Mon.01.May: Fuck me! I wanted to be MOVING AWAY FROM HERE TODAY! – 9.10 hangover. – 12.12 SO… in spite of feeling like total shit this morning, having Mimou in at about 8.00 to wake me (but I rather refused for a while), I HAVE managed to complete (in pen… print) the fucking “form” from DirExp AND scanned it. THEN, put the recyclables out (which will probably still be there at 17.00 because they didn’t go out until almost 11.00, but then, most times, those in-breeds don’t come round to collect the shit until after-noon… and I expect they’ve been here already so… it’ll all go into tomorrow’s trash… fuck them) on my way to the post office where, for 3,95 I’ve sent off the form via “Certified” post. Had a chat with Lisa, to make it known that I’ve been robbed and Social Security doesn’t give a shit. Came back to the hole where I’ve printed the completed forms from the saved PDFs which are on the “Library Thumb-drive” and the SeaGate and the lap-top. – The temperatures out-side are on the quick rise, getting warmer by the moment so the thermostat’s back down to 60F and the doors are open. The hole smells like something died and I don’t give a shit. I’m on my third coffee and it’s time to get April posted to the blog and site now. – Other than this? I don’t really know what I’ll be doing and I don’t really give either a fuck nor a shit about much of anything. – The money on the card is still there. I checked this morning. The letter received yesterday states that if my form is received with-in “10 business days” of my complaint and the matter isn’t resolved that they’ll post a “provisional” refund in “10 business days”… But I don’t know if it’s 10 days after their receipt of the forms or the date of my complaint. Honestly? My tolerance for this mental retardation is at an all-time low right about now. Not to mention: they can “refund” or “post” what-ever they want but until such time when I have access to the funds, I’m losing BIG TIME, on the conversion and my nerves are frazzled! I won’t be even remotely calm until I know the money is is my account! But… what-ever will be, will be. – 14.01 Just went through another PANIC: Checking all “accounts”, I looked at the banque to find a 3,00 debit on the 30th April! NOSE-DIVE! So I phoned and got an Indian fellow in… Saskatchewan! The debit? ANOTHER FEE for that cash at Hannaford’s! SO! I know now… NEVER TAKE CASH from an ATM in the states! The total cost for that shit has been over 6 dollars! BUT… I’m just thankful that THIS one was legitimate AND that I’ve been assured that the banque monitors the account. (So, when it comes time to pay rent… I’ll have to be sure to let them know… in advance. Bless them anyway.) – As for the rest? Well… I’m still being fucked out of my soc.sec. The FS was only 42 but I’ve got just over 56 on that. Ice cream tonight! – The day is clear but slightly hazy. It’s cooling too much in the house but the sun is warm. And me? I’ve NO plans or much of anything. The recycling got picked-up so that’s fine. – But my back is cramping a bit today. Combination of ANXIETIES and the chill in the house. I think I’ll Hoover now… get a bit of exercise. (I’m half tempted to simply pour a drink and have done with it all. But that’ll have to wait until such time as I can enjoy the effect.) – 15.24 Floors done. Bed linens in the wash. Sun shining. Air is warming. And me? I don’t know. I suppose all’s as “fine” as it will ever be. All told, I’ve “done” MORE than I thought I’d do today. So tomorrow? Well… just another fucking day in Shit-hole. – 21.32 We went for a stroll and Mimou took a dump or something whilst we were out! I’m trying to break him away from using the litter box because I know it’s going to be an item of GREAT contention in my absence and I don’t want HIM taking shit because SHE’s too fucking ignorant and lazy to clean the damned thing. – And I’m working on the 8539266 site… still trying to figure a format (even for the “home” page). – Time to get to the shower! The bed linens are clean and so are the jammies so I MUST be clean as well. – I’ve turned the thermostat back up to 75F but will turn it down to 70 for the over-night. There’s a bit of a chill in the house now that the sun’s gone. – Time for the v-ton! I’ve fucking had e-bloody-nuf of this bollocksed fucking day.

Tue.2.May: 8.17 Coffee. Loo. Breakfast, served. Litter box, clean. Garbages, out. Smoke, done. And… it’s 60F on the porch already! (19 bloody degrees at 8.00… going up to 25 with Humidex of 28!) And bloody too warm too early in the day. Sun’s coming through a bit of a haze. But garbarges were light so there’s no whining this morn. – I fell asleep at about 1.30, SUPER ANXIOUS: NEEDING TO GET A VEHICLE AND GETTING AS FAR-THE-FUCK AWAY FROM HERE ASAP! ANXIETIES! – Woke in quite the sweat this morning. Heat AND residual anxieties. – Twatter up-stairs is doing more wash and one can actually hear the water coming down, above the ceiling, in the hall just out-side the white room. I foresee another “situation” coming. But, I’ll say nothing on the matter. – Meanwhile… another day. Just another, fucking, day. – 15.03 No card in today’s mail and the day has gone by SO quickly! (I just grabbed a tin of tuna for some kind of “meal”.) BUT….
I THOUGHT THE STENCH IN THE ROOM TODAY WAS BECAUSE OF SOMEBODY SPRAYING MANURE. WOW! WAS I WRONG! NOT MANURE… DOG SHIT! WHEN I OPEN THE PORCH WINDOW FOR A BREEZE (SINCE IT’S WARM ENOUGH TO DO SO NOW), AND I OPEN THE PORCH DOOR… THE STENCH OF DOG SHIT POURS INTO THE ROOM. SO, THAT MEANS, I CAN’T OPEN THE WINDOW BECAUSE THE ROTTING GARBAGE IS RIGHT UNDER THAT. AND NOW I CAN’T OPEN THE PORCH WINDOW AND DOOR BECAUSE THE DOG SHIT IS UNDER THAT! AND I *KNOW*, FOR A FACT, THAT MENTIONING THIS HEALTH HAZARD WILL BRING NOTHING BUT EXCUSES FROM THE OLD COW. AFTER ALL, EVEN WITH THE DEAD MICE AND MAGGOTS IN THE GARBAGE, THE ONLY THING SHE DID WAS BUY *THEM* A NEW GARBAGE CAN… WHICH THEY DIDN’T USE PROPERLY AND HAVE STOPPED USING ALTOGETHER. IN FACT, I DON’T REMEMBER WHEN I SAW IT LAST, AND SHE BOUGHT IT LAST SUMMER. WHAT KIND OF GENERALLY SPECIFIC FUCKERY! AT THIS JUNCTURE I CAN SAFELY SAY: IT’S INTENTIONAL.
