Wed.1.Jun: 5.45 And SHIT commences. Gordon is now “in”. *I* brought BOTH dogs out this morning whilst B&G sat in the kitchen. Bob’s JUST leaving for work. Gordon’s waltzing about the house. AND… Gordon’s Sascha has swallowed a toad. I told Gordon. He giggled. I told Bob. He told Gordon. Gordon giggled. And Bob took off for work. It’s none of my business, but toads can be lethal. So we’re looking at dog vomit and perhaps death of a rather beautiful and precious little puppy… and typical fag irresponsibility. Not to mention, ( a ) Bob’s now got “lilac” wax in the scented wax burner AND ( b ) as I came back in from my smoke, Gordon standing at the front door calling to Bob “Love you.” Honestly… senseless. – New month… and here we go. Great beginning to a day, month and… – The lawn has to be mowed today. At least it’s not supposed to be too warm.
NOT MY MONKEY. NOT MY CIRCUS.
Here we go. – 18.33 MY DAY IS DONE! I am SHOWERED! Haven’t “eaten” anything more than a few slices of bread, 2 ice cream “samichiz” and a Coke. But there’s 2 PopTarts waiting. – THE LAWN GOT MOWED… FRONT TO BACK! whilst the “New Madame” sat about the house. Ah… did I NOT expect this? The lawn took about 3,5hrs because I tried to get back to the fence-line and the grass was THICK! But the rest? Fine and dandy. – This morning, before I got to the lawn, I stopped to see Jacquie, primarily to see if I’d be getting paid (I didn’t mention it and neither did she… Hmmm…) and to find out when her next “Road Trip” will be and for how long. WELL! MONDAY! She and her Maryrose will be on the road to NY (Albany, Fonda, etc.) on Monday! And she THINKS they’ll be back on Wednesday night. Apparently, one of them has something “pressing” on either Wednesday or Thursday. But in any event… I’ll be attending Ms. Hallie from Monday-Sunday with one night exception. There had BETTER be PAY BEFORE this week-end! I’m in NO mood for this shit! Anyway… whilst chatting, she tells me about the plants that will need watering AND things that will need planting in the garden AND the “tilling” that will need be done through the season! Oh yeah? Oh yeah. NOT! And she’s had the house “power-washed”… so there’s painting that will have to be done. Fukkoff! Really. I’m sure she’s pissed that I haven’t done the “strips” in that front room. And quite honestly, I don’t give a shit at all. And she told me that she’d gotten more gas for the mowers. Oh gee… Luckily I had enough to run the mower for a LOT of the mowing and then a touch more than enough to re-fill the tank left from when I drained the others in her barn. And so, I left her… at about 9.45. – Came back to la cage and got right to mowing!!! ZOOM ZOOM! 10.00 and I was rolling along. – I took a break round noon, came in for a lemonade and the new madame was at table, eating. “Is it getting hot out there yet?” Get up off your fat arse and go find out! I know I probably shouldn’t be so harsh but… Living off the “Vermont National Dole”? and the other similarities? Actually, I can’t help but think: Damned idiot. For Bob, this is more “financial” than anything else. (As has been made obvious today… “The First of the Month”.) But… fagz will be fagz… and it’s not for me to say. – So… back out to finish the mowing… with the gas mower… and then the front with the reel. TAH DAH! DONE! AND LOOKING GREAT WITH THE STRAIGHT LINES! (I’ve posted photos to “Woodhauler” already.) – And THEN… I put a double-thick cover of the real black tarp that isn’t being used in the garden this season, over what was there behind the fence behind “Daisy’s Garden”. HOPEFULLY THAT will keep that “Cecil-shitichokes” down and out! – Jacquie was gone… I went and got about a gallon or so more gas in the container I “borrowed”. I’ve more gas for more mowing! YAY ME! – By this time, I was a filthy mess! Hot, sweaty and had had a horse-fly buzzing me most of the after-noon… I FINALLY done it in! – A quick stop at the store for 2 ice cream smaichiz and 2 Cokes and a sit behind the barn. It was about 15.30 when I finally got back in to an empty place. – In the living-room, a large box. The speakers Bob ordered, I suppose. But no people. Well OF COURSE!!! FIRST OF THE MONTH, THE DISABILITY AND FOOD STAMPS ARE IN! AWAY THEY’D GONE!!! IN GORDIES CAR! Yep… Bob’s wasting NO time and NONE of Gordon’s “benefits”. None of my business. Not my monkeys. Not my circus. – And so… alone… I SHOWERED WONDERFULLY! SCRUBBY-DUB-DUBBY! (But I need to dig through some boxes and such to find more under-shorts… I’m wearing Cecil’s boxers now.) WONDERFUL! – AND THEN… AND THEN… AND THEN… I took the dogs out for a ‘moke AND…. THEY RAN THE FUCK OFF!!!! DISAPPEARED FROM THE YARD!!! SOME WOMAN IN A TRUCK BY THE STORE CALLED “THEY WENT THAT WAY!” AND POINTED TO THE BACK YARD BUT…. NO… THEY WENT UP THE FUCKING ROAD!!! I HAD TO WALK UP TO JES & KERRY’S AND there was Kerry, in the front drive, doing something or another AND DIXIE running about her yard and Sascha looking at me on the pavement with her head down. I GROWLED A LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS “HEY!” for Dixie, which apparently “alarmed” Kerry. “As if I don’t have enough fucking shit to do in a day!” I called to her… and got the dogs back into la cage. Little Dixie KNEW she was in trouble. Sascha will have to learn. Nobody got struck. But… – And so, that done, I came into the room and POSTED THE DAY TO “WOODHAULER”! – 18.57 “They” returned about 15 minutes ago. Quite… thus far. No doubt there’s to be “testing” of the new speakers… probably at an hour when “normal” people will be trying for sleep. – OK… so… I’ve gotten Ms. Hallie her dinner and a stroll round the house. AND…
THIS EVENING I BROUGHT THE SUBARU TO THE BACK OF THE BARN!!! I’m not completely comfortable with it being back there… since I can’t see it from the house AND I worry about Bobo and his fire-pit shit… with the “bonfire bull-shit”. But I just don’t feel comfy with it being at Jacquie’s any longer. Perhaps next week, whilst she’s away, I’ll bring it back. But for now….
19.00 I’M HUNGRY!!! There’s nothing but 2 PopTarts to eat and Jacquie’s micro-wave is a bloody disastre! Something RED boiled-over in it and she left it… I left it as it is. Fuk OFF! – Right now, I’m going for a smoke and such. It’s almost time to call this a day! – OH OH OH !!!! CURTIS CAME BY AND MOWED THE PART OF THE LAWN THAT I DIDN’T/COULDN’T GET TO! THANK YOU DEAR CURTIS! – 22.19 “Woodhauler” has a “Re-direct” page so that searches for “me” will connect to it. – I’m just up from last smoke (I’ve got 5 left… there’s a terrible week-end coming because I don’t have more than about 3 rollies left in the tobacco and not enough in the account to get more… I’m SO FUCKED!) and it appears that Jacquie isn’t back yet! I wonder what she’ll say when (if) she notices the Subaru isn’t there. (If I must, I’ll simply say that I moved it to mow the spot where it was… it needs mowing anyway… WHAT-ever.) – And it’s delightfully rather cool in the room this evening. B&G are, of course, behind closed door and the dogs are with them. Oh well… – I should get to sleep now… I’m hungry though… nothing to eat in the larder. No food… no smokes… no shit.

Thu.2.Jun: 5.57 (Quite “Heavy-chested” this morning. – Up from a smoke. B. took G’s car to work this morning. I was going to go out and get a photo of the front of the house, but… And I think: It begins… Now we’re taking the “tenant’s” vehicle on jaunts. No sense of responsibility on either part. If he, B., has an accident in that car… he’s already gotten a “Speeding Warning” from the State. Once again: Not my circus. I’ve more important things to ponder… like: WHY haven’t I heard from Vincent? – Oh well… But just to clear the thought: G. moves in, new stereo speakers, new air conditioner (B. was using a small window fan until…) and the a/c runs all the time now because G. locks himself in the room all day (or most of it). The electric bill will be high. AND… neither one of them knows the other well-enough. Neither one has any “Good sense”. Either one can call this shit off at a snap. And B.? Well… I still hold to my original thought about all of this here, in this house: He needed to get away from a bad situation down South; Lyle was lonely and a home-owner; marriage was legal; now Lyle’s dead and the house belongs to B.; home-owner with-out the financial lay-out. Done deal. – So… no photo of the house and not really much of anything that NEEDS doing today. – I’m down to 4 smokes. Jacquie’s truck is in the drive this morning. The Subaru is behind the barn. Jacquie should receive rent money yesterday or today. Cash from up-stairs and cheque from the house. And me? If there’s nothing there for me today… there won’t be any before Sunday or Monday. And I’ve resolved: If this is where it’s come to, then I’m NOT going for the “equity” this time. I’ll simply tell the twats over there that I can’t attend Hallie. Let THEM take the responsibility. I’ll have to cut my smokes out anyway, so… Thanks… for nothing. – Another thought of the morning: G. stays in that room all day… another “Freak”. But I shouldn’t even consider it because, at least, it’s not sitting about the house, monitoring my every action or needing to be entertained. It’s “out of the way”… an the house is, pretty much, my place. – Now? On with the day… what-ever. – *** MESSAGE FROM VINCENT THIS MORNING! SENT AT 22.42 LAST NIGHT!!! ALL’S WELL! *** – 17.04 Up from a 30-min nap. HAD to! – As for the day, well.. I was out the door by 10.00 and over to Jacquie’s where she asked me to tea and as I sat I saw, under the place-mat, an envelope! 100 and there’s no telling how long it’d been there. But she asked me if I’d gotten it, moments after I did. I found it when she’d gone to the post office. I don’t know if it’s for the week-coming or for the weeks she’d left me with nothing (22 and 29 May). But at least I have it now. Smokes for the week-end. – And so, I came back to la cage to transplant a fern from the North bed to the right side of the front steps (and when B. came in from work I asked and he’d not noticed… fukkim”). Went over to the store for a package of Swiss cheese and rolls and grahams for later and then strolled back to Jacquie at about 13.45. – Hallie’s eaten something that’s made her drool and given her fever. Jacquie and I suspect one of the dead fish the her twats left on the compost. Me? I don’t much care at this point. I’m just glad the Jacquie saw it and agrees. – So… Jacquie’s gone to work until Sunday… then back on Sunday… away from Monday to Wednesday night then off to work again on Thursday. (And 100 is all my time is worth.) Interesting week coming. – Saturday, I’m to understand, B&G will be going to Winooski to Gary & David’s to bring some of Lyle’s things there and then B&G will be heading to G’s place to bring shit up here. Honestly… Gordon’s not much on the “self-esteem, pride or dignity”. But… as always: Not my circus. – Time to get me together and head over to check on Hallie. I should shower and do my wash over there this evening…. I do believe I shall. If for no other reason than to be there with Hallie… in case. – 22.04 JUST getting back and into bed! Went to Hallie at about 18.00, and she’s doing MUCH better than this after-noon. We strolled about the house a few times, she ate dinner very well and had 2 treats. She was SO playful this evening too! Caught the stick a couple of times and was lovey on the walks. At 20.00 I sent “report” to Jacquie and got an immediate “Thank you” from her, for taking care of Hallie. And then… I made a wash and took my shower! Polished off almost half of the full container of ice cream “for dinner”, and watched the news until the wash dried. – Came into a silent and dark house. Of course, “they” are in the room behind closed door, air conditioner on. But I don’t give a shit about that. So much for “Keeping the utility bills down.” Ah… but Bobo’s got money again. So much so that he blew 30$ on some kind of “cooler-looking” thing for Sascha’s food and water bowls! “It’s to store food and treats”. Yeah? A bowl of water on top of a lid where food and treats will be stored? Oh well… Let THEM deal with it. – Meanwhile, tomorrow looks to be a “nothing” sort of day, short of cleaning Jacquie’s. Hey! I’ll be there for another week now. May as well make it “comfy” for ME. And who knows? I might be sleeping there a couple of nights as well. But… BUT… there’s really “nothing” that needs to be done on the week-end! OK. “Gardening”. But I don’t think so. – I DID take the “black” mower out of the barn and mowed where I’d had the Subaru parked. That mower is “self-propelled” so now I know why the twats use it. I might give it a try once at la cage… when I can get it. It doesn’t mow low enough though. I mean, Jacquie’s needs mowing again already. Oh well… I’m just grateful for the gas-powered machine. – And so, on this note, I suppose it’s time to scan the soc.med. and try for a bit of rest. It’s hot in the room. The fan is on. It’s comfy out tonight but it should be raining already. Another reason why tomorrow should be a “nothing” day: rain. I hope. – No regrets today. The grounds look good at 5225. And Saturday… SHABBAT ALONE! AT LAST!

Fri.3.Jun: 6.20 Coffee. Smoke. Dixie eating at the foot of the stairs because Sascha kept trying to eat her breakfast. And the G at kitchen table. B. is off to work. It’s muggy in the room, damp and cool on the out-side. We had some rain over-night. And I’m looking toward bed linens in the wash today… and that’s pretty much the extent of “chores” for the day. – The left side of my face is “sore”… teeth this morning. But, as they say: If I woke up one morning with no pains, I’d have to swear I’d died the night before. – Scanned the lap-top for viruses, etc. over-night. Only two that I have to check on-line. Other-wise… I guess it’s OK… for now. – And thoughts: NY. – 16.43 Just back into la cage after some nuggets for “dinner” and a quick stop at the store for… TEA! And have made the bed. I think B’s in bed… and G’s no-where to be seen, although his Sascha is here. No telling. Who knows? Who cares? Not I. –
9.30 to Hallie for breafast and laundry of linens and shirts to be packed
Bert emptied the tarps!
Hallie in great health and spirits.
Cleaned Jacquie’s kitchen.
Went to store for “food” for tonight and tomorrow evening.
Hoovered the floors at Jacquie’s.
Won’t wash the floor just yet. Why bother?
Watched Fox Snooze whilst eating.
FELL ASLEEP FOR AN HOUR!
Up… went to the store for TwistedTEA and smokes.
AND… here I am.
21.02 In bed… BoomBoom. Bob’s new speakers are up and running and he and his Gordon are ensconced in the parlour. “The Old Days” are back… So much for any “Human Dignity”. But then again… considering “what”… no surprise. – The day? Accomplished in spite of having “nothing” on the agenda. ALL of my clothes are clean. The bed-linens are clean. The room floor is clean. I am clean. I washed Jacquie’s kitchen floor anyway. THEN got my shower in! Sat on the front porch and had a “tea” and smoke with Hallie and we watched Mme. Blanche-Noire hoist up the tree for the night. – At about 19.50, B&G buzzed round the corner to la cage. B. was driving Gs car again. One of these days… None of my business. – Hallie and I relaxed and then went in for a bit more of Fox Snooze. But I couldn’t watch any more! There’s been so much violence at the Trump rallies and the Democrats/Liberals are complete fux! Seriously. Some broad named “Liz” of all names, was on this after-noon claiming it’s an illegal Mexican’s right, under 1st Amendment, to wave a Mexican flag and beat attendees at Trump rallies! FUUUUUCK! I got away from “my Liz” just in time. I must say, in all honesty, that, if it were at all possible, I’d get out there and “cull the herd”. They’re DANGEROUS! And supporting Hillary… a MURDERER, LIAR, CHEAT, THEIF… THEY TRULY AND HONESTLY ARE CLINICALLY, METALLY RETARDED! IT’S HORRIFYING! TERRIFYING! And I’m thankful to be old and SO ready to die… and not too soon. And to be in this house, this place, surrounded by THAT! Dear gods I hope NY isn’t THIS! (But at least back in NY… I’ll be able to climb the Adirondacks and leave… in some semblance of peace.) (“Peace”? HaHaHaHA! WHO the fuck and I kidding? Really? Ah… but, at least in the Adirondacks there are places of no roads, houses, people… Peace.) – And now… 21.17, one more “tea”, a bit of soc.med. (if this fucking computer doesn’t screw about again as it’s been doing most of the day… stalling, freezing and generally being a piece of shit!), hopefully I won’t need ear-plugs because it’s fucking HOT in this room tonight! And tomorrow? HOPEFULLY THEY’LL HEAD OUT to Winooski and where-ever-Gs-leaving-from and me? Maybe I’ll just sleep-in for the most part. (Save the usual Hallie-breakfast and such.) – “Peace”? WTF? and FTW!

