Wed.1.Nov.2017: 9.04 ANOTHER FUCKING MONTH BEGINS! FUCK! – It was well past 3.00 when I finally put my head down and lights out this very same morning. 2 cheese sandwiches, 3 Teas and 3 episodes of Herriot. And now? Pee, vit.C, coffee, brood fed, garbage out. Another dreary day commences and mood, sour as all Hell. Charming. Just… charming. – Yes, I’m tired. But I’m tired every morning… and day as well. Just bloody tired. And since it’s the beginning of the month, annoyed by and with the reminder: some 400$ for services already given for lawn and properties care remains due. A lap-top destroyed by negligence that would be of great help. And the words “I’ll remove him… for you.” Not to mention, my Soc.Sec. not in. (I checked before lights out.) Yes, another month. – I glanced through the Press Republican too, and Crgslst before lights out. A couple of places. The cheapest in Rouses Point… telephone nr. in 802! The rest, too far West and or, for SALE IN Plattsburgh. But, if all else fails, I wonder about Willsboro. Not keen on that, even thought it is ON the Boqet. Well… It’s November. There’s a roof over-head and a heater. Now, let’s see about food. – Loo time. – 18.24 STEAK AND EGGS! – IT TOOK FOUR HOURS ON THE PHONE (Skype) TODAY WITH SOC.SEC. AND CIBC, NEITHER OF WHICH KNEW WTF TO DO ABOUT MY DEPOSIT! AND I’M BETTING IT’S FUCKING EVEN NOW AS I TAP THIS! “Routing Number”… the ONLY trouble. You’d think I’m the very first to do this. Well… I didn’t expect to get Soc.Sec. anyway and so they’re living up to expectations. I’m going to have to do some travel this month… to the banque and to BTV to Soc.Sec. office. I see it coming. Now, to plot and plan. I don’t know HOW… especially to the banque. But it will HAVE to be done. – At least I got my FOOD though. After all the bull-shit with Soc.Sec. I took a 25 minute nap. Did NOT want to get out of bed at 17.00 but had to feed the brood. Did, and went to the store for ,25lb beef, dozen eggs, V8, fruit cocktail, rolls (for later). Rushed back, scrambled 6 eggs, quick-fried the beef to warm, sat to watch the local news and eat. The other 6 eggs are on the hard boil… probably for tomorrow. I’ll have to keep them in the room and I figure hard-boiled is best. Ah… “Shelter Days” again. – Yesterday some guy killed 8 people on the Hudson Walk, down by the old WTC. Drove over them in a Home Depot rented truck… from NJ! Qunt never said a word about it, retard. The City just had their annual parade but soc.med. is a-buzz. As if it wasn’t ever going to happen there. Arse-holes. I wish I could be outraged, but the way The City has gone, I can’t be. Serves them right. – And so, the stomping commences above. The shit-Twats are at their usual. (They tell the qunt they’re moving and she believes them. They’re not leaving. They KNOW they can get away with shit. Funny how THEY can pay rent late and nothing’s done about it but Stanhopes got the shit when they were late. Oh, to get this old bag in front of a real court. The things I could tell.) – AND THIS PLACE IS LOADED WITH FLIES! FUCKING HOLE! – Hoping for a relatively early night tonight. Shame there’s no typing to he done tomorrow. But I’ll amuse me on-line anyway. – The place is a mess and I just don’t care. “Pet Care” is all I’m doing now. That covers room-rent… no “board”. I don’t get any, I don’t work for any. Besides… I realised this evening, she’s poisoned these morons in town against me. Pam, Dave, Jes, Kerry and who knows who else? Not that I care. I worked quite hard whilst here… *made them look bad*. Useless retards and in-breeds. – Time to move along. – OH! OH! OH! NICE HAIR-CUT TODAY! I GOT THAT IN! AT LAST! IT WAS NECESSARY! Took my time. Nice job done… for a nice change. Shower and laundry to come. – 21.00 on it. Showered and ready for Herriot. All clothes in quick, extra dirty, cycle. The Twats a-poundin’. But the day has become night. I’ll turn the light and TV off later. The brood seems more comfy with them on. And tomorrow? We’ll leave that til then. – Meanwhile, Mr. Mimou is here on the floor, the heater’s keeping and kept the room comfy warm. We enjoy what we can whilst we may.

Thu.2.Nov: 0.00 Three episodes of Herriot and EXACTLY 00.00 – 0.07 It’s not going to work, the deposit. That “routing” number comes up “inactive” because The Phila. Bank was bought out. Well, I’ve a form from on-line specifically for Soc.Sec. interational transfers. I’ll post it tomorrow… if the money doesn’t show. I sent an e-mail but don’t have much faith in that. We’ll see. – Odd, tonight’s last episode of Herriot: Siegfried put Tristan out of work, drove Tris mad! Much like here. Last night were farmers getting service and dodging paying. Again, much like this old thing. Ah well then. Much the same. – Hopefully I won’t have to go to BTV for Soc.Sec. Nearest office is BTV. Bloody state. We’ve got St-Albans… but you’d never know. Much like the passport office there… useless. And “Border Patrol” in Swanton… useless. Much like this state and its inhabitants… useless. – Can’t help but think: Mme. needed a “restraining order” against Stanhope, Jes and Kerry, Pam and Dave, “dear friends” and nobody offered, nor did they stop by to check things. Closest was Jes, the offer to employ a “security guard” for 3 hours a day… and send a cheque to the company. Selfish and stupid… the entire lot. And me? Here to keep watch, and work, and care for Hallie and property. And where did it get me? Fucked. Nope. Not any longer. – Hot in here tonight. Heater going and actually hot in here. Ah, but there are 4 nights of cold to come, and the days too. At least I’ve warmed the walls (and boxes). – Time to quit the day. And I’m hungry. Fruit salad on the porch. 6 “hahd-berld” eggs on the table. There’s food… for the coming 5 days. Thankful for that much “any road”, as the Yorkies said it. – 8.14 and coffee to loo. Why? Because I woke. Why did I woke? Sais pas. At least it’s not freezing cold, but it IS raining. And rather dark… in oh, so many ways. Another day of “delight”… fuck. – Kadima! (I suppose.) – 10.37 Library. Mme.Q. not back when I left moments ago. Don’t care, really. BUT, EN ROUTE, I POSTED SOME KIND OF FORM TO THE SOC.SEC. ADMIN. THAT I FOUND ON-LINE FOR INTERNATIONAL BANQUING. *NO* THE BLOODY PAYMENT ISN’T IN THE ACCOUNT AS OF THIS MORNING! ONE MIGHT THINK THAT I’M THE VERY FIRST PERSON TO EVER DO THIS. HONESTLY! I WONDER: IT THE BANQUING SYSTEM OF ISRAEL SO SIMILAR TO THE U.S.? AND WHAT OF OTHERS WHO “RETIRE” IN EUROPE? I MEAN… SHIT! NOBODY APPEARS TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEIR JOB IS BETWEEN THE BANQUE AND THE SOC.SEC.ADMIN.! WELL… THIS IS WHERE THE WORLD IS HEADING, FULL-SPEED: INCOMPETENCE. THE LEVEL OF “TOLERANCE” IS INCREDIBLE. THE ELDERS HAVE SIMPLY GIVEN UP AND GIVEN IN TO THE THE INCOMPETENCE AND THE YOUNGER FOLKS DON’T REALLY SEE THEMSELVES EVER REACHING AN AGE WHERE THEY’LL BE DEPENDENT UPON ANYBODY OTHER THAN “SELF”. (And all the while… it rings sickeningly of Mme. Qunt… mentally and psychologically retarded… in the most clinical sense of the terminology.) SO LET’S SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SOMEBODY GETS TODAY’S FORM… I TRY TO COMFORT MYSELF WITH THOUGHTS OF:
1. I NEVER TRULY EXPECTED TO GET ANY OF THIS MONEY ANYWAY, FIGURING THAT THERE WILL BE SOME SORT OF INTERVENTION, LIEN OR SOMETHING OF THAT SORT. THAT IT WILL BE CONFISCATED BEFORE I GET ANY OF IT.
2. I’VE WAITED ALL THESE YEARS TO GET BACK WHAT I WORKED FOR AND PAID INTO AND HAVE BEEN PROMISED… ANOTHER FEW WEEKS WON’T MATTER MUCH (so long as I can muster-up the fortitude necessary to remain “emotionally and mentally… and physically intact”… there’s a wonder).
3. I’D BEEN THINKING HOW NICE IT WOULD BE TO GET TWO PAYMENTS TOGETHER. MORE MONEY IN ONE SHOT. REPAIRS ON CAR? IMMEDIATE FUNDS FOR RENT, DEPOSIT, ETC. AT THE RATE THIS IS GOING, THAT’S HOW IT’S GOING TO TURN OUT. (I just worry about such an amount suddenly appearing in the account… and the rise in curiosity and suspicions. But… we shall see.)

ANY Way… at least this Journal is up-to-date. I wish the book was, or even could be. – I’m thinking… there’s a couple of walks in the future. Getting to the banque can be done, slowly. But if I have to get to the Soc.Sec. office… I have to ponder that one. For now? Back to the on-line nonsense. I could stand a nap. Library open until 18.00 and the nice bit is that I can leave and return and continue. None of this “Once Per Day” situation. OMG! Have I found a tid-bit to be “thankful” for? PERISH THE VERY NOTION! – 21.40 Been in bed, sleeping, from since about 18.30. That tired and that depressed, I suppose. The qunt was ere when I got in from library at about 16.00. She’d only JUST gotten in. And we chatted only but a bit and I got tired of her general shit. I said that I’m annoyed that Kathleen’s ice cream is in the freezer and explained that we’d had a disagreement on politics recently and it seems Kathleen, like others round here, aren’t sufficiently mature as to handle political differences. The qunt replied “YOU shouldn’t discuss your politics around here.” Ah HAH! Well, anyway, our chat dwindled, she pulled some pot stickers from the freezer and began cooking. (Nasty skillet that had been in the sink the past few days… since the House Nigger isn’t doing dishes… nor floors of late.) I came into the room. – 2 rolls, 3 hard boiled eggs and fruit salad for “meal” watching QI and some other clips. But by about 18.15 I just wanted to sleep so… jammies on, I got under the covers and… 21.51 I think the old thing is drunk, in the living-room. – I told of the horrors with Soc.Sec. yesterday and that I’ll probably have to take a walk up to Bedford when the weather permits. Not so much as an acknowledgement of the statement. – Anyway, I POSTED THAT INTERNATIONAL FORM TO SOC.SEC. TODAY AND LOOKED-UP THE ACTUAL ROUTING NUMBER! IT’S THE ONE MIRANDA CLAIMS WON’T WORK! WELL… THERE’S ANOTHER FEW HOURS COMING ON THE PHONE WITH THE IMBECILES OF GOVT. – Time for a smoke. Shame, I’ve no beverage, save coffee, and no nibbles. Oh well. – 21.58 yep, the old thing IS in the living-room. She just slammed the recliner and came thumping to the loo. And I’ve no doubt she’s bombed. Common wino, that one. Drunkard.

Fri.3.Nov: 1.21 Two episodes of Herriot, last of series 3, they went to war and watching was actually painful. But series 4 skips the war, everybidy’s back but Mrs. Hall who’d gone off to marry and Helen is a different actress. But good I took the time to watch. – FOUND THE CLEARING BANQUE FOR CIBC… I THINK… IN CHICAGO! GOING TO CALL CIBC LATER AND HOPE. – Sadly, not tired again. That 4-hour nap. Bugger. But no computer, no snacks, I suppose I may as well try for another nap. It’s going to be HELL tomorrow (and Saturday, Sunday and Monday…). – I can’t help but think: 4 years in this shit-town… A LOT OF HARD LABOUR… FOR WHAT? “NOWT”. Fucking shits and bastards. Fucking hateful, entitled shits and bastards. – Pondering… now that DeadArtist is on Minds… I just might start putting a bit of this Journal on there. As if it’s notes on a book… which it could be, considering “Green Mountains Black Skies”… *LEMBROOK* LIVES ON! – 8.29 and more rain rolls in another day of more of the same misery of being in the same Hell. Isn’t the continuity wonderful? I finally turned the lights off at about 3.00 thinking another 4 hours would suffice but this morning, I’m feeling heavy. Of course… IT’S here, just the other side of the panel wall. Just there, being miserable. Oh well. As it should and must be: My duty is to ignore it, remember the freak of 5225 who, unwanted, roamed freely, oblivious to the atmosphere, attending what it had to do for itself. And I? I must get my money together and get me the fuck out, away, gone… and so, indeed, I shall because yes, I too am unwanted, but not only in the house but in the town as well. – Heavy dark grey skies hang over the place this morning. Not cold though. There’s something. – Calls to the banque. Calls to soc.sec. (House phone rings… these people; what could be so important first thing? And the whining muffles through the wall… sickening.) – As I drifted to sleep this morning, the thought: When I’d said that I’d spent 4 hours on the phone trying to settle soc.sec. the old thing said “I hope they paid.” WHAT, in FUX name, was THAT supposed to mean? “THEY” paid? YOU don’t pay. Rick has to come, repeatedly. Mark hasn’t come to finish the job HE began LAST Autumn because HE TOO, had to come for HIS pay. I’m owed 400 for EXTRA mowing of 172. AND there’s the lap-top your “contractors” destroyed. “PAID”? *I MUST KEEP IN MIND, THE EPISODE OF HERRIOT WHERE THE OLD WOMAN PLAYED THEM FOR SERVICES ON HER CAT. “I’M A POOR, OLD WOMAN.” (LIVING WELL.) AND I KEPT THINKING: SHE GETS AWAY WITH WHAT THEY ALLOW. AH… SO TOO, THIS OLD HAG. LIAR. (AND SHE TOLD CECIL, AS HE LAY DYING, “YOU’RE LEAVING ME ALONE TO FREEZE TO DEATH IN THIS HOUSE.” EVIL…) – OK… it’s stirring, awake, moving about… and another day commences. And I’ve matters of MINE to attend. – 15.46 At the library and must to say that after TWO MORE calls to the Soc.Sec. and one to the BUSINESS office of the banque, I FINALLY got some-where. I HAVE TO OPEN A USD ACCOUNT! WELL FUCK ME VERY MUCH INDEED. BUT APPOINTMENT MADE WITH SYLVIE FOR NEXT FUCKING FRIDAY AND MME. AGREED TO TAKE ME THERE FOR THE DO. I ALSO HAVE A FEELING THAT THE FORM I POSTED TO “INTERNATIONAL” SOC.SEC. MIGHT HELP. ALTHOUGH, PROBABLY NOT BECAUSE OF THE USD ACCOUNT. WE SHALL SEE. ***** ALSO MUST TO MENTION THAT MME. TALKED ABOUT GETTING TWO LAP-TOPS (AT COSTCO), ONE FOR HER AND ONE FOR ME! IMAGINE THAT? OF COURSE, SHE SAYS IT’S BECAUSE OF ALL THE MOWING AND OTHER WORK I’D DONE AROUND THE PLACE… I HAPPENED TO “MENTION” THAT MINE GOT DESTROYED BY THE DUST FROM THE CONSTRUCTION THAT SHE DIDN’T BOTHER TO WARN ABOUT. SHE DIDN’T HEAR (OR CHOSE NOT TO HEAR). ANYWAY, LET’S SEE HOW FAR WE GET WITH ALL OF THIS: THE TRIP TO BEDFORD AND THE LAP-TOP. I DOUBT EITHER OR THE OTHER WILL HAPPEN, BUT “TIME WILL TELL” YET AGAIN.***** – Rick came by the shit-hole this morning and she had him up-stairs for something. The electrician she hired to do the work at 172 (at the cost of 1800$ JUST FOR LABOUR) sent his bill to her lawyer for payment! Ah yes… SOME people in this area KNOW her. So that’s even MORE I have in my favour when I have to take her to court. Most interesting. – Well, as for the Soc.Sec. there’s nothing more I can do at this juncture. “Time”… as if I have unlimited. – 23.41 and another 2 Herriots. – “Meal” was 2 rolls with turkey, 15 swigs of V8. Filling. Cookies with “creamer” and my tummy’s rolling. But I’m not hungry. – Mme. will be out at 7.30 tomorrow, for the day. Some “craft” fair in St-Albans. “Selling Jesus”. What-ever. – And I lost the days. Saturday. I’ll need smokes. But the sun’s down before the store closes. I can shop before late. – Tomorrow night the clocks go back. Another hour to the day in Sunday but darkness earlier. – I’m curious to see about Friday, going in to Bedford. Then she wants to go to Costco for computers. Interesting. – Also curious to see if that form I sent in to Sic.Sec. doesn’t kick in meanwhile. I don’t expect it to, of course. Too easy. We’ll see. – Oh, Woodhauler’s back on Twitter. Notice posted to fesses-book about the “move” to Minds. Posted on Twitter as well. Time… Maybe some will change. We’ll see. I doubt it. Those folks aren’t very bright. Oh well. – Run through on soc.med. and nap time.

