up... just before the alarm! HE'S AMAZING! - And now... I've taken the 3gC so I have to eat... and then get on with what-ever. Sadly, I got SOME of the journalling done but NOTHING CLOSE to what I'd hoped. - 22.44 Got the vit.C and naproxen down by 21.45, 2 episodes of QI, 4 PopTarts and a beaker of water... Tonight's dropping to17° and not 12° as claimed last night. But it's supposed to rain for most. And tomorrow morning, I'm pondering a roll to Walmarde (and possibly Hannaford's) so we'll see how THAT turns out. Eh? Meanwhile... off to teeth and bed! AND the hope that we either have NO MICE tonight OR a catch (or 2)! (Part of why I want to get to Walmarde... kitchen roll for Yonah and mothballs for up-stairs!)
Sun.25.Jul: 20.46 I'm only JUST NOW getting to this today! And it's been non-stop, no snoozes, no breaks!
It all began, as mornings do, with me getting out of bed just before 7.00. Poor Yonah had been “calling” for some time but I was SO tired, having yesterday thrown off by so many hours. I could have stayed in bed for quite some extra time but... my little guy was up and awake and I had plans for the day and wanted to be able to spend time with him this morning! So, I got up, opened his curtains, took the light block down and got to changing waters, tidying his house and having my coffee and such... and then... THEN the “world” interfered and... well... - I checked around for that “scraper/edger” and Tractor Supply, in Plattsburgh, had one on-line! So I rang them and the guy said he had one and he put it aside for me at “Customer Service”! It was 25$... which was a bit more than I'd hoped to spend but... THEY HAD ONE, I WANTED ONE... I said “OK... I'll be there with-in the hour.” and that was that... - I was out of the house and on the road, leaving Yonah with free run of the house, by 10.00. - The trip up was well-enough. The truck ran well, though it was below 3/4 tank. I figured I'd save a bit and get gas in Plattsburgh. (Come to find out... I saved 16¢/gallon! This Stewart's in “Liztown” is run by a bunch of extortionists!) Anyway... I rolled into Plattsburgh, went directly to Tractor Supply, and sure enough, the scraper was right there at “Customer Service”. I took it, paid it and was off to Walmarde! - WHAT a DAMNED disappointment THAT hole has become. Most of the shelves are mostly empty! I DID get moth balls (part of what I'd gone for), and other items I'd wanted. But I had to settle for a “set” of sheets for Yonah's futon, and HAD to settle for “grey” (I was hoping for beige but... as I see, the shade of grey isn't bad at all.) AND, I got TWO pillows just for his futon! Not a bad price, but the quality of everything these days is... well... it is. And, after literally RUNNING through the store (thankfully I know that store now), self-check and OUT the door! - Rolled to Stewart's for gas and FILLED the tank in only 35$! I was thinking it would cost me about 50$, if not more. (I was going to stop at 40$ anyway but... 5$ less... AND a SAVINGS of 16¢/gallon! I was OK with that!) - From there... Hannaford's for another “marathon run”. They had broccoli, “organic”, as “fresh” as could be expected! AND I grabbed the last 3 bricks of coffee on the shelf... Fage yoghurt, and a few more items. (That 15% had been posted to the FS today so THAT made the trip worth the run. And I did get things that weren't on my “list”... though they're always needed in the house.) - BOOM! Self check and OUT AND ON THE ROAD BACK! - I checked the clock when I left... 12.55. I walked in the house and the stove clock read 13.45! (Yes, I was rolling at about 110-115k/h but hey! I NEEDED to get BACK!) - THEN... THEN... OH THEN...
I pulled the truck into the drive at the kitchen door, BOLTED in and went directly to Yonah's room... NO SIGN OF HIM ANY-WHERE THERE-IN! NONE! I “CALLED”... NO REPLY! I LOOKED IN CORNERS, ON SHELVES... NOTHING! SO I STARTED TO LOOK THROUGH THE HOUSE AND WHEN I GOT TO THE LIVING-ROOM... THERE HE W AS... ON THE FUTON! AND NOT HAPPY! I'M THINKING HE MUST HAVE CALLED FOR ME AND WHEN NO REPLY CAME, HE WENT LOOKING FOR ME! WHY HE STAYED IN THE LIVING-ROOM IS, WELL, A MYSTERY, BUT THAT'S HIM... THAT'S YONAH! SO WHEN I WENT TO SIT BESIDE HIM... HE SCOOCHED AWAY TO THE OTHER END, AND TURNED AND JUST STARED AT ME! HE WAS *NOT* HAPPY! I TRIED “I LOVE YOU” BUT HE WASN'T HAVING IT. SO I WENT OUT TO BRING THE PURCHASES IN... I GOT THE GROCERIES PUT UP, THE DRY-GOODS (kitchen and loo roll and such) TO WHERE THEY OUGHT TO BE, GRABBED MY MID-DAY PILLS WITH WATER AND STARTED TO SEASON AND PUT-UP THE LONDON BROIL (5$!!!) I'D GOTTEN AND AS I WORKED AT THE COUNTER... “FLUTTER FLUTTER FLUTTER” BEHIND ME... YONAH WENT BACK TO HIS HOUSE! SO I FINISHED THE MEAT, PUT IT IN THE FREEZER (it's amazing to have TWO roasts, as it were, in the freezer... BEEF!), CLEANED-UP A BIT, PUT HIS SHEETS IN THE BASIN TO SOAK (I wouldn't DARE put them in his room with-out washing them) AND WE CHATTED! It took a while, but he finally allowed a “cuddle” and with-in about an hour... we were OK again! - After a bit, I washed and rinsed the sheets and pillow cases... Oh... did I mention: They're “grey” and I HAD to buy a damned SET! I'd wanted only a beige sheet and matching pillow cases, but the selection of ANY bed-linens was complete SHIT! As I say: MILES of shelves and nothing on them! It's fucking aggravating! Anyway, with a touch of javel, the shade lightened just a touch so they're fine. (And they're off the line, in his room... not quite dry enough to put on, but mostly dry...) Sheets on the line... it was already time for MEAL! So I threw some franks together with some vegetables and noodles... had a “Woopie Pie” for dessert, did the dishes and brought the lap-top into Yonah's room to RE-DO THE BOOKS! - ***** PRAISE THE LORDS, HALLAH-HALLAH-LOO-YEAH! I BALANCED TO THE CENT! (Of course... there are bills left to be paid but... what it is it is and it's July's “budget” and FTW.) ***** - Before I had a chance to realise there was a day... it was time to change the waters and get to the “tuck-in”. - But, messages to and from “Tante Nancy”... I'll go up tomorrow at 9.00... Hopefully I'll be back by noon... 13.00 at the latest! (Hopefully I won't die working on this project... I'm in a bit of “pain” tonight... though the day was PERFECT!) - OH OH OH OH
Before meal, I told Ms. R. that I was going up to “toss moth balls” and she was fine with that. So I did and... AND... THAT FAKE HORNETS' NEST MUST WORK! NOT A SINGLE BUZZER UP THERE... AND IT'S HOT... I MEAN TO SAY... *HOT* UP THERE! So I tossed 3 bags of balls about and came down to get the other 3 bags (for the cellar... though I used one and the other 2 went to the “platform” in the kitchen where I suspect most of the mice are coming in anyway). BUT... as I was coming in from up-stairs I heard Mr. R. on the phone... it sounded as if she was whining... About the moth balls? Well! Fuck you if you're bothered. *I* do NOT want MICE in this house... NOT in MY part anyway... we'll see... I'm sure.
