Sun.01.Sep: 0.33 Just finished soc.med. Made a lovely GIF for Willie as thanks for the 20 “tokens” he “wired” JAK on the 30th Aug. Also, just in from last smoke, having finished one v-ton. And at last, the road out front is empty, and New Russia is in silence. - It's such a joy to be out on the porch, at night, in the silence. And the greater joy is knowing that the bills (the necessary bills) are paid! - I look around here and think of so much that I'd like to “do”, to “invest” in, paint, lumber, the sort, and I think: I've come home to die... how silly to make such a fuss. The place is comfortable as it is. A few more pieces of furniture and all will be perfectly fine. - And now? Time to brush my teeth (how joyful to be able to do that before bed again) and to take a “nap”. In the morning, no need to jump from bed. Sunday. Holiday. I can only hope. - Gee... I wonder how Mimou and Hallie are doing. But I've no desire to step foot or roll into that Hellish shit-hole of a state. I miss “the little ones” so terribly. But no... going back there will result in no good. I know I won't have the guts or patience, the tolerance to keep my mouth civil. So, best to stay away. Besides, I'll need the truck for work now. Best to not push it any further than need be. - Well? New month... new day... time for a new nap. - 9.24 and up from RE-LIGHT on a day when I don't recall even having heard the 8.00 alarm, to be honest. But I was up, had coffee in the press by 8.23 and went back to the bed for a bit. Ah, but then... the time to be “out of the bed” rolled round and so, up, dressed, had a coffee, out to the porch, had a smoke, put on the old sneakers and headed to... the cellar. THANKFULLY, again, this morning, I got the heater re-started and here we are. A bit on the over-cast side out there, but thankfully, not “too” chilly. Yes indeed, one CAN see the slightest air-brushed tint of Autumn on the lower trees across the road. Most folks probably wouldn't notice it, but to the accustomed eye, there it is. I have to keep reminding me that it was only 5 days ago when I placed the order for the radiator, yesterday and today are “week-end” and tomorrow is “holiday” so “patience” is called for. “Calling Patience. Is there a 'Patience' in the house?” If so, she's to be quite busy, between waiting for the radiator and Wednesday, when the new propane comes in. Wednesday... I've been pondering that to be the day of travel to “Ti”. (I wonder when folks started calling it that. Fran calls it that and she's from there. Like “E-town”. And THAT appears to be a general reference, from here and “there” and such. Oh well.) But for the day, for this day, “busy occupation” is the rule again. Across the road, a fellow mows the lawn, at the house next, two folks are in their garden. I remember “those days”. In “those days” I felt an obligation to be up and about and doing the same things. I enjoyed doing. Indeed, I did. Until the lawn was mowed and THEN the simians came along to toss weeds and such on it, almost immediately. I enjoyed doing. Indeed, I did, until I saw the produce of the garden being given away, and to some who expected the goods to be reaped and delivered. “Altruism”? I should say not. More “time-passing”. Today? “Time-passing” is something entirely contrived, for the most part. Had I the money, there are a great many things I could do to pass time in a day... for several days at that. Had I the sincere interest in so-doing, there's much to occupy the minutes, hours, days. No interest. No cash. Perhaps a time will come when it will be “different”, there will be occupations to fill the time of the days. But for now, it's a matter of letting the clock move along, the day roll on until suddenly, I look to see that the day has gone, time to put out the lights... another party's over. And so it goes. But just think: One more week of this and then... there will be the “scheduled” time, a little job. The anxieties of driving into town because, well... it will be my responsibility so to do. (I'm just hoping it won't be all “resto-work”, cooking and “dipping” and shit. But it will be what it is. The income is necessary... at least until the truck and all associated with it is taken care of. After that? Who knows? Really. For now... “Time passers”. And across the road the mower hums, and through the wall, the sound of “stirring”. Joan's up and about. (I wonder: I understand her anxieties and frustrations... I will not become part of them. I left that “Vermont” shit across the lake, drove 100 miles to escape it. Period. End of statement.) - 14.55 and as I'd typed, only this morning... the day HAS rolled along. And what a wasted day this has been. Sunny. Breezy. Warm. Delightful. Good for a stroll up the mountains (if they didn't “belong” to somebody, fuck). A PERFECT day to wash and hang laundry. But no. Well, maybe one day, some day. My gripe du jour is that, tomorrow, Ms. Joan wants to travel. It's supposed to be rainy, and if so, not a prob. But on Tuesday, it's supposed to be a bit dreary. Wednesday comes the new propane and SATURDAY comes the mattress cover and the complete change of bed linens! I would have liked to use the propane in the tank to wash the linens. But that's not how it's working out. Alas. Oh well. But, surely, this is merely the beginning of September... there should be more days like today... before the Winter freezes. I can just sit and hope and take the days as they come. - I cut-down the last little bit of carpeting that was used between the rooms. A little “rug” for the loo. I'd sharpened the “acquired” scissors the other day and though they didn't work well on “cutting a rug” (as it were), neither did much else. But they seem to work well enough on paper. I don't have fabric to “test” them on so I'll just see when that opportunity presents. AND I used the scrap strips to glue a bit onto the legs of the chair I sit on most of the time... keep it from scraping the floor with its noise. - So the windows are open to let in the warmth. - I had a roll with 2 eggs for “lunch” before napping for an hour. “Nap”... I seem to do that. (Have to get out of that habit again... in 2 weeks... back to work.) - Geo. Deming came by the front as I was out to have a smoke. The friendliest greeting. (He was the one Alden “warned” me of. I've come to know that when I'm “warned”, those are the political allies here, in town. Geo. being one of same.) It's nice to be kindly greeted... All those years in Fuklin when people would walk by with a grimace. It's good to be “home”. - Now? To fill a few more hours before daily “meal”... of what-ever that might be (rice and beans... 3 containers in the fridge)... or chicken (of which I have plenty) or perhaps a bit of both. Then? Ice cream and a hot water or another tea (licorice... I'm having Earl Grey now) and then... Bed-time... again. This is “life”... as it is... “Waiting for God”... as I'm doing. - 16.23 Just going through the table of “Mots Passe” here and discovered: Rockaway postal code is 11694... New Russia postal code is 12964. It's like “Countdown”! The similarity is... or could be... concerning. But they're not 67... which could have been better but, no matter. Just a note. (I'm keeping busy.) - 18.20 And “meal” is done, dishes are up, I let the hot water run to demand a call for it, then went down to close the cellar to find... THE WATER HEATER IS RUNNING... FLAME UP, HEATING THE TANK! I just can't figure this out. - Meanwhile, I'm listening to “RhythmeFM”! (“If You Don't Know Me By Now”). I have to figure a way to get better speakers on this “on-line” stuff... and maybe a cheap lap-top sort of thing for radio only. (I fear the day when this “Dell” shits the sheets... “Costco”, as it is.) - I'm actually almost ready to go to bed already. Sad. But it's over-cast out there. - 23.09 Teeth are brushed and that's all I'm doing tonight. Too tired now, and I don't want to hear the water running in the shower. Hopefully I'll have hot water in the morning for a shower (and hopefully it'll be POURING and Joan won't want to go to Plattsburgh... but that's asking too much). She said something about going to Lowes but the only thing I can think of that I'd want from there is a screen door, which won't fit in her car... especially if it's raining. So? So we'll go, get the potatoes. And hopefully, she won't want to go to Hannaford's... only merely because I'd rather go alone... even in the truck. (But I found the video on how to change that relay and I down-loaded a copy. Looks fairly easy... as easy as things might be able to be with repairs on the truck. I can't wait for the part to get here! With indicators, I CAN travel again... since the brakes seem to be holding well enough.) Anyway... another day has passed. It's time to get to bed. Forecast is for RAIN tonight and tomorrow morning. That'll be nice-ish. And tomorrow's a holiday. “Labour Day”... Summer is GONE! (Just so long as the radiator gets here before the cold! Not to mention, I'd like to get at least one more... but let's see how long it takes to get this one. I know it's only been a matter of days and something as small as a “relay” is taking over a week... I need to be patient... I suppose.) Oh well, there's always Wednesday... Ticonderoga. Maybe a quick stop in Walmarde. I have to pass it anyway. - BED TIME! All's done. -

Mon.02.Sep: 7.36 Up and dressed and in from a smoke and coffee at hand, I woke (for some un-known reason) at 7.00 to a delightfully grey morning, with the rains coming down the clouds clinging to the mountains and the hummies at the feeder. I couldn't help but think: These grey mornings are the precursors to the months ahead. But instead of rains softly ticking on the roof, it'll be snow, falling silently and gathering all round. And it'll be chilled... quite. Winter... in the Adirondacks. Dan Fogelberg called them the “High Country Snows”. Making sure the Winter didn't come in through the crack in the door-way, or the spaces in the windows. I have to get “weather stripping”. Oh well. And I can hear Joan over there, moving about. Gee, I wonder what kind of day she's about to have. MY first thought of the day: how she snapped at me when I was simply chatting with her when I'd come back from the market with the chicken. Odd how some people seem to be a delight when they speak. Me? Not so much. “JUST HOLD ON THERE!” she said. “Can't handle all the talking.” Fine. Me, standing there like some sort of home decoration? Well... we've got 45 minutes to Plattsburgh, then god only knows how long in town, and 45 minutes back. Hey! I'm not having a smoke for all that while. And you? Somebody there in case of need. I've resolved to treating it like the “old days”... a job. I'm giving my day and time where I could be doing something else... or nothing at all, or napping or what-ever else I might find to fill the hours. And you? You get a bag of potatoes. Oh... no sense dwelling on it. Let's just hope it's not a matter of her being on the damned phone. After all, it is as Bob once put it: All the major bull-shit in my life involved a woman. Hey! Mine too! Shelly Vinyl, “You're a scum-bag.” Tara Whats-her-fuk, accusing ME of hitting her in the face. Diane Owens, embezzlement charges. Fran Elizarde and the coffee, smokes and paper-crumbling at 2am when I had to get a bus in the snow to take my test for a job at the Post Office. Jan Santiago hooking me up with her “boy friend” Doug and that car that he never repaired as promised. Cindy Shedrick who put me into early “retirement”. Mme. Jacqueline Choiniere-Luce-King and her house, animals, property, tenants and “He's verbally abusive.” There's NO telling WHAT sort of shit's barrelling down the road with Joan. But, I've no doubt, we shall see. And those in the list... Vermonters! And here? Jess from Rutland, Joan from Middlebury. Vermont... women. There's shit ahead. Indeed, time for the “removal”... distance is the best line to take. We shall see... we shall see. (And “Amanda”? New job? At least that one's not absolutely essential to survival. Stewart's COULD be paying the rent, but since I took this place, they haven't been. At the very least, I can simply walk away from that one... should the situation require.) - How charming. A lovely way to start a day, a month. Let's shake it off an move along. I still have to get down to the cellar, check the water heater. Maybe take a quick shower before hitting the road. And... the rest of the day. Move along here... just move along. - Bonjour! ... Fuck. - 8.49 Just up from the cellar where, much to my wondering eyes should appear, but a FLAME A-GLOW IN THE WATER HEATER! this morn. Wonders... never cease. - 23.04 Out of the shower.... I should take another in the morning and again, another tomorrow night... get rid of the propane! I'll be PAYING for it again after that. But at least there'll be more of it, and hopefully it'll solve the RE-LIGHT (which I didn't have to do this morning... amazingly enough). - Anyway, having a small v-ton. Why? Because I probably shouldn't and because I can End of discussion. Let's see if I go to pee-test tomorrow (no, the later I go the later I get back to “work” and I'm truly not really looking forward to that... but who knows, it might actually be fun... though I doubt it). - So, the day has ended and there wasn't a single blip from Joan. Gee... watch her get all in my face over it tomorrow. I'm rather planning on it. “You didn't call!” She's a woman AND she's a VERMONTER! The old “Projection” game will be in full swing, I've no doubt. Blame me because YOU didn't bother to call. Oh, let's just see how it rolls before jumping. (But be prepared.) - Anyway, I even shaved my neck tonight. I don't much like the loo basin, to be honest. But... it serves the purpose, and the shower was refreshing. (I have to wash the bath linens!) - So today, at about 16.00, I rang Ev. We had a lovely chat for a bit. She'll be at the lake through the week. We talked about gas, electric, oil prices. Her electric at the lake is expensive. But she uses oil to heat. 275gals. there too. She says she goes through about 300$ for the Winter but she keeps the thermostat at 50F. Oh well. We shall see. So we talked until somebody called her on her house phone and she “had to take the call”. Fine and good. But she sounded very well and our talk was a delight. - “Meal” was a mix of chicken, the rice with beef and 2 eggs. I've finished all the ice cream already but I've got sugared milk in the freezer now. Let's see how that turns out. It's getting frozen. Might take a while. But there's no sense turning the thing colder. It's on “1” and cools more than enough. (Damned thermostat in the thing probably doesn't work properly. Good thing I'm not thinking very “long term” here. I'd be looking for a new fridge next. Fuck.) But... I wanted the truck, got it, it's a bit of Hell. I wanted a “little place in the Adirondacks”. I got it. It's cute, it's work. I got it... them. They're not impossible. They're a perfect place from which to “launch”. So the “meal” was filling and now, all's fine. - Got an hour's nap in too, before ringing Ev. So that's pretty good, I suppose. - And that's about all of that for this day. Spent a lot of time on soc.med. I'm wasting too much time these days. There are things I want to attend, like sorting images and files and the likes. But I just don't. I keep blaming it on not having a proper work table. But... As Ev said today: “When I retired, people asked me what I do with all my time. I tell them, the same things I always did... only a little slower now.” Truth is, I'm still adjusting to this “retired” shit. I don't like it... at all. - And so, the meals are done, the dishes are done, I'm shaved and showered and done and now, I'll have a drink and a little more soc.med. and off to bed. - OH! Received one of those “forwarded” e-mails from Mme. No message with it, just some string of “Churchill Quote Memes”. I could give a fuck about Churchill... I would like to know how the little ones are doing. But truth there is, I need to let ALL of that go! Just let if GO! Just like so much else in the past. No more “VT”... in spite of the bitches that are here. (I have to get the truck to NY too.... plates, insurance, registration... my license! I'm running short on “extended time” with that.) - Enough. The week-end is over. The holiday is over. The Summer is over. The old month is over and this new one is here. Move along... just move the fuck along.

Tue.03.Sep: 1.07 DAMN! THIS MONTH IS JUST RUSHING IN! AND THE DAYS ARE RUSHING BY. I have to wonder, as I did this morning: Is time passing so quickly because I'm getting that much closer to dying? I seriously can't help but wonder. - Time for last smoke, teeth brush and nap. - 8.20 Well... here we are, up, dressed, coffee at hand, white stuff (under, sox, a shirt) in the basin, soaking, up from the cellar where I'd left the door open over night and... AND... THE WATER HEATER IS RUNNING QUITE WELL. - I did wake with the 8.00 alarm (at 7.47) and was seriously considering staying in bed, this grey morn. But had to pee and the right leg went into spasm so? It was settled, I was up and rolling about. Now, let's see how the rest of the day goes. I might take the run to Ticonderoga today... MIGHT. But “tomorrow for sure”. (Hopefully Avery will show tomorrow, early and I can take the day from there.) - Joan's shades are drawn again this morning. They were that way all yesterday as well. Hmmm... I wonder. Oh well. I'll find out... soon enough. - Now... “Day Filler” time. Let's see how this one rolls. Shall we then? Oh yes, let's shall.
20.47 DONNA!!! I JUST GOT OFF A CALL OF AMOST AN HOUR WITH DONNA!!!! WHAT A WONDER! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL WONDER! Her voice still sounds like a little girl but clear and great. And well... sounds like we've both grown into the same sort of person: Stubborn, independent, not-people-people, but WHAT A JOY!
22.45 Out of the last shower that I'll be taking in the fashion of care-free. BUT... with 50 gallons of gas, it won't be all that bad. I just can't believe that the water heater stayed lit! But I'm keeping the cellar door open over-night... which is what happened last night. I've a feeling something builds in the air in that cellar and that's what extinguishes the pilot. We shall see... after the new tank and fresh gas are connected. - Still in a bit of disbelief that I talked with Donna after all these years. And the odd thing that she said is that I could have come to live with her instead of doing all that moving about when I got thrown out of “home”. Ah... but then she made the giddy remark “You were a hottie. If you weren't my cousin....” Dorothy DID say she's got a habit of saying such things... to men... just about any man, which is what got her into trouble along the years. Oh well... she said, I could be complimented... after all, there was that after-noon with Rheiney... on Rochambeau. We shall speak not more of. - It's comforting to know that she's living in her son's house, and he's is the service in Iraq and she's got a guaranteed roof over-head. May it weather the coming hurricane they're expecting before week's end. Anyway, I have her number, she has mine. Where it goes from here is... One other item: She asked Dorothy for my phone and address and Dorothy wouldn't give it to her. Said “If he wants to get in touch with you he will, when he's ready.” Ah... we all have that “mistrust”... even Donna said she has it. And again, Dorothy said she's got it DEEP. “We're alike that way.” said Donna. Indeed... yes we are. Oh, and she said she always wanted to live in VT. Well! Far be it from me to miss an opportunity. I told her what my 8 years were like. She's changed her mind. But she misses the deer, the mountains. But at her age, I don't see her moving back up North. All the better, I suppose. We're a delightful family... as long as we're kept at a distance. Still, it's wonderful being back in touch with Dorothy and Donna. - One thing that bothers me terribly: Seems Dorothy's “lost an eye”. Diabetes. Donna says the eye's gone “black” and that Dorothy's technically blind in it (though I can't understand how she sends texts, and prefers them over speaking... if she's got only one eye). Dorothy's also walking about with a cane because, as Donna tells, she'd gone to a game with Brian when she was up, and from the cold, as she went to stand up, she fell... and “popped her knee”. She's over-weight, of course, so that made the knee worse. “She's in really bad shape.” says Donna. She knows she's diabetic but refuses to watch her diet and lives on soda. Yep... that's how it goes. - Funny, no mention of Debbie though. But Dorothy tells that she's become the grand bitch over the years. Selfish and arrogant. Oh well. It was grand talking with the Cuz tonight. - So I settled-in for more Brit tele for a bit tonight. And the house is settled and in order. I need to get to sleep earlier tonight because I've a feeling I MUST be up and about at 7.30. There's no time of delivery for this new tank, but the last time, they rolled in shortly before 8.00. (I'm just happy as shit that I pulled 100$ out for the budget on this and there's still 120 in the account in case. The gas for hot water is certainly paid. THAT is IMPORTANT... heat and hot water... Rent, heat (the electric bill... which has also been pulled out), hot water. The rest is the rest. - And I've just had bread and butter with a bit of cran-pom and tonic. No booze tonight. Not that it would do any harm. (But I need a fresh bottle of vodka... tomorrow... after the gas is delivered... and I've gone for my “pee test”... and maybe a quick stop at Walmarde for a loo-roll holder and dish rack. I NEED A FUCKING FUTON! But that's not happening. And the drafting table on Crgslst is down from 100 to 90. I wonder if it'll come down any further. If I can afford it... but, there's a futon in Charlotte VT too. 100. I'd have to take the ferry to make the trip sane, in stead of driving all the way round the lake and back up. There's 21$, plus gas and such. So that's a nope. Nothing until month's end. And now I have to start saving for my license, registration, inspection, brakes! It's as I've already figured: I won't break even until after January... and then there are the web-sites, none of which I want to part with. February? What-ever. With luck and good fortune, I'll get this little job for at least a couple of months and then? Pffttt! Die. - And on that note... a bit of soc.med. to wind down. I'm back to smoking re-smokes tonight. 3 left in the pack of “fresh”. I'll get more of those tomorrow. (At least I'm not smoking a pack per day or so.) Life... shit... one and the same.

Wed.04.Sep: 0.12 Yep... did it again! SHIT! Off we go now! - 7.21 And OK THEN! Yeah, 6.00 alarm, up to pee, back to bed. 7.00 alarm, up to coffee, dress, smoke and... here we are. And it's another grey morn indeed. There's seems to be some sort of precipitation, but it's not actually visible, just the sound of it running about the roof. AND THERE'S HOT WATER! How strange. Gee. I wonder if there isn't something that “gathers” in the cellar to suffocate the flame on the heater, and by keeping the door open, that's the trick. If so, one could wonder about the air in the house. Joan with respiratory? What of me? Do I care? No. Not really. “The best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.” Oh well. OK. And that “frozen sugar milk” before bed, in that quantity, wasn't such a grand idea either. I'm feeling the fluctuation in the blood sugar this morning. Anyway, there's a road trip ahead... I wish I'd gotten a general time for today's delivery. I can always ring them... later. And the “clinic” is open until 19.00, Walmarde, until 22.00 (if not one of those 24-hour jobs). If I could just get rid of the anxieties of the truck. I have no AAA now, so this would be a perfect opportunity to financially ruin me. (Hello? Yes. Is that “Life”?) As always, the only way to know how the day will be is to wait until it's been. So we roll... indeed, we roll. “Retirement”. Fuck. Bonjour tout le monde. Fuck. - 11.48 It's been a DELUGE DAY all morning! One break with sun-shine, for a brief moment. Ah... “Autumn in NY...” Sing it wi'me chi'ren. And I just spoke with Avery... they'll be here at 14.00 which cuts me CLOSE to go to Ticonderoga today. I mean, I didn't/don't want to go in the pouring rain, but the rain's suppose to end by about noon and I don't want to have to rush around down there. I'd LIKE to stop at Walmarde, make the trip worth the going for more than a pee in a cup. Hopefully I'll be able to go after Avery's done AND make it on time... BEFORE SUN-SET because DARK is not something I want to be driving o'er the mountains in... especially since I don't know exactly where I'm going. Oh... well... I suppose I'll sit, have a tea and just do what comes next. What-ever that might be. (Or, I could take a nap... though I'd really rather not.) - A note today, that causes me quite some concern: When I went to the PO to ask if I have any mail, Jess told me, in a “joking” sort of voice, (BUT SHE SAID IT IN FRONT OF OTHER FOLKS SO I HAVE TO WONDER IF MY CONCERN ISN'T SHARED NOW...) “I don't pay attention to the mail. Only John Deming's. I sabotage his Trump mail.” A woman with some out-going heard it and said “Then I don't want you to see what I have here.” I'm in a bit of a quandary... wondering if I should report this (as would be done were it *I* who said such a thing) or wait. Actually, it inspires me to get onto some “Trump” mailing lists... just to “test”. Still, I don't like the idea that mail is being or might be tampered with in any fashion. There's a limit to the “fun and games” and should mail be “targeted” in this manner... well... we shall see. But I won't be forgetting the comment any time too soon. - That said, yes, it's tea time. Perhaps a peanut-butter sammich as well. Why not? (Hopefully I'll be able to get some sort of “grocery” in “Ti”. - 22.07 WELL!!!! It must have been just before 14.00 when Avery showed... and with-in under 30 minutes, the new tank was installed (only 30% full though, and the one fellow said somebody would be over to top it). The old tank now sits by the back porch. It'll be moved out of the way tomorrow. So... by about 14.30 or so, I was OUT OF THE DOOR AND ON THE ROAD TO TICONDEROGA! 27,4mi. TO THE HOSPITAL. AND A BEAUTIFUL DRIVE! The “back roads” twist and turn with obvious ascensions and descentions over the mountains, through the gaps and valleys, up and down, left and right, brakes and 3rd gear and finally... I MADE IT! Sadly, I wasn't marking the time though. But still. It was a delight! (Even, in spite of the anxieties about the poor truck putting up with it all.) - At “Moses Ludington”, the receptionist took my particulars, and I chatted about FINALLY making it to Ticonderoga. Quickly, I was off to pee. Pathetically, THIS was the FIRST time I wasn't able to actually PEE! Can't figure out why, but I did manage to “give” just enough so as not to have to sit and try again. THAT was amazing, to me. Couldn't pee. NEVER before have I had THAT trouble. But... it was done and I was back in the truck and on the road to... WALMARDE! - I GOT TWO SHEETS FOR ONE WINDOW, A “FULL” FOR THE OTHER (Post Office side), a container of cranberry juice, a loo roll holder, TWO BRICKS OF COFFEE... but no dish rack. Hey, they had 3 twin sheets, I got two, and the coffee as the LARGE brick for pennies more than the small at FamDoll. BARGAIN! And I browsed... and browsed. The store has a small grocery, and as with all Walmardes, precious little to offer. Total shit, those stores. But I got what I needed... including TWO packs of smokes at at least 1$ less than FamDoll and almost 3$ less than Stewarts! Nice deal, that. - One item of particular note: I almost strolled into the “Pet” dept. and as I consciously dodged it, I TRULY almost had a complete break-down. Almost cried... almost sobbed, actually. It's a God-awful pain in my heart... wondering how the little ones are with that irresponsible, selfish, self-service qunt. It actually is painful... and almost lead to a break-down... literally... Frightening. But, as with all, “time” will... what-ever it will. - I was such a mess at that point, I simply headed for the cashe and OUT! In the parking lot, getting to the truck was ANOTHER emotional charge. I felt “attached” to the thing. “My friend”, my companion, my only... Yes, today was a mess with respect to emotions. Maybe it was the relief from the stress of the trip, the clinic, the everything. I foresee a “nasty spell” coming... Not sure when, but it's coming. - And so, as I walked out of Walmarde, it was already 17.00! A quick stop at the “Maplefields” (makes me sick to see that name in NY! Fucking nasty memories, that name) for 25$ in gas to bring the tank back up over half. Good price too! The Mobil IN town was 2,99/gal. The one I stopped at was 2,89. But I got the “mid-octane for about 3,13. Not too awfully bad. (I'll suppose it's less than 3,00 in VT these days, but I'd rather pay the extra... and NOT be in VT.) - The drive back was delightful with ONE MAJOR STUPID MOVE: I FUCKING MISSED SIMONDS HILL! AND ENDED UP IN ELIZABETHTOWN! Not complete ruination though... at least I knew where I was. But I'll have to pay more attention! (Oh, the drive across Lincoln Pond was really sweet. Reminded me of that lake on Dingle Daisy Road. AND... the houses there, and in Moriah? QUITE BEAUTIFUL, one must say.) - At 18.06 I was back in the house and HAD AT THE “CURTAINS”! I was HUNGRY! Tired! But determined to get “curtains” on the fucking windows! The scissors that I just sharpened didn't work on the sheets. The little scissors worked well enough. Shit. I have to get scissors anyway now. BUT... by 19.42... CURTAINS ON THE WINDOWS, SHADES UP ALL THE WAY! EVEN WITH THE CURTAINS CLOSED, IT'S LIGHT IN THE HOUSE AND THAT'S WHAT I WANTED! And so, it was time to have something to fucking EAT! - Rice, chicken, eggs, bread crumbs... and a glass of cranberry juice. - As the “food” cooled a touch on the stove, I went to close the cellar door. Alvin was walking up the 9 and stopped to chat a bit. (I was hoping he'd mention Joan... who's not speaking to me, but whose presence over there has been quite “noticeable' last night and again this evening.... things banging about. Hey! If she's got some sort of nettle up the snatch, as long as she keeps it all out of my face... life is fine. But, there was not mention of her.) So we chatted, I closed the door and came in, sat down to eat... with “Was It Something I Said” re-runs. - And now? At 22.31, the dishes are done, drying in the rack, curtains on the windows, I'm having a light v-ton, was contemplating a shower but I'm just too damned tired. - My ONLY concern tonight is the propane tank. 15 gallons? They said the old 30 gallon tank is almost empty and that got filled at the end of July. So 30 gallons lasted me about 2 months. 15 gallons is about a month... through Sept. at least, I should hope. But they said somebody would come and “fill”. I wonder now, but I seriously doubt that the propane is included in the 99.50 they charge to “set the tank”. At 2,49/gal, 50 gallons of propane alone would cost me 124.50$. If they charge me for more propane, to fill, it's going to come to 112,05! at the very least, and after today's shopping, I now have to “live” off 30$ for the rest of the month. (Not to mention the expense of oil this month, and the lurking truck expenses...) Oh... this “job” is becoming more a necessity than a “hobby”! Well? No sense worrying about it all. Things will roll along... eventually. - And on that note... indeed, I'll finish my v-ton, check the soc.med. and head to bed. There's nothing (yet) on the agenda for tomorrow so if need be, I'll sleep-in. Or, I'll get up at 7.00, check the water heater, open the cellar door and go back to bed. (Yeah... right.) - All said, quite a nice day though. The morning rains gave way to sun and heat. And now that the sun's gone? The night chill. (Thankfully not “chilled enough” to demand any sort of heating of this place!) - 23.03 V-ton and soc.med. are done. I'm tired... Half smoke, brush the teeth... under the covers. DONE!

