Sun.01.Apr: 7.08 I slept until I woke and I slept through the night. But it’s a typical “morning after”… I mean, 2 rolls and a large rye and ginger for “meal”? Yeah, I’m feeling quite shitty. (And Mme. is at the wood-stove: clink, clunk. Good thing I woke when I did.) – I’m in from a smoke, during which she let the critters out. I left them out there. It’s a dark grey morning, with what looks like rain clouds coming in from the West (NY). I heard the geese this morning… heading back up North. Spring is now, officially here, as far as I’m concerned. Doesn’t mean we’re not going to get hammered with ice at some time though. But it’s a “start”. – And… it’s “April” already. Time to seriously get into the getting out of here. – This morning’s first thought: Yesterday, I mentioned having chatted with Ev, which prompted the usual, empty enquiries that got answered shallowly. Then the remark about when the weather gets better, “you could stop by and visit with her”, because “I” could take a trip and swing by and see some of “my” customers “down that way” and we could take Hallie, but I don’t know how Minou will handle being alone in the house while nobody’s here. Yep… it’s about “me” being “here” to “take care of” everything whilst “she” goes globe-trotting. Yeah, I NEED to get out of here. The little “house nigger” NEEDS to be gone… one way or another. Oh well… not thinking about it this morning. What I AM thinking about is getting smokes, something to eat and more vodka. Let’s see how THAT part turns out. I don’t know what she’s got on her “agenda” for tomorrow before toddling off to “work” (because “I have to work to keep a roof over our heads”), nor do I know what’s in store for today, other than a trip to the “Jesus folks”… it being “Easter” and all. Nothing’s been said about being invited to a dinner… her “friends”, and all that. But what-ever. We’ll take the moments as they come. – Meanwhile, it’s nice to know that my Art site is up and running. I want to work more on the animated “galleries” though. And I want to learn this new soft-ware. The thought today: the original animations don’t contain all of the works, so I’ll work on a “break-down” of the segments: Water-colours, Pencil, Ink, and see how that goes. It’s not necessary to get the ALL in… just something to “catch the eye”. (Let’s see if there’s any “help” of a mention from… Mme. I’m not counting on it… I know better.) – On with this day! “April”… FUCK! – 16.50 and feeling like shit. Hungry, but there’s a tin of lentils in the larder box… IF… but I doubt it. – Managed to stay awake all day today… working on, AND FINALLY GETTING THE ANIMATION FOR THE ARTS PAGE! I found a WONDERFUL write-up on how-to AND IT WORKED! 20 IMAGES, ROTATING ON THE FRONT PAGE! “YUGE” FILE, THAT. BUT IT’S WORKING. – Mme. was in and out again today but offered the truck for tomorrow morning so I can run into town for “coffee”. There’s only 70 on the food card but I can make do with that, I suppose. Not that I’ve much choice in the matter. I’m fucking fed-up with “making do”. – And I’ve had a handful of choco-raisins today. It helped a bit. – Showed the “sites” to Mme. She didn’t know I’d done all those paintings. She particularly liked the one Tara stole from me, and I told her the story behind it. Oh well… – Meanwhile, the sun came out but the winds are still quite “crisp”. – I’m looking forward to “seepie nigh-night” time. – Tossed a message to Dorothy: happy PassEaster. No reply. None expected. – But it’s been a full and productive day. Sights set on tomorrow morning. We shall see then, and not before. – 20.37 and the house is settling for the night (as the fucking phone rings… some people). Mme. is in the loo, she took the critters for their stroll and I got them their snax. – Earlier, there was the offer of food… hamburger, potatoes, and more. I declined and had a rye and water, cheese and crackers and… crab spread. Yes, on Pesach. But it was “food”. I’d also had the tin of lentils earlier so, I’ve got something for my body to work on. – And so… the day is done, the sites are done (save, ADK Champlain which I’m pondering about what way to go with it). But the MAJOR works are done. Imagine THAT! And all with-in a month’s time! I’m impressed. And now that I’ve got a bit of knowledge with the new Synfig animation soft-ware, I’m thinking of adding more to the sites and making better adverts to post for the design business. Always something to keep busy. – Meanwhile, the snows are gone from the ground and the urge to “do” is coming but it’s squashed by the actuality: Why bother… it’ll only be destroyed with-in moments of finishing and it won’t be appreciated… Having the place look abandoned doesn’t seem to bother anybody but me and it’s not “my” property and so… But sooner or later I’m sure to give in and have at it… just to keep occupied. I also need to get to eh Subaru and get that together as well. Time… If I have it, I’ll work with it. If I don’t have it, it won’t matter. – Time to get to bed. Maybe even to sleep. I can only hope.

Mon.2.Apr: 5.59 *FIRST ROBIN*IN THE OLD LILAC BUSH AT THE HANNA CORNER OF THE HOUSE*
Because I went to sleep at 22.30… I woke, of my own, at 5.30. And, having had my coffee and smoke, yes, I’m ready to go back to sleep. But I’m “rested”. I had “enough” sleep. Oh well. May as well make of it, what I can. – Quite the morning, this. Not too cold. Not warm. But indeed, the sun is making a difference of late. Pesach. Spring. – And I believe I just heard the stirrings of Mme. Oh well… the day has commenced. – 13.57 WELL!!! Off I went at 10.00 to shop. Hannaford’s for supplies, leaving me with 20 on the card for the rest of the month. Fuck me. But I’ve got COFFEE!!! So that’s OK. Next stop: returns on the bottles where some shitfuk brought in a “life-time collection”! So I headed to RiteAid where they didn’t have a carton of smokes BUT it worked-out fairly OK. 10 packs at regular (75$) and 3 at reduced coupon. I’m rather set for another month anyway. Fillings, shampoo and eye drops… out of soc.sec. Then back to the booze-shoppe where I managed to miss ONE FUCKING soda bottle! But got another buck and change in cash AND TWO more bottles of vodka (for another 2 months?). Next stop… 15$ into the truck’s gas at a quarter tank but… it’s better than nothing (says me). AN HOUR AND A HALF! JEEZUS KRISTE! SLOW PEOPLE ON THE ROADS, SLOW PEOPLE IN THE HANNNAFORD AND RITEAID! BUT, 11.30 and I was back. By noon, all was un-packed and set away. There isn’t much in the way of “food”, but I did what I needed and all that I had on the list… including butter and 2 packs of franks, a large oatmeal. I won’t “starve”. AND a bag of crisps (to go with v-tons). – As for the rest of the day? Well, Mme. just left, the house is a mess. But I spent the time “balancing” shit. And there’s 700 left on the soc.sec., 500 of which will probably head North. – Got a note from Equifux today, addressed to here, of course. Some shit about the “breach” when they let their records get hacked. I get nothing out of it though. I’ll have to ask for a report. Then LOCK the shit up. – For now? I’m listening to the new music on the iPod, which, I see, defaults to the encoding on the files? Let’s see how long these last on the iPod. I just have to make certain that it never connects to the Internet. Thus far, it’s working well. – Also, I’m “notified” that Dickie will be over on the 13th to “clean the green-house”!!! GEE! I wonder why he’s being so “kind” now. I wonder if others will come to the aid of the woman who fed them over the years. And I’ve NO doubt that there’s some ulterior motive afoot. But I don’t care. I spoke on it (again) and that’s all there is to be said. – Meanwhile, I should have gotten bread at the market to go with the franks, but I didn’t… so I’ll make due with what I have. The franks are in the “fridge-box” on the porch. The temperature today, 0°, but the sun is warmer. Let’s just hope nothing goes “bad”. The only thing I really have to keep an eye on: butter. Other than that… all’s settling again… for another little while. Looking forward to a shower… tonight. Contemplating a nap in short course. – 18.17 Thank you Adriano Celentano (1972) for “Prisencolinensinainciusol” and thank you Stephen Fry (QI) for the introduction! I ate the left-over “burger” shit, then got to the re-stack of fire-wood in the kitchen and in the garage (she’s gone through almost ALL of the last cord bought… none of my business since, as she was getting ready to leave, she left the door of the wood-stove wide open so that what little was in there would burn completely out… fucking qunt). Then I got the Hoover out and did the floors… fed the critters because it was 17.30 by then. Hallie ate. Minou decided he doesn’t like the fish dinner so he sniffed and left. I got out the bucket and mopped the floor and I’ve got my jammie-wash in the machine. Looking very forward to tonight’s “beverage hour”, I can tell you. The music’s helping tremendously, but there’s a LOT of anger inside this evening. – My ear-buds… from RiteAid, Rockaway… the right bud broke the other night and I can’t glue it back, the rubber material won’t glue. But there’s tape on it and, well… I’m pissed about it breaking… .especially here, in Shit-hole. But that’s not the only thing that’s got me “wound” tonight. It’s all and everything coming together again. I look like shit. I feel rather like shit and I’m just off in my own “place” right now, with the ear-buds in and “Prisencolinensinainciusol” on repeat. I can’t hear the rest of the house and I don’t give a fuck nor a shit. – When the jammies are done… it’s time for blankies and then me and the clothes. Wish-wash all round and the rest of this time? FUCK IT ALL BAYBEE! – I’m in “THAT” mood. – 19.02 WELL… I JUST ORDERED MY LITTLE HOOVER. IT SHOULD BE HERE ON THRUSDAY (OF COURSE… NOT BEFORE, OH WELL). BRADSHAW PAID MY FIRST, OVER 200. BUT THIS ONE I ABOUT 117, WITH TAX. AND (HOPEFULLY) BLACK! SO I’M UPSET THAT THE BALANCE IN MY ACCOUNT IS NOW JUST ABOVE 500 BUT I’LL HAVE A HOOVER WHEN I MOVE! MUST THINK OF “CLEANING”. – Oh… to think I shied from on-line shopping. Oh well… it’s my money… I’ll spend it on something that makes me happy. I haven’t done that in a VERY long time. – 21.27 Showered. Clean. Clothes in the wash. Critters settled. Floors clean. Thermostat up to 75F tonight… just because I’m in NO mood for any “chills” over-night. And I’m EXHAUSTED! Probably from all the dancing whilst working earlier today. – But… it’s fine and dandy and the hardest work is done. Of course, there’s the property… that didn’t get raked in the Autumn last and looks like total trash now. But I just don’t give a shit. – I think I’ve figured why Dickie wants to “help” over here: to get a good look at the Subaru (and the “inspection” sticker). Nosey little faggirl, that one. But, we shall deal with that as necessary. – Meanwhile, I’m off to the bed, a bit of tele, v-ton and hopefully another early night of perfect sleep and a perfectly wonderful day ahead tomorrow (yeah, right).

Tue.3.Apr: 0.44 So much for a good night’s sleep… SPASMS! And it appears I can’t get quinine in Canada either. But there’s an on-line site in NZ. I’m considering. But again… so much for a good night’s sleep. Fuck me. – 8.00 after a night of spasms… TWICE. The come 2 hours apart. The first was at 0.44. The second, at 2.55. Thankfully, that was the last one (that kept me awake). I crashed into sleep after that one and woke, this morning, just after the 7.00 alarm. – The critters are fed, I’ve had coffee, and I want to go back to sleep. But I don’t believe I should, lest I be wide awake at all hours of the night tonight… as if it makes any difference. Feeling rather bedraggled though. Oh well… Looked-up the spasms at 3.00 this morning. Apparently, it’s “common”… “on-set usually at the age of 61.” Imagine that. Exercise is the most-recommended treatment. (Fucktards.) Quinine is the best recourse but not available with-out script… in the U.S. AND Canada! There IS a site where it can be ordered… from NZ. It isn’t cheap but… I’m considering. It gets RAVE reviews as a treatment. Of course it does. Because it works, it’s turned “Rx”… anything to make money for somebody, with the “warnings” of all sorts of horrid side effects. Yeah… I call “Bull-shit!” Alas, as I say: Good to be “old”… the more time passed, the less time ahead of having to put up with this bull-shit. – And there’s my attitude of the day. – Looks like a slightly grey day out there. Temperature back in the single-digits. – BUT… *FOUR ROBINS IN THE BACK-YARD THIS MORNING!*IF, IN FACT, THEY’RE THE HARBRINGERS OF SPRING, SPRING IS, ASSUREDLY, ARRIVED.* – Had a thought this morning: I can put this Journal on as a sub-site of DeadArtist! Another little site to toss together. I do believe I shall do. The saga of “me” shall continue. One day, many years after my demise and departure, somebody will find it, compile and compose, and make a fortune. “He was a tortured soul.” they’ll say. And I’ll become another “Kafka”… drifted off into obscurity anyway. But I’ll have kept it to my-self, for the most part. And as always, in the “greater scheme of Creation”, none of it will make a damned bit of difference to anybody. – Well… it’s a day… I’m awake and about… it’s “recycling” day and I don’t have the interest… let’s move along; shall we? – 18.25 and the day is over already and I’ve got nothing to show for it except annoyance and aggravation. I’ve been trying, all day, to create the simplest of adverts for the designing and the fucking soft-ware has been a fuck-up. But… for today’s “meal” (no dessert again… because I don’t want to spend the 20 bucks on the food yet): finished the box of pasta and tossed the little bit (and I mean “little” bit) of “tuna salad” that was left in the fridge. Well… at least I haven’t gone into the franks… so I have them for the “leaner days” to come when I can’t get to the kitchen. I suppose it’ll be enough. And I’ve napped 2 or 3 times… always so fucking tired. – The critters are out for a bit. Then will be the 20.00 stroll and the day will be a wrap. And again, I’ll hope that I can get a bloody-full night of sleep tonight. It fucking pisses me off… having to worry about the spasms. Oh well… nobody knows about them and nobody would care if they did. – I figure I’ll get to a little “cleaning” of the front walk on Thursday morning. No sense going too crazy since the forecast has a bit more snow in it and, well, it damned-well could be ice. But I wonder who Mme. will get to mow the lawn this year. Unless I receive, in writing, permission to do so AND she tells her shit-twats to do something with that fucking car… let her pay somebody else to do it… I know… for a fact, that, if Curtis does the mowing (at 35$ a shot) and gets a bit of grass on that heap, nothing will be said. That’s the way it is, the way it’s been and the way it will be. Me? I need to not give a shit… no matter how. But I have some work to do on the Subaru in the meanwhile. I wish it would get warm enough, long enough to put the WD40 on the wheels, at least. Oh well… all in due course, I suppose. – For now? Just wait until the sun is gone, the walk is done, the shower is taken and… settle in and down until… the next sun-rise. Fuck me. – 22.00 Showered and ready to have last smoke (or second to last) and hit the bed. – Poor Mimou’s been SO affectionate all day to the point of distraction and I’ve been rather rude and curt with him. The little bundle of LOVE! And at one point, he came into the room whilst I was trying (for the 10th time at least) to figure out the new Synfig soft-ware and I told him to “leave me alone” and he actually went out to the living-room! He frightens me. Sweet, precious little entitled thing. (He won’t eat the fish dinners… no matter what I try to do to make them more pleasing! I worry that he’ll get that way with the other foods as well and Mme. has already said “That’s expensive food!” Fuck her too… and her general bull-shit. Will toss 50$ to the RNC and 25$ to some “Catholic” bull-shit because they send her a cheap-fuck tote. But the cat? Oh! That’s “expensive”. Yeah, right. Fucking hypocrite. Yes, I’m not in a pleasant mind-set with her again tonight. Especially because of thinking about the lawn-mowing fuckery.) – ANYWAY… it’s getting later and there’s some vodka and tonic waiting. – Tomorrow’s another day (and I get to give MY donation to the Vermont land-fill in the way of tin cans (that didn’t go out with the recycling today… perhaps I’ll put them ALL in… just because it’s my way of expressing my sentiments for the state). –

