Wed.01.Apr: 8.56 GOT OUT OF BED AT 8.36 DESPITE THE 5.00 AND 7.00 ALARMS. THAT STAYING UP UNTIL 2.00 IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN! TO BE SURE! I still can't get over how long Theresa and I can chat on the phone. It keeps reminding me of the days, Coach Lane, when Kathy Stanewicz (Beacon) had gone out West some-where and we'd be on the phone ALL through the NIGHT! And, still connected, we'd fall asleep, and there was the open line (and the “Long Distance charges”) racking-up until one of us woke, heard the other's breathing and finally ring off. The utter insanity of that. Not to mention, an entire pay-cheque, from Lloyd's, gone to the phone company. Thankfully, there's no more “Long Distance” charges, but still... INSANITY! NOT to mention “the day after”, as is today, when the sun is brilliantly shining, though there's frost on the ground and vehicles, and I feel as if I'd been body-slammed all through the night (and with-out the pleasure of having sat with a drink)! Oh my. OH MY! MUST put the stop to this. Too funny. But seriously, the conversations with Theresa just roll, from topic to topic, no breaks. AND... last night she DID mention that she'd talked through the night with others from Minds before, so it's not really “odd” for her. Still, this is childish. (Though, it does give me the opportunity to talk... which is something I don't usually get to do. Eh?) OK. Well... a new day, a new month and it's time to get to the “business end” of the day. AND... to decide whether or not I want to toddle into town for the likes of flower seeds, in particular and, perhaps, silk flowers and... I don't know... we'll have to see... At least there's more... chicken and rice (of course) for meal this evening. And even if I DO go into town, with the 13$ on FS, and get any-thing else to eat... it'll still be... chicken. (I'm getting sick of this. But there's nothing to be done about it until the truck gets back on the road and MAY THAT PLEASE BE SOON!!! - 9.14 Journals up-dated... on with the rest. AND... the fucking furnace is running! THAT'S a bother. - 10.03 LOAN PAYMENT MADE! YAY! NOW April's set... Next thing out is the annual on the Skype (40517) and that's already in the budget so.. AWAY WE GO! - Theresa's up and on the text. Too funny... or not. - 10.58 Post's in. NRA re-newal, nothing more. Day's “done”. Sun's shining. Chilly. Now to decide about toddling... but it doesn't look like that's happening... not just now any-way. I'm just a touch tired. But... there's still time... - At least ALL BILLS ARE PAID! - 22.37 Well... the day is done. At least I got a LOT of work completed on the new “MotsPasse” spread-sheets. Not completed, but damned close! - Meal? Chicken thigh, left-over rice. Dessert, bread butter, sugar. - A little tele. A bit of “Minds”, just to make sentiments KNOWN. (Cee Lo Green on the play-list with delightful rose animation.) AND... a few “inspirational” old Reggae tunes from “yester-year”. (I should go back to those days. I really was at peace... and I am again. There might be something to that.) And a few comments back and forth with Theresa. Thankfully, no phone tonight! - Speaking of which, the skies are cloudy and there's a breeze. A “threat” of snow for tomorrow. Figures. Starting at noon, of course... but temp of 4° so that shouldn't be all too bad. I NEED some food and other items in this house! SO? Looks like a “toddle” tomorrow. - That said... I'm off to bed! The furnace is up. I set it higher during the day just because. I'll cut it back when it's done and RUN for the blankets! - And... the first day of another month is done. JEEZUS! WHERE THE HELL DOES THE TIME ALL GO? - (Note of interest: Not a blip from the cousins... Let's see... Not that I can care.)

Thu.02.Apr: 7.29 And out of bed at 7.00. AGAIN... didn't hear (or, don't recall having heard) the 5.00 alarm. But it was lights-out at mid-night. Oh well. - 2° et nuageux,,, not terribly, but they're there. Going up to 5 with pluie et neige, but the claim is it won't commence until 14.00. We shall see... Town toddle day... perhaps. We shall see. - Meanwhile, a truly crazy sort of DREAM this morning.
It was dark, sort of very late evening or extremely early morning. I was in the mountains, for some reason, and had been walking about for quite a while. I decided to bathe in a large brook. Not deep. But deep enough to lay on the rocks and let the water run over me. It was quite nice, laying there, naked, fresh water cleansing. I heard noises, sounds, voices, and had to get up. Climbing over some rocks, got to the top of an out-cropping that gave me a view of a lower lake/pond below. There were large monkeys clamouring all about. A man, being chased by a monkey, running, full-speed, dove into the lake/pond to escape. Surveying the area down there, there MANY of these monkeys! They all appeared angry! Threatening! I had to get away and so, started down, through the wood-land, over the rocks. I was still naked but it was more important to get away. It was frightening. Getting to the end of the “wilderness” area, I arrived in what seemed more a “park”. People ALL over. Walking, going to work, at work, just SO many people! I realised that I was naked and had to get through all of these people to get home, get dressed, get to work! It was, suddenly, day-light, early morning and I was in a “rush-hour” sort of situation! No choice, HAD to move through these people, naked. And it was an area that resembled “Place d'Armes” in Montréal. So I made my way through the crowds. Nobody seemed to even notice me but I was VERY much aware of being naked AND concerned because some-where, I'd lost my kippa! Wet hair, having come from the “bathe”, I tousled my hair with my hands, as if drying it, as I went along. I continued to walk, at a brisk pace, aware of my nakedness and that nobody was noticing me. I turned a corner on the street and was making my way West-ward, across 43rd St., off 6th Ave. in Manhattan. In the middle of the street. I was thinking that I had to get to the flat, get my scrubs and a kippa and get to work when a massive truck, of sorts, a “crane”, white, with blue lettering, came out of a side-street or parking area on my left. HUGE! And I had no-where to avoid it, since it took the entire width of the street. “SHIT!” I called-out. But it came out and headed toward me. There was enough space for me to be missed completely and just as I was feeling safe, the apparatus at the back end of the vehicle pulled-away from the curb and headed directly for me. “Wait for it to come close enough and jump up on it!” I thought. Some-how, I was already in scrubs at this point and thought I could “ride” along until it stopped or slowed... and I woke.
WELL! There's a dream to ponder. Monkeys? Mad monkeys? Naked in the wilderness? Naked in the streets? Naked in public? A truck coming at me? OK then. - Meanwhile, I'm dressed, in from smoke. Another “quite heavy-chested” morning. The furnace was running when I woke. But coffee's at hand and another day commences. - Odd... this morning, there's money in the banque, ALL of the bills are current. And THAT comes to mind as I was getting dressed. It was also one of the day's last thoughts last night as I got into bed. It's a unique sort of situation and feeling: Responsible, caught-up, current with expenses. And all the while I can't help but think, these days how, there are SO MANY who have been put out of work because of this “flu”, businesses closed. Those people are with-out income, for the most part, waiting for some promised ort... the “stimulus cheques”. 1200$ In NYC, that's rent for a closet... if that. Where I had SO many years of desperately trying to keep-up with my rent and food and clothing, car-fares to and from jobs that barely met my basic needs, today, I sit here, rent, electric, gas, oil (which is getting lower every moment), even a loan, paid. Mostly... rent. The truck needs repairs and I' SURE that THAT'S going to be phenomenally outrageously costly. But for now... I've shelter, hot water, heat and a bit of food and a place to cook said food. I'm still “below the poverty level”, but where-as “others” derided “Social Security entitlement”... it's we, now, who are “managing”... the poor, the old, the once-Homeless. These are, in their own respect, “blessed days”. - So, with that in mind... on we go! What will be accomplished with this day will be revealed (shortly) when all is done. - 10.54 Doesn't look like I'll be heading to town today. It's cold out there. Rains due when I should be on the road and I'm NOT going to be out there in the RAIN! Fukdatshit. - Post is in... Nothing. A letter to Art. So I see I've got his PO Box now. Gave it to Ms. Newlady. - Meanwhile, that “Margaret” of the all-sorts-of-groups arrives... MASK AND GLOVES!!! “I'm playing it safe.” says she. “I see that.” says I. She goes into the PO, comes out with a box. “A skate-board” for the grand-son. Mask and gloves for that? Here? People aren't even coming to congregate in the morning any more! Seriously? The flu hasn't struck NR... the INSANITY has! - Anyway... I guess I should just make bread... being out of it now, and settle for another day “in”. First “good” day... Saturday. Oh well.... - 15.33 OK. So the bloody rain never came, nor did the fucking snow. At about noon-ish I headed out to the garage and sorted through the boards and found a BEAUTIFUL board... PERFECT for the shelf in the living-room! DELIGHTED, I came into the house and began... Things were going rather well until... For one set of screws (they're doubled because of the weight of the books, as is the wire to hold the shelf up)... I missed the fucking stud by mere millimetres! FUCK! The god-damned screw ground the plaster-board away! So, I tried and anchor... and THAT called for a drill and THEN the fucking anchor ground MORE plaster-board away and NOW there's a fucking HOLE in the god-damned wall! Filled with caulk, but the caulk is white... the wall is not. OH! And there's a dry-wall anchor IN the fucking wall now because, yes, it fell INTO the damned wall! WHAT a fuck-farce THAT became! But FINALLY, I found the meagre fucking stud, got 2 screws in and... JUST finished putting the books up on the shelf about 5 minutes ago. AND... all the damned tools are back and the floors, Hoovered. ALL FUCKING DAY! I'm wasted! AND SO IT THIS DAY! NOW, I have to look to tomorrow to go town-toddling! I am NOT happy. AND... I'm not REALLY pleased with the look of the shelf! SO? So, it's done. And so am I. - 2 pieces of chicken in the oven now. Must to cook some rice to go with. But... I'm going for a snooze. I'm fucking disappointed... with the WHOLE BLOODY FUCKING DAY. But at least the shelf is up... I suppose. - 23.53 Well... time for bed. 5° out there. Furnace on in here. 2 pieces of chicken for meal with lots of rice. Just had the last of the oatmeal. And talked too long with Theresa this evening. Some-body's phone gave out at about 22.30. Had my oatmeal. Watched “Are You Being Served”. Tomorrow's forecast is rain again... high of what it is now. Oh well... I MUST get FOOD (cash). So... by 10.30... out the door and on the road it will be. For now... Day's done. Oh... and the book-shelf is still up. Imagine that. - Oh and too... the 9$ from GFM is in the account.

Fri.03.Apr: 8.14 Yes, I did sleep-in. And “RAIN”. That's about all that need be said about this morning. And I don't suppose there's any real, particular “mad need” to rush into town (yet). And there's bread to be made. Maybe come cookies. There's a pack of smokes in the cup-board. And I keep thinking: “Memorial Day” is the earliest possible planting day. This morning, there's snow on the ridge. Roaring Brook is roaring. And there we have it. Another morning of another day. There's nothing more that need be said on the matter. So? So. - This morning's “contention”: It's 10 days from since the last propane delivery and Avery haven't “run the card”. I'm annoyed, waiting to see if I get the “early pay” rate or if they're fucking about and will bill at full rate. I'm quite annoyed. - Oh well... so much for this morning. My guts are knotting. Time to “amuse” else-where. What-ever that may involve. - 11.37 RESIGNATION. Not town-toddling today. Tomorrow... looks a little bit better, still cloudy but lower “chance of precip.” I don't LIKE going on Saturday but... - Ordered 3 frames. Primarily to frame the sketch from Moe. Michael's. Not cheap but not expensive. With shipping and tax, came to about the same price as most others. I can only hope they'll arrive. The bloody address came up as “Postmaster”. What a fuck. We shall see. - Any-way, the resignation is to remain in today, bake bread, probably cookies as well. Hit the “food reserves” and hope. This whole situation with this “quarantine” and so-called “coronavirus” bull-shit is on the nerves. Utter bollocks and bull-shit at this point. Oh well... On with... what-ever. - At least the book-shelf is still on the wall. - 21.06 JUST finished 2 hours of HF10z. Had NO intention of getting into that but... the first couple of minutes just rolled into... well... it did, and it's done and it's quite great. - Other-wise, spoke with Donna... TWICE today. I rang her and she'd had Candy at the vet's again. When she got back, she rang me but I was having meal. (The chicken supply is DOWN!) So I rang her back. Candy is back at home, thankfully. She DID ask, in the first call, about the situation with Dorothy. I started to tell her but she had to cut the call short. And I'm happier for that. According to Donna, Dorothy called her crying. “She really does love you. Isn't this fixable?” We never got into it. I started to tell, but... - In other news... 2 more loaves of bread and 3 “containers” of cookie dough got done today too. - AND I ordered picture frames. So I suppose I did some-thing with this day. - Now... to follow this evening's “entertainment”, I'm having my hot water and then to bed. It's drizzling now but should be over by morning so... as much as I don't like shopping on Saturday... I've little choice now. 13$ on FS so there won't be too much of that to haul back. And if I'm still in the frame of mind... I'll get a bottle of vodka. We shall see. - For now, a bit of soc.med. with my water and that's the end of this day. - 23.45 Well... Soc.med. was a shit-parade of COUNTRY music with Theresa! I mean... OLD STUFF... and it was a BLAST! BUT... now I'm late to bed. Had my water. Should have a quick shower. Will see how I feel when I get up from this “work table”. Anyway... it's 8° out there! Going down to 3 and then back up to 8 during the day tomorrow so....? Town-toddle it is! Hopefully by 10.00!

Sat.04.Apr: (04.04) 7.52 Slept-in and to be honest, didn't REALLY want to get out of bed at 7.36. “After-glow”? I mean, 2 hours was... well, as I thought this morning, “The way it SHOULD be.” any-way. But, here I am, just in from a smoke and a chat with Alvin who's en route to John's. John's got a brace on now, had surgery for the broken leg. How horrible! All from a slip on the ice...months ago. - *** BUT, THE DISTURBING NOTE: Alvin says that he and Vivian wear face masks when they go into the market! MASKS! The “notice” yesterday was to wear some sort of “cloth” over your face BUT it's “voluntary”. Trump said he probably won't. Still... Here we go! Even as Alvin said just this morning, “I'm surprised there haven't been more robberies.” TRUE! People strolling about with “legal anonymity”, faces, covered. I half-jokingly said “Bandana, black Stetson and 2 cap guns.” And I DID see some-thing, some article, some mention, some-where yesterday about masks becoming an “American way of life”. This is insanity. - Meanwhile... the skies seem to be clearing a touch, and it's calm, not too chilly out there this morning. If it holds up... a VERY casual toddle today. I see no reason why not. (Only HOPE that when I arrive, there's stock on the shelves in stores that are open... ALTHOUGH... I most seriously doubt that that will be the case. Oh well... No sense asking for a lift. I most seriously doubt that's to be. (COULD spend another day with the old 10z I suppose... In current, no pun intended, state, it would be most appropriate and rather welcome. But there are “things” needed in the house and the only way to get them is... Hoofin' it. And so we shall try, in spite of “general fatigue” this morning. - My take? If I contract the flu, I'll “quarantine” until such time as when I can get to the summit where I shall peacefully sit... and wait for God. - These are the words of today's Gospel according to St-Author. - On-ward Buttercup! There's fuckery to be spread. - One other item: Avery still hasn't pulled the charges for the propane and today is the 11th calendar day. I fore-see a tempest on the horizon! - (05.Apr: 8.43 Another “catch-up” here, try to remember, it wasn't September... but let's get on with it whilst we still have the brain cells that can recall... - SO... TO BEGIN WITH, ALL THREE BOOKS ARRIVED THIS MORNING! “Nine Stories”, “Catcher In The Rye” and “Watership Down”! Oddly, “Watership” and “Nine Stories” arrived together and “Catcher” was “under separate cover”. All were in the box, but what a delight! These 3 are in “quite used” condition, especially “Catcher”, which REALLY LOOKS LIKE AN OLD SCHOOL-TYPE BOOK. But I don't mind, really. It's the story to read, not the condition of the page. - Tickled about the arrivals, I brought them in, put them on the shelf and got me together for toddle. The Pee-Oh was still open and, out front, Alvin, Jeff and Cliff had congregated. JEFF WAS WEARING A BLOODY BANDANA OVER HIS FRIGGIN FACE! IF he's on some sort of meds or some-thing, I suppose we can make excuses, but if it's simply a matter of fright... there's nothing to be said for it. And this morning, Biddy-Becky was here rather late, and malingered rather long. In fact when I left the house to head out for today's toddle, she was “holding court” with the men. I'd have to say it was about 10.45 when I stepped out the front door, into an over-cast but “comfortably warm/cool day”. Every-body was congregated at the Southern corner of the porch (as if THEY own the place). As I closed the door, Cliff looked toward me and in silence, I simply shook my head a bit, and headed to the road and up to town. Jeff's truck was there, but no-one spoke... and, quite honestly, neither did I. Fukkkem. - The toddle to town went rather well. All the snows are gone, the brooks are running down from the mountains, where there's still obvious traces of January snows, but there wasn't all too much traffic. I was a touch concerned about not wearing a face covering, but not seriously concerned. And I took my time on the walking. - AS I WAS APPROACHING THE LOBDELL BRIDGE, CLIFF, ON HIS WAY BACK TO N.R., STOPPED AND SAID “YOU DON'T MIND WALKING... OR DO YOU?” I WAS A TOUCH TAKEN AT THE MOMENT BY THE WORDING OF HIS QUESTION AND I RATHER SAID, IN A BIT OF A SNARK “WITH ALL THE FOOLISHNESS GOING ON TODAY, I REALLY DON'T CARE. BUT AT THIS POINT, IT ISN'T SO MUCH A MATTER OF MINDING OR NOT WHEN ONE LOOKS IN THE FRIDGE AND THERE'S NO FOOD, THERE'S REALLY NO CHOICE.” “SO IF SOME-BODY WERE TO OFFER A RIDE YOU WOULDN'T MIND?” HE ASKED, AND I SAID “OH, I SUPPOSE IT WOULD DEPEND, REALLY, BUT GENERALLY, NO, I WOULDN'T MIND AT ALL.” HE SMILED, SAID “OK.” AND WENT ALONG... as did I... IT'S WHAT HE SAID LATER THAT IRKS ME TO A FROTH... Mean-while... In town, headed first to the liquor store where, on the door, a little sign: Keeping with the “social distancing” shit, no more than one customer in the store at a time. Well shit! But hey! It was open and when I opened the door, only the proprietor was in so I called “Is entry for business permissible?” and indeed, it was. I got my bottle, chatted with the proprietor about current events, a young Black woman came in, had to step out until I left and so, item first on the list was accomplished. I was back out and heading to Aubuchon's to check for seeds, expecting none. Ah but... I DID manage to get a packette of tomato, beet, beans, marigold and sunflower... ALL at prices from 2,79-3,29 as on the packette. A bit pricier than I'd anticipated but today I was Hell-bent for glory that I was NOT going to return with-out seeds! AND I got a pound-box of.... Miracle Grow! *** WHICH, AS I CHECK RECEIPTS ON SUNDAY AT 9.24 I SEE THAT I WASN'T CHARGED FOR! I CAN'T IMAGINE HOW THAT HAPPENED BUT IT DOESN'T APPEAR ON ANY OF THE RECEIPTS! WOW! *** So there! Had a lovely chit-chat with the young guys in the store, about current events, and we joked about “city people” hiking “lesser trails” in the mountains and getting lost. It will, indeed, prove an interesting Summer, this. - OK! 5 packettes of seeds, off to... Tops. -THAT was a touch of interest and disgust. Morons wearing all sorts and colours of face-masks wandering about. NOT A BOX OF PASTA, PACKAGE OF PAPER PRODUCTS AND THE BUTTER ON SALE WAS ONLY THE “SALTED”! BUT THERE WAS A LOT OF CHICKEN AND BEEF! Had I NOT had the vodka... But, as it turned out, I got a package of chicken, a pound of butter and 2 bottles of tonic. All just barely with-in the 13$ limit of the FS card and even that, only because of the “Tops Card”. AND... the shopping bags, banned and forbidden only about a week or so ago? THEY'RE BAAAACK! Fucking moron in Albany. As the gal at the cashe said, once all this flu-business is done, they'll go back to banning, no doubt. Alas... the fucking retardation of the masses is now, officially, annoying! BUT... with chicken and butter and tonic it was out the door and off to “FamDoll”... smokes and a few other items on today's shopping list. - IMAGINE MY SHOCK WHEN I WALKED IN, GLANCED AT THE CLOCK TO SEE.. 13.00!!! I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON THE ROAD BACK TO THE HOUSE BY THEN BUT... I was out for the day, it wasn't raining, it WAS a touch on the warm side and I was in NO particular rush for ANY reason at all. So I got to browsing and checking my list! Chatted with Casey about the idiots buying-out the paper products AND a broad who'd been in last evening, spent 175$ on items then came back this morning for another 250$! Seriously, mental illness runs amok! Me? I went about the store, casually and, according to the time-stamp on the receipt, at 14.03 I was out on the road with 2 packs of smokes, dish-washing liquid, a little plastic “shoe/bread” box, more flower seeds and... artificial roses for the front of the house! TAH-DAH! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED and the FamDoll stuff in the “Arbres Canada” tote! Away, away and on the road again! (Although, the time I was leaving town SHOULD have been the time I was arriving home but no rush no prob.) - Not particularly because I wanted to, but more because I really had no choice, I took the trip back quite slowly, stopping only to chat with the horses for a bit. There was an old guy at the barn, the horses being across the road these days, waiting for a fellow to come help pull a little tractor out of the muck. Ah... “Spring”... muck, mud, stuck. But the chat with horses was, for me, most refreshing. - I'd decided to stop at Cliff's when I got back into town, to thank him not only for his kindness today but to let him know the fact that he was the ONLY one who actually “WELCOMED” me to N.R. when I moved in and to let him know that I'm most appreciative. And so, seeing him in his garden when I arrived, I did stop there. We chatted about “quarantines” and how he's stuck here, pretty much, because of his PA plates on the car. He'd most likely be able to get back to PA but there's the likelihood he wouldn't be allowed back so he's staying a bit longer. We discussed my walks into town and it's now understood: if some-one offers, especially on my way back with 20-40lbs of groceries, I'm MOST thankful... *** BUT THEN CAME THE KICKER... CLIFF TOLD ME THAT ALVIN TOLD HIM THAT I DON'T WANT A RIDE!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? I MERELY REPLIED, WITH AN OBVIOUS TONE OF DISGUST “WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHERE ALVIN GETS HIS INFORMATION FROM BUT LET'S NEVER MIND THAT NOW. *** SICK FUCKING BASTARD-IDIOT! BUT... AT LEAST HE'S SHOWN HIS ARSE FOR WHAT IT IS... AND MATTERS WILL BE ADDRESSED ACCORDINGLY... FUKKEM! FUKKEMALL! - ANY-waaay... Cliff told me that he's got more potatoes this season and, as he put it “You won't starve to death... there's more potatoes.” and we had a lovely chat and when I FINALLY walked back into the house it was... 15.50! 10.45 to 15.50... ALMOST 5... FIVE HOURS TODAY!!! But it was fine, fine, FINE! Good weather. No pressure or rush... got the almost all the items I'd set out for. A day of REAL EXERCISE! FIVE HOURS OF IT! - Had to get on the phone though to tell Theresa that I DID manage to find toilet paper at the FamDoll and if she needed, I could buy and send. There was a mistake... on the phone for hours again and didn't get to cleaning and preparing the chicken until 18.00! SHIT! But by 18.30, 2 pieces for tonight and a casserole of “mother's chicken and rice” were in the oven, on the heat. Turned out, I didn't actually get to “eat” until about 20.00 and only the 2 pieces of well-done chicken... then, when the washing-up was done, back on the phone to Theresa and there ended the day... into the night... and on to the next day as we chatted and I had THREE V-TONS AGAIN!..).

