Fri.01.June: 00.10 Lightning bug? And church bells at midnight? – 7.06 Do I want to be awake? Absolutely not. Did I wake with the 6.00 alarm? Yes, yes, I did and I dozed (and had some kind of dream-thing about getting a car from an insurance company or something… it was brief). But here I am, awake, with-out an alarm and it’s raining. BevMart and Walmart opened at 6. Hannaford’s opened at 7. I wonder if I could possible wangle the truck this morning. Though BevMart is open until 22.00 as is Walmart. Hannaford is open until 23.00. So? I shall see what comes of this. Meanwhile… pee and coffee are done… it’s time for a smoke (and a fucking nap). – (At least the lawn won’t be an issue today… nor for another week… at this rate. Alas… poor dear. Fuck.) – 8.47 I made my presence known and seen and wondered if I’d at least be offered the use of the truck at all. Ah… as I suspected and expected: Nope. So? Oh well. We bear in mind that the “work” of this house gets done only when *I* do it… and there’s a week-plus of leisure ahead… for me. Yep… you’re welcome. – 9.28 “I’m getting some plants and I’ll be leaving.” (and taking Hallie). Well… stores claim to be open until 22-23.00. We shall see. Meanwhile, I’m doing “Month-starting” account checks. Fucking shame to have to be so diligent. And I’m tired. Will probably nap when Mme. leaves. It’s drizzling. Nothing to be done about that. (But, I could have gone, done my quick shopping and returned… What retardation.) – 11.24 and a most delightful “nap” of over an hour. With a strange dream: In a house some-where in another town, with a bunch of people. One of the guys wanted me to go with him when he went to visit his daughter or some little girl. I didn’t want to go, but eventually acquiesced and off we went. He went to visit and I stayed in the truck. But when it came time to leave, I was out of the truck, he got in, started the engine and started driving away! I hopped into the back, where there was a pillow, and I settled-in for the ride. He looked, saw me back there and drove off, down the road, at quite rather the higher of speeds. I just laid there, with the wind blowing. I was, to be honest, comfortable, bit a bit nervous when he increased speed. Back at the house, he simply got out of the truck, and so did I. He greeted his German Shepherd puppy who was delighted to see me and came running. As I was petting the dog, it raised its hind leg and started peeing into the air in excitement. Some of it splattered in my eye and into my mouth. It was acrid, burning my eye and tasted horrid. Seeing it, the guy simply laughed… and I woke. – NO clue as to what brought THAT dream on. – Anyway, just in from a smoke. It’s only my and Mimou in the house now. It’s still very grey but no rain. I wish it would rain. I could put my plants out. But as I stood, having my smoke, the though: I did all that work round this shit-hole yesterday… and haven’t eaten since… well… Wednesday night. “Vermont gratitude”… and complete entitled thoughtlessness. I just have to bear in mind: I did the work to get out into the sun-shine which is what I needed. I don’t do the “work” for “them”… I do it for me… because it passes time, keeps me occupied and keeps me from thinking about the shit around here. – And so… I’ve no idea when the Mme. will return, but I’ve some time for ME again today. Ah… no sense pondering it. – I COULD wash my work clothes… but the washer AND dryer are full. More “entitled thoughtlessness”. Fuck it. – 16.23 WELL… at about 16.15 Mme. comes ROLLING in, gives me a list of what’s in the fridge, grabs her new “cart”, says “I’ll give this to Dave to put together.” tosses it into the truck and says she’ll be back “around 10”. Off she goes, leaving Ms. Hallie behind. She’s off to Enosburg for something or another. There goes any ideas of me getting out of here tonight. Oh well. I guess I’ll just wash my “work clothes”… empty the machines, toss it all in and then toss it all back. – MEANWHILE… SPOKE WITH EV. SHE’S GOT A COLD. HAS BEEN HORRID ALL THROUGH THE WINTER. 5 TRANSFUSIONS. BUT, WE HAD A WONDERFUL BIT OF A CHAT FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES. She’s planning on being in Waubeka for July and August. Funny shit, that, because in July is when Mme. is pondering a trip, with me (fat fucking chance) in tow. Nope. Me? I know better. Not planning on THAT at all. But it was SO GOOD TO TALK WITH EV. I should try to get to NYC to see her. She says Rockaway is now very much in demand, so much building and so expensive! It was bound to happen. – Now, I have the rest of the evening in the house. Oh well… I’ve accomplished nothing all day, really. But I’m not whining about it. The lawn COULD have been mowed. It’s not. There’s a green-house full of plants to be put into the garden. Not my responsibility. Besides, with the talk I’m sure is going around… Why bother? There’s shopping that I need to do. That’s not going to get done… obviously. I’ll probably be relegated to doing it tomorrow… on Saturday. Well? We must do what we must. – And so, I’m left with feeding the little ones… as usual, whilst Mme. flits about the state. Enjoy it whilst ye may, Mme. My moment will come… one way or another. – 20.11 and I had another nap for about another hour. Put up some of that white plant cover over an old curtain rod, across the door, for privacy. I don’t like it but… now the fan will be on “high” and I’m hoping 3-ply is thick enough to block “views”. We shall see tonight. – Mme. is still out and we’re all in from the 8pm walk. The light is on out-side. The kitchen sink light is on. And that’s about all she’s going to get because I’ve NO doubt she’ll be slamming in when she arrives. – That said, BevMart and Walmart open at 6.00. Hannaford’s opens at 7.00. Unless she’s got something to be at before 10.00, there’s no reason why I can’t make it all (provided I get up early enough in the morning… on a fucking Saturday to keep with the qunt’s schedule). We shall see how THAT works out. Not to mention that she’s got plants that should be in the garden before the 4th of July… what-ever. – it’s about 28° in this fucking room. No doubt, it’ll get hotter when I close the door. This place is bull-shit. – Oh well… the day has come to a close. – Oh… I cooked some more pasta for “meal”, had it with butter and some salad dressing. Healthy? No. Filling? Not really. But I put something in my system and left the beef and such in the fridge. I won’t be accused of eating somebody into poverty… along with being a lazy bastard and useless. – Anyway, it was good talking with Ev this afternoon. Maybe one of these days I’ll get me together and get down to see her in Queens… perhaps stay the night at 30th Street… like the “good old days”. Something to ponder… and perhaps dream of. – Time for the wind-down. It’s going to be rude at 10pm. – “June”… fuck this! I wanted to be out of here, away from here and be working on ridding my mind of the memories of here by now! – 22.36 Rye and ginger and TV and chat and a rather terse statement on taking control of one’s own house… and a reminder of the reminder that I’ve been told this isn’t “my” house and… so it seems, the lawn will be done on Sunday. AND… tomorrow afternoon, I WILL be going shopping… but on the latter… we shall see. – The “curtain” on the door is sufficient for privacy. And all is calm and well as the night is wrapped and all head for bed. Tomorrow… is another day. Now I lay me down to tele, to sleep, I hope… and not necessarily to wake another day.

Sat.02.June: 8.50 and after finally getting to lights-out at about 2.00… I woke to the 7.00 alarm, turned it off, cancelled the 8.00 and dozed until just moments ago. Now, up dressed and “morning routine” attended, the sun is shining, the air is cool, there’d been a rain last night and the world is refreshed. Mme. is in the shower, prepping for another day of socialising with the in-breeds, and I’d like to puke… just because it’s the common morning. – This morning’s first thought, as I turned the alarm off: “He was upset because the lawn wasn’t mowed.” That’s what she’d told me last night during our “chat”. AH YES? So… Sow-sucker was upset because the lawn hadn’t been mowed? Gee! I wonder: (a) Why is it any of his fucking business? (b) What was said to him about the lawn not being mowed? (c) Did anybody (other than I) tell him of the “incident” and the threats of being “removed”… “for you” and the “I’ll kick his ass”, and (d) the fact that you’re an incredibly ignorant qunt who’s relegated ownership of the property to some psychotic in-bred imbecile? GEE! I can only just imagine what the talk is around here, about me, behind my back. Well luvie-do, fuck the Hell out of you and yours. The actual fact about the issue is that, for the 5 years I’ve been in residence in this little shit-hole you call a “town” or “village”, I’ve managed THREE properties, often 2 at a time, none of which I have any vested interest in, none of which I have any ownership of. And for the work I’ve put in, none for which I’ve ever received any pay. Curtis gets 35$ for mowing the very lawns I’ve maintained. Thousands have been doled-out for work that I HAVE done and for work I could have done (but have become bright enough NOT to do) when OTHERS… your little in-breeds… have done it. You’re all quite quick at dishing out the dough to “yours”, and even quicker to take abusive advantage of those you consider “out-siders” or “flatlanders”, considering yourselves “entitled” to all. Yes, yes, indeed. I’ve heard the rumours and slander that gets bantered about round here. So I can certainly well imagine, at least the gist, of what nastiness has been spewed about me. So, jolly bollocks, bitches… Let’s remember that I’m not the morbidly obese slob in town, and that, once upon a time, it took 4 “men” and 2 trucks-and-carts to haul the shit I hauled alone. Let’s recall that 100$ has been paid to twats who mowed your lawn only once in a month’s time… and that you feel justified “generously” giving me (after being made aware of the situation several times) that 100$… for mowing not less than FOUR times in a month… not to mention mowing TWO properties, four times a month for the same 100$. And I include here, in this journal, that I’ve always stressed the fact that I never minded the mowing, have enjoyed it, BUT… when it comes to something this petty (which is of the same calibre of issue as the idiots and morons causing the un-necessary nonsense and conflicts), instead of being appreciative of the labour performed, no gratitude was expressed… not to mention… the repeated incidents of waiting for the mowing and maintenance to be completed only to toddle quickly behind to toss weeds and other shit about on the lawn, turning it all, immediately, to shit. Let’s bear in mind that the flower-beds were created, at THREE properties, some where they’d been neglected and others where they didn’t exist, and were abandoned or, abused (i.e.: the little bed of “St.T.” where, flowers were planted and it went with-out address, when dirt was tossed on said flowers… and the reclamation of Daisy Glidden’s “herb garden” and weeds were tossed into it and it was simply left to return to weeds). Let’s bear that in mind. Let’s also bear in mind, that the property of the “red house on the Square Road” got the trees trimmed (by hand-saw) and that 100s of pounds of gravel was hauled from there to the “main house” on Main Street to be laid under the fucking benches at the corner. Let’s keep these little tid-bits in mind… Ah… but none of this matters because, well… the work (what a vulgar term in local parlance) was nothing more nor less than “due”. After all… you genetic mutants, you general malignancies are “entitled” because your “lives are so hard”. Yeah, well, fucking you would, more than likely, cause you some degree of pleasure (although, being fucked by another human being would, in all likelihood, repulse you) so I won’t say “fuck you”… I’ll just, rather, express my prayer that you rot, preferably in the present, in some manner or fashion. That would be considered proper and due recompense for all that I’ve done and your back-stabbing bull-shit. – Anyway, what a lovely way to begin a delightfully wonderful morning. – Oh, before I end, an account of yesterday, in case I’d omitted it then: As she toddled off to her celebrations in Enosburg last evening, Mme. grabbed her new grocery cart saying “I’ll bring this to Dave”. Yeah? Good. Fine. As it turned out, yes, in fact, she DID. Dropped the bit of shit with Dave so that he could put her wheels on (indeed). It was about 17.00, I was standing at the kitchen sink, preparing “dinner” for the little ones, when Ms. Pammy drove into the drive, got out of the car, brought the cart to the porch… passing the window and the open kitchen door. Then left, having passed the open kitchen door and the kitchen window… wordlessly. Not even so much as an acknowledgement of my presence. Yeah… I CAN well imagine the vitriol spewed round and about, about me. You pathetic hypocrites, liars, thieves, malignant parasites. – OK. Shabbat shalom. – Now then, it’s been said that Mme., she will be back in Enosburg today by about 10.00 and will return at some point early after-noon (although, we keep in mind, she can’t tell time). I’m to be given use of the truck at that point to run my errands (of course, on MY “Sabbath”… but “my” and “me” don’t matter here). Let’s just see that Time will tell about that. *AND* as for the lawn-mowing, it was said, last night, that “clearance” for that will be made for Sunday. Again… Time will tell us all that we need to know. As Mum used to say: “We’ll see.” We’ll see. – 9.37 and she’s “off”… “I’m leavin’.” Yeah? So? Toddles toddler. – 19.23 AND MY RUNNING AND ERRANDS ARE DONE! So too… balancing the aching account. FUCK ME! I left at about 14.20, at long last. Mme. returned at about 13.15. I took the Rice Hill to Shawville, Sweet Hollow and the Pond Rd. to get to the “Bev.Ctr.” where I got 90-cents on the returns and 2 more bottles of vodka. YAY! Next was up to Hannford’s for 3 tonics, a pkg. of franks, 3 jars of coffee, a bag of crisps and a box of PopTarts(which I am now having for daily “meal”). 8$ left of FS and I was off to Walmart for… a REALLY NICE 9(9 fucking $) Dickie’s T-shirt for jammies and a bag of “Gildan” Ts (6 for 12$… like the usual 1,99ea. I’d pay in Brooklyn… so many years ago). THEN… I went looking… found red petunias so got 2 6-packs AND a “motion sensor” light for Mme. Cordless! (I don’t know if it works… I’ve put the batteries in but it’s not dark enough to test… yet. If it doesn’t work… well… it can function as a regular light. At least she won’t have to fumble about in the dark any longer… We must think of the old thing’s safety. I’ve no doubt it won’t be appreciated. But fuck it all… it’s done.) ANYWAY… AT WALMART, FOR A 50$ PURCHASE I HAD TO TAKE 60$ OUT OF A FUCKING ATM!!! Yes, when I got back to the house I IMMEDIATELY rang the banque to learn that only SOME registres accept “Interac”! Imagine… Walmart and Hannaford’s don’t. Fucking idiots. Anyway… Cash done. Shopping done. Errands done. I headed back to arrive at about 17.00 to find Mme. in the garden. Now she wants MORE of the area mowed… BUT there was more plastic under the grass so I stood, watching, as she pulled it up. And I DID make a point of saying that I’d pulled all the other plastic in the area that’s now going to lawn, and I had to cut it up after rolling it, put it into the cart… and I did so alone… being the “lazy bastard” that I am. (And I said “lazy bastard” loudly… Pork-sucker was mowing the lawn over the fence. Didn’t hear me though, I’m sure.) And so, with that, I went to the truck, pulled my tote out and rang the banque. Mme. meanwhile, was off to Jesus and she hasn’t returned as yet. Oh, and OF COURSE, she didn’t feed the little ones. Of course. (22.44 Got distracted… called to “dine”! A burger with fired onions and sweet-potato fries! Imagine THAT!) Anyway… the light works quite more well than expected! Very sensitive. We just have to figure where it will do the best good. But IT WORKS! (And no, she’s not “satisfied” with it. But then again… that was to be expected. AND… as we were sitting to dine, Mrs. Twat came down with the month’s rent and I got the 100$! And yes, I folded it and put it in my pocket. I spent over 100$, US and CAD today so? There. It’s mine again. (Now to figure how and if to put it into the banque… we shall see.) And it was a pleasant evening. I got thanked for the lawn, for the flower beds, for minding the critters. What a shame it means nothing to me. – Oh and but I DID get to wash and dry all of the new t-shirts and am wearing the jammies-T even as I type. VERY nice. Not worth 9$ but very nice… and nice to attire in civility for a change. Now to figure what to paint on a “work shirt”. Something inappropriately nasty for all the “neighbours” to see. There’s time. – It’s been rather settled here, that, tomorrow is lawn mowing. I suggested that I do the front first and the idiots (Twats) can put their vehicles in the drive whilst I do the back. We shall see how well that works out. Plan: I’ll check for rocks and debris in the garden, then mow the front, let the Twats move their vehicles and do the back. I made certain to point out that I’m being “MORE than ‘Christian’ about the matter” and that this is the end of making all sorts of “arrangements” around them. Nothing was said in response. Dense. Dumb. Sad. Pathetic. – It’s nice to know that there are 3 bottles of vodka and 6 bottles of tonic available, and cash to get food for the coming week. Who would have ever thought I’d see this sort of time in my life-time… again. Now… if only to get the truck! There’s only just over 4k in the account as it is. And I learnt today that the daily limit withdrawal at a machine is 1k CAD. But I can get money orders, I’m almost certain. So now… WHERE’S THE TRUCK? I NEED THE TRUCK! – Time to wrap the day. Tomorrow Mme. will be cleaning her truck and doing a little gardening. But she’ll be taking the truck at some point, to be washed. Good. And me? I’ll be mowing, at the very least. Other-wise? Who the fuck really cares? Not I. – Wrap! Done! Tele time!

Sun.03.June: 8.26 I think I got to lights-out by about 1.30 but… it’s not important. Here, now, another fucking day commences. And me? Looking forward to getting nothing done where the lawn’s concerned today. But… no prob. I figure, I’ll get me dressed in due course, go out to the back garden to check for shit in the grass, as it were… plastic, stones, the likes, then get the front of the house done. There’s not much to that now because of the new seeding. And then? I’ll wait…. wait… wait… wait….wait…. until it’s too bloody fucking late to be bothered with the rest. BECAUSE… I’m quite certain that either nothing will be said to the Twats about moving their vehicles or they won’t bother to do so in any particular timely fashion OR…. they’ll be up and in the other vehicle and gone… and Mme. will simply say “They’re not home.” In which case, today, as long as Mme. is here, I’ll mow alright, any damned way that suits ME. And SHE’LL take the shit. After all, I’ll be here in the house for the next coming week and… well… NYC PARTY TIME! – Anyway, may as well dress and such. 9.00 is just over the rainbow. Bloody shit! – 9.38 I’m getting covers for the new reggae music I’ve managed to “acquire” when there’s a knock on the door. “Our mighty hunter has something and he’s in the kitchen.” and she toddles back into the loo. Qunt. A young chipmunk lays on the floor, giving the last twitch of life. Mimou comes to me, purring. He’s so proud of himself. I can’t really be annoyed or angry with him. It’s what he does. But HER? WHAT a bloody qunt. Honestly… Stupid shit. More proof: useless. – (And I still hold: the reason Pork-sucker came over to start shit that evening is because she said some shit to him… suspicions confirmed by her statement “He was upset because the lawn wasn’t mowed.” She’s a bloody-fucking back-stabber. And today? I’m still waiting for the Twats’ car to disappear and for her to use the opportunity to make more excuses… for not having them move the car and for talking more bull-shit about me. Oh well… My day will come.) – 10.26 New music on iPod and I’m off to the loo and then to the yard to check for shit… and there’s been no effort made, no indication of contacting the Twats. Not my monkey. Not my circus. – 20.47 SAY IS DONE! LAWN IS *REALLY* DONE (From 10.30-14.30! It was Hellish! I started at the garden where Mme. would be working. Then to the front of the house. I’d suggested that the Twats remove their vehicles to the front whilst I mowed the rest. Did they? They certainly did NOT! Mr. moved his to the front of the house on the street. Oh well. At least I took my fucking time on the rest. Front done… Moved on to the rest of the garden area making certain to BACKWARDS MOW by the fence! Then to the Hanna Rd. From there, the rest of the yard and the South yard. Mrs. Twat NEEDED to park her vehicle in the drive in the back for some reason and stopped me in my mowing to ask if I was finished with the area by “the berry bushes”… at the end of the drive. I said yes. She said she’d park there. I said “If it’s safe enough for you, it’s safe enough for me.” and I continued. Well… THAT DONE… I moved on to putting the mulch at the lilies. 8 out of 10 bags. Mme. said that the mowing was more than enough – after having said “It took you a couple of hours.”… idiot. Me? I figured there was more day-light, SHE was cleaning the truck, thoroughly, washing the back and all, so I wasn’t about to give any more fodder for bull-shit. I cranked my reggae, which I’d been listening to all morning with the lawn, and off I went. Finished at about 17.00. Fuck. At least it’s done! “Vermont style”, but done. Hey! I even got a compliment from Mrs. Twat: “The lawn looks really nice.” she said, as she was on her way to the store. “It’s a pain in the ass to mow.” I said. “Yeah.” she said. “What all the crannies and corners.” Well… at least SOMEBODY knows the truth.) – As for the “points” of the day: I was reminded that I’m thought of as being “verbally abusive”; I can now rest assured that THAT bull-shit is wide-spread. Mme. went to the store and brought back a 12-pack of small cans of “Twisted Tea”. Pulled one out of the box for me. (I was going to return it and get her money back. Oh well. Fuck it.) She made her “Chinese” for dinner for BOTH of us. Imagine. *AND… she admitted that she lost patience with her Maryrose and that others lose patience with her… “sometimes”. I’m beginning to see Maryrose a bit differently of late. Perhaps she’s a bit too on the religious nonsense side but, the more I hear of how she can irritate Mme., the more I have a bit of respect for her… she’s probably the sane one of the two (which isn’t saying much but it’s saying something positive). – And so, that said, Mme. took the brood for a stroll and I bolted into the shower… to SCRUB AND MADE IT IN AND OUT BEFORE THEY RETUNRED… AGAIN! I’M SHOWERED! The fan is on in the door. The bed is “tidy”. – Mme. says she needs to be out of here by 7.30 tomorrow. I can only hope. She’s off to NY… Syracuse and Schenectady. And she’s STILL talking about a trip in either late July or August. Me? I’ll be fucked side-ways and not for pleasure. I’m increasingly resolved to getting out of here BEFORE AUGUST! At this point, I’ll even go for a flat and hope the Subaru can be “fixed enough” just to get me away from here. – Anyway… time to settle down and settle in for the night. There’s a v-ton calling and I’m answering. (The 2 Teas? Bollocks and bull-shit.) – 21.21 ALMOST FORGOT: I EVEN MOWED AND CLEANED OUT THE AREA BESIDE THE GREEN-HOUSE, UNDER THE CEDARS! First thing that was said: “When I’m out again, I’ll have to get a frame for my hammock.” Yeah? Good luck with that. Leave it under cedars and… well… never mind.