Wed.4.Apr: 00.32 and quite the rumbling up-stairs. – 7.43 The garbage is out… including the “recyclables” which are in a dog-food bag which also contains the contents of the litter box, so the litter box is fresh as well. The critters have had breakfast. Hallie’s in. Minou is out. And it’s a rainy day… not a snowy day, not an icy day… a rainy day. The only things remaining are the ash bucket and the mopping of the floor. And I woke just before the 7.00 alarm, and I don’t recall having to get up with spasms through the night. TWO v-tons seems to be the solution. And although I’m ready to get right back to bed and sleep, I’m none the worse for all the wear. Still, impressive, rather, to have all of the “morning” done in under 45 minutes… Yes, I’m such a “burden” to so many. Fuck me. Fuck them. Fuck the world. Fuck all. – And so, it’s a new day. – I wonder now, where my Hoover will be delivered, since FedEx will, no doubt, deliver to the Twats. If anything… ANYTHING is amiss with that Hoover, there WILL be utter HELL to be paid! I’m BLOODY-FUCKING fed up with this bull-shit of “We thought it was for us.” Yeah? Well… YOU’LL learn to fucking read and stop the fucking bull-shit when you find yourselves being investigated for theft. – There. I’m thinking about putting a sign on the back porch glass: “Dear FedEx, THIS is NOT the FRONT PORCH!” I’m thinking about it. – Always something in this shit-hole, always something. – OK. So on with the day… or… what-ever. – 21.43 and a complete day WASTED trying to get ONE bloody-fucking gif to compile on the fucking Synfig fucking soft-ware!!! At one point, the fucking thing duplicated ALL of the 11 images and I had OVER 3000 OF THEM! BUT… NOT ONE was the proper gif! By 16.30 I gave up, went to the store, got rolls and ice cream and served the critters and I had 4 franks and a container of that “Gifford” Maine ice cream… the WHOLE container! Fuck. – By 19.00, Hallie wanted to go out and so too, Mimou… whom, I might think, is in “the mood” in spite of the “fixing”. He’s been HORRID about wanting in, out, in, out, in, out… So? Out he went… for almost an hour. When Hallie barked to come back in… THE WIND WAS HOWLING LIKE A JET ENGINE!!! SKY WAS CLOUDING AFTER A DAY OF SUN. IT WAS AMAZING! So in they came and I’d already done the Hoovering so I got to the floor mopping. And whilst I mopped, the wind picked up… 54km/h says the météo. Up-wards of 62 or more tonight, down to minus 7 and… snow. At about 20.45 or so, the WINDS SLAMMED into the back of the house and I actually watched the snow come over the hill and down into town on the Highgate Street. Oh well. – So the thermostat it back down to 64F. The wood-stove is roaring away, something I wasn’t going to do but… if there’s to be wind tonight and snow and minus 7 degrees… there might not be electric which means no furnace and with the thermostat set at 64F(ucking) degrees… The radiator in the room is HIGH, the stove is stoked, I’m SHOWERED, the wash is on the spin and there’s a v-ton at my side on the table here as I type. This day is FUCKING DONE! – NOW… let’s see when/how/if my Hoover arrives… tomorrow… as is indicated on the “tracking”. I’ll believe it when I see it and it had BETTER BE IN PERFECT CONDITION OR I’LL FUCKING BLOW SOMETHING OR SOMEBODY UP! – Nice night. Time for tele. –
23.41 I’m in a state that throws its homeless out at 7.00 in the morning, no matter the weather, in a room where I keep the door shut most days. The wind is shipping through the trees out-side and down the chimney at my head, blowing bitter air on me (and soon, my face and head through the night). There’s been snow in the bursts of gale-force winds. It’s subsided for the time. And I’m 2 v-tons into it and 3 episodes of “Balackadder”. Well, time for what ever comes with the night. Hopefully… sleep until morning. Fuck me! – Minus 3 I see, is the temperatures. Minus 8 with chill of minus 13 for tomorrow at 8.00. But clear skies.

Thu.5.Apr: 8.35 Woke, on my own, at about 4.30, pee’ed and decided to go back to sleep… until about 6.45 or so when I decided to get up, feeling rested, having slept through the night (after the 2 v-tons which seem to guarantee a night’s sleep). – Minus 9 with chill of minus 15 this morning and a “high” of minus 7, chill of minus 13. Clear skies and wind. – Got the critters fed, the stove-stoked, the kitchen floor mopped, me dressed, a couple of smokes and a coffee and a morning loo. Got some packing paper from the porch to put into the space by the chimney in this room. Rolled it and put it up. It’ll have to be stuffed later because right now, I’m not in the mood. – The critters have been fed and out and are in. The house is chilled (of course, with the thermostat at 64F). But I’m in no mind-set to give a shit about much of it all anyway. Mme. will be back today and the door to the room will be closed and the radiator is on almost FULL. Last night, the temperature in the room was down to 21. No sense discussing. No sense at all about anything round here. – I saw Koba yesterday. The dog is still up there. This morning, I look at the old garden gate that I’d repaired and Mr. Twat ripped off the posts. It’s now in bits and pieces by the kindling pile out back. The dog’s trampled and chewed at it. Surely, there’ll be (if there hasn’t already been) talk about how I shirked the responsibility of RE-repairing it. They can all go suck bilge from their arses. – And today my Hoover is due. We shall see how THAT works out. Where, when, how and in what condition it arrives. Would be nice to have it here before Mme. arrives. (I have to figure out where to put it. There isn’t much space in this little room. But I’ll need it and so, I’ve bought it for my-self. Hey! SHE can run off to Italy and Florida, Maine and such… Dinner at la cabane a sucre. I can buy my-self a Hoover… for MY place of residence… not that I intend to “live” there, nor any other place, for very long.) – ANYway… feeling a “touch” under the everything, tummy’s a bit “off” this morning. Mostly because of the 4 franks and all the ice cream. Thankfully, the stove took care of the container, and the crisp before sleep last night. But… it’s another day… another “typical” day. – I think I might work on the advert AGAIN! And I want to bring this Journal to the server as well… another “sub-site”… this one, under DeadArtist… the continuing saga. So there are “things” to be done. House-hunting and truck-searching would be better but, in this weather? I won’t be moving too soon… fuck me. So there’s a bit of time. I can’t help but think of the 1500$ truck I missed-out on. Oh well. They say “There’s better, waiting.” They… are fucktards. –
15.21 OK OK OK OK !!! *** THE HOOVER WAS ON THE FRONT PORCH AT 15.05 WHEN I WENT TO LOOK WHILST WAITING FOR THE DESIGN ADVERT TO “RENDER” WHICH IT DID AS I CHECKED THE LITTLE (RELATIVELY SPEAKING) BOX THAT HOLD THE NEW, GREY HOOVER!!! IMAGINE? BOTH: THE ADVERT AND THE HOOVER!!! I AM SO… but it probably won’t last long… HAPPY!!!
Mme. rolled in at just before noon whilst I was out in the back having a smoke with the critters. One would never know that she’d been gone, nor that we even speak, with the way she just picks up with some conversation that she’s probably been having in her head. But… the house was in order, the stove was going, the thermostat’s been returned, it was properly chilled when she arrived and the floor had been mopped. All was… fucking fine… and all with-out any word of gratitude. Oh well… another “normal” day. – It’s been cold in the room all day and the radiator’s been at 75% full! Quite odd. But I managed to get the advert done, in spite of my fingers being almost chilled to the bone. So? Advert and Hoover. Time to close this day before shit happens. – I have to PEE! – 17.36 And the ADVERT IS ON, UP, RUNNING, POSTED TO ALL THE SOC.MED. ACCOUNTS! AT LONG, LONG LAST! – Mme. is awake, in the kitchen, cooking. I’ve been invited to dine and have accepted. Should be interesting. I brought a pack of franks in from the “fridge box”. Surprisingly, they weren’t frozen. But it’s still almost miserably cold out there. The room, how-ever, is 23°. The house? Snappy chilled… as usual. And she’s walking about with a fleece vest on talking about more fire-wood. Honestly. There’s a problem. But it’s not mine. – 23.02 They all went to bed at about 21.30 and I began working on the new “Journal”, the new “LoupNordique” that will be on the server when finished. I’ve got the template, including the back-ground image and so, with a tweak of the “Design” site, it’s looking quite nice, indeed. I might duplicate it for the blog, if I can. We shall see. But right now I’m off to final smoke. It’s later than I wanted to be getting to sleep, even though I don’t have to be up and awake at 8.00 tomorrow. Still… though, with the cold… I DO want to get a container of Lexol for the Goodwills. Oh, we’ll see how it all turns out. – But for the day? HEY! THE HOOVER ARRIVED! THE ADVERT GOT DONE AND POSTED! (Oh, and I had a burger with a bit of salad… with Mme… for “meal”. Whoop.)

Fri.6.Apr: 8.37 Up Coffee. Bottle-pee. Dress. Smoke. On the porch, Minou. Moments later, the door opens. Hallie comes out, Minou goes in. – The sun is shining. Birds all about. Another cool day. Finish the smoke. Back into the room. To the table. – I slept through the night. Heard the 7.00 alarm and dozed. Heard the 8.00 alarm and dozed. And woke. Another day. – I look bedraggled. My mind is moving, my body is slow. Another day commences. BFD. – 8.56 New back-ground added this morning… One of the major reasons for moving this journal off the blog: control over elements. The back-ground works just fine on hand-coded documents, but the manipulations with wp? Just too much patience necessary and I don’t have enough of that/them/those. But I do like this one. So, this morning, it stays. – 24.13 I’m leaving this on Friday because I’m just getting to bed and no patience. Worked on the Journal all day, fucking about trying to get all the images… over 1000 of them, AND trying to code font size and bold which doesn’t want to work no matter what I do including div, span and all sorts of shit. But… time to give it up now and after a “meal” of 4 franks, plain, form the package, wrap this day up. I’m fed-up and not really tired (because of taking 2 naps during the day) but, as I say, patience is worn out. – It snowed again today. And it “accumulated”. The ground is covered again. This will NEVER stop! I want to get the car rolling and get me OUT of here! This bull-shit between the “Catholic” and “Christian” bull-shit and the defending that shit-twat up-stairs… We almost got into it again tonight but… it makes no sense to try to talk with that old thing. – And so… yes, she offered to cook and I declined. She offered at 19.30, I’d eaten at about 18.45. Oh well… – No munchies tonight but potassium and a v-ton. Let’s hope I can wake not later than 8.00. Fuck it all anyway.

Sat.7.Apr: 8.45 after another full night of sleep, if that can even be imagined. Lights out by about 1.00. But my stomach’s a bit knotted this morning. Oh well. Can’t wake feeling well, or I wouldn’t be awake. – Went out for a smoke and the kitchen door flew open, of course. Let out the critters. Hallie came in with me and I went to the kitchen to the confrontation of the woes of the new phone. I’ve learnt: just play silent. Anything I say or try will be deflected. – She’s got some birthday party to attend in Alburg so there’s to be a reprieve at some point during the day. – Meanwhile, I’ve decided to forego the text part of the new Journal and put the headers in graphics. Hey! I’ve looked it all up and I’m not the only one having trouble getting fonts to behave. So? Companies use logos. I’ll just create one. And with that… on with this crisp, grey day. – 18.58 Just finished 4 franks, cold, from the porch, no bread, just franks. Mme. rolled out of here at about 13.00 and rolled back in at about 17.00… “Birthday party in Alburg”… Fritz’s in Lacolle for dinner… with her “Alish” from work. And of course, *I* fed the critters, as Mme. strolled about the house. And just moments ago she say “If you want a sandwich I brought back some kind of meat. It’s hot. But there’s ham there too. We went to Fritz’s in Lacolle for dinner.” Yeah… you’ve told be you went to Lacolle about 7 times since you waltzed in the door. And not sure of what kind of meat the non-ham is? And to offer ham when you know it doesn’t agree with me. Gee… thanks you EVER so much, indeed. – Anyway, I’m in too good a frame of mind to be so concerned about her and her bull-shit. I’M MAKING WONDERFUL PROGRESS with the on-line version of this Journal! In fact, I’ve made an image for the title, AND I’ve got ALLL of the 2011 and 2012 pages in draft, ready for a bit of a clean-up. AND I spent 2 hours (again) today, pulling ALL of the images from WP… so I now have the complete set… AND all the work is backed-up on the external drive! (Clever me now: keep back-ups.) – SO now… I just glanced at my forehead: that cream is working! Those filthy dark spots are actually fading! No more looking like one of those old men who stink (of having no sex… as was the line from some book I’d read so many years ago, don’t remember which, but remember that line). But I HAVE to file my nails. They’re getting in the way so I guess I’ll put something on the video and … wait for seepie-nigh-night and a v-ton and a night of… hopefully… sleep. (Last night was a full night. The potassium and tonic… with the help of the vodka.) – 20.35 Mme. and critters, in from stroll. I finally got my finger nails filed right down. My stomach is churning and I’m just off the loo with “waters”. And I’m suddenly tired enough to go right to bed, no v-ton or anything, and, in fact, I believe that’s what I’m going to do. If I wake round mid-night, I can work on the Journal-site in peace. But I am quite tired. –

Sun.8.Apr: 4.48 I went to bed when I finished that entry last night, thinking I’d wake during the night. Well, I did wake, at about 1.00-something, entertained the thought of getting up and dozed back off until 4.35! EXACTLY 8 HOURS of sleep! Right through the night! WOW! I’m rather impressed. And it’s 27­° in this room! I can’t imagine how THAT can be, but it is! And so, I’m just in from smoke. Not too cold this morning. But what a delightful start to the day. I wonder how the rest will go. Hopefully, productive. (I’m thinking: I should get the old 8539266 together as a site now. Get ALL of the history together, on one server, running together. My “life” recorded and on a server, open to the world. When I’m dead, they can all have a good laugh.) Anyway, no sense wasting this time. There’s stuff to be done and time of “PEACE” in which to do it… for about, perhaps, an hour anyway. – 6.44 The monthly pages of the annual Journal are copied and ready to be purged! And what a fucking TRIP… just gleaning over the bull-shit of this fucking shit-hole, blue-waffle qunt town! Burt Maynard bitched about “duck stamps” on the same day Kevin Lothian spat on me for not dropping my casing to get him the mail from the PO box for which he’s supposed to have a fucking key! Same week: Linda Barnum (Liddy Barnhole) fucking sends TWO complaints, one in her name and the other in Kim Mayard’s name. And the shit goes on! And to think: THIS fucking QUNT HERE has the BLOODY-FUCKING AUDACITY to accuse ME of being “verbally abusive”! WHAT in the scum-rot’s name of ALL BLOODY-FUCKING HELL, gives THESE in-bred FUCKTARDS the notion of a “right” to accuse anybody ELSE of fuckery? May they ALL burn slowly… and NOT necessarily in Hell! Let the fucking fires come to them BEFORE they’re dead! – Nice way to begin a day… especially one where the mourning doves are cooing out-side the window (and I can hear them through the wall… cheap fucking shack that this is). The sound is soothing… and in perfect timing too, after reading over the past events. HEY! I’ve fucking tried… NO FUCKING MORE! FUCKING COLOSTOMY BAGS… OLD BAGS AT THAT, this fucking shit-hole settlement/ghetto. – I need another coffee and a reprieve. – No noise in the house thus far. I wonder: Did the old thing die in her sleep? It would be typical “justice” in this fuck-hole: I’d have no place to go to and I’m SURE her spore would be on me like vultures, tearing at me to get the fuck out 10 minutes before. FUCKING SO HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE AND IT’S FUCKING INHABITANT MALIGNANCIES. – Happy Sunday morning. – 20.45 It’s been another day in the room, working on the Journal. It was going along quite rapidly until this evening when, I suppose, I ran out of steam, as it were. My eyes don’t want to focus at this point so I’m stopping for the day. MANY pages got done. Some have been incorporated into the monthly entries so there are fewer pages to up-load when done. It’s the images! All the un-necessary nonsense that WP plugs into them! Strip, replace, add the “new” coding for positioning and borders and… well… it’s not a snap any more. But even with the learning I’m doing, I find I’m almost back to where I used to be in the “prime” days of coding. Now, to get some clients/customers! Make some money and get the fuck out of here. – Reading through just the 2011 and 2012 pissed me off. Then there were entries in 2014: Burt reported me for not having “duck stamps” on the same day Lothian spat on me. Add the shit from Barnhole and, well… THEN came the bull-shit from PJ, the bull-shit from Fran… for a few moments today I was a right ball of Hell… Unfortunately, Mme. got a tiniest touch. But she got told: I tried to assimilate, to be helpful, to be a good part of society… but you’re all so fucking inferior. But, as the psychologists state: Inferior beings, when they recognise their inferiority, will do all they can to be-little those whom they perceive as being superior… and Vermont proves that true. I got called a “scum-bag” only 2 months after my arrival. Well… these 7 years have proven who the true “scum-bags” really are… “You’re all a complete mess.” She just blew it off. No doubt it’ll go down with my “verbal abuse” accusations. May they all rot. – Still, I got invited to dine. Lamb chop and potato. That’s all I ate. And I put the dishes in the machine, washed the skillets and cleaned (partially) the stove. Then… back to “my closet”. – Just had my smoke. I’m not really tired. Too much coffee all day. Almost at the end of another jar! But I’m not staying up much longer. Took my potassium, brushed my teeth. Pondering a v-ton but not really in the mood. – I’d like to get to a store and get some Lexol for the boots. Looked for it on-line. Delivery would be Thursday. I want it before then. Maybe tomorrow morning I’ll get the balls to ask for the truck, run into St-Albans. Wallmarde or Aubuchons or something of the sort. We shall see how the morning is. – Meanwhile… Mme. is on the recliner with the critters and I’m in the closet and in my jammies. Time to fuck this day off. – Tomorrow it’s December, 2012.