Thu.05.Sep: 11.13 AND ONLY JUST NOW GETTING TO TYPE ANYTHING! Up and out of bed, coffee on at 8.03 and it's been non-stop since! Tied the living-room “curtains” back, and the bed-room. Moved on to the loo-paper holder. Oh, checked the water heater to find a pilot light LIT! AMAZING! Chatted with Ms. Biddy a bit. Not much done but a lot of time passed. - Got another bunch of photos from Dorothy this morning. Ollie and Sister. Ollie's grown... “First day of school” photo, and one of him and Sister on a boat. (I have to say: Poor woman. “Life” just REALLY bashed the Hell out of her. I'd still like to figure a way to get rid of that shit-bag she married, but, if there's no insurance, it would do no good... unless she could collect “survivor's social security”. Oh well. I also still go back to that Easter Sunday... the U-Haul... the “breakfast” in Pine Bush. Can one “forgive”? One needs to consider.) - Brilliantly sunny morning out there. - Now... weather stripping for the windows, fix the leak in the kitchen basin, I should check to see if I'm going to have to find more cash for more propane but I really don't have the necessary fortitude for that just at the moment. So? So. There's a day to “fill”. (At some point, I need to get the old propane tank out of the yard too, but I'd rather do that when there's no opportunity for folks to be “aware”. I've NO doubt there'll be all Hell'n'Shit to follow. No doubt Amerigas will want the tank AND the money to come get it. But life has shown that a “Fucked-up attitude” is the way to go. Into the garage with the tank and the rest will settle as it does. - Biggest concern now is eating for the rest of the month. Another 20 days until the next “income”. Time goes by quickly when time is needed, but 3 weeks... 20 days when hunger hits... We shall see. It most certainly won't be the first time. Ah... living in Hell has it's plus... It just becomes so “normal”. - But it's nice to look at the one window that's been tied-back and all. And it's also nice to have loo paper at hand, where it should be... on a roller. - 13.45 Just off the phone with deLonghi... THEY'D CANCELLED MY ORDER FOR THE RADIATOR! The “shipping” address was down as the POB! BUT... the guy (I couldn't get his name, sadly) was SO KIND! I got a DISCOUNT on the order! SAVED 5 BUCKS! And I checked the account and the payment posted instantly. So now I get to re-start my wait. BUT... (hopefully) THIS time the order is IN! Radiator to come! YAY! - ALSO, spoke with Dorothy who needed to take a visitor and then sent a text saying she was going to fix something to eat and call me back. That was about an hour ago. Oh well. (I truly didn't expect a call-back anyway... that's how those things usually go.) - ALSO, put in a call on my SNAP application, got transferred to a “supervisor” and that put me into “voice mail”. So I left a message... I don't much really expect a call-back on that either. It would be nice to know WTAF is going on with that. I can't access any info on-line. These people make me sick! - BUT... the radiator is more important and at least THAT'S been attended. - Tried the old gas tank. It's quite heavier than I'd expected. But I'm going to wait until this evening to move it. No sense doing so in this bright sun-shine. - Meanwhile, I had the end-slice of bread (4 slices left) with some peanut-butter. Not feeling “all too well”... attributing it to lack of food, which is something I'll have to dig around for for today's “meal”. I'm thinking of just settling for... eggs... again. There's some chicken in there. (I HATE the idea: they call it “Mother and Child”... chicken and eggs. It's a repulsive sort of notion, but it's food, “nourishment”, and necessary.) - But again, the sun is shining, POURING into the Southern windows, nice and warm, and the living-room is even brighter than before because the light is diffused through the “curtains”. SO much better sitting here in LIGHT, than all those years in a dark room where, if I didn't put a light on, I'd be blinded in the darkness. - I might just have a nap... mostly to pass the time. Might. - 14.57 AND the Ameritank is in the garage! Joanie took off and so did I. Rolled the tank to the garage, then dragged it in to a place where it'll be in the coolness. What happens from here is anybody's guess. Tah-fucking-dah. Should anybody ask what happened to the tank: “I really couldn't tell you.” (True, that; I really couldn't.) - 18.01 “Meal”... chicken, 2 eggs, LOTS of bread crumbs and... DONE! “The Five”... Done! The day? Just about done. I'm EXHAUSTED! And concerned about the propane... though, a shower isn't necessary until the mattress cover arrives. I'm also a little miffed about the FS application. If deLonghi didn't tell me they'd cancelled my order... well... FS are “social workers” and we KNOW how THAT goes. So tomorrow, first item: Call the MFSOB bastards! - And as I type... I hear the speakers from Joan's place. Imagine that. “My life is silence.” Yep... another Vermont qunt. Lies, lies and more lies. I mean, if my listening to the news at 17.00 bothers her, then she should come and say. But? But... More fucking BULL-SHIT! And to think... the adjoining room is what was expected to be the BED-ROOM! YEAH? FUKDAT! Of course, now I have to consider using it as a “Work Space”... I have to consider using it for anything but storage. Fuck. Oh well... As I keep thinking: 500$. Getting what you paid for. - Moving along, and so I shall... the curtains are wonderful. Can't wait to do the windows properly! - (And... I'm TIRED!) - 19.43 And there's a little (40w) light in the living-room tonight. I couldn't get that post office fixture perfectly clean so I covered it in foil, cut the shortest extension cord I had (found, when I went through the old mobile phones again.. THAT was a hoot!) and VIOLA! As 'tis said (by those who know no better). Will I be lighting it every evening? I doubt it. But for now, it's nice to see light in that room, and in the front of the house, for that matter. It's sitting on a flower pot, in the midst of the plants. (I noticed, this evening, that the sun sets so there's more light on the kitchen-side of the living-room now, so I'll have to move the plants, but for now, they have a bit of extra light in their corner of the world.) So there's another little “chore” completed. - And as I type, the bass from next door continues. I can't really get too awfully upset about it. Thankfully, it'll be off by not later than 21.00 (which, if I were any kind of “responsible”, I'd be in bed at that hour anyway... separated by an entire room). - So there's the day. Nothing more to be done for this one. Oh, and the cellar door is shut AND THE PILOT IS STILL LIT! Curious. - Now, on with what-ever. (No dessert tonight, again. Never bought, never made. Just too fucking lazy... and being too damned “frugal”. But cash is tight and I truly don't NEED dessert. Though I WOULD like another bottle of vodka. What I learn tomorrow, about FS and the propane will dictate. HEY! AT LEAST THE RADIATOR IS ON ORDER!) - 20.59 WELL? I KNOW JOAN'S NOT ANGRY WITH ME... SHE PHONED (as I was out trying to have a quick smoke) JUST A FEW MOMENTS AGO. THE DEER GOT INTO THE GARDEN AGAIN SO... I went out to put up more fishing line. I don't know HOW the damned thing got into that garden because the hoof-prints are diagonal from the garage-side! But... it was a pleasure to be out there, in the dark, and getting the chance to chat with Joan. All's fine. (But I'm keeping my original notes here on... I still say, for somebody who's life is silence... Though, she's off to bed now. As I say: 21.00 and it's all done.) - Changed the passwords for the WiFi tonight too. The “NY Plattsburgh” number with “zone”. Continuity on my passwords and yet, changed... just in case. I can't help but wonder: When I got the box for all of this, it was open. Anybody could have taken the sign-in and passwords. So? So. If anybody complains about trouble with their WiFi... tough shit. The 2 and the 5G have been changed. - Having a licorice tea now. A bit hungry too. Might have a bread, butter, sugar with. - And the living-room light is still burning. It does look a touch nicer from out-side. - 23.26 Had my tea. Had my bread. Had my one soc.med. Time for one last smoke and... THAT'S THE END OF THIS!

Fri.06.Sep: 8.16 Up from the “heater check” and the flame of hope still burns. Door open. Me dressed. Up at 7.47 with the 8.00 alarm... though I was “up” at about 6.30 and decided to just stay where I was, curtains open and the day commences... with coffee at hand. Let's see what THIS day brings... Shall we? (Yeah... right.) - 11.19 WELL! IMAGINE THIS: 137FS! Not sure if this is EVERY month but I'll be damned if it doesn't come at the most perfectly opportune moment in MY life! I rang, got Cindy at the local, she said that the application was “worked on” yesterday and gave me my balance. I'm in... shock! But... at least I know I won't have to be too hungry this month! Well Hell's Bells. - And now... off to “the day”. Nothing in the post so all appears to be “OK”. (Although, bad news comes on the week-end, when nothing can be done to salvage so... there's always tomorrow.) - 11.30 AND my “relay” and mattress cover are in Plattsburgh! Got there (allegedly) at 10.55... which figures. Just this morning, Ms. Biddy informed me that UPS drops at “E-town”. ANOTHER fuck-up. One knows better than to trust info. fro her. “Vermont”. Anyway, it shows as “Out For Delivery” so, one might imagine that it's en route to E-town today, will be there in the morning which means... TOMORROW NIGHT I SLEEP ON AN ACTUAL BED WITH PROPER BEDDING, SHEETS AND ALL! SHOWER-TIME! - Now... I have to ponder whether or not to phone “Avery” to inquire about more gas. One thing... I can't afford 30gals. of gas (c.84$) at the moment but... at least I CAN afford FOOD! We accept the blessings we receive. - Must to say: Thus far, coming “home” to NY has been the best decision I've ever made (at least, in recent years). I could say “I should have done this in the beginning... instead of the lay-over in VT, but, all things happen in due course. - Oh, and I had a chat with Alvin this morning. He knocked. We chatted about the situation with HIS Americgas tank AND that I'm “officially” on the list of “Kitty Care” whilst he and the Mrs. are... in Italy for 3 weeks (departure: 16th). Also met the woman up the road who speaks French! (And yes, I did speak... with Alvin present. There's a bit of “gossip” to travel round.) - Now... NOW... on with this day! I've “plots and plans” to make. (And perhaps, if I'm wise enough, a civil meal to plan for tonight.) - 17.53 Well.. the liquor store is open until 19.00, the market, until 21.00 and me? I have eaten the equivalent of 2 night's meals in one sitting. Result? Tomorrow, rice and black beans until I get to the market. I was pondering a v-ton or more tonight. There will be only one, if any. I seriously just do NOT want to drive the 4-5 miles into town. Why? Not sure, really. But I just don't. So? So... I get to live with my choices and decisions. So be it. I have 137 for food. I have 30 that I can “play” with... for the MONTH. And yes, 19 days... 2 weeks and 5 days until the next income but... BUT... no sense. So here I am... kitchen settled, dishes done and up and dry and away and ... and... Nothing to nibble, no ice cream... the day is done and the night should be too. Alas. And all because... I'm too fucking lazy. There. I've documented it. - But the house looks nice and neat. - 24.53 The time just slipped away! And I'm still in the midst of posting music to G's, the “channel” and the site. But I HAVE to get this in before time goes much farther:

I HAVE A MONARCH IN THE LIVING-ROOM! “MONA” (I checked for the gender... she's a “Mona”.) I HEARD JOAN OUT IN THE YARD THIS EVENING, AFTER I'D DONE MY MEAL (No, I didn't bother to go into town and it's a good thing too because Joan informed me that all the damned “Vermont” cars that have been passing by all fucking day are in to attend the “Otis Mountain Ho-Down”... “2 miles up the road”, but she was quick to add that they're all good, not rowdy... and I must say, she was right because it's gone all quiet in New Russia again... thankfully. Granted, I would have passed by and into town, but, I'm happier with the out-come of the evening anyway... with “Mona”.) SO... I STEPPED OUT THE DOOR AND THERE WAS JOAN, IN THE YARD, ALL UPSET ABOUT THIS BUTTERFLY THAT HADN'T LEFT OR MOVED FROM SINCE THIS AFTER-NOON. SHE'D CALLED SOMEBODY AND THEY TOLD HER TO SOAK A SPONGE IN SUGAR-WATER TO GIVE IT TO FEED ON AND THERE SHE WAS, WITH DISH, PONDERING HOW TO GET THE POOR LITTLE THING ONTO THE SPONGE! I PUT MY HAND DOWN AND SHE, “MONA” CRAWLED UP ON IT AND THEN ONTO THE DISH. JOAN WAS ALMOST IN TEARS. SAID SHE “YOU TALK ABOUT THE PERFECT NEIGHBOUR, YOU'RE IT.” BECAUSE THE BUTTERFLY GOT COMFY ON MY HAND AND ARM. WELL! “BROWNIE POINTS” OR WHAT? SO WE AGREED THAT I'D KEEP HER (MONA) IN MY PLACE BECAUSE “LITTLE GIRL” MIGHT WANT TO “PLAY” WITH HER. AND SO, I BROUGHT “MONA” IN, PUT HER WITH THE HOUSE-PLANTS, WITH HER DISH, AND SHE'S BEEN THERE FOR THE PAST SEVERAL HOURS, ATTACHED TO THE DISH OF LYLE'S CHRISTMAS CACTUS! I LOOKED-UP “CARE” FOR MONARCHS AND APPARENTLY, THIS IS NOT UN-COMMON... PEOPLE ACTUALLY DO KEEP AND RAISE THEM IN THE HOUSE! BUT POOR MONA'S WINGS HAVEN'T DEVELOPED PROPERLY AND, ACCORDING TO WHAT I'VE BEEN READING, PROBABLY WON'T. SHE'S HERE TO STAY UNTIL... POOR LITTLE BABY. OF COURSE, I'LL DO MY VERY BEST TO KEEP HER NOURSIHED AND COMFORTABLE. (I DIDN'T PUT THE LIGHT ON SO SHE COULD SLEEP WITH THE SUN-SET. NOT SURE IF SHE'LL SURVIVE THE NIGHT, BUT IT'LL BE INTERESTING. BESIDES, I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK OF THE HELL SHE'D GONE THROUGH... GETTING INTO THAT COCOON AND SUCH. SHE DESERVES TO BE PAMPERED FOR AS LONG AS.) SO I NOW HAVE A MONARCH IN THE HOUSE. I NEED BLESSINGS! I POSTED NOTICE AND REQUEST FOR INFO/HELP ON “WVNR” WITH SPECIAL TAG TO LINDA. I'M HOPEFUL...

Spoke with Dorothy this evening too. She phoned while I was out with Joan. - Oh... before I forget... I also helped Joan put a sheet over the beans tonight. Apparently, Vivian gave her an old sheet to cover them. So there... TWO “Brownie Points”... I'll suppose. - And back to Dorothy. She never did say why she rang, but when I saw that she had, I rang her back immediately. We just chatted for about 30-45 minutes. She said to call her back tomorrow (Saturday). I'll see how it goes. - And then I went to Minds to post a bit of music that I'd heard on “RhythmeFM”. Mostly dance-type. Six tunes tonight, but it's better than none at all. French... Oh well. Let's see the response... if any. - And so, that's that. And I'm going to post the music to the site and then... to BED! I'm not really tired. I WAS HUNGRY... THREE “hahd-berld eggs” with “budduh” earlier. Only ONE damned drink's worth in the vodka. I WILL be going into town for more! Probably on Saturday. (And for some more food as well... to be certain.) - The v-ton isn't touching me at all tonight... probably too much “food” in my system. - And sooo... back to the chores at hand and then... HOPEFULLY TOMORROW (Saturday) night... SHOWER and SLEEP ON A REAL BED! FOR THE FIRST TIME! - OH OH OH ... THERE WAS A REPLY ON 30 AUGUST FOR THE BINOCULARS! 110$ IF I SELL THEM! I also posted the wrenches, which I sorted and photographed today. Crgslst. HOPE HOPE HOPE! That 110$ will come in VERY VERY VERY HANDY! I've “budgeted” September's income... SCREECHING by! Thankfully, food is taken care of... mostly. SHIT! OK... moving on...

Sat.07.Sep: 1.13 And still sitting at this damned table! OH what a morning this is. But Mona's in the living-room. Hopefully just resting... to get the energy... and the circulation to open those wings! Blessed little one. - 2.03 Now... to bed. I've put a fresh “nectar” on the sponge for Mona... 1:1 sugar-water. And tonight... I can only hope.

Addendum: When I woke this morning, up and out of the bed, I, of course, went to check on little "Mona". There she was, still attached to the foil that covered the catch dish on Lyle's Christmas cactus, exactly as she'd been all through the night. So I went to her, speaking softly, hoping for some indication of "life", a flutter of a wing, a motion of the head... something, ANY thing... there was none. Ever so gently, I put my fingers under her and raised them, only to barely touch the bottom of her wings and... her life-less little body fell into my hand. Mona didn't make it... and yes, my heart broke. When I think of the spasms I witnessed (and managed to get a video-recording of for a part of the transformation), when I think of all that they go through: A Monarch flying from Mexico to New Russia, to lay eggs and then die, the egg becoming a caterpillar that then actually becomes its own cocoon, it's own "womb" again, then having to break out of that cocoon shell, again, as it had to break out of the egg... And always, I wonder: do they have ANY recollection of their existence BEFORE? Caterpillars with their 14 legs, now only 4, WINGS to FLY instead of being Earth-bound, and the change in diet, from munching, with some sort of teeth, to having a bit of a tongue-like siphon-sort of eating apparatus, and no more leaves... only the nectar of a flower. Do they recall ANY of this, ANY-where in their mind? THEN, after ALL of this, they some-how "know" (folks say it's just in their "DNA"... probably dismissing any sort of "thought" or intelligence, but I can't simply accept this... too simple... too easy) to head off and away to... MEXICO, a place they've never been to, never seen, and yet, they know they MUST go South and they KNOW where to go to! ONE TRIP South and they remember to return North! And only to have their children... and die. It puts human life into a staunch and bold persepctive of "reality". It actually puts ALL "life" in "Creation" into a harsh perspective: NONE of it is "easy", painless... Even plants, with their seeds: the little "life" inside a hard shell, needed to crack the case and emerge, then grow ever larger, producing seeds of its own that will repeat the struggle to become "life". Animals, with birth being so similar to humans... all the same: PAIN, PAIN AND MORE PAIN... to "live" a "life" of... PAIN, PAIN AND MORE PAIN. But this morning, looking at that little creature, wings mangled, unable to do what she knew she must, and how she just clung to that dish through the night, waiting for her heart to stop beating... and all the while, her "instincts" demanding that she take flight, until... nothing... just nothing. Yeah, I know, I'm insane (according to "human logic"). And yeah, I'm TOO BLOODY-FUCKING EMPATHETIC. But, I suppose I saw in Mona, a very great representation of me... all my existence: Clinging to some dish, "instinct" demanding that I "thrive", move along, move about, do something, move forward, on-ward and yet, all the while... ALL the while, just waiting for the last heart-beat, the last breath. - I was worried about how Joan would take the news. I took Mona, placed her on a paper-towel and into the sun that poured into the bed-room. Why? Just my own last tick of "Hope". Maybe she'd enjoy the sun-light. That's what Monarchs do. (It did nothing, of course, but... ) I took the little dish with the syrup-soaked sponge and rinsed it and the sponge, put them to the side to dry. - Later, I saw Joan on the porch and she asked after Mona. "She didn't make it." I said... and Joan appeared to accept it, almost as if she expected the news, and then she said "Well? You tried." - There was nothing more to be said. (But Mona is still in the house... A proper burial to follow... just out of respect, and her return to the Earth, as "Nature" and "Creation" intend. - I'm NOT going to "get over" this... silly and stupid as it might seem. There's too, TOO much in this, and now, it's all a part of my heart, soul, spirit, "being". And nobody else will give a shit... and I won't give a shit that they won't. That too... is "Life".

10.29 A BED! WITH MATTRESS COVER AND SHEETS! BLANKET AND AFGHAN! AND IT'S THE FIRST TIME IN ITS HISTORY THAT THE AFGHAN HAS BEEN PLACED, PROPERLY, ON A WELL-MADE BED! FUCK! NEVER MIND “WELL-MADE”... *MY* BED! AGAIN! AT LONG, LONG LAST! SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED, PAID! MY BED! And my jammies and towel are in the basin, soaking for the washing! I AM FUCKING AMAZED! (And getting tired... and a little hungry... and there's nothing in the house to eat, really. And “tired” isn't an option because there's a fresh bed and I need “cleansing”. But TONIGHT! YEAH BABY!

How fucking sick is this? 64 years of age and excited over a fucking bed. Well? “Life”. Didn't ask to be conceived. Didn't have any say or choice in the matter. Just dumped into existence. Made the best of a fucked situation. And here I am. - Now... Shabbat or not... LAUNDRY TIME! - 12.58 and it feels like 16.58 or even later. - Just got the “Schedule” for attending “Wombat” and the “Mayor's house”. Let's talk “OCD”. They make me appear care-free. BUT... I was told, again, today, that it's a pleasure to have me living here. I haven't heard that since... - And the wash in on the rack and the rack is on the walk and the skies are clouding and I'm probably looking at not having my jammies for tonight but that's fine too because... I'LL BE IN A REAL BED AGAIN! - 16.26 “Meal” (potatoes, beans, chicken, bread crumbs) in on the stove. And I blew the entire day sorting through the 2 tool boxes that I'll keep, drill, screws, bits, nails, saws, shit and stuff. The entire fucking after-noon! ALTHOUGH, to be honest, I DID go over to Alvin's, get the “low-down” from Vivian on what they expect... OH... AND THEN... SHE GIVES (“GIVES” I say) ME A PLASTIC POT WITH “4-O'CLOCKS” AND A BEGONIA TO PUT ON THE FRONT PORCH. OK. FINE. A LITTLE “LIFE” OUT THERE. BUT THEN, I'M BACK IN, WORKING ABOUT AND I STEP OUT FOR A FEW DRAGS AND THERE'S A FUCKING STATUE-PLANTER OUT THERE, SOME WATERING WOMAN OR SOMETHING, WITH ANOTHER FUCKING BEGONIA! I went over to say “If you're trying to make be believe I'm losing it...” She said “It was here and I wanted you to have it too, so I just brought it over.” Spiffy... I DO like the plants out front but... let's see where this goes. She says she doesn't keep begonias year-to-year so that's nice. IF I manage to keep them, fine. If not? Fine. - That said... It FUCKING RAINED most of the day so I now have my “laundry” on the rack, in the blue room, fan blowing at full. Will the stuff dry before I pass out from exhaustion today? I don't know. I can only hope so. - And yes, I am exhausted. No nap. Only but about perhaps 5 hours of “sleep”, as it were. I AM tired. - And now that the rain has passed, the sun is trying to shine (all too late), there's a rather “cool” breeze blowing out there. The rain has brought the “chill”... and I have no heater. Alas. Oh well... So be it. - Back to looking busy with “meal”... and then? And then, indeed. - 21.28 Time to hit the showers and then... TO THE BED! (Took a naproxen a little while ago, with a mug of hot water... let's hope!) - Had the oven on for about an hour... to take the chill and damp out of the house and to re-season the skillet and with the hope of drying today's laundry. The laundry's still damp... the skillet is... what-ever, the chill is still in the air but... I'm off to shower. Oh... WHITE TOWEL TONIGHT TOO! “My life” is returning... just in time to end. - 22.13 DOUBLE SCRUB IS HOT WATER AND BAT OREN! DELIGHTFUL! AND NOW... TO THE BED... THE REAL BED! LET ME RECOUNT:

**************************************************************************************************************** SIXTEEN BLOODY-FUCKING YEARS.... SIX-FUCKING-TEEN ***************************************************************************************************** 2003: 15 January - Moved to Beacon, didn't have my own bed there. 2004: Was at CTN, on a sofa in the basement, then Up to Chris's on Cox Road where I didn't have my own bed. 2006: Left the Shawangunks, went to Jim's, slept on an inflatable mattress on his living-room floor then 2007: to Margot's to sleep on her sofa. 2008: Margot's and, still on the sofa, it was the trip to the Shawangunks (how STUPID of me to not stay that night!) Out to Rockaway to the Rockaway Park Hotel... A tiny room, not my bed... and then...? 15 August... out the door to Tilden... On the front porch of T7, the table of T6 and... My little tree in the BackFort... on black trash bags. 2009: 30th St. Shelter 2010: 112-22 RBB: Another little room... again... not my own bed. 2011: Back at 30th Street! Until.... 24 October... VERMONT Hostel... not my bed. North Star Motel... not my bed. (Emergency Shelter... didn't even stay...) Jan's, St. Albans... sofa again for a few days. Bel Aire Motel... not my bed. 2012: From the Bel Aire to Steve Kent's, Shelburne, CAMP COT. Day's Inn one night to Fran's in Jericho: CAMP COT August... Richford... CAMP COT 2013: 13 April... back to NYC: Schmulick's sofa Gabbie's sofa vanZini's bed 26 June: 5225 - Franklin... NOT MY BED! 2014: 2015 2016: 14 July... to Jacquie's... 5199 - STILL not my bed! 2017 2018 2019: 18 July... BACK TO NEW YORK... NEW RUSSIA... GOT ***MY***BED*** though just the mattress. August... got ***MY***BED FRAME*** though no linens. 7 September 2019, 16... SIXTEEN BLOODY-FUCKING YEARS... TONIGHT... I SLEEP IN ***MY*** BED *** WITH ***MY*** LINENS, MY HEAD ON ***MY*** PILLOWS... ON ***MY*** SHEETS, UNDER ***MY*** COVERS, INCLUDING ***MY*** HAND-MADE AFGHAN!*** SIXTEEN, BLOODY-FUCKING YEARS!!!

22.46 I can't fucking believe this! SIXTEEN YEARS of being... FUCKING HOMELESS... AND TONIGHT... SIX-FUCKING-TEEN YEARS LATER... AT LAST... PICK-UP IN THE YARD, PLACE IN THE ADIRONDACKS... I GET TO SLEEP IN *** MY *** BED!!! (I guess being up this much later than I'd wanted to be was all worth the time. I need a fucking smoke and then? To read a little and to bed!... *** MY *** bed!) - Joan said she has to be out of the house by 9.00 tomorrow and won't be back until 14.00 so I'll have a bit of a “lazy” day... though I MUST GET FOOD! So? So... off to that smoke, rinse the mouth, INTO BED! (I still just can't stop thinking/saying/typing this! FUCK!)