Sun.05.Apr: 2.04 and ANOTHER almost all-fucking-nighter! I was going to shower before bed. Nope... Not. I was thinking of getting up at 5.00, as “normal” but nope... Not. I MUST make certain to NOT do this shit again... AND... the THREE V-TONS? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!! BUT... right now... off to bed... directly. - 8.43 I'm just a bit of a shade hung-over and feared getting out of bed this morning. Heard the 8.00 alarm, turned it off and stayed in the bed, assuring my-self that there was NO actual reason why I should get up and start moving about. But, at about 8.20, I gave in to the fact that I was awake and... here I am, up and dressed, in from smoke and there we have it. So it is. Not “too” bad, but... 3 v-tons... NOT good! Funny though, I've been in the same “state” as I used to be on Sunday mornings after a long night out in The Village, OH, all those many years ago. Imagine THAT! Re-living the “old” days or... just continuing. One will never know. BUT... because of hanging on the phone all night, I need to “re-live” yesterday and get that jotted. A little “some-thing to do” this morning. May as well get to it - I DID spend TOO TOO TOO much time on the phone with Theresa but honestly, it's grand chatting with her... with SOME-BODY SANE in these days of almost complete mental melt-down! - 9.56 WELL WELL WELL INDEED... FINALLY CAUGHT-UP WITH YESTERDAY'S DETAILS! Done with first coffee. The sun's still being shrouded by clouds and the time, the morning, the day... rolls on. I've a bit of “accounting” to attend and after that... we shall see what we shall see, indeed we shall. - 20.57 Meal done. The chicken and rice turned out really well again. Must remember how I did it. Second time it turned out tasty. Shame it was re-heated. But, honestly, I'm growing tired of chicken... and rice... and chicken and rice. But nothing to be done about it. No truck, no transport, not groceries. - And as for the day? Well... the roses are out front and that's about the only thing done. - Now? It's off to the shower and into bed. Tomorrow's forecast looks quite nice. Now I want rain to fertilise the lilies but nope, no rain now. - Oh well... tired. Shower. Bed. Let's see what 5.00 tomorrow morning brings.

Mon.06.Apr: 5.39 Indeed. And, I have to say this one's on the “difficult” side for breathing this morning. A bit of “pain” in the left shoulder-blade. I remember Tante Irma saying that that was how she'd discovered her CA lung. Oh well... We don't live forever, and I'm hoping to create a bit of a garden out back so... One of these mornings... - But this morning, I actually heard the 5.00 alarm and was some-what awake when it sounded. Last night, lights went out at about 22.00 and I slept through, with, I believe I recall, one moment when I woke, needing to pee, but didn't bother to get up and went right back to sleep. So at 5.10, up, out of bed, coffee on, pee, clothes in the basin to soak, dressed and out for a smoke in the 1°, clear morn. Yes, the day is rolling along and the sun's no-where to be seen... yet. - Forecast is clear and eventually 12°. - It's 20° in the bed-room but the furnace kicked. It's “off” now... thermostat set to 50F. If it's 20° in the bed-room, we don't need to burn the oil, Must make it through this month! My hope is to have enough money to get a full tank over the Spring and Summer and start the Autumn with it... if I'm even around for that. - Meanwhile... let's see what we get done with this day. Hopefully, start some seeds. I need to get a couple of plastic containers for this seed-starting which means a town-toddle. We'll see how that goes too. We'll see... “Time”... what-ever. - 9.24 Lavage is done, on the rack on the back porch, I've taken a snooze, the sun is pouring in and... the day rolls on. - 16.29 This morning's lavage is drying on the back porch. The sun is BLASTING o'er yon mountains. AND I RAKED THE YARD AND TILLED THE NACK GARDEN!!! AND AM ONLY JUST NOW GETTING IN! *** AND THE LITTLE MAYOR BIDDY JUST HAD TO COME OVER TO STICK IT'S FUCKING NOSE INTO MY BUSINESS WITH “You just can't leave well=enough alone.” AND SO, HE GOT A SLIGHT “DOSE” OF “Well... When I sent the cheque out for the rent, I saw only MY name on it. Same with the utility bills. So I'm assuming that this is MY place of residence, much, I'm sure, to the chagrin of many.” SO HE THEN MADE A POINT OF LETTING ME KNOW WHERE THE PROPERTY LINE IS... APPARENTLY THERE'S A METAL STAKE OF SOME KIND IN THE “PEACE GARDEN” BUT “You can't really see it.” MORON! IDIOT! DOLT! THEN, AS I'M TIILLING THE GARDEN, IT COMES BACK AGAIN! “What are you planning on planting?” GO THE FUCK AWAY! I WAS POLITE, MENTIONED THE SEEDS I HAVE AND OF COURSE, IT HAD TO ADD “You just need to wire it off against the deer.” OH SERIOUSLY... GO TAKE YOUR MEDS! *** MEAN-WHILE, THERE'S A COUPLE FROM JERSEY CITY MOVING BACK AND FORTH INTO THEIR PLACE HERE. So I made a point of saying “Well, if there's any truth to what's being said about the virus, it can be carried on items, like groceries and the likes.” FUCK THESE PEOPLE HERE! I'M IN “ME AND I'M PAYING THE RENT AND BILLS SO FUCK OFF! *** IN OTHER NEWS... THERE'S A HALF TANK OF OIL!!! MUCH MORE THAN I'D EXPECTED. RELIEF! BUT IT WON'T BE NECESSARY NOW. THIS PLACE IS SO TOASTY, I'M TEMPTED TO OPEN THE WINDOWS... but I won't. - Learnt today that the new “Ms. Postoffice” had lung cancer and is NOT another one of those “PANIC DOLTS”. - AND... the guys next door... HE asked if they're being quiet enough, said they hear nothing coming from me AND offered to help if I wanted the table from the garage. (Sadly, it won't fit in the kitchen. Would be a perfect “work table” but... I shall see how, what, if, and such. - Right now, meal is in the oven and I'm thinking “v-ton”... ONLY ONE! The garden has begun. I need to get the seeds started now. - But this work is enough for today. Tomorrow? That isn't even promised.

Tue.07.Apr: 11.25 Another “DEAR GOD, NO!” night of being up and on the phone with Theresa until... 4.00 this morning! So I didn't get out of bed until 10.00! I rang her at about 19.30 with “I can talk only until 8.00.” and, as usual, it ran on through the night. But, it's even as she said, we get to talking, the time flies by and there's no silence, no break. BUT... It MUST stop. The next day, I'm a bit of a waste! Although, this morning, I've dressed, am having coffee and have measured the back garden (10x9ft) and...
MARIGOLD SEEDS ARE STARTED IN THE EGG CARTON! THE BURPEES. 5 TO A SECTION, 12 SECTIONS... 60 SEEDS. LET'S SEE HOW THIS ROLLS.
Forecast: tomorrow 10°, pluie et neige; Thurs. 7° faible pluie; Fri. 3° averses de neige, and -1° Fri. night. Today? 14° SUNNY. I need 6 of those “shoe boxes” from FamDoll but I'm just not really in the mood for the toddle. Although it might do me some good. And I've got to figure how to put some kind of “deer-proofing” round the garden. With-out the truck, this is going to be rather “interesting”. I've ideas for using the felled limbs in the back. But... I suppose we shall have to see how it all works out. No rush, especially with the snow in the forecast. There's still snow in the forecast as late as the 21st. (Thankfully, there's still oil in the furnace.) - Anyway... the snow won't really stop me from getting into town, and Thursday... “failble pluie” might be OK for a toddle. What I truly need to focus on right now is getting through right now (and getting something together for meal tonight... and until Thursday). And, of course, there are the blisters on the hands... I'd like to sweep the Simonds Hill, and there's time for that. Silly bit: I got 6 hours sleep last night... all through, so I should be fine. But it's not a matter of how much sleep, it's a matter of WHEN... and my body's a wreck. Oh well. And then there's the matter of the snow in the forecast which means more sanding of Simonds Hill... more grit to sweep. And I'd like to repair or replace the shed to the cellar. I don't know why I'd like to. It's none of my business, really. And with the fucked attitude around here. - Speaking of which, I over-heard Jeff chatting with the post lady, this morning, about the “POW” flag. “Somebody must have disassembled it...” and some mumbling. I've NO PROPANE... AVERY STILL HAVEN'T RUN THE CARD FOR THE LAST PROPANE BILL!!! I'M NOW, OFFICIALLY, ON THE “PISSED” SIDE OF THE SITUATION. With yesterday's encounter with the shit-bag “mayor”... perhaps it's time to “take things into hand”. We shall see how the attitude du jour progresses. - Meanwhile, the sun is pouring in through the window of the drawing room, onto the egg carton of marigolds. And another day rolls in, on, along and away. (I feel like just going back to bed.) - 22.28 Two episodes of “Jeeves and Wooster”, a very quick “visit” on Minds and now, a smoke, teeth and BED! - BUT... before signing-off... MUST to note: THIS AFTER-NOON, AS I WAS PFTUZING AT THE KITCHEN SINK, I HAPPENED TO GLANCE OUT THE WINDOW, ACROSS THE YARDS TO NOTICE MAYOR BIDDY BUSIED WITH THE CHORE OF... RAKING THE LEAVES IN THEIR YARD! AND, IMAGINE MY AMUSEMENT WHEN NOTICING THAT HE'D GONE OUT TO GET A NEW, SOME-WHAT LARGE, BLUE PLASTIC TARP... IN WHICH TO GATHER SAID LEAVES... AS I'D DONE, ONLY YESTERDAY, WHEN I COULDN'T “LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE”... Only earlier today I saw Chris, down-across the road, raking HIS front yard along the drive. Ah... “can't leave well-enough alone”... and be sure to mind the property line. Seems to me another matter of “Jack Malone” and “You're making every-body else in town look bad.” Alas, the aversion to ambition, labour and toil. Oh well... the point was made, noted, observed and... - So much for another day. Let's see how early tomorrow (if there is to be one) will begin. - Signing-off.

Wed.08.Apr: 5.21 'twas 4.52 when my eyes opened this morn, and about 23.30 when the lights went out last night. And as I half-dozed, almost drifting into a semi-dream, where some-one, a man, some-body let out a shrill shriek of glee, the alarm sounded, in perfect pitch with the voice... at 5.01, I decided to get up. (I had to pee.) And I don't mind saying that this morning, breathing is a bit of a “chore”. There's quite a “heaviness” in the old lung cage. A touch dizzying, to be factual. Not “comforting”, to be sure. Should prove an “interesting” sort of day, this. - 5° I see by the météo. Up to 9° later, and not a trace of sun to be expected. But no rain nor snow... today. Tomorrow, when I'd hoped, rather, to toddle for food and such... 8° for the max and heavy rains. How wonderful! And on Friday? Well, indeed, 3° for the max and approx. 1cm... snow. WONDERFUL! SHIT! (MARDE! to be more precise.) And so... here we are, in from a smoke, coffee at had, and another day on the commencement. Fuck. I've put the heat up for a touch... to take away the morning chill. Even the little bit of heat is making breathing an effort. (Maybe I should toddle today... the exercise usually makes things better... and I haven't the resources to buy chicken, or anything of any particular weight. We shall see.) - 6.18 On-line Journals up-dated (after some aggravation with the Mayor Biddy image and connectivities and general fuckery). - And the folks next door have departed as the night becomes day and I'm just “out of sorts”... breathing, front teeth-upper (gums receding terribly) and the furnace kicked-up again and my legs are getting old and it's going to be one of “THOSE” fucking days... already. - 12.00 POST IS IN! FRAMES ARRIVED! * I went into the Pee-Oh this morning at about 10.00 and asked Ms. Lady if there'd been a parcel for me. She looked behind the counter and said no. I asked if the mail had been boxed. She said “Yes.” OK. So I went to my box to find... the “parcel box key”. She'd put the fucking frames in the box and wouldn't tell. No, not a happy me in that respect... or absence there-of. MEANWHILE... the “POW” flag has been re-installed on MY porch area where I want to have flowers growing. SOOOOoooooo..... I've just gotten off the phone with “Tylene” of ASK USPS and have started an “investigation” into whether or not I can get a FREE BOX. Install shit in front of MY window? OH... and Ms. Lady and Biddy Becky were STILL in the office, OUT FRONT, at 11.20 when I stepped out to have a smoke. Neither one even acknowledged my presence. SO, if THAT'S how it's going to be... THAT'S how it WILL be. I pay my bills. I keep the place presentable and clean and quiet and respectable. THE END! *Welcome home to NY*. Behaviour will be according. - The “Moe Sketch” is framed now and on the book-shelf in the living-room and looking quite lovely. I wish Moe and Ev could see it. - I took a snooze for an hour, 7-8.00, on the futon, with rather noticeable difficulty with breathing. Looked-up Sx of CA-lung, asthma and the closer of the 2 is asthma. There's also “anxiety” and the “post nasal drip”. So, we'll just roll along with what-ever's to come. No sense in panicing. Theresa was saying that, even though she's generally handling this “flu” thing with sanity, it seems to be on her un-conscious level no matter what and it causes her anxiety. I've no doubt the matter with the truck here, shopping, the need to walk to market and such is on my un-conscious mind as well and could be causing “complications”, but... time will tell. No sense worrying about it. What will be, will be. - And now, for a tea and... - I should be receiving a response from E-Town via e-mail about my enquiry. THAT should prove to be fun. - 20.22 Well... another day draws to a close. “Meal” was chicken, Ramen and a scoop of baked beans followed by cookies (which are gone now) and lots of hot water to wash them all away. And now, the house is as it should be... in order. - Weather forecast still rain and snow, Thursday and Friday. It's going to be a “tough toddle” tomorrow, indeed, but one that must be done. Alas. - Not in the best of spirits because of all the bull-shit going on around here, but I keep in mind: This is NY and shit will be shit. - Can't wait to “engage” about the Pee-Oh now. - Filling in the lower right teeth had to be replaced tonight. More reason to town-toddle tomorrow... get more shit for those teeth. - Oh well... I'm off to bed. “Catcher In The Rye” awaits. We'll see what the day delivers tomorrow... when it arrives. - Fuck.