Yes, I DID check through flats this morning, Bedford, Rouses Point, Champlain. Nothing available. Really, nothing. So the option is to take the truck one day SOON, drive up to Bedford and look in person. One way or another, THIS has GOT to END! The unadulterated HATE of this place is INCREDIBLE! PURE, DISTILLED HATE, and I’ve done NOTHING to warrant nor deserve it. I stay in the room, my toiletries and shower-linens are in the room, my food is in the room (or on the porch). Human beings do NOT “live” this way. And as for the “trip to Montreal”? Well! It’s SO obvious: I have to drive! Well? October will come and she’ll be out the price of a ticket to Bocelli because she bought 3… one of her expected crew won’t be going. AND there’s NO telling WHO will be doing the driving because it certainly WON’T be ME! Only fair. – Well, back to the work on the new sub-site. I’m just getting the “template” done. No rush… it’ll keep me occupied and away from the rest of the house… Thursday through Monday. Qunt. – 22.51 JUST finishing the cleaning of the comments from 8539266 (AGAIN… They were done for the book, but I’ve no idea where that document could be… of course. Fuck me.) – And at 21.27, the Qunt sent a message “ Hope all is well in the tea cup. I may work a little later tomorrow should be home in early afternoon. Hope Ms. Hallie & Mr Kitty are fine *smiley face*” Yeah… fuck off! – Re-re-hashing the events that lead up to coming to this shit-hole just sicken me to no end. But then… re-hashing THIS journal did pretty much the same thing. Fucking people. They’ve NO idea what I’ve been through, no idea what I go through, because, for the most part, I keep my mouth shut and things to my-self. Ah… but when I DO open to others… well… it’s either considered whining or ignored. Fukkem… Fukkemall. There isn’t a one that’s worth the thought. – Anyway, “meal” ended-up being the last of the nasty Ramen noodles with a frank broken into it, a bit of garlic and horse-radish and some cheese. Healthy? Not even hardly. Filling? Hell no. But it’s there and gone. – We didn’t get to walk tonight because it began to POUR down with rain. The rain didn’t last long but I’d planned on being IN bed by this hour (as usual). Oh well. So much for that. – OH! I DID SEND AN E-MAIL COMPLAINT (rather… QUESTION) TO THE STATE DEPT. OF HEALTH ABOUT ALL THE DOG SHIT. Of course, I expect there to be some sort of reply in the order of “Fuck off. Go away. None of our business. Don’t like it? GTFO.” But I’ve sent it anyway. – As for anything else… the “folks” had their “treats” this evening and are snoozing in the parlour for now. And me? I’m about to head to my shower and laundry. Tomorrow I’ll simply mop the kitchen floor (after Hoovering MINE). That’s the extent of that for here. And I do it only because it makes ME feel better. – The night has cooled. It did get up pretty warm today. Fucking shame I couldn’t enjoy it. The yard needs tending… I’ll be DAMNED AND FUCKED if I’ll do any of it (especially not with-out “Documented Permission”). – One more item: I posted the briefest “Looking for a flat” on the Crgslst again. VERY brief this time. Must try, at the very least. – Off to the shower!

Thu.3.May: 0.21 Showered. Smoked. V-ton poured. Wash in the rinse. And ready to roll this night(?) down. AT LAST! So much for the (another) plan for early sleep. Fuck… just FUCK me! – 2.21 and the wash is finally done. Oh well… 6 hours from now? Breakfast for the critters. And… 2 v-tons. (I just saw me in the mirror in the loo… fucking OMFG! Face is swollen. Wrinkles of at least 50km deep. Fuck me.) – 9.03 Coffee. Pee. Breakfast for the wee ones. Time for a smoke. Imagine… slept right through until just recently. (As if I care.) And… feeling rather like shit: run down and such. “Run down” is fine… the worse it gets the closer it is to being over. – 11.59 New Soc.Sec.Collusion Card received and activated. Now I have to remember the NEW “PIN”! Fuck me! Fuck them! Fuck the world! I’ve used the old number for so many years and now I have to part with it because of the government’s stupidity and bull-shit and fuckery. Oh well. – Meanwhile, I also received a “gift” from Mimou this morning… right in the centre of the runner in the kitchen… neatly placed… a chipmunk! Dead, of course, but SO properly placed. (And the red blood all over the kitchen floor!) SO SWEET! The “little man”. (Needless to say, the floors got Hoovered and the kitchen got quick-mopped.) – Well… back to the site-work. It’s (I’m) moving along slowly. – 13.20 AND… 960 is OUT of the DirExp and off to Wells and OF and CIBC and there’s only 7-and-small-change left! Confirmation e-mails have been received and sent and I’m almost relieved (I won’t be completely relieved until I see the money posted in CIBC but… at least the “Available Balance” on the DirExp card shows only 7 shitty bucks). Let’s see how THIS transaction goes along! DirExp had NO trouble sending “cash” to Azerbaijan. Let’s see how well they manage THIS! – Meanwhile… no word from Mme. The rain is now a mist. And there’s GREEN appearing ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE! “Spring” has arrived… and I want to vomit! – PS: The connection with DirExp was SO FUCKING SLOW just now. I’m suspicious. Thankfully they’ll deal with Wells if they fuck this one up. – 23.32 Mme. rolled in at some point round about 16.00 or so, and I “greeted” her with a cheerie “Hello”, chatted with her briefly about the latest news on Trump and came back to the room and closed the door. She was other-wise occupied anyway, with telephone calls and the likes. I’m not sure when, exactly, she went to bed, but I believe it was some time after 21.00. She never said a word, never came to the door. How lovely. Oh well. None of my concern, really. – I, meanwhile, had 2 naps today and my “meal” consisted of 2 rolls and a stick of butter. Let’s talk “too much fat in the system tonight”. Thus far, thankfully, it’s not “bothering” me. Hopefully it won’t “rush” through tomorrow. But, what-ever, I have the tonic on the table as a reminder and I’ve take a naproxen, just in case. My back’s a bit stiff, from all the sitting which I’ve been doing because… I was working more on the Journal-site all day and stumbled upon some beautiful photos of Tilden beach! WELL! The next thing I know, I’m lost on-line, trying to find a photo of T7 (never did, actually) which lost me in ALL sorts of Rockaway and Tilden sites and photos and the likes which lead me into the old “Funston” WP blog which turned me to all the photos in Photobucket which I started to down-load… INDIVIDUALLY… UNTIL… I DISCOVERED AN “EXTENSION” (that only works in Chrome) that pulls ALL the photos in a click! AH… BUT… 1,99(USD of course). Well… since there are 160 images on “the bucket” and I had 7$ on the DIrectFuck Card… 1,99 came off of the card and into Ggl and I got the extension and I NOW HAVE ALL THE PHOTOS FROM TILDEN!!! AND ALL THE SOURCE PAGES FROM THE BLOG AND I NOW HAVE YET ANOTHER “SITE” (sub-site, of course) TO WORK ON! SO… I CAN KEEP ME EVER SO BUSY AND OUT OF THE HOUSE-PROPER FOR WEEKS! NOT TO MENTION: I’M SO RELIEVED TO HAVE ALL THOSE PHOTOS… ON THE LAP-TOP NOW AND ON THE BACK-UP! (I’ll have to see about getting all the other photos from all the other buckets and then delete all the buckets – or not, I’m not certain, but I wonder if they won’t be stolen too.) ANYway… it’s all quite an accomplishment! Says me! – But it’s rather late in the evening and this poor lap-top’s been churning away all day. I should give it a re-start. – There’s a package of franks on the porch (and 2 sticks of butter) and I’m a bit on the “peckish” side. But I think I’ll just have a v-ton, tele and get some rest. There’s a bit of cash on the FS (50-something or 40-something if memory serves… I’m just too fucking lazy to check). I should go and get more coffee, tomorrow would be nice but… I’ll ponder. Munchies would be a nice thing to have handy as well. BUT, it IS only the 3rd of the month. No particular rush at the very moment. I can get some kind of shit at the local General Bordello/Store. And I might drop into the library tomorrow, check an old fesses-book account. I’d like to get in touch with Mat, in Broad Channel, because of the photos I’ve seen. WOW! The “hipsters” have TRULY FUCKED TILDEN TO SHREDS! ALL SO HOITY-TOITY-TWATTY THESE DAYS! FUCK! I’m glad to see it hasn’t (yet) been sold out to morons and general idiots. But I DO can say that I’m rather relived that I’m NOT there any more and can’t just toddle over. It’s fucking repulsive! I actually got sick to my stomach looking at the RAA and all the rest of the shit. Not to mention the video some fucktard did with his “bit of fish” through the Sypder Hole… which is, apparently, now, generally, open to the public since Sandy was so kind as to rip the place apart. HOW-evER…. what got me going for all the photos is: These shit-bags haven’t utterly destroyed the rest of the bunkers (yet… as far as I know) and *I* have the photos and info from before Sandy fucked things over! I’ve also seen a few resources with incorrect information. And tonight, I’d LUV to get my hands round Nancy’s neck… not to kill… but to inflict just a bit of my own pain. Fucking qunts. I need to get the fuck away from them, once and for all. But I can’t think about that now. What’s gone is gone and will never return… including all the information that Sully gave me. JEEZUS! KRISITE! I WANT TO HURT SOME PEOPLE! – Too late for all this right now (and a perfect reason to have a drink). So… it’s time to “refresh” the computer and wrap this fucking day up. – HOPEFULLY MY TRANSFER TO THE BANQUE WILL RUN SMOOTHLY… I’M NOT PLANNING ON IT BUT… WE SHALL SEE.