Sun.08.Sep: 9.56 Yes, 9.56 and I'm JUST sitting to have first hot coffee du jour. The 8.00 alarm sounded and I let it run... and went right back to sleep until ... well ... I had coffee on at 9.33! Not too bad, considering I considered not getting out of ***MY*** bed for some time (or, not at all). After 16 years, I believe I deserve to spend more time in ***MY*** bed, in ***MY*** little place in the Adirondacks. BUT... there was the sheet on the beans to be removed, under-things to be put in to wash, and, eventually, a “relay” to be replaced (and the HOPE that THAT'S the trouble and the replacement will fix all... HAH!). And the sun is peeking in and out of the passing clouds, there's a breeze blowing, cool but not cold. And the TRAFFIC! It's the last day of the “Otis Mountain Hoo-hah” and I guess folks is headin' back to where they came from. (It wasn't such a “comfy” week-end for them, with the rains. Oh well.) - BUT, this morning's first thought, understandably: 16 FUCKING YEARS! Some folks might call it “bitterness”, my attitude on life, people, events, time. And so, to them I say... “You're fucking right, I'm bitter.” And I've NO intentions of changing that. But this morning, I got out of ***MY*** bed, in ***MY*** little place in the Adirondacks. The bills are current. The rent is current. There was hot water in the tap. I drew the curtains back. I sat out on the front porch and had my morning smoke. And now I'm sitting at the kitchen table, having my coffee. 16 years later. (I was 48 years of age when last I did this... 16 years ago.) - I guess this shock of time will pass, sooner or later. But for today... - I'm hungry. There's a chore of changing relay to be done. There's funds for food and a market only 4 miles up the road. Tonight, with any luck, I'll cook and eat. And another day will have passed. “How many are left, well I don't know. But I'm gettin' closer to Jesus. I've got... one less day to go.” Amen. - 14.18 RELAY REPLACED!!! TOOK ME MUCH LONGER THAN IT SHOULD HAVE DONE BECAUSE OF THAT "BRAKE"-THINGIE (WHICH HAD TO BE REMOVED BEFORE GETTING TO THE SCREWS TO REMOVE THE LOWER PANEL), ***AND*** THE FACT THAT I HAD TO GET PLIERS TO PULL TO OLD RELAY OUT (WHICH ISN'T THE WAY THE GUYS ON "OO-TOOB" HAD TO DEAL WITH IT BUT...). BUT I DID IT! THE FLASHERS FLASH, THE BLINKERS BLINK AND JUST LIKE THE AMAZONIAN REVIEWS BITCHED... FUCKING FAST AS STROBES! AND THE INDICATOR CLICKS ARE LOUD! BUT HEY! DO I CARE? HELL NO! THE DAMNED JOB COST ME NOTHING MORE THAN ABOUT 25 MINUTES ON A BEAUTIFUL SUNNY, SUNDAY IN SEPTEMBER, AND THE 30 BUCKS FOR THE PART! NO BITCH. NO WHINE. NO PROB! AND... I DID IT! FTW! (Now... let's see what "goes" next on the old bucket out there... and yes, I'll leave the statement because, whether I mention or not... ) - AND... JUST as I came back into the house, Joan came in from her appearance at the Keene Valley Farmers' Market. She was out singing again today, bless her. Says she wants to go to Hannaford's on Wednesday (or, to Plattsburgh AND Hannaford's, I'm not sure which but). So me? I'm heading into town for at least a few meals' worth of food. (Wish I could get vodka too but... food is important... and absent in this house.) - Worked on this journal this morning, tables, colours and the likes. Matter of fact, I'm typing directly onto the HTML page now. So I'll have to remember all of what I'm doing here... when I get back... if I ever get out! - 14.40 Cliff... from across the road, just came by to "Welcome" me! AND... plums from his tree, potatoes from his garden and garlic, from his garden too! THIS PLACE IS INCREDIBLE! - 16.22 Listening to Québec Country, all the groceries put up... 49,25$ in FOOD! (87,75 left for the rest of the month, which should be just fine... should be.) 10 tins of Progresso soups (1$ each), 2 loaves of Freihoffers "Italian" bread, 18 eggs, ketchup, horseradish, 2 tins of fruit and such. FOOD IN THE HOUSE! IMAGINE THAT! AND I WAS BACK BY 15.49! BUT OF COURSE SOMETHING HAD TO CAUSE GRIEF... THE "SERVICE BRAKES" LIGHTS CAME ON AS I LEFT! BUT... I'M GETTIN' "COUNTRY"... TAP AND TEST ON THE ROAD AND THEY SLOWED THE TRUCK SO I JUST KEPT GOING... THAT OLD "FUCKKIT" ATTITUDE! GOT TO TOPS, INDICATORS FLASHING LIKE A HEART-ATTACK, BUT THEY WORK! STOPPED WHEN I HAD TO IN THE PARKING LOT. IN, SHOPPED. OUT. STARTED THE TRUCK... *NO "CHECK BRAKES" LIGHTS*! I SWEAR IT'S THAT "BRAKE"-THING! (AND, ADMITTEDLY, I DID FIND THE "ADJUSTMENT" DIAL AND MOVED IT A TOUCH.) I ROLLED THE "ADJUSTMENT" UP, THEN DOWN AND... ROLLED ALONG... WITH A "QUIET" DASH. FUCK ME anyway. - And so, now, the little washing is drying in the sun, the music's playing, the place looks as though I did nothing at all and... it's time to COOK! (The "little shit in life".) And I've started a little list for Hannaford's. Let's see how THAT turns out. Nothing necessary at the moment, so if it goes as I believe it will (not at all), no prob. - But it IS time to cook. "Dinner prompt at 5"... or close. - 21.32 and another day has drawn to a close... with a WONDERFUL chat with Donna! She'd called at about 17.00... but I was out on the trails with Alvin! He'd come to ask if I wanted to take the trail up to Roaring Brook and I figured: Nice evening, a wonderful opportunity... I'd started to get "meal" togehter but hey! HEY! The day went delightfully well, especially with the truck so... OFF we went. It must have been about 16.45 when we headed out. I got back into the house at 17.54 and picked-up the cooking. - Tonight's menu? A bit of burger, browned in the pot, frozen veggies, 2 eggs (left-overs of a sort, being the end of the last forray to the market) and when done, a tin of Progresso lentil soup! A sprinkle of breadcrumbs for starch, the end of the grated cheese (it was on sale today at Tops so I bought a fresh contaier). And I ate it ALL! TWO servings of ice cream after (since it was "Buy One Get One FREE" on the Turkey Hill... which, as I remembered, I never liked and yep... hasn't changed but the one FREE? It's fine). - At about 20.30 I got Donna on the line and we talked, as usual, about our shit past and such. Yes indeed, I'm living long enough to avenge... Cindy, Mother, Old Man... the lot of them. And too, I'm getting an education on Donna, Dorothy, Debbie, Brian, Tim and the rest of them. So? "Life" is giving "closure"... to us all, it would seem. - And now, the cellar door is closed tonight to test to see if I shower, will the water heater be lit in the morning. - It was about 17.30 when I went out and put the sheet on the beans. Joan was at her computer. I didn't disturb her, just did it and moved along. - Tonight, I'll take a quick shower. I'd like to get to DMV for the necessary forms AND to register to vote tomorrow. - OH... and I met Anita Demings from across the road too! She was parked on a John Deere mower in front of the house when I first chatted with Alvin! What a hoot! Another woman driivng round the place on a John Deere! But, I'm getting to meet the neighbours (and apparently, they know all about me... and the news is "good"... I'm amazed... relieved... and grateful). - Right now, time for that shower. I'm going to get this onto the on-line Journals though because I'm still entering on the HTML page and I don't have a back-up for this. - 22.20 Journals to-date. Still want to put photos of “Mona” on AND there are MANY other photos I want to code in... but not tonight. (What I'd TRULY LOVE tonight is a “beverage” but... that too shall pass.) I need a shower (and, quite frankly, a BM... we're almost on day 3 now!). - 23.49 Out of shower after CLEANING UP THE MESS IN THE BED-ROOM! I'd put the New Hampshire sweats into the boxes on the wall and was getting ready to shower when... BANG BAM AND CRUNCH! THE BOXES CAME DOWN AND WITH THEM, ONE OF THE MIRRORS WHICH GOT BENT TERRIBLY AND IS NOW SHATTERED! Well? Usually, when I move house, something gets broken. THIS time, nothing got broken in the move. So the mirror went. Thankfully, it just shattered in the frame! No bits of glass all over the floor! But getting rid of it? Well... I'm going to “dismantle” it tomorrow. The dump isn't open until Tuesday, so I'll get it into smaller bits, put them into “shopping bags” and put it all into larger bags. AND, this post-pones my trip into E-Town tomorrow: DMV and Voter Registration. I'll make the whole trip on Tuesday then. And not too bad anyway because I realised I CAN'T register to vote here yet! THAT ties into driver's license which ties into vehicle registration which ties into inspection which... NONE of which I can afford yet! - OK. Fine. Just another postponement. - Can't help but think of what Donna said tonight, with regard to Sister: SHE MADE THE CHOICE TO STAY WITH THAT SHIT-BAG SHE MARRIED *** AND *** SHE CHOSE TO SIDE WITH HIM WHEN HE THREW ME OUT OF THEIR HOUSE. So, the fact of Life itself is: No, I don't have any use for her in my life, nor do I wish to have her in it. SHE MADE THE CHOICES AND DECISIONS... She COULD have walked out on him YEARS ago, when she was working and was young enough to find some-body else. She CHOSE her life... she HAS the life she chose... There's no “sympathy” required. Dorothy, Donna and I made it through by making poor choices and decisions and working away from them... not laying in them, stewing, festering, rotting. There's no need for any sympathy at this juncture. - And for other-wise, I'm having a hot water and MIGHT have a tin of fruit. A bit of running through the soc.med. quickly and then to bed. Tomorrow? Monday. So what?

Mon.09.Sep: Or... 09.09.19 or 19.09.09... what-ever... it's 1.39! Time to get my shit to bed! - 10.50 AND... I was up and about, in the loo, TOOTH-ACHE SHIT ON THE LOWER, BACK, RIGHT SIDE BROKEN MOLAR! Fruit cocktail... SOMETHING got WAY down into a hole in there. Rinsed with warm water, warm salt water, then the “ointment” to kill the pain and disinfect. 3.00 this morning. I had half a mind to get up and stay up, but... the only thing I could think of, at the moment, that would “occupy the night” was Hoovering the broken mirror and THAT was NOT a viable option, so I laid back down and hoped for a “nap”, nothing more. And that's what I got because, the 8.00 alarm sounded (at 7.47) and I laid in the bed, pondering... considering getting up. At 8.32 I was up, coffee water on, dressed (in the same old clothes, since there's nothing to “do” today except get smokes at some point). Out to the porch, half smoke, down to open the cellar door and check the water heater. FLAME ON! Spiffy! By about 9.00, I came round (from the cellar) to the “garden” to lift the sheet. Joan came to the door to greet and thank me for taking-up the sheet. It was a chilly morn, but with clear skies. “Autumn” is here, no matter what the calendar may claim. A quick check to see that the propane is now just about at 30% which means I'M GOING TO NEED PROPANE THIS MONTH WHICH MEANS NO OIL THIS MONTH. (I have to check on the “HEAP” application... IF that ever went through). And so, the “new morning routine” done, back into the house to “deconstruct” and “disassemble” the broken mirror. Now THAT was a lesson. Seems the glass is thin, glued to a thin cardboard backing which is glued to the plastic frame. Section-by-section of broken glass, I took the whole thing apart, wrapped the sections in the old news paper, triple bagged twice, then put the two triple bags into two MORE bags. (Now I know why “Fate” gave me all those shopping bags from yesterday's trip to the market! They're GONE this morn.) That completed, quick stop next door to the PO where there was a “paper statement” from TiCredUnion and a SHIT-LOAD OF PAGES (11 SHEETS, DOUBLE-SIDED) FROM “SNAP”. I'VE YET TO READ THROUGH ALL THAT SHIT. And, of course, Ms. Biddy and her whining because she has “modules” to complete that take 2 hours... the full time she's in the PO. Alas. BACK into the house to HOOVER! Just to be certain that there are NO shards of glass any-where. And now? 11.02 and I get to sit at table, coffee at hand and roll with the rest of this morning until desperation comes slamming through the door and I MUST get into town for smokes. That... is... all... - The rest of this day will prove interesting, considering the lack of proper sleep and rest last night. Oh... sleep... no rest for the weary... indeed. - One “time-passer” for the day: go through the luggage. May as well un-pack. I don't see me “moving house” again for a while... particularly NOT come the Winter. - (I SO FUCKING NEED SOME PLACE TO PUT ALL THE SHIT IN THE STACKED BOXES! It's ALL 'bout the munee, hunee.) - Rolling along... rolling along. - At least the PO is closed... I can have a “re-smoke” on the porch in a moment or two. - OH!... FS? “OFFICIAL” MONTHLY? 140! Now THAT makes it all worth the while... and the shopping. But not until the 9th of each month. HEY! NO COMPLAINTS! NONE at all. Better 140 on the 9th than 20 on the first! FOOD! - PS: After 3 days of no BM... yesterday, last night and this morning... we're “cleaning house”. THAT TOO... is a blessing! - 13.07 ANOTHER FUCKING CANCELLATION OF THE RADIATOR! AND ANOTHER SEVERAL HOURS OF PLACING THE ORDER. (AND ANOTHER “DISCOUNT”... WHICH IS PRETTY DAMNED GOOD... CONSIDERING I HAVE TO GET TO THE STORE AT SOME POINT SOON). BUT FUCK! THREE SHOTS? AND A REVIEW ON “TRUSTPILOT”. - AND NOW? THE “HUDSON BAY” BLANKET IS ON THE BED AND I'M GOING FOR A BLOODY NAP! - 16.59 “MEAL!” Joan's got her “guitar mentor” in residence. I'm back from town, with smokes, Avery will come “top-off” tomorrow. And I'm EX-FUCKING-AUSTED! - 21.24 OUT OF THE SHOWER AND TOE-NAILS CLIPPED! READY FOR BEDDIE-BYE-BYE-BYE! - Well? Let me quick note here. - Seems the radiator order is settled (again... for the next couple of days anyway). I got in touch with Community and up-dated the “physical address” on their records and they've noted the account to release the payment for the radiator. Then the fucking phone went wack on me... Skype again. Fucking retards. Donna tried calling last night and it didn't ring. I tried from 50729 and it didn't ring. So I spent too much time with an idiot on “Help”, on-line, “chat” who just frustrated me to no end. Time was running out and I needed to get my smokes and as I'm getting ready to leave, Joan's holding court on the back porch wanting me to chat. I couldn't and was a bit curt and left. Made it to FamDoll, got my smokes, came back JUST in time to prep “meal” of a bit of rice, a bit of burger, a bit of veggies, a “cocktail sauce” with the ketchup/horse radish I'd gotten yesterday, two sliced of bread with (SALTED... SHIT... I made that mistake LAST time I shopped! With-out glasses, of course... me... idiot) butter. A bit of ice cream after. Watched “The Five” with and when the dishes were done... all at about 18.30, I toddled over to Joan to apologise for being rude. SHE apologised because she thought I was kidding when I said I was pressed for time and then realised I was serious. So we apologised and she reiterated the trip to Hannaford's (and not Plattsburgh) on Wednesday. We shall see. She was excited that I got SNAP and told me that I could get 750$ toward oil with HEAP and to keep at them, don't let them slip me by. (The official word is that HEAP for 2019 closed 26 April, but I did put in a call to Soc.Svces. and am waiting to hear. If nothing before 14.00 tomorrow, I'll make a stop by to inquire at the office... on my way back from the dump.) And so... there we have it. Oh, and when I went to see Joan, she's got her heater on! (Set at 70F I noted.) So I don't feel so badly about having put the oven on TWICE today... in fact, I put it on before getting to the shower, just turned it off and it actually IS quite comfy in here, in the kitchen, right now. Art did say the place is easy to heat. Let's hope ONE radiator will do a great job. (Although I DO want at least TWO! But, I've sent word directly to deLonghi telling them that I intended to buy 3 or 4 of these, that this order was a “test” and at this rate, I'll try to buy from a private seller so as not to give THEM another sale. Let's see how THAT works out... And truth be known, if I CAN find a private seller, for cheaper... I'll go for it!) Now then that and this done and typed... other than all the aggravation, I managed an hour's nap but that did no good. Obviously... because as I drove to and from E-town, it wasn't my foot on the accelerator, nor my hands on the steering. I've been “removed” all day. Just very strange. That's why I've taken a naproxen again tonight. I'd rather have the vodka but... we make do with what we have available. - And one other note: Got a text message from Dorothy: Sorry about yesterday... something about somebody being at the house and a fervid promise to phone tomorrow. Yep... another one. I'm not planning or counting on it and if she DOES phone, I've no doubt it'll be as I'm ready to head out the door. (I NEED to get this garbage to the dump!) - So... there's the day and now for the night. I'm heading to the bedding. I've got the sleeping bag on already and the *** HUDSON BAY BLANKET *** at the foot of the bed on the wooden chest! Ready, steady... I'm off to bed!

Tue.10.Sep: 7.18 and double-digit day. Up at 6.40, out of bed, into the kitchen, coffee on, and garbage together. In from a smoke. 42F on the front porch thermometer and a heavy dew on the grass in the “park”. Oven on for a few moments, to take last night's “chill” out of the house. It's interesting, but the few moments actually does take the chill out of most of this place. - Today? Garbage. Gas. Meter reading. I HAVE A HOME! Things to be DONE. “Chores”... and for ME! - When I told Joan, last evening, about the mix-ups and screw-ups, she said “You're like me; I just want peace in my life.” Yep. And from as I see her house, “order” as well. Things should be “tidy”, in order, a general “flow”. And here, this morning, I get to choose whether or not to open curtains, get my affairs together, plot and plan the day ahead. This morning, there are necessities, and I can put them in order, and approach them knowing that they'll be done, and when they're done, nobody will come along to UN-done them. It's a calming knowledge. - Looks like we'll have some sun-shine today too. I'm just waiting for that. - Slept through the night, save one, 1am trip to the loo. But I got up for that, went and returned to sleep. Not the “8 hours” I expected, but the sleep I got was obviously the sleep I needed. - Before sleep, I finished the last pages of “Brokeback Mountain” again. Took the “edge off of that with a bit of “Mother Language” (or what-ever that book is... from Nancy... history of English). The light went out, head on pillow and... off. Naproxen. Did me good. - Also found that I can order more naproxen on-line! The large bottle for the same price as Costco (since the closest is in Colchester... EVERY fuckking store is in fucking VT!). Now I'll check for the vit.C and things should be “fine”... ish. - And the day rolls along, rolls along, rolls along. The one peak anxiety... getting to and from the dump. Not too bad, all things considered. - In a bit, maybe about an hour or so, I'll open the cellar, check the water heater, take the sheet from the “garden” and the rest of the day will be the rest of the day. (I just hope like all Hell that Avery doesn't add today's gas to the 99,50 for the tank. If they do... there's going to be some “splainin”. But what will they do? Take the tank back? I doubt that. No sense thinking about it. One thing... I should have taken the meter reading this morning BEFORE running the oven. But? But. It's done. And the chill in the house is lessened anyway. - Now... OFF TO THE DAY! - 7.32 6° out there... Double-digit date and single-digit temps. “Autumn In New York”... “One of these mornin's....” - 8.34 SUNUVUH HUNUVUH! JUST AS I WAS PREPPING TO SET OUT FOR “MORNING ROUTINE” (check the water heater-PILOT ON, remove the sheet from the “garden”-CHECK, take the electric meter reading-PHOTO'ED), the phone rang! JOAANNE, FROM *HEAP*... I'VE GOT IT! DONE! PAYMENTS GO DIRECTLY TO AVERY... AROUND THE 12TH NOVEMBER! HEAP! HELP WITH THEOIL! I'M BLOWN AWAY! NOW, IF THE FUCKING RADIATOR ARRIVES (EVER!)... I'M SET FOR THE COLD! WHAT A MORNING! - 10.32 FUCKING SCUM ON THE FRONT PORCH THIS MORNING! GOT THE VT BIDDY OUT THERE WITH HER “WHEEEE!” WITH THE SCUM VERMIN FROM ACROSS THE ROAD. THOSE LITTLE PARASITES, CRAWLING ON THE PORCH, SCREAMING. THEN COMES “ZEKE” BARKING. JEFF THE LIBTARD OUT THERE YAMMERING AWAY! AND THEY STAND RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE WINDOW! WELL... TIME TO GET THE “RUMOUR MILL” ROLLING... AS I SAID TO JOAN ONCE BEFORE: YOU STAND IN FRONT OF A WINDOW TELLING YOUR BUSINESS AND... I GET TO HEAR ALL THE DIRT ABOUT THE TOWN. (AND EVEN AS I TYPE... THEY RE-GROUP AND THE FUCKING YAMMERING AND SCREECHING CONTINUES. FUCKING MUD-BLOODS. - MEANWHILE
AVERY CAME AND PUT IN 29,2 GALLONS... LEFT A BILL FOR 61,03... 2,09/GALLON!!! AND IF PAID WITH-IN 10 DAYS... 55,19 OR 1,89/GALLON! WOW! NOW, ***IF*** THE 99,50 I'VE ALREADY ACCOUNTED FOR FOR PAYMENT IS FOR GAS AND TANK... AT FULL PRICE PER GALLON, I SHOULD BE ***OVER***PAID BY 7,12 ALREADY! (I'LL HOPE!) - NEXT? NYSEG METER READING IS IN... VIA PHONE! LET'S SEE HOW THAT PANS OUT AT BILLING TIME. (I STILL HAVE A 38,00 PAYMENT BUDGETED OUT OF THE ACCOUNT WHICH MEANS I COULD PAY THAT NOW... BUT... I SUPPOSE I'LL HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THEY BRING THE FUCKING BALANCE UP TO THE “2-MONTH” BILLING AMOUNT, FUCKERS.) JOAN SAYS SHE GOT A 38$ CREDIT ON HER BILL... AND SHE'S ON HEAP WHO PAYS ABOUT 36$ TOWARD THE ELECTRIC... THIS TOO, WILL BE AN INTERESTING LESSON. - Thus far, quite the day! - 10.41 and shit's FINALLY down out in the front. I'm going for my fucking mail and a smoke! Fucking bull-shit! - 12.13 LUNCH and TEA! The laundry is out in the sun... - 18.08 “Meal” is done... fritatta: 3 eggs, some veggies, bread crumbs, cheese. A few tomatoes that Alvin brought this after-noon... ice cream after. Done. (Now, if I could get the smell of Joan's cooking out of the house, I'd be thrilled.) - As for today? Well... a drive all the way to the dump only to Wed.11.find... they don't sell stickers on any other day but Saturday. The liquor store was closed. I mean... 15.00? Closed? Oh well. Probably for the best. But I got out, the truck got a run. Not a total waste. AND... when I came back, Alvin was spraying some paint on Joan's car and Vivian, sitting on the back porch, INVITED ME TO DINNER AT THEIR HOUSE ON FRIDAY EVENING! As I said at the time, I'm not used to this. But we shall see how it runs. It's at 18.00. But... OK. - The washing is still on the porch. Of course, it'll never dry. But it's been a warm day and there are no complaints. - Just got a text message from NYSEG asking for the METER READING which I put in, on-line, THIS MORNING... THEN AGAIN VIA PHONE! THIS is NOT assuring! More incompetence. - Also, received word that the RADIATOR is shipping. But FedEx originally claimed delivery on Thursday, then sent confirmation of the shipping but couldn't say when delivery will be. MORE incompetence. - The propane was filled. Avery still hasn't run the card. Hmmm.... - But all is well, other-wise. It's been quite the day. - Dorothy claimed she'd phone at 15.00. There's been no word. I don't care. It could be her health (eye?). It could be her “mental health” (forgot?). It could be some sort of “drama”. What-ever. It didn't happen... again. I shall let it all pass along. - And... the day is settling into evening. There's a beautiful breeze blowing out there and it's a nice warm-ish breeze at that. - Joan mentioned to Vivian that we're going to “try” for a trip to Lake Placid tomorrow. We shall see how that runs. If yes? Fine. Should be an “experience”. If not? Nothing lost. I can always try on my own now, with indicators working. - I'm actually getting tired too, as the sun is being covered by clouds. HOPEFULLY I'll be able to SLEEP tonight. (I was looking forward to having a drink but...) - Now to “amuse and entertain” until proper bed-time. - 22.32 and a 2-hour down-loaded copy of “Things to hear...” from “Mock The Week”... I've eaten all the ice cream, hit the Fritos and now... it's time to see if I can get ANY sleep tonight. Not really looking forward to a trip to Lake Placid tomorrow. But... Give it a try. Eh? - Tuesday's passed. - PS: No shower tonight. Perhaps in the morning.

Wed.11.Sep: 7.13 After a night of waking just about every hour or so, and then drifting back to sleep. Why? I wonder. Ever so strange. But, apparently it was “enough” sleep... or just about. We shall see. - Coffee's on. And I stepped out to have a smoke and IT'S BLOODY HOT OUT THERE! AND THE MIST IS RISING AND AND FOGS ARE DRIFTING AND THE LEAVES ARE CHANGING AND... COULD THIS BE “INDIAN SUMMER”? OR WHAT? (I hope not. If it comes this early, we're in for a LONG Winter.) Anyway... here I am, in my “Shelter jammies”. Imagine that. I put them on because they need to be laundered and I didn't shower before bed last night. Not that I'd done anything that necessitated a shower. - I see here... 21° now... going up to... 26°!!! Probably not a good day for a road trip with Joan. Unless she's got air conditioning in the car. We shall see. But 26 is a bit... a touch... oh fuck... IT'S HOT! Oh well. AND, there's going to be RAIN on and off. Jolly! Shit! - Meanwhile, it truly is hot... even in the house. - OK. So let's see how the day rolls. I need m'coffee and to figure out what clothing to wear. If there's a trip, I want clean clothes, if not... same ole same ole. - On we go. - 19.42 and I'm about to step into the shower for a nice clean night in the sheets! EARLY... I plan. But WHAT... I MEAN TO SAY WHAT A DAY! We were out the door at 11.13 and on the road, mostly up Route 9, to Plattsburgh! That drive is AMAZING! AND I GOT TO SEE THE OTHER SIDE OF “CHESTERFIELD”... MY MOST FAVOURITE SPOT ON THE NORTHWAY! THE ONE WITH THE BEAUTIFUL CLIFF AND LAKE THAT I'VE BEEN ENAMOURED OF/WITH FROM SINCE THE DAYS OF ALBANY! THE LAKE HAS A NAME! “AUGUR”, AND THE CLIFF HAS A NAME AS WELL! *Poke-O-Moonshine/Pokamoonshine (Pohquis Moosie: ALGONQUIN FOR “PLACE OF BROKEN SMOOTH ROCKS”) MOUNTAIN* I LOOKED IT UP AND IT'S GOT QUITE THE HISTORY, NOT TO MENTION, IT'S QUITE POPULAR FOR ROCK AND ICE CLIMBERS! IT'S ALSO KNOWN AS “THE GATE-WAY TO THE ADIRONDACKS, WHEN COMING IN FROM THE NORTH! IMAGINE THAT!? MY FAVE PLACE... AND I NEVER KNEW! AND TODAY, NOW, I'VE NOT ONLY IPPED BY ON THE NORTHWAY BUT WE CAME BACK DOWN RIGHT BESIDE IT! IT TRULY IS AWESOME! And so, I believe it was in Chesterfield that we left the 9 and got on the Northway to exit 37 and zipped right in to Hannaford's, the very one that I've been NEAR when I went to the mall! There, we strolled a bit, but Joan knows the store, had her list and only for a brief moment, when I went on my own to get TWO jars of Bustello and a container of Fage, we strolled together. Neither of us got all too much, but it was SO WELL WORTH the trip! (And now that I know that the 9 is a great drive... I'll be using that instead of the Northway... and I'm sure the truck will like the trip all the better as well.) We chatted up and back down, and we must have gotten back round about 15.12 (which is, according to my phone, the time I phone Alden). The weather was wonderful, warm and almost clear. A PERFECT day for a drive! - When we got back, I un-loaded the car and came in to get messages from the phone that I'd missed... A CALL FROM “TARIQ” AT deLonghi: THANKING ME FOR THE NICE E-MAILS I'D SENT *** AND TO TELL ME THAT MY NEXT ORDER WILL BE 20% OFF!!! *** I RANG ALDEN TO TELL HIM OF THE GOOD NEWS ABOUT THE WATER HEATER AND ASK IF I COULD USE SOME OF THE LUMBER IN THE GARAGE AND HE SAID IT WAS FINE, SO LONG AS I DON'T START BUILDING EXTRA ROOMS! - Dorothy rang whilst I CHECKED MY BALANCE ON THE CHEQUING ACCOUNT, TO SEE IF I COULD SWING A BOTTLE OF VODKA AND... AVERY DEBITED THE ACCOUNT... 55,10$!!! I'D BUDGETED 100$! THEY'D SAID IT WOULD BE 99,50! I'M JUST BLOWN TO BITS TO AWE!!! So, as Dorothy and I chatted, she received another call, said she had to take it and we might be cut off but I told her I had to go into town anyway and that I'd call her back in 30 minutes... I cut I got m'self together, asked Joan if she needed anything in town (feigning a trip for milk), she gave me a coupon for butter at Tops and I was OFF! GOT my vodka! Stopped at Tops for ice cream (Buy1 Get1 Free), and another bag of Fritos. Got back to learn: I'd gotten UN-salted butter, Joan wanted salted and so... I have another pound of butter... (I still feel I owe her because it's “Cabot”... expensive... and I used her coupon... but she insists that she didn't give me any money so I don't owe her any... I'll have to see how to make good on it... even though... her freezer is PACKED with butter already... she buys like crazy when there's a sale.) - By the time I got back it was JUST time to prep “meal” and eat so... 2 FRANKS... FRIED and a block of Ramen in the skillet. Two slices of bread for the franks... ice cream after and I was STUFFED! AND the day was rolling to a close! INCREDIBLE!!!!! A little chat with Joan on the back porch and I came in for a 25-minute snooze. Hey! I was up early, didn't have lunch... - And now, the sheet is on the beans, I never rang Dorothy back but she sent a message to call her at 10.30 tomorrow (maybe I will... maybe...). The house is together and I'm EXHAUSTED! I don't even know if I WILL have that drink tonight (though I might... just to help with sleep that I didn't get last night, with the waking almost ever hour through). There's nothing on tomorrow's agenda, I can, if possible, sleep-in for a while. I've a bit of laundry that I could do, and there's no “dead-line” on that. The radiator is due to arrive at some point. (It's in Schenectady this evening.) There's gas for hot water. More warm weather in the forecast. BABY... I'M AMAZED! - But right now, I DO want to get a shower in before I get too damned tired. - WHAT A DAY!!! - 20.54 I AM SHOWERED! V-TON AT HAND. WHEN THE DRINK IS DONE, SO TOO, WILL BE THE DAY! - 23.28 and 17°... tonight's low, tomorrow's “high”. I have screens in BOTH bed-room windows tonight because it's “that” warm in this house tonight. - 3 v-tons and I'm checking out. One more smoke and day's OH-vuh! FINALLY! I'm tired! Let's see how the night rolls. (Sadly, I could now eat everything I bought today. Hunger... I'm reminded of hitting the A&P at night for cottage cheese. I've known “hunger”... “They” probably, will never know.