Sat.4.Jun: 7.02 The alarms sounded. I turned them off. I went back to sleep. – Just up from morning smoke… with the dogs. (Peace? Nope.) “They”, in the kitchen, nude. Charm in the morning. Bags all about the place. Cleaning out the closets, packing-up, ready to go to Winooski. They’re in the shower now… Bon voyage… VITE! – And, although I don’t mind being with, Hallie is on my agenda this morning. (And I should very much like the loo but…). – Saturday. Sun. Cool, thus far, but due to heat up. We shall see how THIS day rolls along… indeed… we shall see. – 21.09 IN BED!!! After a pretty-much nothing sort of day. “They” took off at about 8.30 or so. I snoozed a bit and did shit until about 10.00. Hallie, breakfast and me, I finished the “nuggets” for breakfast. – Churning gut for most of the day. Probably the ice cream diet. As for “work”? Nothing. – Came back to la cage, soc.med. and the likes. Napped from 13.00-14.00 and didn’t really want to get up but did. – Took Dixie out to the brook for plant water and then… back into the house. Tired. – “They” returned about 16.00 or so. – I headed over to Jacquie’s to get Hallie her dinner. Was going to water the plants in the greenhouse but the hose nozzle is gone and the water shut off. (I mentioned it to Jacquie in tonight’s “report”. Didn’t get into anything at all though.) – B. has a PO box now because of some nasty note from the PO. Honestly… they’re pulling shit! It’s a shame it’s not on me. But… I shouldn’t give a shit and won’t. – OH…. HEARD FROM VINCENT. SKYPE OR MEETING IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS. HE SAID HE’D BE UP FOR THE 4TH JULY! I CAN ONLY HOPE!!!!! THIS HAD BETTER GO THROUGH AND I GET TO GO BACK! OR… I’LL GO BACK ANYWAY… HEAD FOR THE ADIRONDACKS… FOR “GOOD BYE”. NOT ANOTHER SEASON IN THIS HELL-HOLE! TIME TO… SAY… GOOD-FUCKING-BYE! – B. took the mail-box out. I haven’t see the fucking mess that he made over where I mulched and such. But I KNOW there’s a mess there. I told him it can take 1-1,5wks for a change of address to go through. Ms.Gordon (OMG! Elise!) said “Lisa made it sound like it would happen in a snap.” I said “She’s not the only one working there and there are 2 drivers…. That one wants to be argumentative and got a bit of … “me”. But nothing serious. J’m’en câlisse. – Sascha is starting to get on Dixie’s nerves and mine too. – Truly… time to get OUT! – Anyway… Hallie and I got about an hour on the front porch with music and “Tea” this evening. I suppose I shouldn’t complain. Jacquie’s house is clean. Not that it makes any difference to anybody but me. And there’s a week ahead of “Tending Ms. Hallie”… – 21.20 As I type… BARKING! This fucking shit is going right back to the beginning days. I keep “NY” in my heart… and soul… no matter what… no matter how.

Sun.5.Jun: 0.17 Two “Teas” and still awake. Twtr got “busy” and my “projection” seems to be coming true: THe Pres. has authorised intervention of UN forces because of the violence at Trump rallies. Violence… Executive Order declaring Marital Law and… no election. Oh well… NY or “Heaven”… here I come. – Need to nap now. La cage is quiet and something smells of shit, bad breath, perhaps dog-arse. Add it to the piss on the floor in the room this morning from Ms.Gordon’s Sascha. I count the days… NY or… OUT of this! Soon. – 6.26 I’m awake. B’s awake. I think Gs awake. I went for a smoke in quiet. As I came in the door… BARK! Sascha. No peace. – Over-cast this morning. Let’s hope for rain. – Thought of the morning:
PASSPORT NEEDS RE-NEWAL!!! 110$ FUCK!
The week to come is Hallie. Jacquie will get back tonight, then leave for “road trip” tomorrow until Wed. night. Then on Thur. morning, to work until Sun. Full week. – And the “garden”. THAT’s just a pain in the arse. I will NOT repeat last season where *I* do ALL the work and everybody else gets to eat and enjoy! I will NOT. How awful to think such a thing. But, that’s the way it will be. – Meanwhile, I’m going to re-list the canoe this week and try for 900. If I sell it, I’ll take my “commission” before… Passport. It’s at the point where Tony Muscle comes to mind: “I need & the good lord provides.” Sorry folks… that’s “Life”. Survival… mine. – Happy Sunday. – And my guts are churning. Spiffy. – If forecast remains from last night, rain should commence at about 9.00. – 6.48 And for the past 4 solid minutes… BARKING! ILL-BRED, ILL-MANNERED, INCONSIDERATE BULL-SHIT!!! AND NOTHING DONE TO EVEN ATTEMPT TO CORRECT IT! MORE IN-BRED SHIT! AND THE FUKCING LAP-TOP CRASHED… A-FUCKING-GAIN! HERE WE GO! ANOTHER FUCKING DAY OF BULL-SHIT! – 13.43 Just back into la cage from since about 8.00 when I left because the barking wouldn’t stop! Funniest bit:: I made it into the house, through the kitchen and up the stairs, Sascha was asleep on the parlour floor AT the door… and I got in UN-detected! – As for the morning? Nothing. 2 naps in Jacquie’s recliner. My neck, so sore from sitting-up, but 2 naps! S FUCKING TIRED! – Jacquie’s not back yet. Moments ago, Jes rang, left a message. Apparently there’s a “do” in Freilighsburgh for Jacquie’s birthday today… I believe at some time round 15.00. So… I suppose I’m expected to get Hallie her dinner this evening as well? I don’t think so… unless it suits me at the time. Hell. I’ve nothing to eat and have had 2 rolls with butter all day. Nah… NOT concerned about it at all. – Meanwhile, I’m in “the room”, coffee with. And I’ll entertain and amuse me for a while. – The store closes at 18.00 this evening. I’ve gt 4 hours. – It did rain for a while (as I napped). I made it back before this next “droozle” began. – 23.29 I’m going to be so sorry in the morning, being up this late. But the Twtr folk were engaging. – HEY! I had franks for “meal” this evening! It was wonderful because… B&G went out some-where and I went to the store where they had BEEF franks for a change and for 6$-plus! Fucking shits! But I got them… No cheese! BEEF! Rolls and mustard too. And jelly donuts (had 4). Anyway… I got to talking with Jada who seems to know quite a bit about things in this house. And her opinion of G? “He’s going to be trouble.” says she. And indeed. I see that too. But we chatted and got a laugh. G had better mind himself in town… but that’s none of my business. She and I agree that Gs an idiot because if B can pick him up this quickly and easily he can dump him equally. – Anyway, I ATE! 4 franks on rolls! MEAL! – I’d stayed at Jacquie’s until almost 14.00 today, dozing with “the Snooze” on Fox. Jes rang, left a message (honestly, it was another “experience”: he started talking during the message on the machine… WTF is that all about? Can’t tell the message is going? “Engineer”. Degree. No sense. Oh well.) Kerry was to hold some kind of “Birthday” thing in Freilighsburgh at 15.00 or something. He wanted to know if she, Jacquie, wanted to go up with him… and Pam and Dave or would she drive up and see her family on le Pinacle. Anyway, I figured she’d be back by then so I left. – When I came into la cage, it was novel, sort of. I managed to make my way up the stairs, past the parlour where “they” were watching TV, Dixie was some-where, Sascha was asleep on the floor beside the door. Nobody noticed me pass! “Walking on the feet of Death”… me. So I came into the room and busied me on-line for a while, took iPod inventory and such until at about 15.00, B&G got into the car (Gs, of course) and left for some-where. I bolted for the store! FOOD! – Had a chance to chat with Jada. She’s “met the new room-mate”, as she was quick to point out is how B. introduced G. As was agreed “room-mate with benefits”. She too, is rather taken by the quick replacement of Lyle and apparently not appreciative. “Talk” has begun round town. He asked for it and he’s getting it. Says Jada “I figure this one’s going to be trouble.” (Meaning G.) So indeed… “talk” has begun. This town got ripped by the freak… they’re not going to put up with another “episode”, and since the “replacement” for Lyle was so quick, they’re going to be keeping careful watch. G. doesn’t really stand much of a chance. Oh well… it’s as Jada and I agreed: It’s one thing for B. to be this way, but G. is going right along with it so it reflects poorly on BOTH. Time will tell where this all goes. And, when I told her of the “disability, back surgeries, and rods” similarities… it makes for even MORE trepidation. Alas. Not rumour… fact… – As for “timing”… I’d set an alarm for 17.15 so that I could get to the store to get food for this evening, but by then, I’d already gone, gotten and consumed AND… As the alarm sounded at 17.15… they returned! Thankfully… because I’d’ve lost my opportunity to eat, had I waited! WOOHOO! – They were no sooner in the door when B. came up to ask if I was hungry. He was frying a nice steak. How kind to ask. But of course, 4 franks… no, I wasn’t. (I wonder if he wonders what/how/when I eat. Not that it makes any difference.) – Note du jour: They got a bark collar for Sascha! Poor thing! And, as I heard… it works. At one point, she did bark and I heard a horrible “yelping”. Well… as much as I hate the idea, I also hate the constant barking and THEY won’t take the time to properly instruct her. So…? So. – Ah… I just see here, a voice mail from Jacquie from about 17.45. She was in… she’s says she’s leaving at 8.00 tomorrow and hoping I can take care of Hallie and that I should come over (that was then… I’m going no-where now). Oh well… if I see her before she leaves, I see her. If not… I won’t. Hey… her house is clean. The kitchen floor is obvious. – I might move the Subaru back over there until Wednesday. Why? Just to keep it “moving”. No matter. It’ll have to be moved when I mow this week anyway. We shall see. – Right now, I need to get some sleep. La cage is quiet and it’s late. It rained all day today, so I “did” nothing. It’s supposed to rain tomorrow too so there’ll be no mowing (and I’m not complaining). – I’ve had my last smoke du jour… alone. I miss the night smokes with Dixie. They keep the dogs in the room with them… door closed. I wonder what Dixie makes of all these changes. I hope she’ll be fine with it all. It does strike her though… I can tell by her looks and actions. But, all is well… enough… she wasn’t “dumped”.

Mon. 6.Jun: 6.00 (OO! 666!) First thing I hear this morning as I wake: “Luvya”. Honestly. The “love” shit. How liberally (in all manners of speech) the “love” gets tossed about. – Nice morning. I should phone Jacquie, I suppose. To tell her that, of course, I’ll be taking care of Hallie. But I just don’t feel like phoning. Oh well. She’s leaving at 8.00. There’s time to decide. – Over-cast. Breezy. No rain at the moment. And my neck is stiff again, left side, this morning. It’s the tooth. No doubt, I’ll be pulling it soon enough. – Nothing on the agenda other than Hallie. Nice. Let’s see what we can do with anther day. (As if…) – 6.27 Caught up with the journal here. Now… on to … what-ever. – 8.06 AND, THE SHAKES. THE BP UP. ALREADY. My mistake…. I went to Jacquie’s. “Notes” and “Lists” and shit in the morning. Already. Then again, expecting me to stay with Hallie whilst she runs off. Hey. Not dealing with it all. I told her that I’m NOT going through another Summer like last year: the hose was turned off… I don’t know why. I didn’t do it. She didn’t say. Not my concern. The garden. The rabbit. She planted “their” (the twats’) cucumbers. J’m’en câlisse, moé, là! J’m’en câlisse! I mentioned the bread, stacked to dry, neatly, on the stove. Told her it was from Bob for the chicken. “What am I supposed to do about it?” Shove it, for all I care. I have to add, for reference: SHE decided to pay me for the “Dog Care”… 2 weeks behind. She gave me 100… for the coming week. Right… but skip 2 weeks? And in that time was yard work including a lawn-mowing, and landscaping. Kitchen floor washed. House Hoovered. “What am *I* supposed to do about it?” – I’ve head-ache already this morning. I do NOT need this bull-shit. And a WEEK-solid of back and forth… and a list of “to-do”. Well….
GIVERS HAVE TO DRAW A LINE BECAUSE TAKERS SELDOM DO.
When I said something about going to NY: “It’ll be the same. You’ll be doing somebody else’s work.” “I AKSED for the position. It wasn’t just tossed on my shoulders and taken for granted.” It must be a delight to live in such oblivion. And she took her lap-top. So I won’t be spending much time over there the coming week. – Meanwhile, the forecast is for “clearing”. Mowing will be coming. That’ll be a nice distraction. Imagine. It’s like I told “Ann” last night on Twtr: I work to keep my ghosts at bay. As somebody else told me a while back “You’re lucky. You work through your pain.” Fukkem! Fukkemall! – On with the day…. what-ever. (G is back in bed, closed door, dogs with.) – 21.15 In bed at last! – No fahlahlahdeeshit. THE highlight of today: Bringing Dixie and Sascha down to the brook and running through the “meadow” with them both. They were SO SWEET! And what a JOY to see them RUN… FREE! through the grasses, and to see Dixie in the Groat. Pure JOY! – Other-wise? I did jack-fukkall. And I’m exhausted. Yes, I’m exhausted. It’s terrible, horrible, awful, being so exhausted all of the time now. Age? Something? Anxieties, mostly. And the un-realistic expectations of others that I WILL do THEIR WORK! The note Jacquie left included putting her window screens in (as well as maintaining the garden, the seedlings… and shit). I doubt I shall. – Today’s “meal”: franks nuked x4 and ice cream. – And of course, Hallie and Mme. Poulet. THEY are a delight. – I’m exhausted. Tomorrow… lawn-mowing, 5225.