And so, as I say, it was a pain-free day, MUCH accomplished. Tomorrow I'll run to FamDoll for little towels for the arms of the futon (and smokes) and get Nancy's work done and... IF I manage to survive... lock me in for the rest of the week. (I have a lot of re-budget book-keeping to do... e.g. re-writing a page in the ledger... oh well.) - But for tonight, I'm just hoping to make it through. And now it's 21.17, time for tarts, QI... then a shower and off to bed! I feel good about all that got done today... let's hope tomorrow will be productive as well... - And Yonah is all “seepie-nigh-night”... hopefully with-out MICE! - 22.35 BLOODY HELL! ABOUT 5 MINUTES AGO I HEARD A “NOISE” IN YONAH'S ROOM AND FROM THE KITCHEN TABLE, I SHONE THE TORCH IN AT THE FLOOR UNDER HIS HOUSE... AND THERE WAS A MOUSE! A BROWN MOUSE! So the bit of limb that used to be in Yonah's house is now situated so that the mouse can get to the jug where-in there are seeds and bits of PopTart (a mouse got in the other night, at the chocolate bits!). Hopefully, this little bastard will get in, have a snack and will still be in there in the morning! - I'm off to the shower now... Late... and tired. - Forecast for tomorrow... “storms” at about 12.00. I'll have to work quickly! -
Mon.26.Jul: 20.00 (Night pills... on the mark.) WHAT A “WHAT A” DAY THIS HAS BEEN! (Note: Funny, but I “introduced” the music of “Lord Huron” to Theresa and she found “Forever Mine” and sent it in her last e-mail and the radio is playing it OFTEN now. Hmmm...) ANYWAY... let me get to the day here because, well, I'm rather amazed that I've managed it. - It began with the morning call at about 5.30 or 6.00 and I was up and moving by 6.30... Yonah's water's changed AND... THE DISCOVERY OF SEED SHELLS... BEHIND THE FUTON, BEHIND THE CURTAINS... IT WAS A BLOODY-FUCKING MESS! AND ONE OF THEM GOT INTO THE JUG LAST NIGHT, ATE THE POP-TART PIECES AND LEFT! I WAS RIP-ROARING PISSED! SO I TORE THE BOXES IN THE CORNER APART, LIFTED THE CARPET, CLEANED THE SEEDS FROM UNDER THAT AND SPRAYED THE FUCKING FLOOR WITH LYSOL! NEXT... THE HOOVER CAME OUT AND I HIT THAT CORNER AND BEHIND THE FUTON... HARD! (And didn't give a shit about next-door, to be sure... my “considerate” days are GONE!) I was then determined to “fuck the budget” all the more... No more... NO MORE with these mice! So... I THREW me together and BOLTED for the truck... and into town! Aubuchon's... I was going to make a trap with the “construction mesh” but I wasn't in the mood to get into all that this morning. FUKKIT! - At Aubuchon's, it was AMAZING INDESCRIBABLY WONDERFUL! THE PLEXI IS DOWN AND THE ASST. MANAGERESSE GREETED ME WITH “HOW ARE YOU? WE HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN SO LONG!” AND WE CHATTED ABOUT ALL THE BULL-SHIT OF LATE AND HOW “HUMAN” THE STORE IS AGAIN. AND I GOT THE MOUSE TRAP AND A LARGE BAG OF SONG-BIRD SEED (partly for Yonah, of course... as the “base” for his food but also because the birds in the back were OUT). AS I LEFT, THE MANAGERESSE SAID “I HOPE TO SEE YOU AGAIN SOON! WE LIKE IT WHEN YOU COME IN!” (Imagine that? Imagine that!) According to the receipt, I lft there at 9.04 and rolled down to FamDoll for smokes and a towel for Yonah's futon arms (that I'll have to cut to fit because they don't have stock!). I asked Casey about the stock: Retailers can't get people to work in the ware-houses, can't get drivers to deliver stock... this “Unemployment Bull-Shit” extra cash is KILLING EVERYBODY! FUCKING MORONS! (Thank the current “regime”... a.k.a. “government”... We, as a nation, are SO FUCKED! And so, according to THAT receipt, I was out of there at 9.21. First thing on a Monday morning and I was out and about and... Back at the “home”... I walked in, threw the scrubs in to wash (because... well... just because) and looked at the new mouse trap... metal box with 2 entrances... the box claims it can hold 30 mice... they haven't seen the mice in this house... though they're not “rats”, they're not THAT tiny, but I'll be happy if it holds 2 at this point... 2 trapped is 2 less... oh, and the directions say that “release” should be “at least 2 miles from”... I'd have to bring them up the main to the bridge! So I put some seeds in it too get it ready for tonight (I've since added some PopTart just to “sweeten” the temptation), washed, rinsed and hung the scrubs... - I put the new sheets and pillow cases on Yonah's futon... AND WHAT A NICE DIFFERENCE THAT LIGHTER GREY MAKES IN THE WHOLE ROOM! (I could have had a lie-down but.....) IT WAS TIME TO ROLL UP TO TANTE NANCY'S... WORK THERE BEGAN AT ABOUT 10.00... The “edger” works well-enough BUT THE HANDLE CREAKS! IF THAT THING BREAKS I'LL BE FLYING TO PLATTSBURGH AND BITCHING ON-LINE, TO BE SURE! The day was MISERABLY HOT AND MISERABLY HUMID and I forgot to consider ROOTS from the woods! So it took me from 10.00 until about 14.00 to get most of the FIRST line in. Nancy kept tabs on my “hydration” and offered lunch and sandwiches and all sorts of things but I wanted to keep working. I was HOPING to get ALL of the wire in today but... when she came out at about 13.30 or so and called “Isn't it really too hot to keep working on that?” I was about “done”. Thankfully, I'd taken the after-noon vit.C (but not the D and E) before I'd left so I had that running, but I really was at the end of my “tolerance” of the heat and humidity. Nancy didn't mind that I stopped then (AND I WANTED TO GET BACK TO YONAH! ALL THOSE HOURS AWAY YESTERDAY AND THEN AGAIN TODAY... TOO MUCH... for both of us... to be sure). So I had a drink of ice water and she FINALLY gave me the name and address and phone number of the vet in Queensbury! I was ON MY WAY HOME... at about 14.15. - I got in the door, kisses for Yonah and I immediately hit the shower! OH, did I ever need that! Just to be clean. (Better too, considering I worked, sitting in the grass... ticks.) - By then, I WANTED to get the potatoes and onions chopped and put into the freezer so... yep... ALL the potatoes and onions are now chopped, wrapped and in the freezer, 2 bags each... for the 2 pot-roasts to follow... one of these days. - I mean... it was non-stop... even after all the work in the heat today! - I have to admit, I was “tight” in the chest most of the day, but the work DOES me a world of good, over-all. - OK, but then... “'meal”... 