Mon.04.June: 0.22 Seen on Twitter: Vermont is offering 10,000$ to people who will move here… and telecommute! – 7.41 Well, she’s still here and of course, needs help loading the truck. Never mind. Right now, “we’re” in the process of learning that the Dell doesn’t fit in the carrying case. Imagine that. Last seconds. It’s called “preparation”. – Me? I’m feeling run-over this morning. It’s chilly and damp and my bones are letting me know it. But… there are the days to follow… and the hours this morning where I can go right back to bed, should I want. And yes, she’s already heard about the 10k offer. But she didn’t know that it’s for people who are employed else-where. First comment was “Because there are no jobs here.” – 8.44 and she’s gone. We loaded the cart into the truck and she was off and out the drive. My work clothes are in the washer. She left a washer FULL of wet clothes which have been put through the dryer. The rains are falling. My plants are on the stoop. And I’m actually ready to go back to bed. But, the critters are out and about so… And there’s no telling who/what will be showing up during the day. The house NEEDS a thorough cleaning. But there’s time for that. Oh well. And honestly, I can’t help but delight in the weather… and the thought of those two, out on the roads. I’ve become a horrible human-being that way. But… perhaps this is a lesson I’m in need of learning: Stop being such a fucking douche rag. – Oh well. On with the day… or… what-ever. At least there’s really nothing to be done out-side. – 16.13 The radiator got turned on again, the thermostat up to 68F and at about 12.30… I laid down for what I though might be an hour… TWO AND A HALF HOURS LATER… I woke up! Oh well. I hadn’t set the alarm either so I MUST have NEEDED the rest. And so… refreshed, out came the Hoover and the house got a GOOD over-haul. Even the kitchen floor is washed! My laundry is getting done. The bed-linens and towel are in the dryer. My work clothes are done. My regular clothes will be tonight. The tub is “disinfecting”. And a day has been tossed to the side. – It’s been awful damp and chilled in here most of the day but with the furnace up and this heater on, it’s actually sweat-provoking. But I’m letting the place warm up before things get turned off again. It’s supposed to be cool and damp for the next couple of days and I’m not having that in the house. – Now, I’ve got to figure what to do for eating. I’m not really hungry, but I know I should eat something. I was quite hungry when I laid down for a nap. That passed, obviously. – But, all said and done… this place is as good as it can possible get… thanks to the “verbally abusive, lazy bastard”. Oh just jolly fuck these in-breeds off. – 22.43 Later than I’d like but well worth the time. I’m REALLY SHOWERED, EVERYTHING will be CLEAN, the last of the clothing is in the washer, the floors are done, the drain-board in the kitchen is cleared, the stove is clean, the back porch is clean. The lawn is mowed. It’s just amazing! The house is “comfortable” since I’ve set the thermostat at 68F. And I’m ready to hit the bed and a v-ton! “Life”… the way it should be. – Got a message from Mme. at 18.42 “Hi everyone we had a good drive & are @ the Quality inn in Schenectady. I do hope you had a good day. (smiley face)”. I didn’t bother to respond nor to reply and I won’t. – Had a bit of a marvellous time on social media today, bashing (truthing, as it were) this shit-hole state. It’s only just the beginning. I’m “letting it rip” and “keepin’ it real” (as per my new reggae song on the iPod). So I’m beginning my “closure”. – Other-wise, the little ones are in bed, in the room that has a window open and the fan in the other. I don’t know how they do it, especially Mimou. But, as long as they’re comfortable. They have this room, with the heat, should they need. – And so, time for a wrap-up. Day 1 of a possible 4,5 done. Time goes by too quickly.

Tue.05.June: 9.12 Dragged me out of the bed at 8.00, the critters got breakfast and out the door. I’ve had m’coffee, smoke and loo. Sent a “Happy Birthday” text to Mme. And now? Generally feeling like shit for some reason. (Perhaps the 2 v-tons last night? But I was in bed by round 1.00 so I must’ve gotten enough “rest”.) Oh well. – Another grey and chilly day. Time to think of some way to pass it. Next “warm” day is Friday. No prob. – Oh… at some point, some time, I had some kind of “Dreamlette” in which Mme. returned before schedule and as she wandered about the house I remembered that I hadn’t turned the thermostat down. It’s the ONLY bit of the dream I remember and I don’t know if I dreamt it during the night or between the 7 and 8.00 alarms. Anyway… let’s see what it meant… beside my usual stress-induced psychoses. – 9.55 Just up from the floor in the loo… I was getting clothes together for the day when suddenly,
I sneezed AND THE WHOLE WORLD WENT SPINNING ROUND! MY STOMACH CHURNED, HEAD SPUN, LEGS WENT WEAK, BROKE INTO A SWEAT, HAD TO GET TO THE TOILET BEFORE VOMITTING, WHICH DIDN’T HAPPEN (YET) AND *HAD* TO LAY ON THE FLOOR FOR A FEW MOMENTS! THIS IS THE SECOND TIME THIS HAPPENED. THERE WAS THAT TIME, MONTHS AGO, AS I SAT IN THE RECLINER AND IT HIT ME LIKE THIS. JUST OUT OF NO-WHERE, FOR NO APPARENT REASON. But as I laid on the floor I kept thinking: Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, the critters won’t have food… Mimou is out-side, Hallie’s locked in, can’t happen, can’t pass out, can’t call 911 to be taken to emergency. – Oh well… Still not feeling back to 100% and still have that lingering feeling of needed to vomit. I wonder WTF this is. No doubt we’ll find out soon enough.
11.11 Snoozed for about 30 minutes, “floating out-side myself”. Must have actually slept for a few of those minutes because I remember laying on the bed thinking of how I can’t go to hospital because of the little ones and the next thing was the alarm I’d set. Got up, went to the PO for the mail and have just come in from a smoke, still feeling “not really in myself”. Time to look up the symptoms, though I know I won’t find anything solid. Well, it’s the second time this has happened. So? We’ll see. – 21.28 It took a nap and almost the entire day to get myself up and around after that attack this morning. All day, I felt as if I just wasn’t “here”. But at about 15.30 or so, I finally got up enough “mustard” to head out, since it didn’t rain, but it did stay grey. Went to the cedars and picked-up the little sticks and such from the remaining over-growth, got the mower out and mowed it all down, neat and clean. (I’ve just sent a text to Mme. enumerating what got done today. She wouldn’t have noticed anything and even though I’ve told her… I’m sure it won’t be noted when she gets back. But I did it more for me… to get moving.) Took the loppers and got rid of the little box alders at the barn and the one by the phone shed. All the clippings are stacked by the wood-pile… to make it rather obvious. Oh… also brought the mail and posted my entry into the NRA contest and Mme’s. envelope. Anyway… the next thing was to put the red petunias into the planters out front, then one each in the ugly baskets, the rest (8) into the flower bed by the phone shed and got the baskets to the front porch. So… SOMETHING got done today anyway. – I’m still not feeling “completely back” yet and I have to admit, I’m almost afraid to go to bed tonight. I can’t help but wonder, with the strange pain in the left leg (that seems to be gone after all the naproxen and vit.K. now) if it isn’t a clot and that these “episodes” aren’t when it passes through the heart. Oh well. If that’s what it is, it’s passed again… until next time. One of these days it won’t pass and all of this bull-shit will be done. – There was another nice truck on Crgsist today! A bit banged-up but nice, over-all. Of course… today. Fuck me! It would be nice if one would come up on the week-end… and I could get to it. I NEED the truck to move! I want to make it all in one trip… OUT and DONE and GONE! But? But… me, my existence, the bull-shit of existing… I just can’t put up with this dump much longer. – So tonight, I was going to wash my clothes after today’s work, but I’ve decided to simply shower and get to bed. – Finished the “Chinese” left-overs tonight for “meal”. A bit of ice cream after. I could go for a frank right about now but don’t want to be bothered so… shower and done. – Mme. and her Maryrose are in Syracuse tonight. Makes me sick to think of them in NY. But… that’s the way it is. They had dinner for Mme.’s birthday. How nice. – Tomorrow, I’ll ring Ev, to keep in touch… with her and the “Home-land”. – Right now? SHOWER TIME!

Wed.06.June: 0.33 the end. – 9.25 and the beginning… again. “Send, send, send, send, send anudduh one come.” Fuck. – The litter-box is cleaned. The trash in the loo is gone. The garbage is at the curb. The little ones are fed. The shower curtain and some towels are in the dryer. I’m dressed. Pain in the left side of the chest and a touch of the “trots”. And another day commences… grey and foggy and damp. And last night, the reply to my 3 messages, enumerating the day’s chores? “Yes great day. I SENT [sic] a wave as we went by Herkermer[sic]? Happy the critters had a good day enjoying the outside..I’m watching Zimmerman (Zimmern) (smiley face).” Another day in Retardia. – I can’t help but think: She doesn’t attend to the house-proper, nor to the property around. She doesn’t empty litter-box, doesn’t haul the trash. She DOES, how-ever, whine about having to go to work “to keep a roof over our heads”… and the travel. Then comes the line about enjoying the work, needing the work to keep fit, and when the work is done, gets into the truck and is off and running to all sorts of functions, dos, and the likes. Honestly… I didn’t sign-on to working (and residing) in an institution for the severely mentally deficient. But… here I am. – Feeling a bit light-headed again this morning. I don’t suppose it’s going to pass this time. Probably not for a while… unless I simply pass out some-where… probably some-where embarrassing. Oh well. As in life, so too in death. Not to MY convenience (like, some-where alone… in NY). – Ah yes, another day of waking pissed-off. It must be me… it must be my existence. It’s the same shit, and my responsibility to fill the hours. Fuck. – 18.16 And would you believe that I didn’t get onto the computer at all… all day… since I woke this morning! What have I been doing? Nothing. Quite honestly. OK. A few moments in the yard, transplanting some of the sunflowers (or at least I hope they are) that grew in what used to be the “compost”. 9 at the phone shed and 9 in the little flower-bed. But, other than that… nothing. Just being lazy, I suppose. – Tonight, I made “pan-fried biscuits”, flat, for the 4 franks I had for “meal”. The first attempt was HORRIFIC! Too much baking soda. The next batch, not so bad. But I’m sure I’ll be rather some-what sorry for having eaten them. I just can’t get myself to spend money at the local store! – And I really haven’t been feeling altogether too all together all day. That “episode” yesterday… I’m not “recovering” from that one as quickly as I did from the last one, some months ago. Oh well. – In 2 hours it’ll be “walk” and wrap the day. I’m looking forward to that and dreading it as much as any other day/night. – Having a tea now. I haven’t had my second coffee all day… didn’t have one yesterday either. Can’t say why… just didn’t want one. Strange, that. – Oh, but I DID get all of June’s postings to the blog and site up to this entry. So… “documented”… for all the fucking good it’ll do. – 22.12 SHOWERED, wash in the washer and me… ready for bed! – Received a message from Mme. highlighting her pool and jacuzzi and it so reminds me of the “wonderful” trip she took me on, to Connecticut… for 3 days… no pool, no jacuzzi, a room that stunk of urine… and sitting in the scorching sun with Hallie for a couple of hours. How charming. And so, tomorrow she’ll be off to Weston… only some 3-hour drive away… home of the “Vermont Country Store” which she will, no doubt, patronise whilst there and shop away to her further delight. Indeed… I NEED to get the fuck away from this bull-shit. – Anyway… I’m showered and ready to get to the tele and a drink. V-ton time! The rest of this bull-shit can all rot in Hell… their own Hell.

Thu.07.June: 8.14 and the morning routine is done. I could use some more sleep though. But I don’t want to go back to bed. And I don’t know when Mme. and the moll will be riding back into town. The message said that they’re heading to Weston today. But I recall a trip to Litchfield CT in there some-where. Oh well. Surely there’ll be a message to come… or not. After all, I don’t deserve an up-date. – Well, it’s just another day… just another day. Though this morning, there’s sun-shine. How charming. And I do believe that I’m on the edge of another one of those “episodes”. Feeling light-headed as I sit here, hissing in the ears. Or maybe it’s just all that “biscuit” of last evening. My guts feel a bit on the “bloated” side this morning. Last night, after shower, I weighed-in. 175lbs. I wonder: is all of that sudden weight gain nothing but “fluid”? Very well could be. Ah… – Oh… I had a bit of a dream just before waking: Something about moving out of here and into a rather small, and not really pleasant little flat… in NY. I’d been sharing a place with… imagine this, Kevin Dick! We were in college or something and he’d been offered a job some-where and had to relocate which meant I had to leave the flat and find another. He wasn’t at all sympathetic about the moving and insisted that I had to leave promptly. (Sort of like the situation in Richford with Silas, as I think of it.) And so, in a rather panic, I did find a little place. Didn’t like it much and didn’t like the owner but I was told that I had little-to-no choice in the matter. So I moved. And after the moving was done, realised that I’d left my plants at the old place! But… just as I was waking, I realised that they were still here, at 5199, and they were safe and that I could still get them… I woke. I wonder: Premonitory? – 9.25 Well, after a hefty morning bm, glad to report: feeling a touch better. But the sun-shine is gone, the rains are in the forecast. So… ’twill be “another one of those days”. OK. The floors need “doing” anyway. And I’m not in the mood to get dressed. So much for this day. – 11.04 Finally dressed, the bed and bath linens are in the wash. And this morning has brought us TWO chipmunks on the kitchen floor. Is it any wonder I’ve got some kind of “rash” on my left foot? Well… although I truly don’t have either the ambition nor the energy to do so, it’s “Hoover’n’mop” time. I sent a message to Mme. about nice weather for travel, even though there’s rain in the forecast (again), hoping to get some kind of “ETA” reply but there’s nothing. Of course. Well? The wash is in and the floors are about to be done. I’m still feeling “light-headed” though. But, things must be done. It’s time to “wrap up”, get my toiletries out of the loo, put things “in order”. And I’m wondering about “meal” today. There are a few franks left. That’s about all. Right now, food is the last thing I want. Appetite is shitty. Energy levels are shitty. Mood is shitty. And the thought of the days to come are shitty. It’s come to the point where I’m thinking that “Bloomingdale, NY” (a hamlet of St. Armand, NY) is looking better. Truth is, where-ever I go, it’s not going to be for a very long time anyway… at the rate my body’s going. Yes, indeedie, something is wearing thing with me, time is running out. I only hope that the clock doesn’t stop and the sands of the hour-glass don’t run out here. – Oh well… my eyes are open and I keep taking the next breath so… off to the “chores” at hand. – 11.53 Floors are done and of course, even before the kitchen floor is dry, the fucking dog has to come trapsing in. Not to mention a dead bird on the porch. And my tolerance for this bull-shit is dwindling rapidly this morning. – 16.00 and another day shot to shit. Nothing but nothing has been done. I just haven’t had the ambition or energy to”do”. But as of tomorrow, that’s all gone and I’ll be making up for all the wasted time. I almost wish I knew what was “wrong”… with me. “Almost”. But I think that not knowing is the best knowing. – The sun’s come back so I’d like to get out into the yard a bit. But at this hour, there’s really not much I actually want to get into. Not that there’s anything I actually want to get into. I look. I see things that I could do… like arranging things for easier mowing/maintenance. But no matter what I see, I keep remembering that what-ever I do, she’ll be in to UN-do it, fucking things up, and all with-in moments… if not seconds. And it takes the will out of everything. It’s not so much a matter of being “worn down” as it is just being so fucking fed-up with it all. Just plain fucking fed-up… with it… all. – 20.17 and in from “walk”. Snax done… but none for me tonight. No prob. – I DID manage to get the North side of the green-house CLEARED AND CLEANED! (I put all the shit into the barn, but fukkit. Surely, one of the first things that will be mentioned is the “need” for something that was out there. Shit that hasn’t been touched in years. But I’m ready.) It didn’t take all that long and it wasn’t all that much work but… it’s done. And the hanger for the fuscia? It ripped right out of the wood between the windows on the back porch. It was in there with a bolt but the bolt is now missing and I couldn’t find anything in particular to put it back so I took a photo, sent it off to Mme. (there’s been no response and I don’t give a shit). Sad… it’s not that I don’t want to do so much more around here… it’s that I don’t give a shit about it any longer. Anything I do will be UN-done in short order. Like her waiting for me to mow the lawn and AS SOON AS it’s done, she HAS to toss weeds all over the place. ANYTHING to keep it from looking “neat”. *I MAKE THEM LOOK BAD… SO THEY HAVE TO MAKE ME LOOK HALF-ASSED AND LAZY.* It’s how they survive. – Anyway, I’m off to the shower. She’ll be back at some point tomorrow and there’s enough to keep me “occupied” away from her. – Tonight my “concern” is how to get the money I’ll need to buy the truck. The debit card doesn’t actually work out-side Canada. I’ve researched it and it’s all the same: Sometimes it works, sometimes (most) it doesn’t. There’s a “spending limit” of 1k/day on it so I’ll have to wrangle some manner of getting money orders. I foresee MANY difficulties… short of going directly into the banque and even then, getting the USD? I’m rather fucked unless I get money orders and hold them until… We’ll see how it works out. We’ll just have to wait and see and hope. But it does make my gut churn. Never let it be said that my existence is “charmed” in a “good way”. – And now… TO THE SHOWER AND END THIS DAY! AT LAST! – 21.47 Showered and the house is dark and in as much order as it’s going to get. V-TON time! I’m FINISHIED! (And still not a word from the qunt.)

Fri.08.June: 0.55 lights out… late again. – 8.23 Up and dressed and the day rolls along already. At least there’s some sun-shine. But I’ve got a “lump” in my oesophagus… another one of those “difficult to breathe” mornings. “Anxiety”, no doubt. No doubt at all. Today’s the day the relative calm ends. Yep… it’s anxiety alright. And why am I up and dressed already? I don’t know. I SHOULD be only just getting me up and about. Well… it’ a done deal. May as well make the best-possible of it. Good thing: I’ve already got things to do to keep me “occupied” for a while… a few more alders to clip, some work round the front of the house… things… to keep me… “occupied”. (No doubt she’ll come rolling in with all sorts of whinings, feeling “exhausted”, drop into the recliner. Yeah, well, at least HER house has been carefully attended (for all it’s worth). – 10.45 Still not feeling “altogether” this morning. Light-headed, a bit difficult to concentrate, and my hands are cold, fingers are noticeably cold. BUT… looks like I’ll just head out in “work clothes” and get to the tid-bits about the place, more as a diversion from the ailments. And still no word about a “return” from the house-qunt. It’s such a delight for her, being able to simply walk away from the responsibilities. The plants that should be in the garden are still in the green-house. Somebody from DW Ford stopped at the table in the yard where there are plants… If any of the plants go “missing” I just don’t give a shit. Meanwhile, there’s a little place listed on Crgslst over in Rouses Point that’s got my attention. Hopefully I might be able to take a toddle over and have a look-see. At this point it’s more a matter of getting the fuck out of here and letting the rest of time handle itself. I’m not well… and I need to get out of here! – 13.14 Feeling a bit like shit but… just rang Ev for a few moments having done: Clipped and cleaned the “roses” along the drive of all the dead branches, weeded a bit as well in there; cleaned the “lilies” in the front (for all the good THAT does, the poor things being planted in such shade); cleaned round the statue; pulled the dead rhododendron; clipped the ailanthis at the green-house; dumped all the clippings in back of the barn; left the weeds along the drive as “evidence”. AND I see that the folks at 5225 are pulling all the black plastic from the front yard. Well? So be it then. None of my concern. – Ev sounded well enough. As she says: she hopes that she can remain self-sufficient. (Me too… both of us.) – Anyway, no word from the qunts. But the sun is shining and some more “work” has gotten done. I’m a bit on the “hungry” side but can’t decided what, if anything, I want to eat. I’m not hungry enough to eat anything at all at the moment. But having a coffee. And that’s that for now. – 19.12 Fresh out of the shower because, well, I needed one and because there’s been NO MESSAGE of ETA. In fact, there’s been NO MESSAGE since the announcement of the jacuzzi. And “Weston” is only 3 hours away from here and that was yesterday. So? There’s no telling where those 2 are and no telling when they’ll roll back in. So I took my shower. – Earlier, at about 16.00, I broke down and went to the store and ordered a pizza. Small, extra cheese, mushrooms. 10$, not too bad but there was more than plenty cheese and perhaps, maybe, ONE mushroom had been sliced on it. Oh well. I ate the whole thing. – Uh oh… I hear the witch. – 20.25 WELL! Imagine THIS: An “I Love NY” hat and mug! The “tourist” souvenirs! And the GOOD ones too! “Guilt”? I wonder. (And I just over-heard her on the phone with somebody, talking about what sounds like she almost had an accident. “They just zip around down there. They’re worse than we are.” No hunee… even NJ isn’t as bad as “you” are, when it comes to driving.) Anyway, I helped bring some shit in from the truck. When she asked what’s new around here, I mentioned “Look at the green-house.” and so, she went to it and IN and NEVER NOTICED all the cleaning that had been done on the side of it. To be expected. Then, inside, in the kitchen, she mentioned something about something which led me to tell of my recent “episodes” and… when I said that the next time it happens I’ll ring 911 and go to emergency… SHE LAUGHED! The woman is SICK! Mentally ill in the clinical sense. – And so… she’s sitting in the kitchen chatting on the phone, having her wine and tomorrow she’ll be on the road again… to some “graduation party”. Nice, eh? Just breeze in and breeze back out again. All’s well because the nigger is in residence. – Me, now, I’m getting ready to get to bed. Just very tired and not in the mood for la-de-fucking-dah bull-shit. I don’t even want a v-ton tonight. Shame. OH! But I’ve got a small container of ice cream in the freezer! No doubt, she’ll get to that. There’s no “Yours and mine” in this state… everything is “MINE” no matter what. And I’ve a bag of crisps and one of jelly donuts. OK. If I wake during the night, perhaps. But for now, I just want to get into bed and sleep this horrid feeling off. Just so very tired. And I feel like I should go take a shit too. But… Never mind. – I’m showered. Mme. has returned. Time to wrap it all up. (PS: Nope… of course, none of the work that’s been done round here has been noticed… of course.) – 20.57 I took the critters out for their walk, brought them in, gave them their treats/snax… and she’s taken them out… never noticed… even though she was sitting right there as I fed them. Nothing’s changed.

