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01 JULY 2019 NEW RUSSIA, NEW YORK |
Message from Tennie: She likes the site-build and I've sent word there's not charge. I'm just happy she likes the work. We shall see. - In from another smoke. The night is still. A touch over-cast. Have had my vinegar. Oh... and tomorrow... some-where... an eclipse? We shall see about that too. - Meanwhile... let's hope for a sleep-through tonight. - Tomorrow, I want to check at the library: courses for the old shits on computers. Sign the old thing up. I'm fed-right-the-fuck-up with all of this bull-shit! I've tried! I've invested. I'm done! - And this shit of going to bed annoyed? It's done too... Tomorrow... we figure the packing! A stop at Lowe's for lumber. Fuck this shit!
Tue.02.Jul:14.52
WHAT A DAY! UP AT 9.19 AND RIGHT TO BUSINESS! AND TODAY?
THE GAS WILL BE FILLED SOME DAY NEXT WEEK & DELIVERIES ARE “TWICE A YEAR”!
THE ELECTRIC GOES TO MY NAME ON THE 9th!
INTERNET/WiFi PHONE IS PAID UNTIL LATE AUGUST & WILL BE DELIVERED BY WEEK-END!
*** UTILITIES ARE DONE! ***
TENNIE SENT WORD... SHE LIKES THE WORK! (Going away for the holiday & will get back to me when she returns... Her messages are sweet. I guess there's no “animosity” that I should worry about?)
So now, I have to work on the monthly budgets for future, figure out how to get, at least, the bed, which I found at Walmarde for about 200$, delivered to Plattsburgh. Haven't ordered it yet because, right now, doing so would leave me with about 70$ to “live” off until the next soc.sec. payment and I'll need... NEED to get Home before then! So? Slow but... at least it hasn't (yet) cost me MORE than I have (yet). Well? As of now, indeed... I AM “back in NY”. Now... let's hope the truck holds out... there's always “something”. But I MUST keep in mind, how I left the Shelter that morning, got on a plane to a place I'd never been, with nothing but a pittance of funds to support me... and today... 8 years later...
It was a “rough night”... several SPASMS and a few pee-breaks. Up and down and up and down and... when the 7.00 alarm sounded, I turned the phone OFF and dozed... By 8.30 I was “comfortable” and SO wanted to just snooze but by 9.00... TOES SPLAYED, LEFT LEG FELT LIKE IT WAS RIPPING FROM THE BONE AND... at 9.19 I gave up, gave in and got up to the sound of Hoovering! She's REALLY at this place... with the cleaning! (She even Hoovered the back porch today!) I stepped out of the room and she was in the kitchen. As the day's progressed I've learnt she's cleaned the old freezer out, wants to move all the tyres into the barn to make room for fire-wood... I've no idea how her “chomage” went yesterday and I'm NOT asking! But... she was busy with her “stuff” and I got busy with mine. (I'm still in a bit of shock that I got the utilities moved so quickly and easily. The best part: Nobody's there to use any... the gas is gone until next week anyway and the electric? Well... If anybody uses any before the 9th, it's not “mine”.) The Internet modem, &c. will be FedEx and tracked so I'll know when I MUST get back to the flat and when I do, I'll bring stuff along. Actually, the only thing left at the moment is change the address at CIBC! I've changed Community over already. (The rest of changes? They can wait... for a bit longer.) - So... anxieties are both UP and DOWN... Down, because the utilities are changed. UP because... well... HERE COMES THE MOVE! MORE NEW ADVENTURES! - And all the while, the weather's been great out there. What a shame... to let it go. - Lawn needs a bit of mowing but I'm waiting to see if any sort of “gas money” is forth-coming. I seriously doubt it and I'm fucking tired of paying! After all... she PAID those fux up-stairs, 1000$ for mowing ONCE a month... using her gas and mower! Me? I'm NOT getting paid for mowing, certainly NOT 100$ a shot AND NOW *I'M* paying the gas! So... I'm a bit pissed. But Dimballs should be dropping by with rent money this evening... we'll see how THAT goes... or not. - I'm pondering a nap! Just had the yoghurt. There are 2 more “Crustinis” in the little cooler that have probably gone rather “warm”. I might have no choice but to have them as they are this evening. Oh well... I've eaten considerably worse. - The old thing is snoozing on the recliner. I might do the same... in this mess called “the little room”... and a MESS IT IS! And I don't give shits nor fux. - FASCINATING... all of this. FASCINATING. And I'm supposing she's aware of my efforts this morning... driving the fact into the face: I'M LEAVING! - 24.54 (I'm still up, don't know why... still working on ONE v-ton... and there's MUCH to be done tomorrow! Mowing and trimming and the likes, but here I am... awake... probably because of the nap I took from about 15.30 ti 17.00! SHIT! So I'm NOT going to close this day until I get some particulars in. To that end...) - The day went along. I got a little TOO relaxed after getting the utilities done. Of course, follow-up e-mail from the gas company... I have to pre-pay 96$ before they deliver, but that's fine because I should probably be there when they arrive... they'll need to re-light the pilot. The charge leaves me with 180$ to my name (and I'm hoping the electric doesn't clean THAT out... but, I won't be surprised if they do.) - Cost of building a bed is about 150$, mattress is another 200-plus. THIS is getting a bit out of hand so I'll be looking into more options. - It was a peaceful sort of day, with me staying in the room for most of it. Though, this evening, I was asked if I'd like something to eat, I did have a Tea (but put much of it down the drain because it tends to make the spasms worse at night... as if this v-ton won't do the same at this rate). I declined the offer because I ate the 2 “Crustinis”... un-cooked. Thus far... it's OK. We'll see what happens during the night. - A comment was made: “I hope you won't be leaving until I get back from my trip!” My reply was “We'll have to see how it all goes. I need to move in.” Honestly, were it not for the little ones... I'd just go now... or as soon as the Internet is connected. At any rate, I'm going to HAVE to make a trip home... probably by or on the week-end. (I hope the brakes hold long enough! Fuck me!) - Now... about that “nap”... I laid down at about 15.30, set the alarm for 16.30... and literally slept until 17.00!!! But the odd bit? The DREAM I had that I woke from. I'm putting it here and closing today. I KNOW what caused it... the anxieties with this old woman here and un-resolved realisations from the past. Still, I don't like that this shit is creeping into my sleep now. I NEED to get away from here... the place is gone toxic. So, to end today...
***** DREAM *****:
Standing in the room of an old house (perhaps, Sackett Lake, Donna's old room). Talking with Dorothy about Aunt Sis who was dead, recounting how wonderful she always was. Mum was standing behind me. She was in a loose frock, had long, mid-back-length, straight hair, and “older” sort of looking woman. As I was talking with Dorothy, it pained me to know that Aunt Sis was dead, and I began to say how wonderful, loving, caring she always was, how I always loved the week-ends together and as I was saying, I realised Mum was standing there. So I turned to her, stepped back a bit, looked her straight in the eyes and said, “It's not that I don't love you, more, of course, because you're my Mother, but you've always been a bit of a fibber, or maybe even a straight-out fucking liar...” and I was thinking of the early graduation from high school, the having to move to Albany, and how she presented the high school as a fear of my skipping classes and failing and the move as being for my benefit with the proviso of saving the others from the stigma of knowing their father murdered their eldest brother. I was becoming truly angry with Mum, and as I grew angrier, I began to wake from the dream... waking with the anger, but stopping before truly getting into the rage that was building inside me.
Wed.03.Jul: 1.04 I'm going to simply finish this v-ton and go to bed and hope to wake early enough to get the clipping done and the weeding and the lawn. She's going off on another of her “trips to the shrine” or something of the sort, taking her Lis and Hallie with. A day in the place alone! (If I'm smart... LAUNDRY FOR PACKING!) - Of note: Odd... but at night I breathe SO much EASIER! Ah... it always was the night... no coughing, feeling so much better over-all. I might just become a “night person” again... just as in child-hood. (Reverting in the final days?) - Anyway, yes, I'm a bit tired, but as usual, scared to shit of going to bed... the pains... the congestion... the morning. But a “nap” is a nap and even if I get one of those, it will be fine. - I also have to arrange to pay the gas bill... I have to phone for it. Made my “account on line” but it won't let me pay yet. And I never did set the phone service with the Internet today... the Skype number was fucking up again... AGAIN! Something ELSE I'll have to work on here... for there. - Oh... the gas company... 30 gallons, 96$ and a 3-year commitment. HAH! I truly don't see me there, never mind “here” in 3 years from now... not at the rate my lungs are going. But, we do what we do. After all... this is my place to “go home to die”. - There are other things to work-out in the coming days... especially keeping my “student loan” payments down at 5$/month. I believe I'll go “Direct Deposit” of soc.sec. in the VT account, arrange auto-pay from that. ALL payments will be from that account anyway. I'll just have to make certain the rent goes before anything else. MUST have a place in which to “leave”. - On that note... off to finish the drink and try for a nap. - 2.02 and time to try for another nap. This no-sleep shit takes its toll. - 9.19 and no, I did NOT get of bed until 9.00. But, no harm in that. The grass is wet. Nice breeze blowing, hazy skies, and the air is as wet as a sea-side resort on a tropical island. And all the garbage is at the curb, so I just wrapped mine in shopping bags and tossed. Can't care any longer. And as for me? I feel like shit. One v-ton and ick. Oh well. - And now, just waiting a bit before divesting m'self of another 100$ this morn. Pay the gas bill. I also need to get my notes together here. Account numbers, on-line pass-words, and there are changes of address to be made. Rolling along. But, the more I do, the less connection I have with VT and the more with NY. So I don't suppose there's much to complain about... except... trying to figure the furnishings... the bed, in particular. But thinking clearly upon rising in the morn is a major effort It'll all “settle”... as time goes by. - Lawn day today. Let's hope THAT goes smoodlee too. Eh? As always, the only way we'll see how this day rolls is when it rolls itself up... as the sun sets. - 19.39 JUST BACK FROM HANNAFORD'S, SWANTON... COLD-FUCKING-CUTS, ROLLS, CRISPS, COFFEES... I STEPPED OUT THE FUCKING DOOR AT 11.55 AND FINISHED THE YARD-WORD AT ABOUT 17.00... THEN HAD TO FEED THE LITTLE ONES (BECAUSE THE OLD QUNT WAS TIRED... AFTER HER DAY AT THE LAKE, FUCK). AND... AS I PEE'ED, AT LONG LAST, THE FUCKING TUB UP-STAIRS WAS BEING FILLED SO THERE'S NO FUCKING HOT WATER. AND IT'S FUCKING HOT OUT THERE TODAY AND I FUCKING STINK... NOT TO MENTION, PEE-ING BURNS, FOR SOME REASON. NO... NOT IN A HAPPY MOOD. BUT I LISTENED TO LYN COLLINS AT HIGH VOLUME WHEN I DROVE IN AND THE REST OF THEM CAN SHIT IN THEIR HATS, TOSS THEM ON THE TABLE, EAT AND CALL IT CHRISTMAS. I'M FUCKING WASTED... AND HUNGRY... THIRSTY AND NEEDING A SHOWER AND CLOTHES WASHED. SO FUCK IT ALL. - 22.50 Out of the shower at fucking long last! Clothes in the washer at fucking long last! And the evening had turned into a NIGHTMARE! ALLISON OF SPECTRUM, SHIPPED THE MODEM AND SUCH YESTERAY AND IT ARRIVED AT NEW RUSSIA TODAY! AH... BUT... I DIDN'T LEARN THAT UNTIL I CHECKED MY E-MAILS AFTER MOWING AND SHOPPING TO FIND A NOTICE OF *** CANCELLATION*** !!! THE IDIOT “TAMIKA” FROM SPECTRUM CANCELLED THE WHOLE FUCKING ORDER! UP-GRADED TO INCLUDE THE PHONE AND THEN CANCELLED EVERYTHING! FUCK! TRIED AND THIS I LEARNED FROM SOME BROAD WHO TRIED TO BRUSH THE WHOLE FUCKING ORDEAL OFF ON FedEx! WELL... SHE SUGGESTED THAT THE ORDER BE RE-DONE... EVEN AFTER I'VE ALREADY PAID AND THAT I GO TO A SPECTRUM STORE TO PICK THE MODEMS UP AGAIN! REALLY? POOR MADAME GOT AN EAR-FULL WHEN I SIMPLY STATED “I'VE PAID 59,98 FOR MERCHANDISE AND SERVICE AND NOW I'M STUCK WITH MODEMS AND SUCH THAT ARE WORTH JACK-SHIT FUCKALL!” (The Noo Yawkuh is making a ROARING come-back! It's almost rather frightening.) ANYWAY... I GAVE HER 24 HOURS TO RE-INSTATE THE ORDER AND SERVICE OR I'LL JUST TAKE IT TO LITIGATTION. SHE STARTED WITH SOME PANDERING AND I DISCONNECTED THE CALL... WENT ON-LINE TO “CHAT” WITH SOMEBODY NAMED “LEN V” WHO ASSURED ME THAT ALL I NEED DO IS INSTALL THE EQUIPMENT, CONTACT SPECTRUM AND ALL WILL BE WELL. THE PHONE NUMBER AND SUCH ARE STILL ACTIVE AND I WON'T BE BILLED UNTIL IT'S ALL ACTIVATED. (We shall see.) - THEN... I STEP OUT OF THE ROOM AT ABOUT 20.30 TO FIND POOR Ms. HALLIE LAYING ON THE FLOOR, AT THE FOOT OF THE RECLINER, THE OLD QUNT SETTLED-THERE-UPON... HALLIE GOT UP, THE FLOOR WAS SOAKING WET AND SHE STARTED LICKING UP THE WET! SHE'D PEE'ED AS SHE LAID THERE! AND THE OLD QUNT? “I OPENED THE DOOR TO LET HER OUT BEFORE BUT SHE DIDN'T WANT TO GO!” SO I JUST QUIETLY SAID “POOR MRS. WE'LL HAVE TO POST ANOTHER NOTE ON SOCIAL MEDIA TO GET *YOU* A CARING HOME TOO NOW. POOR MRS.” *THEN* THE OLD THING GOT UP AND TOOK MRS. OUT... I TOOK MINOU OUT THE BACK AND WENT FOR A SMOKE. INDEED... *BOTH* OF THEM HAD TO DO THEIR 8PM “BUSINESS”! BOTH OF THEM! WHAT A FUCKING LAZY, SELF-SERVING BIT OF VT-SHIT THAT OLD THING IS! BUT... BUSINESS WAS DONE, SNAX WERE SERVED AND ALL CALMED. - Then... came the suggestion about the modem: ring Alden tomorrow and ask if there's somebody who could take it from the porch and put it into the flat! YES! Indeed! I'll do that in the morning! I don't like asking such things, but I truly don't want to drive all the way there and back... 4 hours of driving, 200 miles, 40$ gas for nothing but going and fetching the modem. So we shall see how it all turns out. I doubt Joan would do the kindness... being on oxygen. But the temperatures are supposed to reach 38° tomorrow and Friday and the Humidex on Friday... FORTY... 40°! And bad brakes, no air conditioning... I don't want to push the truck. There's nothing else to be done when I get there. There's no hot water yet, so no cleaning and such. I've been thinking of going over during the week-coming anyway... and if I have ANY money left, getting a cot, as I did when I first got to VT. If there's money left, a little table and chair. AND... bringing as much of my belongings as possible. - This evening, again, the old thing offered Ms. Comes-And-Goes' bed, said I could get a cheap “topper” for it for firmness. As I told her: I'm not pissing money away this move. This is, as far as I know, my move to “go home to die and I want to be comfortable”. (Earlier, I'd told her of the move to Albany... getting absolutely NOTHING when I left “home”. I've told her before. This evening she acted like it was the first she'd heard... and even then... in the midst of my talking, got on her fucking phone to make calls. FUCK! I'm NOT going to miss her at all. Life WILL be more peaceful with-out the aggravation and insulting disregard.) - And so now... here I am... washed... but not my jammies... and it's HOT in and out! - Oh... this afternoon as I was mowing, Adam came by to give the old thing “a couple of tickets to the barbeque” on Saturday. I told him of my move and that she says she'll take the mowing. When I said something about it being interesting to see her on the mower because she says she doesn't know how to run it he replied “Oh, she'll figure it out.” (When I mentioned it to her after she asked me to teach her to use it. I told her she'll learn as I did. Nobody helped me... there are videos on-line. I'm returning the kindness, help and consideration.) - Bradley came by to fetch the cart. He had a lawnmower to go get. Made excuses as to why he didn't come by to get THIS one for repairs. I told him I don't care. If it was of any importance to her, she'd have gotten it done, no matter. What I DO admire about Bradley though: he brought the cart back with-out a word and put it back in the yard, out of the way... delightfully. He truly is amazing in that respect. - And so... now I get to wait for the washing and then try for some nap time. Having a bit of a v-ton again tonight. Fukkit. - Note: After all the mowing today, I've been having the sensation of having to pee, and when I do, it BURNS at the tip. The little urine that does pass is very pale, so I'm not dehydrated. But it's really rather painful. I wonder WTF THAT'S all about now. Kidney stone? Jolted aloose by the mowing? Who knows? (And I'm not asking “What next?”) - Time to wind-down! Hopefully I won't have to make the trip home tomorrow... hopefully. - 24.27 Laundry is done. A little bit left of the v-ton. On Minds. Soon to bed. The anxieties commence the increase.
Thu.04.Jul: 1.25 Off for last smoke... a vinegar and... ANXIETIES! Good mornight. - 10.07... yes... 10.07 and just getting out of bed... and PAINFULLY so this morning. Aches from head to toe, muscles and such, similar to coming down with a cold or flu, in addition to the muscle spasms through the night and even as I stood up this morning. It's miserably hot in this room and nothing to combat it. Maybe it's the heat? Maybe it's what-ever. But it really is painful. - What makes it all the more interesting is the DREAMS thorugh the night:
I don't know that one had anything to do with the other but...
First DREAM, a very dark Winter night in a place that I seem to recall as having been Newburgh, but in a rather Dickonsonian Grand Street, St. Pat's church. The dream was in colour but the contrast between the white snows and the dark greys and black of all else was extremely vivid. Some-how, I don't know how or why, I was walking along the streets and managed to get up on the roof-top of the church! I wasn't particularly afraid, just only slightly concerned about the height. But looking about, side-to-side, front-to-back, there was no way to actually get down from the snow-covered roof except to slide off and plummet. Still, that didn't bother me at all and I was at the point of just pondering closing my eyes and letting myself slide off when 2 men arrived, also walking along the roof-top. When they got to me, I didn't say anything to either of them, one, in a rather “Carhart” beige jacket reached down, grabbed my arm and SHOVED, quite brutally, a hypodermic in my left shoulder and, pushing the plunger, twisted it round about and deeper and such, making certain that every drop of the contents made it into me. It didn't hurt and I knew it was a sedative. It was to knock me out so that I wouldn't be aware of their efforts to get me off that roof. I thought to my-self “I've been waiting for somebody to do this to me.” just as the other “rescue”-man said “He's been waiting for somebody to do that to him.” but what the guy meant was rather vague, and I wasn't sure if he meant the rescue, the sedation or the brutality with which the meds were administered. And so, as I laid there, waiting for the meds to kick in, I pondered: Would they simply let me slide off the roof once I was under? Would they tie me round and helicopter lift me off? Do they know of a way to get me off this roof that I couldn't find and they'll drag me along? Why are they even bothering? I'm perfectly OK with simply going off to sleep or not, but just letting go and seeing what happens. The worst part would be the “falling” and hoping for no pain at the end. After that? I wouldn't make a difference at all.
Second DREAM began with my attendance at some sort of convention, medical-staff-related, as it were. Although, there were MANY people from various industries in the crowd. It was brightly lit, “business-casual”, a luncheon of sorts was available, and all were milling and mulling about. I'd just come out of a video presentation on “Homeless Children Around the World” and was quite moved by what I'd seen in the black and white, “typical” format of “Won't you help?” TV adverts. For some reason though, this one touched deeper into my heart. There was some connection between the children and boxes of Crayons... the large boxes, not the “school-size”. Something about giving the kinds crayons would make their time easier, lighten their burdens, and contribute to some worthy organisation that was taking them in, giving them homes, improving their lot, and I was convinced that THIS particular organisation actually WAS the greatest! As I walked about, some woman came by and handed me a box of crayons, and I was deeply touched. (I had no connections with the organisation, but people were, for some reason, giving ME boxes of crayons.) Truly, deeply touched. I moved to a table of donated clothing stacked rather carelessly and a man came along on the other side of the table and dropped a box of crayons on the clothes, in front of me. Oddly though, this box wasn't colourful, it was rather “olde-timey” looking and shades of grey. Still, I looked up at the man and had to choke-back the tears and the sobs that I SO wanted to let loose! Just then, a fellow Nurse (I say “fellow” because, I was or had been an Oncology Nurse and that's how I'd gotten into this convention) came along. But the Nurse was Tennie! She made a rather insulting remark about me taking the matter to the point of un-necessary dramatics, and I lashed-out at her! The plight of Homeless Children was wedged into my soul and with each box of crayons, I wanted to sob out loud and here she was, making little of it all, and chastising me for my compassion! I was quite livid! Shortly after my out-burst, to which she didn't respond, we were on a hospital ward... somehow part of the building where the convention was being held, and I had to talk with her about a matter. I also felt terrible about my out-burst because, quite frankly, even as I told her in the dream “I've always admired you above the rest, you tenacity, your compassion, your dedication, devotion to the profession, to the patients to everybody you come in contact with. I don't want to ever be on your 'negative' side and I don't want a wonderful relationship to be destroyed because of today. Yes, I might be hyper-sensitive to the issue and matter of Homeless Children, but the base fact of the matter is... I WAS ONE OF THEM!” and when I blurted that out, she turned and we embraced in mutual understanding and...
I woke up and it was about 5.00-something and I had NO intention of getting out of bed at that hour. (I've no doubt I was wakened from the dream by some racket on the porch because the old thing has no consideration for anybody and will throw the squeaking kitchen door open and make all sorts of comments to the little ones and such.) Anyway... there we have it all. And now, it's 10.43 and I've finished only first coffee, 2 vit.C and a naproxen for the “pains” this morning. The naproxen isn't quite kicking in... and I'm wondering about the pains of this morning and the hypodermic in the first dream. “Working with” these dreams might be fun...
Letting go of the church roof: moving from here, taking the chance, probably, as I've said, the last move. Home to die?
The Homeless Children, “I was one of them!”, indeed, even on Hill St. pedalling away on a trike.
Stuff to amuse, entertain, come to terms with... - I have to ring Alden about the stuff on the porch as well. And I need to do so this morning, lest it be stolen and 60$ of my money gets tied-up and I've no service! And... it's so bloody hot that I'll have to think of some way to keep cool... Maybe I'll just pftuz in the barn. I don't know. But at any rate... we're confronted with another day... and the need to pass it. So here we go. Fuck. - 11.46 Still REALLLY achy... Tried to get Alden but... no voice mail and no answer. Oh well... that's the way it goes. - Mme. has moved her tyres to the barn before I got the chance to clear more space. Oh well on that too. I'm just too achy to give a shit about much right now. Wondering... dehydration yesterday? Could well be. We shall see as the day rolls along. We shall see... Meanwhile, I wonder what to do about the stuff on the porch in NY! Hopefully somebody will notice and put it on the BACK porch? If not... Tuesday is the 9th and I WILL be there! No matter what. - I'm TIRED! These aches are taking a toll! This PLACE is taking a toll. - But all the Journals are up-to-date. Nice... or not... or... what-ever. - 15.04 The body pains are still lingering and too, the inability to pee with-out pain. - Mme. has finished her today's work in the garage. - I SPOKE, QUITE LE1NGTHY, WITH ALDEN... ALVIN WILL BRING THE PARCELS IN FROM THE PORCH. AND I'LL RUN OVER THERE NEXT WEEK. - Right now... I NEED a bit of a nap... I can't take this shitty feeling. Wonder what it is... but... just as long as I make it home... I'm fine. - 16.33 The paid in the body is still present, but the urine is flowing a bit more and a bit less painfully. Kidney stone? Could be, from all the sweating yesterday and certainly not enough water intake. We'll see when tomorrow rises... and the Humidex is supposed to be 40! - Haven't heard from Alden so I take it all's well in New Russia. THAT is a relief! - And so... another day starts to wind-down... and I've nothing “accomplished”. I did get a 30-minute nap in though. The only thing that helped was increased pain in the neck. Oh, that I don't completely fall apart before move-in! That's all I care about now. This morning I thought: Pepino Belcastro... longed for his place in Florida... moved back and 2 weeks later, found dead. Hey, if it happens, my only regret would be for Alden. But at least there won't be a lot of stuff to get rid of and the place will still be spotless. - 18.15 NOW I'VE GOT CHILLS! URINATING IS PAINFUL AND SPARSE BUT CLEAR. BODY ACHES AND NOW CHILLS! WTAF IS GOING ON HERE?
AND... A *** REVELATION *** ALMOST 40 YEARS AFTER THE FACT.... *** SHEDRICK *** HAZEL SHEDRICK *** THE BLACK WOMAN WHO MADE ME RESIGN FROM “PARADE PUBLICATIONS” BECAUSE OF THE PROGRAM THAT I WROTE, CUTTING AN 8-HOUR JOB-RUN DOWN TO 90 MINUTES! AND JOYCE TELLING ME TO QUIT THE JOB BECAUSE WORKING FOR A WOMAN WAS BAD ENOUGH BUT BEING A WHITE MAN, WORKING “UNDER” A BLACK WOMAN WOULD GIVE ME NOTHING BUT HELL! SHE WAS RIGHT... AND IT WAS... A *** SHEDRICK ***! I REALISED IT AS I SAT AT TABLE WHILST Mme. ATE HER DINNER (to which I was invited to partake, but, having left-overs from last night, I respectfully and graciously declined). BUT TO HAVE SUCH A THING COME CRASHING INTO MY HEAD... SOME 40 YEARS LATER... I'M AMAZED!
On that note, I'm going for a lie-down... under the blankets. I can't stop shivering.
Fri.05.Jul: ER - SYSTEMIC INFECTION, SOURCE UTI WITH KIDNEY !!!!! 9.18 WELL!!! IT ISN'T ALL GONE YET, I CAN'T COUGH BECAUSE MY HEAD FEELS LIKE IT'S ABOUT TO EXPLODE BY YESTERDAY AND ALST NIGHT WERE *** H*E*L*L *** !!!! THE CHILLS WENT RIGHT TO THE MARROW AND I GOT INTO BED, UNDER THE BLANKETS AND DOZED FOR ABOUT AN HOUR WHEN I HAD TO GET UP TO PEE! PAINFULLY! BACK TO BED... AND HOUR LATER BACK UP TO PEE... PAINFULLY!!! Jacquie saw me in the sherpa and ofered to take me to the Emergency but there was no way I wanted to be THERE on a holiday... so I convinced her to wait until “tomorrow” (today). So she gave me 4 amoxicillin that she keeps for her dental appointments and said to take them. That was at 21.00. By 22.00 I was in bed, but the peeing urges would stop. EVERY HOUR! Just a little. And PAINFUL! And cloudy. AND, THE VERY MOMENT I FELT I HAD TO GO... I'D ALREADY STARTED TO. DRIPS AND DRIBBLES BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO GET TO MY BOTTLES! I DON'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I WAS UP BUT I BELIEVE IT WAS 5.00.I finally got out of bed at ....9.11, peed, in the bottle, of course, have had coffee and such and just feeling rather un-steady on the feet and as I say, if I cough, my head feels as though my brains will blow out of ears and nose. My chest feels rather heavy, but after all that inactivity and laying in bed, I'm not surprised. (Though, not wanting a cigarette... I don't think I had three all day yesterday and I don't really want one this morning.) Anyway... that's this morning. I slept in my clothes last night... chills and sweats. I'll need to wash something. I hope she's got some-where to go today. Jammies need washing too. I need a hair-trim. This room need organising for packing. Oh... and today's supposed to be HELLISHLY HOT. So? So... I'm just going to drink my water, hope to flush all this shit out of my system and to live even just long enough to get into New Russia with no need to leave... save, in the hands of a mountain wind. - 9.37 Just had another peee and THIS one is right back to yesterday... painful, sparse and seriously cloudy! Well? Water water water... and all we can do is hope the water's OK to drink and that it'll flush. - WHY THE FUCK NOW? WHY? WHEN THINGS ARE MOVING ALONG TO GET OUT OF HERE AND BACK TO NY!!! TO A LITTLE PLACE IN THE ADIRONDACKS!!! WHY WHY WHY THE FUCK NOW? THERE JUST CAN'T BE THAT MUCH HATE IN CREATION! OH JUST FUCK! - 9.49 A little more searching on the cause of this pee-trouble and it still comes back to UTI. And the only thing I can think of is... one night, during the “Water Boil” call, I “thoroughly” rinsed my bellend. Can't recall why, but at the time it seemed I needed to. Anyway, in the shower, water running, little-guy cupped in had and rinsing... I'll bet that what-ever was the cause of the “Water Boil” call got into places it had no business in and now I'm going to have to put up with this for a while... I've said it before, I say it again: I'M FUCKING FED-UP WITH ALL THE PAIN ALL THE TIME! - Oh... and I haven't eaten anything from since Wednesday... and my cold cuts(turkey) are off to the garbage now, for certain! Alas... - 11.22 Don't know where she went. Don't know how long she'll be gone. Presuming Hallie is with her. My urinations are still painful. Coughing still gives a head-ache. Chest is still heavy. Smoking (on cigarette) is likely out. I'm going for a lie-down because, well... feeling rather weak. - 12.35 Well... got the urine coming through clear and light but still painful. Body aches from hair to toe-nails. I can smell old urine on me, the pillows, the bed linens. And nobody's here. It's a quiet sort of day. I'm going to was the bed-things. - Oh... Spectrum phoned to make me an “offer” for more shit. The nice man got told, in a nice manner, what's going on. So... we'll see where that goes. - Meanwhile... if I could get rid of the body-pains and the urination pains... this wouldn't be a bad day at all... all told. But... I'm “flushing”. We can only wait and see. - 12.45 Bed and bath in the washer. Clothes to follow. Should do pillows. (I was going to do those during her week away but...) And things move along. - Can't believe it's only just going for 13.00. I feel as if I've been up for 2 days already. - 20.56 She came rolling in at about13.30/14.00 and I was in the sherpa again. TODAY, I felt bad enough to go to the ER (AND, for all the time she's toddled off for a day or so, saying nothing... like she did this morning? FUKHUH! Off we went!) Didn't get out until almost 17.30 but they gave me an IV Tylenol, fluids and Rocephin. Doctor said it's a UTI gone systemic and into the kidney. Yep... MORE SHIT in this FUCKING IN-BREED FUCK-HOLE! SO HEY... THEY OFFERED THE MEDS, I ACCEPTED. THEY DID A BLADDER SCAN TO SEE IF I'M RETAINING URINE... I'M NOT. THEY'RE RUNNING URINALISYS AND BLOOD WORK TO BE SURE OF WHAT'S BEING TREATED. AND I GOT A URINAL AND A SCRIPT FOR CIPRO (10 DAYS) FOR A DOLLUH! MEANWHILE... I HAD to put ALL the bed linens in the washer and she came rolling in as they finished. So all the while we were at hospital, the wash sat in the dryer. But... when I got back, I HAD to wash the “dark” linens *** AND MY CLOTHES BECAUSE I PEED MYSELF IN THE TRUCK ON THE HANNA-FUCKING ROAD ON THE WAS BACK TO THE SHIT-HOLE! IT'S BEEN ANYTHING BUT EVEN A SLIGHTLY PLEASANT DAY ALL TOLD. - So after ER, we went to the pharmacist, got the Cipro, came back (SHE FUCKING DROVE 30mph TO THE FUCKING ER AND ABOUT THAT ON THE WAY BACK! I KNOW THAT'S NOT HOW SHE FUCKING DRIVES!) which is when, AS I WAS PEEING, she pulled to the side of the road and I ran into somebody's lot to pee... PAINFULLY! - SO then we get back to this shit-box and she offers salad and franks which I accepted and won't EVER EVER EVER do again, as long as I'm here because it was all about FUCKING “HELP ME” WITH MY JOB APPLICATIONS A-FUCKING-GAIN. JUST LIKE HER “CONCERN” FOR MY HEALTH - AND I TOLD HER SO - IS BECAUSE SHE'S WORRIED ABOUT THE HOUSE BEING EMPTY THE WEEK OF THE 14TH! - WHICH SHE DENIED, BUT I MOST CERTAINLY POINTED OUT THAT SHE'S WORN HER “FRIENDSHIP” OUT WITH PAM, NEVER HAD ONE WITH ANYBODY UP THAT END OF THE ROAD, ONLY HAS LIS SITTING THERE IN AA SHAMBLES ON A HILL... AND NOBODY HAS EVER COME TO HER IN ALL THE YEARS SINCE CECIL DIED, TO EVEN OFFER HER ANY HELP. AND I KNOW BECAUSE I'VE BEEN HERE! SERIOUSLY, AT THIS POINT, “MERCY” WOULD BE TO GO TO NEW RUSSIA THIS WEEK, WITH EVERYTHING IN THIS ROOM AND SUCH, WALK IN, UN-LOAD AND NEVER COME BACK TO THIS HELL AGAIN! (I CAN HOPE.) - So she fucked up her job applications again, got a nasty attitude because of the usual and I was kind enough to tell her: I'm going to shower, wash my pissed-on clothes and going to bed! I've had it! I'm fucking fed up with not being able to close a day in peace in this in-breed shit-hole state. God forbid! I've done ALL I can and I'm not doing anything more. You people are sick, repulsive, mutations of the species, entitled and the same as autistic, mentally retarded toddlers... at EVERY age. I don't do all this hand-holding shit for a living any longer because I don't want to and I'M NOT doing it here any more. You need to find somebody new, somebody you haven't destroyed already! I put my clothes in the washer, got me into the shower and here I am... my head feels as if it's going to explode at any moment, I'm in constant fear of pee'ing on my-self because the moment I feel the urge it starts flowing, by body aches, I'm sweating ... my stomach's not settled and... I'm BEYOND TOAST... THE CINDERS HAVE BURNED AWAY AND THERE' NOTHING BUT SOOT! FUCK! Three years of living in another 30th Street Shelter... the violence, the annoyances, the banging in the middle of the night... FUCKING FINISHED... ONE WAY OR ANOTHER! - Of note: Whilst in the ER today, a little girl in another area started screaming in pain. I BROKE IN TO TEARS... remembering how I was NEVER allowed the luxury of crying... in sorrow or pain. It's rather fascinating... the memories that are coming back... Perhaps I AM making way to leave... here... ALL OF THIS. It would be delightful... Preferably back in NY... New Russia... but... I do believe I'm ready... and FUCK THE REST OF THEM WITH ALL THE SHIT I'LL LEAVE BEHIND! NOBODY HELPED ME INTO THIS FUCKING LIFE... NOW THEY CAN AT LEAST PUT THE GARBAGE OUT.... WHEN I'M GONE. - Time to check the wash... at 21.20... fuck.
Sat.06.Jul: 8.51 JUST getting up and wouldn't be if I didn't have to take the Cipro. I've slept in hour intervals all through the night, literally, not because of pain, not because of peeing... I don't know why, by every hour, I woke up, looked at the clock and went back to sleep... BUT NOT because of pain nor peeing! THAT is the catch. The clothes were done by 22.30 and I was in bed by about 23.00. Just laid down, not expecting a comfortable night, by any stretch of the imagination. I did get up 2 or three times to pee, and it began painfully, but I popped right back into bed and right back to sleep. Nothing notable. Nothing remarkable. Just drifting in and out of sleep every hour. Was going to get up at 5.00 and couldn't find a good reason. 6.00 came and Mme. was up and on the porch which served as better reason to stay in bed than to get up. 7,8.00 passed and it began to rain so that too, added to the comfort of a painless morning. But the 9.00 alarm sounded and... CIPRO TIME! Here I am. And no, it's NOT a PERFECT morning (Heaven forbid!)... if I cough or sneeze my head still feels as though the contents will splatter the walls. But HEY! All else was/is spiffy... thus far! Now, the only thing left to make the morning quite STUPENDOUS? GET HER THE FUCK OUT LIKE SHE PROMISED! - Oh yes... interesting DREAM during one of my later naps...
VERY posh gathering pre-show for what was either fashion or Broadway or a bit of both. In any case, it was, according to the participants (of course) Not just ALL the rage, but THE ONLY rage! I'd done some work for Schmulik and Bradshaw on some aspect of this do, so of course I was to attend, to be there pre-show in case of need. I'd done more Schmulik work and Bradshaw, it seemed but none-the-less, I was free to wander about the stark-walled, empty cubes of rooms looking at the shallowest people all wrapped completely in themselves and that's very much how I saw the whole thing. All I could think of, as they ignored one-another and each-other was... “Had it not been for me and my work on this, you'd have and be nothing right now.” and on, along and about I went, room to room. I wasn't looking for anything in particular, just “checking” the rooms to see how each looked, because each was different in colour, size, shape, and what-ever décor (a lounge, table, one flower, that sort of décor). It was amusement before the event. At one point, I got to a kitchen, long, slender, and quite dark, and not too very large, considering the venue. I needed to wash something off my hand an found the sink. A fellow came out of a corner and we spoke. He was very congenial and we rather shared the same sentiments about the rest: the pomposity, arrogance, and how “they” looked on “us” and how “this” would all be impossible had “we” not done the “work”. Well, we chatted about the kitchen and such and he finished his cleaning. We went on to another part of the building where many others were gathered. Oddly, in this area, it was all terraces! It was one VERY high room, window on 3 sides and all the tables and chairs were on “terraces” up the wall! And, on the floor, chairs and tables too, of course, but the terraces were quite fun. I took a table at the floor, for no reason other than to sit a while. AT one of the tables above to my right, 3 “Muslim”-types wearing touques actually, were seated with Schmulik. All were having a grand time. Then Schmulik yelled to some-one “They're all wearing their boobkars!” and started to laugh until he looked down, saw me in my kippa, pointed and laughed again. Yes, it was all in good fun. So I yelled back “It wouldn't take more than a word to the NY Times to get this front page for next edition: Jew and Muslims on Jew for 'anti' Remark!!” and we all laughed indeed! Then came “curtain call” and Bradshaw yelled to me that ticket 512 was reserved for me. So we all went to the front of some theatre where the crowds were gathered to get in for the show. I had NO idea where I was supposed to be but went in through the tall, dark glass doors, into the lobby where ticket purchasers were on the left (obvious by the length of the queue) and “reserved tickets” were to the right. So I meandered over to the right when I heard some-one yell something about ticket 512 and something about it being the next available or the last one reserved, I wasn't sure in the dream and still not sure even after. Anyway... that's when my hour's nap was up and I woke.