Tue/7..Jun: 5.59 Over-cast. I’d planned on mowing this morning. Oh well. – And I realised this morning, that neither of them let the dogs out in the morning. If I didn’t go down for a smoke, there’s no telling when the poor things would be let out. Here we go… again… 2 of them are up and about for about a half hour before I get up and about and they do… nothing. Oh! To be away from this. And Jacquie’s comment “You’ll still be doing some-body else’s work.” in NY. Well… at least there, that’s understood. And it won’t be “somebody else’s work”… it’ll be “my” responsibility. Understood. Well… no sense dwelling on it. – My gut’s a touch “heavy” this morning. Ate those franks too quickly last evening… as usual. Oh well. – I have to get the canoe posted to the other ‘categories” this morning. I have to get to Hallie and Mme. for breakfast. And hopefully, this over-castness will pass soon and I’ll get the mowing done. I don’t want the grass to grow too high. – This morning’s “Thought”: I work… it’s all I really do… “You’re always doing something.” I work. – MOWED FROM BEHIND THE SPRUCE TO THE MAIL-BOX!!! TOOK ABOUT 3,5 HOURS!!! AND I MOWED “AROUND” THE BITS OF SHIT SO WHEN THE GRASS STARTS GROWING, IT’LL START SHOWING. Next mowing… Sunday. – And that was my day. After, at about 15.45 when I came in to find Bobo and its Gordie at dinner table, Bobo says “You’ve been mowing the lawn?” I simply said “No.” and went about taking a shower… SHOWERED. Gathered my work clothes for washing at Jacquie’s and left. – To the store for “French Bread Pizzas”, cheese, 2 Teas, donuts and ice cream. And down the road to Jacquie’s where Hallie and I had dinner. – Other than that… back up to the morning: Jacquie’s at about 9.00. Put fresh “feed” into the hummie feeders which were FULL of ANTS! I did it for the birds. Hung about for a bit and came back to the room. – At about noon, Ms. Gordie took off in Bobo’s car. Don’t know… don’t give a shit. Gone until about 13.00 or so. Don’t know… don’t give a shit. I was too busy mowing the lawn. – Started the Subaru and let it run. Moved it to mow under. I NEED to get it repaired! Pondering selling the canoe and fixing the car if possible. We shall see. – So, when I came back to la cage just moments ago, Ms. Gordie on the double recliner, Bobo laying on lap, looking at a book of some kind. I popped my head into the parlour and WAS COMPLETELY IGNORED! OBVIOUSLY, INTENTIONALLY AND BLATANTLY IGNORED! I’ve no doubt that, VERY soon after I leave is when the ride-on mower will arrive… They won’t get one for ME to use. But that’s fine. THEY probably won’t use it often anyway… unless they get somebody to move in who WILL do some work round here. Which leads me to:
• They will see my decrease in work as “Passive Aggressive” behaviour. That way, they can shirk any and all responsibility. I’ve seen that stance often since coming here to VT and I predict it to come from 5225 AND 5199. And I don’t give a shit’s worth of a fuck. Quite retarded, these folks, mentally, emotionally, socially. Sad.
• They, 5225 AND 5199 do not, will not and, likely CAN not understand that I’ve laid ground-work in all of my efforts, the hardest part of those things that required doing, and made the situations where-by “maintenance” is all that should have been necessary (gardens, flower-beds, lawns, house…) BUT NOBODY takes ANY responsibility for ANYTHING.
(As I type I heard Bobo call Dixie “Time to go to bed!” 20.31 They take the dogs into the room at night and Ms. Gordie keeps them in there much of the day. I find it Bobo’s way of “taking Dixie back”. Ah… but WON’T take any responsibility for her… and so, she jumps and gets hugs and kisses from ME when *I* come in. We’ve breached “pathetic”.)
Well, that said, I’ve resolved that August will be “the month”. Should anything untoward happen with the move to NY, I’ll make it my business to get back… and get out! I wont go through another Winter of freezing in this room and hauling pellets and fire-wood for others. Not another Spring of cleaning flower-beds. And certainly not another Summer of listening to “The plants need water.” “These seeds have to be planted by…” “That’ll have t be tilled.” “There’s going to be a lot of weeding.” FUCK YOU! THAT ship sailed, sunk and is some-where in a harbour in Atlantis… GONE. – And now, to finish my Tea, a bit of soc.med. and hopefully SLEEP! – Jacquie returns tomorrow evening/night and will be gone again on Thursday to work or something. 100$ for this shit… and 2 weeks behind. 100$ for photographing, repairing the fucking tyre and selling the log splitter. Was supposed to get 15$/hr. to clean the kitchen… 150$ for TWO DAYS’ work. Hallie in a kennel every week-end would cost her 75$. For 50$ she got Hallie, and the wood-stove cleaned and stoked and fired… and a week’s-worth of fire wood brought in AND the dishes/house cleaned. And at 5225? From last Summer through Spring, I showered at 5199 so no hot water usage. I’ve been making my laundry at 5199 so no washing machine/hot water usage. I don’t eat the food and use precious little electric. I’m not about the house except at night when I come in to sleep. – ***** FUCK THESE MORONS ***** When I am no longer here… things will assuredly go right back to the shit they came from. – Oh… and my garbage? Tomorrow I bring that to 5199 too! – Off to soc.med. –

Wed.8.Jun: 5.53 Drizzly (Droozly) morning. Ms. Gordie at table in kitchen on-line on the phone. I went for a smoke but didn’t bring the dogs with this morning. And I’m obviously not being spoken to, so it appears and I don’t give a shit. – Plan: there’s a bunch of daisies in the lilies at the “Cooper” end of the bed along the Highgate st. I’m going to get them and put them in front of la cage…. Daisies… in front of Daisy’s house. Subtle. Hopefully they’re “perennials” and will take and spread across the entire front of the house. A reminder of whose house this actually is. I like that. – But we’ll have to check the weather. If rain, that’s not bad… they’ll be watered nicely. – Other-wise, I’m feeling the mowing of yesterday and have to bring my garbage to Jacquie’s this morning. Other than that? The day will roll along. – The yard at la cage looks very nice… even with the little spots of shit where the lawn isn’t mowed. – 9.23 And I have done: 1. Brought my trash to Highgate St./Jacquie’s. 2. Brought Jacquie’s trash to the street. 3. Fed Hallie & Mme. Poulet. 4. Dug-up 2 groups of daisies from Highgate St. 5. Planted the daisies in front of la cage. (And nobody will ever notice.) And that , pretty much, sums up my day. There’s really nothing more on the “agenda” for the day, save, letting Ms. Hallie out during and, most likely, getting her dinner. Ms. Gordie has been locked-away in the room since moments after Ms. Bobo left the cuilding. I am not complaining. – Actually, last night, the thought crossed my mind:
I could view this situation as being quite opportune and delightful in that I come and go, keep busy & occupied with activities that please me… and nobody even acknowledges my existence. Very nice.
That was a thought. I shall ponder. – Meanwhile… I doubt I’ll be doing much more for the day. Wednesday. Surely there will be other things, activities, chores to come. But for now? Fukkoff. – 19.08 Hallie has had dinner and walk. The dogs have been out and pooped. I had 2 chicken pot pies for dinner and put the dishes up. And it’s still about 13° and falling under cloudy skies. More like Autumn than almost Summer. – A completely “nothing” day of napping. Ms.Gordie went some-where in Ms.Bs car for several hours. I had the house alone but… never knowing when somebody will return, I didn’t. They both arrived at the same time though. Odd. – I’m sick of having to sneak to the store though, to get something to eat. Fuck. But I’d rather not have to get into my means. Ah… it’s back in the Shelter in that respect. “Respect”. HAH! There’s a word. A note: I saw on Twtr that a “pipe bomb” went off at the Price Chopper in S.BTV today and mentioned it to the FIR (fa in residence) and was all but blown off. So, it’s not ME who’s impolite. Oh well… Vermont. It’s all rude and crude. – Anyway, I’m in bed, afghan back on for the night. Licorice tea at side. And hope for sleep through the night. – Jacquie should be back by about 21.00. (19.14 and they’re calling the dogs to the room.) I COULD sleep-in tomorrow. But I shouldn’t think so. Oh well. – OH! This evening, m’Dixie came into the room with me and laid on the floor beside the rocker. Sweetest-heart. I ache when I think of how she’ll be ignored and all but abandoned. I’ve no doubt Bobo will send her off. Ah… but with the “relationship” he’s caused, I’ve no doubt it won’t work for too much longer anyway. One day, he WILL be in this house alone… VERY alone. Karma. I always believe in Karma. One day…. – I’m just tired of it all. – Off to a bit of “QI” I think and then… slam the shutters against another day. – 21.59 WELL! The entire evening on Twtr! Good. Bad. Ugly. But better than MOST time spent of feses-book. To be sure. – Just up from last smoke. My ankles are SORE! My head aches. Teeth hurt. Falling apart here. Rapidly. And nobody knows. They wouldn’t give a shit if they did. So? Silence. I just keep it to myself. 2016 being “The End” is probably a good goal, best idea. Starting to run down. Time to find a quiet place and “go”. – Sascha is roaming about the house. Poor little thing. I wonder why she got “exiled”. Typical: they take no responsibility. Ah… but when their little “spark” fades to ashes… there’ll be another “replacement”. I’ve seen it all before. I’ve been in it all before. One “POUF!” and it’ll be over and done. NEXT! Oh well. Dixie, it seems, is in the room with them. That’s rather comforting. At least she’s not being further abused. Her entire world has changed so much! I wonder how much of this shit she actually understands. I wish I knew her past. 2 weeks abandoned. I know THAT situation too. “Life”. – Well… politics is over for another day. Time for me to try for some “sleep” under my afghan again. It’s raining out. The daisies I planted today are getting water. I gave them MiracleGrow today. The rain will help them with that. I hope they take and thrive. “Daisy’s” house… a reminder… to all.

Thu.9.Jun: 6.05 Up from smoke. Ms.B is off in “the Rav” and Ms.G is back to sleep. Poor Sascha is roaming the house. Poor Dixie is locked in their room. It’s cloudy as all could be and the temp. on the shed thermo reads 10°. And me? Body is rather painful this morning (normal). And I can actually go back to sleep if that’s what I so choose. Jacquie should be at home until about 14.00 or so. Though I should think she’ll be gone before that. AND, I’ve no doubt, there will be “computer work” that she’ll need help with… orders and such. But… such is a day. – The daisies I planted yesterday appear to be fine. May they bloom and flourish tremendously. And my morning thoughts are of NY. – Oh… and I have the mattress heater on this morning. Warmth… in June. I remember being told that the only month in which there has never been snow in this state is August. August: passport and PO box due. Always something. SELL THE CANOE! SHIT! – 22.26 Another too late night on Twtr and another nothing day. Didn’t eat enough though. The peperoni from those frozen bread pizzas with a bit of cheese “curds” on a frank roll and a bit of ice cream. HUNGRY now. – Went to Hallie at about 17.30 and stayed until about 19.30. Came in at la cage to be ignored again. – Earlier today, poor Sascha!!!! Fagboys were out front and the dog wanted to bark. But every time she did she SHRIEKED from the bark collar! Ms.Gordie HOWLED AND SHRIEKED LIKE AND OLD BANSHEE!!! I’m sure the town heard… Can’t wait for it to be mentioned. Fucking miserable shits. – Since I had nothing much else to do and didn’t really WANT to come back to la cage and it was early enough, I put the tomato cages on the beans in the garden. Mentioned it in “report” to Jacquie. WTF? It passed the time. – A report on-liine today: 35% of the “migrants” and illegals in this state are testing positive for TB. The world is going strait to a shit pile. I suppose it’s bound to happen. As I say: It’s a wonderful time to be “old” and perfectly at peace with “checking out” of this shit. The rest will live in what they’re creating. And it won’t be nice. Let them rot. Books were written about this shit. Today’s folks don’t care, don’t have the ambition to stop or change. Let them have it. Give me my place to get out… SOON. – Well… I’m exhausted… tomorrow then. I’m not even going for last smoke.

Fri.10.Jun: 6.00 The house is empty. Both left. How nice. – Some-how, this morning has the “look and feel” of a “Winter” morning. Over-cast with a “Winter” sort of light and sound. Strange. Not cold. But just the light of the day. I’m in from my smoke with the dogs. I don’t know if they’ve been fed or not. And they’re about the house and the bed-room door is shut. ANOTHER case of: Oh, he’ll take care of things. Rather odd because that was my first thought of the morning: 2 week-ends of taking care of Hallie and no pay (probably because I didn’t clean the house) and 100 for the past week. As if. “He’ll do it.” It would have cost Jacquie at least 75 for each of those 2 week-ends… so a week? 100? The day is coming. They’ll “do” themselves… one way or another. – A bit on the “painful” side this morning. Guts, mostly. It’s all this anxiety. It’s these “Shelter” days. – And still, no word on the canoe. I have to work on that a bit more, I suppose. How? I’ll think of something. – And the desk and drafting table. I suppose I’m expected to haul THOSE back and forth, on and off the porch… alone. How charming. NOT. – There’s really nothing on the agenda today, save, perhaps, laundry. We’ll see what gets done by days’ end. I don’t give a shit. – At least it’s not freezing cold again… and should be much warmer than yesterday. – 21.38 Fucking day, this. 11.00-17.00 I busted my back and balls (B&B) pulling the grass up from the lily bed on Highgate St. Had to mow along there too. Fuck. But it’s done. Not “clean”. But done. – Both B&G left together this morning. Little did I know, I had the house to me until 13.00 (I learnt when I got back to la cage). “Moving”… G moved some more stuff up today. Tomorrow, they’re going to NEK, leaving at 13.00 and then Sunday, leaving NEK to got to … “Wilder” (no shit… that’s where G – Bowen, I learnt today – is from!). I WISH I could sleep-in! But there’s Hallie… Oh well. (And most likely no pay again for anything.) – Oh! “Mark”, the guy who power-washed Jacquie’s house, rang and left a message: “I over-charged you for the job so let’s just call it even.” Didn’t sound too “jolly”. She’s probably pulling shit with him too. Ah, but then I think of how much I got paid for doing the “white room”, and washing the kitchen (since she offered to pay me for that work) and for listing and selling the log-splitter. No, she truly IS “Christian” and particularly “Catholic”… liars… But Jesus loves them. – Never mind. I grabbed a beer tonight after showering whilst my last wash dried, sat on the porch with Hallie until after 20.00 – Today, as I was weeding the lilies, G went to the PO. Didn’t acknowledge me. Then, B comes tootling by after work. This evening, they’re all chitty-chatty… because they want me to take care of the dogs whilst they’re away. Says B: Come in. Sit down. (Fuckoff.) – More photos for “Woodhauler”. I’m exhausted. Would LUV to sleep-in tomorrow… or SUNDAY! But can’t… or maybe… We’ll see. Just exhausted right now… BUT CLEAN!

Sat.11.Jun: 7.15 Slept through the 5.45 alarm. Shut the 6.00 alarm off and dozed a bit. Just up from smoke. Over-cast morning. A bit warmer than the past couple of days. And annoyed because, tomorrow, had it not been for having to get Hallie out and fed, I could have stayed in bed for quite some time in the morning. Oh well. Annoyed too, because tonight, I could, had I the funds, had a few drinks. – 1,5 jars of coffee in the “larder”. Need to get to market. Not happening in the foreseeable future. Oh well. A typical morning. – I wonder what it’s like in Port Henry in the morning. I wonder if it’s quiet. I hope it is…. I hope these days in VT are winding down. Tired of doing all the “hard labour” on properties, only to have the owners expecting me to continue with maintenance. “You’ll be doing somebody else’s work again.” says Jacquie. Yes… but that’s “understood”… not a matter of abuse. – My neck and head are sore. Stiff. Sore. – 23.04 They left at about 13.00… to NEK for the night then to Wilder tomorrow to gather more of Ms.Gordie’s shit. I “did” nothing all day. back and forth between la cage and Hallie. But other-wise, nothing. Had “dinner” with Ms Hallie: nuggets on rolls and a bit of ice cream. Was going to bring beer back but truly, I don’t like the “day after” so I didn’t bother. Licorice tea steeping at bed-side. Just in from last smoke with m’Dixie and Sascha. Sweet-hearts that they both are. They’re sleeping on the “sofa” recliner in the parlour… together. Sweet. – I should have been in bed and alseep by now but took a 3-hour “nap” this after-noon too. Still… I need to be up and about early enough tomorrow and will probably come back to sleep more… for a bit. – Rained a touch tonight. It’s supposed to be cool and rainy through Monday. That would be fine because the HEAT is returning on Tuesday. Oh well… Lawn-mowing again. Always “something”… – Oh. Up-dated “Woodhauler” with photos of the lily-bed and last lawn-mowing and the horrid state of the “hen-yard”. Trying to keep it so that it doesn’t appear TOO angry. That’s difficult since I’m pissed because I do the “hard labour” and nobody bothers with the rest. Oh well… this town will look like shit (again) when I leave… one way or another… I’m leaving… sooner or later… leaving. (I have to check my BDMs tomorrow too… pack… just in case.)