Mon.9.Apr: 3.57 The alarm on the table reads 4.17 but no matter… I’m up, just backed-up yesterday’s work, had my coffee and yes, I’m a bit tired, but I’m up now… after a v-ton at about 22.00 last night. Enough sleep? Probably not. Why am I awake? I don’t know. But it makes no difference nor matter. I’m up and there’s some work to be done and so… – I doubt I’ll ask for the truck this morning. But I can be in bed when-ever I want tonight. And I can snooze and doze during the day… should I want. So it’s on with the day. – 20.08 Well… I DID ask for and get the truck. And I DID get to Ace. And I DID get new light bulbs: 4 “Soft White” (which I prefer) and 4 “Daylight” (which have a “blue tint” and don’t give as much light). The lights were “Buy One Get One” so… the “blue” are for emergency, I suppose… unless I can get back to Ace and exchange them on Thursday or Friday. And I got new work gloves AND the Lexol (which has changed the scent to more “chemical” than leather, but boots and gloves got a good dose of conditioner for this evening’s earlier session). And when I got back, I went right back to the work on the Journal. Many pages are being eliminated because the info is being incorporated into the monthly pages where it belongs. Honestly though, reading the events of 2013 (which is what I’m working on now), and the Burton bull-shit… it’s all pissing me off. And then there was the message from Schmulik telling me that I don’t belong in such a “hostile” environment. He should only know. Anyway, I spent the rest of the day working on the pages. A LOT of work… including the inclusion of the first episode of “Mulberry” on the new Journal-Site! Yes! I managed to get a copy and will put it onto the server to be included (with the music that’s disappeared from their original places on-line… Hopefully I’ll have all. – Mme. rolled out of here at about 14.30 or so. Her last words: I guess I’ll stop at Verizon and have them show me how to send pictures. Yeah? I SHOWED YOU HOW TO DO THAT, YESTERDAY! IN FACT, I MANAGED TO SEND THE FUCKING PHOTO MYSELF! BUT YOU’RE JUST TOO FUCKING IGNORANT AND STUPID AND BIASED AND SMALL-MINDED. SO FUCK YOU AND FUCK THE FUCK OFF. QUNT! Last words out the door. – So I came back to my work until about 16.00 when I broke out the Hoover, had to change the bag, wash the filtre to get the fucking stench out of the damned thing. Since she left NO fucking fire-wood (and I see, she’s been at the stack in the garage as well… sly qunt – I have the thermostat back up to 70F from the 64F setting anyway) and a fucking mess of ash all over the fucking place. So, I cleaned under the crates, Hoovered the heart and the floor and had my bowl of oatmeal for “meal”. (I also grabbed 2 franks a little while ago. BFD.) I’ll wait with the mopping… which I have to do anyway because… THERE’S NO FUCKING HOT WATER AGAIN THIS EVENING!!!!! I sent a “text” to inform Mme. Q. No reply, of course, But I’m not worried. I was looking forward to getting to the shower and bed in a little while. Instead, here I sit, typing. 50 fucking gallons of hot water… gone? WTAF? As they say. – Oh well, meanwhile and anyway… with all the reading I’m doing, recounting the years here and the events, I’m learning, seriously and deeply, to simply go on about my business as makes me happiest. As for the rest around me? Well, it’s about time I treated them as they’ve treated me. As I informed Mme. Jesus yesterday: There’s the “Golden Rule” and if I’m being treated as they’d like to be treated… so be it. Right down to: anybody who comes near me for any purpose other than being civil is dead on the spot… I swear it on my New York City Soul. Especially that twat up-stairs. I HAVE reached my saturation point. (And as I type, the pounding up-stairs is.. interesting… War has come. My patience has left. – And so, I dally here, typing, waiting for hot water so to shower and get to bed. I’m TIRED! And not looking forward to a late start tomorrow. I’ve got work to do and I’m NOT going to allow ANOTHER Vermont bit of shit (as was from the beginning with the likes of Nicole at the North Star, Steve and Tara in Shelburne, Fran in Jericho, Lyle and the freak at 5225 and now here with the Twats) rob me of my rightful rest and repose! Those days are in the past and are done! As I say: WAR IS DECLARED! LET THE BATTLE BEGIN! – 23-fucking-46 and just out of the shower!!! With Bat Oren though. And the clothes in “Heavy Soil” “Quick Wash”. This isn’t going to be a night’s sleep. It’s going to be a BLOODY NAP! The hot water finally came back at about 22.30. The reply from Mme.Q on the matter? At 22.13: “No there should not be any changes. let me know if have any hot water now?” WHAT? “changes”? WTAF? I’d sent (at 19.32) “FYI: Just washed Minou’s little dish and my coffee mug… there’s no hot water. 50 gallons, gone. I’ll check again after our evening walk & let you know if there’s a change.” The only thought she caught was “not hot water” and “change”. She’s a fucking full-blown retard, that one. I’m providing “home care” for a retard. Fucking shame. Good that I have the sites to keep me in this little room that she doesn’t bother with. I’d be dead… of aggravation. – Anyway, decided to get out one of the knives that Cecil managed to leave behind when I cleaned the place. So now I’ve a large one to carry about with me (in case) and the one I recovered at the red house this past Summer which I keep at the bed-side. I should get a gun, whilst I may. But… this should be fine… with the lead pipe and all. – And so, on that note, I’m pouring a v-ton and heading for a bit of tele whilst the wash washes. Then? Nap. Fuck me!

Tue.10.Apr: 1.50 off to nap… fuck. – 8.25 A bowl of oatmeal, 3 slices of that “mystery meat from Fritz’s (salami, she doesn’t know what salami is), 2 franks, a rum and Coke, 2 vodka-tonics and, morning coffee, a smoke, the critters are out, having had their breakfast and my stomach is churning and I’m in no mood to be awake, never mind “alive”. Yep… just another day. And these are the days when I should be eating enough to cover for the 4 days that I don’t, but I’m not, having only about 13$ for food for the rest of the month. But, here we are. And I’m tired, ready to go back to bed… mostly just to avoid another day. Charming. Very quite charming indeed. – Time to get on with the rest of the Journal-site. – 9.46 Just ordered more Bat Oren and Neca 7 from Rockaland. I figure: WTF? Why not? My money! Enjoy it whilst I may. And one can never have too much Bat Oren, nor Neca 7. SHOWERS of delight to follow! – The boots are soaking in more Lexol. There’s been an oil delivery (Hey, no hot water until mid-night? Let the heat fill the house then. “No Freezing Zone” it is… whilst possible.) Yesterday’s oatmeal is “passing”. And this day is just rolling along. – (Odd… this room is FULL of the scent of Lexol. Ah… to be back in the “good days” of a place of my own.) – Time to move along. There’s shit to be done with this day. – Note: No further comments from Mme.Q. re: yesterday’s hot water situation. She’s terrified of those two Twats. But ME? Oh, I get the fuck-all end of the deal. No matter. Fukkemall.) – 21.18 Well, I went to the store, spent money I’ve no business spending, and surely didn’t want to give to those fuckers over there. 17,61: “rolls”, Gifford Maine ice cream (the ONLY fucking vanilla they had, dumfux), 2 little bags of crisps (dill, of course), large bag of shredded mozzarella and a bottle of tonic (for tonight). FUCK ME! BUT… I had THREE “grilled cheese” smamiches for “meal” AND half of the ice cream! I ATE tonight at last! – Worked most of the day on the site, accomplishing little more than depression. I’m reviewing the departure from Richford and reminding myself why I shouldn’t have anything pleasant to do with that fucktard Burton. – “Meal” was at 17.00. Nap. Stroll with the critters at 20.00. Roseanne. PLAY with Hallie and Mimou!!!! And now I’m off to the shower… Hopefully there’s hot water! – OH! Got the shipping notice… ROCKLAND SHIPPED ABOUT 2 HOURS AFTER I PLACED THE ORDER! WOW! (It’ll probably arrive on Thursday… at the post office… of course… so I’ll have to be there in the morning to see… or else… not that I give a shit any more about what anybody else says. I’ve not spent money on ME, so much… other than the new home items… like the pillows and the HOOVER! But FUCK THEM ALL! They’re doing nothing to be of any help.) – And so… off to the shower and hopefully a night of SLEEP ALL THROUGH! – PS: I’ve turned the phone off… last night’s bull-shit of sending that message at 22.00? NOPE! – 22.16 Later than I’d hoped for but… SHOWERED IN BAT OREN! And I’m happy about that. AND I’m in bed, lights out in the house, kisses “good seepie-nigh-night” around. This fucking day is fucking DONE. Time for tele and v-ton (and crisps, if I so desire tonight.) – To think: these were Hellish days… in 2013. (I wonder if Eddie and Eduardo have been deported.)

Wed.11.Apr: 8.01 Critters fed and out. Litter box cleaned. Garbage, out. Ash bucket, emptied. And I’m feeling like total shit. Tired. But I slept through the 7.00 alarm. I don’t know why I don’t hear it any more. Woke, obviously, before the 8.00 alarm. Up, and out. Had to pass the Twat in the drive as I came back from putting garbage at the curb. Not even an acknowledgement of my presence, which is damned-well perfect for me. Illiterate muthuhfuckuh, that one. And so, another day commences. There’s nothing more to be said, or recorded, really. – 9.55 This morning’s work is dragging. Concentration is off. There’s the “100” page from the Journal, much is duplications, probably added into the text before, but some isn’t. I’m trying to condense the pages for the on-line site but my brain just doesn’t want to get into all of it. It’s depressing. I keep asking my-self why I came back here from NYC, back in 2013 when I could have left and gone any-where else in the world. Why didn’t I just head to the REAL “North Country” back then? Why did I come back here? – Last night, before I went to sleep, the though occurred to me:
The folks in Richford were quite kind, quite nice indeed. They talked. They chatted. There was seldom a moment with-out something to discuss, local, worldly, something. There wasn’t any back-stabbing. Even as I was told the day before I left: “You go and do what you have to do. And when you’re finished, you come home.” “Face it, you love Richford and Richford loves you.” THAT was the place I wanted to come back to. And coming to Franklin was convenient. And it was near to Richford. The mistake was becoming “settled” here. And as the woman from the car service said “You came to the wrong town.” Yes, yes I did. Perhaps if I’d gone (come to?) another town, else-where, it would all be different. But, as Fate would have it, here I am… depressed. Still, there was the opportunity to go any-where else on earth… I could have looked to Rouses Point, Champlain, Plattsburgh… any-where else. But I came to where I am. WHAT an idiot! Still, yes, there’s the opportunity to move along… I suppose I just need to be patient… with my self and the world. There’s the old adage: There’s something better waiting for you… just be patient. I’m trying.
When I dumped the ash bucket into the garden this morning, I glanced over the fence to the back yard of 5225. Daisy’s garden is gone. The bench is gone. The bricks have been put round the “fire pit”. Daisy’s little garden is demolished. Yesterday, on the way back from the store, I looked to the barn. The yard’s a mess. Shit strewn about, there’s a grill in front of the barn. THAT’s quite a fire hazard. I suspect there’s damage in the future. The old barn is leaning more and more toward the one at 5199. One day, probably rather soon, it’ll topple into 5199… if it’s not set a-blaze by the grill. Or, if they use the fire-pit, there’ll be sparks… one barn… then the next. Fire. But the point being: the Gliddens have been wiped out. Even in the front of the house, all the work I’d put into the vinca… the runners I’d put over the grass are quite visible. The little fencing has been down for the longest. Funny shit, that, the Gliddens AND I have been removed. Jack Malone thanked me for all the work I’d done. “This is the first place people see when they come into town and you make it look nice.” Well, the first place is 5199 and Cecil did what he could to keep that nice. I did what I could to make 5225 look nice. I left 5225 and the place went to shit. I came to 5199 and since last Summer, I stopped working on here and it’s looking like shit. Franklin is returning to the shit-hole it was and was meant to be. And nobody in town cares. So? This is what it’s supposed to be… I really can’t care about it all. This is what “they” want… this is what “they” get.
This morning, I got to thinking about Dennis too. Calls to his numbers bring a recorded message claiming that the number isn’t “receiving calls”. Blocked? Mark broke connections by telling me that he couldn’t take the memories, his “therapist” told him to tell me to leave him alone. And so I’ve done. Dennis claimed that he wanted to re-connect. And then? Snap! Cut too. I can’t help but recall how, when I was in Newburgh, he wanted to “move to The City”, we could live together and life would be better. Ah… but I’ve left The City and up here isn’t where he’d like to be. So? Again, I’ve lost all value. I have to wonder if the Macks have anything to do with any of this. I wouldn’t doubt it. But then again, I must remember at all times: I came up here to get away from all of “that”. It appears, I’m successful. Connections have been severed. It’s “done”.
Then too comes the memory: Oma once said:
When you have money, the world eats. When you have none, the world starves.
And so it is… Yes, I’ve got some money these days, for all the good it does me. A recent conversion was just over 3kUS, though, with the next transfer on the 25th, it’ll be just over 5kCAD (probably about 4kUS). I’ve never had that much to my name in my life-time. Again, for all the good it does me. But I’m not pissing it all away on others this time. Hoarding it, almost. It is, of course, already spent: vehicle, a place to call “home”. But it’s there and I’m not taking the world out to dinners, dances, drinks, entertainment, not sending it off to siblings, nor to “friends” to pay their rent (Viv?). And so, since, to them, it appears I’ve nothing to offer, nothing to give, I’ve no use, no value. It’s all so blatantly obvious. And although the reality eats away at me to a degree and extent, I just can’t give either a fuck nor a shit. As I thought just last night, in the shower: Yes, when I gave to Viv, she told me that she’d never be able to “pay it back” and I didn’t want any back then, nor do I want it now. But when I actually had nothing and asked for nothing more than the cost of a pack of smokes, she claimed she “didn’t have” even that much. Yes, the scales of “Life” never “balance”. The best to be done is dismiss the entire situation and the details associated. It doesn’t dispel the depression, but what happened “then” can’t be changed. As I’ve heard, and it’s true: “Regrets are useless. They don’t change anything. They just get in the way of progressing, moving forward, moving on, moving away.” Those days were lessons. Coming here, coming back to VT was a lesson. I’ve learnt, obviously, to be more self-preserving. I don’t like it, but it is as it is. Hopefully, if life is a set of circles, I’ve completed this one successfully and am moving on to the next… may it be the last.
Well… time for a nap. Nothing more… just a snooze. Poor little critters… I should be playing with them. Maybe a bit later. I’m rather tired now. – 11.44 Just laid there… for over an hour… trying to nap… awake… SHOOT ME! – 21.09 and the end of another rather un-productive day. – I’m showered. Clothes in “final” wash for this week. – Feeling like a total colostomy-bag: Earlier, I went to the post office, primarily to get paper for the stove, and the mail, just because I was there. Thankfully, nothing for me. BUT THE ROCKLAND IS DUE TOMORROW!!! I’LL HAVE TO GET OVER THERE FIRST THING TO GET IT! (Another morning of not sleeping too late.) But the WORST OF IT ALL IS: I’D FED THE CRITTERS AT ABOUT 16.50, HAD MY 3 CHEESE SANDWICHES AND ICE CREAM FOR “MEAL” AND WAS GETTING THE PLACE TOGETHER FOR A QUICK HOOVER AND MOP. MIMOU WAS HIS USUAL “IN OUT IN OUT IN OUT” AND I’D PLANNED TO TAKE THEM OUT AT 20.00 BUT… AFTER MEAL, I TRIED FOR A 30-MINUTE LIE-DOWN AND HALLIE CAME AT ABOUT 19.00 NEEDING TO GO OUT SO I LET BOTH OF THEM OUT FOR THE TIME I WENT TO THE P.O. AND DID THE FLOORS. THEY CAME IN AND I STARTED TO GET THE STOVE TOGETHER AND MIMOU TRIED TO GET OUT AGAIN AND I WANTED NONE OF THAT SO I PUT MY FOOT OUT AND *** BAM *** HE GOT IT RIGHT IN THE FACE! HE DISAPPEARED FOR A WHILE AND I WAS HEART-SICK, THINKING HE WAS SERIOUSLY HURT! HE DID, FINALLY, COME BACK IN, FROM UNDER THE PHONE SHED BUT HE BACKS AWAY FROM ME WHEN I GO TO PET HIM NOW. I MUST HAVE HURT HIM AND IT KILLS ME!!! HE SHOULDN’T HAVE ANY MORE PAIN, EVER, IN HIS LIFE-TIME, AFTER ALL THE SUFFERING HE’S ALREADY GONE THROUGH. WELL… I TOOK MY SHOWER (AND SHAVED TONIGHT) AND WHEN I WENT OUT TO THE LIVING-ROOM TO GIVE “SEEPIE NIGH-NIGHT” KISSES… BOTH OF THEM ARE IN “THEIR” ROOM. SO TONIGHT, I GO TO BED WITH THE HEART-ACHE AND THE HOPE THAT TOMORROW WILL BRING BETTER FOR US ALL. I LOVE THOSE LITTLE CRITTERS WITH MY ENTIRE BEING. I’m just SO fucking miserably tired today and knowing that the old thing will be back tomorrow… well… it’s a reason, not an excuse. – Other than that, I’m waiting for the wash to finish, will toss it into the dryer and tonight… TO BED EARLY! I’m THAT fucking tired. – And so ends another day. Thankfully, I’ve got a LOT to do on this Journal-site so I won’t have to be bothered with/by the old thing. – Oh… reminder: she wants a wood stoop built over the concrete out on the back porch. When I started to give an idea, she jumped “I’ll have to call Rick. I know he’s busy during the Summer months. But I’ll see if he can’t give me some time.” AGAIN! I told her it was an easy job. She insisted she’ll get Rick. AGAIN! So? Why should *I* bother with anything around here? I shouldn’t and I won’t. Fuck her. Fuck them all. Just fuck it all. She’ll pay another 1k or more for another shit job and… well… tough shit. – I’m through. The wash is on spin. Time for a v-ton and tele and fuck the end of the day.