Thu.12.Sep: (RADIATOR ARRIVED TODAY) 8.59 and by mid-night, the lights were out and I was in bed... with, believe it or not, BOTH windows in the bed-room, open (screens in, of course). It was THAT warm. And no “extra” blankets o'er. My head hit the pillows and the next thing I recall was this morning... just before the alarm (at 7.47) and the sound of “doo-doo doo-doo-doo”... Ms. Joanie was up, about, playing music, some sort of “blues” or another. It came in through the open windows. It came through the walls. It came in through the bath-room window. It came in through the kitchen. “Doo-doo doo-doo-doo”. And it stopped, only mere moments ago. It's not the “music” that rather annoyed, to a point, but the hour at which it took place. Seriously? Before 9.00? Oh well. I look at it as setting the “standard”. I've been trying to keep all sound in this place to a minimum... from radio to tele, sneezing, coughing, breathing, stepping. OK. No need to make “un-necessary” noise. But, there's that much less “concern”. Fine. No prob. And I don't begrudge. It's only the hour: before 9.00. (I suppose too, it's the fact of the matter of all the screeching out-side the window, the little South American vermin, screeching like disturbed rats. As Dorothy said, yesterday “Are you not a 'children person'?” No, I don't suppose I am. But I'm also not a “screeching banshees” person either. - Anyway... there were 3 beverages consumed last night. Thankfully, none too strong. This morning, the only “tell-tale” was the sudden trip to the loo. But about THAT, I make no complaints. There were those several days of no BM and between yesterday and today, things are “running” as they should. This is good. - And so, I'm dressed. I was contemplating “clean” clothing for today but opted for the “same ole same ole”. I MIGHT get to the garage and a plank or something, a bit of work on the shelving for the living-room window. (I've yet to get out to the sheet on the beans... no rush for that. After all, THIS little garden will NOT become THAT large garden o'er the lake: “I need some help” which turned into “YOU do ALL.” Nope. No, sweet sister, it ain't rollin' that way no more again.) The situation with the shelving is that, now that I have the lumber, I can't decide on the “format”: High and narrow or a simple plank across. I don't know that I have a saw to cut to size, but I know I don't have the money to BUY a saw. Odd... now that the lumber is available... the details creep in. Not to mention: I have the inspiration... I just don't have the what-ever it is I need to simply get up and get at it. - The radiator is due to arrive at some time today. Good thing because the temperatures are about to drop again, and this morning is grey. (Forecast is for sun later, but not another day in the high 20s.) - And Ms. Biddy has arrived, squawking on the front porch. I suppose Thursday is officially open. - I'm going to check the delivery status on the radiator. And then? Let Thursday roll. - 13.20 RADIATOR JUST ARRIVED! - 18.58 “meal” done. Helped Joan. Radiator on. I need a 20-minute. - 22.18 And.. I got my 20-minute snooze after meal. Meal was a one-skillet mix of Cliff's potatoes (which, as Joan said, are REALLY GOOD!), mixed frozen veggies and 2 franks on bread. Ice cream after. - As the food was cooking, Joan came back from some-where, knocked on the door. She had a couple of bags to get out of the car. No big deal. I got 2 apples from the bag. They're in the fridge. Rather “pitted”. Probably “drops”. Oh well. - Earlier today, I went to the garage, found a nice board to use as the shelf but, my ideas for using 2x4s under isn't all such a grand idea and to use 2x8s for the “legs”/sides won't work because it would need quite a bit of bracing, at 2ft high. What I need is something sturdy, solid, to hold it up or... attach it to the window with L-brackets, which I don't want to do. So? No shelf today. - As for the RADIATOR... YES INDEED IT DID ARRIVE AND IN ABSOLUTELY PERFECT CONDITION! I was sitting at the table when FedEx arrived so as the guy came to the door, I took the box. The instruction manual suggests running it at “Full” for 2 hours... and so I did, in the living-room and... it actually warmed the entire place with-in about and hour! Of course, that was during the day so when the sun managed to get to the front of the house, it made heating all the easier. Right now, I have it set at 5 out of 6 on “Max” and it's in the living-room at the way to the kitchen. I think it's doing OK but come colder weather, yeah, I'll need a second one. Hopefully it won't require a whole lot of electric. (Hopefully I'll get that “discount” Joan told me of. With these heaters, I'll probably be needing it.) But this one should hold over until the HEAP oil is paid and I can get a some oil for the furnace. THAT'LL be a blessing... One source can either augment or back-up the other. No bitter Winter this year. (HOPE) - Other than that, I'm terrified of another kidney infection. I keep having to pee and my back's a bit out and I've been getting chills. Peeing doesn't burn though, so I'm just hoping. - Didn't ring Dorothy today. Oh well to that. And I didn't talk with anybody, though I DID sent “Thanks” to the Customer Support folks at deLonghi. They deserve compliments. I'm sure they don't get many. (Now, it's a decision between getting 2 more radiators this month or only one and hoping that 2 will hold the house. I have to think of insurance, registration, inspection, my license again. Registration will have to be here because they'll send the form to VT. Insurance? That could be less if I bring it to NY but everything else rides on everything else. I'll have to play this carefully. All's gone TOO well thus far.) But I believe only one more radiator should suffice... at least until I'm able to crank up the furnace... and if I can run it along, perhaps I won't have to do that until December or even January? We shall see. - No shower tonight. But tomorrow I have to “clean up”. Dinner at the neighbour's tomorrow evening. (I can't think of a thing to bring... nor a thing I can afford to bring. I don't know if they drink. I don't really know what they like. I guess I might ask Joan... and hope she says “Nothing”. We shall see about that as well. But for tonight... I suppose I should brush teeth and head to bed. I have to pull out another set of jammies. I washed the Shelter jammies today and they didn't dry on time for tonight. (Figures.) - Well? Off we go. Let's hope for sleep... no v-ton tonight either. I ate too much ice cream (and I had the runs today as it is.)

Fri.13.Sep: 7.51 ( 5°! High of 19° today.) Just in from a smoke on the porch and checking the water heater (it's still lit!) and... AND Mrs. HUMMING-BIRD WAS AT THE FEEDER! The temperatures are in the single-digits these nights. I'm concerned. I don't know HOW the little thing manages! After all, I had the radiator on 5 all night and there's just the slightest chill to the house this morning. I don't know HOW such a little creature can manage to tolerate such a chill. And yesterday, I was considering taking the feeder down. Today, I'll put fresh water/syrup in it. Even if it's only the one. But she REALLY HAS to get on with her trip. I could actually SEE her drinking, almost frantically. Indeed, I know that there's supposed to be an instinct that tells them to GO. Mr. is probably well on his way. I haven't seen him in at least a week. But she's got me almost worried. Between the hummie and the monarchs... and there's still quite a number of cocoons hanging about. Well? Life in The North County. I suppose we have to trust Nature. - Meanwhile, yes, I was up, of my own, at 7.00 and about, coffee and such. - Last night I was up at “12.34” and again at “2.46” with tooth-ache. Lower right again. I cleaned it out, put the gel in and went back to bed to sleep through. This morning, before coffee, I “filled” it in. This evening, I'm expected to attend “dinner” with Alvin and Vivian and Joan and... Turkey, I'm told. Should prove “interesting”. And I haven't the slightest idea what to bring (aside from something I can afford and something available with-out having to drive 50 miles). Oh well. At least the little radiator is here, the bills are paid, and when they come due again... there will be income. - Which reminds: I probably shouldn't mention it but... no word from Stewarts. I wonder. But then again, when I'm finally in the mood for not wanting the job... or, since they have the new place opening in November, maybe then I'll hear. We shall see, as with all else. - Now? To figure the morning, then the day. I believe I did something untoward to my back by moving that bloody kyack in the garage, yesterday. “Pings” and “pinges” and the sort this morning. It was stiff last night as well. I suppose I'm due for some pain again anyway. After all... I managed to make the move to here almost 2 months ago, and I HAVE been “fortunate” from since. - We simply roll along... roll along... roll along. - The sun is shining and it's chilly. The “colours” are moving from the mountains into the valley. The days... the days... the days... All will attend as it will. - 10.44 cellar door open, sheet removed from the “garden”. Coffee is done and the pot in the dry-rack. Fresh “food” in the Hummie-feeder. Yes, THAT was THE most important issue of the day. “Post” is in... only the weekly paper. This week, FRONT PAGE: An article on “Homelessness”. Interesting “work-shop” experience involving “role-playing” and actually depicting the set-backs, short-falls and general stupidity of the “helping services”. I'm tempted to write to the paper to thank them for the “front page” placement. But... - Joan's out. I'm still wondering WTAF to bring to dinner tonight. Not to mention, I need a trip into town... smokes, in particular. I don't want to be bollocksed but. - No new bill from the electric company. I've just turned the radiator off for the day. No sense “tempting” the charges. And I'm getting a head-ache for no apparent reason. Fatigue too. I woke, after much sleep, of my own accord. But then, napping is necessary at some point, if I'm to hold until 18.00 and beyond this evening. - Meanwhile, the bang-slamming of the post-boxes. And this morning, Ms.Biddy was exceptionally “friendly”. Also, these yammering locals congregated on the front porch. I should put a chair by the window and take notes of their chats. As I told Joan, not long ago: I'm in a place where I get to hear EVERYBODY'S garbage. You'd think they'd pay attention and keep their nonsense to themselves. Oh well. - The sun is shining, the skies are quite clear and the colours are moving down yon mountains. Autumnal. But the house is only ever-so-slightly chilled. - I have yet to figure the shelving for the plants, but I see that a saw can be had for under 20$ at Lowes... in Plattsburgh... or, it can be delivered for 6$ extra. I'll have to calc the gas and time and wear on the truck. I've a trip up there at month's end anyway... for the drafting table! - Well? When all else fails... nap. I can trim hair and such later. There's still some time for that. - 20.27 AND DINNER WAS A SUCCESS! At 17.30 I hit the shower. At 18.00 I was strolling across the yard. Sat for a bit, with Alvin, on their front porch, as the sun sauntered toward the mountains. At about 18.30 we were seated for a very delicious turkey dinner, which has put me more in a “holiday” frame of mind than anything else. Conversation was not lacking and it was as if we'd all done the very thing many times before. The son, “Maya”, is extremely rather with-drawn, but that was explained when the topic of his employment was brought into the conversation. He works in North Carolina in a “Organic Rehab” sort of “commune”. “Therapy” animals, and gardens and the sort. 80 acres, 6 units that “house” 39 “residents”. He'd gone as a volunteer and landed employment. No doubt, one of those so-called “high-end” rehabs for the “elite”, I should imagine. But he's incredibly with-drawn... more like some-one who might have been a “resident” (or one who might have needed the “services” but...). He wasn't talkative, nor was he participatory in the conversations. Came. Sat. Ate. Left to go back up-stairs. Didn't come to join for dessert either. Oh well. Once upon a time it might have taken me, but these days? What-ever. I sat beside Joan and she wasn't all too talkative but did participate. Most of the talk was between Vivian and I. After, Joan helped with a bit of the cleaning-up and had to leave for her evening meds and treatments. I helped clear the table and that was that. Time to go. It was, I'm happy to say, pleasant. - I'm wearing my “good” jeans, a t-shirt that I'd bought at the “thrift” in Montréal when I was up helping Viv move, and a light flannel shirt that I'd bought at at VT thrift store when first arriving there. Nothing “fancy” but it's good to be able to wear these clothes again. Especially considering they've been packed for so many years. - Coming “home” was a delight. Nothing like the smell of a clean house, and a quiet house, with all things “settled”. - The lumber in the garage was spoken on. Vivian says it's there because of the renovations that Alden had done in this place for Joan and then when Art left. So it's been in there for quite the while. “There's no place in reasonable distance to get lumber here, so he got what he could when he needed. But he's not doing all that renovating any more so it's just been sitting there. He's probably happy that somebody has a use for it.” said Vivian. So? I don't feel so awkward about using it any longer. I'll have to get busy. (Shame there isn't really enough to make the sofa, though I'm sure, with a bit of imagination, I probably could make something quite suitable. But I'd rather not “take”... I'll use the minimum.... for shelving. Not so much “damage” that way. - And now? A v-cran. It's Friday night! - Before leaving, I posted some music to the “Channel”. G's has more. I noticed some “links” already taken out on Yootoob. Damned shame, that. But, most of the music is still there and some have new links to other sources for the same music. - Oh, earlier today I did manage a trip into town for a pack of smokes and none too soon. Stopped at the Thrift Store. Nothing but fitted sheets! Vivian says somebody must have gotten all the flats. Oh well. No prob. I need to match what I have already anyway. - And now? Time to wind the week down, the week-end up (what-ever that means these days). - The radiator is on, though it's not “cold” in here tonight. It's supposed to be relatively mild (considering) for the next few nights, but I want to test this thing AND to maintain a level of warmth in here so that when the cold does come, it won't be all too harsh. (A second radiator would be best... at month's end.)

Sat.14.Sep: 1.07 HAH! I think it's been FOUR vodkas tonight. A HELL of a lot of soc.med. JAK. COnnetection with spboy (somebody) frm Shongum. A bit of crisps. A bit of ... Ab fab. I'm tired now... TIRED! And fukkit! I wish I couild step out the door, close my eyes, become the wind that's blowing out there and just LEAVE! The radiators's warming the place. I'm mgoig ofr lat smoke. Staruday's here.I'm fed up. Smoke, brush teethe... end th fuckng day. - 1.21 I've re-adjustdthe po light. and now, after a bit of Beth Orton down-loading, and Ab fab wathcing... ore vodka and a smoke, I'm gong to bed! - 11.02 At 8.44 BANG SHREEK! Ms. Biddy's brought her brats to work. And me? I pondered not getting out of bed. But by 9.04, the whites were in the basin to soak, coffee on, a cup of instant, 2 vit.Cs. And now? I've been down to check the water heater, the brats are in the back yard. My nose keeps running for some reason. I'm not “ill”, but not “well”. It's not cold but it's not warm. I'm awake but not so much really. It's a rather odd sort of morning. The sheet on the garden blew off in the wind last night. I went out to get it and Joan came to the door to ask if I'll be going to the dump today. “I doubt it.” Oh... OK. And she said she's going back to bed. Apparently she's having some sort of morning as well. I wonder. Mine isn't the common “day after too much vodka”. Feels like “coming down with something” but not sure what or if. Out-side, the sky is grey, there's some sort of “mist” on the mountains. It's an “odd” sort of day. And indeed, I too, am seriously considering just going back to bed. There's no mail to be addressed. I can't quite decide what kind of shelving I want to make for the window/plants. And I don't much have the ambition for such an under-taking. I need to make a “Thank You” note for last night's dinner. (Saw Alvin in the PO this morning. He's taken a hair-cut, beard trim... Last night I noticed how similar to Zur he looks. Odd, that.) Anyway, bed seems to be a good choice. Can't say why. It's just an “odd” sort of day. (And I can't wait for Biddy and the brats to get the fuck out of town. That post office smells rank this morning! As if her kids haven't bathed since the Great Flood.) Oh well. - Oh... and I'm going to keep my “closing comments” from this morning as they are. I typed quickly, with-out my glasses. What a mess! But it's worth keeping... just because. - 13.47 I did go back to bed at about 11.30-ish and did snooze a bit more until about 13.30. And I'm just in from the second smoke of the day. And it's still that strange sort of grey out there. And my nose is still “off”, not dripping but wanting to, and the rest of my body is just not “right”. I'm not actually tired, but I just don't seem to have the mental ambition for anything at all. It's as if I should be “coming down with” something but I'm not really. If it wasn't so annoying, it'd be a bit interesting. Maybe it is just too much vodka before going to bed. Maybe my body's fighting the booze. What-ever it is, it's just a bloody nuisance. - And the day is almost completely gone. And I'm still no closer to deciding what to do about shelving. Oh well. A day to simply scratch and scrap. No prob. Just let it pass, I suppose. - 21.12 Well? Another day is gone. And tonight I'm just drained. “Meal” was really good though. Had a burger, potatoes, veggies (SO “balanced”) and ice cream after. Dishes got done. I put the sheet on the garden. Spoke briefly with Joan. She wasn't feeling all too well either today. (I still think it has something to do with the blueberry pie last night. The crust wasn't cooked, the filling tasted “off”. Who knows?) And I got to watch a bit of tele for a bit. Checked the “channels” and e-mails. No e-mails. No mail. A “good” day, I should think. So now, I'm having a hot water and will be heading off to bed. I just hope that my body doesn't see it as a “nap” and I wake up ready to roll at 2.00. No matter. I'm tired and there's nothing I want to get into now. I'll have to get busy with the “Thank You” note. But Alvin and Vivian are leaving on Monday and won't be back for 3 weeks so... I COULD wait for the drafting table. (I need a chair to go with it now too... always something.) This re-starting is getting on my nerves and I keep thinking back to all the furniture I had on Rochambeau and how I loved it all so very much. It's irreplaceable now. Not even made any more. My “sister”... and her “choice” (as Donna pointed-out). Hate... nothing else but. - Must leave that all alone. It's never going to be made “good”. - Anyway, it's a comfy night out there and I'm just in from the 4th smoke of the day. Somebody's got their wood burning and it stinks! The air's full of the smell of “old wood” burning. I wonder how Joan handles it, since it's “heavy” even for me. - New Russia is calm tonight. Only a few vehicles on the road and all of them heading to or coming from Simonds Hill. Imagine that. We ARE a “no-where town”. No complaints. Earlier, there was the howling of the coyotes in the mountains. There's something about knowing that I look out and into “Giant Mountain Wilderness”. We're at the beginning of 6 million acres of that. It's comforting. I've found “my place”. - For now... water... then under the covers (again). At least it's not cold tonight. No radiator necessary. Tomorrow? MAYBE I'll get to the shelving... MAYBE I'll have a clear head for it. MAYBE a saw that I have will work. Maybe... maybe... maybe... we shall see what tomorrow was when it's done. Then? Monday again. Another week until income. But there's food in the house and bills will be paid in a week and a half. Fine. - 22.26 Pee. Teeth. Bed. That's that.

Sun.15.Sep: 5.39 Yes... 5.39. I don't know why, but when I woke up, refreshed and rested, the clock read 5.00 and so, I laid there for a bit, pondering... the shelving in the living-room and Joan going to church, bringing the lumber into the kitchen to cut... and at 5.19 I decided to get up and start rolling. Now, I'm sitting here at table, dressed, coffee in the press. Just in from a smoke. The sky is magnificent this morning. There's the left-over full moon of Friday night, giving a glow to the few clouds over the mountains. A beautiful sight. The radiator is on, primarily to dry the white washing on the rack, but to take the “morning chill” out of the place as well. The mind is stuffed with “budgeting” perhaps, two more radiators. I'll probably need them for the month of October, and if oil doesn't come until November... well, yes, by then I WILL need the heat. This is all getting SO close to December when the truck will require major issues. But, things will happen as they do, in their time. There's only just so much that I can accomplish with what I have. And eventually, it will all come to pass. - Meanwhile, this isn't bad. If I need a nap during the day, I'm free to have one. Hopefully not, so I can get into my old routine and get to bed early in the night, up early in the morning. - Oddly enough, I think of the mornings of getting up, sitting at table, writing to Mother. THIS morning I had to think: I wouldn't bother these days. She really wasn't all that much worth the effort. I'm being murdered and she's off with the other 3, who grew up hating me as well. Sure, as she said: Children don't come with manuals, we do what we think is the best for them. But, surely, letting your fucked-up spouse murder one? “The best”? Gee... thanks. Me, in a Volkswagen, Drury Lane, driving along Broadway at all hours of the night to keep the car warm, slipping into the parking lot of the A&P for cottage cheese at night? No mummie dearest, I doubt ANYBODY would believe that to be “the best”. And then, Oma... she HAD to know the shit that was going on. No open doors of shelter. Then Gene: I needed 120$, and he tossed that 20 on the coffee table. “If you ever need, just come to me.” Yeah... fuck you too. Easter Sunday and sister pulling me away whilst brother and her fucking loser of a husband packing the U-Haul. The embarrassment of having to wake Chris up, first thing in the morning after she'd been working all the night before. The inconvenience to her! No. Not worth the writing... the thoughts. Well? They ALL managed to kick off before I grew to realise just what shit-bags they all were, in reality. And sister? To think I gave Dorothy permission to give HER a way to keep in touch. Ah, but she's just bright enough to keep away. May that stay so, because, at this juncture, I'm certain to let her have a truth in the face. - Well! First thing in the morning. At least it's off the chest. - Now, there's a bit of washing that needs to be done. Shirts, jeans, flannel shirts at that. Nothing that will dry quickly. Other than that? The “thank you” note to the “Rainiers”. (I have to check the spelling of the family name... .hmmmm.) OK then. Time to get to affairs of the day. This is rather exciting: returning to MY “normal”, in my “little place in the Adirondacks”. - Good morning America; how are ya?” - 17.39 THE WINDOW SHELF IS DONE!!! AND A 2-BOARD “QUICK SHELF” IN THE BLUE ROOM!!! AND I'M ONLY JUST NOW SITTING TO A DOUBLE RAMEN WITH BUTTER AND SOME VEGGIES!!!! WHAT A BUSY DAY... whilst Joan was away... and i finished JUST as she drove in... about 45 minutes ago! - 20.31 I'm ready for a shower and getting into bed. I'm just thrilled to have that shelf in the living-room, and I set up the old “Terracotta heater” in the corner but with the po light in it. Looks strangely like it would, had I put the tea lights in it! (But I don't have it lit now.) - The shelf? Not bad. I tried the circular saw at first. Made HORRIBLE noise and it chewed the pine! So? I tried the mitre saw. DULL! On to the hack saw which did saw but... “chunky”, certainly not as smooth as a good saw would have done. But... I got the one board sawed for the 3 verticals, and the piece that was left over worked perfectly as a “brace”. So the plants are now in the window... PO side. Managed to get the place Hoovered just as Joan drove back from her gig and I, being the “me” who I am, stepped out to help her bring in her equipment. Such a doll... me. - Next was time for “meal”. 2 packets of Ramen with some frozen veggies tossed in. Ice cream after. Dishes got done and the blue room got “tidied”. I still have to work in there on that. But at least the “worst” bit is done... the plant shelf. It's been a day. I mean, I got all that work done in the time Joan was away. YAY! - And so, the sheet is on the “garden”, the sun has set. I've watched a couple episodes of “Countdown” and I'm ready for a shower and bed. - It was a warm day. The jeans and shirt I'd washed this morning are, well, the shirt is dry and the jeans, just about. Tomorrow, some “red” shirts, I should think. - I need another pack of smokes and have to figure how to get that. There's about 38USD in the CAD account and 20 in the Community. Not good. And no word from “Stewarts”. I wonder: did I misjudge the timing? Probably. Oh well. What-ever will be will be. - But right now, I'm tired. I DID get a nap in today, but, I want to get to bed... it would be nice to get up at a civil hour in the morning. (Come to think of it, I could still drive into Stewarts for smokes tonight but... NO! NOT going that route.) - So much for Sunday... let's see what shit hits tomorrow... I've got another week and a half until “income”. BUT... there's food in the place and THAT'S rather a delight. Having a fridge and cup-boards is quite the delight when it comes to eating.

Mon.16.Sep: 6.27 I WAS up at 2.00, then again at 3.00 having put out the lights at 21.30. But I dodged the urge to get up “too” early. By 6.00, I figured, in spite of the bit of lingering night (yes, it's “that” season already... again) that I may as well get the day rolling. Radiator on (full), a few shirts in the basin to soak, coffee, in from a smoke. Clear day out there. Hopefully a good one for drying of washing. I'm up and about. Stomach feels a bit “off”. But the rest of me is in swing. Agenda? The blue room, primarily. As for anything else, try to find a way to get a pack of smokes at some point and then... surely something will come along. Meanwhile... we just “float with the winds of time”. - 16.26 And probably all of about 5 minutes on-line through the entire day! Imagine! First thing this morning, I washed 3 “red” flannel/cord shirts, 2 red t-shirts and they're about dry, having been out in the 28° day! I GOT AT and HAD AT that little “alcove” in the blue room (which, as soon as I can afford the paint, will cease being “blue”, I've decided) and it is ORGANISED! Boxes and Daisy's garden trolley are out of the kitchen, at last! Things in the alcove are easier to get at. MANY boxes were “broken-down” and stored away. Things are getting un-packed... after YEARS of being in boxes, away, not used, not seen. “Life” is beginning to be lived... as it's coming to an end.. - Managed to get ALL of the photos and images together in one place. Now I have to go through them ALL (THOUSANDS of them). Something to keep occupied on “not-so-great” days ahead (or, at 5.00 when I wake in the morning... which I'd like, very much, to keep doing from now on). - Made a quick trip to the FamDoll for 2 packs of smokes. I'm digging into the “budgeted” NYSEG, but, oddly enough, it's still in there. I'd rather not have to pay 2 months at once, but... re-smokes are fine for a while. The regulars were gone this morning and there's another week-plus until income. NOT a good idea to smoke THAT much re-smoke. And yes, the truck made the trip just fine. Encouraging. - Oh, and all the “stuff” that Alden left in the flat is now in the garage. That too, makes it delightful. - Of note: A little chat with Joan a bit ago. “Well, she'd dumped me.” she said, of Jess. Seems Jess used to take Joan's garbage with her, then give it to her Rob to take to the dump. Well, last time, Jess took Joan's garbage and didn't take it out of the car... the bag broke. So Jess rang Joan, pissed off as what-ever, and told her that she's not taking the garbage any more. And because Art and somebody else in the hamlet dropped Rob's service, Rob decided he's not coming to get Joan's either. That's why, on Saturday, Joan asked if I was going to the dump. She had to go her-self. Well? As long as she pays the stickers, I most certainly don't mind taking her garbage too. We'll see how it all works out. - Meanwhile, I've got 2 potatoes on the boil, will toss in some veggies and a tin of “tomato basil” Progresso soup... 3 eggs... bread and butter... “meal”. - Another day has passed... and delightfully so. - AND BEFORE I FORGET... A TEXT MESSAGE FROM DOROTHY... AT 15.26: “... will call tomorrow'... WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER DARLIN'. This is about the 4th time. At least this time I got an acknowledgement that she remembered that she'd said she'd call. Hey! I don't give a shit. My life isn't changed... one way or the other. Actually, truthfully, it IS: I GOT SO MUCH ACCOMPLISHED! - 21.19 It's going own to about 9 tonight so the radiator is on. I'm trying it in the door-way between the kitchen and living-room to see how well it heats the rest of the place. I've no doubt that a second one is necessary, but I'm “concerned” about the electricity use. Though Mme. said that heating her kitchen, 24/7 was only 50$ more per month. Let's see. (And I DO believe her rates are much higher than mine.) Anyway... it's worth a try. And no matter what, HEAP doesn't come until the beginning of November... there's October to get through... and into November. We shall see. This is such a new learning for me... at my old age. - Done with the day. Time to brush teeth and head to bed!