Sat.09.June: 7.43 At 20.00 I took the little ones out for their walk. When we came back in, Hallie got her hot-dog, Mimou got his dish of nibbles and I came into the room… checked for a truck and for the flat, put on my jammies, got into bed and put out the lights. With the exception of one very brief leg cramp for which I got up momentarily… *NO DRINK. NO DRUG. NO WAY. NO HOW.* I slept through the night until just a little while ago. And why I’m awake now is anybody’s guess. I could go right back to bed anyway… BECAUSE… as I thought last night before drifting off: Laying in bed with eyes closed is the best place to be… my mind, my imagination, my ME can be any-where we want to be… especially… NOT HERE! And I could go right back to that. But… aside from the normal fatigue of the day… of being here… of this shit… time for coffee. – 8.06 Out for a smoke. The morning bit in the kitchen of “Good morning”. And she’s getting breakfast for the little ones. And I’m still rather amazed: no v-ton, munchies, tele last night. Quite the morning. (And yes, I’d like to go back to sleep… my chest feels “heavy”.) Another day. Fuck. – 10.41 Wasted on soc.med. and now… the gut is churning! And too, there’s been about 3 “light episodes” this morning… Mme. will be gone from 13-18.00 (so she claims). – 22.17 and FINALLY getting to settle-in for bed! Mme. didn’t return until 19.00 and drove in with a bunch of groceries AND a carton of smokes (which she presented to me with “Thank you…”)! And she then made fish for dinner and asked if I’d have enough to eat because I didn’t eat much. Oh well. Anyway… she also made the announcement that she’ll be leaving tomorrow round 10.00 for… “the shrine” and will be taking Hallie with her. So? So no mowing tomorrow. I honestly… never mind. No sense. Meanwhile, I’m still feeling like SHIT… and now, it feels like “coming down with a cold” or something of the sort. It’s all quite interesting. I spent MOST of the day sleeping… an hour of sleep for an hour awake for an hour of sleep for an hour awake. Yeah, something’s wrong. But, as I thought about it all: Good people don’t get to die painlessly… Oma didn’t, Mum didn’t… and damn it… I won’t. What-ever it is that’s going wrong (or gone wrong), I can be sure there’s a bunch of misery coming. My resolution? Get a truck when I can, get the flat when I can, just get it all when I can and let the rest go. None of it’s going to be any “long term”. Gotta think “short term” from now on. So? So… there we have it. – I need to pee. The loo is occupied. Or I’ll use the WC. Then a smoke and then back to bed. No v-tons and such tonight. (In fact, Mme. suggested having a tea with dinner and I didn’t even have that. Can’t say why not, exactly, but…)

Sun.10.June: Oh fuck… double-digit day! June is slipping away. I HAVE TO GET THE ACTUAL FUCK OUT OF HERE! – 6.46 and 7° and WHY AM I AWAKE? Not just “WHY AM I AWAKE?” but why am I awake this early? I didn’t get to sleep until WELL AFTER mid-night last night. No. No tele, nor v-ton. Another “sober” night. So why wake at this hour of the morning? I don’t know. But I’m dressed and in from a smoke in the morning chill. Not to mention, the Twats left yesterday (or perhaps it was Friday… yes, I believe it was Friday) and they’re still not back so there’ll be no mowing today. None of my concern, that. I’m thinking about going to the barn and trying my hand at Bondo today anyway. At some point. Still… my body woke but it wants to go back to sleep. Light-headed again this morning, with a bit of “heaviness” in the chest. In fact, as I type, I feel an “episode” coming on. Nausea. Dizziness. The hissing in the ears. Oh well. Just… oh well. Time will roll along until it doesn’t any more. – But the sun is shining, the birds are chirping and the house is silent… for now. It should be a delightful morn… but it really isn’t. Alas. On we go. – 9.56 and she’s on the road again… and me? I’m going back to nap. – 15.16 AND JUST AS I WAS PUTTING THE MOWER BACK INTO THE BARN… THE QUNT ARRIVED. SO SHE SAW ME PUTTING THE MOWER AWAY BUT…After an hour’s nap from 9-10.00, I’d gone out to try my hand with the BONDO and aside from the pink colour… I DID IT! IT WORKED! LOOKS LIKE SHIT. BUT IT WORKED! I put a piece of screen in the hole, pulled it taught with some thread and mixed a bit of the Bondo and applied. As I was applying, the Twats returned. Mrs. called to me “Are you mowing the lawn today?” I said “If it’s convenient for you.” (I’m so kind.) And so, they parked in the front of the house and I MOWED… as the Bondo set. Mowed the South side and the back and even behind the barn (which the mower didn’t like all too much but I don’t give a fuck about that any longer). Listened to Mr. G’s as I went along. Dust and dirt and sticks and stones and grass and backwards at the Pork-licker’s fence. So anyway… lawn done, I put another layer of Bondo on the Subaru (and it too has hardened nicely… even though I put a touch too much hardener in that application so it’s a deeper pink) and decided to just put the mower back, since I’m obviously not going to get to the front of the house and I don’t give a shit. – Anyway… first words out of the qunt’s mouth: “Do you still have any strength left?” More work. I said “I think I’ve worked for the day already.” and went on about my business of looking over my efforts. SURE ENOUGH… SHE HEADS TO THE “GARDEN”, STARTS PULLING WEEDS AND… ONTO THE FRESHLY MOWED LAWN. I SPOKE ON IT: “DOESN’T MATTER. THE DUMB-ASS FROM NY DID THE WORK AND WE CAN’T HAVE IT LOOKING LIKE WORK’S BEEN DONE. ESPECIALLY SINCE A FLATLANDER DID IT. SO YES, LET’S TOSS SHIT ON TO COVER IT OVER. HONESTLY, IT’S LIKE BEING TRAPPED IN “ONE FLEW OVER THE CUKOOS’ NEST”… A FUCKING ASYLUM. THE WHOLE STATE. NOT A FLICKERING BRAIN CELL TO BE FOUND ANY-WHERE.” Being too stupid to realise or understand, no offence was taken… at least not at the moment. No doubt, there’ll be ALL sorts of HORROR stories told round and about… “He’s verbally abusive.” Qunt. – Well… the lawn got mowed, even behind the barn, and the yard looks fine. Me? I’m in the beginning of an “espisode”, feeling light-headed and a touch nauseous. But other-wise… all’s just as fine as can be expected. And I’m rather proud that I got that hole in the Subaru patched. Next? Sanding and painting. Then… sell the shit, put the money toward another vehicle, get a flat and get the FUCK OUT of here! PRONTO! – And the day? Well… soon to close. – Meanwhile, yes, she took Hallie to swim. How charming. Says she’s going to plant in the garden tomorrow. She thinks she’s going to till too… but there’s no gas in the tiller and none in the container. Alas… tough shit. – 16.56 About 45 minutes ago, she left, with Hallie, “Going for a walk.” Of course I know… “going to whine” about my “verbal abuse”… But it is what it is and what it was and will be. Fuck me… at every opportunity. And when there’s no opportunity? MAKE ONE! Mental illness in all it’s glory. – Me? I JUMPED into the SHOWER, a good soaping and shampoo and I’m done. AND I just clipped my toe-nails… out back, in the yard. Well, as I think, I can still do that… clip my own toe nails. Good good for the day. – And now… as it approaches 17.00, it’s time to feed the little ones… though only one is here with me… Mimou. He’d started following the other two as I went into the shower but, she’s got excuses for not taking him along. No prob. Karma will address. – There are now TWO trucks (sadly, both Fords) available on the line. I don’t know about the flat in Rouses Point though. I might just suggest “going for a drive” to go see the building. From the on-line shot, old as it is, the place looks a bit run-down. There’s a telephone number to call. I might just do that tomorrow and THEN suggest a ride. Or I’ll have to “borrow” the truck and go on my own… since she’s got to go to work tomorrow evening and I’ve no doubt she’ll have some “appointment” to make before. What-ever. So much for “helping” me get the fuck out of here. She knows better. She knows that once I’m gone I’m not coming back and it will go back to costing her to have somebody look after the little ones, mow her lawn and all the rest. – I can’t help but think: she said she’d hit her head in a car accident when she was a teen. Broke her hip and such. So it must have been serious. Especially the head trauma. She probably IS quite deficient. But it’s the bull-shit behind the back that gets to me. I NEED to let that all go. These idiots round here are so damned ignorant that they’ll believe what-ever scenario suits their purpose, and as long as it’s making somebody appear horrid… they thrive on it. Simple little minds. – Meanwhile, I’m still not breathing comfortably. But…. I’m showered and I’ve had a light coffee (after spilling a teaspoon of it on the table and Hoovering it up). So I suppose all’s as well as can be expected. – I think I’ll have a v-ton tonight… see what that does for my tomorrow. Fuck it. The very best I can hope for is death as I sleep. – 18.51 Just had 2 helpings of “chicken and pasta salad” and as we were finishing, talking about selling the Subaru first and then buying the truck, Jess arrived with a potted yellow mum… “Happy Birthday”. So I got up, washed the dishes and went out for a smoke. Am back in the room with the house door closed, porch door open, letting in the sun. And I’m all but ready to retire for the night. I’d LIKE to take a ride… look at trucks or at least, the place in Rouses Point but… never mind all that. I’m just as well being in the room… away from “them”. – Anyway… time to pass some time and then off to the blankets. – DAMNED GOOD THING THE LAWN’S BEEN MOWED AND THE GROUNDS LOOK ATTENED! So much for her trying to pawn-off some kind of BS about THAT. “Karma”. Thank you! – 21.14 Time for BED AT LAST! Just watched the most interesting history of No. Korea on, of all stations, CNN and it ended surprisingly. Even the libnut station agrees: Talking with No. Korea is necessary. Anyway, it was good to sit and watch something of intelligent matter for a change, in this other-wise desolate shit-hole. – Meanwhile, I’ve got such a head-ache! I’m hungry again too. I wonder what I’m feeding these days. Meningitis? Or cancer? What-ever… let it be quick. – Now, as usual, I’m fearful of going to sleep. Not so much of dying during the night as “waking” an invalid. Day by day. One day at a time. One night at a time. What-ever will be, will be. – Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray, a night in slumber deep. If I should die before I wake… I’ll be grateful. – 23.40 a tonic, no vodka, bag of crisps, last smoke, 2 “WILTY” and… it’s rather chilly out there tonight. The radiator is back on. Well? If the Twats can run their air conditioner… why not then? Eh? And the Twats didn’t put the cars back in the drive so… there’s lawn to be finished but… never mind. Another day… finally… gone. – I wonder if the head-aches and “episodes” aren’t a clot. Well then, if they are, maybe it’ll take me out in my sleep. HAH! I should be so lucky. More likely, I’ll wake paralysed. – Good night.

Mon.11.June: 8.27 and fuck shit, I’m awake. Well? It’s a sunny day out there as I see it. Another waste, as I see it. And if I don’t bother with truck shopping or going to check the place in Rouses Point… I’ll be needing to find ways to keep away from the retard until she leaves. Lovely way to begin the day. Eh? Fuck. – 9.40 Morning review of soc.med. done and I step out for a smoke to be told: “Did you see….?” Mimou left a chipmunk at the kitchen door… and she will NOT remove it. Oh yes? Another “chore” on my list? Then, “You moved the Bollens,; right”? “Is there gas in it?” “Not right now, I’m not in the mood but, before I leave, maybe…..” Maybe what? Princess, it ain’t my garden, and I’ve made it MORE than abundantly clear, even to the blind, I’m not involved with it. (But I must, I thought this morning, remember: “I hit my head… seriously.” She’s not well.) I’ve no patience. Oh well. – But I AM having noticeable palpitations this morning, and the light-headedness. Just another day… another day. – Time for second coffee. – May the hours pass quickly. – 20.35 DAY IS DONE! Mme. left at about 16.30… and then suddenly came back (as I was getting ready to go to the store for food). She’d forgotten her pills. Yeah, well… fine. – Meanwhile, I SANDED THE BONDO AND IT WAS A DREAM! BUT NOT TO LAST. TRIED GETTING THE FRONT TYRE OFF… IT’S RUSTED TO THE DRUM! SO MUCH FOR THE “FUN” OF THE DAY. SO THE CAR’S UP ON THE JACK (WHICH I GOT OUT OF THE TRUNK), AND THE WHEEL’S SOAKING IN WD40. I SAW A FEW VIDEOS ON THE MATTER. IT’S NO UNUSUAL. BUT IT SHOULD BE A LOT EASIER THAN THIS ONE IS TO LOOSEN. NEEDS A HAMMER… TO THE TYRE, WHICH, ON THE SUBARU IS FLAT. OH WELL. AT LEAST I’VE LEARNT HOW TO USE BONDO. TOMORROW I’LL TRY THE TYRE AGAIN. IF ALL FAILS? FLAT-FIX AND A RUN ACROSS THE ROAD. NEXT STEP: PAINT. Mme. has already said we could take a run to Canadian Tire. When? When-ever. – I’ve decided to pretty the car up and sell it, put the extra money toward the truck. PLEASE LET THE TRUCK COME ALONG QUICKLY! – “Meal” was left-over rice with black beans and cheese. Ice cream followed. Filling. – As for the health of the day, it’s been tough again. Light-headed and nauseous. I can’t seem to kick that. But, I went along and did what I could. – Also, pulled that bracket off the porch completely. It’s laying inside on the porch and will stay there. I don’t care. Put the fuscia up on a hook by the hummingbird feeder which I cleaned and re-filled. A little hummie came into the porch as I was washing the dishes left behind by Princess Q. – And so, now, just waiting for the washer up-stairs to stop so I can shower and get into bed. I’m exhausted… again. Not sure about v-tons tonight. Maybe I’ll try one, see what happens in the morning. – Oh… when we went for evening stroll, Jess was coming across the road from town hall and called “Hello.” He waved. I waved and called for Mimou. I’ve nothing to say… not only to him but to them all. (Although, chatting with Deb at the store is rather OK. Still… she’s part of this shit-hole and I’ve little time for that either.)

Tue.12.June: 8.52 and again, this morning, I wake and ask “Why?” (Because the little ones need to be fed and let out, the recycling has to be put to the curb, and … other than the critters, nothing really matters at all.) – Oddly, after 2 v-tons last night, this morning’s no different from the mornings after no v-tons the night before. So another day commences indeed. Good BM this morning, at last, for a change. But as I got breakfast together for the little ones, the water bowl shifted in the kitchen sink, stopping the drain… there’s water on the kitchen floor so there’s mopping to be done. I’m in no particular hurry at the moment. – Cause for concern: Mimou started to venture across the Highgate St. this morning. Now there’s a problem, indeed. But I can’t keep him locked in the house so… – Agenda: wait until later this afternoon to try the tyre on the Subaru. If I can’t get it off, I’ll just fill it with flat-fix again, roll over to the air pump and fill it that way… when the dealership is closed. It’s all about “appearance” at this point, and the hope of getting at least 500$ for it. Other than that? Nothing. – Mme. moved some plants out of the green-house (well… WE did it together, actually) yesterday. Another of her “friends” was expected to come fetch them… yesterday. The plants are still there. More and more… these idiots sicken me. But it’s not my concern. And so, I move on. I just can’t give a shit. – So we’ll see where the day is when it ends. – Still feeling light-headed and the nausea. No sense pondering it. It’s probably here to stay until…. – 19.32 It’s a horror, being this tired at this hour and then, when it’s time when I can actually go to bed… to be so un-willing to sleep. But… that’s how it is. – I did, today, clean the area between the back walk and the garage. I did, today, change the light bulb in the fixture along the walk. Put in one of those “daylight” bulbs. We’ll see, tonight, whether or not it’s any better. I’m trying for more light, quicker. The old bulb was one of those “turn on the light and wait 45 minutes for it to glow”. This old world is getting worse as technology claims to advance. I don’t know that the new bulb will tolerate the weather. But we need to try it and see. – And all the cuttings that I’d done, of box alders, that I’d tossed on the twig pile out back… seems somebody didn’t like the idea and threw them all on the pallets that I’d cleaned off… where the fire-wood gets stacked. I don’t know who did it or why, but I’m not moving any of it. And I’m not cutting it down to stack as kindling… as I’d planned. – Now… for the HORRIFIC NEWS: I phoned that number for the place in Rouses Point… RENTED! FUCK ME! It was only 555/mo! There’s another one for 750. Both, 2 bed-rooms. But the 750? A bit too much, with my income now and the cost of the truck coming. And as for the truck, I spoke with the banque today. The wonderful fellow (who actually spoke perfect English… amazing) told me that I could either direct-wire the payment to somebody’s account or, I could phone them and they could increase my daily limit to 5kCAD… and that I could change it back if/when I wanted! That would be PERFECT… since even 2500USD isn’t 5kCAD (as of today’s rates, anyway). So, with the “bad” news came some “good”. NOW… I HAVE TO GET THE TRUCK! And there aren’t any decent ones on-line as of today. Oh well… Time… I know Mme. is planning on me being here through the month of July (GOD HELP ME, NO!!!!). I’m just going to cut back on the work I’m willing to do. SHIT! I’ve already done quite a bit this season already… reclaiming more of HER property for her (nice selling point when she wants to sell… no thanks will come to me). Just like I cleaned numbers 5225 and 172 to make THEM better for sales… and got NOTHING out of either. This place is just “entitled”… deranged to the point of epidemic. But, there’s truth in the adage:
WE ARE ABUSED ONLY TO THE POINT WHERE WE ALLOW
I’ve stopped allowing… and as expected and forecast and foretold… the previous recipients are rebelling. FUKKEM! FUKKEMALL! – And now, I probably should have gotten some munchies for tonight but there’s bread and butter in the house. And I don’t want to keep spending my money. There’s food for tomorrow evening. There’s still ice cream left too. So? So… no more spending. – Oh, and the Hoover/mopping has been done and the only wash necessary at this point is what I’ve got on. All else is clean. – Time for the 8pm stroll with the little ones. – 22.47 ”The humming-birds are gone.” she said, on Sunday. “Might as well take down the feeder.” What an arse. – ”Is there somebody here who loves New York?” she asked, when she returned from her jaunt on MY home-turf. She presented me with the cap and mug. I’ve come to realise, it wasn’t out of kindness, it was to keep me “happy”… so I don’t desert her before she’s had her holiday time away. – The wash is on a 23-minute cycle. I’m out of the shower and shaved. The TV and lights are off. The day is officially done and the night begins. I’ve napped through most of the late after-noon. And I’m rather quite tired now. I probably could lay down and go to sleep. Though I doubt it.
The realisation: These 7 years here have been exactly like the 16 months in the Shelter in NYC. It’s been constant stress, the never-ending, ever-present state of wondering who will come to stab me in the back. It’s been an incessant battle of wits. It’s no wonder I’m finally beginning to fall apart.
I sent her a message earlier in the day. I’d seen that her “borage” is good for planting amongst tomatoes. “Good companion to tomatoes in addition to attracting pollinating bees.” I’d sent. “Yes. I know it’s good for bees.” she replied. “Save it for the tomatoes.” Idiot. “OK. Will do.” I replied. “Thank you.” came the reply. Let it go! Just let it go.
It’s being an imprisoned sane person, trapped in an institution for the severely psychotic. It’s been 7 years of it. It’s no wonder I’m falling apart.
Well then, that said, yes, I am feeling woozy again tonight. Had some chest pains earlier, but it passed. “Meal” was the end of the rice, with a piece of fish and black beans, fried, as I’d done last night, with the remaining cheese. Calories. Weigh-in tonight before shower: 180,9lbs. Not good. And no munchies for tonight. But there will be one v-ton, to be sure, with tele, as the clothes are in the dryer. – This must end. Soon. Stephen King writes horror stories about fictitious towns in Maine. The towns are fiction… the stories are fact… they’re about towns in Vermont… about Vermonters. This state is an institution. (I can’t call it an “asylum” because it isn’t. There’s no respite here. – Time to check again, for housing and the truck. I can only hope… it’s about the only hope I’ve got left.

