21 and 27: FedLoan - 29 OIL (100gal) PROPANE (40gal)* 15gal OIL delivered to Joan Crane in error.

Fri.01.Nov: 1.44 I just can't believe it's already NOVEMBER! The rains have been falling. The winds “hushing” over the mountains all night. I'm here, in the house, in shirt-sleeves, thankful for the warmth of tonight, knowing that this day will end with “minus” degrees. I can hear the wind rushing past the house as I type. (I've had 2 v-tons... I dread going to bed tonight.) November. It's not possible. But, here it is. The “North Country Snows” are just round the corner... in the darkness. But tonight, they're held away, in the warmth. And “The Ballad of Lucy Jordan” is how I close the day before and open today. It's another night of facing realities: my age, those who have been blessed with death before me. November... “Thanksgiving” in the U.S. The snows, ice, cold, winds... they're there. - Oh my! Red lights flashing out front! Cant miss them with the sheet-curtains. They illuminate the entire house! There's the vehicle with the flashing lights and a pick-up truck out front. No people that I can see. Not “chatter” or such. There was a heavy rain earlier, but it's all gone back to the wind... a beautiful wind, across the mountains, and warm. But there they are, red lights flashing. Oh well. It's time for me to get to bed anyway. Gee... no needed alarm to wake (again). I'll have to make a “schedule”: soc.med., art, writing, clean all the fucking images I've collected, a “routine”. We need a “routine” to live or... Anyway... it's time to have “last smoke” and wrap this damned thing up! November... FUCK ME! - 8.34 and at 8.15 I was up and out of bed with having to pee and foot cramps! - 12.16 Just in from a stroll... in the WIND which has taken-down many a tree, after the rains that have, as I've seen pitchuz, many, MANY a bridge, locally! Rte. 9's been CLOSED from town to Underwood for most of the morning. There are NO side-roads off the 9 from point-to-point. But the sun's been shining, it's not TOO cold (yet). There's been a bit of “howling” through the windows here and there in the house this morning, but none as I type. I got pictures of the river AND the brook this morning. AND I got a branch to make the floor lamp for the living-room! HEAVY SHIT, that! Of course... downed limb right after heavy rain. And of course, it's pine... so my hands were covered in sap... hopefully the jacket didn't get any. It's the “good” one and I don't know WHERE I'll get it cleaned round here these parts. - The earlier part of the morn? Well... it started with a shit-load of text messages... Linda (and her “conspiracies” on Minds, Dorothy and a message about “the wind”. Fascinating... but she's got it in Georgia, somebody came in, Jeff, as I recall, to tell that Alabama's got it too! This “wind thing” is YUGE! My only concern is the electric. During my “walk” to the bridge, as I came back up, I heard that distinct “SNAP” and looked up at an old white birch... YUGE old thing, right next to a power line. And as I strolled along the “Roaring Brook” junction, a pine made the same complaint against the wind. We've been MOST fortunate thus far. (I don't expect the blessings to continue through... but... there's nothing that can be done against Nature.) - And so, the PO is closed and the hamlet returns to “desolation”. - Oh, this morning, reports from Saranac and Rochester VT... Snow on the mountains. There's been the tiniest flurries round and about as I was out and about, but nothing to really “note” with any serious concerns. And, as I think of it, tonight's temperatures of “-2” aren't “novel”. We've already had a couple of those. As long as the electric holds, all should be just fine and dandy. (Of course, it the electric goes, even the oil furnace is of no use so..) - OH AND ANOTHER ITEM: *FedLoan* SENT A LITTLE NOTE. “REPAYMENT PLAN ESTIMATES”, DATED 26 OCTOBER. “Please see below for the estimates for the plans we discussed....” GOES ON TO TELL: “Etimate 1: Income-Based Repayment (IBR), Term 12, Installment Amount 0.0” DO I BELIEVE THEM? HELL NO! BUT HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH THE “ZERO AMOUNT DUE”. AS WITH ALL SITUATIONS IN LIFE... “TIME WILL TELL”. BUT IT'S A NICE THING TO RECEIVE AND READ. (LEAVING THAT LITTLE JOB IS TO MY BEST BENEFIT WHERE THIS IS CONCERNED... Now... to figure how to get the truck taken care of. Oh well... Never a dull moment... as 'tis said.) - MEANWHILE... LATEST UP-DATE ON THE DELIVERY OF MY “APPLICATION”, AS OF 12.38, USPS CLAIMS: “ November 1, 2019 In Transit, Arriving Late
Your package will arrive later than expected, but is still on its way. It is currently in transit to the next facility. “
SHIRLEY THERE'S SOME “PROPER” EXCUSE FOR THE DELAY. “WIND”... NO DOUBT. JUST SO LONG AS IT'S NOT BLOWING ABOUT SOME-WHERE. IT'S IN HARRISBURGH, WHERE IT WAS DESTINED. ALAS... “TRUST”... I'VE NONE
As for the BOOKS, the ONLY one with an “Expected Delivery Date” is Max Brod. The rest of them are with some-thing called “One Stop Mailing” which takes from retailer to deliver to the USPS. (One e-mail informed that it can take 21 days for a shipment to be delivered! Well? The price paid... I can't ask for any better.) - BUT... the “Kafka Set” of 4 books, from “Powell” are “due” on MONDAY! READING! (And I'd like to get me to where I can WRITE... never mind, just read. But I'm happy that SOME of the books will arrive... before 2020.) - And so, on this note... I'm off to be entertained and amused by/with something. I'm still on the 2nd coffee from this morning and the wind is still banging against the house... and the temperature in here is dropping only but just a touch. Hell! I went to bed last night/this morning in a bed-room of 24°! Can't expect that through the next 5 months! And if need be, I can close-off the loo and the “blue room”... and I can hold-up in the bed-room until the “snap” passes. No prob. (Though... dying of hypothermia isn't all too bad. And I keep remembering: I've come “home” to die.) - OH! Tuesday's voting day! Looks like Monday, I'll have to get to DMV? What-ever. - 22.49 And it was a lovely day, all told. Spoke, at length, twice, with Dorothy. FOUND THE CHINESE CROCHET PATTERNS... AND ACTUALLY SPENT ABOUT 2 HOURS ON THE FUTON, WORKING ONE OF THE PATTERNS (which isn't coming out the way it should, but... and I'm using the “multi-grey-beige” yarn and even with this pattern, it looks like SHIT). BUT THERE ARE MORE PATTERNS... 1,99$ on Etsy! PDF! I tried putting the files on the ATT phone.. what a fuck-up that piece of general shit is. But I got them on there. We shall see how it works out. I really need a printer. LOL... as they say. Can't afford that now! - “Re-cooked” the rice from last night... and forgot it was in the oven so IT'S COOKED NOW! Fine. No prob. - The wind's have gone. The air is “moving” out there and yes, the temperatures are dropping. So far, it's holding “comfy' in the house. May it do so through the night... and until the temperatures decide to become “civil” again. - And now? A v-ton... JUST THE ONE... a bit of soc.med., just to keep in touch. And then... OFF TO BED! Tomorrow, I MUST bring the garbage to the dump! (I HATE doing so on Saturday but there's really no choice right now... I need more stickers. Fuck me anyway.) - Shabbat.

Sat.02.Nov: 2.06 Okie dokie... v-ton done... soc.med. done... one more smoke and DONE! Just checked the mété: ZERO. It's getting the “chill” in the house but not unbearable. But I can feel that “cold air”, like the facial caress of the dead. 21° in the bed-room... that “general temperature” of the room at 5199. No doubt, it'll drop during the next few hours. But FRIDAY'S forecast is... “high”... MINUS FUCKING ONE! Oh well... here we go. - 8.33 It was 2.22 when I got into bed... blankets and sleeping-bag atop. And happily, in moments... OUT! Woke, on my own, at about 8.15, and as I pondered staying in the bed, going back to sleep... PEE BREAK! SO... up and away, and coffee on, oven on, dressed, 8.21 and out the door. Sadly, on this frosty morn (it's 19° in the bed-room... at first, I thought it read 14!) the PO is open already. Yes, Saturday... 8.30 to 11.45. “Extended hours”. And she's brought “Trevor” and one of her “pets” with. How lovely. The “pet” is currently jumping about the front porch. How charming. Alas. - As for me? Feeling shitty. But only as usual, looking forward to trying to start the truck, getting to and from the dump at some point during the day. Yep... just another day. Just another day... in paradise. - And on that note? We commence. (Going back to bed would be delightful but... nope.) - 8.39 OO! I see the météo tells that it's * -2° * with a chill of * -3° *! 6° for today's “high”, 1° for tonight's “low”. Friday, it seems, is going to be the “killer”... with -2 high, chill -7, -8 low. 8 is a touch too close to double-digits... and with a minus... it's going to be a “fascinating” evening. Flash-backs to Richford! We shall see. We shall see (said the blind man). And in my head, I keep hearing Bob Marley singin' “Baby don't worry... 'bout a ting. Cause e'ry little ting, gon be a'right... a'right.” Indeed. - 9.04 OkieOkie Dokie... October on-line, complete and closed. November, on-line... commences. Nice work if you can get it, and if you get it... It's done. Charmed... I'm sure. - Oh FUN! She's cranking her “music” over there! Bass thumping through the wall. OK. Yep... NOW I see how it is. I do my best to keep quiet in here... well, come to think of it, she DID tell “If you wanna blast your 'heavy metal', you blast your heavy metal!” Good for one? Oh “happy days”. (Maybe it's time to “blast my Bob Marley”?) - 13.49 I don't believe it took more than 30 minutes... and the garbage is GONE (again). Yep. AND... of note, this morning, when I asked Ms. Biddy how the road to Lewis is (considering all the felled trees during the storm and such), she insisted that the dump closed at noon! Yeah? The postings read “4:00pm”. OK. So I rang them. Yep... 16.00. That Vermonter has as much credibility as I've come to learn the rest of them have... NONE! Anyway, I posted more music to the G's Minds “juke-box” list, carried it over to the site and... got on the road! - The truck isn't liking the “high test” gas AND THE BRAKES ARE GRINDING! I'M SO FUCKED WHEN IT COMES TO “INSPECTION”... AND ALL I KEEP THINKING OF IS HOW MUCH MONEY I PUT INTO THE BRAKE JOBS AT CALEB'S! Reasons to not go to VT are a constant. Then again, bad brakes keep me from making the trip so it works well enough. - Anyway... Ms. Diva is in Plattsburgh for a week. “Lung infection”, says Ms. Biddy (“says Ms. Biddy”). So I HAVE TWO PLANKS in the house, for shelves, for the books to come! I just have to figure out HOW and WHERE to put said shelves. There isn't enough to make a “book-case”, the boards are, of themselves, rather “weighty”. If I put a shelf on the wall, I'm going to HAVE to find studs and I can almost be assured that the studs in here are NOT on “standard”. AND, I'll HAVE to reinforce the “hangers” with wire this time, and “fasteners” in the wall. BUT... at least I can work with-out concern about “the next-door neighbour”. - Meanwhile, the house is maintaining SOME warmth, in spite of the COLD out there in the world. But I STILL “sense” the cold air, floating about in here. I can't figure it out. The doors and windows are sealed well enough. But even as I sit at the kitchen table, I can “sense” a cold current, across my nose and too, on my legs. Hmmmm... Funny note: This very morning, Ms. Biddy says that they won't put the furnace on because they haven't gotten oil this season! I can't imagine how they're managing, though, truth is, she and hubby aren't exactly “meagre”, in any sense of the term. Still... and although I'm still on the “budget” with the electric, I don't want to push the matter too far, and there's 10 days, AT MINIMUM, before I can (HOPEFULLY), get a delivery. Not to mention the fear of burning-out the oven. Oh... life in a Northern town. - Oh well... time to move along, get the shelving item together. Here we go... keeping “busy”. - 18.13 BOOK SHELVES ARE MADE! SILLY-LOOKING. SMALL. BUT THEY'LL SERVE THE PURPOSE. AND MADE FROM ONE PLANK FROM THE GARAGE... THAT I HAD TO OPEN THE OTHER DOOR TO GET OUT! BUT.... IT'S DONE... FOR NOW AND, AS I SAY, IT SERVES THE PURPOSE: TO KEEP THE BOOKS TOGETHER AND OFF THE FLOOR AND NOT IN SOME BAG. It's WONDERFUL, not having to be “concerned” about Ms. Diva being about. - Anyway... the “new” saw, purchased at Walmarde... DOESN'T FUCKING CUT! It's sharp enough, but it can't be pulled nor pushed! I tried sanding it, putting WD40 on it. Fuckall! Pissed money! Then I tried the mitre saw. Nope. AH... THE JIG SAW! IT WORKED... BUT, IT'S SET AT AN ANGLE AND I'D CUT ALL THE FUCKING PIECES BEFORE I NOTICED! SO... the little book-case is a tad “off whack”, but the “whack” can't be noticed when the books are on it (I've taken books from the bed-room and put them on already). As I say: Serves the purpose. - NOTE OF INTEREST: I GOT A PHONE CALL FROM “LINDA” as I was working, of course. “Naturespirit(1)”! She went on about something to do with the “Luculent” and how he's managed to “follow” her through her social media accounts across the Internet and presents some kind of “threat” to her and that she's got “Mfya” connections and was a stripper and all sorts of other sorts! OK. I don't completely doubt her, but... to make the effort of phoning just for that? Anyway, we spoke for a bit. She's quite down-to-earth, great “vocabulary”. Will call a “Muthufukker” when appropriate. I have to say though, she sounded a touch “stoned”. Well? We'll see how it rolls from here. (Thankfully, she's on “GV” number... area 802. Can be blocked, if need be. What-ever. - Meanwhile, me, I'm proud of having gotten the garbage away, got more stickers for the next 4 months now. Got the book-shelves done. HOOVERED the place after. And now... 18.23, “meal” is heating in the oven... left-over chicken and rice... again. AND there's MORE for tomorrow. Imagine that. - The house is beginning to cool again. I disconnected the kitchen radiator as I was working with the saw and drill. So now, I'm happily using the oven... to “prepare food” AND to re-heat the place. (I just heart the kitchen radiator click off. It's set at “5”. Hmmm.... Yet, there's still a “chill” in the place. Oh well... we'll soon see how well these things work... or not. The bed-room's back down to 19. Hopefully the oven will “correct” that. - And now? To settle for the evening. Shabbat has come to a close. A little “tele” with meal, and there's still that crochet pattern to finish this evening. Ah... but the house is back together. (And to think: I ALMOST took a NAP at about 14.30! Good thing I didn't!) - 21.24 Just up from a bit of a 30-minute nap on the futon. The house got a little chilly... or it's just me. I didn't nap during the day today... it could be that I'm tired. It's 22° in the bed-room, so the house isn't all that cold. And I've got the oven going, with the radiators. I just really don't want to get to bed, and be up at 2.00 or 3.00. And I'm holding onto that quarter tank of oil until Friday when it's expected to get bitter cold. A cup of hot water... the kettle's just boiled, a bit of soc.med. and then... to bed. - 21.30 TONIGHT'S THE END OF “DAY-LIGHT” SAVINGS”! Essentially, it's only 20.30! So if I were to go to bed TOO early... at 2.00 tomorrow, it's going to be 1.00! So NO... I am NOT going to bed this early... only to wake THAT early. - A check of the météo... Friday night is going to be THE BITTER night and then the temperatures are expected to rise back up to something more “normal”. No... no teens or anything like that. The “median” line is still zero. But there won't be another -8. So that's promising. Oh... just to hold out until HEAP comes through... which, hopefully, will be before Soc.Sec. comes in. I can't afford the oil... yet. AND I need propane for the hot water as well. Hey... it's not as if Stewart's was going to make any of this any easier... with 8 hours a week.

Sun.03.Nov: 1.32 Fucking my-self out of an extra hour's rest (HAH! as if). Anyway, done with the soc.med. The météo claims 3° and I'm just in from a smoke. (I swear, one of these times I'm just going to light-up in the kitchen.) It didn't feel too terribly cold out there. Not warm, by any means, but not terribly cold... yet. It DOES make the house seem much warmer, coming in from out there though. I DO believe I'm going to move my clothe into the blue room later today, and bring the terracotta heater into the bed-room for the end of the week. Either that, or it will be in use on Friday night. I'll have to use the tea-lites for Chanukah, I should believe, but hey! We do what we must. I should be going to Walmarde again eventually, when they call to tell they've got my sheets in. Oh well. At least the radiators are here. BEST purchase I've EVER made in my life-time. Had I NOT gotten them when I did I'd be half dead by now. I put the oven on again, for a few moments, before heading to the bed-room, and I've poured one more hot water. It'll be interesting to see if I actually manage to keep me in bed at all, instead of jumping up and getting on the roll first thing in the morning. I fucking hate this: during the day, I just want to sleep, but come the night, I'm not even tired. I should probably make a Nighty Night tea? Have done. Opened the bag, tossed in the herbs. Maybe by drinking them too, it'll help move me to rest through the night. We'll soon see. - 1.19 Time went BACK! as I was looking-up Nighty Night on-line AND having one of my own... complete with the ingredients. Now... let's see how it all works out. At least the oven too the “chill” out of the place. Hopefully it doesn't come rushing back over-night! - 8.53 (although yesterday, this would have been 9.53) and I recall looking at the clock at 2.38 thinking: “That thing just re-set itself!” and... AND... lights out... all round. Head on the pillow and SNOOZE. Woke once, at about 4.30... to pee, of course, the 2-hour cycle of “Had a tea and here it goes”. But for the rest? Just sleep. - Reason for getting to bed AGAIN, at an un-Godly hour? I moved the clothes stacked boxes to the “cubby/nook” and brought the terracotta heater into the bed-room... for Friday night. Of course I did! It was the middle of the night, WAY beyond the “bed hour” and I HAD to get the damned thing moved. But, it's in there. That's that. All prepared and ready to light. Fine. But... - So anyway, 6 hours later and here I am, up, coffee in the press, dressed, in from a smoke on the porch where the skies above are semi-clear, the sun, semi-shining, and apparently, it wasn't so cold as I slept because there's dew on Ms. Diva's vehicle and not a foot of “frost”, as I'd expected. - Ah... check of the météo... Currently 4° with a little box advising: “Pluie début á 11h20”. “PLUIE”? 6° for the day's “high”, by 18.00, down to 2° with a touch of “neige” (less than 1mm) coming with the “pluie”. Cute enough, at “0h” the temperature will be “0”. Thursday's low: -5. Friday's low: -7. TWO nights of “chill”. I'm just thankful that non of these “minuses” are double-digit... yet. - Anyway... that jotted... my nose is drippy, I'm a bit sneezy, the chest has a bit of “stones” rattling about, and I'm feeling ... “morning”. Time to get to the “routine”. It's Sunday... there's BOUND to be SOMETHING that needs to be done! We'll discover what, as the moments turn to hours and the hours suck the life out of another day of existence. Ah... waking. Over-rated. - 15.10 Had a bit of “late lunch” at 13.00. Used the rest of the last loaves of bread, cut it into slices, then halved, soaked in a mixture of vanilla yoghurt and egg with a dash of the vanilla I bought for cookies. Fried. “Frenchish” toasts. Then, it was off to a nap that should have been 30 minutes but turned into and HOUR! Woke with LEG SPASMS. But, good thing for that. I'd still be on the futon. - Had a DREA:M
It was dark. I was in Fuklin, at Ms. Jacquie's. A black man, across the road. A “visitor” of some sort, at an older white house. He was either family of the owner or a tenant. One of those “Godly” sorts. He was, apparently, some-how, friendly with Jacquie and she with him. He was leaving, getting into his rather new, white van. There was another Black fellow with him, younger. He spoke of “good people”, and then said, “Perhaps your good mother (Jacquie) would appreciate an investment...” something about being “kind” to others, because she is so kind to so many. There was some mention of or I “understood” a reference to, some sort of “investment” of “2017$” in the form of a “banker's cheque, certified”. I explained to him that neither she nor I have any dealings with cheques of any kind, and, in fact, that she had been “severely taken”, in recent times, by such things and that it was so bad that I had to convince her to take her business to other banques. (“CIBC”? I wonder.) He was displeased. But I said that it meant no malice toward him, that there are, I know, some extremely wonderful people in this world and that “I consider it being blessed when I'm fortunate enough to meet those people.” He gave me a “disgusted smile” when I said this and he got into the van. He'd mentioned, at some point, “Illinois”. I gathered that's where he was headed or where he'd come from, so, as he drove out of the drive, I watched to see the license plate on the van. I noticed that there was none and thought “He wanted the money either to get the van registered or to buy another one.” And I woke.
Now... I wonder... Premonitory? Or are there some facts, floating about in my head that I'm not consciously aware of. Why Jacquie? Why a Black man in a white van? Why Illinois? And what about the amount of 2017$? Hmmm... to ponder. - Meanwhile, in reality... I'm going to return the call from Linda... see what she's all up to. Why? Because I'll give benefit of doubt, though I'm not so certain this will turn out all too well. I have to remember: SHE'S the one who was willing to drive to Fuklin to get Mimou. I MUST bear that in mind. - 22.29 and the “count-down” for the “30 minutes” of Nighty Night tea commences. - The météo claims 3° with a low of -3 tonight and a high of 7 tomorrow with sun. Thursday night, -5, Friday AND Saturday night, -7 with “highs” on both days of... MINUS 2! Well? Here we go! - I had the oven on for a bit tonight. It's not all that terrible in here now. I brought that pine limb in to the living-room this evening. Got it leaning in the front corner by the radiator. If it doesn't put a “pine” scent in the house, it's going out into the yard. I don't really like it and I don't have a fucking saw to cut it down. (Pisses me right off.) - Spent time on soc.med. tonight... at the kitchen table. Better for my back, but I don't like this being in the kitchen all the time. - And the bed-room's looking OK with the “heater” in there. (I know I'm going to have to dip into the Chanukah tea-lites though.) - “Meal” finished the cooked chicken, and there's still one serving of rice left. Ice cream (desserts) is gone. COOKIE-BAKING TIME! But that's OK. It'll warm the house. - I was pondering going to DMV tomorrow but there isn't all that much in the accounts so... it'll wait. This season is only the “primaries” and local. I would have liked to help keep the country “Red” but... it's not worth the sacrifice I'll have to make. I'll need food and smokes before Soc.Sec. gets here and there's only a 20$ income on Wednesday. So? So... - AUSTERITY AGAIN! No prob. - But for now, it's time to get into the bed. Jeez! I haven't showered in what seems the longest. But that's nothing either. Eventually. It's not as if I've been working up a sweat (or standing in a nasty cooler). - But enough of this... time for bed! (Hopefully... to sleep through until a “civil” hour in the morning and NOT be up at 4.00.)

Mon.04.Nov: 6.58 Yeah. I know. LONG day ahead... or MAYBE I'll get SO tired at a CIVIL hour tonight that I'll be in bed when I SHOULD be. I was IN bed by 23.00 last night. Last hour I recall was 11.30-something. AND... at 6.00 this morning, I woke! Got up. Pee'ed. Went back to bed thinking I'd probably fall asleep until about 9.00. Well, that didn't happen. And so, with 19° in the bed-room, I just decided to... get up Now, the coffee's in the press, I've dressed and had morning smoke as the sun is just washing o'er yon mountain tops. Thankfully, those tops are greys and browns and not whites and pale blues... yet. The house is “warm-ish”. The end of this week is going to be the “tell-all”. (And I hear some-body stirring next door. Probably Jeff. Hopefully, it's Jeff.) - But a thought about the living-room floor lamp came to mind. There's a 2x4 in the garage. IF I could rip up the centre of that, I'd have two 2x2s. Not round, but not bad at all. I'll have to get a lamp kit though. And a shade. But there, I'd potentially have TWO lamps. If not 2 floor lamps, 1 floor and 1 table lamp. It's the base that I have to figure then. But I might just be able to find something to use for that as well, out in the garage. Little “projects”. I just have to get out there and get the wood... and find out when Ms. Diva will be returning. Anyway... this morning has commenced and here we roll along. WHAT will we do with the hours... “The Hours”, one comes, and then another... “The Hours” (a book that's on its way... some-where... out there... ) - Something “Kafka” should be arriving today, I believe. Then tomorrow, more books. “Wish I could find a good book... to live in. If I could find a real good book, I'd never have to come out and look at... what they've done to my song.” “And in the Winter, extra blankets for the cold. Fix the heater, getting old. I am wiser now I know but still as big a fool... concerning you.” - What a way to start a day. But... “Today, is what-ever I want it to be.” (So much music... so many lyrics.) - Oh, and then there was this morning's thought about the truck: There's really no panic about the registration. One can “take a vehicle off the road”. And with the work that needs to be done on this one, I've the perfect “reason” (not merely “excuse”). And it's not as though I'm going to be running off to any-where any time soon. The ONLY destination at present is Walmart. AND I would HOPE THAT will be before December is out. Budget the brakes into the coming Winter months, when “travel” will be... NOT. Just the license. Shame, really, that I can't do that at the moment. There's “voting”. But? I've lived with-out that for so long. And the results of elections don't mean all that much, to me, at my age now. (I've come home to die any-way.) And so... we roll along... roll along... roll along. - Another day... just another day. - 7.14 0°. High of 6, low of 4. Thursday night comes the -5 and minuses through to next Monday... every night. The 12th is coming... slowly. - I have to phone “Avery” today, make arrangements. Should be “fun”... (if anything ever is “fun” any more). Roll along... - Oh yeah, I have to go into town... smokes. Later... when the world thaws from last night's chill -
10.04 “RAISE HIGH THE ROOF BEAM...” SALINGER, ARRIVED! USPS
Now, let's see if UPS delivers anything during the course of the day. - Meanwhile, the chill in this house just won't go away. - Good news: Ms. Diva not due back until end of the week. - BAD NEWS: The chill is leeching through the walls. I'm in DREAD of Thurs. through Saturday now. I can only hope that the oil in the tank is enough to take this place through. No money for oil until NEXT TUESDAY... and even THAT ISN'T guaranteed. HERE WE GO! Well? I survived Richford... I suppose. - Time to get rolling in earnest... a bit of baking. - 13.35 OK... where to begin?
First: JUST as the PO was closing, I headed out, went to the garage, pulled a 10ft. 2x4 and brought it into the kitchen where, with the BENT BLADE on the jigsaw, I CUT TWO, 5ft. LENGTHS FOR TWO FLOOR LAMPS! AND, CUT THE 8 SMALLER PIECES FOR THE BASES! TWO! AND I STILL HAVE 5ft. OF 2x4 LEFT! Managed to clean-up after the hassle of THAT and then...
Second: Lamps cut, house Hoovered again, I got me together, decided I'd head into town for smokes, perhaps a light kit, and some dessert...
Third: Got that pine limb out of the house, into the back, by the kitchen window, in the corner by the chimney.
Fourth... the KILLER: Back from the run into town... HOW-EVER....
AS I STARTED THE TRUCK THERE WAS A BIT OF A “WHINING” SOUND FROM UNDER THE HOOD! ENGINE RAN FINE. I THOUGHT, PERHAPS, IT WAS BECAUSE OF LAST NIGHT'S CHILL. PUT THE TRUCK INTO GEAR AND PULLED OUT OF THE DRIVE, GOT TO THE CORNER AND WENT TO TURN AND... *** GRINDING *** NOISE!!!!! AS I DROVE ALONG THE 9, ALL SOUNDED AND ROLLED AS USUAL. FINE. I GOT TO FamDoll AND TURNING INTO THE PARKING LOT WAS A RACKET! GRINDING, WHINING. NOT REAL LOUD, BUT I SURE AS SHIT COULD HEAR IT! But in I went, got my smokes and decided to get the truck right back to the house... IMMEDIATELY! Just walked in and did a quick look-up. The “could-bes” are... BRAKES... CV JOINTS... BUT I CAN HEAR A STRANGE SORT OF NOISE AS UNDER THE HOOD AND WHEN I WENT TO LOOK IN THERE, THERE'S OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING THAT “SPEWED”! SERIOUSLY... I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW... THE TRUCK RAN FINE ON SATURDAY. I CAME BACK FROM THE DUMP AND PARKED. HAVEN'T TOUCHED THE TRUCK SINCE... AND EVEN WHILST IT SITS THERE IN THE YARD... SOME-FUCKING-THING GOES FUCKING WRONG!!!
Well? THIS, OF COURSE, HAPPENS AS THE BITTERNESS OF WINTER APPROACHES AND I DON'T HAVE “AAA”, THE INSURANCE, REGISTRATION AND INSPECTIONS ARE ALL COMING DUE, THE FUCKING WEATHER IS GETTING COLD... MAJOR FREEZES ON THE WAY. OF COURSE... WORTH THINGS AT THE WORST MOMENT.
I'm tired now... and I need a shower... and the out-side sherpa needs washing... and the house is chilly... and I should ring “Avery”... and... fine then. I'm tired. - 14.39 WELL! LOOKS LIKE WE'RE IN FOR A RUN NOW... JUST CALLED TO INQUIRE ABOUT THE “HEAP” STATUS? “JOANNE” TELLS ME THAT THE STATE WILL SEND A NOTICE ON OR AFTER THE 12TH TO LET ME KNOW BUT NOTHING CAN BE “PULLED” AT PRESENT! WELL! OVEN IT IS THEN... AND PROBABLY THROUGH THE COLD SNAP COMING! NOW... LET'S JUST HOPE THE FUCKING OVEN DOESN'T FALL APART! - Meanwhile, I got in touch with Ev. She was out with friends. Said to call her this evening. At least I know she's alive and well. - I've got ingredients on the counter for cookies... I want a nap... but baking to commence. - PS: Called Dorothy to ask what she thinks about the truck reg. and such. Voice-mail. Sent a message to Linda apologising for not calling yesterday. And so... there we have the after-noon. - There's a chill in the air... time to bake! (I'll think more clearly when I warm up.) - 20.12 and I'm feeling more like 22.12 or 23.12. But... I've managed to bake about 3 dozen cookies (not bad... but they've gone hard... too much sugar, not enough flour but they're edible and that's all that matters). “Meal” was a tin of Progresso veg. soup with the left-over rice. Filling. Hot. Tasted quite wonderful. AND... as for the day? OK... Spoke with Dorothy for quite a while this after-noon. After dinner, spoke with EV! for a while. And THEN with Linda who is in Montréal these days... and knows Villeray! And so, it's been quite a charming day! AND... I've ordered the kits to make TWO floor lamps. They'll be delivered next week some time. I've passed another day. - And now, and now... the oven is on “warm” for a bit. It's not cold out-side but I'm NOT letting this place “cool down”! Have had 2 mugs of hot water... will probably have another 1 or 2 before heading to bed. And hopefully, this fatigue now will progress until, at 22.00 I WILL be in bed tonight. (It's good preparation for the coming cold when, going to bed earlier means waking earlier. Sleeping through the coldest part of the night and being up to keep the place warm enough. - 22.17 Tired, warm, not wanting to go to bed but wanting to get to sleep so going off to bed... after final smoke.