ANYway.... it's 9.21, quite warm again this morning. Have had my coffee and such. Just had a slash and it's still a bit painful, dark-coloured and cloudy. And I'm actually beginning to feel “normal” again... achy, heavy-chested, a bit congested, and the head-ache is still very much present. So now, too dress... and today, I believe I'll begin re-packing boxes so that all fit into the truck... ONE TRIP! PERHAPS NEXT WEEK! - Sadly... I hear the old desk chair in the dining room... she's still out there. She said she'd be gone by 10.00. One can only hope at this juncture. - 10.02 she's gone... Today is the “BarBQ”! Indeed. She toddled off, Hallie and Minou are in the house. There's a cheque taped to the kitchen door for Adam. And the day? Well... I was wasting/passing time and it's been getting hotter all the while and I'm beginning to feel more run-down, stomach, head-ache, chest and such. Well... it's only day 2 of antibiotics and they say it'll take a day or 2 to figure what we're “fighting” so... - I'm thinking packing and hair-cut for today. Let's see what and how much I actually accomplish! - I'd like a smoke but I wouldn't. I don't “need” a smoke. It just seems it would be nice to have one. This is odd. Usually one has the “desire” or “need”... my whole attitude toward it is that it might be nice to have one. Some-how, it appears, I'm quitting. No prob. I can use the money! - 12.19 Went to pee, SHAT in my jammies! These antibiotics are kicking in. So, needing a shower and to wash the jammies, grabbed the trimmer and HAIR-CUT! And shower. And done! And the rains are coming and going. Smoking is no longer really and issue. I'm wondering what's going on with my body. Not feeling “well” but no feeling “ill”. Drowsy but not tired. Just rolling along on an open ocean swell. Next on my list though... re-packing for the move because no matter what's happening to me... I TRULY NEED TO GET THE ACTUAL FUCK OUT OF HERE! - Meanwhile, the little ones are having lunch. Must to gotta LOVE them! - 12.37 Had a smoke, can't inhale very deeply. It's just habit now... nothing more. And there's SO much re-packing to be done. But I really don't have enough tape, nor proper boxes, and it's HUMID in here, and HOT and I don't even have the gumption. So? So... thankfully, I'm under no particular dead-line other than sanity and death. - I'll soc.med. I don't have anything for daily meal either. Interesting sort of Saturday, this. (And my typing is atrocious lately... dropped letters in words, transpositions... just ... not me.) - 16.55 I got to begin the packing and about 20 minutes ago, in she waltzes, with her Aleesh in tow. Well, Aleesh in car, the old thing in truck. Lah-dee-dah, in they come, tra-la-la and I'm re-packing boxes. “Believe it or not, I'm back. Feeling any better?” came the screech. Nope. Told of this morning's “incident” (antibiotic diarrhea). “That usual constipates.” Yeah? And you're usually an utter fucktard. But MY symptom is documented and yours is, apparently, gone un-documented. Aleesh comes in, goes to the loo. The old thing comes in, goes to the loo. Next thing I hear “Mama loves you. I'll be back.” talking to Hallie. And? Gone again! All about her. Won't take time to learn the shit she refuses to learn. Well? When she asks for assistance, I'll recommend she call her good friend... Aleesh. (I've no doubt they're off to the BBQ some-where. They left in the car. But still... - Oh well... at least I've begun to get things sorted. There's a LOT of “last minute” stuff too. But a week from now... she'll be gone for a week and I'll be able to CLEAN THIS PLACE UP AND OUT AND BE GONE GONE GONE! (If I live that long... If not? Oh well...) - I could use a doze right now. But dinner to the little ones first. - 17.15 Comes rolling back and asks if HALLLIE has had dinner! “Well of course, you went rolling out just in time to not feed her.” “Well I don't want to give her extra.” Says I: “I don't see why not. You can give her one of the meals you've never bothered to give her.” And that was that and now she's in the yard with her Aleesh. Me? I scrounged some sort of beef and pasta salad in my bowl. At least it's something. I'll have it and go nap. - You know... she reminds me a LOT of Ren, who came to stay, ate me out of house-and-home, never contributed, but had all the money and time in the world to party with Irma and such... and of Kathy, who came to stay, never contributing anything but to clog the kitchen sink and stink the fucking house up with her crotch-funk, but had time and money to travel all about. This situation here is a little different in that it's not “my home” but the general abuse and usury is the same: Yeah... HE'LL handle all the necessities. Oh... when the switch is thrown... it's going to be exceptionally dark. - 21.51 Cipro taken. A trip to the loo. Still painful but I made it with-out etc. - Chatted briefly with Mme. OH... when she got back from Jesus this evening, we sat on the porch. Amie is up North... tomorrow they and Hallie will be going to “Sterling Lake” (where-ever the fuck that is)... a mile-long hike up some mountain, says she. Poor old dog. I said “After swimming about in the lake, she'll have to walk down.” Says the idiot “It's easier to walk down...” Oh well. She claims there are Rangers about. At any rate... another day of her trollopping about and ignoring her responsibilities. Fine. We'll see what happens if she gets back after her week away and this room is empty. Buh-bye. Good luck. If I can, I'll plan on that. - Meanwhile, I'm a bit achy. Not showering again. Did so this morning. Can do so tomorrow, if need be. It's cooling down tonight though so that's good. My chest is a bit “sore”. Cipro, I see, treats lower respiratory as well. Well, it's got its work cut out for it in this old body. - Here's to wrapping this day, calling this a night and lights out... so see what kind of night lies ahead. (Oh... odd little pains in the right knee and toes on the left foot. Saw something about that in the Cipro lit. More new experiences! Tah-dah!)
Sun.07.Jul: *** A DAY OF REVELATION *** 10.29 After a night of the now-common hourly wakes, with odd but amusing dream intervals, I gave up, gave in and got up at 8.51, had coffee, Cipro, pee'ed (in the bottle so I could see what' coming out), dressed, had the last smoke in the open pack (not a good idea, to be sure) and started back at the packing. Taking a break now because, well, as I try to remind myself, it's said that antibiotics will make you feel shitty, and shitty, indeed, do I feel. Chest, head, light, dizzy, tired, a touch nauseated, but, last night's and this morning's urine is running clear, though a touch on the dark, and I've had a bit of what might be called a “BM”. So, I suppose we're all doing well enough. HLS was heard earlier, on the phone, in the kitchen, saying she's waiting to hear from her daughter. Oh, may that call come and she be carried away for the major duration of the day! Meanwhile, I'm just packing things off the little shelves I'd made so that I can take them down and take them with. - Bit of a REVELATION this morning:
The more thought I give, recently, to the events over the course of my life-time that I spent at the house of my parents, the more I come to terms with the realisation that NO... Mother did NOT *love* me! She patronised. WE did NOT play “team-tag” during the violent out-bursts when she was attacked... *I* diverted the attacks away from HER and the ultimate gratitude was to come in later years when, on Coach Lane, every... EVERY time I was attacked, she grabbed the other three and headed off, in the car, down the road! Ice cream. Oma's. Rides. Until she thought the war at the house was done or that the coroner had come to gather my broken bits!!! For all these years I've been a jackass, a moron, an idiot, swallowing the bull-shit that I've repeatedly vomited to others! Seriously! I leave with NOTHING... THEY leave to furnished, paid-for, delightful flats! Over the years, THEY get bail-outs and I get NOTHING! Help with housing, help with vehicles... and I get told that I HAVE to leave, I have to go back and BEG for 140$ and that was ALL that I got! I PAID to reside in the house on Coach Lane... NONE of the others did. (Just sent a bit of a message about these thoughts to Dorothy. I guess a just want folks to know that I'm no longer the idiot I've been... “Revelations” have arrived... and my “silence” is... NOPE! Mother fucking used to to attend to the other 3! Convenient nanny. Oh well...
I need a pee, a coffee, my vit.C, and I DO believe I'll open another pack of them smokes. There's a day ahead for packing (and I'm running out of boxes... imagine that!) - 13.14 She's gone and I've been packing the little stuff here, there and all over. BUT... ANOTHER REVELATION: CIPRO HAS SOME REALLY HORRIBLE SIDE EFFECTS WHICH IS EXPLAINING A LOT OF WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON WITH ME LATELY! ESPECIALLY THE MOOD SNAPS. THE INFO ON-LINE INCLUDES NIGHTMARES, DISTRUBED SLEEP, MOOD SWINGS, SUDDEN CHEST PAINS, MUSCLE AND JOINT ACHES, THROBBING HEAD-ACHES... sinusitis, bronchitis, and so much more. There are comments from people saying “Don't take this poison.” and “If you've already taken it, try to throw it up!” Apparently, Cipro kills bacteria, no matter what or where, good or bad, all over and all through the system. The muscle and joint afflictions can make getting out of bed difficult. Dizziness. Blurred vision. This shit's STRONG! And, when I was chatting with the old thing about she asked “Have you ever taken Cipro before?” well... no... I've taken antibiotics only twice (that I can currently think of, and even then, I'm prone to say only once) in my entire life-time. So I'm pretty-well sensitive to this stuff... my body's never had to deal with it before. This is incredible! It's like chemo patients saying “If the cancer doesn't kill you, the cure will.” I understand! - And there we have it. My insides are bouncing every which way. I'm wearing the sherpa again, my hands are cold. Yes, it's “cool” out there, but clear skies and out-side, in the sun, it's comfy... but cool. My nose is dripping but that's because of the packing and the filth and dust I'm kicking-up in here. It's bothering me, packing in such a confined area. And it's bothering me that there's so much to be packed! Little stuff. I've gotten two shelves cleared but the more I pack, the worse it gets in the room because the boxes take more space. It's all closing-in. - Anyway... now that she's off and gone and Hallie is here... I'm going for a lie-down. I need to do my finer and toe nails. But I'm not going to worry about those. There's stuff I could do out-doors, like clip some shrubs. But, never mind that. - And so, as is was, she took Hallie to the lake to swim. When she returned, I apologised for my out-burst this morning and as we discussed the Cipro, she grabbed something to eat, asked the quickest way to Cambridge, I told her the 108 , “I'm not going that way!” she snapped, she “asked” Google which only gave her the mileage, I looked it up and yes... the 108... FUCK HER, and she suddenly got up, handed me a doggie snack, said “Give this to her.” and bolted out the door. - I've NO patience for her any more. And I can't care what the fuck happens here when I'm gone. Bottom line: leave and never look back. - I need a snooze. (Apparently, that too, is a Cipro effect.) What-ever. - 14.51 Just up from an hour's nap and feeling just as shitty as I did before I slept. And I did slept. Insides racing, head swirling. But I ordered a small pizza (20-25 minutes, which is better than the hour I expected to hear). My stomach doesn't really want anything in it. My teeth, well, my jaw just doesn't appreciate the notion of chewing. It's really quite something. Oh well. There's nothing that can be done about all of this. Just have to move through it. - No response from Dorothy on the rather filthy little message I sent. “Funny, isn't it, how some folks live long enough to wake up, one day, to “Truth”? During all my packing & moving, I've been reviewing a life-time & BANG! Truth is: My mother was a fithy fucking cunt who hated me but used me to attend her other 3 whom she cherished! Well, live & learn Old age... such fun. (10.48)” Do I regret having sent it? Nope. Not in the least. Do I believe I'll get a reply? Nope. Not in the least. Do I think I'll ever hear from her again? Nope. Do I care? Nope. Can't. At least it's been said. Now, she has something to discuss with her little “Cinabun” cousin in Newburgh. Oh well... - Meanwhile, I need to get back to packing. But I want to get out into the yard a bit... sun-shine might help... and a bit of moving about. Let's see if it helps at all. But seriously, this general mood and internal atmosphere are horrible! And... I look like shit to boot! - 21.35 It's still not back and no word about anything. - 22.05 Imagine... at 21.39 she sends word she'll be back by 23.00 (of course, she can't tell time, the little retard, & I doubt her little retard can either so, there's no telling when...) - ANYWAY... the shelves are down and packed in boxes, the corner of the table is cleared save the water bottles. There's great disarray all about the little room tonight and I don't give a shit. (Right now, I'm in the midst of CHILLS again!!!) Pizza was REALLY good and still warm even though I got there about 20 minutes after they said it would be ready. (They burnt the first one, but, no prob.) I think there's only one slice left. So much for “2 meals”. But that's OK. I even sang a bit of Brandi Carlile as I packed today, in spite of feeling SO FUCKING DRAGGED-OUT! It's better to know that these are side effects of the Cipro. At least I know what's going on with me now. I'm going to have to get some sort of yoghurt or something to put some of those bacteria that are necessary back. Looks like Cipro just goes along and “cleans house”! Well? I've often wondered what would happen if I got a good solid dose of super-strength antibiotics and now I'm learning. - BUT THE BEST OF THE DAY... THE REPLY FROM DOROTHY ON MY MESSAGE! WHAT A WEIGHT OFF MY HEART, SOUL, SHOULDERS, BACK, CHEST, LIFE! I'M GOING TO TRY TO TRANSCRIBE THE WHOLE THREAD HERE... SO IF ANYBODY EVER ACTUALLY GETS TO READ THIS, LET THEM ALL KNOW WHAT KIND OF COMPLETE SHIT-BAGS OUR PARENTS WERE, WHAT ACTUAL *HELL* WE SURVIVED, ESPECIALLY Mrs. KNOWN-AND-LOVED-BY-ALL... MY SHIT-SLUT “MOTHER”... NO LONGER OF ANY BLESSED MEMORY TO BE CERTAIN. HERE IT GOES...
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(10.48Me) Funny, isn't it, how some folks live long enough to wake up, one day, to “Truth”? During all my packing & moving, I've been reviewing a life-time & BANG! Truth is: My mother was a fithy fucking cunt who hated me but used me to attend her other 3 whom she cherished! Well, live & learn Old age... such fun.
(17.46D)WHAT (M) 1. When Cindy was born she came home & I moved into the room to change diapers, bathe, bottle feed through the night. Same thing with Joe. I thought I was helping.
(D)I had to do that with Brian (M) 2. As time went by I had to learn to take care of John, Cindy & Joe, breakfasts, lunches, school, while she slept late because of night work. (Father used to be gone, separations & week-ends with “Mommie dearest”.) (D)Good grief. But I thought you got in a fight with them over your mother (M) 3. She went to the Newburgh board of Ed to get me out of high school early. Said it was because she was afraid I'd cut too many classes & have to repeat senior year. (D) WHAT (M) 4. She knew that the school knew I'd tried to kill myself 3 times (once by razor slice to the wrist, & she got called into NFA when I told them why my wrist was bandaged). (D) Omg. That's horrible. (M) 5. I was 15, working a paper route and she demanded that I pay 20% of my pay... OFR RENT! NNE of the others ever had to do that.
(D) That is some crazy shit right there.
(M) 6. When I started working at Lloyd's I had to pay 20$/week, rent. That was on Coach Lane. Th rent payments continued until I moved out.
(D) Well I had to give my mom too and she always kept my tax returns.
(M) 7. I was barely 17 when, one evening, the old man punched through the bedroom door & came @ me full force. Like she always did when he came at me, she grabbed the other 3 & left the house.
(D) Well I can't imagine why you had any feelings for her on a deep level. But it's hard to think a parent can do you like they sometimes do. It took me yearssss to forgive my mom. (M) 9. A week later I DID move to Albany with nothing but a sleeping bag, clock radio, stuffed animal. I had to BEG her to BORROW 140$ to pay the security deposit. (D) Well it sucks but you have to let some of that go. I look at it as I've been stronger for it. But you never totally get over the hurt and betrayal no matter what age you are
(M) 10. In the early days after I left, she separated from the old man, called to invite me “home” for a week-end. I'd get there & she'd be off & out for the night with chums. (I was fucking stupid.) (D) I know how you feel
(M) Father hated me from conception. She got pregnant to save face. She ahd more kids because it was the thing to do (or she was a slut married to a dog). & it was all so convenient that the 1st born took all the responsibilities for her filthy litter. (D) Just horrible (M) Maybe it's age, the current health issues, time or all of the above, but I'm just thankful that I won't be leaving this damned Earth the damned fucking shit-headed idiot I've been all my life. Too bad she died before I came to my senses (or, lucky her). And her pamered brook, the 3 of them? Call it Karma or whaht 0everm byt one of them got a good dose, lets just let Karma handle the rest. (D) Amen to that. Parents can screw you over it's horrible (M) Oh, and no, I'm not “angry” @ this point. Honestly I've been rather happy about th e”revelation:. None of those filth ever treated me like relative (never mind like family) I never saw why... but these days... I do. As the old Black women of the gracious deep South say: “Bless their hearts”. (D) It's a sin. And I carry a lot of scars from my childhood. It; o damn sad. I;m almost 68 and I'm still not over it.
(M) I know it can't cure the scars & it can't stop the pain, but I tell with ever bit of all that's me: it hurts me to tears to know that YOU, of ALL the people I've ever come to know, should have such ain. All I can do is give you what love I have. You were my strongest tie to life. & that's the damnedest truth above All Truths. |
I was tapping (on the phone) my "points", one right aafter the other and never noticed until after it was all done, that she wasa respondidng through the message. But, the matter was clear, on both sides. There were a couple more exchanges, but this was the crux of the conversation that actually made me feel better, in spite of all the meds, the stupidity and arrogance of the years, both here, in this in-breed shit-hole and else-where. It's a comfort to me just knowing that some-body else knows the truth. And the saddest bit is... SHE WENT THROUGH THE SAME HELL... neither of us knowing what the other was suffering... when we were apart. We were incredibly stoic... keeping the Hell-fires concealed. And what did it bring us? What did it do for us? Sure, others think us “strong”... We're not “strong”... we're almost infallible! We're capable of tolerating pains FAR beyond those of the majority of humanity. Yes, we have that to be proud of. But all the while, there are many good aspects of us that were murdered... so very, VERY early in our lives. As I said: I'm just sorry the old shits died before we came to this point. I, personally, would crawl, if need be, to a home, just to punch each one of them square in the face, then sit and watch them suffer the pain, knowing that no matter how great, it could NEVER compare the pain they inflicted. In that, as I've said, Death, can be extremely kind. It makes me fear it less, welcome it more. - 23.27 It was 22.56 and she rolled in all la-dee-dah. The climb was a bit treacherous and she admitted that she'd have had quite a bit of trouble had she brought Hallie with. She began telling me what else they did and I stopped her saying that I don't give a shit where she goes or what she does but I've always feared when I didn't hear and it got late. After all, as I pointed out, “Your family would be hear before the signature on a death certificate dried, screaming “YOU! GET OUT NOW! AND TAKE THAT DOG WITH YOU!” Hey! Right now, and even then, being thrown from here wouldn't phase me. But Hallie? And now Minou? What of THEM? (It didn't register in here self-serving mind, I know. But it's been said.) - And I've been sitting here thinking I've got chills again but the temperature out-side has dropped to the 50sF so it's to be a chilly night. I'm about to head to the bed for one of my naps. If I wake during the night and have the energy, I'll edit all this and post to on-line. (This lap-top edition is 8 pages now.) If not? There's always tomorrow... between packings. - I've take tonight Cipro. Let's see what “damage” it does through the night. - Amen.
Mon.08.Jul: 9.23 and I'm finally out of bed and dressed. Got up and had morning Cipro at 8.51 and went back for a lie-down. Slept quite a bit last night. Up only twice to pee. (Still cloudy, but a little less painful.. I'm wondering if it isn't something about the bottles I'm pee'ing in... bacteria?) Meanwhile, it's chilly in the room and I'm still SO tired! Last night was, for the most part, a sleep-through, odd and unusual, in comparison to recent nights where I'd been getting up every hour. Still, I'm fatigued, heavily, and could go right back to bed and sleep again. (Bad thing is, I tried that after coffee and Cipro... just laid there, started back into a sweat and decided to get up.) But there are items to attend this morn and I can certainly get to them: direct deposit off that shit-card, more packing, check the gas at home (“at home”) and, decided whether or not I want to order a bed (though the one I wanted is, of course, now “out of stock” at Walmarde but I can order from else-where anyway.) - And now, 9.29, the sound of the whine... Mme. has become vocal... my bowels want to churn. A new day.... 2 weeks and comes the last. - 9.56 Had a smoke. Shouldn't have done. Knocks the little energy I do have right the Hell out of me. Terrible. I don't feel a "need" to have one any more of late. It's more habit these days. I really need to just dump that habit... pretty much like the "habit of sympathy" and the "habit of compassion". It's all quite a fuck. - Minou was on the porch when I went out. Poor little guy. I wonder what "life" will be for HIM after I'm out of here. I don't trust this old hag. But seriously, I can't stay here for him. He'll be better cared-for than I've been. I know he and I are alike in some ways: "Homelessness" does that. - Oh, I over-heard the old thing say, on the phone, that she slept-in until 7.00. For her, that's like me sleeping-in until 11.00! Oh my! - Anyway... on with what-ever is to be done. My head is floating, my chest is a touch heavy after that smoke. But there's shit to be done! KADIMA! - 15.24 WHAT a fucking wasted day! BUT... TOMORROW THE GAS GETS DELIVERED AND THE ELECTRIC IS IN MY NAME AT HOME! I WISH I could be there, but I still have that “GOTTA PEE NOW!” so I don't dare get into the truck to travel. As I said to Mme., I wouldn't even dare a trip to Anusburgh at this moment. Which brings me to the call to the NOTCH where I was re-assured that my reactions to the Cipro could be worse, that they'll subside over time, the culture report was sent and all is “fine”. If the major symptoms aren't gone by Friday, I'm to go back for more cultures, but by Friday, all should be fine... just keep taking the Cipro until it's done. Wonderful. HEY! Maybe I can get to NY whilst the old thing's gone! I wouldn't mind. (I just have to figure the finances... and those are, well... 2c in the light, 1c in 5s, 1c in the bag and 1c in the banque. - 19.28 At about 16.45 or so, I laid down for a “nap”... JUST woke up, and only because I figured that I should. There's only rolls and crisps to be eaten tonight. Oh well. I just don't want to spend any money in the store today. - It's been another wasted day, for the most part. - I DID get to look into banques in NY. I believe I'm going with Adirondack, because, well, ALL banques are about the same distance... 30-something miles away. Champlain is in Elizabethtown, but it's a “MasterCard” debit and I'd rather have “Visa” because they're more readily accepted in more places. Also, Adirondack is in Lake Placid where, en route, there's a furniture shop that makes and sells “Adirondack” furnishings, and it's in the same little “strip mall” as Hannaford. So I could do banquing and shopping at the same time. The 73 over the mountain seems good enough to travel. Surely, in Winter, it'll be a bit of a challenge, but I see no trouble. And there's another in Plattsburgh. Oh well. - And I rang the gas company. Delivery will be tomorrow already, which is fun because the electric switches tomorrow as well! Timing. I wonder: Message to me? But it'll be wonderful to know that gas for hot water and electric will be established when I arrive. - Also, rang NOTCH about the “lab results”. The receptionist assured me that my “reactions” to the Cipro could be worse and that what I'm experiencing is common. Says she, many people don't respond well to antibiotics, and I'm doing quite well, considering I've not taken any before. The lingering symptoms of the infection should be completely gone by Friday, latest. If not, I should go in for re-eval next week. But it sounds like all's going as it should. Good news on all fronts then. (That's when I got tired and laid down. It was a relief.) As for the lab results, nothing remarkable. Just continue on the Cipro. - And texts from Dorothy. “I'm so glad your forging a whole new beginning, it's always good to shake off the bad juju. Love you tremendously. I hope your doing better. I'm trying to get myself back to some kind of decent norm. M balance issues are a pain in the ass. So we shall see. May come up in Spring. I will be darned if I will ever freakin come up in cold weather again. Lol.” She says Brian got Aunt Barb's place (property and house and all). So if she does come up, maybe she'll have a place to stay and that I could come and we could pass a week or so. THAT would be incredible! (Now, all both of us has to do is make it through the Winter. As we both say: We shall see. - Chatted only briefly with the old thing here. She was cleaning out the old freezer in the garage and TRYING TO MOVE IT OUT BY HER SELF! She's obviously annoyed again today, about something. But MY observation of the day is/was that SHE ALONE, was out there in the garage trying to move the freezer. Gee... I wonder where all the good friends are, all the folks that would offer her help and support and assistance. She's a true fuck. Well, in all honesty, she HAD a “friend” and she abused that one to the point where it died on her. (Poor Minou was hungry, nothing in his little dish. And whilst she was in perfect ear-shot I said to him “Get used to it little one. You've got 2 weeks left of being spoiled and then you'll really be out hunting for something to eat.” I KNOW THAT just chafed her cracks! And I can't care. I just can't. - But as I started to jot, mostly for myself, about getting Home... there's a guaranteed 400 bucks in cash-on-hand here. Another 100 in the VT banque. If I didn't need the gas and such to travel, I could actually have ONE of the brakes repaired. (Surely, the mechanic wouldn't like it but...) and could have it done this or next week. Soc.Sec. is in on the 24th and the only ABSOLUTE from that is 505... 500 for the rent and 5 for the Dept. of Ed. The mobile phone will come out of the Comm. banque next week. Next month, there'll be an electric bill. The only monthy bill from there-on will be electric and phone/internet (and that'll probably run me about 100. I'll soon be making it on 400$/month and less. Tight times, but I've learnt to live on NO income so... What-ever is to happen will happen. I'll just have to roll along and address events as they present. - It's all really a matter of the brakes. - Right now, I'm toying with the notion of packing the truck tonight and heading over at some point. Just some way so as to use the brakes as little as possible. Just get into the truck and almost literally “roll” along... let the hills coast me along... even if the trip takes 3-4 hours. (HELL! A 6- hour trip to see Dorothy took me TEN, and I made that anyway.) But as I say... I'm toying with the notion. It might be fun. (If only I didn't have to worry about the pee'ing situation as well. - Alright. It's now 19.56 and officially too late to get anything to eat at the store. The “night” has commenced. In an hour, I'll have to take another Cipro anyway... with a roll, perhaps some crisps. There's water in the jugs, a container of fruit juice. It'll all be fine. - I need to decide what I'll take out of here first. Most likely the stuff in the armoire (which is in, strangely enough, postal sacks and tubs!). - I need a bed of some kind too. Thankfully there's just short-of-enough in the banque to buy one on-line so I can't spend on it just yet. I'm being “monitored”... and I'm not complaining. - Things will be fine. This departure is a good move. As Dorothy put it “shaking off the bad juju”. And there's 8 years of that shit clinging to my skin. Ah... it began horrifically here. But then too, I wanted this truck and Deb said “There's one out there, you just wait, it'll come.” As for the place to be? I though New Russia would be a fun place to move to. “There was one out there, I just waited, it came.” These are the days. Will the new place be perfect? I know, already, it isn't. But it's a new beginning... and there's potential. If nothing else, I'll be back amongst people I'm more familiar with (and less familiar with as well). I never became a “Vermonter”. That was never allowed. I've got that much going for me. - 24.24 Well, I managed to stay up this long and in the time, managed to “tidy” the transcript of the chat with Dorothy, add a bit of an “intro”, create a rather ominous image of 110 Gindey ave that I'd taken from a Google shot of the street some time ago to use in the DeadArtist Journal and post all, as a “blog” to my “Minds” account. (I'm rather amazed... it took mere moments before somebody noticed it and up-voted! WELL!) Gave it a “2k boost” with requests for comments and the likes. - Meanwhile, at about 20.30, she took the little ones out and I heard her coaxing Minou into the house for the night and the porch door being closed. Nothing's been said to me all evening-into-night. To come are the nights when she'll recall... to be sure... just as came the night when I recalled... I've no doubt, I've a great many nights of recalling a great much more. But “bad juju” lingers sometimes, until we actively move to rid our existence of it. - At about 20.45 I took tonight's Cipro with 2 rolls, some fruit juice and water. I still get that “URGENCY” when it comes time to pee, and it's coming cloudy again for some reason. There are “bits” in it too, like little “bits” of mucous. I've had that before, and the darker colour. But, 'tis said that all of this should take about 7 days to clear... then the extra 3 days are to be certain. What bothers most is that I don't have to go and then, the very second I do, it's URGENT! If not for that, I could be on the road and moving along (and away). I dread the thought of having to suddenly stop at road-side... and hoping like all Hell that I get out in time to drop drawers and pee! Although, as of tomorrow, should all go well, if that were to happen, I'll have hot water in which to bathe. (Now, I have to ponder the laundry there. Hmmm... But I've gone MANY MANY years with-out washer and dryer. This time, I have to figure where to hang the wash. I'll ask about a line some-where... though I've a feeling that might not be too accepted. Hey! I need to stop judging before I even arrive. This is NEW YORK... NOT some total in-breed asylum. - At the moment, I'm not really tired, but I really should see about getting some sleep and getting up at a civil hour. Recycling is tomorrow, not that I find any particular urgency in that point. Next week there's none and the week after... I won't be here. - I can't help but think of what a shame it is... the way this departure is turning. It's not at all pleasant. But I'm not making it that way. Although, I'm not making it any different from what it is. She's bitter. She's spoiled. She's defiant. She's quite deluded. She's been mistreated and as I see it, she's asked for it. She “plays” people who care and admires people who abuse. It's sad... terribly sad. I've no doubt she's going to literally lose all of this place, and because of her own doings... or, rather, her NOT doing. But I've done my best, and she's managed to keep this place for as long as she's done because of my help. Maybe not financial, but in MANY other ways. When I've the time to sit and... (and I will because I've no doubt the installation of phone and Internet is NOT going to go smoothly), I intend to list. If not just for me... just for me. - Well, and mean-while, smoking is back up to too much, another “urge” is coming. I NEED to bathe and wash my clothing! (These jeans, the last pair, are worn through too... time to think about new again... damnit!) There's a few days of dribbles in this pants. But nobody to notice because I'm not travelling just yet. I need to get the pee bottles cleaned thoroughly too... if for no other reason that to monitor colour and content. I'll be off to the loo with bleach in a moment. - And so much for this day... on to the next.
Tue.09.Jul: GAS FOR HOT WATER TO BE DELIVERED! NYSEG IN MY NAME! RENT'S PAID! I'M IN NEW RUSSIA NEW YORK!