Fri.4.May: 9.17! I heard the 8.00 alarm, turned it off and… thought I dozed. I slept. Got up and dressed, coffee’ed, pee’ed (in the bottle), had my smoke and here I am, feeling rather delighted in last night’s photo-grab for Funston. – Warmish out there this morn. Grey too. Oh well. But there’s sites to build! And I’ve got plenty to keep me away from the house. And the house? Quiet. Mme. is on the phone, but not shrieking. So… Another day in the 7th Ring. And away I go. (One v-ton before bed and a naproxen. Isn’t it loverly.) – 12.12 Just have to note here: I’ve been in the room all morning, save a moment at about 11.15 in the kitchen to say “Bonjour”. Moments ago, I over-heard Mme. chatting with what sounded like Mr. Twat. Just “mumbling” of sorts. But from since, she’s been on the phone, several calls. I can’t make out what the topic of conversation is, but, for some reason, my gut is in “flight mode” at present. I wonder: Is she preparing to tell me that the weather is better and that she thinks it’s best that I leave? If so; what do I do? There’s a flat available in Rouses Point, on Lake. I saw it this morning as I gleaned Crgslst. I could, in all likelihood, afford the move right now, but I’m not too keen on the house. Multi-unit and it doesn’t really look “desirable”. Of course, if I MUST… at least I’d be back in NY. Besides, there isn’t much more “life” I’ll be living, once I get out of here. Oh well… just by typing this, I’ve rather assured myself. Still, if that shit up-stairs has anything to do with it… well… It shan’t bode well. Indeed, it shan’t. – 22.07 I’m done for the day/night. Still working on August and September 2008 on 8539266. Trying to get the sketches where they belong, consolidating monthly pages, trying to get photos onto the right pages, but… BUT… I’ve got sketches on the left AND “NOTES” back in a column on the right where they were in the note books! You fucking qunts, bastards, retards, in-breeds, you shits of Creation who managed to rid me of the original documents… you’ve FAILED, you bloody breech-births! FAILED! My memory is still with me, and should dementia take hold, the “old” will remain, and with it, my memories of YOU… and so too, the HATE will continue to burn in my soul. – We had quite a brief but heavy storm this evening. Torrents of rain and a bit of hail. I worried about the hail because of the Subaru… I don’t need damage or expense where that’s concerned. And after the storm, the sky was a BRILLIANT YELLOW! I have a few photos that I’ll have to try to include (blog and site). It was quite amazing, and with an adjustment of the “white balance” on the phone, (thank you Bradshaw… what a Love), I got the colour! – Was offered and accepted a burger with mushrooms this evening. *A* burger with mushrooms. Well, it helped with the oatmeal I’d had for “tea” I suppose. Right now I’d like some crisps or a cake. – OH! Mme. received a box of those “Shereez Berreez” (I won’t spell properly for “search” reasons). They’re amazing! Quite huge and covered thickly in chocolate. She ate THREE at once. Says her Amie sent them but then cancelled the order. They arrived anyway. But because I was honestly only curious about them, I was offered one. Yes, they’re quite delicious and either 9 or 12 for only 20$! Quite the deal! (Maybe I’ll order some for my-self one day.) But I could tell that she, Mme., didn’t really want to share. Oh well. So it is. – And she took Hallie out for a stroll. Mimou stayed under the porch, out of the drizzle. The storm passed. We ate. I cleaned the kitchen. Watched a few moments of TV and now… all are tucked away. – Re-re-workinng the 8539266 is a bit difficult… again. I’d done it for the book and a bit of a “clean-up” for the blog and now for the site. I’m not “reading” though. Just formatting. It’s going to be quite a bit of work, but at least there’s only formatting and no editing. Still… I’ve got time… and it keeps me out of the house and away from conflict. _ OH! MESSAGE DU JOUR! I HAPPENED TO STUMBLE INTO THE NEWS AS WE SAT AT TABLE WITH BURGER: SHE AND HER MARYFUCKINGROSE ARE GOING ON ANOTHER ROAD TRIP… FIRST WEEK IN JUNE! SO… LOOKS LIKE I’M GOING TO HAVE TO WORK HARDER TO GET MY ARSE TOGETHER TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! THIS *WILL* BE HER LAST LITTLE TRIP… I’M *NEVER* GOING TO FORGET THE FUCKERY OF THE TRIP TO CONNECTICUT: “YOU TAKE THE TRUCK, GO VISIT EV, COME GET ME WHEN YOU’RE DONE.” AND “WE’LL RUN THROUGH WAPPINGERS ON THE WAY BACK TO VT.” YEAH? YEAH. FUCK YOU AND ALL. I’LL HAVE TO DO WHAT I MUST TO SEE TO IT THAT THE “KINDNESS” IS RETURNED. QUNT. AND WASN’T MENTIONING IT TO ME. HOW CHARMING. ME? I KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT. KARMA… ALL WILL BE ADDRESSED AND REDRESSED, AND ATTENDED. – Well, the wind is blowing and the door to the porch is holding. And I’m going for my v-ton and tele. Fuck this. Time to wrap the day. I’ve no munchies and I am quite rather tired. (I did nap for almost 2 hours this evening. Had some strange dream about being back at 5225 with Bobo, Lyle and the freak. They’d sold the house so I don’t know what we were doing there. But there’d been some people over, they’d left and Bobo was in a bad mood. Ripped the down-stairs toilet from the wall and put it on the porch. During the dream I had to shit and used the disconnected toilet twice! Oddly, when I accidentally flushed, it DID, and as it did I panicked thinking, the shit just went onto the porch floor! Then, I was in the kitchen for some reason and Bobo got a mop and bucket. I don’t know what he was about to clean but suspected it was the shit on the porch. When I reminded him that none of us had any business being in the house anyway because it was sold, he yelled at me “Who the fuck told you that?” and I woke. – The end… V-ton time!