Thu.09.Apr: 5.17 HERE WE ARE! And in from a smoke... well... HALF, any-way. I can't manage through a whole. Chest issues. But I'm up and awake and about and coffee's steeping and dressed and such and I was in bed by about 20.30 and light's out shortly after 21.00. Woke twice during the night. Once at 22.58. Got up to pee. Went right back to sleep. Then again at about 2.00, just because. Went right back to sleep. And here I am... was just about to wake again when the 5.00 alarm sounded. And the day? The sky? The weather? Cloudy, of course. Smokes are needed and food as well. A couple of items from FamDoll. So of COURSE the sky's cloudy! Well, let's check the météo for the truly depressing news and see where we get. Shall we? Let's shall then. - 8.53 Crystal rang from the Pee-Oh... “If you want the free service you'll have to put up a box.” So I simply said “OK. Thanks much.” cut the call. No time to play with these shit-bags. - Waiting for the rains. Ordered a luggage carrier for 20$. Will see how it all turns out at day's end. (I think Crystal just called back. I “declined” the call. No time for this shit. Not in the mood.) - 12.9 Well? The day is rolling along and the rain is falling lightly. There's supposed to be a break coming, not a break as in “no rain”, just a “lighter” rain... for a couple of hours. It should be here any moment. I've taken out the “rain gear” I used to wear to peddle to the Pee-Oh in E Fairfield... I'll give it a try today. Plastic bags for back-pack and such are out as well. (Cliff has been out already this morning so there's no chance of a lift there. I'm just planning on making the entire toddle on my own.) - Just up from the cellar where I can't quite figure the hot water to the Pee-Oh just yet, but I'll try a few things as time goes by. BUT... SOME-THING has managed to get up into the wall, via a gap, just at the door to the cellar. Yellow insulation on the floor! I wonder... I haven't heard any-thing in the wall, and it would be under the window in the drawing room. So I've re-closed the inner door. - Oil is JUST below the half mark. That's good news. I'll PANIC when it gets to the quarter-tank mark. - Mean-while, I was free of chest tightness for a while this morning. It's back. THIS is anxiety! The walking in the rain... But that rain gear keeps body heat in so there won't be a shill. Too bad the boots aren't water PROOF... I've no doubt I'll have squishy feet on return. Oh well... - HEY! IT'S PESACH TODAY! OF COURSE NOTHING WILL GO “RIGHT”! CAN'T HAVE A “GOOD” HOLIDAY NOW. OF COURSE NOT! - (Filling-in the blanks from notes and memory on Friday morning.) - And so it came to pass... At 13.00 the rains were still falling, lightly but steadily. A quick check of the “radar imaging” showed that it was to have passed and been gone by 15.00 but I wasn't in any mood to wait that long to make my attempt at today's town toddle so I set the alarm for 13.20 and had a quick lie-down on the futon. At the sounding of the alarm, I got up, donned my walking garb and today, including the rain gear from the peddling days in New England and simply headed out the door. - The rains let up as I headed into town, so I wasn't getting at all drenched and it was rather a pleasant stroll, in spite of being all “plasticed” and “rubberised”. A trash bag over the back-pack, just be be on the “safe side”. - In town, headed directly for the market where things turned, as they will of late, toward the sewers. The meat selection was shit, the dairy section had only a few pounds of butter on sale (thankfully, I got one), the ice cream at “BOGO” was GONE (of course it was) and folks in face masks and bandanas wandered about like brainless idiots. Ah... but then came the moment of check-out: FUCKING PLEXI! “Sneeze guards” they're calling the shit now. Bloody Hell! It's a blatant reminder of life in “The City”... though there, it's “gun guards” or the likes. But, at least, I got a package of chicken, a bag of veggies, 2 frostings, peanut butter, a pound of butter. Not bad, not great, but having ordered a “luggage cart” before leaving, hopefully next trip I'll be able to get more provisions (IF the fucking fools manage to HAVE any in the store on my next visit). - Stop one done, out the door and to the FamDoll where things were a touch more “normal”. Got the 6 plastic shoe boxes, wanted moth balls for the kitchen (to put down by the cabinets/cup-boards). All they had were little bags of said, in the “Clearance” section. A price check: 90-cents each! Well? It was all they had so I got 3 of those. better that than none, and 4 packs of smokes. Come to find out, THEIR plexi is due at any day as well. Every-body's about to be sealed off. Tah-fucking-dah. - OK. Fine. The best bit: No rain! By the time I'd gotten TO town and was ready to get back home... the rains had passed. So the toddle back wasn't so bad. Especially the stop-and-chat with the horses. And I didn't stop at the bridge this trip. Oddly, but happily, when I left the house, the chest paid was quite annoying this trip, to the point of slowing me down a touch, but by the time I'd arrived in town, it had passed and by the time I'd gotten to the horses on the trip back, it was noticeably gone. With the swelling of my hands, I'm thinking along the lines of “CHF” as the cause of pain, and the exercise being beneficial (if for nothing more, the pain relief). - WELL! JUST as I reached the top of the hill coming “into town” at New Russia... BLAM! THE WINDS CAME ALONG! AND, JUST AS I STEPPED ONTO THE PORCH... THE SNOWS SWEPT ACROSS THE MOUNTAIN-TOPS! Quick check of the clock when I got into the house... 16.50! The forecast DID threaten snows this evening and surely, there they were! And the WIND... !!! - I rang Theresa to let her know that I'd made the trip, the snows arrived as I returned and I got to the left-over chicken and the baked beans in the fridge. I was hungry, it was 17.00 and time to ... well... “eat”. So I sat to the news and had COLD chicken and baked beans. Better than nothing and I really wasn't in any mood to wait for it all to be warmed. It did what was needed in the way of “nourishment”. And I put 2 pans of cookies into the oven as well. By 18.00, as usual, every-thing was done, the house in order and THEN? THEN? THE WINDS THE WINDS THE BRUTAL WINDS! SLAMMING AGAINST THE HOUSE, MOVED THE LITTLE CHAIR ACROSS THE FRONT PORCH, *** AND LITERALLY BENT THE “POW” FLAG OUT THERE! (I took a photo... must make sure to include it here)! My first thought: I'll catch the blame for this shit. But truthfully, I don't care any more. If it's a “battle” New Russia wants, it's a “battle” they've got. I'm at wits' end where this shit is concerned. And, as far as I'm concerned, “Nature” attended their insolence. I'm not bothering with or about it. (And I'm expecting MORE shit to come where the garden is concerned so... TO ARMS it is.) As the wind blew, the snows swept the mountains, there was a break in the clouds and the sun came pouring into the living-room. Quite odd, but then again, not really. It was almost delightful until... As I sat at table watching an episode of “Jeeves and Wooster”... the Internet went... and with it... THE ELECTRIC! Expected, I suppose, but THE ELECTRIC WENT, THE WINDS WERE WHISTLING THROUGH THE WINDOWS AND THE TEMPERATURE WAS DROPPING! I grabbed all the tea-lights I could manage to light, mostly for warmth and, well, in about 20 minutes or so, the lights were back on. Not bad. Pretty impressive, to tell the truth. I'd stepped out to the porch for a smoke, heard the generator at the house across the road, had a briefest exchange with the guy there and as I stepped back in, the fridge was running again. Impressive, to be sure. (Also, I want to note: as I was toddling back from town, the guy across the road drove past me. Though, to note as well, SEVERAL folks from the hamlet drove past me in BOTH directions and NONE even so much as slowed. I'll just leave this comment here and have done with it.) - Well? Lights back on, I sent a “text” to Theresa to report on the lights and headed to the shower for a much-needed cleansing. When that was done, a v-ton and a ring to Theresa for our usual lengthy chat. At about 23.43, as is the usual, our connection was cut (thankfully, tonight) just as we were talking about MORE similarities of our youth (from the mayhem, havoc, what would be considered “debauchery” I'm certain AND the old “IBM 029, 059, 129, SYS III” and such!!!!) and so, with house in order, smelling of moth balls (one whole package tossed between cup-board and wall, cup-board and stove, stove and wall), me showered and clean... lap-top got shut down, I climbed into bed, lights out and... the winds finally at a dull roar, THIS FUCKING DAY GOT BROUGHT TO AN END! A-FUCKING-MEN!

Fri.10.Apr: 8.53 Double-digit days commence. And me? Well... Right after I got the little “notes” typed for yesterday, it was lights-out in the house. No reading... just straight into the bed. 2 v-tons again and right to sleep. I heard the alarm at 5.00 this morning and had NO intention of getting out of the bed, and so I didn't, until about 8.15. And even then, it was only because of need to pee. Not feeling all too “poorly” this morning, but not too great either. And I suppose, to be honest, it's really not much, if at all different from any other day. But the bed linens are in the soak in the basin, I've ventured out to take a photo of the electric metre to report to NYSEG, as requested via “text” yesterday (as the lights went out). And Ms. Newlady at the Pee-Oh crashed in at about 8.30 and yanked “her” POW flag out of the holder. (I'll wait for the accusations to start flying, that it was *I* who bent and twisted it... and later today, I shall ring-up the land-lord to “clarify” the actual rental property boundaries where the frontage is concerned, being fed-the-fuck-up with this Pee-Oh BS.) And all that said, coffee at hand, a bit of a pain in the left breast, the scent of moth balls in the air and no “tracks” on the counter-top this morning.... but OH... 2 marigolds have begun sprouting! Let's hope they don't rush along... especially since yes, it IS SNOWING on the mountains and there are flocons out-side my window this morning. (Though the temperature is, allegedly, 2°.) - Another day rolls in... and I have to “fill in the blanks” for yesterday this morn. - 9.42 OK! Yesterday's notes completed, the account of the day's events done. I've been sitting here at the “work table” watching folks come and go. E-Town came by to clear felled branches some-where on the Simonds Hill, folks have been coming and going at the Pee-Oh. “Peter Demings” has been in and I'm SURE has had some sort of remarks to make about the fucking flag. As I say, folks have been coming and going. And me? I've finished first coffee and so now... will do a quick check of e-mails and get to the bed linens which are sitll on the soak. - The sun is trying to break through the clouds, the “mountain flurries” are bouncing about. Météo claims “SNOW” is to commence some time round 10.10 and me? I'm not giving either fuck nor shit about most of just about every-thing. Too “busy” minding my own business... until “invaded”... which I'm sure is to come. - KADIMA!... and FUKKIT! - 11.51 OK! SO! Bed linens are hanging to dry, so too, the “whites”... under-thingies. The kitchen is clean. The house is settled. MY “CYPRESS CLIMBER” SEEDS ARRIVED! AND, I HAD A “CHAT” WITH Ms. Newlady in which it was said “I pay the hot water. Alden pays the electric and water.” and the matter of the twisted flag was made clear... and she too, commented that the wind yesterday was quite brutal. It was also mentioned that Ms. Crystal's “tone” yesterday was unprofessional and inappropriate, considering I'm footing bills for a post office that is, essentially, riding for free. But, over-all, the chat was pleasant. “Things... worked out.” - And now? The snows are drifting about, staying mostly on the mountains. Cliff is out in his garden as the flocons fly about. AND... “Radio Moscow” has been on the air all the morn. - Almost noon... another morning has passed. Almost “snooze time” and then, tea... with bread and peanut-butter today. Rolling right along... right along... right along. - 21.16 Too many episodes of “Jeeves and Wooster” and having last water for the day. - It's been a difficult day for breathing, with a LOT of heaviness on the chest. But the bed's made, the other linens are drying over the radiator and I'm about to pop into the shower. - Rainy most of the day. Tomorrow's supposed to be quite nice. Sunday, warm but not too sunny. - Word has it that the luggage carrier will arrived, FedEx TOMORROW! THAT would be delightful! I MIGHT be able to toddle into town on Sunday... pick up some REAL groceries (IF there are any to be had in this God-forsaken nonsense). - Meanwhile... tired. Fatigued. Just not into much of any-thing, really. And a thought: This was the season, if memory serves, when Lou's Julie, from Wurtsboro, dragged me into the ER... where they diagnosed allergies and a touch of asthma, back in the New Prospect days. I have to wonder... It's the heaviness in the chest, the fatigue, but what comes up when I cough seems “hard” but not discoloured. Oh well... as usual... “time” will tell. - And my upper front teeth are feeling “misfit”. Always something. - Off to the shower. No sense dragging this day on any further.

Sat.11.Apr: 6.56 Indeed... the green fleece, jeans and shirt are already hanging in the shower, jammies in for a soak. And I got out of bed at 6.05! How about THAT for “Up and running”? Eh? But... I MUST make a particular note of the DREAM I woke out of this morning... I was quite anxious about needing to get to a train station to meet somebody... I wasn't positive about the time, but the DATE: THE 22nd! “WEDNESDAY, THE 22ND”! I was in a panic, not sure of the current date, but kept saying, to some-body else who was in the dream and some-how detaining me “IS IT WEDNESDAY, THE 22ND TODAY? I CAN'T REMEMBER. I HAVE TO GET TO THE TRAIN STATION TO MEET...!” and I didn't know WHO, exactly, I was supposed to meet there. A man or a woman? Both? I just HAD to get to the station to meet SOME-BODY... on Wednesday, the 22nd! - Oddly enough, THIS month has a “Wednesday, 22nd”... It's Soc.Sec. day and I've got notations about putting-aside a double loan payment and the 600$ balance on the electric account. In 1969, as memory serves, on 21 April, we'd had a “freak blizzard” and that was when Princie got smashed under the post-man's wheels. But that was the 21st. Why then, I wonder... the 22nd and Wednesday? It's just “too” specific. Oh well... we shall see, indeed.
Meanwhile, another “note”: I woke of my own, at about 4.30 and stayed in the bed to sleep until 6.00, almost on the mark. Laying there, in the bed (fresh linens, fresh me from last night's shower, and I'm returned to “no jammies” again, at a VERY extremely long last) I had NO chest pain or discomfort, It was quite lovely, to be honest. And when I first got up, to pee and put on the kettle, I was STILL fine. But as time went by, the “heaviness” came about. It seems THAT'S the “normal” progression: I wake feeling fine but as the moments pass, the heaviness comes along. Odd.. I don't have to get up, out of the bed, it just “comes along”. There's GOT to be an element of some kind of “anxiety” associated with this shit. But, right now, by the moment, the heaviness is present, but today, this morning, not as bad as it was yesterday... and the lavage is almost done! The jammie-sweats and I'm pretty much caught-up! - I see it's -2° out there this slightly cloudy morn. High of 5 today and high of 11 tomorrow. 14° a RAIN on Monday, but the night lows... the negatives are still in the forecast. - The marigolds are sprouting here, on the work-table. I believe I'll put the tomatoes in on the week-end so they'll be tall and strong come... the end of May (when I HOPE I'll be able to put them out. the package says “8-10 weeks” in-side. We shall see. - OK. On with what-ever. There's another day ahead... imagine that.
One thing I've been meaning to note: I have this constant “concern” lately, that one of these times when I lay down to sleep, to snooze, to nap... I'm not going to wake up... that will be that, the end... one of these times, whether down for the night, or a daily snooze... I'll just lay down, close my eyes... Of course, the “reality” of my existence completely negates ANY possibility of simply going to sleep and dying... NO! CAN'T POSSIBLY HAVE THAT! THERE MUST BE TORTURE! PAIN! WRITHING! HORROR! LONG AND DRAWN-OUT! But... there's the thought, none-the-less.
On with the day! - 7.53 LAVAGE EST FINI! ALL of it! YAY! - AND... FLOCONS! AND the mountain tops are WHITE again! AND I'm just in from a smoke AND a “schmooze” with... Mr. “Mayor” who's en route to John's and who actually engaged in conversation that HE started! Psycho. And I leave that at that. AND... the little radiator is back on in the drawing room. Ah... Winter lingers. - 10.43 Was having a lie-down in bed, as the sun tries to break through the clouds (but the temperature just can't break too far above freezing) and I heard a “thud” out front. So I got up, looked out the door and... THE LUGGAGE TROLLEY ARRIVED!!!!! IT'S CUTE! PROBABLY FITS IN THE BACK-PACK AND MIGHT... I SAY “MIGHT” ACTUALLY BE OK FOR GROCERIES (AT LEAST A FEW TIMES)!!!!! I'll have to figure out how to pack it and now can get MORE FOOD at a trip! AND, should I EVER be offered a lift, it folds neatly so as to fit even in a car! I'm impressed! (May it last as long as is necessary... the wheels against the pavement is my major concern at this juncture.) - AND... a notice that “interest” on the FedLoans is suspended March-Sept. Not that that makes much difference to me at this juncture. AND... from Soc.Sec., info on help with Rx meds... Medicare! I don't HAVE Medicare! I wonder... Are they already beginning the application process? It's not quite the “3 months” prior to my 65th, but... I suppose I may as well “go for it” (and hope like HELL that they don't pull money from my Soc.Sec.). I'll wait though, call on Monday to make sure it won't dig into my monthly. I can't afford that now... not even a little bit, with the loan payments. - Anyway... so the day has commenced, and with the arrival of today's post and the trolley... this is about the end of it. Tea time! - But I AM feeling a touch positive with the prospect of being able to get more groceries and NOT having them weigh on my back and shoulders and chest! - Also, got the paper from in the Pee-Oh... nothing much in the way of “more groceries” but if the weather is nice tomorrow (and I can breathe) perhaps a “trial run” to market? We shall see. -
13.25 The Cypress Vine seeds have been put into soil just now. Germination is 20-30 days... I hope they don't BOLT! But, there are 24 seeds planted and I really need on 9 plants at most for out front. But I can always put the rest over the cellar shed? Why not? We shall see. Hopefully they're not ALL white. But again... we shall see. They're there.
Just noticed that the marigolds were put in on the 9th and they're already up above the soil. Hmmm... kicking right in there. Let's see how this all works out. I might have a house full of flowers in no time. (It'll save on the funeral expenses. Oh... LOL.... fuck.) -