Tue.05.Nov: 7.20 Imagine this... IN bed at 22.00. Lights out by about 22.45. At mid-night, up to pee and back to bed and... eyes opened at about 6.00. I didn't bother. But at 6.59, up and about. And now? Dressed, coffee, in from smoke. And there's a “warmth' “floating” about the place. The temp in the bed-room is only 21°. Out-side, there's a deep, dark, grey cloud coming in from the West. There's a heavy breeze blowing, and it felt “not too cold” out there. I'll have to check the météo for the claimed temp out there. Although, I know, all too well, that today's weather has NOTHING to do with even this after-noon's weather. Cold comes quickly, and so it shall. For now? We have today, possibly tomorrow... and then... and THEN! So? So. Here we go. Another day. (I need to get that blue room back together and figure a way to get a couple of bucks in.) - Off we go. The day's begun. - 7.29 So the claim is: 8° at present, dropping to 1° during the day, down too 0° tonight. 5 tomorrow, 2 on Thursday, and come Friday... High of -2 and the negatives hold through for the rest of the forecast, with -9 on Wednesday week. Wednesday is when “HEAP Season” commences. That's when I'm told, I should receive word on what I'll get toward oil... if anything. Oh well. Right now, it's the oil and the truck. But I MUST bear in mind, for the sake of the rest of me, “This too, shall pass.” I've been through all of this before. It passes. It passes. It all passes... eventually. Fukkit. No matter what, it will happen, get worse, get better, get worse. “This too, shall pass.” - And Jeff's been in next door this morning. “Life” in the world, like water in a river... flows along, flows along, flows along. - 8.15 All the Journals are up-to-date... AND the accounts are reconciled. (Don't ask. I skipped a day, went to it this morning to find a SHIT-LOAD of individual debits, all from the books that have shipped... individually. I almost fucking puked! BUT... ALL ARE BALANCED!) - 9.50 Quick stop at the PO and Resurrection, Franny and Zooey, Teleny arrived today! 4 out of 11 arrived. I can't figure how these things are coming. The “Due” dates don't match anything, they're all over the place, some are in Albany, others are... floating in space. But... they're arriving. I suppose that's all that matters. - And I've been to the PO. There's the “agenda” thus far. Time to finish morning coffee... and ponder heating... AND GETTING PASSWORDS AND THE LIKE TOGETHER AND BACKED-UP SOME-WHERE! - Just have to note: Jeff came into the PO whilst I was there, left when I left, made some snarky remark about the “party” on Ms. Biddy's last day and when we got out the door, he says, as he walks away “I can't wait for that woman go get out of there.” So much for the “Angel of New Russia”. One can never rely on the words of others... as if I didn't know that already. - 23.55 AGAIN... HOW EASY IT IS TO SLIP RIGHT BACK TO THE “OLD” HOURS... UP ALL FUCKING NIGHT! Not so much “anxiety” tonight as it was, crocheting. I screwed the first pattern and just finished it off and started a “pineapple”. THEN... got caught-up with South African music with Theresa on Minds. Oh well. - As for the day? I don't know where it went! I spent the longest while looking for that little bit of paper with my access to the server on it! STILL CAN'T FIND IT! Wednesday will be a day of tearing the blue room apart AGAIN! - “Meal” was at 17.30-18.00, burger with rice and veggies, cookies after. - BUT MORE BOOKS ARRIVED TODAY! RESURECTION, TELENY, FRANNY AND ZOOEY! 4 OUT OF 11. I'M EXCITED ABOUT TOMORROW NOW. THIS IS SO MUCH FUN! I might have to make another book-shelf or something at this rate. Now... if only I had the lamps! - Anyway. I honestly don't know how I manage to pass the hours of a day, but... here we are. - Did a bit of a “budget” that included oil and propane. As I figured in the first place: I'm not going to “break” until January. But... I'll keep the essential bills up... if I do nothing else! (The truck will have to wait. I see me walking into town often, this Winter.) - And so, tonight I want to take a QUICK shower before bed. The “REAL” shower will wait until the cold gets here. - AND, I hope I'll remember this: I can put the furnace up during the cold, and keep the radiators running. The radiators should keep the place “comfortable” enough to keep the furnace from kicking up too often. If I set the furnace at 60F that should keep the place from getting unbearably cold... especially over-night. Right now, it's not too bad. I don't know why/how, but it seems to warm up at night. Although, the bed-room is 21° right now. Anyway... Thursday night... the furnace gets put on. (I was reading the HEAP site: They won't do “Emergency” help unless one has “less than a quarter of a tank” of oil. I have just about that now.... I hope.) - Anyway... off to the shower and to bed! Hopefully 6 hours will suffice again. I do NOT want to keep these late hours any more!

Wed.06.Nov: 6.58 and in from the porch on this “Autumnal” semi-some-what clouded morn. Yes, coffee's in the press, I'm in clothes, fresh clothes because of last night's shower... SHOWER, how lovely is THAT? According to the thermomtre on the porch. it's 40F, or there-about, and in the bed-room, a not-too-bad 20C. (Better than 18.) And I? I woke at 6.00, dozed until 6.34 and for some reason, still un-be-knownst (too many hyphens) to me, I got up to pee and decided to simply STAY up. And so, here I be. - Didn't put the light out until almost 1.00 this morning. But, I feel quite “rested”. Although I must say, I felt a bit on the “hung-over” side, first thing this morning. So whether there are v-tons before bed or not, mornings are “like that”. - And so, here sit I, on the futon, typing away the moments until coffee is ready, pondering what will be done with the rest of this day, as I do every morning... until... the hour arrives when I sit here pondering “WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THIS DAY?” And so it goes, and go too, should I, on today's great adventures... what-ever the fuck that means. - HEY! At least I slept through the night. - 7.55 I did a quick check of the météo... those HORRIFIC MINUSES across the week-coming have been changed... Yes, there are a few, BUT NONE so close to double-digits! Nothing “HORRIFIC”. There's one of -10, but that's a “chill”, at night. Just the one. All I can say now is: May it stay, or change to single-digit. So there's a “delight in the morning”, if ever there was one. - Setting the living-room up for crochet now. - Oddly, last night, I got CKOI on the ATT phone, with the little speaker, and was listening as I “hooked”. This morning, I'm more in favour of the “silence”, save the traffic on the 9, and the occasional “BA-LAM!” when some dysfunctional idiot comes to shove mail in the blue box at the PO. Oh well. On with the day... again. -
10.48 BERENDT AND CUNNINGHAM ARRIVED THIS MORNING! 6 DOWN, 5 TO GO! *** AND THE STRANGEST BIT ABOUT THIS IS... *** KAFKA *** ALL OF *** KAFKA *** APPEAR TO BE “MISSING IN TRANSIT”. NO, NO “OFFICIAL” WORD ON THEM BUT THEY'RE THE ONLY BOOKS THAT HAVEN'T ARRIVED! I SEE THEM WANDERING ABOUT, LIKE “K” IN “AMERIKA”. OF ALL THE BOOKS. BUT... THERE'S READING AGAIN! AND ALL OF THESE ARE BOOKS I LOOK FORWARD TO RE-RE-RE-READING! ***
Meanwhile, the sun is shining, the winds are blowing, CKOI is playing on the ATT phone, and the house is holding a warmth. There are no complaints (thus far) on this day. - Funny note: When I went into the PO just now, chatted with Ms. Biddy, since I was there after everybody else had left, and Maggie came in. The chat turned toward the replacement coming. Biddy says the job just got posted (so they don't have anybody yet... meaning, Crystal will be dropped in and, no doubt, expected to work both here and in town... typical). Anyway, Maggie says, “We have a guy right here.” and the chat turned to “I wouldn't come back for anything.” “But your commute is easy!” says Maggie. “He'd have to go into E-town to get the mail anyway.” says Biddy. (Fat fucking chance of THAT happening... even if the truck ran perfectly.) So I made it clear: if this were the same PO that I worked for originally, I'd JUMP at the opportunity but today? OH NO! (Damned shame, that.) - And... whilst I was there, I listened to see if my “music” goes through the wall... since, ALL FUCKING MORNING I HAD TO HEAR THE CHATTER OVER THERE! Nope. I don't know how loudly I can play music in here, but at least I know that mid-range doesn't go through the wall. (So that shows me that they're SCREAMING in there when I hear them.) - And the news of Ms. Diva: nobody knows when she'll be back, at this point. My heart goes out to “Little Girl”. Over there, alone all the time. Hell, I'd take her in! Poor thing. (I just might have to, at this rate. One never knows. I dread the thought, because my heart just can't take it any more. But it would be better that she has company than sitting in that house alone all the time. But again... “thinking too much”.) - And so, the morning rolls into after-noon already. It's 11.03. Biddy's packing-up. New Russia goes empty again. And I'm still looking for that little bit of paper with the access info to the server! Alas. Well? It keeps me “occupied”. - 13.44 ad wasted time of sun-shine! But... checked on the lamp parts: Shipped yesterday morning at 7.00. Due to arrive... 18th!!! FedEx. We shall see. - Now? I could nap but... things to do in the sun-shine and warm house! - 16.52 Meal's on the stove. I CANNOT FIND THAT DAMNED SERVER INFO! AND I'VE RE-RE-RE-RE-CLEANED THE BLUE ROOM! It'll probably show up when I'm NOT looking for it... or not. - And I did a bit more work on the “pineapple” crochet... and fucked it up, tore it down a round and will get to it later... when it's time to “un-wind” for the night. - Now? Meal and then... since it's almost dark already, curtains closed again... “un-wind” I suppose. What-ever. Another day has passed... QUICKLY TOO! - 20.46 I'm sitting here, on the futon, having ripped the “pineapple” almost completely out when I hear a “noise” of some kind. So I get up to “investigate” to find... AT THIS FUCKING HOUR... ALMOST 21.00... SOMEBODY'S OVER THERE FUCKING HOOVERING!!! THAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? 21.00 AND HOOVERING? OK. THE “PARAMETERS” ARE BEING SET AS WE GO ALONG. SO? SHOULD I BE UP AT 23.00 AND HAVE A MESS... HOOVER IT IS THEN! I can only wonder if this doesn't mean that Ms. Diva will be returning tomorrow. (Even if... one doesn't Hoover at 21.00... Not even in The City!) - OK. I'm going out for a smoke then. (I'm waiting to hear some sort of snark about that as well...) - 21.03 Stepped out for a smoke and round the corner of the house (tripping the fucking PO light)... Megan! I said “Good evening, Megan.” and we just chatted about the weather and such trivials. Just “neighbourly” chat. My, my. Good to know I'm not on “their”... “Hate” list. Though, one can never be certain. - Now? Hot water and back to hooking. - 24.15 I finished the damned doily! Got fed up when I realised that a round had gotten fucked and so, I just finished it off. And now? It's fucking past mid-night, the house is cooling. 22° in the bed-room though so... and to think: No oven all day! And I'm not putting it on now. Thursday is going to begin the FREEZE so I'm waiting for that. I've set the thermostat for the furnace at 60F. If it gets too cold, I'll throw the switch and see what happens. Hopefully the radiators will hold the warmth to AT LEAST 60F and no furnace. But... we shall see. - Right now, a ginger tea. I've had 2 re-smokes... so I'll have the ginger before bed. - Thursday will be interesting... to say the very least. - I just hope the smokes hold until ... AT LEAST... SATURDAY! - WELL? HERE WE GO... AGAIN... AUSTERITY!

Thu.07.Nov (***** KAFKA IS IN THE HOUSE!!! *****) (FURNACE TURNED ON): 0.20 Ginger tea! - Damn!!! Saturday comes the FS. Monday's a holiday. Tuesday's the 12th. HOPEFULLY THE HEAP LETTER WILL ARRIVE ON TUESDAY! (But I'm not counting on it, of course.) - Soc.med and ginger tea and BED! - There's nothing on the agenda for today so there's no big deal other than... these horrid hours again. - 1.21 Tea's done... and I'm nodding here. - 7.51 Up, dressed. Coffee on. In from a smoke and looking at the ever-so light “dusting” on the mountain tops across the way. It's... THURSDAY! COLD TONIGHT AND FROM HERE TO ETERNITY. Oh well. - Feeling a bit like shit this morning. But I see... 5 hours of “sleep”. Sure I feel like shit. And the re-smokes before bed don't help. So? So we face another one of “those” days ahead. May as well get on with it then. -
***** KAFKA IS IN THE HOUSE!!! THE LIBRARY ORDER IS COMPLETE!!! AND ALL THE BOOKS ARE IN DELIGHTFUL CONDITION! AS IF THEY'RE THE ONES I OWNED ALL ALONG!!! KAFKA IS IN THE HOUSE!!! *****
I submitted a complaint yesterday morning. Crystal phoned yesterday after-noon. This morning, I toddled over, because Crystal is running the PO today, to make it clear that my complaint was against Springfield MA and NOT the local PO. She knew, understood and said “And I think it's here today.” INDEED, it was! And so... as I say, this segment of the “library” is COMPLETE! A beautiful way to start a threatening day of cold, wind, snows and running out of smokes, a wonky truck, a 2k$ repair bill lurking and the panic of heating in the freeze. C'mon, c'mon, turn the radio on!(?) - Further-more, I checked into the usage of oil on the furnace and after MUCH run-around (as only the Internet can provide), the ESTIMATE, rounding up and down as required, IF there's a quarter tank of oil on-hand, based on a 200gal capacity, there SHOULD be 50gals in there. According to an “Oregon estimate”, I should use approximately 6gals/day which gives me approximately 8 days' worth of oil... based on keeping the furnace up and running with a setting of 68F. At least I have, IF there IS a quarter tank AND the fucking furnace actually WORKS (no promises there since it hasn't been serviced... thanks Hance), I SHOULD be set for the “bitterness” to come as threatened. Now... to figure how to get into town for smokes... and the potential trip to Walmarde, Ticonderoga, should the “sheets hit the shelves”. One tragedy at a time. But KAFKA IS IN THE HOUSE! I've found a good book to live in. -
13.06 AND I FLIPPED THE SWITCH ON THE FURNACE... SET THE THERMOSTAT TO 70F AND IT KICKED-ON! AND THIS PLACE STINKS, TO HIGHEST HEAVEN, OF OIL! NOT TO MENTION, THE PARTICLES OF GOD-ONLY-KNOWS-WHAT FLOATING IN THE AIR. BUT I HAVE THE BACK DOOR AND LOO WINDOW OPEN, 2 OF THE FRONT WINDOWS OPEN. BUT I'LL HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING TO COMBAT THAT “STALE”, “OLD” STENCH IF THIS IS HOW IT'S GOING TO BE. BUT AT LEAST I KNOW THE FURNACE IS WORKING. AND I WENT DOWN TO RE-RE-CHECK THE OIL. YEP, A QUARTER OF A TANK. BET21.32TER THAN WHAT WAS LEFT TO US IN RICHFORD... AT “EMPTY”. ANYWAY, I'LL LEAVE IT ALL AS IT UNTIL ABOUT 13.30 AND TURN THE THERMOSTAT DOWN TO ABOUT 65F OR SO. (AH HAH! AS I TYPE, THE FURNACE JUST KICKED UP AGAIN, SO I KNOW THE THERMOSTAT IS IN WORKING ORDER AS WELL. WARMTH! FOR A WHILE, ANYWAY.
Meanwhile, chicken and rice in the oven and the day rolls along. I have to come up with something for “after dinner” tonight. OH! How I DREAD, even more-so now, the notion of that truck! It's back to the way it was with the Subaru: there's a vehicle in the yard... but don't DARE to roll it! My “existence”... as it is. Ah yes... “These are the days” - 14.18 Delight... Dinner in the oven, tea gotten cold on the table, music playing softly, TFCU account is reconciled, thank you notes sent to where possible for the books, and the Geico bill (due 26 Dec) arrived in the e-mail for 128$ which is “affordable” and answers one question about the truck (keep the insurance or change the address or let it go until...). The clouds above are dropping rain, not ice. So, the immediate traumas are attended and settled. Now... on to making cookies... for dessert! (And the day rushes into night... as it will... ever so soon. But the furnace is on... and works.) - 21.32 Météo says it's -2 out there (and the thermo on the porch reads 28F) but the thermo in the living-room is reading 72F which is about 22°! I've got the furnace set at about 18° (65F) and I can't believe that it's actually that warm in here! Of course, the oven was on most of the after-noon, and the radiators are running at about 5,5 each. Still. Doing very well. By early morning, the chill is supposed to be -12° (10,4F as I see on the chart I've just nicked a copy of on-line!) so THIS WILL be quite the test of this place and the radiators. Thankfully, at present, the furnace isn't running (but the fucking fridge... I really can't take much more of THAT piece of shit... running almost non-stop for no reason). Anyway... I've gone through most of the cookies already. Thankfully, they're small. Not hungry. Tonight's chicken and rice cooked to perfection! The meat fell from the bone with no effort and the rice was cooked through! Spicy though. Quite a bit of pepper in it. Oh well... good for such weather. - Chatted with Donna this evening. She phoned. We laughed. We honestly laughed. It's FUN talking with her. - Dorothy and Linda both texted quite a bit in the early evening. It was a day. - And now? It's really time to finish another hot water and get to bed. Why? I don't know. I'm going to need to get smokes before Sunday and I don't want to go into town until I get this month's FS on Saturday. Oh well. I'll have to start the truck tomorrow anyway, after -12°. We'll see. - Tired? A touch. I had about 20 minutes' nap before “meal” this evening. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep through the night anyway. - I've moved the bed a bit from the wall and heat vent. I don't want shit coming out of that thing onto the Hudson Bay or my afghan! Anyway, it'll be interesting to see if the furnace kicks over night. I've figured there should be about 8 days' fuel left in the tank. But that's an estimate based on Oregon use, December-February, and I'm sure it's “constant”. I've got the electric going to keep the place from “freezing” so all should be well enough. - The Geico bill arrived in e-mail today. 182$ NOT BAD. I'll be paying it this month... keep the insurance running through to June... whilst I figure how to get repairs done. - So... so... soooo... there we have it. And another day... gone. - No snow on the ground tonight... but I'm sure, after the drizzle, there's ice about. Here we go!

Fri.08.Nov: 0.34 And SO *** SNOW *** BEGAN TO FALL ABOUT 20 MINUTES AGO. BUT ANOTHER CHECK AND THE SKY IS NOW CLEAR... AND THE TEMPERATURE IS -4, CHILL OF -7. BY 7.00 THIS MORNING, IT'S EXPECTED TO BE -7 WITH A CHILL OF -12!!!!!! - I can feel a bit of the chill creeping across my legs as I sit at the kitchen table. But it's time to get into bed anyway. I've done the soc.med., had my water, and the furnace is set to keep the cold away. Let's see if it has to... I hope NOT. But... Done. -
8.04 AND IT'S -5 OUT THERE. CHILL OF -10. A “DUSTING” OF “NEIGE” ALL ROUND. AND I WOKE TO 20° IN THE BED-ROOM, TODDLED TO THE LIVING-ROOM TO CHECK THE THERMO ON THE WALL... JUST AS THE FURNACE KICKED-UP! INDEED! (I TURNED THAT DOWN A TOUCH. TO BE SURE.) I WONDER HOW LONG/OFTEN THE FURNACE RAN THROUGH THE NIGHT. THOUGH, THE COLDEST TEMPERATURE WAS TO HAVE BEEN AT 7.00 THIS MORNING. ANYWAY, INDEED, YES, IT'S “CHILLED” OUT THERE THIS MORNING, AND MY FIRST THOUGHT IS “THE TRUCK”! THE DRIVER'S SIDE DOOR FREEZES... AND IT DID DRIZZLE A BIT BEFORE THIS FREEZE CAME ON. NOT TO MENTION OTHER PARTS BELOW THE DOOR. OH, I'LL BE OUT THERE IN A BIT TO “TEST” IT. BUT ALL SAID... *** WINTER *** HAS ARRIVED. WEDNESDAY IS THE NEXT DAY TO BE SIMILAR. THANKFULLY, THERE ARE NIGHT TEMPS OF MINUS WITH DAY TEMPS OF ABOVE FREEZE. THOUGH NOT MUCH ABOVE. OH WELL. “WHAT-EVER WILL BE, WILL BE”. FOR NOW? IT'S ALL A MATTER OF TRUDGING THROUGH. (SO MUCH RIDES ON TUESDAY'S “LETTER”... *** IF *** THE LETTER COMES AT ALL... AND *** IF *** THERE'S ANY HELP TO COME. IF NOT? WELL THEN, IT'S HOLDING OFF UNTIL THE 27TH... AND THERE-AFTER, WHEN SOC.SEC. COMES ALONG. (I'VE ***NO*** DOUBT, IT'S EITHER GOING TO BE “LAST MINUTE” OR NO ASSISTANCE AT ALL.)
Meanwhile, I'm silently working my guts into knots here (of course), mainly over the truck, with a heft dose of the heat. “Thinking too much.” - And there's been a string of text messages from Linda. Apparently she walks a dog in the morning and she decided to send her location at every block. - 14.24 30-minute snooze in the sun-shine of the bed-room. Bread on the oven door, oven on “Warm”. Sun shining out-side as the wind blows down from the North. CKOI going all “rap-shit” and... the place is warming up. It hasn't gone below 60F all day but there's always that “chill” in the place. Oh well. At least we're “surviving” through the cold. And me? I could go back to bed and forget about this day. I should have (probably, maybe) started the truck but, if the timing belt is bad and it's frozen or even “very cold”... not a good idea. Tomorrow I should get FS so I can get food, and smokes, AND the temps are supposed to be above (though slightly) freeze... No rush. As for “Shabbat”? I'm at o odds with doing what must be done. After all... the rabbis preach, the congregation take transport and there are lights (and heat) in the schul. “God” knows... - So, on that thought... to pass the time as the bread rises... hopefully. - One note though: There's a MISERABLE LUMP of some sort, a “clot” of something in my chest and up into my throat. Anxiety? Probably. Anything more? More serious? Possibly. But there it is... “heavy”... again. (And I'm down to 5 smokes... and about to roll re-smokes again... and THOSE always “help” the “clump”. - 20.18 Well? I ordered, from Ikea, TWO LAMP SHADES for the living-room... after all kinds of fucking HELL! The size I wanted aren't available, but the damned site kept coming back with “Unbuyable” with no reason! Meanwhile, Linda offered to go get them at Ikea in MTL! AND THEN come HERE to drop them off! WHILE we were going back and forth via text about it, I decided to try the next larger size shade... at a bit more, of course AND... VOILA! ORDERED! The claim is that they'll be delivered on Monday. Yeah, I'll believe that AFTER they're in the living-room. But... there we have it: Another impulse buy... BUT... I DO need them. (Now, I hope I can figure how to get them on the lamps... I've NO doubt that's going to be trouble. But I'll figure something, I'm sure.) - OK. It's FREEZING out there tonight but I've got the oven going. Baked TWO loaves of bread that didn't turn out too bad. Put the baked potatoes from last night into the dough. Calories and healthy... or what-ever. Have had the oven on “Warm” ever since. There's the normal “chill” in the place but not too bad. I was thinking about cranking the furnace up for a bit before bed but as I thought about it... no... because when I go to bed, the oven will go off and the furnace might kick during the night. Can't have all that oil going away. 8 days' worth but... Oh well... as I recall, I made it through 5225 Main with NO heat in that room... for TWO Winters. This place will be fine. - OH... MUST NOTE...
THIS MORNING, WHEN I WENT OVER TO THE PO, THE FIRST COMMENT Ms. BIDDY MADE WAS THAT HER BATH-ROOM WAS COLD... AND IT MUST BE BECAUSE I WAS KEEPING THIS PLACE TOO COOL. THEN SHE ADDED THAT “ART” USED TO KEEP THE HOUSE UP TO ABOUT 90F... AND THAT IT WOULD WARM THE WALL TO HER BATH-ROOM (WHICH IS THE EXTENTION THAT TAKES UP MY LIVING-ROOM). OH YES? WELL, I'M *NOT* HEATING YOUR PO, FIRST OF ALL AND I DAMNED WELL HOPE THAT SHE'S NOT GOING BACK TO ALDEN TO SAY THAT I'M KEEPING THE PLACE TOO COLD. SHIT WILL HIT THE FAN! BAD ENOUGH SHE'S GOING TO WORK AT THE DMV... WHICH MEANS I'M GOING TO BE LOOKING AT HAVING TO GO TO TICONDEROGA FOR LICENSE, REGISTRATION AND THE LIKES! ANYWAY... - So meal was the rest of the chicken with rice, and there's more rice to be had tomorrow night, with a burger. Tomorrow, FS come along so I'll have money for food/groceries. I didn't start the truck today so the only thing I can do is HOPE it starts tomorrow and runs... BOTH directions with NO troubles. The only way to know for certain is to do it. (I'm down to about 4 smokes and 4 re-smokes tonight.) - And it's Friday night. - But I talked with Linda to thank her for her kindness. I've had “meal”. There's food in the house (and SOUPS in case). There's a slight chill in here but certainly NOTHING like the bitter freezing of 5225 or the finger-numbing cold in the room at 5199. Oil in the furnace. 30 per-cent in the propane/hot water. I've nothing, really, to keep me from being grateful. - And now? A bit of soc.med. Trying to decided between a “beverage” or hot water. We'll see. But soon, it's off to bed! To be sure. - 24.14 and I've done the day and it's time for done the bed... the oven's off and I'm going to RUSH to the covers!