Sat.5.May: 7.29 and WHY I’m awake is anybody’s guess. But here I am, in from a smoke, on a crystal clear, chilly morning. – Last night/this morning, there was quite the wind-storm. The sky over-head was beautifully clear and the winds slammed into the house with such force! Quite impressive. But I reclined on the bed, with one v-ton and “8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown” and an episode of “QI”, waiting for all the lights to go. They didn’t. And I was lights-out by about 1.30 or so. Meanwhile, to the North, just to the North, the lightning flashed brilliantly and furiously in the sky. St-Armand must have had some storm. – Anyway, this morning, the old pole in the cedars is down. It missed the green-house and, had it been a bit longer, would have come across Mrs. Twat’s vehicle in the drive. Sadder it is, that it missed. Alas. Oh well. – And as I smoked, the kitchen door opened, Mimou came out and went directly to the porch door and there he sat when I came back in. – And so, another day commences. And my back is stiff, my jaw is stiff… and so it is, indeed, another day. – 10.51 Just up from the first nap of the day to… empty house. Mme. is on the road again… no mention, no notes… just gone. Yeah, fuck, well, take it for granted: the house and such is attended. Fuck you very much, indeed. – Well, I’d gone out to the kitchen at about 9.00 to mention last night’s “do” and the felled pole was mentioned by her Princess-ship. Shortly, her “Bradley” appeared in the yard, with chain-saw… she went to the porch window, and, after my having said, suggested, to him, that the pole be cut to “wood-stove lengths”. (You’re welcome… cow.) By 9.30, the pole was gone. (I’ve noticed it’s stacked.) She also mentioned, to him, that she has other “stuff” she’d like cut… there are several bits by the kindling that I just can’t cut… won’t cut, is more like it, by hand. How-ever, THAT’S surrounded by and soaked with dog shit. It’s still not cut. But… it IS soaked with rain AND, IF somebody cuts it, all the “beware” to them. As I say: Health hazard. (Oh… by the way, I DID get a reply to my complaint about the dog shit by the window and the garbage. The state of Shitholia referred me to the local “Health” inspector… here… in town. Nope. I KNOW what kind of in-breed nepotism will take place and that me, being the “intruder”, will be ignored… not to mention the lies that will be strewn about… about me. So? I’m stuck with doing what-ever *I* feel is necessary. So be it. These mutants can fuck themselves… and each-other… as they will… hopefully to painful bleeding.) – And so, I’m back to the site-work for the day. The sun has come out but the forecast is for a high of only about 10°. But the place will be “calm” (save, for the presence of the Twats). And I’ll be in the room… it’s “Shabbat”… and I’ll be “doing” what brings ME “peace”. – 12.00 Well… ONE OF TWO NETFLIX CHARGES HAS BEEN RETURNED TO MY CARD. I WONDER WHY ONLY ONE! (I’ve no doubt the other won’t be.) AND STILL… THE FUCKING LARGE TRANSACTIONS TO AZERBAIJAN ARE STILL OUT-STANDING! OF COURSE. THE LOON IS DOWN, THE DOLLAR IS UP AND MY MONEY IS BEING HELD CAPTIVE. FUCKERS. – 22.54 The general pages of 8539266 are COMPLETE… WITH PHOTOS, IMAGES, SKETCHES AND “NOTES” IN THE RIGHT-HAND COLUMN JUST LIKE “MONOGRAM”!!! AT LAST! (Although I’ll miss working on it, I won’t miss the gut-wrenching. I tried to actually read as little as possible, and I’m making NO “corrections” to any of it. The way it is on the blog is the way it’s staying here… textually.) – Spent the entire day in whilst Mme. worked the entire day in her garden. She came in at about 17.00 and by about 18.00 she’d made spaghetti and just as I was getting into bed for a nap… I got invited to dine and did. Did the washing-up after, of course, and then came back to the room. – So, a delightful day spent in the dark room. Oh well. The “delightful” season’s only just begun. – BUT I MUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE THIS MONTH… ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. – One more “site-lette” to build though: *** FUNSTON ***! And THEN? ALL DONE! Just maintenance. – For now… no munchies… but time for a v-ton… and a smoke! This day is DONE! DONE! OVER! and OHVUH!

Sun.6.May: 8.58 JUST made it before having to type “9”! And even after being dressed and smoked and such, I could go right back to bed… and hopefully, back to sleep. Feeling rather shitty this warm morn. Oh well. The “warm” weather is upon us. I don’t much like getting up to the cold, but “hot”? It’s worse. And here it is. Oh well. There are a few more pages of the site to work on so I may as well get along with it. (My head and jaw are “stiff”. One might think I’d been on a binge last night.) –
21.28 NYC8539266 IS NOW .COM!!! UNDER DEADARTIST: LOUPNORDIQUE & NYC8539266!!! THE RECORDS ARE CLOSING IN ON COMPLETION! THERE’S THE “ROCKAWAY” (RBB) BLOG TO CONNECT SOME-HOW AND IT WILL BE A COMPLETE RECORD FROM CONCEPTION TO CURRENT. THIS IS ALMOST INCREDIBLE! QUITE HONESTLY, I’M RATHER IN DISBELIEF AS I TYPE THIS LITTLE NOTE. IMAGINE… HAVING ONE’S ENTIRE EXISTENCE RECORDED AND ON-LINE. ODDLY, NOBODY CAN OR WOULD CONNECT DEADARTIST TO ME. NOT UNTIL THEY HAPPEN TO FIND IT OR IF MY NAME ASSOCIATES WITH A SEARCH OR… I TELL THEM. (I GUESS I’LL HAVE TO LEAVE A NOTE… WHEN I “LEAVE”). BUT THERE IT IS. THE ENTIRE STORY FOR THE ENTIRE WORLD TO SEE… UN-CENSORED, UN-ABRIDGED, AND ALMOST UN-EDITED! BUT IT’S THERE AND THE CLOSER I GET TO HAVING THE TRUTH OF MY EXISTENCE DOCUMENTED FOR PEOPLE TO ACTUALLY SEE, THE CLOSER I GET TO BEING FULLY PREPRED TO SIMPLY LEAVING IT ALL BEHIND… WITH A CALM AND CONTENTED SOUL. AMEN.
It took all day… ALL day to complete today. But I don’t regret it. Mme. worked… imagine that.. on the garden, in the green-house, after she got back from church. Good thing I wasn’t looking forward to a day alone again today. I’d understood that she had a full schedule today. Just as yesterday. But nope… but it turned out fine. She came in round about 17.00 and prepped one of her “Chinese Dim Sum” dinners. I was invited and ate very rather well, indeed. Did the washing-up and came back to the room to work. – At about 19.30 I took a nap until 20.10 or so. Mme. took the “folks” out for evening stroll and, to my surprise, when I went to the loo at about 21.00… the house is completely dark! They’re all in for the night already. Oh well. – So this means… “Funston” is the next project… and getting the RBB incorporated into the DeadArtist and then? I’m not sure. There IS some work to be done on the “Design” site. Little details that should be in there like, offering to do this WP shit-work for others. “Converting” from blog to site, as it were. I’m not sure how much I’d charge. Obviously it’s a LOT of fucking work. But… if… IF! – And now to check the Crgslst for flats and trucks and get me ready to wrap this day up. – Tuesday and Wednesday are supposed to be quite warm and bright. Mayhaps I’ll get to patching that hole in the Subaru. I’m just nervous about using “Bondo”. But there’s no telling with-out trying. – Another day… done, down and gone. One less to be bothered by and with.