Thu.12.Apr: YOM HaSHOAH – And almost 5 years ago… and it’s all so well-documented. Fuck. – 7.40 Awakened by Hallie at just past 7.00, they’ve been out and fed and I’m up and dressed (and feeling rather like a bit of death, slightly warmed-over). Another day begins. 5 years ago, there was an ice storm. Today, just grey, not too cold. Mimou is wandering about, meowing about something. To go out, no doubt. – I’ve got head-ache. I wonder, often, about arteries, because of the pain I have, sometimes, in the neck. Or anything else that could be “wrong”. Pain. If I woke in the morning with none, I’d’ve died over the night before. – I’ve no idea when Mme. will be rolling in. No messages since the bit about the hot water. Oh well. “Normal” times. – But for now, it’s off to the loo whilst I may and on with the day. There should be a parcel at the P.O. this morning. We shall see. I’ve got to fetch it before… – “Things to do”. – I was having a dream when Hallie woke me. Something about a job interview and Liz being in it… as some kind of antagonist. I wonder… – I’m off… on with the day at hand. – 10.13 5 BAT OREN, 10 NECA 7… RECEIVED THE 3 BAT OREN AND 8 NECA 7 AND… THEY’RE RE-PACKED AND READY TO MOVE OUT! WHEW! I am relieved, to say the least. But even my knotted bowels are settling. This day is “complete” at this point. Odd, how much getting that box meant to me. But, as I thought last night: I don’t know why I feel I must behave like some sort of child around here, keeping things “secret”, hiding food, and the likes. It’s sick! The one purpose it DOES serve though, is avoiding all sorts of stupidity, comments, and the fodder for talking about me as if I were some sort of miserable shit. For example: I’ve NO doubt that the accusation of being “verbally abusive” hasn’t been spread farther and wider than soft butter on hot toast. No doubt it’s added to the rest of the general bull-shit that’s been said about me by those who’ve never bothered to talk with me. But… such is the life of those who live amongst the psychotic, the mentally ill, the generally deficient. May these days pass quickly and soon. – Now… back to the Journal-site and second coffee… whilst there’s some semblance of calm in this institution… this… “community home”. – 22.00 Well, Mme. rolled in at about 15.00 announcing “new wipers and oil” in the truck. I’d been working on the Journal-site all day. Took a bit of a break and had one block of OLD brown rice Ramen noodles, soaked in hot tap water. “Meal”. She went directly to sleep. I took a nap m’self for about an hour and went back to work. – At about 18.00, she took out some cheese and crackers, offered, I had a small piece of 2. Intake for the day. I don’t really give a shit. It’s going to be sparse eating as usual. And I went back to working on the Journal-site. I’ve decided to combine pages of photos into the monthlies so there’s MORE work I’m doing on it. I’ve yet to get to the monthly pages straight through. But it’s coming along. Depressing. Aggravating. Angering. But I’m working along. – Just in from last smoke (I think). It’s raining out there tonight. More snow due on Saturday (thankfully… no “Do you want to go to Montréal?” bull-shit). – Pondering a v-ton. Nothing to nibble on with, but I don’t know that I’ll sleep with-out. Oh well. – So much for this day. Now… 3 more days of trying desperately to avoid “conflicts”. – OH! Yep… she started the stove. She just will NOT put the heat up in the house and because I’d put the heat back down last night, it’s been COLD in the house… again. Well? Can’t fix stupid. – Another day… done.

Fri.13.Apr: 5 years ago today… and oddly enough, I’m re-living the bull-shit… via the Journal-site. – 6.44 and up at 6.30 on my own. And perhaps a bit too much “v” and not enough “tonic” before bed last night. A touch on the “shaky” side this rather warmish, wet and grey morn. And as I had my smoke on the porch, the kitchen door opened with a cheerie “GOOD morning.” Out came the critters. The day has begun. Alas. I’ve a “lump” in my gut this morning too. And all is “normal”… for me. Nothing left to do but go along with what-ever is to come. So much for last night. So much for this morning. Just… so much… for. – Back to the coding. The “diversion” lives on. – 22.32 September 2013 up next on the Journal-site. It’s been another day of working all through (with about 3 naps, to be honest). – This after-noon at about 16.30 I gave up and gave in and had a tin of lentils! HUNGER! And wouldn’t you know, at 20.00 I was invited to sweet potato, asparagus and a piece of cod! So today… I’ve eaten. (And I’m upset about the lentils, but there’s 2 more tins and a package of franks in the porch “fridge-box”.) – So it’s been another day of gut-wrenching with all the “memories”. FUCK! Have I ever been taken for a shit-head since I’ve been here! Perhaps THIS is a “lesson” that I needed to learn: STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING PUSH-OVER SHIT! I’ve learnt. – And speaking of “learning”… I set Mme.’s phone for her to get her e-mails on it AND I got her to Skype with her Maryrose! (Of course, she didn’t tell Ms. Rose that *I* helped her with it. But you know? “Karma”… one day… I’ll have faith.) – Looked at Crgslst for flats. NOTHING in NY! Save the ones I wouldn’t want anyway. And trucks… one nice one in S.BTV but it’s a Ford and I’d really rather not. – Did some calcs today: there’ll be only 4kUSD in the account with this month’s 1k. WHAT a FUCK! I’ll have to get to work on that matter this week coming! And WORK on it! As I say: NO MORE PUSH-OVER SHIT! – And now, I’m off to a v-ton and tele and another nap. Tomorrow’s forecast is for 15cm snow. We shall see. – Shabbat. Yep.

Sat.14.Apr: (Oh don’t look at today 2013!) – 8.20 Just in from smoke,,, first smoke… because I slept until only moments ago. And truth is, I could go right back to sleep. But I want to try an iframe for music on the Journal and the curiosity woke me. Oddly, I laid in bed, half-sleeping, coding it. Oh well. At least I slept. – Stiff neck again this morning. Teeth are “tight”. Yeah, arterial sclerosis. No doubt. Must get the “works” done soon. One of these mornings… one of these mornings. – Grey again. No snow. Bit chilly. And to think, in 2013, today, I was working in sweat… in The City. Oh well. At least I can be productive here, today, these years later. Fuck me. – 8.37 DID IT! MUSIC ON! No iframes… embedded! And it works, takes less space, plays right on the page. NOW… I’ve got some digging to do to get the files and work the images and… READY TO ROCK AND ROLL! (Maybe I should get back to bed now… before I fuck things … something … during the rest of this day?) – 23.00 JUST wrapping another day of working on the Journal-Site ALL day! But DID take a break to have a lamb chop and some rice with mushrooms and squash with Mme. this evening. – It DID snow a bit today and it DID get BLOODY COLD again! – Mr. Dickie said he’d be over to help with the green-house cleaning today at 13.00 and he came, saw, said he had a baseball game to watch at 13.00 and left. Typical. – But I stayed in the room most of the day where it’s been comfy warm. – My fucking back is out again though! I took a naproxen at 20.00 and it’s a little better. I can’t imagine what caused this flare-up… although, I suspect all the lentils might have had something to do with it because it seems to relate, some-how, and some-time, to “gas” an the likes. Oh well… what-ever. – Now? A v-ton and to bed. I’m not concerned about being awake at any particular time tomorrow and I over-heard her Maryrose say something about “going on Sunday”… when they Skyped last night so… – OH! Speaking of which: SHE ALMOST BOUGHT 2 TICKETS TO ANDREA BOCELLI AT THE CENTRE BELL, MTL, IN OCTOBER! OVER 100$ EACH AND SHE JUST TAKES IT FOR GRANTED THAT I’LL BE AVAILABLE, BE AROUND AND GO WITH HER! (Of course, I’ll be expected to drive.) On a Sunday! I told her to ask about to see if anybody else might be interested in going… maybe she could get a discount for “group” tickets. So she rang her Pammy… no answer… she left a message. But IMAGINE THE SHIT OF THAT! JUST DECIDES SHE’S GOING TO BUY TICKETS TO GO AND THAT I’LL BE OGING WITH HER! (I should rather be DEAD LONG before October! Not to mention… not wanting to go to a Bocelli concert with her.) – Anyway… time to wrap the day. The site-work is backed-up. These pages in 2013 are taking a LONG time… it’s the images and the purging of extraneous shit that WP puts in and trying to keep it all “clean”. I’m just on December 2013 now… 5 more years to go! FUCK ME! But I’m learning SO much coding again… it’s getting easier as I go along and there’s new knowledge so… Fuck me.

Sun.15.Apr: 8.04 A ROUGH NIGHT! Got a spasm, always in the right leg, had to get up, but the back pain slowed me down. That was at about 5.00. Went back to sleep and woke again just before the 7.00 alarm. Heard it. Turned it off and fell aback to sleep for about 45 minutes and got up and slowly dressed as the 8.00 alarm sounded. Had my vitC as usual and the tablets got lodged in my gut. They finally went down and I finished my coffee. Just in from a quick smoke because I just feel like everything in my body is being crushed. A painful morning of grey and chill and a bit of snow on the ground. Well, I had a few really good weeks. I suppose I can’t bitch (too much) about this. – Nice… no signs on the face of it all though. So, as usual, nobody will know what my body is doing. – Still got that “lump” or what-ever in the bowels. Gas, or something. Lentil? I wonder. All so very strange. Or, perhaps, not being able to properly chew the lamb and such and it’s just in there. What-ever. It’s another day. – Back to the Journal-site. As Mother used to say: This too, shall pass. – M’thinkst Mme. is prepping for her Jesus meeting and what-ever else she’ll be doing with this day. Fare well, dear. Toddle along. “Your” house and critters will be well-minded. – 14.45 After a day of constant pain and 1 nap, I decided to head over to the “den of thieves” (the “General Store”) with the cash I still have from the 100 that Mme. “gave” me when she went to Florida. There’s about 38 left after today’s “foraging” for cottage cheese, 2 bags of crisps (for tonight YAY!), a bag of rolls (for the franks on the porch) and 2 of those 50-cent creme cookies. The cottage cheese was nasty (“Cabot” of course) but sufficient, the 2 cookies rounded it off. And it’s about 1000 calories and nothing too difficult to digest. And so, there-after meant re-stoking and re-starting the wood-stove which had gone down to almost nothing… so as to “burn away the evidence”, which has been done and is done and I get to return to “April 2014” on the Journal-site. – The house is “still”, the day, still grey and damp. No more snow today, but the temperature is just high enough to cause yesterday’s to begin melting. – Going to the store was, as has been, repulsive. A reminder of where I am. – OF NOTE: Doing the Journal, February 2014, I have a photo of me in February 2013 and 2014, side-by-side. WOW! THAT SHOWS THE ACTUAL DEGRADATION SINCE COMING TO FRANKLIN! DISGUSTING! AGED. WORN-DOWN AND WORN-OUT! And I can’t help but think: these fucking beast-suckers have no clue… nor concern. “You’re verbally abusive!” says the old cow-in-residence. Yeah? Fuck you! YOU’RE just plain “abusive”… the fucking lot of you parasitic vermin. – Oh well… no sense in getting worked-up over it. They’re all simply too fucking stupid to ever understand. So? Back we go to the coding. – It was a lovely “lunch/meal break”. – 21.41 Had a small bit of chicken with a carrot and half a baked potato this evening. I was invited, the food was cooked. I ate that much. – Mme. rolled in at about 16.30. Her note read “mid-afternoon”. Yeah, well, what-ever. – Painful day of 2 needed naps and 2 naproxen for the day already. Potassium just taken and all are in bed. I’m about to have a smoke and some tele. – May 2014 next up on the Journal-site. It should be OK rolling from here on because of fewer images but with this new “discovery” of how to “div left” the tables… well.. yes, there’s some previous coding that might need some “cleaning”. But that’s OK. I just need to get the pages together… SOON! – Oh… I mentioned getting a truck and selling the Subaru and was THAT notion turned-down, because the parts are more expensive on a truck, like transmissions and such. Yeah? Well, considering all the “good advice” and “help” I’ve received from you Fuklingers over the past 5 years… A TRUCK IT IS! ASAP! – And on that note, I’ll ponder another naproxen with my v-ton (and crisps) and off to… Tomorrow evening: laundry and SHOWER! CLEAN AGAIN.

Mon.16.Apr: 6.44 Up. Dressed. Coffee. Smoke. *** PAIN!!! *** A few SPASMS in the right AND left legs last night, in addition to the back PAIN. Oh what a beautiful mawr-ning. And awakened to the sound of the idiot scraping the pavement in front of the post office. Slush. How delightful. Oh well. And for some reason, I have the odour of an “old man” again this morning. So yes, it’s a “common” day, with the old “friend”… PAIN. I should hope it’s all gone through the week because there’s a trip to MTL on Friday coming. Yes, she INSISTS upon getting the tickets to Bocelli. And of course, I’m sure I’ll be expected to drive. This is going to be quite delightful. (Well, “breakfast” this morning: 2 vitC and a naproxen. Let’s see how it rolls along.) – Another day. – 22.49 Taking a break from the Journal-site. It’s been a HORRID DAY OF PAIN!!! AND MULTIPLE NAPS!!! AND MORE PAIN!!! – Mme. left at about 15.30 and stopped by the Coopers to bring a freshly-baked pie for “Richard”. Imagine that: a pie for Richard. Gee. And he hasn’t done anything… even as he’d promised (to help clean the green-house). Oh well… it’s just typical: As I’ve said all along, she’s closer to and appreciates more, those who abuse or neglect her. (Even her “Richard” said as much so this comes as no surprise.) – Anyway, she left and I worked more on the Journal-site for a while. Tried to take another nap but the PAIN in the back was too intense so I got up and worked more on the site until about 17.00 when I fed the critters. At about 19.00 I headed (hobbled) over to the store for 2 crisps, 2 tonics, ice cream and heavy cream. I’m hoping the dairy fat runs through my system and cleans it out. “Meal” was the left-over risotto (which will probably make me worse because of the squash and mushrooms that I don’t chew properly… or maybe it’ll run through too). And a bowl of ice cream with heavy cream on it. – Back to work on the Journal-site. – The critters were out from about 19.30 to 20.30 so that was in lieu of their “stroll” tonight. It was raining anyway and I’m in no condition to go strolling in the cold and rain this evening. – BUT I HAVE TRIED SOMETHING THAT SEEMS TO BE WORKING ON THE PAIN A BIT: I’VE GOT THE BACK BRACE ON AND OVER THE COCCYX, I’VE PUT A TENNIS BALL IN TO PUT PRESSURE ON THE ONE SPOT WHERE THE PAIN IS THE WORST AND ODDLY, IT SEEMS TO RELIEVE THE PAIN A BIT. SLIPPED DISC? I CAN’T HELP BUT REMEMBER THE NIGHT THEY TOOK THE OLD MAN OUT OF THE HOUSE ON COACH LANE, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, BECAUSE OF HIS BACK PAIN. AND ME? I LAY IN BED, AS I DID AT 5225, ALL BUT PARALYSED, PULLING MY BODY INTO A TIGHT FETAL POSITION, NOBODY AWARE OF THE SUFFERING, UNTIL IT PASSES. AS, PRETTY MUCH, I DID TODAY AS WELL. OK. YEAH. AND I’M THE WHINING LITTLE BITCH. YOU KNOW? FUCKEMALL! PLAIN AND SIMPLE. – And then, I got to work on the Journal-site… and was rather rolling along… June, July, August… SO MUCH WORK… and THEN… September 2014 and the alignment was all off!!! It took the best part of over and HOUR to find the trouble… after re-makes and re-posts and re-tries, and… well… In September 2014, I’d received a text from Denise Ortega, on Noah Smith’s phone, calling me a “pathetic cocksucker”. I’d posted it onto the blog, in a table… and… WP took the thing and displayed it properly but the NEW browsers aren’t so forgiving… It was on the 26th September and I’d never CLOSED THE TABLE!!! SOMETHING SO SIMPLE SCREWED SO MUCH AND WASTED SO MUCH TIME! Well… it’s done, corrected and I’m back in the swing. – Also, back in the pain. But I’ve taken my potassium just now because when I went to say “Good night” to the critters, I was almost paralysed on the floor!!! The pain in the legs was HORRIFIC! I have to wonder though, if the potassium doesn’t have anything to do with the back pain. (Just checked. The “worst” symptom of hyperkalaemia is v-fib or heart attack… nice to know, but nothing about back pains.) Anyway… hopefully the little bit of potassium I take will keep the leg spasms away. – And so, as I type here, in silence at 23.11, Hallie and Mimou are in the room. I don’t know why and I don’t dare let them out at this hour. But here they are. An “odd” sort of affair. I should be in bed at this hour. Maybe they know something is wrong. What-ever. – Oh… but the house is comfy. I’ve got the thermostat set to 75F this evening! Not so much because of the cold but the damp. It’s rained most of the day and the temperatures have been only just barely above freezing. So? So… there isn’t much fire-wood left… Mme. left me with none and a cold wood-stove. Said she, before leaving: If it gets too cold, you can always start that stove… meaning the oven. Honestly… what she’s got against the furnace… I’ll never understand. But I’ve no problem cranking it up and so it is. – Now, I need to get back to a bit of work and then to a shower. I didn’t bother to wash the bed-things today, nor have I done the floors. Too much pain. – FUCK ME! Hallie seems to need to go the fuck OUT! At THIS fucking HOUR! That’ll teach me to stay up.