Sun.12.Jun: 8.00 WELL! THIS morning didn’t start as I’d hoped. Dixie and Sascha at my door, needing, apparently, or simply wanting to get OUT! SO! I got up, threw me together a touch, and out we went… and Dixie took off, disappearing into the back. I had a smoke, brought Sascha back in, had my coffee and the loo and got semi-dressed and ready to head out. But as I got to the back door, Dixie was there. I let her in, came up to the room, had my morning coffee and back down to the kitchen (where somebody peed on the floor… I sopped it up with paper towels and scrubbed my hands.) So they got breakfast and fresh water. (I’m into the food that I’d brought from Jacquie’s a while back, for emergencies. There’s precious little food in the bin for the dogs. Ah… but that’s not the point here with the 2 fagz. THEY have their food and booze and trips round the state, and to them, that’s all that matters. Fuck.) THEN, I grabbed the Hover and had at the room, at long last, getting even the un-reachable areas. – Honestly… The sun had started to shine in through the windows. The temperature is a touch milder this morning, but the clouds have returned. The forecast is for “averses” today and tomorrow, mild temperatures and then, on Tuesday… HEAT returns. We shall see.- Now? For me, a little time on-line, up-dating the news and soc.med. Then… off to Ms. Hallie and we shall see if Jacquie’s house gets “cleaned” this morning… or not. We shall see. – I don’t expect “them” back too early. They’ll be leaving NEK this morning for Wilder. Says Ms.B., it’s a 2-hour drive from NEK to Wilder and another 2 from Wilder to Fuklin. We shall see. J’m’en câlisse, moé. – TODAY IS WHAT-EVER *I* WANT IT TO BE. – 12.46 They’re not back in the house 20 minutes and BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM!!! THE TV GOES ON, THE VOLUME GOES UP. BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM!!! – Meanwhile, in Orlando, Florida this morning, a 29 yrs old Muslim hits the Pulse gaybar and kills 50, injures 53. Twtr is FULL of the news… fesses-book… zilch. And these two? Oblivious. Ah but… Ms.Bs “relationship status” is up-dated with a boo-hoo about “I know many of you don’t approve” and “Lyle didn’t want me to be alone” and “many of you have ‘un-friended’” Such utter bull-shit! I view them as a major part of the problems Gays and Lesbians still have with being able to become “just another people”. – Fucking shit! PLEASE get me out of this god-forsaken state! NOW! – Rain all morning. But it’s let up some. I can do some out-front work and get out of here. Chilly and damp though. Oh well… my life… RUN to get away. – Having a tea… hoping the rain has passed. Then… THE ACTUAL FUCK OUT! – 22.20 Just getting into bed. It’s been a cold, wet, damp-to-the-bones sort of day all day. – The boomboom stopped rather shortly after it began. They were quite cordial toward me too. Amazingly. – I happened to see, on HemmingslaxFB that Ms.B has been “un-friended” by many on FB because of the “rapid replacement” of Lyle and I over-heard some “chat” between him and the new “Mrs.”. Sounded like Ms.G. is a bit upset by all of it. Alas. How-ever, it doesn’t stop the “moving-in” and kissie-kissie bull-shit. – Meanwhile, in Orlando, Florida, this morning, 50 people were murdered in a Gaybar there. A 29yr. old alleged “Muslim” fellow went in, opened fire. It was all the rage on Twtr all day and into this evening. Little has been said about the “Pride” in NYC on the 26th, but I expect there to be quite the “event”. Last word was that there were 2 other shooters who escaped. We shall see. Of course, it means nothing to the other 2 in this house. Oh well. – OH! I noticed today that Ms.B. managed to mash-up the “Rav”. Passenger side, little “fog light” is gone and there’s quite the scrape and crunch to the bumper. “Responsibility” is dead… though I knew that long ago. – I took a stroll down to the brook this afternoon… and discovered… Lyle had said, several times, as I recall, that he and Daisy used to look out the kitchen window to a “field of blue lupins” out there. I’d never seen evidence of them until today! One rather large plant is growing and blooming! Pinkish, but beautiful! If I gave a shit about this place any more, I’d transplant it. But as it is, it’s growing nicely, beside a beautiful spread of “Forget-Me-Nots”. Rather poignant… So I’m leaving the lupin where it is… amongst the Forget-Me-Nots… And the Chinese Lanterns are growing nicely by the barn now. I’d moved them there because Lyle had had interest in them, getting bunches for in the house to dry. Sad… he won’t see his lupins nor the lanterns. And sadder still… Ms.B. doesn’t give a shit. – Jacquie came in at about 14.30 or so. Phoned and left me a message that I got round about 17.30. She’d come in and gone to Jes & Kerry’s. Today was Jes’s birthday… “we’d love to have you join us”. I didn’t bother. I saw her heading home at about 20.00 or so. She also “asked” me to “please” help her plant in the garden tomorrow. I’ll ponder… – As for anything I accomplished with this rainy sort of day: I merely cut the grass from round the little shrubs out front of the house to make mowing a bit easier. I got a roll of the plastic runner from the garden. Contemplating cutting a strip of grass and filling-in with mulch. Ms.B. said it would be fine to simply take up all the grass and plant a garden. “With what?” I asked. “I dunno.” was the reply. Sure… so YOU won’t have to deal with it when I’m gone. Not making things easier for “them”. Wait… the day will come… this place will look like complete shit. I don’t care. – Spent too much time on Twtr all day today. – Am quite hungry tonight. Only a tin of minestrone soup and 2 rolls all day. – This morning, I went to Ms. Hallie and Mme. Poulet and Jes was at the house. He was going to change the oil in the manual tiller. Ah… there’s no gas in it. (I syphoned it for the mower.) Oh well. So I got breakfast for Ms. Hallie and Mme. Poulet and came back to la cage… and didn’t go back to the house all day. Not in the mood. And didn’t bother washing the kitchen floor again this week-end. Hell… I won’t be “paid” for watching Hallie… so I’m not cleaning the house either. Jacquie started the paying… and now she’s stopping. So? I started cleaning and wood-hauling… and now I’m stopping. – Ann Harris (from Ontario) BOUGHT A BOOK! I gave her a discount code but she didn’t use it. SO there’s another 20-plus going into the banque! (I hope! I just don’t trust things these days.) Not enough to attend needs, but “activity” on the account. – No word on the canoe, damn it! – Well… I’ve no “noshes” tonight and I am a touch hungry. The hunger is keeping me from being tired… that, and the hour-plus “nap” I took no doubt. – Time to set sights on tomorrow. More rain in the forecast. Mowing on Tuesday at this rate. The grass will be a bitch! But as I told Jada today: I do the work mostly to keep out of the house and away from the “turmoils”. –

Mon.13.Jun: 7.13 Rough night. Woke at about 2.00 this morning, congested… terribly congested. Chest and mucous in the throat. Thick. Difficult breathing. Coughing. Then had to pee. And, back to sleep at last. Heard the alarms this morning. Turned them off. Went back to sleep. And now, just up from a smoke. Tired. Almost exhausted. – Over-cast again, this morning. Odd, but with the clouds, it all looks the same at this hour as it did when I was out in the yard yesterday at 15.00. – And Jacquie wants to plant in the garden today. I don’t want to be bothered with it, at all. Last year’s fiasco is still too fresh in the mind. Not to mention: I want a day with nothing that “needs to be done for others”. In spite of the statement “You’re always doing something.” made by Ms.B and the town’s folk, they don’t quite understand: I want time for and with “me”, NOT “them”. But… fukkitall. – Can’t mow the lawn again today. Rain in the forecast. And tomorrow? Back up into the 20’s. – Take each moment as it comes… this day will roll along into tonight… into tomorrow… and be gone too. – 20.18 They arrived back from where-ever it was they’d gone at about 20.10 and now? Boomboomboom. Fucking idiots. – That said… today, I “cut” the line across the shrubs out front and planted the “potted’ fern from the back to the front of the house. I’ll have to get photos tomorrow. Used the “sod” to patch where the mail-box was and in the back yard. By about 15.00, I was going to mow the front but it drizzled so I stayed by Jacquie for a while . Kerry had gone over to help her “plant” in the garden but then was heading back to “Canada” tonight. She’s staying at some “camp-ground” in Venice. Oh well for that. – Had “potted chicken and biscuits” with Jacquie and 2 beers. I wish the beers would hit but they don’t. Having peppermint tea now. – Had a “schmooze” with Ms.Gordie this after-noon. Ms.B. is all upset because “friends” on fesses-book “un-friended”. MsG says that if the freak ever comes to this house, MsG is leaving. Will be 44yrs of age on 2 July. How charming. Believes this situation is “love”. Clueless. Typical. *** Allegedly Pennyshit & Hubby are coming up on Saturday to bring a ride-on mower. *** Ms.G has to be away because Ms.B doesn’t want Penny to “know”. Of course not. Penny will cut Ms.B the fuck out and off! “Guilt” is a wonderful gift from Karma. Me? I’m keeping the power mower… just in case. It’ll be interesting to see IF the lawn is EVER mowed by either of them. – And so, I suppose that covers the “news”. The schmooze with Ms.G was interesting and I mentioned that the town is at the point where they’ll burn the house down should there be a repeat of last Summer here. I KNOW that’ll get back around. Good! – Oh… apparently, Jacquie isn’t too “cool” with Gay issues. She didn’t say as much directly, but the issue in Orlando, when discussed… she’s not too sympathetic with Gays. (She’s also in sync with my take on the situation here, at la cage. Improper no matter how one views it. But… she and I are… “Conservative”…it’s not “us” pulling the bull-shit. – Oh… I was told by Ms.G. that it’s noticed that *I* attend the property… solo and it was mentioned that I’m extremely quiet coming and going. How… “charming I’m sure”. WHAT… EVUH. – Not exactly tired enough to sleep… the BOOMBOOM helps that with the associated anxieties. But hopefully it won’t be a night like last night. Jacquie said she too, had a bad night of poor breathing last night.

Tue.14.Jun: 5.52 Up from smoke. Pain in the “sternum” this morning. Ms.B is gne. Ms.G dan la douche… encore, ce matin. Voyons, donc. And apparently neither let the dogs out this morning. Oh well… let the hisenigger do it. Maudite chiennes, those two. – Over-cast but not as chilly as has been. And today, later, I’ll get to the lawn, hopefully. This yard will be perfect on Saturday… or damned-well close to it. Nobody will tell me shit about shit… Speaking of shit… the turds in the little shed area are still quite intact. Good. They’re staying. I’ll clear the yard for mowing and toss where, eventually, they’ll just pile up… and become “obvious”. – I still can’t get over Jacquie: it would cost her at least 75$/week-end to have Hallie in a kennel. It would cost her in “rent reduction” to have the twats attend. But me? The payment for dog care stops… and I’m expected to garden as well. Between 5225 and5199, this bull-shit is getting carried away. But me? I’m cutting back. Pissed and the fact that I just don’t have the stamina any more. – Well… will be looking into getting my “retirement” money out today. 300, but it’s something. I need passport and car work. Let’s see how this works out. No doubt, Wallmarde to get the cheque cashed (at a fee). And then passport. Hang onto as much as possible to put into the banque and then? Back to “normal”…. more shit. – Down to the last jar of coffee this morning. Here we go… again. Assume the position and… fuck me! I could (and probably should) ask for a lift into the market… I doubt I will. There’s a walk coming… and I’m not happy. – 21.35 in bed and last ‘moke… alone in a quiet house! – From 10-14.00 I MOWED THE LAWN(S) BACK AND FRONT!!! THEN… FROM 14.30-18.00 HELPED JACQUIE PLANT SPINACH, TOMOATOES, MOWED WHERE THE TOMATO CAGES WERE ALONG THE FENCE BY THE GATE, HAULED 5 BALES OF STRAW TO PUT ROUND THE TOMATOES. And then had 2 franks with her for supper, and some chocolate gelato. (And a beer… of course.) AND… I have an envelope. Haven’t opened it as yet. – WHAT A FUCKING DAY! WOW! THE PLACE (5225) LOOKS AMAZING! – A brief “chat” with Ms.G in the yard. The freak now knows about their “relationship”. I went a bit “off” when Ms.G. started with it being nobody’s business and I said “C’mon. You have to be a special kind of stupid to post your shit on fesses-book and expect nobody to see it! I wonder what Penny’s going to say when she finds out now.” “Bob says she doesn’t have fesses-book.” “Yes she does. I blocked her ages ago.” “Well! I don’t see how it’s any of her business. Like Bob said, he’s been through this before, this is his second time.” “Well,” says I, “I don’t know how much you know but this house is still here because of her in a big part.” The conversation was dropped after I said “Seriously. I mean, to post shit on fesses-book and expect it not to get around. Penny might know people who DO have fesses-book and what’s to say they won’t talk? I mean, did your mother drop you head first in a potato patch? He should know better.” Bang, the “chat” came to a close. Oh well… Lyle’s will was mentioned. Says Ms.G. the house was left to Bob. Says me, to the best of my knowledge, she can contest and get at least half of it since she’s blood family. Oh… this will.. no doubt… come swinging round to slam me. I don’t give a shit. – Meanwhile, 5225 DOES look lovely, and me, personally, am most proud of my accomplishments today. Fuck the rest. – Now, I’m going to have a lime-tonic, a little soc.med. and hopefully a night’s sleep. (I’m waiting for a knock on the door, however. More “news” as it happens.) – It’s a beautiful night out there. Lightning bugs too. If I had a way, I’d actually sleep out there tonight. But… one of these days… perhaps back in NY. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wed.15.Jun: 0.51 Horrible muscle spasms in the right thigh. The one that has no “surface sensation” since that god-awful day of debilitating back trouble MONTHS ago. Just up from another “last ‘moke”… or more like first of today. I’ll never be able to wake up on time tomorrow. And there’s more gardening to be done. – I just thought: It took me 4 hours to mow the lawn… if I were to walk approximately 4mi/hr… as I do… average… mowing the lawn is the same as walking from here to the Hannaford’s in Enosburgh… And back. I haven’t walked that distance in quite a while, and there’s no telling what kind of damage has been done to that leg/thigh from the “back” trouble. There are nerves that are either pinched or dead for that area… and here I go. – Meanwhile, on Twitter… the “LGBTQ” movement is bashing Trump. I’ve responded with a comment: Please remember that LGBTQ is fags, dykes and freaks and NOT Gay men or Women… not even vaguely.” Entitled little parasites. 47 years of working toward “equality” and these douche-water shit-bags are throwing everything 50 years BACK. May they all rot. – Time to try for a true “nap” here. Hopefully it’ll be enough rest to keep going for another day? Or not. – 8.23 Awake and up from smoke and it’s sunny and already 27° in this room. – I finally did get to sleep… at 2.00 this morning. But I managed, at long last, to post to “Woodhauler”. The front of the house and the sod and the lawn. WP was S.L.O.W. or some reason. – But now, I’m exhausted. 6 hours of sleep and… well… 2.00? It’s to be an “interesting” day, I’m sure. – 21.37 Back from Jacquie’s. Her TV went out again this evening. I can’t figure out how to fix it this time. Oh well… we’ll see. I’ve got the week-end. – Got there at almost 11.00 this morning. She was in the shower. I pulled the J’slm artichokes from the fence along the Highgate St. and then helped her plant some 20 peppers, 16 eggplants. She went to the MD appt. and asked if I wanted to go with (Swanton). I did, but I didn’t want to be stuck with Hallie in the truck. Good I didn’t… she didn’t get back until 18.00, from 15.30. – I left her house at about 16.30 and came to la cage. Nobody in. I showered!!! Changed and grabbed 4 franks on 2 rolls with mustard… and they returned at about 18.00 when I went to Jacquie’s and she made a burger. I’ve eaten rather well today, all told. We had chicken/biscuit in a ramekin for lunch. Indeed, I’ve eaten well. – And now, I’ve taken 2 AlevePM to make certain that I SLEEP tonight! Achy a touch from the working in the garden and such. But hopefully the Aleve will kick and I won’t. – “They” are in their room… air conditioner on. I’ve got the fan on low. It’s warm in here but not too hot. Let’s hope for sleep… hope for sleep.