16.15. Franks, vegetables, noodles again... but tonight I had ice cream after. And after meal? ALL the washing-up was done and I had time with YONAH... AT LONG LAST!!! BUT HE'S OBVIOUSLY “UPSET” WITH ME (and I don't blame him). Yes, we “played” and little, and now (20.31) as I sit here at the work-table, with the desk lamp on because it's DARK already and there's a storm some-where out there, we had a little thunder, a bit of lightning earlier (oddly, I'd stepped out for a smoke just as Nancy and Paul were coming home from dining at Nancy's brother's... as the lightning flashed). BUT, thankfully, there's a cool breeze coming through the house, the rain stopped... we might have more through the night and into tomorrow morning (I don't mind... more time with YONAH!). - In other “news”... as I sat to jot notes on the day, at 14.56... Ms. VT next-door was playing her “boom-boom”... She's another of those “Classic Rock from the 60's” sorts. It wasn't “loud” but it was audible in the kitchen... And YES, I CAN COMMENT SINCE I HAVE THE RADIO IN YONAH'S ROOM ON ALL DAY AND NOBODY BUT YONAH CAN HEAR IT! (Fuck people... truly... just fukkem... fukkemALL!) - And... I looked at the new “bill” for Spectrum... THE FUCKERS JACKED THE COST UP TO 93$! I've posted my review on TrustPilot already, but today there were 3 others... all with the same bull-shit. (So my post suggests/recommends class action and an investigation into the “monopoly” and “scam/scheme”. The WORST... there truly isn't anybody else to go to except Hughes who are “satellite” which means a dish on the house, never mind... snow and all sorts of bull-shit here. - One other NOTE:
I looked to see about a “COLA” for Soc.Sec. this year... Rumour is between 5 and 6 PER-CENT! Not a YUGE difference but according to ... we haven't had one of THOSE since the 1980s! Well... it won't make my life wonderful... especially since Spectrum's pulled it already, but... we shall see. - It's already 20.40 and Yonah's been on his “door perch”, watching me type, and it's gone dark out-side so... Waters are changed, his house is tidy... time to wrap the day... for BOTH of us... and I have to do his Journal for today too.. BLESSED LITTLE ONE! - 22.35 Off to bed. One “QI”. I'm done! - Oh... and Spectrum has THROTTLED me! Charge more, deliver less. (And a “mention” on Twitter... Fuktards.)
Tue.27.Jul: 9.01 and on the 9.00 mark... “FL” knocks on the next-door with a cheerie “Good mahnin!” WTAF? And I'm off to Tante Nancy's for a brief while before the rains at 13.00... These folks need to drop dead some-where... AND there's a “dark blue 'short bus' parked out front and an old guy in a matching outfit (uniform) just took a black lab on a lead out. Oh... gee... I wonder... I do. - Oh... last night's mouse trap? There's a trail of sunflower seed shells on the floor... and no mouse in the trap. - It's about to turn “fucking filthy”... - 20.32 Well... It didn't rain this morning, but I got the day off from Tante Nancy because of the “threat”. OK. So the “storm” came through at about 13.00 and it really hasn't stopped raining since but... I GOT ANOTHER ENTIRE DAY WITH... YONAH! AND DID WE EVER GET THINGS ACCOMPLISHED! To begin... I have ALL the lavage that I wanted to wash, done. (Sadly, it's still soaking wet because of the weather but it's in Yonah's room with the radiator... on “4” tonight because it IS a touch on the chilly-damp side and there's NO reason why he should have to be “chilly-damp”! - THEN... I GOT 2 LOAVES of bread baked... I have yet to try it but the dough was “wet”... too much yoghurt... and 6 eggs. - And I boiled 6 of the “farm eggs” that Vivian gave me on Saturday and Yonah had (precious little) egg yolk today too! - THEN... on to making the mouse trap from the “mesh”. It turned out pretty OK. Larger than I'd planned and there was a lot more work to it than I'd anticipated. It's now in Yonah's room, at the “door” end of the futon with some PopTart in it. How it works will be seen... or not, but it's done and I'm relieved by/with that much. - Break for “meal”... veggie-angel hair with salmon, and ice cream. - THEN I cut the towel I'd gotten yesterday, in half, and “hemmed” the raw edges. - And the mouse trap and the towels... done in Yonah's room! - And he was OBVIOUSLY HAPPY WITH THE COMPANY TODAY! - OH... the Fucking Landlord was at the house today... this morning... PRECISELY AT 9.00... NEXT DOOR, OF COURSE. (I learnt later, he'd “fixed the shower”. AND said he has to come back to measure the window “because it's cracked and needs to be replaced before Winter because Section 8 won't approve and they'll hire somebody to do the work and they won't go for the cheapest”. (She's a regular Vermonter... and I had to smile because I'm sitting here with a non-functioning stove for almost 2 years and a few other items and... never mind... “Karma”. But she's annoying me with her demands and “entitlements”. Oh well... “Fucking Landlord” is getting “just desserts”.) - Of a note: as I was putting the sewing things back, I noticed “shelled seeds” in the box! UP ON THE SHELF AND THE FUCKING MICE GOT INTO THAT AS WELL! I'm getting to the point where, if it doesn't get better, I'll go for the glue or other miserable traps. I can't tolerate much more of this. The other trap is “baited” tonight again, but this time only with the PopTarts so no seeds about. Let's see what the morning brings... since THIS morning started with more Hoovering! FUCK! - And now, the night has fallen and little Yonah is “tucked-in”. I'll be trying to get into bed soon too... I took “med” at 20.20, as I was changing water and tidying. - Other-wise, other than some “pressure-like” discomfort in the chest and a transient “Woops” (light-headedness)... momentary, as it was, the day was one of what could be called “good”. Not “great” but good. And tomorrow... back up to Tante Nancy's and HOPEFULLY finish the job! - Amen... - 23.24
Wed.28.Jul: (Form notes... On Fri.30.Jul: 19.34 because my fingers were DESTROYED by all the digging to lay the wire for “Tante Nancy”!!!)