Sat.4.Nov: 9.05 Woke at 7.00. Went back to snooze until she left. Yeah… she’s gone. Morning “routine” done. And I could go back to sleep. But, library time. Oh well. – She showered. Towel draped over tub and across the floor. Lovely. Must leave some sort of mess. – No Soc.Sec. posted again. Figures. – And another dreary day commences. – 20.51 In bed about an hour now. The cow returned at about 19.00, proceeded to cook and…AND OFFERED A CUBE STEAK! I declined using missing crowns as my excuse. We chatted. I came to read Bill Bryson, since I finished my turkey and crisps and cookies at about 16.00. – Library today: cleaning and deleting old e-mail accounts and putting Jude(sans NY) and LoupNordique on Minds. Old accounts from shit long ago went too. Cleaning my un-relateds off the ether. – Kathleen asked permission to gather leaves from the yard but said nothing about her ice cream. (I’ll either buy it from her or give it back next time I see her.) – Had to go to the store for smokes (again) and got light “bulbs”, that new, spiral shit. Package claimed “60 watts”. Fucking shit’s about 40! Waste of money, that. I’ll probably return the shit. – Anyway, got 2 Teas, having one now, and am off to Herriot! – Made it through another day! Sad… very sad.

Sun.5.Nov: 0.25 to sleep! (Giving that sour sweat odour again and wondering why.) – 4.59 I must have gotten the necessary sleep because I’m awake and rather rested. Just woke, of my own, had to pee, but felt I wanted to get up. So, had me coffee and a smoke, and well, here I am, awake. But my head feels like it’s in a vise, brain feels a touch “scrambled” and my body feels “heavy”, an effort standing and moving it about. I’ve had that pain round the waist the past couple days. I’d thought something “slipped”, in the spine. Or, maybe it’s bits of the un-cooked oatmeal stuck in the intestines. What-ever it is, it makes it painful to stand and bend. Ah, but as ’tis said: If I were to wake with-out pain, I’d swear I’d died in my sleep. – And my body, my sweats, still have that “sour” odour. Malnourishment. Too much, or not enough of something I should be eating. I need a shower… and to make a wash. I don’t care, really. I’m the only one near enough to me these days. – Anyway, there’s a longer day to fill now. But there’s reading and such to work with. – I swapped the bulbs round in the lamps in the room. Took bulbs from other lamps to out in here. Brighter bulbs. But they’re all those “new” shit… turn them on and wait til they warm-up. Bloody shit, the lot. But they’re all that’s available. Annoying, at best. But once going, brighter than what I’ve been dealing with. They’ll have to do… for the while. More reason to get out and away from here. – I’m a bit pre-occupied with thoughts of the lap-top. I foresee much arguing about it. She thinks a 100$ bit is all she needs and she’s probably right. But coding, writing, and social media, graphics and the likes? I saw a few at 500$ on-line. No more “Toshiba”. I guess they’re out of business. Maybe that’s why mine was only 300$… sell-outs. Well, the battle is coming. If she’d told me about that construction, I could have avoided the dust. Negligence, that’s what it is. It’ll make for a nice scene in Costco when I point it out… in public. A little “Annray” scene is coming. Ah… more memories of brighter times. Gone too. – Meanwhile… another day. Fuck. – 8.46 She got up at 6.00 and went right to bashing the dishes (as opposed to washing) and by 7.00 or so, I was back down for a nap until now. And now I recommence the day. She’s got something acrid burning in the stove and the stench is in the room. Alas, the senseless old thing. But she’s settled a bit and I’m back to “filling and passing the day”, still a bit painful. – 21.00 THE ENTIRE DAY IN THE ROOM READING about English! For Otto! And no food. A little oatmeal and that’s it. I’ll be sorry come morning. But, in bed, ready for Herriot and… what-ever. The house is dark. Had ONE brief chat with Mme. all day. Success! And tomorrow? Library 10-14.00. She’ll be out by 17.00 and I can eat.

Mon.6.Nov: 7.53 and the day begins with the some-what expected head-ache of malnourishment and an encounter on the porch with Mme. Not a wicked encounter. Pleasantries. But no way to begin a day any road. At least it’s still warm though. – Had a miserable time of it, trying to fall asleep at just past mid-night. The anxieties of Friday. The trip to the banque, the account, the lap-top, the arguments, the general bull-shit, the hunger, the just wanting to stop breathing. – But I woke with the alarm. And “Good morning heart-ache, here we go again”. – Library at 10. I should stop at the store for food before. Need to think of what I can get in a place that offers nothing… at exorbitant prices. – 13.29 Didn’t bother to stop at the store and am I ever feeling the effects of not eating! I can’t pull this shit any more. Seriously. I’ll have to pack on the calories whilst I may… even though I’m not too certain how to do that… again. Ah well… it’s not as if this is new or foreign to me. After all, I did it for years at 5225 AND managed to bike to E. Fairfield to work, in the rain, and mow the lawns, do the gardening. It’s just getting a bit more difficult these days. Well… in about half an hour it’s back to the hole. Hopefully Mme. will be leaving early, but I won’t count on it. I still have to figure what I want to eat! And whether it’s worth the trip now or to wait until the old thing leaves. We shall see where this all goes. Meanwhile… the rains stop and start and tonight… -2 DEGREES!!! – 20.50 Clothes in the wash. Me out of the shower. Jammies and bed-lines, ffesh, clean and all smells SO MUCH BETTER after a good wash in Spin’n’Span. FRESH! – *RECEIVED NOTICE FROM SO.SEC. TODAY SAYING THEY’LL PUT THE MONEY INTO THE ACCOUNT I SPECIFIED. NOT SURE WHICH THOUGH. AND, SAY THEY, IT TAKES A MONTH OR TWO FOR IT TO KICK IN! I’M STUCK HERE UNTIL JANUARY AT THE EARLIEST! WELL, I FIGURED U WOULDN’T GET MY MONEY AND SO IT APPEARS, I WON’T. LET’S SEE WHAT HAPPENS ON FRIDAY. I CHECKED MY BALANCE AT THE LIBRARY TODAY. NO SOC.SEC. I’M FUCKED! – Got back to the shit-hole at about 14.00 to find Mme. making cider donuts. MANY… left NONE. She swept the kitchen floor and left the dirt by the pantry. Half-assed and horse-shit. “Vermont style”. And, at about 17.00 she was gone. Ah, but, as I walked in the door she asked me to bring in the geraniums from out front. We’re supposed to drop to -2° tonight. Well… I out plastic on the table in the white room, set-up the lights and timer, brought in geraniums, begonia and sage (and inherited a multi-plug, heavy duty). Very nice, indeed. WTF? Why not? Eh? – At the library, caught up this Journal, worked with Minds accounts, added more to Otto (typing!). Chatted with Kathleen a touch as the rains came pouring. – So, Mme. left and I scurried to the store. Chicken patties, mozzarella, salsa (3 for meal), donuts and egg nog for later. Scurried back and ATE! AT LAST! And then… began the wash, saged the room. – Feeling a bit better. Have had a Tea and will have another with Herriot. Hopefully being clean will help with sleep tonight. – Curiosity: I wonder where she set the thermostat for the house. I’ve got the heater on high tonight. The door will be open. Just in from a smoke. It’s chilled.out-side but not cold. We shall see… said the blind man. –

Tue.7.Nov: 2.18 Another 3 episodes of Herriot and it’s Season 5 Episode 1 when we pick up tonight. – Library in 12 hours. 14-19.00 tonight. – I’ve got the oil radiator in the room keeping warm. Charming… Fuck me, I’m looking at being trapped in this shit through January. I WANT TO GET BACK HOME TO NY TO DIE! NOT HERE! – Believe it or not… FUCKING RUNNING ABOUT UP-STAIRS AT THIS BLOODY HOUR! – 9.15 Slept-in this morning and woke to a warm room. Hallie and Mimou are out-side in the chilly, grey day and I’m wondering what it is that I’d like to do, aught to do, want to do and probably won’t do. Truth is, there’s really nothing to do. So? So. – 20.28 and WHAT A MORNING!!!!!
*** I DECIDED TO RING SOC.SEC. TO ASK WHAT BANQUE THEY HAD ON RECORD, EXPECTING WHAT I CAN ONLY REFER TO AS “THE USUAL” AND AFTER ALMOST AN HOUR ON HOLD I WAS CONNECTED TO ONE *** MS. MARY BLAKE *** IN BIRMINGHAM. *** NOTHING SHORT OF AN ANGEL SENT TO EARTH TO WALK AMONGST MERE MORTALS. I AM IN AWE!!! TRULY, HONESTLY AND WHOLE-HEARTEDLY IN AWE!!! MS. BLAKE TOOK THE TIME TO LOOK UP THE NECESSARY FORM FOR DIRECT DEPOSIT TO A $CAD ACCOUNT AND THEN PRINTED IT, TOOK THE INFORMATION FROM ME, WROTE IT ON THE FORM AND FAXED IT DIRECTLY TO WHERE IT NEEDED TO GO! THEN TOOK MY PHONE NUMBER AND SAID THAT IF IT ALL PROCESSED QUICKER THAN THE “30-60 DAYS” STATED, SHE WILL CALL ME TO LET ME KNOW! I WAS IN TEARS, BECAUSE OF HER KINDNESS. SHE IS, IN MY MIND AND HEART, INCREDIBLY AWESOME IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD! THE WHOLE CALL WAS 1 HOUR, 39 MINUTES AND SHE WAS SUPERNATURALLY MAGNIFICENT!!! I STILL CAN’T GET HER OUT OF MY MIND. ***
Of course, I might not need another account at the banque now and am not sure what I should do at this point. But since I have word that Mme. will go to Bedford on Friday, I’ll go, see if I can get a new banque card, since mine expires in April ’18 anyway. And I’ll be able to discuss the account and perhaps get the mailing address changed on record. There is business I should attend there anyway. – With renewed energy, I went to the library to reseaerch lap-tops. I’ll need a Dell now, and Costco has a cheap model for 499$. I’m not happy about “Costco” computers, and they don’t get very good reviews. Not to mention, they charge almost 200 more than Amazon. But it’ll do for a while. I anticipate an argument and no lap-top. But it’ll go to court at this juncture. – Checked e-mails, Minds, RE-POSTED ADK FLAT MESSAGE. And at about 17.20 I had to leave (again… before the 19.00 closing) because of the group that comes in on Tuesday. – THEN came the whammy… I didn’t know that clocks had gone BACK on Saturday past! Here I’ve been thinking it was Saturday coming! Had I not said something to Kathleen I’d be unaware! Even though I’ve been following the clock on this phone all along. (Just checked the old ATT phone and THAT’S been an hour fast! I changed it.) I’m losing my senses being here. – Quick trip to the store for more egg nog and chicken patties. Had 3 patties for meal again, cheese and salsa. – Weighed-in before (my second) shower of the day. Back up to 172. It shows in my face. Not complaining… IT’S COLD OUT-SIDE! (And I’d like to appear in good health on Friday at the banque.) – The rumblings up-stairs were thunderous this evening again, and there’s remnants even now. Just recording the fact. Mentioning does no good. – And I’m about to settle in for the night, with radiator cranking. Indeed, it’s cold out-side. – WHAT A DAY! THANK YOU AND BLESS YOU MS. BLAKE!

Wed.8.Nov: 8.32 Garbage out. FROST and sun-shine. -2° with a chill of -5. And a gut in turmoil. Donuts before bed, I think. The “North Country” has arrived. – 21.17 Scrubbed. Shaved. Trimmed. The very last of the wash is in the washer. Aside from washing just about everything washable, including a flannel shirt, I honestly don’t know what I’ve done with this day. Well, I did get a written version of my “Thank You” to Ms. Mary Baker. I’m considering hand-written, if I can find nice paper (what I wouldn’t give for a “Jams” right now… but since deBlasio won another term as mayor in NYC, THAT is out of the question). I even put a cartridge in the fountain pen for it. We shall see what comes. – Other than that? nothing, really. Too a nap 10.30-11.00 and it threw me off. – Tried ringing Ev. No answer again. But there’s no obit on-line so… – Replaced the bands on the bottom teeth and it’s annoying. Will probably change again tomorrow night or Friday morning. – Oh yeah, Hoovered this evening. BFD. I doubt I’ll mop the floor tomorrow. Hell! I’m saving the old thing 300$ a month kennel charges. One room. No food. No kitchen. Shower and laundry when she’s gone. No toiletries in the loo. I’m non-existent. BUT I AM HEATING THIS ROOM FOR MY COMFORT and not extremely. So… Floor? Nah. – Time for Tea and Herriot. Library at 9-18.00 tomorrow. I wonder what I can find to occupy that time. I wonder if Mme. Q will be in “on time” or will she be globe-trotting. Never mind. – Time to wind down… as the wash washes.