Imagine this! - 1.06 Well, at least the p-bottles are bleached. The rest of me is in DIRE need of a thorough cleaning too! But all things in due course. - I am a bit weary, nappy, as it were. Soon to bed, to be sure. It's a bit “chilled” again tonight. Not good for the flowers nor the garden, I shouldn't think. Oh well... We still have August. - 14.18 and 15° here and in New Russia! Chilly! - Last pee and off to nap. (I stink. It's terrible.) - 8.54DREAM: New apartment. Large but not very. Everything painted white. Contemporary. On an “upper” floor. Corner of building. Nice enough. I wasn't thrilled with it but it had to be taken and so it was. It was “move-in” day and I had nothing to move in so it was more of a “clean-up” day and some folks came to “help” with the cleaning. There was to be a “house-warming” party after the cleaning was done, that evening. The women arrived and immediately went into criticising the size, lay-out, colour (? Everything was white!), the dirt they found in the cupboards. One of them went into a low cupboard and pulled out a set of white dinner-ware, very plain, and it seemed a service for 4 at least, left behind. I was rather glad about it, it was more than I had with me, and she took the gravy boat and a plate and SMASHED them, together, on the kitchen floor! I was livid not only because of the loss of dinner-ware but because of the crockery all in shatters on the floor! I'd come to clean! But when I told the idiot woman (who seriously resembled Denise Ortega from Rockaway) she just glared at me as if to say that SHE would be in charge of how the clean-up went! And so I moved on with other rooms and other chores and let the bitches be. As the cleaning came to an end, people started arriving at the door and being let in, as if the place wasn't mine at all. The plans and such had already been made and the “party” was to commence no matter what. I became more a “guest”. (As I type this, my anxiety is soaring... it truly is a combination of new place in New Russia and what's happened here over the time where I've become nothing but a cleaner/grounds-keeper, stuffed in a dark little room off the hall!!!) There weren't all too many people and everybody some-how had something to eat, some sort of plates and utensils, beverages and the sort and in one room, there actually was a sofa and some seating! How it got there, I've no idea but there it was when I got to that room. And that room was quite large, on the front of the building which looked out over the “city”/town, consisting mostly of 2-3 storey buildings... all white as well. The front “wall” was all glass, and a door led out to a narrow gallery. The sky had gone rather dark, blue-grey, a storm was coming in. I started to stand at the door to the gallery but some guy came along with whom I wanted nothing to do for some reason, so I went back in and just as I did, a torrential rain began to fall! It was truly heavy! People began complaining about the heft of the rains and their travels back to where they'd come from. I thought of my little car, parked in the back of the building, in an open lot. It was a small VW bug, old. As people whined, the rains suddenly changed to what appeared to be the tiniest of hail. Not “white” hail-stones but, rather, clear! When some expressed amazement, one fellow, of course, explained “Quite common for this time of year in this part of the country.” what-ever the fuck THAT meant. “Time of year” wasn't known in the dream, nor part of country, never mind what country, since it certainly didn't look anything like the U.S. which I hadn't thought of really until he'd made his statement and that's then the dream started to fall apart. No sooner had he made the statement when bubbles began floating into the room! The rain changed to hail and the hail changed to bubbles! The front window/wall was wide open and the bubbles just floated in. People were shocked and amazed and I grabbed for them as they floated by. “Frozen bubbles!” I exclaimed. “They're rare, and people wait for this phenomenon for years! They're a sellable commodity.” And I grabbed a few here and there. They weren't so much frozen as they were almost some sort of “plastic-like”. Fragile to a point, but remained intact even through some tough handling. But they were also sticky and would stick together and to the fingers. But it began to become such fun, for me and some others at the “do” when... the sky became much darker as the bubbles floated all round and about, inside and out and... the “Cipro alarm” sounded... the end. - 9.08 She's just walked out of the kitchen and onto the porch and let out an exhaustive whine. Gee... I wonder... did she put Minou out before feeding him again so he went and found something to kill and eat, leaving the remains on the porch? (Stupid qunt!) - 9.22 And so, this morning, the dream annoyed me after another wretched night of horrific sleeplessness, up and down and up and down and up and down and cold, cold, cold, cold. Seems, just as I'd begin dozing off, cold as it was in here, I'd have to get up and pee again. Hour after hour after hour... it was HELL! ALL THROUGH THE FUCKING NIGHT! The cold. The peeing. The cold. The peeing. I know I was up at 4-something, then at 5-something, I vaguely recall looking at the clock at 6-something, 8-something and then? Cipro Time! I was tempted to just throw my clothes in the washer this morning, since I don't have a change that I left to my-self, really, but then remembered... SHE'S GOT FUCKING DIRTY CLOTHES IN THE WASHER AND FUCKING I-DON'T-REALLY-KNOW IN THE FUCKING DRYER AS IS FUCKING COMMON AND USUAL AROUND THIS FUCKING ASYLUM!!! and I'm in no fucking mood for that shit this morning. Oh... and fucking BRAS laying about the fucking loo as well! Fucking slut! I'd sooner take all the fucking rags and throw them about the house at this point than to put them to the side or even on the floor. BUT... BUT.... BUT THE FUCK BUT... as has become the case and norm... THERE'S TONIGHT, since I don't get proper sleep and rest through the night any-way... I'll just toss her shit about and get mine done... maybe even a shower... perhaps I'll go “full day course”... bed linens too... run the machine through the night. I'm at exhaustion again here. - Meanwhile, it's 9.36 and I look out to the end of the drive... across the road, the white barrel is curb-side. At the end of this drive... nothing. It's fucking bloody RECYCLING DAY! and she's fucking clueless! I'm trying to decide between leaving the fucking shit piled up over the window on the porch and letting it sit there to rot for the next 2 weeks (in which time I'll be off and gone) or to simply remove it. Me... the “fucking idiot” (as said by HER shit-bag across the fence and she permits such reference) that I obviously am round here. Wouldn't make much difference to her, I'm sure. Fuck... the rotting shit in the tins, the rotting shit in the kitchen trash bin, the stench of old urine wafting off me, the stench of wet dog as the fur tufts roll across the floor and the litter box, though that's about the CLEANEST bit in the place. Yes indeed... being able to have this little place in New Russia has come at the perfect moment... because her being fired now is NOT something that I could manage to tolerate for very much longer... not in peace. I swear... Raymond Luce left her in just enough time to survive. Poor Cecil probably died from cancer due to stress-related causes. And if I hadn't been given New Russia... MY death would be worse than the congestion in my chest (which is a bit heavier this morning) and the “UTI” I'm STILL fighting... on day 4 of 10. (It was mentioned that things should be better by Friday this week so... The combo of last night's and this morning's pee is light-coloured, gone cloudy this morning, and yep... little “bits” floating about in it. The URGENCY still hits and the “dribbles” still follow. But the FIRE when I go is a bit less. That is all. Thank you for tuning in.) ANYway... I'll be out for a smoke (which I shouldn't but I've a few left in the pack and I'm making excuses... I truly would like to leave here with closed packs and nothing else. It'll save at least the 80-160/month not to mention making my existence a bit easier, breathing-wise anyway. And I don't understand why THIS morning... oh wait... yesterday was a rather heavy day. MUST keep that in check. - Also, must gather together, something to call “eating money” for today. 4 rolls and crisps. Hmmmm.... and a bit of that fruit juice which I'm not so sure is any good for this infection. There might be something in there. Perhaps I should have a look on-line for recalls. - And as my mind soars about the stratosphere... GEE! I wonder if the mower will last through a run-about on Friday, with the belt having come lose this past time. Oh right... and do I care? No... (I can hear it already though: “That Bradley. He came to get the cart to use and didn't bother coming back for the mower.” Yeah... what-the-bloody-fuck-ever, you pathetic old thing. Gee... SO MANY FRIENDS HAVE YOU? AN ENTIRE CONGREGATION AT YOUR JESUS MEETINGS, HAVE YOU? CO-WORKERS? FOLKS UP THE ROAD? Yep... I see... I DO, I DO see....) - Oh... it's 9.52 and she's door-slamming. I suppose I'll try for a second coffee and a smoke and see how the recyc. works out. Ah... the fuckery and faggotry. - Wait, wait, I'm hearing her on the porch.... tins tinkle... I sit silent... still... YES! SHE'S PUT THE RECLYC TO THE CURB! AMAZING! And she's back at the table of seedlings by the green-house. BUT... the recyc is curb-side! INcredible! We ARE amazed! - And we are on with our day. - 10.11 AND THE STENCH OF SHIT IN THE AIR IS CHOKING!!! FUCK THIS PLACE! REALLY! - 12.12 Well... all morning, not a word from the house. There's been a chipmunk on the back porch since, well, I suppose that's what she whined about this morning. I'm going to see how long it stays there this time. My curiosity. - Been on Minds all morning, the “Author” channel. “Revelation” has received a response and a re-post. The response “Great read.” Hmmm... perhaps something I can look forward to whiling away the hours in the mountains... when I get home. (I need a table and chair!) - Peeing is still “urgent” and a touch “burning”, a bit cloudy and bits about. - I've been waiting for some kind of phone call saying the gas situation is “dire” or something at home. Thankfully... nothing. - She's been on the phone a couple of time making appointments for her “trip” next week. And I'm sitting here trying to convince myself that it's fine to take it easy, current health considered. (Hey! I've never done so before, no matter the situation... the rest can go finger-fuck themselves... ignorant as they are of my past.) It's a bit un-nerving but... - Meanwhile... the recycling went out so there's a plus, if one is to be found. - I still feel filthy though. - 17.33 Well, she toddled out the door after the changing of the propane tanks, at about 14.00 or so, off to Bedford to pick berries. Rolled back in at about 16.45 JUST as I was getting into... the SHOWER!!! YAY ME! And do I ever feel better! (Though I had to go to the boxes to get a change because, in my delirium, I've packed EVERYTHING... oh well.) Still, I took my time, got a good washing, though not a scrubbing and managed to get my bed things washed and dried and then, popped my clothes (AND THEY STUNK!) into the wash. They're in the dryer now. - Meanwhile, I got the boards cut for the little “Post Office/Private Residence” signs. It took a bit of doing with 2 saws, but they're cut and prepped for the lettering. Something to keep me occupied for the time-being... how-ever long that might last. - I rang Eve too... We spoke for quite the while. She's at the lake. We discussed my “infection”, and housing here and there. She asked about Mme.'s connections with “friends and family” and I told her what I know. Drove the point directly: Her kids hate her, the folks in town aren't fond of her, she's in for a tough time ahead now. Well, don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got til it's gone? *** AND... I must add here that, when she toddled back in, I told her that there's an odour of propane in the house. She can't smell it but I most certainly can (or something on the porch up-stairs is dead, which wouldn't surprise me at all, considering all the garbage he hoardes up there). Her response was “Don't light any matches or smoke in here, which you don't do anyway.” Never mind the gas can cause damage and death and it's right out-side MY window... A-FUCKING-GAIN. So? Just another reason to get me together and get me the fuck out of and away from here. Makes the leaving easier and easier and easier. “Mutual consideration.” - And so, she toddled off to the lake with Ms. Hallie at about 17.00 and I toddled to the store for another pizza and I've had pizza, Mimou has had dinner and he's out in the yard and I'm just waiting for the clothes to dry. Another day has come and gone and I should be HOME... and with the way she continues to treat me... VERY SOON. - Odd, but even Eve asked “What about the lady?” I wonder who, in town, knows of my departure and what their response is/was/will be. “What about...?” I'd REALLY like to say “She can rot, in consideration of the way she's treated me these past 3 years.” but I simply say “I honestly don't know... she's no family who cares and no friends who even drop by to see how she's doing.” I think that covers it all quite well. - So anyway... there's still packing and gathering and such. But there's time. I just hope the truck holds for at least two trips. I'd like to make one whilst she's gone, if not before she leaves. Then, take the rest and be off. It's going to be an interesting departure. I've no love nor love loss and being “kind” will be difficult. But there's no sense being nasty. She'll be dealing with the fruits of her behaviour when I'm gone... and she suddenly realises: She's in this place and very much alone. - Time to move along to the next what-ever of the evening. - No word from the gas or electric companies today so I'll suppose all is well and the place is settled there. - Another week and some and all of this nightmare will be over. - 20.15 So she comes in and I try to tell her that I do smell gas and her reply “I've been up-stairs.” FUCK THAT! So it rolled into her not telling me when she's leaving or when she'll be returning and the promise that if I get the mood and chance to leave on Tuesday... I'M OUT. “Send me a message.” she says. FUCK YOU! YOU DON'T TELL ME WHEN YOU'RE LEAVING. YOU DON'T TELL ME WHEN YOU'RE COMING BACK. AND WHEN YOU DO TELL ME YOU COME BACK WHEN IT DAMNED-WELL PLEASES YOU! SO I'M RETURNING THREE YEARS OF YOUR INCONSDIERATION. WHEN I GO... I'M GONE. “I'll have somebody stop by to check.” Good... explain to them why... because I sure as shit will when I see them. But, AS FOR THE GAS? HEY! GAS RISES. LET IT COLLECT UNDER THE PORCH UP THERE... IT'S WHERE DIMBALLS SMOKES AND HIS KIDS PLAY. GAS IS THERE? HE LIGHTS A SMOKE? BUH-BYE PORCH. SHE'S SO INCREDIBLY FUCKING DELUSIONALLY ENTITLED! And so off she toddles, as if we'd just had a sing-along. FUCKING RETARDED! SIMPLY FUCKING RETARDED. Well? It's as I say, her days of Hell are ahead of her. I've done exceptionally well by her for these years and gotten SHIT in return. My “dues” are paid... what-ever they might be. What her life becomes is her own doing. Meanwhile, right now, I've got to get a nap in. - I've started working on the little signs. Something to pass the time. I just have to figure the lettering and such, get them painted and bring them home. - The peeing is still painful and there are bits in the urine. But the frequency is less and the urgency is a bit less. But there are still bits in the urine so it's still in there... what-ever it is. - I just heard Hallie on the porch. I don't care. I'm off for a quick lie-down until pill-time and then off to try for a bit of a nap. When I wake, more work on the sign. Something to pass the time. - KRISTE! THIS QUNT! UNBELIEVEABLE! - 22.49 I've been in an out of bed about 4 times since. Never got undressed though. Still pondering packing the truck up tonight and going. And, of course, peeing. But I've been drinking a lot of water. Urine is clear, light, still has bits in it but a bit of research shows that it's probably mucous from the infection. The lining of the bladder is irritated and the kidneys too. So mucous is “normal”. There's still a bit of “burning” at the tip. That too, is “normal”. But the “urgency” is decreasing. Things are moving along. Now, it's all about timing of when I'd arrive and how to unpack the truck with-out disturbing the hamlet. I'm tired, but obviously not enough. - The fan is in the window, blowing full out. I'm suspecting the gas is from the old tank. Probably left open... right out-side the window. But I still can't believe her stupidity and apathy and the general bull-shit she dished when I brought it to her attention. Fucking retard, that one. She makes leaving quite easy on the conscience. My heart breaks for the little ones. She's so fucking self-serving! UGLY! VICIOUS AND UGLY! Incredible. - A quick glance at the truck and the boxes and I do believe everything will fit in one trip. It's a lovely night. It would be nice to simply roll along, at ease, off to home. As I say, it's a matter of timing of arrival. I could easily put the sleeping bag on the floor and stay the night/day. But once I'm out of here, I won't come back. It's a one-way affair. If I had a bed, table, chair... or even a table and chair. If only. Truth is, this isn't the first time I'd move into a place with absolutely nothing. Anyway... it's open for constant consideration. - The lap-top is fucking about again tonight so I want to get things here onto the Journals on-line before shutting-down. There are “up-dates” so I need to get the important items backed-up. That's what I'll do and then try for a nap, at the very least. - I'm growing into full “HATE” for this place... for her... for it all... except the little ones. But once out and away, I can see to them... and her “truths” will be set free. I'll NOT leave here with her vile mouth spewing shit about me. I've done too much for too long. One day, I need to make a list... like clearing out her yard behind the phone shed, on the West side of the barn, moving the fences, saving the lilies... all of that. I've worked harder than the payment of this little box in which I've almost been held captive. No place to put toiletries, and the likes. No kitchen unless she was away. Waiting to bathe and the likes. A list. - Meanwhile, time to wrap this much up and get it posted, get the important files backed-up. - 23.38 The files are backed-up, the “up-dates” and “re-start” have been completed. Fucking “Disk” is at 100% anyway. But at least the Servers, Passwords and Financials are backed-up. And I STILL believe I can get everything into the truck and away... one trip. (If only the brakes will hold on the hills.) Oh well. I've had a smoke. I've had another water. There really isn't anything else to be done. - OH! Funny thing: I looked for “Russia NY” before shutting-down. IT'S NEXT TO BARNEVELD! And much farther South. But how funny is THAT! Across the state. Though not exactly all that far away. Hell, I could toddle into Barneveld and visit with Mary (with a K) of Pafka Gajewski! (I doubt she's still there, and I doubt I'd be “warmly” welcomed anyway. But it's still rather funny.) Not to mention... It's a FAR CRY from New Russia to Russia... and if anybody asks here... I'll be in Russia NY. Let them go search. The more distance between, the better anyway. - I'm going to get into bed (again) and see what can be done to pass this night. I'll ponder packing in the morning... or... as I lay me down to sleep. - Meanwhile, this room still stinks... either of gas or something dead. Either way... there's a stench in it... it isn't me tonight. I'm showered. Probably the HELL of this place, the utter HELL that IS this place.
We.10.Jul: 9.40 Up at to meds at 9.03 but woke from a disturbing DREAM after a night of being up, last time I recall was at 5-something.
I was living in some other country, “African” of sorts, but in a “White majority” area, if it was in Africa at all. I'd always been there, not as if I'd migrated or anything of the sort, I was just in an area that I'd not grown up in. (As I think of it, it's more like this move back to NY, but in an area that's new to me... and this makes the dream all the more disturbing.) All was fine, I was living amongst all the the rest in the very rural region, well and good when the local “government” or “law enforcement” or somebody decided, for some un-known reason, that they wanted to be rid of me... by any and all means. As I was working round the yard, as it were, one rather cloudy day-into-evening, a Black neighbour came by to tell me “They're after you! They want you dead! You must RUN! and RUN NOW!” and as he spoke, I saw, in the distance, a group of VERY Black men, in blue uniforms, coming over the hills toward the house. Around me were other, lesser-dressed Black men, wandering about. Under normal circumstances, I'd have no cause to suspect them of anything but now I realised that they were a sort of “bounty hunter” and were actually coming after me. “You must run to the South and in no other direction!” said my neighbour, which meant into the only wood-lands in the area. Once in there, I'd have more chance of being able to travel, hidden. I knew this my-self but appreciated the advice. “You must go NOW! Take nothing. There's no time.” advised my friend, and so, I dropped my shovel where I stood and began to make my way toward the wood-lands, trying to make my movements unremarkable. But my movement was noted by the “bounty hunters” near-by and they began following me, them too, trying to appear casual. When, at last, I'd made it into the woods, I began moving much quicker, through the trees and under-brush, zig-zagging my way through. I knew I needed to make it through the woods to the city on the other side and from there, could either blend better with the population or get transport out (even though I didn't have any money with me, having just up and left the yard). As it can be in a dream... the very next thing I recall: I was in the city, the population of which was, of course, predominantly Black, so there was no way I could hide. (Almost like Peter told me of Parkchester: “Look at you; a 6-foot tall White man. There's no way you can hide here.”) So I had to do my best to try to appear as just another person wandering about with purpose. I made my way to the rail station where I managed to get into a train/metro and ride along. I figured I'd take it to as far away as I possibly could. The car was almost empty, save for about 4 Black men and 2 Black women, 1 White man and my-self, but I felt that I'd be fine for the while, rolling along, farther away from the village where I lived. As I sat, gathering my thoughts of the end of the line and having to find yet another mode of transport even farther away, a young Black man came to me to say “They're very much after you now. They've told everybody that you have a terrible disease that's highly contagious and deadly, that they're doing their best to find you and kill you so you don't infect anybody else. They have the people against you now!” and he got up and left the car. I looked about me. Nobody here seemed to know anything about my situation. They were all dozing or simply riding along, but I had to be extremely aware every time the train stopped and somebody else got on! And the train rolled along. When we got to the end of the line I realised that I should have gotten off at another station along because as the train pulled in, 3, 4 or more Black men, in blue uniform, wearing medical face masks came rushing toward the train. Indeed, they'd been told that I was carrying a disease! I was a medical threat to the population, according to them! I had to figure a way to get out of this train with-out being noticed or to do so quickly so as not to be stopped! As I tried to plot my escape, more men in uniform came toward the train, but there were, at most, about 7 or 8 of them at the moment, some were armed with guns, most were armed with clubs. As I plotted my “escape”, the world out-side the window blurred and swirled round... and the 9.00 Cipro alarm sounded.
This bull-shit in this fucking hole is actually getting to me now... into the dreams. What makes it all worse is that I got up, had my coffee and Cipro and went to put my garbage to the curb... and she's out and about already this morning. Hallie and Minou are both here with me. No notes, as usual. I don't trust that old hag, I just don't trust her! I've already seen what she's capable of and none of it is pleasant. Anyway, I've managed to have a clear pee. A bit darker than last night's almost 2 litres (which have been dumped and the bottles rinsed, yay), but that's to be expected after 4 hours of not going (which is about all the solid sleep I've gotten over-night again), considerably less painful this morning, and a slight BM (though, food intake has been slight as well). - I've left a hand-written note on the kitchen table explaining a “follow-up medical on Wed. next so if she'd be kind enough to let me know when she'll return from her road trip next week-end I'll arrange my departure from here accordingly and attend Hallie and Minou during her absence.” Best I can do. Fuck her and her flock. - I checked to see if the tarp I'd gotten to put over the truck this Winter would fit over the back bed for moving. Seems it should. And the extra carbiners (or what-ever the fuck those clips are called) that I'd gotten should be of great help. So, the more I go along, the better it appears: 1 pack, 1 move, 1 drive and GONE! - For now, I need to do more “arranging here to make the move-out easier. I'd like to get my little “Post Office” signs done here, since I have a table/work-space. But we shall see what's to come as the day rolls on. - Gee... I wonder about the dream. I've NO doubt she's out there spreading bull-shit about how terrible I am. - Oh and, there's still the faintest odour of propane in the place this morning. But I made it through the night. (Maybe the gas had something to do with the dream? I mean, before falling asleep, I couldn't help but think of the rotting garbage she intentionally allow the previous slags to put under the window and didn't give a shit that I couldn't open this one for air. Then there was this current in-breed and his 15 bags of garbage left at curb and she told HIM to put it... under the window. Seriously? Then comes the propane... under the window. So what? She's intentionally trying to make me terribly ill? It won't kill out-right... though the gas could have done. So now that those attempts have failed, she'll be off to turn the villagers against me. You know, it probably sounds a bit farcical, but, coming to see and know her over these past some years, I wouldn't put anything past her... and then she can toddle off to “Jesus”, holy-holy-hallelujah, and serve her people their breakfast on Sunday -I see her beans at the ready in the kitchen- oh saintly caring great mother of many, and all the while, it's the typical “Carrie”-like film script... murdering old shit-bag, gnawing on the bones of her victims... even as their hearts continue to beat. *PRAYZ JEEZUS!* Fucking in-bred, psycho-social retard. Fucking shame it all has to end this way... just a fucking shame.) - 10.24... time to get rolling here. - 10.30 ALL ENTRIES UP TO DATE! 2 COPIES ON THE INTERNET! ALL'S CLEAR... (just in case). - 11.11 WELL... fun fun fun... I have a CREDIT on the gas already... 8,51. The electric is up, running and I just spoke with the nice folks at NYSEG to change the mailing address and next bill... around tomorrow. Should be interesting. And all is well indeed. And no word about the old hag's location. So? I'm off to tidy this shit-hole together. - Still all sorts of anxious. But... that's to be expected until departure. - 21.17 THE ENTIRE DAY... PACKING AND RE-PACKING AND CLEARING THIS ROOM TO ARRANGE BOXES SO THAT I CAN SEE WHAT I HAVE TO TAKE!!! From beginning to now, when I FINALLY got the bed back, it's been non-stop! And there've been boxes that had so little in them that I could concentrate them down to smaller boxes too! And so I've done! Honestly... - But there were a couple of breaks, round about noon. I received an “invoice” from AmeriGas and checking on-line, it showed what looked like a short of about 8,51! So I rang and was told “NO! IT'S A CREDIT TO MY ACCOUNT! I'VE *OVER*-PAID BY THAT MUCH! So I'm already ahead on the gas! WOOHOO! Next, I checked NYSEG and had to phone them to change the billing address and the WONDERFUL gal there told me that I'd be getting a bill round about tomorrow's date. THAT should be interesting to see, since it should be for only 2 days' worth. But surely, it won't be free... there's all sorts of charges that go with the account so I'm hoping THAT won't be TOO awful... when it arrives. It's rather soon, but at least I'll be “in the know” right up front. NEXT... PIONEER... to change the mailing and to learn about the status. Seems I MIGHT have ONE more payment to them coming but as of now, EVERYTHING IS PERFECT! Says the nice gal “You should be receiving a 'Welcome' letter from the new company you'll be dealing with and they'll have further instructions. When I asked about making a payment anyway, she suggested I phone them on about the 23rd. If I've not received anything, I'll pay Pioneer another 5. HEY! THAT would be just FINE by me! - All the while, the old hag was out and about. No word, no note, not consideration, of course. Come to find out, when she'd returned, she had to have her “air bag sensor” replaced. Fine. What-ever. But she's been EVER so sweet all day... Fucking hypocrite. I'd left her that note on the table about letting me know when she'd be returning next week so I could plan my departure from that. Seems she'll be back either Wednesday night or Thursday “at some time”. So, I can, essentially, look toward being out of here Wednesday night or VERY early Thursday morning next week! ALL of this shit will be DONE! No regrets, I tell you. - BUT THE WHAMMY DU JOUR? *** I FUCKING WENT OUT AND, AFTER A BIT OF SILLY MANEUVERING, JUST GAVE THE FUCK UP, TIPPED THE FUCKING PROPANE TANK ON IT'S SIDE AND ROLLED IT TO THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS TO UP-STAIRS! I TOLD HER AND SHE STILL DIDN'T BUDGE ABOUT IT. I TOLD HER SHE SHOULD LET DIMBALLS KNOW NOT TO COME AND GO WITH A CIGARETTE BECAUSE NOW IT WAS LEAKING INTO HIS STAIR-WAY. YEAH... SHE SAID SHE DID ***** BUT THEN... SHE HAD TO STEP OUT-SIDE FOR SOEMTHING AND WENT TO THE FUCKING TANK. “OH! I CAN SMELL IT NOW!” SHE SAID. SO I SAID “IT WOULD BEHOOVE YOU, WHEN PEOPLE TELL YOU THINGS OF IMPORTANCE, TO GET UP OFF YOUR BONEY SHITTER AND CHECK IT OUT BEFORE GOING OFF ON SOME TANTRUM AT THEM. I PUT UP WITH THIS BLOWING INTO THE ROOM ALL DAY YESTERDAY AND ALL NIGHT LAST NIGHT.” SO SHE WROTE A NOTE AND LEFT IT ON THE STAIRS FOR DIMBALLS. TO BE HONEST, THE FUCKING PROPANE WAS NOW COMING IN THROUGH THE PORCH AS WELL, SO I WENT BACK OUT, TIPPED THE FUCKING THING AGAIN, ROLLED IT TO THE TABLE IN THE YARD AND LEFT IT THERE, UP-RIGHT. OH, AND IT'S ALMOST FULL... I'D SAY A GOOD 30-40 GALLONS IN IT, SO IT ISN'T LIGHT! FUCK. RESULTS? THE FAN IT BLOWING COOL AIR INTO THE ROOM TONIGHT... ALL'S SPIFFY. FUCKING SHIT. YOU JUST CAN'T BE POLITE AROUND THIS HOLE AND I'VE HAD MORE THAN MY SHARE OF THIS BULL-SHIT! BUT THE FUCKING JOB IS DONE. (I'm going to let the Bourne Gas company know of the bull-shit and let others know as well. I took photos... to be posted to social media... with particulars. Fuck. And I told her of my intentions. All she could say is “Good”. Moron.) ***** - And so, “meal”, half pound turkey on two rolls, two little “ice creams”, and water. - And tonight I'm pondering a shower but I probably won't bother. I'd really like a v-ton, but with the Cipro, I don't want to do anything that would inhibit it in any way. I've got IMPORTANT times a-coming! - Tired right now. A touch “sticky” from the sweating. But this room is “compacting” nicely. - Oh, and she DID put the garbage out, but NO, didn't bother to empty the litter box... and to THAT... It was about 19.55 when Minou came to the porch door, CALLING! So I got my smoke and went to take him and Hallie out for “stroll”. The old thing came along and marvelled: Minou RAN to the yard and made it half the way to the compost when he HAD to stop to pee. She couldn't believe it. So I told her (for all the good it didn't do) that she HAD to take them out at 8pm because he won't go unless it's with Hallie and there's a bit of an outing involved. They''re used to the routine. As I told her, Minou finished peeing and went to the compost where he had his shit. She DID notice but I doubt it registered any-where in that solid skull of hers. Oh well... She'll learn... but probably not. You can't teach the uneducable and she's the epitome of that. Anyway, after, we sat a bit on the back porch chatting about nothing, really. I don't care what's said or discussed any more. None of it matters. What matters to me is that my utilities accounts are in order, my “loan” is in order and that the truck makes the trip(s) with NO troubles! I'm going HOME next week and that's all there is to it. - Now, I have to figure out a bit of a bed, a chair, table and getting me from here to there and having done with it all. Next week, this time, I'll be getting ready to ROLL ... AWAY from this 8 year night-mare. At last... AT LONG LONG LONG LAST! - I'm tired... I think I'll try to see what comes of a “nap” now. If all night? Fine. If not? Fine too... there's more packing and if I have to do it during the night, that's fine. I've no more concerns about being quiet round here either.
Thu.11.Jul: 2.11 The room is filling with bugs. I don't know why I'm still awake. I've been on Minds for far too long. Have been munching crisps too... ick. Feeling sticky from the day's sweat. Smoking entirely too much. Could use a v-ton but won't. And the room is still in disorder. Thankfully it's cool in here and the air coming in through the window doesn't reek of anything dead and decaying (for a change). A shower would have been nice before bed but that's not happening. She said, (on last night's 8pm stroll) that she might go to the church at about 9.00 to help with set-up for Sunday's brunch. I can only hope. Not that it makes any difference because I have to be up to take the next Cipro then. But... it would be nicer to wake with-out the consideration of confrontation. - On Minds, I posted photo of the gas tanks and a blurb. Some jackass came at me with a screeching “just close the valve... WTF”. I responded as I will these days and blocked. No patience. But the news is out and the hash-tags included. Fukkem! Fukkemall! - So now... time to try for a bit of a snooze. Thankfully there've been no URGES to pee. I've done twice. It's still not back to normal. But at least the pain is subsiding. Friday (tomorrow) is 7 days. It should be GONE by then. One can only hope. - I need a nap. (Talk about hope.) - 10.01 AND I LITERALLY DID NOT GET TO SLEEP UNTIL 5.00!!! NO MATTER HOW I TRIED, I COLD NOT GET TO SLEEP! Not because of pee'ing, not any particular pain. I just WOULD NOT fall asleep! The very last time I remember looking at the clock was at 4.54 this morning! And now? I'm up. She's at the church. And I've had coffee, emptied the bottle, rinsed the guard, and I'm in a sweat... exhaustion. I'd heard the 9.00 Cipro alarm and dozed, bolted out of a strange dream and just MOVED! - As for the DREAM: I was in a book-store, browsing through a short aisle of books in Hebrew, looking for just anything, nothing in particular. There were MANY larger volumes, all the same, white cover, something printed in a medium-pale blue lettering, two words as the title. I couldn't figure out what the books were but attributed them to the recent graduating class at a Yeshiva or something of the sort. As I browsed, a young fellow came round the corner of the aisle and engaged in schmooze, boasting about how much he'd received for graduation. I joked about opening a schul locally. He didn't quite take it as humour. I said that I was simply looking for books written in Hebrew because mine was so diminishing, since there were so few Jews about. He said he understood completely and returned to his accounting of his own accomplishments and such. THAT is when I woke! As I type this, I'm reminded of a poem, on Minds, this morning, written and posted by somebody called “Kibls”... from Germany. The poem was about the awakening of the German people, delightful, short read, in German. I read, commented, in German. Received a reply, also in German. I (with the help of translate of course) posted a compliment, expressing my 2nd Gen status, diminishing German and that it is, to me, a language full of love from the grands. Perhaps THAT is what prompted the dream. In any event, there we have it. - But waking from a dream is never really good. Jolting out of REM... especially so soon after falling asleep, and such a short sleep at that. - And so, I've had my Cipro now, coffee and sadly, I had a smoke which I need, most certainly, to curb if not get rid of completely in the next few days. It's obviously making life more miserable now, particularly in this heat and humidity. Those 2 days when I'd all but quit, I laid down at night with no wheezing. The wheezing is now back, the congestion too. Yeah... time to “change” all that. Not for health reasons at this juncture but for comfort... just the comfort. - Agenda today? At the very least, get all the little boxes into larger boxes as best as is possible. Having uniform sizes (though that's not possible with this combination of all sorts and sizes) will make packing the truck easier, I'm sure. Not to mention, this room is intolerable. And then I'll be able to work on the little signs, in peace and some comfort, before leaving.... a week from today! Ah... well then. Typing is getting me no closer. Off and running (for as long as possible) we go then! - This is going to be difficult... with this exhaustion. - 17.29 FINALLY a break for Dinty Moore and ice cream! Packing ALL DAY... NON-STOP... BUT... more on that later. - AND OF COURSE, AT THE HOUR FOR DINNER FOR THE LITTLE ONES, SHE HEADS OUT TO THE YARD... I *KNOW* IT'S INTENTIONAL... THE FUCKING OLD QUNT. BUT... THE LITTLE ONES HAVE HAD DINNER. My turn! - 21.33
INCREDIBLE! 4 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT, WORKING ALL THROUGH THE DAY... EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE TABLE-TOP IS PACKED, READY TO PUT INTO THE TRUCK AN ROLL THE ACTUAL FUCK AWAY FROM HERE! AT LAST! AND BETWEEN THE BED AND WALL, AND UNDER THE BED ARE ALL HOOVERED! IT IS AMAZING! THERE'S NOTHING UNDER THE TABLE (SAVE THE VODKA THAT I SHALL HAVE ON TUESDAY NIGHT AS CELEBRATION... WHICH I WOULD LUV TO HAVE RIGHT NOW BUT DON'T DARE BECAUSE OF THE CIPRO). THINGS ARE IN ORDER. NOW... THAT THE TRUCK STARTS, RUNS AND GETS ME TO NEW RUSSIA ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT OR THURSDAY MORNING. THAT'S ALL I WANT OUT OF LIFE RIGHT NOW. IT'S DONE. THIS MOVE IS ROLLING ALONG. I AM FINALLY GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF VERMONT AND BACK TO NEW YORK!!!!!! ALMOST 8 YEARS! IT'S BEEN *WAY* TOO LONG A RIDE, TO HIGH THE FARE. MY ONLY REGRET IS THAT I DIDN'T GET TO DO THIS AT LEAST 3 YEARS AGO... OR SHORTLY AFTER ARRIVING IN VERMONT... LIKE THE MOMENT I WAS CALLED A “SCUM-BAG” BY SHELLY VINYL. FUCKING QUNT. RETROSPECT? ROBIN LABELLE WAS THE SWEETEST TO ME, BRENDA MAYHEW TOO. OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD... FRAN TURNED OUT TO BE A BITCH. SILAS BECAME A PSYCHOTIC SHIT. JAN? ANOTHER PSYCHO BITCH. DOUG? FUCKING ABUSIVE USER. STEVE AND TARA? JUST INCREDIBLY FUCKING SHIT-BAGS. LIARS. DIANE OWENS? GOOD GOD *THE* SNATCH OF A LIFE-TIME... FUCKING JUNKIE-DRUNK. A FELONY? LYLE WAS, THOUGH ENTITLED, SPOILED TO THE CORE, A TRUE GENTLEMAN, IN GENERAL, A GOOD FRIEND. AFTER ALL, HE DID PROMISE “AS LONG AS I AM IN THIS HOUSE, YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE A HOME”. AND HE KEPT HIS WORD, INDEED. YES HE DID. BOB? Q GENERAL QUNT. AND JUST ABOUT EVERYBODY IN FRANKLIN IS AS USELESS TO CREATION AS TITS ON A TROUT. AH WELL... I GAVE IT 8 YEARS, ALMOST. IT NEVER GOT BETTER... ONLY WORSE. OH YES, THEN THERE'S CINDY SHEDRICK AND THE ENTIRE POSTAL SERVICE STAFF OF NEW ENGLAND. I CAN'T EVEN THINK OF TERMINOLOGY LOW ENOUGH FOR THEM. I WALKED *MANY* MILES... ALONE. WORK, SHOPPING, SURVIVAL. I RODE THE BIKE AND WALKED TO GET TO AND FROM WORK, IN THE RAIN. I WALKED MANY MILES TO GET GROCERIES. I WALKED. I RODE A BIKE IN RAIN, SNOW, THROUGH SHIT, OVER DIRT ROADS, OVER MUD ROADS. I BROKE MY BACK IN THE BARN OF 5225. I BROKE MY FOOT STACKING WOOD FOR THE UNGRATEFUL QUNT AT 5199. I'VE AGED, CONSIDERABLY HERE. AND NOW, WHAT HAVE I TO SHOW FOR IT? WELL, TEMPORARILY, THIS PLACE LOOKS GOOD. GIVE IT A WEEK OR 2... EVERYHING I'VE EVER DONE WILL REVERT. THAT'S HOW THIS SHIT-HOLE IS. YES, INDEED, IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON, MOVE ALONG, MOVE AWAY... AND NOT LOOK BACK AND MORE THAN I'VE EVER DONE BEFORE. THIS CHAPTER IS CLOSING... AND I'M CERTAINLY NOT HEART-SICK ABOUT IT. TRULY, THIS IS WHAT IS MEANT BY “NO LOVE LOST”. FIN.
At about 17.00 I toddled over to the store for a tin of Dinty Moore and 2 of those little ice cream cups. That was “meal” all day today. Enough? No. I'm hungry now. But it'll suffice. At about 17.30 I was offered a burger... “A”, “ONE” burger. I simply held up the empty tin. She went off to cook for her-self. I've got about 4$ cash on me now. There's a 100 bill, 100 in 5s, and 200 in the light. About 100 in the US account that I can't really touch until I pay the electric bill. It's 179 but 42 is coming out for the phone in a day or so. I don't dare start fucking with any of it just yet. Better to pay the bills first. It's the beginning of the difficult days. But, one day, it'll catch up... and if I'm lucky, I'll get a little job in New Russia or “E-Town” for a bit extra (to pay more bills because when the phone/Internet start, that's another 50 per month. Thankfully there's no oil bill yet, the gas is only twice yearly. Thankfully.) It looks like, with a bit of serious determination, this move is going to be fine. Difficult, but not impossible. Am I nervous? A bit afraid? Damned right I am. But... this is no time to fuck about. I need a nice place where I can lay head on pillow, close my eyes and leave this world... in fucking PEACE! I've WORKED HARD and EARNED that much. - Meanwhile, I'm pondering a shower. If it doesn't rain tomorrow, the lawn will get done (for the last time) and I'll need cleansing after that. But, a shower will help with sleep tonight so... I most likely will get that much done for me. FOR ME! I'm just waiting for the “hole” to settle. She's already gone to bed. Sadly, the little Dimballs are in the house this week-end. Hopefully they'll try to behave like something similar to humans. If not? Hey... may the majority of their presence be obvious... in their living-room. Amen. - There's a bit of rain falling tonight. There's supposed to be quite the storm at some point during but I doubt that will come along. I've put the plants out for a good dose, They deserve the breeze, air, rain, washing. If we're all blessed at all, in any fashion, their next will be clean, clear mountain air and rain... Adirondack quality! And from then on, clear, Adirondack mountain river water. No more snow-melt and general pollution. (I wonder how they'll handle it all.) - OK. A bit of soc.med. as the hole settles and then... off to the shower! (I packed MY “Clorox Clean-up”, so I'll have to use “her” bath cleaner. Oh well...) - 24.06 OUT OF THE SHOWER, NICE AND CLEAN. (Jammies are a bit smelly, but they're “clean enough” for tonight.) Feels great. But I've the belief that it's going to be ANOTHER NIGHT OF NO SLEEP! I'M SOME-HOW WOUND! FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME!!!!! - OH, almost forgot to mention: the old hag got a letter from Dept. of “Labor” today, telling her that she's “disqualified for this period” and that, if she wanted to appeal, to ring a number. Ah... ONCE AGAIN I SAVE HER USELESS SHIT! I urged her to phone, ask “Why” she's disqualified because the letter clearly stated “for this period”. COME TO FIND OUT, SHE'S “DISQUALIFIED” FOR A PERIOD BECAUSE OF HER HAVING BEEN PAID ALL OF HER *** 420 HOURS *** OF ACCRUED TIME OFF! DUMB FUCK UNDERSTOOD AS BEING DISQUALIFIED FOR ALL BENEFITS! SO... I'VE MANAGED TO SAVE HER FUCKING USELESS CARCASS AND KEPT HER IN THE RUNNING FOR HER 489$ WEEKLY BENEFITS! SHE'S USELESS! UTTERLY USELESS, UNGRATEFUL, AND AS FUCKING MENTALLY AND SOCIALLY RETARDED AS ONE PERSON COULD POSSIBLY BE! USELESS! JUST FUCKING, UTTERLY USELESS, AND THANKLESS! So the fellow at “Labor” told her to “take it easy” until the 27th July and re-start her claims that week. ME? I advised her to continue filing until such time when she's actually blocked from doing so. Honestly? SHE'S TOO FUCKING LAZY TO EVEN TRY FILING! AND SHE KNOWS I WON'T BE HERE TO BE ABUSED BY HER CONTINUING BULL-SHIT, EVER AND ALWAYS EXPECTING *** ME *** TO DO THE WORK FOR HER! I even suggested that she simply phone in her claims, so she won't have to be so bothered by the on-line information (that she OBVIOUSLY REFUSES to be bothered with). What she does about it is her business and responsibility from now on. Me? I see her losing her unemployment benefits AND this house... all in due course... through no fault of anybody else but her own, delusionally entitled, useless fucking lazy arsing about. I've no concern, nor any care for anything other than the little ones. Let Karma rule... she'll be dealt with accordingly. FUCK HER! FUCK THIS! FUCK THEM ALL!