21.21 My fingers are do sore from 4 hours of laying wire again today... from noon to 16.00! - I was out of the house by 10.00 but go “caught” in “VT's” BS again... Honestly! But the reason I still get into it is because I'm still “learning” just “WHAT” she truly is... and it ain't really pretty. One “item” she mentioned today was that, when Alden came to “fix her shower”, he wrote, on her wall, “IN INK!” that there had been 3/4 tank of heating oil. “HE'S TRYING TO INTIMIDATE ME!” she barked. “And I told him he won't get away with it.” Then she added some more of her “I'm personal friends with Bernie Sanders!” So I told her that Bernie's in VT and not NY and that they really should be wise and keep it in “New England”, since Bernie won't come to NY because there are people here who would be happy to see him dead (as I've heard about his old “ilk” in Bklyn). “He'll help me politically.” she says. Ah... yes... Another one of the typical Vters... “entitled” and delusional. I can't help but smile though... Alden had the opportunity to have Marsha in that flat, but VT showed-up with “Section 8”... 600$ instead of the 450$ he usually charges. Ka-CHING! Well... now HE'LL pay for his greed. And I should think he already is. (For everything I've not bitched about... he'll pay... MUCH more. I've NO sympathy.) - As for the work at Tante Nancy's... I GOT ALMOST TO THE HOUSE ON THE RETURN AND... RAN SHORT OF WIRE! ABOUT 25ft! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! She's OBVIOUSLY NOT happy... She asked “Why was enough when you measured and it isn't now?” And “Why are there so many flags? There weren't that many flags before.” The problem is, she asks questions but doesn't really WANT the answers. I started to tell her that I had to work around roots (which I'd mentioned before) and that the wire doesn't run in perfectly straight lines because of it. And, there are more flags because I lined where BOTH runs are and that each has to be 5ft apart. But never mind... SHE ASKED IF I COULD PULL IT UP AND RE-LAY THE WIRE! BUT, she DID give me a cheque... for 100$ and noted “Partial” on it. (I'M MOST SERIOUSLY THINKING OF NOT EVEN BOTHERING WITH IT. EITHER TEARING IT UP AND TOSSING IT OR SIMPLY HOLDING ONTO IT AS A REMINDER... “LINDA RUBO”... AGAIN. It's not like I didn't really anticipate this shit. So, when I left this evening, she gave me a “bag” of frozen “shark steaks”. She says she needs room in her freezer. I don't know... I accepted and don't know why I just didn't say “No thanks. I'm not fond of shark.” (It isn't “kosher” anyway. But now I'm stuck with them... or, I'll have to think of some way to “use” them ... perhaps for the birds? I don't know. They're in the freezer here now. And I don't have all that much room either.) SO, I told her I'd look for more wire... and the very moment I got back into the house, I went directly to the internet... Found the exactly wire and called Willsboro Hardware who doesn't carry it. Tried Aubuchon but nobody there answers the damned phone. Walmart and Amazon have it... but earliest delivery is 4 August. So when I sent a message telling Nancy that I'd order it, she said she'd try through Chewy. Fine. Next came the message “On the truck for delivery”. Fine... She said she'd pay extra for over-night... As she said, “10 or 20$ extra is fine. If I can't have a safe place for Jack, I'm not going away. I've already paid 4000$ so the extra isn't that much.” She's right, but... I'm feeling she's pissed with me. As if it's my fault. Oh well... - To be honest, I'M FUCKING EXHAUSTED! SLIGHT PAIN IN THE UPPER-RIGHT SHOULDER AND BREAST TONIGHT. I've no time to be concerned about all this shit. My fingers are so sore I can't type, I dread trying to bathe. I put in a LOT of work in those 8 hours and if she wants better? Hire somebody who does that shit for a living. Let THEM tell her what's what... or let THEM hack, chop, saw, dig roots. (As I say, she won't lose her 100$. I'm SERIOUSLY not about to “accept” it anyway... it's NOT part of my “budget”.) - And about the shower... I NEED... NO SHIT... “NEED” A SHOWER tonight! I HATE this shower in this shit-box to begin with and between the exhaustion and the pain in the fingers... I'm just in a MISERABLY FOUL MOOD ABOUT IT ALL... - (And I'm HOPING her wire doesn't arrive tomorrow... I need time for these fingers to heal AND I WANT TIME WITH YONAH!!!) - In other news... I'M FUCKING EXHAUSTED NOW BECAUSE I WAS FUCKING EXHAUSTED WHEN I WOKE THIS MORNING! THERE WAS A MOUSE THAT HAD TO BE RELEASED... AT MID-FUCKING-NIGHT LAST! I heard the “rattling” in the trap and when I went to look... sure enough. So I walked about the house trying to figure what to do with it at that hour... and decided I HAD to put it out! So I walked over to the “park”, almost to Demings' place, and let it out there. WHAT GRINDS ME: THERE WERE SUNFLOWER SEEDS IN THE TRAP! I PUT POP TART IN SO THE SHIT BROUGHT IT'S OWN SEEDS AND I WANT TO KNOW WHERE THOSE ARE COMING FROM! SHIT! Anyway... I re-set the trap for the night... we'll see how it works tonight again. - Meanwhile... I'M OFF TO THE BLOODY SHOWER! I'VE NO CHOICE TONIGHT... WITH ALL THE WORKING IN THE DIRT AND GRASS AND SUCH. - Tomorrow will take care of itself when it arrives.