Tue.17.Apr: 1.16 Bed stuff washed and dried and 2014 DONE! PAIN in the back is still there but I’m into my second v-ton and a naproxen and hoping to be able to “quick shower”. Speaking of which: put my bed things in for a “quick wash”? SHE HAD HER BAKING SHIT IN THE WASHER! FUCK! YEAH… – So I let Hallie out when I finished the typing for before. Not happy… she went round the fucking house. Came back in and back to the Journal-site whilst the wash washed. Not happy about the fucking stuff left in the washer. Had to run it all through second rinse. But… I’m done with 2014 and on to 2015 and trying for a shower in PAIN. – This morning? Waking at 8.00? I don’t really give a fuck. Hallie went out at 23.00? Good enough for me. Breakfast? Like I told Mme. yesterday: “I don’t eat. They do. I’ve eaten from garbage bins and from waste bins on the streets of NYC. I don’t have that capability. You get what you get. You eat what you get. Or you don’t eat. I don’t care.” And when they get their food, they get their food. – Time to try for some bathing. – 2.26 Showered and in clean jammies and another v-ton (3rd) poured. And just going through the calcs of what I made in NYC to get here. Not sure if it’s correct but at 2400$ over 16 months, working 12 days on at 24 days per month, it comes to making 2,16$/hr. Well damn! And here I am, some 600mi. away. Yep… FUCK THESE IN-BREEDS AND TO HELL WITH THEM ALL! MAY ANY ANY EVERY “GOD” DAMN THEM FOR THEIR “RIGHTEOUSNESS”. – I’m going for a last smoke… have my v-ton and tele and when I wake? I wake. Not before. Not after. When. – 2-fucking-35 in the morning and Hallie is up and in the room, pacing. WTAF? I’m in no mood for this shit tonight. I HAVE PAIN and am NOT feeling all sorts of “luvie-duvie”. I mean… REALLY… WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? – Showered and on the bed, v-ton at bed-side… FUCK THIS SHIT! – 3.46 I can’t believe it: I’D ONLY JUST PUT OUT THE LIGHTS, GOTTEN INTO A SEMI-COMFORTABLE POSITION ON THE BED (THE PAIN HAS BEEN UTTER HELL!!!) AND HALLIE CAME INTO THE ROOM WITH HER “MNGNGNG”! SERIOUSLY? THIS IS A MORNING OF UNADULTERATED TORTURE! MY BACK IS OUT. MY LEGS ARE ABOUT TO GO AND AT ALMOST 4.00 I’M STILL AWAKE AND THE FUCKING DOG… AND CAT WANT SOMETHING! WHAT IN FUCK’S NAME IS HAPPENING HERE? – 10.39 It was MURDER, waking this morning… at almost 9.30. I didn’t hear any of the alarms and when I finally woke, I was in semi-comfort until I began thinking about having to sit up, put on clothes or something and getting food for the critters. Sitting up took the longest while, not only my back but my legs as well. Probably nerve damage. One of these days I won’t be able to get out of the bed. And so, slowly I got me into a position where-by I could sit up and get my feet on the floor, but my legs just don’t want to hold my body up. Managed to get my coffee at the table in the little room and then, worked on putting my jeans on over my jammies and sneakers on my feet and out to the kitchen where, picking Hallie’s bowl from the floor was, well, a challenge, to say the least. I had to sit on a kitchen chair to lift the bowl to the table, then get me up to bring it to the sink counter. Got Hallie’s food together, opened a tin of tuna and put the water onto Mimou’s fish breakfast (it worked, he ate most of it). Next was getting the recyclables to the curb. The concern about having to bend to put the bin down. But I managed that as well. Had a smoke and wanted to vomit… just from the pain. I’m wearing the back brace. It helps a touch. But now I’ve got a shovel handle close by… instead of a walking stick or cane. Afraid that if I don’t have something to brace myself, I’ll either topple over or, if I sit (as I’m doing now), I won’t be able to get me up from a chair. Time in the loo this morning was almost frightening. But I managed… A terribly small BM after almost 30 minutes, but, I’ll accept that as being better than nothing at all. The THREE v-tons last night (this morning?) helped me sleep, but they’re playing havoc on my body this morning. It’s going to be some kind of day from here-on. Stomach’s “off”. Back’s out. Legs are wobbly. I want to go back to sleep but there’s work to be done on this Journal-site and… I actually FEAR laying down… and waking worse than I am at present. How wonderful to think: Nobody knows about this; nobody would give a shit anyway; and if it’s not better by Friday, instead of “concern”, the response will be “disgust”… if I can’t make the trip to the box office in Montréal. Oh well. These days of being surrounded by complete selfishness are a lesson: I need to simply shut down and shut off and out all of my own concern for others and their opinions. After all, opinions mean nothing in the long-run. When the opinionated shit dies, so too, the opinions. – Well… let’s see what we can salvage out of this day. Even one month on the site is one more done and one less to do. – I feel like shit. I want to go back to bed. Maybe in a little while. – 22.37 Got ALL of 2016 DONE on the Journal-site as of just now! – A PAINFUL day with a nap of an hour or so just to pull things together. “Meal” was some of the chicken in the fridge and, of course, ice cream with heavy cream. I think something’s working because I had quite a nice couple of BMs today. But the PAIN is still there. Difficult to stand, then sit, bend. But we (the critters and I) took the 8pm stroll. I think it might have “helped” the back a bit. The pain’s not SO intense and I’m able to sit… well… long enough to get through 2016 on the Journal-site! – The house is getting a bit chilly. – There was ALL SORTS OF SCRAPING AND BANKING AND POUNDING AND THUMPING UP-STAIRS THIS EVENING! But I’ll say nothing on the matter. (If they destroy that place… she has it coming. None of my business nor my concern.) – And now… off to another quick-soap shower tonight. I could, probably, shower, but I don’t want to be up until 3.00 again. So… quick in, quick out… as “quick” as is possible with this limited mobility. – Tomorrow’s garbage day and yes… the fucking bag is heavy again. Well… one day… SOON… she won’t have anybody to take it all out on Wednesdays anyway. “Appreciation”. Right. – OH… AND NO!!! I DID *** NOT *** POST MY TAXES TODAY. I FIGURE: THERE’S ABOUT 300$ THAT WAS TAKEN OUT FROM MY “PENSION” THAT’S DUE BACK TO ME. IF I FILE, IT’LL GO TO THE DEPT. OF ED. AND NO… IF THEY WANT IT… LET THEM GO FIND IT. IF I CAN’T HAVE IT… *THEY* MOST CERTAINLY *CAN’T*… FUCK THEM ALL STRAIGHT INTO THE BOWELS OF HELL.

Wed.18.Apr: 11.21 Well… Woke at about 6.15… Took an almost FOREVER to get out of the bed! I was perfectly fine, laying on my right side, legs pulled up. But the very moment I moved the legs… PAIN PAIN PAIN!!! So, I slowly… s.l.o.w.l.y. turned and got my-self up and out of the bed, into the kitchen where I had, HAD to sit to get Hallie’s bowl from the floor, and had all to do to get Mimou’s bowl out of the little cage. That much accomplished, they got breakfast and I came back into the room to get dressed. About 15 minutes on the loo… for nothing and back out into the kitchen to let them out. Whilst they were out, I had, HAD to sit on a chair to pull the litter out of the box. Mimou had scratched through the first so both bags AND the litter, WITH the contents went into the garbage bag. Yep… H.E.A.V.Y.!!! Next thing, empty the ashes from the wood-stove and they went into the garbage bag as well since there was NO way I was going too WALK that bucket to the garden… especially considering… IT WAS SNOWING quite steadily. Ah… then came the sweeping of the kitchen floor, the hearth, &c. That too, went into the garbage bag AND… when I went to close the garbage bag? HOLES! THE CHEAP SHIT GARBAGE BAG WAS FULL OF HOLES! SO… litter, ash, and such… back onto the swept floor! FINE! Double-bagged the garbage which had, not only the litter and ash in it BUT, AS IT WOULD BE… ANOTHER FUCKING HEAVY BUNCH OF SHIT WAS IN IT! SURELY, BECAUSE *** SHE *** DOESN’T HAVE TO HAUL IT, *** I *** GET THE REFUSE! Out of curiosity, I went and got the bath-room scale: 26,2lbs! I don’t know HOW, but YES… I GOT THE GARBAGE OUT TO THE CURB… SLOWLY AND DETERMINED. Back into the house… with the critters in from their morning “out”… and… THE HOOVER! The little room. The kitchen. The dining room… Hoovered with care and determination and… PAIN! Next up? MOPPING! BUCKET OF WATER AND A FEW DROPS OF MURPHY’S OIL SOAP (because that was the only thing in the pantry and I’m not using MY cleaners any more) and, again… SLOWLY… the kitchen floor got mopped nice and clean. The bucket got emptied into the little loo… A…N…D… it was almost 10.00!!! AND I DIDN’T BOTHER TO BRING WOOD INTO THE KITCHEN! What would normally take about an hour to accomplish… almost THREE HOURS! AND I WAS IN PAIN, PAIN, PAIN!!! I also sent a text off to Mme. about Friday: “ Don’t plan on me going to Montreal on Friday. My back is so bad that it just took an hour to feed the critters. I CANNOT sit or bend or walk for too long. So NO, I WON’T be able to ride to Montreal or walk around. I probably SHOULD call 911 & go to EMERGENCY but nobody here will let the critters out or feed them, if I have to stay in hospital (never mind getting back). Just want to give you enough time to make other arrangements for Friday.” And THEN… I had no choice: BACK TO BED, to lay on my side, crunched. *** WHEN I GOT COMFORTABLE AND THE PAIN SUBSIDED A BIT… I FELL ASLEEP! FOR AN HOUR! *** And now I’m up, the bed-linens and jammies are in the wash, I’ve swept the porch whilst having a smoke and… here I sit… at the “work table”… yes, in pain. At 9.57 (2 HOURS TO THE MINUTE FROM MY MESSAGE OUT): “So. Sorry to hear if you had to go to ER I could get someone to let Ms Hallie out. If you are still in such pain tomorrow I can bring you to E.R. in St.A when I get home.” WOW! I’m almost stunned by the expression of “care”. Oh well. Of course, I don’t… DO NOT want to go to the ER… ESPECIALLY NOT in this state… and certainly not in St.A. I’d LIKE to know what causes this pain, BUT I DON’T want them poking, prodding and “suggesting” and recommending and then saying what I’ve become so accustomed to hearing: “Look at you, in such good health, especially for your age. You shouldn’t be having these problems.” Never mind the “no insurance” bull-shit I’ll hear, no doubt. Oh well. As Mum used to say, and her Mum before her: This too, shall pass. – The wash is done. Time to get it into the dryer. Clothes to be done tonight. I was going to make a wash of clothes for Friday… doesn’t look like that’s going to be necessary. Oh well… FUCK ME! FUCK THIS! FUCK THE DAY! FUCK MY… existence. – Now to see how long it takes to get me up from this chair and into the loo. – 12.37 And a few moments on the bowl… things are “passing” but it’s not relieving any of the pain. But a lovely offer of the heating pad from Mme. – Anyway… time to get some “work” done on 2017 Journal. No sense wasting the entire day. –

15.47 IF YOU CAN BELIEVE THIS: ALL OF THE MONTHLY PAGES FROM THIS BLOG ARE NOW CURRENT FOR THE ON-LINE “JOURNAL-SITE”!!! YES!!! I DID MANAGE TO GET THROUGH, RIGHT UP TO THIS ENTRY! NOW… TO GET VIDEOS AND MUSIC TO ADD AND POST TO THE “SITE” EDITION AND… WE ROLL ALONG! WHEN THIS IS DONE, NYC8539266 WILL HAVE TO BE ADDED TO DeadArtist AND, BELIEVE *THAT* OR NOT… THE ENTIRE HISTORY WILL BE LOGGED. AND TO THINK: I GOT THIS ACCOMPLISHED IN SPITE OF THE HELLISH PAIN IN MY BACK AND LEGS! WELL? I SAID THERE’S NO REASON TO WASTE THE DAY AND I HAVEN’T. GTAFO!
23.18 And another day, another few days of respite. all draws to an end. The clothes are in the wash. I’m just out of a Bat Oren shower. My back’s still tight. But I’ve discovered a method of some relief: rubbing the vertebrae back into proper position. I’d taken a bit of a “nap” at about 16.00 and in my half-doze, I just “HAD AT IT!” When I got up to get out of bed, it was a bit better! I’ve been “HAVING AT IT!” ever since. Yes, it works, a bit. But there’s still PAIN! I’ve taken another naproxen and there’s a heft v-ton awaiting. – Meanwhile, when I went to turn the thermostat back down, I discovered that Hallie shat on the bed-room floor! I’m leaving it because (a) I’ve no business being in that room anyway and (b) I doubt Mme.. minds it at all, when one considers her “house-keeping” other-wise. So? We shall see if there’s any mention of it… before she heads in there in the dark as usual. – On a BRIGHTER note: I’VE GOT THE MUSIC AND VIDEOS FOR THE JOURNAL-SITE! About 50 tunes, stripped of “details” and numbered (as was done with G’s… AND I FOUND ANOTHER TO ADD TO G’s AS WELL! Anyway… the monthly pages are complete other than the missing music. Just the “directory” pages need to be done, check the links and… UP-LOAD to the Internet! By the week-end, I should be on the 8539266! Always something to keep me busy, in this “little room” and out of the way. – And so, it’s time… the wash is on the rinse, the critters are in the bed and I’m in need of REST! – Oh… and to think… everything except this entry is on the page for the Journal-site as well! I’m impressed. (Now… to get a paying gig doing this… now that I’m “back”.) – The end… I hope.