Wed.13.June: 1.26 Another day ends… another day commences… may this one be the last one. – 8.40 and by 7.15 I was up and about. It took me this long to complete the “Wednesday morning routine”. But it’s done. There are things I’d “like” to do, but none that I actually “want” to do. I’ve lost interest in things… even things I used to enjoy. The Subaru needs attending. It’s going to have to wait until tomorrow, and even at that, probably wait until Sunday (to repair the tyre). Painting a t-shirt… but I don’t have enough interest in painting. Planting flowers in the beds. But I don’t know what Mme. Princess Q wants where. I’ve no doubt she’s told stories about the flowers not being planted. But as I’ve come to realise, she won’t tell ME what flowers she’d like where, but she’ll tell others that I won’t bother with any. MY responsibility to my-self is to simply let all of this roll away. After all, the basic truth of the matter is: I know I’m surrounded by a sub-species of humanity, and, well, “opinions” don’t matter… particularly THEIR opinions… of anything. Yes, I was truly blessed to have met Lyle when I got here. (Another one I might call “friend”… dead. – Well, alas, and all that shit… another day. Sun this morning. Woke to 20°. Forecast claims rain this afternoon. We’ll see… said the blind man. – 12.05 At about 9.45 I headed out into the yard and sun-shine… shovelled a wheel-barrow full of manure and the hollyhocks got a goodly amount. Next, on to the phone shed flower-bed and then to the little flower-bed (or, “Mimou loo” as it is) to dump the remainder. Moving along to the South side of the house to clean up the leaves from the irises that won’t grow because there’s insufficient sun (but that’s where Mme. Q. wanted them and of course, we’re all aware that SHE knows best). Cleaned round the rhododendrons (that, if they could, would be audibly gasping for life as well). Note: most of the leaves went into a bag that went to the trash… the remainder went under the porch… it was easier for me that way). *NOTE: WHILST I WORKED ON THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE, THE PORK-SUCKER RODE IN ON THE “FRONT LOADER”. WHAT IT DID AND WHERE IT WENT IS STILL UN-KNOWN. BUT I NOTE HERE FOR THE SAKE OF NOTATION… IN THE EVENT SOMETHING’S AMISS… I SUSPECT IT WAS TO CHECK ON WHAT I WAS DOING SO AS TO REPORT TO THE PRINCESS QUNT AT SOME POINT. WE ALL KNOW HOW OLD WOMEN ARE: IN CONSTANT NEED OF GOSSIP.* – And so, the forecast is for rain at 12.30. By noon, I was done. Is it “GAWJUS”? Oh, hardly. Do I give a shit? Not even HALF. Oh too I see kitty litter dumped in the back yard, by the walk to the Twats’ residence. So now we add that to the yard. I suppose I really have to find amusement: For somebody who has NO qualms about reminding me that this is HER house… and has no qualms about UN-doing good work round HER property, she’s a piece of something. I wouldn’t call it “work” because… well… yes… she does “work”, hard and diligently… to UN-do or destroy ALL of any work that I do round the place. – Well anyway… tonight will might be pizza for 10$ or nothing more than the left-over “pasta salad” on rolls. There’s ice cream left. I’m a bit hungry but too nauseous to think seriously about food. This place makes me sick! – And this morning’s check on flat and truck: NOTHING in Rouses Point at all for flats, and the same shit as has been for the past few days on trucks. THIS is getting to be nerve-wracking. But I try to believe that it’s all for the best. I don’t believe it, but I try. – Moving along now… just to do so. – 21.26 Showered. Work clothes in the wash. Lights and TV off. And it’s only lightly raining… it was supposed to have started at 12.30… and it didn’t. BUT… I DID manage to re-seed the front yard… in case it does rain tonight. The previous seed is just starting. But I’d saved some seed to put down after. Let’s see how (if) this works. – Well… the day? She’d bought some “freeze dried” turkey things for Mimou and he didn’t like them. So I thought I’d try to cook some and see how THAT worked out. Well, I put some in the little pot, added some water, put it on the stove and got carried away on-line! SMOKE ALL OVER THE KITCHEN! AND STINK? WOW! NOT TO MENTION… THE POT WAS BLACK! It took a scrubbing with “Soft Scrub” and “Clean-Up” to get it partially clean. Then, a soaking for a couple of hours in “Clean-up”. It’s not “perfect”, but it’s damned well almost back to the way it was. Almost. Let’s see if she notices. She probably will. But I dare her to say something, anything to me about it. I don’t give a fuck about her shit any more… no more than she’d care about mine. – Ordered a small pizza with mushrooms. 9,50 instead of the 10 I’d paid the previous. And again… ONE mushroom. How charming. But… sadly… I ate the entire thing at 17.00. I’ll regret it, sooner or later, I’m sure. Probably regretting it now, dizzy, light-headed, sweating. Oh well. What-ever. Followed it with the rest of the ice cream so all food, save 2 rolls, is gone. – Took the little ones for the 8pm walk this evening and checked the grass out back where Mme. had seeded. It’s shit grass, to be sure. Won’t need mowing for at least another 2 weeks. None of my concern. – By 20.30 I was getting to the shower and so… the day is done. – No word from Princess Q. And I’m not complaining. – And so, another day… another reprieve is done. I’m pissed because of no flat and no truck. But I’ll persevere some-how. There IS a place in Chazy/Coopersville. Bottom floor though. But I’ll NEED reliable transport over there! Hopefully something will come along… in the VERY near future. This place is at the point of making me physically ill. Yes, I’m looking forward to dying soon… BUT NOT HERE! I WANT TO GO BACK TO THE HOME-LAND! – That said… v-ton and tele time. – I’d like to put my plants out for the rain, but I don’t trust anybody around here. I wouldn’t put it past any of them to put themselves out to kill the plants. It’s a fucking shame… being here. – Time to call it a wrap. The wash is going to rinse and then off to the dry and all will be clean… for a while again. There’s rain in tomorrow’s forecast. I can only hope.

Thu.14.June: 8.18 Up at just past 7.00 and on the run! And all of this morning’s “chores” are complete, including the loo. And it’s raining. I’d like to put the plants out in it but I worry: she’ll come rolling in and kick them over. Wouldn’t put it past her. – There’s a “lump” in my chest, throat, something, this morning. Another “typical” day of feeling “ill”. Such a delight to wake in the bowels of Hell… again. Slept with the door open through the night. Porch window open as well. Imagine that. But it’s chilled-damp this morning. But at least the rain is watering the grass seed I put down yesterday evening. As if that makes any difference to anybody at all. – Now, to figure ways to fill this day. (I’d much rather just go back to bed… and hopefully to sleep. But..) – 16.49 She came rolling in at about 13.00 or 14.00 and got right to eating. And me? I got right to being as I usually am. She asked how things were. I told her all I’d done. She asked if anybody’d come round. I told her about Pork-licker. She asked if he’d taken some tomato cages (and so, my “suspicions” were verified… they’re in contact whilst she’s not here!) and I said I didn’t know but figured he was here to investigate what I was doing, considering the day he came over at 5pm to say I hadn’t put the trash out. Some sort of dialogue followed where-in I explained I’ve been “saintly” for 7 years and have had enough of that nonsense. I reiterated the adage about being abused only to the point where one allows and she responded with some bull-shit about having had enough of being screamed at and it won’t be happening again. And I went for a smoke and she went to the yard. And she mentioned taking a nap. And I came in and went to sleep… That was some almost 3 hours ago and yes, I did nap! Even had a bit of a dream in which CECIL CAME BY… I WAS IN THIS ROOM, Mme. WAS IN THE LOO. CECIL CAME PAST THE DOOR TO THE ROOM AND SAID SOMEHTING TO ME. I DIDN’T HEAR SO WENT TO THE HALL. HE SMILED, WAVED IT OFF, WE SHOOK HANDS AND HE LEFT. So… there we have it. There’s something premonitory in THAT dream there. And as for her being screamed at? Well… Let’s hope I get the truck before she takes off in 3 weeks… Even if I don’t have a flat… there’ll be the truck and a mountain and… that’ll take care of it ALL! Qunt! – I should go to the store for some munchies for tonight. I’ve had nothing to eat all day and, well… I should get something… before my body starts to attack me. As it is, that “lump in the throat and chest” is still with me. – 22.50 She made “A” fish filet for each of us, on a burger bun, and some sweet potato fires. I “ate”, as I had my second tea of the day. Well… I “ate”. And the rest of the evening went along well. *** AND SHE COMPLIMENTED THE WORK ON THE SOUTH YARD AND THANKED ME FOR IT!!! *** (We’re all going to die now?) – Tomorrow morning, her Lena is due to help with the garden. I think I’ll pant flowers… to look busy. WTF? Better to be busy than what-ever. Besides, there are no trucks nor flats to look at. Fuck me. – Anyway… v-ton time and hopefully a night of SLEEP! Fuck… This place is killing me… literally. But… at least I got everything posted on-line today. “Accomplishment” for the day.

Fri.15.June: Half gone… the month… and almost half gone… the year. – 9.07 just in from a smoke. I heard the two alarms, turned them off and dozed. No sense in, and no need to bolt up this morning. Good thing too. I’m light-headed, and not from the smoke. There’s nobody in the garden. Nobody in the yard. But Mimou is in the house, whining. So be it. Mme. is in the loo. I cleared my throat as I get dressed and heard her bolt for the loo. Oh well… just another day. – Météo reports 11° but it’s 22 in the room. The radiator was on through the night but not THAT high. And out-side, it’s “mild”, cloudy with breaks of sun. Forecast has no rain until Monday. I dunno. We shall see what the world will bring along as time passes. I’m not going to concern myself with the matter. – But I did sleep through again last night. Got to bed at about 1.00. So? So… there we have it. Another fucking day commences. IF there’s planting done today, I’ll do the flower beds. – OH OH OH !!! Yesterday, Mme. informs SHE’S THINKING OF GETTING 2 CORDS OF WOOD DELIVERED… MONDAY NEXT OR THE ONE AFTER. WELL THEN… ANOTHER STACKING JOB. ME, NOT FEELING WELL AT ALL, BUT FIRE-WOOD TO BE DELIVERED. OF COURSE, WE ALL KNOW WHO’S EXPECTED TO STACK IT. YEAH? THE “LAZY BASTARD”. THE “VERBAL ABUSER”. The more I think on it, the more I’m convinced that I HAD to come here to learn this lesson: STOP! As Peter once said, so many years ago “Even Mother Theresa died.” – So now, with head spinning in the ether, tightness in the chest, another day begins. I say no more. – 10.48 and, at last, I’m off the air and… what-ever. Fuck. – 20.50 Mme. tilled the garden after all sorts of dramatics about getting the tiller started. At one point, she got up off it and said “You do it.” I didn’t. She got back on and SHE did it. And whilst she tilled, I planted the flowers that she’d given me to plant, and put up some chicken wire round the flower-bed in the back. Mimou, being the little genius that he is, immediately found himself another place to toilet. He’s no “Vermonter”. He’s quite amazing! Next was the plants at the phone shed and I even offered to plant the petunias in the boxes on the porch! Got them done, watered them in, hosed the porch and watered the lawn… and THEN she comes along with MORE flowers that she hadn’t given me earlier… because she was SO pre-occupied with SO much that SHE had to attend. (I know… she was expecting ME to offer to till… and I didn’t. HAH!) Anyway, she planted the zinnias in the little flower-bed and by the phone shed. So what-ever I’d done wasn’t good enough. Fine. No prob there. We’ll just see how it all turns out. – “Meal” this evening was lamb chop. “I really could cook you two.” she said, “But… “ and left it at that. Lamb chop, sweet potato (half) and some asparagus. Fine enough. I’m still al little hungry, should have gone to the store earlier (whilst she tilled), but I’ll break tomorrow. Her Lena is due at some point. Whilst they’re occupied, I’ll shop. Food trumps Shabbat. – And so, as we watched a bit of TV earlier, I was sitting on the sofa when the muscle in the left leg began to cramp. I’d had a Tea with dinner and it seems that causes the spasms. I can’t imagine why, but it does. So I went for a walk in the back yard and then came in and as Mme. dozed on the royal-cliner, I SHOWERED! – So now… the house is off to be tucked in for the night. Me? Probably a v-ton to wash the day away. – I’ve not felt “right” all through the day. I wonder: collapsed lung? CA? Thrombosis? Well, no matter. What-ever. – Oh, note: Mme. said that if I find a truck I want to look at, I MUST let her know and we can go “to Burlington” (which is saying that that’s the limit for distance?) to look at it. Nice. (Nice? I doubt it. I get the truck and the leaving commences… and she can’t really afford that, but I believe that she knows, some-how, that I don’t give a shit any more.) – And so, tonight, I think:
It would be wonderful if I could see, hold, hug Dennis once more before I die. Was he the “perfect” Lover? Hardly. I cried, very often, because of him. When we met in Newburgh, all those years ago (about 17?), he tried to coerce me into moving back to The City… and bring him along. When I said no, he rather disappeared. But all said… I’ve never fallen OUT of Love with him, and no matter what, it would be nice, kind, very sweet of Creation, to allow me to just hold him, tenderly, Lovingly, one more time. (But I know better. “Life” is Hell… “after this” as Mama used to say, “there is only Peace”.
And nobody knows it but me. – Time for a smoke and then, as the sun disappears behind Richmond Hill, taking with it, the daylight… to end this fucking day. Tomorrow? Hell continues.

Sat.16.June: 8.38 Hazy morn. Dozed after the 8.00 alarm. It was another night of getting up for leg SPASM. But the “news” of this morning is… AT ABOUT 23.30, I was out for last smoke when I heard what sounded like gun-shots up the road, in the vicinity of the Middle Road. Maybe 5 or 7 shots, close together, then the sound of a car engine revving and shortly there-after, an older model “sports”-type car went tearing over the Highgate Street, heading West, at top speed. And, of course, I heard it fade away into the night and all went silent again. Gee… was it back-fire or gun-shot? We’ll find out at some point… or not. – 8.54 Miracle of miracles, I got to use the loo (quickly) and rinse the bit-guard! How charming. How “human”. And Mme.’s whining this morning because she has to re-connect to the Internet “every time I want to use this”. Well, gee, princess, get a fucking grip. Nothing says “Vermont” like whine in the morning. And when I mentioned the “banging” of last night… well… she was more focused on her tragedy of having to connect to her e-mail (which she doesn’t pay proper attention to anyway… like all things). Must remember: “I had a really bad car accident when I was a teen-ager. I hit my had rather severely.” Yeah… that and the horse that kicked you and that your parents didn’t have to change the monogram on the bath towels. – So another day if fucking Hell commences. Let’s see how we can pass this one… I could get out there and work on the Subaru. Or I could weed the lilies along the Highgate Street. I don’t have much incentive to do that this year… Pork-sucker gets to enjoy them from their window, and, well, if it looks like shit… let them gaze upon that. – Off to truck’n’flat check… and second coffee. – 18.52 Well… found a truck, VERY NICE truck (as advertised), on Crgslst… followed-up… another SCAM. Oh well. It’s been reported. Moving along. – Helped, only precious little, putting another runner down in the garden and that was the extent of my “work” for the day. Mme. planted. Her Lena didn’t come. Claimed she tripped over her cat and hurt her hip. What-ever. But Mme. did quite a bit of planting on her own. I spent the day with the scam. – And now, the day is done, the sun is shining and Mme. is communing with her “Jesus”. She’d mentioned tortellini for “meal” at some point. We shall see. I had to break down and get donuts and half’n’half earlier. Ate it all so I’ve had “something” to eat today. I just don’t care, one way or the other. I just must avoid having a Tea tonight. Seems it has something to do with the spasms and such. Can’t say what it is, but the occurrences are too suspicious: have tea, have spasms. – That aside… there’s nothing more. Just another day in Shit-hole, Shitholia. – 22.23 Well, we had the tortellini, and I had only enough to show I had some… and there were about 6 or 7 left. I didn’t do the washing up though. And the evening turned to night, we watched TV, chatted a bit, mostly about the little ones. And now the day is done. – Time for a v-ton. And I’m rather tired. But that’s nothing “new”. – Tomorrow, I MUST get that car together and on to being sold. Thoughts of the truck are put down, again, for a while.

Sun.17.June: Mama: 85 (30yrs) 10.02 The 7.30 alarm sounded. I turned it off and decided to wait for the 8.00. It sounded. I turned it off and decided there was no rush nor reason to get out of bed. So I dozed… until about 8.45 and then got out of bed to a quiet house, Hallie in, Mimou in the yard, the kitchen door, locked. Mme. was off to slop the hogs of Franklin at the church “brunch”. Me? I got my coffee, dressed and smoke, followed by a trip to the loo, re-fill my water bottles, put the bed-linens and jammies in the wash (they’re in the dry at the moment) because there was considerable “drooling” last night. I don’t know why or how, I didn’t have the bite-guard in, but for some reason, I was in the wrong position and it was a bit nasty this morning. Thankfully, I have the opportunity to remedy that… as I hear the signal: drying is… as done as it gets in that machine. – The cat’s been a right pain in the arse this morning, howling and whining and the likes. I wonder why. Food, water, a place to shit and pee, run of the house… There’s always some sort of “tragedy” around here… even from the critters. It truly is like being trapped in an asylum for the terminally insane. – I probably should be out in the barn, working on the Subaru. I don’t have the gumption to be bothered this morning. And yes, the light-headedness of the morning is making existence feel like a ride on a roller coaster. Oh well… just… oh well. At least there’s no human whining to deal with. Little “blessings”. – 17 June again. And Mama’s 85th. Before going to sleep last night, I thought how fortunate she is to have died before learning of the miserable lies her other children pew about her, what treasonous little shits they’ve become. Hopefully, she’s not aware of it all, in any manner or fashion. Ingrates, the lot of them. How fortunate I am to have been separated from them all these years. – Dorothy sent a text message yesterday: “Sending you some love. Got so bad at keeping in touch. But think of you a lot”. Oh, tah, darling. What-ever. Once upon a time I cared. That “me” has long-ago died. Please try your call again later. – Happy birth-anniversary Mama… Hopefully you were right: After this there is only Peace. I look forward to that. – On with this day. Mme. won’t be back until about 13.00 or so, at which time I’ll be forced into some kind of being busy. For now, I’ll enjoy the general tranquillity… as much as it is… for here. – 20.37 and the day is FINALLY OVER! DONE! – Accomplishments? None. Care or concern about it? None. – “Meal”? 2 franks, some beans, salad. It was offered. I’d considered going to the store whilst Mme. was at church for the brunch, but I had an “episode” and wasn’t “me enough” to get up and out. As it was, I dozed off sitting at the table in the room. So the franks were quite welcome. Mme., of course, at at the brunch. – And she came back from that at about 14.30, dropped the pots and such in the kitchen and took Hallie to the lake for about 2 hours. That’s when I dozed. – Other-wise, I spent time looking for a truck and a flat. My pre-occupations always. – Happily now, the day is done. Mme. is heading to her chambre. The doors are closed and locked. Yes, the day is over. And I have clean bed linens and jammies for tonight. Not a “clean” me, per se, but at least the bedding is. Tomorrow, I can wash me and everything that needs cleaning. And if possible, I’ll work on the car, get it ready, and take it across the road to fill the tyres. Then wash it down in prep for the paint and then… off to sale! – So much for the day. Mama’s birth-aninversary and fathers’ day… Done. So too, half of the month… meaning… half of the year. Time… it’s rushing be so fucking quickly… I NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

Mon.18.June: 8.56 I didn’t bother with the 7.00 alarm. Turned off the 8.00 and PULLED MY FUCKING RIGHT LEG!!! Got up to walk it off, pee’ed (bottle of course) and went back to bed until now, when, it’s STILL fucking painful to stand on the leg but… I’m up and out of fucking bed. – Outside, the ground appears a bit wet, the sky’s a bit cloudy and sunny. In the “dining” room, Mme. is yammering on the phone. Another day has begun and I’d just as much go right back to bed… at least until about 17.00 this evening. Never mind. – MAYBE I’ll get the car some-what together today… MAYBE… No promises… to anybody… of anything… at all. – 22.45 It’s been one FUCKING miserable day… or… it STARTED THAT WAY… WITH ANOTHER LETTER… FROM DIRECT EXPRESS!!! THEY’RE TAKING BACK THE 353,67 AGAIN!!! I LOST IT… ALL OVER THE KITCHEN… ALL OVER JACQUIE! I JUST LOST IT! AND TONIGHT? I’M WORKING ON LOSING IT ALL OVER EVERY PERSON EVEN VAGUELY ASSOCIATED WITH THAT GROUP OF FUCKING THIEVES! (Add: 15.12 on Tuesday) Headed over to the store for some “food-stuffs”, ice cream, bread, crisps for tonight and had a delightful chat with Deb. I mentioned my depression and despair, “life sentences” and such. From what she says, her husband had some similar issues with a credit card, and in general, he sounds to be quite like me: FUCK THE WORLD! It was fun chatting. – As I passed 5225, Amanda came out to tell me to take a box of vinca that she’d set aside on the drive. We chatted about the house and all the plans and work they want to do around and with and in it. – When I got back in, I heated the left-over tortellini and had that for “meal”. A bit of ice cream after. – Then went out, in the rain, to plant the vinca out front, round the Mary statue, taking advantage of the rain for watering. SO it’s there, in the ground. What it does is no further concern to me. I moved the lilies that were there to the front row. Done. WTF? – By about 20.30 it was shower-time and so… off to the shower, wash the clothes, head to bed and tele and v-ton. Sadly, it didn’t all wind down until 2.30. But what ever… The day was SHIT! And now it’s done.