Thu.9.Nov: 0.03 Two episodes if Herriot, all the washing done and… the thought: New lap-top for Mme.? It’s going to need set-up, files transfer, software (anti-virus, &c.). Gee… one wonders who, how, when. After all, she’s got SO MANY “professional” “friends”… unlike me, the retarded little *Flatlander*. – Qunt. – Oh, I hear Jada AND her daughter got the sack at the store. I can only wonder why… considering they’re not from the village. (Did I mention “qunts” yet?) – Makes the locals look bad. – 8.03 Brood fed. Coffee. Smoke. Dressed. Loo. Feeling rather “off” this morning and nervous about tomorrow. Ah well… I suppose, if I don’t need that new account it can always be closed. Surely I wouldn’t be the first. Oh well. – I keep wondering “Why do you even care?” If I’ve learnt nothing over the course of a life-time, I’ve learnt: People will ALWAYS have SOMETHING nasty to say about others, no matter what. So? That’s how it is. WTF? Why bother about it? – Woke out of a horrid sweat again this morning. Can’t figure what’s causing the sweats. And sour, too. Shit seems to be happening. At least my clothing is clean. – Tomorrow, lap-top. More aggravation. No, I don’t know that for certain… yet. But I expect it. Well, I’ve gone this long with-out. Courts it shall be. – Sun’s up and out. Library opens at 9.00. We shall see. – Mimou woke me this morning. Cute. He and Hallie are out-side. – 11.03 Library of course. Took my time this morning since Mme. hasn’t arrived as yet. No rush. Place is open until 18.00 and I really can’t think of much I “need” to do. If I’d had a lap-top, cup of tea and comfort, I’d be at the book. But ’tis not to be. – Forecast for tomorrow is BITTER! And a bit of snow. Temperatures are expected to PLUNGE over-night and tomorrow’s high is expected to be -5° with a chill of -13°. Tah-dah! WINTER! – And then there’s this… Before getting to all of this here, with the Journal, I checked e-mails. Ah… one from old Lizzy, after all these years. Sent yesterday at some time it reads:
You may have kept a copy but, knowing during the times of homelessness many of your papers and much of your art have been lost , I’ve scanned and attached.
Wishing you well, always.
I’ve no idea why she sent the text, it’s a recounting of “past loves”. I barely recall having written/composed it but I do have SOME recollection. Anyway, the ending of the 14 pages is interesting. It reads:
“(000410)
Having begun this and having edited and aded to is has been supportive for and to me. To think it all started on an MSN Instant Messaging trial. I’ll keep it. keep working on it. And one day, when I’m sitting in that old rocker, I’ll put on my glasses and read it. At least it takes the pains away.”
The “cover” addressed to “Well my Sweetest and Dearest Friend,” (I wonder who that was.) The cover is dated “The Bronx 4 October 2000 – 8:45pm”. Apparently the 14 pages of messages began 22 August 2000. (I’ll up-load and keep a copy here… WTF? Eh?)
And so that’s the “news” for this moment. – I left the little radiator on “Low” in the room and closed the door. Keep the room warm. The rest of the house is chilly, not cold, but chilly. Hallie and Mimou must have slept together last night, and I suppose they prefer the coolness over the heat. Alas. But the important note is that they’re protected and kept warm and dry and out of the elements. Tomorrow that will be even MORE important. – Well… on with what-ever I can get done here today. (And I need to get something to eat later. Woke rather hungry, in spite of all the stomach troubles and such. There are 2 chicken patties in a plastic bag on the porch for later. One of these days this eating shit will take me… though painfully, I can be sure.)

Fri.10.Nov: ***** SNOW ***** 0.20 Thunder! Woke me. – 0.32 just in from checking the weather. WOW! WIND! RAIN! SNOW! THUNDER! LIGHTNING! WINTER IS COMING IN AND IT’S NOT COMING QUIETLY! Fascinating, really. The combination. But, be it what it may, it’s STRONG! – Oddly, I didn’t watch any Herriot before sleep before and went directly to sleep at about 21.30… three hours ago. Had the most vivid dream:
Mme. talking with Mimou in the hall-way out-side the door. I’m laying in bed, in the dark. The talking woke me and I was pissed! Next thing, the cat’s on the bed! The old woman had opened the door just enough to let him in! So I yelled “TABARNAK!” and put the cat on the floor, got up to see the door ajar and her laundry hanging on the corner of it! I tore the stuff off, threw it on the floor in the hall and SLAMMED the door shut! I could hear her laughing in the hall! And that’s when I woke to the sound of the thunder.
0.43 THE WIND IS AMAZINGLY STRONG! INTERMITTENT ROLLS OF THUNDER! QUITE THE STORM! – 0.51 It’s 6° now and by 2.00 it’s going down to 2° and all rain will be snow. (Less than a mm/hr though.) By 4.00 it’ll be over, skies clearing and by 7.00, temp of -7°, chill of -15°. WINTER’S HERE! (And so the fuck am I! JEEZUS KRISTE! FUCK ME!) –
23.58 (Completing on Sunday, 12 November) ***** NEW DELL LAP-TOP *****
WE ACTUALLY MADE IT TODAY! I’M STILL IN A STATE OF DISBELIEF THOUGH. NOT ONLY DID WE GO FOR THE NEW LAP-TOPS, BUT MADE IT TO CIBC (and I made a quick stop, alone, to KORVETTE! I HAVE NEW SLIPPERS TOO!) QUITE THE DAY!
We left at about 10.30 and headed up to Bedford and made it to the banque in barely just enough time. Appointment was for 11.00 and I was there at about 11.03. Mme. Grenier was waiting for me and in I went. She greets me as if we’ve known each-other all along. Very comforting. I expained the situation with the routing numbers and such to her and the difficulty, and told her of the miraculous work of Mary Baker. The official stand from the banque’s perspective is to let this all ride as it is because it makes no sense opening a new account if the direct deposit will eventually make its way to the old. She’s right. I thought the same thing. So… we wait again. I wanted to put the PO Box on the account for mailing but because my “residence” is still Richford (which I want to keep) and the PO Box is in Franklin, she wouldn’t put the Box on. Trouble is, the new card will be sent to Richford in April so I’ll have to work on that, some-how. Oh well… Life cannot be easy… no for me, as it proves repeatedly. (Of course, much is because I don’t want to be “tracked and traced”, so I need to keep working on and with that.) Well… all for almost nothing but the chat with Sylvie, it was almost 45 minutes at least there and when I’d done, I decided to toddle to Korvette. Gota pair of better slippers (which I wouldn’t have gotten had I noticed the price. 16,99… IN KORVETTE! TABARNAK!) that are a tight but comfortably warm fit. So that’s fine. Also a bit of bain mousse instead of gel douche. But I needed some kind of soap anyway and wouldn’t DARE mention going to Jean Coutu! Still… I’m OK with that. – When done at Korvette, met Mme. back in the parking lot of Metro where, of course, she HAD to go in. She had nothing in particular that she wanted nor needed but she got a couple of items and I got laundry soap, a block of P’tit Québec cheese and 2 packs of Belvedere! When I noticed that they had 50, Mme. got me a can! Image dat! (She also offered to get my smokes but I managed to dodge that. And I’m fine about it. I want no charity! And I wasn’t sure we were going for the lap-tops anyway.) – Out of Metro and we were on the road to Kaiser (Noyan). As is rather usual, I tend to business-needed, she makes a day-trip of it. But still… At Kaiser, she bought much cheese, as gifts and the likes and even got me a wedge of “5 Poivres”! I don’t know why she’s being “generous” but then again… she’s come into 100,000$ so I suppose she feels she has the opportunity to be “grateful” now? What-ever. – Kaiser visit done, she took the longer way, through the islands, to the 89 and we were off to Costco. – COSTCO was THE experience of the day! First into the store, right to the lap-tops. The prices ranged from 225-2000$ and we browsed. I talked her out of getting the cheap shit because, well, I know she’d be disappointed and confused by the lack of capabilities of the “note” and “net” books. When we got to the Dells, at 649$, I NEVER would have thought she’d agree to even one BUT… she got the same computer for BOTH of us! I was in shock! Didn’t bat an eye-lash over it. (I just hope this shit is worth the fucking money!) And we were off to browse and such. Now IMAGINE THIS SHIT… I could have paid them, but I found a nice sherpa sweat-shirt and a canvass jacket (in some strange grey-ish colour… but not exactly “green”, for a pleasant change). Sweat-shirt was only 19,99 and the jacket 34,99. I tried them both on, intending to buy them myself but… as it turned out, Mme. paid them! Hey! It goes toward the 400$ due for all the lawn-mowing at 172… at least that’s the way I’m figuring it. The computer is owed and due as a replacement for the one ruined by negligence to the clothes are payment on the 400$ owed for the extra mowing. Fuck. She’ll pay her cronies top dollar and what-ever they ask. She paid the Twats 100$ for mowing once monthly. I’m owed the 400$ (at the very least) and so… now it’s down to 350$. Fucking shame to have to think of it that way but that’s the way “sane and rational” people think (which makes it inappropriate here). – And so anyway.. As for the computers… WHAT A FUCKING SHIT THAT WAS! Seems the fucking store had only ONE in the box and the ONE DISPLAY! 649$ each! When “Holly” told Mme. we had to ponder whether or not to take the “display”. Mme. decided it was OK and demanded a discount. The store “allowed” 10% but as it turned out, she got the “display” for 625$ (which I still think is over-priced, considering…). THEN it took the better part of an hour before we actually GOT the damned things. “Holly” went strolling to get the one from stock and then told us about the “display”. Ah… then she went and got the box for the computer but NOT the computer. They were quick to take the money but… When Holly came to say that she was getting somebody to remove and pack the display, I almost lost it and told her that we’d been more than patient with her. “Well, do you want it or not?” was her attitude! Qunt! (I still need to compose a bit of a note to Costco. I’m still quite pissed… especially because of all the work I had to put into the damned thing after the fact). – Bottom line… TWO NEW COMPUTERS WERE PURCHASED AND MINE HAS NOW BEEN REPLACED! (There’s a lot of work to come, getting this new one on par with the old one.) – And so, we’d left at about 10.20 this morning… got back at about 18.00 or so. Mme. was hungry and, fasten safety belts.. .she cooked… FOR BOTH OF US! I had a little burger with mushrooms, mashed potato and green beans! I ATE HOT FOOD TONIGHT! AND IT WAS VERY GOOD! – Immediately after eating, I got to the lap-top. (Mme. got the display… I saw to that.) BUT… in order to get all the store bull-shit off, I had to RE-INSTALL WINDOWS… START THE WHOLE SYSTEM FROM SCRATCH… FUCK! I AM APPROPROATELY PISSED AT THIS POINT! IT’S GOING TO TAKE AN ETERNITY! – And so, the house went to sleep at about 22.00 and I worked on the lap-top. – BUT I DID GET MINE UP AND RUNNING! NICELY (I hope). AND I HAD TO BUY THE “DOWN-LOADER” FOR MUSIC AGAIN… 39,00CAD! But I’ve got Gimp, Open Office and iTunes back at last. I’ll have to figure the rest of the the stuff I need… and get my documents from the external drive and hope for the best from here on out. But, it’s more than I’ve had to work with and on from since APRIL! – When things “settled”, I got my lap-top up and running and pulled HERRIOT… ah… no more watching on the tiny telephone screen! What a blessing. Maybe I’ll get my eyes back? I’m not counting on it…

Sat.11.Nov: 2.12 The other lap-top is at 94%, I’ve seen TWO episodes of Herriot on the new Dell and I’m exhausted. NAP time… and ONLY a nap. – (On Sun.7.50) That “nap” went on to about 7.30 and when I woke, the Dell was at 99% but there was a little message that said I could get to the other work so… it was almost a full day of moving shit from the old HP to the new Dell. But… by about 16.00 the thing was up and running as close to perfect as is possible. I’m still pissed, beyond description, over the fact that I had to clean and re-install Windows on the damned thing. And THEN as I was working and such, some kind of malware tried to get into the thing! REALLY! Fuck me! (Best intentions… and shit.) So and but I scanned the thing, all turned-out well enough and so, for what she needs to do on there, it’s perfectly fine. – Whilst I toiled at the PC, Mme. toiled in the garden, pulling beets and turnips that I didn’t know where there. I could have been eating beets, potatoes and turnips. Oh well. – And so the day went along… – “Meal” today was the P’tit Québec cheese gotten yesterday. Half the block is gone, but it’s all that I ate, so there’s constipation in the future. Better stuffed than weak, I suppose. – Took a couple “Aleve” at about 21.00 or so because of my back and thought I might work on this journal a bit but… I was SO exhausted, probably from lack of sleep over-night. Didn’t even have the energy to watch Herriot tonight. Well… there’s time. – OH… AND THE LAP-TOPS ARE “TOUCH SCREEN”!!! SOMETHING NEW TO GET THE HANG OF (OR NOT). SHOULD MAKE IT ALL EASIER FOR Mme. THOUGH… I LOL… easier for her. FFC!