Thu.19.Apr: 2.20 and, at last, to bed. Stiff, but the major PAIN has subsided. No telling what will be after sleep. I dread going to sleep at night… mostly because I dread the morning when I wake. OH! To NOT “wake”. – 8.47 I slept through all of the alarms this morning! And woke… to… a bit of PAIN. But it’s focused and centred on the left hip this morning. Took me a moment to get out of bed, to the call of Mimou, and the WORST of THIS morning: I seem a bit “incontinent”! Couldn’t quite hold my bladder. Nothing TOO drastic, but, I got up, got dressed, let the critters out and as I headed for the loo, a little “pinkle” in the trousers. A little… so a couple of paper towels took care of the matter. Of course, on clean clothes. Made it to the bowl for the rest and a small BM. Losing control now? How delightful. Then, when done, had my coffee, vitC and a naproxen and served breakfast. Let the critters in and went for my smoke. When I came in, Hallie wanted to go back out and so they’re out again. – Meanwhile, I’m feeling quite rather “removed”… not really all “here” this morning. I can move about, but I just don’t feel like I’m “here”. Very strange indeed. Oh well. Oh, and there’s the slightest “flurry” of bits of snow falling out there. No fire in the wood-stove, dishes in the dryer rack. But the floor is clean and the house is… “together”. I don’t care, really. I just don’t care this morning. – Sadly, I went to sleep last night, quite annoyed. You know… those trips Mme. takes with her Maryrose gives Ms. Rose the opportunity to travel about, visit with people, there are stories of places they go to see, fun. Me? I drove, sat in the truck with Hallie… As for this nonsense about going to Montréal, I don’t know why *I* have to go, don’t know why she’s all into getting tickets for her and *ME*. Go with your Lena, “Yogi”, Maryrose… or one of the multitude of others. She just doesn’t get it: I don’t want to go with her. It’ll only end up as some sort of “Look what I’ve done for….”… a bit more “obligation”… mine to her. No. there’s no pleasure, no enjoyment. I might be very wrong about it, but from my own experiences since being here in this shit-hole colostomy of a state… I doubt it. – Well, there’s music to be added to the Journal-site and such. Something to fill the day. Let’s see how I fare, considering how “removed” I feel this morning. She’ll be back at some point. Hopefully not early. (She did say she’d take me to the ER when she gets back. Hopefully she doesn’t feel any sense of need to be here directly. I won’t go anyway. Yes, I’d like to know what the actual fuck is causing this pain. But NO, I don’t want these in-breeds poking about my person. I don’t trust any of them. Never mind… they’ll snatch what little social security I’m getting to pay.) Oh… I need to bust out of here… SOON! – 10.43 3° out-side. 21° in this room. My fingers are COLD! I am cold! back brace on. I need to find something… the sherpa sweat-shirt… to keep me warm. I don’t want to close the door to the room because of the critters and Ms. Hallie’s “incident” in the bed-room. But this is insane! – Just finishing running through the “music” on the blog and I suspect that WP is stripping links to the Utoob files. “Things”, like formatting and such, just aren’t “right” on the blog. Perhaps it’s a good thing that I’m putting it all else-where. I’ll have to “strip” the files on G’s too! MUST to keep THAT in mind. – Oh well… on with the day. – 22.49 Mme. rolled in at about 13.45 and I was trying for some sleep… I was 45 minutes into my hour. She came to the room once, asked if anybody was “home” and I didn’t respond. I was too tired and still in a bit of pain. – When I woke, went to the kitchen… there, on the table, a package of ink for her printer (I can try another BLUE insp.!) AND A CARTON OF SMOKES! I WONDER WHAT BROUGHT THAT ON! ANYWAY, I’M APPRECIATIVE (having only 5 packs remaining). – So we sat and chatted a bit. She’s going to Bedford tomorrow to visit sa tante and asked if I’d like to go… I could have the truck for the hour or so. Sadly, I can’t drive nor ride for that length of time with my back being “out” and she understood. – And so this evening, the cheese and crackers came out, I had a bit (and I’ve had 2 “porch franks” on rolls a little while ago when I got back into the room), and a rye and ginger. I came in, got back to work putting the audio files onto the Journal-site (it’s tedious… imagine that… having to purge meta and change names and such… but hey, when done, it will be quite nice… save the fact that many of the files were dropped from fUtube and NO trace of them remains so I don’t know what they were before they disappeared). – Run-on sentences any-one? Then, went out to watch a bit of TV and at about 22.00 we were all off to our rooms. – Thus far… no mention of the shit on her bedroom floor. I wonder. – And I’m just going to head to bed now… no drink, no tele. I’m tired. – Oh… and there’s more snow on the ground out there tonight. Tuesday, they say… 17°. We shall see. – I need a nap… and an early morning, tomorrow. – One more point to the day: I hobbled to the kitchen when Mme. came in, obviously in discomfort. She offered to take me to the ER. I, of course, declined. THEN… says she, “If I bring in some wood, would you start a fire?” Well OF COURSE I WOULD! So she tosses today’s junk mail on the hearth and heads to the garage. I had to take a chair to sit, pulling the junk mail apart and tossing it into the stove. She brings in a few twigs from the porch, some small wood from the garage… and yes, one match and the fire was going. But imagine? Pain. Discomfort. No matter. Mme. wanted a fire. Well? She got one. I DID manage. But of all the things. Never mind clicking the thermostat up a few clicks. Let’s have the idiot make a fire. Well m’darling, one day… one day… one… day.

Fri.20.Apr: 7.08 *** SNOW *** I woke, at first, at about 6.00, to the alarm, stiff in the back and legs, and half-dozed for a bit. Decided I may as well get up… 45 minutes later. S.L.O.W.L.Y. got up, turned, sat up, and got to the desk for a bottle-pee and coffee… then to the bed to dress. S.L.O.W.L.Y. Put on my jacket, went to the porch. Took a couple of photos, thinking of Dorothy and too, of 2013. In 2013, I was back in The City, in the heat there. Imagine. I don’t know what it was like here, but I remember one day, talking with Fran, on the phone, and her telling that she was enjoying a “70-degree day” as I was schwitzing. Ah… and today, here, the snow is falling. It’s going to be another late planting season this year. Alas. Oh well. But there IS something calming about it. I suppose. – 26° in the room though. – And I wonder how many more days of this back pain there are to come. And I wonder if this time, will it ever stop. – So? Another day and more to be done on the “site”. More music to add. – (Good thing I didn’t stay awake late last night. And that I didn’t have a drink before bed. I think it’s a good thing. But it would be nice to simply go back to bed.) – Mme. is, of course, up, in the kitchen. But I managed to have my smoke in peace. – On with the day… I suppose. – Oh, I do hope the snow isn’t a deterrent to Mme. going up to Bedford today. Not that I’ll have anything much to do with the extra time… other than to enjoy the “peace”. – 11.11 AT 9.30 I HAD… “THE BOWEL BLAST”!!! THE SIGNAL THAT THE BACK PAIN IS LEAVING! And from that, I got up from the bowl, came into the room and laid down to sleep… DEEPLY… and DREAMT:
I’d moved into a new flat in late March, it wasn’t well-furnished, Ahlena lived in the building as well. I don’t recall ALL of the details but I’d parked the Subaru in a parking-lot and needed the car to go some-where. I hadn’t used it for quite some time but remembered – vaguely – where I’d parked it. But when I went to get it, it wasn’t where I remembered parking it. So I started looking about the parking lot (which reminds me of the parking at the Plattsburgh airport). I was in a bit of a panic thinking it had been towed away. And then, as I searched, I recalled that it was the 17th of April and that I hadn’t paid April’s rent. Couldn’t understand why I hadn’t been contacted about it. Wondered if I’d paid it when I moved in. As I dreamt, in a bit of confusion, I thought: I need to get out of this situation… no problem… I’m dreaming… all I need do is wake up. No. I can’t do that. The rent is due. I have the money. How do I get it to the office? I don’t have any idea where I’m to send it to. No. I need to wake up and stop this nonsense. Where’s the car? And the thoughts repeated until… I just decided to wake up. And so I’ve one.
Yes, the PAIN is a bit subsided. I got up slowly, put on my jacket and went out for a smoke. And now, I’m back at the table. And yes, the pain IS a bit less. And I’m feeling ever-so “removed”. Relief from the pain. The drowsiness of sleeping so deeply. And the morning is all but gone by. Oh well. Back to figuring all the music inserts. – 22.14 Another day of working like mad on the Journal-site… but all the music is on, on the monthly pages. I’ve still got a few more tunes to add, then modify the file names, and a few more pages to work on before it’s ready to “launch”. Still, it’s coming along and the formatting is good. I’m impressed with how much I’ve learnt through all of this… Now to get it to make money. No doubt, I won’t get any “help” with that aspect. But… at least I can still learn. – Was invited for and had a burger and salad for “meal” this evening. Nothing to drink, but it was good to eat and the comment “At least it might help you feel better.” She just wants to get on the road, and not alone and, well, let’s face it, she probably feels she’s rather “stuck” with me. Oh well. At least my pain isn’t as profound this evening. There are remnants, the back’s still stiff and it’s rather quite uncomfortable to sit and bend and stand. But at least it’s not mind-pounding. Hopefully, it’ll be better yet tomorrow. I slept several times during the day. And this time, sleep was “deep”. The horrid pain being gone. But it wasted quite a lot of time that I could have been working. – Well. It’s time for another “nap”. I’ve had another naproxen and won’t be having tele or drinks tonight. Let’s see what tomorrow brings. (I can’t wait to get everything on-line… all formatted nicely and cleaned-up. The story will be available… Who knows? One day, somebody might put it to paper and become rich… Fuck me.) – Good-night world. I’m checking out.

Sat.21.Apr:6.22 and a new day commences… with pain. The back is only ever so slightly better this morning. And again, I wonder: will the pain ever go away again? And I’ve dressed, had my coffee, and a smoke, alone on the porch. And there’s more work to be done during the day. I’m thankful for the distraction of the work. And thankful for the learning… Odd though, that I don’t listen to any music, for the most part. Oh well… “Those” days are gone, it seems. – The sun is shining through a “haze”. It’s chilly but not cold. all of yesterday’s snow is completely gone. And I could use a bit of a shower. But anyway, on with this morning. On with this day. On with… another… – 21.30 Rolls out at 9.55 with “I’ll be back by 3.” then rolls back in at 16.58. And I catch myself asking myself why I should feel any sense of obligation to be honest around here. – But I got quite a bit accomplished on the Journal site today. The monthlies are done and now it’s mostly a matter of constructing the “menu” for all the pages. There are images that I don’t recall having been used in the pages I’ve got so I’ll have to check through the blog again. But the foundation work is just about complete… and only ONE nap all day! – This evening, on invite, a lamb chop, salad and rice. I’d had a bowl of oatmeal at lunch-time though so I’ve eaten “well enough” for today. – And now, I believe Mme. and the critters are about to head for bed for the night. As for me? Like-wise. I’d like to work a bit more on the site docs but I’d prefer a “nap” more. My back’s STILL quite out tonight and I’m a bit tired, mostly from the pain. It’s a tiny bit better, but it’s still there… and it’s exhausting.

Sun.22.Apr: 5.41 and for some reason… I woke… and decided to get out of bed… with a bit more pain of course, And here I am! – 5.49 and I can’t believe I’m dressed, coffeed, pee’ed and heading for a smoke. – But the DREAMS: Yesterday… buying, selling ties and trying to keep a square kippa to be round and on my head with ketchup? This morning… a trip to something like Ikea, with people I really didn’t like, them getting lost, me getting lost, we took a bus or something; I was supposed to drive us all home; they had to stay past closing because they had to close the place up; some ditz blonde getting me into some “message circle”. – Both dreams were just silly, but exhausting and aggravating and annoying. – But oh well… here I am… Time for a smoke (and a naproxen). – 6.01 In from a smoke. Frost on the Subaru but clear and crisp out there. I’m feeling “not exactly here” again, this morning. And I should be sitting on the loo but I don’t dare, in case Mme. wakes and needs. And the WC isn’t exactly the best place for a BM with the “shutter doors”. Oh well… no matter where… still in The Shelter. – On to the “diversion work”… the Journal-site. – At least Mme. will be heading to “Jesus’ house” this morning… let’s hope she’s got “errands” as well. – Oh… I see it’s -4. “Spring” has not yet arrived. – 7.58 Soc.Med., coffee, second smoke and coffee. Stopped at the kitchen to say… what-ever. Got to the loo but with poor results. But this day is on the roll at last… and I want to take a nap! – 21.19 and another day has passed… bright sun and clear skies, and a typical Northern Spring: the sun was warm but the cool breezes carried the cold of the snows that still cover the earth to the North. – The in-breeds of 5225 are in full swing. They’ve been burning in the “fire pit” in the yard, spewing the most rancid smoke across the yards. It can be tasted, like burning tyres. And even now, at this hour, the devil spore are dancing about as sparks soar into the night sky and they screech. Personally, I think of one spark hitting one of the old barns and POOF! There’ll be Hell-blazes filling the town tonight. Oddly (or not), Dickie Cooper, who was getting the brunt of the smoke, didn’t bother to notify the authorities. And yet… my “introduction” to him was shortly after my arrival in this shit-hole colostomy-town when I was burning some old wood found in the barn at 5225… in an old oil drum in the back yard. “You have to have a permit.” said he. Ah yes? Well, once again, these in-breed retards show their true colours. Well… if the barns go, and my car is damaged, there will be utter Hell to be paid. Not to mention, Mme.’s tiller and lawn mower and the 2 tractors that will be destroyed. They’ll get what they deserve, should it happen. – Beef stew for dinner this evening, and a rye and ginger. – An I’ve taken a naproxen. My back was OK during the day, but it’s flaring again. I also managed a 90-minute nap earlier! Strange, how I can sleep during the day but not at night. – And the work on the Journal-site is down to the cleaning of the monthly header pages. Then a run-through to check links and such and… LAUNCH! THEN? On to… perhaps… 8539266. I’ll not be with nothing to do. And this new knowledge inspires me to work more. Now… to make MONEY on it! (I have to get to the advertising too.) – Meanwhile, I’m back to the few pages of directories and then… probably another night of no tele and drinks. Tomorrow evening it’s “me” time again. I’m looking forward to that. – Oh… at one point this evening, as the sun finally hit the back of the house, the temperature on the porch was 62F! Tuesday, the forecast holds, will be MUCH hotter. We’re going to jump from Winter to dead Summer I fear. I MUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF AND AWAY FROM HERE!

Mon.23.Apr. 1.13 Just finishing the run-through on the audio/video files on the Journal-site having added a few items to the monthly directory pages and such. Have to change the “menu” links next and it looks like today… after my “nap”, at some moment… it will go on-line! – Tonight will be night 3 with-out an “evening beverage”. No prob. – Just in from a smoke. The fire at 5225 is out. That’s a relief. And the night sky is clear. Perhaps Tuesday, I’ll give the Subaru a jolt of WD40, move it into another position in the yard. Hopefully my back will be well enough to put up with it. – But for now… NAP TIME! Right after I back-up my WORK!!! – 7.27 UP! DRESSED. SMOKE! BECAUSE… LEG SPASM AND BACK JAB! AND… EXHAUSTED! Couldn’t fall asleep last night. Then, had a leg spasm at some point. Next thing I hear: the 6.00 alarm. Tried to sleep again. Nope. But when the last leg spasm hit, I gave up, gave in, and got up. – The porch is a mess! Strewn with robin feathers. Dead robin in the middle of the floor. And I can’t help but believe “she” knows it’s there but won’t clean it up. Oh well… Seriously; why should she bother? “Somebody else” will attend to it. Yeah… perhaps… when I get round to it. – Meanwhile… the day commences. How? I’m not sure. But it does… and it will continue. – If only I could simply get rid of the back pain. But I know; I ask too much. – Oh well… “KADIMA”! – 11.35 Well…KARMA has arrived, and with it, a hefty helping of “Just Desserts” to welcome in the Spring. Dickie came and “cleaned” the green-house, leaving the saw-horses that held the work-benches on one side and the tops on the other. Mme. has gone to the garden where, next door, the neighbours of 5225 are in the yard doing (or un-doing) the results of their all-night fire-fest. Their dogs are barking at Hallie and she, in turn, is barking back at them. And I see that the gate between the yards has been shoved askew, the pole that holds it is tilted. Damage has begun. Yesterday the air was thick with acrid smoke. Last night, the sparks flew up and into the night air. And this morning, already, the “New Conflicts and Confrontations” commence. Me? I simply HAVE to just kick back and enjoy the mayhem. They get what they deserve. I’ve worked very hard since my arrival in this colostomy-town. 5225 looked ever-so charming and attractive and I maintained that, even in my horrific pains. Literally “broke my back” with gratitude only from Lyle. Then I came here, to 5199, where I continued my efforts, only to be threatened with forcible removal from the premises. Oh well dear in-breeds. This morning I commented on the wood chips in front of the garage, the left-overs from when I hauled the fire-wood into the garage. The snows fell before I could get them up. “Is there a rake around here some-where?” says Mme. Because I mentioned it, she suddenly NEEDED to attend. As if I wouldn’t. When I said that I’d get to them, I pointed-out that what needed attending is the gravel in the grass that’s been plowed into it and the bits of sod that got scraped-up. “If Curtis ruins his mower on that, I’m sure he’ll have some kind of shit-fit.” (I note here: I repeatedly said that I’ll mow, BUT ONLY with WRITTEN permission to do so and the re-location of the Twats’ vehicle that’s been sitting there for YEARS now. But… there’s no “permission” forth-coming and no action being made to that end. So? So pay Curtis 35-40$ or more and…as they say “suck it up, Buttercup”.) – Meanwhile… I’m onto my third coffee and working along on the “sitemap” for the Journal. It’s of no use or sense to be even slightly “moved” by the situation. As I said about Dickie’s “work” in the green-house: “At least he’s keeping-up the true Vermont tradition: half-assed and horse-shit.” – Amen. – (I need a nap. No time for such… until after 15.30 or so.) – 13.47 AND…
THE JOURNAL IS BEING LOADED TO THE DeadArtist SERVER! THE SAGA CONTINUES… ON-LINE!
Meanwhile… Mme. got an ear-full and a face-full again today. I mentioned the burning and the sparks of last night and the potential for the burning of the barn and the tiller, the mower, the tractors, the fuels… she blew it all off. I mentioned the condition of the gate to the garden AND SHE PROMPTLY WENT INTO SOME FUCKING DISSERTATION ABOUT IT BEING IN NOT-SO-GREAT CONDITION ANYWAY… FUCK ME! AFTER I WENT AND POUNDED THOSE FENCE-POSTS IN TO STRAIGHTEN THAT ENTIRE LENGTH OF FENCING! WHAT A FUCKED-UP PIECE OF WORK THAT SENILE OLD THING! JUST AS SHE PULLED HER SHIT ABOUT THE GATE I’D FIXED AND THE TWAT UP-STAIRS BUSTED… AND SHE LIED TO THE POLICE IN DEFENCE OF THE SHIT, CLAIMING THE GATE’S “20 YEARS OLD” … AGAIN… AFTER I’D REINFORCED IT AND RE-BUILT AND PAINTED IT! SHE JUST FUCKING WILL NOT GIVE CREDIT FOR ANY WORK THAT’S DONE… IF IT’S DONE BY ME! WELL… WITH-OUT GOING INTO DETAILS, BECAUSE I KNOW THEY ONLY CONFUSE HER FEEBLE MIND ALL THE MORE, I JUST EXPRESSED THAT I’M FUCKING SICK OF THE INGRATITUDE OF THE IN-BREEDS, BREECH-BIRTHS AND GENERAL RETARDS OF THIS STATE. (Maybe one of these days she’ll make an effort at helping to get me out of here? Though I doubt it.) HER REPLY? “I appreciate it.” YOU FUCKING LIAR! AS ‘TIS SAID “ACTIONS, NOT WORDS”. AND HER ACTIONS PROVE, BEYOND ALL POSSIBLE DOUBT, SHE’S JUST SUCKING-UP THE WORK THAT’S DONE FOR HER. OH WELL… Typical and par for the course. I came back into the room and continued working on the Journal-site… thankfully. – Meanwhile, her Dickie came back, finished the work in the green-house, though not completely. AND THEN… as the 5225 neighbours are BURNING MORE SHIT, the dick (I shouldn’t call him that because dicks have value… THAT does NOT), is now burning as well! Imagine? I pointed-out to Mme. that I would have burnt much of what got thrown onto what was called the “compost pile” but was fearful of being reported, fined, arrested and the likes. ONCE AGAIN… THE “FLATLANDER” IS PUT INTO PLACE. JUST HERE TO BE FUCKED. – Never mind… the Journal is being posted to the Internet. One of these days the story will be read. For now, I’ll have to keep the “WP Blog” closed. I often wonder why it’s gotten over 2k hits. Probably Ms. Lloyd. Well… THAT well has run dry. Between closing the fesses-book and the Journal… let them rot. – And so… this sunny day progresses. I wish I had the stamina to go work on the Subaru. But best I stay out of the way of the vermin-residents. Seriously, honestly and literally… they sicken me. – She’ll be gone in a couple of hours… and then I can get something to eat. I’m rather hungry at the moment… at the moment. And it’s probably time for some serious “make-up drinking”. Fukkem. Fukkemall! – 14.43 Well… the Internet (read: this shit-town excuse for Internet) is fucking me over. Not that it’s un-expected. So I’ll just have to postpone the transfer until later and hope for better connection. WTF? I put in all this work for this shit? At least I now know that trying to conduct any serious business in this fucktown is out of the question. – Mme. is busy in the garden, tossing shit from end to end. The air is full of smoke from the burning of the Dickie and the in-breeds of 5225. The sun is trying to shine. And I’m exhausted. What a fuck… over all. – OH! And I tried to get the old cow on phone service (“Dialer”)… because she came to me for “help”… and as I’m getting things established… she walks away. Yep… RETARD! –
22.02 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…. LOUPNORDIQUE IS NOW DeadArtist.de/loupnordique! WE ARE ON THE AIR AND AROUND THE WORLD! (I’m just waiting for the links for the images to process, but ALL documents are on the server! At last! I had to up-load the auds/vids by 5… took ALL evening.)
In other news: the 4 HEAPING spoons of coconut oil I gulped earlier have been CLEANING ME OUT! Hopefully, it’s the solution to the back trouble.