Sun.12.Apr: 9.21 'twas ANOTHER “2.00-to-bed episode, one v-ton and a disconnect at last” wind-down day. Chatting with Theresa. Indeed. - The remainder of the day after noticing the marigolds, the arrival of the trolley and such? Nothing of note, to be honest. The clouds came and went. The flocons floconed (or floconé, in the past-tense) and a right batch of nothing, other than putting the Cypress vine seeds in was “accomplished”. BUT... there we have it then. And now? Woke at 8.00 and pretty much didn't bother with getting out of bed until shortly ago. There's sun-light in the hazy skies, a breeze blowing from the North with a bit of a chill and météo claiming 6° with a high of 14 for today.... with sun, of course, and for tomorrow... 17° with DELUGE! Of course. I can't give a shit... I just too simply can't. Provisions? Yes. Bothered? No. So for today, it being “Easter” and all, and the world being held in confinement because of some “virus”, surely a dull day. Ah... these are “the times”... And to it all, this lovely mountain morn, I say.... “FUKKIT! FUKKITALL!” and move along... Coffee's to be had. - 23.28 and MUCH later than I'd hoped for but the evening meal was later than it should have been so the rest of tonight is pushed off as well. - At about 14.00 I DID get out to the garden today. The day was, for the most part, over-cast, and, as I was to learn, it was OK that I didn't toddle into town to the market. The gal next door came home from work as I was working the garden and she said that, Easter Sunday was expected to be their “usual, quiet day” but in Peru, the store was PACKED... with shoppers AND “HOARDERS”! Looks like my trip in during the week will be for nothing. No doubt, the morons have cleared the shelves again. Ass-hats. - Anyway, as for the garden, I headed out and to that stack of felled limbs where I found 4 rather sturdy and 2 some-what “OK” limbs to put into the ground as posts for the “deer netting”. I tilled a bit and as I was doing, Alvin and Vivian were working on the “Peace Garden”, that hodge-podge of what-evers at the corner of the Pee-Oh. Alvin, of course, came over to comment on absolutely nothing. AND, across the road, Cliff was having the old apple tree removed. In the chat with Alvin (being “neighbourly”, as I try to be), it was mentioned that I needed saws sharpened and he recommended I talk with the guy who was cutting the tree. “Marshall”, (I immediately thought of Dot... Marshall... of Walker Valley) and so I went across to ask. Marshall DID give me the name of a place, “on the Keene end of Water Street”, he inquired about the truck and when I jokingly said “It's got coronavirus.” there were a few laughs and Marshall replied “It being a Vermont truck, maybe it's not happy here, in NY.” They've NO clue, know NOTHING about be and well... so be it. There's no cure for stupid... I leave it at that. I came back to the garden. - Vivian came over, seeing me putting the limbs up and insisted that I take a look in the garage at the lumber there. “There are 2x4s in there. You should use them. Alden's not saving them and well, if you use them, it's less for him to have to remove.” So we went into the garage and she encouraged me to use as much of the lumber as I possibly can. “He's getting old and owning all these properties is getting to him. He's trying to get rid of some of them. They're a lot of work, and he's got that trouble with his back...” She made it sound as if he's selling-off his properties and now I wonder if this one is one he'll divest him-self of. I HOPE NOT! Any-way, I looked around at the lumber (what's there), told her about the floor-boards as shelving and we both returned to our own work at hand. So, there are 6 posts up around the garden. Now I have to get the netting... and then be patient when it comes to planting. Forecast has a few more nights of -4°. I'm still considering moving the whole thing closer to the back door, but it's about the lack of sun-shine... mostly for the tomatoes. There's time to ponder. - Garden tilled and posts in, I spent some time “tidying” by that old oil tank behind the garage too. Trying to make the back yard look more like a yard and less like a simple dump. - After, I helped the “dear neighbours” by dragging 2 bags of “paiese” (or how-ever it's spelt”... mulch) to their porch and was duly thanked. - OH... and Anita came by to the back yard to bring lime to Alvin, for his garden, I'm imagining. A chat ensued in which she discussed the difference between “American” and “European” chestnut trees. Seem there's the “largest in the U.S.” across the road, but it's the only one. (Reminded me of the ginko in Downing Park and the rumour that it's the oldest in the U.S. Who knows, really?) And then on to the matter of “invasives”. Apparently, Anita is the head of the “Boquet River Committee” or something of the sort. We got to talking about knot-weed and how I worked on The Bronx River, pulling it. OH! She was SO vehement about not pulling and must dig and the 40ft. roots and such. Another one who doesn't “listen”, when I said that it was easier to pull and that digging wasn't an option. She ended that chat with “Well, since you're trained in the matter, maybe you'll consider helping me.” (I doubt it.) Oddly though, as she left, she complimented me on the little garden and then asked “Are you moving?” I wonder what prompted THAT question. These people... odd little lot. Oh well. - I didn't get back into the house until almost 18.00!!! Took a piece of chicken out of the fridge, left from last night's meal, put on a pot of well-seasoned rice and there we had tonight's “meal”: cold chicken, hot rice... LOTS of rice! (And more for tomorrow, as well.) Started watching the news with meal and just got SO utterly fed-up, pissed-off with all these claims of enormous numbers of “Coronavirus deaths” that don't make any sense because there's really no proof, not to mention the fact that the numbers have been proven to include people who were never actually tested for the flu but have died and just tossed in with the flu stats. There was mention of a great many “unclaimed” bodies being buried in The City lately. Single elderly and Homeless, I've no doubt. Death is an absolute nothing, really. “Unclaimed bodies”. Imagine. Our lives are that, so terribly useless and meaningless. Die and get tossed... “unclaimed”. It was sickening. So I switched to “Graham Norton” and happened on an episode with... JOAN ARMTRADING! Her voice is still so very the same as it always was, and what a DELIGHT to SEE her. She's ever-so sweet, and British! - After meal, I tossed some cookies into the oven as the washing-up got done and sat to have some of those with a v-ton-cran and a quick glance-and-glean of the soc.med. THAT TOO, was annoying, with the shit-bags whose life depends so much on their anti-Jewish sentiments. I scrolled, looked, read, “up-voted” a few items, “re-posted” a few more, made a comment here and there and... it was time... this day needed to be wrapped-up and put aside... SHOWER TIME! - Oddly enough, as I showered, I became “inspired” to write a little story about out-living all friends and the likes. So, shower done, feeling “cleansed”, I sat, quickly, jotted a few opening paragraphs (2 pages already), had my last smoke on the front porch, brushed my teeth and got ready for bed. - There's a message from NYSEG about tomorrow's weather, the impending “storm” and a “request” to customers that we all follow the “social distancing” bull-shit and stay 6ft. away from NYSEG employees. Seriously... this bull-shit is just at the point of intolerable. Oh well... - Tomorrow's to be a “wash-out”... rain, wind, lightning, LOL... so there's not stress or pressure to get up early. It's off to bed. At least I got a bit more yard-work done. And with the notion of Alden considering selling the place off, it gives me more incentive to clean the place up. - OH OH OH OH OH!!! VIVIAN SAYS RICHIE IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS... MONDAY-WEDNESDAY! A “MUST ATTEND” MATTER THIS WEEK! (I just only HOPE I have more than enough money to get the truck back on the road!!!! The “GoFundMe” has become ever-so... nothing... The news says those “stimulus payments” have begun this week... let's see how THAT bull-shit turns out... I'm not putting the truck on it, but is WOULD be a GRAND help!) Some-thing to “look forward to”in the coming week? (Just a little, not much, I know better.) - Off to bed, and HOEPFULLY, to sleep!

Mon.13.Apr: 5.56 WHY am I up and about, coffee at hand, dressed, in from a smoke AND putting fertiliser on the lilies as the rains are a-falling on the out-side of my window pane? This was to be a “rain-out” day. “Storms”, they say, are coming, “brutal” weather to come, they say. And I was to just while the hours away this morning. But, here I am... indeed... Here I am. - Well, there's “stuff” to be done. The washing is on the soak. The floors need cleaning. There are stories and books to be written. And the likes and sorts. Oh well. No doubt, there will be “snoozes” and “naps” taken as the day wears on. So? So... here we are. May as well make the best of it. - 6.38 Got all of yesterday's affairs recorded. I was too damned lazy to do last night. And now, the sky is turning toward “day-light”/dawn, the rains are still falling and I'm still rolling along. Here we go... another day... another day... another day... - 12.22
WELL! THIS HAS PROVED TO BE ONE ***HELL*** OF A MORNING!!! LET'S START WITH AVERY... AT 11.20 I HAD TO PHONE THEM, SPOKE WITH THE “GUY”... THEY HADN'T TAKEN THE PAYMENT FOR THE DELIVERY OF 24 MARCH, EVEN THOUGH I'D CALLED ON 25TH AT 9.32 AND TOLD THE BIMBO WHO ANSWERED THE PHONE TO PROCESS PAYMENT!!! SO, AND AH-HAH... THE GUY PUT THE PAYMENT THROUGH WITH-OUT THE “DISCOUNT” AND THEN “MADE AN ADJUSTMENT”... YEAH? WELL... WHEN I CHECKED THE BANQUE... *** BOTH *** CHARGES WERE POSTED AGAINST MY ACCOUNT!!! BALANCE? 2 DOLLARS UNDER THE 500 THAT WERE THE BASIC NECESSITIES INCLUDING THE RENT!!! SO I HAD TO CALL THE BANQUE AND SPEAK WITH “PAIGE” WHO TOLD ME THAT BOTH CHARGES WERE “PRE AUTHORISATIONS” AND THAT IT SHOULD “BALANCE ITSELF OUT”. NOW I HAVE TO SIT HERE WORRIED THAT THE RENT CHEQUE WON'T CLEAR! ON TOP OF WHICH, THERE'S A 39$ DEBIT TO BE POSTED BY SKYPE TODAY! TIME TO LOOK ELSE-WHERE FOR FUEL! (FOUND GORDON... WILL GET IN TOUCH WITH THEM. - MOVE TO THE MATTER BEFORE THE AVERY BULL-SHIT... THIS MORNING'S POST BROUGHT MY NY/TICONDEROGA/TN STATEMENT ON WHICH IT INDICATED THAT MY NEXT LOAN PAYMENT IS DUE ON THE 25TH... OF THIS MONTH! I PAID THAT ONE ON THE FIRST! SO... A CALL TO DONNA WHO CONFIRMED THAT THE NEXT DUE DATE IS NEXT MONTH! SERIOUSLY! HERE ARE THE REASONS FOR TODAY'S RAIN-FEST. HAD IT BEEN BETTER WEATHER, I WOULD HAVE BEEN TODDLING ALONG THE ROAD THIS MORNING AND THIS SHIT WOULD HAVE RIDDEN ALONG UNTIL... FUCK ME! IM TIRED OF THIS BULL-SHIT... TRULY. PARTICULARLY THE “AVERY” SHIT-FEST.
Meanwhile... by 7.00 this morning, the lavage was done and hanging. Now I have to get to the floors. I snoozed from 8-9.00 though. So there's that much. - No bread in the house and I'd really rather not use the flour to make more with-out eggs but then, there's not telling if I go into town tomorrow (as I'd like to do) there will be any eggs to be gotten! I am SO NOT amused with all this BS. - Oh... but I DID toss more fertiliser on the lilies for today's rain. So there's that much ... “good”. - Just had some frosting/peanut-butter... “lunch”. Time for a fucking DRINK at this point... kidding. - Rolling along. Tomorrow I'll stop by at Richie's about the truck. I want to do this in person. - 23.45 Too much time on the line again tonight. But... it's a delight. - GOT ANOTHER 25 ON THE GoFundMe today! Every little bit helps! - But, I'm down to 3 pieces of chicken to there's no choice about toddling tomorrow... I'm off to bed! - It's been a DAY! - OH OH OH!!! I RECONCILED THE CHEQUING ACCOUNT! AND THE RENT'S PAID... (and 16$ left until next Wednesday... no smokes... again... damnit.)

Tue.14.Apr: 8.09 THREE ALARMS! 5.00, 7.00 and 8.00 (7.45 actually). That's how many it took to get me out of bed this morning. And I woke, got the coffee on, and had, what I'll just call a burst of “boot energy” for a few moments. Then? Got dressed, went out for a smoke. Checked the lilies. Checked the house. Thought of how I could turn this place into some-thing impressive. Came back in and checked the weather forecast. 8° for the high. A bit of sun during the day. (There are little “flocons” hither and yon out there by the moment.) And the excuses as to why I don't MUST toddle into town today commenced. I just don't want to, really. Truth is, I don't MUST leave here at 10.00 or 11.00. Noon is still OK. Even 13.00 would bring me back in time for 17.00 meal. So? Resolve (or resignation), “We shall see as the day progresses.” In honesty, it's about the money for the truck repairs. If there was a significant amount there, I'd be bouncing all over the place, to get it done and back on the road. I've got this bit of difficulty with a fear of being told the cost is going to be more than what I can afford at the moment. It's the potential disappointment... AND... the trust that's just shot to shit. THAT'S THE problem these days. - And yesterday's fiasco with Avery... I REALLY NEED to get away from THAT bull-shit. The HORROR of the potential that the rent cheque would have bounced! Yes, I REALLY NEED to get away from that bull-shit. - Another rather “heavy-chested” morning too. I felt perfectly well last night when, at just past mid-night, the lights went out. Every morning is a “surprise”... no telling WHAT in Hell's name is going to slam its way in. - Well... take it as it happens then. There are “things” to attend any-way, “things” to pass a day... or more. Let's see what happens today... when it all become tonight. - 10.46 Just been working on the “taxes” biz and some investigating into what and whether or not and when/if I'll be one of the ones to receive that promised “stimulus” money and from as I see it, with all the general “adjustments” on the tax forms, my “adjusted” income for the entire year 2019? Just over 6k! That's like a “gross” back when I started working! THEN... as I finished entertaining me with that, I checked e-mails... 23/25$ from GFM is due to arrive one day soon AND ANOTHER 20$ was donated this morning! (“Thanks”, of course, are sent immediately... and they're SO difficult because, truth of the matter is: These people are expressing a TRUST in me, that I'm NOT simply whining and trying to bilk them! WOW! It really negates the bull-shit I tolerate locally and some-what often. So? I'm actually excited, up-lifted and ready to cry every time I see a donation. Talk about a “hand UP”! This is indescribable! And especially THESE days when SO many people are experiencing NO income... and how WELL I STILL remember THOSE days!) - Meanwhile, the sun's pouring in through the windows in front of me and I'm still pondering a toddle. - 10.59 Post-check: nothing. And there's a “chill” to the sunny air. Toddling looks as if it's a “go”. We shall ponder a bit longer. - There are “things” I wanted to “attend” this morning and I can't recall what they are! OH! My mind can't hold thoughts today. “OLD”. That's me. - 21.16 Well... “meal” was... one piece of chicken, the left-over rice, ramen, followed by peanut-butter and frosting (and I've just finished the frosting). Horrific. 2 pieces of chicken left in the freezer and one boneless breast. Meagre. Austerity. But tomorrow's forecast looks good for a toddle. (I doubt the market will make it worth the effort though, but there's really no choice. Let's just HOPE that the carrier holds for the trek back! THAT'S my main concern. I just can't imagine trying to get it and the groceries back if it breaks. But... I'm “planning on total disaster”.) - FUN TONIGHT? I TURNED A LARGE BATCH OF CHICKEN BONES INTO BONE MEAL FOR THE GARDEN! BOILED THEM ALL TO DEATH! KEPT THE “BROTH” (so I've something else to be eaten, imagine that), THEN BAKED THEM HAVE TO HELL IN A REALLY HOT OVEN FOR ABOUT 90 MINUTES. When they cooled enough to handle, they crumbled when I crushed them with pliers and then put the pieces into a manila envelope and rolled them with the rolling pin and... a yoghurt container FULL of BONE MEAL for the GARDEN! I also crushed the egg shells into fine particles... also going into the garden! Now... I'll have to try to get to the other chicken bones in the bag in the freezer and do like-wise with them and... ONLY DRY garbage left! Paper and the likes! BRILLIANT! - Then, an evening of “Graham Norton” and a bit of soc.med. and now, hot water and to bed! I want... MUST be up and about for tomorrow's toddle! I don't know HOW I'm going to get the smokes. I don't want to start “dipping” into the savings because THEY'RE absolutely necessary! We shall see... there's only one pack left until NEXT Wednesday and that's NOT going to be too good (and I don't want to get into re-smokes... with my chest being as it is; oddly, I'm looking forward to the flowers and the garden... but, if I “make it” I do, if not... it won't make any difference anyway). - And so, on that note, I'm having my hot water... passing the time whilst and then off to BED! Another fucking day just shot all to Hell, actually. Especially since I “napped” for over and hour... just to “escape” the depression... which almost hit hard any-way because I was half-dozing in a half-dream where siblings were about and in the “dream” I thought: It's been quite a while since I've seen John, I have to go ask Mum where he is and go talk with him... when suddenly, I “came back” to the house here, realised not only are the siblings not here, but mother isn't either and they're not just a “walk” away and for some reason, it hit with a pang... so I got UP, and got out of bed and got “busy”... with the chicken bones. Odd... Gee... I wonder why I'd have such a “dream”. - OH, Donna rang earlier this after-noon... Candy is doing very well with the Dramamine. Good news... for the time being. - Day's done.