Sun.12.Nov: 7.42 And another day commences after another night of head on pillow and out in a coma. Though I took 2 naproxyn because my back’s been “tight” lately. And when I woke, I looked at the “phone” clock and could swear it said 7.49 I guess it must have been 6.49. Never mind. I’m awake and rolling. Had my coffee and smoke, and because I let Mimou in through the kitchen, I had to chat with Mme. But thus far, all’s well enough. – She mentioned leaving at about 9.30 for Enosburgh. I’ll be going to Hannaford and RiteAide whilst she “prays”. Good to have the truck though. Not using my “6 trips” on the GMTA. – I see there’s more work to be done on her lap-top too. Pisses me off. There’s no reason why it shouldn’t work properly. Looks like I’m going to have to contact Dell and get Costco into some of the shit they’ve put me into. 625$ is too much money to be pissed away on a computer like these and to have that much shit happening. – Anyway, this one is working… thus far. I’ll have to get the external drive documents over and see how far I can get with those. – Oh well… – 8.09 Pain in the arse!!!! No matter how I try or what I do to make it all easier and easiest for her, that woman NEVER pays ANY attention to anything. Knock-knock… “I don’t know what I’ve done…” It’s the “mentally deficient. But it’s not just her… it’s all of them here. – 11.50 and I dropped Mme. at church and went to Hannaford’s. COFFEE IN THE HOUSE! Franks and some cold cuts for the immediate future. But of course, not all that I could have and should have gotten. Oh well. Then to the dollar store for a bowl and some FABULOSO for the laundry! “SHELTER DAYS” are here again. (Not that they haven’t been for years… not that they ever really ended.) Then to the Dollar General for… PINE air freshener oil! ’tis the season. 6,50 for a package of 3 but… – The worst thing? 4 packs of smokes at the dollar store and they were a dollar more than RiteAide (I didn’t have time to get to there) but still 2 dollars less than the store in town. So even though I “lost” a dollar I saved 2 dollars. OK. I’ll deal with it. – And so, now to see if I can’t dodge the old woman for the rest of the day. – It’s rather odd: Once upon a time I couldn’t stay away from the computer. Then I missed having it. Now that I’ve got one again, I’m not inclined to waste my time on it. Just so odd. – 12.18 and caught up with the Journal. Now… to figure what else I need on this lap-top. (Shamefully, I failed to by myself something to eat today… other than the turkey for samiches tonight. Oh well.) – 23.33 MADE IT THROUGH ANOTHER DAY WITH-OUT CONFRONTATIONS! Although. Mme. took off for some hours to visit “Ma Tante”… and whilst away, went to the Kessler orchard in Québec. It would have been nice to be invited to get to talk with another Kessler but… Hey! Leave me with the dog and cat, that’s what my “position” is around here and she makes it quite clear. Besides, she’s done her promise of replacing the lap-top so her “dues” are paid. At least I’m certain that that’s how she sees it. Oh well. – I got to take a nap anyway, for a while. – Other than that, it was a quiet sort of day. And Mme. brought in her own fire-wood from the back and put the tarps on the cord out there. Imagine? SHE did some of HER OWN work. I’m amazed. – No invite to dine tonight. She must have had her fill chez ta tante. I finished the P’tit Québec cheese on a roll (and have had 2 Teas). – TIme for Herriot and a wrap on this day. I’m some-what tired but not enough. – OH! I got to Hannaford’s! There’s COFFEE again! And a few other things. Also, got smokes and some pine freshener for the Glade heater. Nice. Spent more than I should have. My “retirement” is almost gone and there won’t be any more income until Soc.Sec. gets settled. I can only hope. Will have to keep a careful eye on that. But, I’ve lived with none. I’m lucky in the sense that I know how to do that. I don’t like it but… – And it’s very ever so warm in the room tonight. First time in YEARS that I’ve actually been comfy at night. I can’t wait to hear about the “electric bill” and I know I will… when the December bill comes. But it’s not going to make much difference to me. She’s paying for them up-stairs and refuses to use the oil so… I won’t be here freezing… not again… never again. It’s been 6 years of freezing. No more. – On that… wrap-up time. Herriot and a snooze. – Tomorrow is Monday. I wonder if I’ll be missed at the library. I was invited to bring the lap-top over and use their WiFi. It’s nice to know that I’m “invited”. – PS: Pam’s been doing a lovely business at her new “shoppe”. Selling the fishing poles. Good thing I got the expensive ones. Now to figure how to sell them! And Dave did a “web-site” for the business. It looks SO amateurish! Ugly as Hell, as a matter of fact. But they get what they pay for: cheap. Typical. I’ve said nothing about it. No sense. Surely they want that “simple” look. Oh well. Good for them. (I have to get back to site-building!)

Mon.13.Nov: 8.51 Mme. in the kitchen cleaning beets that she brought in from the garden over the week-end. Mimou and Hallie keeping her company. I woke at about 8.00, tired as usual. The skies are grey. The temperature at 1° with snow due at 9.10 (says Meteo). Dell is in contact with me on Twtr this morning about the camera on Mme.’s lap-top. And Monday commences. Now, all I have to do is hold on and out until about 16.00. Oh please! – 21.43 OK! She’s GONE! With two apples pies… one for her Pam, of course, and the other? Who the fuck knows, but it wasn’t for here or me! Qunt. Not that I’d eat it… I don’t eat “her” food unless invited to do so. – Anyway, she left a small basin FULL of root vegetables and the larger basin, with a rolling pin in it. The stove has pots with shit in them and there are buckets on the kitchen floor with vegetable remains. Fuck her! Really. – For “meal” today, I had some of the turkey I got at Hannaford’s, on rolls with mustard. I’m about to open my second (or third) Tea. My bed linens and such are clean. I have to do my clothes next. Sadly, the Fabuloso gets dried out of the wash. Nothing like the fresh scent of drying on a steel locker (Shelter Days). – I’ve been working on getting her fucking lap-top camera working too. Dell has become shit. So I took it to Twitter and will take it to Minds and such. No patience. (As I told Mme. today: You fuck with me, I don’t go to court, I go to social media… never mind keeping it local… I go GLOBAL! – It was a hint to her. Dumbass.) I want it done so I can say I did something else for her… keep the list going. But her lap-top works and that’s pretty good. – Took Mimou and Hallie out for a walk at about 19.40. It was quite fun! – And Mimou’s little box-bed is back in the room. I washed all the sheets and put them together just like it was out in the barn. A little better to keep him off the floor when he’s in here. – And so, another Tea and time for me. – I can’t find all the work I did on DeadArtist! I scanned all the thumb-drives today and RE-DID the CIBC spread sheet to balance… from 2014 through to today. But I can’t find all the HTML docs for DeadArtist! I’m SO FUCKING PISSED AGAIN! All that work… gone! But trying to explain it to the Qunt is of no use… dense as mercury and dumber than horse shit, that one. I keep reminding myself: It’s like doing home-care for a retard.

Tue.14.Nov: 3.25 A great shower at mid-night, with the wonderful old shampoo from 6 years ago and the new “bain mousse” from Korvett, followed by jammies washed in Fabuloso… and 2 episodes of Herriot and I’m about to be so sorry for it when I have to get up in about 4 hours. But you know? It’s been lovely… The room is warm, there’s a wonderful bed of embers in the stove, and all’s peaceful… not to mention the new “pine” freshener at bed-side to keep the stench of this putrid place away. Yes, it’s nice this morning. – Now for a smoke and a nap. – PS: “Waiting For A Star To Fall” and “Back In The High Life Again” down-loaded!!! It’s great to have my music back! – 10.27 Didn’t get to sleep until almost 5.00 this morning and got up at just before 9.00 to feed and let the brood out. Dell is still giving me the run-around. But they’re on the Twtr now. Today, next, the rest of social media. It’s the same as the Soc.Sec.: One would be led to believe that I’m the first situation of the kind and the incompetence of “support” is mind-boggling. Oh well. – Have to get some fire-wood into the house. Not so much for Mme. as for me. Something “to do” I suppose. – Anyway, another grey day commences. At least it’s not bitter cold… yet. – 21.51 In bed and the day is done! – Accomplishments? WELL! There’s a FULL stack of fire-wood in the kitchen again… taken from out back and NOT from the garage (as the old thing is wont to do), the stove is stoked for the night and it’s been “cozy” in the house all day. (SHE has NO idea how to keep the place warm, keep a fire going, nor how to start a fire in the morning… moron), I ran the Subaru today and turned it round to face the “sun” (if we ever get any again), noticed that there was some sort of “material” on the ground when I moved it (probably the brake linings). Went to the store for bread and EGGS, and V8 this evening, AND ICE CREAM! “Meal” was 4 eggs and the rest of the turkey and ice cream! YAY ME! FOOD! I ATE! And there’s a bag of crisps and 4 PopTarts at bed-side tonight. AND… I’m SHOWERED! How lovely is all THAT? Oh, of course, I Hoovered as well… not much, just the necessary bits. Also, put up a bracket just inside the room door on which to hang jackets and get them out of the way. Very nice. (Holes in the wall though and I don’t give a shit.) – And so, there we have the day. Tomorrow… laundry. – Now? Soc.med. and Herriot and sleep before mid-night would be nice. The lack of sleep last night took its toll during the day. – Thought as I showered: Mme. claims that she was never taught how to print. Imagine? The world is print, there’s no script on packaging, signage, nothing. But she “doesn’t know how to print”. I’m convinced she’s, as Darlene put it “not all right”. How she manages to work with people she claims have an I! of 70 or lower… Hers is probably not more than 10 points higher than her clients. And all that work she claims to do on the job? I’ve doubted it for a while now anyway, but I seriously doubt it now. I’ve heard her read… slowly. She’s full of shit, in OH so many ways. But, that’s none of my concern. – Just thought too: If Soc.Sec. takes 30 days to correct the direct deposit, that won’t be until 10 December by which time I’ll be owed October and November. If they take their 60 days, it will be December as well. 2022 or 3033 will be slammed into the account at one time. I hope it doesn’t make shit for me. But it probably will… because that’s how shit goes… for me. Still, even with the 2022, I might be able to get rid of the Subaru, get another vehicle. If 3033, I could very well get another vehicle, sell the Subaru for peanuts and in a month’s time, have enough to get the fuck out of here… if I live long enough. Time alone will tell. – (I also need to get this posted to the on-line Journal.. .and do some work on that as well. I’m typing in a doc these days. But I’m not complaining. At least I’m not tapping “memo” on the phone. – Oddly, I don’t spend much time on the computer now. And I’ve missed two days at the library… nobody seems to have noticed though. And tomorrow? No library hours anyway. Maybe I’ll get some work done on this one. I CAN’T FIND ANY OF THE HTML DOCUMENTS FOR DeadArtist AND I’M PISSED! LIVID.

Wed.15.Nov: 8.31 Bolted out of bed at 8.00, to the calls of Mimou, dressed, re-stoked the stove, coffee, loo, feed, water, garbage out, smoke and now, all is done and I feel as if I’ve put in an entire day! Mornings are terrible. The weakness, in spite of eating these days, fatigue, nausea, anxiety and general disgust. Certainly makes the sun-shine out there all worth the while. One of these days. And the no-camera lap-top in the dining room, the patronising from Dell, Soc.Sec. not in the account yet, the Subaru falling apart in the yard and… all things “Vermont”. Oh well… nothing’s changed, it’s all the same. And here we go with another day. Things to be done, but I’d rather just escape back into the coma that is “sleep”… until such time when the Soc.Sec. has accumulated to where I can just get up, get out, and go away. It’s not to be so I make the best of the situation. – I finally got to sleep after 2 episodes of Herriot, at 1.00 this morning. 7 hours of “sleep”. And again, head on the pillow and “OUT”. – And for some reason I’m re-connected to the Internet this morning. Perhaps I didn’t disconnect before sleep? Can’t recall. Oh well… More intrusive technology, I suppose. – 23.04 Well. I got the shelving down from the chest of drawers and put it up on the table. Gives me more room to WORK! AND HAVE I GOT WORK TO DO! RE-DO IS MORE LIKE IT! ALL OF DA! FUCK! And the advice from Dell? Re-setting the lap-top to “factory” settings. How wonderful is THAT? EH? Fuck again. Well, I decided to wait until Mme. is back and do it whilst she’s present. NOT that it’s going to make any difference. She’s so bloody dense that it won’t matter to her one way or the other. But, I choose to do it that way. Add, LOT of laundry. ALL things (except one pair of socks which I noticed when everything else was done, of course). – “Meal” was at about 16.00: Ramen noodles with scrambled eggs and finished the ice cream (and put the container into the wood-stove). Kept a fire going all day too. – Found some old files on the Seagate. Texts mostly. Nothing salvaged. I tried to start the Toshiba… it’s dead… won’t boot at all. Still, I’m a little hopeful that I might be able to find somebody who can extract some of the work on there. I’m not counting on it, but… Maybe one day, IF I EVER get my Soc.Sec. HAHAH! and HAH! – Showered and shaved and scrubbed tonight. Won’t be showering again until next Monday. – Other-wise… it’s time for Herriot and bed. The house is as she left it. And I don’t give a shit. – Now, for a 2nd Tea and Herriot. Tomorrow… Hoovering before the old thing gets back… I hope.

Thu.16.Nov: 9.10 Bolted up and out of bed at 8.00 with the “help” of Mimou yelling at me. Coffee. Dressed. Fed the brood. Stoked the wood-stove. Had a smoke. Loo. Another smoke. Hoovered a bit. Went to mop the floor to find the bucket full of styro-peanuts. Not bothering with the mopping. It’s a “heavy” morning again. The return of Mme., at some hour as when she gets around to returning to the responsibilities of her house here. I’ve no patience this morning (again). “Heavy”. Just makes me ill at ease, heart and stomach. Alas. Another day of bull-shit and more of the same to come. – I’ve got “work” to RE-DO and, as is the usual case, I’m tired. More bull-shit from Dell on Twitter about her lap-top. And even this one… with the constant “up-dates” is annoying. The world has gone to shit. I’m more in the mood to walk away from it all… again. Too bad it’s cold and damp. – My neck is sore and stiff this morning too. Stress. Well… diversions. That’s what I need most. When there’s nothing that can be done to change, divert. – 22.55 Finally back to bed. – Was working this morning, on the DA Journal and discovered that the images there link to Photobucket! SO!… I tried to get to Photobucket to retrieve the images only to find that the Franklin8 servers are over-whelmed. SO… got me together at about 11.00 and headed over to the library where, yes, even the Haston server is slow BUT… I manged to get ALL my images from ALL of my Photobuckets including MANY of the bunkers and Rockaway and Newburgh and such! They’re on the thumb drive, the Seagate and the lap-top now. There’s work to be done getting them onto their respective journals but… hey… more work to keep me busy and in the room and out of trouble around the place. No complaints. – I was at the library until about 15.30. The “Audio Book” CDs of Herriot arrived today. Silly me to think that I should get them for Mme. No doubt she’ll damage or lose at least one and it being library material and under my name… I took the set with the understanding that I’d let Mme. have a listen but I’ll be returning them, un-heard, probably Saturday or Monday. I’m not taking any chances. How sad. But when dealing with the socially and mentally irresponsible… one must. – So I stopped at the store for roast beef, crisps and cookies. (Had 1/4lb beef on 2 rolls for “meal” when I returned. It’ll have to suffice.) When I got back, Mme. was asleep (imagine that) on the recliner (imagine that) so I came to the room. BUT… BY ABOUT 16.55 I WAS SO EXHAUSTED I LAID DOWN, SET AN ALARM FOR 17.45 AND SLEPT… UNTIL ALMOST 19.00!!! It’s the diarrhoea I’m thinking. (Had another bout this evening. Could it be the “food” from the store? the eggs? the turkey? the fact that it’s being stored on the porch? Or perhaps the ground pepper I’ve been eating with the eggs? Who knows?) So when I woke, I toddled to the loo and when I came out, Mme. was awake, on the recliner (imagine that). We chatted. She inquired about the past days and I deflected all to the brood, with chuckles. AND SHE THANKED ME FOR BRINGING IN THE WOOD AND HAVING A FIRE GOING WHEN SHE GOT IN! IMAGINE *THAT*!!! (I’d brought in a bit more before heading to the library and stoking the stove quite well too. MY BACK, LEFT SIDE, SCIATIC OR KIDNEY WAS SO PAINFUL BEFORE I LEFT FOR THE LIBRARY THAT I WAS AUDIBLY MOANING! I WORKED IT OUT THOUGH… AS USUAL.) – And so, “sociable” done, I returned to the room and have been in from since. – The end. – For now? A Tea and Herriot and call this day “done”. There’s actually work to be done on the Journals tomorrow, some leads on the Dell camera and drivers and such. Dell’s just being obstinate and annoying about it though. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m ignoring their messages on Twitter. – Oh… Got a message from Matthew on fesses-book today. Sweet little guy. “Wish we could sit on some plastic chairs and have deep talk. But those days won’t ever come back.” (to that affect). Saw the message at the library. Odd… I’d just grabbed SO MANY photos of Tilden just before seeing the message. Ah… it would be nice to get back out there… Rockaway… one day… Maybe when Soc.Sec. finally arrives. – On that matter, I’m thinking: Sell the Subaru, add the money to Soc.Sec. and get a new car. We shall see. – For now? Wrap this day up and move on!