Mon.7.May: 24.02 Imagine this: an entire day and nothing until now. – I was up at about 8.45 or so this morning. Or maybe it was earlier. Probably earlier but it makes no difference. Nothing makes a difference. But when I got up, I had my routine coffee, pee in a bottle and a smoke on the porch. I do recall that it was only 6° though. Clear and crisp. Didn’t go to the kitchen until almost 10.30. Mme. was puttering about. McCuin was supposed to come check or repair the sump pump. The basement is full of water again and the pump’s not working. Somebody DID come, round about early after-noon. He fucked the outlet for the WiFi by bringing the pump up from the basement and trying to plug it into the outlet. Well? In-breeds. They never “think”. It’s running now. Plugged into the outlet in the kitchen. The pump? Nope. Sitting in a pool of water in the basement. – Mme. spent most of the day in the green-house. Me, I went to the barn to check it, after all the noise in there last night. It’s in perfect condition. Clean as I left it. Mimou’s “haygloo” still intact and fine. I brought the gas can out and put it into the truck. I don’t know WHO she, Mme., expects to mow the lawn. I’ll do it, gladly… provided she’s on premise and the Twats’ vehicle is removed. They can park it across the road, at the post office, until I’m done. Other-wise, nope. – No nap today. Mme. managed to thwart attempts at that. But she left at about 14.30… to have the tyres changed on the truck. She’s going on a road trip… Jesus-selling, in a few weeks. – She confided that she’s pissed with her Maryrose. Seems Ms. Rose wanted to go to one of the fromageries in QC, with friends, but only on Tuesday or Wednesday. Mme. claims she’s told her, repeatedly, that she works those days. Oh well. Good. Let Mme. get a dose of her own bull-shit. “Shadenfreude” is my motto these days. – So Mme. left. – All during the day I worked on the formatting for “Funston”. Got the “home” page done and the “templates for the others. Started a rough draft of a bit of “history” on my experiences there in the bunkers. That took me to almost 22.00. – “Meal” today was left-over “Chinese”. There’s still another meal of it in the fridge and Mme. pointed-out the left-over pasta and sauce as well. – I entertained the notion of going to the store for “stuff” but 44 on the FS card changed my mind. I need to hold what I have for as long as possible. Hey. Just so long as there’s another full bottle of vodka, I’m OK. – Rick’s due tomorrow (Tuesday) to put the new windows in up-stairs. I most certainly hope he doesn’t expect “assistance”. If so… at a price. MINE! I’ll not be doing things to improve this house.. .particularly not up there for the Twats. Let them freeze or what-ever. I’ve been treated worse than shit… although here, these scat-rats LOVE their shit… more than life itself. But I’ve been treated miserably… let’s think of the lawn-mowing in particular. And the “I’ll remove him… for you… as we talked about”. Yep… Nope. No help from me. – And so, I’m showered now. Got to watch another instalment of “Strange Rock” this evening. Had my first v-ton watching. (Having my second as I type.) Teeth cleaned, me cleaned. It’s time for a v-ton and TV and some rest. – I’ve come to notice: I sleep here, the very same way I slept in the shelter… even with the v-tons at night… Never really “restful” because I never know who/what’s going to come travelling through. Could be a Twat, could be one of Mme.’s enemies (Stanhope). Could be any body or thing. Even this evening there was some strange “knocking” about, got Hallie upset. – Oh well. This is a fuck. But the Funston site will be up soon. Next is to tie RBB into DeadArtist and then, perhaps ADK Champlain… I’m thinking of just letting that one go. It served no purpose… but then again, it might to well, incorporated into DeadArtist. After all… it IS pertinent history. I fucked my spine with all that fucking work… and for what? To be fucked over and over and over again. – No sense dwelling. This day is OVER! – Hopefully tomorrow I’ll receive work that my money’s made it to Australia. No word yet. – I just see my paper-work to DirExp was “delivered” to the POB. NOT received… just delivered to the POB:
Tracking Number: 70150640000790706956
May 5, 2018, 8:55 am
Available for Pickup
SAN ANTONIO, TX 78224
Your item has been delivered and is available at a PO Box at 5:04 am on May 7, 2018 in SAN ANTONIO, TX 78224.
Status
Delivered
May 7, 2018 at 5:04 am
Delivered, PO Box
SAN ANTONIO, TX 78224
Perhaps I’m going to have to phone them on Tuesday and find out why they’re not bothering to get their mail. After all… the last notice reads that, if they don’t settle the matter in 10 business days, they have to give me a “provisional” credit… (at which point, the money will be out of the account ASAP… and I’ll either be at the local liquor store OR at the banque in Bedford). “Provisional” my sweaty, swollen bollocks! – Enough. This day is fucked.

Tue.8.May: 8.21 Going to bed at 2.00 and being awake at 8.00 is NOT something one should be doing… unless one is in a public shelter, where it’s inevitable… or… obviously, here, in Shitholia. I feel like utter shit, and, having seen me in the mirror, look as much. And a sneezing fit this morn as well? Well. But the “folks” are fed and I’ve had coffee, pee and smoke. And am sufficiently aware as to realise that the house was entirely too warm this morning… “comfortable”, as it were. We don’t want the locals coming round and reporting the increase in temperature in here to the Mme. So the thermostat is set back down where it was. – Sunny. Thermometer on the porch reads just above 40F. And another day commences. – Rick is expected to install the windows. Somebody from McCuin is expected to come by to repair/replace the sump. And I? I don’t give a shit about any of it. So… on-ward toddle I. – 22.05 Well… McCuin was supposed to come repair the sump. They didn’t. Rick was supposed to come install the windows (which is why I stayed awake all day). He didn’t. Mme. was expecting some sort of parcel. It didn’t arrive. I was expecting to see my money posted to the banque. It didn’t. Just another fucking fucked-up day in Shitholia. And now, as I get ready to lay me down for the night… the Twats let the fucking dog out to stomp on the stairs. – The lawn needs mowing. The flower beds need cleaning and prepping. Not when the “lady of the house” isn’t in. And NOT as long as there’s a vehicle in the drive. – It was a delightful day… and I spent it in the room, working on the Funston site which is almost done. Only the “About” page to compose. I probably should be working on that this evening but… Nope. – I went to the store for bread, ice cream, 2 bags of crisps and a bottle of fucking DIET tonic. 12$ off the card. Fuck me. But I had half of the left-over pasta and sauce for “meal” and half of the ice cream as i watched a bit of TV. So I shouldn’t bitch. – I put the plants on the porch for some sun-shine this afternoon too. Brought the in for the night though. Will put them back tomorrow. Poor little things. Not much light in this hole. Shit! I have to use the lampe all fucking day just to see what the actual fuck I’m doing at the table! – Got a reply on my flat post. 1 bedroom in Champlain! I’ll have to ring for particulars tomorrow. Search shows the woman who replied is in her 70s. That makes me a bit “ill at ease”. I’ve got that shit right here already. But at least I see that the post is seen. – Plan for tomorrow? Getting out into the sun-shine. I NEED some! I look a right mess. Tomorrow evening, a hair-trim. I’m starting to look like an old Jewish guy with this thinning hair. (Although, I’ve no doubt that the other 2 are, by now, completely chrome-dome. Drinking all that contaminated water for so many years.) – But for now? For tonight? I’m showered. Tomorrow I’ll make all the wash. Didn’t bother this week. Just don’t want to be bothered. There are tiny leaves on the trees, so I noticed on tonight’s “stroll”. It fucking depresses the life (what little I have left in me) out of me… to the marrow. BUT… time for tele and a v-ton… with fucking DIET shit. Tomorrow is another day… unless I’m fortunate enough to die in my sleep tonight… HAH! No such fucking luck.