Tue.19.June: 9.23 GOOD THING I WAS UP AT 8.20 AND BUSY ABOUT THE LOO, HAVING SERVICED BREAKFAST AND SUCH. I CAME OUT OF THE LOO, (having had quite a cleanse… must have been the rhubarb of yesterday) STEPPED OUT THE BACK DOOR FOR MORNING SMOKE AND THERE WAS THE TRUCK! STILL QUITE WARM, CLICKING THE COOLING. I DIDN’T NOTICE IT AT FIRST, ODDLY ENOUGH SAID, BUT THEN IT STRUCK ME THAT IT’S TUESDAY MORNING AND THE TRUCK’S HERE… BUT THERE WAS NO SIGN OF Mme.! I WALKED OVER TO THE TRUCK, ON THE CHANCE SHE MIGHT HAVE COME ROARING IN AND FALLEN. NOPE. I THOUGHT, PERHAPS, SHE HAD SOME ERRAND AND WAS OFF IN SOMEBODY ELSE’S VEHICLE… LOOKED IN THE KITCHEN, PURSE ON THE TABLE… STROLLED TO HER BED-ROOM AND THERE SHE WAS, UNDER THE BLANKETS. “DIARRHOEA AND HEAD-ACHE”. SHE’S TAKEN A “SICK DAY”. Well, the kitchen was in order and so too, was I, save being in jammies. So I chatted briefly, came back to the little room, got dressed, removed my toiletries from the loo, tidied the kitchen (thankfully all dishes were clean and in the drain-board) and here I am… another day. – Much to do with this day. MANY letters of bile and vitriol to compose and post. I’ll have to see about using the printer though. But… It’s actually… Just another day in Shitholia. Puts my usual tedium off for another day. Should be interesting. – It WOULD be a delight if I could find a truck today. At least I have transport. But I know better than to even ponder that. SO… it’s off to “business”. – PS: Two stiff v-tons and 2 bags of crisps before bed… I should be back in bed too. – 15.04 Well this is interesting: Curtis is in going round the house, with the weed-wacker, trimming round the house and trees, &c. Only yesterday Mme. and I were saying that the lawn didn’t need mowing for another week and today, Curtis shows up. She’s still in bed, not feeling well, and I’m rather tempted to inquire. But… I’ll just let it ride. I mean, yes, yesterday morning, in my despair, I said she’d have to find somebody else to do the work, tend the critters and such. But by day’s end, I’d sent apologies for the out-burst. And, nothing more was mentioned. I wonder: Did she ring Curtis? And if so, why would he be here today, when the lawn doesn’t need mowing? I know she’d asked the new folks at 5225 to trim by along the fence where she wants to put sunflowers. And I’d told the wife not to be too concerned about it because Mme. was discussing buying a weed-wacker. It’s all suspicious. But then again, so too is just about everything about this shit-hole. – Oh well… – Meanwhile, I’m still working on correspondences with regard to the theft of my soc.sec. There’s going to be a LOT of mail sent out and it’s probably going to cost me more than plenty. – I was pondering going to some-where to get electric tape to repair the hose out back and the nozzle out front. Get some paint for the Subaru and more Bondo to repair the wheel barrow. Nope. It’s money I don’t have and that I need to get me out of here. And now, with this nonsense going on… getting out of here takes priority and nothing else matters. – There’s just no sense in pondering, wondering, giving anything any attention around here. Must always remember: They’re psychotic, incurably psychotic. – 18.44 and “meal” just finished… an 800 calorie block of cream cheese on 2 rolls. So much for the pizza. I managed to slip to the store whilst Mme. lounged. 2 blocks of cream cheese (1 for tomorrow since she says she’ll be here then too), a bag of “party mix” for tonight, a 2 Musketeers for… and a roll of electric tape because it was, I suppose, 1,29. Fix the front hose anyway. – And now… with the calories and fat… the day turns to evening and then to night… and not too soon.- I’ve been sorting and composing letters about SocSec all fucking day! – 20.25 She’s sacked-out again, on the Royal recliner. I probably should be kind and take the little ones for a stroll but I just don’t want to be kind… to her. – Come to find out, she’d asked Curtis to trim along the fence for her sunflowers. And then she phone the Twats and asked them to move their vehicle so she could get her delivery of straw tomorrow. Mr. Twat moved his vehicle, post haste, to the front by the garage where I said it would be convenient for me when I mow the lawn (and they never do). Lo and behold… Ms. Gates came by and mowed along the drive! HAHAHAH and fuckin’hah! So if anything got kicked to the car… good for her! Anyway, Curtis did the trimming round about the house and along the one fence and the grass is mowed along the drive by the roses. – Meanwhile, I tried to repair the front hose but the threaded bit on the hose broke completely off into the nozzle! I’ve got a gash in my hand where the pliers slipped and gouged. But I got the piece out. Now the hose needs new thread… I thought there was a part round here, but I can’t fine it. I’m not going to concern me with such nonsense. – I do believe Mme. rose and closed the kitchen door, probably for the night. No stroll. It’s not in her best interest and so, fuck the little ones. So this day is a wrap. – My letters still need attending and I’m tired. No shower tonight… unless, of course, I’d want to grab one very late, and even then, there’s no telling if she’ll get up in the middle of the night and need the loo. So… looks like I’m fucking stuck here. Friday morning, 10.00, she has to have the truck in for inspection so that would give me a while to shower. We shall see. I don’t much fucking care, to be honest. – So, at 20.32, it’s time to close this day as the sun heads o’er the hill. Mme. is in the loo and I hope the little ones are in the house some-where. All is done… another fucking day is passed.

Wed.20.June: 8.18 Up with the 7.00 and snooze. Was dressing as the 8.00 sounded. To the kitchen and a “Bonjour tout le monde. I’m feeling much better this morning.” That’s nice. Good on you. Directly to the littler-box. Get the garbage together and out. Mentioned “Would you like to take a ride to Colchester, see a man about a truck?” “I’d like to get some squash planted today.” Yeah? Well… thanks. SO much for the support. Did I expect anything other? No, not really. So we shall see. And there’s 10 bales of straw arriving at some point today. Of course, no particular time was established (or mentioned). Such a delight. Fuck. – Another day. Just another day. – I got to sleep at about 1.45. “Jeeves and Wooster” is the night’s tele now. And one v-ton. Delightful. – I’ll check the stats on the truck. I’d rather not pay 2998 for it. But, if this is what I must do… I must. And then start the savings for the flat. There were 1 or 2 in Champlain listed last night. But once I get the transport, I can check the flats on my own. And then, one day… “Go west… in the open air. Go west… life is peaceful there.” as it were. And bid a final (but not fond) “”fare-fucking-well” to Shiholia. – Lettuce prey. – Sunny and warm already. Let’s see how this day can be fucked to shreds. – 12.28 At 8.41 I sent a text about the truck… Reply: after 5pm. Told Mme. and of course she went directly into “help me plant the squash”. Right then. I got the messages and arrangements together about the truck. The seller will call after 5p to arrange to see it. And… by 9.30 I was out the door and on the mower. I told Mme. I’d do the back since the Twats’ car was at the garage. As I mowed, Adam arrived. I’d done the drive and part of the South side of the house. He parked in the drive behind Mme. so I had to mow backwards for the part by the house. BUT…. AS I’M MOWING AND ADAM IS TILLING FOR Mme.’s FUCKING SUNFLOWERS, THE BATES TRUCK PULLS IN WITH THE STRAW! I’M BUSTING MY BALLS TO GET THE LAWN BY THE BARN MOWED TO MAKE A PLACE FOR THE STRAW AND…. THE FUCKING BALES GOT DUMPED BY THE GREEN-HOUSE! YEP… OK. FINE. ME? I JUST CONTINUED MOWING ALONG AND BY 12.15 I WAS BACK IN THE HOUSE, LAWN DONE… AND TWAT-BOY MOVED HIS HEAP BACK ONTO THE DRIVE! ADAM, GONE, Mme. BACK IN THE GARDEN ALL THE WHILE. (I HAD TO MOW BACKWARD SO AS NOT TO BLOW GRASS ON THE FENCE AND TO MAKE CERTAIN NOT TO KICK ANYTHING UP ON HER SORRY ARSE AS WELL.) ANYWAY… GRASS DONE, INTO THE HOUSE, A QUICK COFFEE, RINSE THE BITE-GUARD, AND HOOVER THE LITTLE ROOM, “DINING ROOM” AND KITCHEN, PORCH. 2 WATER BOTTLES RE-FILLED AND NOW… A MESSAGE FROM THE SELLER CONFIRMING A CALL AFTER 5p. LET’S SEE WHERE THIS MATTER OF THE TRUCK GETS US. I’M NOT REALLY PLANNING ON GETTING THERE TODAY. MEANWHILE… THE BALES OF STRAW ARE AT THE GREEN-HOUSE, THE SKY IS CLOUDING OVER. IF IT RAINS ON THE STRAW IT’S GOING TO BE HEAVY. AND I’VE NO DOUBT AT ALL THAT THE OLD QUNT EXPECTS ME TO MOVE THEM. FAT FUCKING CHANCE. I MADE EVERY BEST EFFORT TO GET THE LAWN DONE, INCONVENIENCING NOBODY, AND NOBODY MADE EVEN THE SLIGHTEST EFFORT TO DO ANYTHING… NEVER MIND ACKNOWLEDGE MY WORK OR EVEN PRESENCE. NOPE. YOUR STRAW. YOUR GARDEN. ADAM COULD HAVE MOVED HIS TRUCK STRAIGHT FORWARD ONTO THE GRASS SO THE HAY COULD HAVE BEEN PUT BY THE BARN AS SAID… DIDN’T. ME? I’M EXPECTED TO DO? NOPE. – THIS DAY IS FUCKED. – 14.51 Well… I repaired the hose found in the barn and put it in front of the house. THEN I cut the “male” end of an old hose, removed the joiners from an old hose in the barn, cut the broken end of the black hose and joined the 2 parts… and used MY electric tape to secure. Now, there’s a good hole and nozzle out front and the black (repaired) hose that doesn’t leak is at the green-house. – MEANWHILE… LOOKS LIKE WE’RE AT “GO” TO SEE THE TRUCK! ***** PLEASE ***** LET THIS BE GOOD!!! IT’S 2995… MORE THAN I’D LIKE TO SPEND, BUT… THE ONLY THING TO DO IS… “TIME”. – I’m having the 3rd “episode” of the day now too. And Mme. is tilling… AGAIN!!! – 22.09
OUT THE DOOR AT ABOUT 15.30 AND OFF TO COLCHESTER. ALL I DID WAS CHANGE MY CLOTHES! FOUND THE PLACE, LOOKED AT THE TRUCK AND… I’M NOW ON A HAND-SHAKE AGREEMENT TO PURCHASE A … ***** TRUCK **** 2004 CHEVY SILVERADO!!!! WHAT I NEED TO DO NOW IS FID OUT HOW TO GET THE 2995USD TO “COREY” THE SELLER!!! THIS PART IS THE WORST OF IT ALL. NEVER MIND WONDERING WHAT NEEDS TO BE REPAIRED, THE INSURANCE, AND EVEN WHETHER OR NOT I’LL BE ABLE TO REGISTER IT. A CALL HAS TO GO TO THE BANQUE TOMORROW MORNING, ASKING THAT MY “LIMIT” BE RAISED. THEN, HOPEFULLY, THEY’LL TELL ME WHAT BANK OR BANKS I’LL HAVE TO GO TO TO GET THE CASH. BUT ANYWAY, COREY REALLY DIDN’T EXPECT TO SELL THE TRUCK. YEAH, IT’S GOT “PROBLEMS”… A BIT OF THE DASH LIGHTS, A “FOG LIGHT”, THE RADIO IS IFFY. BUT IT LOOKS QUITE NICE AND RATHER WELL-KEPT. AND AS I SAID TO JACQUIE, IF ANYTHING TOO MUCH IS WRONG, IT GOES OUT TO SALE AGAIN. I’LL GET MY MONEY AND HOPEFULLY A BIT MORE FOR ANOTHER TRUCK. BUT FOR NOW… I’M JUST HOPING TO BE ABLE TO GET THE CASH. ODD, BUT HERE, IN THESE SHIT-HOLE TOWNS, I DOUBT THIS IS GOING TO BE EASY. I WONDER IF ANY OF THEM HAVE 3K AVAILABLE. NO DOUBT, I’LL BE RUNNING AROUND, PAYING ALL SORTS OF FEES… AND AFTER THIS, MY ACCOUNT GOES BACK DOWN TO ABOUT 1KUS! FUCK. BUT IT’S STEP ONE IN GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF HERE… EVEN IF IT’S TO RIDE OFF THE EDGE OF A MOUNTAIN.
So, after the truck, we took Hallie to Mallets Bay where, of course, I tossed rocks for her as she swam. I don’t mind, really. She’s such a love. Next… we went into Winooski (how strange it was to be there, all these years later) for dinner. “Papa Frank’s”. A cute little place off the main. And for about 9$ the fettucine with meat balls was STUFFING! Really! That and a salad and a beer and I’m STUFFED! And so, dinner done… we didn’t get back until about 20.30! – Right now, I’m showered and about ready to collapse but will have a v-ton just because. I’m dreading the difficulties I anticipate tomorrow. But… only time will tell. I still can’t believe we made the trip and that the truck was in as good condition as it appears. And I can’t believe I’m spending this kind of money on a vehicle… for such a short period of time. But, with the truck, now I don’t have to be concerned about leaving and needing to make several trips. Everything will fit, one trip… either to a new home or to the “final home”. It doesn’t matter which at this point. – And so for now… v-ton and tele and the end of this day. Tomorrow will be packed with shit, I’ve no doubt.

Thu.21.June: 21.48 AT LAST! The chance to jot! I’m showered. The house is dark. And I’m about to step out for a smoke and return for a v-ton… MUCH NEEDED AND WELL-DESERVED! – The day began, waking at just past 8.00, feeling rather hit by a train. Nothing any more serious than any other day, to be honest. Just “heavy”. Mostly because of what I thought was to follow concerning all the ATMs I’d have to hit to get the money for the truck. I got up, had coffee, pee’ed in the bottle, got dressed and before I had a chance to stroll to the kitchen… Mme. at the door. “Any progress or word on getting the money?” I said, rather abruptly but in good spirit “I’ve only just gotten up. I mean, I haven’t even been to the bath-room yet.” (Honestly, I was pissed beyond… it wasn’t even 8.30 yet for god’s sake!) So I went to the loo, had my smoke, and came back to the table to check where there were multiple ATMs in St-Albans. A few banques, but no mention as to maximum withdrawals. I was bummed, to say the least. And then, I checked the CIBC site to see about “ordering foreign currency” and noticed that the machine in Bedford gives US! So… I rang the branch directly to see what the maximum allowance would be. I THINK I spoke with Mme. Grenier who answered… in French. I asked, in French, if there was some-one who spoke English because my French isn’t quite good enough. She spoke English with me and asked how she could help. I asked about the US ATM and she assured me that it was possible. I asked the maximum and she asked how much I needed, and THEN CAME THE ANGELS’ CHOIR FROM THE BANQUE! She said she could have the full 3k for me tomorrow!!! She just needed to take it from the safe and it would be there for me when I arrived!!! I’m in AWE! I almost actually cried! She’s SUCH a delight to talk with… really. It’s incredible, how wonderful the people at that banque truly are. So, when I finished talking with her, I told Mme. here who immediately jumped to tell that she has to bring the truck in for inspection tomorrow at 10.00. I told her the banque is open until 17.00 and she offered to change the appointment! I told her not to, that the afternoon would be fine. So… of course, she won’t bring me there just for MY business. We’ll HAVE to go berry-picking tomorrow and to Metro and god knows what else. But… there we have it. Even if I’d ordered the currency on-line on Wednesday, it wouldn’t have been there until Friday anyway… if by then. SO… THAT put a full swing to the day. – As it turned out, I hauled the 10 bales of straw to the garden, 2 to the “sunflower” row, I helped with the planting of the squashes… as if I care a shit about that, but it was OK. I cleaned 19 tomato cages and then, Mme. went into the house… and ME? I PUT DOWN THE STRAW ROUND THE TOMATOES AND THE SQUASH. THEN MOWED THE GRASS WHERE THE CAGES WERE AND THE LITTLE AREA BEHIND THE BARN (THE OLD “HEN YARD”) TOO!!! When, at about 16.30 or so, I went into the house, Mme. had NO idea I’d done all that work. To be honest, when she saw it, she was really quite delighted and thanked me. – As for the truck? Well… I just noticed that it’s still listed on Crgslst. I sent a text to Corey asking if he’d be available tomorrow afternoon. He replied that he’s leaving for some sort of holiday tomorrow morning. I said that’s fine and that the money will be available when he returns. Me? I’m not so certain this is going to be a sale. Especially since the truck is still listed on Crgslst tonight. And if he takes that truck to NH as I believe he will, there’s no telling what condition it will be in when he returns. I’ve looked at Crgslst again for others. But, even as Mme. said, there will be others and now I’ll have the cash on hand. (It’s probably better to have it on hand anyway… and out of records of banques and such. Besides, Wednesday coming, it’s another deposit … although, that’s not certain because Direct Express might take their 350 or so from my Soc.Sec. and it won’t be much of enough to transfer, which will mean having to rush to an ATM to pull what I can get, pay those fucking fees and hope to get to the banque to deposit it. Fuckers. But we shall see on Wednesday morning at 1.00. – One burger and mushrooms and a beer for “meal”. I often wonder how Mme. believes I get along eating once daily and so little. But I don’t care, really. Even as I worked today, I did so more in the hope of a heart-attack and instant death. I don’t even care that it’s here any more. I just don’t care. – So, tomorrow will be her at the garage for inspection until, probably, 12.30. Then, no doubt, she’ll have to eat and all sorts of other bull-shit. A rush to the banque and hope that the money actually is there. Then berry-picking (which I really don’t want to be bollocksed with). A trip to Metro for Mme. and god knows what else. I’m exhausted just thinking about it all already. – Oh and I sent about 6 photos of the back yard to Dorothy. “Photos from Shitholia, VT” I mentioned. “Beautiful” she replied. Well, the day was brilliant, not a cloud in the blue sky. Perfect “photo-op”. (I can’t help but expect her to pass them along to … the shit-fuck-prick-bastards. May they be of the belief that the place is mine. What-ever. Their opinion is less than worthless anyway.) – So… the gardening is caught-up as much as possible. The 4 remaining bales are stacked at the gate, under double tarp. The front flowers and such got watered. I worked… me… the “lazy bastard”. – At least I MIGHT have at least Sunday (in the rain that’s forecast?) to get the Subaru a little together. I was going to get the tyres together tonight but… perhaps I’ll be able to get the paint for it tomorrow whilst in QC. THAT would be quite nice. Make pretty and 500US would be a delight. (I won’t put hopes on that though.) – And now, as the clock goes 20.20… time to wrap this shit up. At least I’ll be able to shower and nap (perhaps) whilst Mme. is away in the morn. – And yes, I’m a bit hungry. But there are rolls and another block of creme cheese. Tah-fucking-dah. – WELL SHIT!!! I JUST NOTICED: TODAY WAS THE LONGEST DAY… TOMORROW, THE DAYS START SHORTENING AGAIN. WELL FUCK.