Wed.15.Apr: 7.11 (cute) I don't even recall having heard the alarm this morning, but when I opened my eyes, at 6.57 the bed-room was FULL of morning light! So? Up and away! - Odd little note though: I was having ha DREAM of some sort in which I was singing “500 Miles”... the Proclaimers. “And I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more, just be be the man who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door.” It MIGHT have something to do with the episode of “Graham Norton” I watched last evening where David Parent (? Dr. Who) rattled-off the name of the town in Wales with the longest name and every-body was so impressed because, as a rule, only the Welsh can pronounce it properly. OR... it was premonitory and I'll walk to town and back again and drop dead when I return. I dunno. We shall find out when today's necessary toddle is done. (It also could have something to do with my anxieties about this new luggage carrier breaking en route. Again... we'll know when I get back later today.) - MEAN-WHILE... THE “CYPRESS VINES” ARE SPROUTING ALL OVER THE PLACE IN THE EGG CARTON!!!!! Seems that last night was “THE” night for them to make the thrust into the world! Now I'm concerned because this morning, the winds are blowing and there's snow on the mountains again, a little on the cars down here, with a bit of frost and the temperature is... according to météo, 2°. Sun all day and up to 5° by noon. But right now... I'm wondering what I'll do with all the seedlings for the next few weeks! I've got 6 frosting cups, can get 2 more today, but this is getting... well... impressive, if nothing else, to be sure. I just hope the veggies are as quick when their time comes along... in a couple of weeks. - In other news... not a particularly “good” morning with the “breathing”. Feeling “cramped” and “heavy” again this morning, and, franchement, a touch on the light-headed side. But, we move along. - And the house has a horrid odour from roasting the chicken bones last evening. Still... there's bone meal for the garden and that much less “trash” to worry about. (And there are more bones to be dealt with at some later date. I'm just happy there's an alternative way to dispose of them... and a good one... bones in the garden, tomatoes and such on the later. Bones to food. Imagine that.) - And the furnace is up, to take away the chill. Like a schmuck, I left the radiator on in the drawing room all night! I'll hate me for that to be sure. - OK... let's roll. Coffee's here. I've got scented candles burning to get rid of the stench. And another day... another day... another day... - One other note: “Carl Luce”... a name in “The Catcher In The Rye”! Read it last night. Just mentioned, but... Karl is one of Madame's sons... the one in Washington state! WELL! (That was fodder for night-mares....) - Morning's rolling... I've nothing too pressing at the moment but I should be rolling too. - And yesterday, got the message from GFM: 23$ is to be posted to my account AND another 19 to come! Little by little by little by.... - (More on the day to follow....) 24.27 Second v-ton... I don't give a shit. IT was a HORRIBLY DIGUSTING DAY! I left at 10.50 to toddle into town, looking forward to stocking up, with new “cart” in back-pack. It was chilly, but clear and comfy. I'D JUST PASSED THE BROOK WHEN SUZIE (Ms. Newlady at the Pee-Oh) stopped and gave me a lift directly to the market!!!! - (Continuing on Thursday... from notes jotted before going to bed...) Well... Banquing this morning was a fukkup, to put it mildly and politely. BOTH, Vt AND NY. Couldn't log into ANY accounts. “System Unavailable” is all I got, so I couldn't see what my balances are, what's been paid, what might have come in. It's a fucking shame, but the day almost relied completely on that. Not that I had any money to spend, really, but I just felt a need to know. - Theresa sent word that she's received that promised “stimulus” payment! Oddly enough, I had the feeling that it was because of all the payments being posted, “electronically”, to so many all at once that caused the fukkup and, as the day progressed, Theresa reported that yes, that was the cause, not only for the shit with banques but with the Internet as well. Too much, too soon, all at once. Ah... “21st Century Technologies”. Humanity is a conglomerate of fools and idiots. - Anyway... it was shortly before 11.00 when I just, blindly, put on my “walking socks”, grabbed the jacket and the back-pack with carrier in, and just headed out the door to market. “Blindly”... because I just kept moving, not thinking, in particular, and moving against all thoughts to the contrary. Just moved... “Kadima” at it's best. - *** AS I STEPPED OUT THE DOOR, TWO STATE POLICE WERE AT THE DOOR OF THE POST OFFICE! “Good morning. How are you?” said the fellow. Well? TWO police at the door and indeed, how am I? They'd gotten a “911 call” and were looking for “Joan Crane”!!! Of course, I told them she'd died in early January, they wanted to know where she'd lived and who was living there now. The folks next door had gone to work but I gave them all the info. BUT... AS they were leaving, Mr. Busy-shit Mayor came over to ask “May I help you?” No, moron, you may not or, better, yes, you can... mind your fucking business! Shit! Anyway, the police explained why they were here, Mr. Mayor started to give “particulars” and the police cut him short by saying that I'd already told them all they needed to know. HAH! And so, the police left and I simply started walking to the market. (I'll note here: there was NO offer of a lift or even a mention of my walk by/from Mr. Mayor. Just noting.) - So I moved along... moved along. I'd JUST passed the brook when a red truck pulled to the shoulder... it was “Suzie”... Ms. Newlady at the Pee-Oh! She not only gave me a lift but dropped me at the market! We had a bit of a chat. I got to tell of Ms. Biddy Jessica's interference with “things in New Russia” and the trouble she'd caused me with her exaggerations and lies. I'm rather glad I got that opportunity to “air” the fact. No to see if it “gets around”. I rather hope it does. - At the market? FUKKALL AGAIN! The chicken that was there was scarce, sparse and not at all appetising. But I took a package and as I was done there, the fellow from next door, Justin, Josiah, J... something, came by, in a mask. He was working at the E-Town store today. We chatted a touch about the “incident” with the police. Seems Jeffy-noser heard the call on a scanner and called the grand-son at the store. We had a chuckle and were both on our ways. - I managed to get a package of chicken, two frostings, two tomato pastes, a bag of veggies and two dozen eggs and a jar of peanut-butter. No flour, no yeast. NONE to be had. Oh, and an onion (falafel!) and 3 TINY “red” potatoes which are, as I type, in yoghurt containers... with soil... prepping for planting. I'm thinking in terms of one potato creating MORE potatoes. I only hope they actually do! - At the cashe? WHAT FUX THESE IDIOTS BE! IN ADDITION TO THE PLEXI BARRIERS, THE CARD READERS ARE NOW COVERED WITH PLASTIC! IT'S A FUCKING JOKE AT THIS POINT. DRAMA BITCHES! I wasn't exactly all too “kind”, mostly because of the absence of stock. I'd planned on coming back with flour, yeast, potatoes, onions and such. As it turned out... the back-pack had MORE than enough room for more, but NO... shit-heads and shit-bags... and their “panic shopping”. May they all get their selfish ignorance slammed back on them... soon, and heavily! - Walked to the FamDoll where, again... NO flour or cheese or any sort of thing I wanted. So I got a pack of smokes and that was that. - Put the groceries in the back-pack, the pack on the carrier and headed back. Suzie was in FamDoll while I was there but we didn't talk. I don't know if she even knew I was there but, she'd head to Lewis after so.... - The walk back was SO much EASIER with the carrier and it did quite a great job but... BUT... again, just BEFORE the brook, a car pulled to the shoulder, a young guy got out and in his hands he held a knit cap, gloves and some other things. “Can I offer you any-thing? I don't have much but what I have to give...” HE THOUGHT I WAS SOME KIND OF VAGABOND HEADING FOR THE NEXT TOWN (as he put it)! Ah... I had to almost laugh, I'd wondered how many people who passed me on my “town toddles” were thinking the same sort of thing. I've often wondered if that wasn't what people saw me as, as I hauled my meagre groceries down the road, hump-backed from fatigue. Interesting though, that nobody stops to offer any sort of assistance, a lift, even in the back of an open pick-up. But when the guy offered a lift “except for this covid thing”, I told him of my opinion of the entire farce and his reply “I don't believe anybody could refute that.” I thanked him, sincerely, for his kindness and he went on his way (North, oddly) and I, on mine, up the hill and home. I was back WELL before 14.00! - Rang Donna when I got back in, to check on Candy and to chat with some-body of good sense. Seems the “panic shopping” has finally struck her area as well. We're BOTH at the end of our tolerance limits with this bull-shit! - Next, chatted with Theresa for a bit. Another voice of sanity in this whir-wind of retarderie! We got cut off (again) at 18.00 and I went to prep “meal”... - 4 eggs and some veggies this evening. I wasn't in any mood to prep the chicken or anything. I really wasn't in the mood to eat, to be honest. The trip to market just REALLY PISSED ME OFF! SERIOUSLY, TODAY! If I had the where-with-all, I'd've more than likely, driven to Albany to throat punch the fucking Governor! In a mood to inflict serious injuries today! - WELL! Meal prep? As I went to sprinkle pepper into the eggs... the fucking cap came off the bottle and... THE WHOLE FUCKING THING DUMPED INTO THE BOWL! FUCK! Thankfully, I was able to recover most of it but WOW! JUST what I needed to fucking end a fucking day of a fucking fucked-up mood! Fortunately, I managed to salvage the pepper and the eggs and managed to make tonight's “fritata”. NOT “filling”, and NOT all that great since there wasn't enough cheese to go with. BUT... it was better than nothing at all, for all it was worth. I didn't really enjoy it, and I'd missed “The Five” as well so it was a tedious “meal” at best. - Something struck me after clean-up and I hit the remaining chicken bones tonight... another “jar” of “broth” and roasted bones. UNfortunately, I put them under “broil” a touch too long and... THE WHOLE FUCKING HOUSE FILLED WITH THE HEAVY STENCH OF BURNT BONES! AND SOME OF THEM WERE ALMOST CHARCOAL! BUT... I worked with what I had, crushed them all down and put the “meal” into another yoghurt container until such time when I get out to the “garden” to till it all into the soil. - All done, I sat for some soc.med.... with a small v-ton. I need... NEED MORE VODKA! (Number one on next toddle-list!) - On “Parler”... Chad Prather! So I watched one of his “videos” as I had my beverage surrounded by the stench of the bones. And I have to work with the “alt-Woodhauler” account now because I can't get at the original. I'm fucking ripped about that. NO fucking help or support from that fucking platform. But it was “fine”... watching Prather. Fun shit. - So, as I've already noted above before all of this “catch-up”... it was: finish the drink and straight to bed... pissed, miserable mood, SO fucking fed-the-fuck-up with all of this “virus” bull-shit! I mean... forced quarantine, halting inter-state truck deliveries so markets have NO FUCKING FOOD, and when they DO get any, the fucking retards rush in to clear the shelves. THOSE are the ones I'll be striking-out at in due course. The lot of them. I'm at the point now where I don't care and I'm NOT holding it in any longer. Give me the opportunity? You're going to hurt for quite a while, I'll see to it! And tonight, I honestly go to bed NOT caring if or when I wake tomorrow. Alarms off. Just FUKKIT! FUKKITALL! FUKKEMALL! STRAIGHT TO THE BOWELS OF FUCKING HELL! I'M THROUGH WITH ALL OF THIS BULL-SHIT AND RETARDATION, SELFISHNESS, SELF-SERVING FUKKALL! THROUGH! DONE! AT THE END!

Thu16.Apr: 16.45 Chicken is in the CLEAN oven. Veggies are steaming on the CLEAN stove and all is happening in the CLEAN kitchen whilst the CLEAN towels and loo-linens are hanging beside the radiator in the Hoovered drawing room. WHAT a day! And I didn't get out of bed until 9.11!!! WHAT a difference from yesterday. - I woke, feeling no particular need to get out of the bed, not really looking forward to the sun-shine and light SNOW on the ground and another COLD day. But coffee went on and I got me dressed. Popped out the door for a smoke and Suzie was, by then, boxing the mail. “You have a little package here.” she said, I couldn't figure WHAT would be coming because I haven't “shopped” in quite a while and, as far as I knew, everything had arrived. So I looked in the box to find a white envelope. Return address: Alton! Theresa! I opened the envelope carefully... A MEZZUAH! ORNATE! CLEAR TUBE WITH SILVER CROWNS ON TOP AND BOTTOM! QUITE BEAUTIFUL! AND A CARD! Well, I brought it all into the house and read the card which reads, on the front “There's a surprising amount of love in this folded piece of paper.” I HAD to phone her to let her know that the mezzuzah arrived AND to thank her... SO VERY MUCH! I haven't had a mezzuzah on the door since my last place in The Bronx! 232nd, Naples Terrace, Creston Ave... (I just put it on the door-post, inside, of course, moments ago.) We chatted a while whilst the towel, flannel and bath-mat soaked in the sink. - When we'd done, I washed the linens out and put them on the rack and the rack went to the porch. - I still don't know what possessed me but... “Antenne Bayern” went on and... I ATTACKED the oven!!! Detail brush, steel wool, “Clean-Up”, “Soft-Scrub”... it didn't bring it back to where I had it when I moved in but it's CLEAN! - Next? The chicken I got yesterday. Sickening as it appeared, 8 pieces of a fair size (that will, I've no doubt, cook-down to nothing but...). Cleaned, 6 pieces wrapped and in the freezer. There's FOOD in there again! - That done... the floors! Hoovered. Kitchen floor “Clean-Up”ed. And the loo floor as well. Followed by a quick Hoovering again. - This house is CLEAN again! And the stench of burnt bones from last night is gone! - During the day, the sun shone and snow fell. So cleaning was a great way to pass the hours. And, as I say... I've only just this moment, finished “moving”. No sitting about. No time wasted on-line. WORKING! And all the while... MUSIC played. WHAT a day! WHAT a difference from yesterday and last night's depression! ACCOMPLISHED! - And now? “Meal” time. Chicken and veggies. Still no proper dessert but... that's fine. - Oh... and No tea break! WORK! WORK! WORK! Hopefully I'll sleep well tonight? We shall see. - 18.40 Snow's blowing in the breeze as the sun pours in through the living-room windows and the house is REALLY settled again! WOW! I'm in disbelief. - 20.13 Just finishing the “fill-in” of yesterday's bull-shit and up from a 30-minute “snooze”. Having another hot water in the silence of a clean house. - Had a smoke and watched the snow moving across the mountains. It's chilly again tonight. Put the furnace up for a bit before going to bed... soon. - Must get on to soc.med. for a little while. Why? Not sure. I could go right to bed now, to be honest, but there's nothing on the agenda for tomorrow that requires my awakeness at any particular time. But... and so and there we have it. The sun's gone, the day's done. - There's “talk” about SOME things returning in the next two weeks. But... the fucking Dems are blocking again. Seriously? I do NOT understand HOW it is that NOBODY'S gone after them... with guns. If ANYBODY in Creation deserves to be shot-down... Dems should be (and, in a civil, sane society, would be) rounded-up, lined-up and shot down. - Off to wrap this day up. - 21.00 Was at the work table, on soc.med., reconciling accounts, stepped out into the kitchen and... AND... THERE'S A MOUSE IN THE STOVE! IT SCURRIED DOWN INTO THE REAR LEFT EYE WHEN I WENT IN. SO... NOW I know what's been leaving the “leavings” on the counter. Hmmm... need to find a trap of some kind. I don't want it dead... just OUT. And to think... ALL THOSE HOURS SCRUBBING that stove today. Well? At least it likes a clean stove. There's something to be said for that. - 24.39 Soc.med. done and a few Nature videos on-line, sea-side stuff for the most part. And now? With MOUSE in the HOUSE... which I haven't seen since “the incident”... I'm off to last halfie, teeth and bed. Tonight's another “I don't care when I wake”. There's nothing on the agenda and the warmth (6°) won't come until 14.00 which is when I think I'll put the bone-meal into the garden soil and ponder the possibility of moving the garden to just off the porch. There's sun there in the after-noon... it just might be OK for a few tomatoes. We shall see.

Fri.17.Apr: 9.35 Lights went out at about 2.00 this morning. I woke at about 4.00 to pee. Back to bed and to sleep. Heard the 5.00 alarm, turned it off and as I laid in bed, pondering the possible potential of getting up, went back to sleep until about 8.30 when I woke again and decided to get up (mostly to pee again). And so, here we are... dressed and having coffee at the work table, as the very light snow falls from an over-cast sky and the morning temperature is a touch on the “chilly” side. Plans for the day? Aside from tilling bone meal, I MIGHT consider moving the garden, though, if the septic tank is located where I believe it is, right out-side the back door under the drive, leaving the garden where it is is probably the best idea. Building shelving units so as to take the “wall shelves” down, is enticing. We shall see where that notion goes as the day rolls on. - A note, this morning, how-ever: it's another rather difficult day in the chest area. Breathing is fine, but there's that “heaviness”, that “rock”, the “stone”, the “chunks”... it truly rather is very much like the day I left “The Fort”. “Infection”? Could be. Probably something a touch more serious though. I wonder... Will I live to see my garden in the yard and be able to enjoy any food from it? I some-how doubt that, almost rather very much. But... as I laid in bed (this morning) the thought came: I really don't care. Death will come one of these days and besides... I'm “10 years on over-time”. Soon and very soon... I've no doubt. - Meanwhile, Spectrum is out front. Two trucks up working on the wires. The relief? MY bill is paid. (Not that that makes any difference.) And Mr. Busy-old-lady-mayor is, of course, out there to “investigate”. Honestly... my “life” might not be the grandest, but at least I don't have a “need” to stick my damned arse into every-body else's face. (But talking with me is “bothersome”. Fukkem.) - Bonojur.
ALL-NIGHTER!!!!!
(On Sat.18.Apr: 11.21) As for the day, it rolled along and what it did, for the most part, I really couldn't say. Not that I've forgotten as of this morning, but because I forgotten even when meal was done. With two exceptions, really, both of which are actually the same. - At about 14.00 I finally went out to the yard, to put the bone meal into the garden. Tilled, I moved along, simply for the sake of moving along, to the back yard where I arranged the felled branches into a bit of a “compost bin” sort of configuration and raked some of the leaves back there into it. AS I raked, the kids next door stopped to ask if I “needed” a “mask”. Ah... as it appears (and I looked it up, of course)... as of 20.00 tonight, the grand moron in Albany has decreed that “all persons over the age of 2 years” are now “required” to wear a mask when taking or providing public transport and/or when out in a situation where they cannot or will not “maintain social distancing”. According to the next-door folks, it's “EVERY-WHERE” AND IF CAUGHT DISOBEYING, THERE'S A “TICKET”, EQUIVALENT TO “J-WALKING” IN IT. YEAH? WELL! FUCK YOU ANDREW, AND YOUR WORTHLESS GENETIC LINEAGE! I was “turned sour”! at that point. Make it worse? Alvin came crawling up from his plod to the river... wearing a fucking MASK! I'm REALLY turned miserable now! Fucking inconvenience in a place where... and I checked, the COUNTY population is about 38k, density is 21,9 persons/square mile (and I can't see how they figured THAT). These “dictates” are being made based on the populations of the Southern counties! Oh, and the ***CLAIM*** is the E-town has “reported” ** 14 case of the flu ***!!! WHAT a bunch of fuckery, a fist-full of arse-holes! Yeah, SOUR! - Well, I'd put tonight's chicken in the oven when I went out to the yard so when I got back in, I tossed some veggies into the pot and by 17.10 or so, was seated to dine. - Poor Theresa was, I was to learn, discussing the re-opening of her church, with her pastor who is behaving like a right idiot. She was quite depressed, annoyed, agitated and such so we made a “date” for a “Rage Fest” at 19.00. Gave me time to “meal” and clean-up. - When, at 19.00 here (18.00) there) I was done with all, there was no answer to my call so... I decided to put the “Viv speakers” on the shelf in the living-room to hook the iPod up for music, then... FINALLY, trimmed my beard (to “Spring length” this evening) and hopped into a delightful shower. - By about 20.30 (Eastern time) got in touch with Theresa and... as time always does... and 3 v-tons (to my chagrin... finishing-off the vodka) later... 4.00 on Saturday morning arrived!!!!! BUT... we DID get to say “Good night” this time and I just turned every-thing off and headed for what I expected to be a “snooze” but turned into a night of sleep until....

Sat.18.Apr 9 MONTHS IN NEW RUSSIA ALREADY!!!: 11.37 In the midst of a dream, I woke and got out of bed at 10.30 to sun pouring in through the curtains!!!!! “Quite the night”, indeed! - BUT... as for the DREAM: It was brief but had to do with me, sending some-body (Em Cafiero?) some coffee, already made, via some sort of “postal service”. She didn't really like it, and kept asking what kind it was. “It's Bustelo. Just plain Bustelo.” I told her. “I prefer my coffee with some kind of flavour.” she replied. So I was a bit put off because she'd run out of coffee and I was kind enough to send here some. Then... suddenly... as dreams will do... I was at Richie's garage, making arrangements to have the truck repaired. Working on the particulars of how to get it to him, AAA being mentioned and all, and some-body trying to meddle (an “Alvin” figure, no doubt) and bollocksing the transaction. As I woke, Richie and I had agreed that I'd get the truck to him and he would do what he could to get it on the road again. Now... I wonder... aside from the coffee incident, WHAT was the “Richie” dream? Premonitory or simply anxiety attack? Only time will tell. - So... JUST before I got up and out of the bed, there was a knock at the front door! I didn't really WANT to answer and so, I put my-self “together” as much as I could (thankfully I was in jammies) and noticed a silhouette through the curtain. It left shortly after the couple of knocks so I didn't bother to go to the door. I saw Alvin walking away, form the kitchen window so I don't much care about the incident (unless it's “bad news” about Alden... I'm ALWAYS worried about that these days). So I put the coffee on, rinsed the clench-guard, got dressed... and I've been out for the post (NYSEG bill) and a halfie-smoke out back. - Today's supposed to be “above zero”, tonight, -1°, tomorrow, in the teens but RAIN, of course, and I MUST get into town tomorrow for smokes (of course... BEFORE Wednesday when I'll have the money... fuck! and of course... RAIN... FUCK!) - But it's 11.47 already, I'm pondering heading to the garage for some lumber, more shelving, reinforce the living-room shelving and such. We shall see what this day drops on us... when this day is done. - Fuck. Shit. And Bollocks. Thank you. - 18.04 And the sun's setting and WARM! Of course it is... it's setting! - The day? A bust, of course. But there WAS a delightful little note on the door when I went to get the post. Alvin: “4/18/20 Jude, Charter/Spectrum may contact you as they will try to improve service to the building. Alvin (your answers are on the other side - 'smile face'.” Oh the “other side: “Answers Page 2 Animals & Their Homes” cross-word and “Page 4 We 'heart' Trees” find-a-word puzzle. I actually HAD to laugh... several times, in fact. He DOES have a sense of humour. I suppose I MIGHT be missing it some-how because of my own doubts about SO much around here still. - Other-wise, I managed to turn the fabric roses into a nice “bunch” to hand on the hook to the side of the front door. And... then prep meal: Ramen noodles “fritata” and a bit of tomato paste, grated cheese. It's done. Peanut-butter/frosting after, of course. And now... as the sun BURSTS into the living-room... I'm TIRED! May it last until time to go to bed! - Tomorrow? IF I get up on time... and the rains hold away long enough... a town toddle? (I'll HAVE to “play with” the banque, dipping into savings. But we shall see how that goes... IF I wake up tomorrow... honestly, it's been a “heavy” day on the chest. We shall see. - I'm just tired. - 20.05 Off to brush teeth and get into bed. - Theresa sent a couple of text messages. I answered... but I'm TIRED. - Rain isn't “due” until evening tomorrow. Might have to juggle funds and hit the road early. Let's see how it turns out. - Off to bed.