Fri.12.Jul: 0.14 DAMNED GOOD THING I WAS STILL AWAKE! POOR HALLIE CAME TO ME, WHINING, AS I WENT IN TO TAKE MY SHOWER. AFTER FINISHING “YESTERDAY'S” ENTRIES, I PUT ON THE HALL LIGHT AND STEPPED INTO THE DINING ROOM. SHE CAME OUT OF THE BED-ROOM, PANTING. SO, I HAD MY POST-SHOWER SMOKE AND SHE... *RAN* ROUND TO THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE, ROUND AND DOWN TO THE BACK YARD! POOR THING HAD TO PEE! I CAN'T IMAGINE WHERE THE OLD HAG IS... PROBABLY OUT COLD WITH HER “SLEEPING PILLS” AND WINE AND SHIT. *THIS* IS HOW IT'S GOING TO BE FOR THE LITTLE ONES FROM WHEN I LEAVE! THE USELESS, SELF-SERVING MORON! FUCKING BURNS ME HALF TO DEATH WITH ANGER. FUCK! I'VE NO PATIENCE NOR TOLERANCE FOR THIS SHIT! BUT I SIMPLY CANNOT STAY IN THIS ENVIRONMENT. IT'S GNAWING AT ME. - 1.58 For some reason I don't want to go to bed, but I am a bit on the “tired” side. Let's see how this night ends... at sun-rise. Here's to “hope”? At least the packing's done. - 10.23 It was a chore and effort to get out of the bed at 9.53 but... And yes, indeed, I WAS up, to pee, at about 5.00 this morning. Into bed at 2.00 and it took only a little while to get to sleep. But as the time passed, it became a bit more annoying, approaching 3.00. And I heard the 8.00 and 9.00 alarms... yes, I heard them. But the fact is, it's over-cast and it had rained last night so there's no jumping to mow this morning (as I'd've preferred to do this morning... before the heat of day). - Stepped out to the porch to find Mimou waiting for me. Ah yes, as I think... Nakkia, Noel, Mimou... another scar on the heart, another Love to carry. No resentment, no regrets, but yet, another Love... and another scar that will never heal, and always burn. He's much better though, really. A good house for shelter. Hopefully the old hag won't resent him and torture him too. I know she harbours great hatred toward and for me. And she associates him with me. But I will always be praying that, should she cause him any harm, that her due punishment be swift and hot. She's a hypocrite, to be sure, to be certain. She's “one of them”... I've grown through the years to see how “they” are... “Jesus says it's fine.” Fuck you and your rationale. Your leader is a hypocrite, a destructive presence of all evil in Creation. So too, you cohorts. I've not only witnessed, I've experienced. I know. But to cause harm of any kind, to a little one of this Earth... there is NO forgiveness. I do suppose I could put the effort forth and come back from time to time to visit, to check. But coming here and then leaving... Mimou wouldn't understand... and it would only keep the wound open... there'd never be healing for either of us. Best to move on, move along. - To think... next Friday I'll be waking in NY, in a little place called “New Russia”... no furnishings, no Internet... starting from scratch as it was with the little place at 419 Quail Street. Complete circle, this. It wasn't supposed to be this way. It was supposed to be better-prepared. Shit happens and so it does and has done. But in time, just as with the first place, all will settle and become what life generally is: a table, chair, bed... - There's a fucking fly in this room again this morning! A reminder of the rot, decay, filth... and though yes, there are flies every-where, here, this one reminds: You're packed and you NEED to leave. After all, how many times have you been reminded: “This is MY house! I pay the bills here!” and “You need to do what-ever you need to do to leave.” Well? I've “done” all I could, from the very first moment til recently, to “help” you to be independent, prepared, able to handle the general chores of the place. I've “helped” you with your “Jesus selling” spread-sheets, e-mails, billing and such. I TRIED to help you with your current unemployment. I've tried to “help” with your income, MUCH larger than mine as it is. I tried to “help” withe rental up-stairs. I've managed to keep the property where it, at the very least, appears to be properly and well-maintained. You've slapped me directly in the face, then spat on the hand-marks... all along. “Verbally abusive”. Yeah? Well... it's done. Now you can get up and move about with-out interference. There's never been any consideration of my presence here any-way. No concern about “verbal abuse”. You can recline on your chair to your lazy heart's content... nobody to listen to your whining about why you didn't bother to Hoover, get gas for the mower, FEED THE DOG because “I WORK!” (as if nobody else in this place lifts a finger). You can sit and suck your wine (“As long as she's got a bottle of wine, she's fine.”) until you pass-the-fuck-out. Now, you can prove to the rest of the town... and, pretty much, the world: You're just too fucking lazy, too fucking delusional, too fucking falsely entitled... and no, you don't have “friends”... and you've just managed to dodge having one because I do not leave here as your “friend”... I am... your ex-employee. Your “Grounds-Keeper/House-Keeper/Grounds Manager” has resigned. - Oh well indeed. 10.45. This morning is rapidly rolling into after-noon. Mowing is all that's on the agenda. Let's see what gets done... at day's end. - 13.06 WELL? Here we go, out to the barn, for the mower... “This is the last time... I'll ever mow for you.” Another epic chapter in the saga comes to a close. And do I look upon it with any remourse, a sense of sadness of any sort? Other than the fact that there will be little or no more satisfaction from a “job well done”... NOPE! Let's just hope the weather co-operates just long enough to get it all to where it's “presentable”. “That's all I ask of you.” - Oh... just had a chat: Seems her “Sue”, the fat thing who expected me to harvest her veggies some seasons back, had promised a gallon of syrup to be donated to the church do. Apparently, she also toddled off with a scale and some other items that were to have been returned and never have been, over time. Ah... so it comes, she'll offer only half gallons and, at that, what's considered the “poorest” of quality syrup. Hey! I got the opportunity, this morning, to say “I've watched this happening over the course of years here, so it comes as no surprise to me. Abuse is only as bad as it's permitted.” (Not to mention the repeat of yesterday's “revelation” that YES... Drummac DOES deliver to the Magnants' farm and YES, Magnant DOES spray it on the crops! All these years later and these, my final days, give me the opportunity, not wasted, to say, with glee “I toldya so.”) - I see a bit of sun-shine on yon yard, but I feel a bit of rain in the air which isn't showing on the weather map. Well? Let's just see how far we get (or not). Today isn't so much a matter of weather-permitting... the belt on the mower came lose last week... Let's see how far the mower will function. I can do only what the mower permits. That's that. - 23.02 FUCKING LATE AGAIN!!! I had to wait for the shower... a-fucking-gain! BUT...
TODAY I MOWED MY LAST FRANKLIN LAWN... THE LAST BLADE OF VERMONT GRASS!!! THE ENTIRE LAWN GOT DONE... IN ABOUT 4 HOURS, WITH ABOUT 3 BREAKS FOR “HYDRATION” AND A CANDY BAR. BUT IT'S DONE! MY “WORK” HERE... IN THIS SHIT-HOLE STATE... IS DONE! DONE, I SAY! DONE! TOMORROW SHE'S GONE TO A FUNERAL FOR SEVERAL HOURS (COWANSVILLE), SUNDAY, SHE'LL BE BUSY CLEANING THE TRUCK AND READYING FOR HER GO-AWAY. MONDAY MORNING, SHE'S GONE UNTIL “WEDNESDAY NIGHT OR THURSDAY MORNING” (FUCKING QUNT CAN'T EVE GET THAT SPECIFIC). THEN? I'M IN THE TRUCK, ON THE ROAD, ACROSS THE LAKE, OVER THE MOUNTAINS AND GONE, GONE, GONE, GONE, GONE! HEY! ALWAYS WANTED TO TRY LIVING IN VERMONT... TICK THAT OFF THE “BUCKET LIST”. BEEN HERE. DONE THAT. GOING BACK TO NY! DONE! The yard looks quite nice. Not cut short though. But it's neat. And I did the entire yard. So all's nice... until next week when, come time to mow again... I'll be un-packing and cleaning... *** MY HOME ***... almost 100 miles away. DONE! IT'S DONE! AT LONG, LONG LAST IT'S DONE!
And clothes are in the washer, tomorrow I'll do jammies for the week. Still trying to decide about the clothes in the luggage but there's Monday-Wednesday for that, if... - Took measurements of the truck today. I can't see ANY reason why I can't get EVERYTHING in, in one trip! There appears to be more than ample space for all the boxes and the post-bags can fit inside. Now, the only thing I need is good weather and... done! WHAT a delight! HOW I'd like a drink tonight, but still on the Cipro... Monday night is the last of it. I just need to be patient. - Oddly though, I've noticed a bit of “leakage” in the shit area. Stains on the under-drawers. Perhaps caused by the antibiotics. I can only hope. There's a bit of irritation too. But nothing out of the ordinary there. Of course, there's always the “stress” of the move, the hopes that it will be one trip, that the truck will make the trip well and fine and all will be over and done... next week... tonight. Too many potential variables. I don't like it. And I most certainly don't trust one damned idiot here... IT'S NOT SO VERY DIFFERENT FROM LEAVING THE SHELTER... 8 YEARS AGO. - That said... it's also another Friday that I haven't added music to the G's Minds channel. I'm not too terribly worried about it since there doesn't seem to be all too much activity there. (More on the Author's channel, which is nice though.) - All said, I'm just happy to be showered, in jammies, clothes in the washer. (I'll be back to hand-washing again soon.) - SO much I keep thinking about in NY. SO many little things I want to get together there. (I hope there's hot water when I arrive!) - And so, for now... I need to get me settled a bit... I've just cut m'toe nails at long last too. (I do wish I could have a drink.) - OH! I had a burger for dinner... with a V8, fried onions. (I'm waiting for the illness from THAT to take hold, but it was food, I'm down to a dollar...) - OK... moving along. Why? No reason. Just doing. The wash should be done in about 14 minutes... then dry... then HOPE for some FUCKING SLEEP TONIGHT!
Sat.13.Jul: 0.44 Laundry is done. I'm rather amazed. One cycle and done! I didn't expect it to be done until WAY after 1.00! So, now, a bit of soc.med. and try for some sleep. Yes, I'm tired. Yes, by the way, I'm pee'ing clear and light. I've been drinking water though... keeping things flushed. But that's a good indication. Hopefully, it will be as clear after a night's ... sleep. - Odd... I just thought: I wanted this truck primarily to move away from here. And now I'm moving away from here... Now, I hope I'll be able to maintain the truck, keep it in good running order and all the rest. It's going to be difficult (as is this entire venture). But... we shall see. - Still no bill from NYSEG but I DO know that when it arrives, it won't be “Zero”. Just the account is about 16$. But I expected that. So? So. - I put in a request to be notified when the bed is available at Walmarde again. Of course, they had ONE, last night and it's gone. (Probably a return.) So? So... THAT'S going to be difficult this week-end. But you know? It IS like moving to Albany... and other places. I'm tired of “starting all over again”. But... but... but... No sense dwelling. Dwelling gets nothing but anxieties and I don't need any of that now. - 2.13 and it's time to try for a nap. - 10.22 and up on a brilliant, clear morning (let the weather be the same on “Moving Day”!). Didn't get out of bed until 10.10, but, I was STILL AWAKE at 3.00! ANOTHER one of THOSE nights. I wonder if/when sleep will return to “normal”. HOPEFULLY, back in NY. I'm rather looking forward to “I'll got to be at 9, a waken with the dawn” (and then have to come up with something to pass the day since, this will be the first time in my life-time where there actually will be nothing necessary to be done... save, for the earlier days, getting the place together and ready for furnishings... or... something of the sort... I rather dread that... no lawn, garden, stuff). But there will be little “modifications” to be done to the place. There will be little “projects”. One on the top of the list is “What To Do With That Shower”. Another, “What To Do With That Gap In The Kitchen Wall Where A Washer/Dryer Is Expected To Go”. And... I don't know exactly what else. If the brakes hold out for a while, getting sheets for the windows... Oh... stuff. Slow but sure, I suppose. I keep thinking of the room in Richford and how I had to “fill” that. It's to be the same now... but with-out all the transport and... money. We'll think of something... as they say. - Meanwhile, she's in the loo, preparing to toddle away to the “funeral”. Toodles, toé, là. I'll have most of the day to me anyway... and nap time. (I also have to ponder something to eat... at end of day.) Oh well... it's all commenced... “busy time”. - 11.40 She's gone. Bradley came for the trailer and mentioned the lawn mower. I didn't mention that there really isn't any rush any longer because, well, the “hired help” won't be around to use it after next week. Oh well. Figures though... having it repaired could have saved me a LOT of time and annoyance but... as has always been the case: assisting ME as I try to assist isn't a matter for any concern. So... we roll along. - Now, I have, for the most part, the rest of the day. - 17.46 And she rolled in with her chum at about 17.00 or so. I was still on the soc.med. (regrettably for me), having had a 45-minute “snooze' earlier. She toddled into the loo, chatted with the chum and suddenly, I heard the kitchen door close... Just moments ago, Mimou came in, followed by Ms. Hallie, so I strolled into the kitchen... nobody to be seen. Nope. She's off to her “Jesus” and the little ones left behind... no dinner. THIS is what they're in for after my departure... the fucking selfish hag. Bottom line though: I can't take any more of the abuse from this place and I will NOT be sitting here when she announces the sale of the house, because I KNOW, damned-well, that she'll sell out under me, not saying a word until the “closing” when she'll announce “You'll have to find someplace else to go.” And there's NO telling when that will be, could be 3 years from now, could be 3 weeks. No matter. Meanwhile, there was food left in Mimou's plate... IT SMELLED ROTTEN! No telling how long it had stayed, open, on the counter, in this heat! It's no wonder he wouldn't eat it. But I opened a fresh tin, mixed it with a bit of the dry food, as I always do, and not a scrap was left. This does NOT bode well for the little ones. I'll have to keep the number for “Animal Protection” on hand... not that there's any service worth a dime for such in this shit-hole state of self-serving in-breeds. It sickens me... it truly does. - And yes, another day has passed and nothing accomplished. I wanted to get to the little “Post Office/Private Residence” signs, but the colours... Looks like I'll settle for red, black and blue or blue, black and red. (I'd like the Russian in red... wanted the French in blue, but that would leave English and I believe I want that in blue, so French will be black. Fine.) I still have to pencil-in the lettering on both. There's no particular rush, but my general state is so wound lately that I'm almost afraid to put any marks on the boards. Silly, I know. I go through this every time I want to do one of these projects. - But soc.med. was fun. Mr. G's this afternoon. Re-posting of music, a few comments... keeping the channel alive. There's going to be a gap wen I leave here, in the activity. But there's to be a lot of time to catch-up with it too... when I've no longer got the need to get up and check for the “adult responsibilities”... other than my own. - 2 rolls and a few crisps here to eat. It's going to be a rather difficult evening where food is concerned. But, I can safely say: Not the first time. - It was a delightful day. It might have been perfect for packing the truck and riding off, but I can't leave the little ones alone for the coming days ahead. I just can't. Weather check shows RAIN for THURSDAY, FRIDAY, SATURDAY next week! I can only hope that'll change. (I wish the fucking bed would come in at Walmarde again... THAT would be a blessing... which makes it so that it won't come when convenient, of course.) - Anyway and so, I suppose I should get busy on the signs at the very least. All of the packing is as done as it's going to get... at least for now. - Oh, and I've been pee'ing all through the day. Things are “flushing”. I just hope ALL of the bacteria are flushing away... I just dread the thought of having to come all the fuck the way back here for a doctor... or an emergency room. THAT would be just the style of my life-time though. - I'm tired too... another snooze would be nice, but I do NOT want to be up and about at 3.00 again tonight! (Though, snoozes don't seem to have any bearing on the insomnia... it strangles... no matter what.) - 23.39 The hole is dark and still and THE SIGNS ARE LETTERED! Painting tomorrow! (I should only hope.) - I'm tired... not quite tired enough to get into bed, but tired. My teeth need a brushing and I suppose I could but I really don't want to be arsed with it. And there really isn't much more to be said on the day or the evening or the night. - I'm fed-up. Honestly. She no sooner rolled in from Jesus and crashed on the fucking recliner when Hallie came to me... TWICE! WHY? I still don't know. But she insisted that she'd given “snax”. I didn't see a bit in Mimou's dish. She starts this shit with him and I'll fucking lose it! Hey! As Liz said: The worst thing I could ever do to anybody is to take my friendship. Well? Mme. here has lost that already. When she loses the presence... She's on her own. I gave FOUR fucking years (as she pointed out today... Cecil's been dead FOUR years now and I've been here ever since, FOUR fucking years and she's no closer to independence today than she was FOUR fucking years ago). I've no more patience. Just none. She's already making plans on getting somebody else in this house. I over-heard her saying something to somebody about going back to work for another year and there being “two” in the house. Good for her. But it won't be anybody who'll mow lawns, create and maintain flower-beds, and make repairs (like the barn siding, for example... or her little “café” on the porch). Oh well... I can't be faulted... nor blamed for anything. I GAVE FOUR YEARS! Quite a LOT more than I'd ever expected. - Now... for a wind-down... soc.med. or something. Then... to TRY for some FUCKING sleep for a change. (I could use a drink! But... not until Monday night at the earliest. OH LORDY!)
Sun.14.Jul: 1.24 Winding-down on the soc.med., I hear the stomping across the dining room floor. The kitchen door opens and... moments later, it closes. SHE had to get up to let Hallie out tonight/this morning! Gee... too fucking tired to take the little ones out (she didn't bother emptying the litter box on Wednesday either), too fucking lazy to give them a treat or something at 8pm... doesn't give a shit about rolling in WELL after 17.00 when she knows they expect to get food at 17.00... I've NO sympathy for her. It's as I've said: 2 weeks after I'm gone, this place will be loaded with loose fur, stink to the highest Heavens of animal, the washer will be full of mildew, the kitchen floor will be a filthy mess, the sink will be full of filthy dishes... and she'll be sacked-out on the recliner after whining herself to sleep because of how busy she is. - I have to try for my own sleep now... - 2.35 and time to try to head to bed. Fuck. - 9.51 and up at 9.39 TO LET HALLIE OUT... BY BOUNDS... TO PEE! AND LITERALLY ON FOUR-FUCKING HOURS OF SLEEP! LITERALLY! IT WAS JUST AFTER 5.00 THIS MORNING WHEN THE TOSSING OF SHIT ON THE PORCH UP-STAIRS FINALLY CAME TO AN END! ALL THROUGH THE FUCKING NIGHT! Even if I truly wanted to, I couldn't pack the truck and leave this morning! I'm a WASTE! This fucking place IS as bad as a PUBLIC SHELTER... FULL OF PATIENTS FROM AN INSANE ASYLUM! - Well? Let's see what the rest of the day brings. She's over feeding the in-breeds this morning anyway. THAT'S a bit of a reprive. - 10.04 Well... at least I got the 8 pages of this Journal on-line... both places. There's an “accomplishment” for the day. Meanwhile, my chest feels as if it's “stuffed”, over-inflated, my heart's pitty-pattying all about. Fatigue. Stress. General bull-shit. One of these days... one of these days... Oh yes... and by the way... NO WATER IN HALLIE'S BOWL EITHER! I'm thinking of getting a stack of post cards, just plain, and writing on each one: “Water for the little ones. Food for the little ones. Let them out to pee & shit. 8pm stroll and snax.” or something obvious along those lines... and sending one, each week... if not more often. I should probably send one each DAY for a while... that way, she'll be annoyed and the post office will see them, and the town will be aware... to a point. Perhaps I should send one along to her Pammie too? I've got her Ami's address... And then one or two to the SPCA... but they don't have that in fucking VT. Well... we shall, indeed... see. - Meanwhile this morning, it would be a DELIGHT IF... tomorrow morning, I could wake to see that the bed is back in stock. I'd take the 200 I have ready access to right now, run, stuff it into the banque and order. But then, THAT would be TOO kind to me... and we can't have that! - Storms, I see, for today... WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY AND FRIDAY AS WELL... OF COURSE! HEY! IT WASN'T EASY GETTING OUT OF THE SHELTER... LET'S NOT FORGET THAT. IT WASN'T EASY LEAVING NY TO COME BACK TO VT... NOR WAS IT EASY GETTING THE JOB AT THE P.O. THEN THERE WERE THE WALKING TRIPS TO THE MARKET IN SUTTON... AND IN FUKLIN, THE WALKS IN WINTER TO ST-ALBANS FOR FOOD AND BANQUING. NOPE... NEVER EASY... ALWAYS TENACITY. - 17.09 Nice chat with Jordan Andrews en route to the store for Spaghettios, rolls, ice cream. Got the signs started. Not thrilled. Time to eat something... not hungry. Tired. 30-minute snooze. Shit. - 22.08 I NEED TO GET TO BED! - THE PRELIMINARY PAINTING ON THE SIGNS IS DONE! It's NOT by best work, by far, but it does look rather “rustic”... after a fashion. Three languages, of course, English, Russian and French. How “la-dee-dah”! “Cute” but certainly NOT my best. One of these days... perhaps. - I've settled on a bed, I do believe. So I'll have to be at the banque early in the morning. Myst to get the last of my cash into the account and order, order, order. As it is, I'll probably be sleeping on the floor for at least 3 nights. Oh well... it's not the first time. Besides... it's not on the ground, under a tree, nestled behind the bayberry and poison ivy either. I suppose. (And to think: NOBODY knows... NOBODY!) - I did break down and go to the store for a tin of SpaghettiOs, rolls and ice cream and I no sooner finished when HLS came a-knockin'. “Are you hungry?” JUST as I'd finished. I told her that I'd had the tin and left it at that. Says she, “In case I don't see you before I leave tomorrow, there's a bag of scrambled eggs in the refrigerator. I've been giving Hallie and egg every morning.” Yeah? Wonderful. Go to Hell. Thank you very much for calling. - She did, so she claims, bring Hallie and Mimou out for a stroll and did, so she claims, give them snax. Ah... as I told her directly “You're about to have a new experience: 'Personal Responsibility'. That should be fun for you.” She let it ride, of course. I DREAD what life will be for those two little ones when I'm gone. I DREAD it. But, I'll get those post cards... drop notes. Annoy the shit out of her. - Meanwhile, no sense dwelling. I need to get some rest. It's cool again tonight. The fan hasn't been on all day. Hopefully... sleep will come. I took my Cipro and a naproxen as well... let's see how that works out. - And tomorrow? Laundry and final packing. Now all I need to hope is that the brakes hold and the weather changes to better. It's looking like storms for the end part of this week. PLEASE! (Once upon a time I'd've asked Mother... How stupid of me. These days, I know, I'm a motherless child. How ridiculous of me... all those years.) - Moving along... a touch of soc.med. and to bed! - 23.28 Well the Cipro should be in the system and so too the naproxen and the soc.med. is done and it's really quite chilly in here. SO, much against my better judgment, I'm off to last smoke and then to try and hope for some SLEEP!
Mon.15.Jul: 8.30 Well... indeed... I remember seeing the clock at mid-night, as I tried to get comfortable in the bed. I remember seeing 1.00 as well. I remember having to get up to pee some time shortly there-after and being rather annoyed at being awake and not being able to fall asleep. Then, I remember hearing the 7.00 alarm and turning it off. And then, the 8.00 alarm (which is about 10 minuted early). I turned that off, half-dozed and when next I opened my eyes, it was 8.00 and I was up and out of the bed, getting my coffee and Cipro. - Tap-tap-tap on the door. “Is anybody home”? The voice through the closed door. I just continued to prep my coffee. “something something something Hallie has been out and had breakfast, Minou is out but hasn't had breakfast something something something I'll text you.” Silence. I had my coffee, counted my 5s, gathered the paper currency, counted my dime and managed a roll. By then, the hole here had gone quiet. Hallie barked a bit. I went out to see... She's gone. The week has officially commenced. And I've had a smoke. Minou is having breakfast. I need to get my head together and me together. The anxieties of the truck and the brakes is gnawing at my gut. I need to get the cash into the banque and then back here to order the bed this morning. When that's done... not sure what's to follow. Probably packing all the little things from the shelf on the table, a couple of “highlights” to the little signs... I should stop at Hannaford's for, at least, coffee. Then to get gas in the truck so departure on Wednesday or Thursday will be one move. But the over-whelming thought this morning: No more cash back-ups. 3 dollars in cash to my name as “spendable”. No food, save a few rolls. I'm down to the scrapings. And I have to check for an electric bill. And nothing coming in until NEXT Wednesday. Ah... we're back to the “normal”, “typical” me again... no “safety net”. It's “another move”... scraping change. It's going to be difficult... but not impossible. And I want to go “home”, to the place I'm paying for. Things to do. And what I truly need at the moment are sheets for the windows. Goodwill in BTV... no. Salvation Army... in St-Albans? No. Plattsburgh? Doubtful. Alas. Things... needed... just out of reach. “Normal”. “Typical”. It's not the first time... but it will be the last. - Last day of Cipro here too. How nice. I'm nervous, hoping that this run has actually cleaned the shit out of my system. This morning's pee was light, clear. One can only hope... only hope. - I'm passing time here.... passing time... waiting to wake up so as to be “aware”... for the drive into Anusburgh. Alas. Another morning... another day... soon, there'll be no lawn to look at, I'll miss that. No little ones in the morning. I'll miss that. But... sanity rules, so too, my poor guts. Leaving this is the best thing I can do for me... and I must. - 10.10 OK... time to stop the diversions... Way we go! (And my guts tense.) - 11.21 MADE IT! BANQUE, COFFEE (chicken... Banquet... THREE FUCKING PIECES ONLY!), GAS TO FILL THE TANK (and I'd planned on 60$ and it came to 49!)! Now... to balance, reconcile and HOPEFULLY get the BED ordered! I'm a WRECK! MY NERVES... and all because of driving. WTF? I'm OLD DAMNIT! OLD! - 14.07 and the time is a rollin'. I'm getting hungry and I've no doubt I'm about to suffer dearly from shortage of funds for food. But... hey... - Just changed the AAA to New York... “Northway NY”. AND opened an e-mail and Minds as “WVNR” the “Voice of New Russia”! WOOHOO? What-ever. And for now, it's time to get some serious I suppose. The post is in. The tank in the truck is full... there's washing to be done and... what-ever. I'm tired... of course, but... let the day roll along... I'm toasted at this point. - 14.45 WELL! AAA is in NY. CIBC is in NY. Pioneer is in NY which means Dept. of Ed. is in NY. I'm supposing, at the moment, that that covers all that needs to be changed over! Now, all that needs to be done is changing ME over! The bed's ordered and there's been no trouble messages with that (yet). I've a little bit of cash on the card to play with for food meanwhile. So that's good. And as for the rest? Pack the truck and pray all goes perfectly fine with the relocation. This is driving me insane because... well... I don't know which is worse: having the time to do this calmly (which I'm obviously not doing) or the “old fashioned” way of “JEEZUS KRISTE THEY'LL THROW YOU OUT IF YOU'RE NOT GONE BY SUN-DOWN!” What-ever. It rolls... no matter what we do... it rolls. - 17.31 TWO large pieces of chicken, a roll and a small V8 and “meal” is done. I broke-down and used the card to get ice cream, the V8, some donuts for this evening and a couple of cookies for Hallie. Oh well... Food. Must have if I'm to be moving along any time soon. - Earlier today, a woman showed-up on the back lawn, taking photos of the flowers (lilies at the barn, hollyhocks) and commented that the place never looked better. Imagine? Imagine. Yesterday, Jordan said that the only words around town that he's ever heard about me is the wonderful work I've done on this property. Well? Good enough for others. What a shame it can't be accepted as such in the house. - All day, my heart aches for the little ones. I worry about them. But... I'm rather sure they'll be cared-for... not cared ABOUT, but cared FOR. - Gee, I thought I'd be excited about this move, looking at it with great anticipation. It's been a lot of anxiety... between the little ones and the truck. But, as I've come to learn: events will unfold as they will... no matter what. All I can do is make the best of what-ever the circumstances become... as they become. - Jammies are washed for tonight. I forgot to put the towel and flannel in. But, there's still some time for all of that. - The little shelf on the table is in a box, This room is “packed”. Now, to get it into the truck and away from here... soon. I don't want to drag this out any longer. If the brakes were fine, I'd be on the road today. But... there's a reason for all things. That's how it all goes... as it was in the beginning, is now and... Amen. What tomorrow holds is a mystery until tomorrow. For now? We simply roll with events, float on the winds of time. Sometimes, as I've learnt, the only sane approach is to let time do what it will, make a bit of an effort at directing it, but ultimately, to confront that which needs confrontation and to let all else unfold as it will, and address it at the time. (Now, if only my guts would stop shaking about, that would be nice too.) - There's ice cream for later. - 23.35 LOOKS LIKE THE BED'S GOING TO ARRIVE ON WEDNESDAY! OMG! THAT means I have NO choice now, but to make at least ONE trip over to the house on WEDNESDAY! IN THE RAIN. Of course. But... hey, I'll put what I can get into the truck and take it slowly. I still need something to put up on the windows over the shades. But that's fine. I ordered the bed, I ordered the base. The base probably won't get there until next week, but at least there'll be a BED to sleep on... eventually... or... by the week-end. If the bed arrives on Wednesday, I can still use the time to come back, get the rest of the stuff whilst the bed airs and “inflates”... I suppose. Meanwhile, I'm down to the “light” money and about 40USD and 80USD in the CAD. Not good but not terrible either. (If the CAD card works any-where in NY, I'll be OK... ish.) - As for today? Waste. I'm tired and not having her about the place is a blessing and a rest period for me. Although, up-stairs... the gal-friend is over-nighting so I doubt there'll be quiet tonight. - I ate well this evening, very well indeed. So there's another plus. Calories packed for the meagre days to come. - I should shower but I'm tired. The jammies are clean but they can be tossed back into the wash again. I'm trying to have a shirt to put on Mimou's bed when I leave. He's been affectionate this evening too. I DO believe that he and Hallie both suspect something. But there's nothing I can do really. Staying here is NOT an option, no matter how I twist it. - Smokes are running down. I just might HAVE to stop completely in NY. I'd thought about it... maybe this is a good thing too. - Anyway, a coolish night, comfy, not cold... or maybe it's because I've eaten. - THE LAST OF THE CIPRO WAS TAKEN TONIGHT TOO. LET'S JUST HOPE IT WAS ENOUGH TO GET RID OF EVERYTHING AND NO RECURRENCES! - I'm off now... - Oh... the new WVNR Minds account? 3 tokens already! Not bad. When people catch on that it's Woodhauler (who will be going into retirement, no doubt), it should be interesting. But I'm going to try to keep WVNR down a bit below the out-rightness of Woodhauler, so that account will probably remain for a while. Keep WVNR for local stuff... primarily, and to put a “Conservative” face on the hamlet... to the chagrin of some... I've no doubt. - Moving along... don't want to sleep-in too late tomorrow... there's packing to consider... I just wish it wasn't going to RAIN!
Tue.16.Jul: 9.03 It was lights out (and rather quickly) at 1.30 this morn. Up at the sound of the 8.00 alarm to let the little ones out and... a snooze until the 9.00 alarm (getting me up to serve breakfast at 8.53). The sun is shining, warm breezes blowing. Now... to check on the BED! - I'm thinking of packing the truck today, with the back end in the garage in case of rain (orages, averses, etc.). That way, should the bed arrive tomorrow, I can roll out of here, go “home” to fetch it, un-load the truck and roll back until “SHE” returns. We shall see. Right now, I'd like to go back to the bed! But... “Rest for the weary”... and all that. - Right now it's *** BED CHECK! *** - 9.14 Well, it appears that FedEx says, from the looks of it, that the bed is “to be shipped” tomorrow and both, bed and frame should arrive next week. THAT would be fine... I can live with that. Then I wouldn't have to be concerned with making TWO trips... at 40$ per trip in gas... and the wear on the truck. So? We just sit back and wait... or... try to pack SOMETHING into the truck anyway. We shall see. No matter what... THIS is my LAST week in New England! Done deal. - I need a nap. - 22.38 ALL bed linens have been washed, including the canvasses. Sherpa is in the dryer. My clothes will be next. - The day? Well... THE TOOLS ARE IN THE TRUCK. THE MAIL SACKS ARE IN THE TRUCK. ONLY BOXES and LUGGAGE to be packed. Other-wise? Nothing to note. I did spend another 10$ on food, bringing my “USD” down to 29$ (CAD is about 80 though). I've been “snoozing” most of the day. SO FUCKING TIRED from all this anxiety about the bed! (And other concerns about home.) BUT THE LATEST IS THAT THE BED HAS SHIPPED AND SHOULD BE THERE BY THURSDAY, WHICH IS BETTER THAN TOMORROW. I CAN LEAVE HERE ON THURSDAY... PERIOD! The bed won't be “usable” for a couple of nights... but that's fine. The intelligent thing might be to wait until the frame arrives and open on that. But in order for it to “expand” properly, it takes a couple of days so I just might open it right away, get the “expansion” going so that when the frame arrives... I'LL HAVE A BED! - ALSO... CHECKED INTO “BUDGET BILLING” FOR THE ELECTRIC AND AT PRESENT, THE BILL WOULD STAND AT 39$/MONTH! NOT BAD AT ALL! IT WOULD LEAVE ME ENOUGH TO “LIVE” MEAGERLY ON EVERY MONTH, BUT BETTER THAN HAVING ABOUT 100$/MONTH AS I'D FORESEEN. Still no bill from NYSEG though... - So I had the last piece of chicken for “meal” and a container of ice cream. Just had some donuts. Took the little ones out at 8pm and Mimou got TUNA for snax, Hallie got her “bones” and eggs. They've been well-fed today. Precious little ones. - Spoke with Rachel at the PO today. Told her of my move but was vague about “where”... of course. On Thursday, I'll have them remove my name from the box and return all the shit that might come along. The important issues have been addressed. All's well there. As for the little ones? My heart will continue to ache for them, but the truth is: I can't stay here any longer. - I'll miss the large yard and all the grass. But I'll see about getting up into the mountains... or along the river, which I see is quite accessible from along Rte.9. I found the “Split Rock Falls” too... not to far down the road... SWIMMING! I should hope. - The only 2 items of concern at home are the sheets for the windows and the phone/Internet. THE Internet is going to be one ROYAL ARSE-FUCK... I expect that. But... in time, all things will settle. - I'm almost looking forward to attacking the kitchen, which is really the only “bad” room in the house. The loo? Well... that shower has to be worked. But at least it's all been bleaching these couple of weeks. I should be able to shower when I get there (hopefully the water heater has been heating the water). - Laundry? Well, I need to think of a line of sorts and where. Hand-washing again... it's been years, but it's not impossible... especially now since I don't have to go any-where and don't wear all that much clothing. - OK. So there we have it... for now. - One text from the hag: something about being tired. Nothing about a return. So? Just so long as the little ones don't suffer... if all goes as I see it, I'll roll out after they get breakfast on Thursday morning, I'll send a “text” telling the hag to make sure she gets back and feeds them and that's that. - As I say, I'll miss all the grass and such... but there will be other benefits... like the river down the road... the mountains across the road... Hopefully there will be peace (except from 9-11.00 daily, but...) - Back to the laundry... I don't want to be up until all hours of the morning again! - 24.38 ('m keeping it “today”) SHOWERED! Everything clean except the clothes and I'm not in any particular rush for them until Thursday morning. And so... another day closes... I've not cleaned anything round this place and I'm not going to, save a Hoover of this room when it's empty. I see no reason to do any more “work” here. Let her find somebody else to do it... for pay... I've no doubt. As for all the rest? It's a matter of tossing boxes into the truck and driving away (hopefully, with functioning brakes). And hoping that the house is still in good order, that nobody decided to “squat” or anything. But then... we shall see. 3 smokes in the pack. One pack in the truck. Then? I don't know... and won't be concerned about it, to be honest. - Thought: I need a stove-top perc, and will probably paint the kitchen cupboards (spray enamel, I should think). The shower will be the “item”. And other than that? Next week... no more of this shit, carrying bath items in and out, vying for space in the shower, waiting for the opportunity to bathe and no more peeing in bottles... no more bottles of drinking water... ''twill be a delight. - So now... waiting to dry... face and such and off to the bed... under a clean cover (old sheet from the 5225 barn... reminders... indeed... holes and reminders... indeed).
Wed.17.Jul: 0.44 and now we open the next (and last “New England”) day. - 1.31 Done... Hot tonight... fan blowing. Hopefully there's some sleep waiting for me. (It's garbage day too.) - 9.14 and up at the 8.00 and 9.00 alarms. I let the little ones out at 8.00 and I got out of bed at 8.56 to get breakfast for them, coffee (which is down to the very last cup of instant in the jar) for me and to take the garbage to the curb. This hole STINKS of garbage and wet dog! (I have to wonder about Hallie... hopefully it's not skin trouble for her.) Ah... “last Wednesday”. And it rained during the night. Grey and damp this morning. Good thing I didn't pack the truck yesterday. And meanwhile, no further messages from the hag about her return. So... if the bed arrives today, I'm on the road tonight. If not today, then tomorrow morning... if she's not here, I serve breakfast, bring the little ones in, pack the truck and away. Period. Tomorrow, one way or another is the very last. This inconsideration is at the end. I'm at the end. “Abuse only to the extent allowed”. It's done. And I'm not bothering to “clean” this place other than this room. Didn't bother with the litter box. Mimou's got the yard, bless him. SHE can handle her own shit from here on in. A delightful “Welcome back” for her, and something else to focus on during the week. I can't care any longer. This is the end of this “Chapter”... the “Black Skies Green Mountains”. - 16.23 THE TRUCK IS PACKED! AND ALL THE WHILE I WAS MOVING BOXES INTO IT, MIMOU LAID DIRECTLY ACROSS THE PORCH, BY THE DOOR, AS IF HE WAS TRYING TO STOP ME. THIS IS THE SHIT! I TELLYA! AND I'VE SENT WORD TO THE HAG ASKING ABOUT “DAY/DATE/TIME” OF EXPECTED RETURN. IT'S BEEN ABOUT 20 MINUTES NOW... NO REPLY. TYPICAL. BUT... AS IT IS, I'LL BE “TOSSING” THE LAST ITEMS INTO THE TRUCK, WILL MOST LIKELY HAVE TO TIE-DOWN WITH TARP BECAUSE IT'S ONLY (FIGURES) “JUST SHY” OF ENOUGH SPACE IN THE BACK. OH WELL... SLOW TRAVELS TOMORROW. WORD RECEIVED: THE BED IS DUE TOMORROW. OH, AND I TOLD LISA TO TAKE MY NAME OFF 145. DONE DEAL. It's HOT. HUMID! MISERABLE! And all I have to eat is the scrambled eggs for Hallie, 2 rolls and some donuts. Well? Better than nothing at all. There's supposed to be some kind of rain coming shortly. I can only HOPE that the cover on the truck holds against it. (Especially since most of the boxes in there are postal and I had to work round having all that being seen.) And so... the packing is... pretty much... done. As I say, the rest that isn't in boxes will be “tossed and scattered”... last minute. So much for the “excitement and anticipation”... this is more a bit of disgusting. Damned shame it wouldn't all just neatly fit into the truck. I suppose I could, with a bit of doing, re-arrange for a little more neatness, but truth is... I just don't want to. I just don't want to. - 19.18 Well.. we DID get SOME rain, under dark clouds and such. But the sun is now coming through, the heat and humidity are on the rise, and the inside of the truck is STUFFED to the point of bursting! Yes, I AM going to have to resort to the tarps, but the old one seems to be almost sufficient to cover the back end, even with a few more boxes. I just have to make certain that NOTHING FLIES OUT along the way. (I don't intend to be travelling too fast anyway, and I can't get there before 11.00 so as not to interfere with the Post Office... though, I could park in the back until they close... but I'd rather just pull up, un-load and CRASH! Shame the bed won't be ready by night-fall. But hey... at least I won't have to look forward to travelling back to THIS place tomorrow night.) Anyway, it's all down to the “little shit”, the “here and there” shit. It's going to be a challenge but I HAVE gone through considerably worse... at least this time I'm not leaving anything to be tossed or sold-off. It's difficult, but... when has ANYTHING in my life-time NOT been? At least I've had the time to pack-up with-out having to be worried about somebody ELSE doing it... hello siblings... you fucking shit-bags. - I wish there was somebody to talk with about all of this but there isn't. - And there's STILL no word from the old hag about return tonight or tomorrow. Qunt to the very end. (Her “Helen” rang earlier about attending some function on Sunday. She hasn't gotten back from THIS shit and already she's up and off and out again. NO fucking responsibility for ANYTHING but her self. Qunt to the very end.) - 22.31 Showered and shaved and trimmed and clean and the clothes are in the washer and I'm in my jammies, hoping for a “civil” night's sleep... SLEEP... RESTFUL SLEEP! AM HAVING A V-TON JUST IN CASE... IT'S THE LAST FOR A WHILE, I'VE NO DOUBT. - Message received from the hag at 21.17 (in response to my message sent at 15.54): “ Yes I hope to be home early morning the 18th. It's been a long 3 days. Hope you had a good appointment & that your infections are gone. Give MS. Hallie & Mr. Minou nite (moon) hugs foe me. (sleep emoji)” What-the-fuck ever. - Meanwhile, I DO believe I need to RE-pack the truck. I SHOULD have put a large tarp UNDER it all and then WRAP the contents in the truck bed. Perhaps, in the morning I'll pull the truck to the garage, un-pack in order so to re-pack in order and get it done. There are some more boxes that need to be added and I don't want to risk having anything blowing along the Northway... nor, for that matter, any-where along the 9 into New Russia! - Anyway, I'm going to make sure this is all posted on-line. I've a feeling it's going to be a good week or 2 before I get back on-line again. Oh... I've gone with-out before... THIS is no different... other than I know it's temporary. After all... I've already paid for the equipment and service. But I don't trust a damned soul these days... There's trouble ahead. (I just HOPE there's hot water at home tomorrow!) - Off to post. Wait for the wash. HOPE FOR SLEEP! - 22.45 ALL POSTED ON-LINE... The last pages typed are now saved under today's date and a new, “Local-Only” Journal begins for a while. It reminds me of the Journal on the old lap-top, as I typed at the table beside the bow window on Cox Road, looking out to the lawn, the brook, the woods. No Internet then... and all of that is now lost... thanks to the complete and utter absence of any sort of help or support when I most needed it. Rather very much like this very moment: I could use help... there's none. But then again, considering the sources, I wouldn't trust any of them any way. Best to just move on, move along, move out, move away... and stay away. - I forgot to mention in the last entry: TWO BLUEBERRIES ON THE LITTLE BUSH OUT BACK! IMAGINE? The hollyhocks are beautifully blooming, sadly, the row of lilies along Highgate St. aren't yet. But you know? I don't give fuck, a shit nor a damn. Best to simply GO... or stay and continue being gnawed at... not an option. Tomorrow night at this time, I hope to be laying down on my sleeping bag, beside my new bed... NEW BED... AGAIN! A twin this time, but at my age... it's what's necessary and that's all. That's all it's going to be from now on... only what's necessary. A small place... 39$/month for electric (lights, music, entertainment, perhaps heat), 500$/month for rent. 200$/YEAR for gas for hot water. And when I get things settled, 40-50$/month for phone/Internet. Manageable... thus far. Smoking? Probably going to quit... and take the “5 years” (or less) option out of all of this. - But HEY! There's still hot weather ahead AND the “Split Rock Falls” just down the road to go swimming again! MAYBE THAT'LL help pass the days ahead... (Truth is... I'm not looking to Spring... and I don't care.) - Anyway... the day is done at 22.54. Laundry and snooze. - 23.47 and the dryer is still tumbling but the v-ton is done and I KNOW I NEED to get to the bed! SO much to be done... by sun-rise!