Sat.09.Nov: 9.03 I actually didn't get out of bed until about, maybe, 20 minutes ago! Yep. Stayed my old arse in the bed this morn. Hey! It's-4° out there! Why get up? AND, today's the “Day of Reckoning” with the truck. This after-noon... we'll try to start it up, give it a few moments of run-and-warm and see how far out of the drive we get. (I have notions and thoughts... but I “think too much”.) And the thermo in the living-room is in the 60sF. The thermo in the bed-room is 18. Oh, indeed... the Winter is rushing into the house. No doubt, there are worse mornings to come. We'll know better in 3 days... or 4... or 5... HEAP certainly isn't in any particular rush to make sure that we “old” folks don't freeze to death. (It's said that it's not such a bad way to go, though. If it could be arranged, in my sleep would be appreciated.) Meanwhile, I did get right to the bed by about 0.30. Had to get up to “clean” the lower right tooth. There was something shoved in there and it did give a bit of pain. But... cleaned and some gel and back to bed and... OUT! So, I got about 8 hours. - So let's see how this day rolls... The only way to know is... as usual and always... at the end. - Breathing, this morning, is a bit tough. The re-smokes. - 10.50 AND... the morning: Well? Spectrum is working on the cables... I'm out of Internet, the PO is out of Internet, up and down the line... no Internet... Jeff came by as I was in the PO... no Internet AND NO PHONE... as it is here. - Alvin and Vivian are to return next Tuesday. - JOAN IS SCHEDULED TO BE RELEASED FROM HOSPITAL TUESDAY/WEDNESDAY... BUT NOT NECESSARILY TO HOME! PERHAPS A “NURSING FACILITY”... THIS, ACCORDING TO Ms. BIDDY (SO WE HAVE TO KEEP THAT IN CARFEUL CONSIDERATION). AS Ms. B CALLED IT: “SHE'S AT THE END-STAGES OF HER COPD.” NOW, AS MUCH AS Ms. DIVA HAS ANNOYED, THE THOUGHT OF THAT PLACE BEING EMPTY... THROUGH THE WINTER... (I WONDER IF ALDEN WILL JUST DRAIN THE PLUMBING AND LEAVE THE PLACE AS IS... UN-HEATED?) OR, WORSE... WHAT-THE-ACTUAL-FUCK WILL HE RENT TO? THIS DOES NOT GIVE PAUSE FOR THANKS NOR FOR CELEBRATION. I FORE-SEE UNADULTERATED ***HELL*** COMING. ALTHOUGH, THE “PARKING” SITUATION WOULD CHANGE, FOR ME. CLOSER TO THE BACK DOOR? WHAT-EVER. IT'S REALLY NOT WORTH THAT MUCH TO ME. TRUTH? AGAIN... “TIME”... ONLY TIME. I ASKED ABOUT “LITTLE GIRL”. MEGAN IS ATTENDING HER. JEFF IS ATTENDING WOMBAT. WE SHALL SEE. - THAT SAID, JEFF REPORTS THAT HE'S BEEN WATCHING THE WEATHER FORECAST AND... “THEY'RE FINE-TUNING IT”, SAYS HE, ***BUT*** ON TUESDAY-NEXT? UP TO 18 (EIGHTEEN) INCHES OF SNOW IS PREDICTED! WELL JEEZIS! ALL AT ONCE! HERE WE GO! - But for now, the Internet and phone are still out... I'm thankful it's not the electric. I've got music... and hot water... and sources of heat. I'll hope the truck makes the to-AND-from trip into town in a little while and then? And then... The only action to be taken logically... Roll with the day as it happens. (If the truck won't make the trip, at least it's not 20 miles to town.) - 12.17 Well... “net's” back. PO's closed. Sun's shining. I suppose it's time to... “face the music”... and my CHEST IS CLAMPED AS TIGHTLY AS IT COULD BE, JUST THE BREATHING SIDE OF A CORONARY... ANXIETIES. - 12.22 LAMPSHADES HAVE SHIPPED!!! - 15.13 MADE IT! MADE THE TRIP INTO TOWN! GROCERIES... AND A PROPER LIST. SMOKES (3 packs)... ON 2 DIFFERENT CARDS SO AS TO KEEP *SOMETHING* ON AT LEAST ONE! (Not that there's much on either, both or all 3 combined, but...) THE STEERING STILL WHINES, BUT THE TRUCK MADE THE TRIP AND, I DON'T KNOW WHAT/WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIIS GREAT BLESSING, BUT MY HEART AND SOUL, THE CORE OF MY BEING... *ALL* ARE GRATEFUL BEYOND DESCRIPTIVES. I'VE BEEN ABSOLUTLEY, LITERALLY SICK TO THE VERY CELL-STRUCTURE OF EVEN MY SPIRITUAL ENERGY ALL MORNING. NOW? As is usually the case and event after/with such BITTER ANGUISH... BEYOND “ANXIETY”... I'M EXHAUSTED! The few bags are un-packed. Every item, save the chicken, is where it's supposed to be (or, at least, where it CAN be in this kitchen with-out sufficient food storage). Slippers back on. And here I am... waiting for the next big adventure. - I went out, sherpa, green thermal jacket, ready to have to WALK back carrying groceries. I was a mess on the way INTO town. Thought I saw something “dripped” from under the truck at Tops. Got in. Started the engine, rolled down the road to FamDoll. WHINING as I pulled into the parking lot. Out. Shop. Back to the parking lot. MAYBE a drip from the front driver's side. I'm NEVER positively certain. Into the truck. Start the engine. Whine as we turned onto the 9 and rolled along. Whine with the turn onto the Simonds Hill. Whine positioning to back into the drive. Into the drive. Park. Engine off... I didn't know whether to pee my trousers or ... BACK IN THE YARD AFTER shopping... for items NEEDED and NECESSARY. - Tonight? I might just have that beverage I've been pondering but denying m'self! - As far as I'm concerned, this day is DONE! I'm SO tempted to just get into bed... But the sun is setting and the house will be chilling soon and... I'll just keep rolling with the “currents of time”... ever-so grateful to have made this trip today... in what got to be not-so-bitter cold... but WILL, with-out a doubt, BECOME BITTER, tonight. (Now... may the oil in the furnace hold for the next 5 days at the very least... and the propane as well.)

Sun.10.Nov: 1.10 SUDDENLY REALISED THAT I OWED A PAYMENT ON THE “FedLoan” AS I WAS STANDING OUT-SIDE, IN THE COLD, HAVING LAST SMOKE AND MADE A 5$ PAYMENT, ON-LINE, TO BE POSTED TODAY!!!!! THEY HAVE ME DOWN FOR 141$ BUT WHEN I MADE THE 5$ PAYMENT, IT GAVE ME A RECEIPT STATING THAT THE PAYMENT DUE WAS ONLY 5! ANYWAY... WOW! HOW STUPID OF ME NOT TO HAVE MADE THAT WHEN I'D ALREADY HAD IT REMOVED FROM THE ACCOUNT ON MY RECORDS! PROBABLY WON'T MAKE THEM HAPPY BUT... BETTER 5 THAN NOTHING! - OK! SO... let me jot about Saturday and then go to bed. I've had a “beverage”, done the soc.med. and it's time to get to bed... I'll jot notes, too tired:
(16.47 and getting to the notes)
Wasn't very cold out there today. NO COMPLAINTS! There's always the “chill” in this house. I've no doubt it's the “spirit” of somebody who'd been here... died here... or brought dead here. Alden said that they used to dump “plague” victims up-stairs. They're probably still here, roaming about. - Today's “meal”, another “under and hour from start to dishes done”, a burger with left-over rice. Ice cream after (and through the night... as if I have so much to fucking waste.) - Had the oven on “Warm” most of the day... until about 1.00 this morning. I'm going to be HAMMERED with the electric bill come the end of the “term”, and I don't know if that's next month or at the end of my “year of service”. Which-ever, I'm sure it's going to be a javelin to the heart. But I'll be FUCKED if I'll sit in this place and freeze! I've done MUCH MORE than ANY person should be expected to do of that shit! From walking the streets, HOMELESS, to Richford... Franklin... walking miles in the winds and snows... NO! - As for the rest of the day? Well.. wasted most of the evening making “GIFs” to post on Minds soc.med. Thank yous and my politics on the degradation of Minds, over-all. - Linda sent a text or some. She's entertaining “friends” tonight... dinner and, I gather, watching the “Habs” game. A quiet night... no “texting” and the likes. - Thought of how I MUST get to the market to catch the SALES on the items I'VE ALREADY FUCKING BOUGHT! I should get more whilst I may. - Have had a “beverage” this evening. A bit of v-ton. Don't know why, exactly. I didn't really WANT one, but it seemed a nice “gift” to me. Had the “pickle” crisps with but... so I had one. - 1.15 and time for bed. Seriously. For Fux sake. - 1.39 and NOW I'm JUST wrapping EVERY-THING UP! FUKKIT! I'm just going to get into bed and HOPE for a night of sleep!
9.41 I don't know WHY I got up and out of bed at about 8.30 or perhaps a bit later/earlier. (I don't remember when, exactly, I got out of the bed this morning, but it was after 8.00 and I didn't really WANT to get up. It was SO COMFY in there, under all the covers.) ANYWAY... I did get up, put on the coffee, had a pee, took my vitamins, got dressed, had a shit, heard Ms. Megan Hoovering in the next-door flat at 8.48. Now then, I was in the loo at 8.32 when the phone rang. Linda calling with some sort of “bitch-fest” message (KRISTE! That woman's ALL about the bitch-fests it seems... ANOTHER ONE... so THIS will be kept with-in parametres... to be sure). I didn't answer. Next, 'twas out the door for morning smoke and to marvel at the absence of “valley frost” and “mountain dusting”. THE TEMPERATURE WAS PLUS 1°! (Rumour has it, we'll be up to SEVEN at some point today!) It actually almost feels like “Cool Summer”! BUT I know it won't last long. - It suddenly struck me this morning, having paid that FedLoan before bed: budget the domain renewal coming in December, AND the truck insurance, AND the monthly Skype bill!!! SO, I've been making a “Budget Forecast Spread-sheet” already. A MOST delightful way to begin a “SUNDAY”! NO “day of rest” for me on either Saturday nor Sunday. Oh well. - Anyway... coffee's waiting in the press, I'd like another smoke, I'm sneezing, for some reason, Ms. Meagan's gone, I worry about “Little Girl”, wonder about Ms. Diva, worry about that place being empty, wonder what's to be with “Little Girl” (MY HEART CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER ATTACHMENT BUT I CAN'T JUST LET THAT POOR LITTLE ONE GO ALONE OR WHAT-EVER... ANYWAY...), once the bills are paid I'll be “living off about 100$ for the month from Thanksgiving to Christmas. I DID think it would take until January 2020 to “settle”, financially... It's worse. BUT... go through Hell in Winter... bring it ALL on at once and then? I DID “come home to die”. - 16.44 and I can't believe that the entire day has passed! And what have I accomplished? Fukkall. “Budgets”. “Forecasts”. Juggling pennies here and there. A couple of “texts” from/to Linda. A bit of soc.med. And I only JUST put the chicken (from yesterday) up into the freezer, 2 pieces in the oven with left-over rice. (Whipped together another of those milk/creamer/sugar “desserts” at some point today... in the freezer.) Anything else? HELL NO! WHERE the fuck does the time go? And to think: I get up every morning and wonder how I'm going to pass the day ahead. It PASSES! Time... passes... closer to death... but not close enough. - Oh... Alvin and Mrs. have returned as I was prepping chicken. Not that it makes any difference in anything - 16.57 and the “notes” jotted before bed THIS MORNING, have been elaborated upon. What I didn't mention in them nor this morning... TOOTH-FUCKING-ACHE!!! Before going to bed, I “cleaned” that area, lower-right, with pick and gel, got into bed and the “slight throbbing” commenced. I figured it was because of the poking. Drifted off to snooze for an hour and then... THEN... I was UP AGAIN... more digging and gel (which I need more of now)! And, the temp filling came out as I was digging! I left it out, gave a coating of gel and headed back to bed... with TOOTH-FUCKING-ACHE! Must have been exhaustion... I finally got to sleep. Last time I recall on the clock? 3.40-something! FUCK! DAMNED FUCKING GOOD THING I DON'T HAVE TO BE AWAKE AND ABOUT AT ANY PARTICULAR HOUR ANY LONGER! - OK... time for a half-smoke before “meal” which won't really be ready for about another 15 minutes or so. - CKOI playing in the kitchen. Me, on the futon. The “chill” is coming in through the walls, as it will do. Kriste! - One thing though, that I thought of as I was out for a smoke before attacking the chicken: I REALLY NEED TO JUST ACCEPT THINGS AS THEY ARE AND WILL BE. THERE WAS A TIME WHEN I FOUND THE NOTION OF LIVING IN “NEW RUSSIA” TO BE AMUSING. I LOOKED AT IT AND WAS CONVINCED THAT THERE WAS NO FUCKING WAY OF FINDING A “RENTAL”, LET ALONE AN AFFORDABLE RENTAL IN THIS PLACE. I'D TOSSED THE ENTIRE NOTION ASIDE AS SOMEHING “AMUSING” TO PONDER AT TIMES OF ANXIETY. WELL? HERE I AM. I'VE EVEN CHANGED THE WEB-SITES REGISTRATIONS TO “NEW RUSSIA” TODAY. (AND, BY THE WAY, IN CASE I HAVEN'T MENTIONED IT... THEY ALL RE-REGISTRE IN 2020! I'D THOUGHT ONE WAS DECEMBER THIS YEAR! WOW! “TIME”... FOR ME!) ANY-WAY... SO HERE I AM, IN A REALTIVELY COMFORTABLE LITTLE FLAT IN A “HOUSE” ON ROUTE 9, WITH A VIEW OF THE ADIRONDACKS, “GIANT MOUNTAIN WILDERNESS” ACROSS THE ROAD. NOT “CLOSED-IN” BY OTHERS ON ALL SIDES. PINES. A RIVER JUST DOWN THE ROAD. MANAGEABLE SPACE. A “SPARE ROOM”! SERIOUSLY! ALL I *** NEED *** TO DO IS STOP TRYING TO SHOVE EVERYTHING IN TO A TIME CONSTRAINT THAT *** I ***, FOR SOME REASON, FEEL IS NECESSARY... AND IT'S NOT! - So much for yelling.... at my-self. That smoke... set-up for “meal”... - Tomorrow's a “holiday” so there's another day of “nothing”. Tuesday? HEAP Season opens... LETTER! The lamp shades are due to arrive! The lamp parts are due on Wednesday. Something to “amuse”, “entertain”, pass time, “create”. Or? What-ever. (I'm still pondering heading to the market to get the “sale” tomorrow though.) INSANITY! - 23.48 Time for last smoke, teeth cleaning (and stuffing again) and off to bed! Tired. And the oven is off and the chill is coming in. Tomorrow's a holiday, no PO. I MIGHT be able to stay in bed... for a while. BUT... I MUST get to trying the new patterns for the “embroidery hoop snow-flakes”. I NEED MONEY! - Good-night.

Mon.11.Nov: (*** SNOW *** FOR REAL ***) 10.02 and delightfully, I woke at about 5.30 and said “NO!”, rolled & dozed until about 7.30 when I woke again and said “I don't think so.” and snoozed... until... 9.25! Even then I opened my eyes, looked round the room, comfy, warm under all the blankets, noticed that the sun isn't pouring in and thought “Well, OK.”, got up, put the coffee on, had my vit.C, thought “2 left! NOT good. And I don't want to run into town today.” Looked out the window, saw the dusting of snow on the grass in the “park” and thought “Kirkland 500 count vit.C, 1000mg... ON-LINE!” and got dressed, AND ORDERED! 18$. In Kinney, that MIGHT have gotten me 3 bottles of 100ct each... But and so... the order has been placed. I've been out for a smoke. Saw Cliff out there, packing the car... IN SHORTS... I wonder if he even owns a pair of trousers at all (SO fucking “VT” of him, that way). It's not “bitter”, not really what would be considered “cold” for this season/location. But still. (Quick check: -3°. “Neige début 12.30”. Spiffy! If the “total” is correct: approx. 25cm over-all. We shall see... what and when we shall.) - OK. The house is “warm enough”. There's the constant “chill” on the legs but I'm thinking that's most-likely from the floor... coming up from the cellar. Can't be stopped (with-out major insulation and I'm not about to be arsed). - ONE THING THAT DOES CAUSE ME ANGER: THERE'S A DUSTING OF SNOW ON THE GROUND OUT THERE SO FOOT-PRINTS WOULD BE OBVIOUS... *** AND THERE ARE NONE, GOING INTO Ms. DIVA'S! NONE! *** THAT TELLS ME THAT NOBODY'S BEEN OVER TO CHECK ON “LITTLE GIRL”! I'M JUST GOING TO HOPE, WITH WHOLE HEART, THAT I'M JUST MISTAKEN, THAT SOMEBODY'S BEEN AND THERE WAS A BIT OF SNOW AFTER THE FACT. OTHER-WISE... WELL... YES... I'LL BE MENTIONING MY CONCERN TOMORROW... IN THE PO. LET THE WORD GET ROUND: I AM PAYING ATTENTION! FUCKERS. - The morning is running... into the after-noon. 'tis a “holiday”. I SHOULD try to get to the market but don't want the anxiety today. The vit.C is important. Keeps the “UTI” and kidney infections down. I'll have to go with-out for about a week but... better to get them whilst I've got the ability/cash. - Rest of the day? CROCHET! At lest to try! Other than that? I don't know and can't care. - Last night at thought crossed my mind: I haven't heard word nor received photo about Mimou and Hallie! I wonder: did one or the other or both DIE? I wouldn't be at all surprised. Probably best I don't know. And if so, “neglect”... and they're better off. Makes me sick to think. (And “think” is something I need to STOP!) - o with that, time to get to morning coffee (before it becomes “lunch”.) - Another day... another day. - 16.49 Well... I couldn't believe it when I looked and saw 16.00! Fucking day FLEW by! And most of it was “drizzly”, but Nature's correct that and for HOURS now, it's been ever-so-lightly *** SNOWING ***. The salt-truck came by already... once South-bound, one North-bound. But as of right now, the snow's back to accumulating. When earlier, I stepped out for a smoke, the muffled sound of a car passing was such a wonderful reminder of the “hush” that's about to befall all. The “softness” of the sound is comforting. The COLDNESS in this house that I'm fighting? Well... we shall see. - I've had the oven on “warm” from since about 11.30 or so. I put 2 potatoes for “meal” and about 30 minutes ago, put the piece of last night's chicken in and turned it up to 350, to finish the potatoes and HEAT the chicken. - Spoke with Ev for a while, just about 16.00 or so. LAUGHED and discussed weather in days and years of yore. It was a delight chatting with her. She sounds VERY well indeed. - Tried Dorothy. Got a text: “Sick with a cold. Talk later.” What one has to do with the other is anybody's guess. Left a message with Donna. Linda sent a couple of texts. She's a piece of “drama”... all about soc.med., Minds. “it's attack day from the dark ones so staying off minds today”. Honestly! What-ever. - And so, the hours of the day have passed. Now? Time to hope for something entertaining on “The Five”... I hope. Eat what's warmed. My “iced milk and sugar” for dessert. And I DO believe tonight will be a “Nighty Night” before bed... EARLY! - Pondering a shower as well. - Oh... put the little heater in the bed-room. Figuring: If I can keep that room warm, it'll help with the rest of the house. (Haven't touched the furnace though. I'm NOT expecting the “letter” from HEAP tomorrow. And I AM expecting either something worthless (like their 21$) or nothing at all. IF that's what it's to be... I'm just going to have to deal with what I have until the end of the month... and then blow the entire income on oil... and propane. Oh well. It will be what it will be. - DISCOVERY: ALIVIN/VIVIAN ARE ATTENDING LITTLE GIRL! I SAW THE FOOT-PRINTS IN THE SNOW, COMING ACROSS THE YARDS. NOT... mind, that that makes me any more comfortable. I just hope they've got enough sense to keep that place warm over there. That cat's alleged to be 18 years old! Poor little thing. - Well? Time to check on what's edible. (I thought: With this snow coming, the chances of there being ANYTHING on the shelves at the market now are slim-to-none. Morons will RUSH to clear EVERYTHING... as if it were Armageddon. Good thing I didn't bother to make the run today.) - Oh... managed to down-load “Grumpier Old Men” for later... NOT on-line. Something to pass the time before bed. (I AM in NEED of a shower... hopefully, hopefully...) - 18.35 Meal done. Dishes done. Smoke done. SNOW STILL FALLING, done. Snooze... to be done. - 23.44 HOT SHOWER! HOT SHOWER! HOT SHOWER! OH! How GOOD it feels to be CLEAN! HOW-ever... that big black thing in my left arm-pit is HUGE! FUCK! I'm wondering just what it is and how to get rid of it (by my-self, thank you. Will have to “look it up on the Internet.) - ANYWAY... Passed the hours, with the oven on in the kitchen and the little heater on in the bed-room for all of this evening and I MUST say, it's made the WORLD of difference! This place is SO WARM right now... though, to be honest, it's not all that COLD out-side tonight. But I DO believe that keeping the bed-room warm has been a GREAT help in heating the rest of the house. (AND... NO OIL BEING USED! There's a night coming, soon-ish, when it'll be down to -13 again so... ) - Had a Nighty Night tea at about 21.00 but am having a hot water now. THOUGHT I'd have my shower at 21.30... but found “Allo Allo” on Dlymtn and... well... there we have it... late again. Oh well. - No words from Linda this evening. Gee, I wonder if she noticed I'd “blocked” her on the soc.med. (I've since un-blocked but... never mind.) So it's been “silent”. - Megan was in for a while this evening, with Little Girl. How my heart aches for that little creature over there, in the dark, alone. But it seems Alvin goes in and Megan. Hopefully they've got enough sense to keep the place warm enough for the little one. I doubt it. But I can hope. No doubt there'll be “word from the vine” tomorrow about Ms. Diva. And I'll just make it known again that I'll take Little Girl in, should need arise. As it is, I've a feeling I've been “cut from the village”. But it makes no difference. - The ploughs have been by several times during the evening. Just as it was in Richford, they plough the snow almost to the front door! Ms. Biddy tells that Mr. Demings (Sr.) comes by to clear the front (for the PO of course). We'll see, come morning. Other-wise, I suspect there'll be snarky remarks made (again) about my need for a “snow shovel” (which is in-side at the front door as I type). There isn't all that much snow out there yet. But there's MUCH more in the forecast. I'll clear things up (in front of MY rented premises) in the morning. I'll have to get the truck running at some point, but having read an article in “Adirondack Life” about a “timing belt” being shot in -20F, I'll have to be careful about it. Anyway, at least I see where the ploughing goes and how often. (Though I'll bet it's not so great when there's an actual need.) - Just heard the little heater in the bed-room go on. The oven's off and indeed, the place will begin to cool. - I can't help but remember the comment of Ms. Biddy last week when I went into the PO and she said “My bath-room was COLD when I got in. Art used to keep the place warm enough to heat that room here.” Yeah? I'm not heating the PO, darling. Not now with my electric, and certainly not with my oil. They've got some lessons to learn about me. “Friends” here? Well, I already see how shallow these folks are so, I'm quite comfy as it is. After all... I've come home to die anyway... one way or another. - SO! That said, I'll have my hot water, check about the “ganglion” thing and head off to a night of... I'm just hoping the tea takes. I ingested the herbs as well, as I do, hoping that'll help things along as well. One way to find out. (This is all a lesson.) - OH... and I can't help but wonder about 5199. How the little ones are. (Dead, I suspect.) If Mme. got her fire-wood and got it stacked, in the garage, and how much it cost her to have it stacked (or did she manage to hornswaggle the “Andersons” or who-ever it is in 5225?). I don't care about 5199... I just care about the little ones. And she was supposed to head off to Israel at some point. Her “Christian pilgrimage” bull-shit. “Christian”... She's a perfect example. - I need to let that go for now... It's the end of yet, another day... and here, the snows have begun to fall.

Tue.12.Nov: 0.48 MADE IT TO THE 12TH! HEAP SEASON OPENS! LET'S SEE IF/WHEN THE NOTICE OF “AWARD” ARRIVES! - Checked on the skin-tag/ganglion removal. Cheaper to go to a doctor. Will have to investigate further. - Now? Time for bed! Busy hours to follow... especially where heating and hot water are concerned! - 10.10 Mail's in... AS EXPECTEDSUSPECTED: *** NO FUCKING LETTER FROM HEAP!!!*** Oh well... at least I'm intelligent enough to NOT expect any-thing TIMELY from this fucking “government”. (My NEXT EXPECTATION: A letter informing me that I didn't apply on time for this season... IF I get a letter at all!) - Moving along... Woke several times again, this morning but didn't bother to get out of bed until 8.43. Peeked out the front door to see that Ms. Biddy had arrived, somebody HAD ploughed the front of the PO and that the snow-fall wasn't at all too bad at all. So I put the coffee on, had a quick instant, got dressed, grabbed broom and shovel and hit the front to clean. Ms. Biddy's “Trevor” was next door, shovelling in front of the PO. I just got right to the task at hand and in moments... it was quite done. Chatted kindly with “Trevor” about the condition of the house (he says the floor up-stairs, in the front, is rotten... how comforting. “Red Cross Shelter” in future? WHAT-the-fuck-ever), and the shovelling. “Civil”. - As we'd finished the front, Alvin showed-up with his shovel, made some comment about needing to get to Ms. Diva's to “get to the cat” and was gone. I continued with the front and had my smoke AND AS I WAS HAVING, ALVIN RETURNED ROUND FRONT AND WENT INTO THE PO. NO PROB. I DON'T CARE ANY LONGER. - By 9.57 I was finished with MY efforts, came into the house for a swig of coffee and popped into the PO where Alvin was chatting with Ms. Biddy. I patiently and respectfully waited for a break in their chat, wanting to ask about the back drive and paths to/from Ms. Diva's... it's still not clear WHO does what during Winter months... Ah... Mr. Alvin continued talking as he headed to the door and left... blew me off, as if I didn't exist. I managed to get a comment of my own in to Ms. Biddy: “I see I'm at the top of the 'Shit-List”, said I. Says she “I don't know anything about it.” You're ALL fucking full of shit! BUT... No matter. So long as people leave me the fuck alone then. - As for mail today? Some sort of “survey” from the University of Connecticut, asking me about my town... Likes. Dislikes. Economics. Crime. NO FUCKING LETTER ABOUT MY FUCKING HEATING OIL! Never mind all that. (Noting: Sadly, I just don't trust that little VT Flea-bag running the postal service here. I wouldn't put it past her to interfere with delivery of things. VERY sad indeed. Were she not leaving on the 23rd, I'd formally register my concerns. But, never mind that either.) - The morning's “chore” completed, I SUBMITTED MY ELECTRIC READING. Now THERE'S something to cause FRIGHT! But at least I sent it in. Probably shouldn't have. They'd “estimate” based on last year and I'm SURE THIS year is MUCH MUCH MUCH HIGHER. (Not that I can care. And I keep in mind that the utility can't cut service through April AND that my account, as I see it, has a zero balance and zero due. Fine.) - And now, at 10.30... THE SUN IS POURING IN THROUGH THE BED-ROOM WINDOWS! The world out-side is looking “Early-Wint'ry”. I'm to understand that Alvin AND Megan are attending Little Girl. “No word” on Ms. Diva other than Ms. Biddy's “She's not doing too well.” And “life” here, in New Russia, is as I rather expected: I've come home to die... and certainly NOT make “friends”. So be it. When Ms. Biddy's gone, it will “seal the deal”... and I'll make certain to cut me off and out of the fracas that is this hamlet. - Oh... checked the expected deliveries. Lamp shades still due by end of day today. Lamp parts still due on Thursday. Vit.C due between 15-20. And I'm going to hit the radio and get on with my... what-ever. - 12.24 The sun is shining and the day is passing! And just off the line with DONNA! WONDERFUL way to “begin” the day. - Just had to note: Feeling “odd”... that “sinusy” thing, like coming down with something or dust in the air or something. Eyes are a bit burning. And this morning was the first of no vit.C. (The new bottle should arrive end of this week, mid-next. Let's just HOPE nothing comes along mean-while.) - Anyway... time to start the “snow-flake” crochet projects... Pass the time... pass the time. - 17.10 Rice and veg cooked. Waiting for the burger and... AND... THE LAMP SHADES ARRIVED AND... FUCK ME BLUE... I LIKE THE LARGER SIZE! AND... FedEx JUST DROPPED THE HUGE BOX (nice table!) ON THE PORCH, DIDN'T KNOCK, AND LEFT! BUT... THEY ARRIVED! COLOUR ME *SHOCKED*! - Now... back to meal... meagre as it might be. - 18.00 and.. .as usual... inexplicable as it is... EVEN THE DISHES ARE DONE! AND... now what? Crochet, maybe... should be... probably... what-ever. I'm tired. The oven's on. The heater in the bed-room is on. I don't know why I should be so fucking anxious about the HEAP thing because, well... I've got heat. So? So. Anyway... there we are, here we are, here it is... pitch dark out-side and another day has come to an end. Did it again... passed a day away. - BUT OH! Spoke for a while with DONNA today! YAY! ANY day with a chat with Donna is a GRAND day, to be sure. - And now... to pass a little more time, hope the house warms enough for over-night and... ANOTHER try for a CIVIL bed-time! - 19.404 Just up from one of my 30-minute snoozes, stepped out to have a half-smoke and the sky is rather clear, there's a breeze blowing and... I had one of those “I'M ALONE HERE!” anxiety attacks. NOT GOOD! Oh here we go! With THIS bull-shit! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOT happening. NOPE! - 21.13
WELL! INTERESTINGH SORT OF EVENT ABOUT 20 MINUTES AGO... A MAJOR GUST OF WIND BLASTED AGAINST THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE, WESTERLY OF COURSE, BRINGING IN THE SUDDEN DROP IN TONIGHT'S TEMPERATURE (OF -16) NO DOUBT. BUT *** THE FRONT DOOR BLEW LOOSE! *** I WAS SITITNG AT THE KITCHEN TABLE, NO RADIO OR ANYTHING WHEN I HEARD THE WIND THEN HEARD THE DOOR JOLT. GOT UP AND AS I WALKED TOWARD IT, THE CURTAIN WAS BLOWING! SLIGHTLY, BUT STILL MOVING! IT'S NOT EXACTLY “CATCHING” WHEN IT CLOSES. IT DIDN'T BLOW OPEN, JUST LOOSE! SO I WENT OUT, CLOSED THE DOOR BEHIND ME AND GAVE IT A PUSH AND PULL. IT ROCKS A TOUCH AND THEN CATCHES. DOESN'T ROCK OPEN. BUT NOW I REALLY HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION TO IT! ODDLY ENOUGH, THE BED-ROOM DOOR NOW CLOSES PROPERLY. IT DIDN'T THROUGH THE SUMMER. THE PLACE IS CONTRACTING IN THE COLD. HMMMmmmmm. LOOKS LIKE IT'S GOING TO BE ANOTHER “INTERESTING” SORT OF WINTER HERE. (Flash-backs to Richford. I just hope the oven holds on through May.)
Almost time to get to bed any-way. - 24.07 And wrapping it all up... Another day... another LATE! - The circuit breaker blew again... bed-room... the little heater. I can't understand it but... I see I can't have the kitchen table AND the heater at the same time. I wonder now, can I run it through the night (as I did last night). Perhaps. Oh well. It's supposed to get BITTER again on Friday. It's -10 with chill of -16 now... I'm just in from a smoke and it's “crisp”. But Friday night is supposed to be -16 so I imagine it'll be a chill of -20 or so. Ah... Friday... another “threat”... and no word on oil. Hmmm... I believe the place would be warmer if the furnace were running. The ducts in the cellar wold warm the floor. Alas. I'm resigned to the notion that I'll be getting NOTHING for help with oil this season. And if so... February is going to be utter HELL! Oh well... I suppose I've been through MUCH worse (there's always the fond memories of Richford... there, I sat dressed in 5 layers, jackets, hat, gloves... at least it's not that bad here). - Have had a Nighty Night again tonight. Hopefully a night of sleep. - The winds have calmed, at least. The sky is clear, there's a moon some-where, dim. I can still see the mountains. - Have found a map of the “Blue Line” and yes, indeed... I'm IN! Imagine THAT! Quite “the thing”. I've been working on variations of it for the soc.med. - Anyway... I see the vit.C has shipped and is due either Thursday or Friday. Impressive! The lamp parts as well. Something to “do” come the week-end. (I should think of getting to the dump... or putting garbage out back... I can do that now... it'll just freeze.) And so I think of the truck. Always something. Never nothing. - Time to get to bed now. Try for 7.00 tomorrow. Why? Not sure but... WTF as they say. (Odd... but I'm requiring less sleep these days. Winter? Anxieties? Age? Old? Nearer to death? One can only ponder.) - So here's to no PAINS tonight... HAHAHAHAH! As if!