Fri.22.June: 1.00 Jeeves and Wooster, 2 episodes. The other block of creme cheese. A stiff v-ton. Last smoke. And it’s damned chilled out there tonight. And I don’t believe this truck will be coming. Another Vermonter. Fuck. – 8.39 Looking and feeling like utter and complete SHIT … and tired too. – 9.56 and she’s off on the road… talking about picking strawberries this afternoon. BUT… when I went out for my smoke after a loo in the WC… she was frantic, looking for the truck keys… she was sitting on them. Yep… half the attention span of a goldfish. – Meanwhile… I need to get me together. There are things I MUST do… and just don’t have the mind nor body with which to do them. It’s going to be an “interesting” sort of day. – 10.33 Well… I can’t find the polo shirt I wanted to wear today. But I got the t-shirts that I’ve been wearing, washed. They’re in the dryer. Got the paint can I need to patch the Subaru. The sun is shining. The sky is clear. And my brain is spinning with all sorts of non-related garbages. My insides are almost vibrating. I don’t know why. things won’t settle. Truck. Flat. Cash. The day. The moment. The next moment. I know I need to just take each moment as it is… I want to shower. I just can’t “focus” my thoughts. “And the world went spinning ’round.” Quite a morn. Quite a morn. – 11.49 and I’m showered and dressed and have NO doubt that something or another will either delay or thwart the business du jour. Well? Aside from taking to the road with thumb in the air… there’s nothing I can do about that now. At least I’m ready. Socks, shoes and out the door. I even got to trim beard and moustache. Imagine DAT! –
16.45 GOT THE CASH AND THE EXPERIENCE WAS A PURE DELIGHT (AS USUAL) *** AT THE BANQUE *** BUT AS I’D PREDICTED, THE TRIP WASN’T FOR ME, IT WAS ALL ABOUT THE QUNT. WE LEFT ROUND ABOUT 13.00 AND SHE INTENDED TO HEAD DIRECTLY FOR THE FUCKING BLOODY BERRIES. YEAH, I COULD WAIT. AS I PREDICTED. I WASN’T SILENT ABOUT IT AND SAID THAT I HAVE ONE DAY, LIMITED HOURSE, AND SHE HAS THE WHOLE SEASON. WELL, SHE DID A TURN AROUND AND WE WENT BACK INTO TO WHERE I WENT TO THE BANQUE AND SHE WENT TO METRO. SO FINE. I HAD A MARVELOUS EXPERIENCE WITH THE FOLKS AT THE BANQUE EXCEPT FOR THE EXCHANGE WHICH COST ME 1106,40 IN THE EXCHANGE FOR 3K! THANKFULLY, IT DIDN’T BREAK ME COMPLETELY. SO WHEN I GOT OUT OF THE BANQUE AND DIDN’T SEE HER IN THE TRUCK, I WENT TO SAQ WHERE I GOT ***HER*** ***TWO*** BOTTLES OF LOCAL WINE AND A CUTE LITTLE, COTTON CARRIER (“GIFT WRAP”)… ANOTHER 40$. BUT WHAT-EVER. AND THEN IT WAS OFF TO THE BERRY-PATCH WHERE… TODAY WAS THEIR FIRST DAY OPEN AND THE BERRIES WERE SCARCE AND CERTAINLY NOT RIPE ENOUGH. TOOK AN HOUR TO FILL THE “LARGE” BASKET (AT 15$cad 12us). MORE MONEY I DON’T HAVE, PISSED AWAY. BUT NEVER MIND. IT’S DONE. THE LAZY BASTARD WHO DID HER FUCKING GARDENING, BOUGHT HER WINE… FUCKING IDIOT, THAT LAZY BASTARD. AND THEN, WE SIMPLY HAD TO RUSH BACK. SO NO, I DIDN’T GET THE PAINT FOR THE SUBARU. AND I’M BACK DOWN TO 1700 ON ACCOUNT (FOR THE FLAT). RENT, SECURITY AND NO UTILITIES. TIME…
I’m exhausted and a touch hungry but I have to get the plates off the Subaru, snatch the old “truck” plates from the barn… in case I actually DO get the truck. – 17.01 TOO funny… the stench of what’s obviously cow AND horse just came wafting into the house and even Mme. says, at the door “Is that Magnants’ I smell coming in?” – 17.24 Time for pasta salad (with shrimp so I’ll be shitting later… “Cleansing”, as it were.) And Mme. approves of the wine though not thrillingly. None-the-less… FUKKIT! – 18.39 I had only just enough to appear to have had something for “meal”. Got my “limit” on the card back down. And now, I’m off to remove plates from the Subaru and get something to nosh tonight. This day is… toasted. – 22.06 Tried to get the plates off the Subaru. The rear won’t come loose! FUCK! – Anyway, time to try for sleep… no v-ton tonight.

Sat.23.June: 8.15 Well, indeed, head on pillow immediately after the quick close of yesterday and at about mid-night… SPASMS! Then again at about 1.00. And then, to “sleep” until the 8.00 alarm. Had it not been for the spasms, it would have been a 10-hour rest. Ah, but no. Can’t have that. – Anyway, it’s warm, grey, and another day. Mme. is on the royal throne, seateth at the breakfast table, coffee and Jesus. And I’ve had coffee, bottle-pee and smoke. Yes, indeed… the day commences. Fuck. – 19.12 Well… I’ve got all the letters formatted and ready to print. I sent 2$ on a box of envelopes for ME, AND… THANKFULLY, whilst at the store, I bought quarter-pound of turkey which I slapped onto the remaining one roll and had that as I got the letters together. Mme. left for Jesus at about 17.30, taking Hallie and telling me that she’d be cooking the peppered steaks she got at Metro yesterday. “That won’t be until 7:00.” said she. Oh yes? Well… it’s after that hour now, dearie tard. Good thing I got something to eat. Good for me, I know better than to depend on her for absolutely anything. – For today’s “funny”. She complained earlier, about this morning at about 1.00. Says she “I wonder if they’ve gone camping.” referring to the Twats. Then she went into the noise that woke her at 1.00 and how she had a difficult time getting back to sleep. (Me? I think: YAY! You get what you ask for.) And so, just moments ago, I was out having a smoke and Mrs. Twat was commenting by way of complaining, about the dogs at 5225 yelping. Oh yes? YOU have ANYT right to complain about ANY noise in this town? M’thinkst not. Well, if I hear that they, at 5225, heard the complaint, I’ll be more than happy to “share” a bit of “news” with them about the Twats. Karma… what a wonderful being. – And so, I was out in the back at the garden, figuring how to move the fence for purposes of mowing and general location and thought I could put the tomato cages in the barn for access via the side/back door AND I noticed… the cages that haven’t been used are gone. Sow-sucker took them. How charming. Take, take, take… typical. But anyway… fuck it… fukkitall. – 19.19 and the Mme. has returned. Hallie just came to the room to say “Hello” as she does. Well… so much for “peace”. It is now, again, dead. – 22.24 The house goes to sleep… or what-ever it is. The radiator is on again. Damp and chilly out tonight. Tomorrow? What-ever. Oh, “meal” this evening… 20.30. I had the tiniest piece of steak, a little salad, half potato, beer. Just to say I “had”. – And Mme. let it slip. I don’t recall what I’d said, but I said I didn’t like what this state has made me become. “I don’t like it either.” Oh yeah? I pointed out that I USED to be a kind, caring and very giving person. It makes no difference here. Besides, she’s probably happy that I’ve been “broken”. Well… I’ll just have to work on that. Meanwhile, when I told her that the Twats’ dog is ruining her house her reply was something about paying 50$ more in rent per month. Yeah? She’d originally told them 100$ more. But… as I say: We’re abused only to the point we allow. It’s her abuse. Fuck her. – Days’ done. I want a v-ton.

Sun.24.June: 1.01 1,5 v-tons. Jeeves. Wooster. Class. And an escape from this horrid hole. Time to try for … dare I type the letters… sleep. – Dennis, I miss you. There’s a not to be written and posted. – 9.36 on “la fête” as the drizzle fills the air, Mme. feeds her face, and I wake at 8.45 and don’t give even half of a half-shit. – Dreamt though: Something about banquing, standing at the wicket for an entire day, waiting for either a cash withdrawal or deposit, it was vague. But at LONG last, the young man came to give me a stack of rolled receipts and such, with a smile and some sort of snarky remark about my having waited for so long. I was supposed to take the paper-work to “my” branch, as it were, for him. I asked him what the banque would say if they knew he’d given me paper-work that he was supposed to transfer. He confirmed that he’d be fired and arrested and asked why I asked. Oddly, I was thinking of sleeping with him, though not really at all. I simply said that I couldn’t discuss the matter at the moment and left. Next thing, I was in some sort of “arcade”. There was a game being played where triangular blocks would turn round with some sort of sayings on them and people were to guess who wrote/said what was printed. The “blocks” were large enough to walk on and that’s how they were turned. I turned a few as I walked along toward a “counter” of sorts, which was my “branch”, at the far end of the arcade, and I knew 2 out of three or four. After walking across the game, I had to step down and cross a large mattress/bed. There was an old woman in the bed and as I crossed she snapped “Thank you!” because I’d disturbed her as she read. I apologied and continued off the bed and through a crowd! As I approached the counter/banque, I wasn’t sure if there’d be anybody there, it being lunch-hour. I was worried that I’d be stuck with all the paper-work for too long a while, but when I got to the counter, Jacquie Gadaletta was there! She was the “branch manageresse” and we knew each-other. She took the papers and handed me a cardboard box that contained some sort of tablets for pain and an Ace bandage… for my leg spasms. She touted the benefits of the bandage, it being some sort of speciality, and I thanked her, profusely, although I had one of my own. She thanked me for bringing the paper-work… the dream ended. – How strange. And it was already almost 8.45… Mme. was banging about the place, rather loudly. Of well. – Of fun note: At about 1.00-something this morning, just as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard the Twats banging about up-stairs. Well… as ’tis said: Abused only to the extent allowed. – Today I REALLY need to get to the barn, figure out how to get the Subaru together and SHOULD bring it across to fill the tyres with air. Let’s see how far along that goes. – As for tomorrow… if I don’t get a text saying I should retrieve the truck, I’m probably going to toss the entire situation. The only way I see this happening well enough is to get a message saying “Come after 5pm.” That being said, I could ride down with Mme. and hopefully drive the vehicle back up to here. OR… as I see it more likely… ride down with Mme., get fucked, and have to WALK back to Franklin. (At me current pace of about 2mi/hr it’s a 15-hr walk at the very least. I’d be back round about time to give breakfast to the little ones.) I wouldn’t be surprised. I’ve NO trust in these in-breeds. But… we’ll let the day ride along and see what comes tomorrow. Either or any way, I don’t really see me in the truck. And so it goes. But that Subaru DOES have to go. I’ll focus on that. – Heavy-chested this morning. But only one spasm of briefness last night. – Watching “Jeeves and Wooster” is a nice way to round-off a day. – Now… at 9.56… we toddle along. – 18.37 and showered, just finishing another quarter pound of turkey on 2 smaller rolls. “Meal”? This and the almost full container of ice cream from when Mme. was last away. She went to her Lis’ with a prepared dinner (another one of those “birthday” thing) at about 16.00. I’d been “busy” during the day: Got the plate off the Subaru and for some reason, decided to pull the remaining 8 tomato cages into the barn… so… that meant I clipped a section of the fence toward the back (the fence). I threw that section into the barn as well. The cages went in, with-out taking the choke weed off (I don’t give a fuck). Then, the scrap wood from the garden. Stones in the grass got tossed into the wheel barrow. THE MOWER! The grass was damp but I didn’t (and don’t) give a shit. The grass got mowed AND the box alders got lopped. Raked the dirt by the barn so the door opens. Great access. I’m happy with MY *WORK*. Next… a bit of fertiliser into the hollyhocks and watered that in. Pulled some weeds from the barn. It took until about 15.45 or so. But by the time I was done, I was “done”. No working on the car today. It was hot, humid, cloudy. – So Mme. left and I sat for a bit and ate the ice cream. When that was done, I showered. That done, dressed and over to the store with my last cash on hand. Rolls, turkey, tonic, crisps for tonight and back. – I’d NO fucking sooner gotten into the room, 2 rolls with mustard, ready to sit and eat and Mme. rolled in! FUCK! – “Did you get something to eat? We had a wonderful dinner. I’m happy about that. There’s that pasta salad and… (what-ever).” I told her I’m tired and getting ready to go “seepie-nigh-night”. “Well, you did a little work today.” I DID A *LITTLE* WORK TODAY! She’s such a true qunt. Oh well. No matter. – So, 18.48 and my sammiches are done. I’ve been typing with some utoob deep sea video playing. The little pine candle burning to cover the scent of food. – Reminds me: THE KITCHEN FUCKING SMELLS LIKE ROTTING FOOD! And Mme.’s been whining that the blanket that Mimou sleeps on smells like “male cat”. Yes, I did take the opportunity to mention that the sofa smells like wet dog. And now… the kitchen smells like rotting something. Fucking disgusting. – One comment: I don’t expect this truck deal to come through. – 18.53 OH SHIT! A MESSAGE FROM COREY ABOUT 45 MINUTES AGO. “How’s tomorrow?” – Told Mme. about it and she IMMEDIATELY went into a tirade about wanting to plant. So I told her… I had to… that she’s been talking about that planting for the longest. It all went straight to Hell, of course. Seriously… she tells people I’m “abusive” and when I try to get away so she won’t be “abused” she whines. I mentioned the 3 times I got threatened by HER tenant and she did nothing. The lies about the garden gate to the police. And that all that people get told about me is that I’m “abusive”. She’d said, earlier, that it will take her “a year” to “clean this house”… I mentioned that her house has been “cleaned” twice weekly since I’ve been here. It’s all for nothing. She’s in such a fucked state of mental illness. It’s pathetic. So… – Latest is, I should be there tomorrow between 16.30 and 17.00. Let’s hope the truck makes it back so I can pack it. Now to figure where to go… over the Adirondacks, I should think. – I’m exhausted now. This is all just too much… too, TOO much. Once again, it should be enjoyable… fucking qunts. – 20.45 Managed to stay awake this long. Considering the v-ton. I've got the crisps. Mme. is still awake. Good for her. Oh well... I'll tell her about the ride tomorrow. No doubt she'll offer to drop me as she goes to work... and as for me? I don't care, really. Hopefully I'll get the truck and be on my way to... where-ever. As she said this evening, “I don't want the critters left alone all that time.” (Meaning over-night as I walk back.) Yeah... fuck you very much like-wise. - She's stirring... just went to the loo. I'm going for a smoke. See how I feel after that.

Mon.25.June: ***** AS OF 18.00 TODAY... I AM THE OWNER OF AN '04 CHEVY SILVERADO TRUCK*****
Went to bed by about 20.45 couldn't sleep back up at about 22.30 and now at 1.08 and a v-ton, Jeeves and Wooster... let's see what happens. FUCK THIS PLACE! - 8.49 I don't recall having even heard the 8.00 alarm this morning but I didn't wake until Hallie started frantic barking and the phone ringing... at about 8.20. Anyway, I'm exhausted... just because, and I've got head-ache. Oh well... another morning in utter Shitholia. - I need to get to the library today. To print the receipt for the truck and a little something white for the plates. I've got 2 old “truck” plates from the barn... 1997. The need to be cleaned a touch. But the reg. sticker is yellow. Too obvious. (And I'm just in from smoke and I need the loo. How charming.) I don't want to be bothered with/by the old thing in the kitchen this morning. But (again)... - Off we go. - 10.09 And the new “reg” is made. Now, to hope the shit prints at the correct size. I can go to the library, print that and the receipt this morning, “help” with the planting and get me together... I should think. Then... the only thing left is getting the truck back up to the yard here. And THAT, dear reader, is my gut-wrencher. But, as with all things, only time will tell how that's to move along. (I foresee me walking tonight.) - 10.28 Asked to “help” AGAIN... putting down another plastic in the garden... “before you go to the library”. Yeah... BEFORE I ATTEND TO *MY* FUCKING BUSINESS! WHAT A FUCKING FUCKED-UP QUNT! - 15.15 Well... She got help with the runner AND the strip where the “onions” were got mowed AND the “blackberries” got weeded. And ME? I GOT THE “REG.” FOR THE PLATE FOR THE TRUCK AND THE RECEIPT PRINTED!!! AND I GOT A 50 BROKE SO THERE'S NO 5$ OVER ON THE PRICE. And now, she's out planting MORE beans and I'm having a Milky Way bar and a bit of coffee. Might get a quick shower in too... MIGHT. And so... the sun .....
21.43 ***** AS OF 18.00 TODAY... I AM THE OWNER OF AN '04 CHEVY SILVERADO TRUCK*****
YES INDEED, AT ABOUT 16.00 WE WERE OFF AND ON THE ROAD TO COLCHESTER. THE DRIVE DOWN WAS FINE, NO ARGUMENTS, IN FACT, SEVERAL IDEAS WERE BROUGHT UP, LIKE OIL, AND THE LIKES, THAT I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF BUT DIDN'T, PRIMARILY BECAUSE I WAS STILL IN DISBELIEF. WHEN WE ARRIVED, THE TRUCK WAS THERE, READY TO GO, AND Mme. TOO WAS READY TO LEAVE ME. IT WAS ABOUT 17.00 AND SHE SAID THEY WANTED HER AT WORK AT 17.30 (WHAT-EVER). SO THERE I WAS, LEFT ON MY OWN. COREY WAS AGREEABLE, FILLED OUT THE PAPER-WORD/BILL OF SALE AND GAVE ME THE TITLE! I NOW HAVE THE VEHICLE WITH THE TITLE! WE CHATTED A BIT. HE HAD A GROUP OF QUESTIONABLE FOLKS ARRIVE (FOR DINNER, HE SAID). AND WITH-IN ABOUT 20 MINUTES, THE DEAL WAS DONE, I HAD THE KEYS AND WAS ON THE ROAD... WITH AN EMPTY TANK. GOOD THING I HAD 15$ WITH ME... NOT THAT IT MADE MUCH DIFFERENCE IN THE TANK BECAUSE OF THE COST OF GAS LATELY. AND I DECIDED TO TAKE THE TRUCK ONTO THE 89 INSTEAD OF THE 7. IT ROLLED ALONG, QUITE NICELY, BUT IT DOES EAT GAS. GOT BACK AT ABOUT 19.00, TOOK A COUPLE PHOTOS AND FED THE LITTLE ONES AND MYSELF, POSTED A MESSAGE TO Mme. TO LET HER KNOW THAT ALL WAS DONE. THE TRUCK IS PARKED IN THE DRIVE AND I'M STILL IN DISBELIEF. I'M ALSO NERVOUS ABOUT THE COST OF INSURANCE WHICH, ACCORDING TO A QUICK ON-LINE QUOTE, WILL BE DOUBLE THAT OF THE SUBARU. BUT HEY... I RATHER EXPECTED THAT. THE REGISTRATION IS ONLY 6$ MORE PER YEAR THAN THE SUBARU. I CAN AFFORD BOTH AT THE MOMENT BUT WILL WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW TO GET THAT ROLLING. I'M WONDERING IF MY LICENSE IS STILL OK TOO... BECUASE OF THE SUBARU. BUT THE ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT IS TO TRY AND REGISTER THE TRUCK. I THINK I'LL GIVE IT A TRY TOMORROW. IT WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE THE WHOLE MATTER SETTLED. THEN I CAN GET ON WITH THE MECHANICS OF THE THING. THAT, I FEAR, WILL BE A BIT MORE OF A HASSLE AND I'VE NO DOUBT IT'S GOING TO COST ME MORE THAN PLENTY. BUT THE ODDEST NOTION CAME TO MIND AS I TOOK THE LITTLE ONES FOR THE NIGHTLY WALK: IT'S TAKEN ME 5 YEARS OF LATE, TO GET THIS TRUCK. AND WHEN I CAME BACK IN: I CAN NOW TOSS EVERYTHING I HAVE TO MY NAME INTO THE TRUCK AND BE OUT AND AWAY IN ONE SHOT. MAY IT ALL GO PERFECTLY WELL. - THERE'S A BIT OF RUST-WORK TO BE DONE ON THE CAB CORNERS, THAT I CAN SEE. ONE LITTLE DING IN THE HOOD THAT NEEDS ATTENTION. IT'S NOT HORRID, BUT IT COULD GET THAT WAY SO I NEED TO GET TO IT ASAP. BUT THAT TOO, IS FINE. IT'S THE REST THAT I WORRY ABOUT. THANKFULLY, IT'S INSPECTED THROUGH OCTOBER. WE SHALL SEE HOW THIS ALL ROLLS OUT... TOMORROW, NO DOUBT. MAY AS WELL GET TO IT AND GET IT OVER WITH. (I printed a little “reg” at the library this morning, but I don't want to tempt any Fate at all where this is concerned. The Subaru was one thing... this truck is a dream and I'm not going to play with it.) Anyway, it's done. No matter what, I'm the owner of a Chevy truck. Imagine me.
And so meanwhile, the jammies are in the wash. I'd rather be in the shower and into bed (though I showered briefly before leaving to get the truck). - Mme. got her garden and new lawn mowed today. That strip in the South garden is gone and the new grass got a trim. The “blackberry” bushes got weeded. I did all that today. The “lazy flatlander bastard”. I doubt I'll be doing much else for the next few days, other than getting the Subaru “presentable for sale”. I'm out of cash. 1k in the account. Not much. And I don't know how much I'll be getting from Soc.Sec. on Wednesday. Hopefully it will be the regular amount. I could use it now (so that pretty much guarantees a deduction of some kind... the fucking arses.) Just checked the Soc.Sec. acct. Still no further debits. I'll also have to get cash now, for the DMV stuff. Hopefully the insurance will go on my banque card. Oh, so much to think about... and THEN... there's the re-starting the rent savings! No matter what happens... there's always something else. - Anyway... looking forward to a nice evening. Wishing I didn't HAVE to be awake at 8.00 tomorrow. And MUST remember to put the recycling out, lest I be stuck with it. Bad enough I got left a fucking garbage bag in the kitchen that HAD to be put out in the bin out-side tonight! Fucking trash... in the bin AND in the house. - 23.55 Work clothes in the washer. Me out of the shower (2nd one today). And time to wrap this up, with a v-ton and tele. And tomorrow? FUCK ME 5 YEARS IN THIS SHIT-HOLE TOWN. Let's see how I'm punished... insurance and registration. I've NO doubt... it's going to be a fuck.