***** NEW RUSSIA ***** NEW YORK *****
Thursday, 18 July 2019 21.42 Sitting on the bed-room floor, with my little desk lamp on the boxes it was packed in, glowing ever so softly, a new box fan in the window, purchased in Elizabethtown at the Dollar General this evening. WHAT A DAY! I was up and at the morning routine by about 6.00! Let the little ones out, had my coffee and got dressed. Served breakfast and grabbed a broom, opened the garage door because I wanted to pull the truck to the front, thinking I'd re-pack it so that the tarp would “enclose” everything, tightly wrapped and JUST as I began sweeping the garage... it must have been about 8.00 and SHE PULLED INTO THE DRIVE! WELL! THAT certainly changed my plans, but only a little bit. I went to the truck and asked her if I could have the garage space to finish packing and she simply drove round and parked in front of the barn. Me? I got right to the rest of what was in the little room and just kept packing the back of the truck and the inside. And when I say I “packed” I mean... TO THE WINDOWS! I STUFFED the inside of the truck as tightly as I possibly could and yes, right up against the windows. THEN got to the point where I just grabbed what was in the room and tossed it into the beck of the truck. Covered everything with the large tarp, held by the carbiners (or what-ever they call those things) and then tied the whole thing over with rope! Talk about “secure”! It most certainly was! And all the while, shit-bag was in its back yard, waddling back and forth along the damned fence. Divine intervention...packing in front of the house. As it ended, the ONLY things I didn't bring were 5 boxes of coffee jars. (But that's OK because I've already discovered that I had a box of them packed... from 5225!) SO... then came my brain-storm to try to help the old thing AGAIN... by putting her spread sheet on the “cloud”. Not that I know how to do that or anything, but I tried and we worked together and I doubt she'll use it and I don't blame her. But TODAY... SHE PAID ATTENTION AND LEARNT! Figures... something she'll never use. Departure came at about 14.00 with a hug and her implying that she'd be coming to visit... with Hallie, but not Mimou (wihch makes sense because he HATES being in a vehicle. Still... good thing she thinks I'm in Russia NY. Fine by me anyway. I'm not sure I want her rolling in here... I'll think about it and consider, but I really don't believe so. If anything, I NEED time to DECOMPRESS! Anyway, a little hug, and exchange of “Thanks” and she asked that I let her know that I arrived OK. But I told her I'll have no phone because of no Internet. (Truth... no phone, no Internet... this place isn't wired for cable so I'm going to have to figure a way to call for “installation” now! SHIT! And I can't afford that until NEXT WEEK! Oh well. (Meanwhile, it's odd using this lap-top knowing there's no Internet... But, I've been through this before so, no yuge deal.) But I'm ahead of my-self here. So a kiss-kiss to Hallie because she was there, and Mimou had disappeared so no kiss-kiss which is probably best because last night, I sat with the two of them on the bench at the corner and almost cried. (Odd, but crying makes me physically sick to my stomach now... I'm fucked-up!) So I got into the truck, started it up and she said “Are you going past Cooper's?” We agreed I'd go round the Square to avoid that. Besides, it gave me a change to adjust to driving a FULL truck AND to check the brakes! Well... it was after 14.00 I should think, I forgot to check the timing, but... away I drove... and to be honest... NUMB! So sadness, no joy, no nothing... just drove, as if I were heading to Swanton to the market or something. But all the while, listening to the engine, wondering about the brakes. Off along the County Rd. into and through Highgate...into Swanton and the brakes were fine, and the truck ran well enough to be sure. Out of Swanton and along into Alburg and THEN THE SHIT HIT! I was rolling along, slowly, taking my time, no rush, no hurry, watching for the load in the back of the truck and listing to the wheels, wondering about the brakes and IN ALBURG... SOME JACK-ASS MORON IDIOT WAS ROLLING AT ABOUT 20mph!!! WORSE? THE SHIT-HEAD DID SO ALL THE BLOODY FUCKING WAY INTO ROUSES POINT! TRAFFIC BACKED-UP 3 TRUCKS IN FRONT OF ME AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW FAR BEHIND BECAUSE WE COULDN'T PASS! ALL THE FUCKING WAY TO ROUES POINT! Well? I suppose it was fine since I wasn't rushing along anyway and it gave me a good excuse to roll slowly. Still... it was incredible! AND... it was some old thing from QC! Well, it pulled into the diner at RP and we all rolled along fairly well from then on... even I did about 45mph and was fine. THEN... Champlain and... THE NORTHWAY! I got on, got to 55mph and hit “cruise control” and THAT'S how I rolled along all the way (save one stop at the rest area to pee). All the way, max at 55, no radio, no emotions, no feelings, just numb... dead... the whole ordeal was simply something that I was doing, nothing more, less or other. I don't quite get what's happened or what's happening to me but it appears I've literally burnt right the fuck out! 8 years of the bull-shit and I'd dead, emotionally! It wasn't even a thrill being on the Northway! Just dead. But thankfully, the drive went exceptionally well, I took exit 31 instead of 32, came into Elizabethtown instead of Lewis and although it added about 3 miles (because the Northway veers away from Rte.9 after Lewis), it was MUCH better... Distance? 100,4 miles door-to-door. Arrival time? EXACTLY 16.00! ON THE DIGITS! - (OK... Filling in at 21.17 on Friday night here from the notes...) SO... THE BED ARRIVED! Joan says it got dropped on the back porch about an hour before I arrived! TIMING! And I was, to be mild about it... THRILLED! A BED! FINE! (And Alvin asked if I needed help getting it into the house. I wonder if it hadn't been dropped on the front porch and he hauled it back because yes, it IS a bit on the “heavy” side, and the box is the cheapest shit card-board. BUT... I managed to get it into the, I'll call it “grey” room where I'll be using the space as the “bed-room”.) - Anyway... let me step back to the ARRIVAL. I'm not sure what time I left but the moment I got to the front of the house, I checked the time. I'm still rather amazed... on the nose! I parked out front, got out of the truck and went round to the back because I'd locked the front and left the back open... so I thought. Come to find out, the front was un-locked too... I learnt when I got it. And so, Joan was in her kitchen and called “Hello!” It was almost a delight to see her but when I said “I could almost cry. It's SO GOOD to be HOME!” her reply was “It's not home yet.” Now, what she meant by that, I just don't know. But I clarified with “It's New York. And that's 'home' to me.” and so we chatted a brief while. As we chatted, Alvin came over to “help her” put a kayak into her trunk and he and I spoke as well. He helped her get the kayak into the car and she was off. He and I chatted ever so briefly as well and he too was off. So I grabbed the bed, opened the back door and “rolled” it into the house. And so... I was out the front and into the truck to begin the un-loading! It went quite quickly, I must say, though I didn't rush. It was too hot to rush and I was just too damned tired! Still, all was quite secure. Even the drive over wasn't too bad, considering how “delicately” everything in the front seat was “balanced”. AND... I MUST ADD... NOTHING GOT BROKEN! THAT'S SO UNUSUAL FOR ME AND MOVING! EVERY OTHER TIME (TO THE BEST OF MY MEMORY), SOME-THING ALWAYS GOT BROKEN. MAYBE THIS IS AN “OMEN” OF GOOD FORTUNE AND FUTURE? I can only hope. By about 17.45 the un-loading was done and I pulled the truck into the back yard by the garage and came back in to... OPEN THE BED! WHAT I KICK! Compressed, rolled in plastic, taped end-to-end to keep it secure, I managed to get the “wrapper” off and laid it on the floor where I wanted it to be. Thankfully, I have that knife from Walmarde handy and so, ALMOST IMMEDIATELY as I cut the sealed bag... THE BED BEGAN EXPANDING! I HAD JUST ENOUGH TIME TO GRAB THE PLASTIC BAG AND SHAKE THE BED OUT! BUT IT CAME RIGHT UP! QUITE AMAZING TO SEE! AND IT APPEARS TO HAVE EXPANDED FULL! The instructions say to give it “24-36 hours” to expand completely but this one just went “FOOF!” and there it was... a “bed”! As I say... fascinating. - That done, Joan had returned and I went over to ask about “sound through the walls”. She says there's some kind of “noise insulation” between us but I'll probably hear her close a cup-board. “I don't listen to the radio. I don't like today's music. I don't watch television. I live a very silent life.” Said I: “Breaks my heart because I used to love singing, sang in choirs and such. But in recent times, I too tend to live a silent life. Most of the time I'm just quite still. Other neighbours have always said they didn't know when I was in or when I was out.” Said she “Don't make apologies before you take the step. You know nothing about me and I know nothing about you. It's all going to be a learning curve.” I told her that I'm still a bit “shell-shocked” because of the abuse from Vermonters over the past 8 years. I told her of Shelly and the “scum-bag”, Diane and the “embezzlement”... and some of the rest. Says she “You've found a good refuge in New Russia. We're non-judgemental and all are welcome.” (Alvin puts it: “Anybody can be a New Russian if they've a mind to.”) - Well... I began to move boxes about and realised that I NEEDED to get SOMETHING to eat tonight! NOT eating isn't good for me any more of late, so I jumped back into the truck, sweaty and in my slippers and headed up to Dollar General. (I took ONE 100 out of the light though... Oh well... I'll have to work on replacing that... QUICKLY!) At DG, I got a box fan (18 bucks... it serves the purpose and yes... IT WAS NECESSARY!!! IT'S HOTTER THAN DESCRIBABLE! AND HUMID TOO! SICKENINGLY SO!), a box of “Sugar Flakes” a half gallon of milk and... a pack of Camels (ICK!). I'm NOT ready to quit the smoking just yet... even though I'm sure that even smoking out-side here is going to bring SOME kind of SOME wrath, sooner or later. Still... NOT ready... NOT yet. I had one on the trip back. ICK! But it served the purpose. And oh... it's 3,8 miles door to door. Not bad! No more 20-mile hikes to a market! (Though, no more strolling “next door” to a rip-off store either, but still... it's a FAR cry from those walks to St-Albans!) The gal in DG was PRECIOUS! Just a delight! And the drive to and from was marvellous... along the 9... through the trees. - Back at the house, I un-packed a bowl, washed it out and had half the box of cereal with milk. Not exactly the “best” for meal, but better than nothing at all, to be sure. OH... AND I READ MY MAIL TOO! A “Welcome” letter from NYSEG (no bill... thankfully) and a nasty note from the Dept. of Ed. telling me to contact Pioneer about payments. Yeah? Well... the problem with that is: THERE'S NO CABLE IN THIS FLAT SO I COULDN'T HOOK IT UP AND NO PHONE EITHER BECAUSE OF IT! SO... HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH THE DEPT. OF “ED”... erectile dysfunction... half-witted, in-bred, retards. I'm not going to be annoyed. We'll just see how it all rolls...) - That done, I got to un-packing some boxes and such, looking fro clothing and little necessities. Scrubbed and bleached the counter-top and kitchen basins... in the HEAT! And WOW! When the sun gets to the mountains, it SLAMS into this house! The thermometer on the front (and the “new sign” is up too... looking lovely!) read OVER 100°F! It's a delight to have the light pouring in through the windows but the HEAT! It's enough to KILL! Yet, I got some work done anyway. -Bringing up to the “end of day”... at 22.21. I was SO DAMNED EXHAUSTED, from the early rise in Fuklin, the tension of packing to leave... the anxieties of the trip here, worried about brakes and such... the heat, humidity... I didn't even care about the bed... I put the sleeping back a-top it, took off my jeans and slippers and just laid down... hoping to be able to get SOME sleep. Not even a shower! BUT THANKFULLY... THERE'S HOT WATER!!!) AND SO... HERE I AM... BACK IN NEW YORK... IN A LITTLE ADIRONDACK TOWN CALLED “NEW RUSSIA”... IN ESSEX COUNTY... AND IN A STATE OF DISBELIEF!
Fri.19.Jul: 21.15 SHOWERED! And the water pressure in the shower is all but a trickle! As they say... “SUX”! But I got a thorough SCRUB... MUCH MUCH needed scrub! - Anyway... before I get into today (which, by the way, is the day Joe becomes 54! Imagine THAT! When HE gets “older”, being the youngest... WELL! Fukkem! Fukkemall!) I need to get yesterday's notes completed! See if I can't get that AND today in before time to pass out... in this HELLISH HEAT and HUMIDITY again! - 21.55 I'm surprised I'm still at this. Just finished yesterday's details... now for today's which are brief because... well... Last night was “interesting”. It's surprising how many people actually drive through town here, and how many actually drive up and down the Simmonds Hill Rd. through the night! But despite the heat, the sweat and the fact that the pillows are too low (I'm on 2 for now... not wanting to open the “new” ones I'd gotten from Macy's about a year ago... and packed away... just for THIS move), I DID manage to drift off in a relatively short while. The BAD BAD news: FUCKING LEG AND FOOT SPASMS THROUGH THE NIGHT! AND WALKING DIDN'T REALLY TO MUCH TO RELIEVE THEM! - None-the-less... this morning... 7.00... ***VROOM VROOM VROOM***!!! THREE old guys were out there, across Simmonds Hill, MOWING the “park”! 2 with mowers, one with a weed-wacker! 7.00? REALLY! I tried to get a bit more sleep, but laid there, listening until about 7.30 when... I gave up, gave in, got up, got dressed and started going through the packing to find the opened jar of coffee! WELL!!! About 45 minutes into it, I opened the other jar because... well... COFFEE!!!! (I didn't find the other one until some time later... It was one of those “last items”, shoved into a box where it really didn't belong. But... it's found and all's rather well. I had “tap water coffee” this morning... with FRESH tap water! So I'm really not complaining. AND... it was IMMEDIATE UN-PACKING ... EVEN THE BOXES THAT WERE PACKED AT 5225! OH THE SHIT IN THOSE! Stuff that Viv had given me... a wooden fleur de lis, some “tile” with one of those kitchy sayings... a “St. Huberts” glass... I don't recall her having given the stuff, but it was carefully packed so... And other little shit and stuff that needs weeding through. (I'm STILL trying to find the shower-head though... I SWEAR I'd brought it to VT! But I can't find it! Still... there's more un-packing to be done so...) - At about 10.00 I took a break and went out to have a smoke. Jess stepped out of the post office and said “You must be the missing Jude.” and we chatted about all sorts of things whilst she worked. (Shame really... she's from Rutland.) But when I asked about swimming in Split Rock Falls, she HIGHLY recommended it and encouraged me to go... especially in this HEAT! When I half-jokingly said “So, no strolling down the road and jumping off the bridge there.” she said “I hear it's loaded with leeches. That's why nobody goes there.” Well... it's still water as opposed to the falls so... The falls are about 4 miles down but I just might give them a try. Then the news: Tomorrow is “Elizabethtown Day”... YARD SALES all over the place, much merry-making. Highly recommended... especially for the yard sales. Next week is “New Russia Day”... says Alvin, “There'll be about 1000 people in the park... or 50.” The notice says it begins at “1:00pm until...” Bring a dish to share. (And me... no cook-ware, no food, no real money to spend and a place full of boxes and...) - OK... so now I know about the falls but... I HAD to get back to WORK... in here and so I did... AND DID I EVER! - Kitchen cupboards got SCRUBBED! AND BLEACHED! AND SCRUBBED! THEN CAME THE LOO... SHOWER, SCRUBBED, BLEACHED, SCRUBBED, SCRUBBED, SCRUBBED! Medicine chest, the same, the walls, door... and the floor got BLEACHED... pure bleach, no rinse! I “caulked” a bit round the bottom of the shower and the faucet and put up my shower curtain... clear. I could, actually, make TWO curtains because the stall is only 6 hooks wide! But, for now, it was more important to have it all cleaned because I was DETERMINED to shower tonight before bed. - Speaking of bed... it's NOT “Extra Firm”. It's really not “firm” at all. Shame. Maybe the frame will give it more tightness. But... no matter... it's a bed, I'm not on the floor and it'll do. (Hell... I didn't come here to spend the next 50 years waiting for God anyway.) - So with cupboards bleached, loo bleached, I un-packed a bit more and... found MORE bowls and such! Plastic yoghurt containers... ALL got thoroughly washed and most is put up in the cupboards already. The kitchen's starting to look “kitcheny”. (The rest of the place is a disaster... but, time... that's all.) - I took a quick break at one point to sit in the living-room and finish the cereal. (And just before the shower, I finished the few crisps that were in the bag that I'd gotten in VT and brought along.... not “good” eating but better than none?) - And as a note: earlier I'd been on the back porch, Joan was taking something out of her trunk and I offered to help. “No, but thanks for asking.” she rather snapped. And when I asked if she'd planted potatoes in the back “I can't talk. I can't breathe. I have to go.” I wonder... either she's pissed because she knows I'm smoking out front or she's just “one of those” neighbours: Happy to see you... some-times. Oh well. I can't be arsed. Time will tell. - And so... it was about 20.30 or so when I FINALLY got to brush my teeth, take my shower... and here it is 22.22, I'm sitting in a “Models” chair (the ONLY chair I have), in the bed-room, facing the fan in the window, and FINALLY NOT SWEATING! AND... caught up to the moment... and only JUST getting the slightest tired. - (Considering making a “sugar milk” before bed too.) - THAT reminds me... I put the humming-bird feeder up on the front porch. I wonder if I'll ever see any humming birds here. Only one way to find out. - 22.33 Just had a “sugar milk” and a naproxen. My ankles are so sore! Heat and working and all that... not to mention “health” in general, I might think. Considering a smoke out front and then try for sleep. HEY! I can even brush my teeth again, if I so choose. One thing that's lovely: being able to go to the fridge for cold milk. I might even make coffee in the press tomorrow morning. I un-packed the one I'd bought in “Home”, Sutton... OH... what? About 4 years (or more) ago? (And there's another one... I'd gotten at Ikea, MTL, with Viv. Oh my! Hot water in the electric kettle and COFFEE! Imaginez-vous! - OK... time to wrap this day... have a smoke and get to bed. I MIGHT be able to get in SOME sort of “festivities” tomorrow (like the yard sales... I need sheets for the windows, dish rack for the dishes, a clothes-drying rack... and stuff).
Sat.20.Jul: 19.24 And DAY 2 in NEW RUSSIA comes to a close with the thermo on the front porch reading DOWN to about 90°F after ANOTHER day of WELL OVER 100°! So much for “just going up North to the mountains when the weather gets too hot to deal with”... in my “old age”. THIS is fucking INSANITY! And too, the HUMIDITY is MURDEROUS! It might not be so terrible, were it not for the humidity. But, it is what it is and it won't be long until... BITTER COLD returns so... HEY! At least I ventured to try (and succeeded) putting the screens in on the front windows (they were in the “closet” in the “blue room” all along) so the front window are open wide and no probs with bugs... or hornets, wasps and the sorts of things that find their way in. - Let me begin with the morning after another night of some SPASMS... not BAD spasms, but spasms none-the-less. The worst part about them is that the bed is too close to the floor and getting up to walk them off is about as painful as the spasms themselves. Hopefully, the frame WILL arrive on Tuesday and I'll be able to get a bit of a “night-through” of sleep. I mean, even taking a naproxen before bed doesn't stop them. And it's been a while since I last had the vinegar before bed too. One of these nights I'll get back to that as well. But for now... the heat, the humidity and all the rest is an annoyance to be dealt with. - Got up and out of bed closer to 9.00 this morning, simply because, well, I CAN now. Tap coffee because hot coffee was just out of the question. And, of course, right back to the blue room to sort through the rest of the boxes. MOST of the “stuff” is un-packed... I mean, even the boxes that were sitting in the sacks for almost 6 years! Stepped out to chat with Jess who again, recommended a trip into E-town” for the yard sales... even in this heat. She DID, how-ever, give me a bit of “peace of mind” when she said, for no particular reason other than that I'd said that I would run errands for Joan if she needed: “She's having a very hard time of it these days. It's hard for her to breathe, and her life was singing. Sometimes she gets a little sharp. But don't take it personally. Things are difficult for her and she isn't being mean.” I needed to hear that because I've been of the mind that she's not happy about me being here. I mentioned my smoking and Jess said that the folks are particular about butts in front of the place. “This is their pride and joy”, meaning the post office, to be sure. Oddly, there was a butt there from last night which I quickly pointed out and was equally quick to point out the jar I use for my butts AND that a pack of smokes lasts me 3 days... “It's been a Hellish few weeks before coming here. I'd almost quit completely until all the shit started coming at me. But, I'm no-where near what I used to smoke.” Said Jess “Hopefully you'll be able to stop again.” and left it at that. Fine for that point. When she left the post office, a cheerie “See you Monday.” and that was the high-light of the social hour this morning. - (I have to mention: I mentioned that I have to get into town on Monday to call Spectrum to have them re-install the cable... gee... nobody says “I can call for you.” But I don't mind. I'm not going to focus on it. “Stoic” me.) - And the next item on the list: Washed a t-shirt, polo shirt, pair of socks and under-drawers! Hand washing again! Not too bad either. It's as if I never stopped doing it. And when that's dry, I'll do the jeans. The kitchen basin's just big enough, and I can, most likely, do bed linens too! Pretty good deal, that. So I'm proud of THAT accomplishment! - Back to the sorting and un-packing and such for a bit and at about noon, I took an hour's nap... because it was hot, humid and... because I CAN now. It didn't make much difference because of the heat but it was a way to pass an hour where I'd other-wise be miserable. - AND I FOUND THE SHOWER HEAD AT LAST! IT'S MUCH SMALLER THAN I'D REMEMBERED AND THAT'S PART OF THE REASON I COULDN'T FIND IT! It was in a box of... “Surgi-lube” - which has to be tossed, to be sure, at this point - and bandage tapes, a complete razor and such! Packed since... well... probably Rockaway! AND I GOT IT INSTALLED... FOR TONIGHT'S SHOWER! YAY! And the little shit I'm finding in these boxes is... well... I wonder why I'm carrying it all. Yes, some of it's being tossed, at long last. Sentiments are dead, to be honest. Little shit that, well, some of it I can't even recall WHY I have it. There's a bottle of water with black silt in it. I believe it's from Tilden! I'm pondering what to do with it. Not quite ready to toss it just yet. But, there's time. - OH... as I'm thinking... the woman who owns the large house across the road came as I was having a smoke this morning. Come to find out, the old place used to be quite the hotel... and the “Trailways” but used to stop here, at the post office and the place was quite “it”. When she and hubby bought it, it was uninhabitable. I don't know what they did or how much but... just like the place across the road here, at least they've mowed the lawn since I took this place. Her mother is having her 86th birthday at the place, this week-end. How nice. And to think I wondered if there'd be a place to rent in there. Hey... who knows? Time alone... shit happens. - Moving along... I DID get into town this afternoon... at about 13.00. Stopped at the “Thrift” to see what they had. The only temptation was a 3$ crock pot. No linens and nothing else I really even wanted. I'll just keep my eye on the place though. Might get something... sooner or later. - Then up to “Tops” for a cold chicken, loaf of “Friehoffers” potato bread, mayo, a tin of peaches, box of choco-rice-crispies and their “Rewards” card. 21$. The stuff isn't all that cheap, but I needed food and the chicken should give me at least 3 “meals” so that's not TOO bad (since I'm out of cash, save the 100 “light money” until Wednesday... which is a day I DREAD because I NEED to figure out how to get money into the VT account to pay bills come August! OH FUCK ME really!). A stop at “Dollar General” for a towel for the bath-room floor after shower, a dish-drain/dry rack and a pack of smokes (yes, Camels... ICK!). Honestly... it was just TOO bloody HOT and HUMID to stay in town so I came back “home” to have a peanut-butter sammich (yes, peanut butter at Tops too) and water before getting right back to the sorting, un-packing, re-orging and shit. Oh, and too... 2 cans of white spray paint at DG... for that space above where the “washer and dryer” hook-up is in the kitchen. I'm NOT cleaning it... I'm just going to paint it! DONE! (Jess says that Joan has a “gig” in Keene tomorrow... I've been hoping she'd go for a drive this evening so I could paint, but I don't want to spray that space, in case the fumes go through. I KNOW what it's like to have difficulty breathing and “fumes”... though I'm used to SHIT in the air. Still, I can't do that to her. Poor dear.) - At the moment, there are little things on the kitchen floor that need to be boxed but, I went through the other stuff... “tools”... JEEZUS! I'VE CLEANED THAT PLACE IN FUKLIN OUT! Jig saw, hack saw, circular saw, belt sander, disk sander... all sorts of tools and such! But of course, they'd only go to waste over there. SHE'D never use them. Like the chain saws and guns... OUT and AWAY! So? Here they are. Let's see WHEN (not “IF”) I'll be able to get some use out of them. And extension cords! OH MY! What a collection! (I'm tempted to pack them and post them back to her, but surely, she'll have no sue for them either.) Do I feel “guilty”? No, I don't see any reason for such nonsense. But I'm rather amazed and how much I've “collected” over the time. Damned shame I couldn't have put them up as a mini yard sale today. Oh well... - It's 20.02 and I'm sitting in the living-room watching the sun dip behind the mountains. This day is coming to a close! And the poor guy across the road is no faced with the tragedy of clearing all his “items” from his front yard. Or, maybe, if he's lucky, somebody will come by tomorrow (I'm losing track of the days... this, being Saturday and such) and buy SOMETHING from him. Anyway... I'm sad to see the sun leave, but glad to have the temperatures drop... even though it's only a bit... even the nights have been brutal! It's a bit cloudy, but not too terribly. Earlier, there was a rumble of thunder... only the one... and about 25 drops of rain fell. I've got a feeling that if/when this weather finally breaks, it's going to be “impressive”! - And, and, and... in the department of “Anxieties”, which, of course, there always must be... Transferring money to VT, opening a new NY account, paying next month's bills, the Dept. of (Retard)Ed., fixing the rust on the truck door (getting bad), the brakes, registration, inspection, my license... things and stuff. Electric bill (I'm going for the “39/month” before it gets TOO bad here). Have to get oil for the furnace (in case). Heaters for the Winter. Stuff... always stuff. But, tie rolls by and no matter how fast or slow, it does at the same pace for all. Things WILL settle down. (At least I know I can get August rent out on Wednesday morning! THAT is THE most important of all right now!) - Time to toddle along... clean up the kitchen. Get those little bits put up and away for the night. - I taped a screen in the window in the blue room AND one in the bed-room! Very nice indeed, to have screens up. Too bad they don't fit properly. BUT HEY! It's a better night all round now... screens in the windows! - I'm going to take another shower before bed tonight... hopefully this one will be quicker and easier than last night's. - Tomorrow? It'll get here when it does. And it'll be Sunday so... more time for more “arranging”. There's coffee, food, shelter. Out-side my window, the sun sets silently behind “Giant Mountain”, a few clouds drift across the sky, Rte.9 is mostly silent... we're in a place where few venture, the Northway is the choice to get from Albany to Plattsburgh, and even then... even then. - 11 days until August! The “Summer” only just started and... it's SCREAMING to a close. Time... there isn't very much of it these days... Hopefully... less than I'm even thinking. After all, I'll make this place nice... but I've come home to die... one way or another... sooner or later... some-how, some-way... some day. - 22.12 And the only thing that would make this moment flawless would be to be able to have a smoke as I type. But WHAT A SHOWER THAT WAS! NOTHING beats those tiny shower-heads... GREAT pressure, perfect spray, and I saved on body “shampoo” by being able to turn the water flow off, soap to the toes and then put the water back on to rinse... and RINSE delightfully! WHAT a wonder! And tonight I actually feel CLEAN after, since there was enough water and pressure to rinse everything off! And now, here I sit in the only chair in the place, directly in front of the fan, only the sweat pants on (and only because I'm sitting on the fabric chair, other-wise I'd be as nekkid here as I was in the shower... and that TOO is such a magnificent event again, at LONG LONG LONG last). Shame the humidity is still so high... I'm sweating already, but cooling off a touch. Teeth brushed, showered, and done! - Got the kitchen back to “tidy” before the shower so all the little shit isn't all over the floor. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get to paint that little “cubby-hole” and tomorrow night, put shit up in that space, out of the way. Then, into the blue room to clean THAT clutter up and things will be well on their way to “home”. A table, chairs, something in the living-room, a table and chair in the blue room for the computer and art-work (to keep me occupied as I “wait for God”). This actually is the perfect space for me at this point in my life. Small rooms so not much space to fill. And once I get into the “budget” for it all, it should run smoothly... enough. - As I stepped into the shower, I could hear the rumbles of the fireworks up in “E-Town”. Ah... the festivities are done for another year. How charming. Shame it was so damned hot and humid and that I'm only JUST getting in here. I could have gone, met the “locals” and such. Oh well... - I keep thinking: I want the loo painted white! That green just doesn't get it. I'll never know why people insist upon painting wet rooms either green or blue. Then again... yellow kitchens. Oh well. There's a large bucket of some paint in the stuff Alden left behind. If it's white... the loo will be white before next week-end. - Well... I could go for another smoke but I don't want to. I'm not sure I'm dry enough to get onto the bed yet (which, by t he way, is CERTAINLY NOT “EXTRA FIRM”... SHIT! IT ISN'T EVEN SEMI-FIRM! FUCK! BUT... it's a bed... ish), but there's nothing else to do with the rest of the night. No Internet so no soc.med. - One thing I AM noticing is that this place is BLOODY BUGGY!!! Killed a large house-fly earlier and as it dropped to the floor, another insect headed right for the corpse. There's a daddy long legs on the wall, something took a bit of a bite on my back as I'm sitting here, just brushed a little moth from my neck. I remember Alden saying that he'd set a “bomb” in the place. I don't wonder. And to think... tonight... with screens in the windows. Imagine what it would have been with no screens! I dread the thought. Oh well... it's insects... natural and wood-land, mountain, wilderness, forest. At least the air coming in through the screens doesn't smell like somebody else's shit. Now THAT'S worth the bugs. - So, 22.27 and I'm going to try to hit the sack (as it were). Hopefully there'll be enough sleep to come along and a bright, refreshed morning ahead. NO SPASMS! (I wish I could go to bed nekkid but I HAVE to wear that damned support for my back.) - FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!! AS I'M TYPING I SEE THIS BUG CRAWLING ACROSS THE FLOOR... BLACK... LOOKED LIKE A HUGE ANT... ABOUT 2cm LONG! I SMACKED IT WITH THE FLIP-FLOP AND IT DIDN'T STOP! SMAKED IT AND ROLLED IT AND IT KEPT MOVING! GRABBED IT WITH A PAPER TOWEL AND SQUASHED ITS HIND END... THE BACK IS BLACK WITH YELLOW STRIPES AND THE FRONT... PINCHERS! FUCK! I SERIOUSLY NEED TO GET THE BED THE FUCK UP OFF THE FUCKING FLOOR! (AND FIGURE SOMETHING TO PUT ROUND THE BASE OF IT TO WARD OFF SUCH BEASTS! I DON'T KNOW WHERE THESE CRAWLING THINGS ARE COMING FROM NOW AND I DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL! I WONDER WHAT THE BASEMENT LOOKS LIKE IN THIS PLACE. I'll have to find out... either by going snooping, asking Joan or... Alden said he'd be back to put the strips over the carpet edges... I've some questions to ask. - I have to wonder if he's tried to phone. Surely he's been notified of my arrival. Oh well... Phone is next week. BUT BUGS ARE IMMEDIATE! ICK!) Funny though, when I think: Earlier, I was on the front porch, looking Westward, thinking of the MILES of nothing out that way... this heat, the hot weather, climbing up into the mountains, some-where off in some “Wilderness” area, to lay down under a tree and “leave”... “go”... “depart”... Yeah... laying there... certainly not at night... with THESE little horrors scurrying about. AFTER I'm dead, they can have what they want... but certainly NOT before NOR during! - OH well... I jut have to remember to “check the bed” before getting into it from now on... and perhaps adding some sort of “spray” to the list of “MUST HAVES”, for the perimeter of the rooms. - This is getting “interesting”... I've just gone on a “spree”... that “thing”, a spider on the wall at the head of the bed, a beetle of some kind at the lamp, the daddy long legs is now gone... I can't get over it... this... AFTER I screen the windows. My, my, my, my, my. Oh well... “Mountain Living”... - I'm going to try for some sleep. It's 22.44 - 23.17 Got distracted... got this to the “coding” page to check for tags, cleaned that, then went to a Ggl photo of Rte.9 and the New Russia sign and now? Smoke and BED! I hope!