Fri.17.Nov: 1.01 Two episodes of Herriot and at 0.40 I’d stepped out for a smoke to see… a bit of snow blowing in this morning’s breeze. Oddly though, it gave me more a light feeling that dread. I don’t know why. But it’s good that I’ve got “work” to be done on this day. I’d like to get to it but there’s only one Tea left, one row of cookies and that’s about all. So, it looks like I’ll be trying for a bit of sleep until… At least it’s almost too warm in this room. That little radiator keeps this ever so warm. (Though it’s not all that cold out there either. Still, it’s better than freezing, as I’m sure the little critters are… if not freezing, at least chilled.) – Had quite a row with a bunch of “Christians” on Twtr this evening. Nasty shits, those. Hypocrisy at it’s very best. Pompous is what they are. Well, the day’s are coming. In fact, they’re probably here. But one daren’t say. They’re the global majority and they’re playing their “suffering and oppression” cards ever so well. I wish there was a better word for it but all I’ve got at the moment is “hypocrites”. – Anyway… time for lights out here. A snooze is called for. – 7.36 The bloody lap-top is “up-dating” for the past half hour! Back to the “normal” for Windows… the constant, fucking “up-dates”. Honestly, 21st Century bull-shit. Daily “up-dates”? They can’t fuckingly get it together. WHAT, on god’s green Earth, has to be up-dated EVERY day? It truly is insane. Can’t just do it and leave it. And leaving the damned thing running, open to the Internet all night isn’t the wisest, although, I suppose, Mme.’s done so forever and HER old lap-top keeps running. Oh well. – Meanwhile, she was at the wood-stove at 7.00 and I could tell she was attempting to be quiet about it. Had to smile: All it takes is a stir of embers, shovel the edges a bit to make enough space for new wood, layer a bit of kindling and leave door and flue open a moment or so and POUF! New fire. But SHE gets in there, shovels out the embers, scrape-scrape, wasting good sources of heat, stuffs the damned thing with old paper, soaks it all with lighter fluid (not good in a stove), WOOSH! FIRE! And adds wood. I can HEAR the fire, raging like HELL ITSELF. I can HEAR it through the wall. And clangety-clang, bang-bang, in goes wood, poking about and BANG… the door gets closed. (Though, this morning it was rather quieter, I must admit. She must’ve made an error some-where in the routine.) – And out-side, a bit of a layer of this morning’s snow. Not much, just enough to indicate Winter. No sun-shine. Breezey. Crisp. Cute. – I’ve had coffee and smoke. The fucking lap-top is STILL “up-dating” and I’m tapping about… on the phone. – 7.50-bloody-2… looks like “up-dating” is done. AN HOUR? WTF? Well, at least it’s not 9.00 (pm)(yet). – Good morning heart-ache. Here we go again… – 7.56 Nope… the fucking lap-shit’s NOT done yet! Messages and more bull-shit. Honestly! – Ah…? Maybe now? But it reverted to the previous wall-paper. Hmmm… NOT GOOD. INDEED… *HERE WE GO AGAIN”… FUCK! – 17.42 I HAVE WORKED ALL DAY FOR ONE PAGE ON DEAD ARTIST AND FINALLY ONLY JUST NOW HAVE I GOTTEN IT (ALMOST) COMPLETED! CLOSE BUT NO EXACT. BUT DAMNED GOOD AND A LOT OF WORK. ONLY A FEW “BREAKS” ALL DAY. And the old cow has NO clue as to how much went into it. But… she will… one of these days. – And she’s supposed to be going to her Maryrose tonight for a sleep-over and Jesus-selling tomorrow. GONE! How lovely it that! – Now? Time for a nap for me. (No nibbles with Herriot tonight at this rate. I’m all out and won’t be going to the store… so it seems… because the old thing is lingering and I’ll not go as long as she’s here. One Tea left though. That’s nice… enough.) – 19.28 The old thing didn’t leave until 18.50 and even then, lightly tapped on the door to the room (which didn’t make much noise over the stomping dog up and down the stairs form the Twats) and a little “Everybody’s in and I’m leaving.” Fuck you! Really! I’d gone out for a quick smoke earlier and found Mimou out, in the dark, in the bitter cold, in the snow… AFTER… THE QUNT HAD GONE FOR A WALK ROUND THE TOWN AND STOPPED AT HER PAM’S… FOR COFFEE… AND THEY LEFT HALLIE OUT-SIDE! APPARENTLY HALLIE LEFT AND CAME BACK TO THE HOUSE (AND I DIDN’T KNOW). I WAS LIVID-BUT-CONTROLLED (SINCE I’M DEALING WITH A FUCKING RETARD HERE) AND TOLD OF HAVING TO CARRY DIXIE INTO THE HOUSE BECAUSE OF FROZEN FEET. (AND I JUST REMEMBER NOW: LAST WINTER, THE PANIC OF WORRYING ABOUT HAVING NEED OF DRAGGING HALLIE BACK… DUE TO FROZEN FEET.) WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT THIS ONE IS! YEAH… I’M OUT AND SHE’S IN A HOME. QUNT. HAVE TO FIND SUITABLE HOMES FOR HALLI AND MIMOU BECAUSE SHE’LL LET THEM DIE! – Meanwhile, she’s off to her “pajama party”, the kitchen is as she left it. OH! AND ALMOST HALF OF ALL THE FIRE-WOOD IS GONE! LESS THAN 24 HOURS! HEY! FUCK HER! I’M NOT RE-STACKING… FOR HER! – Came the “notice” today: she’s cooking turkey on the 25th and Pam and Dave will be here. So… I’ll be pacing my work so as to avoid all that. – I wonder if my Soc.Sec. will post this month. It would be just before the 25th. Time… again… alone… will… tell. – Now to figure what to do about this place. I’ve got the room door open, the radiator is cranking for the first time all day… and it’s chilling in here. Hmmm… She left, and turned the thermostat down. Fucking qunt.

Sat.18.Nov: 10.51 It was difficult getting out of the bed this morning at 8.00 when Mimou came in to “remind” me that the alarm had sounded. But, up I got, coffee, stoke the stove, let the brood out, feed them, loo-time and the likes. Spent a bit of “quality time” on the bowl, of course, for “nowt” because of recent diet (intake being minimal, to say the best). And then some time on Minds. And posting the saga of the lap-top there. At about 1.00 this morning, my final act of the day was to let Dell have it straight forward on Twtr! ENOUGH! I’m tired and the truth of the matter is, this will only be like the reimbursement the old shit got, thanks to me, for the motel stay in Philly: IF she gets a new lap-top, or ANYTHING for that matter, it won’t mean shit to her. I tried, and got to the point where the only thing that mattered was my own personal success. Well… last evening I tried installing a driver in her lap-top. It didn’t work. And now Dell’s telling me that the lap-top has to be shipped “to the depot” and will take at least 7-10 days! Not to mention, there’s been no saying that they’ll take responsibility for the shipping charges. Ah… well… I’ve had more than my share of it all and am walking away from it… just like the garden and lawn and other such. “We are abused only to the extent we allow.” I’m done. – Half of the fire-wood I brought in on Thursday is gone already! MOST of that was gone by Friday. I’m looking at a Sunday of more wood-hauling. I could do it today but… it’s Saturday and NO! Besides, I’ve got more work to do with my HTML coding and up-dating journals (especially photos to ADK and Woodhauler). So… on that note, time for another coffee. – Mme. will be gone all day, with her Maryrose, selling Jesus to the heathens. A day of “relative peace”… I can only hope. – 19.00 She rolled back in. – 19.50 Worked all day on getting photos onto ADK and Woodhauler. Imagine that! But they’re on. – I’m getting snoozy. Had 2 roast beef on rolls (and one plain roll) at about 17.30. Had gone to the store for PopTarts, frit cocktail, crisps. Now… SO TIRED! – Mme. came in, spoke as if forced. That nun is probably instigating. Fucking Catholics. Anyway, whined about it being a long day and proceded to cook. I came to the room. – I’m about to nap now…

Sun19.Nov: 1.03 And at about 20.00 I went to sleep… I mean “TO SLEEP”! Fully dressed, laid down, under the covers and went to sleep. Until about 0.39. Woke to the sounds of Mme. goose-stepping to the loo. Dozed a tough and woke again to stay awake, I’m presuming. 5 hours. Well, that’s a pretty good “night’s sleep”. And here I am. – She came in, as I’ve noted, at about 19.00. I went out to say “Hello” and be civil. She immediately went into whining about how it had been a “busy day… a busy 24 hours” and “at least I slept at Maryrose’s”. She immediately went to rummaging through the freezer, got the skillet going on the stove. WOW! Did it ever stink! Like old cooking oil. I HAD to leave and come close the door to the room to keep that stench out. Sickening. And so, I tried to be civil with her but her tone was “forced”, as if she had to make an effort to be civil with me. I’ve no doubt she’d spent the past “busy 24 hours” being told a few things about me, and none too favourable. I don’t doubt it at all. Oh well… It is what it is and that’s all. I can’t give a shit one way or the other. And I don’t. – So I came back into the room, quietly. I honestly don’t understand, even at my old age, why people simply can’t make the best of a horrid situation. Just leave me be, leave me to myself. Life would go on, peacefully. But then again, not here. These morons MUST have their drama, their conflicts and confrontations. (Which reminds me: I need to phone Willboro and tell them I’m not taking that place. Monday evening or Tuesday. It won’t be too long now until the house will be with-out “her” again for a while. That’s the good part. I can look forward to that.) – Meanwhile, Soc.Sec. is on my mind and money. The Soc.Sec. delay is pretty good, provided I get the money retro. I’d thought about saving it up anyway, 2 or 3 months. This way, at the rate things are going, it’s like forced savings. IF it all comes at once, I’ll have what I need for a car and/or a flat. And at a few points along the time-line I thought that 3 months’ worth would be good savings. But, I’m on the last pack of Camels and one pack of Belvedere. 108 in the account and that’s not much come U.S. Oh well… We’ve been through this before. We’ll see how it all plays out. – At least I have the lap-top and can pass the time RE-working DA. And now, at 1.15, that’s what I’m about to do. – Just in from a smoke. All the snow that fell over the past couple of days is gone. The world is wet now. It’s not all THAT warm out there, but warm enough to melt it all. And it’s quite “warm”, almost hot in here tonight… this morning. When I went to the loo, it was cool in the house. (Oh… and the customary pee in the bowl… Why she doesn’t flush is beyond me. I flushed… twice. Hah and oh well.) – 2.45 INCREDIBLE!!! I’VE FOUND SO MUCH WORK ALREADY COMPLETED FOR DeadArtist! HTML DOCUMENTS, THE COMPLETE DOWN-LOAD OF THE XML FILE! NOTATIONS. COMMENTS. I’ve lost (on the Toshiba), SO MUCH WORK, BUT… THE ESSENTIALS ARE HERE AND I CAN WORK OFF-LINE! This being awake at this hour has paid well. Oddly though, I’m tired again. Could use another nap. I see no reason why I shouldn’t take one. I’m going to HAVE to back EVERYTHING onto the external drive though. – 7.51 Mme. has JUST awakened. Well, there goes the day. But I’m still working on the drop-down menu (again) on DA and have gotten it to where it looks right, as long as the window isn’t decreased too much. A bit more work needs to be done. – I “napped” from about 4.00-5.00 and woke to… RAIN. I had a feeling that was coming. Anyway, as I napped, a DREAM:
I was back in the Shelter, sitting in a cafeteria-style room, and a long table. There were very few others with me at the time. I was working on a lap-top, coding something when I noticed somebody sitting at a table behind me. Needing a bit of a break from the coding, I put the lap-top up on a shelf (or cabinet) off the table, in front of me and went over to the other table to chat with the other fellow. As we sat, the doors to the room opened and masses of other men came walking in. I recognised a few of them and said to the fellow I was chatting with “Most of them are the same as always.” I thought to myself “Of course they’re back; Winter is coming.” I was about to tell my companion that I’d been out of the Shelter and had to come back because finances didn’t meet my expectations when I suddenly realised that I’d left a brand new lap-top un-guarded! As I got up, sure enough, some very dark-skinned Black guy, younger than I, discovered it and un-plugged it, wrapped the wire round it and was talking with about 3 other Black guys. I stood thinking I should go over and get it back, but I also realised that there’d be a fight over it and that I had no way to PROVE that it was mine. Of course, the group round the thief would claim that it was his anyway, and helplessly, I stood, knowing that my new lap-top was now gone… forever. I lost it due to my own stupidity and negligence. And, I woke.
Imagine that! Already worried that I’m going to lose this lap-top too! Probably because I’m working along on the DA Journal again. – Well… I’m exhausted again. Time for another snooze. Mme. will be banging about in the kitchen in due course. I don’t give a shit. I’m TIRED! It’s been a difficult night. – 10.20 Napped until about 9.00 and went to say “Bonjour” to the old thing. Chatted a bit. And now, there’s quite the “blizzard” out there. The temperature dropped considerably and the rains have turned to snow. Oh, and the “chat” with Mme.? For me, painful. Thankfully she’ll be leaving early tomorrow. And on Thursday, she’s off to “Lincoln”, down by Bristol, she says, probably for the over-night. (I wonder if she’ll be going straight from work.. in which case, I’ll have a week with-out her… though she says she’ll be taking Hallie so, again, it’s “fuck me”, I’m expected to simply ride it as it happens. Hey, no prob. I don’t give a shit. I’ve learnt my lesson quite well: I don’t matter here. And neither does anybody else. Saturday will be interesting though, with her Pam and Dave for dinner… and me… NOT!) – And so, I’ve got a menu done and the “Home” page done for DeadArtist local! ON TO THE PAGES! as the ground goes white with snow. – 12.30 GOT IT! THE “DEAD ARTIST HOME” PAGE IS WORKING, LOOKING FINE AND WONDERFUL AGAIN AT LONG LAST! NOW… for a well-deserved break. Shame there’s no Tea or anything with which to celebrate this accomplishment but… such is the way in the shit-hole. At least I’ve DONE IT! (I didn’t see any Herriot last night, perhaps I’ll find a bit of video to watch – FULL SCREEN for a welcome change – and file the finger nails that have needed filing for a few days now.) – 19.04 Got quite a lot done on DA today and have to say I’m rather pleased… and am heading off to either nap or sleep now.