Wed.13.Nov: 0.19 OH MY... By 4.00, the chill WILL be -20! HERE WE GO! And minuses all through the day. Yep... HERE WE GO! - 7.36 GREETINGS! AND... GOOD MORNING!!! FROM INSIDE THE BLUE LINE AT THE BEEYOO-D-FULL AND EXCITING BUSINESS CENTRE OF THE ILLUSTRIOUS HAMLET OF NEE-YOO RUSS E. YAH, NOO YAWK! WHERE OUR SKIES ARE CLEAR, THE BREEZES ARE BLUST'RING DOWN THE 9 FROM THE NORTH AND THE TEMPERATURE IS “GOD HELP YOU” FAHRENHEIT, “GOD HAS LEFT THE BUILDING” CELSIUS! (Or, in “out-side” degrees: -14° with a “chill” of -18°! That's 12°F with a “chill” of about 4°F.) GIVING A MORE PRECISE DEFINITION AND EXPLANATION OF THE TERM “BLUE LINE”, INDEED! WHERE, FROM WHERE I SIT, HAVING GOTTEN UP AND OUT OF BED, FOR REASONS STILL NOT KNOWN NOR KNOWABLE, AT APPROXIMATELY 7.15-ISH, AND AM NOW SITTING AT THE KITCHEN TABLE, OVEN ON, COFFEE IN THE PRESS, IN FROM A MORNING HALF-SMOKE ON THE FRONT PORCH, AND LISTENING AS THE FUCKING FURNACE ONLY JUST TURNED ITSELF BACK OFF AFTER A RUN OF ABOUT 5 MINUTES TO BRING THE TEMPERATURE IN THIS HOUSE BACK UP TO 16°/62F. (And this morning we give thanks for (a) the furnace blew warm air because (b) there's just enough oil in the tank to have given us that 5 minutes of respite and reprieve from the chill of last night. Amen.) And as we noted, this charming “Autumn” (tenderly kiss my old bollocks) morn, when we noted the sultry 16° in the boudoir: “Richford”, where we thought our-self most fortunate when, on the ever-so rare occasion when we blessed the house with a moment's operation of the furnace there, times then were EXCEEDINGLY WORSE than times here at present. THERE, it was necessary to bring warmth not only to one storey but TWO, the kitchen alone was approximately the size of this entire happy little home on the range, and insulation in the outer walls was nil. THIS glorious morn, the oven is on, 2 little radiators run to “temper” (though ever-so slightly) the bitterness of Creation, and not touching the thermostat for the furnace, it ran, of its own accord, for the mere moments necessary to bring our temperature UP to “tolerable” and then, of its own, shut itself off again! HOO-RAH! I've been through MUCH worse than this, and if NOTHING comes of the “HEAP”? I shall be through MUCH MUCH worse than this in the weeks and months to come. Therefore, lettuce prey. Ah... men (of which there are none). - That having been delightfully tapped along the board-of-keys, I note that at about 7.45, I heard the sound of foot-stomps on the porch of the residence next. Some-body's been “kind enough” to drop by and check-in on little Ms. Little Girl, on this almost-miserable morning. - MEAN(and this morning certainly puts the “MEAN” in)while... I sit and wait for the coffee to press, the oven to take the rest of the chill out of the place. - Over-night last? Ah yes. Popped into bed by about 0.30, gleaned A copy of “Adirondack Life” and at some time round about 1.30, put out the light. The plastic on the windows crackled, crunched, snapped and rattled as I laid there, listening, waiting for either something to RIP the plastic from the window frame or for the furnace to kick-up and YELL “FEED ME! I'M STARVING HERE! AND IT'S TOO DAMNED COLD FOR ME TO DO ANY MORE!” (The poor thing... probably on the verge of death from hypothermia.) But neither was to come and, in the silence, bathed softly in the light from the fucking street light out-side, I began to drift away... UNTIL I STOPPED DRIFTING AWAY... had to get up and PEE at about 2.00! And did I so. Toddling back off to bed, under the heft of Hudson Bay and afghan and “Field and Stream”, I almost immediately returned to “snooze”... until when, at almost the strike of 5.00, my eyes opened, I glanced at the clock, noted the fucking ridiculous hour and, thankfully, returned to continue the “snooze”... until, once again, for no apparent reason, 'twas round and about the hour of 7 and so... the rest has been duly documented. (8.05 and to poor oven is TRYING to fight the cold in here and I can still feel the chill crossing my knees under the kitchen table. “Time”... the place had all night to chill... it's going to take “time” to un-do the damage.) - As for the rest of this day? At the rate this is running, thoughts are of returning to bed, should there be nothing else to be done. Lamp kits are en route, as are the vitamins. Will either arrive today? HAH! I should, in all sincerity, doubt it. Letter from the GLORIOUS state with regard to “Heating Assistance”? HAH! And again, HAH! and a weighty portion of O-HELL-FUK-NO! THAT I doubt even more than I doubt the existence of a place called “Heaven-Above”. So if I'm correct on 1 or all of the above, I see NO reason or cause to remain conscious for the remainder of this day, sitting about, even to crochet, chilled to the marrow. There isn't any expected “rise” in the temperature through the day today, so there's no need to sit and wait for that. I'm certainly NOT going to roll o'er the mountains on any “shopping” expedition... food or other-wise. The gods know: the truck certainly WON'T make the trip to Walmarde (for which there's NO justification, since I haven't received word of a stock of bed-sheets, so SORELY NEEDED EVEN NOW!), and as for “sale” items at the local grocer (“grosser”)? SURELY, with the bit of snow we've had. the shelves there are devoid of any selection. So? So. Here we stay... and perhaps 'neath the insulation of the bed-clothes, there to rest in relative comfort, hopefully to sleep, avoiding all possibility of “thinking” (of expenses, the cold, the furnace, the truck, the brakes, the timing belt, insurance, registration, inspection...) - Time for coffee and to move about, to move the heat of the oven round the place... even a bit. - 11.16 And the day's “excitement” is done. Re-arranged the living-room, in prep for the new lamps (parts for which did NOT arrive today, of course). Moved on to the PO where the ONLY post was ANOTHER “Dear Valued Customer”... from Spectrum, wanting me to pay an addition 45$ per month for TV! Then came the news about the ambulances and such from yesterday. Old guy up on Simonds Hill died. Indeed. Ms. Diva is being released from Plattsburgh hospital “either today or tomorrow” to be transferred to a “re-hab” in E-Town. Oh jolly! (Not that, in reality, it makes any difference to me one way or the other.) Learnt that “She's got about a third of a tank.” (of oil) “And we have it set at 55.” GOOD KRISTE! 55? THE POOR CAT! (She'd be better off here!) ANYWAY.... Mr. Alvin actually acknowledged my presence, though briefly, this morning. Talk about moving Ms. Diva's vehicle to allow for ploughing. That is all there. - *** AND I JUST SPOKE WITH “JoAnne” about HEAP. “Letters just went out yesterday so keep watching your mail. You'll be getting a letter any day now.” Yep... “Any day now” tells me nothing. BUT... at least she didn't say that I didn't apply. So that's pretty good. I can't help but think: Folks receive HEAP “until the funds run out”. I seem to recall something from Richford about “First come, first served”. I applied rather late (after the actual application period) anyway. So? There's just no telling. What makes it all the worse is that I do NOT trust that “Vermonter” in the PO. But there's nothing I can do about any of it.... just wait and see and wait and perhaps “hope”... mostly that the oven holds out for a while. I just did a “budget” this morning and with the insurance on the truck coming due on 26 Dec., and next month's Soc.Sec. being paid “ON CHRISTMAS DAY” (fuck), I can't put that off until next month. Paying it THIS month, along with nothing other than basic expenses... I'm already 25$ IN THE RED IF I want 100 gallons of oil. (Avery DID say they'd deliver 50 gallons in a pinch, and THAT I CAN afford this month. But I'm SURE it'll cost me about the same as 100 gallons at the “special price” they quoted so there's no sense in that. Not to mention propane. Oh well... One day at a time.) - Right now, the house is staying a touch on the “warm” side but there's that constant “chill” on the legs. And me? Haven't finished this morning's coffee. The bed-room curtains are open, letting the sun in to bring the temp in there up to about 18° and I'm about to head for a NAP! My eyes are a touch “burning” and I'm feeling the drag of the chill. Nothing of any great importance, I shouldn't think. - Oh well... so much for another day. - Maybe after nap I'll whip-up a batch of cookies for tonight... or... maybe. I'm just a bit fatigued at the moment. But with all of about 5 hours of “sleep” over-night... can't really expect anything other. - 12.06 Never mind “lunch”... mid-day snooze! - 23.59 and I'm off to bed following a day of 2 naps, being cold, wondering why the house wouldn't warm up with the oven going all day, having WONDERFUL chicken for dinner (dipped in egg, covered with “dill pickle” flavoured crisps from the bottom of the bag... baked cookies after (they turned out hard again) and pissed the night away on soc.med. Now? The fucking temp filling in the bottom-right teeth came out with my ginger tea (of which I've had several since dinner). And it's still chilly in here so I'm going to bed.

Thu.14.Nov: 0.02 Today's supposed to be the delivery of the lamp parts and vit.C. Let's see what does and does not arrive. (Never mind the HEAP notice... THAT probably won't come until DECEMBER! I'm fucked.) - 9.16 Up, dressed, coffee, smoke, cloudy, chilled and OUT OF BED at 9.07. It was a VERY broken sleep night, indeed. INDEED! Went right to bed as I signed-off of this lap-top (with an “Update And Shut Down”... the results of which I've yet to see). Read through an “Adirondack Life” and but 1.00, the light went out. BUT... through the night, the SPASMS.., legs and feet. BUT... at about 2.00, I heard the FURNACE kick on. Mere moments though, thankfully. and all went back to the normal drone of the fridge (how I've come to HATE that thing). Doze and snooze and UP AGAIN. SPASMS! Up to pee, back to bed... and at about 4.00, the furnace. OK. So now I know that it will run and I won't hear it because I've NO doubt that it does so, during the night and HAS done before. But with the drone of the fridge, I WOULD sleep through it. Anyway... one of these days I'll have to go to the cellar to check the oil level. I'd figured I should have had “8 days” of “regular” operations. (Of course, that was “normal” and, well, when has ANYTHING been “normal”?) I DO take comfort in comparing these days to Richford, in particular, and then to 5225. Richford was LIMITED heating through an entire Winter. 5225 was NO heating through TWO entire Winters. And as well, 5199 with NO warmth from the flooring. Ah... and today, there's New Russia... a wonderful combination of ALL THREE! At least here, I have the stove... and yes, the oven is on this morning. - Anyway... a sneezing fit this morning as I type. Dust in the air? I an only hope. Though I do feel rather “run over”. Broken sleep... and the fact that, this morning, when I heard the “banging” of the paper towel dispenser in the PO come through the wall, I wanted to simply lay in bed for a bit longer but NO... SPASMS. Oh well. - So for the mean-while, I'll pass a bit of time until strolling next door to find (I've NO doubt at all) no letter from HEAP, no lamp parts, no vit.C and then... filling yet, another day with... “filling”. I'm really just waiting for the coffee right now. Not that that will make things “better”. But at least the oven is taking the “chill” off the air. - Minus 6 I see, it our temp this morn. Chill of -12. “Neige début à 11h30” so they say. Delightful! Less than a cm. Right. OK. - 9.33 The lamp parts, on-line, are “Delivered”. The vit.C is “on the truck for delivery” today. Imagine that! So... it's off to the PO and LET THERE BE LGIHTS tonight. (Right. No heating. But at least I can SEE the cold.) - 10.09 YES... for the lamp parts. NO... for the fucking HEAP! (Ah... but HEAP is “government” and government are retards.) As for the lamps... there's a bit more work to this than planned because of the shades. But, a bit of cutting and modifications to the poles and all should (should) be well. Hey! At least the parts arrived... in great condition. Little things... little things... little things... (and a large money order to NYSEG this month and next). - 11.35 Isn't it “odd”? THE LAMP PARTS ARRIVED and all is well-enough. Had to do some trimming of the posts with hack-saw and pocket knife to accommodate the shades. One post (the one of choice, of course) split a bit but nothing drastic... or “too” drastic, thus far. Fuck! Of course. And now, the only real investment is the time. Drilling and attaching the little “legs” was the part that I thought as being quick and easy. And now that that's the only bit left too do, really, save the wiring, I've lost interest. I can't quite figure why. Truth be told, my entire mental situation has become “loss of interest”. Fatigue, of some sort. There's nobody around to be bothered by the noise to come. Nothing to stop me from proceeding. But mentally, I'm in some sort of “shut-down”. The cold? No, not really. The “sense of coming down with a cold of some kind or an allergy”? No, not really. Just a sudden on-set of apathy toward the whole thing. I suspect that, if I just push it all off to the side, I'll get a sudden burst of enthusiasm... at mid-night. Of course, Avery is delivering oil to the Reiners' as I type. My HEAP notice didn't come today. That's a bit of a depressive note. Oh well... We'll just plod along, I'm sure. Eventually, all will get “done”... eventually. It's not as though I'm on a time-constraint... at this juncture. - Of note: The visit to the PO this morning... Becky chats with me delightfully. Ms. Biddy? Tosses the lamp parts parcel and all but dismisses. A bit of “light chatter” and done. Yep. “Shit Parade”! I'm in the top 5! FUKKEM! FUKKEMALL! - Moving along... I could use a snooze. -
15.48, tea at hand at table and in the living-room, which has been put together and cleaned... TWO FUCKING FLOOR LAMPS! TWO FUCKING FLOOR LAMPS FROM ONE FUCKING OLD 2x4! DONE AND LIT AND MAKING FOR “HOME”! TWO FUCKING FLOOR LAMPS AT LAST! I DID IT!!! YES INDEED... I FUCKING DAMNED-WELL DID IT!!! I'd no sooner finished the entry about not wanting to be arsed with it today, and i got up, intending only to “start” the project. Well? It took a bit more than I'd expected. The top of each pole had to be cut, with a hack-saw and a pocket knife, to accommodate the shades. Not too messy, and not too difficult. Then came the drilling, which I anticipated as the “easy” bit. HAH! Gods-for-fucking-bit! “Easy”. The one drill bit that would have been perfect, to take the threaded bit onto which the light base is screwed, doesn't fit in the fucking DRILL! So, I had to drill and twist and turn and such. BUT... as it is now, that threaded bit is SCREWED into the pole quite tightly. Next? The “base”. Drill the screw-holes where they were needed, then try to keep the whole thing as level as possible on a floor that rolls about as much as the mountains around here. AND, of course, I wasn't particular when I cut those pieces so they're not exactly “perfectly level” them-selves. A bit of “adjusting” here and there, and instead of 1 screw each, they required 2 (of course they did). One to screw them to the pole and one to screw them together so the pole doesn't rock. OK. So, drill-drill-drill... and... AND... 2 poles-with-base, done. OUT to the living-room to wire the first lamp. (After digging up 2 light bulbs, of course.) Wire, wire, screw, screw, fit, fit, adjust, adjust and plug it in and... LIGHT! THERE WAS LIGHT! IN THAT WASTED CORNER... THERE WAS LIGHT! IT WORKS!!! OF COURSE I HAD TO GET TO THE NEXT ONE, IMMEDIATELY! More of the same of drill, screw, adjust, wire, move the futon, plug it in and... LIGHT! THERE WAS LIGHT IN THE CORNER BEHIND THE FUTON!!! IT TOO, WORKS!!! THEN... yes indeed, and of course, CLEANING! Out came the Hoover and varoom-varooooom! Spiffy clean, nice and tidy. PICTURES! Lamps and such and send and such and a set to Dorothy, a set to Donna and a set to Linda (from whom I'm not hearing of late and don't give a shit, to be honest). *** WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TODAY TO MAKE YOU FEEL PROUD? *** WELL Ms. HEATHER SMALL, THANK YOU FOR CALLING AND ASKING... I'VE GIVEN MY-SELF AND HOME THE GIFT OF ***LIGHT***! AND ALL MADE BY HAND... ***MY*** HAND! THANK ME VERY MUCH AND NOT TOO MUCH AT ALL.
One item of note: I'd turned the oven off as I worked and as I was putting the first lamp together the FUCKING FURNACE kicked in! AND IT WOULDN'T STOP UNTIL I HIT THE EMERGENCY SHUT-OFF! (Now, I have to hope I didn't screw it up and have to go down to hit the “re-set”.) It wasn't all THAT cold in here. Of course, I was busy moving about. But... no HEAP, no oil, no heat, no shit! No fucking around. - And so, now... all is back to as if none of this ever happened. - Mr. Alvin was out in the drive a little bit ago, chopping the ice there. I'd offer to help but... no. Then I saw him in the back yard getting fire-wood for his house. I''d offer to help but... no. I'm not addressed with any sort of respect any longer... I'm here. They're there. That's how it is. Besides... the ice has nothing to do with me. I was told the drive would be handled by Mr. John Demings. Ms. Diva's vehicle is in the way and it's not for me to move. Tough shit to all. Fire-wood? I've done MORE than my share (broken foot still reminding me) when it had a bit of benefit to me (and Hallie and Mimou)... Mr. Alvin's fire-wood is of no benefit to me so? FUKKIT! FUKKEM! FUKKEMALL! - Right now, 'tis time for tea as I await the delivery of my vit.C. AND... I need to do some washing-up... dishes... AND figure what I'm going to have with tonight's chicken. - Ah... now THIS day has passed and worth-the-while indeed. *ACCOMPLISHED*! (And delighted.) - (Now let's hope the new lamps don't trip circuit breakers or burn the place to the ground... FUCK.) - TEA TIME! - 18.11 Well? “Meal” of chicken and 2 baked potatoes, with “ice milk” (stress on the “ice” because the water content is HORRIBLE) and a couple of cookies after. Dishes in the drain, drying. Stove on “Warm” again. In from a smoke. Waiting for the vit.C and... aaaaaaaand... another day is gone, done, over, O-VUH! BUT... the lamp behind the futon makes the living-room SO much more “inviting”. It's amazing! - Lamps got great reception from Dorothy (who says “You could sell those!”) to Linda (who went on a tangent about her return to VT tomorrow). I've made a “comp” of 3 images which I might post to soc.med. (when I decide which “channel”). - I checked the furnace to make sure I didn't fuck it up when I turned it all off earlier. It's fine. Now, if only I had OIL in the tank! - Oh well... I'm ready for a snooze... whilst I await the poor UPS delivery guy. (So dark out there, and cold, and they're out driving about.) One thing: I HOPE they don't read the address (Box 5) as Nbr.5 and drop it on Ms. Diva's porch! But, I'll check during the evening. - Yes... a snooze, bathed in the “NEW LIGHT” for a bit. (Can't hurt. I don't get sleep anyway. Fuck.) - 18.22 VitC ARRIVED! AMAZING! THRILLING! JOY JOY JOY! And just as I was getting ready to have a lie-down. YAY! And the guy was incredible! Came to the door and KNOCKED! I tossed compliments (and comparisons to the USPS) LAVISHLY! - 19.06 Snooze interrupted by TOOTH-ACHE! Oddly, Ms. Biddy had one today too... same place, lower right. Hmmm.... Oh well. Probably just as well. MAYBE I'll get to bed on time tonight... though, sitting here, on the futon, basking in the LIGHT... it's wonderful! What a shame it's chilly in the house. BUT... there's a rumour that it'll be “warmer” next week... NOT doubt-digits warmer but... at this point, ANY warmer will do. - So? On with passing time. I should file my nails. SHOULD get to the crochet. But... nope... “pass” the time. I'm tired... AND SO EXCITED! ALL OF MY “SHOPPING” HAS ARRIVED! AND, I'VE TAKEN MY Vit.C! No “UTI” or bladder/kidney troubles... I can only hope. - 23.31 A pleasant evening on the futon, bathed in the “NEW LIGHT”. The living-room thermometer reads at about 70F but the rest of the house is... well... never mind the bed-room. It takes this long to warm the place and by about 2.00, the furnace will kick up again. Tonight, I'm lowering it. Tomorrow night is -14° or less/more/FRIDGID! But for now, it's off to the loo, teeth brushing and off to bed with the hope of NO FUCKING PAIN OF ANY SORT through the night. (I was too lucky too long.) - Tomorrow? Don't know. Can't care right now. One day, one night at a time. (I'll have to bake cookies though.)

Fri.15.Nov: 6.26 Yes... SIX-26! Rudely awakened, on my own, at 5.54, to the sound of “fa-FOOM!” The FURNACE! HELL NO! And a drippy nose, for some reason. (I'm thinking the furnace was running through the night... intermittently, but running, kicking up the dust and that explains the nose.) BUT... I got up, to pee, blow my nose, turn the FURNACE OFF AND... coffee went on and that was that. I'm up, dressed, in from a smoke, staring at the heavy, dark clouds o'er the Keene Valley, enjoying the 1° of this still “Autumn” morn. Coffee on the “coffee table”, I'm sitting on the futon, under the LIGHT of the LAMP I made only yesterday. Oven on already. And a glance at the météo... Today, temperatures of “civil”, tonight, temperatures of HIDEOUS AND... tomorrow, negative double-digits... for the “HIGH”. Yep. AND... Saturday morning... tomorrow morning... at 5.00... -15° with a chill of... -20°... yes... that's MINUS 20! So... that alone convinced me to stay up, turn on the oven, get the warmth to fill this little house in the valley. THIS is going to cost me quite horribly, in the long run. I'm just going to have to pay the electric bill by post, money order, and send a HELL of a LOT MORE than the “Budget” else, I'll be up to my hair-line (quite high these days) in debt, come the “end of the budget term”. And I don't know it that's at the end of MY year here or the calendar year. Which-ever... I'm looking at being HAMMERED! (The ONLY respite/reprieve is that it's apparently illegal to cut electric before April... but of course, I KNOW THAT'S a load and a crock of shit, if ever there was. They'll snap that switch faster than I can snap a circuit breaker in this old house.) - Anyway... there's the morning. Here's the morning. And there are “things” I need to attend straight away. - Heavy on the chest. Anxieties, to be sure. Alas. But I'm up. Coffee's done. Have had my vit.C, thanks to Amazon and UPS. So? So... we shall see (said the blind man). Indeed. - 10.00 WELL! Took a snooze from about 8-9.00, awakened by the sweet sound of the “Thump!Thump!” of the paper-towel dispenser next door. No prob. But I NEEDED that snooze. AND it gave the house a chance to warm-up a touch. And since I'm up and have been putting it off for far too long, I've posted the sale of that “collectible” plate and re-posted the sale of the socket wrenches on Crgslst. Another item off my “Must To Do” list. - Finishing this morning's coffee and passing a bit of time as the world comes pouring-down upon the PO. Also waiting for the “ATT” phone to charge a touch. It was OUT completely... my radio! - Actually dreading going over to the PO this morning... although all the “shopping” is done, that fucking HEAP letter causes me more grief than I can tell. Truth is, at the moment, even if it were to arrive today, there's nothing that could be done to ward-off the cold of tonight and tomorrow at this point in time. So? So... “merrily we roll along”. Fuck. I'll just have to order more tea-lites from Ikea (no prob) for Chanukah and dip into that supply... tonight... no doubt... get the “terracotta heater” going in the bed-room and remember to keep the furnace turned down... until such time as I am up and about. (I should check the oil tank at some point in time during the day as well... Now... talk about DREAD!) - Well then, fine then. There's some whites in soaking in the basin. And I'm sure there's something I'm forgetting to get to. (Probably should go check the truck as well at some point too. I'm going to HAVE to get into town... not later than Sunday, at this point. More DREAD! More-so with the starting and running of the truck than much else. I could, I suppose, just give-up the ghost and take the walk... it'd probably do me some good to get the exercise anyway. We shall see. The “warmth” is supposed to return after tomorrow. Hmpf. “Warmth”... 2 degrees above freeze.) - OK... on we go... with... what-ever. - 10.19 Well... the Journals are up-to-date. There's another item attended. (I HAVE to get to the 2020 pages AND the “new menu” pages as well! OH! Things to occupy the day!) - 11.08 Only the news paper in today's post. I suppose I need to keep in mind, it's only 3 days from the beginning AND, I've NO doubt, pay-outs are as received. MY application was “late”. Oh well. The day will come (I've no doubt) that I'll have to “call the sheriff's office for EMERGENY... and all the hamlet will be “in the know”. FUKKEM!) - And on that note, we go on with the rest of the day. There ARE items that need attending. I just don't want to be arsed. And THAT, dear reader, is my main problem. SO many plans for this new place... deferred and deflected, ignored and rejected. I'm a mess. - 14.07 JUST UP FROM THE CELLAR (mostly because I keep hearing “thumping” about the place, which I'm supposing is falling snow... it's really rather tolerable out there) AND I DID CHECK THE OIL TANK... THE GAUGE HAS HARDLY MOVED AT ALL!!! STILL AT JUST ABOUT A QUARTER OF A TANK! WITH THE THREAT OF MINUSES FROM TONIGHT THROUGH TOMORROW... I'LL BE, AT LEAST COVERED FOR THAT LENGTH OF TIME! HOW I DREADED LOOKING AT THAT THING! NOW, WHAT A RELIEF IT IS TO KNOW! But this is going to cost me SO DEARLY, in electric... the oven is still on... from about 6.00 this morning, and I am NOT turning it off until the last minute! (But tonight, maybe I can put the furnace up a bit... well, higher than it is now, at about 52F anyway.) - As for the rest of the day? Had a bit of bread an butter with tea. Watched “Allo Allo” and completed the “survey” sent. There were other items I thought I should get to today, but I can't recall any of them at the moment. My mind is a complete DUMP! Oh well. I'll think of them at mid-night... no doubt. - And Mr. Alvin is next door. Thankfully, the temperatures have risen a touch (before tonight's deep freeze). The poor cat, over there alone... and that thermostat set at “55F”. Fuckers round here. You'd think they could at least put some oil in the tank for their “dear neighbour and friend”. Morons. It's always the same. (Hey! I suppose I should be thankful that *I* don't have the money... I'd be the first to call somebody for a delivery... and as it is... well... I'm just up from the cellar checking my own. Fuck.) - 18.07 Meal done... and NOT “done”... 2 hours in the oven and the chicken and rice wasn't quite “well”. BUT... it was eaten and sufficed. The “ice cream”? More ice than anything because the sugar didn't get mixed with the milk. So I'm thawing the half container and will add milk and sugar when... - The oven? Still on. The weather? Just in from a half-smoke and it's WINDY! Ah HAH! And the winds are from... the North. SO? So! Tonight... we just might get to that -20 chill. I'm keeping the oven running for as long as possible (and to finish cooking the other chicken bit). THANKFULLY, there's oil in the tank for ... MAYBE... 65F tonight? MAYBE! - Now? On to music to the G's channel. I don't need no shit tonight. (I could use a drink though... maybe... MAYBE... but I doubt it.) - 22.08 Since it's going to be a chill of -20 tonight, I've put the thermostat up to 70F, turned the oven off at 22.00. I'll be up for at least an hour. The stove is off. I want to see how long it takes for the temperature to drop, to kick the furnace up and how long it take the furnace to bring it back up to 70F. At 62F setting, it has to go down to 60F to call for heat. Then, it doesn't take all that long to get back up to 62. The place has been at 72F most of the day today, so the house is “warmed”. And there's the rumour that claims “maintaining temperature is more efficient than re-heating”. Let's see. I'll be watching whilst I “soc.med.” - 23.00 And the furnace hasn't kicked yet. THIS is GOOD NEWS! - 23.02 FURNACE IS ON... let's see how long it runs until we get back up to 70F. It's about 68/69 now. - 23.14 WOW! DID THIS PLACE EVER GET *** HOT *** IN MERE MOMENTS, ONCE THAT FURNACE KICKED IN WITH THE HEAT! AND... IN 12 MINUTES, START-UP TO SHUT-DOWN... NOW... let's see how long it takes to have to kick up again. Hopefully, I won't have to turn the thermostat back down to 62... but at -20C, it'll probably run just as much as it would set at 70F. We shall see. But it WAS/IS amazing, how quickly the place heats! Now, if ONLY I HAD FUCKING OIL! - 23.53 Furnace is coming up again. So there's about 45 minutes in between runs, and it's only -4 with a chill of -9 at the moment. I might just turn it back down when I go to bed... the -20 isn't supposed to hit until 6.00 tomorrow morning so... At least I'm getting a good idea of how much oil this thing will be using... come January/February. Now, let's see how long it takes to turn off again.... AND... MID-NIGHT ON THE NOSE AND THE FURNACE WENT OFF AGAIN!