Sun.21.Jul: 22.00 Day 3 and again, up by about 8.00 (because I decided I wanted to “sleep-in” in this heat and humidity... and the fact that it took until about 1.00 to finally get to sleep for no apparent reason other than, well... bugs and heat, humidity and the thoughts of trying to get things in order around here). But, again, it was up dress, coffee, smoke. AND A HUMMING BIRD AT THE FEEDER! Didn't stay long but there it was. So I know they're around here! I'll have to make certain the feeder is clean and adjust the sugar and such... It's only for another month or so until they all leave. Must make sure they're well fed for their journey. - Ms. Joan hung around until about 10 or 11-ish, I'm not sure when she left because, quite frankly, I'm too busy to keep looking at clocks. Alvin came to help her pack the car and off she went. She got back round about 14-15.00 or so and I was almost at the end of my own work here so I offered to help her. “Hello there lady. Could you use an extra set of hands?” I called. “No thanks. I'll get it later.” said she... but she didn't. She went into the house and moments later came back out to start un-packing the car. I'm beginning to take it personally, but honestly, I don't give a shit. This place isn't my long-term “home”.... just long enough to “settle comfy” so I can “leave” in peace. If she has a problem and she doesn't speak on it, well then... we'll deal with the bull-shit later... or not. - Moving along... it was QUITE the PRODUCTIVE day! ALL boxes, and I mean *ALL* boxes are un-packed! I've got MUCH more clothing than I thought (because of the shirts, mostly flannel, that Cecil had left behind). So I took the empty boxes, stacked some against the wall in the bed-room and... “VIOLA!” (as I say): All clothing nicely stacked. In the blue room, there's only little bits of stuff that still needs sorting but most of it is for a “work table” and some shelves. So I'm not too concerned about all that. - OH! And when Ms. Joan left, I DID use the 2 cans of spray paint on that “cubby” in the kitchen. Talk about shit! More propellant than pigment. Not a good cover, but it's a bit “cleaner” and a touch “whiter” than it was. Paint... 1,60$. Yep... not worth the money. But it's a start. And the WHOLE place STUNK for the longest from it! Damned good thing I didn't give-in yesterday, whilst Ms. Joan was in and hit it then! Took MOST of the day to get rid of the fumes! (I'll have to brush-paint it, I suppose. Oh well.) - And as I rolled along, I went through EVERYTHING because I couldn't find my birth certificate and such! Boxes, bags, totes... come to find out, the pouch with all the papers in it was at the bottom of the tote where my tallit, tenach and such are kept. WHEW! I was about to be VERY sick, thinking I might have left it behind! But, there it was... and so, I continued happily, to un-pack, stack and organise. - Next items on the list: the receipts for rent paid! Rummaging through ALL the folders in that “file” and NOTHING! Again... the sickness thinking I'd left THEM behind. Come to find, they were in a “G's” envelope, in one of the little boxes in the blue room! I'd gone through the envelopes, to keep them ready for rent payments and such and oddly, when I found the stray, I noticed something in it. Holding it up to the light... THE RECEIPTS! WOW! RELIEF! Being “Month-To-Month”, no lease, just the bills in my name makes this a bit harrowing. Those receipts are my only proof of residence in this place! I HAVE to keep them close and available...! - So at about 14.00-ish, I had a bowl of cereal. At about 17.30, 2 “chicken salad” sammiches with water. At about 19.30, a peanut-butter sammich (again... with water). And ALL day again was un-packing and organising. But the place looks GREAT! All it needs is FURNITURE! (I'll settle for the bed frame at this point. It would be WONDERFUL if it would arrive tomorrow... but it's due on Tuesday, and quite frankly, I'll be surprised if it arrives by then.) - Not as hot today as the past few days, but still quite miserable. I over-heard Alvin's Mrs. yelling across the road that she'd gone to Keene to the farmers' market and that's all because it was too hot. There was only a tiny bit less humidity, but still, more than enough to make things miserable. I had to wash the t-shirt I usually wear out (Dickie's). It's hanging on a hanger in the bath-room window (made a nice curtain for showering this evening...). - And so, it was about 21.30 when I headed into the shower... Brushed teeth, showered nicely (thanks to the shower-head), put on my face (as it is) in the loo, flushed the toilet (I don't flush during the day because of all the pee'ing I try to keep doing... it would be MAJOR water use if I flushed EVERY time) and came to the bed-room and here I be... in the chair, in front of the fan. - There's a little spider building a web between the fan and the window-frame. I'm going to let him/her stay there... catch what tries to get in! HAH! As long as they're small and keep away from the bed, I don't mind at all. (One thing though... the bugs around the street light are THICK! Makes it obvious that we're in a “Wilderness” area... not to mention the ones that crawl about in here... odd bugs... but...) - HEY! I'm typing and looked at the wall under the window and only JUST noticed a bit of a “gash” in the wall! Must've been there all along because I, most certainly, didn't bang that wall with anything. Hmmm... But it's odd that I should only just now notice it. Oh well.. - While I'm at “mentioning”... Alden said that the loo stinks. I didn't notice it so much until I started cleaning in there, and yes, there's a smell of urine. Yesterday, I washed the walls and floor down with pure bleach... today, I thought it the carpet out-side the door so I sprayed with some “Sears Carpet Deodouriser”.... tonight, the stink is still there. I'll bet the old shit who was in here before pee'ed into the heat register in there! Fucking slob! (I don't care if he was old and in need of help... Pee'ing on the floor... in a heat register? WTF?) Now I'll have to figure out how to get rid of THAT... especially before heating season begins! - Well, tomorrow is Monday... I'm planning on getting into E-Town (as they call it), to TRY to get Spectrum to come install the cable THIS WEEK, and to get on “Level Budget” for NYSEG, if possible, get a form off to Soc.Sec. for direct deposit to Community... I believe I'll just stick with them since I don't do much in the way of “cash”, and bill-paying should be easy enough. The HARD bit is going to be getting cash into that account BEFORE the payments start coming out mid-month next! I do NOT want to make that 100 mile trip, but unless Spectrum puts the cable in this week... I'm looking at one royal pain in the arse come next week. - Note to self: MUST do something about covering the bottom parts of these windows... something like the “shutters” I'd made on Jane Street I think. A truck just pulled up at the corner and I swear they can look right in when the truck's high enough. Oh well... I'm nekkid to the waist... sweats below. Fukkem. - 22.37... I was pondering a last smoke but I don't believe I want to be arsed. And I'm getting a bit weary anyway. I DID have a nap from 15-16.00 today... a “light” nap, because of the heat. But I'm still getting a bit weary. I'm RELIEVED, to be honest, that the “settling” is almost complete AND that papers have been found! I know where things are now and that's been a horror on my mind. So yes... it's better. One of these evenings... after the bed's here, I'll have a v-ton to “celebrate”. There's about a drink left in the bottle... in the freezer (imagine that... vodka in the freezer... where it belongs), tonic in the fridge (imagine that... tonic in the fridge... where it belongs). I'm rather due a relaxing cocktail... after all this, not to mention, Wednesday, August's rent will be paid (but I won't have any idea how much is on the card this time... THAT bothers me a bit, and no way to find out the balance... until the Internet is back up! Oh well... little bits of shits to bother...) - I think I will have that smoke and head to bed now. There's a bit of travel tomorrow (hopefully the library will be open and I'll have mobile phone service in town!!!). - So much for 3rd day.
Mon.22.Jul: 18.26 SPECTRUM is to come tomorrow between noon and 13.00 to INSTALL! COSTING ME AN ADDITIONAL 50$ because of the stupidity of whom-so-ever removed the cable in here. But... FUKKEM. (So I've learnt from my 8 years of “training” in the shit-hole.) And NYSEG is on “Budget” at 38$/MONTH... when I'd checked before getting here earlier this week, it was 39$ so I've already saved another dollar/month! And, I have a LIBRARY CARD at the Elizabethtown Library, good for Essex, Clinton and ... Franklin (puke) Counties! And, I have little window screens in on the bed-room windows, and I've painted the kitchen cubby with “Rustoleum” white. Oh, and the bed is now scheduled to arrive Thursday instead of tomorrow... so I saw on-line when I checked at the library. Oh well... at lest it's shipped. AND, I'm just back from the bridge where I got my plant water. Quite the day! I say! And now for the particulars... I was up with the alarm this morning, 7.45, to a rather “chilled” 21° in the room! It rained a bit last night (and through this morning as well) and the temperatures hearkened to “cooler” days and nights, and the need to seriously figure out how to get a tank of oil before the REALLY cool nights hit. (And at least ONE radiator!) Still, it was MUCH better to wake knowing I could put another blanket on than waking wishing I was at the bottom of the ocean (or feeling as if I'd just been dredged up from it). So I laid in bed for a bit longer. I remember looking at the clock this morning... 1.00. I'd gone to bed at about 22.45 and laid there, awake, all that while. So really, it wasn't much of a night's sleep, to be told. I got out of bed sometime around 8.45 or so, because as I went to put the kettle on for “pressed” coffee this morning Jess was coming up the drive past Joan's door and she called “Good morning!” and off she went to open the post office. I had a cup of my HOT, FRESH coffee, and stepped out for a smoke. Jess came out to say “Good morning” and we chatted a bit. Seems she worked in Scarsdale for a Jewish family (no particulars) some time ago and they were rather the “stereotypical”. But, she says, folks round here don't so “stereotypes”, so I shouldn't be concerned. (Although, I still wonder about “Joanie” there, and why she's so “standoffish” about me. I was going to mention it to Jess but never got round to it. Not that I could give a shit... or a fuck... again, 8 years in New England... FUKKEM... FUKKEMALL! Rob is/was a J.W. and we discussed “Christmas” and such. Her comment “J.W.s are cold!” I'm wondering though... Thompson. I believe that was Linda's family name... Paddock Place, Meadow Hill, her father was a minister. I'll have to inquire when I can, as to relations there. As we chatted, I asked if the “E-Town” library was open and if so, the hours. Jess looked it up on the computer at the PO and gave me a list of the hours. “Noon-21.00” said the note. So I came back in and re-sorted some notes and papers and such, proof of residency here and all, finished the coffee, got dressed, put the plants out back in the rain (I'm sure they appreciate THAT!). By about 12.30 or so I was out the door and on the road and through E-Town to the library... checking the phone all the way for ATT service. (NONE! Fucking waste of money, this phone. It's gone in short order. Jess DID tell this morning that ATT is the worst over here. She has “Straight Talk”, Walmarde, and says she gets great service almost ALL over the place. I'll have to look into it... soon! Perhaps on-line?) OK, so... Got to the library with-out incident (the brakes worked) and toddled in. Quite lovely! Another old house-turned-library. Bright. Cheery. Lovely librarian who not only gave me the “24/7 WiFi” availability there, but a little history of the place and a hearty “Welcome Home”... and a library card! I'm HERE now! And I got to use the computer. - First line of business, check Spectrum. Ah HAH! Seems the bitch I snapped at cancelled the entire order! Time-line: Order went in on the 1st, equipment shipped on the 2nd, account cancelled on the 2nd but money kept, equipment arrived on the 3rd! Oh! And the “reason for cancellation”? “Voluntary”... implying that *I* cancelled! On-line chat couldn't help me, they gave me a number to call! So I checked NYSEG about the “Budget” billing and when I saw that it had come down to 38$, I “Enrolled”! So now the rent and electric are under control... the gas is good (though I'll probably go through it a bit quicker than the old shit who was here previously because I bathe and wash dishes (not to mention, clothes... and I have a pair of jeans that need a good washing now, but in this weather, even a t-shirt take almost 2 days to dry). - Tried to get my soc.sec. on direct deposit but when I tried to get an on-line account...
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** THERE ARE BANQUE CARDS, A MORTGAGE APPLICATION/HOME LOAN, A CAR LOAN, A RETAIL CREDIT CARD AGAINST MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER... IN 2014 AND 2015!!! I'M FUCKING RIPPED AT THIS POINT! THIS SHIT IS JUST TOO FUCKING MUCH! COULD IT HAVE BEEN SOMEBODY FROM THE FUCKING “STUDIO” OF ILLEGALS? I WAS IN FRANKLIN BY THEN. COULD IT HAVE BEEN BOB BENDER? MORE INVESTIGATING THAT I NEED TO GET TO... AND WILL DO AS SOON AS I GET THE CABLE SET AND THE INTERNET UP AND RUNNING! THIS SHIT HAS GOT TO STOP! NO WONDER I HAVE A “CREDIT SCORE”... OF “98”, UP FROM ZERO! SOMEBODY'S USING MY INFO. AND I'M ABOUT TO FIND OUT WHO... AND THEN GO AFTER HIM/HER/IT FOR ALL I CAN GET! ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
So I didn't get the direct deposit done today, but as I thought in my insomnia last night: Nothing will come due until about mid-month. And if I have to pay “Pioneer” again, I'll just take it directly from the “DirExp” card... which is what I'm going to pay bills with this month anyway. Then, with what's left, get a money order and toddle off to a banque locally. I'd LIKE to stay with Community. I might stay with them anyway and have direct deposit into that account. But there's time. I'm back and forth with it all right now. I don't use cash often, so the card can be any-where. We shall see... But all those attempts at credit... fuck! - On-line checking of Spectrum, NYSEG, Soc.Sec. done, I checked e-mails as well. Nothing of note. Then checked the bed order. Thursday. And... out to the truck to try calling Spectrum from the library parking lot via WiFi. NOPE! Didn't work! DAMNIT! SOOOooooo.... Genius that I am (at times), I headed up... UP... SIMONDS HILL (or, rather Lincoln Pond TO Simonds Hill). NEVER again on THAT! The climb. The turns. BUT, thankfully, AT THE TOP, INTERSECTON OF LINCOLN POND AND SIMONDS HILL... “ATT SERVICE” AND A PULL-OFF! (I'm betting MANY go up there to make phone calls.) I got Spectrum on the line! Got the particulars about the cancellation, switched to “Sales” to RE-CREATE the account AND... they asked for my soc.sec. number about 5 times! I figured I'd NEVER get this service OR I'd be paying about a month's rent on the account FIRST. WELL... as it turns out, yes, I have to pay the installation, but not in advance. They gave me a NEW phone number which I don't really like: instead of 1150, it's 1127! But that's fine. Had to verify with “911 Service” that I'm using Spectrum for my phone service and... thus far, it looks like tomorrow afternoon I'll be buzzing about with a new cable in the place! I almost dropped when the guy said somebody could be here TOMORROW! (I still don't believe it, but we shall see.) - Fine... the important business accomplished, I headed DOWN Simonds Hill Rd. and when I got to the house, made the right onto the 9 and headed BACK into E-Town... took the other 100 out of the light (not good but... I needed something to eat, a pack of smokes) and went to Aubochons for the 2 screens and the paint. About 30$ there. Then to Dollar General for smokes, Frosted Flakes, milk, a roll of paper towels (for shelf-lining mostly) and rolled back into New Russia. - Joanie's got company today, 2 gals. I noticed the “green” plate on their car. Hmpf! “Woodchucks”. None of my business, I don't give a shit. So, immediately in, I changed into other clothes and got to painting the cubby. It took half the pint to put a “fair” coat on... just enough to make it all appear cleaner and white. Fine... - By the time I'd done that, I was a bit hungry and wanted some flakes. I checked the clock... it was ALREADY 17.25! THE FUCKING DAY ROLLED AWAY FROM ME AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT WENT TO! So I had my flakes (3 bowls) and, wanting a smoke and not really wanting to deal with the front porch (and the “woodchucks”), I headed to the bridge for plant water, carrying the container. - Nice stroll, I admit. I took more photos, then went down to the water almost under the bridge. Perfectly clear. Little minnows. Didn't see any leeches, but the water is so warm! I wouldn't even WANT to swim in it! And being that warm, I don't doubt it IS packed with leeches. Anyway, I got my water, climbed back up to the road, had another smoke and got back “home” just before starting this entry. - Sadly, I can hear just about every word spoken over at Joanie's. But this might be as good as it might be annoying. I'll her if she talks shit about me. And her woodchucks are a bit noisy. I wonder when they'll go back to their shit-hole. Not, mind, that I mind because... right now, I just dozed-off, entering quite the string of “r”s. (It's too late to “nap”, too early to go to bed, but I'll do one or the other. Don't NEED a shower tonight, thankfully, would like a smoke before but it's not all that important, and I've eaten enough for today's “meal”... and it drizzling again, back down to 21° in the room... I might just try to see how long I'll sleep if I just get into bed. If all through the night - which I doubt because of next door, I'm SO glad I didn't set-up bed-room in the blue room - that would be fine. If just a nap? Well... there's still little stuff to sort through. This not having Internet is... well... good for resting. Right now, somebody's dropping mail in the blue box and I hear the clanking. Little adjustments.) - Well, - A young couple walking a large dog, came off Simonds Hill, dropped mail, walking South on the 9. They appear civil, not American, perhaps Eastern European? But hand-holding as they walk. Cute. - Well... I'm going to put some papers away now and see about bed. If nothing else, this being here is a delight because I don't have to “consider” anybody else when it comes to “napping”. If I could figure something when it comes to smokes... Alas. - But it's GREAT to be OUT OF THAT SHIT-HOLE! - Truth be told, I have slight pangs when it comes to Mimou though. I do my best to fend them off though. That “pain” physically makes my stomach churn and sour. I just can't handle it any more... missing the little ones. - 19.54 The plants are in. I've inhaled my smoke on the front porch. WD40'd the windows because they needed it. (Thankfully, I happen to have such a thing handy. Eh?) AND... WHAT A GREAT CALL, USING THIS ROOM AS THE BED-ROOM AND NOT THE BLUE ROOM! I CAN HEAR THE “THUND'RING” OF WHAT-EVER IT IS THEY'RE WATCHING ON THE COMPUTER NEXT DOOR! BARELY IN THE BED-ROOM BUT IF I'D'VE PUT THE BED AGAINST THAT WALL IN THE BLUE ROOM... THERE'D BE NO PEACE IN HERE. SO MUCH FOR “i don't watch TV. I don't listen to the radio, I don't like today's music. I live a silent life.” Well, everybody's entitled to their “entertainment” and now I know that I shouldn't be so damned “considerate” when wanting to listen to my music. I had it on on Thursday... or Friday, as I cleaned. I could barely hear it in the back yard and turned it off completely. OK. No more of THAT, to be sure. Anyway... A shower would be nice, but not necessary. Must conserve the hot water, not to mention... no sense having a shower when one's not needed. After all, I didn't sweat today, didn't do anything “dirty”. All's well. I'll “pass a little more time” and most likely be in bed by 21.00. (Hopefully the woodchucks will keep their departure down to a “dull roar”. Thankfully, my windows in the room are on the opposite side of the house. I really should complain. It's not Dimballs, and it most certainly isn't the “Lenahans”... nor is it the old thing stomping about, screeching when she yawns, whining on the phone and such things are that. Over all, it really is quite peaceful, save the occasional vehicle passing by. And it's BEAUTIFUL out there... with the fog rising through the trees. And from the looks of the trees, it'll be quite rather “green” through the Winter... pines abound. (Now... to ponder the temperatures in this house. Hopefully there's sufficient insulation?) - Time to wrap this up, file papers... and crawl under the blankets. - 21.36 Joanie's gals have left and I've had final smoke. Am having a “Nighty Night” tea! Imagine THAT! Nice hot tea before “Beddy Bigh”. - Read over the “Agreement/Responsibilities” from NYSEG. No deposit because I'm over 62! Imagine THAT! “Old with benefits”. AND, I see that they're forbidden from cutting power from November to April! Gee... Rural benefits too! And all papers are filed, including receipts from today for screens and paint. Not that I'll get any of that back. But it's good to keep records... as I did at 5199. - It's comforting, really. Not as “strenuous” as I'd anticipated, so long as “ED” doesn't start pulling massive amounts out of my soc.sec. Still, once on-line again, I'm going to apply to “Dollar General” for something. Maybe Tops as well. There isn't much locally (not even a laundrymat... which I could make use of until I figure how to hook up some kind of “line”... perhaps across the kitchen?). Anyway, things will “settle”, to be sure. - Interesting, the beetles in this room at night. I'll have to get some kind of moth crystals or something to put at the windows and such. They're mostly on the floor, but they fly so they're coming in from some-where “out there”. At least they're not MASSIVE! Just the usual sort. - I've got the shades drawn for tonight, partly for “warmth” (though the temperature is up to 24 from today's 21) and partly to see how it is with the shades drawn. I need to get “half curtains” for the lower parts of the windows in these rooms. - Anyway, 21.44 and the house has gone quiet. How wonderful! Oh, if only I had furniture... something comfy to sit at. “Time”... that's all... just “time”. - I can't help but think of “UTIs” and “kidney infections” too. Illnesses. I'm still covered... in VT, but that's a 100-mile drive for medical attention! (And that too, will come to an end when “re-certification” rolls around... like-wise with the FS... and those will come in August. Not that I'm using them here anyway... all 2$ on the card... fuck. Must to re-apply in NY... SOON. - Anyway, it's a more peaceful night tonight, fewer - not “no” but fewer - anxieties. - Oh, when I went out for my smoke, Joan's cat came round the corner, froze as I spoke and then left. Kitty. Hmpf. I've no more heart to give. Lovely little black and white critter, but no, no heart to give any longer. - So, on to amuse with tea and then to bed. Tomorrow has a “Hope” (probably to be dashed). I'm thinking of having modem and router in the bed-room. I can still use the WiFi in the blue room then, and it'll be better for WiFi phone... “Skype”. “Spectrum” mobile uses Verizon towers. I'll look into that for mobile service... especially for Northway travel... considering the truck. We shall see... we certainly shall see. - Meanwhile... we're back in NY... in the Adirondacks... in “The North Country”... Baby's come home... to die... as planned.
TUE.23.JUL: 15.01 ON THE AIR! JUST OFF THE LINE WITH PIONEER AND EV! PHONE! INTERNET! DONE! OMG! YAY! AND ALL THE REST OF THAT SORT OF THING! Now... back to the “routine” of things until later. Clear day. A bit toasty but not in the 100s! More later.- 15.38 On hold for Soc.Sec. to change ot direct deposit. “Current wait time: 40 minutes”. Fucking incompetent idiots. But it gives me the time (taken off my time on-line, which doesn't make me at all too happy) to catch-up with today, as the clouds come rolling o'er Giant Mountains and the tempearture becomes a little more tolerable... since it was up to about 85F earlier. - Well, indeed, I woke this morn at about 6.30, before all alarms, and toddled to the loo, then toddled back to bed until the 7.00 alarm sounded, which I shut off and laid waiting for the 8.00 alarm. Fine and dandy, I got up shortly after the 8.00 alarm, had my tap coffee and wanted a smoke but... already at that hour of the morning, Joan and her folks were watching/listening to something and the “thunder” was coming through the wall of the blue room. Not wanting to get into trouble, as it were, I decided to take a stroll... down Rte.9, with camera, to take photos and to see how far away the river meets the road... AND to have a smoke! And so, by about 8.20, there I was, dressed and strolling along. Once round the bend I lit my smoke and yes indeedie, not so very far away, at the “Southern end” of the “Boeni Rd.” there's the river, shallow and slow and clear as can be. I managed a few photos of the little mist rising up from the trees and a couple of the river and, I managed to have my smoke... in peace. Mission accomplished, I headed back to the house, stopping to take a photo of the “Adopt-A-Highway - The Kind Folk of New Russia” sign. Can't wait to use it... “The Kind Folk” part in particular... post cards, social media, &c. - By the time I got back, the PO was open so I popped in to say “Good morning” and get THE piece of mail (AAA new card and bill for new dues of 120$! Oh well... SOME is cheaper, some is expensiver) and to chat with Jess about the house here, the history, meet and greet and such. After all... Spectrum wasn't expected until noon (and I was completely doubtful that they would show up at all anyway) and I was only cleaning more “stuff” and re-arranging other “stuff”. - Met the original PM of 30-plus years! “Margaret”. Chatting with her, as with Jess, about “things postal” is great fun... a commonality. And again, I was “Welcome”d to New Russia, told that this is a “community” and that I should be very comfortable here. Also, there was wonderful talk about Alden, the fact that he, single-handedly got water to the hamlet at no charge to them, kept the post office and that he's VERY community minded and spirited. He gets incredibly high praises... makes me wonder... why such a connection to this place. It's my cynicism, I suppose, but still... there's “something”. No doubt, “Time” will tell all...one way of another. - Well... chat-time over and the gals visiting Joan were up and about so, I came back into the house to continue sorting through shit. - I recall checking the clock at about 12.26 and noting that Spectrum hadn't arrive and was, quite honestly, expecting “No Show” as I sat on the kitchen floor, sorting through all the damned plastic bags... (16.20 Got “Josh” at Soc.Sec. and... looks like I have to go to the local office for all of this shit... anyway...) - 21.37 Fresh out of the shower. Let's see how long I can stay awake and catch-up with all of this. - So, yes, anyway... As I sat on the kitchen floor, sorting through all the damned bags I happened to look up to see the “Spectrum” truck pull by, South-bound, and round the corner onto Simonds Hill. So I got up and walked out, round the house just in time to see the young guy coming to the door! WHAT a shock to me! Anyway, cute little fellow and polite as all get-the-Hell-out-of-the-hamlet. He asked if he could park in front and of course I said “Of course.” and so he did and came right in asking where I wanted to put the cable, as he looked round the place. I voiced my concerns with placement and he assured that no matter where, I'd have full service through the place. So? It was settled: in the bed-room by the door. Tah-dah. He showed me that the cable had to come from a box on the PO/drive-way side, said he could run it round the front but that might not be appropriate, not appreciated and look bad. OR, he said, he could run it up from... THE BASEMENT! (I've been wanting to check the oil tank anyway so this was a PERFECT opportunity and Joan was in, her company had left, and I asked how to get to the basement... AH-HAH! Through the “little white shed” on the South side of the house. “Yes... spiders.” she said. Oh well... Off we went.) It's a DIRT FLOOR down there, the oil tank isn't ANY-WHERE as large as the one in Richford... BUT IT'S EMPTY! SHIT! OH WELL. The water heater's down there too... on the dirt floor. Who-ever installed those things should be shot! But... we shall live and learn. The Installer-fellow didn't seem at all phased and got right to work. Came back into the house and to the bed-room where, with the “Walmarde” knife, he cut the smallest hole in the carpeting, drilled through and the next thing, he was out back pulling the cable through! AMAZING! But he also brought ANOTHER modem and router! I showed him the ones I received and he used them, but of course, since the shit-hag at Spectrum had closed my account, the account number and phone number were different and the installer had to call in to get it all sorted out. It didn't take him an hour from start to finish. AND we both stepped out for a smoke whilst he phoned-in to the office. CHARMING! When he'd done, we had a bit of a chat about the differences between NY and VT. He says his electric runs not more than 60$/month in his 500$, 2 bed-room apartment with TWO air-conditioners running non-stop! We talked about his step-daughter who's been bitten by a relative's dog and the bite's infected and nobody wants to take her to the ER. We chatted about what a shit Cuomo is. He was EVER SO pleasant (personality and on the eye, to be honest). Anyway, he made the whole day a “WOW” all round. He left and I IMMEDIATELY set to getting up and rolling with phones on WiFi and trying Internet. IT'S ALL WORKING PERFECTLY! IF I PUT A PHONE ON THE MODEM, I'LL EVEN HAVE A VOICE LINE! I'M DAMNED-WELL SHOCKED AND PLEASED AND JUST “OMG”! It's GREAT to be “on-line” again! And it came in REALLY HANDY TODAY TOO! - I finished up with the sorting and getting more shit together round here and got on the phone (Ggl) to Pioneer to speak with “Ashley” who told me that all the loan materials are no longer with them, that I should be receiving word by the 1st Aug. about the new “carrier”. But she gave me a number to call for “Loan Locator” where I can learn who has the loan now. (I'll have to do that tomorrow.) I'm going to miss dealing with those folks. I REALLY should do something nice for them, but Ashley said that she's in an office closer to PA, so sending anything to Arcade really wouldn't do much good... for all the folks I've spoken with over these past months. Sad, but maybe now, with the time I'll have, I can send a note at the very least. (Of course, I'm eating my guts in anticipatory anxiety about the “new rate” of re-pay. But hey! They'll take my “financials” and the truth is... I can't afford all that much so we shall see.) - NEXT on the agenda... Soc.Sec. Of course they can't help... morons. “Josh” was kind enough and all but he needed the “Routing/Account” number for Direct Express and of course, THOSE shit-bag-in-bred-breech-birth-abortions WON'T give that info. I even tried phoning after speaking with “Josh” and all I get is computer shit! SO? I need to go to the local office... IN FUCKING PLATTSBURGH! THERE'S NONE IN ALL OF ESSEX COUNTY! JEEZUS KRISTE! Well? I can stop in Loews or Walmarde or Target or some place... Michael's, &c. whilst there, I suppose. For now, tomorrow I'll take the rent off the DirExp card and then send the rest (at a cost, of course) to Community (and hope the retards at DirExp can get it correct and in a timely fashion). I'll leave 5$ on DirExp just in case I need to send a payment of some kind to “ED”. What-ever. - That all done, business for the day attended, I put in a call to Alden, to let him know I'm here. No answer, so I began prepping my chicken sammiches and AS I'm prepping, the phone... ALDEN! (It was, according to the phone: 18.37) AND WE CHATTED FOR ALMOST 47 MINUTES! He sounded happy to know I'm here, happy to know that I'm meeting folks, didn't know about Sunday's “do” for the 227th “Birthday” of New Russia but didn't sound as if he'd be here for it. We talked about the cable, the costs, the fuel, the hot water, the heating. He says the windows are new and should need plastic (except in the bed-room because they're still the old windows). I told him about the cable installation and he sounded fine with it and the placement. We talked about the fuel for the hot water and the new shower-head. All told, he sounded quite fine with all things so I'm quite fine as well. (I almost expected a question about 'smoking” but... none came so... I leave it all as is.) - That said, I guess I finally got to my “sammiches” at some time round about 19.30! AND TONIGHT... “WOULD I LIE TO YOU” AND DINNER! Sitting in the folding chair, living-room... fine and dandy OK no prob! - Dinner done, at 20.17 I posted a quick text to Mme. to say all's fine and please give “kisses, hugs & snuggles to Ms. Hallie & Mr. Mimou” (at 21.04 “Thanks for letting me know the move went ok....” She took Hallie to “Aunt Dottie's” on Sunday, Jess took her out for a walk today because SHE went to an interview with “TLC” in BTV. Mimou has an appointment tomorrow for annual physical (and WHAT a fuck that's going to be since SHE has to get him into the carrier and off to Highgate... ALONE! AND she sent a photo of Mimou on her lap... snoozing. Little man. At least he's not being ignored. I've been worried about that. - And so... at 20.23 I shot off a “text” to Dorothy with 2 photos from this morning. She wants me to phone her tomorrow at about 11.00. It'll be great to chat with her... I believe. - At 20.26 I sent 2 photos and the 564 number to Denis. I don't expect to hear ANYTHING from him... ever again, for that matter. But I sent. That's that. - From there, it was dishes washed (how wonderful to see NO dishes in the basin waiting to be washed), a bit of “tidy” round the place, a quick smoke and... off to the shower! - QUITE THE DAY!!! - It's already 22.19! I've been sitting here all this while, catching-up! I still want to get some photos off the phone and onto the lap-top to post to soc.med. some-where. I also want a bit of a smoke... which I shouldn't do, but I want one just because. - I can hardly wait until Thursday night when I plan on being in the bed, OFF the floor, and relaxing at day's end... perhaps with that v-ton I still haven't had. (And I still owe me a martini on Champlain... especially now... in NY... in the Adirondacks.) - I am a bit tired... but not exactly “sleepy”. And no nap again today. Bizzy-bizzy-bizzy. Beats bored-bored-bored, to be sure. - Oh... and tonight... I can get all the Journal postings up on-line! OK... - A smoke and back to what-ever it is I'm doing here... in the wonderful quiet... as I sit here... showered, teeth brushed, and toiletries and bath items... IN THE LOO WHERE THEY BELONG and NOT in bags or on hangers! How “HUMAN”. - 23.12 EVERYTHING ON-LINE! AT LAST! (I almost thought this wouldn't happen for a month... or longer, but it's DONE! And another relief!)
Wed.24.Jul: 0.12 WHAT A MORNING ALREADY THIS HAS BEEN! (a) SPECTRUM DOUBLE CHARGED ME THE 59,98 SHOWING A BILLING TO COME FOR ALMOST 125$! A “LIVE CHAT” WITH “ASHLEY M” RESULTED IN HER “PUTTING IN A TICKET” TO MOVE THE PAYMENT FROM THE FIRST ACCOUNT (the once cancelled by the qunt on 2 July)! I HAVE THE TICKET NUMBER (WILL INCLUDE HERE: 29690602) SO THERE SHOULD BE A SAVINGS. THEN (b) A QUICK CHECK ON THE BED FRAME DELIVERY NOW SHOWS THAT IT MIGHT WELL BE HERE TODAY! (OR, AT LEAST THAT'S HOW I'M SEEING THE “TRACKING”. IT'S IN E. SYRACUSE RIGHT NOW... OR ON THE 90 HEADED TOWARD ALBANY AND THE NORTHWAY...) - Just in from a smoke.... It's COOL out there tonight. One of these nights I'm going for an “evening stroll”... just like Roosa Gap nights. - Anyway... it's a LOT later than I'd planned on being awake but right now, I'm EXCITED! Things seem to be going VERY well... thus far. WELCOME HOME! INDEED! Though the day's going to be a bit rough starting. But that's OK. I'm just glad things are moving along. Not to mention... FULL SOC.SEC. again! WOOHOO! Coming home was a great decision. May it ALWAYS be as it is now. - This all took away from my soc.med. I'll check-in and go to bed. - 1.12 Well... things HAD to wrong... I can't remember the log-in for ANY of the New Russia accounts and I didn't put them into the spread-sheet! SOME-WHERE, I wrote it down... and now it appears I'm going to be looking through the garbage (again) for the notes I threw out. Oh well... off to bed. Nothing can be done right now... except going through the garbage and I'm not doing that right now. - 15.50 Kitchen floor is washed! Lysol and javel. On my arse. With a sponge. The loo heat vent is LOADED with javel, Lysol, and Windex and the registre was taken up, soaked in a bucket of PineSol and javel, scrubbed with a steel brush. The loo floor was washed (again) as was the bowl. (I tend to believe that there was something residing in the vent because, and I could be mistaken, I believe I saw something try to “escape” but fell back down into the duct as I was spraying. Come heating season, we shall see.) Anyway, jeans are dripping in the shower. And that's the house-hold report. - MEAN-while... I was up and out of bed at about 7.45, tap coffee first and then pressed. Because I couldn't remember the passwords for the “WVNR” soc.med. accounts (Minds and mail), I thought I may have tossed the little note I'd jotted on creation of the accounts, into the garbage SOOoooo... first thing this morning, I was digging through the garbage again only to find that I'd put that little note to the side, in the box of little note papers! Fuck me! But then again... YAY ME, because I FOUND the note! I'm back on-line for those accounts! - By about 10.00, I was in the post office... AUGUST RENT IS PAID!!! And then began “THE DAY”... Message from Dorothy: she forgot that she had some “cleaning work” to do for somebody and could we chat tomorrow? Oh sure. It's not as if I've “nothing” to do with my day and can't find something else to occupy the hours (true, that). So I did what I should have been doing anyway... WORKING ON GETTING MONEY OFF THE CARD AND TO COMMUNITY! AND YES... I DID THAT TRANSACTION. MY MONEY IS NOW TIED-UP FOR YET ANOTHER BLOODY-FUCKING THREE DAYS! And, of course, I have NO reason to trust the thieves at “Direct Express”, so I'll have to keep a careful eye on the Community account. It'll be interesting to see how long this shit takes. Fuck. - Next on the agenda: Ring Direct Express for the “routing/account” info. Yep... some shit-bag named “Shawn” or “Sean” responded when I phoned the only number I have for those thieves and the fuktard asked if I'd received today's payment (which has NOTHING to do with the matter). When I said I had, he said he had to transfer me to another party, which brought be right back to the very same beginning I'd dealt with before getting the in-bred abortion! SO... as it is now, I MUST head up to Plattsburgh to get this shit done! I'm quite livid, but the annoyance helped with the house-work... “working through the pain”, as it were. FUCK, again! - By about 13.00 or so, I NEEDED a nap! So, since I can do that now... I did that then! About an hour or so. Oddly, I tend to feel guilty when I nap during the day. I'll have to get over that because, once upon a time, I DID have work that needed to be done (mowing, weeding, planting, meals for the little ones, all sorts of things). Now? Well... THIS is “retirement” and until there's all sorts of furniture and such in here, the only things to be done are... cleaning, cleaning, cleaning and cleaning. Which keeps me busy anyway. (And now that the rent is paid... technically, August and September... the work is worth the effort.) - And so, when I awoke, it was right into the loo vent and the kitchen floor scrubbing. - Managed to have A slice of bread with peanut-butter at some point. I've ONE sammich-worth of bread left and about that in chicken. I left 100$ on the Direct Express card for spending in the meanwhile so, we shall see how THAT works out. Thankfully I had the presence of mind to hold SOME spending money for the immediate future. Indeed. But no “shopping on-line” or anything of that sort... having tied the money up. “Forced savings”. Good little man that I am. - Also checked the shipping on the bed-frame. It's gotten to Plattsburgh... this morning. But it's being handed-off to the USPS! I can't imagine how “Becky” is going to get the thing here... and it's due “tomorrow before 8pm”. HAH! (or today before 8pm... but I SERIOUSLY doubt the USPS will make the effort to bring it here this evening... fucking lazy shits, them). OK, another night on the floor... as it were. Fine. - And so now, here I sit, waiting as time passes, before looking for something to eat for the day. Then to shower. Then to journal. Then to bed. I might take a stroll to the river, either the bridge or down the 9, have a calm smoke or something. Not sure at the moment. - Oh... received a call from NOTCH about an appointment next month. I seriously doubt I'll be over there for that. I mean, Richford is about 120 miles or more away! (That's something else I need to get to: moving the FS and medical over here. Oh well... just more to keep me “amused” I suppose.) - OK. Time to move along... or... what-ever. It's odd when “work to be done” is done... and I have to find more to do. Fuck me! I'm “retired” now... just “Waiting For God”. I've “come home to die”. - 21.55 On linie with Spectrum again! STILL being billed for over 100$! - 22.47 AND FUCKE ME REALLY! OK... So Spectrum (Megan) says it takes 3 business days for a ticket to go through. So there's still time remaining on that. I was sincerely apologetic and she was quite abrupt. Oh well. Fine. NEXT... trying to figure out how to manipulate calls coming in on a line that has no phone! I had to RE-DO the Spectrum sign-in password and such, THEN go through THREE e-mail accounts to have voice-mail messages transcribed to nyc, ja gm and ja gmx! THEN, had to arrange to have the Spectrum calls FORWARDED to 40517 AND TEST to make sure that worked. AH... BUT... I'd had the 40517 calls forwarded to the ATT MOBILE which will die mid-August! So THAT had to be stopped AND verified! SO... ALL these hours later (so much for a shower tonight... I don't want to be bothered at this point), I BELIEVE I've managed it all. TECHNOLOGY! Not bad for an old shit! So now, if somebody calls on the “house phone”, it'll ring through to the old phone that I've been using all along, only calls to the ATT mobile number will come through on that (until the account closes in August). As for Spectrum, my bill should drop from 149 or what-ever it is to about 65, AND THAT'S DUE ON 8 AUGUST which should cover the 59,98 for the modem/router and the installation... or, rather, since the modem/router were paid already, it should cover the cost of the installation (which SHOULD be the only charge I should be paying). Still... I don't like the idea of having to pay ANYTHING more on Spectrum, but, since it couldn't be helped and Alden admits to knowing nothing about all sorts of technologies, I'm sure the cable (if it existed at all, which I'm rather doubting at this point because the installer didn't find any there to begin with), meant nothing to him in the first place and in the second place, when I die (here... as I believe will be the case in the not-too-distant future anyway... especially since I fore-see horrors coming with the “new arrangements” on the Dept. of ED) at least he can advertise that the place is “set-up with cable”. A nice “selling point” for him... indeed. KRISTE! WHAT A FUCKING EVENING! I should know better than to start this shit at night. - Then comes the thoughts about the bed frame. It was “handed-off” to the USPS this morning... in Plattsburgh. Yes, after, I'm sure, the mail went out to Elizabethtown this morning, but I don't like the idea of it being in the hands of the USPS over-night AND I can't imagine how it's going to get here in Becky's car/jeep because NOW it has to come down from Plattsburgh to Elizabethtown where Becky (or Jess) will pick it up. IF either of THEM gets it tomorrow, it should be here in the morning. THAT would be lovely! I MIGHT go to Plattsburgh Soc.Sec. tomorrow to get the fuck off the Direct Express... which is ANOTHER issue. - Today, “Shawn/Sean” told me that I had to speak with somebody else about the info that Soc.Sec. needs, so he transferred me to “PayPerks”! Fucking shit-bag that fagbutt. (New word... I like.) I FINALLY got through to PayPerks via e-mail and THEY told me that THEY have NO information about my Direct Express account at ALL! Well, as it ended this evening, I told “PayPerks” that “Direct Express” are thieves, that I'm to report them to the “Banking Commission”, Federal and local, and the Attorney General for fraud, told PayPerks that Direct Express is telling card-holders that PayPerks is responsible for the accounting and such and that PayPerks should remove themselves from associating with Direct Express lest they find themselves implicated for colluding with the theft activities of Direct Express. Should be interesting to see where THAT goes. - Anyway, a fucking miserable way to close a day. AND... my congestion is returning... from the Camel cigarettes! I need to either quit or just bite the bullet and heat to Lacolle for a carton of Players... and THEN try to figure out how to come back across... unless I come back through VT and use “Franklin” as residence... which I'd probably be better doing since the vehicle is still registered there-in. OH... what-the fuck ever. - NOW THEN... TWO messages from the old hag: First was that Mimou's physical went well today. OH YAY! Little man! And I'm relieved to know that she actually cares enough for and about him to take him. She said she finished mowing the lawn today too. (I wonder how it looks, considering the damned blades are shot to hell. But... none of my business. “Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got til it's gone.” I'm gone. Said I was leaving... have done. Moving along.) Said she can't use her CIBC card at Costco. I suggested asking Deb how she runs the card at the store and to tell the folks at the cashe to run it as a “Visa Credit”. Oh well... I let it go at that and sent “YUGE hungs, 'nuggles and kisses” to the little ones. She sent me a photo of Mimou, laying at the foot of her bed. I wonder if he wonders where I am. I left my last shirt there for him, on his little bed in the little room. My sweet little man. And then she followed-up with a message about watching TV and the “Mueller” bull-shit. I'm almost glad I don't have any connection to/with that shit any more. I didn't respond. - And so now, here it is, 23.18 and I've had my last “half-smoke”... I will NOT go out there for another one! I WAS looking forward to a shower and a tea before bed. Not sure what I'll do with tomorrow. I DO NEED some sort of curtains for the lower part of the bed-room windows. If I had all the sewing items I need, I could do with one 8$ panel from Dollar General but I don't know where all the sewing items are (I don't recall seeing them in all the un-packing either), and I don't really have the “desire” to go through all that shit. I COULD do all sorts of “curtainry” with canvas drop cloths from Walmarde (cheap and thin as they are), but they'd need washing and drying and well... I'm still trying to figure how I'll be doing the bed linens... in a matter of perhaps days. Oh... there are things that need to be “settled”... and things that DON'T NEED to be settled. It's all a matter of “time” really... how much of it I care to put in and how much I don't. - And as I type, the temperature is dropping in here again. I recall seeing 17 for the low tonight. This “hot days/cool nights” is more like “August” than July... though... July IS, quite in fact, just about done. And I've STILL got to see about filling the oil tank! I STILL have to find the cheapest service around. Honestly, the fact that nobody knows so much about things around here, where they know so damned much else about folks. Oh well, oh well, oh well... - And I've had entirely TOO much sugar today... what, with a bit of sugar-and-peanut-butter earlier (lunch), then a glass of hot water, some milk, creamer and TOO MUCH sugar after finishing the chicken (dinner). But I could use a little something to nibble before bed. Perhaps that last slice of bread, a bit more peanut-butter and a hot water. That seems fine... instead of the tea... and there can't be “too much water”... no more “infections”! - And I'm watching (sort of) my cable use too... especially with their fuck-up. Ah... but I'm NOT IN VT any more and I'm NOT in “MY HOUSE! I PAY THE BILLS!” and “YOU CAN LEAVE WHEN-EVER YOU WANT!” after all the work. No whining. No screeching. No “I don't know.” I'm “paying for peace” now... but I don't mind. It's not bad... not at all. (And clean dishes in the dish rack... none in the sink and the kitchen floor is clean enough to walk bare-foot on.) - Amen.