Thu.29.Jul: 8.19 THIS is NOT how I saw today running, but this IS the way it IS running... and not as I'd prefer. - Let's start with last night... Yes, I DID get a shower, and a some-what cleansing shower. I say “some-what” because I had all to do to stay awake for and in it. Not to mention, my thumb is cracked-open and the dirt under the nails of the sore fingers won't come out. But, there was water pressure, so that was nice. And by 22.30 I was in bed. Worthlessly... EVER HOUR AT QUARTER PAST THE HOUR, FROM 0.15 (light when out at 23.00) UNTIL, I RECALL, 3.15, THE FEET, BOTH, AND THE RIGHT THIGH... *CONTRACTIONS* !!! HORRIBLY!!! I HAD TO GET UP AND OUT OF BED FOR ALL OF THEM! AND THE SOCKS AND BACK BRACE WERE WORTHLESS AGAINST THEM! So this morning, I'm ready to get back into bed and forget about this day (but I can't). - I heard my alarms and “couldn't” get up. Woke again, to the sheet at my neck, covered by the Hudson Bay. It was THAT sort of night. But at 7.00 (on the bed-room clock), I heard Yonah and couldn't stay in bed so... up I got and... Coffee on, fingers still SORE this morning... I went in to open Yonah's curtains and lift the boards... A BLOODY-FUCKING MOUSE HAD GOTTEN IN AGAIN, LAST NIGHT, AND SHREDDED THE KITCHEN ROLL... UNDER THE POOL! JOLLY! So the pool had to be semi-disassembled to change that. I don't mind though, because it could have stood a change, but... NOT THIS morning. Oh well. So I set to that with the usual “morning routine”. (Honestly... Yonah is in a fairly GOOD mood this morning so it lightens my heart and soul. As long as he's happy, my time on this Earth is GREAT!) And, well then... a check of the mouse trap and surely enough, a “resident”. Well? I wanted to water Yonah's trees since I was “at it”... when I lifted the container of river water, the “floor” under it was damp... when I got it to the kitchen counter... A BLOODY LEAK! ANOTHER TRIP TO WALMARDE... eventually! I emptied it... on trees and plants so all got watered this morning. NEXT! Yonah's house-keeping done, plants watered, I brought this morning's “resident” out to the back and set it free in the “wood-pile”. Honestly, were I of a different sort, I'd've most-likely just flushed it... BUT I'LL BE FUCKED-AND-DAMNED IF I'LL BECOME ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE WORTHLESS SHIT-SAX WHO DO SUCH THINGS! When I opened the trap, it looked about, curious and such, and finally decided to climb out and scurried into the leaves. They truly are cute, and clean, bright pink little feet. And this one, as the previous, is the regular mice I'm used to seeing: brownish, and looking like a mouse. The first one caught was dark grey, HUGE eyes... still... I'm growing annoyed... they're getting into Yonah's and I MUST figure a way to STOP THAT! - Oh well and Oh Kay... all of that is done. And the next item this morning, as I type with almost-raw fingers... Tante Nancy! My last “message” to her, last evening, was asking when the wire is due, so I can get there and finish the job. As by the moment... no further info is available. I'm some-what annoyed but maybe she'll stop en her route to where-ever she goes first thing in the morning, and “inform”... I can't really care and I'm HOPING it's not due until later this evening or even tomorrow. Yes, I feel terrible that I couldn't finish yesterday, yes, I understand she's under some stress with Paul becoming “forgetful”... I'm annoyed that Marsha felt it necessary to tell how Lucy had run into the road yesterday... Biddy... and I remember these items when I remember being asked “Can you change the way it is?” (meaning: dig-up all that wire, RE-dig ALL around the yard) and “Why are there two rows of so many flags? It was like that the last time.” BUT... “typical” as it is, particularly of women, as I begin to explain, “I'll never understand all that.” FUUUUUUCK YOU! - Anyway... there's the morning and I have to get into town... smokes and veggies... and think of “meals” to come. (I have “swordfish steaks”... from Tante Nancy... frozen, in a bag, like the fish Ms. Madame Fuklin used to get. I have to figure how to “cook” them... and there's some salmon in the fridge... but I need veggies and stuff... and I don't want to go out... I WANT to go back to sleep... but I need a BM and... well...) - Yeah... there's the morning. And I have to “catch-up” with yesterday... Notes jotted... and my fingers are getting sore again. Oh well... oh well... oh... -
15.08 FUCKED THE DAY! (Chat with VT to start) THEN... FOAMY INSULATION ON THE DRYER VENT AND W/D FROM THE BASEMENT. AND THE SHIT'S ALL OVER MY HANDS! FUCK! NOT HAPPY. FUCK! AND NO WORD FROM TANTE NANCY ABOUT THE WIRE! FUCK! AND I'M TIRED! FUCK! AND IT'S RAINING AND I HAD TO WASH THE VT FLEECE! FUCK! AND THERE WE HAVE IT. FUCK! - 20.52 My fingers are SORE tonight! I mean... SUPER SORE! But there's much to type and little time. - “Time”... I WISH I knew HOW it passes so quickly of late! HOURS in a day just vanish! I don't like this at all! - Anyway... I'm just rather amazed that I managed to stay awake and moving ALL day, with the exception of a 30-minute lie-down shortly after meal this evening! But I did... - First of all, it rained most of the day which, for me, was a blessing. I could be expected