Mon.20.Nov: 2.18 and another day commences. Yes, at 19.04 (yesterday, last night) I DID go to bed. To sleep. RIGHT to sleep. Exhausted and feeling rather proud of myself for the dedication and accomplishments of the day with the DeadArtist blog-site. There’s still rather much to be done, but the hardest part, the coding, is done. And so, I slept… right through until I woke, of my own. I was up at about 1.00, but dozed-off again. But when I woke, I woke and now, I’ve had coffee and smoke and loo, and another morning, another day commences. – I wonder if Soc.Sec. will make it to the account this week. I doubt it. I’ve precious little cash left for smokes. Enough to get me through the week. But, things are getting tough again. Alas. Life will never, it seems, change. But, I trod along. – And now? There’s “work” to be done. – Thinking, this morning, that Saturday is going to be interesting. Mme. will leave for work today, off to a dentist appointment. “Cleaning”. Then to work until about 18.00 on Wednesday. She’s planning on baking pies on Thursday before heading out to “Lincoln” for holiday dinner and festivities. She’ll return on Friday at some point and will be cooking turkey for Pam, Dave and “Yogi” on Saturday. Me? I’ll be doing my best to muddle through. I don’t want to be a part of the “festivities” and am hoping that I won’t be dragged into them. I have more than enough to keep me occupied through them. But I dread the idea that, some-how, some-body will make best attempts to force me into being “festive”. Let’s just hope NOT. Shall we then? – For now, the radiator is on. It’s dark, breezy and chilled out there, in the world, but it’s warm, quite warm, in here. “Warm”. How wonderful is that? I think of Pat Grottano: “I’ve been cold in my life and I swore I’d never be cold again.” Well, it’s been 6 years here in this shit-hole and THIS is the FIRST Winter that I’ve not been cold… thus far. But there’s another 5 months to go… in which I might (can) be cold. Let’s see what happens… IF I manage to survive through another Winter… here. – 21.05 Showered. In bed. Clothes on spin. Had a nice meal this evening because I went to look for hot-dogs for Hallie and discovered a package of andouille! Had two with Ramen. Quite nice. Not filling, but quite nice. – Mme. left at about 15.00. I was working on an essay on “Lembrook” so I didn’t bother to see her out. Not that I care to do so anyway. – The morning went along well enough. No arguments. – Soc.Sec. still isn’t in the account. – I cranked the thermostat up from 60F to about 68F and the place is warm now. Of course, the stove is cranking almost to the “black” zone. But WTF? I won’t be sitting in here with the door to the room open and freezing. Not I! No sir! Indeed! – DeadArtist is coming along ever so very well. Most of the main pages are done! I have yet to get to the chronologies and such and there will be editing done before it’s called “complete”. But it’s going along MUCH quicker than the first time around and with a LOT less documents all over the place. Lembrook will be included in it… and perhaps elsewhere as well. Ah… Lembrook. I wish I could sketch it. I can still see it as clearly as in the dream. One day… not soon enough. – Went to the store this evening for a needed pack of smokes. I discovered that, with the change, I had enough for two packs, but bought one to see the price. 10,08! Same thing is 7,80 at the Rite Aide but, here I am. Still, there’s enough cash for another pack (and then the money is exhausted). I’ll have to use the card. Sorry I didn’t get any Tea this evening though. Even though I’d much prefer a bottle of vodka right now. Oh well. Mme. will be back on Friday. Perhaps I’ll wangle the truck away from her and get to Enosburgh. (Yeah. Right. As if she’d let me drive alone.) – Anyway, the room is being saged. I’m still awake and will be getting to Herriot tonight. Haven’t watched in two nights now. Haven’t had the energy. – Oh, PAIN in the back too! WOW! Horrid again! But I “worked it off” bringing wood into the kitchen. Two “windows” full… and most of the wood out back is kindling shit. She got taken. Not to mention, the stacking job is a fuck. But there’s wood in the house… for ME. – It snowed most of the day too. Quite cold. Not much accumulation. And tonight the sky is very clear and the air, very snappy. – Hallie has a sore foot. She doesn’t like putting weight on it. Mme. says it’s her leg. Dumbass. Poor Hallie was literally chewing the foot this evening. But she went out for her “do”. It made it worse. I’m betting it’s that “pet friendly” ice melt shit. Mme. says that if it isn’t better on Friday, she’ll take her to the vet. Friday… Mme. will be back on Wednesday night after 18.00. Thursday is pie-baking and Thursday evening she’s off to “celebrate the holiday”. Good riddance. – Spin’s done. Time for dry and Herriot. – And tonight I close with the usual… FUCK!

Tue.21.Nov: 0.19 The parents would have been married 63 years today. Imagine that.
It’s almost brutally warm in the room right now. I’ve finished three episodes of Herriot and am regretting that I didn’t get the Tea and the extra smokes. Later today… and some snacks. May as well. The “holiday” is going to be miserable. “Purgatory”… that MUST be what this all is! – Now to hope for a bit of sleep. – 6.07 OUCH! WOW! OW! Woke at 5.37 with the WORST HEAD-ACHE! Pain in the neck. Must have slept in a wrong position. I recall waking during the night with my head crushed into my shoulders and trying to get comfortable and then dozing back off. But when I woke it was HELL! Still is. And I’ve gotten the stove some-what cleared of all the shit, mostly un-burned chunks which are burning out in a bucket, and of course, the paper. She’d thrown all the mail into the stove yesterday before leaving, the idiot. But, oh well… just another day. Pain, sorrow, depression, anxiety, annoyance, aggravation, the lot. – I recall, vaguely, having some sort of DREAM with the old qunt in it. Some reference to her selfishness. Can’t recall any of the dream itself, just the “moral of the story”, as it were. I wonder if THAT hasn’t got something to do with the poor sleep. – “Any road”… as they say in Yorkshire, at least I’m awake at this hour AFTER sleeping, and not still awake from the night before. – There’s a bit of wash in the machine to be done. I’ll start it up in a little while. Right now… back to “work”. The sooner I get DeadArtist done, the better I’ll feel about some things. – 22.19 Well… “Lembrook” is coming along quite well. Formatted. Cover art. Just needs editing (and perhaps a little more writing). I’m thinking of putting it out as a free e-book on the JKWP. Haven’t quite decided whether to charge a buck or 5 though. Worked on it all morning. Then went to the library to get onto fesses-book a bit and to GIVE KATHLEEN HER ICE CREAM BACK. I told her that the lack of freezer space was mentioned… It was. Anyway, the her ice cream has been returned. “Pumpkin Cheese Cake”. I could die! – Went to the store for crisps and cookies for tonight before the library and then went back for 6 LARGE TEAS AND 2 PACKS OF CAMELS! ON THE BANQUE CARD! (But there’s still 100US in the account so that’s OK… ish.) – Came back to the shit-hole and had 2 andouille and a frank with Ramen for dinner and some egg nog I’d gotten earlier (it’s all gone already and the container has been burned in the stove). – Broke down and Hoovered the room and kitchen this evening. Mostly because the room needed it and the kitchen was quite the mess from the wood I brought in last evening. – Next? Shower. Washed the clothes I wore today. All’s clean again. – Hallie’s foot is worse. I think it’s because of that “pet safe” ice melt shit. So I swept the back porch clean too. Fuck. Work. – Wondering what the week-end’s going to be like. There was mention of bringing Sherry back. Poor gal. She’s like Randyfreak… very nice, and I don’t trust her one bit. Anyway… – Time for a tea and Herriot. It was a warm day today and it’s not a bad night but I’ve kept the stove going. Tomorrow I’ll dump cinders in the garden (there’s burnt plastic bottles in there too… so much for “organic” gardening.) – Tomorrow’s trash day, as it were… Tins, cannettes and plastics galore! My contribution to the landfills of the “Green Mountains”. May they rot. – As I say… time for Herriot and TEA!

Wed.22.Nov: 0.18 Two episodes of Herriot done. One Tea, some crisps and cookies. Just in from a smoke and although I’m tired, not looking forward to sleeping… lights out… that sort of thing. Every night it’s the same. “Depression”. I just SO want to be out of and away from here. And again, the thoughts of Edgemont. And hate comes roaring in. I don’t know what the fuck the old qunt says to these people but DAMN HER ANDMAY SHE BE DAMNED! – I’m going to read over “Lembrook” a touch and then… to bed. The aforementioned snatch won’t be back until after 18.00 (having somebody else working her “6-11”). There will be the day… and no library tomorrow nor Thursday. I’ve things to do though. Good for me. – 8.20 Up at 7.00, coffee, dressed whilst I pee’ed, breakfast for Hallie, get garbage together, emptied the ash buckets in the garden, put garbage to the street, fire re-started, brought in some more wood (mostly for the day and no more since there’s a stack there already), quick-swept the porch again and there’s just the slightest rain or something falling from the morning sky. Done. This morning’s “chores” are done. The rest of today is mine. And this evening, I’ve little doubt, I shall be in bed shortly after sun-set. Even less doubt, Mme. will be in the kitchen, banging and thrashing about, Heaven forbid we should have peace. Ah, I suppose I get my peace in her absence. I must ask for no more than that. – Back to “Lembrook”. It’s going for a re-write at this point. No trouble. “Thanksgiving” release? – 23.25
LEMBROOK IS DOCUMENTED, PUBLISHED, A SHORT STORY, POSTED ON THE AUTHOR’S BLOG, MINDS AND TWITTER. Free, for now. I want to see what kind of response I get from it. BUT IT’S RECOCRDED AND DOCUMENTED, AND ON-LINE! I worked on it all day too. But at long last, it’s recorded… forever.
Mme. came rolling in at about or 20.00 it was a bit later. Groceries in the truck. I’d only just stepped out for a smoke when she came in. I was stoking the stove in the kitchen and the door opened. (I’d turned the heat back down to about 68F and the house was COLD! I’m wondering if she’ll turn it back up tonight… and I hear her stomping her way into the loo as I type here.) Anyway, I didn’t bother to help with un-loading the truck. Why the fuck should I? She’s off to some dinner tomorrow, will be cooking for Pam, Dave and her Yogi on Saturday. I’m NOT planning on participating at all so… Fuck that! You cook? You buy, you clean the fucking house, you clean the dishes, you haul the fucking groceries. (The heat’s just coming up… I’ve got the radiator cranking too but that’s just for this room.) – Had another ATTACK OF PAIN on the left side today. I think it might be the chair I’m sitting on, the canvas chair. I’ll have to look into another chair round the place and try it. Took 2 naproxyn and a 20-minute nap. Woke to feeling a bit better. – But now… LEMBROOK IS DONE! And I’m off to watch some Herriot.

Thu.23.Nov: 8.41 Lights out at about 1.00, up at about 8.30 to a hazy morning and the slightest bit of “flocons” and cold. The hole is silent and it doesn’t seem as if the kitchen light is on. But earlier, I did hear the stove being started. This was supposed to be “pie baking” day. I wonder… I don’t “care”… I just wonder. – “Holiday”. Not that it’s any different from any other day. And today, I can get back to DeadArtist. There’s a LOT of reading and editing to be done. This is the tough part here, all the reading. Oh well. May as well get right to it then. – I COULD go right back to sleep, quite honestly. – 22.29 Just finishing the addition of over 30 more songs to the iPod… Chris Isaak (ah, DEAR Mark Johnson… Marcus Payne, as he was known in Newburgh). The memories are still as crisp, fresh and clear as they were moments after, in Roosa Gap. – Anyway, Mme. left, with Hallie, at 14.20 saying she’d “text” if she wasn’t returning “If it’s snowing or…”. There’s been no word, no “text”, no call thus far. But it’s been rather odd with-out Hallie here. Hopefully she’s in the house and NOT in the truck. It’s BITTER out there tonight. – I had “meal”. Finished the two andouille and a tea. There are no sweet snacks for tonight. – NOTE: There’s a carton of Camels and a card on the kitchen table. Mme. didn’t mention them and I shall feign not seeing them. Imagine… I probably shouldn’t be so stuck about the fact that she doesn’t mention it. Oma used to put money on the telephone table for me. She said she knew I’d buy smokes and she wouldn’t contribute, knowingly, to such a thing. But some-how, Mme.’s general attitude bugs me and so, I tend to see it with a bit of resentment, though I’m more appreciative than I can say here. They’ll stay on the table until… – Well, tomorrow is a “nothing” sort of day for both of us. Saturday will be her “cooking” day. I have to figure a way to “bow out gracefully”. Perhaps I’ll feign having correspondence or communications to attend in the evening. I don’t know for certain. But I do NOT want to “break bread” with the people in attendance… AT ALL! – I managed a bit of “Minds” and a little “Twtr” today. Nothing of note. The world goes on, even through a holiday of “Thanks”. Honestly, some people. Although one correspondent on Twtr was very kind. “God Bless You Brother. MAGA.” Comforting… in a manner of such. – And the stove is stoked and hot. The radiator is on almost FULL and there’s a MAJOR CHILL in this room. I need to keep the door open for Mimou tonight. Little fellow doesn’t like being left alone and his “sister” isn’t in tonight. He spent most of the day on the floor by the stove. It was a delight to see him close to the warmth. My heart aches to think he was alone and out there all last Winter. Well, I feel good that I was instrumental in getting him to a vet and that he has a house this year… even though he makes it so that Mme. puts him out during the day with his “chatting”. She doesn’t like it, obviously, or she interprets it as his desire to get out. He wants to go out, even now. But as I say, it’s BITTER out there and I won’t have him out in the cold. There’s no need for it. – And so for now, I’m going to try to jump into a shower, just because. And then… off to bed and Herriot with a Tea and the remaining crisps. Lights out on this day. – One more note: 52 pages of “comments” on the DeadArtist blog have to be transcribed… AGAIN!!! But I believe I can pull the sources and work them off-line. I don’t like being on-line too long with this lap-top. One never knows WTF will be pulled or modified and I’m at wits’ end over all the bull-shit. (Dell tried to contact Mme. yesterday whilst she was out. I’ve put a stop to the “DMs” on Twtr. I’m at the end of all the “helping”. Fuck it!) – Holiday over… for now. How wonderful. Made it through another. Damn it!