Thu.25.Jul: 1.07 (21.30 I HAVE A BED-ROOM!!! * AND* I SPOKE WITH DOROTHY, ON THE PHONE FOR 3 HOURS 4 MINUTES AND 13 SECONDS!!! WHAT A WHAT A DAY THIS HAS BEEN!!!) Well... got in another smoke, a few accounts on Minds and though everything is quiet, except the running of the fridge, I keep “hearing music”... that “radio” I hear when something electric, mechanical is running. It's always been like that. I wonder (now) what it is. (Maybe I'll have to look it up... on the Internet.) Meanwhile, I'm going to try for a nap... and a “nap” is about all it should be. - Quick check: seems the temperature is 17°, going down to 13°. I'll have to dedicate today to oil, at least get the tank filled ASAP. And at this rate, a radiator... one a month at least. Oh well... at least I've gotten a couple of months of “good” weather out of this move. The move to VT was October... and the Winter came slamming in! - OK. Enough... nap time. No shower. I could use one but... nap time now... shower time later. - 21.30 JUST out of the SHOWER... after WHAT A DAY!!! WHAT A DAY!!! I'm sitting here in the “Model's” chair... BESIDE MY BED!!! IN A ROOM WITH “CURTAINS” ON THE WINDOWS!!! NEAT, ORGANISED AND ALMOST LOOKING LIKE AN INTENTIONAL BED-ROOM!!! Now, that said, let me begin at the beginning as my “Licorice Spice” tésanne brews... - As is the relatively usual, I was up and out of bed by about 8.15-ish, wondering why and what I was going to do with the morning. Of course, pre-occupied with the potential delivery of the bed frame, wondering how it was going to get from Plattsburgh to here AND, more important, what condition it would be in when it arrived (not to mention, if all the parts would be together and would it be in good condition over-all from the manufacturer). So I busied my-self, opening the “tubes” of art-work from Richford, considering whether or not I wanted to put up the fleur de lis on the bed-room wall. Well, I had everything on the living-room floor when I looked out to see Jess pull a large box from the back of her car, and when I looked out the window I saw “Zina” on it! YES! IT WAS THE FRAME! I opened the door and called “Here! Let me help you with that! I'm SO sorry you had to drag it all this way.” “How do you even know it's for you?” she called back, smiling. “It's got my name on it.” I said, “Zina”! She said not to bother, “It's my job.” and I said it isn't when I can help. Said she “It's not technically yours yet because I have to scan it.” Ah... right she was, so I went back to my paper/art/stuff. Must have been round-about 10.00-ish when she called through the window “It's all yours.” and I went out and hauled it into the house and, of course, went right to setting it up. All the parts and pieces were there, 4 wing-nuts and the thing was assembled, set up-right and the mattress on! It's not as “hefty” as I'd expected but it most certainly DOES make a WORLD of difference in the height! Ah... a BED... OFF THE FLOOR... AT LAST! (Although, today IS one week since I got here so...) - OK, so it's in the corner, under the window and I noticed the windows are a bit dirty. But it was about 11.00 and I tried to ring Dorothy. No answer. So I got busy again... washing the windows in this room only to find THEY'RE A MESS! THEY'RE IN DIRE NEED OF GLASING! Luckily... OH LUCKILY, I have a whole tube of “Door and Window” caulking! SO, yes indeedie... I washed the windows AND CAULKED! Honestly, the shit I do in rentals that will never be (never have been) appreciated. Most folks would have gotten on the phone to bitch! Me? Nope. But then again, I DID tell Alden that I wouldn't be the type to complain, I'd simply repair what I can on my own, and so I've done. - Washing and caulking done, I got a message from Dorothy: “Call me back. Didn't realize it was you” Well? I got the message and DID, indeed and in fact, call her back... and as I've noted, WE TALKE FOR THREE HOURS!!! OH, ABOUT ALL SORTS OF “TRAGEDIES” IN OUR CHILD-HOOD, THE THINGS WE DID, WHERE WE WERE, HOW CLOSE SHE AND I WERE, HOW FUCKED-UP THE FAMILIES WERE, MISTAKES MADE BY ALL, DEEP, DEEP TOPICS! And we both agree that it took us until we reached our 60s before we've even come close to coming to terms with it all. Yes, to be sure, we SHOULD ALL be in institutions, heavily medicated, but even as she said, we've all developed the MOST incredible “coping mechanisms”. We talked about “the kids”. She says she hasn't seen Joe, not even photos (save the one she sent to me) in YEARS! Saw a rather recent photo of John on-line some-where. And as for her connection with Cindy, that began only about 2 years ago or so, and she can't really remember how they connected. She say Cindy is always saying how she wonders about me, hoping that I'm OK. I told her about that Easter Sunday and being dragged to Pine Bush. She chalked it up to being “typical of the family”. Seems HER part of the family is about the same way. Timmy's a total mess, Debbie's become quite the “Queen of all”, tends to be rather pompous. Brian's her “baby”, she loves him with her all. But it seems we ALL have our “quirks”, as it were, we're all able to be quite cold toward one-another and to others. “Socially”, we're fuck-ups. But she said that one of the “commonalities” she has with Cindy is crochet and when I told her that I have that too, she was delighted! Well... the one thing that she ended the chat with is something I'd never thought about but now, I'm almost obsessed with it:
Of ALL his kids, why is it that *I* was the *ONLY* one the old man brought up to Monticello almost EVERY time he went? It's all so very true: He NEVER brought ANY of the others up. I'm the one who had the closest connection with that side of his family. NONE of the others were ever brought up there. SHE (Dorothy) says that she believes that it was his way of getting me away from the house in Newburgh, to give me a break (maybe because he knew that I was the one handling everything there with the other three and that it was his way of giving me a respite). I don't know. I honestly can't figure it out. But I'm going to have to work on it. Dorothy says I'll have to ponder on it and when next we talk, we'll see what we can come up with. Meanwhile... I can't do anything but speculate... and I truly never gave it a thought, but now, I can't help but wonder... and none of us will ever really know. Still, it is rather strange... me... the one he hated so very much.
WELL! That chat over and done with, I got the Hoover out today and had at the bed-room and the other rooms. It's being used... just as planned... in *MY* place! And yes, I'm thrilled with it! I put the linens on the bed, INCLUDING THE NEW PILLOWS THAT I'D BOUGHT ABOUT A YEAR OR MORE AGO FROM MACY'S ON-LINE FOR THIS EVENT! FOUR PILLOWS AGAIN! I SHOULD SLEEP VERY WELL TONIGHT! Raised bed. Raised head. It's coming together... my “home to die” little place in a town with a strange name, IN the Adirondacks! - I recall looking at the clock at about 17.27 and... grabbed my 60$ cash, put on my slippers (I wear them out now... comfy... and I don't care what they might look like... there's no pretense around here and I'm comfy) and headed out the door and into town for another roasted chicken, some “French Onion” dip instead of mayo, TWO loaves of Freihoffer's “Sour Dough Italian” bread (at 1,88$ each!), a bottle of cranberry juice, a bag of crisps (I was going to have a v-ton tonight but decided to wait for tomorrow for that... it being Shabbat), a container of “Sunnydale” or what-ever, yoghurt (which is pectin and I'm pissed, but had some after “dinner” this evening). En route back, a stop at Dollar General where I got a pack of smokes, a curtain rod to put across the shower for laundry drying, a package of clothes pins AND... a grey, cloth shower curtain (which, when I got back, I cut in half, made “clips” from some wire, and put up on the bed-room windows so now I can sit comfy, with-out having to feel on display). And yes, the drive there and back is such a delight, through the mountains, the fresh air and all that is this place. - As I say, when I got back, I un-packed the groceries, cut the curtain down and put “them” up in the windows. It's amazing! I'm not crazy about the grey, but for about 6$, it was worth it because it goes quite well with the colour of the walls! AMAZING! Good buy! - Work done, photos taken, smiles on my cheeks, I made my “chicken salad” sandwiches, had a cranberry juice with, sat in the bed-room and watched an episode of “Would I Lie To You?” and enjoyed it all SO tremendously. Hey! A great bed, MAGNIFICENT CHAT with Dorothy, the place beginning to look like it's “intentional” and inhabited... JUST WONDERFUL! And after? I washed the dishes and... AND... took a walk down to the bridge (to have a smoke) and took photos again only this evening, I ventured to the river and round the bend to take photos of the falls too! It's incredible, the clarity of the waters here! Just stupendous! What a major difference from the septic running in VT! (What a shame, that all this beautiful water runs into the Champlain, only to be fouled by the Vermont shit. Another reason to just harbour the hate for that shit-hole.) The walk was a pure delight, I must say. (I should really get rid of the smoking here, in all this fresh air... Something to work on, to be sure.)
Before I forget to mention... Dorothy sent photos... OLD photos... of mother and father, I believe in the back yard of 101 Wisner, mother holding me and father barely touching me, not look at all too pleased. Another of mother, in a typical 60's hair-style, all teased. (I remember “rat-tail” combs and how the old man used to say how he could run is fingers through her hair for all the lacquer and how he was afraid of slicing his hands.) There were photos of Mum in DC (their honeymoon). A photo of Joe, the Asian wife and their daughter. A horrible photo of me, with a crooked smirk and the darkest brown moustache! I'm still not sure where it was taken but it looks like Viv was in it as well... just part of her face. One of Mum in the kitchen on Atwell Lane, if I'm not mistaken. And one of Dorothy and Aunt Sis... “1993. When tommy died”. Seeing the old photos of Mum, and the one of Aunt Sis... my heart shatters to think of the Hell our lives were and yet, they managed to smile. Bu then, as Dorothy and I both agreed today: There's no sense in letting “then” get to us... there's nothing that can be done to correct the errors, erase anything that happened then... it's all over, done and it's never going to be changed.
And so... curtains up, dinner done, the walk taken, I came back in as the sun was setting, got me together and it must have been well after 20.00 so... I headed for a shower... brushed m'teeth and bathed in “Bat Oren” this evening! SO nice and SO clean. - I put the kettle on, grabbed the “Licorice” tea (that had never been open), made a cup and came into the “NEW” BED-ROOM! I'M LIVING IN DIFFERENT ROOMS AGAIN... LIKE A PERSON (instead of some inconvenient hired hand). I had the fan in the window for a while when I began this, but have stopped it since. It's cool enough tonight. Thankfully, there are enough blankets to keep comfy over-night, not that July is closing and “August weather” is coming in. - And so, it's already 22.48! I'm still sipping the tea, have had a tin of “CHILLED” (I HAVE A FRIDGE!) peaches, and the world is gone quiet still and delightful. - Earlier, Ms. Joanie was watching something or another and I could hear it through the wall. - OH OH OH!!! Jess told me this morning (as Rob was “installing” the new “Atomic” clock on the sign out front over the porch): The guy who lived here before used this very room as HIS bed-room! Me, I'm thinking: Ms. “I live a silent life” is a bit full of shit. She probably drove the old guy nuts and he probably MOVED from the larger room to this one. Jess says he had a queen size bed in here... I can't imagine HOW! And, apparently, he had “sugar problems” and one night, somebody happened by on a cold Winter night and found the old guy, face-down in front of the house. He said he'd slipped on the ice. Well... he's been in hospital for some months and is now living “down the road some-where”. But how is that: We BOTH took the smaller room, farther away from Ms. Joan's wall. She ain't all she cracks her-self up to be... but then... I wouldn't think she would be... she's a “she” and even as Bob Bender-Glidden said at once upon a time “When I think back to all of the shit and fuck-ups in my life, ALL of them involved women”! Yes, indeed. - Well now then, time to un-wind and such. Perhaps sit in the new bed and do some soc.med. or something. My back is bothering me from sitting in this chair. (Kitchen table and chairs are next on the list of “big buys”.) I'm a touch weary, but not quite ready for sleep yet. - Tomorrow? I'm thinking of weeding the lilies out-side the Southern windows. I was pondering a trip up to Plattsburgh but I'll wait until next week... get to Soc.Sec. and stores then. By then, my “transfer” should be posted to the Community account and I have 100 on the “Thievery” card. I can do a little shopping, the soc.med. and such then. - As I've noted: WHAT A “WHAT-A-DAY” THIS HAS BEEN! - 24.30 and off to... NEW BED!
Fri.26.Jul: 8.50! And another brilliant sunny morning in... New Russia! Forgetting that I'd turned the 8.00 alarm off yesterday, I laid in bed, waiting for it, dozing... on my comfy pillows, under my “barn linens”, and the “Dixie flannel” (because it was a cool night, to be sure). How charming, to be able to lay in bed until I decide to get up and not have to be concerned about the “opinion and attitude” of others. - And at the moment, 2 pairs of under-shorts and a pair of sox are soaking in the basin. A bit of “laundry. My concern this morning is... bed linens and wash. I need a second set of something for when one set is being laundered (unless I can come up with a “clothes line” situation where-by things will dry quicker). I'm re-establishing my earlier years. As Dorothy and I discussed yesterday, I've completed a “circle”: First left “home” to move 100,2 miles away... to the 518 area code then... left New England to move 100,4 miles away... to the 518 area code. Hmmm... - A bit of concern this morning is the DREAM I had this morning, during the “doze”. But I believe I've figured that out:
I was being detained, for no apparent reason, at the border. I'd been placed in a large, almost empty, rather “industrial” sort of room, painted a pale grey, small windows at the top of the walls. There was a “windowed-off” sort of “office space there, but with nobody in attendance in it. A “folding” sort of table and only but about 3 or 4 chairs about. Three “older” women wandered about, dressed in some sort of “hospital-like” frockery, shaved heads, tall, and rather quite thin women, they were. And they walked about as if they belonged there. Every once in a while, one or another would simply start talking, blithering, more than talking. Form time-to-time a younger, quite unattractive or even down-right ugly young man or another, dressed in a dark blue uniform, would come in and I kept asking why I was being detained. None of them would/could answer my questions. Quite actually, they would out-right ignore me for the most part or simply say “You have to wait.” or “I don't know. They haven't said yet.” or “We're looking into it.” At one point I started to demand to speak with a lawyer. “I have the right to a lawyer! I want to speak with a lawyer NOW! You give criminals a lawyer! I'm not a criminal! I want a lawyer in here... NOW!” and one of them replied “You don't have a lawyer!” and another said “You have a lawyer? You need your own lawyer.” Angry as all Hell I yelled at one “You give THEM a lawyer! You give ME a lawyer!” and he just said “We don't GIVE lawyers.” Then, as the sun was obviously setting, the ceiling fluorescent lights came on and the room started to darken, I said to a woman who happened into the room, an “employee” of what-ever was “holding” me “I KNOW what you're doing here! This is a holding area for crazy people! These other people are psychotics! You're trying to hold me on psychiatric charges! I'm NOT one of them! There's nothing wrong with me. I'm no threat to anybody! I don't belong here!” but I realised that I was being held captive, locked away and I had no idea why, or how I'd even gotten in there, and no idea how I was going to get out. - Just as my anxieties were rising to a pitch, I woke.
As I was making coffee (pressed... to follow a tap) it occurred to me: The dealings with Soc.Sec. The last thing I'd seen before going to bed was an e-mail from “PayPerks” explaining that Direct Express has no business telling people to contact them for information on the banque-card, that my complaint was escalated to some “supervisory” level and given another number to contact for further information mean-while. This shit is getting into my sleep now! Well... today, I need to decide whether or not to venture up to Plattsburgh and have at somebody... in person. (But, what I want to do is wait until all my banquing has been settled, with the transfer to Community so I have money available to stop at Walmarde, Target, Loews and the likes. I've a few things I need to get up there and I see no sense in putting on the miles just for one errand. Not to mention: I want to make sure I won't need “an appointment” or get stuck there... sitting... waiting... as in the dream. - Moving along to the day, there's really nothing on the agenda now, save RE-RE-RE-sorting through the little bits of “stuff” and the art-work. I'm trying to decide between hanging the water-colours, where and if and such. What I DO need now is a bit of a “work-table” and chair for the “blue room”. THAT would be delightful. A board and 2 saw-horses would do the table. The chair? Well... maybe I could run over to “Fields'” and see if/what they've got. I don't have the cash, but if it was available, I could get some for some purchase. And it's not all that far away. Anyway... things to be done... if only I'd get the ambition/gumption/didn't mind the travel in the truck. (I'm worried about the brakes. And that “Check Windshield Washer Fluid” shit is back and I just poured the last container of fluid in there! The guy at “Safelite” did note that there was something amiss about the wipers and a line. I'll bet THAT TOO is leaking. OR... the fucking indicators are telling me “Windshield Washer Fluid” and it's something to do with the brakes. Oh dear oh well.) - On a “happy note” this morning... the “shower curtains” are working like a charm! Still “closed”, they let in perfect sun-light! It's SO WONDERFUL to wake to a room bathed in LIGHT for a change, instead of that dark, panelled, one-window-under-a porch-behind-all-sorts-of-trees closet-like box. “HUMAN” again! And to think: as the time passes and the season too, the sun will be rising closer to the South and pouring in every morning (for when the mornings are sunny). Not exactly Easterly-facing, but just enough to know that it's MORNING! Good call... for 6$. If I can find them in white, I wouldn't mind substituting them for the sheets for the from windows. - OK... time to run with the day. Jess has arrived. The town's folk will be gathering soon. I managed to get a quick smoke in before it all began. - Oh... at about 8.00, the “Town Crew” showed at the park to “arrange” the picnic tables for Sunday's do. I'm still contemplating making a “chicken salad” (as I do for myself) just to bring something to contribute. (I need cookeries.) - 16.00 JUST WAKING from a “NAP” that I laid-down for at about 13.30!!! And I DID SLEEP for this “nap”! Soundly! “Accomplishments” of this day? Well, at about 11.30 I took a stroll to the garage with Jess because, apparently, Rob had been mowing the lawn here and getting paid to do it and it was “settled” between him and Alden that I would be doing the lawn from now on. When this happened, I've no idea. But we left it at: Rob would mow one more time whilst I checked to make certain that the mower works. (Apparently, it's also been assumed that I know how to make repairs on mowers. OH PEOPLE!) - Fine then... I took a walk to the bridge to have a smoke and on returning, checked to see about the transfer from the “Direct Express” to Community.... DIRECT EXPRESS CANCELLED THE FUCKING TRANSFER TODAY!!! SO I HAD TO PHONE THEM, SPEAK WITH SOME SHIT-BAG NAMED “LEWIS” (yeah, sure) WHO COULDN'T TELL ME WHY THE TRANSACTION GOT CANCELLED BUT TO TRY AGAIN OR GO GET MY MONEY AND DEPOSIT IT MY-SELF! FUCKTARD! SO I PHONE COMMUNITY AND “JESS(ICA)” THERE TOLD ME THAT THERE WAS NO RECORD OF ANY TRANSFER ON THEIR RECORDS BUT THAT ALL THE INFO THAT I'D GIVEN DIREXP WAS CORRECT!!! NEXT? RANG PLTSBG SOC.SEC. TO TELL WHAT'S GOING ON AND LEARNT THAT I DON'T NEED AN APPOINTMENT THERE, TO COME INTO THE OFFICE (UN-LIKE THE FUCKING BTV OFFICE WHERE THEY WOULDN'T EVEN GIVE ME AN APPOITMENT) SO... MONDAY MORN? ON THE NORTHWAY! HERE WE GO! IN PERSON, TO CHANGE THIS SHIT AROUND! MEANWHILE, I'VE JUST PUT IN FOR THE TRANSFER... AGAIN! I NEED THAT MONEY IN COMMUNITY! FUCKING USELESS NIGGERS AND BASTARDS AT DIRECT EXPRESS AND SOCIAL SECURITY! Well now, this said... I'm having a coffee and would like to try for another smoke. I don't really know what else to do with the time. And now... the 452$ is tied-up again (as it would have been anyway) so there's no “shopping” to be done. Oh well and alas and fine OK. - But that NAP! Hey... it's been a week of “stress and decompression” I suppose, not to mention... the comfort and consolation of knowing that the rent is on its way to Alden (one can only hope). Bills (other than the now-disputed Spectrum) aren't due. And money is floating God-only-knows where! - In a bit, it'll be “dinner” time. Imagine that. I only just woke up and already... “dinner” time. What a way to pass a day. - 22.41 Just out of a “Bat Oren” shower, and... V-TON TIME! (The ONLY thing that would make this “perfect” right now is if I could have a smoke with but... I'm just happy to have posted “Week-end Music” to G's Minds, to have taken a wonderful shower, to have a chair on which to sit, a little lampe beside to illuminate and a BED on which to sleep tonight, under a roof, surrounded by walls, food in the fridge and blankets to keep me warm. Shabbat Shalom! - Text messages from Dorothy this after-noon. She sent a photo of Cindy which she says she'd just received. Poor gal's a blonde. (I still wonder who that hag was with Tony, walking that dog that evening at Barbara's because from the photo, Cindy's not all that bedraggled.) Anyway... ***CHEERS*** and here's to the delight of one day, perhaps soon (hopefully), being able to lay me down to sleep in comfort... with no thoughts of the day or days to come... soon... here, in this little Adirondack hamlet on the river. Amen. (PS: Tonight's beverage is served in a glass etched with “Hudson River Yacht Racing Association”... saved from the Goodwill in that shit-hole across the Champlain. CHEERS to that rescue. The glass too, has been brought back to the “home state”.) - Now... on to soc.med., up-dating the G's music list and what-ever.
Sat.27.Jul: 1.52 Well... I've had my v-ton, crisps and dip, soc.med. on Minds, G's got the music list posted, I'm in from last smoke on this rather comfy cool/warm morning AND... my dishes are washed and in the drain/dryer. Imagine THAT! “Life”... as “normal”. And now? 'tis time to hit the BED! Looked-up futons (one in Altona but I doubt it's still available or will be by the time I have the cash to get it), pallets (for making chairs?) and sofas (just because) on Crgslst. Nope. Nothing there. Oh well. - One “concern” is the kidney/bladder situation. Not completely “comfortable”, I must say. It's a constant concern now. I'm going to have to get back to making sure I drink a LOT of water. Urine's clear, and light enough, but... It's got me terribly worried. It's a HELL of a way to “go”. Though “going” is what I came home for. Oh well... - Anyway, time to brush teeth quickly, get the “crisps” out and get to nap. For the day ahead? Nothing, really. But I'll fill the hours, to be sure. - I dread Sunday. But we'll deal with that on Sunday. Then comes Monday and a trip to Plattsburgh (hopefully with some money in the Community account... I've been checking that. I've no doubt they'll fuck me over again). - 8.58 Dressed. Coffee steeping. Would like a smoke but honestly, there's a lump of Camel dung in my chest again so... But the sun is shining, the birds are chirping and I'm wondering about this “lawn-mowing” item of yesterday. Jess said “We mow once a week because of ticks.” Jess said “It's getting a little long.” I said “If you would, give it a once-more while I check to see that the other mower works. But right now I'm trying to get things together in the place.” And... well? “Jess” is a “Vermonter”... most certainly NOY to be trusted AT ALL! (There's a reason that fact about her came out so early on.) Her hubby Rob? “Newburgh”. HELL NO! Alden? Wonderful heart, loved by all... “When everybody loves you, there's something terribly wrong.” Me? Suspicious? Cynical? To the core! And all based on “Life Experience”. And so, as the folks roll up to the PO this morn... I'm going to work on the little shit in the blue room and getting many photos on this Journal here. There are a LOT of photos I want here and having them on a server, they'll be safer... So? It's not “work”... it's “preservation and pleasure”... a way to enjoy the Shabbat. So there! - 18.20 nap. - 20.33 I needed that nap! For an hour! - Anyway... HOW ODD... AS I WAS STANDING AT THE KITCHEN SINK THIS MORNING, WAITING FOR THE COFFEE TO STEEP, I HEARD JESS CHATTING WITH JOAN... JESS WAS IN THE PO AT THE WINDOW, JOAN ON HER BACK PORCH, AND JESS SAID “HE'S SUPPOSED TO DO THE MOWING. I SHOWED HIM WHERE THINGS ARE IN THE BARN...” AND THEN LATER, THIS EVENING, I SAW JOAN ON HER BACK PORCH WHEN I WENT OUT TO CHECK THE PROPANE TANK (because my hot water isn't as hot as it's usually been and I can't see that I've gone through 28 gallons of propane in a WEEK!!! but I can't find the gauge/meter on the fucking tank and now I'm quite rather concerned about that because I can't afford ANOTHER 96$ in fucking propane) ANYWAY... I MENTIONED THE MOWING TO JOAN, WITH-OUT REFERENCING THAT I'D HEARD THE “CHAT” OF THIS MORNING AND JOAN SAID... “I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT.” AND GOT UP AND WENT INSIDE. Though we did have a civil chat before that. I don't believe she's too pleased with me being here, and frankly, I don't give a shit one way or another. (I also over-heard Jess mention that she's supposed to do a “number” at tomorrow's “do”... and that there's rain expected tomorrow... alas.) - And so... the ENTIRE DAY... AGAIN... sorting through all the little shit in the blue room, getting it in some sort of order, more boxes stacked against the wall in lieu of shelving. ALL BLOODY DAY! save the hour for that nap. Now I have to get to the “tools and hardware and house-wares” boxes again and THEN... it should ALL be “settled”... until “furnishings” start coming in. - It was another hot day too, after a “comfy” morning. And right now, at 20.41 (almost “shower” time... I wonder if I have hot water for such a thing tonight) it's about 26° in the bed-room, going down slightly because I have the fan back in the window. There's another heat wave expected during the week. Not quite up in the 40s but still... 28-30°. Good though, so I don't have to panic about oil... just yet. Though Monday... I'll be seriously shopping for it. It's a matter of furniture or oil and I'd rather have the tank full for when the cold actually hits. Furnishings can wait. (THEN TOO, THERE'S THE BRAKES THAT HAVE TO BE DONE ON THE TRUCK... BECAUSE... IN A BRIEF 5 MONTHS... INSPECTION, REGISTRATION, INSURANCE! NOT TO MENTION... LICENSE!) Oh, I get to thinking about these things and then I think: WHO the fuck actually cares? I didn't come here to spend YEARS anyway (ONE Winter might be fun... but NOT TWO... as I'm looking at it). - On another point, I'm pee'ing well enough but now it seems I've almost little bowel control. I sit to pee and suddenly I shit too. (And that “Dollar Store” loo paper is HORRIBLE... “Smear Paper” is more like it... mustn't do any more of THAT!) Though, in all fairness, chicken salad, peanut-butter... nothing to that to keep the stools solid. So, perhaps. And I'm going to have to start finding other things to eat before long. - 20.49 and 105,50 on the “Thievery Express” card. I still have 425 locked some-place in the ether or beyond. It still shows as being transferred to Community, but it took them 2 business days to reverse the last transfer... it'll probably take the fuckers FIVE business days (meaning FRIDAY, 2 August already) to get the money into that account... IF they put it through properly anyway. And I WANT to get to Plattsburgh Soc.Sec. by not later than Wednesday... and oh too... I need smokes again! (THIS isn't good... I just bought that pack yesterday, if I'm not mistaken... No wait... it was Thursday... OK. Still... I'm down to 2 in the pack, 2 in the Players... I'd MUCH rather get more Players but... 71mi. and 90 minutes! Gone are the “good old days” of hopping into Bedford! - 21.11 OK. So I got lost on the map to Lacolle... and I can go there, then take the 202 (and an IGA!) over and into Noyan to catch the 225 to Alburg. (Then I looked at the way the old woman suggested I try to bypass Rouses Point and it's a DAMNED good thing I didn't try it, not knowing the way. “Oh, take the right at Dollar General and follow that to the end and then take the road that brings you to the Interstate.” Fuck... Pratt to Church to Prospect to the 276 to the 11 to Champlain! Moron. - Anyway, it's about time to have a half-smoke and try the shower. I've got to be out of here in the morning, into town for smokes and food and then back for the “festivities” by 13.00. HEY! I've only just moved in a week ago... no... I DON'T have a “dish”. Sorry. (No need to be apologetic, as I see it.) Anyway, it'll do me good to “attend”... and get a feel for the folk. (After all... unless he REALLY wants the money, Mr. Landlord could waltz in at any moment, refuse further rent and I'm out by end of September... just in time to climb Marcy and freeze my shit to death.) - Enough! There's time to ponder all the rest. But not now. - 22.27 I JUST MANAGED TO GET THE PHOTOS OFF THE OLD VERIZON FLIP PHONE THAT SILAS' OLD SHIT-BAG (Robin) THREW AT ME WHEN I LEFT RICHFORD! PHOTOS OF TILDEN, FRANKLIN, SUTTON... STUFF! Vis “Bluetooth” of all things! Now, I have to try with the MetroPCS phone too! But not tonight. I still want to try for a shower... I think. - 22.41 Opting-out of shower tonight. I just don't have the incentive (though I probably should take one... but no). Dealing with the old phones (I now have MetroPCS, TWO Verizon-old flip from Richford and the one I got from Best Buy in 5199 to replace the ATT that wouldn't work, TWO ATT, the new one and the old one from Franklin which I use for the alarm, I mean, really, FIVE phones... and none on my “land-line”-I'll have to get one for that, I suppose). And, come a week or so, no “mobile”, save WiFi. Oh well.) But seeing those old photos... including the ones I took when I left NYC for the last time, after the HELL with Schmulik... some-where over Long Island I think. Not to mention, I found a bit of a “journal” of that time, bouncing all over Brooklyn and out to Queens. Yes, I've had quite a “life”, one might call it. And when I leave, I've no regrets. It hasn't been easy, I've out-lived so many, there's nobody left, really. - Odd, there are some photos of Franklin and my “return to VT” that I saw and my instant reaction was to walk out and show Jacquie! HAH! 100 miles away. I don't think so. - Come to think of it, I haven't heard/seen word from her. Hmmm... Is she FINALLY getting the point of my leaving? Other than “Going home to die”. I doubt it. She's probably filling every moment with her “socialising” bull-shit. Dodging realities, as she does so well. Gee, I don't suppose she's even pursuing her “chomage” any more at this point. Easier to just let it ride... proving: she's got NO FUCKING FRIENDS to help her. Not even to mow her lawn. Yep... give it a couple of weeks. That house is probably a shit-hole-extreme by now. Nobody's been there to clean anything. I can see the fur-balls dancing across the floor and can only imagine the stench. Well? She had a great 4 years. That's just fine. - Now? I'm going to soc.med. It's Saturday night and I don't need to make any appearances until 13.00 tomorrow. Debating whether or not to have a tea. I don't want a v-ton tonight. And I've just had “last smoke”. Two left for the morning... drive into town.