to be at “Aunt Nancy's”, so I was relieved, because I woke with sore fingers... not to mention the oppressive fatigue of a night of broken sleep all through. - I kept busy with regular “morning routine” tasks and at about 10.00, made the horrific error of stepping out to the back and... “chat with VT until almost NOON! I was PISSED with me... again. I MUST determine and follow through... NO MORE! And more insulting (to me) is that we tend to agree on much of our “forbidden topics”... religion and politics. But... she likes to throw the “best friends with Bernie” bull-shit and that... well... it's “dark” and proves she's not to be trusted. - Immediately, I decided to run into town... FOAM INSULATION for the “dryer out-let” and W/D plumbing! (I went. I bought. I'm pissed-off because the price charged was almost 3$ MORE than the shelf price! This is the second time that's happened. The first was the 2$ difference on the “boot tray”. I'll “address it tomorrow with a call to corporate. I'm not blaming the local, but... I'm pissed!) Got a pair of “work gloves”... the rubberised sort, whilst there, for the next “working at Tante Nancy's... IF I'm ever called to finish, which, at this point, I'm unsure of. I haven't heard a blip from her with regard to the wire she ordered last evening... Oh well. If she's pissed, so be it. It isn't unexpected. And I'm not even considering accepting the cheque. So? So... The cheque is on the fridge and will be put else-where... as a “reminder”... NO MORE of THAT SHIT! It's another “Linda Rubo”. I'll “let it be”. (I believe I was invited to a “birthday party” at Tante Nancy's tomorrow... BUT, I was told “Don't let anybody know you're not vaccinated.” so I wasn't planning on attending anyway... Fukdatshit. - Moving along... Made a quick RUN through the market for ice cream and veggies because I needed the veggies... I had NONE for meal and they're a staple these days. (I seem to be making up for a life-time of not having any but I'm sure it's to my benefit these days.) Then a dash into FamDoll for smokes and a glass canister for Yonah's “mix”. I'll look for others that will hold the individual seeds or something that will hold 5lbs of the mix. I'd like, very much, to have one anyway. - And so... ROLLED back to the house and went, immediately, to the cellar to “seal”. - WHAT A FUCKING MESS! THAT FOAM SHIT IS A DISASTRE! REALLY! I MADE A MESS TRYING TO SPRAY IT FROM THE CELLAR INTO THE SPACE FOR THE DRYER VENT AND EVEN BEFORE SPRAYING, ACCIDENTALLY PULLED THE ENTIRE VENT OUT! HAD TO SHOVE IT BACK UP INTO THE SPACE AFTER HAVING STARTED TO SPRAY! SO I MOVED ON TO THE WASHER PLUMBING AND A FEW OTHER HOLES THAT MAKE NO SENSE DOWN THERE. THE FOAM SHIT DRIPPED DOWN ONTO MY HANDS AND THE VT FLEECE! SO I CAME BACK UP INTO THE HOUSE, PULLED THE DRYER VENT UP AND GAVE A HEFT APPLICATION FROM THE KITCHEN SIDE. IT'S SEALED IN THERE! AND I NOTICED MOUSE NESTING UNDER THAT PLATFORM! IT REALLY NEEDS TO BE RIPPED APART BUT, I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH SHITS OR FUCKS TO GIVE. I'LL SEE HOW THIS FOAM WORKS AND... WHAT-EVER. MEAN-WHILE... I HAD TO LOOK FOR VIDEOS ON HOW TO GET THE SHIT OFF MY HANDS! IT STICKS TERRIBLY! I HAPPENED ON ONE VIDEO THAT SAID “DON'T DO WHAT I DID”... USING DISH DETERGENT, OLIVE OIL, SCOURING POWDER AND THAT ACETONE “GOOF OFF”! YES, I DID TRY ALL OF THOSE BEFORE LOOKING INTO THE SITUATION AND NO, THEY DIDN'T WORK. BOTTOM LINE... “TIME”. THIS SHIT WILL BE ON MY HANDS FOR DAYS TO COME NOW. I DID MANAGE TO GET QUITE A BIT OFF TO MY FINGERS DON'T STICK TO EACH-OTHER AND EVERYTHING ELSE ANY MORE BUT... PAINFUL! MY FINGER TIPS, ESPECIALLY MY THUMB WHERE IT'S RIPPED/CRACKED, AND THE NAILS... OH WELL... AND THERE'S ANOTHER CAN OF IT... FOR WHEN I CAN TAKE MY TIME WITH IT... IF I EVER BECOME SO MOVED AS TO TRY AGAIN. A LOT CAME OFF WHEN I WASHED IT OUT OF THE FLEECE (WHICH IS HANGING IN THE SHOWER... DRENCHED... BECAUSE OF THE DAMPNESS OF THE DAY. I THEN “SEALED” THE OPENING FOR THE DRYER VENT WITH CARD-BOARD, TAPED TO THE WALL AND PLATFORM AND SPRAYED WITH 2 COATS OF CLEAR SPRAY. THERE ARE 2 BAGS OF MOTH BALLS “SEALED” IN THAT SPACE TOO... BOTH ARE NOW RATHER “PERMANENT” IN THERE BECAUSE THEY GOT “FOAMED”. I DON'T CARE... I REALLY DON'T. BETTER THEY SHOULD BE IN THERE THAN NOT ANYWAY. I JUST WORRY ABOUT “FUMES” BUT HOPEFULLY, SEALING THAT OPENING OFF WILL HELP KEEP THEM ALL IN THERE... THOUGH I CAN STILL SMELL THEM... FAINTLY. - And... by the time I got finished fucking about with that... meal time! THE WHOLE FUCKING DAY... GONE! -
THEN CAME THE AMAZEMENT! I LAID DOWN FOR A 30-MINUTE SNOOZE ON YONAH'S FUTON. HE WAS IN HIS HOUSE. THE RADIO ON, QUIETLY... AND I MANAGED TO DOZE FOR A BRIEF WHILE UNTIL... *AGAIN*.... ABOUT 2 MINUTES BEFORE THE ALARM WAS TO SOUND... HE CAME DOWN, ONTO MY ANKLE, SCOOTED UP MY LEG TO MY WAIST AND PECKED... TO WAKE ME UP! THIS IS ABOUT THE 3RD TIME HE'S DONE THAT! IT'S AS IF HE KNOWS WHEN THE ALARM IS ABOUT TO SOUND! I'M BLOWN AWAY BY IT! BUT IT IS A GRAND WAY TO WAKE! Sadly, I couldn't do much “cuddling” because of the foam residue on my hands. It's flaky, and I don't want to risk him pecking it off when he “preens” my hand. (The shit I put up with now because of this shit-box.) BUT WOW! Indeed! I AM... in AWE!