Fri.24.Nov: 9.42 and only just in from a smoke. Didn’t get to sleep until about 2.00 again this morning and there was an episode of leg cramp during the night. Oh well. But all’s rather calm and I’ve met my “Good morning” responsibility. But still, this late start… Oh well, nothing to be done about it. – Before sleep, I got a “review” of this lap-top here. Not promising. But it cost about 100 less than the “average” and I guess that’s what we get. Come to find out, it’s more a “Notebook” than a computer. Explains the lack of sharpness in the simple text of a word doc. Not to mention a variety of other items. But it is what it is and it’s functioning to serve the basic necessities so I’ll not complain. No sense, no need to complain. – Meanwhile, it’s back to DeadArtist for the day. 52 pages to be copied and edited. Something to “do”. (I’m considering hauling more wood in too… Why the fuck not? Eh?) – 20.53 And what have *I* done with this day? Gotten to page 13 out of 52 of the HTML editions of the DeadArtist Comments transcribed to docs… A-FUCKING-GAIN!!! When I think of the fact that they’re all done… on the Toshiba! And that I’m doing them AGAIN it pisses me right off! AND, reading through the “Journal” posts (which is what most of the comments are… right now, for 2011) and I see references to the sleeping bag, good pillows, Wolverine boots… at one point I wanted to put my fist through the wall here. And when I see how fucking much work I’ve been doing for so many other people… and being fucked by it all… I’ve really, REALLY had more than my fair share of finding the TAKERS in this world. – But enough of that. There really is no sense harping on what has been done. Today, these days, well… no more. And that’s that and as an example… MME. WASHED HER OWN FUCKING KITCHEN FLOOR TODAY!!! (The bucket is still in the kitchen, with the old water and mop in it… but that’s to be expected… she’s “Vermont”: half-assed and horse-shit.) I was going to bring more fire-wood in but at 16.00 when I left the room, I saw the kitchen floor was wet. “I was going to bring in more fire-wood, but the floor’s washed” I said to her. “There’s always tomorrow.” said she. Yeah? Fuck you. There’s enough for you and if your “guestie-friends” want more? There’s about 1,5 cords in the garage. Have fund with that. – And so, today’s “meal”? Tin of chicken ravioli and when I needed sweet, I made a “paste” of creamer and sugar and a bit of water and had that on the last 2 rolls. There’s a bit of cheese left for later… with Tea and Herriot. Tomorrow… franks in the “fridge box” on the porch. I might have to break down and go to the store for bread and such. But we’ll see how the day goes. I’ll have to figure how to get there and back with-out all sorts of “intervention”. – Meanwhile, I’ve been listening to the “new” music on the iPod. I got that soft-ware to pull files to the computer and made room for more music, should the need arise. (Some of the “Asus” videos are moved to the lap-top. Must to back them up on the Seagate…. which is where I’ve put ALL of the DeadArtist work too!) – And now? Mme. has, I believe, retired. Poor dear… she actually DID something round the fucking house today. She must be wrecked! And me? I’m about to go for a smoke and Herriot too. If I wake really early tomorrow morning, that’ll be fine. There’s a LOT more work to be done on DeadArtist! (And… I only just opened that last pack of Camels and there’s a carton waiting… for mid-night smokes.) – Now… to post these 5 pages of “doc” on-line and get this day DONE! – Fuck. – 21.31 In bed and posting this. Tea at bed-side and ready for the wrap-up. (I would have liked a shower but… makes no difference… really.) – One note today: I noticed, I mean, I REALLY noticed how little sun we actually get at this time of the year, how close to the Southern horizon the sun “rises” and “sets”. In Summer, the sun sets toward Montreal… but these days (evenings?) it sets clearly to the left (South of) the Hanna Road. Yes, I knew that, but seeing it shows exactly how this old world actually is tilted. I’m probably the only one around who notices it. And it just goes to show: there’s always a little something “new” and “different” in every day. – Well… that’s that. Time to “post”.

Sat.25.Nov: 5.52 HAPPY BIRTHDAY… VIV. – And another day commences. I purposely wanted to get up early this morning to get back to work on DeadArtist. I’d set the alarm for 5.30 but woke at about 4.00 on my own. Dozed until the alarm and here I am, dressed, coffee and smoke. Let’s see how the rest of this day goes… energy-wise. I feel “rested” now. But there’s a nap coming along the way. – I HOPE I’ll be able to dodge this evening’s festivities. – And, I’m still in a bit of pain. That lower, left side again. I wonder what it could be. It’s not “back” trouble per se. But it IS painful. Oh… “old”. – 10.56 I did take a nap, for about an hour. Woke and got back to DeadArtist. Am currently on HTML22: October 2010. It’s rather interesting, seeing references to “Nick” and the escapades with “him”. Inspiring too, but alas, not today. – Haven’t “spoken” with Mme. (yet) today either. Not that I want to. She’s been busy, burning away all the fire-wood in the kitchen. Idiot. And this morning’s sun is gone, rains to come and I’ll not be out there in the yard hauling wood in the rain. Well? There’s a garage full of more fire-wood. Let somebody else go for it. (I just have to be firm in the resolve to not participate in this evening’s “do”. Hell. I’ve got enough “work” here t to keep me occupied.) – Have decided that today’s meal can be Ramen, franks, and if sugar is needed, oatmeal after. It’s something anyway. I don’t really care. – RE-re-hashing the old notes is rather a touch depressing when I see how much has NOT changed in years. One major difference is that I’m no longer doing so much for others as I am for myself. One of these days… Back to NY where there’ll be NOTHING for others. See my life out doing for ME for a change. – I can’t help but think of that article I saw on Thursday: Seems sister is having quite the trouble. Newburgh, Washington Lake has been shut down. The water supply has been found t be poison… AGAIN! I just might out-live the rest of them (if I don’t do something about it sooner). Imagine… they stayed all those years only to be poisoned. Nobody wanted to listen to me and take my recommendations to leave. So? There they are. Farewell to all. Shame though, that Sarah moved back with Ollie. Now he too is poisoned. Newbiurgh… what a little shit-hole. And to think that’s where I started my existence. Oh well… there’s nothing can be done to change any of it. – 12.54 Interesting… I went for another nap of about 30 minutes and as I lay, dreaming, it’s almost 13.00! This day is passing… and I’m sleeping it away! Not very good, I should think. But the rain has arrived and so… back to the computer we go. – 15.08 Up to Comments31! More than half through! And the next month to be transcribed: August 2010! Rolling right along. – I’d gone out for hot water for a tea and the kitchen table is CLEAR! Not even set (so I don’t know how many she’s thinking of. If SHE mentions dinner to me, I’m going to bow-out gracefully and honestly: You should sit and have a peaceful meal with-out any concern over me. If she comes to fetch me later, I’ll feign not feeling well, back-aches or something… or I’ll be asleep… again. Very tired from no sleep all night last night with back troubles or something. One way or another… I’m out of that ordeal. I have my 4 franks in my pocket already, going for room temperature. I won’t have hot water to “cook” them and can’t figure how I’ll do the Ramen, but… I’ve had worse in better situations. This is just another.) – I could, actually, go lie down again for another nap. Broken sleep is about as bad as none at all. But not at this hour. I think I’ll try to slip to the store at about 14.00 and get something for later (and bread for the franks). What-ever’s on the card has to last 5 more days at any rate. Cutting it TERRIBLY close… again. Oh well. – Truth is, I can’t chew properly anyway. So turkey and such is out of the question. – Well… break time from the “work”. – 16.18 Just got back from the store with rolls, PopTarts and crisps… AND Mme. isn’t here! I walked out, determined to simply go and get food and the truck was gone! YAY! Made it to the store and back. And now… a bit of something to eat. – 20.20 and a 3-hour nap. All arrived at about 18.30 “and a good time is being had by all” thus far. I’ve slept well and am about to get back to work here. Much to do and glad I wasn’t put in a position to have to dodge that shit in the kitchen. Oh… thankful me. 24.04 Next page on the DeadArtist: 37 on the HTML, July 2010. I spent ALL day in the room working on the pages, and came July 2010, it all went pretty much to shit. I didn’t bother to open comments with a time so now I have to include “PostTime” on them. Confusing! Time-consuming. And as I work along I keep thinking (though I know I must stop this) that I was up to coding the documents and almost done with all of them! I’ve NO patience for repeating work that shouldn’t need re-working. And it pisses me off. But there’s no use saying anything. This project is important only to me and nobody else. – And so, Mme. returned some-time round 18.30 or maybe it was 18.00. Somebody had come to the house before she returned. I was working at the table in the room and herd the voice on the porch but didn’t bother to get up. He/they must have left because Hallie barked, I heard the voice and then all went quiet again for a while. Then, at about 18.45 or so, Pam and Dave showed. I don’t know that anybody else did because I didn’t hear any other voices through the wall. When they came, I went to bed and slept until about 20.15 or so, in the dark. I figured I may as well because I knew I wasn’t going to be invited to participate and… I wasn’t. I slept heavily again, dreaming. When I woke, I got back to the project at hand. I’d eaten, 2 franks on rolls with mustard, room temperature. It held me over. And PopTarts after. Not nourishing but I’m not concerned. At least SHE and THEY had their delightful dinner. – When, at about 22.30, I took a stroll out to check on the place, Mme. was in the recliner, knitting… polishing off her wine (fucking drunk). Flat affect. I don’t give a shit, really. The kitchen was cleared. Of course, she tosses everything into the dish-washer. Diners had left at about 21.00. (I intentionally didn’t go out earlier because I didn’t want to be bothered with feeling I should offer help cleaning up. Fuck. I didn’t buy the food, cook the food, eat the food. I’ll be damned if I’m going to clean… before or after. It’s the new “ME”… especially looking at the Journal of 2010. Nope. THAT shit’s come to an end. ALL of it. As Ev said, and was perfectly correct: I’ve spent my life doing good for others, it’s time to do good for me and my Journal is my good for me.) – And so, the day goes into night and the night goes into another day and the rains are falling and most of the fire-wood is gone from the kitchen. Snow in the forecast. Looks like wood’s going to come from the garage until I get the ambition to hit the stack in the yard again. No rush. I’ll do it for me… and Hallie and Mimou. As for the old qunt? Let her get one of her chums. It is as I’ve told her: She hasn’t gotten and enemy, but she HAS lost a friend.

Sun.26.Nov: 0.17 Mme. has gone to bed. House is dark. I’m going to wrap things up here for a bit of Herriot, a Tea and a nap. Hopefully it will be a nap only because there are some 15 HTML pages to get through. Hell, I spent Saturday working and napping and working and napping and nothing was said (as yet). I can do it all again today. (Oh, as I think of Mme’s. disappearance today I wonder: church? After all, she MUST go do her “Jesus-thing”. Bloody hypocrite. But then again… “they” are ALL the same… full of shit.) – So much for the beginning of yet another day. Fuck this place. (Want me out? Let’s get things into the courts… and into the media… I’m ready.) – 2.43 AN HERRIOT’S DONE… NO MORE. SAD. SO SADLY SAD. Well… time to move on and back to the more seriousness of existence. There’s the DeadArtist to keep alive and “Green Mountains Black Skies” to be told. Sad. But it had to come sooner or later, and so it has. – I’m in PAIN again this morning. And not looking forward to the sun-rise, I can tell you that much right now. Hopefully another of those 3-hour naps will carry me through the rest. Hopefully… because it’s going to be another miserable day, and THAT much I can rest assured of. – 9.03 and so much for the “nap”. I slept through 3 alarms and woke to… yes *** SNOW *** on the ground. Lovely. Nice breeze. Not too awfully cold. But the day begins with an encounter with Mme. on the porch. Alas. – Last night’s pain lingers. Not horribly, but “there”, with me. And I’d like, very much, to go right back to bed, but there are tasks to complete and a day ahead. Charming. Oh yeah… charming. (And no Herriot tonight.) – Well, let’s get on with it. – 11.36 i HAVE TO NOTE THIS (IN THE MIDST OF STILL TRYING TO GET THE 2010 JOURNAL DONE): I WENT OUT TO THE KITCHEN TO PUT THE TEA-MUG BACK. ANOTHER ENCOUNTER WITH Mme. THOUGH PLEASANT. HALLIE AND MIMOU BOUNDING ABOUT AND I NOTICED THEIR ***WATER BOWL EMPTY AND DRY***!!! I PUT FRESH WATER IN AND HALLIE LAPPED THROUGH HALF OF IT AND WHEN SHE WAS DONE, BEFORE I HAD THE CHANCE TO REFRESH, MIMOU WENT RIGHT FOR IT!!! SO I COMMENTED TO Mme. “THE’VE HAVE NO WATER FOR 24 HOURS?” HER REPLY? “WAS IT EMPTY? I PUT WATER IN IT YESTERDAY.” FUCKING QUNT-DRIP! ANOTHER ONE! FUCK! LYLE GOT A DOSE OF ATTITUDE BECAUSE OF IT BACK WHEN. THIS QUNT WAS TOLD THAT I’VE NO PATIENCE FOR THE NEGLIGENCE OF WATER FOR THE ANIMALS. BUT, BUT, BUT… HER FUCKING, USELESS SHIT-BAGS ENJOYED THEMSELVES LAST NIGHT WITH CHAPAGNE – MORON DAVE POPPED THE CORK AGAINST THE WALL… TO THE LITTLE ROOM, AND THEN LAUGHED – SO THAT’S REALLY ALL THAT MATTERS. FUCKING NASTY SHIT-BITS! THE FUCKING LOT OF THEM. I CAN ONLY HOPE WITH HEART AND SOUL THAT “KARMA” WILL ATTEND… QUICKLY AND FIERCELY! MY NERVES ARE TREMBLING WITH ANGER NOW. – And I have to add how I find it rather interesting that there’s been no mention of what and how I’m eating of late. I haven’t at at table in months, haven’t accepted any little “offerings”, though they’ve been rare. It’s so typical of this place, these idiots and useless morons: as long as THEIR needs are met, nothing else matter. “Entitled”… each and every one of them. But I simply let it all ride… hoping that Karma DOES exist and that it addresses matters accordingly… swiftly and with intense force. – 17.19 Qunto toddles off at about 14.00, not a word to any-one and is still gone. The stove was out. She obviously went out to bring wood in (never mind all the wood in the garage), so what I’ve put in there is damp. But, that’s the way it is. And it was just a co-incidence that I’d gone out of the room to have a smoke that I turned on the out-side light and checked to see how Hallie and Mimou were that I got to get dinner for Hallie and a bit of half’n’half for Mimou. Well… there we have yet another example of “NO PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY”. The old woman’s a mess. But, I’ve stayed in the room all day, working up to page 49 out of 52 of the transcription from the web-page to the document. (Next comes the editing and coding and changing the font… then the transcriptions to HTML for the site… not to mention, making all the pages for the months… but that’s to come and will keep me busy, occupied and in the room and out of the rest of the house and away from arguments and general retard bull-shit). – There’s another package of franks on the porch, but I’m really not hungry. I could also make some Ramen with the hot water in the kettle on the wood-stove, but I’m not hungry. I’ll probably be hungry later when I can’t get to anything, but… – For now, it’s back to the DA Journal. – Tonight, no Herriot. It’s going to be rather strange. – And as a note: No music, radio, iPod, nothing most of the day… I work in silence. Just don’t want to hear much of anything. I “hear” more than enough in the Journal transcriptions… 2010 was Rockaway… and how it went ugly. – 17.34 Mme. Qunt has rolled in… I wonder if she’ll inquire as to whether or not the brood has been attended. We shall see… I doubt it. – 19.32 DONE! DONE! DONE! ALL OF THE PAGES HAVE BEEN TRANSCRIBED TO DOCs! (AGAIN!!!) Comments, Posts and some Prose too! Coding and font are next but not now. AND there are MORE items on the iPod that need transcribing! There are 1442 or something like that number of tunes on it so I will NOT connect it to the WiFi (and have the music disappear… suspiciously). SO I’ve got quite a bit of typing to get done now too. Thankfully, if I’m up in the middle of the night, I can do some of it here (which is probably more convenient than trying to get it done at the library, but we’ll see). – Having dry Ramen as I type. Yep… I knew I’d get hungry when prep wasn’t possible. – Anyway… I’m ready for a nap… and ONLY a nap! There’s stuff to be done. (I could use a shower but I suppose that can wait until tomorrow evening when the house is semi-normal again.) – Thankfully there’s 3 more days to this month and more FS to come. There’s lentils in the box and I believe a tin of pasta. But… Come to think of it… risking more broken teeth on these noodles when that pasta and such is in the box… OK. Chalk up another one for “Stoopid”. – The house is awfully quiet. I wonder if Mme. Qunt isn’t passed-out on her recliner… fucking drunk.