Tue.26.June: FUCK ME! 5 YEARS IN FRANKLIN. - 9.02 Up at just before the 8.00 alarm. The critters are fed and out. The recycling is out. I'm on 2nd coffee after loo. Dressed. TIRED! It's nothing but anxiety. Insurance. Registration. Money I don't know that I have. Still in disbelief about the truck. Worried about the mechanicals. I'd go back to bed if I knew I could sleep this away. Then too, tonight is the “late night” of checking for the deposit of soc.sec. and the wondering how much is going to actually make it in. I expect it to be posted and immediately debited for that almost-400. Well? There's only one way to find out how this all will run... let it. “Time” alone. Just and only “time”. I wish I knew how much the reg. is going to cost. I thought of asking Mme. but I already know the answer I'll get: “I don't remember.” So? I'm on my own with this... like all else. - 10.39 THE TRUCK IS INSURED!!! (So I suppose my license is OK?) 202USD for 6 months! FUUUUCK! AND MORE? My license expires this fucking year! SHIT! And now it'll have to be changed to Fucklin! Make me wanna vomit! Can't register the truck until tomorrow. Thankfully there's about enough to cover all in the account. But it's dwindling. Let's see what tonight's post to the Thievery Card amounts to. - Meanwhile... the fellow from 5225 trimmed round the fences in the back. It wasn't necessary but... none of my business. Mme. didn't cancel. She'll have to pay... Funny shit, that, she'll gladly pay others... but there's no dollar amount to what I do. Yeah? Well... - IT'S FUCKING COLD IN HERE! 18° IN THE ROOM! INCREDIBLE! - 13.10 I can't believe how quickly this day is passing! - THE TRUCK IS CLEAN INSIDE. HOOVERED, ARMOUR-ALL, LEXOL... and that air freshener perfume is gone. Airing the poor thing for the rest of the day. Tomorrow? Registration (and the fucking cost of a renewal on a fucking VT driver's license... no doubt, with much mayhem.) - I'm exhausted. And hungry. And I've really got NO money for food this week. Ah... the beginning of vehicle ownership. - I probably should get to work on the Subaru but... I really don't have the incentive, ambition or energy right now. There's time. Not much... but some... later. - 23.47 and just waiting to make the transfer off the card and to the banque at 1.00. Meanwhile...
I'd just come back from getting today's mail when Mark Vinci showed up... to begin working on the porch windows (which was supposed to be done a year ago, October). Just shows up... at almost 17.00. Says he came because he'd received a call from Mme. Oh, what-ever. So he scrapes a bit off one window and caulks and then tells me that he needs the porch cleared so he can come back and work on the last 4 or 5 windows. Yeah? I know. The fucking porch is a mess. But I told him I'd cleaned it all out so many times and it just gets shitted-up again with-in a week. He thanked me for any help I could and would give him. Well, all I keep thinking about it how much the old qunt's going to pay him to do the work I could have done (and had I done, would have done and she'd have “offered” to pay me considerably less than she pays her cronies... IF she offered to pay at all). Truth is, I've no sympathy for her at all. So let him work... let her get ripped off again. I Sometimes in life we get what we ask for...
Meanwhile, my evening seems screwed up. I'm still in clothes and sneakers. I don't “need” a shower but I'd like one. I'll take one tomorrow before heading to DMV anyway. And according to the “govt” web-site for DMV, they take debit cards as payments so I'll see about registering the truck AND renewing my license early... for ONE year only. When I think... my NYS license is still valid for another year. I wish I could just re-instate that one and have done with all of this shit. Oh well. - I asked Mark if I should keep the plate on the truck to go to DMV. He said what I'd expected: 50/50. It could appear I'm trying to defraud. Then again, I might get a ticket for driving with-out. I checked on-line. In other states, one's allowed 48 hours after purchase to operate a vehicle provided it's going to their place of residence from purchase or to the DMV for registration. As Mark said: If stopped by state, they'd probably let me go, but locals will issue tickets quickly. This fucking shit-hole. - So today's “meal”: 2 franks. I finished the “tart” at lunch and that's it. Hell... no money, no food. BUT THERE'S A TRUCK! I can't complain.

Wed.27.June: 0.13 COUNT-DOWN COMMENCES TO 1.00! THE SUSPENSE, WAITING TO SEE HOW MUCH GETS POSTED. - 1.36 TRANSFER 875 DONE AT BETTER RATE THAN LAST MONTH! BUT... the confirmation came with-out the WELLS account so I had to phone OFX. BUT... the Wells account is still there and all's well. NOW... I want to shower and get a NAP! - 2.04 showered and in bed. V-ton. One episode of Jeeves and NAP TIME! - 9.59 Lights went out at about 3.00... and the 8.00 alarm woke me... I let the little ones out and went back for a “doze” until about 8.20. Served breakfast, had coffee, to the loo. I'm moving slowly. Insides are a mess because of the trip to DMV. Major concern: the debit card won't work, and/or trouble with the license. There's only one way to know, for certain, how this is all going to work out: DO IT! This should be a joyful day, one of happy excitement. Instead, it's anxieties beyond all. And to top it, wrap it and all... I'm tired. My brain doesn't want to stick with any one thought long enough to settle. Do I use the old plate on the truck? Do I not? Do I have enough gas to get there? What if I have to go to a banque ATM? Where do I park the truck whilst in the DMV? And of course, DMV is across from the State police. It's all such a delight... It's all so very “Vermont”. And too, there's the “episodes” of dizziness and such. Will one of those strike at some point? Do I change the address on my license? To I renew today? Oddly enough, I find myself in the very same situation as I've always done: Nobody to turn to for any help. Nobody to answer questions. Nobody to give me a lift. If somebody could give me a lift to the DMV, that would be a MAJOR relief to me. THAT would settle all the other matters. But, as it's been all along... ALL along... I'm on my own. Just me. I worked alone to get out of the shelter. I arrived here, alone (and had to sit at the airport alone waiting for somebody who didn't have the civility to meet me on time). I went through the North Star alone, had to find my way around and find other housing and such, alone. Went into the BTV shelter alone. Sat in the house in Richford, alone. NYC alone. Flat-to-flat on public transport, alone. Got onto the plane back to VT, alone. Then there was the walk from Milton to St-A. alone and the walk from the 105 to town, alone. It's been alone all along. And here we are, 5 years later in this town... and it's all been... alone... even the horrific back trouble, laying in bed, in pain... alone. Well... as I keep thinking: the only answers wait at the end of the day... alone. Sometimes, at the edge of the cliff, the only thing to do is... fall... alone.

***** 14.59 I AM, UNBELIEVABLEY, LEGAL AGAIN!!! Instead of doing any more thinking and plotting and wondering and worrying, I just put on my shoes and left at about 11.15, with the old truck plate on, and silently (no radio) headed directly over the regular back roads to the DMV. At that point, I didn't give a shit nor a fuck. Got to DMV, took a number and waited about an hour, maybe less. It was as easy as could be expected UNTIL IT WAS TIME TO PAY... THE FUCKING CARD WOULDN'T GO THROUGH! I HAD TO GO THROUGH TOWN, OFF TO THE POST OFFICE WHERE... THE CARD WOULDN'T GO THROUGH!!! IT “CHARGED” THE 1,20$ MONEY ORDER FEE BUT I NEEDED 279,50$ FOR THE WHOLE TRANSACTION! (WHICH WAS ABOUT WHAT I EXECTED, SINCE, THIS TIME, I HAD TO PAY THE “USAGE” FEE... LEAVE IT TO FUCKING VERMONT) WHICH WAS 6 PER-CENT OF THE *BOOK VALUE* OF... 4495 (NOT THE 2995 I'D PAID... ONCE AGAIN... LEAVE IT TO THESE IN-BREEDS). OUT THE DOOR AND ACROSS THE LOT TO THE PEOPLES BANK AND 500USD FROM THE ATM. BACK TO THE PO FOR MONEY ORDER. BACK TO DMV. THANKFULLY, THE GUY WHO DID THE TRANSACTION TOLD ME I DIDN'T HAVE TO WAIT WHEN I GOT BACK. (OF COURSE NOT. THE PAPER-WORK AND COMPUTER-WORK WERE COMPLETE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A BITCH, I'M CERTAIN, TO UN-DO IT ALL... IF IT COULD HAVE BEEN UN-DONE). MOMENTS LATER... DONE! OUT OF DMV, INTO THE PARKING LOT TO PUT PLATES ON. (I ASKED THE GUY WHICH WOULD BE BETTER: DRIVE WITH-OUT THE PLATES OR USE AN OLD ONE. HE SAID THAT USING THE OLD ONE WAS A MORE EXPENSIVE INFRACTION. BUT WE BOTH AGREED: IT'S NOT A CRIME UNTIL YOU GET CAUGHT. LUCKILY... I MADE IT!) AND , LEGALLY NOW, I WAS ABOUT TO HEAD INTO SHELDON TO THE SHELL STATION FOR GAS... THE TANK WAS ON *EMPTY*! (THE TRUCK DOES EAT GAS, I HAVE TO SAY. HOPEFULLY A TRIP TO THE MECHANIC WILL REMEDY THAT?) I TOOK THE TURN AT THE 105 AND HEADED TO SUNOCO FOR 50$ IN GAS. 50 ON THE MID-GRADE IS 3/4 TANK! DECIDED TO STOP AT HANNAFORDS FOR FOOD! TREATED ME TO A PACKAGE OF MINCED VEAL (which tastes like shit, to be honest... for almost 6$), A TIN OF GOYA BLACK BEANS, *SOFRITO*... I'VE HAD A CRAVING FOR SOFRITO FOR A FEW DAYS NOW AND SO.... A BOX OF PASTA, BAG OF CRISPS, CONTAINER OF ICE CREAM (store-brand... all gone... the whole thing!), PACKAGE OF CHICKEN FRANKS FOR HALLIE (OF COURSE... SOMETHING FOR HALLIE... MIMOU HAS HIS CRUNCHIES) and, about 18$ out of my cash... Back to the hole, driving along LEGALLY! Got in SO hungry that I put the veal into the pan to brown, a bit of olive oil, salt, pepper, then beans and Sofrito! Half box of pasta and... FOOD! I WAS EATING AT LONG, LONG LAST! I OWN A SILVERADO NOW... AND IT'S LEGAL... AND SO TOO, AM I! Tell you though... when I'd done eating... I turned on “The Five”, leaned back on the recliner and woke to the last 2 minutes of if. I've been sick-exhausted all day!

22.31 Showered, clothes in “Quick Wash”. Clean me. Clean all. And I'm exhausted! Just finished plugging in the details of the day. The clothes are in the dryer. There's a rain falling and it's gotten warmer. We're due for 38-44° in a couple of days! (And no a/c in the truck. But I don't care... I HAVE THE TRUCK!) - Funny add: The guy at DMV has my license as Church St. I didn't bother to mention. Renewal? Due on by birthday... I can renew NEXT WEEK! HAH! Couldn't do it today... too early. Oh well. No prob. I need the time to recup my funds anyway. - And that all said, typed and done... it's *V-TON TIME*. Hopefully I won't be asleep any later than 1.00. (Earlier would be nicer but...)

A THOUGHT THIS EVENING: BECAUSE Mme. PARKS ALL SORT OF SHIT-WAYS IN THE DRIVE AND THE FUCKING TWATS PARKS SIDE-BY-SIDE AT THE OTHER END... I GET BLOODY-FUCKING TRAPPED, IN THE EVENT I MIGHT WANT TO GET OUT TO GO SOME-WHERE. THERE'S NO REASON WHY THE TWATS CAN'T PARK SINGLE ALONG THE DRIVE. BUT NOOOOO!!! KILL THE GRASS. BLOCK THE DRIVE. AND SHE SAYS NOTHING. SO? THE TRUCK (MINE) IS PARKED WHERE THE SUBARU USED TO BE. (I LIKE IT OVER THERE BECAUSE IT'S AWAY FROM THE TREES... JUST IN CASE. I DON'T LIKE IT THERE BECAUSE IT'S IN THE DARK. AND I DON'T LIKE THE IDEA THAT THE TWATS CAN COME AND GO, THE QUNT CAN COME AND GO, BUT AGAIN... I'LL HAVE TO REQUEST THAT A VEHICLE BE MOVED IF *I* WANT TO COME AND GO. THIS SHIT HAS GOT TO END!

And so... the end of this entry and time for tele. - At least I've got a way out of here... ONE TRIP!

Thu.28.June: 8.23 Critters fed. Doors open. Coffee had. Smoke. Rained through the night. More to come today. And I'm STILL exhausted and only just woke. One v-ton last night BUT.... stayed up a bit too late again... 1.30. It's that “fear” of night's sleep... spasms and the likes. - For today? I don't really know. Thought of a tripe to Cowansville, Canadian Tire, bits for the truck. Not too sure right now. I'd like to go back to sleep. Oh well. Much of the exhaustion is just because of being “here”. And the whole nonsense of the selfish irresponsibility of all around. Well then. No sense dwelling. It's not going to change. - Before sleep, saw a listing for a rather nice flat in Rouses Point. 700 per month. On Lake St. But as the money in the account dwindles and dwindled, and the work that I know needs to be done on the truck... that too, depresses. More time here to recup. Alas. - Another morning. .Another day. And I feel another day older... if not another month... if not another year. - 19.13 She rolled in at about 13.00 as usual but no “supplies”. Started talking, asking about things and walked away, as usual. I returned to my own work of making sure all docs got sent to OFX. At about 16.00, I finished my left-over veal and beans from last night. Good thing too. No offers of food. She's making her point quite clear. - Mark came again this evening. As he was leaving, me mentioned that he'd left a mess and SHE TOLD HIM THAT I'D CLEAN IT UP! HEY! AS IT STANDS (UNTIL SHE CLARIFIES), I'M EXPECTED TO SAND DOWN ALL THE WINDOW SILLS. OH YEAH? GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. - She's gone to a “brunch planning” meeting, took Hallie, left the doors open and me? I'm going to bed. I'm still tired. And in no mood. - 23.09 Well, she left before 19.00 with Hallie and I got my jammies on and went to bed... and napped, from then until about 21.00. Believe it or not, I went out for a smoke and she was back. AND... SHE PARKED IN FRONT OF THE GARAGE. WHY? BECAUSE... earlier I'd told her that, once again, if I wanted to go out in the truck, I'd be blocked in. I see no reason why the Twats have to park across the drive. After all, it means that she can't come in off the Highgate Street. She said that she and Cecil used to park in front of the garage and I found that to be a wonderful idea. I could park there (though I didn't much like the idea of parking so close to the house, still, I'd've done so). Well, as is the case, she will NOT exert her authority over them. ME? Of course! No prob. So she parked in front of the garage. It's a shame, really. In that respect, she's like me: instead of confrontation of any sort, she'll go out of her way... in cowardice, in this case. Anyway, she was back. I had my smoke and returned to bed until just now. Why I'm awake is anybody's guess. But I'll try a v-ton for sleep and hope it's all enough to get rid of the fatigue I've had for the past few days. Besides, my chest is so congested tonight that I keep coughing so, may as well sit up. - So, she came in today in a “mood”. Didn't talk much and when she did, she was curt. I'm supposing it's because I spent the past few days getting the truck together. What-ever. The place was Hoovered and mopped. Not well, but enough, and only once. And the kitchen was the mess she'd left. What-ever. - Mark came by this evening. He found that the sills on the porch are warped and I pointed-out that I'd repaired the one window that I use for smoking and such. He told her that he could sand the window frame and/or the sill and I said that the sill is easier. He asked if I wanted to do that and I said I could. She didn't like that at all. As Mark and I discussed, she said, snarkily, something about us arguing over it. Said Mark “I didn't know we were arguing.” I replied that it's a matter of interpretation... on another level, in a different universe. The matter was left at, I'll probably do it... when I get the sand-paper for the belt sander (because I need rougher for the truck-work anyway). When I get the chance to say, I'll let him know that if I do it, he won't get paid for not doing it and I won't get paid for having done it. Poor little fellow. Just like Rick, he doesn't know what Hell he's waltzing into. - And so, she went off to her “meeting” and I've no idea what happened after that. But right now, it didn't affect me (yet) and so, I don't care. - 19° out there right now, with clouds and humidity. My plants are on the lawn. I'm wondering when Markie's returning. I'll have to bring the plants back in or make some kind of table to put them up on. Sunday, 24 with Humidex of 45! Possible storms. And the 30s through Thursday! Hell is on it's way! One of those days I'll have to get the truck in for a check. I'm thinking of heading to Canadian Tire tomorrow... if I can find the handle for the tailgate in town... for a reasonable price. I'm not counting on it, but... Probably a trip into St-Albans... and I hate that notion. Unless I just let customs do what they must with the back of the truck and the Tonneau cover. I'll see how I feel in the morn. - Right now? Time for that v-ton, a bit of tele and try to get some sleep tonight. I've a feeling that the next few days are going to be fucks. And THEN... SHE GOES OFF WITH HER YOGI... FOR ABOUT A WEEK ON THE ROAD. FARE WELL! (I thought today that having the truck now, my invite to travel with her will be cancelled. Very good. I'd not intention of going with her anyway. She can toddle with her Maryrose or... what-ever.)