Veggie pasta with salmon again tonight, ice cream. - After, I started to move the lap-top into Yonah's room to do the book-keeping but only got the lap-top version done. I need to to the “books” but tonight, I can't hold a pen so... hopefully tomorrow I'll get into that. - And now... 21.22 I'm running later than I'd like... won't shower before bed... Yonah's tucked-in, mouse traps set. And I'm having PopTarts... took the pills at 20.15 so this is my hour. - Hopefully, tonight... SLEEP! DAMNIT! And tomorrow? Well... if I don't hear other-wise... I'll be WITH YONAH AGAIN... - Tante Nancy is planning on a trip, 2-9 Aug. and she wanted the job done before leaving (though she didn't specify until last evening when she snapped “I'm not going if that's not done. I want a safe place for Jack.” Fine. Monday is the 2nd... If possible, I'll finish on Sunday... IF I'm even called to do so. - That's that... the rest of the IMPORTANT news is on yonahtaube.com July's Journal. -
Fri.30.Jul: 21.30 I didn't get to take “evening pills” until 20.30 so this is my “hour up” and so, ... I have notes for today's entry but I'm quite tired and am just really waiting to see if there's another mouse to “dump” before getting ready for bed. (And tonight, I MUST admit... my “compassion” for these little shits is - ANOTHER LITTLE FUCKER JUST CAME OUT FROM UNDER THE FRIDGE AND ALMOST ACROSS MY FOOT! YEP! CAUGHT AND TOSSED ONE EARLIER... LET'S GO FOR ANOTHER! I'M FUCKING PISSED TONIGHT! AND I EXPECT THERE WILL BE MORE BECAUSE IT'S SUPPOSED TO GET CHILLY! I'VE GOT A LIST READY FOR ANOTHER RUN TO WALMARDE... ON SUNDAY... WHILST I CAN AFFORD THE LUXURY... ANOTHER TRAP IS ON IT AND I ALL I WANT NOW IS ONE THAT WILL “SILENTLY” CATCH MANY! I'VE ALSO SEEN “DIY” TRAPS... BUCKETS AND BEVERAGE BOTTLES... I'M GOING TO BE BUSY WITH THIS NOW. AND TOMORROW... SHABBAT OR NOT... IF THERE'S SUN TO LIGHT THE CELLAR... I HAVE ANOTHER CAN OF FOAM! IT'S GOING INTO THE CELLAR!!! ALONG THE “BACK KITCHEN” WALL! For now... to a Brit and a listen and a mouse and to bed! BLOODY FUCK! - As for the rest of the day... well... ALL the lavage got DONE, including the “work clothes” that were FILTHY from the work at Nancy's! I mean FILTHY! But, being the good little “house-wife” that I am, knowing how to clean, the jeans turned-out pretty good! I put them on the line and in the afternoon's warm breezes, DONE! - Nancy passed this after-noon as I sat o the front porch. I asked “Are you pissed-off at me?” (Perhaps because I'm not working as quickly as she'd prefer?) She asked “Are you talking behind my back? Have you said something terrible about me? Did you burn my house down? No, I'm not pissed-off at you.” (We shall see. But it was all civil... as I say, we shall see. HEY! THE HARDEST WORK INVOLVED IS DONE. If what I've done isn't satisfactory... find some-body else. I'm not planning on “accepting” the cheque/payment anyway so...) - Meanwhile, it rained all morning, but, as I say, it cleared in the after-noon. It was “chilly”, but clear and breezy. Would have been a perfect day to finish the work but... no wire, no work. That's the way life goes. - BUT MY FINGERS WERE MUCH BETTER TODAY... ALMOST NO PAIN AT ALL! SO I HAD AN ENTIRE DAY WITH YONAH, AS I GOT THE “NEW” PAGE IN THE “BOOK” FOR THE “CMTY-VT” ACCOUNT RE-DONE (it now matches the digital AND BALANCES PERFECTLY). AND I caught-up with all the “notes” for this Journal. I've been so busy of a day, of late, and SO exhausted at the end... “notes” all over the place! But they're done. - The forecast is threatening 10° tonight! - 20.00 Radiator in the living-room on... Yonah's on tonight! AND IT WAS A PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL DAY WITH YONAH WHO SNOOZED WITH ME TWICE!
20.02 I'M SITTING AT THE WORK TABLE, YONAH'S IN HIS HOUSE... THE iPOD IS PLAYING AND OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE, I SEE A “BLUR”. I LOOK OVER AND SURE AS SHIT... A MOUSE! THEY CAN JUMP UP, GRAB THE LEGS OF THE SHELVING AND ACTUALLY CLIMB UP THERE! 20.04 IT JUST WENT UNDER THE STOVE! I sprayed peppermint oil behind and on the sides... I mean, I SAW where the one went last night, under the cup-board under the kitchen basin! I “duct-taped” the openings down there today so the “usual escape” is blocked and I set the “mesh trap” in the corner... PO loo-end. Let's see what tonight's “hunt” brings...
21.09 Sitting at table, jotting Yonah's Journal, he's been tucked-in from since about 20.40, radiator on and such, and I heard the “clacking” of the mouse trap. GOT IT! AND brought it over to the “park” to the tree-line and when I opened the “box” it JUMPED out immediately! Well... one less for tonight! So the trap is back, under Yonah's “shelving” and the home-made one is in the kitchen, at the “PO corner” of the cup-boards. LET'EM COME! - 23.15 OK! SO... Tonight's “catches” are TWO... I've just dumped the most recent across the main, so let it try to make it back across... sad there isn't more traffic tonight though. I wonder if this one wasn't the one trying to pass my feet as I watched “QI”. What-ever... The bad part of this trap is that it makes noise when they try to get out... tick, tick, tick. It must disturb Yonah! I'll have to find one that can hold more than one but doesn't make any sound. I might try the “bucket”... though, not with the water in it, as is shown on those videos. (Well, not yet, but if this infestation gets any worse...) I can't help but wonder how filthy the PO is these days since that new “clerk” came back one evening because she'd forgotten her “snacks”. If she's eating in there... well, something will have to be done to stop that. Though I'm certain the Fucking Landlord won't do/say anything. It'll be on my back... I've no doubt. - I've got “notes” for earlier today but I'm tired... time to get to a nap. (I'm thinking of Yonah's futon tonight... that way, if there's another mouse, I'll hear it and get up, annoyed, to “dispose” of it. Were I a miserable shit, I'd simply flush, but I really can't... no.) - OK. WRAP! Let's see if I get any... ANY sleep tonight. It's always a mystery. - Oh... but Yonah's Journal for July is current. That's nice.