Tue.17.Sep: 5.51 And coffee's in the press, I'm in from finishing 2 “halves” on a chilly porch at 8° (7, I see, in St-Armand), 18° for today's “high”. And in the basin, the “curtains” (panels of white fabric) from 5225. I didn't know that's what that was but there it is. Ah... “memories”. Hell. - And on the agenda? Nothing. - I woke at about 3-something and forced me to go back to snooze. It was “lights out” by about 23.30 or so, last night. This isn't “enough” sleep but I woke, I'm up, dressed and rolling from since 5.27. So let's see how the rest of the day goes. (There's thousands of images that need to be sorted.) - The radiator is “just” keeping the chill out of the place so that, toddling about un-dressed in the morning isn't horrific but yes, two are called-for, at the very least. Good to know. - And so... here we go. - 6.56 JUST IN FROM A SMOKE ON THE PORCH. MÉTÉO SAYS IT'S 7° OUT THERE AND LITTLE Mrs. HUMMINGBIRD CAME TO THE FEEDER! I'M IN A PANIC! HOPEFULLY I CAN FIND SMOE SORT OF INFORMATION CONFIRMING THAT THEY CAN TOLERATE THE COLD! I WISH I COULD LET HER IN OVER-NIGHT! MORE HEART-ACHES! - 7.12 WELL! IMAGINE MY SHOCK! APPARENTLY, FROM SEVERAL SOURCES ON-LINE, IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO FIND HUMMINGBIRDS IN THE NORTH, IN THE SNOW! NOT ALL OF THEM MIGRATE! SO, IT WOULD SEEM THAT Mrs. HERE, ISN'T ALL THAT UNUSUAL! THE RECOMMENDATION IS TO KEEP THE FEEDER UP, KEEP IT THAWED, KEEP IT WARM. THEY “MINI-HIBERNATE” IN THE COLD, AND THEN FEED DURING THE DAY. SO... I'LL HAVE TO GET ANOTHER FEEDER, TO ROTATE, AS THEY FREEZE OVER-NIGHT. NOT A PROB. OFF TO SHOP! I'M THANKFUL FOR THE INFORMATION. STILL... I have the oven and the radiator on now, in here. Just goes to show who the stronger of us is. - Relief du jour. - And the “5225 curtains” are hanging to dry. - 21.35 Another 3-hour chat with Dorothy this after-noon-into-5pm-evening. And the blue room is a mess again because I started to go through ALL the boxes and shit... and after “meal”, which consisted of the remaining potatoes, 2 eggs and a bit of Parmesan cheese... no dessert, I went back in, threw things into other boxes and such and put things up on the shelf. (Joan has an appointment in Plattsburgh tomorrow... and I have a half gallon of white paint which might give 2 coats on one wall... one wall at a time, in necessary.) - Alvin and Vivian left this morning. Joan gave me a “run-down” on caring for Little Girl in the event she, Joan, has to stay in hospital for a few days this time (since Alvin and Vivian are away). - But the shocker du jour: I don't remember where it came from, but I have Jacquie's social security card here! It's old, battered but it's here... It's now in an envelope, stamped, with a note saying that I'm returning it “ASAP”... “before the Shelburne police cite me for another embezzlement charge...” just to push a point. Jeezus Kriste! Of ALL things! But... one can't say that I didn't return it. Used the house address for the return and mentioned it in the note “so no matter what, the envelope will get to her”. Now... I need to get it to Becky directly, in the morning... so it doesn't go through Ms. Biddy! (Even Dorothy suggested avoiding that one.) - And so, the day rolls into night again. Tonight's temp: 6°. “Frost Warning” says Joan. The radiator is on. Another one is already budgeted in for next week. Hopefully two will do. - NYSEG never sent be a bill but I found it on-line. JUST UNDER the “Budget” by about 2$! for last month! Still, not too bad. But I'm going to send TWO payments this month... just to be safe... with the radiators. Oil can wait for HEAP (I hope). - Anyway... I'm past bed-time. Did my soc.med. Now for last smoke, teeth-brush and to bed! - Tomorrow? MAYBE I'll paint a wall! Get rid of SOME of the blue!

Wed.18.Sep: (TWO MONTHS: NEW RUSSIA) 5.35 And... coffee in the press, I've had an instant, to take the daily vit.C., the “barn sheet” and flannel are in the basin to soak (at last), and I'm in from a smoke... A car came by, and shortly after, I saw, on the “parking area”, what looked like a leaf, but when I walked over to verify, it took off! It was a BIRD! Now, the thermometer on the house reads at about 40F, and of course, the humming-bird is very much on my mind. So I took the Mag-lite on the keys and checked in the lilies (how I hate them anyway) which is where it (the bird) appeared to have gone... I can't find it. All I keep hoping is that it's NOT the humming-bird. I'd bring it in to “thaw” and then let it out. But I'm also hoping that no matter what kind of bird it is, it didn't get hit by the passing car! It's too damned early in the day for this “drama”. And my heart aches now. I'll have to wait at least another hour before there's any sort of day-light. But as I combed through the lilies, there was no motion. If there IS a bird in there, it would have moved... unless that last flight from steps to house was its last. Again, nothing that I can do at this point. - This morning, the house is “comfortable”. Not cold, not hot. The radiator is maintaining a bit of warmth. A second one might just keep the place good. I'll have to calculate the oil v. electric on this situation. I don't want to over-use the electric, being on the “budget”. And 38$ every two months CERTIANLY WON'T cover the actual usage. Yes, I'll pay the balance in the end. But I'd rather not... if I can help it. - And so, this morning, there was a “wake-up” at about 2-something, which I checked and dozed. But when I saw 4.57 I thought it close enough to 5.00. I think lights went out at or close to 23.30 or so, though I could be mistaken and it may have been a bit earlier. Not that it makes any difference now. But I'm getting closer to the old 4.30 waking. And, oddly, just as it was on Valentine ave... first thing in the morning... washing in the basin at this hour. Back then, I could do the washing, have my coffee, write a page or so to Mum, shower, hang the washing and head off to work for the day. I wonder how THESE days will work themselves through. - At any rate, time to have a “real” coffee and get on with what-ever is to come. Another day... How many more are to come? It makes no difference... really. - 6.18 If one can imagine... the “sheets” are hanging, quite well, indeed, in the shower. Those 2 curtain rods work perfectly well! And because I have the drying rack available... there are 3 shirts, flannel, in the basin, soaking. At this rate, I'll have sheets and shirts washed by 7.00! IF one can imagine! And to think of others who'd say “I just don't have all that time.” Yes, you do... you choose to take “all that time” and fuck it around in other ways. Oh well... * What have you done today to make you feel proud? * - 7.01 Sheets in the shower, 3 shirts on the porch. Washing is complete... for another day. And though I've looked at least 3 times now, so sign of that bird. I've got a feeling it was a sparrow... which doesn't make it all that much “better”, no little creature should be out there suffering. But, what-ever it was, there's no sign of it beside the house. I'm thinking it was stunned, or simply coming out of a night of what's called “tupour” , as I read on-line several times yesterday, with regard to humming-birds. It may have been just waking, heading across the road, caught in the draft of the vehicle and got stunned. After all, it was aware enough to actually fly away from me. It probably just brushed the tops of the lilies and headed down toward the river. Well? I'll check again, in the full light of day. But I doubt it's still about the house. (Now, I'll eat my heart out, watching for the humming-bird... though, on serious thought, the one I saw this morning was a bit too large for a humming-bird and it flew too slowly and more “cumbersome”, let's call it, than a humming-bird would have flown. Time... only time will tell... or not.) - Meanwhile, I'm ready for a nap! All that work this morning. I'll have to get this envelope out to Becky, but that's not until about 10.00... almost 3 hours from now. And Joan will be leaving at about the same time. There are a few things I'd LIKE to do with this day: Perhaps shelves in the “cubby” in the bed-room, straighten the “blue room” (paint or maybe not so much), my hair needs cutting, nails need trimming... and... the “news” has just arrived on one of the phones. First thing in the morning. Well, my goodness. - Time to roll... be it to work or to nap. - 13.07 Shelves are up in the bed-room cubby! WHAT a fucking pain in the arse! - 14.58 TEA TIME! The shelves are up in the bed-room, with books there-upon. The floors are Hoovered. Boards were brought in from the garage to cover to dryer vent in the kitchen and cover to the cardboard box that covers the washer plumbing. The blue room is still blue but a bit more orderly (again). The shirts are in the house. The sheets are on the rack in the sun and breeze. I strolled over to “Eric and Meagan's” to exchange phone numbers but there was no answer to my knocks. Well, I got a walk in anyway... in the bright sun-shine and what shows on the porch thermometer as 80F! Well? At least there won't be a call for the radiator? One can only hope (though it's expected to drop to 6° tonight so we shall see how it works out). AND... ONCE AGAIN... I NO SOONER FINISH ALL THE WORK, THE SHELVING, THE HOOVERING, THE LIKES... AND Ms. JOAN COMES ROLLING IN! PERFECT TIMING AGAIN! Now, this morning, she snapped at me again. I was out to take the sheet off the garden and she waved from the window, opened the door and started chatting about going over to take care of “Wombat” or, as she called it “do the cat”. Something was said about telephone numbers and her appointment today, Ms. Biddy came round in the drive, in the phone, asked how she (Joan) was doing and that's when Ms. Joan WENT OFF! The usual “I can't talk like this anymore. I have to get ready. I have an appointment with the pulmonologist.” And so I said: “Well, you started it. You shouldn't have opened the door. If you'd stay in your own house you wouldn't have to talk with anybody.” And apparently Ms. Joan didn't appreciate my sarcasm. THEN Ms. Biddy knocks on the back window of the PO and beckons me in. So I went. According to the “new rumour”, Ms. Biddy was on the phone with a friend of Joan's who was about to call an ambulance or something... so concerned about Joan. Says Ms. Biddy about Joan “She's really losing it.” “She's just getting worse. She's always been anxious but this is getting really bad. She'd benefit from medical marijuana.” Hey, all I did was cover my own arse by saying that I understand the anxieties and such, and the attitude-toss, many years of Nursing and such. I don't mind. I just let it go. - So there we have it. - FUCK ME! I MOVED 100 MILES, OUT OF AND AWAY FROM FUCKING VERMONT AND WHAT DO I MOVE INTO? FUCKING *** VERMONT ***! WELL, INDEED, THIS IS AT THE END OF THE BULL-SHIT AND I'M PUTTING A STOP TO IT THE VERY NEXT TIME THE SHIT STARTS TO ROLL. I'LL NOT LIVE LIKE THIS.... A-FUCKING-GAIN! And so, that said... just keep looking for another place. I'm paid to the “last month” of rent which means I can skip a month and work it from there. If I can find an inexpensive place (with a fucking bath-tub)... farther North... At least I've had THIS place to sort shit out, get the beginnings of a new “home”... and this should all fit in the truck this time, since I'm weeding through. - Now, 'tis time for tea. (I'd rather a nap but...) - I should go into town for dessert or something of the sort but I don't feel up to it so... spaghetti with lentils for dinner tonight. (At least I have FOOD I can eat... and it's NOT on some shelf on the wall or in a box on the porch!) - 18.02 WELL! SHE'S IN HOSPITAL.. SAW HER LEAVE AFTER SHE SNAPPED AT ME “I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!” AND THEN SCREAMED FOR ME ON THE PORCH AND THEN CALLED TO SNAP AT ME ON THE PHONE! SHE GOT IT RIGHT BACK. “YOU'VE LOST A GOOD FRIEND AND NEIGHBOUR!” NEXT? (AS IF FUCKING MY ONE MEAL A DAY WASN'T ENOUGH...) I WALKED OVER TO SPEAK WITH “MEGAN” WHO TOLD ME JOAN WILL BE IN HOSPITAL FOR A FEW DAYS AND APPPARENTLY JOAN SPOKE WITH HER ABOUT TAKING CARE OF LITTLE GIRL... *AND* WOMBAT! ANYWAY... FUCK THIS SHIT! I GET THE FUCKING PLACE LOOKING A LITTLE MORE LIKE “HOME” AND NOW ***THIS*** ***VERMONT*** BULL-SHIT? TIME TO REPOST TO CRGSLIST AND GTAFO OF THIS BULL-SHIT! - I'm going into town... I need ice cream or something... and crisps... because tonight will be “beverage” night for certain! FUCK! - 18.58 Back from town... 18$ left on the FS card but I got ice cream and some burger, milk (like I need that... but I'll use it... for bread or something), and a bottle of tonic... because... I've just “saged” the house, left the door open for “whom/what-ever” wishes to leave and they can take their bull-shit with as the go. Seriously... this is now on my mind and I don't need this shit. Too through with you... as it were. - The radiator is on... the sun's gone down and so too, the temperature! “Life in a Northern town.” - Time to shake the shit off. There's a shower in the evening's agenda... and I'm takin' it! And tomorrow? Well... I'm thinking: There's no “need” for me to be “a part of” this hamlet. No “need”. And should it come to where I'm on the “Shit List”? Hey! Maybe that's the best I could hope for. (I just didn't like “Megan's” tone, her affect. A little too “out there”... Peace, love and what-the-fuck. The old “We're Switzerland” statement. Spiffy. That's what *I* want to be and so? If it means keeping to my-self? WONDERFUL! - So for now... the shit is gone, let the sage settle the house-hold, and what is to be... is to be. My rent for October is already paid. If nothing prohibits, I'll pay November's when Soc.Sec. comes in. If things change in the mean-while? Fine. For now... a bit of ice cream, settle my nerves (I thought I was going to shit m'self when I pulled into the parking lot at the market!) a shower, beverage... soc.med. and SLEEP tonight! Fuck this shit! - 23.51 It's been a Hellish night... 3rd v-ton in. I need it to get to sleep tonight. Seriously, I refuse to live another 9 years of Hell. “Drama” where none is necessary. Earlier, I heard the humping of “Megan” next door. Stepping out the door, she surprised me when when she said, in the pitch darkness “Hi. I should have brought a flash-light.” Oh fuck you! My heart goes out to “Little Girl”... alone in that house. Freeze warnings tonight. I want to bring her here. Anyway.... I'm going for a shower. I can't care... I just can't - 24.30 Out of the shower. In from a smoke. 40F. Fukkit!

Thu.19.Sep: 8.16 So much for “sleeping-in”. And I MUST commit to memory: NO THREE V-TONS! We're paying the piper this morning. Vit.C and naproxen for breakfast THIS morning. I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT allow this bull-shit here to get to me in this fashion. I wanted a place farther North... and so, the choices here, are simple: to remain as is, relatively un-furnished and move, or gather furnishings to put into a place I can call “Home”, where I can live in “peaceful enjoyment of the premises”... which, I do NOT see happening here. Further, the work ahead is to brush away the bull-shit, remove it from my life. This morning, as I woke, the aggravation and annoyance was the very first item of a new day. I pay my rent, my bills, I keep the place in good order. Ms. Vermont got along before I moved into this place. Obviously she's getting along quite well other-wise, even with only one family in town at present. Megan apparently doesn't mind taking the responsibility of both, the Reiners' and the Crane's place. And Vivian did say that I was “back-up”. So? Very well and fine. So be it. Sadly, for them, the “back-up” has resigned. Let it be so. And that comment from Megan yesterday, “I'm sorry it didn't turn out the way you'd hoped.” No, it hasn't. But I still have the opportunity to bring it to that state... the way I'd hoped. And so I shall. Besides, I didn't come here to make jolly. I came home to die... peacefully. And so I shall. - What a fucking way to begin a day! I just need to make certain that I don't allow the bull-shit of others the ability to run my life... for what-ever that might be or for how-ever long it might be. Moving, again, will be a bit difficult, but no impossible. It's just a matter of time. At least I have that... for now. - Meanwhile, it's 18° in the bed-room this morning. I see that there must have been quite the cold snap last night, the petunias at the PO look a touch post-freeze. Hopefully the place next door was warm enough for the little one there. Thankfully, there's a bit of a “heat-wave” in the forecast for the coming week. And ordering the next round of radiator(s) is quick... they should take me through the month of October well enough. Now, if I receive that help with HEAP, I'll be able to get a tank of oil for the furnace (which I predict will give me trouble, if the water heater is any indication of further bull-shit). Perhaps the next tank of oil will be in another place. I'll ring Avery today to find out how far North they service. The fellows who came to deliver the gas mentioned having to go up to Champlain for something. It would be nice to stay with them for service. If that's not possible, well... we'll just have to roll with what's available. This isn't the worst I've ever been through... moving again. - Under-things are in the basin, soaking. A bit of washing again today, a check on the mail and the rest of the day will be as it will be. - The shelves look very nice in the bed-room, it was nice being able to click the light off from the bed last night and having the little “table” at bed-side this morning. All is temporary though. The books, dictionaries and medical reference, are rather heavy and might be too much so for the strings holding the shelving. “Temporary”. As is this place. Hey, at least I won't be thinking of painting the blue room now. Fuck it. But, bottom line truth and fact: TODAY IS WHAT-EVER I WANT IT TO BE. Let's get on with it. - 12.25 Up from an hour's nap. The sun felt SO GOOD, shining in through the window. And it's warmer out-side than it is in this house today, again. Having a peanut-butter sammich with the rest of the coffee. And all's quiet, at last. But I'm still “not right”... must NOT do the 3 v-tons. Must NOT! - But I did get 10 pages of this Journal on-line this morning. The table is a bit clearer. There are “things” that I should do but don't want to do. Today, this having nothing pressing is a bother. But of course, if there were things pressing, today wouldn't be a good day to do them anyway. And... it's only Thursday. (Looking forward to next Wednesday... bill-paying and a bit of shopping... perhaps in “Ti”.) - 21.35 The day is done. “Megan” has made her rounds. My “meal” today was a burger, cooked in lentils with veggies and ice cream for dessert. Not sure what I've done through this day but, here it is, time to get to bed. Tomorrow? Get a bit more food for the week-end and a pack of smokes (if I can figure how to manage one). I'm off to bed now... a little reading and hopefully a LOT of GOOD sleeping! - Resolution: Fuck these idiots and their opinions of me. Ms. Biddy replied this morning, when I said “I'm not a miserable bastard.”: “Yes you are! You're still getting over that Vermont experience. You're wearing your heavy fighting gloves. Yes, you ARE a miserable bastard.” Yep... Yeah? OK then... let's just leave it at that. Fukkit! - On THAT note... pee, smoke, teeth, bed!

Fri.20.Sep: 6.13 And another day commences. Resolution this morning: *I* get get food and heating subsidies, but *I* pay the rent out of the Social Security income that I worked for, and paid into. Even as Ms. Biddy said just yesterday, this is MY space. “If you want to blast your heavy metal music, you blast your heavy metal music. Art wasn't quiet.” As a tenant in this house, I have two basic responsibilities which are to pay the rent on time, in full and properly maintain the premises. Thus far, I've done both, and, as for maintenance of the premises, I've done FAR BEYOND what I've come to learn ANYBODY ELSE has done in recent years. I'm under NO further obligations here, and certainly am under NO obligations to anybody other than the landlord. I offered to be of assistance to my neighbour when and where possible. That offer, as I see it, has been abused. Therefore, that offer is rescinded. My bills are paid by me. My necessities are provided by me. There's no further responsibilities to any-one else. Even to the kitchen table and chairs, they've been provided by the landlord and even those are being properly maintained, with the property and premises. I park my vehicle out of the way of others, at my own convenience or inconvenience, out of respect for others. Respect for others. I give respect to others, and, therefore, am demanding reciprocal basic respect in return. Period. There's no need for anything further nor beyond. So, I will reside here as a tenant, as the landlord said when I took the place “At the pleasure of both Landlord and Tenant”. I am, by law, entitled to “peaceful enjoyment of the premises” and being so entitled, I will ensure that “peace”, even to the point where, if “peace” is to be had by maintaining a distance from others, that's how it shall be. Obviously, twice, in the two months that I have been in residence, my neighbour has proven self-sufficiency during two hospital stays, with-out my participation or intervention, my presence is of no consequence. Ms. Joan managed to procure necessary assistance from others then, my participation is not necessary. This is perfectly acceptable to me. This said, from this point in time forward, it will be as it was before my arrival: Other than under catastrophic situations and conditions, I will reside here autonomously, allowing “life” in New Russia, to continue as it was and as for MY “life” here, I shall continue to be as considerate of others as I have been, but never to the extent where-by my daily living shall be of any inconvenience to me, e.g. performing any sort of activities with-in the house based on the daily living schedule of others, as I've done with the installation of carpet strips or the construction of the window shelf, where-by I waited until Ms. Joan was away, so that no sound associated with said labour would, in any manner, cause her any disturbance. I shall maintain MY responsibilities to landlord and community AND my self, in a peaceful and dignified manner and do so under my basic human right to autonomy. Period.
What a fucking way to start a day: annoyed. But, as I've come to say and to believe: Today is what-ever I want it to be. THAT said, today I need to get into town, get a pack of smokes and a bit of dessert for the week-end to come. Perhaps I'll make that stop at Town Hall to fetch the vehicle-related documents AND to register to vote. (I'll begin my “60 days” of residence as of October... which will run to the end of December when the vehicle will have to be transferred over to NY... killing me, financially, but... inspection and registration will expire then anyway.) Tah-fucking-dah. Other-wise? Aside from the continuing sorting of notes and bits and shits, it's to be another “Fill the hours” sort of day. No telling when the Banshee will be back. May as well enjoy the moments that may or may not be presented... enjoyable because of her absence. (Yesterday, in a bit of a search for info on her, I learnt that she's 71 years of age. Some people are afraid of dying, and perhaps she's one of those. After all, she's a “church-goer”, one of those “God-fearing” folks who believe in a “Heavenly reward” until their time comes closer to it. THEN they panic! Another hypocrite... another “Vermonter”. Best to keep distance in all respects because, as Bob Bender-Glidden once said: “When I look back at all the worst bull-shit I've ever had to deal with in my life, a woman was always involved.” Yep.) - So... this place is in reasonable order this morning, the radiator is doing it's best to keep a brutal chill out. It's not all that cold out-side (I was out for a smoke already) and it's expected to be quite warm for a while. There IS the slightest odour of “basement” in the living-room so whilst in town, I'll get more “air fresheners” to ward-off that stench. There's no laundry that NEEDS to be done but there's a shirt, and soon, the bed linens will have to be done again. But, as I say, nothing immediate. We shall see how this day rolls out... when it rolls up. - Last night, I managed to sleep through the night, woke once at about 1.50-something to go pee and went right back to bed and back to sleep until about 5.00. Looked at the clock, pondered getting out of bed but didn't until about 5.50-something. Dressed, coffee and smoke done. And there's no need to rush to the PO this morning, so I'll just wait until the post is boxed, the office is closed. From thence I shall, come to judge... Amen. Happy Friday. Fuck. - 8.25 and 3 “green” shirts, HEAVY shirts, are on the rack out on the walk, the sheet removed from the “garden”. And... the curtains are open. - As I was sitting on the carsie, Ms. Megan came by to “do the cats”. - And so, the morning rolls along, Next? A nap, I should think, because there's really nothing that requires immediate attention until offices and stores open in town. I'd say, this has been “productive” already. Let's see how the rest of this day moves. (Or not.) - 8.47 THE FLY ROD HAS BEEN SOLD AT 85USD!!! (Minus 4,46USD for Selz fees, bringing it down to 80,54USD which converts to 101,91CAD! NOW... SO MUCH FOR “NOTHING TO DO TODAY” AND AVOIDING THE PO. HOPEFULLY THE POSTAGE ISN'T GOING TO COST ME HALF OF THE DAMED SALE OR TOO MUCH OFF THE 40USD I HAVE TO MY NAME IN THE COMMUNITY ACCOUNT. BUT WE SHALL SEE... IN A BIT. AND, HOPEFULLY, I WON'T HAVE TO GO TO THE E-TOWN PO TO SHIP! BUT THERE TOO... WE SHALL SEE.) - 13.44 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT... For a day that began with “We'll let the day roll...”, it's been non-stop! First, the sale of the rod cost me just a slight over 10USD! And, by 10.50, it was rolling away with Becky! “Priority” mail with insurance of 100$ on it! Gone! (Let's hope the little VT shit-bagger doesn't cause trouble over this thing. I'll hunt the bastard down.) Yes, Selz took about 5$ off the price but it's going to CIBC for about 100CAD so I'm happy. SO happy, in fact, that I ran into FamDoll for smokes (1 pack) and some more air-fresheners (2 for 5$) and came back to... MAKE BREAD! Of ALL the days, today I need more, and it's BRILLIANTLY WARM out there! So much so that I've got the living-room windows and the back door open to let the warmth in! (And the circulating air smells so nice with the fresheners... and not that “odour” from next door.) - Speaking of “next door”, she's still away, there's no word. Oddly enough, not even Ms. Biddy knows of the situation. OK. Fine. No prob. - The NYSEG bill arrived today... only the 38,66 is billed! (But the “Budget” is -10$ so I'll have to put that into the account. I'm hoping/planning on a double payment this month. I can't really afford it but I really can't afford some whammy billing at the end of this “plan period”... and I don't even know when that will be.) - And now? Now I'm waiting for the second rising of the bread, the drying of the 3 shirts on the rack out-side. But it's SO peaceful in here now... I might sneak a nap. - PS: Ms. Biddy was “shocked” when I told her of how I've been doing all I possibly can to keep the place quiet. “You can't go tippi-toieng around like that! You need to set your boundaries with her.” AND... come to find out, Ms. Joanie was getting her garbage removed for... FREE! According to Ms. Biddie. Art was paying the 35$ every month and Mr. Biddie was taking BOTH his AND Ms. Joanie's! OK! And I told Ms. Biddie about Joanie telling me that they'd charge me “...because they don't know you.” Didn't go over very well. So! I see I'm being played the fool. Well? That's all come to a crashing end. As I said this morning: I've no objections to being available to help when needed but from now on, I see Ms. Joan's gotten along well before my arrival in the hamlet, she's doing quite well now... she can continue on her venue as it is... and I'll be minding my own business from now on. My “resolution” is cemented. - On that... I'm off to a nap... for about an hour. - 17.46 “Meal” is DONE! Progresso “Bean and Pasta” soup with a bit of spaghetti. Last night I'd put milk and sugar in with the ice cream and had some of that for “dessert”. - Oh, and Ms. Joanie returned at about 15.30 or 16.00 and I haven't heard a sound out of her. (I'm suspecting she whined about my “attitude” and was told to just stay away. THANK YOU!) - The shirts have dried and been brought in. The house is calm... MY house is calm... and “The Five” is finishing. Friday night is on the way. (I should find music for G's, but I don't believe it's integral to the “channel”.) - What I'll do with the rest of the evening/night is up for grabs. There's a shower in for later, before bed. But other-wise... the windows are open, the air is warm. It's a relaxing sort of evening... no doubt, to be destroyed by insanity. Oh well. We enjoy what we can whilst we may. - 19.03 Just off the phone with DONNA! I'd rung her yesterday and she rang back tonight. Nice chatting and some laughing. It's goo to talk “old times”... and be able to laugh at them. - Meanwhile, Ms. Mega is making the rounds. I don't know who will (if anybody) cover the garden tonight but I've resolved to stay away from it because going out there to cover it will just invite more drama and tragedy. Best to simply mind my own business. I didn't “come home” to make friends and if I don't have any? It won't be any different from most of my life-time. Still, best to avoid even the most remote possibility of confrontation with that wack-job next door. - I want a smoke... - I hear voices out back. Earlier, when on the phone with Donna, I heard a screen door smack. Imagine? And there's been all that talk about the trash that USED to live in this house. Well... we shall see how things roll... as they roll. - I'm tired. Just waiting for Ms. Megan to toddle on before heading out for a smoke. I've NO doubt at all that, should I be seen having a smoke, the likes of the wack-nuts will try to pin blame... on the cigarette smoke. I've NO doubt. So, best to dodge the possibility. I hear the door slam next door... I suppose the “shit's” done. I'll have to look-see the garden. No doubt, Ms. Megan's attended that as well. Oh... fine. - 19.10 Yep... sheet's on the garden. I'm OFF THE HOOK COMPLETELY! YAY! - 23.48 Showered. 2 v-tons and that's ALL! Listening to Juan Luis Guerra tonight... in one of “those” moods.... and yes, I was LISTENING to music tonight! - Posted another “looking” for a place on Crgslst. But right now, I want a smoke and to get to bed!