Wed.9.May: 6.31… yes… 6.31 and in from a smoke already. I MUST have gotten to bed by midnight last night. I wasn’t paying attention, but I just woke on my own this morning so… And yes, I’d like, very much to go back to sleep, but I’m really not all that tired (yet). Oh well. I’m up. May as well take advantage of it. The sun is shining and the most sickening bit is… the fucking world out there is almost GREEN! Spring! Fuck. And as I backed-up yesterday’s work (which I didn’t do last night… fuck me very much), seeing the numerical month of “5” drove the fact: 2018 is almost half gone! Not to mention… 26th of next month I’ll be here, in this Shit-hole, FIVE fucking, miserable years. Really… I’ve GOT to get the fuck OUT of and AWAY from this place! It’s a wonder I’m not tied and medicated. – And on THAT charming thought… we begin the day. Tah-fucking-dah. – 6.42 Just got confirmation that the deposit of last Wednesday has been transferred to the banque… WHEW! So, now I’m just past the half-way mark to my max allowance. It SHOULD be more by now, but hey… AT LAST! WHAT A RELIEF! – 6.54 SWEET JEEZUS! JUST CHECKED THE SOCIAL SECURITY CARD AND THAT TOO HAS BEEN POSTED! – 10.41 Got a LOT of research done on Tilden this morning and tried to take a 45 minute nap because my stomach is just rotten to Hell… but NO… fucking dog barking and that fucking devil-spore Twat pounding on the ceiling. Expecting somebody to finally show to do the work they’ve been called to do. So, no nap. Not to mention the 360-something in the soc.soc. that I don’t know how to get off the card and put… where-ever. I’ve got head-ache as well. So? So. I’m back at the table. AND… it’s fucking 21° in this room and as I laid on the bed, the coldest draft blew on my face and head. Let’s add: there’s no more litter for the box and I emptied the last into it this morning… and there really isn’t enough in there now. Oh well. But the garbage is at the curb. She left 2 black bags to be taken out… neither of them was nor is tied. Fuck it. It went as it was left. I’m not in a mood to be care-taker today. Just not in the mood. – 19.16 Well…. FUNSTON/TILDEN is ON THE NET! It’s not coming up yet, but the files are there and so too, a “favicon”! TAH-DAH! – 9.36 OK. That much done and a reply sent to the reply on my post for the flat. (She’s impatient… sent 3 messages already… all yesterday. Hmm…) – Anyway… today I went out to the yard, cleaned the flower-beds, in the back and along the drive, and cleaned the side of the green-house to make mowing easier there. It didn’t take long and certainly not long enough to get rid of the “Winter palour”, but it was nice being in the sun again… and the warmth. – Went across to the post office and actually chatted with Rachel who “assured” me that she had nothing to do with my not being re-hired. But she’s still bitching about Cindy, delegating and all the normal shit. (And she’s familiar with the carrier Cindy fucked over years ago… the one Mme. told me about. So…?) Seems Ms. Shitbitch is trying to get a new “gal” to quit. Yep… it’s still the “Girls’ Club” round these parts. Rachel suggested that I contact the local POOM… Jerry… She says he doesn’t like Cindy either. But I say: to what end at this point? They won’t take me back. And I wouldn’t want to go back… not here… not in Shitholia. And so, we chatted about Mme. as well. Seems the town here is to the understanding that poor Cecil “had a drinking problem”. I assured Ms. Rachel that if that’s so, I know, all too well, WHY. And I made a few remarks about the hellishness of being in this house. So… let’s see how long it takes to make the rounds and get back to me. Shall we? Oh let’s do. And so, mail retrieved, I came back to finish the Funston site. – NOTE: At one point, Hallie was in the yard barking so I got up to see… the Twats had returned. Mr. Twat got out of the car and seems to have noticed the work done on the side of the green-house and immediately went over to check the damned, fucking car! OK, yes, indeed, I shot off a message to Mme. explaining that I’d done the cleaning, seems to have caused some “concern” and that I hope it won’t become necessary to contact the police again. “Damnedest shame”, I sent, that work can’t be done round this place with-out such nonsense. Oh well… we shall see what comes of that as well. – THEN, I went down to the basement where the flooding receded enough to get to the valve for the water at the green-house. Indeed, yes, it’s working well and the repairs I made to the hose last year are holding perfectly well. I sent notice to Mme. about that. – NEXT! The McCuins came and repaired the pump (now that most of the water is gone anyway). Sent message about that as well. – And at 17.00 I had the left-over Chinese and the pasta for “meal”. Later, I’ll finish the ice cream and have done with my eating for the next few days. – Plan du jour: I’ll take my card and go to town, get more vodka, a carton of smokes and, perhaps, something to keep in the room for “snax”. Perhaps too, food for Mimou… HERE WE FUCKING GO AGAIN… I’M GETTING THE FOOD FOR THE PETS! But it’s OK. It’ll help clear the funds off the card (hopefully I’ll get the truck and the funds will still be there tomorrow). I’ll get as much cash off as I possibly can (cash-back?) and perhaps make a run to the banque. We shall see. But the most important item is to get the money OFF that card… EXPEDIENTLY! – So now… my bed linens are washed. Only my clothes remain. I’d planned on trimming my hair and have yet to get to that. And this evening? Shower and to bed at a civil hour. Tomorrow is another day of… BULL-SHIT! And I’ve not felt well for the past 2 days as it is. “Time” alone will tell what’s to come and be. And I don’t have the where-with-all to give a shit. – 23.16 HAIR-CUT!!!!! Mme. sent word (a reminder) that she’s got an “appointment at Costco” tomorrow (tyre change) and she’ll be “trying to hook up with MR”. SO! I took my time, did a NICE hair-cut and a nice shower and such. And I even took several photos (on the lap-top, which takes shitty photos) that I had… HAD to “soften” because of the pixelations AND the ridges in the face. But… the wash is done and time to dry and there’s a v-ton waiting at bed-side. The house is all down for the night. Tomorrow I’ll do a quick-over on the floors and the rest of the world can go to Hell. –

Thu.10.May: (FUCK! Double digit date!) 8.17 The morning routine is done and all l can say is: I’d poured the second v-ton and with the first sip, I knew I didn’t want the second… but I’d poured it so I drank it and I shouldn’t have done. It’s a rough morning, this one. And it’s delightfully warm out-side, sunny, and I don’t dare venture out to “do” anything, lest that lunatic in-breed up-stairs starts some sort of bull-shit. THIS has GOT to STOP! – Anyway, I’ve got time. Mme. will be at Costco and then with her “MR”. The floors need a mopping. And so…. Just, and so. – 15.55 She comes rolling in and first thing: “I didn’t get any of that.” she points to the kitty litter. “I got another bag of stuff for the green-house.” peat moss. I ask “Did you see the weather reports for tonight?” She says “Yes.” I ask “So you know about the freeze threats?” “No.” I lost my patience and came back to the room. No sense arguing. – 22.10 And the house is dark, all are tucked-in. – The evening took a turn… I was asked to dine. We had fish. I wasn’t hungry because just a few hours earlier, I’d had 2 rolls with the left-over meat and sauce. But I joined. May as well… it’s food, and I tend not to eat whilst Mme. is in. – BUT… SHE GOT ME A CARTON OF SMOKES! And… she got gas for the mower… AND OFFERED TO PAY ME THE 100$ A MONTH FOR MOWING! I TOLD HER I DON’T WANT THE MONEY… JUST GET ON THE PHONE AND TELL
“THEM” (THE TWATS) THAT, WHEN THE LAWN GETS MOWED (I’VE SUGGESTED SUNDAYS AGAIN), THEIR CAR(S) WILL HAVE TO BE MOVED OUT OF THE DRIVE. (We’ll see, this Sunday, how that goes. My money’s on… NOPE.) – AND I’ve been offered the truck to make my errands tomorrow! I checked the balance on the card and there’s MORE on it so tomorrow, I have to scurry along to get it all off, shop AND, I’ve even been given permission to go to Bedford! So, if there’s anything left… INTO the banque it goes! – Well… Funston/Tilden is up, running and a delight. I finally figured what I’d done wrong: wrong directory. – My right hand’s gone numb… ulnar nerve again. – Oh well… it’s time for ONE v-ton and some tele and snooze. I’ve got travels tomorrow! –