Sat.31.Jul: 14.13 IT HAS BEEN A “HEAVY” DAY! in spite of sleeping thorugh the entire night. I don't understand and I don't know why, but I've been SO TIRED ALL DAY! AND... it's culminated... just a few minutes ago.
This morning, I got up and out of bed by 6.45-ish, though I could have stayed in bed for a while longer. It's like that in the morning when I've slept-through the night... comfy. BUT... “Morning routine” of coffee, water changes... AND MY PRECIOUS LITTLE LOVE! - Well, that rolled into going to the cellar with broom and torch. The cellar got cleaned of spider webs and I looked carefully, for holes... the only ones I could find that needed “sealing” were the drain and water lines for the kitchen sink... THEY'RE STUFFED NOW! And the cellar is relatively “clean”... THAT done, into the house to get Yonah's “treats” ground so he can eat them, put into clean jars and into the fridge... Next, I mixed more of his “mix” for his new canister jar, the “Audubon” seeds with the “Halthy Select” with the “ZuPreem” fruits and veg. He's ready to EAT! And healthy too... - That done... I rolled into “mid-day pills and bread and butter”... quickly. - MEAN-WHILE... at about 11.40-ish, I was having a smoke break on the front porch and Nell rolls up with a little girl in the car, she gets out to fetch her post and says “Will we see you tomorrow?” Thankfully, at the time, I was able to say “I have a job I need to finish tomorrow.” She went into some dissertation about something being “long” and “time” and that Glen is cleaning the garage in case of rain. We left it at that and I came in to make “Mouse-Trap Cookies”... an egg, some oatmeal, molasses, some seed from Yonah's “Audubon” mix and a dash of veg-oil. Scooped out little portions onto an oiled bit of foil, baked at 350F for about 7 minutes. (I don't know HOW I'm still going with this... I'm SO fatigued as I type, my eyes want to just roll out of my head.)
THEN IT CAME... AS I ALMOST EXPECTED... NANCY ROLLS UP TO THE FRONT DOOR... “TOOT TOOT” CAN SHE HAVE THE BOX WITH THE DIRECTIONS. WHEN I SAID I WAS SO TIRED, SHE SAID “I KNOW...” AND SOMETHING ABOUT HER BACK. SO I SAID THAT I WOULD BE UP TO FINISH UP TOMORROW, SHE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT PAUL, THEN MENTIONED SOMEBODY ELSE'S NAME AND SOMETHING ABOUT THEM DOING SOMETHING AND I SAID “IT'S A MATTER OF SPLICING WIRE ONTO WHAT'S THERE AND THEN CONNECTING IT TO THE HOUSE.” SHE INTERRUPTED WITH “IT'S GONNA RAIN TOMORROW.” AND “I WANT THIS DONE BEFORE I LEAVE.” I SAID “YOU'RE NOT LEAVING UNTIL MONDAY AND IT'LL BE FINISHED TOMORROW.” SHE SAID “IT'S GONNA RAIN ALL DAY... CAN I HAVE THE BOX?” SO I CAME INTO THE HOUSE, GOT THE BOX, WENT OUT, GAVE IT TO HER AND SHE SAID “DON'T BE MAD AT ME.” I SAID “I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED WITH THIS RIGHT NOW.” AND CAME IN, LETTING THE SCREEN DOOR SLAM AND, OH WELL, UNFORTUNATELY, THE INSIDE DOOR SLAMMED WHEN I SHUT IT. FUKKIT! * THE CHEQUE IS IN QUARTERS, A NOTE ON AND ENVELOPE “SORRY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT. THANK YOU FOR YONAH'S TREATS.” THE PIECES OF THE CHEQUE ARE IN THE ENVELOPE AND THE ENVELOPE IS IN THE FOOD GRINDER. I'M DONE... FINISHED. THE ENTIRE ORDEAL NEVER HAPPENED.
So... 14.31... another day FUCKING ROARED AWAY! BUT... TOMORROW... I CAN, if possible, get to Plattsburgh for “items” and... AND... MORE TIME WITH YONAH!!! (Since I can't mow in the rain... YAY!) but right now... I'm going for a lie-down... with Yonah... lock the doors and FTW! I'm DONE! - Not sure if I mentioned it (my mind's cluttered) but TWO MICE LAST NIGHT! With the earlier catch, I'd hoped it was the one I'd seen as I typed at Yonah's work table, and maybe it was. But that second one that almost ran across my foot as I sat at the kitchen table, later... Well, I saw 2, I caught 2. Even after closing the “gap” under the kitchen basin cup-board! OK. There's more “insulation” in the cellar for tonight. Let's see what comes along tonight! (I have a sinking feeling that there are nests under the platform AND the cabinetry in the kitchen which means... it's going to be a while before there's any difference in this infestation. But... we'll keep at it. - Oh... and it DID get COLD last night! I saw, on a soc.med. post from somebody up around Plattsburgh, it dropped to 9°! It was a “chilly” morning, this, but, both radiators were on and coming into Yonah's room, it was noticeably warmer. THANKFULLY! Tonight isn't supposed to be “quite as” cold but still... chilly is chilly and this is only the end of July! This is the kind of weather I'd come to expect of late August... going into September. (I NEED to come up with money for OIL! SOON!) - 18.08 Pizza and ice cream for meal. House is settled. Washing-up is done. Back at Yonah's work table... and he's had his little “dinner”. This evening's was quite nutritious: the usual seeds with some veggie treats and fruits and nuts... all nicely ground. Oddly, at about 15.00 today, I was hungry... but when “meal” time came round... I had half the pizza instead of the usual 3/4, and a “dollop” of ice cream and I'm fine. But I did have 2 “butter sammiches” for “mid-day”, and I'll have PopTarts before bed. Fine enough. Now... One more snooze and... - 22.47 Caught another mouse this evening... released into “the park”. - I'm feeling HORRID tonight. TIGHT in the chest but what I cough-up is from the throat. Still, tight and painful in the chest.