Tue.24.Apr: 7.25 A NIGHT OF HORRORS! ALL THROUGH… LEG SPASMS. NO MATTER HOW I TRIED, NO MATTER WHAT POSITION, EVEN TO THE POINT OF WEARING SOCKS *AND*, AT ONE POINT, THE SLIPPERS, THE FEET STARTED, THE SPASMS RAN UP THE LEGS! IT WASN’T UNTIL TOTAL EXHAUSTION TOOK HOLD AT ABOUT 5.00 THIS MORNING THAT I FINALLY GOT TO SOME KIND OF ACTUAL SLEEP! And, at about 6.45, I was up again… for the day. MY BACK IS STILL PAINFUL, THOUGH NOT THE SHARP BONE PAIN OF ITS HEIGHT. THIS shit MUST END! – And I’m checking to see why this Journal site isn’t producing the back-ground images… and only SOME of the general images in the main directory. It worked perfectly well locally. Even some of the documents aren’t there. The directory, the Heintje page. I don’t understand. Not to mention, I’m typing this as I wait for access to the server. Well… there’s always something to fuck about with a day. May as well begin a day of fatigue with aggravation. Eh? If not… between pain and annoyance, I wouldn’t be “me”. – 8.26 FUCKING TYPO! The server is “Case-Sensitive” and the directory “Images” was “images”! Live and Learn. Though I’m pissed with and at me for being so bloody ignorant, stupid, retarded. So… RE-up-loading ALL the docs now… Let’s see how it works (or not). – 9.32 AND THE CORRECTIONS TO THE JOURNAL-SITE HAVE BEEN MADE… ON ALL OF THE PAGES. SO… I’m adding entries to this point, to the blog AND to the site… and HOPEFULLY it will all bode well. – The boots are on the porch, soaking yet another application of Lexol. The “bed-things” are in the washer… awaiting the cycle. Second coffee. And this morning, no “urgency” to the loo. Well… after about 5 trips last evening, following what was probably a VERY HEAPING tablespoon of coconut oil… I shouldn’t be surprised. – Oh… and the back is a tad bit better. Sitting is still slow and concentrated. Turning is “delicate”. But THIS time MUST have done SOME DAMAGE. It’s going to take longer to heal. – Next? Lube the Sube! and perhaps move it. With the obvious trash that’s moved into 5225, I worry about them setting fire to the barns… and/or the property… and/or the village! As I thought last night and hold today: Franklin, for all it’s nasty, arrogant, miserable, fucked-up pomposity, is now turning into the Richford they’ve taken such glee and delight in belittling. And, IMHO (as ’tis posted): deservingly so. – Moving on… may as well salvage what I can from this day. The sun is shining… at least. And I don’t have to bundle to go for a smoke. How charming. – 9.50 All the site-work is done. Of course, I need to make a CLEAN back-up of this, now that it’s working properly. I still don’t know what went wrong, but at least it appears to be fine now… so… on with the fucking day. –

I’VE BEEN ROBBED!!! MY “SOCIAL SECURITY” “DIRECT EXPRESS” CARD HAS BEEN USED FOR MONEY TRANSFERS IN AZERBAIJAN: 332,77; NETFLIX: 27,98; XBOX: 25,42 …. 386,17! INSTEAD OF THE 479,06 I SHOULD HAVE HAD IN THE ACCOUNT TODAY, TO MAKE THE TRANSFER FOR TOMORROW… STUPID ME FOR WAITING… I HAVE ONLY 92,89 *** AND *** NOW HAVE TO WAIT FOR 10 DAYS BEFORE I GET A NEW CARD WITH THE NEXT SOC.SEC. PAYMENT ON IT! I’VE HAD TO “TALK” WITH SOME GUY (WHOSE NAME I FORGOT TO NOTE AT THE TIME) WHO GAVE ME A LINE OF BULL-SHIT ABOUT REPORTING IT… AND ALL HE DID WAS (ALLEGEDLY) ORDER A NEW CARD. THEN WITH A WOMAN NAMED “TAMMI” WHO TOOK ALL THE PARTICULARS AND SENT ME TO “LEVEL 2” AND SOME WOMAN NAMED “TINA” WHO TOOK ALL THE PARTICULARS AGAIN AND INFORMED ME THAT THE LARGE TRANSACTIONS (TO THE FUCKING BANQUE) WILL HAVE TO BE “DISPUTED” AND I WON’T SEE THAT MONEY UNTIL (IF) THE MATTER IS SETTLED. YEAH… A BANQUE IN AZBERJAIAN IS GOING TO “SETTLE”. NOPE… NO MORE GOING “WITH THE LAW” ANY LONGER. THIS ENDS THAT SHIT. FROM NOW ON… MOST SERIOUSLY… I HANDLE ISSUES MY-SELF AND IN MY OWN FASHION. SHIT IS GOING TO FLY… AND THIS TIME, NOT OUT THE BACK END OF A “HOULE”. FOR THE RECORDS: I MADE THE FIRST CALL WHEN I NOTICED THE BALANCE (10.49) AND SPOKE WITH SOME GUY WHO GAVE ME ALL SORTS OF GENERAL BULL-SHIT AS THOSE FUCKTARDS GENERALLY WILL. BUT I CALLED BACK AT 10.52 AND AGAIN AT 10.54 AND GOT NOTHING BUT A FUCKING RECORDING AND DISCONNECT. FINALLY, AT 11.37 I SPOKE WITH A WOMAN NAMED “TAMMI” AT DIRECT FRAUD. SHE TOOK THE PARTICULARS AND TRANSFERRED ME TO “TINA” AT “LEVEL 2”. I ADD THIS… FOR MY OWN RECORDS, NOT BECAUSE I EVEN REMOTELY THINK ANYTHING POSITIVE WILL COME OF ANY OF IT.

18.28 Well… strolled over to the store for a tin of “Chunky” soup into which I put some left-over rice. “Meal”. Ice cream for tonight, rolls for the porch franks at some point. – Sent message to Mme. about the theft. No reply… of course. – Actually dozed in the recliner earlier. Probably the only sleep I’ll get tonight. – And other-wise, just really down about this whole theft thing. It’s 386,17! A month’s rent (in QC at least). Not to mention, I could have put it into the Subaru… or even bought ME something! (They released the 98 that was left on the card… I believe, so I could just piss it away or I could get Mimou more food… which he’s going to need in short order.) Bottom line: DON’T LEAVE ANY MONEY ON THE CARD! GET IT INTO THE BANQUE… AS LONG AS IT CAN BE TRANSFERRED, GET IT OUT! And as for any kind of “help” with the matter? I’m just fucked… I know that. And chances are, I’ll never see any of that money again. Fucked. They take, take, take, take… When I think too, I never got paid for the last week of work at Days Inn… accused of embezzlement, case dismissed, all the shit I went through because of it AND bilked out of pay! Not to mention all the work I’ve always done in general… FREE. Well… “Life”. Insignificant. No sense getting all shitty about it. May as well just roll along. There’s nothing that will be done about it… unless I do something. And the chances of me finding the culprit are almost zilch. May as well move along. (Even the local people in my “circle”… worthless, useless, less than the trash and garbage that’ll go to the curb tomorrow morning.) – But it’s been a warm day. Between the naproxen and the pain, I’ve been “chilled” though. I see it’s 21° at present… low of 9 tonight… 16 on Friday and 22 on Tuesday next! (And I won’t see any money until the 8th… OF NEXT MONTH… at the earliest! FUCK ME! Anyhoo… no sense dwelling. – HEY! I can re-do the “Juke Box” page on G’s! Put the music ON the same page! I have to add a song anyway. “We’re On The Right Track”. I don’t know HOW I could have missed it. So there’s diversion and distraction. – I’m tired… and smoking entirely TOO much… nah… not enough. V-tons PLURAL tonight! – 22.54 There’s a double v-ton (vv-ton>) waiting at bed-side and a bag of crisps. I’m out of a SCRUBBING shower… HOT water, double lather… I feel “filthy”… the way I did when I was robbed on Valentine av. And I’m pissed-off at the entire WORLD right about now. Oh yes, and still no response from any of the messages I sent Mme. all day. Gee. Go figure. But I ate the entire container of ice cream as I watched “Roseanne”… 3 episodes tonight. So I’m rather stuffed at the moment and hoping like all Heaven and Hell for no SPASMS during the night. The back is a bit better after the hot water. But I know that’s not to last. And the bed linens are clean. The clothes are in the wash. And me? I’m looking forward to a nice “shit-face” and a coma through the night… maybe even a heart attack. I don’t care about it all right now. – Been thinking though: The way to get soc.sec. into CIBC: Canada address. Yes indeed… we’re about to work on that… in FIREY and FURIOUS efforts. Car. Flat. GONE! And fuck all of this bull-shit… HOME.

Wed.25.Apr: 8.35 Woke this morning, laying flat on my back! Slept through the entire night/morning (since, the last time I looked at the clock, it was about 1.55 this morning). But my back is only a bit stiff! Not completely pain-free but much-improved! The critters are fed, I’ve had coffee and smoke. AND THE FUCKING SOC.SEC. IS POSTED TO A NEW CARD NUMBER WHICH I CAN’T ACCESS THIS MORNING BECAUSE THE CARD ISN’T FUCKING ACTIVATED AND I DON’T HAVE THE FUCKING “SECURITY CODE” BECAUSE IT’S ON THE FUCKING CARD WHICH HASN’T BEEN RECEIVED NOR ACTIVATED SO… THERE’S 969 ON THE FUCKING CARD, I *COULD* PUT 965 INTO *MY* ACCOUNT WHICH, AT CURRENT RATES WOULD GIVE 1243 BUT NOOOOOOO!!!! THEY, THE DELIGHTFUL GOVERNMENT AND THE MERRY BAND OF BACK-STABBING THEIVES FUCK ME YET AGAIN! FUCKING LIARS… THE LOT OF THEM. MY FIRST THOUGHT ON THIS RAINY MORN: THEY WOULDN’T EFFECT DIRECT DEPOSIT TO MY ACCOUNT BUT THEY’VE LET OVER 300$ GO TO AZERRBAIJAN! OF COURSE, “TAMMI” AND “TINA” TELL ME THAT THEY’LL “DISPUTE” AND “INVESTIGATE”, BUT HISTORY PROVES THAT THEY WON’T DO SQUAT-FUKKALL-SHIT ABOUT IT. ADVICE IS TO FILE A “POLICE REPORT” AND RESEARCH SHOWS THAT THE POLICE DO THE VERY SAME, SQUAT-FUKKALL-SHIT ABOUT IT. SO? THIS MORNING, INSTEAD OF GETTING A GOOD RATE OF EXCHANGE AND A NICE ACCOUNT WHERE-BY ABOUT 9-10 MONTHS’ RENT IS IN… I HAVE TO WAIT… UNTIL 2-9 MAY AND HOPE FOR CONTINUED STRENGTH OF THE USD. FUCKING LIARS… ALL ROUND. GOOD-FUCKING-MORNING INDEED. – Now then, on THAT fucking cheerie note, my front teeth are “pinching”, my nose is drippy, my head, of course, after the equivalent of a full glass of vodka last night, feels a bit on the “heavy” side, tummy’s a bit “off”… and there’s a litter box to empty and trash to be brought to the curb. After that? Pretty much the same as the government… squat-fukkall-shit. –
SERIOUSLY… IT’S TIME TO BEHAVE AS THE REST OF THE WORLD: PAY NO ATTENTION TO ANYBODY OUT-SIDE THE PARAMTERS OF MY OWN CLOTHING.
And there we have it. Amen. – 12.24 And… having done with the morning chores, at about 10.00, I returned to bed, seeing no sense in feeling tired and forcing an issue of the day that’s other-wise little more than an annoyance. And I did, in fact, nap. Feeling any better? No. Not really at all. But the day is moving along… and so too… am I. On the agenda? Later… I’ll do the floors, prepare the “meals” for the critters, have a shower and go back to bed… perhaps as I did last night: double-double v-ton. It’s the only way I know to get any sleep through the night. – Not raining but still grey out there. But not cold. I see a 25 in the temperatures in a few days. A touch too much too soon. But, in the reality of all things that are, it makes no matter. It is what it is and will be what it will be until it, an I, longer is, am, were. There really and actually is no sense to “being”. Random bull-shit puts us “here”. Random bull-shit pounds on us for the duration of our “being”, our existence. And then? Random bull-shit puts us out of it. As Mum used to say: “There is no ‘Hell’ after this. THIS is Hell. AFTER this, there’s only Peace.” Amen. – 20.27 “Meal” (old burger & left-over rice on rolls) and the dishes are done. I’ve trimmed my beard and will shave before shower… in a rather very short while. The critters were out from about 19.00-20.00 and have had their evening “snax”. The WHOLE place got Hoovered (because I got to use the extension cord in the white room which let me keep going through the whole place) AND the kitchen floor is mopped. There’s NOTHING to be done tomorrow!!! I COULD have brought in some fire-wood, but she’ll only just burn it all to Hell and then whine because there isn’t any more. So… You want? You go get. I had the thermostat up to 75F most of the day, primarily to take the dampness out of the place. I mean… if it doesn’t get done, the place will just stay damp until August. So? So… * Today I decided to simply be as *I* wish to be in this place. There’s no sense at all in discussing, arguing, debating, conversing about anything at all. AND I decided that (and I’m saying nothing until we’re at the box office) I will NOT be planning on attending a Bocelli concert in Montréal in iOctober and that Mme. should purchase the tickets for herself and her Maryrose. * Bad enough she tells me “You could stop by and see if Viv’s still there and how she is while we’re in Montreal.” Oh yeah? Right. Surely. Just as I’ve been invited on little trips through New England and such… Like I got to see Ev when we were in CT. Or the way we got to go to Wappingers on that trip. Yep. Right. Nope. We’ll go. She’s got destinations: Box office, Pied du Cochon and the Botanical Garden. Me? I’ve got a bit of pharmacy shopping (see if they’ve got quinine, something for my face, laundry soap…). Jean Coutu and I’m “travelled”. I also need to find housing. So MAYBE, if I drive, I’ll get a trip round Bedford area in. – Meanwhile… I’ve worked on the “Juke Box” page for G’s today. Am re-vamping to keep the music on the same page. It’s been interesting and rather fun, working with the scripting to get the effect I like. I think I’m just about where it’s going to be. Pain in the arse, as it is. I’ve already ruined my song-numbering system of “Row/Position”. But… if it keeps it all on one page, that’s fine. – I hear the dryer thinks it’s done. Re-washed my jammies and a couple of shirts in “Gain”… for a “fresh” scent for travel. Will throw the clothes I’m wearing in when shower is done and then… SEEPIE NIGH-NIGHT FOR ALL! – And yes… I’m keeping my mind away from the thought of the money being held captive and away from me AND the money that’s been stolen. “Life is what we make it.” and it isn’t permanent. When we’re dead, none of what we’ve done, said, thought makes any difference to anybody at all. Best to make the best possible of the time at hand… and move on… until we “move out”. FUCK THIS! FTW! FTS! FML! FUKKEMALL! – 22.25 Shaved and showered and the clothes in the washer are on the rinse. I’ll toss my towel and flannel in with la Parisienne to get the Gain out of the washer whilst I enjoy the double v-ton awaiting at bed-side. Bat Oren for the shower tonight. And a naproxen. Hopefully it will bring a night of sleep… through. – The loo is loaded with ladybugs! They fly about as I shave, brush my teeth and shower. Quite amazing little things. – And so, another day has passed… BFD indeed. Time to wrap it up. Peace will cease in the morn.