Fri.11.May: 1.00 Just in from a smoke and the church bell rang…1…am. why am i so fucking afraid to go to sleep? Other than… being SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DYING… HERE. – 8.33 Well, I got about 7 hours of “sleep” and I feel as if I’d been sleeping under a semi all through. My stomach’s off again this morning. But then again… it’s Friday. Of course it is. And it’s quite grey, quite chilly too. And the anxieties of vehicle and flat hit. Oh well. What’s to be done? Errands. I suppose. I’m not in the mood. Hopefully it’ll all pass. – 4° with a chill of 2° I see. And tonight… 2 with a chill of 0. Ca se peut tu? – 17.36 HORRIFIC DAY! Left for “errands” at about 11.20 and didn’t get back until almost 14.30! Routine? Well… first stop, NEFCU where I was told that they can’t give money on a DirExp card, but that I might want to try a larger banque. DirExp LIE again. Off to Walmart where THEY couldn’t give me the cash off the card! “Not permitted in VT.” DirExp LIE again. So it was off to the ATM there where the max withdrawal is 300 and I wanted 370. SO… I took the 300 AND swallowed the fucking 2,50 FEE! and toddled off and around the store to get kitty litter and 4 more bite-guards… and nothing else and it took me an eternity. Fine. I had 70$ on the card that I needed to get rid of BUT… that wasn’t enough to cover the smokes and “dentemp” I wanted so… Down the road and to the v-store where I returned the empties and got 2 more bottles for “the evenings”. HEY! Not too painful. That 47 came off the card and I was back on the road to RiteAid for a carton (10 packs) of smokes at 7,95 or so each (where-as, at Wallmarde, they were 8,10 or so each) and 2 more “dentemps”. 97$ and I paid cash. But that was fine because the NEXT stop was Hannaford’s for 3 jars of coffee, 5 bottles of tonic, a bag of “evening” crisps and 3 apple turnovers (for which I got charged, on FS, TWICE at the self-check). That order got split so that all but 3$ on the soc.sec. card got taken and a few of the items (like the double turnovers) went on the FS card and left 17$ on that. BUT… with only 3-and-change on the soc.sec. card and almost 200$ in cash-in-hand… I’m OK with it all. (18.50 just up from a nap) But imagine the lies… AGAIN! And the general bull-shit of it all! Well… I suppose I’m fine with the fact that I got it all done… save the deposit to the banque. But when I got back, Mme. asked if I didn’t want to go up to make the deposit. She’s being quite kind… (because she’s planned a road trip in a couple of weeks and she wants to make certain that I’m here to tend to the house and critters… as if she thinks I don’t realise that fact). – OK so here it is, almost 19.00 and I’m hungry AND I didn’t get anything for ME to eat tonight. Mme. baked something whilst I was gone, but I KNOW that it’s not for here (or me). There’s 2 rolls left and my butter is in the fridge. There’s 2 tins of lentils though… we shall see if I’m invited to dine this evening. If not? I don’t really much care anyway. – The sun’s setting and pouring into the room over my shoulder but it’s been quite the chilly day. Tonight… 0°. Alas and oh well. At least I’ve got my v.! – 20.20 “Meal” is done. Mme. made mac’n’cheese with the left-over cheeses… a small one, and invited me to have. I had. A small dish. Nothing to mention, but… And now, I’m all but ready to go to sleep. Imagine that. But there’s a sense of “security”, knowing that my money, the little there is, won’t be tampered with, is in my possession, and 2 cartons of smokes, 3 bottles of vodka and 5 tonics… and a regular size bag of crisps. Life… is fine… for the moment. – And it’s chilly out there right now. Imagine THIS: SHE PUT THE FURANCE ON… WITH THE WOOD-STOVE. IMAGINE! – 21.53 Well… the house is gone dark, all are off to seepie-nigh-night and me, I’m “contemplating” my v-ton and crisps. “Contemplating”. I could probably get to sleep right now, but… – One note: I paid almost 13$ for the kitty litter that Mme. had left a 10er on the kitchen table for. I didn’t grab it, as I usually do, but when I sat to eat (I sat alone at table… she sat in the recliner) I noticed… she’d taken it back. So… I paid the last cat food at about 12$ and now the litter. It’s happening again: like at 5335 when I made sure the dogs had food and water… and when Mimou was in the barn, 2$ for each tin of tuna. Not to mention all the franks for Hallie… and other treats and such for her and him. In honesty, I feel better knowing that they’ve got the edibles and he has the litter. But… oh well. – There’s been no mention of mowing on Sunday. I’m contemplating working on the lily bed tomorrow, weather permitting. Perhaps it’ll serve as a “hint” (though, experience proves… hints are useless… as are direct statements… which are interpreted as “verbal abuse”). We shall see. If she does nothing to have the Twat-car removed, the lawn just won’t get mowed and she’ll have to pay Curtis to do it because it’ll get too high for her mower. Oh well… oh well indeed. – For now, perhaps a light v-ton and some crisps and a bit of tele. Early night won’t hurt me. I had only that hour nap this evening. I just don’t like the idea of going to sleep… – OH! In one of our chats today, we were talking about a murder in Highgate of some months ago. Seems the idiots shot a boarder, put him in a recylcing bin until January, then wrapped him in carpet and tarp, dragged him to the woods and covered the body in branches. We were chatting about it and I mentioned my determination to go home to die. She said that, if we went on a road trip (in July) and went to NY, she’d worry if I died. “What would I do with the body?” So I told her, toss it any-where. We got to a point of wondering why nobody noticed that the guy in Highgate was missing and I told her that, when I die, there’s nobody who’d notice, nobody who’d question. “Nobody would look for you?” “No. I’m not in touch with any of the immediate family. And for at least the past 25 years, it’s been like that. And I prefer it that way.” So the matter has been mentioned and talked about, briefly. There. Done. “If I should die before I wake”… toss my carcass some-where where it can go back to the soil… as Nature intended. Done. – Now… I need to get a truck, pack it up, and if I’ve no place in which to “lodge”… me and my truck can take to the mountains… or lakes… or… even to the Atlantic. Amen.

Sat.12.May: 7.20. Yes, 7.20. I was done with all at just about 24.30 last night. One v-ton, light, and crisps, 3 episodes of “Not Going Out” and that was all she wrote. – 2° this morning. Sunny. Bright. And tomorrow? 20! How charming. – Sad, really, this little dungeon. How I miss the mornings of brilliant sun shining in through the windows. Is it any wonder that I’m so fucking fed-up with all of this bull-shit? Not a window about, with the porch, to let in the light of day. Oh well. Yes, there’s the potential flat in Champlain. I never did phone that woman. But I sent her an e-mail asking if it’s a flat or simply a room, where, generally, it’s located. Her reply was to phone at about 20h and speak with the husband. Another one who won’t answer simple questions. I’ve got that shit here. And this morning, my gut says: You want Rouses Point… you hold on and hold out for that. No sense in jumping (again), simply for the sake of moving. It’s been too much of that over the years here. Remember Rochambeau. I wanted that place so much… and got it. No matter how long I think I’m going to stay or not… I DO deserve a place I like. And, there’s always the possibility of QC. So? So… Just make the best of this. It’s little difference from the shelter in so many ways, and I held until I could afford to leave that. We’ll manage. – And so, it’s on with another day. Of what? That’s to be seen. – What an absolute joy to wake with such thoughts… day after day. – Fuck me. – 61.39 Lovely day and the flower-bed at the phone shed is thoroughly cleaned and I dumped the bucket of manure from the pussy-willows that didn’t take, into the ash. Thoroughly cleaned the little flower-bed over by the green-house as well. Mme. worked in the green-house as I did, so she was present (physically, anyway) as I worked. And I commented: It’s time to clean the rest of the yard to prep for the flowers… if and when the cars are removed. I know… it didn’t register. I don’t really give a shit. – Meanwhile, she’d made a chocolate sheet cake and iced it… put some into a container and took Hallie “for a walk around the block so we won’t have to do it later”. More… I don’t give a shit. I Hoovered a touch. And now? Hungry but… – 1.38 Lights out, at last. And… FOOT SPASMS! HERE COMES ANOTHER NIGHT…. – Just adding: when Mme. got back from her “walk”, she prepared lamb chops, sweet potato and salad and invited me to dine with. Very nice and good timing. I was hungry enough… and I worked for it, I do suppose. – I’m considering looking for a place in Lacolle. May as well. All I need is reliable transport now. Lacolle would be nice. It’s North of NY and not Shitholia. Thing is, she knows the town. But I have to face the fact: I’d have to move farther North to actually “get away”. Still, I doubt she’d just show up at the door, even in Lacolle. As I say: I just need reliable transport. And… keeping in touch here would be to my benefit… here on Monday-Thursday would cover my needed time in the states, if that’s a need at all. – Wrap this day. FTW.