Thu.16.Jun: 7.09 I SLEPT LAST NIGHT! 22.00 and I just put the lap-top to the side, put out the light, head on pillow and GONE! Heard the alarms this morning. Turned them off and dozed until just moments ago! DELIGHTFUL! A touch groggy this morning, because of the Aleve. But I don’t really much care. I SLEPT! And it’s another sunny morning. Expected to be a hot day. Surely, Ms. Jacquie has something that “needs” to be done this morning before she heads out to work. But that’s fine. This evening I can make a wash, take a shower, be clean and ready for the week-end. “And I feel fine”. (ish). – 21.35 ODD… THE PHONE READS 21.41! Now I haven’t the lightest idea what the actual time is! Computer reads one, the phone reads the other. Well… Fuck me! OK. – That’ said… In bed… SHOWERED (at Jacquie’s). Work clothes in the dryer (at Jacquie’s). After a day of… Got a jar of “Groat” water, put in about 10 clippings of willow for the “growth hormone”, clipped 3 cuttings from the mock orange… BEAUTIFUL blossoms and fragrance… I left it in the barn. Hopefully it will root! (If so, I’m taking at least ONE when I leave this dump!) Then… Put in another small batch of daisies in the front of the house. The went to visit with Jacquie for a while as she made a “rhubarb custard sort of” pie. One for somebody at work and another for ME! (It’s not bad… I had a slice for “dinner”… along with MUCH ice cream… Calories… fat… done.) – Jacquie went to work and I brought the canoe to the yard, mowed by and along side of the greenhouse and put the canoe up on saw-horses… attached with garden hose just because. Made a “FOR SALE A VENDRE” sign with MY (N.Troy) telephone number on it. – Finally got her TV to work again and watched with Ms. Hallie for a while… THEN…I went to the garden to plant the broccoli, cabbage and I think, some lettuce. (I can’t wait to see what’s NOT there in the morning, with the fucking rabbit!!!) 2 rows… planted… Ah… FILTHY ME… it must have been round about 19.30 or so, I came to la cage, not knowing that “they” were in because only Ms.Gs car was out front. WELL! THEY WERE IN! One was in the “douche”, the other, laying on the bed. I came in, grabbed clean clothes and headed back to Jacquie’s where I showered and put my clothes in to wash and had more ice cream and watched O’Reilly. Posted a “report” to Jacquie and here I am. – And so, it’s off to post the images of today’s workings, a quick check of soc.med. and hopefully to seepie-nigh-night. – (I have to admit that I’m a touch nervous because the “Dish” box won’t turn off completely. But I’m sure it’s been left on over-night before. Tomorrow’s “chore”: FIX IT! Honestly… THAT’S the only thing on my agenda!)

Sat.18.Jun: 7.02 Up from a smoke. TIRED this morning! And “they” are out and gone and away. I just barely saw the “Rav” pull away, with kayaks a-top. The dogs are running free. They came out with me for my smoke and had to pee and shit. How about that? “Expected” to attend them. Well, I most certainly can’t simply keep them in the house. But the very idea that it’s EXPECTED that I should attend to them. Typical. Fagz. I look forward to the day when this night-mare is over, done, closed, finished, gone… one way or another. I’m tired from working, tired from just being. – Plans for the day? None. Jacquie’s. Perhaps the kitchen floor. I’ve been pondering putting the afghan into her washer. But I don’t know that the machine could handle the weight. 17lbs dry, there’s no telling what the weight is, wet. I don’t dare, I don’t think. – I slept under it last night, folded. It got a touch chilly during the night (well, at about 3.00 this morning). “Summer”. But in the North Country. (Though, at the moment, my little thermo reads 25° in here already… but the sun is shining in.) – Well… when my stomach settles, it’s churning from all the “shit” I’ve been eating over the week, ice cream, mostly, I’ll be off and on my way. – I wonder now: is Ms.P to come today, or tomorrow, or at all? Oh well, we shall see. I doubt the “mower” will be brought during the week. But, I just don’t want to be here when it/they/it arrives. Especially since I’m so tempted to “let it slip” that her brother has been replaced… already. – Onward with the day… – 20.46 Spent the entire day at Jacquie’s today, doing nothing but watching the Snooze and had 4 franks for dinner and a beer on the porch with Ms. Hallie. – Before I get into anything more though:
I’m heart-sick! The fuktardz over at 5199 decided to mow the lawn today AND… ONE OF THEM DECIDED TO SNAP THE OLD LIMBS OFF THE OLD PINE IN FRONT OF 5199!!! Mme.BLANCHE-NOIRE CAN’T GET UP THERE TO ROOST! FUCKING MORONIC SHITS! IT’S HEART-BREAKING, WATCHING THE OLD CHICKEN ROAMING ROUND THE TREE AND LOOKING UP AT HER LIMB!!! DAMN THEM! IN THE TRUEST SENSE: DAMN THEM! And I’ve no doubt that Jacquie will make excuses for them. But from my heart I’ll pray: DAMN THEM!
Meanwhile… at about 14.30 or so, I took Hallie out and we watered the plants on the table which aren’t selling and what do I see? Ms.B on the ride-on! It got delivered and he was out there, mowing “the meadow”. Thankfully, NOT the lupine! But this evening I see the mower down by the brook where he’d mowed a path of sorts and left it. Indeed. Just left it there. Probably ran out of gas. – But now, I’m in bed, fan running on high, miserably hot, and they’ve been gone from since well… no telling. – When I came into la cage only about an hour ago or so, no food or water for the dogs and poor Sascha has the bark collar on again. They take NO responsibility for ANYTHING… other than their amusement and entertainment. And again, from the core of my heart and soul: DAMN THEM! Poor dogs. Poor animals. Miserable shits. Nasty faggots. – Well, I did send “report” to Jacquie to tell her of the tree. I’m trying to figure a way to put some dowels into the tree so that the chicken can get back up to roost. I don’t know where she’ll meanwhile. But we’ll think of something. I’ll post for suggestions on Twtr. maybe somebody will have ideas. – That said, I’m steeping a bit of licorice tea since there’s nothing else to drink, a bit of soc.med. and HOPEFULLY some sleep. Tomorrow is breakfast with Ms. Hallie (and, no doubt, the notice to vacate since my “work” will no longer be required, now that there’s a ride-on mower, never mind the flowers and such). That’s the way shit flows. I don’t much give a shit. – 22.47 “They” return. –

Sun.19.Jun:
HOME 8 MAGOG
6.22 Just up from smoke. La cage is “awake” and in the kitchen. I walk in… not being spoken to. I said good morning. I could have said “drop dead”. Oh well. – Warm already this morning. Supposed to go up to 36°. Dreading this day (and tomorrow too). – BUT… A THOUGHT! IDEA! FOR Mme.: THE GARDEN STAKES THAT AREN’T BEING USED. I CAN MAKE SOMETHING LIKE “7s AND ATTACH THE HORIZONTALS TO THE STUBS ON THE TREE AND THE PERPENDICULARS INTO THE GROUND! HAVE TO BOUNCE THE IDEA OFF JACQUIE. More “work”… for me, of course… but for the chicken. Bless her. – Oh well… we shall see as the day goes along. – We shall also see/hear about the mower. Time… – 23.39 *** MAGOG *** WOW! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL TOWN! EVEN THE ST-HUBERT IS “UP-SCALE”. I’M AMAZED! – AND… Mme. POULET IS BACK TO SLEEPING IN THE TREE! – What a day! WHAT A DAY! – This morning, the B&G went kayaking again, leaving me alone with the dogs. So I took my time rolling out of bed. But by about 8.00 I was dressed. Went to the back-yard for an 8.30 smoke and Jacquie was coming home from work already! And, she was out the door again to get to her “breakfast” at the church. Left me a message saying she didn’t feed Hallie so I had to go over and do so. Well… while I was there, I grabbed some garden stakes, pounded 4 into the ground round the pine tree, cut another down and wired a little “stair-way” so that Mme. Poulet could get up to her limb. I was in a sweat! It was horribly hot. Finished by about noon and by 13.00 I was back at la cage… to post photos on Twtr and Woodhauler, of the work. Then… I strolled back to Jacquie’s. She’d wanted to take a trip to Québec today, but I wasn’t in the mood but she was determined. So, I came back to change into the “Silas Docs” and checked my balance at the banque. The book sale hasn’t posted yet, but I’m not surprised. The sale went for payment on Friday. It takes Canadian banques an eternity to post. But… off we went… headed for Magog… a place I’d never been. Well… WELL!!! We went up through North Troy! I drove and so, when we got to Richford, I drove round Nr. 19. I almost cried. I miss that house. I truly do. And then over the mountain. Well, when we got to the border at E. Richford/Glen Sutton, it was already about 17.00 and the Canada side was CLOSED! BUT Jacquie directed me to go across the bridge and the U.S. Customs banshee came SCREECHING! “YOU DON’T DRIVE THROUGH A CLOSED PARKING LOT!!!” Oddly, BOTH Jacquie AND I got annoyed by her tone of voice, that condescending bitching. But we turned round and and as we did I heard the banshee screech to the fellow with her “SECOND TIME TODAY!” As Jacquie said: She’s upset because we made her work for all the money she’s being paid. And so, we headed off to cross at North Troy (!!!)/Highwater where the welcome was MUCH kinder. – The drive to Magog was interesting. The 10 reminded me SO much of I84, beautiful trees and hills and mountains. Orford too! – When we got to Magog/lac Memphrémagog, Jacquie wanted to find lake access for Hallie to take a swim so we drove round. WOW! It’s like Shelburne in that there’s NO public access to the lake! “Privé” all over the place! But when we were headed back out to go to the St-Hubert… we drove along the “main” and I HAVE TO SAY: IT’S INCREDIBLY REMARKABLY AMAZING! ALL the “class” of the best parts of Montréal! Pleine aire bistros, shops, boutiques… TONY AS ALL HELL! BEAUTIFUL! BREATH-TAKING. We were BOTH amazed! – And then to the St-Hubert where Jacquie had the chicken… 11,50$ and I had a rather nice bowl of “Poutine St-Hubert” which had chicken and their sauce, 11,50$ and we both had a beer. Jacquie had desert: “Pudding Chomage”… cake with a brown sugar/butter syrup over a cake with a scoop of ice cream. Really quite delicious. AND FILLING! – By about 22.30 we were at Morse’s Line and a “curt/snappy” old fuck who merely checked passports and let us pass. – OH! AND, this evening I noticed… MY PASSPORT DOESN’T EXPIRE UNTIL NOVEMBER! 110$ LESS I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FOR A WHILE! – So… as we drove into the drive-way, we looked to see if Mme. was in the tree but didn’t see her. Jacquie said she may have spent last night in the barn. But I went and strolled out to look AND THERE SHE WAS! THE STEPS WORKED FOR HER! THE SWEET-HEART IS BACK, ROOSTING IN THE TREE! A LIMB OR 2 HIGHER BUT UP IN THE TREE! THE STEPS WORKED! I ALMOST CRIED WITH HAPPINESS. When I told Jacquie she thanked me repeatedly! And thanked me for going with her to Magog (she’d never been and wanted to go but wouldn’t go alone). – And so, after “Good nights”, I left, came back to la cage where again, I got in in silence. – What a day! – It’s now 0.04 and I’m still rather wound. Thankfully, tomorrow is Monday… and I’ll have to deal with Ms.G if at all. – Today it did get up to almost 40° and tomorrow is supposed to be more of the same. So… – But the chicken is back up the tree and all is well with the world.

Mon.20.Jun: SUMMER! – 7.23 and 30° in the room and I’m just up from smoke with the “goilz”. There’s a breeze out there. But indeed… Summer is in full-swing thing HOT HOT morning. And I’m dragged. La cage est vide. Ca se peut tu? But I’m not complaining. And I had the alarm set for 7.00, woke just before it, but dozed until, and then dozed a touch after. Still, not too bad an hour, considering I didn’t get to sleep until mid-night. – The day? I don’t know. But I doubt there’s to be much accomplished. HEAT! – Looking at the ride-on I couldn’t help but think: there’s been nothing said about learning how to operate it. I don’t care. Time will… – Oh well… On with this day, some-how, I suppose. – I’m still a bit in awe of yesterday: Magog and the chicken up the tree. Just… WOW! – 21.45 The Longest Day comes to a night. And it’s MISERABLY HOT! – Went to visit with Jacquie this morning at about 11.30. She had a lovely woman come visit, we talked religion and politics and it was a pleasure. I couldn’t eat, I’ve been so ill all day from the heat. BUT, Jacquie INSISTED that the fucking cart be moved and so, she drove the truck to it, *I* hitched it and tried to back it into position but there wasn’t enough manoeuvring space, she got all sorts of insultingly impatient so I just pulled the truck to the barn, un-hitched the fucking cart and manually pulled in round and into place AND I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK RIGHT THERE! BATTERING RAM TO THE CHEST! Ah… but as is par for the course with these morons, it blew over. Jacquie didn’t want to hear it. So I came back to la cage…
*****
SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH DIXIE’S FRONT LEFT PAW OR LEG!!! SHE’S LIMPING! I VOW, IF THEY’VE DONE ANYTHING TO HURT HER, ANYTHING AT ALL, I’M ON THE WIRE TO THE ANIMAL PROTECTION TO HAVE HER REMOVED! AND SASCHA AS WELL!
*****
I was back and on the bed at about 15.15 or so, and as I dozed, MsG came in SCREECHING LIKE A FUCKING BANSHEE AT EITHER ONE OR BOTH DOGS!!!LUCKY FOR THE FAG, NEITHER DOG YELPED! BUT INDEED… *ONE* INCIDENT AND THEY’RE OUT OF HERE! THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO ELLIE WAS TO GET OUT. SOMEBODY AROUND THIS SHIT-HOLE TOWN NEEDS TO TAKE PROTECTIVE ACTION. AND IT WILL BE ME! THESE FUCKING NASTY SHITS! THE LOT!
*****
THEN, at about 18.00 I woke from my “nap” and crawled over to Jacquie’s so that I could watch Mme. Poulet get up the tree this evening (I got PICTURES! SHE DID IT! WOOHOO!) and as I arrive, Adam in on the ride-on tiller and Jacquie’s hoeing the garden! Seriously? The cart? The tilling? AH… but THEN….
*****
SHE CAN’T FIND A BUNCH OF SEEDS (LIKE SHE CAN’T FIND SO MUCH OTHER SHIT AROUND THAT DUMP SHE DOESN’T ATTEND TO) AND SHE SAYS TO ME, SNARKY:
“I THINK SOMEBODY JUST DOESN’T WANT ME TO PLANT ANY MORE IN THE GARDEN.”
FUCK THE FUCK OFF QUNT!
*****
I asked what that’s supposed to mean. No reply. I assured her that *I* didn’t throw any of her seeds out. She blew me off. I watched Mme. climb the tree as we sat on the porch, watched O’Reilly, had a glass of water and left just a while ago. – FUCK these morons and idiots and FUCK this town. OH… and Ms. Jacquie bought THREE fucking tickets to the “Firemen’s BBQ” and gave me one… A-FUCKING-GAIN! I TELL HER THAT I WON’T PARTICIPATE WITH SHIT IN THIS TOWN! I DIDN’T GO LAST YEAR WHEN SHE GAVE ME A TICKET. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG HERE? SERIOUSLY! SO LOOKS LIKE SHE’S GOT FOR HER PRECIOUS JES AND KERRY AND HERSELF… IT’S ON 2 JULY. GO! EAT. ENJOY! CHOKE! – That said and done, la cage is quiet, may it remain so. The fan is on “full” and creating only a slight draft on the bed. The temperature out-side has dropped only slightly. Rain in the forecast but it looks like it’s to be to the North and South but not here. Ms.Jacquie wants to plant corn tomorrow. I need a lift to the market but I doubt that’s to happen. And tonight… as I took Hallie round for last “business” I had all to do to keep from simply laying down on the pavement and drifting off. But as I repeatedly say:
*****
I WILL NOT DIE IN VERMONT!