Thu.26.Apr: 8.30 AND… another (rainy) day commences after yet, another FULL NIGHT of SLEEP! Yep… MAJOR vodka, naproxen and a night of restful sleep. That’s the key. – The lights went out, the laundry done, at 1.04 this morning. Heard the 7.00 alarm and went back to sleep. Heard the 8.00 alarm and… went back to sleep for a few more minutes. Up, coffee, breakfast served, doors open, got dressed, had m’smoke. The back’s still “stiff” but not too bad. Not really good enough for a “travel”, but I doubt there’ll be any of that today. Hopefully the old thing will simply come in, hit the recliner and the day will pass… in peace (“peace”, HAH!). But there’s coding on the new “Juke” page to while the day away. – But first thought of THIS morning: Azerbaijan… the land where my social security money has gone to. Charming. Lovely way to begin a day. Eh? – Well… it’s off to my own “routine” for now. No telling when the cow(s) will return. It’s my responsibility to handle the time… on my own. The cat’s already gnawing away at a sparrow… on the porch. Oh, the delights of the day. – Fukkit. – 18.25 OK… so Mme. rolls in round 14.30 or so, admits that she received my text message about the soc.sec. theft and the photos… so her complete absence of concern is proven. It dictated further talking, particularly when she began offering her opinion and advice and got told, quite frankly “People can take their fucking advice and opinions and keep them because all through this experience, nobody’s been of any help.” Her next question about daughter got “I don’t know why you feign concern when it’s been more than blatantly obvious that you truly have none.” So I’ll suppose that (for that moment anyway), my position on matters is quite clear: Fuck you… and fuck off. But of particular note: there was no hollering or such and all just slipped by. – I came back into the room to continue working on the new “Juke-box” page which is a pain because it’s not displaying the same in Firefox, Chrome, IE or Opera so I’ll have to create 2 pages for format and some way of linking to them. It’s like returning to the old “IE/Netscape” days. The more things change… the more they fuck up. – Other-wise, I’m just up from my second 1-hour nap of the day and I thought I had 4 franks on the porch? Nope… only TWO! So I had them on rolls AND BROKE MORE TOOTH upper right! It’s now stuffed with temp filling because it’s too annoying to ignore. And to think, I was going to “fill” the broken teeth for the week-end anyway. Well… let’s see how tonight goes… if I have a drink before bed and if so, what I wake up with and to in the morning. – Meanwhile… back to the coding.

Fri.27.Apr: 1.46 JUST finished a WHOLE DAY’S WORK on the new pages and the new ordering of music on the G’s site… got ALL of the music re-posted and ALL THREE new pages to the server only to find…THE FUCKING THING IS DOWN! NOT ONLY G’s BUT ALL OF MY DOMAINS! AND APPARENTLY THIS ISN’T THE FIRST TIME! SO… looks like a new “hosting” is in order. – Anyway… the box office at Centre Bell doesn’t open until noon tomorrow and me? I’ve had my v-ton and am ready for the second. I “filled” my upper teeth today and the one on the upper left is a bit sore. Broke the upper right on a fucking frank! Not to mention, I’m rather hungry at the moment and not looking too forward to the 25° temperature to come… I’ve got butter on the porch! Oh well… – I suppose I need to take a nap here. But a v-ton and a little tele will help un-wind before and so it shall be. – This night is a wrap… fuck me. – 3.01 Still awake and on the third… THIRD… v-ton. Watching “Vicar of Dibley” and again, thinking… I’M IN FUCKING DIBLEY!!! REALLY… IN DIBLEY! The people are identical! Frank is Jesse, Alice… Mme. and others. And to think that I’m about to venture to Montréal in a few hours… Perhaps I should use the rest of the vodka for the trip. I’m actually in the mind-set. Oh well. Just bloody “oh well”. – 3.29 and has become the usual for this shit-hole… the internet is fucking up. So… I’ll gulp the last of the v-ton and… that’s that. FUCKING COLOSTOMY BAG, this town. – 8.57 BOO! Up and dressed. What a fucking shame. – 23.07 We left at almost 14.00, got turned round when I missed the exit for Centre Ville, drove back to the 15 to come back into MTL. Got to Centre Bell, Mme. got THREE fucking tickets in the time it took me to find parking. THEN came the adventure to find Au Pied de Cochon which I did quite immediately but she wouldn’t take my word because there was no sign. I headed out toward d’Iberville but by that time I’d had more than my fill of the whining and wincing about my driving. So I drove across Jean Talon and she insisted that she wanted to go back to Au Pied de Cochon and we did. Parked on St-Laurent and walked over. 100$ later… she had a typical “nouvelle cuisine” sort of plate of bread, potato, ham, cheese, maple syrup and I had a “foie gras poutine” that was INCERDIBLE! SO RICH THAT EVEN THE RELATIVELY SMALL PORTION STUFFED ME! Mme. had a beer, we had coffee (watered-down espresso that they called “Americano”, she shared a “maple pudding chomeur”. Well… we weren’t 3 streets away and the pork HIT and I almost lost my dinner in my pants! We drove round and back to the resto where I used the loo, got back into the truck. It was about 20.30 by then and I drove directly out of town. We took the 15 to Champlain and drove across to the shit-hole. Just got in moments ago. All are in bed. And no… as I suspected, I got NOTHING of what I’d have liked to do… laundry soap, smokes and a couple of Jean Coutu items. Nope. It was as usual… I didn’t exist for any purpose other than to drive. Ah, and BEFORE we left? *I* had to haul the 30lbs of soil and TWO 60lb bags of sand out of the fucking truck. I was filthy when we left… after having taken a nice shower. Oh well… as I say “typical”. But I’ll certainly be making up for it on the week-end… I need more vodka… at least. – And so, the meal was INCREDIBLE AND DELICIOUS even in spite of the “after effects”. And I’m quite tired. – Oh too… Ms. Pammy came to feed the brood at 17.00. Very “white” of her, indeed. – Now to see if GoDaddy’s gotten their shit together and put the sites back up. I’m not expecting it but… Then, a hand-washing and perhaps a tele and a show. –

Sat.28.Apr: Woke at 9.10…. – 23.59 An other-wise wasted day of posting “Warnings” to ALL of my soc.med. accounts because **** MY SITES ARE STILL DOWN!!!! *****

Sun.29.Apr: 2.41… (12.16 now) 2.41 was “lights out” and 8.00 was “get up and run for no reason”. I THOUGHT I’d go with Mme. when she went to church this morning, grab my vodka, cat food and such, bring it to the house, return to her after mass, get dropped back at the house and she could go on about her “maple march” but… she decided she wasn’t going to church and offered the truck AFTER her march. Well… it’s a cold and wet one again today and I thought: fine… probably better if I just take the truck and go anyway. So… Mme. DIDN’T go to church but left and headed directly to St-A and her “social affair”. Me? I probably SHOULD have gone back to bed but… didn’t. Instead, I rang GoDaddy… *** NOTE DU JOUR: IT WASN’T THE SERVERS, IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM NOR MY LAP-TOP! THE SOLUTION? UN-PLUG THE FUCKING BLOODY ROUTER FOR A FEW MINUTES! THE SITES WERE NEVER DOWN… IT WAS THE FUCKING ROUTER!!! PIECE OF ANTIQUATED SHIT THAT’S CAUSED ME MORE SHIT THAN I CAN CARE TO THINK ABOUT! AND TO THINK I WASTED AN ENTIRE FUCKING DAY YESTERDAY, POSTING ALL SORTS OF SHIT ACROSS THE SOCIAL MEDIA SPECTRUM (ALL OF WHICH HAS BEEN DELETED THIS MORNING) BECAUSE OF IT! Alas… as I told the wonderful young lady at customer support: Life in this place is unadulterated HELL! The world should only know. BUT… I can access the sites AND ALL MY WORK ON THE NEW JUKE BOX PAGE IS THERE AND FUNCTIONING! – Meanwhile… it’s damned cold and damned damp in this house again. The rain is still coming down but… there are GREEN BUDS ON THE LILACS IN THE BACK YARD! AND A (ONE) DAFFODIL on the Highgate st. flower bed. OK then. – I should have a quick lie-down now. Mme. says she’ll be back by about 15.00 (she can’t tell time so it could be before, after, around, what-ever). And as I say: it’s cold and damp. But at least I DID manage to sleep through the few hours last night. (I realised I drink the equivalent of a half glass of vodka with a naproxen in order to get that sleep. Things are looking bleaker than thought.) – Ending note for this entry: I CAN REACH MY SITES AGAIN! – 18.38 and at just past 15.00, Mme. rolled in and offered the truck. By 13.15 I was out the door for quite the experience. At “BevMart” (2 more vodkas in the house… YAY!), the banque card wouldn’t go through. It was trying the Interac! But the young fellow there was clever enough, between the two of us, actually, to figure how to put it through as a Visa and so, I toddled out with BOOZE! Then it was off to Hannaford’s where I bought a box and a bag of food for Mimou, a bag of crisps, a package of franks, 4 tonics and z box of Little Debbie apple “pies” (8 to the box and ARE THEY TINY). The card wouldn’t go through, primarily, I believe, because the in-breed at the cashe couldn’t figure how… and so I had to get cash from the ATM! 40-fucking USD PLUS 2,75 FEE! Well? It got done and I got what I wanted. – When I looked at the transactions on the account when I got back: the 60USD was almost 80CAD! The 42,75USD was almost 60CAD! FUCK ME! Thankfully, there’s still over 4k in the account though. But I’m NOT at all too happy about it. Good thing there’s 14 on the FS and 40 coming on Tuesday… more tonic and crisps and some coffee? What-ever. – So Mme. is cooking rice and something for “meal”. At least I don’t have to have my franks tonight. – 4 packs of smokes left. I’ll have to get more soon. – And the knock at the door: the “meal” is ready. – 20.56 We had “Chinese” (read: rice with veggies and an egg) for “meal”. It suffices. Watched a bit of TV and I’m getting ready for bed now. Took a naproxen and will hope it keeps the spasms away. But no v-ton tonight. At least I know it’s here. – Other-wise, I’m actually quite exhausted. If this should be a “nap” and I wake in a few hours, that’s fine. If I sleep through, that’s OK too. But I’m exhausted… and happy that the sites are up and running and all’s quite well on the Internet tonight. – Oh! Almost forgot to mention: thanks to the Internet, I FINALLY got to see Borkardroth and Langeleiten today! Both tiny little villages, though Langeleiten is one road, houses on both sides and that’s pretty much it. AND… there are still a LOT of Kesslers there! Some even use the “estset”! Just like Opa did. So, with-out ever leaving the room, I got to see the “roots” of the family! I wonder how many of those Kesslers I’m related to! It would be fun to look into. Something else to distract me from the misery of shit-hole.

Mon.30.Apr: (Kriste! Another month is gone and I’m still in shit-hole. Fuck me. Really.) – 8.26 and up at 8.12. Well, I was up at about 4.30. But dozed back off as I thought of getting up. Heard the 7.00 alarm and dozed again. Heard the 8.00 and slightly dozed. But decided “May as well get up.” to another dreary morning. Now, just in from a smoke and ready to go back to bed. HOWEVER… it was a night, IN the sleeping bag, with my “sheets” and NO PAIN! Just sleep! – Odd little dream though: The first part was the end of a blow-job from Schmulik! WHAT was THAT about? A semi-romantic little affair. Next thing, I was on a bus, in ROCKAWAY. Dreary sort of day. Looked out the window to see all these rather “sea-green” boats in dry dock. I said “Oh… the commuter boats are out. It’s that time of the year again. ‘Commuter season’. And there was some young fellow standing on the bus with his little willie hanging out of his trousers. Some woman noticed it and said something about the “stupidity” of it. And then I woke. But none of it was, to me, directly, anything “sexual” in the least. Very strange. – And so, that’s how this day begins. – Mme. keeps saying she wants to put her seedlings into the green-house. I wonder if she expects me to be of some kind of assistance. I’ll have nothing to do with it. Me? I’d rather do the much-needed yard-work. But I won’t do it with-out written, documented permission, and a guarantee against further threats from her Twats up-stairs. So? It looks like it won’t get done… The grass is growing already. By the time she gets around to any of it, she’ll be paying Curtis for mowing hay. None of my concern. – And so… on with this day. Not sure what I’ll be doing with it. Perhaps connecting 8539266 with the DeadArtist site. And I could or should do ADK Champlain. Moving everything from blog to site. I don’t know. But it’s nice to know that there’s some coding I can do… something to pass the time. – Just looked: I must have been in bed by 21.00 last night which means… 11 hours of sleep! I can’t believe it! (And I’m ready to go back to bed for more. Making up for all the nights of broken and/or no sleep, I might suppose.) – 21.52 It’s been HELL since Mme. left at about 15.45 or so. I didn’t pay much attention. The time went by as I started working on the 8539266 site and at 17.00 I fed the critters… At 19.30 I fed me. At 20.00 I took the “folk” out for a stroll and gave them their evening “snax” and returned to the site-work. – OH… RECEIVED THE FORMS TO SEND IN FOR THE “DISPUTE” ON THE FUCKING STOLEN MONEY! AND A POST CARD INFORMING ME THAT THERE WAS A “CHANGE OF ADDRESS” REQUESTED! I PHONED TO CHECK ON THAT. NOPE. FUCKING IDIOTS. THE ADDRESS IS THE SAME AND CORRECT. ARSES! I’LL COMPLETE THE FORM TOMORROW AND SEND “CERTIFIED” FOR TRACKING AND TRACING. – Meanwhile… the Twats were gone for a while this evening and when they returned the FUCKING POUNDING AND STOMPING WAS INCREDIBLE! I WOULDN’T BRING THEM “UP” TO THE LEVEL OF “SHIT”… NOR “TRASH”. JUST PLAIN IN-BRED CROSS-BREEDS. – The house was miserable cold and so, yes, the thermostat is back up to 75F for a while, to get the dampness and chill out. (It’s miserably hot in this room but I’m not going to do anything about that. I’ll have the door open soon enough.) – I had the left-over beef stew for “meal” this evening and moments ago received a “text” from Mme: give it to Hallie in the morning. Tough shit! – And so, now, wrapping-up the site-work and getting ready to watch a bit of TV. My jammies have been laundered and I’ll shower after the TV. – NOT in the mood for this place tonight… just NOT! – 23.46 Late but… Shower. Check. V-ton. Check. Clean jammies and pillow case. Check. Next? Tele and crisps… or maybe just tele and v-ton. Hopefully… SLEEP!