Sat.21.Sep: 9.28! Yes, 9.28. I would still be in bed, were it not for the “Daycare Centre” next door. But, here I am, after a night of several leg and foot spasms. Hmmm... I slept in the Shelter sweats. Naked, I sleep through. Something about it. - Sunny. 18° I see out there (and am just in from a quick half-smoke and it's warm), up to 26°! What kind of insanity? But at least I don't have to worry about heating this place. - It's another one of those “Parkinsonian” sort of mornings. My left foot seems to be on its own, scuffing about. My fingers don't want to type. And my brain just rolls with the times. Alas. We'll just have to deal with it... especially considering the PO is open until noon today (oh joy). Oh well. - 19.13 Meal is done, dishes are put up, house is in order... and I pissed the day away... with 28° and sun-shine, in the darkest room of the house... the kitchen, sorting through all of the “filing”, the soc.svces. papers from VT and NY, banquing, FedLoan, and all. It actually took the entire fucking day! - This morning, had a bit of a chat with Ms. Biddy (I shouldn't have bothered going in there but, for some reason, I did). She's understanding at some point and then rather “blaming”. Most of the “blame” comes because I was being hyper-considerate, as she sees it, being exceptionally quiet. “You even put a whole room between you.” says she... after having told me, several times, that Art used the same room as his bed-room. (And THAT, I can understand.) I pointed-out, as a “reminder” to her, the day she advised Alvin to go back home across the road, to avoid Ms. Joan. And yesterday, told Jeff “She's not home. You could've come through the drive-way.” Others in town avoid Joan, but I'm expected to “Take 5 steps back” and make nice. Nope. So I told her (by way of making it known in town) that I posted my desire for a place, back up North. Said I, it's difficult to rent in Winter, and I do owe Alden for being so incredibly nice, kind and wonderful. So I feel I should keep the place over Winter. BUT, should something irresistible come along... I'm out. BUT, I stressed, my plan is to stay the Winter, at the very least. And yes, I DO expect that to get around. (Interestingly, she, Ms. Biddy, stayed a bit longer this after-noon, lingering in the back yard, chatting with Ms. Joan. I've NO doubt, she's playing both sides against the other. It's two “Vermont” women involved. There's “shit in the air”. Just a matter of time.) - But I listened to Juan Luis Guerra all day, as I worked. This evening, found TWO Israeli radio stations on-line! YAY! Hebrew! - Ms. Joanie had company... that fellow from Lewis and some gal. They brought, I saw, styros of something... “meal”, I would imagine, and they all sat on the back porch a while. Ms. Megan came to attend Wombat and Ms. Joanie SCREAMED a beckon to her. So there, Madame Chanteuse held court. I stayed away, as I should have done. - And so, the day moved along, as a day will do, by 16.30 “meal”... rice, beef, black beans with a bit of fresh garlic in. There's left-overs for tomorrow. I've had a bit more bread and butter after. Not really a “dessert” but more calories, if nothing else. And I've a hot water at hand. - I'm tempted to leave windows open over-night, but even though it's not supposed to get all that cold, I'm opting for keeping the warmth in. These are the days when warming the house is best. It's a bit uncomfortably warm in here now, but I'll be happier in the morning when it's still warm... and not 10°. - Pondered a shower tonight, but there's really no good cause. I've sat on my arse all day, no sweating or dealing with dusty business. A brushing of the teeth and to bed is what I see. - Tomorrow? I doubt there'll be much of anything that will require address. - I DO need to start thinking about the truck... VERY SERIOUSLY now. 3 moths is up at month's end... which isn't all that long from now. License, registration, inspection... it's the inspection that has me most concerned. But? Sooner or later. And there's that drafting table this coming week... a trip up to Plattsburgh and 75$ out of pocket. I really should get it. This isn't one of those “Oh, there'll be another.” No, there won't. We'll have to see how that goes. - No words about the fly rod. It should be delivered on Monday. THAT is something I can't wait to see. (Since it involves Vermont, I expect a LOT of trouble coming... Refunds and all sorts of shit.) - And all this said, the house is quiet and I'm enjoying that much. I'll have my hot water... see about a run through soc.med. Saturday night. “Such fun”. Bollocks. - 23.26 Got caught-up with the soc.med. and a thanks for a wire to JAK. And so... and so... time to hit the blankies. Tonight's “low”: 13°. Tomorrow's “high”: 26°. - A few messages fro Dorothy. Her eldest is flying in tomorrow. Apparently “Mike” is going in for surgery and Ms. Doro is “stressing”. Honestly? Better she keeps it where it is. I've had MUCH MORE than my own fair share. - Time to wrap this shit up. Tomorrow is approaching... too fucking rapidly.

Sun.22.Sep: 7.31 Up and out of bed at 7.21, although I was awake at 5-something. It was another day of considering getting up, when I woke or staying in bed until... But when I dozed back off to sleep, I had a dream:
It involved an Army Sargent who had a rather expensive car and somebody else. I'm not sure of the “relationships” with the others, one was a friend, TJ, or the sort. I was in town, a place both familiar and not, “Plattsburgh”-like. I was staying at a hotel where this Sargent was staying as well. I had to go to DMV for some reason, something to do with my vehicle, and he was having some sort of situation with his. I was nervous about mine but all had gone well with my business and the Sargent was left with his, parked some distance away. As “TJ” and I left the DMV, the Sargent was walking along the street, heading back to where his vehicle had been parked. “TJ” mentioned that it was quite some distance away and he wasn't all too familiar with the town, we could help him by getting his vehicle for him. T would drive mine and I would drive the Sargent's and bring it to him. I agreed and so too, the Sargent agreed. So T and I got to the parking garage/are where both vehicles were parked and I got into the Sargent's vehicle. It was a bit of a beater, though expensive. He obviously didn't take very good care of it, and it was standard trans. A clutch. I was a tough nervous, since it had been many years since I last drove a clutch, but I knew I could handle it. But I was wearing heavier boots, and my left leg was a touch “wonky”. (As it actually is, in reality, from all the spasms and such... Even this morning, when I just came in from a smoke, the left foot dragged across the carpet, as it some-times does in recent times.) I “tested” the clutch, to check the “feel”, and pulled out of the garage into what more resembled centre city Montréal, or, the Avis garage off 3rd Ave. in Manhattan. T was in the car with me (why, I don't know, since he was supposed to be in my vehicle). I told him that I didn't have any trouble knowing how to drive the clutch but that I'd need to take the boots off, perhaps drive in stocking feet, and I wasn't too certain that that was a good idea. My left foot felt rather numb (as it does, in reality, some-times). So I fixated on worrying about driving, stocking-feet. And I woke.
I have references to some of this. The last thought last night, before sleep, was to simply get the new driver's license immediately. It will have “New Russia” as my address. That'd be rather fun. Kind of like having one that has Fort Tilden as my address. I'm nervous these days, about taking the vision test. (I have eye drops at hand, because I'm hoping they'll help with the little “spider webs” I'm seeing a lot of lately.) And then, of course, will come the registration and inspection. And the brakes are causing me more concern than I care to have. But this all has to be taken care of soon now. And there's the involvement of insurance... and the expenses of all of this. And there's the matter of the legs. As for the driving with the “wonky” leg and foot, I've driven into town wearing sneakers, a few times, and because I'm so used to wearing work boots, those feel like driving in stocking-feet, between the light weight of the sneakers and the numbness of the foot. Oh, the “complications”. In all seriousness, there's nothing to be done about it all except just going for it all. (I'll have to see what I can budget in on this month's income... seriously.) - And so, there's the start of this day. - Part of the reason I didn't get up at 5.00 was because it appeared to be cloudy this morning. Truth is, it's the matter of the sun not rising until almost 7.30 these days. “Autumn in NY”... the sun IS rising now and the sky IS clear. And it's “chilled” but not cold out there. Oh well... another day of “worry in the morning” and suddenly, it will be the end of the day again and another day will have rolled by. - Coffee's in the press. I've gulped an instant, taken my vit.C., had my smoke, am dressed, need a trip to the loo. And, through the wall, I hear Ms. Joanie moving about. It might be me, being a touch hyper-aware, but it appears she's making more noise over there since she's been back. I wouldn't put that past her, her, being a “Vermonter”, look for, needing, craving conflict. But, I'm just going to go on about my own business from here on in. No different from the good old days in The Bronx: not bothering with the neighbours. - 11.55 And done with even MORE sorting of papers and shit. MUCH for the USPS and proof of abuse and neglect: the lies told about “resignation and re-hire”, the e-mails concerning office orders from Staples that were billed but not delivered. I mean... REALLY! AND... ALL old business and retail cards! THOSE, I need the special sleeves for the binders, one of which, from the USPS, I've emptied and am trying to figure out how to re-use. But it's almost noon, I've been at this shit for almost 5 hours and now it's time for a “lunch” break of peanut-butter on home-made bread and... I probably should take a run into Aubochon's for some kind of plumbing shit-ring for the kitchen tap, but... I don't really want to bother. I'll check to see if it's hot or cold water leaking. If cold... fukkit. If hot, I'll go tomorrow... when I get Voter Reg. and auto forms. No making a trip into town for one thing at a time. - And... I'd like a nap... BUT MUST cut my hair! - It's been quiet calm all day. WONDERFUL! (I'm still waiting for a complaint call: “Joan says there's trouble.” I've no doubt Alden WILL be getting in touch at some point... after all, this involves a Vermonter... and a Vermont FEMALE... and THAT is trouble beyond description. - Oh... found a letter to “Chex” from 2008, Rockaway, clearing me of all sorts of bull-shit about “NSF” records. I'll have to get to that bull-shit “MyLife” Internet idiocy, and have at them as well. Why? Because... I have a moment. - 21.40 and 25° out there tonight! Had I the energy and a neighbour who wasn't such a qunt, I'd grab the sleeping bag and head out to the truck! But... the windows are closed tightly, to keep the warmth in the walls, and I'm just out of the shower and having a last cup of hot water. Another day has rolled by. Tomorrow, with the 20$ left to my name this week, another pack of smokes, perhaps an “O ring” for the sink OR some “biz card” inserts for the “file binder” A trip into town. I noted that it's not necessary to have a NY driver's license to register a vehicle here but the cost is probably going to be about 200-plus! AND... I'll be stuck with the nasty old plates because the new ones don't come in until April! Also, voter registration isn't such a rush either since the primaries are in November this year but the “big” election is next year. That gives me some time. Anyway, that's the story. - Meal this evening: I added a block of Ramen to the left-over beans, rice and beef. It was filling. Not the greatest, but filling. Dessert: I'd made more “frozen milk” and managed to polish that off. So I've “eaten”. Had a bit of bread and butter with. - Miss Diva toddled off at about 21.00. The place has been relatively calm all day. May it remain so. - I'm not planning on going over to the post office tomorrow morning. Though I'm pondering: it IS the best source of rumour. Although, nothing that comes out of there has any hint of truth to it... so... staying away is, most likely, the best action. Besides, I want to get Otto Didactic back up on Minds... and there's much material to be posted from the book (from “Nancy”, that she'd sent when I was in Richford and am only now getting to the end of). - That said, this jotted... OH! WAIT! HAIR-CUT TODAY! A NICE JOB DONE! WAAAAY BEYOND DUE! Feels MUCH better! It's why I showered tonight. How could I almost forget that? - Fine. Done. Noted. Jotted. Time to sip water, read a book. Get some sleep! - 22.21 Carried away... off to bed!

Mon.23.Sep: 7.22 Up and dressed and coffee in the press. Had a smoke on the porch under grey skies in the VERY warm morning air. Curtains open. Windows open. And here I am. 3 trips to the pissoire through the night but sleep was. Was up at 5.00 and decided to stay in the bed. Up again at about 6.00 and decided to stay in the bed. Up at about 7.00 and decided to get up. But woke at 7.00 out of a tiny dreamlette: I was in a Walmarde some-where, looking for I-don't-know-what, and a woman came up to me, out of no-where. “I don't suppose...” and mumbled something. I didn't recognise her at first but the Québecoise accent told me that she was one of “Mme.'s” relatives. I was thrilled! “Ça va?!” was all I could say. “Oui. Ça va trés...” and kiss-kiss and hug. And I woke. - There. I wonder. Shopping? This is the week for that. Québec? Mme.? Wassup wi'dat? Oh well then. (Perhaps it might have to do with pre-occupation about bill-paying and maybe getting the drafting table. Maybe it might have something to do with all the sorting through papers and shit yesterday. Maybe I miss going to Québec for things. Maybe it's none of any of this. Anyway... It's another day. I will have to run into town this morning. Smokes. It would be great to get those “sleeves” for the cards, to put them together. But we shall see how it all runs along. - Today I should receive some sort of “word” about the fly rod. (I'm still expecting some sort of horror... after all... it went to VT.) We shall see... indeed. The money won't be posted to my account until about Wednesday anyway. A refund will just be a matter of “click”. - JUST RECEIVED WORD, IN TEXT, FROM AMANDA... STEWARTS. “good morning Judah. sorry so early. I am writing (Instead of calling because it's so early) to let you know that your background/drug went through and you're all set go go!” OK. Well, I DO need the extra income. Let's see how it rolls along. At some point, later, I'll give a call-back. The greatest news is that the “background” went through fine. I wonder where they checked and how deep. But still. At least I'm not up on any surprise charges and there's nothing horrific. That's comforting to know. I can't get excited. (But at least I took a hair-cut yesterday.) Let's hope there's no “appointments” necessary this week. Wednesday is “pay-day” and I have bills to settle, banques to visit, and on Thursday, a trip to Plattsburgh (perhaps). Oh well. Looks like I'll be heading back to work. Isnt' that speshul? Such fun! Pppfffttt! (It's when you don't want... when you get.) - So here's to Monday. - I'm going to work on some stuff for “Otto Didactic” this morning. - (I hear the lunatic stirring about over there. Talk about “Such fun.” I've already thought “Take 5 steps back.” Yeah... Nope. - 15.34 Well... made it into town, to the DMV. Have all the forms (but not the money). BUT THIS MORNING'S DREAMLETTE CAME TRUE: AS I'M WAITING TO GET TO A GUICHET, “BECKY” WALKS IN! SO... THERE I WAS AND SOMEBODY I KNOW CAME IN. “DREAMS”... HOW WE MUST PAY ATTENTION! - So, as I say, I have the forms, asked the questions, now I need the money to get all of this done. MEANWHILE... I'M STILL NOT CERTAIN BUT... IT APPEARS THAT SOMETHING LEAKED FROM UNDER THE TRUCK WHILST PARKED! I'M SO HOPING I'M WRONG ABOUT THIS. I stopped at FamDoll for smokes and when I came out, there was nothing under the truck. There's nothing in the yard where it was parked. But I'm SO FUCKING, BLOODY SUSPICIOUS of EVERY-BODY and more! And Ms. Joanie? I don't trust her nor her cronies in the least bit. This is NO way to be living. - Just saw the “estimate” that Champlain Chevy gave on the brakes... just OVER 1000$! That's a month's income! AND... if I go to get the drafting table on Thursday? There's ANOTHER DRIVE OMING... TO SCHROON LAKE, ON MONDAY... MORNING... FOR AN 11.00 “ORIENTATION”! PLEASE!!!! NO LEAKS! NO TROUBLE WITH THE TRUCK! THE ONLY WAY I'M GOING TO BE ABLE TO GET THE TRUCK REGISTERED AND ATTENDED IS WITH THIS JOB AND THIS JOB REQUIRES A 40-MILE (like everything else in this place) DRIVE!... 80 MILES, ROUND-TRIP! Honestly, I wonder how people do this! Anyway... this too is just as everything else: Time alone will attend. - Was going to stop and get dessert for tonight but didn't. At least I have the smokes... and the forms... and a trip away from here. - I'm tired! (And I snoozed for about 30 minutes before going out.) It's all the “mental anguish”... which I came here to get away from. Go figure. - FUCK! - Meanwhile... It's HOT and HUMID! It's SEPTEMBER, in the mountains and it's HOT and HUMID! But I'm not really complaining because the longer it stays hot, the longer I don't have to be concerned with/about heating this hole. - ALMOST FORGOT... IMAGINE... THE ROD GOT DELIVERED TODAY, “LEFT ON FRONT PORCH”, SO SAYS USPS. SO I CHECKED THE STATUS WITH SELZ TO FIND THAT IT COMES UP AS *** “FAILED” ***!!! SO I “CHATTED WITH “QUEENIE”, ON-LINE (before heading out for errands). SEEMS IT DID “FAIL” ON A FIRST ATTEMPT BUT ACCORDING TO “QUEENIE”, THE PAYMENT HAS BEEN MADE. SHOULD BE SENT “7 BUSINESS DAYS” FROM DATE OF SALE. I ALMOST WANTED TO VOMIT! ALL THE ANXIETIES ABOUT WHAT SORT OF BS I'LL BE PUTTING UP WITH FROM A VERMONTER, IN THE FIRST PLACE, THEN THE NOTION THAT I SIMPLY SENT THE THING AND NOW I WOULDN'T HAVE IT TO SELL FOR EEN 10$!? THIS TEACHES ME A LESSON. (But there was another sale that had FAILED, in 2015. I'm wondering if it's because of the “ID” I just had to send Selz. Could THAT have been the first “FAIL”? I'll never know.) And to think: I came “home” to get away from the hassles and drama. Oh well... The saddest bit about all of this is that I came back here to be “in the company of MORE “VERMONT QUNTS”! I wonder... I just HAVE to wonder. - 18.17 “Meal” is done, burger and Ramen, dishes are up, house is tidy, a beautiful rain is falling out-side, the air is warm, Ms. Joanie has her Lewis friend in. No horrific notices from “Brattleboro”. And I'm about ready to simply get to bed because... it's actually dark enough to do so! (I keep thinking back to the “Tilden Days” when, as the sun was setting, I'd scurry out to the tree, get there before dark so I would be settled when the sun set, and with-in moments, I'd be asleep, on the ground, mostly, through the night. Tonight, I ponder going to bed now, as the sun sets (behind all the clouds) and I wonder about muscle spasms and leg and foot cramps. How times have changed. - But all's gone silent and the necessary truck forms are here, the envelope for the rent is done, with a little note to enclose (since the envelope isn't “Safety”). Tomorrow I'll do the horror of “budgeting”. Wednesday, the bills will be paid. And I'll be broke again. Alas. - But for tonight, it's quiet... thus far. The cellar door is closed. There's hot water at the tap. No chills in the house. If I had a futon in the living-room, I'd be there now, staring out at the sky. No futon. No staring. I'll do a bit of “work” on “Otto's Channel” and then... off to bed. (Gee... I have to find another book to read!) - 18.52 The pace of the rain has picked-up and I'm going to brush my teeth and see what happens if I take a... “nap”. - 21.31 Up again. I think I dozed a bit... a “nap” of sorts. And now, looking-up the Route 9 approach to Plattsburgh and having a “Nighty Night” tea. A little hungry too, for that matter. There's soup. So it's not as if there's nothing. Sugar, milk, egg, flour. I could whip something up. - 23.25 Soc.Med., plot the trip to Plattsburgh, a little budgeting for the next radiator, contemplate getting the license moved here this month, and now? Try for another nap. (I'm hungry though.)

Tue.24.Sep: 7.46 - Another very DARK DREAM with a lot of ambiguity.
An “institution” of some kind, for the insane, and/or criminally insane. I was either working there or just happened to be there or visiting a worker, not exactly clear. It was all built on an extremely steep hill! The buildings were built of large, grey stone that had, over the many years, grown blackened with age. At the top of the hill was a building that resembled, to me, a “typical institution-style” building, quite large, several storeys high, and rather wide. It was the only structure that could be seen. I was on a sort of walk-way, farther down the hill, facing to the right, on my left was the exterior wall of either the building or a retaining wall, and to my right, a lower wall, over which there was nothing but the drop, farther down this massive hill. As I was walking along, for what-ever reason, I was talking with some-body (who I never did see in the dream) (and a note: the dream kept switching from 1st person to 2nd person and back and forth at different moments). I either knew or saw the staff, injecting with hypodermic needles, something into straws, some sort of chemical or medication. What the substance was was never clear. But suddenly, a van, parked toward the top of the hill, in the distance. Men's voices yelling “Disinject that substance! Disinject that substance NOW! We give you one more warning! Disinject that substance! No more warnings!” and the back door of the van opened and several rather shabby men, (inmates/patients/unclear) began spraying, with a large fire-hose, a green, foam substance out the back and down the hill toward a barrel-like structure, small but just large enough to hold 2 or 3 average-sized people. The “staff” had been “injecting” something into the barrel with hypodermics. Medications, perhaps. But the others, in the truck, were vehement about those in the barrel not being injected. I was concerned for those people in the van and the barrel, but though I knew that the substance being in injected AND the green foam were, in large doses/quantities, lethal, a part of me accepted the scene as routine. I had other responsibilities to attend and continued walking along, talking with my companion (whom I never did see). I was in the parking lot of “Lloyd's”, getting a trolley to do some shopping for my-self and “work”. I was both employed by/at Lloyd's and not. (More ambiguity.) It was still quite dark, as it would be just past twilight. Entering through the front doors, it was EXACTLY “Lloyd's”! I rolled along, into the store, heading toward some aisles but kept getting turned round, up and down different aisles. All the while, I knew what I wanted, what I was in the store for but for reasons I didn't know or care about, I kept heading in different directions for different things: breakfast cereal, the deli counter, something in records, the liquor store, arts and crafts, as if I had to go to every department in the store before actually getting what I was there for. I found my-self at the “old” front check-out. It as a section separate from the “new” (which was the very front check-out I'd worked at), disused, in a darker corner. There were some gals there (they were the same age as I, and we were all the age we would have been in the early 70s). The space was used for employees only now, and there were hand-bags and shopping bags, sweaters, jackets and the likes strewn about. The old registres were still there. I knew, for some reason, some-how, that I wasn't supposed to be there and one gal, a rather heavy-set, nasty, ill-tempered, ill-mannered one gave me a glare as I went through the area. As I passed through, I looked at the row of registres and felt a pang of sadness in my chest, missing the fun days of working at those registres, packing groceries, then being given the opportunity to run the registres. We had to know the prices, back then. We had to rush along, properly packing for the customers. We had fun though... back then. I was saddened to see it all shut-down and angered at the bitch giving me the look. Bernadette (a young, taller, thinner Bernadette, though it was her) came along from some-where, and we walked together along the rest of the “old” and across the “actual” front check-out. I was full of such joy and happiness to be with her as we walked and we talked about something, as if we'd been in a conversation all along. But some-how we headed for the exit. She wasn't working, nor were we together. It was a happenstance meeting and she was off to some-where else, but I followed her as we went out through the exit. I called “I'll see ya later!” she called “I'll be here!” and I went back into the store to do my shopping, she headed out into the parking lot, and I suddenly was hit with the pain of knowing that I wouldn't see her later and she wouldn't be here. I headed back into the store and back through the “actual” front check-out as one did, back then, and I was feeling miserably lonely, missing Bern. I was standing in a “hall-way”, in an old stone building of the sort that was in the first part of the dream. VERY dark, damp, dank, chilly. There was only “just enough” light coming in through some openings here and there along the way, and at the end, an old, heavy, wooden door. On the other side of the door, there were dogs, all of them barking. So sad! I was SO sad! And then, suddenly, to somebody, a small fellow, pale, quite blonde, I didn't know him but he was there, I almost shouted “I HAVE TO FEED THE DOGS! OF COURSE I DO! I HAVE TO FEED THE POOR DOGS!” and I woke.
Odd sort of night, last night. Just before heading back to bed, I was so hungry that I ate the hard-boiled egg that's been pickling for about a week. It tasted rather delicious, I must say, and I've got 2 eggs left that I'll boil and pickle now. Anyway, brushed my teeth and went back to the bed to re-read more of that 1880s history of “Northern New York”. The last time I recall having looked at the clock it was 0.20, I finished a section of a chapter, put out the lights and laid my head down. Falling back to sleep wasn't easy... but I “dozed” until about 2.-something, then back to sleep to doze until 5.-something and then at 7.12, woke from the dream. Got up, put the coffee on, got dressed, had a quick half-smoke left from last night. Watched a fog-bank rise, almost ominously, over what I suspect is the brook. It was THICK! Fascinating! Took a couple of photos of the mountains and came back in to journal the dream before it disappeared from memory. - 8.31 In from second half-smoke. There's another car in the back drive this morning. Somebody to see to Joan. I wonder: was this actually a severe session with her illness this last time? I can't care, really. I'm just waiting for some sort of “confrontation” from some-body. It wouldn't come as any surprise, considering I've been keeping to my-self, and she, to hers. - Well, it's another over-cast morning, quite damp. Not “cold”, per se, but certainly not all too comfortable. 16°, I think I saw earlier. Rain due. Tomorrow is expected to be clear. Then rain again on Thursday (which is when I was thinking of trying to get the drafting table). I'm uncertain about getting the table. Not only because of the finances but because of the travel in the truck (yesterday's possible “leakage” has me deeply concerned... especially with the need to get to Schroon Lake on Monday morning). And then there's this morning's “heaviness” in the chest, a rather focused pain of sorts, in the lungs. I can't help but think: I'm not afraid to die here, after all, that's what I've “come home” to do anyway. Is it worth the investment, getting the table, getting ANY furnishings for this place? What-ever I get will either go to the street, “FREE” to take away, or end up at the Thrift Store or something of the sort. The job... am I going to be able to pull this off? Will I be able to tolerate the pace? How many hours and WHICH hours will I get? If life experience holds, I'll get the worst hours, lunch-time, with kids and folks coming for food (I don't like food-prep work), or the evening, with kids and folks coming for food. Which-ever, it won't be the “lull”, I can be certain of that. And will the truck hold? And then there's the license, registration, inspection... the cost, the time, the timing. It's just another “typical” morning of anxieties. - Meanwhile, the place is “quiet”. The PO will be open soon, the mayhem on the front porch. And then? The rest of the day. - I have to figure today's “meal”. There's soup, black beans, rice, 2 eggs, milk, butter... Well? I guess we'll just have to let it roll. - And there's quite a bit of “work” for “Otto's Channel” that I can do. Typing. - I haven't even had my first “real” coffee yet! - 12.38 Just out of a delightful shower after an almost wasted day. “Almost” because I did get down to the bridge today and took MANY photos and videos. (One of the videos I worked on to make a “Thank You” to “naturespirit/linda” for a Minds wire of 10 tokens... or maybe it was 15... but it was a LOT!) Nothing in today's post. Thankful for that. And “meal” was 2 franks with a bit of bread in French Onion soup with sugar-milk for “dessert”. Calories and what-ever. I'm having a ginger tea now, before heading to bed. To think, at 19.00 I was ready to go already then. - Had TWO naps during the day. That “heaviness” in the lungs is still present. Bot quite as bad tonight as last. - The radiator is on today. The temperatures dropped a bit during the day. The house has remained rather warm, but I'm going to try and see if I can't maintain that... for a while longer, anyway. Tomorrow, I'll have to decide between getting 2 more or only 1. I'd LIKE to have 2... but reality dictates that only 1 is “reasonable”. I've moved the one in the living-room to the Southern wall since that and the Western wall are exposed and would be the greatest source of “chill” in the place. I want to see how well (or not) it warms the rest of the place. Between that, and one in the kitchen, I should think the place would remain “comfortably cool”. Not “hot”. Not terribly “warm”. But tolerable... at least until the oil gets here. - Other than that, Ms. Joanie has had quite a bit of “visitations” during the day. Some woman came by this morning in a car, quite early, stayed a few hours. Next was her “Home Aide” followed by a gal in a truck. She's not wanting for guests or company and I'm glad for that. Kept at this distance, I could be a “kinder neighbour”... kept at this distance. - And as for anything other than that... nothing. Thankfully (most of all), nothing that resembled last night's dream. - It was a strange sort of Autumnal day. Grey then sun, then grey again. A bit on the windy side. I sent several photos to Dorothy. Thought of going up on the trail to take photos of the Princes Pine, but didn't want to risk the rains that I saw up there during the day. There's still time for that... I imagine. - And so, tonight, showered, having tea, looking forward to getting back into bed. - There's nothing I can actually do until about 10.00 tomorrow... after the rent goes out. Then? Back in here to pay bills and then... plot and plan and check to see if that drafting table is still available. If so, I'm making a “trip” out of it. Stop at Walmarde, perhaps Michael's for some new coloured markers. maybe to Lowes for a saw that cuts, then to fetch the table and back... all the while, hoping for no leaks and NO TROUBLES with the truck! (It would be a pure delight if Walmarde would have the sheets by Thursday, but I'm not going to even bother hoping.) - Oh... today's tid-bit on the news: Nancy Pelosi has given her morons the “go” to begin official investigations into the impeachment of Trump. Personally, I'm rather hoping for the “Civil War” to break now. Surely, it'll make its way into New Russia. And I'm rather thinking of registering to vote as well... for the “primaries”. Anything to be counted as another vote against these milquetoast shit-bags. We shall see. Fucking shame it all ties into DMV. Honestly... this country and the “technology”. Intrusive. I wonder why the won't tell me the condition of my colon. Surely, they must know. - OK. Time to roll along. There's work for “Otto Didactic” that should be done but I'm just not in the mood at the moment. We shall see... but bed before mid-night is a MUST. - 22.16 Well there was another waste. I tried the “dictation” so that I could read the comments I want to post to Otto's channel? Nope. Damned thing doesn't understand shit for fukkall. Typical... “Dell”. So on we go with tea and to bed! - 23.30 THAT'S A WRAP! OH... TODAY WAS THE AUTUMNAL EQUINOX. AUTUMN IS OFFICIALLY HERE! (The radiator is officially still on too... 8° tonight. I'm taking NO chances! And honestly, it's rather warm... even in the kitchen.)