Tue.21.Jun: The days begin to shorten again. My, that was quick. – 6.11 First thought of the morning:
I don’t appreciate the side-ways glance when the accusation of hiding or other-wise getting rid of the seeds for the garden was made yesterday. I feel it’s time to go “on the record” and speak on the matter. I’m still quite burnt from last year’s garden issues: I planted and weeded and tended for full days, in hot sun and such to reap precious little and had to put up with all the bull-shit of toys and tools and piles of weeds, etc. being left after all the work I put in. Yes, I do believe I’ll be going “on the record” today. And the matter this year of having to pick up all of that plastic, dragging the cart about and such. And the fact that even after that, clearing the lily bed and STILL having to listen to such general bull-shit. First thought of the day. Fuck.
– At about 1.00 this morning, the thunder rolled! It was a delight to hear. But I slept through the rain that apparently fell during the night. The ground is a bit wet this morning. The lawn needs mowing too. I might do “my” part of it today. “Might”. Not sure… as yet. – It’s a touch cooler this morning. We shall see what comes of this day. – Ms. “Garden” wants to plant more corn today too. Again… We shall see what this day does. – My neck is SO stiff and sore. My jaw too. Having my smoke, my legs went terribly weak and it was rather difficult to stand. – I WILL NOT DIE IN VERMONT!!! – Ms.G is parked at table in the kitchen, shrieking at Sascha as I made my way down the stairs at 6.00. Charming place here. *I* let the goilz out. Dixie seems to be doing better this morning. She sat on the back steps, Sascha went to do a little shitting in the yard. (Charming.) – Hey… this place and situation was probably “convenient” for this “other one” as well: a place to move to and a bit of “stuff” ever-ready. Quick to happen, quick to go, I’ve no doubt. And this town isn’t a place to come to for “Happy Happy”. We shall see. – Meanwhile… the days begin to shorten today. “Summer” is here. The time is right, for dancing on the graves. – 21.00 WELL! Lat night’s “rain” wasn’t worth the mention. And this morning… well… I didn’t actually leave the room until almost 10.00. Pretty much hid in the back barn for most of the morning and then GT TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BROOK! Found some ground cover plant that I can’t recall the name of and so, decided to get some for the front of the house between the shrubs. But over there, on the other side, the ferns are almost as high as my arm-pits! Nothing much over there though. I mean, in the way of making a space for “me”. But I did get 3 nice clumps of the ground cover and put them in in front of the house. Then… Went over to Jacquie’s at about 13.00 and “confronted” her. SHE FOUND THE BLOODY SEEDS!!! SO I asked her if that “side-glance” comment was directed at me and she said that it wasn’t. I told her that I was “hurt” last night a rip-pissed this morning. “Oh no,” says she, “I didn’t mean you.” Yeah, right. Oh well… we shall see. I told her that if she HAD meant me that I was going to phone her this morning and tell her to get somebody else to mind the dog. After all, of ALL the people in this fucking town, *I* do NOT deserve THAT kind of comment. Indeed… we shall see. (I’ve figured of late: I used to get 50$/week-end… Now I get 50$ ever OTHER week. So?) – She had planting on her agenda (and giving the plants on the table away… FREE). So when I walked back to the garden with her, I made a point of mentioning how everybody else complains about the heat and the ‘work” they do… riding round on mowers and tillers whilst I push and use manual. I want to make it abundantly clear that I’m rather fed-up with the shit and bull-shit. And so, as she began planting, I went back to the barn. – This evening, I mowed behind the barn for the car and brought Dixie down to the brook for a romp and we sat in the grass and had some time together. When I sat, she sat with me. Yes, indeed, I can “feel” that she enjoys my company. It’s mutual. Sascha was in her cage when Little Fatboy left. I’d taken her out for a bit before mowing. But after the mowing, it was “Dixie Time”. – Well then, “they” came back round about 18.00 or so. I went in and asked Ms.B: “Would you like me to mow where I’ve been mowing?” “With the push mower?” was the reply. Well of course. “You don’t have to. Unless you’re bored.” said Ms.B. So thus far, I shall and the rest can be done with the John Deere. Fine. I mean, if I’m not “doing” anything round the place… I’m OUT! And I’m hoping THAT won’t happen until Moriah is settled!!!! – OH! I PUT AIR IN THE TYRE ON THE SUBARU TOO! Started the compressor and pretty much filled it. It filled slowly, but it’s much better now! – And so, after the chat with Ms.B, I strolled over to Ms. Jacquie who was on her front porch watering. Mme. was already up in the tree! Jacquie said she’d gone into the house to get water for the flowers out front and in the time it took to fill the watering can, Mme. had made it up! So, my little “ladder” is working very well indeed. I’m relieved and grateful. – Says Ms. Jacquie, she’s got more planting to do tomorrow “So don’t come over unless you’re going to plant!… No, I’m kidding.” Well that’s nice that you’re “kidding” because I don’t appreciate that kind of bull-shit any longer so you won’t see me. I’ll mow 5225, thank you. Fucking audacity. She’d taken Hallie to the lake this evening, didn’t bother to ask if I’d like to go or such. So? I’ll earn my room and mow the lawn… Hey! You need help? Get that fag-boy upstairs to help. – Got back into la cage at about 20.30 or so and went to the SHOWER! “They” were already turned-in. And so, at 21.18, time for a quick soc.med., check the weather and get to sleep. Tomorrow, I’ll mow.

Wed.22,Jun:
https://deadartist.wordpress.com/epilogue/still-life-portfolio/
6.19 RAIN! – Just up from a smoke and Ms.G is at table, on the phone… another Lyle! “Smart” phones and internet and such.
*** LEARNT THIS MORNING, WHY DIXIE WAS LIMPING. SASCHA! SUNDAY, WHEN THEY WERE ALONE IN THE HOUSE, THE DOGS MUST HAVE HAD AT IT, AND EACH-OTHER. SAYS MsG: WHEN THEY CAME BACK, DIXIE HAD SOME BLODD ON HER. THE DOGS MUST HAVE GOTTEN A BIT TOUGH. NO DOUBT, SASCHA WANTED TO PLAY AND DIXIE DIDN’T (AS IT WERE). WELL! I’LL HAVE TO KEEP AN EYE ON THEM FROM HERE ON IN! MORE SHIT TO DEAL WITH. I’LL HAVE TO WORK AT TRAINING SASCHA, SINCE, ONCE AGAIN, NOBODY WILL TAKE RESPONSBILITY FOR “THEIRS”.***
As for today? Environment Canada forecast rain for today and so, here it is. “Planting”? I wonder. This is supposed to (as of last night) stop at about 10.00. We shall see. No mowing until later today, if at all. We’ll just have to take it as it comes. Me? I’m going to make a bit of a “journal” of addresses and current images of “housing Hx” for this here journal. (And I’ll have to figure how to tie the journals together I think. There’s still work to be done with “DeadArtist” too. I started that and never went back to it. Hmmm….) A “rainy day project”. – 19.56 How strange… almost got it in at 1955 and rather close enough, considering…
I JUST COMPILED A PAGE OF IMAGES OF 49 PLACES IN WHICH I’VE LIVED OR RESIDED OVER 61 YEARS! ADDRESSES, SOME DATES, SO MANY ARE “FADED” OR “GONE” IN MY MIND. SO MANY PLACES HAVE CHANGED SO MUCH! SO MANY ARE GONE. OTHERS, I CAN’T GET IMAGES OF. I REMEMBER NAMES. I REMEMBER THE PLACES. SOME DATES I CAN GET FROM NYC8539266. OTHERS I RECALL. AND OTHERS ARE JUST LOST. 49 PLACES IN 61 YEARS! IS IT ANY WONDER I’M SO DAMNED TIRED OF “BEING”? IT’S NO WONDER I CALL NO PLACE “HOME” ANY LONGER. NONE. ONE MORE? YES, ONLY ONE MORE. MAY IT COME QUICKLY… AND PASS EVEN MORE QUICKLY. I’M TIRED, FED-UP, DONE, FINISHED. https://deadartist.wordpress.com/epilogue/still-life-portfolio/
Spent the entire day working on this page. It rained most of the morning. The sky cleared. It rained a bit more. It’s clear now. Too wet to mow. And “they” have gone to bed. I am steeping a “Nighty Night” tea in the hopes of simply putting my head on the pillow and drifting off. (It would be nice to drift “away” too. But…
I WILL NOT DIE IN VERMONT!!!
No word from Jacquie all day. Hey! She told me not to go there if I wasn’t going to plant. And it rained, so I doubt we could/should. And with the rain, the soil is too muddy to hoe, so I doubt we would. And… I don’t WANT to plant the damned garden! I’ll get as much (if not less) out of my work this year than last. I fed Franklin, Burlington, Williston and who-knows-where last year. ENOUGH! AND… what doesn’t make matters any better is that I’m on the last pack of smokes and no money for more. And I seriously doubt there’ll be more before Sunday… if then. I’m tired. – Truth is, I’m not really physically tired in the common sense. If the lawn was dry enough and folks weren’t in bed, I’d mow. But I’ll handle that… with a tea. – All day I took maybe 3 smoke breaks. Took the goilz out for a run each time. Just now I went out and “they” had them out back, looking at “the meadow”. When they came in, with the goilz, Dixie wanted to stay out a while longer. Ms.B says “Dixie, c’mon now. Don’t make me have to yell.” FUCK YOU! OK? Just fuck you! So she stayed with me whilst I finished my smoke. When we got in, “their” door was closed, so I went over to teach Dixie how to “knock” but Ms.G opened. All are tucked away. – The furniture in the parlour is moved, in preparation for the week-end when, on Saturday, “they” will be off to “Wilder” for furnishings. Ah… I can’t help but think: this isn’t a “marriage” and when the novelty is gone… oh well. Hopefully I’ll be “across the water” and away. – And so, with this, I’ll wrap up. I have to put pages of links to all the Journals… one page per journal to link them all together. I think it’s time to do so. – I’m running down. (HELL! Last evening when I mowed just the bit behind the barn where the car is I had to gnash my teeth in pain!) It’s “time”.

Thu.23,Jun: 6.09 A slightly, but heavily over-cast morning. There’s a little bit of sun-shine trying to come trough the window, but the clouds are coming in from the West. And last night, I laid in bed, at about 23.00, rather worried that I wouldn’t “shut down” and spend a night of “half-sleep”, but at one point… out. This morning? I could go right back to sleep. “Nighty Night” tea. – When I went down for my smoke (10 left in the pack until….) the banshee shrieked “CALM DOWN!” because the dogs were excited to see me. Days that begin like this are… the misery that has become my “New England”. And each day I hope deeper for… Moriah. – Well… running out of smokes. Running low on coffee. And today commences the “back and forth”. We shall see. Time, that’s all that can be said. – I need to brush my teeth, cut my hair, do something to make me “human”. I don’t rightly know why, but I should. – Today too, is the day that the U.K. votes on whether or not to remain in the E.U. I am SO hopeful that they vote “LEAVE”. And then? I hope the rest vote the same and Europe can return to the way it was intended. They’re calling this shit the “NWO”, New World Order, of single, global government. If it inevitable that that should happen, may I be LONG dead and gone when it does. – Cool morning, this. And the ground and grass are wet again. Mowing? Perhaps at some point of the day. But certainly not now. – I’ll work on getting the “Legacy” pages done. – 20.46 In bed and SHOWERED! AND… today I mowed the lawn (power but still) to the spruce. Pain in the arse since there were piles of dry grass from when Ms.B did the meadow. But it’s done. THEN I WASHED and Armour-All’ed the iniside of the SUBARU! HEY! By then, it was time to get to Ms. Hallie, so I came in to get my clothes for a shower over at Jacquie’s and THE SHIT HIT THE FAN! AS I’M CHECKING TO SEE IF I COULD AFFORD A PACK OF SMOKES (thanks Jacquie for NOT paying me AGAIN this week-end, fuck you very much I’m sure)…and there was… SASCHA STARTED BARKING AND HOWLING AND Ms.G STARTED SHRIEKING AND IT WAS GOD GOD AWFUL! I WAS ON-LINE TRYING TO FIND THE NUMBER FOR THE UMANE SOCIETY IN ST-ALBANS AND THEIR WEB SITE IT A PIECE OF SHIT. I WAS GOING TO REPORT THE INCIDENT TONIGHT!!! BUT AS IT TURNED OUT, I WENT FOR MY SMOKES, CAME BACK AND GOT DIXIE AND TOOK HER OVER TO JACQUIE’S WITH ME. SHE’S GOT A BITE ON HER HEAD, ONE ON HER LEFT EYE AND WHEN I PUT HER INTO THE TUB AT JACQUIE’S (shampoo with Head and Shoulders… with almond oil) THE BLOOD CAME RUNNING… A BITE ON BOTH FRONT SHOULDERS! Well… I had a gin and ginger to calm down a touch, got Dixie showered, washed the tub with PineSol and bleach and took MY shower. Luckily, I’d eaten my chicken nuggets (12 on 3 rolls) earlier but had to skip my ice cream (which I’d gotten earlier at the Fuklin Genl…. and forgot to get noshies for this evening but…) Then we all watched the snooze and played with the balls in the house. Dixie and Hallie had their fun and exercise. – When I got back this evening, Ms.G tells it: They had to go out to get a new belt for the ride-on (teeheehee broke already) and when they got back, Sascha had chewed Ms.Gs shoe, so Ms. hit Sascha with the shoe and Dixie seemed to see it as Sascha attacking Ms. and grabbed Sascha by the throat. Well… Sascha defended, Ms.B had to intervene and that was the bull-shit. Me? I don’t believe a word from either of them. But I’ll have to work with Dixie and Sascha now too. Fuck these people and their “pets” and irresponsibility. Fuck them ALL! – And so, wind-down: These 2 will be headed to Wilder tomorrow evening to pack furniture (I’ve already made it clear that I will NOT be assisting with their move) and might be back by about 22.30 or so tomorrow night. GUESS WHO GETS TO WATCH THE DOGS… FUCK! Well, I had nothing planned for tomorrow anyway since Ms.Jacquie decided to give away the plants that were on the table for sale AND decided NOT to leave any money for watching Hallie… which puts her about 150 in my debt (which I know I’ll never see). So, tomorrow, I take it easy… make my washes, shower and watch news. – I’ve totally and completely had it with this town, these people, this state. COMPLETELY! Fuckemall! Time to take care of ME in case I get to go HOME in a month. – The Subaru looks nice and clean and such. I’ll have to figure how to get it back on the road legally soon. As for gas? Well, there’s the 5gal. in Jacquie’s and I’ll “borrow” some of that to be sure (2gals or so) to add to what’s in the car now. Hey! 150$ short? GAS! – Other-wise, it’s gone hot again tonight. All are in their respective rooms and I have to jot a “report” to Ms.Jacquie. – Tomorrow will attend to itself.