Sat.16.Nov: 0.05 FURNACE NOTES: THERMOSTAT SET AT 70F.
23.02 “ON” (the motor starts, no fan).
23.14 “OFF” (fan and all)
RAN 12 MINUTES FROM “START” TO “STOP”. 23.53 “ON” AGAIN.
39 MINUTES FOR THE HOUSE TO COOL.
24.05 “OFF”.
ANOTHER 12-MINUTE RUN.
Temperature out-side: -6, chill of -11 (21F/12F)
Expected to drop to -15/-20 (5/-4F) by 6.00.
In the next 6 hours, at 40 minutes between “chills”, the furnace should kick-up 9 times, running 12 minutes each time is 108 minutes... for a total of 1,8 hours. Or... almost 2 hours of run time.
0.42 and the furnace is UP again...
The “average” IS becoming every 40 minutes so the thermostat will be turned back down for the night. I was also reading-up on the theory of “maintaining v. re-heating” and no matter where I looked, it was the same: lower temperature settings are more efficient based on the “science” of decreasing the difference between internal and external temperatures. So? I need to have the furnace NOT run for at least an hour or so during the night. It's going to be a chilly one!
1.15 Thermostat set back down to 64F and I'm off to bed before the “bitter” hits. It's going to be a RUDE awakening... in a little while. Let's see how this rolls. FUCK! - 10.05 Up at 5.45 to pee and because it's when I woke. I got up JUST as the furnace began. And, as usual, moments pass and the furnace goes off. FINE! The house wasn't all that cold anyway (although, under all the blankets, and a matter of about 4 hours, which is the “sleep” I'd gotten at that point, I was warm from the trapped body heat... what little of it there is at my age). So I toddled to the loo and on the way back to bed, turned the oven on. And back to sleep... “Sleep” until “BAM! BANG! THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP! BANG! RUMBLE RUMBLE! SCREECH!” Ms. Biddy and her brat arrived next door. Honestly, this morning it's been the worst. As if she's intentionally making all the more annoyance. BUT... I say nothing... Be cheerie. Fuck. So, at 9.25 I just gave in and got up to BRILLIANT sun-shine, clear, blue skies, such as those seen in post cards from holidays. “Scrape scrape scrape” of a snow shovel. I looked out the window... There's a DUSTING... there's nothing to “shovel”. A quick pass with a broom and all would be as if nothing had been there. (But then that, I suppose, only to those capable of proper thought.) A check of the météo: -9°. Not “great” but certainly not -40. Make coffee. Take vitamins. Get dressed. Half smoke. A gulp of coffee and next door to give my “survey” on the town (U CONN) and to receive... NOTHING no HEAP again! (Just last night I thought: I wont' get any word from those shit-bags until December, at this point. And even then... FUCKIED... I've no doubt.) - And so, as the sun shines in through the bed-room windows, the house lights nicely, the oven sends warmth to the ceiling, coffee waits on the little table (I'm in the living-room), I'm soaking labels off coffee jars. I had the terracotta heater lit when I went to bed this morning. I don't know that it did any good, but I don't know that it didn't. It was calmingly delightful to look at before drifting off, at any rate. But at the last minute, I decided to raise it higher from the “table” (plywood over a box, covered with canvass...). Concern about the bottom getting too warm being too close to the flamables. And yes, of course, I had to go digging for jars at bed-time. None-the-less, the height is better and the jars need “de-labeling” (if I can shove another non-existent word into the American vocab). So they're soaking in the kitchen basin and me? Two items on my “list” today: 1. More pages for the journals for the year 2020 (FUCK ME! WHY? Or... well... there's still time to skip that year... drop dead from freezing... there's still a chance, or a heart-attack, or collapsed lungs... I might have to walk into town tomorrow for food and such... there's always a “chance”... road-side) and 2. CROCHET... if for no other reasons than... for me. That's going to be a bit difficult because my thumb and fore-finger are “cracked”. I can't under stand why. I haven't been cold enough, and I haven't been worn gloves, other than to shovel once. Oh well... May NOTHING in this life be with-out pain. Amen. - Time to move along. We're at 10.20 already! Goodness me! Any moment now the sun will peek in through the living-room windows and drop behind the mountains... leaving us in darkness at the end of another day. (Won't be but just over a month until the Winter Solstice and... what-the-fuck-ever.) - 12.35 PO closed. Peace in the valley. Sun POURING down out of the clearest of skies. The house is comfy-warm. A bit of coffee left in the pot. The coffee jars are in the rack, drying. I'll put them under the terracotta heater when they're dry. Had a BM this morning. Inexplicably “untidy”. Can't seem to “clean” properly. (I often wonder if those “things” aren't actually some kind of “nodes” or “nodules”. But never mind that. At this juncture, it really isn't important. I'm “old”. All these “dangly bits” on butt and pits make no difference any-way. Nobody else will see them... until I'm about to be buried.) All's quite well, all things considered. But there's this “un-rest” that won't let go. “Anxieties” with NO obvious basis in ANY reality. I'm trying to focus on putting the “new menu” onto all of these Journal pages and for some reason, my brain won't “settle” on “every page” or only specific pages. Insignificant thoughts, really. But the brain keeps chaotically buzzing, soaring, moving, bouncing, slamming into itself, into nothing, just constant motion. I sit, looking about the living-room. The carpet catches my attention and I find it annoying. I want to re-arrange things, but I don't. I want to listen to the radio, but I don't. I want to listen to music, but I don't. Want to go some-where, but I don't. Want to but don't want to... simultaneously. The fridge isn't running, which is rare (as I typed that, it started a-fucking-gain). The silence annoys me, the sound of it annoys me. Nothing annoys me. Everything annoys me. I'm tired but not tired. The oven clicks on. I'm annoyed (and think of the electric bill). It clicks off and I'm annoyed (thinking of the cold that comes along from places I can't find). Hair-cut. Toe nails. And I don't want to be arsed. The quiet is precious... and annoying. And rather than getting on with the tasks at hand (the “menu” on the Journal and the crochet work I should be getting to), I'm typing this shit! And then... thoughts of the truck and tomorrow and will the brakes hold or will all go to shit half-way to some-where? Insurance is due. Repairs are necessary. Registration. Bill-paying. Walking 8 miles to and from town for necessities... AGAIN! Alas. I think this is what's known as “cabin fever”... and it's TOO bloody-fucking early in the season! - 21.45 After a snooze of about 30 minutes today, because it was SO comfy-warm in here and the sun so brilliant, the day rolled along with me wasting time, as usual. Meal came... left-over chicken and rice and ice-stuff for dessert. BUT... BUT... BUT... I've gotten ALL the pages for the DA/on-line Journal completed for 2020-2025! WITH THE NEW “Drop-Down” Menu/”Index”! AT LONG LAST! Now... I have to go through ALL of the “old” pages and up-date them! Hey! Busy, busy, busy. AND... it kept my mind away from depression over HEAP not being here, oil needed for the next who-knows-how-long AND TOMORROW'S NEED TO GET INTO TOWN FOR FOOD AND SMOKES (in that order, of course). So now, tonight, I'm going to watch “Guttfeld” for a while and have a shower (because it's needed for MORE reasons than one and MORE than I care to get into between “cover-alls” (in the living-room... I have the freedom for that again) and BMs and the such... never mind). HOPEFULLY, there will be enough oil to keep the place “warm-enough” through tonight (AND until the HEAP comes through... let me be specific). The oven's been on all day again and this is going to ROCKET-THRUST the electric bill to ... I don't even want to think about it now. - Anyway... 9 smokes in the pack... for tonight and tomorrow. And let's just hope there's no need to walk either TO or FROM town... tomorrow. (We shall see when tomorrow gets here, indeed, of course, and I don't plan on it being “well”... because I'm not THAT completely stupid.) - But tonight is tonight and that's all we can deal with at present... as the house cools again... at -12 with a chill of -15 and tonight's low of -15/-19 A-FUCKING-GAIN! NEXT week is expected to see fewer minuses... I'll believe that when it happens. At this rate, there won't be enough oil to get me through... VERY COLD TIMES ARE COMING! HELLO RICHFORD... AGAIN! - I'm off... to smoke, decide on a “beverage” or hot water... and TV before bed-time. FUCK ME! - At least I got those pages done. - Oh... and not a blip from ANY-BODY ALL DAY! Hmpf.

Sun.17.Nov: 0.13 TIME FOR THAT SHOWER AND TO BED! Watched Guttfeld, got carried away in soc.med. But MUST shower tonight. - Tooth-ache again. - And again, tonight... even in the °F... NEGATIVES... though only 1°. Oh well... I must recall, at all times... Richford... and hope... mostly that the stove holds through. - Truth is: I also have to remember that this was the first week of the “HEAP Season”. (Though I still seriously doubt they'll come through before the oil runs out.) - 7.56 and -13° out there as the tuft of cloud meander their way in front of the ever-so slowly rising sun. -1 for today's “high”. And as I stood on the porch, having my morning smoke, I looked at the road, calculating the time.... 2 hours in, 2 hours back for today's journey into town. The latest I can leave here and still walk in some day-light: noon. Tomorrow? -1 for the “high” and “sleet”. So yes, today IS “the day”. Snow on Tuesday. BUT on Wednesday, the minuses leave... during the day! Single digits through to Sunday next. Minuses at night, of course, but single digits, for a change. And Saturday at 0° high, minus only 2 at night. Well? Well, indeed. HEY! It's not the trip into St-Albans at 20mi. Nor the trip into Sutton at 16. I have to figure what I'm going to get in the way of food, and how to bring it back. At least I can still get some meat, and not have to worry (too much) about it going bad en route. Sadly... no ice cream though. Oh well. “Such is life.” as the old expression goes. - But I did get to light out at 1.00 this morn. Did wake at about 5-ish, to the sound of the furnace. And when I got up again, to get out of bed, again, the sound of the furnace! And THAT is why I'm up and dressed now. HAD to turn THAT off! (I hear the thumping on the back porch, the door to Ms. Diva's slamming. Where, I wonder, do people get the notion that making noise, announcing their arrival, is “proper”?) - Anyway and so... 'tis an “adventure” ahead today. (I'll pass it off as “needed exercise”, the “joy of walking and seeing the sights”. Who knows? Maybe I WILL get some good photos along the way. Something to post to social media? WHAT-ever. - Right now, the oven is on (thankfully). And the fucking fridge has finally stopped running. THAT has already been an annoyance this morning. I'm trying to hear the furnace and that fucking shit-box groans! Alas. (One must be thankful for having one that functions in the least. OR... it would be “food storage on the porch” again. “Life”... HIGHLY over-rated.) - I'm off to the morning now. Let's see how all progresses. I figure I'll try the truck at 11.00 (when it should be only -7° but, IF the sun manages to hit it, MAYBE it'll warm things enough to start and run?). That way, if things go “terribly wrong” (as I expect them so to do), I can simply walk away from it and hit the road. Meanwhile, it looks like needing the old back-pack again. And so... here we go! (Again.) - 10.02 Back-pack out and ready to go. Jacket out and ready to wear. Sun's out and I'm not sure if it's given enough warmth to the truck but... I'm about to find out. HERE WE GO! (Meanwhile, this house will NOT warm up this morning!) - 11.41 3 PACKS OF SMOKES ON THE TABLE! 2 PACKAGES OF CHICKEN, 3 CONTAINERS OF ICE CREAM, 10 TINS OF SOUP, 2 BOTTLES OF V8, A POUND OF BUTTER, 2 LITERS OF CRANBERRY JUICE... WAITING ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR TO BE PUT AWAY!!! I MADE THE TRIP!!! THERE!!! AND!!! BACK!!! AND BEFORE NOON! (And now for a nervous break-down.) - 13.29 Chicken's in the freezer! Dishes, cleaned. BUT, of course, JUST AS I WAS THINKING “This all went too, TOO well. I'm going to have to lose something because of what I've been given....” SPLASH! SOAPY WATER DOWN THE JEANS... OF COURSE... BECAUSE IT HAD CLOROX IN IT (to wash the chicken away)!!! SO... NOW... the jeans AND the under-wear (lavage for tomorrow?) are in soaking. OK. Fine. Puts me a day ahead in some respects. BUT... right now... I'm going for a lie-down! I've HAD ENOUGH already! (And now Mr. Alvin's out there chopping at... nothing, really.) - 13.59 THIS was NOT part of the day's plan but... tomorrow's lavage is hanging to dry! The kitchen is back to order. Groceries and smokes have been bought. The truck got started and rolled. The sun is still shining (though not for much longer). The house is actually comfortably warm (for a while). I have butter on the counter, softening... COOKIES for tonight! AND... ICE CREAM... MINE AND THE REAL STUFF! AND... 70 left of FS! (HOW I WISH that could be converted to cash to pay OIL! BUT... we don't ask “too” much.) And now? I'm going for a fucking NAP! -
14.19 I'd just finished the previous entry and decided, since I was on the net, to check my Author Channel... There were a few “tags”... from Linda, so I checked-in to see what news... I'm just going to add the screen-cap of the post... I don't know what to say about it right now, I'm tired, exhausted, really, crying and wishing I could simply drop dead... the pain. It's been too many weeks from since I've heard from the VT qunt... too many weeks of wondering how Mimou is... and being too certain he's dead. And now Linda... I'm just a wreck. (There... I thought something would have to “balance” all the glory of this morning... here's my “pain for the day.”) - 15.24 That 30-minute “nap” was a horror. Not restful at all. In fact, I don't know where the time went, but I know I didn't “doze” through any of it. And now, waking, it's no better. I have water on for tea. The chicken is in the oven. Mr. Alvin is next-door again, banging about. And my chest is full of stones. I have a votive lit. Not sure exactly why, but it seems to be of some “help”. The sun is setting. And so too... my mood. I can't help but think that something happened to Mimou. And that I don't hear any news... just makes it worse. But, if something DID happen to him, and that little one who showed-up at Linda's barn, in this bitter cold weather is Mimou... the good of it is that he's found a “life home”, as she calls it. He's with some-one who WILL give him the Love that he deserves, the comfort, the protection, the caring and compassion. My head aches now. I need a distraction... I'll try to have my tea and work on the new pages for all of this Journal... and hope the time passes... passes. - 17.35 “Meal” (2 chicken thighs and a bit of left-over rice with “ice-milk” dessert) is done. Dishes too. In from a smoke on the porch under a “night” sky. Indeed... “night”. - I've found an hour-long video of some young “fellers” from the West, hiking the “High Peaks” on Utoob! So... I'm “down for the evening”. Looking forward to going to bed... HOPEFULLY to sleep. Though, with thoughts of the day, the greatness of the morning, the heart-aches of the after-noon (Mimou!)... I don't know. A Nighty Night tea before bed tonight! (I'd opt for a v-ton or something but I can't be certain that it'll help with sleep... probably just increase the pain in my heart, the heaviness in my chest, the thoughts, the “RAGE” of not hearing ANY news of the little ones. (She's proving her-self to be all that I've said: self-serving, selfish, ego-centric, inconsiderate, apathetic, a general... “qunt”.) Yes, I left. Yes, I left almost abruptly. But it wasn't with-out sufficient warning. She KNEW, all along. How many times did I say that “I WILL NOT DIE IN THIS SHIT-HOLE!”? Evil... pure evil. - Time to head for the living-room, the futon... a mug of hot water and the rest of the video. - 20.57 Nighty Night tea steeping... following ANOTHER WONDERFUL chat with DONNA! for the longest. “Burn's”, “Bend An Elbow”, “My Brother's Place” (yes, in Smallwood! I remembered!) “Dino's”. And ALL sorts of strolls down Memory Lane. She said something that I still don't understand: “You were always funny.” ME? The piss-poor attitude, miserable prick? WOW! I NEVER knew and NEVER would have thought it. SHIT! I brought smiles, laughter and happiness to people! HOW in HELLZ name did I manage THAT? I'll never know. Imagine! - Anyway... not a word from Linda about Mimou. I guess she hasn't seen my posts on the soc.med. Fine. I'll let it roll as it is. THAT STILL makes me a bit on the heart-sick side. But, I'm speculating... and I have to keep that in mind. (The old qunt's probably in the Middle East at this time anyway... Never mind.) - So tea is steeping and hopes are for a night's sleep. - What I can't get over is that there's a ball of cookie dough in the fridge. I never got to bake it! Cookies in the fridge. Ice cream in the freeze and I'm not devouring! ME! Of ALL people. Hey! I'm getting “old”. Oh well. So be it. - Now, to soc.med. for tea-time and then... BED TIME! - The house is comfy tonight. But it's not all that cold out. THANK YOU! MAYBE I WILL be able to stretch the oil. (Now, to focus on the propane! Always something.) - 23.04 Tea done and smoke had. The little votive on the futon table is crackling... must be the scented oil I'd put into the glass when I put the candle in. Oh well... I see that doesn't work so well (though it does have a scent... burning, but it's a scent). And the soc.med. is done and the house is starting to “cool” a touch. - I moved the lavage to the kitchen by the radiator. The under-wear is almost DRY! Must be the heating (the oven, drying the place out). - Oh well... another day is done. Me too. Let's hope the tea does what it's supposed to do and I can get to sleep. - Tomorrow's forecast: FREEZING RAIN MOST OF THE AFTER-NOON! TODAY WAS A GREAT CALL! -

Mon.18.Nov: 8.09 Coffee's in the press. I'm in from a -2°, very over-cast smoke on the porch, and 64F in the house, 16° in the bed-room and the oven is... ON! - Lights went out at 23.45 last night. Up to pee at 0.30. Back to bed and slept through! Thank you Nighty Night! Woke at about 5.30. NOPE! But up at 7.45, feeling AWFUL... with HEAVY chest and light head and coffee was on by 8.00. - Forecast for the day is as it is right now, but a POSITIVE temperature of 2° with “pluie” for the matin and “pluie verglacante” for the after-noon and evening, turning to neige for the night. How “Autumnal”... one could say, but one would be insane for having said since it's more “hiver” in my book. (8.15 and the “thumthumpthump” next door. At least I know when they're coming to check on Little Girl. How charming. Ah, the sound of an Adirondack morn. “Peace”. Bollocks.) - This morning's thoughts, bouncing about in the old skull: MIMOU! and chats with Donna, and all the horrors of child-hood. Last night she mentioned how she and the rest would get a pet, dog, cat, &c., and most of the time, in their absence from the house, Alvin would take the little thing out to the woods and shoot it! They'd had a cat and Alvin took it to a brook and, in front of them, he DROWNED it! It NEVER ceases to amaze me... the violence we grew-up with! It's a wonder that we're not all heavily medicated, “wards of the state”, complete and utter messes. But one of my own wonders is how John, Cindy and Joe became such incredible disasters of humanity when, in my own environment, THEY had it quite better, all considered. THEY had a mother who went to work, cared for them, making sure that work didn't keep her away from them, she provided food, clothing, shelter and time, even when their time to “leave the nest” rolled round. Pampered to the very last minute of her (mother's) life. Meanwhile, the cousins were existing on “macaroni with ketchup”, anything “potato”, the violence of Alvin, as I was being brutally beaten at every round of the second-hand of the clock. And here we are today. And we can actually get laughs out of all the bull-shit! Ah... but we've lived long enough to get the facts, the truth out. What a shame those responsible for the atrocities are now dead. Only “reputation” can be destroyed... and even then, thus far, only amongst the victims. Oh well. It all happened and is done. MUCH time has passed between the events and the moment at hand... and we can chat about it... and not from under a shroud of medication. “The best revenge is living well.” so they say. All issues considered... I suppose we ARE living well... Well? - Nice way to begin a day. Eh? Time to focus on other things. - I'll have to try crochet at some point. I'm a bit angry: the ONE pattern that I want to work in the “book” I purchased is missing and I'm getting NO response from the seller! “Etsy”... what a fuck-up. And 4 fingers on the right hand are “cracked” and a bit sore t the touch. Of course, the “hook-holding” hand. Oh well... I'll have to see if I can't muddle through. There's no telling whether or not the finished “snow-flakes” will generate income if I don't get to them. (I'll have to put some up in a window... even with-out the hoops... MORE to ponder and create... some-how. Perhaps “rustic”? The “Adirondack Life” magazines are FULL of that shit. ALL sorts of “home furnishings” made with ALL sorts of tree limbs. Once upon a time, I'd be all creative along those lines, a house FULL of felled trees and limbs. “Taste” has changed. Oh well.) - And there are still pages on the Journals that need the “new format”, the new “menu”. So there's “stuff” to pass the day. So let's pass! Eh? - Fukkit. - Oh... not to mention... 5 days into HEAP Season and... FUCK ME! - 10.01 WELL... THE DAY IS DONE... THE POST IS IN. NOTHING FROM HEAP. BUT THE NYSEG BILL ARRIVED... AND WERE I NOT ON THE “BUDGET”... I'D BE DEAD, DEAD, BURIED AND GONE! ACTUAL BILLING FOR THE PAST MONTH... 272 (and change)!!! HEATING THIS PLACE WITH THE STOVE WILL AVERAGE 300$/MONTH! HEATING IT WITH OIL? PROBABLY LESS. (But no “budget billing” on oil... THAT has to be considered.) Well? I was planning on sending more toward the electric bill this month... looks like I'll be “'considering” a HELL of a LOT MORE than I was... and getting a HELL of a LOT LESS than I might have thought about getting other-wise. Like what? I don't know. But THANK THE FATES FOR FS! ANYWAY... Welcome to the “Real World”... Independence. Responsibility. Death. (Hey... I DID “come home to die”.) BUT FUCK! NO HEAP NOTICE? I'm willing to wager that the application never went in and that all this “Check your mail” is a line of “Fuck off and leave me alone!” Mentally and emotionally, I'm actually in that set anyway... that NOTHING will come and for the next 4 months at minimum, the electric will average 300$. By the end of the season... 1200... a full brake job on the truck. Time to get busy, figuring an “augmented income”. Indeed. - Meanwhile I note: as i left the PO, Mr. Alvin came in, walked right by, said nothing to me, not even an acknowledgement of presence. I note only because I note. There's nothing more to be said. “Shit Parade”... It's very much like living in The Bronx: neighbours... and no chat. Fine and good. Hey! Yesterday I was prepared to walk to town for necessities. I've walked farther, in worse conditions. (I HAVE to check and see how far I can walk these days. Best to be prepared. Obviously, that “community support” doesn't apply to “all”.) - Time to move along. The “business” of the day is done. The rest is “passing time”. - 14.06 The binoculars and reel are re-posted to Crgslst today. A new batch of “ammonia” cookies (too much baking soda) are done and put up. I'm doing my best to keep “distracted” from the electric bill and to keep from ringing DSS and bitching about the HEAP. (I COULD call them and scream “Emergency!” because I'm below 1/4 tank of oil and am eligible for “Emergency!” help, but... I'll wait until tomorrow... IF the letter hasn't arrived by the time I get to the PO... the phone will be used. - Tired. I tried for a 30-minute nap from 10.30-11.00 but all the banging and screeching and such... nope. So now? I'm on to the next distraction du jour... what-ever that becomes as it happens. - So, there's a plate at 40, a reel at 95 and binoculars at 120. Let's see what goes (if anything) and how soon. If nothing else... it'll help with the heating! - Oh... PS: Text from Dorothy, “I'll call you tomorrow.” Check. Ignored. - 18.23 Meal is done. Dishes done. 2 chicken thighs. 2 baked potatoes. 12 cookies with milk. Hot water. Nap time! - 23.10 A couple of episodes of “Allo Allo”, after putting the new “menu” on 2011-2015. There's an entire duplicate of the server on the lap-top and now I'm terrified that the lap-top will crash. It would be my “fortune”. - The house is FINALLY comfortably warm. It takes about 14 hours to warm this place up and only about an hour to chill it again! Fucking shits! So I've stayed up as long as I can, having cookies and milk whilst watching the “tele” so that I don't have to turn the oven off too early. (Fuck, it's going to cost me 300$/month anyway, I may as well just ride along with it. HEY! I'll be putting “extra” into this month's payment anyway Was thinking of sending 100, but as I re-think, it'll probably be 50 more and that's that. I have to think of me too.) So on that note, I'm “in need of a quick shower before bed”. I HOPE there's hot water AND propane to create MORE! (JEEZUS! THIS is getting ridiculous! Where the fuck is the HEAP? Although, the season's only started a week now... surely the inept idiots are still trying to figure it all out... morons. I have to check to see when the payment came in Richford... not that I expect it to be the same here, in NY. But... it'll give me some idea?) - Ah... thank goodness for this “Journal”. I just hope I have that info. here... some-where.) - 23.36 Just went through the “Richford” journal days... on 3 January, 2013, the temperature was * -27°! * and there was a notation in February that I'd received “notice” that I still qualified for “Emergency HEAP”. I never did go for that. (Should have done... but tonight, I've learnt something... TOMORROW, I'M GOING TO CALL AND CHECK IF I CAN'T GET IT NOW! HELL! I DIDN'T AVAILA MY-SELF OF IT BEFORE... I MAY AS WELL GO FOR IT NOW. FUCK THESE PEOPLE HERE! I know the word is already out that I'm on FS. They can scratch... these “New Russians”... these “Good Folks”. Yep... tomorrow's agenda: EMERGENCY OIL!) As for the propane? If I can get the oil, I'll handle the propane... some-how. Anyway... good news for the end of the day. Now... to a VERY QUICK SHOWER and to BED! (I've turned the oven off... time to RUSH!) - Oh... By the way, I posted the Crgslst post to the Minds channel and got a “comment”. Some guy saying how great the quality of Steiner is but too expensive. Then made some sort of reference to not trusting stuff from “Russia”! HAH! Yes, I corrected and informed and educated him... it's NEW YORK! (They never read.) But what a rather promising note. People KNOW the quality of Steiner! Let's HOPE!