Wed.25.Sep: 7.08 in from smoke, the coffee's in the press, jeans in one basin, whites in the other, soaking. Clear skies. House is comfy. Chilly out there this morning though. And the mountains are dappled in reds and browns. - 7.34 Soc.Sec. in and calc'ed. FedLoan out and calc'ed. In fact, ALL IMMEDIATE expenses are calc'ed. And the “left-over” is calc'ed. Now's the time to ponder: 1 more radiator or 2? But I'm leaning into only the one. One in the kitchen, one in the living-room. And there's that little, noisy heater for the bed-room... should that become necessary. OR... IF necessary... it takes only but a few days to get another radiator. I'll go for the one... later. FedLoan is scheduled for 1 Oct. Before anything else gets removed, RENT will be paid... this morning! - 8.10 Incredible. The washing is on the rack. Just in from finishing morning half-smoke. And when I walked into the house from the porch, “It's toasty in here.” One more radiator will do... until, of course, February. But by then, there should be a tank of oil. (I almost dread turning that thing - the boiler - up. I've got the notion it's going to stink to highest Heavens. Especially in the loo. I shouldn't doubt there's piss in the registre. After all, he -Art- married Geraldine. We're not talking noticeable IQ here.) - Anyway, bills have started being paid. That's good. I won't be “settled” until the rent goes out. Damned shame I can't trust that little “thing” that runs this PO. But all it will take is one slip and ... Postal Inspectors will be “en scene”, to be sure. It was “good enough for me, it's good enough for the rest. - Pondering the job at Stewart's: I'm not thrilled with the way Amanda runs her show. The “last minute” messages on text. “We missed today” (Monday) “so orientation is in Schroon”. I wonder where Monday's was supposed to be this week. E-Town? I should hope not. “We have to get pre-employment paper-work done this week.” It's Wednesday. Is this going to be another 7.30 message of “Can you come in right away?”? It's all rolling too similar to the New England PO bull-shit. I need the extra income, but I'm not comfortable with the “management” of the place. Well? We'll roll with it for a moment. HEY! At least I have a letter (found on the site this morning) showing that my FedLoans are in “repayment” and that there are NO “Past Due” marks. My “credit” is good. (I wonder if this is showing on my “score”. One of these days I'll have to check.. for schitzengiggles.) For now... we roll along. - There's a touch of “heaviness” in the chest again, this morning. I suppose I'll just have to get used to that. - For now... nothing pressing can be attended. “The world isn't awake yet.... “ meaning... the PO. - 10.56 *BILLS PAID*! - *** NEWS-WORTHY *** AS I STOOD IN THE PO THIS MORNING, TO GET THE MONEY ORDER FOR OCTOBER'S RENT, JEFF CAME IN. “DID YOU TAKE THE ROUND-ABOUT WAY GETTING HERE TO AVOID BEING SEEN?” JESS ASKED JEFF. AS IT COMES TO BE KNOWN, MEGAN PHONED JEFF TO ATTEND TO WOMBAT ON MONDAY AND TUESDAY EVENINGS BUT... JEFF HAS, IT APPEARS, BEEN HORNSWAGGLED INTO FULL RESPONSIBILITY! JOAN'S BEEN AN ABSOLUTE BITCH TO/WITH HIM AS WELL, MAKING IT SO THAT HE DOES ALL HE CAN TO DODGE AND AVOID HER! JESS SAYS THAT JOAN'S CONDITION IS WORSENING, THAT SHE'S NEVER BEEN THE WAY SHE IS, DEMANDING, DISCONTENT, ANXIOUS, RUDE. JEFF GOT A FEW “DOSES” OF JOAN'S SHARP TONGUE AND ILL MANNERS AS WELL. SO! IT ISN'T JUST ME, AND IT ISN'T AS IF THE HAMLET IS UN-AWARE OF THE SITUATION HERE. JESS ASKED IF I'VE EVEN SPOKEN WITH JOAN SINCE THE BLOW-UP AND I TOLD HER “NO. AND I DON'T WANT TO.” BUT I SAID SO IN FRONT OF JEFF. APPARENTLY, THE ONLY PEOPLE IN TOWN WHO ACTUALLY HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH JOAN ARE ALVIN AND VIVIAN. AS JESS SAID: ALVIN'S GONE AND JOAN'S PROBABLY SCARED. BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IN IT ALL IS: OTHERS IN TOWN ARE AWARE OF THE SITUATION WITH JOAN AND HER PSYCHOTIC BEHAVIOUR SO I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE IT ANY MORE OF MY TIME, BEING CONCERNED. JESS SAID THAT JOAN'S ALREADY SAID THAT SHE'S WORRIED THAT SHE'S GOING TO HAVE TO GO BACK INTO HOSPITAL. YEAH? “WORRIED”? SHE WOULDN'T HAVE TO BE CONCERNED IN THE LEAST. ***** AS I'M TYPING, A WOMAN IN A WHITE VEHICLE JUST DROVE OFF... WITH JOAN IN THE CAR. JESS IS GONE. HMMMmmmm... OH WELL. - And so... there's my day. I'll find out what's going on at some point. Meanwhile, I'm just relieved... BILLS ARE PAID! Now to ponder the next purchase(s)... or not. - 13.51 Just back from a hike up yon mountain taking photos (and “samples”) of PRINCESS PINE! (Sadly, the Diva's back as well.) I didn't really want to come down off of the mountain! It was stepping back in time... to wonderful days of traipsing through the woods of the Catskills, Dorothy, Donna... then back to the house with Aunt Sis, Debbie and Brian. The scent of hemlock, the white pine needles on the soft, lichen-covered ground. No sound but the breeze. (The HOT breeze!) Thoughts, memories, and each step went farther back. Had there been a brook, I probably would still be there. - I'd stopped at the “Demings'” residence before heading up. Spoke with a fellow working on their garage. He knew me by name! “Paul. I live at the bottom of the hill.” And on the porch, the “Asian” woman came out and then “John O.”, I believe... the one who does all the shooting. We chatted for a few moments, I got permission to use the old road and away I went... I've only one regret, really, and that is that there's no really great view of the mountains from up there. But I followed the roads Alvin and I took (for the most part) and found the little “look-out” and snapped many photos. (Regrettably, in “cloud” mode. It wasn't until I got back down that I learnt “day-light” would have been perfect. Live and learn. And it's not the last day... as far as I know.) - Anyway, the sun is shining, the sky is blue and the temperature in the bed-room is... 34°! Indeed... it's HOT in the house today! (But... BUT... I'm going to hold on to it!) - Now, to find a little box to send the “samples” to cousin Dorothy. How wonderful it is to be able to do this! - Oh, before I left, I rang Ev and left a message on her house phone. Holiday greetings (Sunday is Rosh Hoshannah.) And chatted quickly with Donna who was on her way out to take the dog to the vet. (She says she'll call tonight...) - So now... off to trying to pack the greens. I probably should run into town for tonight's dessert but, I'll let the embers of “bill-paying” cool down a bit. Still waiting to hear about the drafting table. I sent a text to the number I have. I'll see about sending an e-mail... via Crgstlst. If it's gone? It's gone. I'll look for a futon. - 18.54 Up from a 30-minute nap because I was SO exhausted that I just couldn't stand the almost pain. I literally had head-ache. Now, I've got the radiator and the oven up, and this place is heating quite rapidly. May the heat stay o'er night. - Spoke with Donna today, for about an hour. We talked about the Princess Pine. (“Dorothy's gonna want some of that.” she said. Well... oddly enough, the box is ready to be posted tomorrow! Yes, I've got it packed and ready to roll.) Talked about critters and such general things. But she said something that's gotten to me a tough: “You're really smart. You always were. Always looking into things and learning things. You're the smart one.” Another one with the “genius” thing. Fuck me. Now I have to wonder: Liz used to say similar, always chastising me for my belief “If I can do it anybody can.” “NO we can't!” she'd say. And Joe, having me pegged for “genius”. And if I AM, in fact, that smart, WTF of my life? “Proud under-achiever” is what Moe and Ev called me. I suppose the genetics are there but I just can't see it. Then again... now I'd have to wonder: so those with all the smarts ever realise they have them? Einstein, they say, was a genius. If memory serves, from the documentary I saw in the days of 5199, he didn't believe him-self to be so damned smart. Oh well. If I am, it's too fucking late to do too much about it. If not, then it's a cute compliment... of sorts. - And so, “meal”, 2 franks, black beans, half a block of Ramen, cheese. Sugar-milk for dessert again. - As I was prepping “meal”, Jeff was in the back-yard “talking” (I imagine) with Joan. I don't know what he said to her but I have to note that when he left, there was quite the banging and I heard her “yelling”. (When I'd mentioned the banging of the past couple of days, to Jess, this morning, Jess said, not surprised “She's throwing tantrums.” Then asked “Have you spoken to Alden?” WHY should I speak to Alden? I see no reason for such a nonsense. Well... we let time roll and tell.) - Now, no word about the draft table. I guess I'll just go along with having lost that opportunity. I'll focus on the futon (I could use that) and a radiator (I could use that too). As for all the “Plattsburgh shopping” for art supplies and the likes? I'll look around. I have to go to Schroon Lake on Monday. Maybe there's something down that way. - For now, a glass of hot water, a quick shower later and to bed. Agenda for tomorrow? Well, it's supposed to be a bit on the “rainy” side. No trips to Plattsburgh. No “trips” at all. Or, maybe a quickie to Walmarde... Ticonderoga? We shall see. - 23.27 Got caught-up in the soc.med., mostly WVNR, to say “Thank You” to the “wire-senders”. And now down to 4 smokes for the morning (or the rest of the evening), nothing other than soup and rice for “food” in the place. But I have to say, the radiator is keeping this place WARM tonight! - At about 19.30, Ms. Diva was having a fit, slamming doors and banging about the place. But, there's no sense in bothering about it. - I should have gone to bed earlier. Odd, how, during the day I'm so tired and yet, at night, so awake. Well? Let's see how tomorrow is. I'm still fighting with whether or not to try for Plattsburgh. I could use some markers from Michaels, sleeves for biz cards from Staples, but if Walmarde doesn't have the sheets... A saw and weather stripping from Lowe's. It's not as if the trip would be wasted, but it's so far and I don't want to use the gas, never mind the mileage. And I'm resolved to let go of the notion of the drafting table now. So tomorrow I'll phone deLonghi to verifiy the discount and if available, I'll get the other radiator. I'll NEED THAT anyway. - For now? I'm going to take a shower! After the trip through the wood-lands. Maybe tomorrow morning, I'll wash the bed-linens? (Or I could wait for the Diva to go back into hospital... and use the Reiners' line. What-ever.) - Time for a nap... shower then nap, of course. This day is done.

Thu.26.Sep: (Happy Birthday Joyce) 0.51 Having a ginger tea and sweating. Time for BED! And it's 25° in the bed-room! - 8.18 Up, dressed, coffee made, half-smoke on the porch in the not-so-chilly breezes as the leaves fall like the snow-flakes that are to follow. And, because it really was necessary, washed the bath-mat-towel too. - Managed to stay in bed until the “8.00” alarm this morning. Well, it's the “usual” approximately 7 hours of “sleep” any-way because... I didn't put the lights out until about 1.30. - But it's another “heavy lung” morning. It was a “heavy lung” night, last night. I was hoping the ginger would help. I have to wonder: is it the “rose hips” in the vit.C? I've had some that made me feel “not-perfectly-fine” in the past. But this nonsense with the lungs. TO be honest, here, where nobody will ever know, I suppose it's what makes me a bit irritated by/with Joan. Yes, I DO KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE, not being able to breathe! You stupid qunt. But as we'll notice, I don't take it out on the world. Oh well, but that's me and the world isn't me and I'm not the world. - So now, with the new day comes the old considerations: Plattsburgh? deLonghi? Ticonderoga? Radiator? Drafting table? Is there a futon? Where am I going to go for food? How much will I buy? Will the truck be OK when I get to it? Will it handle a trip to where-ever I decide to go? And at the top of the list AND the bottom, both sides as well: Is ANY of this important? (Answer: Nope.) - Thursday. 26 September. Summer is officially gone. Autumn is officially in. Winter is officially en route. And it's the same shit I've been dealing with for just a touch over 64 years. WHO the fuck cares? - 8.40 Journals on-line: Current. - 8.44 WELL!!! Just checked the e-mail and the trip to Plattsburgh today has been settled: “6.45 Sorry I sold it.” Well then... alt. plans. And all things happen for a reason. Though there is a nice little “desk” in Saranac Lake for only 50 bucks. We live on, move on, plod along. Yes, I AM a bit “hurt”, not at the seller but the situation. But? Do I truly need that table? Probably not. I'll make do with what I've got. - 10.21 Well... Dorothy's Princess Pine is on it's way... at 8-fucking-dollars! It cost me MORE to send a 6oz. box to GA than a fly rod to VT! FUCK! But it's out and to her. If it puts a grin on her face, it's worth it. - Over-cast like hmpf right now. A wind blowing, drizzle. Thankfully, not cold. - Ms. Joanie's washing is being done... chug-chug-glug-glug in MY kitchen. Alas. - And since there's no drafting table to pick-up... my day has come to a screeching halt. - 19.39 AND I MADE IT TO WALMARDE, TICONDEROGA! CURTAINS IN THE LIVING-ROOM TONIGHT! (I JUST finished!) - SO... to tell the tale, this morning, at about 11.30, I rang deLonghi. YES! THERE IS A NOTATION FOR 20% OFF MY ORDER! BUT... BUT THE RADIATORS ARE OUT OF STOCK! SO... I rang Walmarde, “Ti” and the nice lady there said that “It shows 6”. THAT would have been PERFECT for the living-room AND the bed-room! So... by about 12.30, I was INT THE TRUCK AND ROLLING ALONG THE MOUNTAINS TO WALMARDE! Shopping? Well... there were only FIVE fucking sheets at “Customer Service” when I arrived (and I checked the shelves... not another in the store)! BUT FIVE is better than none at all! I shopped! Coffee, a large, glass mixing bowl, new bread pan, A SAW, weather-stripping, NEW MARKERS FOR ARTSY-WORKS, burger meat, ice cream, cranberry juice... oh, I went 100$-worth of CRAZY! 2 packs of smokes. And when I left? A FULL TANK OF GAS IN THE TRUCK! DA-YUM! It drizzled all the way TO Walmarde and a bit of a drizzle the way back. But I pulled the truck (bless that truck... PLEASE BLESS THAT TRUCK) to the front, un-loaded to the porch, parked and came back round to come in via the front door. Timing? 12.30-16.10! Door-to-Door! A healthy 3 and a half hours! But... BUT... SO MUCH accomplished! - In the door, I got things un-packed, the beef made 6 portions, 4 in the freeze, 1 in the fridge (tomorrow) and 1 for “meal” this evening which I got to immediately. Burger, black beans... ice cream. By 18.01 it was DONE... dishes and all! (Quite a fuck to think, all that work and BANG! Eaten and done! Shit!) - The rain had stopped by then and the sun was shining. The day turned cool, but comfy. - When meal was done, it was time to hit the curtains. 4 flat sheets up on the living-room windows (such a relief to have those filthy “sun-blockers” down), one has been saved to go with the fitted sheet I bought so now I have TWO sets of sheets for the bed! (I'll wash the new ones tomorrow so I can have clean for Sunday night which is ROSH HASHANNA!) I took the split “Full” sheet” from the living-room and put those panels in the bed-room so no more grey shower curtains in there. The shower curtains are on the back door (for now). And only JUST NOW, am I sitting to type this! It's been non-stop! - And again, tonight, it's quite warm in the house. I don't know if I should dare to open windows. The temperature, I see, is 15°, forecast to drop to 8 tonight with tomorrow morning being at 9. That's probably cool enough to cool the place down over-night. It's 22° in the bed-room but it feels closer to 28. No radiator tonight, that's for certain. (May it hold out until the next one can be ordered.) - And but so... There's only over 200$ to last the rest of the month, but the bills are paid, on the 9th comes another 100-plus for FOOD, a tank of gas... and SUNDAY MORNING, 11.00, I HAVE TO BE AT STEWART'S E-TOWN, TO COMPLETE PAPER-WORK... MONDAY MORNING, 11.00, I HAVE TO BE AT STEWART'S SCHROON LAKE (originally Scarron Lake... thank you to that history book I'm reading at night) FOR ORIENTATION (I wonder if it's “paid”... I believe, by law, it must be... at about 11$/hour I should think). I see next week being a LOT of “training”. I know NOTHING about their registres... gas, smokes, booze, food, lodging, smut... what-ever. And I don't know the first thing about “Lotto”, and I'm hoping I won't have to deal with that shit... “State” and all that fuckery. But, we shall see how it rocks and rolls. - Right now, I'm happy about today's trip. There's no drafting table, no futon, but there are curtains and food and art supplies and that makes me quite happy, indeed. - Not bad for a day where I couldn't quite decide what-the-actual-fuck to do with my existence. - And so now... as I sit here breaking into a bit of a sweat, having a v-ton (yes) with a splash of cranberry (for my kidneys and bladder... like Aunt Sis having screwdrivers for the orange juice and vit.C) I COULD take a shower and go to bed... but? Tomorrow's Friday, the ONLY thing I'm planning on is making tie-backs for the curtains, washing the new sheets and... MAYBE getting vodka, vermouth, lemon... for Sunday night. It's the “New Year”... in a NEW TOWN... in a NEW HOME... in my HOME STATE! First one in 9 years! Hell! If I could/can... MAYBE THIS would be a great time to have that martini on the shores of Lake Champlain! I'll ponder. - Right now... a bit of catching-up with soc.med. and shit. The rest will happen as it will. - 23.26 The equivalent of 2 v-tons and some “bread crumbs” (I didn't buy crisps) and a bit more ice cream, and a bunch of soc.med. and now... off to bed! - Noting: At about 20.30 this evening the banging from the Diva's place was... annoying. She IS throwing tantrums. Well? Maybe that's why I don't have that drafting table: I can still pack what I have in the truck a roll away (except the mattress). “God is trying t'tell you something.” - Time for bed.

Fri.27.Sep: 6.58 And it's beginning already this morning. I don't understand why I'm awake already, but the eyes opened at about 6.00 and I didn't want to get out of the bed (it's chilly in here, this morning). But “loo call” and I figured, “Up? Have at it.” So the coffee went on, the new sheets went into the basin to soak and I'm dressed and in from a smoke. Ah, but of course, “something” HAD to happen to put a bit of a glitch in the day already: reaching for the sheets on the table, I slammed my thumb against the hack of one on the chairs and pulled the thumb nail from the thumb! Not horrifically, but enough to “crack/chip” the edge, enough to catch on the sheets, when I got to wash them. So? I'm sitting here typing, waiting for the “top coat” polish to dry. Delightful. Charming. But, again, indeed, it could be worse, I do suppose. (So much for the “intelligent”, “smartest” one in the family.) - I think I'm feeling that extra vodka of last night. Not terribly but enough to know that I had two and not one. Oh well, hopefully it'll “wear” off during the course of the day. Thankfully, there's nothing really important to be done with the day. No appointments and that sort of thing. Though I'm pondering a trip into town, to put money into the credit union here. I mean, there should be something of substance in there. Eh? - HOW-ever... this morning I woke to CURTAINS on the living-room windows (at last) and the sheets over the windows in the bed-room are quite pleasant. They'll be better when they're of the correct size. (Now, I need the plastic to put over them for Winter.) - Ah... and as I type, I hear Ms. Diva stirring about over there. That's always a delightful way to begin any day. I have to wonder why, all of a sudden, she's finding all sorts of shit to make noise with. Yesterday, Jeff told that, when he'd spoken with her on Wednesday evening, “I had to listen to her talk about how she's dying.” Sister? We're ALL dying. Some of us quicker than you are, others, slower. It's of no importance though. As long as she doesn't start pulling shit at 2 or 3.00 in the morning, howling her “Blues” and “Bluegrass”. (She DID say something about listening to Bluegrass at 2.00, when we chatted about making noise.) - No way of knowing anything... until it happens. Right now, I have to wait for this “polish” to harden and then get those sheets up... in the shower. And there's a bit of stitchery that needs doing today: tie-backs for the “curtains”. With this nail, it should prove interesting. - (I'll want a BM in short order as well... I can only hope for “cleansing”.) - 7.15 A check on the status of the sale of that fly rod, and the e-mail claims “You've been paid!” “You've been paid $101.91 for your sales into your bank account.“ That's exceptionally nice because it's going to the CIBC account! WOOHOO! Time-stamp: 20.13. I wonder... is that in Australia? Or what? Anyway, I'll have to keep an eye on it. Thankfully, no negative feed-back. Then again, a quick check of “fly rod” on Crgstlst and I see them at higher prices. (Now I have to wonder how much Ms. Pammie was giving Ms. Jacquie for all the rods SHE was given. I've little-to-no doubt that Pammie was selling them off at about 10 bucks a piece... and giving Ms. Jacquie 5. Oh well. I told Jacquie that I'd put them on-line. She couldn't be arsed. Not to mention... this is my next radiator... if not something for the truck.) - 8.57 VOYONS! The sheets are washed and hanging, the oven is turned off (because it was turned on because of the “chill” in here this morning). I've managed to check e-mails, open the curtains (though, with white on the windows, opening isn't all that necessary... YAY!), stepped out for the 3rd and final smoke until at least 11.00, the place is “settled”, the basins are empty, the dish rack is empty, there's a bit more coffee left and... I want a nap! (I can take that when the PO is officially open.) Jess is in. One of the “fine neighbours” parked in front of the house and took off for “a walk” up and down the road. (Me? I'm standing there, having my smoke thinking she's one of those, I've no doubt, who'll leave the car running and still bitch about the “cigarette”. But never mind that.) - I'd wanted to stitch some “tie-backs” with the remnants I have but they're not long enough. Oh well. Was going to throw some bread together, but I have to go in for yeast. Always something. I DO need to get to the “Thank You” to Alvin and Vivian. That's what I got the markers for. Oddly, I just don't have the “oompf” because I don't have the “work table”. Alas. I'll have to make do! Damn it. Also, have to check with Community to see if there's a way to “inter-banque transfer” funds from VT to NY. If not... machine fees to follow. If they say “No” then I've got two reasons to go into town. Of course, I should stop by the Thrift too. MAYBE (HAH!) they'll have some sort of “furnishings” I can make use of. - Anyway... the thumb is feeling fine, SO much “work” has been done already, and the day is only JUST NOW, officially commencing. Not bad. Not bad at all. - 9.52 Nap time. - 11.16 JEEZUS! I laid down for a “nap” and unwillingly, PULLED my-self out of the bed! SO FUCKING TIRED! And I don't know why! But, I suppose I can't really be too up-set. I was thinking I'd gone in at 9.00 but it was closer to 10.00 and so, it was only but an hour. Still, I was half-awake for most of it, and as I actually had to TRY to get up, I'd drift, into those “dream-states”. Like being caught in a rolling “REM”. Anyway, at least I managed to make something of the morning hours. - Now... on with the day. The “town” is gone, the PO, closed and the sun is shining warmly. I wish this house would be as warm. Alas. - 12.09 ENROLLED IN B2B XFR, COMM-TICONDEROGA... will have to wait a couple of days for “Authorisation” transfer of some funds BUT IT'S FREE OF CHARGES FROM COMMUNITY! WOOHOO! AND... THE MONEY FROM THE SALE OF THE ROD HAS BEEN POSTED TO CIBC FROM SELZ! I suppose this is a pretty good day. Now, I'm planning on a trip to the market for yeast and such, no need to go to the Credit Union now, thinking of what else I was going to do in town. But I DO need some sort of food in the place... and bread is necessary. Maybe a stop at the Thrift. MAYBE I'll check the leak in the kitchen basin whilst I'm at it (though I doubt Aubachon will have “O-rings” for such a thing. Oh well... I can try. If i could get that fixed... - Now, the only matter left is the radiator. Still waiting for word on that. But HEY! Banquing is done! I'm relieved. - 16.12 Bread is in the oven, and the lawn is being mowed and I've only just done with “lunch” and tea and now it's time to start “meal” (or, what others might refer to as “dinner”). The sheets are almost dry. I've moved them from shower to rack and the rack is in the living-room sun. Fucking shame I feel I can't put them on a line out in the yard. Good thing I didn't though... today. Since the lards are mowing. Seriously. Can't tell ahead of time? Oh well... fucking consideration isn't a virtue of others, and surely, here, not to be allowed to me... the fucking prick who yelled at their Joanie Diva. - I “dismiss”. - And so, for now, it's pass about 20 minutes or so until it's time to heat up the stove. Sad, really, that the oven's on now, because it's really quite warm in here... and out there. I have the windows open. (May there be many more days like this day, to come.) - OH! I DID make the trip into the market. Yeast, milk, eggs, veggies and 2 bags of Doritos because they were on sale. 8$ left on the card til the 9th. Oh well... (And I cooked some rice for tonight as well.) - 18.02 Meal of burger, veggies, rice... done. Ice cream dessert, done. ALL DISHES, done. Bread, done and in a bag in the fridge. Day, done. I'm going for a nap, not done. Joanie Diva? Commences the thumping. Done. - 19.30 Just sat for a healthy 20 minutes, watching dark grey clouds form, out of nothing, over just this side of the mountains... grow, get darker, drift East-North-Easterly, dissipate, disappear. And as one would disappear, another would form, in an other-wise clear sky. And always... ALWAYS, at the very same spot!