Fri.24.Jun: 7.54
***** la Fête St-Jean ***** | ***** Brexit! *****
I stayed up until 1.00 this morning, following the results of the *** E U Referendum *** in the U.K. this morning and ENGLAND HAS LEFT THE EUROPEAN UNION! I cried for them! How wonderful, that a country can, essentially VOTE itself BACK into existence! And to get out of that cesspool known as the “European Union”. Indeed, there’s much, SO much that they’ll have to do to re-establish themselves. But they’ll no longer be under the palm of that horrific mistake! I wish I had some cash available and the means to go and buy a few pounds today, to show support of their currency which dropped, almost immediately, in value. How horrid! It’s still OVER the dollar. But it hit its 1985 value of about 1,34 by 1.00. Ah… it just proves that there’s more a-foot to “Global Economy” than meets the eye. I mean… WHO? (as I asked this morning on Twtr) WHO gets to “devalue” a currency? Bollocks and Bull-shit, the whole scheme. I just hope with all heart and soul that this works and England soars back to the top of the Globe! – And too, this morning, is la Fête. Gee. Last year I got to “dine” in Villeray, and to be locked in Viv’s flat, washing and packing and moving and the likes. Although I’m here, and so close and can’t quite make it to “celebrate” this year, I could put up the flag. But with what’s going on there, with the Muslim invasion and the threat the country presents to North American freedom and liberty, I don’t much feel like “supporting”… “them”… “that”… I’ve grown older and how I’ve changed. – And this morning, I’m in this muck-hole, having to attend the responsibilities of others: having mowed the lawn yesterday, bathing Dixie, feeding and entertaining Hallie, having to “watch” Dixie and Sascha today… even if I could go North… I couldn’t. I’m sick and tired of this shit. Oh well… I’ll “make the best of it”… some-how. – Both my eyes are itchy today. I’m wondering if it isn’t something in the air, like the grass from mowing, or, since I wipe sweat from my eyes with work-gloved hands, something that was on a glove. Oh well… never mind. – It’s another day… just another day. The sun is shining and it’s getting hotter again. – I’ll have to include the text I received last night from Jacquie, suggesting that I take Dixie with me when I go to NY. Imagine? How would I feed her, attend her needs? Better to have her taken and adopted by others, if it’s to be a Living Hell here. Honestly, I’m sick, quite frankly SICK of this shit here. I came to VT thinking these vermin were hard-working, proud, intelligent, ambitious, conservative folk. 5 years later I learnt: They’re in-bred shits, irresponsible, selfish, morons… across the board. As I say: It’s no wonder NY is known as the “Empire” State. (But truth is: even THAT’S going down ye olde shitter.)

14.20 Laundry done, save for what I’m wearing. Bed’s made. Hoover done. As I was doing the hall, Ms.G came waltzing in. OK. So somebody knows that I clean the place. And the goilz have been out twice in the past 30 minutes or so that I’ve been back at la cage. Having a tea. Finished the ice cream of yesterday. “Meal”. And when la cage est vide? HAIRCUT! Then shower here or there this evening since this place (la cage) should be empty. Nice. Hopefully… hopefully. – News is packed with all sorts of bull-shit about Brexit. The stock market is down by about 550 points. Folks with 401k are going to suffer. I remember, all too clearly. Their turn. I don’t much care. Just so long as my “TSP” doesn’t bottom-out! I NEED that money.. for the Subaru! Soon. – 21.00 EN POINT! IN BED! SHOWERED! CLEAN BED! CLEAN CLOTHES (save, one set I wore today… that will be done tomorrow). Hallie fed and walked. The goilz have been given dinner (didn’t eat). Dixie is on the steps to await the return of them, Sascha in “kennel”. They’ve had “biscuits”. And me? Licorice tea. I had 3 rolls with nuggets and some ice cream for dinner. There are donuts, tonic, and 7 smokes. I AM EXHAUSTED! And didn’t “do” anything to speak of save, Hoover Jacquie’s. I wonder what the fatigue is from of late. Pain in the neck. Pain in the lower back. Just pain. Trouble with my eyes… itching and bouts of blurriness. I’m falling apart and running down. Oh well… so be it. – Fan on. Tea steeping. They should be back round 22.00 (or, with my “luck”, later) and the barking will break my sleep. – I’ve decided: Winter, 2016, DONE. Whether I’m back in NY or stuck here in VT. I’ll get to NY and that will be the “END” of this bull-shit. Let’s see what “Life” fucks me with mean-while. I’m sick to bloody-fucking death of hearing “He works.” “She works.” “I’ve got to go to WORK!” And me? Apparently I don’t “work” at all. Fukkemall! – Oh… the lingering threat: berry-picking, fraises, on Sunday… when the temperature is supposed to rise to 30 again. NOT! – Never mind all that. This day is done. So much for “la Fête”. So much for all of it. – 22.35 They’ve returned, with their usual bump, bang and girlie chitty-chat. – Dixie came into the room earlier and was laying on her blankie beside the bed until. She’s gone “seepie-nigh-night” with them now and me? I’m ready for lights out. – No message from Ms. Jacquie today. Mayhaps she resents my reference to “Shithaven”? I don’t give a shit.

Sat.25.Jun: 7.07 The 6.00 alarm sounded. It got turned off. I went back to sleep. “They” are awake, moving furniture and such, behind closed door. I’ve had my smoke. 5 remain. The sun is shining. It’s cool in the room and out-side. And in a couple of hours… another day will commence. BFD. – Shabbat. Like any other day. – 12.50 Laundry is DONE! Time for a tea in la cage vide. Silence. And a donut or 2. – That tooth, upper left, is running right up into my sinus today. Not so much “painful” as “annoying”. And I’m noticing more today than before: My memory, my “mind” seems to be slipping gears. Can’t remember shit! CRS. Things slip right out and away. Of course, it’s probably got to do with “depression” as well. But it’s concerning. – Anyway, the day seems to be moving slowly. As Groucho Marx allegedly said: The trouble with doing nothing is you never know when you’re done. – If I had a lounge recliner for the yard, I could lie out in the sun. – There seems to be all sorts of “Yard Sales” today too. If I gave a shit, I’d move Jacquie’s canoe to the edge of the yard. Fuckkdat. I’d be lucking to make 5$ on the deal. Last year, I did ALL the work on the garden and she gave shit away. THIS year, if she wants something “done”… it’s HER affair to get it done… not mine. I took the time and such to post the splitter… THEN had to be at the house all day on a Saturday to sell it… got 100$ out of 1200. Bugger yourself. There. –

21.05
It was
the 1970’s
and we danced.
How we danced!
Into and all through the nights
we danced.
There were regimented steps and movements
there were nothing but gyrations and bouncing
but we danced
we sang
we laughed, drank, smiled, posed, poised, vied for the perfect spot
closer to a speaker
or farther away as the night rolled on.
I could “dance” to the bar
order and carry my drink
and others
back to the floor
and never miss a beat.

And we danced.

We saw the “elders”, olders
standing in the corners
or sitting at the tables
watching us.
The were
for the most part
motionless.
We wondered:
“There are so few of ‘them’,
where do all the ‘others’ go…
when they get ‘old’?”

And we danced.

Where, indeed
did the “elders” go to
when their bodies were no longer “trim” and “desirable”,
when their bodies were no longer able to support the night-long frenzies
of
dance, into an through the long nights?
Where DID they go to
when there was
at the time
no sensible competition
for the perfect ‘partner’
for a ‘mate”?
Where did THEY go…

while we danced?

Where are they now?
They’re not in the dance halls,
they’re not in the diners,
they’re not in the streets.
Where are they now?
They are in the collective memories
of those of us who danced
then
and we are now where they were then.

Today, our eyes are theirs
and we see here what they saw there
when they sat alone
and watched us dance.
In our eyes
are their stories
and today
their memories
are our memories
and the stories meld
into one grand volume.

We danced
through the nights
and through the 1970’s.

Those who should be dancing
aren’t dancing these days.

We looked at the elders and wondered
“Where do they go when they get old?”
And here we are
today.
But today
those who should be dancing
are not dancing
and they don’t see their “elders”
who can tell them that
if they live through the night
the night they should be dancing through
here
is where they will be
when the music on the juke box stops,
the records don’t change any more
and the drone of the crowd is broken only with the glaring
“Last Call”!
and the doors will open
on the glaring sun
of a new
and
older
day.

Where are they now?
Where are the dance-halls?
Where are the diners?
The streets are all strange…
but the elders know.
We’re here
still dancing
silently.

22.02 In bed, just made that prose into an image for soc.med. Tomorrow is NYC “Pride” day. Hopefully it will move along with-out any… ANY violence! I almost fear. Time are miserable of late. – I’m truly tired. Had all to do to keep awake at Jacquie’s with Hallie. But I left there at about 20.00. – Eric is here this evening and the 3 of them are out at the dire-pit. (I fear for the car now! Always some shit here in Shithaven.) Had a WONDERFUL chat with Eric about publishing. Truly a wonderful chat. VERY nice fellow, indeed. HE said hello to ME when I came in this evening. – And no report to Jacquie tonight. I’ve not heard from her all week-end. She get a delivery of fire-wood yesterday. Dropped in front of the garage. It’s still there. I’m tired. – Noted today: I stopped “doing” when money stopped coming. Now I’m the shit-bag. Oh well… Fukkemall.

Sun.26.Jun: 6.05 If I wake up one morning, and nothing at all is in pain, I’ll know for a fact: I died in my sleep, the night before. – NYC “Pride” day today. I dread the news. With all the violence, the presence of Islam. I imagine the streets flowing with blood. And I remember that morning, walking along the Hudson, from Jane to work, listening to “Tallis Scholars” and seeing the World Trade towers in flames… what-ever will be… will be. This is NOT the world I was born into, THAT is NOT the city I called “home”. – Swing down low… sweet chariot. (The song I can’t get out of my mind these days.) – The chairs are still round the fire-pit this morning. And I’m nervous about the Subaru. Sparks hitting it over-night. – Another morning. Another day in “Schidhaven”… a chapter in the book I should be writing. I’ll have to get back to that. Maybe Eric and I can “inspire” each-other. Who knows? What’s to say? – “Agenda” for the day? Hallie in the morning. Perhaps some work on the flower-bed in the front. Ms. Jacquie wants to go picking berries in St-Armand. NOT in 30° heat for me. Au revoir. Bonne chance, toé, là. – Just another day. – 13.41 The front of the house is done… flower-bed, that is to say. I got to Hallie at about 9.00 and left at about 10.45. Mme. Jacqueline m’a dit: I’ll be home early after-noon. Voyons. J’pense pas! Comme d’habitude. Oh well. But it’s just TOO fucking HOT out there now and I’m not giving a shit. – A room-temp café and what-ever. – Noticed my body gives a sour odour. Bad diet. – 17.22 Didn’t see the truck all day so I’m just back from Mme. Jacqueline’s where there was no Hallie. Assuming she returned and took Hallie “swimming”. How charming. Too much effort to pick up the phone and leave a message. But I see her lawn was mowed today. Good. Maybe she can get “them” to put her fire-wood into the garage as well. I’m pissed! Good thing I don’t take her inconsideration out on Hallie. – But… I have a package of franks, 2 bottles of tonic, a tin of fruit cocktail and a package of cookies. – Eric was in the kitchen when I left… washing dishes. The 3 of them did “ribs” on the BBQ. By the time I left 5199, poor Eric was gone. Alas. – On with the evening. I’ll have to shower. The gardening out front (noticed by and commented on by Jada) has left me “nasty”. And no laundry until Thursday. But rain coming… I do so hope, tomorrow and Tuesday. – 23.11 Been showered and in bed since about 19.30. Watched several “QI” then a bit of soc.med. Still brutally hot in the room. Had cookies. Almost done with 3 bottles of tonic. And because of a 30-minute nap… not tired. But should get some sleep. Running VERY low on smokes. Ms. Jacquie sent message on all that she went and did (instead of taking care of her home) including all sorts of “Kerry, Pam, Dave, eating, drinking”. “Hope to see you tomorrow.” Why? More work? Right-Oh. – One more smoke and try for sleep.

Mon.27.June:
HOME
7.22 The 6.00 alarm sounded. I turned if off… and, as has become usual, went right back to sleep.
DREAM: Sister, telling me “You don’t want to go to the Community Centre. No, you DON’T want to go to the Community Centre.” because they don’t want you to leave town. They know ALL of the things you’ve done, with gardens, and flowers, and cleaning the town. They don’t want you to leave. They won’t let you leave.
I HAVE to get out of and away from this place, town, village, state. I just MUST get away from here. I don’t feel comfortable here and my “work” here is “done”. It’s time to move on, move out, move away… to go to where I can simply “go”… and check out and get away from all of this. A quiet place on “home” soil. And oddly enough, NOT “Québec”. I’m a “Worker”, one who DOES, ambitious, productive. I am somebody who toils. I am somebody who uses his sojourn here on this Earth to bring order and something to be enjoyed, even by the eye of others. I need to be back on (in?) the soil of those who, for hundreds of years, built… a state and a nation. I am a “New Yorker”. Now, I admit and accept that those “New Yorkers” probably aren’t around any longer… save, a few. But that’s my “birth-right”… and up in the mountains, that’s where the other stoics are, even in spirit. First Nations and all. And THAT is where I belong. Not here. – It’s another hot, and some-what humid morning. Cloudy. Rain in the forecast but it doesn’t appear to be that it will come too soon. Nothing on the agenda. Maybe to push the books again. It’s due time. Eric made me think that I should truly work the “VT” book as well. Writing. Yes, I should get to that. – I heard, on the news, yesterday, some “actress” wrote a book about her life and how she “grew”, politically, from rather Liberal to being a Conservative. And because, I suppose, she’s a “move star, they said she’d written “the definitive” book on the subject because it’s her life story. Well… I too, have written a “definitive” and it deserves as much, if not more. I just need to get it into the faces of the potential readers. Time to get to “WORK”! – Besides, this piece of shit lap-top is pissing me off. – And my jaw and neck are sore again today. – Another day… one more fucking day. – 22.59 Another too late night here. But today, I managed to post some up-dates to the book on Twtr and fesses-book, inspired by their Eric – Strolled to Jacquie’s at about 16.00 or so. Kerry was there. We had tea. Jacquie had the 50 on the table. I GOT SMOKES! JUST IN TIME! – THEN… she decided to go to Québec for “fraises” and yes, I went… at about 17.00 so I couldn’t get the money into the banque as I’d like to do. But… at the ferme, they weren’t “picking” but selling “picked”. Jacquie bought a flat and we came back for pizza. I got cheese and ice cream for her. After we ate, she brought Hallie to the lake. She wanted me to join but I was too tired. Tonight, she and I agreed “We’re getting older.” She just wants company. I must be nicer about that. I can. And her eye is terrible. This has been months now! Tomorrow she goes to another doctor. – Back at la cage, Ms.B bought Ms.G a new “iWatch” that answers the phone and such shit! Funny how, suddenly, there’s money for this shit. Hmmmm… indeed, this “relationship” was in the works BEFORE Lyle died. Well… Karma will rule. – And it was “mentioned” that they’re having some “guest” on Friday. “Kelly” I think. Friday evening, I’m supposing. Another “fire”? I’ll have to move the car. I believe a cinder got on it on the week-end. – Monday is the 4th. Ms.B is probably off from work. Thankfully, Jacquie will be working… I’ll have an escape, I think. – Yes, indeed… “older”. Tonight it bothers me, again: My connection with the past, through Lyle, is gone. Some-how my mind has been set on him returning from hospital… that’s how I’ve been handling this. My brain won’t accept his death. I wonder… and I feel “alone”, strange, odd man out. I MUST get the fuck out of this shit-hole.