Sun.19.Apr: 4.18 Yes... 4.18. I DID go right to bed after yesterday's “entry”. Read two chapters and by 21.00, the lights went out and so too, did I. I woke again at about mid-night, then again at about 2.00, but at 2.00 I woke out of a DREAM... I WAS TELLING SISTER EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT OF HER, WITH EVERY BIT OF THE MOST VILE, ROTTEN VOCABULARY I COULD CONJURE! I don't remember how the dream started, but I know I “sort of” woke, still yelling at her, it continued for a bit and then I went back to sleep until moments ago. Right now, I'm sitting at the 'work-table”, dressed, in from a halfie, coffee at hand and the day appears to be rolling right along. Pondering today's toddle. I need smokes, need food. I doubt there'll be food in the market, and the biggest concern is the loan payment... which is crazy because THAT'S not ACTUALLY due until the 25th May! (The first, on MY thoughts/accounts.) The money's in the account, but it's the loan money for the truck. Oh... the juggling. But food IS necessary and today's the day when the “sales” commence so there SHOULD be SOME-THING in the market. (Surely, no yeast, no flour... no “essentials”.) AND... then there's the “mask law” and bull-shit fuckerie. And, my physical ability to make the entire toddle because walking both directions is a guaranteed. So... There's not particular “rush” at this hour. The damned store doesn't open until 7.00 so leaving here before 6.00 is just stupid any-way. - Let's just roll along and see what happens. Yeah? Yeah. - 5.35 SO TOO MUCH! Not only have I gotten the on-line Journals to-date... BUT I'VE ALSO INCLUDED VIDEO FOR THIS MONTH! VERY NICE INDEED! It pays to be up before the rest of the world. (Although I do hear “stirring” next door... but never mind that... the coding has proven to be quite the delight! On the on-line Journal any-way. I'm not going to make much of the WP version... at least that's got the “text”.) - Now... ON with what-ever's to follow today. - 9.40 Sun is shining, traffic has picked-up. It's still on the “chilly” side out there but... time to get it together and take it to the road. I've had a snooze, finished coffee, had a tea, put some music on the iPod and transferred 20 from savings to chequeing to get 2 packs of smokes (I'll be doing this “toddle” again this week). - REALLY PISSED OFF with this “mask” bull-shit! And soc.med. is no reporting the shortage of seeds “for people who want to grow their own food”. There TRULY IS some-thing going on here, a concerted effort at elimination of population. There can be no doubt about it any longer. And Tops sends an e-mail “DIRECTING” patrons to wear face covers? “Woodhauler” went to Twitter to tell them about the absence of food in the E-Town market. Let THAT be known as well. - I'm at the end with the simian-arse-hole in Albany now.... just at the end. - 16.53 Chicken in the oven, veggie-rice in the pot. Sun shining out-side the open windows. - 1030-13-45 Alvin when I got back. 2 chicken 2 flour 2 frosting forgot sugar. Pissed - 19.53 Well? Had a Nighty Night... it should have been vodka after this day. - And for this shit I was up at 4am? - Pfutzed about the morning and at about 10.30 took off on the road to go into town to see what could be found in the way of smokes and food. Ah... had to transfer the smokes from savings. Not happy. And the walk into town seemed quite “heavy”. Plodding along, listening to the “Schalger” and a little bit of sing-along. Got to FamDoll to find EVERY moron in the area in MASKS! Even Casey! And... it was WARM today too. So, I pulled my bandana over my face, went in, got my smokes and left promptly. - At Tops? Well, there was chicken! So I grabbed 2 packages of that, spun round, with bandana over face and sweating, to grab 2 bags of flour but NO yeast! And ice cream? Not in today's heat! Fuck. Two containers of frosting, a grated cheese and a dozen eggs and 20-something dollars poorer, out the door and back on the road for a “no-stop” plod back to the house. - I get here and Alvin's out front with repeat news of “Spectrum” coming to do some work on the Internet during the week. We chatted and I don't know WHY I bothered. He truly is such an arse, and dragged politics into it. Well? Before it got “too bad”, I came in. - Transplanted the “Cypress Vine” seedlings in the vodka bottles (which I cut down, since they're plastic) and then hit the chicken to put it up. SO MUCH FAT... AND THEY WRAPPED THE SKIN ROUND SO IT LOOKED LIKE MEAT! BASTARDS! - A couple of text messages to Theresa who'd gone to another church today where the congregation is living almost as “normal” should be. - 17.00 was “meal”... two pieces of chicken with “vegetable rice”, frosting/peanut-butter after and hot water. - By about 20 minutes ago, I decided to go for the tea and now I'm going to head for a quick shower and to bed. Enough is enough and this day has been TOO MUCH! - Oh, when I got in, I hooked the phone to the speakers in the living-room, opened the windows and played “Antenne Bayern” for a while. Quite lovely, indeed. - But still... this day has just soured me to the marrow. I'm tired, fed-the-fuck-up with this bull-shit. - Tomorrow? I don't care. I see it's 10° now, 7° for tomorrow's high, 2° on Wednesday. I'll be heading in for vodka on Wednesday and if it's cool enough, perhaps some ice cream then. I've no doubt there won't be any though. Fucking “panic shoppers”. -1° for tonight. Charming. The rain in today's forecast? Never happened. Might come at 22.00 and last for about an hour. Oh well... FUKKIT! FUKKITALL!

Mon.20.Apr: 5.59 The 5.00 alarm sounded, I hit snooze once and that was that and now is now and I've got coffee at hand, a basing of whites on the soak, have reconciled accounts and copied to phone (back-up, as it were), dressed, had a half smoke in the morning's chill (and “chill” it is) and now... I JUST DON'T GIVE A FUCK AND DON'T WANT TO BE BOLLOCKSED BY ANY-FUCKING-BODY TODAY! - I see the temperature is... 0° presently, with a high of 6° for the day with clear sun-shine. How charming. Ah.. Wednesday? “Ciel variable”, 3° high and... -4 our la nuit. How WONDERFUL is THAT? Fuck. No planting... A-FUCKING-GAIN. Oh... alas. - Well? “Charter-Spectrum” is “due' to “visit” at some point... today, this week, this month, these flowers, peut-être les roses... FUKKEM! I'm NOT in the mood to “receive”. I just want these “folks” to FUKKOFF! At least until I can get up in the morning and make my morning coffee with a good, hearty shot of vodka with. “Russian Roulette” with a bottle of booze. I'm at saturation with the bull-shit. End of story. - As for the rest of today? Let's just see how it rolls out. (Looking SO forward to going back to bed.) - 8.43 At about 7.00, I went back to bed, and to be honest, I could go right back again now. Maybe it's the “Night Night” from last night? To be honest, this morning, I don't much care. There's nothing really, that I “want” to “do” and nothing that I even “care” to “do” today. (Maybe it IS the Nighty Night.) Just roll with what-ever. I did step out for a smoke, and was just coming back in when Suzie came rolling down the road. Pee-Oh is open for the day. But I'm not. I TRULY am NOT in the mood. - 9.15 Just remembering a dream-bit from last night: In the house (here), Ms. Jessica Biddy was here, in-side, UN-invited, for some reason. There was a knock at the door, curtain closed, and she yelled “It's Giuliani!”, opened the door, stepped out and quickly closed the door behind her so that I couldn't get out. There was some other fat gal out there already, part of some sort of “gathering” on the front porch. Some bit of fabric, a hair-band or jacket or some-thing, got caught in the upper corner of the door, jamming it so it couldn't be open. But when I finally DID get the door open, every-body on the porch scattered. I was looking forward to going out to tell “Giuliani” exactly what I thought of him, though there was some disambiguation of him being Cuomo. - 16.07 WELL! I was in with 10z for a while and whilst... the electric went out! Imagine that! No prob. I got up, put things back together, went to the garage, got a board and made another shelf... on the work-table... to put the seedlings upon. THEN went to the back yard and raked some more! Ms. Vivian came by, made nice comment, said it hadn't been raked then said not since the trailer was back there, then said “Go for it.” So I did... not because of permission. - Anyway, lights were out for a hefty hour or so. Back on now, obviously. Eggs for meal again tonight. The chicken is all in the freezer. No prob there either. - Me? I'm tired! From the day, from the raking, from... - 20.08 Heading for the shower. Raked more in the back yard and feelin' itchy. - Eggs with some rice for “meal” followed by frosting. Having hot water and a little heat in the house. The thermometer on the porch read 85F a little while ago! HAH! It's still “sherpa weather” out there. Oh my. Anyway... I am tired and looking forward to reading so... That's that.

Tue.21.Apr: 5.09 And it was UP at 4.43... coffee on, 2 jeans and 2 shirts in for the soak, make coffee, have the first, take the vitamins, get dressed, out for a smoke (the skies are over-cast), the furnace kicked for about 5 minutes, it's not “cold” but it certainly isn't “warm” this morning, -1° I see. 7° for the day's high but with rains. 3° with “variable” for tomorrow... my “toddle” day. How charming. Maybe I'll get some ice cream. (Vodka is definitely on the list.) And this evening, if I'm still alive, I should try to get the garbage up to Paul and Nancy! I don't want to, but the truths are that it HAS to go and I will feel better when it's gone. - OK. So for today? Not sure. Thinking of shelving for the bed-room, for clothes. Let's face it, I'm NOT going to get a proper chest of drawers. And I should try to ring Richie. How I wish tomorrow were this morning... budgets, bills and the likes. But, all in due course, to be sure. - Breathing is “odd”. But again, this morning, I think of other “Springs” in the past. This really isn't all that different. What I cough up is slightly “darkened”. Respiratory infection? Probably. We shall see... indeed we shall. OK. So much for that. I'm up and about and the morning is in action. Why? Don't know, really, but it is, so... If I should wake another day... there are things to fill it, and soon, I'll be sitting here wondering “WHERE did the hours go?” - 6.47 Lavage is hanging... Coffee is almost done. What a morning! Why I rush so, I'll never know. It's a “compulsion”, I suppose, but even the coffee press is washed. - There are more Cypress vine seedlings already. We're on our way! I've even had time to browse soc.med. this morning. Now? “Lists” for tomorrow and... perhaps a snooze. I don't see why not. “Business” doesn't commence until 9.00... I've got 2 hours! (Still in a “NYC state of mind”.) - 11.35 Yep... the hours did as expected... RAN! And the rains are in progress, the lavage, on the porch... not drying, just dripping. And all I've managed to do is take a snooze, replace the “Quotes Sheet” on the drawing-room door with a sheet of white paper (that was purchased for the charcoal fleur de lis in Richford). Next on the agenda? BREAD! The eggs and yeast are out. I'm just feeling like going back to snooze now... having checked an empty Pee-Oh box. Alas. BUT, better empty than bills and “notices”. So on with the rest. - Oh... the rent cheque for May's rent is written and in the envelope. Out tomorrow morning... Fucking shame I can't trust the post. - 21.47 Meal was quite good tonight... for chicken. But it was quite tasty. - DONNA RANG! We chatted for a bit. Candy is OK. Dorothy is (allegedly) upset about the “falling out”. We talked about all this “flu” bull-shit. It's WONDERFUL talking with “like-minded”. - A few texts with/from Theresa. She's sending yeast! This world is fucked! Yeast from IL. - OH... made 3 loaves of bread! FINALLY! And quite good. - Another cold night. Tomorrow... 3° and TODDLE... MOSTLY for vodka and smokes. Here's hoping all goes well with the accounts and finances? - Liquor doesn't open until 11.00 so no rush there. Banquing not before 6.00 but now... OFF to a quick shower and to bed. - ANOTHER day... fucking gone.

Wed.22.Apr: 5.44 -3°, a touch of “haze” on the mountains (clouds), and... SNOW on the ground. It'd started last night at about 21.30 as I was heading for the bedding. Granted, it's a bit of a dusting, but... REALLY!? Today was supposed to be “Town-Toddle”! Yes, there's a “chance”. By noon it's expected to be 0° with a chill of -6° which is fine for bringing ice cream back. And getting back to the house by 16.00 or so. And the liquor store doesn't open until 11.00 any-way. OR... there's tomorrow when the high is expected to be 9° which is too warm for ice cream, but the road should be clear. I have to send money to Theresa for the yeast. I'd like to send cash, which means going to the banque... And then, there's bill-paying this morning, which doesn't require going out, except next door and then I could send a money order to Theresa and pay the 75-cents for the fucking money order... And then shove all other items off to tomorrow... (I'm giving me leeway here...) Oh well. The best laid plans of mice and men and the mice were on the stove last night and the men? Well... where have all the cowboys gone? Fuck. Just another day in paradise... or... as I've been told the place is known, “Pleasant Valley”... another Pleasant Valley Wednesday-ay-ay... ay-ay. Fuck. - I'm up and dressed and about. Move along, move along, move along. - 5.55 Just looked out the window and it's FULL SNOWING! No “flocons”... SNOW... NEIGE! OH JOLLY JOLLY FUKKIT!

6.14 Well? I got a little video onto the on-line Journal... with the snow... and that's up-dated. Now on to the next shit-fest du jour. - 7.28 WELL THAT WAS PAINFUL! BILLS PAID! DEER FENCE ORDERED. 280 LEFT TO MY NAME FOR THE NEXT 5 WEEKS. AND THE SKY IS CLEARING AFTER MORE SNOW! THE WIND IS SLAMMING INTO THE HOUSE! MINUS FUCKING 4 DEGREES! AND I'M RESIGNED TO THE FACT THAT THIS WILL BE ANOTHER FUCKED DAY. I'M NOT TOWN-TODDLING! *** AND... FUCK ME! FUCKING AVERY IS HERE!!! FUCKING MORONS! WHAT THE FUCK? SO LET'S SEE HOW MUCH SHIT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THEM THIS MORNING!!! *** MY FUCKING NERVES ARE FUCKING SHOT TO FUCKING HELL! AND THE DAY HASN'T REALLY EVEN BEGUN! - 9.57 Well... Rent went out. REALLY charming chat with Suzie who added: “If you need a ride into town at about 11.00 just let me know.” Imagine that! - And had a chat with Donna who said “Tony would REALLY like you. You two talk the same way.” Imagine that. - Now, having toast and... the sun is pouring in through the windows... BUT... the WIND! THE HELLISH WIND! Town-toddling is off the agenda for today to be sure. (And the fucking furnace just kicked again... it's CHILLED in the house again today.) - That's the news... - 11.51 and up from another hour's snooze. No sense in even thinking about any-thing else. The WINDS are blasting, flocons are dancing and the temperatures are still hanging just below freezing. And the sun's trying to make an appearance. I'm considering some shelving... but only considering. I don't want to go to the garage. So? The kettle's on. Tea-time! - 19.29 WELL! THERE'S SHELVING IN THE BED-ROOOM NOW! YES... I DID IT! Took apart the original “book-case”, replaced the shelves with planks from the garage which were almost exactly 12ft in length. 2 of them, cut in half made a perfectly long shelving unit for the door-wall in the bed-room! And the new saw blade for the jig? WONDERFUL! Just zipped right through the job. But... BUT... I was STILL working on it at 16.00, took a meal break and finished... finished JUST NOW! The house is back in order! As if nothing happened! Worked on it all from about 15.00! Non-stop. Right through. And even managed to quick-sponge the kitchen floor and Hoover the house as well! Yes indeedie! QUITE the day! AND, had a quick chat with Donna this morning? Hey, hey, hey! - How-ever, I'm NOT going to haul garbage up to Paul and Nancy's tonight. Not sure that they get pick-up on Thursday as she said. And I didn't see “Cassella” today, not that I had time to look. So? So... FUKKIT! The shelves are in the bed-room and that's OK by me. - Now... hot water, quick soc.med. then quick shower and to bed! Tomorrow is town-toddle! - Right now, there's still some wind, the skies are clearing, the snow of this morning is GONE! And the temperature is a bit more tolerable. Hopefully tomorrow will be good toddle-weather (though probably not for ice cream but I doubt there'll be any in the market any-way). I'll just leave at about 10.00 and take my sweet-ass time about it all the way. Amen? Amen. - 21.58 Chat with Theresa. Just off. Bread and butter. Quick soc.med. Now to shower. Tomorrow is expected to be clear. High temps by 11.00. Winds though. But... OFF WE GO! - At least the shelving is in the bed-room. I “accomplished”. - Oh... “chill” of -11° tonight. FUCK!

Thu.23.Apr: 6.49 And to think, I didn't get out of bed until 6.30 but I'm already dressed, coffee at hand, in from a tedious smoke (the chest is a touch “heavy” again this chilled morn). The sun is rising o'er Simonds Hill and the birds are about chattering. And the furnace is up for a touch because the temp in the bed-room was 17°. If I could find some air in the air this morning, I'd be perfectly fine. And the dream-bit of “stretched steak”, with “Middle-Eastern” spices... that was all I recall from that one. - But here it is, Thursday, and I'm hoping for a successful and worth-the-effort toddle today. “Hoping”, not planning on. And as painful as it is, it's also good to know that the bills have come, been paid and are gone. Moving on, moving on, moving... - I see it's -1° and by toddle-time, should be 2°. 8 for the high and 14.00 and clear all through. We shall see... when it's all over and done. - 19.24 “Meal” is done. The house is “together” again, at last. - And now, mit die Deutsche Musik playing on Utub, I journal QUOTE THE DAY! I got me out of here at about 10.45 this morning to toddle. Truly, I didn't want to go. Wasn't feeling all altogether, but, determination and anger from the recent events with all this flu bull-shit... and nothing in today's post, off I went. WELL! I'd no sooner crossed the brook when MARGARET appeared! A wonderful lift to the market! She dropped me and I walked up to the liquor store where I got a bottle of vodka. The prop. donned a mask and when I told him he didn't “have to do that for me” he replied “Yes I do, to protect me and my customers.” Another moron... follower... pawn. But I got my bottle and went about my way. Stopped at Aubuchon's where there's a sign on the door: No face covering, no entry. FUCK these shit-heads! But, I got a packette of parsley for me, one for Theresa (to send in a card with a money order for $10 for the yeast... which I will have to work tonight or tomorrow), and one of basil. I'll grow my herbs on a shelf, I suppose, when I find something in which to plant them. So then, next... to Tops where “Justin” (next door) was working with a co-worker. We chatted a touch and, noticing NO FUCKING CHICKEN, I asked when the chicken would be out. “Not for a while. We ordered 5 cases and got only one.” said the co-worker. Apparently, HE'S taken to carrying some sort of “protection” against angry shoppers who blame HIM for the absence of stock! WHAT A FUCKING SHIT-SHOW THIS HAS BECOME! So we chatted a touch, I got to make it clear that I appreciate them and their efforts (GOT MY OPPORTUNITY TO THWART ANY SORT OF ALVIN-CHAT TO THE CONTRARY) and went on with my shopping for... frosting, sugar, 2 tonics (to go with the vodka, of course). NO PEANUT-BUTTER ON THE SHELVES! THESE FUCKING PARASITES! Check-out? I just passed every-thing through, into the trolley and out the door. (That “Glen” from Stewart's was behind me. Said nothing. I said the same. I really don't want to “chat” with that thing any-way. I've NO doubt it instigated the shit at the store when I was there so... FUKKIT!) Then on to FamDoll for smokes and a bread knife. The gal at the cashe and I talked about the truck and she said she knows a gal who re-built an F50 and took my name and number in case the gal would be interested in helping with repairs. (I'll still ring Richie next week. I'm only 275 short of 2k at the moment.) AND SHE, the cashe, is fed-up with all this “face-covering” bull-shit as well. It's comforting to know there are others. And there too, the sign of “No mask. No entry”. This is a “death warrant”. I can't wait for things to explode! - OK... DONE... I headed out on the road back and before I even made it to the pond... John O. pulls up and offers a lift! Right to the door! And I asked about white birch and he told me there were some “in the woods” and I can help my-self! WOW! - I was back in the house with the day's shopping by about 12.45!!!! - Unfortunately, I rang Theresa to tell her of the signage and got stuck on the phone until almost 16.00 when the phone cut again. - Frozen chicken into the oven (forgetting threre's a piece from last night in the fridge), I made rice and black beans to go with and by about 17.15, sat to eat. - THEN CAME THE FIVE WITH MORE BULL-SHIT ABOUT “QUARANTINES” AND RETURNING TO BUSINESS AND CUOMO'S BULL-SHIT AND “AOC” BULL-SHIT AND MY NERVES WENT BERSERK!!! Thankfully, it got cut by the Pres. daily bull-shit fest so... GRAHAM NORTON... - Finished meal, text messages to/from Theresa who's at wits' end as well and... WASHING-UP! ALL DONE! ANOTHER DAY... BUT A WONDERFUL DAY, ALL TOLD. - Now... having a hot water before vodka and soc.med. this evening. The sun's just setting. Time to close the curtains on another day. - I'm TOO DONE with all of this shit! Really! Thank the gods for Internet and German music. I NEED to keep away from all of this shit! REALLY! - And tonight? A drink or two (no more than that because I'd rather not be “toast” all day tomorrow). Some soc.med. and to bed. Tomorrow? I don't give a fuck. - HEY! At least the bills are current.