Sat.28.Sep:1.26 Yes... 1.26. I got started using the new markers and the “tri-level” Thank You card for Alvin and Vivian. Not too bad, I must say, but a LOT of work to such a basic sketch. Of course, if I'd done it in black, it would have been finished before now, but I wanted colour. So? So. Here I am. - Just in from last smoke. Saw the “twinkling” lights on Craig's place go out. There's a breeze blowing. A warmish breeze at that. Not “cold” at all. Nice night for a nice walk down a back road. But... NO! I need to get, at the very least, SOME sleep! All these fucking naps during the day fucks my nights. Oh well... So be it. Nothing on the agenda but garbage for the day. - So, off to teeth-brushing and another “nap”, as it were... I hope. (Watch, I'll be wiped-out when it's time to wake up.) - 8.26 Up. Dressed. Had vit.C. Smoke. Folded the sheets (to be put on the bed later). Woke at about 5.00 and decided “HEL NO!”. Heard the alarm at 8.00 (7.47) and thought “I doubt it.” But... Here I am. And it's over-cast, breezy, warm. Fine. And another day rolls in. And first thought of the day? “I'm not paying rent to baby-sit your girl-friend.” Since the lawn's been mowed (yesterday), I'm rather expecting a visit from the landlord. Oh well. The rent's paid... October AND November (current and “Last”, as it is). So? So. It would be rather like paying Bobo for the privilege of taking care of his husband AND his house AND his property AND the rest. Nope. No so doing. Isnt' that a lovely way to start a day though? - Well, the day's commenced. There's “art” to be done. Trash to be hauled. Let's see what the day becomes... as it closes. Set sights on tomorrow morning... 11.00, “pre-employment paper-work”. The rest will attend to itself. - (Just looking into the back-room where, last night, I went through stuff to find stuff... it's a mess again. Fucking shame there's no work-table in there. Oh well... what-ever will be, will be... Kay Sarah-Sarah.) - 13.29 Bad news/Good news. I left at about 11.30, headed to the Thrift Store for that hutch and the loon comes out, asks if I called about it, said it was just sold (on the phone) THEN says that it's PAID! Ah ouais? J'pense PAS, chere Madame! (It wouldn't have fit very well anyway so, no loss, really, but...) So I went in-side, being there, to look for a glass stove-top percolator. None. BUT... a set of THREE Pyrex bowls... 10$! (I just paid the one almost 7!) AND... the cutest little table lampe with GLASS shade, 8$! I scurried (in the drizzle) to TiFCU, pulled 40$ (plus 2$ fucking for the “fee”), scurried back and GOT the bowls and lampe! And I was off to the dump, to the dump, to the dump-dump-dump where I got 3 stickers, dumped my trash and learnt that black trash bags are fine, but they reserve the right to check to make certain it's house-hold. YAY! I've got black bags and now I don't have to worry about bags! And then... back down the 9 to FamDoll where I got “LED” bulbs for the little lamp... TWO packs of smokes (YAY ME!), some “Suavitel” dryer sheets (for to make the bed-room smell kinder), a can of “Oud” freshener, for the rest of the house and... back to the lunibin... Joanie Diva in residence. - Now? I've washed the bowls, set-up the lamp, and because there was an “incident” on the fitted sheet on the bed (I noticed last night... this nonsense of “traces” is getting annoying... I'm behaving like an “Old man” who'll probably soon - if not already - smell like “old”) the sheets are in the soak. I would have waited until tomorrow but having that trip at 11.00 sort of cuts the day wrong. Anyway, as for “chere Madame Thrift shoppe”, she tells me that somebody “paid” the fucking hutch, but I can't figure how, since I asked about a debit card use in-store and was told they couldn't. So? How'd the “caller” pay already? Not to mention (as I shall), Madame kept touting the morning's sales (“Everything on the porch is sold!”) but kept hawking on the sale of the hutch... so that I kept hearing it! Fucking idiot. (But, they took my old newspapers, for their wrapping... and so I didn't have to bother with another trip at recyc when I dropped the garbage.) - And now? TEA TIME! CBC on the “wire-less”, accounts balanced. And after tea? Hopefully finish the Thank You card... I didn't work on it whilst the PO was open because of the possible BANGING! Now... I'll just hope Ms. Wacko-Diva doesn't fuck things up. Alas. - What a day! Quite nice. It won't get up to the forecast 26°.That's been changed to 15, though it's about 17° now... cloudy, drizzly here and there and on and off. But... OH... of note: When I opened the front door coming back from the running... it smelled quite nice in here. So there's that much. - 20.17 The house is settled after “meal” AND THE CARD FOR AVLIN AND VIVIAN IS DONE! (And of course, JUST at the FUCKING LAST FUCKING MOMENT... a little “dot” of black! But there it is, done, noted and sealed, ready for delivery. And speaking of “Delivery”... I checked on Dorothy's “Princess Pine”... delivered today at 16.30. No word yet from her though. Oh well. Not that I expect one... and time soon. Funny anecdote on that though: I couldn't find the receipt with the tracking number... was going MAD... grabbed the “Insurance” number for the fly rod and put THAT in for tracking. When I saw that it was DELIVERED... BRATTLEBORO... I HAD A FUCKING HEART ATTACK! Bad enough the box disappeared from tracking after scanned out of New Russia but to be delivered to fucking Brattleboro? I almost lost my fucking nut! THEN... realised... WRONG FUCKING NUMBER! WENT CRAZY LOOKING FOR THE RECEIPT AND... FOUND IT... KEYED THE NUMBER AND... DELIVERED... TO GEORGIA... THE STATE! - And there we have it. - As for the day? The new lamp is too dim to read by... oh well... it looks cute in the living-room window with the plants. - Had a 30-minute nap after which, it was time for “meal”. I'd mixed crumbled “Doritos... Ranch” into the burger and WOW! It was DEEEEEELISH! Rice and veggies. Finished the ice cream. - Ms. Megan came by to see Ms. Joanie Diva. - The bed-sheets are washed and hanging in the door-way to the back room. (FUCK! Had they been on a line or out-side... 10 minutes drying... I'm getting fucking fed-up with this shit. Time to think “clothes line”! But they're clean. So too... the “new” sheets on the bed. (Shower tonight!) (I have to check the propane tomorrow too.) - And there we have it. - Hoovering tomorrow for Rosh Hashanna. Should ring Ev. After the paper-work. - As for tonight? I should shave, I suppose. Should trim my nails for Monday... eventually... soon. Other than that? It's not TOO cold out there tonight and rather comfy in here. The radiator's on though (trying to dry the pillow cases... fucking diva-bitch). I might have a beverage (since I can't tomorrow night). And then... shower and bed! - 23.14 Showered. And whilst I showered, I heard a “BOOM” from the cellar. Just in from checking. No smoke. No smell. So I'm going to bed. I've no idea what it could have been but there's no smoke. - There's the most wonderful breeze out tonight. It would be a delight to open the windows... were it not for the fear of it getting cold over-night. Once this house gets cold, it hold it too long. But the radiator is off for the night. - Today's sheets are on the rack. Still wet. When I think: 10 minutes out-side on a line. FUCK THIS SHIT! - Oh well. Time for lights out. I've had a v-ton and I'm tired.

Sun.29.Sep: 7.38 A sleep-through-the-night last, and up before the alarm again at 7.15-ish. Coffee in the press and in from a smoke and the grey clouds hang in the sky to the North. A cool morn. Not “cold”. And there's hot water and there was no calamity o'er night with the water heater so I suppose it's an OK morning... thus far. I COULD have stayed in bed. I'd have liked to have done but... must to look “awake” by 11.00 so? So. The sheets are still damp. That puts me a tough “off”. But here we are... I'm thinking of ways to make it worth the while, running the truck this morning. But there are no errands and no money to just spend and nothing to spend it on in town. So? So. There we have it. I'm just relieved to have gotten the “Thank You” done last evening. - And on with the day ahead. Let's see how the “old year” ends and the “new year” commences... other than a trip to a town I used to simply pass, en route to Montréal, so many years ago. (Schroon) - I can't help but think, from time-to-time... Lewis, Schroon, Plattsburgh... This is like living in the 70s, with the town names. Last night, in the shower, I thought about Lewis... and that one, cold, Winter morning, if memory properly serves, but I do recall it was about 2.00 when I'd arrived at the rest stop to pee... no cars (that I saw) in the lot, and when I got into the mens', somebody in the stall in the midst of a jolly “have-at-it', as it were. Lewis. And one of these days, I'll be in the local Stewart's... and either he, or some member of his relatives may be stopping in, for smokes, ice cream or some sort of something. How odd. And then there was that little chat with the woman in FamDoll yesterday, looking for light bulbs and she said “Looks like Plattsburgh.” meaning she'll have to drive all the way up there to get a fucking light bulb (for her oil scenter) and I said “When I lived in Albany I thought nothing of driving to Plattsburgh, but these days...” True, that. Not to mention, all those years in VT and knowing that Plattsburgh was just across the lake and yet, still too far away. And Lyle, so excited about going. And today? Dread. Oh well, at least I'm back in NY. And as I thought last night: It's going rather well, all tings considered. The only 2 items that could use improvement are the condition of the truck and a bit of furniture. Other than that... - Not mentioning too much here for fear of the “Great Whammy”. - It's another day. Let's see how it plays out. - 8.14 Just going through the usual e-mails, weather and shit and remembered a Dreamlette: Don't recall anything before or after other than being out and about, in the truck, needing to go some-where, being some-where, needing to turn the turn-signal on for a bit and suddenly... it stopped working! And in the dream I remembered a “review” on-line, of the “relay” I'd just bought and installed where the person said they'd gotten one and it last “5 hours”. And of course, I was pissed-off and anxious and the likes. And that was the dream. OK... so let's see... it COULD be the anxiety of tomorrow's trip, or it could be premonitory. Only time will tell. - 18.20 JUST getting to fix dinner! - 19.50 AND THE DAY IS, AT LAST, DONE! THE SUN IS, AT LAST, SET AND THE “NEW YEAR” IS, AT LAST, COMMENCED! “Meal” is done. Dishes are done and in the rack to dry. I'm in from post-meal smoke and... time to try to remember the times of today's events and... OK. - I was out the door at 10.40 this morning and off to the “paper-work” meeting at Stewart's. When I got there (at 10.50) Ms. Amanda was having some sort of meeting with other folks. I tend to believe it was a “new employee” who was getting her shirt and shit so I suppose it was fine. But the wait was a bit awkward and about a half hour. So, came my turn and the paper-work went about. It's been YEARS since last I had to fill papers like that, AND, the “NY-related” questions of being a “NYC/Yonkers” resident threw me a touch. But for about an hour (it lasted until about 13.00!) Amanda answered all sorts of questions and seems to stress “employee happiness” over all else, assuring me that I should ask questions, won't be left alone AND... she even had me down for TWO days this week! Wednesday and Thursday, noon to 15.00! I AM being paid for tomorrow's “orientation” at 3 hours, at 13,50/hr! 121,50 (less taxes will probably give be about 90$) more than I would have had! Not enough to have ALL truck-related matters attended but it's the new driver's license, or the inspection covered, not to mention, the next radiator! Every little bit helps. - After, I was planning on going to “Fields'” to check for chairs and the likes, but I had to pee and hadn't bothered to do so at the store so I got back to the house, pee'ed and took a nap for about 40 minutes. (It's about the naps these days... SHIT!) - Up from nap and by then it was already after 14.00. I got the back room together, looking for some little thing or another to hold the “ID tag” for work. I'll get my shirts at some point, but tomorrow, I'll be expected to wear the tags and I do NOT want to poke holes in the few clothes I have. Anyway, that got orderly'ed and I got to Hoovering the place as well! - Ah... tonight's dessert... RAN through this week's “Tops” advert, found sugar and butter on sale and too, cranberry juice and V8! INTO THE TRUCK AND AWAY!!!! Into the store, sale items, a few other items, ice cream (which is what I wanted anyway) and out! By 18.00 I was back in the house and as I un-packed the groceries, RANG EV! WHAT A GREAT CHAT THIS EVENING! A few really great laughs and her great support and encouragement and congrats for things going well here. Lori Diamond, Lois and families are with Eve tonight for holiday dinner. They're cooking. “I'm a guest in my own home.” said Ev. She's doing SO VERY well. She'll be 93 in December! Bless her. And she sounded ever-so well. It was a JOY, talking with her. - Whilst we chatted, a text from Dorothy. “You're a love. Princess pine.” When the call with Ev was done, I replied to Dorothy (didn't call because she said she'd call me... “probably Wednesday”). I told her to call after 15.30 because of work. She texted back her congrats on getting the job and I let it go at that. (I've NO doubt that she WON'T phone on Wednesday anyway, but I wished her “Happy New Year” none-the-less.) - FINALLY... it must have been about 18.45 when I sat to eat. Meal? Roasted chicken (from Tops), rice and veggies, cranberry juice. Ice cream for dessert. I'd washed the dishes as I cooked and prepped so at the end, there were precious few to be done. And there was a LOT of food on tonight's plate! To be sure. It's rather amazing: I'm eating at least bread and butter with tea during the day, good portions of food for evening meal and yet, I seem to be loosing weight! Oh well. No sense worrying about it. But, I AM eating MUCH better now, these past couple of months. THAT much has to be said for this move. - And now? Watching “Was It Something I Said” and pondering ONE... ONE v-ton for the holiday. ONE! Thankfully, I don't have to be out of here until about 9.00-ish... I've got to hit the Credit Union for a form for direct deposit of my pay. (YAY! I don't have to transfer money from Community AND I can actually use the Ticonderoga account for other things now... and hold Community for bill-paying, as I've been doing! MAGNFICIENT! Not to mention the 100CAD/98USD in CIBC as back-up!) - So tonight, the radiator is on in a living-room that's been Hoovered. It's gone a bit “chilled” out there tonight. One more month and OIL! (If I get paid on time, maybe earlier... with the “Ti” account... but I'm hoping to hold until HEAP...) - It's been a hectic ride here, thus far, but this IS a MOST WONDERFUL WAY TO BEGIN A NEW YEAR! (“Our year”, as Ev called it this evening.) - Hopefully, a nice shower before bed (I'm still wary about that BOOM last night whilst in the shower and I don't believe the hot water is as hot as it used to be... and I HOPE there's nothing wrong with the water heater). A night of GREAT and RESTFUL sleep! And a NEW adventure in Schroon Lake tomorrow! New year... new times... new town... new life. - 22.47 Just out of a “solid” shower... didn't turn the water off and scrubbed with running hot. And no “BOOM” tonight and the hot water held and the pressure... well... it was “sufficient”. But I'm clean. MUST remember that I have to get to the banque in the morning AND to the E-Town store before Schroon. (More gas. More mileage. But... Hopefully the gas will be cheap enough in Schroon.) Also noticed that the coupons I'd used at the market today were over-ridden by the card and the card price was higher than the coupons! So... there's a trip into town for that as well. Fuckers. (And to think... they have the “Hiring” sign up. I should go, apply, get the interview and tell them of their plots. What-ever. We shall see how it rolls. - The radiator is “available” on-line tonight but I won't order until I KNOW, for certain, that I'm getting the discount! And tonight... temps to be 4°! Only tonight.... then up to the 10s, 12s until the end of the week. Still... I want that extra heater! I do NOT want to be using the oven... and can't use it over-night anyway. - OK. All's still fine. Clothes ready for tomorrow. Me ready for tomorrow. Here we go! Life in NY again! - 23.53 Last of the v-ton... off to the last smoke. Then brush teeth. Then... HOPE FOR SLEEP.

Mon.30.Sep: 8.30 Rough start to the morning... I want to stay in bed. Though the skies are clear, it's 6° out there, not “too bad” in the house, but my general “me” is generally the “usual”... ick. Starting the lap-top took 2 tries. I'm not “comfortable” with that. And when I got water for the plants, the little container over-flowed onto the kitchen floor. Follow that with an immediate trip to the loo... Well? We'll see how the day rolls. - Quick look at a “map”, on the phone, the trip from Schroon to Ticonderoga is a one-road deal, straight across. Schroon's at par. with Ticonderoga, 20mi. away. I might be able to get some extra pillow cases, maybe the 2 sheets for the bed-room (which is going to be “interesting” when the nights get any colder because of the old windows). - Meanwhile, the night was 2 spasms, early on. Then... a “not restful” sleep for the remainder. Let's see how all this “running” goes today. I should be out of here in about an hour to get it all running. Banque, Stewart's E-Town, Stewart's Schroon, maybe Walmarde and back. Quite the day. One can only hope. Hey... it's a “new year”... That's all I'm going to say on the matter. - 9.09 Just getting to 2nd coffee, I hear the PO is opening... the stomping on the front porch. “Calibre” of people. I say no more. Well? I suppose 'tis time to commence the day. I've put off dressing as long as possible. (I want to go back to bed. But it's the common anxieties of wondering if the truck will make the necessary voyage... there and back, with-out “incident”... and if *I* will make it through... I'm SO pre-occupied with truck and my own body... bladder and bowels... ah... I've become... “OLD”!) - As one can always say: Only Time will tell... the end of the day is the only proof. - 19.02 And all but the “paper-work” of the day is DONE! AND WHAT A DAY THIS HAS BEEN!
At 9.30 I was OUT THE DOOR, rolling into Elizabethtown and heading for the Ticonderoga Credit Union. Got there, explained to the nice lady, that I needed something for “Direct Deposit” of my pay. She printed-out 4 cheques... actual cheques and with-in moments, I was out the door, rolling into Stewart's. There, Amanda was handling a delivery, in the cooler, so some guy took the paper-work (with a “well-voided” cheque) and I was back on the road! By 10.00, I was back at the house to PEE! Stopped at the PO to check the mail. Nothing... thankfully, and chatted about shit and the route to Schroon Lake with Ms. Biddy (who asked how the situation with Ms. Diva is going. When I told her we haven't spoken, she was a bit upset, started to make excuses for Ms. Diva and I simply said “I'm enjoying the peace. That's what I came home for... peace. I have that.” By 10.20 I was back in the truck and rolling South-bound on the 9 to Schroon Lake! - The route is BEAUTIFUL! It winds terribly, the condition of Route 9 is atrocious, but it's tree-lined for the most part, the Boquet comes SO CLOSE in SO many spots, and I actually got to cross the bridge at “Split Rock”... which I didn't get to see because I was too busy watching the turns in the road and checking how the truck was handling the “rough road” (of which there are a great many signs, the cost of which should go to repairing the fucking road but..). And of ALL the times of year to be along this route, THIS, as the leaves are turning reds, golds, yellows... IT WAS BEAUTIFUL! MAGNIFICIENT! And, un-like VT, there are SO MANY TREES on each side! Just indescribably beautiful! The drive went very well. For the most part, I maintained about 90km/h with only one stop, JUST UP THE ROAD FROM STEWART'S, IN SCHROON LAKE, for some road repair. It didn't last long and I was pulling into the parking lot of a Stewart's ON SCHROON LAKE! - The little village is definitely geared toward tourism, quite lovely, quaint, but even with the very nice houses round and about, it does show the “signs” of the decline and some neglect. But over-all... it's beautiful! So too, the Stewart's there: one of the NEW places. When I got in, I looked at their clock: 11.05. There were 5 others waiting already. - Orientation? “Angela” (I believe that's her name) was really personable and ran through the videos and Q&A quickly. The information on the sale of alcohol and tobacco was, to be honest, interesting. Fascinating how much attention is given to such a relatively “nothing” issue, comparatively speaking. Rapes, robberies, murders, political violence... all take a 2nd or even 3rd and 4th seat. But it gives me the resolve to “ID” EVERY customer... politely, of course, but EVERYBODY will have to show some “valid” ID. (I'm rather amazed that I'm not asked every time.) - The introductory “Welcome” info was equally fascinating. Only 300 stores and about 1200 employees? This IS a chain of “Mom and Pop” stores, and the tress again was on making customers happy. It was all about happy customers and happy employees. (We'll see how that works out... Lechters was the same way and... well... let's just see when the bull-shit starts falling.) - We even went out to “dip” the gas tanks! Reminded me of Mum and her stint with Getty gas. - Anyway... by 13.20 we were all in our vehicles and on the road to where-ever we were heading for the rest of the day. I'M BEING PAID FOR A 3-HOUR STINT... that lasted 2,5 hours. NO complaints. - I headed up the 9 and grabbed the Easterly turn onto the 74 and headed for... Ticonderoga! Walmarde! I was hoping they'd have gotten in more sheets, and I wanted to do something with the time and the fact that I was down that way. (Ticonderogo is almost directly East of Schroon Lake.) - En route, which again, is BEAUTIFUL... passing through and over another mountain (and that's OBVIOUS, with the climbing and descending) through MORE TREES! More turns and twists in the road too. I have to wonder who decided these routes, though I've a feeling they're about as old as this area is populated. Again, I was in AWE... ESPECIALLY WHEN I DROVE INTO... “PARADOX!!! ANOTHER town whose name I know, have always been curious about and NOW, HAVE BEEN TO! Paradox is just an area on the road, a few houses, here and there. Nothing at all other than the lake to warrant mention. But WOW! SO WONDERFUL... “And as time goes by I will always be in a club with you in 1973...” (Actually, my mind and soul are in 1974-75 these days... all the more and more.) Up, up and up again and again until... DOWN DOWN DOWN... on the other side of the grand mountain and... had it not been for the intersection, I could well have coasted from mountain top into Walmarde! - AT Walmarde... I looked a flowers to put on the front porch and honestly, my heart's no longer in there. My priorities are now easier to handle for the things I want and need and to fukkall with the house. I went in, got 1 more pillow cases (which I do need), and NOT ONE TWIN, FLAT SHEET IN THE STORE AGAIN! (I'm going to contact Walmarde to let them know of their incompetence.) BUT... I DID get the pillow cases, A PHONE FOR THE LAND-LINE (for only about 8$... I'm not thrilled with it but it serves the purpose), the plastic for the bed-room windows (a project for tomorrow), 9 more hangers (so that everything isn't doubled in the closet any more), a package of 6 light bulbs to replace these “blue” shits around here, another can of Glade “Comy Flannel” air scent, a package of 50 tea-lights and a package of 12 “votives” in glass (for Chanukah lighting this year), a box of apple fritters, another package of burger and a GALLON of vanilla ice cream! (YES! I spent entirely TOO much more than I should have done, but on things needed and food). - Receipt time: 15.28. I left, stopped and Mobil for 20$ gas. 6,371gals filled the tank and at 15.35 (receipt time) I was heading home! AT LAST! - Must have been about 16.15-ish when I FINALLY got into the house and as I was un-packing, a message: deLonghi: THE RADIATOR IS AVAILABLE! I un-packed and pondered whether or not to get the other one... but the chill in this house convinced me to go ahead. I quickly sat, keyed-in today's purchases to find that I've gone WAY TO THE EXTREME OVER MY SANE BUDGET BUT... the fact that the place was chilled convinced me to go for the radiator! I phoned... AND GOT CONNECTED WITH AMEED AGAIN! WELL! We went through the whole transaction (after I thanked him again and again for his help, along with Tariq and Chanelle) AAAaaaand... I'VE ORDERED THE SECOND RADIATOR! (And tonight I wish it was already here because I've got the oven going... it's not COLD... but it IS chilly and the radiator in the living-room is set at “5” out of 6.) SO... that done... it was time to get MEAL on the heat! - A brick of Ramen in a bowl, mixed veggies with shredded chicken in a pot and... by shortly after 17.00 I was at table... EATING! And the dish looked quite delish... and wasn't at all half bad, to be honest. A V8 with and it was quite filling, indeed! Sadly, it was done by the time “The Five” was getting finished. Another one of those “QUICK! I'M HUNGRY!” deals. But at least I ate... and had the dishes done and sat to have ice cream after. Tonight though, there was a bit of this morning's coffee in the mug and I added that vanilla ice cream to that. MEMORIES OF CHILD-HOOD... DINNERS AT OMA'S... ICE CREAM WITH BREWED COFFEE! WOW! THAT WAS DELICIOUS BEYOND AND THEN SOME! - OK... Meal, dessert, dishes done... I was on to the votives. Had to remove the candles from 9 of them to so put the tea lights in. (I know... too early, but... ) The votives went into a pot of hot water, on the stove, until they separated from the little glass... and 9 are now ready for Chanukah! 3 are ready for what-ever comes along. And... the day has rolled to a halt... AT LAST! - 20.14 Just up from a 20-minute shut-eye because I needed to get one... at least the 20 minutes. The events of the day are recorded. I'd put the oven off before napping and it's back on again. It truly is chilly in here tonight... add to that, I'm exhausted from the day! Still have the 'paper-work” to complete. The “cash account” at Community is down to about 29$ which is what I now have until the end of October! (Thankfully, there's the equivalent of about 90-plus USD in CIBC! AND... there's a pay-cheque to come in the mean-while. I don't know when, but it'll come... to the credit union. But in the mean-whille... I'm fucking broke! Oh well... As I had a smoke earlier, I thought: Rent, utilities are paid. There's a full tank of gas in the truck. There should be about 1/4 tank of oil in the furnace .... “should” be... I'll check the workings tomorrow... during the day... I dread turning that thing on at all. There's food in the fridge (for a change in MY life, I can say) and there's 100$-plus coming on the 9th for more food. So? So... I'm not completely fucked. (I KNOW what “completely fucked” is... and this isn't it.) - So... on to the paper-work, receipts to be filed and entries to be made. - Tomorrow, I have some washing to do and Wednesday... WORK for another 3 hours... of “Training”... thankfully. OH! I HAVE A STEWART'S CAP NOW! Oh... woo-the-fuck-hoo! But it's a start. - More later... Just having 2 of those “apple fritters” I got today at Walmarde. 8/3$ and they're horrible. But they're here, I have milk and... On with the paper-work! - And oh yes... HAPPY NEW YEAR! - 21.58 Meat put in freezer... there are now EIGHT portions in the freezer and 1 in the fridge (tomorrow's meal before it goes bad). The house is settled. Papers are filed. The house is WARM... I've had the oven on for quite the while and it's almost uncomfortable. AND I'M HAVING A V-TON! FUKKIT! - 23.38 V-ton done... time for bed. No shower tonight. Laundry tomorrow.