Tue.19.7.42 and ONLY because I HAD to pee at 7.30, I'm up, dressed, in from a morning smoke AND IT'S DRIZZLING OUT THERE AND IT'S FREEZEING ON THE TREES! BUT... THE MÉTÉO CLAIMS THE TEMPEARATURE IS 1° OUT THERE *AND IN THE LIVING-ROOM THE TERMOSTAT CLAIMS IT'S 60F!* It felt “strange”, walking across the kitchen... a touch of “warmth” to the place. I attributed it to having just come from the warmth of the bed, but checking the thermostat... I WAS SHOCKED! *SHOCKED*, I TELL YOU! Makes no sense at all. Brain went into a “WTF” moment. I mean, the thermostat is set at 62F, so the furnace wouldn't have come on to give heat. I don't know where the warmth has come from, but... here it is. Quite the example of a body adjusting. Apparently, I'm doing just that when 68F feels “warm”, and the house is “comfortable” and maintains such a temperature. Am I complaining? OH HELL NO! AND... a check of the next 7 days shows nights of single-digit minuses, and the days... there's a PLUS 5 in the forecast! “Normal”! JUST as I was going into “CALL FOR EMERGENCY AID” mode. OK! So I'll ride along... though I shouldn't. I SHOULD call for “Emergency” anyway. (I'm going to be working on the “new menu” today anyway... I'll re-check the “Richford” days as I go along. Last night I could find ANY reference to WHEN the HEAP arrived there. MANY references to “oil” though... ) One thing I have to note about the “review” is that something suddenly struck me that I've not thought of all these years. I have one electric bill from Richford... 400$. I've been thinking, all along, that it's because Silas didn't pay the bills in full when they arrived. I never opened them, because I was too pre-occupied with the “oil” (back then already). BUT, receiving THIS current bill for almost 300$, I understand. In Richford, there were references to an “electric heater”. The only one I recall is the little one I used to heat my bed-room. But there are references to another one, from Silas' room. AND a reference to having used the oven as well. AND, we had an electric stove THERE too. Those bills MUST have been at least 4000$/month, EVERY month! When I went to bed last night (23.30, after a VERY quick shower... because of a “stimulating” episode in the after-noon... though not “HF”, rather interesting and some-what “pleasant”), one point in fact that provided SOME consolation is that here, I'm trying to warm only ONE storey, and in CONSIDERABLY LESS space. I mean, THERE, in Richford, it was about TWICE (at least) the area on the first storey and then there was the up-stairs as well! Yes lazies and germs, THIS IS an “improvement” in situations. “A little place in the Adirondacks”. The bill is almost as high now as it was then, but the cost of any... EVERY-THING always rises and NEVER lowers. Now, I can't imagine WHAT it would have cost then, at current prices. Anyway... here I sit, on the futon, almost uncomfortably warm... and again NOT complaining. The oven is on, but I'll be turning it off in a bit. (The new thought: On for a while, off for a while.) - And so, another day commences Let's see how far into “shit” this “new day” can plunge. Yes? Yes, indeed. - Coffee's steeping. I'm going to see if I can't order more... on-line. Should be interesting... For something I've hated all along (on-line shopping), this is becoming quite common-place. Well? If businesses won't come closer to those in need... - 8.11 WELL GIMME A HEARTY “HOLA!”, SLAP MI ARSE AND CALL ME “CONSUELO”! BUSTELLO... ON-LINE... FOR A WONDERFULLY REASONABLE PRICE! “AMAZONIAN” SHOPPING AGAIN! WOO-HOO-HOO QUE VAINA! STRIKE UP THE MARIACHIS! IT'S *SALSA BABY!* TIME! WOW! - 8.23 Ms. Biddy's in already. I wonder... But of course, first thought: was out mail all ready in E-Town? She brings it with on her way in. My “HEAP”? (Though, I KNOW that there won't be word today... again.) - Meanwhile... this “shopping on-line” is quite FUN! I've even found “Elite”! - 11.05 Well.. the oven's been off a little while now and there's still warmth in the house. I've got an alarm set for about noon to check the temperature and, if needed, turning the oven back on. But for now... all's rather well enough. Still contemplating “Emergency HEAP”. Let's see how the day rolls. The freezing/frozen rain has become snow so...? - Ms. Biddy closed shoppe, as it were, and took off up the 9 at about 9.50 this morning. I HAVE to wonder HOW the Hell she gets away with the shit she pulls... especially THIS move. Closing EARLY? Who ever heard of such a nonsense? But, this IS her “last week” here so I don't suppose she cares. Me? I don't care either. My post du jour consisted of nothing but an NRA plea for member-ship renewal. Pfffttt! - So now? 'tis nap time again. Even last night I was thinking of how I've gotten into “snoozes” during the day since moving here. “Old age” and the ability to simply snooze at will... Anyway... a snooze, a check on the heating... and back to the “new menu” (which I've neglected all morning, shame on me.) - 12.40 As the pough-trucks SCRAPE BY... AND I DO MEAN “SCRAPE”... yes, there's snow falling, yes, there was ice conditions this morning, but looking out the window at the pavement... it's WET... not a trace of snow OR ice and TWO trucks have passed, TWICE with-in the past 5 minutes! I have to wonder what they'll do, where they'll be when SNOW actually accumulates. And as they pass, the grinding sound and the vibrations it sets rolling through this old house are quite amazing. Ah... the sounds of Winter. - Meanwhile, I've created an entire new site for this Journal, complete to-date, save the 7 pages of entries I'm typing on at present! *** NEW MENU *** DONE!!! And I'm rather quite happy with it. (Hmmmm... Avery propane just came by... I see the truck is delivering... across the street. ME? I haven't DARED to venture out to check my tank... and I won't... for a while. My insides just don't want to know. I suspect I'm heading for 20% at an incredible rate. And as an addendum here, I've been looking at the “Emergency HEAP” program... I'm PERFECTLY eligible... so I have it down for tomorrow... to call and tell the old things in the local office, I'm down to just about less than an eighth of a tank of oil here... Let's see. According to the State's site, they have 48 hours in which to remedy. AND... and “Emergency” is in addition to general pay-out! I just MIGHT be able to get through the bitterness that I KNOW is coming! Especially if I maintain the thermostat as it's set now. I have to wonder what... if any-body's paying ANY attention... the likes of Avery must be thinking: “How in Hell is he surviving?” or “He must have gone back to Amerigas.” Oh well... MY thought is: No matter where it comes from, Avery will get the money and support and I'll be happy for and about it.) - OK. Distraction. “SQUIRREL!” Back to a point(s). The new menu has been coded into all the pages for the “Site Journal”. I want to add some images, modify some listings on the “Directory”. There are other pages along the way that aren't included in the “drop-down” and I don't want to clutter it with everything. I can't help but think: (a) At this juncture, nobody will ever associate the Journal (or DeadArtist) with me unless I leave some sort of note telling, (b) with the new menu, which is an image, and judging based on recent years trying to “educate” the uneducable, I seriously doubt that many (if any) will understand the little “chevron-style” image in the upper-left corner as being a “menu” for more pages. As it is now, there's no way to navigate through the entire contents with-out the “drop-down”, save the “Directory”/”Site-Map”. BUT... I'm leaving it as it is. - For now, I'm jotting all this so as to add it to today's “page”. I'll grab a copy of the server as it is before the new menu, hold it all on an external (probably the 500gb, perhaps on the 1Tb as well, just to be safe) and then change it all on-line. Goodness me! That will leave only the crochet work on my IMMEDIATE TO DO! - There's a distinct “icing” of the hardwoods on the lowest hill across the way. It truly IS quite beautiful. And, to be honest, I'm in better spirits, having found my coffee available to order! There's enough to carry me through until next Wednesday when I can order some more. COFFEE!!! YAY! (Damned shame I can't order smokes. I'd NEVER have to leave the house again! OH MY!) - 13.12 ALL Journals are now current... and I'm off to work with a bit more of the additions and changes and such that I've been wanting to get to for quite a while now. - I'm setting an alarm for every 2 hours through the day today, to see about using the oven less and still maintaining a civil temperature in this place. In the 2 hours that it was off earlier, the temperature dropped from 72F to 70F. So the oven is back on now until 14.30 when I'll turn it back off until 16.30. On until 18.30... Off until 20.30... On until 22.30 which is when I'll be going to bed anyway. We'll see how this all works out for a while. (Tonight's “meal” is going to be pasta, “angel hair”, with soup... I'm holding on to the chicken and rice that's on-hand, and there's a box of pasta open already... and one to spare.) Anyway... I'm quite happy with the progress this morning... in spite of the 30-minute nap I got in and the fact that my entire every-thing is so damned slow, generally. (Now, I have to work on my smoking... it's a bit on the “too much” side today... must be the “elations” of work accomplished and coffee found and the “Emergency HEAP” situation. - OH! Before I forget: there's a note in the window at the PO. “Closed. Sorry for the inconvenience. C'yall tomorrow.” If *I* had even THOUGHT about such a thing! FUCK! - 22.17 Just waiting for the 22.30 alarm to turn the oven off for the night... and HOPE the warmth holds through. But, this is when I usually turn it off anyway. I've been attentive all day: On 2 hours. Off 2 hours. And right now? The thermostat reads 72F so, it worked... today. Météo claims it's ZERO out there with a chill of -1°. I know it's damp, cloudy, foggy. As of 5.00 tomorrow morning, it's to go down to -2° with a chill of -5°. Not GREAT BUT... MUCH better than -19°. The 7-Day has no negatives for the days, single-digit negatives at night. Now, as for the “Emergency HEAP”? HEY! I thought about it today. Ms. Diva's on FS and HEAP and all sorts of what-evers including disability. Is it a case of “It's OK for HER but not for ME?” DO I FUCKING CARE? NOPE! So... tomorrow... if you don't ask, you surely don't get and though the weather's supposed to be a touch warmer, so I get 100 gals. I'll hold onto them until... that is, of course, IF I can get the “Emergency” AND the regular allotment. THAT I'll have to be sure of before making any decisions. BUT... If you don't ask, you get 100% NO! Ask, and you're at a 50/50. I'll ask. - And so, “meal” was pasta with “cream of chicken” soup/sauce. BLAH! The soup was quite bland, surprisingly. But, I ate it all. The fucking “impeachment” shit was on so I watched an hour of David Mitchell rants. Cookies and milk after. - As for the day? Looking through image files to include here, on the Journal, especially since I've come back to NY. I've been through 1000s! And when I'd done with what I thought was “all”... I'm missing a LOT! Princess pine photos... a day's hike up the mountain! So tomorrow, that's on the agenda already. - But for now? I'm just luxuriating in the warmth, listening to the iPod music and now... 22.30 and THE OVEN GOES OFF FOR THE NIGHT! (And the praying goes on.) I'll make a run through soc.med. and e-mails and have a smoke and hit the bed! Has it “been a day”? Silent and solo. (No... Ms. Dorothy did NOT call as proclaimed yesterday... and I didn't expect her to do.) - 23.50 and another day closes... and the house is still warm... and I'm off to the under-the-covers.

Wed.20.Nov: 7.32 And WHY? I've NO idea. Not the slightest clue. I DO want SO, to go back to bed. But I'm up, dressed, coffee's on. The oven's on. I'm on... I suppose. And it's 0° out there with the ever-so slightest bits of neige falling, quite silently, form the clouds above and around. So here I am. But I did manage to sleep through the night, having gotten into bed close to mid-night and lights out close to about half mid-night. Yes, I'm still tired. But there's always the possibility of a “nap” during the day... because... I can. So let's just see how THIS day passes. There are images to sort through, pages here, to be up-dated... and stuff... and shit. Yay... fuck. - 8.42 HAD to wash some under-things this morning and they're on the rack to dry. Ms. Biddy arrived at 8.25 this morning... I wonder when she'll “close shop” today. And the ever-so light snow has become light and steady. Temp out-side is -1°, “Neige en cours” indeed. Temp in-side is 70F and the oven will be off in about 15 minutes so we shall see how it fares (or “fairs”, as it were). And the morning rolls along. FINALLY getting to coffee. Yep... morning's rolling. - 10.13 Well? The snow's coming steady, nothing in today's post, the oven's back on after only an hour (temp dropped to 68F in that hour so...). I've been sorting through images of July's arrival and the relatives. The NOISE and screeching and such next door, this morning, has been atrocious. I can't wait for the cow to leave! And I'm tired! (That's got a lot to do with the chill in here and the pre-occupation with calling for OIL! FUCK ME!) - 11.01 Oven still on. Biddy still in the office. Snow still falling. In-side temperature rising slowly. Soc.med. gleaned. And I'm “snoozey”. Tummy's growling. I'll have to ponder today's “meal” at some point... but not now. And the day continues to roll along... along... along... to roll along... - 16.09 The lights go on. The oven has been off for over an hour... I THOUGHT I SAW ALDEN'S TRUCK PARKED AT THE REINERS' EARLIER THIS AFTER-NOON AND I DO NOT WANT HIM WALKING IN HERE AND SEEING THAT I'M HEATING WITH THE OVEN! Why? I don't know, really. I just don't. THANKFULLY, the place has been holding at 70F (or so claims the thermostat). But it's time to prep meal (more pasta and soup again tonight because I'm “saving” the chicken... moron that I am), and so, there will be a stove on, me moving about and the likes. (Truthfully, I'm not POSITIVE, beyond all doubt, that it was Alden's truck I saw. But to be honest, it was a Ford, a light grey, CLEAN, and it had a lawn mower in the back... and the last time Alden was here, he took the lawn mower with him. Now, in good sense, I can't see him making the trip today, knowing that it would be snowing. But if he has other business, say, in Wadhams, where he has a house... There's just no telling. But I'd like the place to be “orderly” IF he's in town and IF he decides to drop by. THANKFULLY... as well... the rent is paid through December. But even then, I just wouldn't put it past him - nor anybody else for that matter - to suddenly appear, “as a courtesy of 30 days”, to say “This isn't working out as we'd hoped... Here's your notice... GET THE FUCK OUT!” Nope. Wouldn't surprise me in the least.) Anyway, here I sit, curtains open, lights on and time to cook as the mists rise out of the wilderness across the road. The snow stopped this after-noon and it appears the temperatures are rising a touch... as I see, it's 1° out there! HEY... ABOVE FREEZING! But fear not... tonight will drop to -5 with a chill of -8 so all's in line. (Tomorrow? 3°! and rain... of course.) Now... time to get to the kitchen. - 22.247 already! I've pissed the day away working on some “animations” for the menu on this Journal! There are photos of princess pine that are missing! I don't know that it was Alden at Reiners' today but nobody came by. And “meal” was pasta, cream of chicken, “QI” (because the fucking impeachment is still fucking tele), cookies and creamer after. And I'm smoking TOO fucking much! And cookies are gone! I don't want to start an ice cream! There are three in the freezer but... it's about getting back into the market! (Of course, that wouldn't be before Sunday anyway... after I see the next sales.) - Listening to the music. The oven's on to warm the place for the night. It's been surprisingly comfy all day with-out much oven time. Tomorrow's supposed to be warmer... at 3°. Let's see how that rolls. - Right now? WIND-DOWN and AWAY FROM the coding! - This morning, when the PO closed, I napped until noon! An HOUR! Then, earlier this evening, I dozed right off during an episode of “QI”. Watch... I'll head to bed and wake right up! - I'm tired.... of so much.

Thu.21.Nov:

14.07 FedLoan: E-MAIL 13.05.17 “We approved your IDR request!” “We approved your request for an Income-Driven Repayment (IDR) plan! Your new repayment plan is Income-Based Repayment (IBR) plan. Your total monthly payment amount is $0.00. We are sending you a letter with additional information related to the Income-Based Repayment (IBR) plan.” U.S. Department of Education Fedloan.org

0.16 OMFG! JUST struck me as I typed the date: 65 years ago... Goodness! How time flies. And they're both dead. - OK. So the soc.med. is done. There's a “today” halfie in the jar. Almost done with my last hot water. Time for a nap. Let's see how THIS night will pass and how THIS morning will commence. (Only 9 calendar days into “HEAP” season... Maybe? I most seriously doubt it.) - 7.55 And in from a brisk smoke on the porch, looking at the dusty mountains in the morning sun-rise. And with the thoughts of the e-mail received from “FedLoan” last night (sent at about 6.00-something), which was the last item I saw before going to bed, this is the way a new day commences. Thoughts of them grabbing Soc.Sec. again, leaving me with absolutely NOTHING and a future of trying to find a “Shelter” again... NOPE! I came “home to die”... and so I shall. I was SUPPOSED to receive some word about the application for “IBR” (Income-based Repayment) today. My bets are on that I WON'T... pretty much like the “phone calls from Dorothy”... “tomorrow”. NOT happening. But by next Wednesday, seeing either NO direct deposit in the banque or something along the lines of about 175$... what-ever it will be will be, of course, SERIOUSLY NOT ENOUGH to even pay the rent. I see this coming. So? I'll ring them up this morning... What they want is the balance of 141. They DID get the 5$ I sent, the 5 I've been sending all along. Damned good thing I remembered to do THAT much. But? They were given the opportunity to rip Soc.Sec. from that Black bastard we had running this country for 8 years. Gee. Nothing like the greed of the shit-bags. Ought to send them all back to their ancestral lands. Anyway... that little “morning stress” has my lower-back in spasm right now. And, for some un-known reason, I'm having sneezing fits! Woke to a sneeze, a bit of nasal congestion. Sneezed, loosened it, got up, blew m'nose and... it's just continuing. I wonder WHAT came up from the heat ducts last night... and surely, SOMETHING must have done. Oh well. Just makes for a “common” sort of day ahead: sneezing, itchy nose and eyes, and the possibility of sitting down and freezing, solid, in pain, stuck because my back went... again. Oh well. “Par for the course”, as they say. So let's just get morning coffee out of the way. Eh? Oh yeah, and then there's the wondering if Alden's not in town... and if so... what for (though, it might be to see Ms. Diva). Anyway... on we go. There are pages to be worked on this Journal, crochet work to get to and.... general shit. - 65 years ago... brought me about and into this fucking world so they could toddle off... the old man in his RV, travelling about from the South to the North; the old woman getting the same... and 3 siblings all sent out into the world... in PRE-PAID LITTLE HOMES. Me? Scraping for 140$. Gee. How “charmed” has my life been? Eh? Fukkit! Fukkem! Fukkitall! - 8.26 JUST off from checking the “FedLoan” pages and status: THEY'VE CHANGED *THEIR* DATE OF NOTIFICATION TO TOMORROW, FOR STARTS. AND THEY'VE PUT MY “STATUS” IN *DELINQUENT*!!! YEP... HERE WE GO TODAY! NOT, mind anybody, that I didn't see this coming... from a LONG way back and ago! So? Here we go... Well? There's always a hot shower, a few drinks, off to bed and... GOODBYE TO ALL! - 12.23 SPOKE, AT LENGTH, WITH ALDEN THIS MORNING! (I was correct... he's in the mountains.) AND... just to note: HE WAS IN THE PLACE, SO HE KNOWS HOW I'M KEEPING IT. *AND* I WAS OUT HAVING A SMOKE AS HE WAS LEAVING SO THAT TOO, IS IN THE CLEAR. - Now... to deal with FedLoan... since there was NO FUCKING MAIL from HEAP OR FedLoan today! - 12.59 SPOKE WITH A YOUNGSTER AT FedLoan JUST NOW... Told him the “Old”, “Fixed Income”, “I'm TIRED”, facts... HE, in turn, told me, flatly, that the “application” can take 30 days to process, that it's noted on the account, AND THAT I SHOULD HAVE ASKED FOR A “FOREBEARANCE”! I told HIM that it had been offered and that I HAD asked for it. AND... AS I SPOKE WITH HIM, HE PUT IT IN! AT FUCKING LONG LAST! BUT... IT CAN TAKE 3-5 BUSINESS DAYS TO GO INTO EFFECT! HONESTLY? It takes minutes, if not seconds, to type this shit in! ANYWAY... as “Cody” tells, the “Forbearance” will cover the time remaining as the “application” is processed. Me? As I told “Cody”, I don't expect anything positive to come of this because that's the way it's been and the way it is. But I appreciate all that he's done (or claimed to have done). What comes of THIS bull-shit is to be seen... and I've no doubt it won't be good... but... we roll. - At least I got to SEE and CHAT WITH ALDEN today. - By the way, he said that when he went to her door, Ms. Diva's got “3 people there, doing something” and that she didn't even want to see him. Yes... she's THERE again. But, says Alden, she doesn't even look like her. (I shouldn't doubt she's on, or about to be on, “Hospice”... The hard days are here. Alden asked that I be patient, “give her slack” and “give her leeway”. Yeah... sure. I mean; what else can I do? If I don't, I'll just make enemies.) But at least he knows that I'm “a nice guy”. I told him that I'd had a falling-out, told her she'd “lost a good neighbour and a good friend”. He just asked “give her some leeway”. Fine... I move on. - Well? Since we're only 9 days into “HEAP”... I'll hold until Monday... Hopefully the furnace will do like-wise... AND the propane. - Meanwhile here and now... eggs on the boil, tea on the steep. Time rolls on... and so do I. (Fuck)
14.13 I just have to add here before I head for a nap (since the sun is gone and not likely to return any time too soon): I AM IN SHOCK! (Though with a HEFTY cover of cynicism, to be MOST certain.) It was just as an “aside” from checking the distance (279mi) from here to Ev's, since Alden said that they'd had NO SNOW as yet at his place... AND that I'd “hahd berld” 4 eggs, 3 of which are now pickling, and “hahd berld” reminded me if Ida, Howid Beach, which reminded me of Ev and prompted me to phone her. ANYWAY... since I was on-line, I stopped by my e-mails AND THERE... TODAY... MOMENTS AFTER SPEAKING WITH “CODY”... THE APPROVAL OF THE “IDR”!!! AND *** ZERO *** MONTHLY PAYMENTS!!! WHAT A DELIGHT TO READ! (NOTING: I don't expect this to remain good news. I DO anticipate some sort of “stunt” where-by, in near future, I'll be receiving further horrific threats to life and limb.) I could gush at the moment, but I am, suddenly, SO TIRED! Literally! I've half a tea left here, had “a hahd berld egg” for “lunch” and, well, because of the chat with Alden AND THIS news... I swear every bit of me is collapsing. (Of course, the anxieties of distrust are in FULL MOTION as well.) So I'm going down for a snooze whilst the oven warms the place a bit more before the temps in here plummet with the absence of sun. (And to think: Ev was just on her way out to enjoy a sunny day of 50F!) Anyway... let's see what I can accomplish after a bit of “catch-up” snooze... IF I manage to get any... what, with the conflicting emotions playing havoc with my mind and body.
18.27 Meal: left-over pasta “fritatta”, Porgresso veg. soup, V8, ICE CREAM dessert, done. Dishes, done. Smoke, done. This day? Done! AND I FOUND the “princess pine” photos! The only thing left is HEAP! AS FOR HEAP: IT WAS CONFIRMED TODAY, BY ALDEN, THAT ***** I ***** AM PAYING FOR PROPANE TO SUPPLY HOT WATER TO THE POST OFFICE!!!!! He DID offer, if it bothers me at all, to change it. But since it's only for the little basin in there, good enough for only hand-washing, I can't see the sense in making it all such a big deal. Not to mention, Alden mentioned that that office is more a financial and energy deficit than any-thing other. Between that and the prospect of having to re-rent Ms. Diva's place in the rather foreseeable future... I don't want to ripple the waters. I do NOT want him considering selling this place and running the risk of having some mercenary come in, raising the rent! (Though, considering there's to be a 1 per-cent rise in Soc.Sec. come February... I wouldn't put it past Fate to come along with a royal FUCKING, WAY beyond the proportion of “1 per-cent”.) But for tonight... aside from the pain in my lower back again... THIS has been a HELL of a day! Indeed! - Now? I'm going for a doze for a touch and then getting back to the Journal pages... especially since I've FOUND MY PRINCESS PINE photos! CROCHET NEXT! And I might even get to that tomorrow... JUST to get SOMETHING done... before it's “too late”. I NEED to get SOME-THING done BEFORE Thanksgiving! - But right now... I could use a rest. - 24.35 Yeah.. .well, I took a half-rest. It got noisy out front. I didn't bother to look bu the traffic was something to hear. So I got up, had a hot water, worked a little on the new Journal Photos pages, had some ice cream, turned the oven on, watched some Brit-tele, had another hot water and... Here I am... LATE... and just finishing soc.med. - My back is still SO STIFF! I had a naproxen with a hot water but... - The WIND has been blowing something quite strong. Change in the temperatures! (Supposed to be getting “warmer” through the week!) But I'm off to last smoke and to bed!

.