Fri.24.Apr: 15.18 Yes... 15.18. I didn't wake up until... 13.27 and even then, went back to sleep on the futon. But my last “entry” before literally passing out is indicative of how the evening-into-night-into-morning went:
01.52 the fucking lap--tioop is fucked uyp ad aiu;m 3 vtons. but the fucking lapto is fucked. FINE. HOURS ON EIT TBERESA ON MINDS. 3 VOTNIS SOMIKED IN THE KOTHCEN. I DONT GVE A SHIT. TIR3D. N0 PLANAS FOR FRIDAYL I DOT CARE. TIEN FOR KAST NISJE BRISH TEEH T BED FIKKITÈ! REALLY@ BETWEEIB CPUTER AD LIFE. FUKKIT!
So yes, I DID roll into a third beverage as Theresa and I made a “play-list” of music through the night. (I wonder how SHE'S doing today, since she'd sent a photo of an empty glass with a message “the bottle's empty and I'm sloshed” at some point last night/this morning. Ah yes... the insanity struck and hit hard... and too, so did the drinks. AND it's taken THIS long for ME to get to where I can sit and type. I woke, as it were, fully dressed, under the sleeping bag only. I only just barely remember staggering to bed, and only barely remember bits of the evening. Yes, it was “only” three drinks last night, but they were “quite heavy”, to be honest. And when I finally DID get out of the bed, I swear I was STILL hammered. I managed to take my vitamins, am just finishing the coffee I managed to make. But I'm still “floating” a bit. - Managed to get to the post box where, well... I'm REALLY TERRIBLY BLOODY-FUCKING MISERABLE ABOUT WHAT GREETED ME IN TODAY'S POST... FUCKING MEDICARE! FUCK! I'M IN NO CONDTION TO DEAL WITH OR HANDLE THIS SHIT! I'VE DREADED IT ALL ALONG AND WHAT MAKES IT ALL THE WORSE IS THAT THE “PART B”, WHICH I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANY-WAY BUT I BELIEVE IT'S THE GENERAL MEDICAL SHIT LIKE “OUT-PATIENT”, EMERGENCY-ROOM BULL-SHIT WILL COST ME ALMOST 145$ EVERY FUCKING MONTH! “PREMIUMS”, THEY FUCKING CALL IT! I CAN'T AFFORD THAT CUT IN INCOME! IT'S NOT “MANDATORY”, BUT IF I DON'T TAKE IT NOW (EFFECTIVE 01 AUGUST) AND TRY TO GET IT AT A LATER DATE, THE FUCKING “PREMIUMS” GO UP BY SOME 20 PER-CENT... FOR-FUCKING-EVER! AND THE FUCKING TELEPHONE NUMBER FOR “HELP”? FUCKING SOCIAL-FUCKING-SECURITY!!! THOSE FUCKING RETARDED IDIOT LIARS! MY DAMNED ELECTRIC WILL BE HIGHER COME JULY! THERE'S THE GAS BILL! THE TRUCK REGISTRATION... NEVER MIND THE REPAIRS... IF... IF “REPAIRS” CAN BE MADE AT ALL. AND THAT'S SOMETHING THAT I'VE BEEN PONDERING... IS THE TRUCK REPAIRABLE? AND NOW THIS BULL-SHIT AND NOBODY I KNOW TO ASK ABOUT IT ALL. SO... Maybe by tomorrow I'll be “back” to at least close to my “usual” and will be able to think it all over sensibly... Nothing can be done now any-way, it being the week-end. AND THEN THERE'S THE “REDUCED STAFF” BULL-SHIT BECAUSE OF THIS FLU SHIT! OH... I'll just have to put “me” on “hold” until Monday and play it all from that point. Meanwhile... FUCKING MEDICARE! HOW AND WHY DID I HAVE TO LIVE TO THIS POINT? WHY DID I HAVE TO WAKE UP TODAY, AT ALL? - On the other hand... I was just out having a smoke in the 10° and Cliff called across the road to say that he's got extra seed potatoes, and strawberries he's digging up and I'm welcome to them. Says he, the 10th of May is good planting date. He also offered some fencing for the garden here. I told him I'd ordered the plastic and he says that's good for keeping deer out but not rabbits, but that we don't tend to have a “rabbit problem up here”. We chatted about the difference I have from gardening a half-acre to this 9x10ft bed. He's thinking of his trouble getting back to PA and then coming up again with the seedlings he's got down in PA. But I'm amazed at the offer of plants! - And so, my sinuses are on the strange side at present, pressing my front teeth down a bit. My head's still not quite attached to my shoulders, as it were. And it's already time to start thinking about today's “meal”. The day is GONE! Thankfully, tomorrow's forecast appears to be quite nice... 16° and mostly sunny so I'll get out to the yard and get some more “clearing” done. Hey, I DID say, yesterday, that I had nothing planned for today... and I've managed to get that done (or not). Hopefully, tonight will be easy-to-sleep at a civil hour and tomorrow will be as if today never happened... One can hope... stupid as that might be. “If I should live another day”... FUKME! Amen. - 18.54 and “meal” is done, washing-up is done. The sun is pouring in through the windows. The temperature out there is warmer than in here. And I'm just about coming round, though, to be honest, I'm waiting for my stomach to empty itself one way or another. But... it won't be much longer now until I'll pop into a shower and off to bed... again. Looking forward to that... after almost 11 hours of sleep last night. Oh well. Just... oh-fucking-well. - 21.00 Off to the shower and off to bed! Tomorrow will be (if I wake tomorrow) GARDENING AND YARD-WORK! Looking forward to it too.

Sat.25.Apr: 4.21 Lights were out at 22.30 and eyes opened at 2.30... and I forced my-self to stay in bed and try to get back to sleep... which worked until 3.30 when I just gave in and up and got out of bed, put on the coffee, had the vitamin, got dressed, stepped out for a half-smoke in the 6° that is this morning's temperature. I'll suppose I've had the necessary rest but expect I'll be snoozing at some point during the day any-way. And now, under-things and jammies are in the basin for the smoke. I need to get a card done for Theresa and even though I've got the notion, it seems “art” just isn't all the inspiration or drive or much of any-thing else. I'm “losing interest”... in “Life”, in general. It's getting “heavy”, bleak and rather “dark” these days. I mean, even to the point of putting the wash into the basin and wondering why I even bother and questioning if I'll live long enough to wash, dry and put things up. (Must have the house in order when dead.) Things are just so “grand”. Fuck. And “Medicare” doesn't make any of it any the better. Oh well. On with the day. We're breathing and moving and conscious. May as well do something to pass the time... pass the time... pass the time. - 8.49 Wash was on the rack and on the porch by about 6.00. At about 7.00, I laid down on the futon for a snooze... after starting to make a card for Theresa. Up from snooze at 8.30. Having bread and cream cheese now... and VERY heavy in the chest. It's anxiety... Medicare... is making me SICK! - 14.29 Raked... a bit of the back again and the far side of the garage. Not perfect, but better. About 2 hours' time. The sun is shining and it's warm out there. Nice. - 21.29 Meal” of a 4-egg fritatta tonight, peanut-butter with frosting on bread for dessert. Then a snooze for 45 minutes and now, soc.med. done and off to the shower and to BED! AT LAST. Had a ginger tea too. So... - OH! Got 5 strawberries in the garden and 4 planted for the next door folks too. Thank you Cliff! And he told me that Bald Mtn. take about 3 hours to get to so Giant takes a bit longer. But... there we have it! YAY! And there are back trails to Iron too! I'm psyched. - It was a good day... too bad the Medicare shit is still lingering... Monday! - And on Monday... RICHIE! I NEED to get the truck back! - I'm fucking depressed... officially now.

Sun.26.Apr: 5.13 DREAMS...
All of them were either dark or extremely over-cast, cloudy, grey... they were all grey.
1. We were all in a house, or trailer. Cousins, sister, brothers, parents, father, to be certain, I don't recall if mother was there, but Aunt Sis, Donna, Dorothy, Debbie, Brian... they weren't the actual people though, but it was “understood” that they were those people, after a fashion, in a “sort of way”. Father was either drunk or just simply psychotic. There was an horrific “tension” about the place. The very air was heavy, the ambience and atmosphere were “thick”. There was almost a sort of “cloudiness” about it all, as if in a smoke-filled room. Father wanted me “out”... away... “one way or another”. We all senses some intense hatred that he had for me and the rest of the people there, though they didn't have the hate, wanted me out of the house, away from it, and from them. Sister came to me to take me out of the house and to another place. Her house? Not clear, but just out and away. - We were in the “other” house and there too, that “cloudiness”, the grey, the over-cast or almost “pre-dawn” darkness, when there's “just enough day-light” to see in but not quite enough to be called “morning”, or even “day”. In the room, other-wise furnished as a living-room or parlour, a touch on the “cluttered” side, there was a slender “pillar”, a pole, a wooden spindle of considerable girth, off to one side of the room but specifically far enough away from the walls, and almost in the centre of a corner. On top of it, a small “speaker”, similar to the little “iSound” speaker I use for the iPod. Sister was listening to some muffled sounds... voices, people were talking but what was being said wasn't clear. She was sternly focused on listening and there was the sound of some sort of “crackling”, a back-ground “crack”. As I came nearer to her and the speaker, I could tell the sounds were muffled voices, just talking, mostly a man's voice. “What are we listening to?” I asked, frightened. The sounds were odd, strange and indeed, frightening, especially the static “cracks”. She turned to me with a shocked, terrified expression on her face. I some-how knew that the speaker was connected to a microphone in the house we were just in, similar to an “Alexa” or “baby monitor”. We were listening to what was transpiring in the other house. The dominant “voice” was father. He was rather droning on, but nothing said was clear. And as I got closer yet to the speaker, the sound of two more “cracks”...the were gun-shots. He was shooting every-body in the room, and we were hearing it. Nobody else there was in any sort of “panic”. There were no screams... only the droning of other voices... and the two gun-shots. I was horrified, terrified... sister was in silence, just staring at me. Her expression read “We could have been there now. He would have gone for you first.”
2. Still that “grey”, “cloudy”, “heavy” atmosphere. I was in a hospital ward with a great many others. Beds, lined against the wall, row after row almost across the entire length and width of the large room. All the others in the beds were in some sort of “oxygen tent” or on vents and respirators. I didn't know how I'd gotten there, but I'd just awakened from some kind of sleep. Looking up to the bed beside me, a fat, rather “dim-looking” woman of about mid-20s was mucking about with respiratory equipment at a bed 2 away from the one I was in. I understood that she was supposed to be at MY bed, setting ME up to be placed on a vent and I was having NONE of THAT! But what annoyed and angered me was that she was SO incompetent that she was setting-up the wrong patient! I tried to get her attention, just to point-out her mistake, but I couldn't speak, and certainly not over the god-awful din of vents, respirators and people either talking or moaning. It was exasperating. And SHE was supposed to be a “Respiratory Therapist”! - I tried to call out “Good morning!” to her but my voice wouldn't carry over the cacophony so I couldn't get her attention as she obviously struggled with the equipment she was mucking about with. - Finally, she looked up at me and said (though I couldn't hear her) “Good morning.” with an obviously feigned, “hospital professional” grin, forced. “FUCK YOU!” I mouthed back. “What?” I read her lips. “FUCK YOU!” I mouthed again. “FUCK ME?” she responded. Believing she ought to know SOME, basic Sign Language, I mouthed and signed “Yes! Fuck YOU! I've been trying to get your attention for the longest while now, seeing that you're obviously at the wrong bed and that equipment is intended for me since I'm the only one with-out any and THAT patient is already hooked into this shit, but you've obviously been doing your best to ignore me. So don't smile at me with that shit-face and say 'good morning' to me because it's NOT a 'good' morning and I'm getting the fuck OUT of here! I don't have the fucking covid and before I DO contract it, I'm putting on my clothes and leaving!” At that point, it became obvious that I didn't even know where my clothes were and that I was in a Johnny-gown. She just gave me a snarky look and I responded, again, mouthing the words and signing “If I have to walk out of here wrapped in nothing but this bed-sheet, I'm walking the fuck out of here and I fucking damned-well DARE you to TRY to stop me. So the choice is yours: Get me my clothes and I walk properly dressed or I'll be out there in nothing but a bed-sheet and YOU can eat the consequences when I'm discovered and they track me back to here!”
3. Out-side, still extremely over-cast, grey, with that “pre-dawn” sort of light, a sort of “road-way”, similar to those on the grounds of “Bronx State Hospital”, rather “remote” as there was a sort of “rolling lawn” all about and some “wooded” area around the perimeter of the vast area. I was standing at a “curb”, perhaps at a bus-stop. I was “clothed” but having no jacket, wrapped in the bed-sheet from the hospital. There were 2 other people there as well, but they were just passing, a glancing at me as though I were some “escapee” from the “Psych Ward”. I didn't speak to them. But then a rather dishevelled, “disoriented-looking” fellow came up to me to ask what I was doing, standing there, wrapped in a hospital bed-sheet. Nervously, I told him that I was waiting for some-one to come pick me up. I was terrified that he'd “know” that I'd walked out of that hospital... which, here, was quite a distance away, in spite of the fact that technically, we were all still on “hospital grounds” and that he'd “report” me and I'd be dragged back in there. - I noticed that I wasn't wearing my kippa and started fumbling for it in my pockets. (*Might be from having finished “The Catcher In The Rye” last night, and the “red hunting hat” that “old Phoebe” took out of a coat pocket.*) As I fumbled to get it, my kippa, 3 younger fellows approached. The were obviously Arab and yet, wearing smaller, white-with-trim kippot. I was extremely uncomfortable as they approached and started walking up a hill to keep them at a distance. As I crested the hill, a very attractive fellow, of about late 20s-early-30s, wearing a white-with-blue and gold trim, happened by and saw me as I found my kippa and put it on my head. He'd seen the other 3 as well and called to me “What kind of towel are they wearing on their heads?” “Towel”... he referred to their head-wear as “towel”. I replied, “Not sure but they're certainly not Jews!” “I didn't think so.” he called back with a smile. “I don't like it when they're around. They're never up to any good and they're capable of all sorts of violence and even murder and nobody does anything to stop them. Be careful!, you!” she said, and kept walking along. I was, at once, relieved to be wearing my kippa and yet, nervous, being aware that there were people, “others” around who'd beat me or kill me on the spot. But I put the kippa on my head and...
woke...
I woke earlier, about 2.30. Lights were out at 23.30 so when I saw the time, I just went back to sleep. Then, again, at about 4.30 I woke, not because I needed a pee or any-thing... I just woke. But I thought it silly to get up THAT damned early so I just laid in bed until I went into that “dozey-snoozey-what-ever-state” I was in that allowed for those damned dreams! When I woke from them, it was about 5.00 and so I laid in the bed, trying to decide whether or not I wanted to get up... At 5.13 I did... up, out of bed, coffee on and the “morning routine” in full swing. Got dressed, stepped out into the “grey” morning, 5° but a touch on the “chilled”-side of things this morning, especially after yesterday's 16°! Put the furnace up for a little while, and have had a smoke. - 6.37 now and I'm just finishing the “morning journalling”.... especially of the DREAMS! Odd... my last comment last night, typed with-out my glasses on and just before getting into the shower: I'm fucking depressed... officially now. Yes... OH BLOODY FUCKING HELL-TO-THE-HELL YES I'M DAMNED-WELL “OFFICIALLY” FUCKING DEPRESSED NOW! SO BLOODY FUCKING HELL-TO-THE-HELL BLOODY DEPRESSED!!! Fucking Medicare! It's not so much the issue being FORCED on my... with the just sending the fucking info and card and shit, but the 145$ they're TAKING... just TAKING? Medicaid covers 100% of shit... but MediCARE? 80% of only SOME shit and I have to PAY... at the fucking miserable almost NOTHING I get from Soc.Sec.? I fucking can't afford it! And... thankfully, I've a little while to ponder... and to DIG to TRY to find SOME moron who can and will explain the whole fucktarderie to me... HONESTLY (though “honestly” isn't something I expect). - Ah... that might connect with the “hospital” dream? The first one might be “Bananafish”, the first of “Nine Stories” read last night before going to sleep. The second... with the end of “Catcher In The Rye”... in a sort of fashion. Oh well... - Anyway, the folks next door are up and about. He has to get to work this morning, poor guy. And me? I don't know yet... It's supposed to rain today... I've no absolute essential demand to go to market or any-where and nothing in particular on the menu that requires dragging me out of the house so... To be honest... I've just poured my second coffee and, well... because of the damp chill in the house... I could just go back to bed... but I won't. Not sure why not... but I won't. We'll see what this day does/brings/dumps/leaves... when it's over. - The “heaviness” in the chest is better today but last night, before sleep, there was A LOT of congestion, especially after the shower. It's still “slightly off-green” but no “red” so it's most likely some kind/sort of “infection” again. Oh well... so it is. I've no way to get to a hospital, no doctor to be seen, no way to “pay” any sort of bull-shittery medical fuckerie, so? It'll either pass or I will... No big deal. - Meanwhile... on with the show. It's 6.5-fucking-2 already! The morning's just slipping away... and, come to think of it... so am I. - 11.24 TEA-time! I've “arranged” the bed-room shelving, having turned boxes in-side-out for the “brown side' out and put them on the shelves (which are “giving”, as I expected since the boards aren't all that thick and they're just pine). But... there we have it. And it isn't even noon yet. Oh, and I took a 40-minute snooze in there some-where too. - But between my ”Medicare Melt-down” and last night's dreams... my head's ALL fucked-up. - But the rains have arrived and so... it's a “Natural lock-down” today. A perfect day for bananafish. - 11.35 JUST CHECKED, ON-LINE, ABOUT THAT “STIMULUS CHECK” THING AND, ACCORDING THE SITE, IT WILL BE POSTED ON WEDNESDAY! (29TH) TO COMM.VT. OF COURSE, BUT THAT'S NO PROBLEM BECUASE I CAN MOVE IT TO TN-NY! NOW... TO GET A HOLD OF RICHIE!!! AND HOPE LIKE FUCKING HELL THAT WHAT I HAVE WILL COVER THE REPAIRS TO THE TRUCK AND PAY THE EXPECTED BILLS COMING IN ABOUT A MONTH'S TIME (600 electric, for one). WELL HELL AND SHIT! No... it doesn't make “life and living” and easier. - 19.31 Well? Another pretty useless day has passed with multiple naps and... well... that's about it. Had meal at 17.00 watching Michael McIntyre... and laughing... actually laughing. Then, got up from table, after 2 pieces of chicken and some “rice salad” (left-over with apple-cider vinagre and cheese), frosting after (a “no-no” but... another container for seedlings), did the washing-up and then planted some parsley and basil in containers. Why? I don't know. - Listening to “Cigarettes After Sex”... it's one of “those” evenings. And now, looking forward to going to bed. Having a hot water. - Monday tomorrow. BFD, really. I don't much care. I can't even be “excited” about Wednesday's “maybe” income. I'm too afraid of the cost of repairing the truck and having shit happen even after this round of repairs. The decision about Medicare. Finding work to compensate for the loss if I decide to keep it. Just so much bull-shit, really. - Messages from Theresa asking about something to stop the itching. Having looked it up, the only thing said is “moisturize”. It's probably related to her Lupus. I don't know for certain. But she's got the cortisone. So there's nothing I can say. Not to mention, in my present state of mind, I'm in no mood. Just looking forward to sleep.... just sleep. Getting lost in a book and going to sleep. One of “those” days... “those” evenings. But it's still quite light out there, in the rain and chill. Just not in the mood. Just one of “those” days. - 20.28 Went through the soc.med. Not in the mood. Second hot water. Now, last smoke, brush teeth... to bed. Rain and snow tomorrow. Imagine that. -