Mon.27.Nov: 8.05 and we’re off on another day. Late start but WOW, this morning, I’m not feeling at all well. It was lights out at about 2.00 after watching some QI (new shows). So it was about 6 hours ago. And I slept well enough. Up only once to pee. But this morning, I’m just rather light-headed and nauseated. Oh well… just another morning in Paradise. – Snow still on the ground. I’m dressed, had a pee in the bottle and coffee. Next is to make m’way out to a smoke. (I don’t even feel like doing that, if it can be imaginable.) – But there’s also the docs-to-HTML to be done and I’m itching to give that a try this morning, with the help of WordPress. So, as the old thing stomps about the place, puts the cat out on the porch… let’s begin. Shall we? – Fuck. – 20.39 At about 16.30 she toddled out the door after having baked a cake (which she took with her) and leaving NO FUCKING FIRE-WOOD IN THE KITCHEN AND THE THERMOSTAT SET AT FUCKING 58 DEGREES! Yeah? Well… the thermostat got put up to 68 and I, feeling miserable from hunger, brought in THREE-WINDOWS of wood from out back! THEN I went to the store for eggs, turkey cold-cuts, rolls and cookies. Came back, shredded the turkey in 4 eggs, fried it up and had my MEAL WITH a fire in the stove and heat coming up… from the furnace! FUCK THIS SHIT! Ms. Lah D. Dah can go right out and fuck herself half to death. – Noting though: At the store I met the guy who got the reel mower from 5225 and he wanted to give it back to me! Says his daughter uses it so I thanked him for the offer and said I’m just glad somebody appreciates it. He’s heading for Newburgh tomorrow.. goes to the auction! (I almost mentioned Chris’s Harry but stopped short.) I don’t know exactly who the guy is, but he shook my hand, asked how I am, asked where I’ve been hiding, thought I’d moved away. ( I don’t believe he knows who he was talking to since I doubt anybody around here is all too happy about seeing ME… especially since I’m certain there are some pretty fucking nasty words going around about me.) – And I spent another day working on DA and am coming along with it. Much more to do and every time I get one thing done I think of something else I’d like to do. It’s about to become quite the repository of “me”… IF it ever gets done. Shame, really, that so much coding won’t be accepted on WP. I’ll have to think of a way to get my own domain and such… One of these days. – Well.. back to stuff.

Tue.28.Nov: 9.13 The last time I looked at the time it was 3.04 THIS MORNING. I got SO involved with creating a book from another blog that the time rolled right by. Oddly, I wasn’t really tired when I finally got into bed but I managed to drift right off until the alarms… and Mimou telling me that it was time to wake… at 7.00. But there’s a new book in the making: “Death of a Zionist”… the “Yehudah ben haGalut” site. The intention was to pull all of the blogs together for DeadArtist, and get the prose from the sites. Oh, I got the prose, and started that in book form for PDF. I figured a way to get the PDFs to display on the LOCAL DeadArtist site. It won’t work on the WordPress though, sadly. But when I got to Yehudah, the rest just rolled along. And, a little research for the dedication to Rabbi Lewis brought me to the announcement of her retirement to Rochester and such. Well, as I say, next thing, it’s 3.00 and I’m still sitting at table in the little room. Oh well. – Also, pulled three windows of fire-wood in. This morning, the stack is down considerably. That last cord is so dry, even with the rain and snow, that it burned immediately. This morning I cleared out some of the paper ash, turned the embers, tossed in a piece and with-in seconds… SECONDS, the fire was back up and burning. Mme. got ripped on this delivery! (I wonder if it isn’t because she didn’t sell the house to Pat Stanely as she’d rather led him to believe she would. After all, it was his grand-mother’s at one time and I rather think he was looking forward to renting-to-buy. Gee… kinda like the Stanhopes. Well, Karma will address and the fire-wood is probably the beginning. But being a self-absolving Catholic… the old thing believes the wood’s no good because she got it “late” in the season. Yeah, right. What-ever. Deluded old thing.) – And so, I’ve had coffee, smoke and the recycling is out. Hallie is out there in the snow. And I’m off and back to the latest book and to more on DeadArtist today. I’ve things to “do”. – Let’s see how long I manage to stay awake now though. – OH! PS! I BALANCED THE ACCOUNT AFTER THE PURCHASE OF 6 TEAS AT THE STORE YESTERDAY EVENING AND THE CHARGE WAS IMMEDIATE, AND THERE’S STILL 11 OVER 100 IN THERE! THAT WAS GOOD NEWS FOR ME. – 16.23 FINISHED! Edited. Read aloud. Proofed. Converted to PDF. “Death Of A Zionist”, Yehudah ben haGalut is ready to go to the public… at long, long last. Now, to figure out HOW. Selz wants me to up-grade, at a cost. I wonder if I’ll be able to get this out there. I also need to work on my little page there at Selz, make it more attractive. MORE WORK to be done… and DeadArtist sits waiting. But that’s OK. When the old qunt returns, I’ll be confining me to this little room more as necessity, giving me more time to “work”. – I have to say though, having read that new book, that I’m rather amazed at me. I used to be literate! Very rather much unlike the “me” here in this refuse heap. – Hallie and Mimou have been out. The recycling is done, gone and the tub on the porch. The fire in the stove is going (going, gone). And soon ’twill be time for eating… eggs and turkey on rolls… again this evening. Ah… but there’s Teas to be had later AND… another day tomorrow… of peace. YAY ME! – 23.41 SHOWERED! TOE NAILS CLIPPED. SHAVED (as best s the old razor will). CLEAN JAMMIES. CLEAN PILLOWS. CLEAN ME! OH YEAH! And today’s (week’s) clothes are drying. Another book done and out to social media. TWO books in about TWO weeks. Pretty good. Now, if only they’d sell. We shall see. Maybe. I even re-vamped the Selz site a touch. Nothing much. But there are 5 books on there now. I’ve got some serious promoting to get done in the days to come. – It’s actually HOT in the room tonight. The house is warm too. The stove is stoked but I’m not so sure it’s even needed. There’s a strong breeze blowing out-side. The sky is clear. And it’s rather comfy warmish-cool. Most of the snow is gone. It warmed that much today. I think tomorrow is supposed to be warm. Not bad for the end of November. – Tonight, as I came out of the shower I realised that I’ve actually taught myself to stand on one foot again. For what seemed the longest while, I couldn’t. I’d sway to all sides if I tried. But I did what I would have done for my patients: I forced myself to compensate and, well, I’ve succeeded. Not that it makes any difference to anybody else. But sometimes we just have to do for us. And I have done. I’ve learnt that from being here in this self-serving hole. Maybe that was the lesson I needed to learn in order to move on. Let’s hope. – Now… if only my Soc.Sec. would come through. But I believe the delay is in the paper-work. Soc.Sec. probably has to send the form to the banque and they probably have to complete the info and send it back to Soc.Sec. who will have to enter the info into the “system” (de seestem… thank you Uloma Enyi). Yeah, that’s going to take quite the while. No wonder they say “30-60 days”. Let’s see how CIBC and Canada Post handle this. Shall we? (I don’t expect miracles.) – Meanwhile, I wish I could ring Dennis again. I wonder about him now, considering he’s been in that town all his life and the water’s been poison and people are getting cancers and folks in their 60’s have been found to have high levels of toxins in their blood. If he’s not dying now he probably will be soon. Well? That’ll be the end of my lineage. There’ll be nobody else left. My curse, my punishment will be to be the last of them (us) all. Just like Oma: I’ve lived long enough to out-live all of my friends… as if I’ve ever really had any of those. If I had, I wouldn’t be here now. I’d be in a nice little place in or very damned near the Adirondacks… I’d be in NY state anyway. – And so, on that note, as the close tumble, I shall have my second Tea and see the evening out. Tomorrow is garbage day. TWO bags… tied. Fucking idiot, that one. I wonder if she even wonders what I eat. I’ve no doubt she’s got somebody at the store reporting to her. Bunch of retards, this crew. But that she’s got NO consideration for me and garbage. Honestly… the self-serving selfishness. But I’m learning… I’ve learnt. – Hallie and Mimou are in bed. The house is dark and the stove is burning. No qunt stomping. No twats stomping. (And Mimou just came into the room and into his little bed. All’s well… May it stay that way (and may I be able to sleep restfully through the night when the time comes and wake in good condition in the morning.)

Wed.29.Nov: 8.39 after another 3.00 to-bed morning. THAT has GOT to STOP! But coffee, pee, breakfast and trash is taken care of. And there’s more laundry to be done because it got so warm last night that I woke (with a bit of help from Mimou) in a sweat this morning (again). – Meanwhile, out-side, the sun is actually HOT, the air has that bit of a coolness to it but it’s almost late-Spring warm, and wet from snow-melt. No snow to be seen. I got the stove re-started but it doesn’t seem to be needed. And, there’s some work to be done on DeadArtist today! Not to mention, book promos. Yes indeed, a full day ahead. Let’s see how long I can endure. – 22.21 Showered. Clothes in the dryer. The washer is running on nothing to clean out the Fabuloso. Everything clean and I’m in PAIN AGAIN! That “muscle” on the left, just above the hip AGAIN! ANd I wanted to be asleep or on the way by this hour. Oh well. – The day is over and not much in the way of “accomplishments”. I honestly don’t know what I do with the time. Honestly. I don’t. But the days come and go and pass and are gone. – Finished the eggs and turkey though. And went to the store for donuts and egg-nog (the nog is gone, one shot, 3 mugs, bull-shit). – And OH! TeeHeeHee… I’d put the mug into the bath-room sink under the hot water to cleanse it and completely forgot about it for a couple of hours. Yep… Ran the hot water completely out! 50 gallons. HaHAhaHAhaHAH! (It took about an hour to get it back so… I’m wondering if the Twats noticed. We shall hear if they did, I’m certain. “Nope. I didn’t have any trouble. Didn’t use the water until almost 9.30pm. Oh well.”) – And on that little chuckle… Oh, yes, I recorded me reading a piece of prose I’d written… “The Last Bridge To Tilden” as it were. Rather nice. I might do some more and post them some-where. – And one other note: Fox news tonight, Tucker C. had some guy on who’d written a book about the Homeless! I write and nobody notices. My fault though. I’ll have to SHOVE the book (instead of mentioning and promoting). Fuckers. I write THE experience and THEY write ABOUT it. Fuck. That’s the way it goes. – Tomorrow the “peace” will end. There’s not much wood in the kitchen and I’m not putting any more in. She’ll have to make do with what’s left over. And the thermostat? Back down to where it was at 58F(uck). Qunt. Poor Hallie and Mimou. I hope they can keep each-other warm enough. But there’s always this room… and the radiator cranking… especially since the door is open.

Thu.30.Nov: 13.04 Mme. arrived about 20 minutes ago. I’ve been up from since about 8.00 and keeping busy, constantly, this morning. Got the stove re-stoked, breakfasts served, coffees taken. It was -5 when I checked at about 8.30 (as I sat for almost 30 minutes on the toilet… a painful sort of morning after a night of HORRORS… cramps and that stabbing pain in the gut). But the sky is clear and the day is bright… and it’s going to stay cold though. – Got the “DA Comments” to HTML this morning. Now to “clean” THOSE! – Mme. walks in from out-doors and comments that the house is “warm”. Yeah? The fucking stove is cranking because the thermostat’s set where you left it… 58-fucking Farenheit! I had to close the room door to keep any heat in the little room. Moron. Ah… but she’s going to have to settle for the stack of wood that’s left from when she was away. I’d thought about bringing more in but… NAH! Fukkit! Fukkitall! – *** MEANWHILE… THE BESTEST NEWS THIS MORNING? WNBZ HAS BEEN SOLD AND BOUGHT AND WILL BE UNDER NEW OWNERSHIP AS OF TOMORROW! I’VE HIT TWTR WITH THE NEWS AND A COUPLE OF SITES WHERE THE DETAILS HAVE BEEN PUBLISHED. I COULDN’T FIND IT LAST NIGHT, WAS DEPRESSED BECAUSE IT HAD GONE SILENT, WAS AFRAID IT WAS GONE FOREVER. IT’S BECOME MY SPIRIT-LINK TO “HOME”! THE JINGLE IS LIKE WNBC, THE MUSIC IS THE NICE 80s (LIKE NOW, GERRY RAFFERTY… “RIGHT DOWN THE LINE”) AND IT’S SARANAC… THE ADIRONDACKS, NY NORTH COUNTRY… *THE* NORTH COUNTRY! Hopefully tomorrow we’ll wake to the same format… But for now, I’m happy it’s still on the air (and hopefully will STAY on the air). – I’m pooped! Time for the customary “lunch break” in this day… which, to me, is a nap. – Thought of going to the library for fesses-book… it’s open until 18.00. I might… but later. – 23.40 PAGES ARE DONE FOR THE MOST PART! CAUGHT-UP WITH DEAD ARTIST! AT LAST! MODIFICATIONS ON TEXTS AND PROSE AND ALL WILL BE DONE! THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE BEFORE SUMMER STARTED! BUT IT’S ACTUALLY A “SITE” AT THIS POINT! – AND WNBZ HAS BEEN ON THE RADIO ALL DAY. (I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN AT MID-NIGHT WHEN THEY OFFICIALLY GET TAKEN OVER BY “NEW MANAGEMENT”. HOPEFULLY THEY WON’T CHANGE THE FORMAT. I’VE HIT SOCIAL MEDIA (TWTR) ABOUT THEM A FEW TIMES… – And so, Mme. offered no food. I had ONE Ramen, “cooked” and a few donuts. Having a Tea and will be heading for bed ever so soon. I’m rather exhausted. Didn’t even bother to go to the library today. Not that I’ve anything much other than fesses-book to do there. But, there’s tomorrow… and Saturday. Nice to know that I have that little get-the-fuck-away fora few hours. – Tomorrow they’re going to have some kind of “do” to light the tree in front of Town Hall/Library. Mme. said Pam and Dave will be there and said I should attend. I told her ALL would be MUCH happier if I didn’t, knowing I’m probably more hated in this town than Cecil, Lyle, either, or, both. No comment from her. She knows… And I don’t give a shit. – SMOKE TIME! (As “Walking’ On Broken Glass” plays. This station… what a hoot!)