Tue.28.Jun: 5.59 I woke before the alarm this morning and have decided to get up, have coffee and smoke and have done. And took the goilz out with. Ms.G is seated at table in the kitchen, pfutzing with the phone. Actually said “Mornin’”. Poor slob. I can’t help but think: it’s all about the money. Oh well. – Will work a bit more on the book promo this morning and see where we go from there. – Another hot and humid one. And another month almost “gone”. Getting older still. – 20.21 Accomplishment for the entire day? 12 posts to 12 accounts with new graphic for the book. ANd the current average figure for Homeless in NYC Shelter system: 60,060 per night. The graphic from the Coalition is HORRIBLE! BUT… IT PROVES” THE SPIKE IN HOMELESSNESS HAS BEEN HORRIFIC SINCE 2008… THE YEAR OBAMA WAS ELECTED… AND IT HASN’T GONE DOWN… EVER… IN 8 YEARS! – Well, of “news”: late this morning, Eric came to la cage and he and Ms.G took off… for the rest of the day. Hopefully only to BTV, probably to get Ms.Gs new “iWatch” adjusted or what-ever. Hopefully they did NOT go to Plattsburgh because the very thought of “them” being in NY makes me physically ill. But they left the dogs out in the house so when I went over to Jacquie’s at about 16.00 or so, which is when I finally finished my “book postings”, neither of “them” were here and Eric’s car was still out front. Oh well. – Pulled pork at Jacquie’s. One little roll. But a nice salad before and ice cream after (with a beer). We watched the snooze. More violence and Greta on Fox getting all into matters at hand. Jacquie needed me to re-work a spread sheet I’d done for her “Jesus Orders” and tomorrow I’ll have to help her send it on via e-mail. – Tomorrow she’s got another “Staff Meeting” so my “week-end work” begins a day early. No doubt I’ll be waiting until WELL AFTER the 4th Holiday again for the “usual” 50. How charming. Oh well. – It poured with rain for a while today whilst I was at Jacquie’s. That’s good for the gardens. And then a lighter rain for a bit after. Hopefully there’ll be more over-night but I doubt it. Tomorrow is day 5 for lawn mowing. Next time I’m going to work “side-ways” and see how that does. At least it’ll take some of the “lines” up. We shall see. – I’m still waiting to be tossed from here and hoping to hear from Vincent soon. He said something about the 4th… I don’t know how I’d get there at this point, but better to have the offer alive than blown away (as I’m fearfully expecting). – Now… no noshies this evening and I’m really not in the mood for much of anything anyway. A bit of soc.med. and turn in time. “They” are turning in even now at 20.30. Good on them. – OH OH OH OH!!!! HOW COULD I FORGET TO MENTION THE PHONE CALL TODAY!
I CHECKED THE E-MAIL FOR MESSAGES AND AT 8.50 THIS MORNING, THE VT DEPT. OF LABOUR RANG. I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE SOMETHING LEFT-OVER FROM THE “JANICE” DAYS SO I RANG BACK ONLY TO LEARN…. THEY’RE AFTER THE FUCKINGUN-EMPLOYMENT FROM MARCH… 20FUCKING13! 1500$ AND THEY WANT IT! I LET RIP ON Ms. MICHELLE, FULL STEAM, SINCE I WAS ALONE. WELL! SHE’S NOT TAKING “NO” FOR AN ANSWER. SHE’S AWARE I HAVEN’T ANY INCOME AND HOMELESS BUT INSISTED THAT EVEN 10$/MONTH WILL KEEP THE SITUATION IN “GOOD ORDER”. THE BATTLE TURNED KINDER AT THE END, SHE SUGGESTED I REGISTER WITH SCHOOLS AS A SUB… EVEN TO SUB FOR FRENCH TEACHERS! HEY! COULD BE FUN. SHIT! BUT, AS IT STANDS, I TOLD HER HOW HOME INSTEAD FUCKED ME OVER… SHE SAID I HAVE NO RECEOURSE TO APPEAL AT THIS JUNCTURE AND WILL BE SENDING ME A LETTER. OH WELL. AS WE SAY: CAN’T GET BLOOD FROM A STONE. WHEN I TOLD JACQUIE, SHE SAID THAT IF I LEAVE THE STATE, THEY PROBABLY WILL HAVE TO SUCK UP THE LOSS. MORE REASON TO GO BACK! I’VE HAD IT WITH THESE SHITS! I DON’T HAVE 10$/MONTH, FUCK. ESPECIALLY WITH THE PASSPORT AND THE CAR! SO… ANOTHER BIT OF BULL-SHIT THAT WILL RIDE ALONG UNTIL… BDM TIME!

Wed.29.Jun: 6.56 Turned the alarm off and dozed. Don’t want to be awake (again). Over-cast this morning. We got fairly good rain last night. Everything is wet this morning. Good for gardens. – And as for the closing of yesterday’s entry: Just one more thing to exist through. NY… please come through and get me out of here. – At least la cage is quiet. Sacha pushed the door to “the chamber” open… it’s asleep, at the other end of the hall. – My jaw is stiff this morning. So too, my neck. Pain. I must not have died last night. Shame. – 21.36 In bed, feeling “icky” and this evening I have to say, in all honesty, I “wasted” the day. Mostly because it was supposed to rain through most of it, which it didn’t. But then too, I could mow the lawn (which will be necessary by tomorrow or Friday latest). I did bury the drowned chipmunk at Jacquie’s. And that was about “that”. – I did post some “shots” to the thmprtmblr. “Inspired”. Nothing note-worthy. – Note though: Ms.B&G ripped up the green lino from the “Antique Living-room” (as Lyle called the room with the fireplace) and Ms.G, who has about as much “right” in the house as nothing said “I can’t wait until all this green shit is up off the floor.” Well, the parlour is all “its” furnishings for the most part and there’s no telling about the “boudoir”. None of my business, really. But even Jacquie agreed, when we spoke on it over (lamb chops) dinner: There’s no respect at all from either of them. As I say: the sod on Lyle’s grave hasn’t settled. Ah, when “Karma comes round, there’ll be a hot time in this house.” Lyle, Daisy… I let it be. – And now, I should get a nap. – Oh, one more item: On the 13 July, I’ll be driving Ms. Jacquie to BTV… at 3.00… yes, in the morning. THAT should prove interesting. But I’ll have the truck! – No noshies tonight so a bit of tonic, soc.med. and… lights out. It’s gone hot and humid in the room again. (Good thing “they” have the air conditioners on in “their” room and down-stairs… I have the fan running non-stop. Fukkem.)

Thu.30.Jun: 7.14
DREAMS:
It was my usual “night” time… dark… late at night…. dark.
It started with talking with (Vincent?). I was in NYC. We were in NYC. In a bar, talking. And he told me that yes, I had the job! And that I could start immediately! BUT! Instead of taking care of the property in the Adirondacks, I was to start in The City, “attending” a very heavy, and old, cabaret “queen”. A combination of Lyle, Harry Hodaba and Bradshaw and Schmulik… personality-wise. Spoiled, “diva”-type. I was happy about getting the job, but it wasn’t what I’d wanted nor expected. It was more of a “Health Care” situation than much else and would have to attend the “shows” and such, making sure s/he didn’t fall, took meds, etc. Then, when “the season” was over, I would go to the house, in the mountains.
(Snap to) I was sitting in Jacquie’s kitchen, telling her, half-heartedly excited, that I DID get the job, that it wasn’t what I’d hoped for nor what I’d expected but I was happy to be going back to NY. She wasn’t happy that I was leaving but wished me the best. There was that attitude “You’ll still be doing somebody else’s work for them.”
(Snap to) I was at “NFA” and needed to get to some place… back “home” or something of the sort. I queued at the side of a school bus with the students. I wasn’t sure which but to take but I heard somebody say something about “Meadow Hill” and got on that bus. As we boarded, I asked one of the students “This IS the bus to Meadow Hill… right?” and one said “Not today.” Another one said, “You know better. This is Wednesday and the bus only goes there on Tuesday and Thursday.” “O, right.” I said. “Sorry. I forgot today isn’t Tuesday.” and I followed the group up the stairs into the bus. But when I got INTO the bus, it was, on the inside, about the size of a GYM! The centre aisle was a “Y”, or more like a “¥”. There were aisles off to the left and right of the vertical centre aisle. The floor sloped up-ward toward the back, like a cinema with “stadium seating”. HUNDREDS of kids in there! I commented about the size of the bus and number of people in it. “The school’s gotten larger since you were here.” said somebody. And I went to take a seat some-where. I was amazed as the bus pulled out onto the street, down the drive away from the school, and how anybody could learn to manipulate such an immense vehicle!
(Snap to) On a public transport bus. There were several of us on it. It was later after-noon/early evening, a dreary sort of hazy, grey day, either rainy or just inclement and hot. I was exhausted. The bus was heading down a steep hill. A bridge over a river at the bottom of the hill and then up on the other side toward “Broadway”. It resembled Richford but some-how it was in Newburgh. I needed to stop at a store to get a pack of “Export A” and knew that the bus would stop at the store only if somebody needed to get off there. Two older, rather dishevelled guys got up and headed toward the front of the bus. I thought they were going to get off. I wasn’t a “regular” on the bus so chances were, it would stop for me. I got up, followed the other two. The one closest to me, I was at the back of the bus, simply moved forward a few seats, and the first one closest to the front was only moving up to talk with the driver. When I got to the front of the bus I said “Oh, you’re only moving up. I thought you’d be getting off. I needed to go to the store for a pack of cigarettes.” The driver, an older woman said “You know I don’t stop there?” and a fat, older woman sitting in one of the seats behind me said “You can always get out here and walk back.” in a matter-of-fact voice. “I’m not going to walk all the way back up that hill. I’m too tired.” I said. “Would YOU walk up that hill?” “No.” she said, “but I don’t see why you won’t.” “I’m tired.” I repeated. “And I can get another brand at another store when we get there.” “Why didn’t you keep that job in Canada when you had it?” the old woman asked. “You’d be better off now if you had.” “Economic troubles up there.” I told her. “You know how it got. Things just went bad so I had to come back.” “Yeah,” she said, “but still, you just should have stayed there.” I was a touch pissed because of her attitude. “Do you want to get off here?” at the bridge, asked the driver. “No,” I said, “I’ll just stay until the end of the line.” “You’re going all the way BACK to ‘Saddle/Shaddle/Shaddleburne’ Lane?” – Meadow Hill – the driver asked rather curtly. “Yes.” I replied, in a disgusted and defeated tone.
I woke.
7.47 I’d turned off the 5.45. and 6.00 alarms, heard Ms.B leave and some thumping about as the dogs ran about the house… and I went back to sleep. Woke at just before 7.00 from these dreams. Made my coffee and went down for a smoke. Having my smoke in the cool, damp air, clear sky and wet from what seems an over-night rain, I was trying to keep the dreams in mind and as I thought of them, my head went else-where. Dissociated, some-how. I knew I was where I should be but can’t seem to shake the feeling that I’m not supposed to be here. In my mind, the place is strange and familiar, proper and improper at the same time. When I got back up to the room, I had to wonder if I didn’t have a stroke in my sleep, during those dreams, or did I simply sleep so deeply for that hour that it just clouded my sanity. It’s a horrible feeling, a truly miserable sensation. I’m still “here”, 5225, but I’m not “supposed to be here”… here… I should be some-where else. Not sure where, exactly, but not here. I wonder if this doesn’t portend some coming event… you know… the “You gotta go.” – Oh well… my left jaw and neck are stiff and sore again this morning, so physically… all is the same… rather painful. – The day’s plans? Well, Jacquie leaves at about 14.00. I suppose, if I go ever there, she’s going to want to plant in the garden. I realised, quite seriously, this morning…. she said I could sell the extra plants from the table… and she gave them all away. Intentional or simply not thinking? Yesterday, she and I discussed how we’d managed to make it through most of the Winter passed rather well enough but toward the end, we suddenly “aged” and health-wise, began falling apart rapidly. I know *I’m* feeling that way… so too, is she. I wonder what the actual fuck is happening here. – I might go back and get the “myrtle” and put it out in front of the house here. I’m thinking: plastic over the grass, plant patches of myrtle about, mulch over the plastic and leave it. Easier than slicing all that sod and having no place to put it… not to mention, the work involved that way. I don’t know. I’ll have to see how hot and humid it gets. Besides, that kind of work should be timed more toward the next rain… due at the beginning of the week coming. – We’ll see how it all goes… when the day is done. – I might get my was done this evening… or, since “Kelly” (they’re “friend”) is due tomorrow… – We shall see. I’m not in much of a “work” mood today. – 22.26 JUST GETTING INTO BED AND BACK FROM JACQUIE’S! – Note: *** That “Michael” of Jacquie’s was out in the garden several times this evening. I saw him, in rather close proximity, twice. But just moments ago, I took Hallie out for last walk and ‘moke, he walked, with the dog, up to the house, and when I spoke, he completely ignored me, as he did earlier this evening. Personally, I see him as dangerously psychotic. And when I’ve had this “gut feeling” before in my life-time… I was correct. Just nothing here. *** Meanwhile, today, I put plastic on the front “lawn”. Earlier today, I went across the brook and got 35 small pots of “myrtle” which are now in the little blue garden trolly, ready for planting. Photos have been taken so they can be posted to the “Woodhauler”. Mosquitoes and horse flies all over the place. But it’s done! – This evening, B&G went out. (Well, it’s B’s pay week and they’re having “company” tomorrow so…. time to impress. Anyway, Ms.B came out, saw me putting the plastic garden runners down (3 lengths… pain in the arse!) and said “Killing grass?” I told him that I am, and that I’ve got the 35 pots of myrtle and will be putting wood-chips over the plastic. Not impressed. “I used to cut the grass with the weed-eater. Of course, it wasn’t even, because there’re spots that are hgiher and lower.” was the reply/comment. (The front of the house merely slopes toward the pavement. Other-wise, it’s nicely level. But that’s not the point.) It was a lot of work today and it took until almost 19.00!!! which is when I finally came into the room, got a change of clothes and went to Jacquie’s for left-over pizza and ice cream… Took my SHOWER, and WASHED MY CLOTHES! Then Hallie and I watched the snooze for a bit whilst the clothes dried. – I still have to get a note off to Jacquie. – Came back to la cage just past 22.00, silent place. In the room, hung the clothes and here I am, with the fan in the window pulling in the cooler night air. – Tomorrow? Planting the myrtle… and hopefully getting the chips down. I have to figure how to keep them from moving over the front edge of the plastic. But… hopefully Bill will still offer the chips from the pile behind the store. If not? Not. the plastic is down and the myrtle will be planted and I will NOT be mowing the front yard EVER AGAIN! – That’s that.