Fri.29.June *****: 1.09 ROLE FRY JEEVES WOOSTER BERTIE v-coffee.- 7.57 and I would have a v-coffee, were I not going to Cowansville this morning (and I am). And I feel rather like shit already... the first v-ton last night was entirely TOO much, even though the second one was slight. Got back to sleep by about 2.00 so there's 6 hours sleep, roughly... and roughly is always the way anyway. Still, woke feeling dragged, a bit of chest “heat”... “fire”, as it might be. Well? Why not? Got the truck of my life's dreams... off to hospital-ice. ( 7.58 INCREDIBLE! THE OLD QUNT WAS JUST OUT ON THE PORCH. I'VE GOT THE DOOR OPEN. SHE'S OUT THERE RUMMAGING THROUGH THE SHIT... STICKS, AND OTHER SHIT, BANGING ABOUT. NO REGARD FOR ANYTHING OR ONE BUT SELF. FINE. THIS MORNING, BEFORE BED, I RESOLVED THAT, GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY, TODAY I'M GOING TO BEGIN WITH THE “TELLING”... FOR EXAMPLE: HER NEW BESTIE, THE PIGDICKSUCKER FROM ACROSS THE FENCE AND HIS “SHE'S IN THERE, LAYING ON THE BED NAKED, PLAYING WITH HERSLF AND CALLING FOR YOU.” AND THEN THERE'S RACHEL “CECIL HAD A MAJOR DRINKING PROBLEM.” AND “I SPENT A SUMMER CLEANING THAT PLACE.” AND THERE'S ALWAYS “SHE'S FRENCH.” AND “SHE'S NOT ALL RIGHT.” And anyway... given the opportunity, the time has arrived... the histories will be told. At least to a point where the rest of this shit will stop.) Now let's consider the truck at the garage. Certainly not to make MY existence easier... just to avoid the Twat. Anyway... I've got to get at this day. Sun's shining and heat's on the way and I've no air conditioning in the truck and paint, sanding paper and the sort to get. Coffee's done. Time for a smoke. - 9.55 and I have to note that this is one of those “more difficult” mornings. Light-headed. Balance is a bit off. I swept the porch a bit and my head is spinning, sinuses feel “drippy”. Emphysema? Allergies? Dung-lung? CA Lung? What-ever. I've got to get to Cowansville...today. - Mme. appears to be in a “good” (what-ever that means) spirit. We've chatted at table this morn. Oh well. - 23.06 ALREADY! But I'm out of the shower, the house is still, the Twats are gone until4 July and it's miserably hot and getting cloudy out there. -
NOW *THIS WAS SOME KIND OF DAY!!!
***** I THINK IT WAS ABOUT 10.30 OR 11.00 WHEN I FINALLY WENT OUT TO THE TRUCK, THNKING I WAS GOING TO HEAD INTO ENOSBURGH FOR THE GATE HANDLE... BUT WHEN I GOT TO IT, THE BLOODY REAR VIEW MIRROR WAS HANGING FROM THE CEILING!!! IT HAD COME OFF THE WINDSHIELD!!! FUCK ME! I WAS REALLY RATHER DISTRAUGHT BECAUSE, UNLIKE THE OLD MIRRORS THAT WERE MOUNTED TO THE CEILING, THESE ARE GLUED TO THE FUCKING GLASS! SO I TOOK SOME WIRE, MADE A HOOK TO HOLD IT UP (NOT KNOWING THAT I COULD HAVE SIMPLY DISCONNECTED IT... WHICH I LEARNT AS THE DAY WENT ON) AND WITH MIRROR DANGLING AND SWAYING, I HEADED INTO TOWN OVER THE SWAMP, STANLEY AND NOBLE HILL ROADS, WAITING TO BE DISCOVERED AND FINED AND TICKETED AND ALL SORTS OF SHIT FROM THESE IN-BRED “LAW ENFORCEMENT” FREAKS. WELL, AT LAST, I MADE IT TO TD BANK WHERE I HAD TO TAKE OUT ANOTHER 200USD! PAY ANOTHE FUCKING 3$ FUCKING ATM FEE TO FUCKING TD. BUT, WITH CASH IN HAND, I LEFT THE TRUCK IN THEIR PARKING LOT AND WENT NEXT DOOR TO THE AUTO SHOP. THERE, THEY HAD ONE HANDLE... 28$! I HAD LITTLE-TO-CHOICE, I TOOK IT. THEN, GOT THE GLUE (3,40$ FOR THE MIRROR, AFTER ASKING THE FELLOW THERE, WHO WAS QUITE KIND. THE GLUE WAS NOTHING MORE THAN A “WIPE” AND A TINY PLASTIC PACKET OF GLUE. OH WELL... AGAIN... NO CHOICE. IT HAD TO BE DONE. I WAS BACK ON THE ROAD, MIRROR SWAYING, THE TRUCK FEELING LIKE THERE'S A CV JOINT OR TIE-ROD GOING (OR IT MIGHT BE THAT THE TRUCK IS IN 4-WHEEL DRIVE... I CAN'T BE CERTAIN). FIGURING I NEED SANDING STUFF AND SUCH FOR THE ROCKERS, I TEMPTED FATE AND HEADED OVER TO ACE HARDWARE WHERE, FOR MORE MONEY, I GOT SEVERAL SHEETS OF SEVERAL GRADES OF SAND PAPER, A SANDING BLOCK, SHIT TO REMOVE THE GLUE FROM THE WINDOW FOR THE MIRROR, A BOTTLE OF ALCOHOL TO CLEAN THE WINDOW, AND A CAN OF CLEAR PAINT FOR AFTER THE SANDING. - MADE IT BACK TO THE HOLE AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME IT WAS, AND GOT RIGHT TO WORK. - OH!!! MUST MENTION: I'M A MESS BECAUSE OF THE MIRROR AND THE QUNT SAYS “DO YOU WANT TO RETURN THESE EMPTIES?” I'M ON THE VERGE OF GETTING A TICKET AND SHE WANTS EMPTIES RETURNED. TYPICAL. I GAVE HER A CURT “NO” AND WENT ON MY WAY. - ANYWAYYYYYY.... FUCK ME! I WAS SO CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT HAD TO BE DONE. ALL SORTS OF MENTIONS OF A “BUTTON” (WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE THE FUCKNG METAL BIT THAT MOUNTS ON THE WINDSHIELD). MORE UTOOB VIDEOS THAN I CARE TO RECALL, MOST OF WHICH WERE THE TYPICAL RETARDS WITH SHIT INFO THAT MEANT NOTHING ABOUT THE MATTER OF RE-MOUTNING THE MIRROR. I CLEANED THE OLD GLUE OFF THE WINDOW (INCLUDING THE E-Z-PASS SHIT) AND WAS BACK AND FORTH ON AND OFF UTOOB FOR THE LONGEST. AT ONE POINT, I SIMPLY GAVE UP ON THE MIRROR AND WENT FOR THE TAILGATE. IMAGINE THIS... I ACTUALLY FOUND THE PROPER WRENCH AND BITS TO GET THE BOLTS OFF THE TAILGATE... IN THE FUCKING BARN! (I need to get out there and sort all that shit out... I'll be inheriting those tools... I see that coming.) GOT THE BOLTS OFF AND HAD TO WORK TO GET THE BROKEN HANDLE OUT *AND* HAD TO WORK TO GET THE NEW ONE IN BUT... I DID IT! AND IT WORKS! AND IT GAVE ME ENCOURAGEMENT TO GET ON WITH THE MIRROR. ANOTHER VIDEO AND *FINALLY* ONE THAT TOLD ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY MIRROR... IT REQUIRED A SPECAIL “TORQUE” SCREW DRIVER WHICH, OF COURSE, I DIDN'T/DON'T HAVE!!! A LITTLE MORE RESEARCH (THANK GOODNESS FOR INTERNET!) AND I LEARNT I COULD USE A NELSON WRNECH! TO THE KITCHEN TO SORT THROUGH THE DRAWER AND THERE WAS A SET *AND* ONE WORKED PERFECTLY WELL!!! I MANAGED TO GET THE FUCKING “BUTTON” OFF THE MIRROR! BACK TO THE TRUCK, CLEAN THE GLASS, APPLY THE GLUE AND... THE INSTRUCTIONS SAY THAT IT'S GOOD TO GO IN 30 MINUTES. I'M WAITING... UNTIL TOMORROW. BUT THE FUCKING “BUTTON” IS ON THE FUCKING WINDSHIELD AS I TYPE THIS. - I WAS ROLLING! - ALMOST FORGOT TO MENTION: AT ONE POINT, I WAS SO INCREDIBLY BLOODY-FUCKING WEAK (ANOTHER EPISODE, AS IT WERE) THAT I *HAD* TO BREAK DOWN AND GO TO THE STORE FOR ONE OF THEIR “CHICKEN SALADS” AND A COKE (AND CRISPS FOR TONIGHT). Mme. WAS IN THE GARDEN, I ATE IN THE TRUCK. IT TASTED HORRID BUT IT WAS SUSTENANCE. IT DID HELP A BIT AS I WORKED ON THE MIRROR. - AND SO, I WAS, INDEED, ROLLING! Mme. MENTIONED DINNER, I RATHER IGNORED HER AND HEADED TO THE BARN, TO THE MOWER. I'M IN A “FUCK YOU ALL” MOOD TODAY AND I WANTED TO GET THE LAWN DONE... NO MATTER WHAT. OFF I WENT... SOUTH LAWN (RIGHT UP TO THE TWATS' VEHICLE) THEN THE BACK OF THE LILIES, INTO THE GARDEN (Mme. WAS IN THE HOUSE, COOKING AS I WORKED). FROM THE GARDEN TO THE BACK YARD, TO THE FRONT OF THE LILIES AND ROUND TO THE FRONT/DRIVE! DONE... AND IT WAS ALMOST 20.00 BY NOW. BUT THE WORK IS DONE, DONE, DONE!!! I MEAN... EVEN THE LAWN GOT MOWED!!! NOT BAD FOR ME... FUNCTIONING WITH HOT COALS IN MY LUNGS, HEAD SPINNING SOME-WHERE BETWEEN EARTH AND VENUS, AND GENERALLY FEELING LIKE I'M ABOUT TO DROP DEAD AT ANY MOMENT. - I CAME IN AND Mme. HAD LAMB CHOPS FIRED, RICE AND CARROTS DONE AND BADE ME TO DINE. I DID. SHE DID. I HAD A BEER. THE WORK-DAY WAS COMPLETE!!!!! TAILGATE HANDLE, MIRROR MOUNT, LAWN MOWED!!!!! THE LAZY BASTARD RULES AGAIN! (THESE FUCKING MUTANT IN-BREEDS CAN SUCK THEIR LIQUI-SHIT.) *****
And so, the evening rolled into the night. I watched a bit of TV with Mme., Hallie and Mimou and got up to sort through the bags of stuff for the rockers and the garbage from the mirror and as I did, Mme. went to the loo and to bed... with-out a word. Me? I don't, won't, can't care one way nor the other. I did EXCEPTIONALLY well today and she got her fucking lawn mowed. (I can't wait for the knife in the back from the lawn-mowing.) - And so, with the Twats gone camping, Mme. will get good sleep. (They pounded over her head into the night last night. Well? She gets what she deserves where that's concerned.) - Oh... and she asked me if I was going to stay here next week when she's on the road! I reiterated that I won't abandon the little ones... but... (Damn shame... I don't have the rent for another place now... with all the expenses on the truck but...) - So, I have my v-ton poured. A light one tonight. I'm not feeling all too well at the moment and it's miserably hot and I can feel it getting hotter as the night moves on. So it's time for a quick soc.med. and then to tele. Quite the day, all told. - 23.41 It's 22° with Humidex of 28° right now! 19°/24° at 5.00 tomorrow morning for the “low” and then... 32/41 at 17.00 tomorrow! JEEZUS KRISTE!

Sat.30.June: 1.01 HALF THE YEAR IS GONE! FUCK ME! - Last smoke and try for nothing more than a nap. - I dread trying for sleep. DREAD it! - 4.59 After the entire night of laying in bed, and getting up for multiple SPASMS AGAIN, at 4.46 I've just decided to get up, get dressed and stop the effort, dump the hope of ever getting any sleep at all. And, so, here I sit, at the table, dressed, in from a smoke after having had my coffee. I can't say what kept me awake. I'm EXHAUSTED. My eyes are burning and are slightly red from fatigue. And it's a good thing I didn't plan on going any-where or doing any-thing important today because, well, even if I wanted to, I know I can't. I won't even try to get at the rust on the truck for fear of fucking it up. I'm not even sure that I'll try putting the mirror on... just because I might fuck it all up. Oh well. I'll “entertain” me some-how. And there's no saying that I can't nap during the day, if I must. Even if it means needing to be nasty, as I'm certain the old thing will find something she'd “appreciate” my help with. Fukkit. Just FUKKITALL. - 22° with Humidex of 28... and this is supposed to be the COOLEST it will be all day. This is going to be living Hell. - 11.38 At 6.20, fully dressed, I laid back down on the bed... two more SPASMS and... OUT! So I've gotten my “nap”... of 5 hours. Yeah, I slept. And now I feel almost as bad as I did at 4.46. And yes, it's HOT out there. Over-cast and HOT! Mme. is on the phone in the kitchen. And... well... here's the day. And no, I've no plans to do much of anything, if anything at all. And I don't care. - 17.25 Went out to out the mirror on... and the adhesive didn't work. Strolled to find Mme. in the garden, weeding. Chatted for moments. Came back into the room to look-up more adhesives and recommendations. It could be that the package I bought was our of date, or, I suspect it's that little bit of black something on the glass that won't take the adhesive. Anyway, Mme. suggested I take the truck to Mike and have him do it. It's going eventually, for a check-over, but I need the mirror before then. Thanks. I'll toddle off to Walmart for a different adhesive. Then, it was back to bed at 14.05 and another “nap”. Another 3 hours. I'm getting my “sleep” in chunks. Thus far it's the 8 hours of sleep. But between the HEAT of today and the broken sleep... I'm feeling like shit. And I'm hungry. - Seems Mme. has a “friend” over. There's a Dodge parked, quite close to the truck... in the back yard. What concerns me even more: there's a “handicap” tag in the Dodge. ANOTHER IN-BRED RETARD. Let there be a scratch on the truck and there will be a report out to the insurance company and perhaps to the police. I'll tolerate nothing. After all... Mme. sided with the Twat about the grass on the car and then lied to the police about the gate. We'll see. - Whilst in the garden, Mme. said something about going to Lowell tomorrow... to her “Yogi”, bringing cucumber plants and finding a place for Hallie to swim. Looks like I'll have a delightful day... perhaps. - But right now, I'm rather hungry. I suspect Mme. and Co. are at the fire-house BBQ. Me? Nothing about to eat. I'll probably have to toddle to the store for something. Can't think what though. Ah well... just another “Shelter Day”. - 19.12 Well, I managed to feed the little ones. Tossed some rice into the salad container from yesterday (after washing it). Rice with mayo and a dash of A1. Right. - Mme. and co. returned. Apparently they brought one of the folks from the “house”... wheel chair and the likes, left the poor thing sitting in the yard. But they're gone now... all of them. Mme.'s truck is here but the house is empty and the little ones are in. I was pondering a trip to Walmart (open til 22.00) but I'm just not feeling “right”. Light-headed. The sleep I've had is finally taking. But I'm thinking: having the adhesive tonight does me no good. Can't put that thing together in the dark, nor in this humidity... leaving it over-night. So? May as well wait until tomorrow morning. Perhaps get into bed at an early hour, up early. The store opens at 8.00. I shouldn't be in a parking lot in the dark with-out the rearview anyway. Oh well and so. May as well call this day a wrap. Sadly, I've made a coffee though. Well, I seriously doubt it'll keep me awake any better than this morning's did. I'll just hunker in and figure some way to pass a few more hours until it's sane to get back into bed... for another night of ... what-ever. At least nobody can say I “take advantage” of the vehicle. (Truth is: I don't feel comfortable in it until it's checked and I know what's “wrong”... and, I've no doubt, that list will be many items.) The more things change... they don't. - And 5225 is “having a fire” (as Lyle used to refer to it as) again. I DO believe they're burning the old walls they've taken down in the “dining room” over there. The stench, as usual, is horrid. - Nothing more to say or do... The month ends, the day ends... -
WELL!!! one might think she's consorted with her cronies from “the home” today and announced to me, when I went to the kitchen earlier “You can park your truck in front of the garage.” Oh yeah? No! Mr. Twat can park HIS vehicle in front of the garage. I'm not inconveniencing myself any longer. I have to be inconvenienced mowing YOUR lawn. I have to be inconvenienced by being threatened with bodily harm and you get to lie about me to the police. I have to be inconvenienced by hearing the rumours, from your “friend” about you laying, spread eagle, naked on the bed, fondling yourself and calling “Oh Jude! I'm ready!” even when I was still living at the Gliddens! I have to hear about Cecil having a drinking problem and you two arguing in the back so loudly that the town can hear you. I have to hear about me fighting with you because that's what's going around town. No, MY inconveniences are at an end. The response? “You can leave when-ever you want.” Yeah? How about YOU get on the phone to your Peter Martin and let's take this into the courts. I'd more than welcome that opportunity. And I'd love to bring Mr. Stanhope into that... the work he did whilst being misled. I asked: Who sat in YOUR house, alone, whilst you went to work and off across New England selling Jesus, while you had a restraining order on a lunatic who walks into your house, leaves notes in your kitchen and leaves threatening voice mail messages on your phone? Who gets to be in YOUR house, alone, while strangers toddle about YOUR porch in the middle of the night? Who maintains YOUR property. “I pay you.” I told you I don't want your money but, let's ask, who stomps over your head at 1.00am, keeping you from getting rest? Who's dog is ripping the siding off of YOUR house? Do *I* destroy or damage your property? Do *I* make all sorts of annoying noise? Do I run all sorts of electronics, like air-conditioner even on the coolest of nights? I maintain your property. You get to entertain your cronies in a tidy house because I clean YOUR house. Yes, I believe you have the right to come home on Thursdays, kick back and nap. But when was the last time YOU cleaned YOUR house? “It's been a while.” Indeed. Then she threw in that Rachel sat her “fat ass on my table and broke it. I paid her for the work. I didn't charge her for the damages.” Thank you for re-mentioning that. I'm sure Rachel will LOVE to be aware of THAT kind of talk about her. After all, as I told her tonight, I've held 5 years of bull-shit in and the line's been crossed and I'm holding nothing... including the little stories about sexual escapades in Burt's bed... and NOT with Kim. Lyle may have died and taken most of his stories with him, but he left a few behind. He didn't say... but I, most certainly will. “Where do you hear any of this?” Oh, the store, town hall (she argued that the “hall” is the old building... “When do YOU go to town hall?” I said, the library's in the town hall. “That's the town offices. The town hall is up the street.” Yeah. What-ever. I hear in the post office as well. “You're abusive when you yell at me.” I pointed out: “You antagonise people.” Even your “friend” over the fence once confided “She's like that. She loves the people who abuse her more than the people who help her. After all, she loved her husband.” So... no matter what, the seeds are planted. Let them grow. And when the next opportunity presents, there's going to be a little list: Luce abused her. Then came Cecil who, like-wise abused her. And now me. That's 3 in a row. And if the other 2 suffered like I do, with the disrespect, the selfishness, the psychoses, it's time for ALL to be exonerated. But, if she insists... this ALL will go into a court of law... and there will be towns' folk subpoenaed to testify. Not, of course, that anybody is expected to be truthful... since experience has proven that few, if any, are capable of being truthful. Yep... my years of silence are over... I wonder how Rachel will feel about being called “fat ass” and accused of property damage. I wonder how it will go over when those who believe Stanhope to be a horrid shit learn that he did THOUSANDS of dollars in work with the understanding that he'd be offered the house and then, when the work was done, the lease was cancelled. I wonder how the courts will find, when somebody who was present during some of the “negotiations” testifies that the “breach of contract” was conducted by the “home-owner” and not the tenant/lessee. The seeds are planted... time to get the ball rolling. And then there's Mark... I wonder how he'll take the news that the job on the porch was shitty and he got paid more than it was worth... and that somebody had to wait almost 2 years for him to come back, as he'd promised 2 years earlier, to even start the work... and then announces he'll have to wait 3 weeks before continuing the work. I wonder how Rick will take the news that he took more time than necessary to install the windows and then left a mess. Never mind, how he had to be called back to finish the job in the hall-way after taking his time on that and charging by the hour. I wonder... I just wonder. (Truth is: I wouldn't expect it to make much matter at all... other than a celebration of the conniving of the old woman here. After all.. it's how they ALL function: on lies, deceit, slander, and the likes.) The line has been crossed... - I also got the opportunity to mention that I don't use the loo in the morning until I know she's done. I don't shower until she's gone to bed so as not to inconvenience. I don't eat “her” food unless invited. I don't run all sorts of electrics. I don't abuse the heat in winter. Never mind, the destruction to her property that she allows... for 850$/month when she wanted 950 and let it ride. Yep... the line is crossed so far that it's not even visible on the horizon.
And so, 22.01. It's hot in here. Humid out there. There's supposed to be rain tonight. Tomorrow? She's planning on going to church. Even offered: “I can drop you at Walmart before I go to church and come get you when it's over. You'll have to wait a bit more than an hour though.” WHAT? Then changed it to “Or you could drop me at church and pick me up after mass.” WHAT? WHY? I can drive the truck in day-light. I just don't want to drive at night with-out seeing behind me. Anyway, there's church (of course... where the towns' folk can see how saintly and angelic she is... BOLLOCKS!) and then she's got a trip to her “Yogi” and to take Hallie swimming. I've NO doubt she'd like me to go along... so there's somebody to play with Hallie whilst she lounges about, sighing about how dreadfully tired she is from all that she does. Nah... I'll be getting up and out and on the road to get adhesive... and FOOD... and maybe vodka... tonic... for me. Toodles dear. And DO make your stories of my horrificness interesting to your Yogi. But then again... you're all very adept at expounding and illuminating, twisting facts, contorting truth. No doubt, it'll be a fascinating event. - 23.01 and the little fan is whirring in the open door. Fucking shame, this, that I can't open the fucking window for a bit of ventilation. But... I'm abusive... and a lazy bastard. Oh well. - Never mind... I've got the new page for June ready to post to the server WITH PHOTOS of the TRUCK! The month is over and by the time I get this settled, it'll be time to get to the month of July... FUUUUUUCK! This year is going by entirely too quickly and I wanted SO MUCH to be the FUCK AWAY from this shit-hole and the qunt and the in-breeds. BUT... I have the truck and I'll just have to learn to do what I did in the Shelter... never mind the fucking miserable malignancies. - Now to post and then a drink and then... tomorrow and away from this shit for a while... may it be so.