Fri.22.Nov: 0.38 I can't believe it's the 22nd already! SHIT! These months in New Russia SLAM by! - 8.16 WELL! I wanted to stay in bed! Light went out by 1.00, I slept through the night quite well-enough, woke at about 7-ish, and went back to sleep. But about 20 minutes or so ago, I just decided to get up and get on with the day. Why? I don't really know. But here I am, coffee in the press, dressed, in from a smoke on a rather WET, 6° morn, sitting at the kitchen table (because my back's not quite “right”), oven on for a brief while because, as is the case here, when the temp out-side is above freezing, there's a particular “warmth” in here (mystery) and rolling along. NOT in a particularly “great” mind-set, but not exactly horrible either... not the “usual” DREAD of a morning. Strange. - Had a bit of a strange DREAM too, that I woke from: Some-how or another, I'd put some sort of an advert out to run errands for people. Got a gig, for a young woman, tall, thin, long, dark hair. Pleasant sort. She gave me a dollar and a bit of cardboard cereal box. It had on it, the printed list of all the cereals the company made. Generic brand. Sort of like the “dollar stores” brand. It was folded down to one sort at the bottom. A round, brown, chocolate cereal, about the size of a ping-pong ball. “Gloaebulum” somethings. I couldn't figure why she wanted me to run only for this thing, why she couldn't get out to get it her-self. As I say, she was young enough and appeared to be healthy enough to get her own shopping done AND it seemed odd... ONE box of breakfast cereal? But I took the dollar and headed off. The area was similar to Kingsbridge Heights... 232nd Street. Up on the hill, across the Main (Broadway?) was a “Tops” (or a “lower-end” sort of market), but up the Main was a “Hannaford's/Waldbaums”, the “higher-end”, more expensive, market, and there was a third market and some other smaller stores. She wanted that particular cereal and so I agreed to go in search of it. I headed up to the cheaper store first went in, got a cart from out-side the store and went in. I had to go up a bit of a ramp that switched-back to enter the store-proper and at the top were 2 or 3 rows of trollies inside. Oddly, the trolley that I'd taken JUST BARELY didn't fit past the others. Obviously, this one wasn't for this store. But I managed, some-how... and then gave up. I didn't need the trolley anyway because I was going for only one box of cereal. Not sure how, but I DID manage to find the box and the next thing, I was back at the flat where *I* lived, with people there who lived in the place as well. They weren't relatives, not strangers, but I was, some-how, a “tenant” of sorts in the place. Very happy with my-self, I got a bit “settled”, chatting with the folks when I realised that I had to deliver the purchase. I had to phone the woman, whose name and number I didn't know, to tell her that I was on my way to her place with the purchase but... not knowing name or number... I took my mobile and keyed some combination of digits and actually rang her! (I didn't seem TOO excited about the good guess, oddly.) Told her I had the purchase and was on my way to her. She thanked me and I had to put on my shoes again to go. Walked over to an older man, sitting beside a “kitchen” table. He had red, canvass running shoes under his chair. I went to get them instead of putting on my own and decided against it, since they were his shoes, and though more comfortable than mine, it wasn't right that I should take his. (Apparently, I'd done so before and it was OK, but I didn't want to this time.) So I put on my own old work boots and was in the woman's house, handing her the cereal. She was pleased. As I was about to ask why SHE couldn't find it, considering I'd done, first try at the first store, which wasn't all that far from her place... I woke. - So there we have it. Now noting: when I went to straighten the covers on the bed this morning, they'd been mostly shoved to the wall-side. It was as if I'd had some sort of quite restless night, but when I woke, I was quite comfy, and settled and well-enough to consider staying in for a while longer. Oh well. So there it is. - Now? The wind is blowing out there, the oven is beginning to “spread the warmth”. There's been a lot of “back door slamming” at Ms. Diva's already this morning. Shame I can't see behind the house. Yesterday, Alden noted that there were 3 cars back there. (It's also where my truck is parked... and I'm rather psychotically paranoid about that... as I was in VT, every time something “new” would go wrong with the truck.) But, it is what it is. If/when Ms. Diva leaves, I just might take the space out-side MY back door so that I can see MY vehicle. After all, who-ever moves in over there has the view of the garage. It's only fair, I should believe. - And so, here we are, another Friday. Journal pages, G's music and crochet on the agenda. I've taken 2 pieces of chicken out for meal. NO starch. I'm thinking my back troubles are constipation from all the starch of that “soup” and pasta. So tonight, chicken, veg, ice cream... and MAYBE even a beverage... to “celebrate” yesterday's “NO FedLoan” (or to celebrate that I have a message that says so, even though there's a letter en route that will probably, more than most likely, negate any “celebratory” cause... I do NOT trust ANY of them, which is why I'm not exactly “dancing” over this... yet). And, as is usually the case, at 23.00 tonight I'll be thinking “I've gotten NOTHING done and the damned day is GONE again!” But... roll on sweet river of Time... roll on. - 10.34 Well... Post is in... lovely chat because Becky was in, so too, Margaret. Delightful chatting with them. - Today's post? A “Notice of Decision” (guts wrenched)... about FS: The “COLA” increase in Soc.Sec. for next year has been confirmed AND, of course, the FS have been “adjusted accordingly”... DOWN by 8$/mo. Oh well... at the present rate of operation of the truck, I won't be getting all that much food in the foreseeable future anyway. HEY! BETTER THAN NOTHING! So say I. Not “bad” news, really. The “BAD” news is... NO FUCKING WORD FROM HEAP! THAT'S my MAJOR concern at present. But... I expect to hit “THE BOTTOM AND BELOW” BEFORE ANYTHING comes round with that. - So... on to finishing coffee. I've done with the morning's soc.med. and such. On with the “items on my list”. Another day... another day... another day. - At least the temperature is holding ABOVE ZERO. - 16.41 Linda rang about an hour ago... she's either drunk or stoned (or both?). Wanted directions on how to get HERE! Thankfully, the chat digressed into “Minds” and it was going along until... “Buhlink” and disconnected! I don't know if it was on her side or mine but... I'm not looking into it. I'd been busy working on my Photo Pages for the new Journal... and I'm STILL not done! BUT... chicken is in the oven and veggies are going on the stove now! - Alden was here today... with somebody else from Mass. He didn't drop by. Hey... no prob. - Meanwhile... the skies are beginning to re-cloud and the WINDS are WHIPPING in from the NORTH! And it's time to fix “meal”! The week is done... week-end (for all it's worth) is here. I've been keeping busy... and that's all that matters. - 17.54 Meal is done. Dessert (ice cream) is done. DISHES are done. I'm done... And “The Five” isn't! Two pieces of chicken, a LOT of veggies. A good meal. AND I'm in from post-meal smoke too! - And I remembered: Linda said she was hearing “beeps” on her phone as we were talking. I'll bet her battery went. Oh well... SAVED! -
COLA: 1,6 per-cent... that's 0,016! WTAF? SERIOUSLY? “Cost Of Living”? What a FUCK! So... in February 2020 I'll be getting, instead of 1060... a WHOPPING... (drum-fuck-roll....) 1076,96! BIG FUCKING DEAL! Eh? 16 fucking dollars and ninety-fucking-six fucking cents... a fucking MONTH!
And on that note, at 18.07? A SNOOZE! (MAYBE I'll have a “beverage” later... just because of yesterday's news... on the TERRIBLY OFF chance it's true.) THEN... MUSIC TO G's! - 20.46 already and I'm giving up on the coding for tonight. I've got a basic photo page, with “thumb-nails”, opening, of course, to full-size in a new tab/window. I'm not terribly pleased with it so I'm just going to put it aside. I can't decide if I want a general page, as I usually do, or a “slide presentation”. Problem with the “slide” is the attribute of the photo: landscape/portrait. I have a script for the slide, but it puts everything on landscape. Oh well. Scratch that. Maybe tomorrow I can approach it from a better perspective. - Pondering a beverage and posting music to G's... something light for this cold night. - Linda finally got back... text... wants directions to the house. She wants to bring meat, tea lights, asked me about coffee... said “Don't go shopping! Not until you have those brakes fixed!” Yes, were the roles reversed, not only would I want to “do” for her, but let's face it, Michael Hill? Middle of the night? A train from Kingsbridge to Flushing? I've done. But I don't know how long she'll stay, and as much as I might like the idea of company... too long is too long. (I'm growing terribly anti-social here.) Well, just another something to ponder. - As it is, I'm hoping the one pack of smokes will take me to Sunday AND that the truck will take me INTO AND BACK to town on Sunday! Smokes and food. The typical run. (I have to check and see if I have money for smokes anyway... if not? Not. Re-smokes again... and I need to stop those, really.) Tomorrow's supposed to be clear weather, not to terribly cold. Good for a “trial walk”... should my back hold-out. Oh, I don't know. Will have to wait and see how tomorrow is... when it becomes “today”. - Right now... a light beverage and some music. Then? Off to bed. Tomorrow will take care of itself, as “tomorrows” always do... as today has done. - The oven's been on most of the day. HOPEFULLY the HEAP will knock that electric down! “Hopefully”. Pfffttt...! HELL!

Sat.23.Nov: 1.13 Soc.med. done. 2 light v-tons, done. Oven off for the night. And now? I'm not really “tired”, but before the place goes cold... time for bed! - 8.42 Up dressed coffee smoke WHY? I had to pee. Other-wise, I'd still be in the warmth of the bed, paying no attention to the worthless sun-shine drenching the Adirondacks this morning. But I slept through. That's a fine thing, I suppose. The beverages did nothing to “help” though. And today? Crochet and at least a page of photos. (And the phone is ringing... GV. I hear it in the kitchen. Must be Linda. I'm not answering. It's Saturday. I'm in no mood. (I need a shower and a hair-cut, to be presentable. Nope. Not answering phones nor doors today.) What a fucking hermit. (Reminds me of Pookie: she'd do the same thing. Not to mention Dorothy with her “dark moods” and “not in the mood” and that sort of thing. Just let it roll. We shall see. Hopefully Linda doesn't make an attempt. Though I don't think she'd be that insane... it's a rather long drive, and up over a mountain, across a lake. - Anyway, Ms. Biddy is in and rolling next door. The town's-folk are starting their “roll in”. No doubt, it's going to be a bit of a “loud” day, and a LONG one... she's open until almost noon. Alas. - Coffee's in the press. There's bread that needs making. And naps to be taken... if allowed. Smokes are down to “countable” again. And there's the anxieties of that item to be dealt with during the day. OK. All's normal... or, as the acronym puts it OH, so well: SNAFU. Good morning New Russia... here we go again. - 12.42 The sun is pouring in through the windows... but it's obvious how little of it we're getting these days by the position in the Southern sky. (Such a “Country Hick”, noticing such things.) But the note of the moment: Going through photos of “The Little Ones”, Dixie, Ellie, Hallie, Mimou... quite painful. - This morning, spoke with Jess (Ms. Biddy). She gave “parting advice”: “STOP OVER-THINKING! I'll come by to check on you, and I'll be asking 'Is he thinking?'” She's right, of course, and moments like this at present, are the perfect example. - Oh well... Linda's back in communication and the phone won't up-date the GV shit. I have to “free space”. KRISTE! - 24.33 Well... the day is done and gone (again). Meal was 2 pieces of chicken, taken from the freezer and put directly into the oven for about 2 hours. They cooked quite well, I'm surprised to say. Veggies with, ice cream after. I'm spoiling me. All began at about 17.30 and of course, by 18.30... dishes were done and I went back to what I'd started this morning (but wasted just about the entire day in between with a phone call with Linda): sorting through photos of “The Little Ones” for the new pages on the on-line Journal. - Yes... the first call was at about 12.43... with a couple of interruptions during, the last call registered at 15.57... and I remember that ending and I put the chicken into the oven immediately... had to be almost 16.30 or so! SO! The day was shot, I got nothing accomplished, but the chatting with Linda helped... I was feeling rather “alone”... not “lonely”... just “alone”. - Needless to say, there was nothing in today's post... no HEAP notice and no “FedLoan” confirmation. They're all quite quick at the “demands”... and preciously worthless at the follow-ups. Thankfully, the day wasn't all too cold (though the oven inadvertently got left on for most of it). - And so Jess is now gone from the PO. Crystal will be taking over as of Monday. USPS didn't even bother to interview for the position until this week! And at that, there was only ONE applicant... a rather “intellectual” type woman of 71 years. As she left today, Jess said she's relieved to get away from USPS and understands, completely, why I didn't bother to try for the position. Alas. But... that's how it goes. And she's gone. And now to see what sort of “situation” will take with the “new regime” on Monday (noise, etc.) - Now... to wrap today up and continue with Sunday... as it is.

Sun.24.Nov: 0.42 Just wrapping-up a “Comment” on Utoob... on one of the videos posted about Washingtonville... Feller's Resort. A Dr. Haas has posted many video versions of 1940s and 50s home movies of Washingtonville, and there's much mention of Mountain Lodge as well! Many people inquired as to the location of Feller's and somebody claims that it was out-side the village but to the “North” of centre. The post card I've seen looks SO much like G's! So, I “subscribed” to Dr. Hass' channel and posted my own inquiry about “a place located approximately 3mi. South of centre village, with a rather detailed description of G's, the road, the buildings, the pool. I provided my GMX mail account for contact. So now... I'll wait and see what sort of responses (if any) I receive from this! MAYBE I'll get some definitive information on G's! Hey! THAT would be ever so nice. But... honestly, I doubt anything will come of this. Still... I learnt about Battery Kessler, Tilden, by asking. (I can't help but think that Agnew is, by now, dead and gone. He was 81 when we had our brief exchange, when I was in Rockaway. I won't let THIS opportunity to learn more pass me by!) - And so, down to about 7 smokes and not looking forward to a walk into town tomorrow. But, I've the strongest feeling that that's what it will require. There isn't anything in this weeks sale flyer for the market but there's food needed in the house. More meat, perhaps some cereal of a kind, and I need to bake bread! 20 in Ticonderoga. 10 in Community. There's 40 in the passport though. It's tight... again... so close to the next “income” on Wednesday which will be gone fore the sun sets on the day. Oh well... we roll along. I just don't want to get into “re-smokes” for any length of time. But Sunday will tell... when the sun sets, how it all went. (Hopefully the forecast will be wrong: 1° with 1-3cm snow... from tonight until 17.00 tomorrow. We shall see... as we shall see.) - Meanwhile, the photos of Mimou, Hallie, Dixie, Ellie (sadly, only one), Cubby, Shadow and the Monarchs are sorted. Ready to be put to pages. Tomorrow's agenda... along with crochet... as if walking into town won't take the entire day. At least I'm not sitting with “nothing to do”? - I should be toddling off to bed VERY soon now. I want one more hot water, a quick-through the soc.med., then... leave this all behind. (I took an hour's snooze whilst the chicken baked so...) - 2.40 THAT'S ENOUGH! - 10.03 and here we are... again... at table, typing as the coffee steeps. Did NOT really want to get out of bed this morning. But thoughts of “drive or walk” ran amok in my skull. And at about 9.30, the phone. Linda. She left a message that got transcribed. I rather marvel at the “s***” and “f***” that comes in the transcription. As if I would be offended by the full spelling and can't figure out what the “***” is being substituted for. Oh well. At 9.38 I gave up and got up and put on the coffee, replaced the water in the “vase” thinking that will give me some direction for decision between the “drive” and “walk”. Walking doesn't seem like such a grand idea because of the inclement weather to come. Though driving doesn't present much more relief of mind and spirit. I'm leaning more toward “The truck needs to be run a bit, and 8 miles isn't all that much.” What annoys me most is the timing. It would be better to go on Wednesday, with funds to cover the reasons for travel. 4 days away... It happens thus every time... just short of. Oh, Life! - In from a smoke. 4 left in the pack. And it's chilled out there this morning. (18° in the bed-room and 60-somethingF in the living-room. The oven is on again too. WHERE'S my OIL?) - And there's baking to be done today. There's meat in the freezer. Ice cream too. Juice. Butter. Pasta and soups and rice in the cup-board. There's food here. Oh... we shall see how it rolls... tonight, at day's end, as usual. - Meanwhile, coding and crochet. - And pondering a call to either Rachel or Lisa tomorrow, for word on 5199. Things... Thinking too much, as usual. - So? On we roll... here we go... we shall see what we shall see when it is to be seen. - 13.36 The “Family” photo page has been “propagated”. It NEEDS tweaking but the photos are on! - And now? With the threat of rain and snow and ice and sleet... I'm heading out to “start and roll” the truck... and of course, guts and bowels are in knots. - 14.12 MADE IT! THOUGHT THE STEERING IN 4-WHEEL IS ALL BUT IMPOSSIBLE, AND THERE'S THE WHINING IN THE STEERING, THE FRONT END FEELS SOME-WHAT “HANGING ON A THREAD”... I MADE IT! - Now for a nervous break-down. - 16.43 And AGAIN... ANOTHER DAY HAS PASSED! JEEZUS! I wake in the morning, full of angst over how to best fill the hours ahead... Then today, with the travel into town, the HORROR of the day... And now? DONE! FUCK! HOW? WHERE? It seems I've only just gotten out of the bed and now I'm sitting to a “cream of chicken soup, with veggies, some schmaltz, olive oil and 3 eggs... “meal”. Incredible! And I grabbed a 20-minute “half-snooze” as well! O'Well... Let's see how to “amuse” whilst “eating” and then? Then... “Then” will be “then”... “Now” is slipping away. - 18.46 All aspects of “meal” are... gone. Hot water time and another snooze. (I'll be SO sorry later but...) - 21.26 Aside from the fact that I can't believe how quickly the evening just became night... rather amazingly, I've re-re-re-arranged the stacked boxes in the bed-room and emptied 6 more, now in the back room, waiting to be disassembled. - In the midst of watching an episode of “QI”, the fucking WiFi kept dropping-out! A check of the little “icons” on the lower “task bar” showed that the WiFi icon had gone “missing”... into the “hidden box”, as it were. I re-instated it and tried to continue with my viewing and again... a drop-out! Nothing wrong with the modem or router. So I ventured to check for “up-dates” on the system and having found that something was required, I swallowed my angst and... let it RIP! And so it did... “down-load” and “up-date”. To distract my thoughts from the horror of what would be to come (because EVERY “up-date” fucks something), I went into the bed-room for some reason and seeing the boxes in the “nook”, had at them. Polo shirts and “Summ'ry” wear is now in the chest at the foot of the bed. Bed linens are in the “closet” The “nook” is tidy, being 6 boxes less. And all is re-settled there-in. Meanwhile... I've re-started the lap-top, am typing on it now and since I've done so fucking much work on this old lap-top all day, I'm still waiting to see WHAT'S NOW GONE MISSING. Oh well... - And the oven's been on, the house has been “chilled” but because of all the moving about, I'm actually uncomfortably warm! AND it's 23° in the bed-room! SO! There we have it! - For now? Back to trying to propagate another photo page, perhaps a bit of soc.med. after and then... off to bed. - I'd REALLY like to take a shower tonight but... propane and hot water... Hmmmm.... not THAT necessary. I'm not leaving the house before Wednesday anyway, and going to the PO tomorrow? Not worth the bathe. (I also am in desperate need of shave and hair-cut, but those too, shall wait. Hell! The more hair the better in this season. To be sure. As for “Holidays”? I'll be sitting right here, as I do. By then, I'll have adjusted to any “fragrance”.) - And so, just earlier, as I stood on the porch to have a smoke, following the activities in the boudoir, the following came to mind:

******************************************************************************* *********************************************************************************** When the days behind FAR out-number the days ahead this is the time for introspect, reflection NOT so as to look for change “yesterdays” cannot be changed rather to look fondly upon all of the events that come to mind. Regret? No. There is certainly no good to come from regret. Rather, laugh at those errors and enjoy the lessons learnt from them. And as for those moments filled with joy... hold fast to them, place them securely in the heart. Fond memories are not baggage, rather they are great companions to take along on the “journey” that is soon to come. (21.30) ******************************************************************************* ***********************************************************************************

“Philosophy For A Winter's Night”

Mon.25.Nov: (*** HEAP: 9.30 ***) 0.38 And again, so much for a “civil bed-time”. But what they hey! Hey? A touch of soc.med. Another mug of water (which can never be bad). Nothing pressing on the agenda for tomorrow other than PUTTING ME ON A ROUTINE! (I have photo pages I want to do and crochet-work that NEEDS to be done!) Other than that? I'm good. - A touch hungry tonight though... but I didn't bake so I go with-out. There! - So now? Time for LAST SMOKE and into bed! - (I keep repeating: “Monday. 750$ award. HEAP”) - 10.08 I'm in DECOMPRESSION at the moment, as the sun ROARS in through the bed-room window, across the kitchen floor, and the sound of idiots rumble through my living-room wall. (Crystal is taking over... and I was hoping the likes of Peter, Jeff & such would simply come, get their post and go... no such luck. They hover round younger women like bees at a hive. Alas.) BUT... let's get to a few details of the morning before we tumble back to “normal”... which would involve a nap, already. - Point (a) Woke at about 7.00 and REFUSED to come out from under the very tidy blankets under which I was SO comfy. Quite interesting: UN-like lately, the blankets truly were neat and tidy, as if I hadn't moved all through the night! Getting to sleep was a bit tedious. It took a good 45 minutes, if memory serves, and I was becoming “concerned”, considering just getting up when... it was 7.00 and I wasn't quite ready to “alight”. So I dozed a touch until... BLADDER CALL! at about 7.28. HOW-EVER... A RATHER DISTURBING DREAM IN THAT 20 MINUTES... Something about Ms. Joan Diva coming out of a “hospice” sort of place, back at her flat (we were in more of a “Queens-sort” of high-rise... references to Moe?). She was still diagnosed as “terminal” but she was FULL of spritely energy and IMMEDIATELY came at me, taunting, annoying, antagonising... almost “threatening”. All sorts of talk about her being terminal and me being terminal and who would die first and how she was going to do her best to make my time miserable and, should SHE go first, she'll be there when MY time comes and she's going to make THAT miserable as well. And all the while, I was walking away from her, having some appointment to keep. She toddled and bounced along behind me, with a childish, evil grin, yelling her taunts so that every-body around would have to take notice. The dream didn't really “finish”... I woke as it was going on. Hmmmm... I wonder what prompted THAT! - And so, between bladder and dream... I was up and out and in motion... loo, coffee, dressed, smoke. - The morning isn't all too bad. Temperatures are “normal”... not bitter, not hot... quite “November mild”. The sun was coming up in the South (as it does at this time of year) and, even now, is BLASTING in through the bed-room where... After my smoke, because of the re-arranging of boxes last night/this morning/before bed, I just HAD to give it a tweak. So I took 2 boxes off of the “stacks” and cut them to fit in the “half-box” empty space that was annoying me. 3,5 boxes fit across so 2 boxes had to be “re-structured” and so? Since I was awake, the PO was still closed and I seriously don't want to piss-away my time again today, I got to it... cutting, re-folding, gluing, taping and... 2 MORE boxes are out of the bed-room! By about 8.30, it was done... AND the little shelf that I'd removed because of the height of the stacked boxes is back... with a bottle of Tilden water, St-Armand soil, bits of “drift-wood” from E. Highgate Centre/Mississquoi. Very cute. Neater. I'm pleased... for now. (I'd better like a chest of drawers, but... for the time, this will suffice quite well.) - Well then; that little “chore” completed, I finished my coffee... Crustal had come in and the time had rolled into 9.30! So much for my “responsible time allotments” for “page-coding” and crochet today. I got me together and toddled next door, primarily to check to see if Crystal distributes mail as Ms. Jess did... (over the counter).
*** WELL!!! AS I WAS ASKING ABOUT THE “KEEPING THE TRADITION”, CRYSTAL SAYS “ALL THE MAIL'S DONE.”, TURNS ROUND AND HANDS ME TWO ENVELOPES! ONE FROM “FedLoan” AND THE OTHER FROM “E-TOWN”. MY HEART IMMEDIATELY ROSE AND THEN SUNK INTO MY GUT. YES, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR JUST THOSE TWO LETTERS, BUT NOW THAT THEY WERE HERE, IN MY HAND, I WASN'T SO SURE I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT “DECISIONS” HAVE BEEN MADE... SO WE FINISHED OUR LITTLE CHAT AND I WAS ON MY WAY, BACK INTO THE HOUSE. - AND BACK IN THE HOUSE, I CAREFULLY OPENED BOTH ENVELOPES, WITH AN X-ACTO THIS TIME, BECAUSE... WELL... AND WITH ABSOLUTE TREPIDATION, I LOOKED INTO THE ONE FROM E-TOWN... “NOTICE OF DECISION ON YOUR HEAP APPLICATION”... I LOOKED INTO THE OTHER ENVELOPE... FROM FedLoan... “YOU'VE MISSED A PAYMENT!” NOW THAT'S WHAT I SORT OF EXPECTED... OR A “NOTICE OF DECISION”... 'WE'RE TAKING *ALL* OF YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NOW!' WELL-BUT... DULY NOTED THAT THEY'VE GOT ME IN ARREARS... FUCKING SHIT-BAGS THAT THEY ARE, AND I'M NOT GOING TO FRET ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT COMES AS NO SURPRISE AT ALL... I REMOVED THE CONTENTS, SEVERAL PAGES, FROM THE E-TOWN ENVELOPE AND I READ... SLOWLY, PAYING CAREFUL ATTENTION TO ALL THE WORDS UNTIL I GOT TO “726 HAS BEEN AUTHORIZED FOR A REGULAR HEAP BENEFIT...” AND I ALMOST SLID FROM THE KITCHEN CHAIR! HEAD DOWN. EYES CLOSED. FOR A MOMENT. I LOOKED AT THE LETTER AGAIN, READ FIRST-TO-LAST WORD AND * YES * IT'S TRUE! NOT THE 750 Ms. Diva HAD TOLD ME THAT I'D GET, BUT CERTAINLY NOT THE 675 I'VE SEEN AS THE “STANDARD”! I'M STILL RATHER IN DISBELIEF BUT... NOW I CAN MAKE ARRANGEMENTS TO STOP USING THE OVEN TO HEAT THIS PLACE! 100 GALS... HERE WE GO! (Now, to figure how to pay the propane for the hot water and I'll be fine!) - Well-so-then-now... THERE'S quite the morning, if ever there was one. And... at 10.49, the sun is still shining, the temperatures are holding nicely, Crystal is slamming the PO boxes, it's been comparatively quiet this morning (save the BANGING, POUNDING, STOMPING at Ms. Diva's... and at this juncture, I can't help but believe that shit's intentional some-how... her “visitors”... fuck them). - Monday has arrived... it's rolling along... and I want to go finish my smoke and get on with this day. (I do believe I hear Alvin's voice, mumbling through my wall. Smoke will wait.) - BUT AT LEAST ITEM ONE IS ATTENDED... HEAT TO FOLLOW! AND JUST ON TIME... BEFORE IT'S NECESSARY! - Thank you and have a nice day. I'm exhausted. - 12.09 Nee Russia has returned to the sleepy hamlet status. I tried to have a lie-down but the pain and pressure in the sternum got me back up and about. Can't figure that one out. Probably the decrease in stress and anxiety. That's usually when I start to fall apart. But now, it's a bit on the “episodic” side... feeling light in the head, as if coming-down with something. Yep... decrease in stress. - But the house is so WARM! And the sun is so BRILLIANT! It would have been a delightful day to head to the summit of Giant, via the Roaring Brook... but it's too late to start that now. In moments, the sun will be gone and I KNOW what it's like at “summits” when sun-set arrives (15 March... I speak no more of). - So? To the photo pages and then? We shall see. - Ingredients for bread and cookies are out. Shame really. The house is so comfortably warm. But... eatings are needed and so... - 13.24 Just off the phone with Lisa at the Fuklin PO... Ms. Madame is on “holidays” in Florida “for a couple of weeks”. Lisa reports that she's seen Hallie and Mimou. So? So... another pang relieved. - Meanwhile, the sun is glaring, temp of 9°, forecast for tomorrow is the same as today and I'm getting the “work” I planned to be at at 9.00 this morning... at last! - Oh... message from Dorothy this morning: “Ok I am horrible. I have not called. I have appointments today but I'm home tomorrow. I swear I will call. Please send me your address. Love ya.” Right. No prob. (I brush this one off as all the rest.) - And now... I need to get busy! (Baking? Should.) - 14.32 ALREADY! Well... bread on the rise, cookie dough on the chill, counter-space and basin clean and clear and I have the sinking feeling the fridge just died. But that will be seen as time passes today. Meanwhile.... new message from Dorothy: Love love love you (with kissie emojis). - I could have a lie-down (it's now the worry about the fridge... JUST when I have food in there... it WOULD die... “Timing”, “Fate”... “Life”. Ah well. One thing gets settled, two things go to shit.) - 14.37 JUST as I'm looking for the tell-tale signs of “Freon/Coolant” leaks... the fridge kicked up! YAY! - 18.46 “Meal”... cream of chicken soup, veggies and rice with fresh-baked bread... done. A bit of ice cream after... and cookies are now burning in the oven. Quite the day. Eh? Didn't get ANY of the “work” I wanted to do, done. But there's bread in the house (another 2 loaves that look NOTHING like anything I've ever baked before... I don't understand what I'm doing wrong... unless it's the rising before baking... next batch...) - A few texts to Dorothy at the beginning of meal. Another “promise” of a call tomorrow. - Meanwhile, I'm a touch pre-occupied with the possibility of getting OIL! Not necessarily propane, but OIL... for HEAT! If I can heat the house hot enough, a cold shower will be “OK”... I suppose. - And my temp fillings are out again. I need to get more stuff... More money to be manipulated. - And I want a snooze, but the cookies are cooking quickly (and looking and tasting quite sad, I must say). I can't seem to bake like I used to. The stove? The altitude? The “attitude”. Oh well... what-ever. At least the place is warm enough so that I don't have to sit here in 5 layers. - Now... on with what-ever until it's time to get to bed... again. - 23.57 AND IT'S TIME TO GET THE HELL OFF THIS COMPUTER AND INTO BED! TWO LOAVES OF BREAD AND ABOUT 4 DOZEN (nasty) COOKIES... (and that's why the oven's not on... though it's really not all that chilly in here tonight... being 3° out there). And so another day... shot to Hell. But there's tomorrow... supposedly sunny and 9° again. (I MIGHT try for a stroll up Roaring Brook... just to see how far I can get in a couple of hours...) - Anyway... for now... I'm off and out and down and gone. - WHAT A FUCKING DAY! (*** HEAP ***)

Tue.26.Nov: 8.20 and we're up and about and all the usual morning shit is complete. And I didn't get out of bed until 7.58! Lights were out shortly, very shortly after 1.00. And I COULD have stayed in the bed again too. Oh well... HAVE to get up and out before the “throngs congregate”. Always “something”. But today we're going to FOCUS on things we want to accomplish. (I'd like to take a hair-cut at some point, but that necessitates a shower which means using hot water which means propane which... well. And washing of the bed-linens which... same. So? That's a “not absolutely”.) So we'll do what we do when we do it. But pages... photos... and that's gone all weird too because there are MANY images already on the server and though there's a LOT of space on there... I don't want duplicates floating all over the place. Oh, OK then. Moving along. Moving along. Let's see if FedLoan comes through though. I'm expecting all sorts of general fuckery. Let's let them prove me “correct”. - At least it's not bitter cold. There's that. - 20.42 Just wasting some time, making a little story about a “Mike and Maggie” who come to the mountains to escape the city, to build a mansion and put up lighting that makes the place look like Times Square. (Inspired by all the fucking lighting out here, on the road, the street, the PO, the yard across the way, the place up the road... FUCK!) It was fun. Quick and done. - And “meal” of 1 piece of chicken, left-over rice from last night, followed by cookies and tea... frozen chicken in the oven at 15.00, out 17.05, with bread (gone extremely hard again, I don't know WTAF I'm doing wrong in this house!) and butter and before “The Five” could say good-bye... the dishes were all done. So much for another day. - Meanwhile... I got the Mimou photos on a page! NOW, I have to go back, re-orientate MANY (because the fucking phone/camera has “landscapes” and “portraits” and vice-versa.. .shit). BUT... just more stuff to keep me occupied. Beats sitting with my thumb up my nose, hands down my trousers... as it were... I suppose. - As for today's post... a “You're pre-approved to save”... Spectrum wants me to add 45$/month for “TV”! “Pre-approved”? Oh really... just fuck you, please and thank you. - Alvin was in the office... but so was Becky. Becky and I chatted quite a lovely bit... Alvin “contributed”... probably for the sake of saving face. Me? I don't give a shit no more... as it were. - AND... as for cousin D? Yep... Rang at 15.30 as I had my hands on the chicken... I missed the call.. she sent a message: “Tried calling. Forgot my granddaughter had nose surgery today. Running out. Will try and get you later.” I don't care. At this point, it's not longer “lying”... it's just... well... inconsiderately her (and she's obviously aware of it). Not worth the time considering. - As for “Other News”... it's been DEAD silent (save for the idiots, morons and shit-bags who drop by from time-to-time) next door... BUT... WE'VE JUST ENDED QUITE THE “BOOMBOOMBOOM”! Ms. Diva was watching something on her computer. Imagine? 20.00? Well... no doubt it won't go on for much longer. (Truth is, I thought it was 22.00 when I looked at the clock so... not bad. Still...) - And so now... back to the photos... after a smoke. - Have to decide what to do tomorrow. I'll need smokes... won't have the money, to be sure... will need groceries... the shelves will most likely be empty in that shit-box. But Thursday is out for all... “holiday” and all that shit. So? So... IF the truck rolls, looks like another day of stomach and bowel bindings... BUT... Propane first! I'm going to call to have them deliver that, see if they got the HEAP and if so, put in an order for 100 gals. (I'll have to put a mark on the gauge before they get here so I can “measure my usage”.) It's going to get chilly again anyway so... Let's see how it rolls. I'd also like to get cheques for the account so I can stop paying money orders at the PO. We shall see... We shall just see... - Now? Out for a smoke and back to the photos. The night is rolling along. (Thankfully... with-out the oven being on.) - 23.50 JUST FINISHED THE *** BUDGET SHEETS *** THROUGH 2020 *** AND *** IT'S FUCKING DEPRESSING!!! *** AVERAGE “EXPENDABLE INCOME” WITH-OUT TRUCK REPAIRS: 30/WK!!! ***** OK. I SAID I CAME HOME TO DIE LOOKS LIKE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. ***** - Meanwhile, I'm sitting here, working on this shit when the phone blips: “Hey you”... at 22.05... Linda. Nope... didn't bother. Seriously... between Dorothy and Linda (and add Ms. Diva and Ms. Madame). Like Bobo Bender put it: “Every bull-shit trouble in my life has involved a woman, some-how.” Yep... That's how it goes. But any-way... I DO believe I'm off to last smoke and to bed. Tomorrow is “Budget Turns Reality” and... we'll worry about it all then.