Mon.27.Apr: 3.59 Indeed. I actually woke at around 2.00-something, but forced m'slef into staying in the bed but, to no avail. When I opened my eyes again, the clock had just struck 3.33 (33 and a third... RPMs, to say) so I just gave in and gave up and got up, put the kettle on, coffee prepped, clench-guard rinsed and got dressed. Just in from a smoke “ in the early morning rain”, as it is. - Another odd, some-what disturbing dream:
In a “rooming house”, an old house of many rooms, either in Newburgh, Grand St. or there-about, in a neighbour-hood similar to just west of Broadway, that sort of area. The old house was owned by an old, rather fat woman, and inhabited by mostly other old, rather fat women. There were, to my count, at least 4, perhaps 5 other old, fat women in residence and I was the only male resident. I was terribly uncomfortable in the situation, but had been there a while. Not a particularly long while, but long enough to have established residence. I had a quite small room for most of the duration, but had just managed to take a larger room, with a larger bed and more furnishings. A younger gal, perhaps in her early 30s had moved in, not only to the house but to the heart of the old proprietresse, and some-how, I was to understand that there was to be a “shifting about” of assigned rooms and I was at risk of not only losing my new, larger room but to be assigned to an even smaller room. I suspected, for some reason, that the old owner was considering selling the house and that all residents would soon be in search of other shelter, else-where. This made me extremely anxious, nervous, because of my financial limitations and the fact that there were no “social services” to help any of us... particularly me! I was in my “new” quarters, the owner's room, I understood, when the young gal came walking in, as if she owned the place her-self. Cheerie and all, prancing about with a rather smug attitude. She mentioned some “changes to come” and I asked “So, will the house be up for sale?” “Oh no!” the gal replied, half-snarkily. “But there WILL be some changes coming. You just make your-self comfortable where you are.” I was not comforted by her tone and attitude. - Making my-self “comfortable” on the “new” bed, I happened to glance out into the hall-way, out-side the door. I looked directly toward a parlour to the left and a living/sitting-room ahead. But then, at a particular angle, the mirror on the dressing table gave a view of the room across to the right and there, the reflection of “Oprah Winfrey”, lounging on her bed, in her room across to the left. In the reflection she saw ME and mouthed “Yes, I'm here with you.” I had to consider a re-arrangement of furnishings. (Snap change in rooms and situations and into another, larger room, with only 2 beds and a dresser, in the pitch dark of night... and no curtains on the windows which covered 2 walls, on an upper floor, and a view of absolutely nothing...) There was a fat young man sitting on an un-made bed across from “my” bed. A window fan laid on the bed. The owner came in and asked “So, will I be able to operate this mechanism when you're gone?” The fellow wasn't a resident but was there to “install” the fan which operated via “remote” (“Bionaire”?) He tried to assure her that it was quite simple and I, in order to get them out of the room and to some-what endear my-self, thus re-assuring my stay in the place, I offered “Oh, between the two of us, we'll figure it out. We're in this together, after all.” referring to our age and tech-savvy. She didn't appear to pay me any attention and so, I simply sat, on “my” bed, in the pitch darkness, and said nothing more... and woke up.
There. That's the “start” to THIS fucking day. Standing out in the rain, having my smoke, I tried to put some pieces together about the dream. House full of old women... in a small room, then to a larger room, then ostracised... brought back “5225”, and the insecurity of the situation, 5199. The “technology”, 5199. The location? I can't figure that out. Why “Newburgh”? But then, I've had other dreams, over the years, where that's where it seemed they took place... and NONE of those dreams were of any comfort. - The insecurity of having to remove? “Once Homeless...”. Let's just hope it's nothing but my own anxieties and absolutely nothing “premonitory” (though most of my dreams tend to be, some-how). “Depression”... no doubt there's a heft slammering of depression in all of this, between yesterday's horrors and last night's. - Meanwhile, I'm up and about, coffee at hand, sitting at kitchen table, a touch chilled, though it's only raining out there and not at all cold. It's DAMP. But that's to be expected. - And the thought, for some reason “Where do old Gay men go?” (It's the disgust from the dream of being in a house of nothing but old, fat women.) - Yes, indeedie... let's see where this day leads us... tonight. Fuck. - 7.08 OK. So I suppose I've “done some-thing” with this morning... put-up ore marigold seeds into another egg carton (the seeds from FamDoll), mixed a batch of “Miracle Grow” for the seed-waterings. Emptied the tea-bags into a frosting container. Ran through soc.med. Washed this morning's coffee-do. And have put up the furnace because it's fucking DAMP in here! And the rains are still a-fallin' as the indigo skies turn a lighter shade of grey. Charming. What next? Snooze! I see a snooze coming. Why? Because I'm “angsting” over the truck... and an oil bill... and an electric bill... and general shit-'n'-fuckery for the rest of the day. But... I was up and about early enough. “Early enough”... For what? Just to say I was “up”. BFD. And so, what's to become of the day is to be seen... when, at last, I can go back to bed. Whoopie. Fuck. - 19.03 “Meal” (1 piece of chicken, some veggies and frosting-peanut-butter on bread dessert with hot water) is done, as is the washing-up. A bit more bone meal in the fridge for tilling tomorrow and at last, another day is gone by. About an hour until “beddie-bye” time again... again... I've been napping all through the day. - 9 and sunny for tomorrow, 14 and sunny for Wednesday. But I'm thinking of a toddle tomorrow, early in the day. Perhaps I'll get to stop by Richie's? THAT might be intelligent. - Truth is... I don't have the “incentive” any longer... no “get'em”. I'm almost apathetic about the truck at this point... #MedicareMeltDown and... yes... depression. - So? Now to pass some time and prep for bed. The day was a ... “Michael McIntyre” binge-watch. But... the mountain-tops are still white with today's snow... So? So... - 20.32 Had a chat with Donna for a bit, mentioned Medicare and she said she doesn't have Part B either so... the forms are now in the “Outgoing Mail” for tomorrow. They can shove it! Feeling better already. - Sent a text message to Theresa explaining, briefly (and have turned the phone to “vibrate”). - Now... teeth and bed! ENOUGH! - At least the rains have stopped and the temperature seems a bit warmer (though the fucking furnace is running). Always something. - Day is DONE DONE DONE! FUKKIT!

Tue.28.Apr: 5.38 Yes, I heard the alarm at 5.00 and ALMOST went back to sleep... started to dream, in fact, but caught it and, at 5.15, almost bolted out of the bed. Oddly, lights went out at about 22.30 and I woke at about 2.30, looked at the clock, said “No.” to m'self and went right back to sleep. Don't now why I should be tired enough to have wanted to stay in bed, but, I didn't and here I am and here's another day and I'm just in from a chilly smoke and a glance at the white tops of yon mountains. 'tis, they claim, 3° out there, but I've got the furnace up to take the chill out of this house this morning. As for the rest of the day? 11° in the après d'l'midi with a 15° pour demain. Imaginez-vous THAT! And there's a few double-digit days to come in la future too! None with minuses! (Though yes, there a nuit or two with minuses so... we ain't outta the froze just yet.) Ah... but... made it through the Winter... so it would seem. - As for town-toddle today? Not sure as yet. But one thing... I'm feeling a touch better (and worse) having put those forms in the post. Hell! The ONLY thing I'll be covered for when it comes to “medical” is hospital. But, for a great many years, I didn't even have THAT. And, as Dear Donna put it: they can't refuse you. Just as it's been most of my existence... they'll just have to deal with what-ever I can afford to “pitch in”. Fuck! There are illegals and criminals and the likes of Vermonters who get all this shit “toll-free”! I've “paid my dues”... I'm NOT going to worry about it any longer. I've a truck in need of repairs, oil bills, electric bills, and the need to keep ROOF OVER-HEAD... AND... THIS, my “little place in the Adirondacks”. I've “come home to die”... so if that's to be... so be it. - Now... that all said and... let's see how THIS fucking day rolls. Shall we? Oh yes, let's shall. - Got a reply to my last night's message too Theresa... very “espirituale”, for lack of other descriptive. “... felt something in my spirit...”, “Sending love and comfort!” Stoned. Smacks of the social media “Prayers”. Oh well and any-way... - On with the day! Coffee at hand and the place is toasty. If that's all there is, my friend, then let's keep dancing... let's break out the booze and have... a ... ball...” - 23.28 and I had NO intention of being up at this hour but got talking, FUN, with Theresa for HOURS as usual. BUT... WHAT A DAY! WHAT A DAY! - WALKED UP TO RICHIE WHO'S BEEN OPEN ALL FUCKING WINTER! He'll take the truck! BUT...DMV IS CLOSED SO THERE'S NO CHANGING THE REGISTRATION UNTIL THE FUCK-MORONS RE-OPEN! FINE! Now I have to phone AAA in the morning to have the truck towed up to him. BUT, I'm fine with that. I only hope I have enough money to get the damned thing repaired! - The walk up and back was WONDERFUL AND... WHEN I GOT BACK? Cliff came over as I talked with the gal next door! (Now I can remember HIS name... -Orange JULIUS- but not hers! Oh well.) CLIFF GAVE US BOTH THE FENCING WE NEED FOR OUR GARDENS! SO... I'VE STARTED A NEW ONE OUT-SIDE THE BACK DOOR! WITH FENCING AND I CANCELLED THE FUCKED ORDER FROM AMAZON... with whom I had a nasty bit of “chat intercourse” because I asked why it is that I ordered the fencing on 22 April and it can't be delivered until 22 May BUT if I ordered it today I could have it by 7 May and “Hazel” sent me some bull-shit about “covid”! Never mind. The order is cancelled and I have my 30$ back! - OH! AND FUEL OIL IS NOW 1,69$/GALLON SO TOMORROW I HAVE TO WRANGLE MONEY AND GET THE FUCKING TANK FILLED WHILST IT'S SO CHEAP! SO MUCH TO DO! - I'd put chicken and rice in the oven at 13.00 and ate at 17.00 and it was DEE-LISH! - And now? 2 v-tons in and just off the phone with Theresa and I need a bit of a shower and... well... the sun shone, the temperature was delightful, the gardening is begun and... there we have the day. I NEED to get to bed! Tomorrow is going to be... occupied.

Wed.29.Apr: STIM-CHEQUE ARRIVED 8.01 and the key-board is fucking-up already and I'm up with a bit of a “left-over” from last night's 2 v-tons and I didn't get out of the bed until about 7.30 and here I am, in from a smoke, 2° out there with a large bit of some-what hazy sun-shine and yes, trace snows on yon ridges and touches, only touches, of frosting on the grass. Alas. Pondering a “balance check” of the CommVT acct, as it were, this morn. There SHOULD be 1400 in there but I'm not exactly supporting hope on it. And then there's the calculating of how, where, when, which, what and what-ever. To transfer to NY or QC. But then, the CAD is, in all likelihood, about to bottom-out and with as all things go these days, will NEVER rebound, at least not in MY life-time. (Hell! I'll consider it great fortune if I can get tomato plants to rise in “MY” life-time.) Gone are the thoughts of CAD being equal to USD and a life-worth-living then. Then too, there's the oil tank. But I don't fore-see any particular need to scurry off to that either, before the next “instalment” of my monthly allowance. Again, at the rate things are plummeting these days, a rapid re-bound of oil commodities? Not. Never mind the fact that beef and pork farmers are killing-off their herds because of an inability to maintain them due to the decrease in the ability to ship and, there-fore, the fact that nobody is demanding (though we're ALL demanding... to no avail). Ah... and it all swings back to the truck and what to be done with/about that. Oh well. I'm exhausted already and I've not even had my first actual coffee yet, though it's at hand. But... I'm dressed. I suppose there's something to be said for that. - Ring AAA. Not sure that they'll be of any help with the towing. Then, what to do with the truck when it gets to Richie and what Richie will be doing with/to it and HOW, the FUCK, much it's going to strip me of. Ah... but I KNOW how much... either EXACTLY ALL of what I have or just OVER what I have. I KNOW this to be certain. And so? And so... - Well? May as well get on with it. It was a late-to-bed night last, and I'm NOT happy about that. And it was a late-out-of-bed morning this, and it really doesn't make one fuck of a difference. - Moving on, and here we go. - 8.28 and I'll be a “FukMe” but yes, indeed, the “StimCheque” (I like referring to it as that... if “they” only knew) is, indeed, posted to the account. I WISH I could be MORE excited. Once upon a time, having that sort of funds in an account would have had me literally dancing about the place, bouncing off the walls, &c. And, it would have been, what we once referred to as “mad money”. But, not so these days. The “extra” MAKES me mad because not only is IT spent BUT... MORE than it is spent. It won't have time to “settle” any-where. So? So... I suppose 'tis time to get on with what-ever is to be gotten on to/with. - Rains coming tomorrow and Friday. There's an 18° on Sunday, I recall seeing and then... back to the plummeting of single-digit days and nights or, LOW double-digit days and single-digit nights in the coming 14 days. Thankfully, no “minus” signs? But... as we know... - Finish coffee, finish the half-smoke... and on with the day. At least there's a bit of “gardening” to be done. “All” is not lost... yet. - (Sad, really, that I can't be more enthused. Can't say that I'm “over-whelmed”... can't really say that I'm “under-whelmed”... and I'm not really sure that I'm even “whelmed” at all.) - 15.46 WELL! AT ABOUT 10.00 I CHECKED FOR THE CHEQUE AND INDEED... IT HAS BEEN POSTED! NOT, mind, that it makes any difference because there's SO MUCH that it could be applied to... like a tank of oil and the electric bill balance and parts and service for the truck and... Before it's earned, our money's always spent. Fuck. - So, with that, at 10.30 I went to check the post. Nothing. The sun WAS up so... I decided to simply get to work on the garden and so I did. And, at about 15.30 I finally finished. Well, as “finished” as it will be for a while. The sky is covered in the usual grey, but it's comfortable enough to be out in shirt-sleeves. 16° claims the météo. 6° tonight, so they claim. 14 and rain tomorrow. 13 on Friday, 15 on Saturday, 18 on Sunday with “risques d'averses” of course. Oh well... we shall see what's to be as it happens. - Listened to Radio Tel Aviv whilst working on the garden. It was quite the delight. And, for a while, I was pretty much alone. Mr. Mayor had left with the Mrs. and nobody in next door (they've since returned). Ah... another day has passed and it was “the usual”... just me, my-self, I. And no complaints. - I AM rather happy about the garden having been moved though. 4 wheel-barrows of soil moved from the back to the garden. All tilled, including the most recent batch of “bone meal”, coffee and tea. Now to wait for the rains of the next few days to “settle” it all. But I DID find a planter in the “PO shed” which I've “acquired” and put 3 strawberry plants into. It's on the back porch rail. - Time to get “meal” together. I can't believe how quickly this day went! “OLD”. - 21.23 and off to a quick shower and to bed! LATE! DAmnit!

Thu.30.Apr: 5.57 I tried to stay in bed until 6.00 but it just wasn't to be. Why I needed to stay in bed until 6.00 is a bit of a quandary because, well, I DID go right to bed last night after a quick smoke and brushing of teeth and a bit of reading. So I got almost 8 hours of sleep and sleep, I did get, through the night... except for the waking at about mid-night. My body clock is so screwed with all the nap-takings now. Every time I sleep, my body is set for “nap”. But then, I was right back to sleep. I didn't even shower last night (and I have to make a wash this morning and for some reason, I just don't “want” to.) - End of another month here. Imagine that. And this morning, the skies are grey, there's a bit of a wind but it's not “bitter cold”. AND... that one patch of “white” on Bald Mtn. is FINALLY diminishing! THAT'S been there all Winter! Although Greene is still on the “dusty” side. - There's money in the banques this morning, and I probably should get the oil tank filled, whilst I can, with some of the cash, but I don't want to. I want the truck fixed and I'm so afraid that I won't have enough money for all that needs to be done! Add to that, the mistrust of every mechanic on earth these days... even Richie. And I want to plant things out-side but it's still too early for that. And tomorrow begins the month of May and then comes June and then comes all the re-adjustments to electric and internet and the price increases. And there's groceries that need to be gotten and the walk into town and the disappointment of no merchandise and food in the market. It's just one of “those” days where every-thing seems to be over-whelming... and none of it really is but my mind is reeling with all sorts of bull-shit. I want to paint, draw, write... some-thing... and yet... I want to do nothing. - And it's all sitting in my chest this morning... anxieties... for no actual reason other than my own neuroses. SUCH FUN! - Coffee's made. I'm dressed. In from a smoke. The day is rolling... and I'm not. - Time for a shut-down of the mind. This day will pass too quickly... when it's done. I know this. I'm just being and idiot. Typical. - 10.51 Took a snooze for about 45 minutes whilst the linens soaked. Got up, washed and hung. Then on to planting tomatoes and sunflowers. And now, I've got 3 empty “boxes” for more seeds but... the seeds I have need to be directly planted and there are a few nights coming of just above freezing so... We wait. - Just in from the “no” post. I suppose “no news is good news”. - “Radio Kan Tarbut” is on in the living-room. And the day is grey. - Next? Not sure. Need to make bread again today. But I'll wait until about noon for that. - Probably should ring “Gordon Oil” to check about their rates and service. Don't much want to be bollocksed today. Truly, with anything... just want to go back to bed, to be honest. Not sure why. Just do. So... we roll.. along. - 13.08 Live and Learn: Tried 3 loaves of bread with the “rapid rise” yeast? NOT ONE OF THEM ROSE! I mixed, kneaded, baked, as was implied in everything I read on the “rapid rise”... Fucked! The 3 loaves are the equivalent of ONE LOAF! And I used enough flour for THREE! I'm pissed now. Oh well. - Meanwhile, just put in an order for pine, peppermint and cedar oils from Walmarde to be delivered by the 12th May (let's see how this works out). 30$ fucked too. I don't know. But I wanted the peppermint for the wasps, the pine/cedar for the house so? So... - Still dreary. Still raining. Still chilly. Still damp. Still want to go back to bed but having tea instead. - Listening to Radio Tel Aviv today... VERY much like the old KHRNY/Kol HaShalom days of Rockaway! VERY nice... indeed. - And the day plays on. - 20.54 Linens are dry. Meal was another veg fritatta with some cheese and ketchup. All done WAY before 18.00. - Spent the while watching Michael McIntyre and gleaning soc.med. - Now... off to make the bed, shower and DONE! - Tomorrow? Don't give a fuck, really. Supposed to rain so... no sense planning. Looks like another Sunday run-day town-toddle. Oh well... Alas. - But I DID order those oils so... there we have it. - Another day... another month... gone.