Sun.28.Jul: 0.58 Time to give up on the day. Just finished soc.med. and the tin of peaches from the fridge. Not sure if it's my nose tonight, but the stench of urine from the loo is wafting about the whole place. AND I see 600$ flats in RP and the region! AND a 600$ in Elizabethtown... FURNISHED... beautiful! Well? I'll just keep looking whilst I “accumulate” furnishings here. If nothing else, this could be a “starting point” to comfort. (It's the urine stench that's getting to me... and the sounds through the walls... and the “chatting” from the fat little Vermonter!) Time for a nap! - 8.fucking.19 and NO fucking HOT WATER! - 8.44 Just checked on-line for instructions on how to re-light the water-heater. I don't like this... gas and such. AND NOW I HAVE TO BUY... FLASH LIGHT, LIGHTER! LIMITED MONEY AND NEED TO SPEND! WOW! HOW WONDERFUL! Thankfully, Joan left just as I went to check on having morning smoke, so I “steamed” a smoke on the front porch. Meanwhile, there was somebody at the “park”, setting-up a tent at 8.00 and they left too. Well? THAT part went well-enough. But... I still have the task of checking the heater! Good thing I went with the cable guy to the “cellar” so I know where the heater is and what to expect when I get down there. (I suppose I should be “thankful... for what I got” (diamond in the back, sun-roof down, diggin' the scene... and ready to vomit.) “Happy Sunday”. Fuck. So much for “life in the Adirondacks”. “Live and learn”. And general bull-shit. Nice, sunny morning... Let's hope all the shops (Dollar General and Aubochons) are open today. - Funny shit... I have to get to the cellar directly across from the “park”... with folks coming and going. MAYBE (I doubt it though) somebody will be of SOME help. Hey... this isn't VT...but then again... THIS will be quite the lesson. - Hardware, Dollar and Kinney will all be open at 9.00. I have to take a morning dump... well... here we go... “Another Pleasant Valley Sun-day-ay.” - 9.16 Interesting twist: I believe the GAS TANK IS EMPTY! I SHAKE IT AND THERE'S SILENCE. NO SLOSHING! WONDERFUL! AND AMERIGAS IS CLOSED ON (of course it is) SUNDAY! I HAVE 105,00 TO MY NAME ON THE “THIEVERY CARD”. IT'S 96,00 TO FILL THE FUCKING TANK AGAIN. (88,00 WITH MY OVER-PAYMENT... BUT THEN AGAIN, I'LL BE CALLING FOR THEM TO COME OUT OF THEIR WAY... NO DOUBT.) WELL? THINGS WERE GOING JUST TOO DAMNED EASY THUS FAR. SO... HERE WE GO. AND YES, I DO NEED A SHOWER... THIS SHOULD PROVE INTERESTING. WHAT I'D LIKE TO KNOW IS: HOW DID I GO THROUGH ALL THAT GAS IN A WEEK? NOW, THIS IS GOING TO COST ME EVEN MORE! AND A NEW. LARGER TANK! OK... - 50 GALLONS WILL COST ME 171,00. THAT'S NOT THE BAD PART... BUT ADD THE OIL THAT HAS TO BE PUT IN IN AUGUST, WHICH IS ANOTHER 0VER 300$! NOW WE'RE TALKING MONEY HERE! AND, IF THERE'S A LEAK IN THE GAS LINE? I WONDER IF *I* HAVE TO PAY FIRST, THEN BILL ALDEN OR IF THE GAS COMPANY WILL BILL HIM DIRECTLY. I MEAN... THE HEATER IS *HIS* PROPERTY, AS ARE THE GAS LINES. NO MATTER. I HAVE TO GET INTO TOWN ANYWAY... FOOD AND SMOKES. LET'S HOPE THE TRUCK HOLDS FOR *THIS* TRIP AS WELL. (Usually things go wrong in 3s.) - 9.24 on a Sunday morning and... HERE WE GO! - 9.34 OK THEN! JUST UP FROM THE CELLAR... FOUND THE “LIGHTS” ALDEN MENTIONED, NOT THAT THEY DO MUCH GOOD, OF COURSE. THERE ARE “RE-LIGHT” INSTRUCTIONS ON THE HEATER, BUT... OF COURSE, NO GAS... NO RE-LIGHT! CHECKED THE OIL... ALMOST NONE, NOT COMPLETELY EMPTY BUT... I'VE NO DOUBT THERE'S GOING TO BE TROUBLE WITH THAT AS WELL AND... I'LL HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THE “FINANCIALS” SETTLE BEFORE DOING ANYTHING ABOUT THAT! (AND I NEED A SHOWER THIS MORNING, TO BE HONEST. THANKFULLY IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ANOTHER HEATER! HAH! FUNNY! “HEATER”. FUCK ME!) SO? I'M OFF TO TOWN, PRIMARILY FOR SMOKES, BUT I SHOULD GET SOME FOOD AS WELL. A curtain for the blue room, but I doubt they'll have anything other than the grey I have in the bed-room. - Oh and there's the trip to Plattsburgh this week. Gas. I have a “Shell” card... but no “Shell” stations about. It's all becoming quite interesting. Truthfully, I don't know why my nerves are shaking. It's not horrific. It's not as if I've never had no hot water before. And, quite thankfully, SO MUCH of the “cleaning” is already done. Nothing to be done about all this but to “ride the day along” and see where it all goes. HEY! The picnic today... “NETWORKING”! This just might be a “good thing”! - Well... time to test the rest: a drive into town. - I want to puke! - 11.06 WELL... THE DRIVE INTO “FAMILY DOLLAR” (*NOT* DOLLAR GENERAL) WENT PERFECTLY WELL. INDEED... EVEN TO THE USE OF THE CIBC CARD! DEBIT! DONE! FINE! AND I HAVE A PACK OF SMOKES (now to figure how to have one during this day...) AND TWO PANELS, SHEER, GREY, FOR THE BLUE ROOM! AND THEY'RE INSTALLED! ALL BEFORE SECOND COFFEE (which I've just had)!!! IF ONLY I HAD HOT WATER! Then again, I really didn't expect to have that when I'd arrive last Thursday... this is killing me: an ENTIRE TANK OF GAS IN A WEEK!). So, I suppose I should “just be thankful, for what “I'd gotten”... as it were... FUCK ME! - And now and so... to wait and see what today's “activity” across the road will bring. There have been trucks running back and forth all morning. Dogs barking. Traffic, traffic every-where. And Ms. Joanie's returned as well. I'm beginning to resent all the “going out of my way” for this place already. Not to mention the cost of oil, gas, and the fact that the linoleum in the kitchen is curled and I've already almost tripped on it several times... Meanwhile, the “Owner” is parked 5 hours away and so, eventually, I'll have to install the strips for that as well. Not to mention, the “lawn mowing event” that's pissing me off a tad. Imagine: we SPOKE on it, I offered, was told there's a mower, but never a bother to actually come by to SHOW the mower, give the permission, agree to the work... This is beginning to smack a tad... OH WAIT!!! MASSACHUSETTES! ANOTHER “NEW ENGLANDER”! GEE... MUST RUN IN THE BLOOD-LINES.WELL, OH JUST FUCK ME... FUKKIT! FUKKITALL! - Best to make the best of what's done. (And for some reason, I'm sneezing now, tickle in the eyes. “Stress”? Or am I coming down with something. Wouldn't surprise me. - Time to Reconcile the account (I'll die with the exchange, no doubt) and have on with what-ever this day will slap me with. No sense fretting the un-known. It's all a matter of how it's all approached. - (And it's about 32° in this room now... Spiffy! More fucking HEAT! But that's better than freezing one's balls off.) - 15.59 picnic done! - 16.12 And there's not a sign of the “festivities” across the road! The “picnic” came, happened and went. “1:00 until...” read the notice. More like a “luncheon” than much else. For a while, there must have been about “1000 people... well... 50”. In need of a smoke and something to eat tonight (other than chicken), I stepped out and drove back into town to the market where, I've yet to see how much THAT venture cost me (on the DirExp card) because the registre produced no receipt and the young man at the cashe (obviously new) didn't bother when I asked for a receipt and he quietly informed me “I don't have any paper”. But I'm just thankful that the truck took me there and got me back and I had a smoke and got half'n'half (because there was almost no milk in the store), a box of generic “crisp rice” cold cereal, a container of cranberry juice (because I really MUST keep the UTIs in check), and a bottle of lime-tonic (in case tonight's anxieties over the gas get to be too much). Well! By the time I got back, MOST of the folks were gone! But I DID get to sit and chat with Jess's Rob for a bit, talking about the MHV and such. And, come to find out, the gas line for the PO was recently re-done because of all sorts of troubles there, and Rob said “I hope they didn't mess something else up when they worked on that.” Good to know for tomorrow when I call (and die from the cost). I'll just have to remember to mention/ask/inquire as to whether the line was checked with the re-fill of the tank (hoping that they'll eat a mistake and I won't have to pour out another 100$ for THAT shit). - And so, about the “gathering”... there's one Black woman (who shows on the “census”) and an Hispanic woman with a child (she spoke Spanish and my gut wrenched... they're invading even the most remote places now... like cockroaches brought in with the furnishings from a City dwelling). Other-wise, Alvin made an announcement when I'd arrived, invited me to partake of the food and when I said I had to run into town he said “Don't bring anything.” (I wasn't going to, to be honest, I didn't even want to go into town and wouldn't have done had I not wanted a smoke.) But over-all, there wasn't any great out-pouring of “Welcome”. Maybe it was the heat (it's HELLISH again today). Maybe it was just the “odd, new person”. Maybe the town's leery of “new” people. Maybe the town's leery of people who rent this place from Alden, since, thus far, I've heard the stories of single mothers. What-ever, the “ground's been set, between Joanie and today”. I'm just figuring I'm in a new place... alone... and will have to handle things as such. Good thing though: chatting with Rob. Apparently Alden told Rob that tenants mow the lawn. Ah yes? Pay rent, mow lawn? Fine by me anyway. But I explained that I'm not here to step on toes. I want THAT much to be perfectly clear. We talked about the MHV. We talked about the mountains, and watching weather coming o'er. Talked about Spectrum being the only show in town. We talked. It was fine. - I brought the garbage bin from the “park” to Alvin's porch and came in for a bowl/2 of cereal with sugar. “Nourishment” for the day. And now, with grey sheers hanging in the blue room, the “shower curtains” in the bed-room (because they're less transparent), the house is a bit “in order”. If only there were hot water, things would be almost perfect... considering. - Fan in the window. 30° in the room. Sun still in the sky. Threats of storms at some point but... and I want a nap (again)... perhaps until tomorrow morning when I need to phone the gas company (and die when they tell me they can't come for another week or I'll pay a “service charge” and bill me for ANOTHER 28 gallons of gas, a service call, tax and tips and... general fuckery. As I said to Rob: get all the calamity over at the beginning so I can settle comfortably come Winter. - I'm tired. - OH! Received a photo of Hallie in the lake today. (I can't help but wonder where little Mimou is, though he wouldn't go with and probably wouldn't enjoy a “lake” anyway... Poor little man. It literally HURTS to think of him... left alone.) - 21.01 A walk down the 9 to the river (for a smoke). A stroll back up to the house. HUMID tonight! So I walked in, went to the loo, stripped-down, wet the flannel, put on some Bat Oren, opened the shower and... BATHED! THANKFULLY, Bat Oren rinses VERY well, even in COLD water! So I'm CLEAN AGAIN! AND I SMELL SO WONDERFULLY “PINEY” TOO! - I checked Amerigas, my account, some kind of “Customer Agreement”... the “Terms of Service” or what-the-fuck-ever don't look like this trouble is going to be with-out cost... CONSIDERABLE cost. (Although, I must say that, in spite of the tank not sloshing, as did Mme.'s when I moved that, the yellow “shut-off” seemed to be almost completely closed which makes me wonder: did somebody shut it off... prank or insanity? We shall find out soon enough... or, if they want money up front, NOT soon enough because I won't know anything about my money transfer until Tuesday at the earliest, Friday at the latest which means a week with-out hot water, but thankfully, we're looking at 28° coming so “cool-to-cold” showers won't be all THAT horrific... though I DO have washing I need done... Maybe I'll take it to Plattsburgh with me when I go to Soc.Sec. Get cash from an ATM? We shall see.) - And so, sitting in front of the fan in the bed-room, SHIRTLESS... how nice, and the air coming in through the window is WARM! No complaints. Better after a cold shower. BUT I”M CLEAN! YAY! AND... pondering a v-ton! WTFN? Or something of the sort. Might help with sleep tonight. Anxieties over the gas. Anxieties over the oil. THANK THE GODS THE RENT'S PAID! FUCK! - Earlier, I started reading the “notes” written in the 2013 agenda... from the “stint” in NY with Schmulik. It makes me physically sick to my stomach, reading that shit. I've been in absolute HELL... and not only does nobody actually KNOW... NOBODY would actually give a shit! - Well? Best approach: Here, now, done with it all. Tomorrow will attend to itself, to be sure. - 21.20 V-ton, crisps and dip in bowl. Soc.med. The we shall see what follows. - 22.55 Have finished my v-ton and crisps, had a smoke, might have one more. But I'm EXHAUSTED! - But one thing DID come to mind as I soc.med. browsed: IF THE GAS COMPANY HAD ONLY 2 DELIVERIES PER YEAR UNTIL THEY CAME TO FILL THE TANK THIS TIME AND THIS TIME THE GAS LASTED ONLY A WEEK, THEN IT APPEARS THEY EITHER FAILED TO DO THE “LEAK CHECK” AND/OR THEY DAMAGED THE LINE. So I'll remember that tomorrow. - Meanwhile... it's nice to be clean tonight. The air coming in the window has brought the temperature in the room down to about 15°. Gas company opens at 7.30. I'm just about set for the night... and hopefully, a RESTFUL night's sleep!
Mon.29.Jul: 7.51 and another day commences. I was up at... just past 5.00, on my own, refreshed and such, but refused to get up at that hour, since there's nothing that can actually be “done” at that hour of the morning... especially since there's wash to be done and a lawn to be mowed and not at 5.00 no matter mountain or city. So I snoozed until the 7.00 alarm, but was up again at 6-something... and snoozed again. BUT... I slept through the entire night, all told. Then, at the 7.00 alarm, I did get up, had my tap-coffee, found some clothes to put on, popped out front for a few drags of a smoke and here I am... - Nice morning too, a bit cool, and as would be at this time of year, a bit “damp”, even inside. It's that “change”, when the night coolness puts a bit of a “damper” on everything, condensing the humidity. Ah... Summer is waning. Time to get serious about the coming snows, or at least to think of them. - And a little note of amusement for the morning (before I get hammered with the gas situation, no doubt): I kept hearing a mobile phone chiming this morning. It sounded “off in the distance”, by the bed-room window. I kept looking out to the “park”, thinking maybe somebody had left theirs over there yesterday, in the “celebration”. Just couldn't figure it. It chimed, then stopped, then chimed again... AH HAH! I'd been working with the old flip and MetroPCS phones on the week-end and never turned them off! It was the alarm on the “Richford Verizon flip”! Imagine that! I can't even recall when I'd set that alarm, what time, what for. (At least it wasn't my 4.30 alarm from the Shelter.) Oh the reminders of yester-years! (Just what I need: reminders of then, as if I don't have any or enough already.) - Anyway, the sun is shining, the air is still a bit cool, but there's a forecast of 30° or so to come. 21° it reads in the bed-room. So I'll enjoy this as long as I may. Forecast is for storms in the early week. May as well enjoy the time at hand... as if there's anything else I could do with all this “time”. As I said to Rob just yesterday: “I hate being retired.” (I'm beginning to understand how people retire and die.) - Well? Give it a few more moments... I need to “loo” at some point rather soon. Then? “Amerigas”. All I can hope is that they'll send somebody out, check the lines, find a leak, admit they didn't bother to check the line, re-fill the tank and toddle off. (Entirely too easy! As I see it: “The leak check costs.... and the gas will cost... and that all has to be paid before we send anybody out... The soonest we can have somebody out that way is...) Welcome to Monday. Things have gone too well thus far. Something has to be done to correct that. - And, I just want to add that, it might be my general paranoia, or what-ever it might be classified as, but I still have this over-whelming notion that there are those in town who are not pleased with/by my presence. As always, I can't think of why that would be (other than my having a smoke on the porch from time-to-time), since I stay, for the most part, to my-self. But it's “my gut” that keeps telling me to be prepared for some sort of “kick”. The major solace in all of this is that rent is paid through September now. August should arrive today at the latest. (Of course, it went out via NR PO, and I saw the envelope in Jess's hands on the 24th as she was leaving... but what concerns me the most is that she's a “Vermonter” and experience has taught me: they've NO respect for rules, law, “right”, correct... all they have respect for is self, self, self... I wouldn't put it past her to “stall, delay, thwart” the mail. Horrid of me? Nah... Just “experience”.) But, the money order can be traced and should ANY-THING EVER happen to ANY of my payments... I've no patience and, let's face it, this ISN'T Vermont any more. Country or mountain folk... let's bear in mind, “Rob is Newburgh” and from our chat yesterday, most of his “kin” are still in that area. Alvin is from The City. (No telling where Ms. Joanie's from.) So, I'm in a “New York State of mind”... it's off and running... - Let's see how the gas situation runs today. THAT will be rather telling. (Ticonderoga... Franny Elizarde... Life gives us lessons to prepare us for things to come... “Ticonderoga”... let's see how THAT pans out today.) - 9.41 Well, I called Amerigas, spoke with “Chrystal” who's very first comment was “We have to get you a larger tank.” Didn't set well with me but I tried to remain calm. DID mention “Maybe I'm just still getting over being screwed-over every which way from Hell to breakfast for 8 years but I just can't figure 3 showers and washing some dishes and running out of 20-plus gallons of propane in a week.” Says Chrystal, “If there's a leak, somebody would have smelled it.” Well? Looks like I'm looking at a larger tank and MO'MUNEE going out the windows. Still, it's better than that dark closet and the whining and such. (Though I still hold that there's some kind of “chat” going on 'round town here... and then there's always the “Vermonter” in the PO. I'm a mess.) - Trying to pass the time waiting for the return call from Chrystal. She said she's contacting the delivery guy. I don't see any service coming today. I just don't see it happening. Actually, I don't see “service” coming any time this week. Oh well... better in the heat than in the cold. - 9.48 Quick check on the financials... the trans-out on DirExp is still on the “gone”. Nothing on the “in” from Community. Of course, “3-5 business days” would mean Wednesday at the earliest. I just have no patience, no trust, no faith... other than knives in the back and a hefty “screwing”... white-hot poker and cattle prod. - 10.02 Journals on-line up-to-the-moment... as it were. Got that much done. It was 10 pages on the lap-top. - Still waiting to hear about the gas. As I say: Not expecting any help this week... it's going to be “tough”... but at least it's not going to be snow. And if need be, I can still go to Plattsburgh (when the money situation clears). I'm an old man, forced into retirement... I may as well smell like one. Fuck. - 15.48 HOT WATER'S BACK! AS PROMISED, CHRISTOPEHER (THE DRIVER) CAME AT ABOUT 14.00 AND PUT IN... 6 (SIX) GALLONS MORE! THE TANK WASN'T EMPTY! THE PILOT WENT OUT! FUCK ME! BUT, AT LEAST IT WASN'T ANOTHER 100$. (I'VE YET TO SEE WHAT THEY CHARGE ME FOR THIS “VISIT” THOUGH.) - *** AND, I HAVE A KITCHEN TABLE AND 2 CHAIRS! NOT REALLY TO MY LIKING BUT... I'd gone into the Thrift Store on Jess's advice, she told me they'd received new furniture, so, when Amerithieves told me the driver could deliver TODAY, I RAN into town... JUST in time to MISS the furniture! But it was good to get out of the house and away for a little bit (and have a smoke in peace). - So when I got back, I had a little talk with Joan, who's been SO DELIGHTFUL ALL DAY... so maybe I'm just judging... based on the Shit-hole for 8 years (I'm going to need therapy to get over that shit! the fucking in-breeds). Anyway, she told me of a table and chairs up-stairs over her and had me go look. Well! THAT place is gutted! No ceilings, the walls down to lathe, insulation all over the floors... it's a fucking MESS up there! But, there, a little round laminate table and about 6 chairs. The table's not half bad. The chairs are some kind of “butterfly” thingie happening. But they're chairs... The table weighs about as much as I do, with-out the legs, but anyway, Joan rang Alden to ask if I could use the table and he said “Of caws. Just take it out, sanitise it and you're welcome to it.” Indeed. So up I went, got the table, brought it down and... JUST as I was moving the parts to the yard, “Christopher” arrived to fill the gas. Joan insisted that I talk with Christopher and so I did, and we went together to the basement where he showed me how to re-light the pilot, we talked about usage, and so it would seem: 6 gallons every 20 days. FAR CRY FROM 28 GALLONS every 20 days! (Still... I phone Avery this morning and next Tuesday, they're sending somebody over to assess the situation here... for propane and oil. Joan tells that Alvin dumped Amerigas, and she doesn't use them - so I don't know what that 50 or 100 gal. tank is out there for but anyway - because they're horrible! No good customer service, and they'll do everything they can to rip folks off. Better to go with Avery... a local company. So I'll see what comes on Tuesday... Hopefully, if I need, I'll have the money necessary... though I doubt it but...) - Well then, Christopher done, as it were, he left, I went to cleaning (PineSol and Clorox and Lysol) the table and chairs in the back yard. Scrub-scrub here, scrub-scrub there and the parts are out front... in the 100°F sun... 'tis said: Nothing sanitises better than sun-light. Well, in 100°F it should MURDER and MASSACRE ANYTHING left on that thing! (My main concern in the stench of that place up there... stale attic-basement. ICK!) - And so, Joan and I have been chatting away on and off all afternoon. Says she: Stop focusing on the past and look forward to the future; leave all that behind; this is New Russia and you live here now. Comforting words. The she says: Stop apologising for mistakes you haven't made; and don't apologise for necessary noise. When I told her that I'd taken the room I've done for the bed-room, she said “You didn't have to do that. I don't hear you at all. Do you hear me?” I said “No” of course. I see no sense in it. She's not up all hours, she's entitled to listen to her Internet/music, and my important room is separated by a room. So? So. All's well. - And for now, I can look forward to a good shower tonight before bed! (I NEED that today too... after all the sweating in the sun with the table-cleaning!) - Now... to check the financials (I might need to go spend more money... on BOOZE, for that.) - 21.27 SHOWERED! Warm, not hot, but of course not hot because it's miserably hot out tonight. But WHAT a delight again! - I got the table cleaned and set-up in the kitchen on the wall between the two rooms, gave it a good rinse then wipe then rinse with Clorox and a touch of furniture polish and the chairs set and there we have it! And oddly enough, I'm sitting in the Model's chair in the bed-room, in front of the fan... anyway. But that's how it goes. - Having a v-ton, the last of the vodka... brought from the shit-hole. Gee... no 15-cent return (I don't think... and I'm NOT going over there to get fucking 15-cents!) (But what I must remember is that there's a Fiver in the basement... if nothing else, money toward a lighter for re-lighting the fucking pilot!) - Speaking of pilots... I just figured that a tank, at the rate it went this time, should last 2 months... at 100$/tank, I'd need 6 re-fills per year... 6-fucking-bloody-hundred dollars per year... FOR FUCKING HOT WATER ALONE! I can't wait to hear what Avery will offer on Tuesday! - Anyway... so much for today. Gas, hot water, kitchen table. MAYBE tomorrow I'll venture up to Plattsburgh, though I'd like to go with some money... and that's still being held hostage by somebody or another... Wednesday earliest. Maybe tomorrow... a “take it easy” day? Or “try the lawn mower”? We shall see when it gets here. Right now, it's time for the wind-down. (But I AM out of “edibles”... save peanut-butter and bread... and a bit of rice cold cereal, half'n'half and sugar. Hmmm...) - Oh well... never mind. Day's done! - One thought though: that stint in VT taught me to be quickly litigious! Odd... how I jump at the court system now. Amerigas, what-ever. Fucking shit. Maybe it was supposed to teach me to be assertive but... I fucking HATE what I've learnt. Oh well... it too is a done deal. And in 1974 I left a place of familiarity to move “100,2 miles” away to the 518 area code... and in 2019 I left a place of familiarity to move “100,4 miles” away to the 518 area code. “Circle” completed. Time to die... in peace. - Amen. - 23.24 and time to put the lights out. The one v-ton was just enough. the soc.med. was a touch annoying. Maybe one day, when there's a proper table/desk to sit at. But for now... time to try for sleep. - I believe I need to stop wearing the back brace so often, strengthen the muscles again. It's painful. Oh well... Shit. - Lights out. Let's see what tomorrow brings. - I have to say, with the kindness and support I've received: THIS is why I've missed NY.
Tue.30.Jul: 8.08 AND SITTING AT THE “KITCHEN TABLE” this morning! On a chair. At a TABLE! Imagine that! (Noticing how dark the kitchen is though. But... Hey...) - Woke at about 7.00 and snoozed a bit but since I was up, had to pee, had tap coffee and vit.C... decided to just get up. And just in from a half-smoke. Another sunny day. Pondering the trip to Plattsburgh today. Pondering... I do a lot of that... “pondering”. There are things I want, things I need, things I'd prefer getting in larger stores, and all of those ride on the banque. Alas. There's probably a “reason” why the money's tied-up. So I continue to “ponder”. Another day of “retirement”. Let's see where this brings us... when yet, another day, is done. - 14.20 WELL! I WAS HAVING A SNOOZE WHEN THE KNOCKS CAME ON THE FRONT DOOR. IT WAS ABOUT 13.00 OR SO. ALVIN. YOUR HAZZARD LIGHTS ARE FLASHING ON YOUR TRUCK. WHAT IN FUX NAME? I HAVEN'T TOUCHED THE TRUCK FROM SINCE SUNDAY!!! SO... OUT THE DOOR, TRY THE STEERING-COLUMN BUTTON. NOPE. TRY STARTING THE TRUCK, REVERSE, FORWARD. NOPE. DASH IN FOR THE “UTUBE” SOLUTIONS. TOO MANY, TOO LONG, TOO MUCH! ALVIN SAYS “RICHIE'S JUST UP THE ROAD ABOUT A MILE.” &c. “BUT I WARN YOU, HE'S A TRUMPER.” (I COULDN'T HAVE BEEN HAPPIER! BUT I TOLD ALVIN “I DON'T DISCUSS POLITICS BECAUSE, WELL, I DON'T BELIEVE IT'S ANYBODY'S BUSINES.” AND ALVIN WAS OBVIOUSLY NOT HAPPY ABOUT THAT. (FUCK! ANOTHER LIBFUK. BUT I SUSPECTED AS MUCH.) SO? INTO THE TRUCK AND UP THE ROAD. WELL INDEED! ONE MECHANIC CHECKS. CAN'T FIGURE. HE SENDS ANOTHER ONE WHO COMES OUT, PRESSES THE BUTTON AND IT STOPPED... *** BUT *** HE PRESSES AGAIN AND... STUCK! BOTTOM LINE: HE TOOK THE FUSE OUT, BUT NO I HAVE NO DIRECTIONALS! FINE. AT LEAST IT WON'T KILL MY BATTERY NOW? SO I GET TALKING WITH “RICHIE”. HE TOLD ME *** SO *** MUCH THAT I NEEDED TO KNOW. THEY DO EVERYTHING EXCEPT ALIGNMENTS. THEY INSPECT. HE SAYS I NEED TO REGISTER THE TRUCK IN NY BEFORE THE INSPECTION. FINE. GAVE ME THE GENERAL LOW-DOWN ON WHAT TO EXPECT WITH REGISTRATION (I MIGHT HAVE TO PAY “TAX” ON THE BOOK VALUE... OR NOT... NOT SURE) BUT ON THE INSPECTION, THE RUST WILL PASS. (BUT, OF COURSE, I'LL BET THE BRAKES WON'T... FUCK ME!) OH WELL... THINGS WERE GOING ENTIRELY TOO, *** TOO *** *** TOO-TOO *** WELL TODAY. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ME! (HOW-EVER... AT LEAST I'VE FOUND A MECHANIC AND THAT WAS A CONCERN. SO THERE WE HAVE THAT. And so... into Elizabethtown, not wanting to waste a trip, and needing smokes anyway... Family Dollar... a little lampe (ENTIRELY TOO FUCKING COSTLY BUT IT'S ON THE TABLE) for the kitchen table (40-watts max but it'll suffice), smokes, tonight's “dinner”... frosted flakes. Was going to get a 10$ “cash back” but the fuckers want 1$ for the “service”. FUKDAT! So I'm still with-out cash. AND... REGULAR Camels! So I'll be smoking LESS... one way or another. - And so, here I am, back at the table, little lite lit, and I've accomplished, essentially, nothing with this day. No prob. (But I would like a v-ton at the moment... and there's not “v”. Probably best.) - Thus sayeth the word. - FUCK ME! - 20.13 and peanut-butter sammiches, crankberry juice. I had 3 bowls of flakes this after-noon too but... then got to transcribing the 2013 notes from NYC to HTML for inclusion on this journal... whilst listening and singing to/with country music... low volume, of course. Anyway... there's the day. As if I've NOTHING in this world to be concerned about or with. Well? Truth? Fukkit! There's nothing I can do about much of anything at the moment until my money appears. So? So. Eat. Tele. Fukkit! - 20.18 THE FUCKING THEIVES FUCKED THE TRANSFER TO COMMUNITY AGAIN!!!! YEP! TOMORROW? OFF TO SOC.SEC. IN PLATTSBURGH! DIRECT DEPOSIT! CHANGE OF ADRESS AND I'M DONE WITH THIS SHIT! THEN? TO A MASTER-CARD BANQUE TO TAKE MY MONEY AND GET IT TO... SOME-PLACE WHERE I CAN TRANSFER IT OUT! FUCKING MORONS! ENOUGH! TOMORROW MORNING... FLASHERS OR NO... OUT! - 20.49 OK... SO THE THIEVES FUCKED MY “DINNER” BUT... I'VE PAID SPECTRUM (PHONE AND INTERNET THROUGH AUGUST *AND* I'VE PUT 39 DOLLARS ON MY ELECTRIC BILL PAID! PRE-MATURLY, AND NOW THE ACCOUNT HOLDS A CREDIT IN MY FAVOUR, BUT... AT LEAST IT'S PAID! (LET THEM FIGURE WHAT TO DO WITH IT... SO LONG AS THE THIEVES DON'T FUCK THIS UP TOO!) CONFIRMATON E-MAILS RECEIVED AND ALL. SADLY, I CAN'T GET AWAY WITH THE SAME ON THE GAS BILL (WHICH WILL COME TO ABOUT 45,04 WHEN THEY GET FINISHED WITH IT. AND I NOTICED, THEY CHARGED ME 3,099/GAL FOR THIS LAST DELIVERY! FUCKERS. OH WELL... I'VE BEEN TOLD THEY DO THAT. WE'L SEE WHAT HAPPENS, COME THE END OF AUGUST! -
Wed.31.Jul: 0.35 “NightyNite” tea and off to bed. BIG DAY... I hope! - 7.25 I woke at 7.00, on my own, so I must have gotten the sleep I needed. Though, because of the general “anxiety” of the “No Indicators” on the truck, I could just go right back to bed. If memory serves, it's called “avoidance”. BUT... IF I don't go now and get this “direct deposit” done, I'll be in eternal Hell. So? So. - I'm up, dressed and have been out for a bit of a smoke. The “Camel Reds” are playing with my chest this morning... as they did last night as well. Oh and alas. There's always something... always something... always... something. I'll be checking e-mails about last evening's payments too. I expect trouble with those as well. I have to wonder why it's all so difficult... for me. Paranoia? As I remember Liz saying: Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you. Yeah... I wonder. - Anyway, I'm at the “kitchen table” this morning. It's lovely to sit at a table again. It's nice being out of the bed-room for a change. But this kitchen is darker than I'd thought. Especially this morning where the skies are a bit “misty”. It must have rained during my sleep. And as I stood on the front porch with cigarette, across the road, in the back yard there, a deer wandered along. And the morning traffic is beginning as well. I have to plan my route to the Northway. As the mechanic at “Richie's” said yesterday: Once you get onto the Northway, you're driving along along, on your own. That part's fine. It's when I get off the Northway that causes me the most concern. And I want to get to at least, one of the larger stores in Plattsburgh today, to get some of the items of necessity. No sense just driving all that way (40 miles... imagine... “all that way” these days) for just one errand. Oh well... “another day” in my “existence”. - But, it's a “new day” and the end of a month. The BEST is (and I should concentrate on this and nothing else): THE RENT IS PAID, THE PHONE/INTERNET IS PAID, THERE'S A PAYMENT ON THE ELECTRIC. I'm almost a month ahead of m'self this morning. AND... there's a bit of money available for those things I need. (Though I must remember to keep enough for food through August! I'm always forgetting about that. “Food”... my down-fall. Never liked the need. Always had a problem remembering it.) - OK... on with what-ever this day will be. (Let this trip be completely with-out trials, tribulations, perturbations, difficulties...) - 11.35 Running LATE now... I guess. But... BUT... AMERIGAS BILL... ALMOST 37$ (WOULD HAVE BEEN THE 45 OR SO HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR THE 8$ CREDIT ON THE ACCOUNT! FUCKERS!) BUT IT'S PAID... AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED. SO NO MORE BILLS THIS MONTH! YAY ME! - Now... finish my coffee, quick shower and NORTH! - 19.36 Sitting to eat. Carpet on the kitchen floor. Shade on the kitchen light. I rolled out of here at about 12.30... rolled back in at about 18.30! I'll get to the particulars after I eat! - 22.05 The place is settled after quite the after-noon! Let's get to the details and see how this entry rolls... As I stated, I finally got me together, showered and dressed and reluctantly into the truck and onto the road by about... ABOUT 12.30. The drive up the Northway was perfectly fine, in spite of my anxieties about no turn signals. Yes, it was HORRIFIC, not being able to signal turns, but thankfully, there were too many. I got off at exit 36 and the rest went rather quite well... UNTIL I GOT TO THE SOC.SEC. OFFICE, FOUND THAT THE OFFICE IS ON THE 2ND FLOOR, FIGURED THE LIFT AND... AS I GOT TO THE DOOR, A “STRANGE” COUPLE TRIED THE DOOR... *** LOCKED ***!!! A SECURITY GUARD CAME TO SAY “THE OFFICE CLOSED AT NOON. THEY'LL BE BACK AT 9.00 TOMORROW MORNING.” FUCK ME! I'D COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN THEY CLOSE AT NOON ON FUCKING WEDNESDAY! WHY? WHO THE FUCK KNOWS? BUT THEY DO, THEY DID... THEY WERE! I WAS PISSED AND DEVASTATED! OVER 40miles OF DRIVING, PROBABLY ABOUT AN HOUR, AND NOTHING! FUCKING TYPICAL OF FUCKING SOCIAL FUCKING SECURITY! I WENT BACK TO THE TRUCK... AND DIDN'T REALLY KNOW WHETHER I WANTED TO SCREAM, CRY, DIE, PUKE. I DECIDED TO TRY TO MAKE THE TRIP WORTH THE EFFORT, TIME, ANXIETIES, GAS... I HEADED ACROSS BROAD ST. TO... CORNELIA AND... “HOME GOODS”, “TJ MAX” AND “WALMARDE”... JUST as i got to the door of Home Goods... IT POURED DOWN WITH RAIN! HEAVY! IT COULD BE HEARD POUNDING THE ROOF! BUT... I browsed, the whole store, not really sure what I was looking for. I THOUGHT I'd find a little basket of some sort to use as a cover for the kitchen basin light. Nope. BUT... I GOT ONE OF THOSE WOODEN DISH-RACKS FOR THE CUPBOARD and a set of sheets for the bed! (26,98USD). Receipt time: 14:35:15. ON to TJ MAX, thinking, again, little basket. BUT, having NO idea what time it was and being rather happy that I'd spent less than 30USD, I browsed, and browsed, and browsed... and bought a cast iron skillet for 9,99USD (not a particularly heavy skillet but, it's in the oven now, soaking some coconut oil, from since about 21.00... I'm leaving it in there for as long as possible... just to back the shit in good), a REALLY NICE, stainless pot with glass lid (12,00USD) and a set of “spoon/ladle/spatula/&c.” for the skillet (5,99). Again... tickled... only 31,29USD! Receipt time: 15:02:13. Still having NO idea about time, I toddled out to the truck, put the purchases in and drove round to... WALMARDE! I was STILL not certain what, exactly, I was looking for there, but I thought “Maybe a carpet for the kitchen and a little wicker basket.” I BROWSED... and did I EVER! Got a drop cloth to use for the table cloth (9,97), a twin flat sheet for curtains, I can gt TWO windows out of that, at least (I need to get sewing?) (4,97), TWO mirrors for the bed-room (because they were only 4,94 each), as I was winding-down, I happened to find a “suitable” lamp shade for the kitchen basin light (11,92 ... SHADES ARE FUCKING COSTLY!), AND AT THE VERY LAST MOMENT I HAPPENED TO FIND, AFTER LOOKING IN THE “RUGS” AISLE, A SECTION OF RUGS, 4X6 AT ONLY 18,88! GOT ONE FOR THE KITCHEN! AND... since this is a “Super Walmarde”... GROCERIES! I was tired, hungry, exhausted, hungry... But groceries there aren't all cheap. Little Debbies (2,00), Ramen 12-Pack(1,94), BUSTELLO 10oz. BRICK (2,88... I got TWO... cutting back on the instant now that I can use the kettle and the press... REAL COFFEE IN THE MORNINGS), Generic Corn Salsa to put on the Ramen (2,28), HebrewNatl Franks, 6pk (3,72(, Generic Parmesan cheese also for the Ramen, instead of pasta (2,67). WELL! By the time I'd done with my self-check-out... I grabbed a 20 cash-back. 119,79! I haven't shopped like that in YEARS! But then again... On a bike, shopping was never easy anyway. Eh? Not to mention, being in a room and not a complete flat? Why bother? Okie-Dokie. Receipt time: 17:30:06! THREE BLOODY HOURS OF BROWSING AND SHOPPING! I got things that were on my list, things that weren't on my list, ,but things that are making this place seem more “home”. AND... with that... I headed back to the Northway and “HOME”! WHAT A FUCKING DAY! - As I pulled in front of the house to un-load, Alvin was leaving but stopped to say Hello and some words. He's actually quite kind. We chatted about the truck, Richie... people. (Earlier, Jess wanted to get into politics with me, mentioned Alvin's Jewish, and what I'd think is “Libertarian”, as it were. She mentioned something about a guy across the park, very Conservative, and the nut-job with all the anti-Trump signs “The more signs he puts up the happier he is.” she said. But she remained non-committal and so did I. She's “Vermont”... I leave it at that.) Anyway... I un-loaded the truck via front door, parked the truck round back and came it to get to things... IMMEDIATELY! The kitchen rug is a bit larger than my eyes could measure but it's a wonderful addition... and will be even more-so come the cold weather, to be sure. The lamp shade needed “modification” to work, but thankfully, I have the wire, snips and such and I got it put up. Yes, it's well worth the too much money I'd spent on it. So the rug and light make for a beautifully comfy kitchen now. That done, I put the kettle on, 2 packs of Ramen in a bowl... let them “cook”, added cheese and salsa and sat to watch “Mock The Week”. It was quite nice! (I could have fried the franks, but the skillet needed washing and seasoning... which it's getting even now... going on 2 hours in the oven.) After “meal”, washed dishes (including new pot and skillet) and re-arranged the cupboards in the kitchen to facilitate today's “additions”. As I washed and such, I found CKOI on the Internet and got to listen to French radio! YAY! (Fucking shame it has to be on Internet, but...) And that said, recorded, done... here I sit, at table, having reconciled accounts and SHOCKED that there's still about 190-something left! NOT, mind, that I'll be spending it all away. But I'm quite shocked, and pleased, AND ALL of my ACTUAL EXPENSES ARE PAID UNTIL THE END OF AUGUST! - I'm having a licorice tea (I was SO tempted to get a bottle of vodka... but I'm rather glad I didn't... I HAVE to get up and make that fucking trip to Plattsburgh AGAIN in the morning!) - But what a delight, being able to sit at table, have my HOT tea, and the only sound I hear is that “radio... music... voices” I always hear when something electronic is running. (I have to look into that... It's always been like that and I've never understood it... Literally, MUSIC, ADVERTS, ANNOUNCEMENTS, TALK... and there's NO actual source of any such thing! Lunacy!) - And tonight, there's a very nice breeze blowing through this little valley... from the North. Very comfy, indeed. - So now... I'm off to check-in on soc.med. and get to bed rather soon. I want to be in Plattsburgh early enough in the morning. Shopping? Maybe... as I say, I forgot some things on my list (and things I didn't have on my list... like another vodka?). - But all-in-all... WHAT A DAY! - 23.50 Settled in bed, dropping off on soc.med. It's “This Day Is A Wrap”!