Wed.27.Nov: FedLoan CONFIRMATION RECEIVED IN TODAY'S POST! ***ZERO**

1.28 It's going to be a difficult morning... in a few hours. SO much to get done. But... thankfully, money orders should wait until about 9.30-10.00 so there's that much (for sleep). I need to get to bed... NOW! (ll that budgeting has made me... sick!) - 8.35 BUT... I WAS STILL AWAKE AT 5.25! LIGHTS OUT AT 2.00. LAID THERE, AWAKE AND WHEN I LAST LOOKED AT THE CLOCK IT WAS 5.25! THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR BEING SO “PREPARED”... ***** “OVER-THINKING” ***** ESPECIALLY BEFORE GOING TO BED. ALL THAT BUDGET WORK! I'M PAYING FOR IT THIS MORNING! At 8.28 I was up, coffee on.. and I'm just in from a few drags of a smoke... “in the frosty air”. Fuck. Oh well... I'm up, dressed, coffee's on. Time to roll.
BUT A HORRID DREAM JUST BEFORE WAKING: Was at Jacquie's and had to go some-where for some reason. There was a general high-tension/high-stress about every-thing (as there usually was at 5199... VT in general, to be fair). Snowy. Cold. Grey. I was apprehensive about taking the truck out in all the snow, there being something wrong with it other-wise. And so, on her insistence, we went to the barn. The truck was covered in snow. She opened the passenger side, I opened the driver's side and I immediately focused on the fact that the snow had also, obviously started to melt and then froze on the wind-shield. But there was something that didn't look quite proper abut the snow on the glass. Disgusted, I said to Mme. that we'd have to wait for the truck to defrost. But looking closer, I noticed some strange “texture” to the snow in a spot and, putting my finger up to the glass, from inside the truck, I discovered... THE WINDSHIELD WAS ACTUALLY BROKEN... FROM DRIVER-TO-PASSENGER'S SIDE! “Well, we're not taking THIS any-where.” I said. And my immediate thought was “And I've just paid the insurance on a truck that now I REALLY can't afford to repair! “That's a HOLE there! ANOTHER 400$ for ANOTHER repair job I just had done!” I said, thinking of the brakes and such. “Vermont!”, I thought. “If I could sue the bastards, I could get a new truck at this point.”
So there... I'm exhausted, not happy about this month's payments out, having precious little for the next 4 weeks... then looking at a 5-week wait for January... Hand on... I'm “thinking” again... making the “Budget” payment with-out the extra this month on the electric, since, if I pay on-line, it'll only take the 38,08. That'll give me another 50 for a while. Save and send even MORE, next month... by cheque! (Or money order, which ever, because I want to get cheques anyway today.) Ponderations! Let's see how it all rolls out.
11.14 THIS IS, QUITE HONESTLY, *INCREDIBLE* (TO ME, ANY-WAY)!!!
• *** PROPANE *** WILL BE DELIVERED ON MONDAY (2 DEC.)!
• *** OIL *** AT 100gal WILL BE DELIVERED ON MONDAY (2 DEC.) ON *HEAP*!
• RENT FOR DECEMBER IS IN THE POST!
• TRUCK INSURANCE IS PAID!
• ELECTRIC IS PAID (though only the billed and no more... but there's still time to send extra)!
• PHONE/INTERNET IS PAID!
• I SENT A 5$ PAYMENT TO FedLoan EVEN THOUGH *DUE* IS NOW OFFICIALLY ***ZERO***!!!
• CHEQUES FOR THE COMMUNITY ACCOUNT ARE ORDERED... ***** FREE *****
Bills, expenses, RESPONSIBILITIES ARE DONE!!!
Yes, I'll admit, it's quite painful, looking at what's to be “lived on” for the next 4 weeks ahead. BUT... THIS is the VERY OLD “me”... the “Responsible Adult”. I don't know WHERE he came from, (or how long he'll survive), but (11.34) I've just stepped in from a “post-trauma” smoke in the grey, damp, rather bone-deep chill (though not “freezing”) air, a good, hard stare at the ADIRONDACKS across the road, the “Brown and Gold” road signs (of the “Adirondack Park”... inside the “Blue Line”) and with the anxiety of needing to get into town at some point, considering walking it (if the rain of the forecast is a joke), there's the most incredible sense of RELIEF! (I shouldn't say that because “Life” will come SLAMMING IN AT ANY MOMENT NOW to RIP it from the core of the “energy” that is my existence... in the MOST painful manner possible.) The ONLY actual cause for grief is the propane delivery to come. I'd stayed up through the night, as it were, creating a “Budget” that accounted for almost 50-cents BELOW the actual cost of both propane and oil. THANKFULLY, the oil is covered. I rang Avery and the nice gal there told me that they'd received the HEAP money at the end of LAST WEEK already! (I still can't believe that they'll deliver BOTH at the beginning of next week already... Had tomorrow NOT been a “holiday” it would have come TOMORROW... but I'm not complaining at all in the least.) - WHAT A DAY this has been already! Rent paid. TRUCK INSURANCE paid. ELECTRIC paid (and the oven is on for a bit). The cheques for future payments are ordered (to be delivered in 7-10 biz days) and they were FREE!!! (No frills. I don't care.) AND... when I checked the account for FedLoan... to MAKE A PAYMENT ANY-WAY... *** ZERO *** “BALANCE DUE! NOT TO MENTION THE CONFIRMATION LETTER RECEIVED THIS MORNING ABOUT THE *** ZERO *** BALANCE DUE ON THAT... AFTER ALL THESE YEARS! (Now... in 20-25 years, it will ALL be removed! When I'm gone. When I'm go-o-o-one...) Right now, as I type this, I can't decide what to do with me. I'm in a bit of “burn-out” with fatigue... after a 3-hour nap of last night/this morning. I know I need to get into town for smokes and should get food (on FS). It's about the truck though, and the fact that it's still cold... and DAMP out there and I don't want to stress the belts that are making a squeal, or the wheels that are grinding. And I think I'd like to snooze a touch... just because. But, smokes can be gotten at Stewart's (in emergency... at a dollar or so more than FamDoll). Food? I've got for a few more days... even some ice cream. I'm jut going to let the time roll as it will and see what happens. (I can roll some re-smokes too, for that matter.) - Any-way... ... ... I'm in a bit of SHOCK over all of this. AND, NONE of it can be UN-DONE at this juncture so ALL IS A DONE DEAL. “RESPONIBILITIES”... IMAGINE THAT! - Now... to file all the papers, clean this mess I've made and get on with... what-ever is to come. (Things have gone entirely all too well thus far. As I stood looking at the mountains, I had to wonder, as I've been doing since arriving here: Is it time to just accept the improvements on the “quality of life” that seems to have be-fallen me since coming “home”? I FEAR becoming “complacent”. The words of Renée Simmons... at the Shelter... come to mind: “If you can become complacent in a place like this, you have problems.” THIS “place like this” is just too good. Being here, at this point in my life-time, was just a “dream”, a “folly”, a distraction and diversion from all else, as I drove along the Northway, in that little navy-blue VW Beetle, with the leaking roll-back “sun-roof”, the night of coming back to Albany from Plattsburgh with Nick sitting beside me, the snow coming down, looking like a tunnel as the head-lights shown through in the pitch darkness of the night, and the entire road invisible because of the accumulation of snow. And the words of Jess: “You'll never find another place like this, in these mountains, in a town like this, with rent of only 500 a month.” True, that. But there's always “that anguish, there's that doubt”. Best to keep aware... no matter the situation or consequences.) - For now... a bit of warmth to the place, mostly to dispel the dampness and... “What-ever will be, will be.” - I can't decide if I'm in “disbelief” or “denial”. Either way... “Time will tell...” I just need to STOP OVER-THINKING! ... NOW! IMMEDIATELY! - 13.23 Still up. Still awake. COFFEE AND TEA-LIGHTS ORDERED!!! Absolutely EVERY item on the “agenda” for today has been DONE! BILLS PAID! BUDGETS ADJUSTED! FUELS ORDERED! I'M A MESS!!! A RIGHT REGULAR MESS!!! RESPONSIBLE AND ACCOMPLISHED!!! And just beginning to feel “ill” from the fatigue. Tea water is on. And a NAP is called-for in moments. I'm just in disbelief of me. - 14.53 Off to TRY for a bit of a snooze. We'll roll re-smoke rollies later. - 16.22 Up from a 50-minute snoozer (and oddly enough, it seems that, what-ever time I set the alarm for, I wake moments before it sounds) and the world is “NIGHT”ly. Street-lights are on, motion-sensors at the ready. Amazing! And... it's raining out there! So the oven is now warming the house and the piece of chicken I didn't have for meal last night, rice is cooking and there we have it. - Dorothy phoned at 15.45... to the “Woodhauler” number! WHAT the actual fuck is THAT about? WHERE did she get THAT number to call? And WHY? She KNOWS to call the 564! Well... either the old thing's lost 'it” or she just doesn't really want to be bothered. Either way, I find it annoying, but I'll just let it ride. - Feeling “odd in the sternum” at the moment. “Relieved stress”? Or an impending heart attack. It WOULD figure if it's a heart attack. Pay the bills, order the coffee and tea-lights and drop dead. Well? It would save the bother of going for smokes and groceries. - Anyway... to pass the time until meal, and then to pass the time until bed... again. It's not like I slept-in this morning. NOR is it that I got nothing accomplished with the hours of this day. Shit! It was literally non-stop ALL morning! AND... now I can kick back until the bill comes for the fucking propane. And that's that Jack. - Moving along... just moving along. - HEY! AT LEAST I HAVE IT IN WRITING THAT MY SOC.SEC. IS SAFE FOR ABOUT A YEAR. - 23.05 Just finished my NightyNight and soc.med. and the rest and am off to brush the teeth and head to bed! NO intentions of getting out of bed until I damned-well must tomorrow! No post office. No particular plans for travel. It's supposed to be a bit snowy. If I DO decide to travel, perhaps that walk I've been meaning to attempt. - I see the tea-lights ordered today have “shipped”. It's good to know. I'll use them for extra heating in the boudoir. A nice “glowing touch” to the cold nights to come... in addition to the warmth of... OIL in the furnace! And there's coffee on the way as well. That's always a plus. And so, it was a productive day... though no coding or crochet. Perhaps I'll get busy with the crochet tomorrow, if home-bound. I'm contemplating a bit of a “make-over/make-up/clean-up” of me as well. I need a hair trim, nails, a shave... a SHOWER! Tomorrow might be a great day for that. We shall see. But for now... no more delaying. Time to see if I can't catch some of that sleep that eluded me last night. - The bills are paid. - 24.06 Distracted again... off to bed!

Thu.28.Nov: 9.35 and after a night of a tooth-ache, lower right, broken and loose tooth, and being aggravated by being awakened at 2.35 by it, to put gel on, and then getting back into bed and being annoyed by the possibilities of being awake at 5.00 again... I finally fell back to sleep to wake at about 7.00-ish, then fell back to sleep until about 8.00-ish and dozed until 9.00 and got out of bed at 9.12 to put on the coffee and pee. And so, got dressed, had my smoke and here I am. And the temperature in the bed-room is 20°, the temperature out-side is 0°, going up to 1°. -5/-11° tonight. Cloudy all day, so they say. And here we are. Indeed. Do I feel “rested”? No. BUT... there IS one thought that crossed my mind as I came back in from the breezy morn, this: 64 years of age, teetering on 65 and, for the very first time in a great many years, this morning I wake... what is called... “Debt-free”! Seriously! Rent, utilities, responsibilities... everything, this morning, is current... “balance due”, were I to check, on everything is the same as the temperature: 0. Now... to figure how to get the truck in order and there we have it. Imagine that! How odd... how late in life. How about that? - Plans for the day? WORK! Pages and crochet! No more diddling about. And so... let's get rolling. - My tummy is a touch “off” though, for some reason. (I suppose it's going to be even MORE “off” when I do the “fuel check” of propane and oil later. But, let's not have an absolutely “grand” day. Eh? - Coffee's steeping, the last brick is out of the freezer. (And I hear Ms. Diva's making a wash this morning already? “Home care” on a holiday? Or, is she actually doing it on her own? None of my concern. Shame that I have to hear it. Alas.) - Moving on. Moving along... just moving.

Fri.29.Nov: (13.32 OIL AND PROPANE DELIVERED! THE OIL GUY JUST LEFT. 99,9 GALS DELIVERED! And when I checked the gauge before the delivery, I was STILL at only just under 1/4 tank! Looks like I've managed to keep the place warm enough... at a cost of electric but... AND WHEN I WENT TO CHECK ON THE PROPANE, I EXPECTED TO SEE CLOSE TO 20% BUT COULDN'T SEE THE NEEDLE. LOOKED UP AT THE 80% MARK AND THERE IT WAS! THEY'D DELIVERED THIS MORNING AT 7.55!)
2-fucking-33 in the MORNING! AND I'VE JUST FINISHED A “SNOW-FLAKE”... CROCHETED... AND IT'S HANGING IN THE WINDOW (so that folks going to the PO can see it, of course)! After meal (last night... chicken and rice and ice cream.... and a chat with Donna (having chatted with Dorothy for too many hours during the day on “Thanksgiving”) I took a look at more “Etsy” books. Found one that had the VERY pattern in it and shot off an inquiry to the seller to make certain that pattern was in that book. Couldn't have been an hour later, a reply. Right to the page! So... for 1,59$ more... I GOT THE BOOK AND SURE ENOUGH, RIGHT ON THE PAGE, THERE IT WAS! SO... It looked easy enough and I started... must have been about 18.30 when I started to settle on the futon... I can't believe it took all that time! I used to be able to toss them out second nature! BUT, this was the first, and I don't like doing this on the lap-top, but with-out a printer... we do what we can. Anyway... I'm THRILLED. First one done... 6 more to go! (Faster, I hope.) - AND... YESTERDAY... I put up the shelf in the bed-room for the router, WiFi and phone... put the old lamp on it so there's a light inside the door to the room, moved the boots off the “closet” floor to under the shelf and that's pretty neat for now too. - Still need to cut hair and nails... and am NOT looking forward to going into town “later today”. But I MUST... either by truck or on foot. We shall see. - Had to “fill” an upper-right tooth this evening too. Fortunately, I found that I have extra filling AND tooth-ache gel! It was in the “Pharma” box! (Must get more... to keep on hand... probably via “Amazon”. Why not?) - Speaking of Amazon, coffee's due on Wednesday, tea-lights on Monday! This is GREAT! Had I known this before, I wouldn't have had to take all those walks in VT! But... I know now and that's fine. - Now? I'm a touch wound-up because of the crochet work but I MUST take a nap! So... I'm off to the covers for a while. (Anxieties about the truck running amok... but... we shall see.) - I'm just happy about the crochet-work again. A distraction, diversion, “hobby”... a past-time. YAY! (MAYBE somebody will like them enough to pay 10$ apiece? I'm not planning on it, of course.) - 9-friggin-31! I could've sworn the clock in the bed-room read 8.25 when I got out of bed, went to pee, put t he coffee on. Then, I was out for morning smoke, the old guy from down the road came by, stopped in from of the PO and looked at me. I figured he was early. WOW! I lost time this morning, some-where. Anyway... the day's begun. HOPEFULLY it'll warm just enough to get the truck out for a quick run into town. Food, tea, smokes, starch for the crochet work, stuff. (Of course, I'm painfully aware: I got all the bills paid, settled that “FedLoan”, ordered fuel... Now it's time to “pay” for the privilege of being “responsible”... no doubt.) - Anyway... the PO is just opening. She's LATE! Folks ain't gonna like that too much, surely. Of course, they'll be more understanding than if it was ME in there. But, oh well oh shit. None of mu business. Time to move along. - 13.35 I am in shock! OIL AND PROPANE DELIVERED TODAY! The gal said “Monday” and here I am... over a half tank of oil and a “full” tank of propane! THIS is INCREDIBLE! THIS is the NY I came HOME to! AND... got pointers on mountains to climb, hiking times, best views... from the OIL guy! And the sun is shining, a breeze is blowing, it's still cold out there but... Now to “test” the truck. (I'm pushing a good day... and as usual... am physically sick about it.) - 14.50 And with the last moments of sun-shine... MADE IT TO FamDoll FOR THREE PAX OF SMOKES AND TO THE MARKET FOR EVERY-THING I HAD ON THE LIST! BAD NEWS: THE STEERING ON THE TRUCK IS NO LONGER “POWER” AND IT REACHED “OPERATIONAL TEMPERATURE” HALF WAY INTO TOWN! THE BELT IS FUCKED! 1000$! THE WORLD GIVETH AND THE WORLD TAKETH AWAY. BUT... I rejoice in having made the trip, the fuel for heat and hot water... and bills paid. (I wish I could have bought a bottle of vodka... I'd be drinking as I type.) - 16.17 G's on the juke-box and.. ALL the groceries are put up... 6 pieces of chicken, 6 burger patties, dishes done, counter clean and for “meal” tonight? Since I got a dozen eggs and there's 6 int he fridge... EGGS is is then! (Perhaps with last-night's left-over rice... “fritatta”, as it were. MAYBE with some veggies, of which I bought more today. - The thermostat for the furnace is set at 68F, the radiators are on “5” of “6” and the sun is setting... Shabbat is rolling in and I NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT THE TRUCK FOR NOW AND JUST REJOIORCE IN THE EVENTS OF YESTERDAY AND TODAY... TO BE “HAPPY”, IF NOT “CONTENT”. “LIFE”... ACTUALLLY *HAS* TURNED TO THE BETTER SINCE COMING “HOME”. (Maybe it's my last days, weeks, months... making-up for the past? Mum got about 5 years... I won't count on that much time, but, for now...) - 16.54 “We're On The Right Track” playing, tonight's “meal” of a chicken thigh and rice is in the oven, warming (not warming the house... how odd), budget and reconciliations of today's purchases of smokes, paper towels, foil paper, spray starch (for crochet) and receipts and such are filed as appropriate. The kitchen and house are as were. And I can now look forward to hair, nails and shower! Tomorrow! (With, perhaps, a bit of laundry... bed linens in particular!) - WHAT A WEEK! - 17.11 FURNACE!!!!! - 17.15 FURNACE OFF. - 18.15 The house is now back to where it was before oil, propane, shopping, food prep, meals and all were in swing. Yes indeed, the furnace kicked-up for a brief moment AS I sat to eat. The thermostat is set at 68F. Took moments to run and hasn't come back up since. Relief, that. - And I was just running through e-mails and to my not-wondering eyes: LAST WEDNESDAY, THE 20TH, TO “DESIGN”... SCHMULIK SENT “YO KNOW ME” “ARE YOU BACK IN NY?” I've NO desire to even reply. Remembering the grimace when I arrived, the sudden moves from place-to-place. - 23.31 I honestly don't know how the time passes so damned quickly! The last time I looked at the clock, it was 22.25! Oh well... it's been a night of “nothing”. - Linda rang earlier. Drunk. Screaming. Telling me all bout her tribulations on Minds. Then off on a tangent about her “pedigree”. Then back to her vengeance against Minds. Thankfully, 90 minutes later, she had to go to the kitchen and said that the phone doesn't receive well. “My cue”. And I turned the phone off. Got lost in “Ab Fab” for a bit. - I've had the furnace on tonight. Closed a vent off in the living-room. It was blowing on the plants and the air in the bed-rooms and loo are SO WEAK. So, a bit of foil and hopefully it'll be better. Truth is, the place does warm quickly... once the damned thing gets running. I've kicked it on for a bit before going to bed. Heat up a touch and then put it back down to about 62F for the night. Hey! At least there's HEAT. (I jut have to be REALLY frugal. I don't even know how much they're charging me for today's delivery. And speaking of which...

THE DELIVERY GUY SAID THAT HE'D MADE A MISTAKE AND PUMPED 15 GALLONS INTO JOAN'S TANK!!! SAID HE WASN'T CHARGING ME FOR IT BUT ON MONDAY, I'LL PHONE AVERY TO MAKE CERTAIN... FIND OUT THE TOTAL CHARGES. PISSES ME OFF THOUGH. *** SHE *** GETS 15 GALLONS OF FREE HEATING OIL? HER? SHE'S PROBABLY ON ALL SORTS OF “DISCOUNTS”, NO DOUBT SHE'S REGISTERED FOR “LIFE SUPPORT” FOR THE ELECTRIC AND SHIT. AND 15 GALLONS OF FREE OIL? I WILL BE DROPPIN THE HINT OF IT ALL. I MEAN... BAD ENOUGH I'M PAYING THE HOT WATER FOR THE PO! LET'S JUST HOPE IT DOESN'T COME OFF *** MY *** ACCOUNT!!!

And so... another day passes. I got my finger nails back down the where they should be. Tomorrow... the rest gets an over-haul... Maybe I'll feel a bit better for it... in spite of looking forward to having to walk into town for a while again. Oh well. It'll do me good for when I want to get to take on “Giant Mountain”? - Other than that, I wish I'd gone for a bottle. But truth is, I really can't afford it. So? So. There will be time to come. There's a bit in the freezer anyway. Not “enough”. But a bit. - I need to order the embroidery hoops too. They're not cheap any more. But then again, neither is anything else. At least I saved on the starch. Amazon wanted almost 5$ per can. Tops had it at 2,49. So there we have it. (It would be nice to be able to see them... 10$ each. Let's see how it rolls out. I'll work another one, at least, tomorrow as well.) - But for now, the house is warming up nicely. It's time to brush teeth and head to bed. After all... tomorrow morning it's going to be chit-chats and bull-shit in the morning. AND the bloody post office is open until almost NOON! OK fine. - For now? Bed. Tomorrow, wash the linens, and me, and tomorrow night... CLEAN AGAIN AT LAST!

Sat.30.Nov: 8.20 And AT 8.00, I got out of bed. NOT because I wanted to, but because if I didn't I couldn't enjoy my morning smoke. So there. PO opens at 8.45 today, y'know. (IF she shows up. Yesterday she didn't get here until almost 9.30 and THEN closed EARLY and drove away. Love it, how they can pull that shit. Me? Up and ON THE ROAD, IN THE POURING RAIN, AT 4.30, IN THE DARK, ON A BIKE, TO PEDAL 20 MILES TO MAKE CERTAIN THE E. FAIRFIELD OFFICE WAS OPEN AT 7.30! AND... STAY THERE UNTIL 16.30. Right then.) OK. Not a prob. There's “work” to be done round here. WASHING, for example, me and the bed-linens. (And the furnace just kicked-up. Of course, I just walked in from the porch too so...) - As for the furnace and being awake and about... my nose itches, throat's a bit “tickly”. I'm not really fond of this “forced air” heating. It probably is “more efficient”, as it circulates the warm air about the place quicker than base-board. BUT... it does “dry the air”. The laundry should be a snap then. And this morning, I'm contemplating setting-up some kind of “line”, in the blue room (since it doesn't appear that I'll be using that room for much else any time soon). Time to “live” in the place... I've paid the bills. I've “paid my way”. - And there's crochet to be done. And cleaning... that's the top of the list anyway. So? I may as well get up off my other-wise “OK” arse and get at it. Yeah? Fine. (The furnace only JUST started blowing and already it's too hot in here. “Instant heat”. HEY! Better than putting the oven on.) - 9.07 and the PO's still not open... Interesting. - 10.47 Post checked (nothing... still expecting something from somebody...). Sheets hanging in the shower. Pillow cases, jammies, under-items hanging on the dryer rack. G's on the juke-box. Hoops ordered. We rollin'! Oh yeah! We rollin'. - Sent word to Ms. Linda: I'll be out on errands, out of phone service, will call when I return. Reply “OK 10-4”. OK, indeed. Now... Hair-cut, shave, HOOVER, shampoo, SCRUB-down... But that's for this evening. Right now? CROCHET! Munee Hunee. (I can hope... stoopit as it may be.) - 17..02 Cleaned the oven! ICK! Now... “meal”... “Frittatta”... veggies. - 22.22 AT LAST!!! HAIR CUT! BEARD TRIMMED! BED MADE! A COVER (foil paper) OVER THE REGISTRE IN THE BED-ROOM SO THAT IT DOESN'T BLOW ON THE BLANKETS! “MEAL” DONE (of course, before 18.00). I grabbed a “nap” of about 40 minutes and THEN GOT UP, CRANKED THE HEAT TO 70F AND HIT THE LOO WITH THE TRIMMER! BY ABOUT 20.30, HAIR WAS DONE, QUITE NICELY TOO, I MUST SAY, TIDIED THE LOO AND BECAUSE THE SHEETS AND PILLOW-CASES WERE FINALLY DRY ENOUGH... MADE THE BED! (I'm SO tempted to Hoover but... I've got tomorrow for that.) DONE, DONE, DONE! SO “PROUD” OF ME! - Meanwhile, Linda's been “blocked” from the phone, “blocked” on the social media, “SPAM”ed on the e-mails. I've had MORE than I can stand of this “Minds” bull-shit. At about 21.00 or so, I sent her a text about being “in”... FIRST THING: “You should see what Luculent said about me!” So tonight I told her, politely “Honestly dear, I have both of you blocked on all my channels.” It's fucking social media, doesn't pay my bills, provide my food, heat, &c. The tribulations are childish and I've no interest nor time to baby-sit the bull-shit. (Paraphrasing.) Reply? “Np ty”. Yeah? Can't even reply with full sentences? OK. As she says: “Np” and fuck the “ty”... “vm” indeed. And that “acronymic” nonsense came in THRICE! So? Number blocked on the phone. And when I went to make sure that she was blocked on ALL the channels on Minds... in the moments it took to log into them... she “blocked” me already. So? PEACE! A shame, perhaps. But? PEACE. No more bull-shit screaming into the night about “What he said” and “What he did” and who's allegedly “hacking” whom... So now? I'm going to pour me a beverage, wait for the tank to heat the water well enough for a FULL SHOWER tonight and languish in the serenity that is “no more bull-shit”. (Bob Bender's words come back to mind: “All the major problems I've ever had in my life involved a woman.” Then there was Freud who said that only women could suffer “hysteria”. Yep... Madame, Ms. Diva, Ms. Biddy, Ms. “Naturespirit/Linda”, ....) - Now to enjoy the results of all my labours. - Oh... and I've started another crochet project. Not crazy about this one but will finish it anyway. - Also, received texts from Dorothy today, asking about pricing on shipping boxes of clothing. Last I asked was the weight and postal code. THAT reply: most jeans in copy paper boxes, something about being in a linen closet, will get back. (She's on my last nerve now too.) - OK. Oh well... moving along.