Sun.13.May: 8.43 I just didn’t want to wake up… let alone, get out of bed. But here I am and here we go. – Must have had a power-outage. The clock radio is flashing. I noticed, as I had my coffee, that the iPod turned itself on and I wondered. But didn’t notice the outage. Oh well. What’s to be said? Nothing, really. Just nothing. – Mme. is in the loo, preppinig for a morning with Jesus. My curiosity du jour: Whether the Twats move the car or not. I’m not planning on it. – Meanwhile, Adam’s tiller is in the garden. He showed-up last evening, never came into the house, just drove right in and started the work. Got called on an “emergency” in Enosburgh… “fire”, I was told, and bolted away. Well? At least the tilling’s been started. Why? No idea. I suppose she needs that garden for some reason. I wonder who’s going to tend it this year. Certainly not me. – 8.56 No Internet this morning. I wonder… “DNS”. I’ll suppose the tel.co. is out. Idiots. – 21.33 Prob. with Internet was repaired… of course, by me. It was the router. Unplug. Replug. Done… And THEN… it was on to the day. Worked a bit on the cleaning of the “Images” files, still on the “Asus” files. Mme. returned round about 11.00 and the day commenced. – I “cleaned” the hollyhocks a bit, but made the bed a bit smaller because there are fewer again this year. When done? Well, that’s the “interesting” moment. Again, this morning, we had the discussion about mowing the lawn… as we did much earlier in the week. Ah… but the Twats had gone away, so… I got busy cleaning the barn… I’d put a good dousing of WD40 on the wheels of the Subaru and went to work clearing the one side of the barn so I could put the car in there and get it out of the way. WOW! I MOVED ALL OF THE “TRACTORS”, GOT THE MOWER STARTED AND RE-PARKED AND EVEN GOT THE BOLENS TILLER STARTED AND RE-PARKED! THE CART? THAT TOO, IS MOVED TO THE ONE SIDE OF THE BARN AND SO, THERE’S ROOM FOR THE CAR! I’m letting the WD40 “settle” though, before starting the car. I’m “concerned” that the spark of the engine might ignite the fumes, so, at least an over-night… AT LEAST. So… I’m working on the hollyhocks and the Twats return and I see Mr. Twat scurry into the porch. I KNEW… he came for the battery charger. Moron. In-breed. COULD have (and I explained this to Mme.) simply jumped the car with the one that was running, move the vehicle across the street and if there was any trouble on their return, jump it once again to bring it back so the lawn could have been mowed TODAY… as I’d repeatedly offered. But… as it ended, I strongly suggested she phone Curtis. She’s none too happy but as I also stated: I’ve been in this town long enough for people to know the good work I do and have done. If she wants the place looking like shit, it’s no longer a reflection on me. I’m not going to be concerned about it any longer. And I’m not going to be toyed with. When Burt needed to plough the drive, the response to moving the cars was immediate. When I’m to mow the lawn… well… as I say, “my place” of importance is well-noted. The tiller runs. The mower runs. They’re parked in the barn for immediate access. Good luck. Even now, as I type this… there’s been no action made toward moving the car. Tomorrow is Monday… I’ll not be mowing. And Sunday next? Not likely. Amen. – Meanwhile, she and Hallie went strolling up to Ms. Pammy’s for about a bit over an hour. No word. Just left. But dinner was at about 18.00. Chicken, beans and mashed potatoes… and a rye and ginger. Quite nice and in perfect timing. I was about to go to the store for cheese to make me cheese sandwiches. (I should have done because I’ve no munchies for tonight. Oh well…) After meal… a little TV. – NEXT! 5225 built ANOTHER RAGING FIRE TONIGHT, BUT THIS ONE LIT THE YARD THERE AND THE GARDEN HERE! LOOKED LIKE SUN-SET! I beckoned Mme. to come see, she did and she rang her Dicke. Dickie’s Darlene answered and recommended phoning Burt! Yeah… caring fuck-all neighbours those Coopers. He came to ME when I first moved into town because I was burning in an old oil drum. He’s letting his fellow in-breeds get away with shit. BUT… to my ABSOLUTE AMAZEMENT… Mme. rang BURT! * AND * BURT CAME TO INVESTIGATE! SHIT! There are TWO OLD barns here, one of which is about to blow on it’s own at 5225. One stray spark and… that barn goes, with this barn, then the back porch of the phone company and the phone shed… In the other direction is the store which is wood, an old garage, the border-bitch’s place, the old “Sweet Shop”… all wood. There’s the car dealer-ship across the road, this house, If the damned fire went in any particular direction… Franklin could be burnt into extinction (it would serve them right and be a blessing to Creation… but NOT until I get rid of the Subaru and get out of here). Anyway… no telling what, if anything, was done but it seems the fire has gotten smaller. – And so, time to wrap the day. I’m going for a quick shower tonight… barn dust and the itches. House-work only for the coming days. I’ll not work on the yard unless the Mme. is present. – Oh… this morning I made mention of the fact that I won’t do the yard unless the car is removed because I still recall how I was lied about to the police last year when it was claimed that the broken garden gate is “20 years old” after I’d finished almost re-building it. I know better than to trust her… never mind anybody else in this state. And yes, indeed and in fact, I’ve no concern nor respect for the “law enforcement” here and if it comes to pass where I need to defend myself, even to to the point of killing my opponent, killing is no longer off the table. If need be… killing it will be. I quoted “When you enemy comes to smite you, smite him first.” And there you have it. – And now? To the shower! (And then a v-ton and tele… I’ve got 2 rolls left.) – 22.40 SHOWERED…. v-ton poured… now… off to tele! (And the fire at 5225 is gone. I suspect there’s to be some “conflict” to follow… knowing this shit-hole as I do. Fukkem!)

Mon.14.May: 9.32 Up at 4.45 to the HORRIFIC RIGHT LEG SPASMS! TWO OF THEM. THE FIRST ONE… I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO LOSE THE CONTENTS OF MY BOWELS! But the were, thankfully, brief. Had to get up, of course, but I woke, from a sound sleep, audibly moaning. – Back to sleep to a dream:
I don’t remember where or with whom, but there was a group of us, sitting on a sofa, sort of like the “Fishbowl” at St. Rose, Albany, and I was telling somebody how home-sick I was and that, “of all the places I’ve ever been in my life-time, the one place that I’m truly heart-sick about is Norwood-Bedford Park.” And as I was telling, I was gut-wrenchingly SOBBING!
Now, yeah, I’d been looking at maps and such of the Bainbridge Garden, on the Internet, but I just don’t know what kicked such an emotional dream. It was interestingly deep. – And so, I heard the 7.00 alarm and slept. Heard the 8.00 alarm and slept. Woke at about 9.00. Sunny day. Quite comfy warm. What a waste, really. I’m just going to have to figure ways of getting out into some sun-light around here with-out that shit-bag twat up-stairs being given any cause to say anything to anybody. It makes me fucking sick, all this bull-shit. Oh well. – Another day. Fuck. – 14.11
Starting at about 10.30…
Cleaned the peonies along the drive
Cleared the rock pile from behind the green-house
Started cleaning the old hen-yard by the barn
Dickface Cooper came by and I asked him to push the old “compost pile” back
He PILED it, father back but didn’t bother to level it out
HE ASKED ME WHEN I’M GOING TO MOW THE LAWN
I told him WHY the lawn isn’t mowed (last year on my birthday)
Also told him, take it to the press, if that shit-bag up-stairs gets with-in arm’s reach of me, he’s dead.
Meanwhile, Mr. Twat is working on that car. Says it needs a new starter, as I’m to understand. What-ever. – Oh, and as Dickhead Cooper is sitting at table, I began explaining my “attitude” of late and as I began to enumerate the accusations against me since my arrival, Mme. chimes in with putting the “accosting” of Shelburne into the “embezzlement” of the Days Inn! FUCK! These in-breeds make me physically sick! As an added: as I told Dickface about the threats against me, I told him that she, Mme., claimed she hadn’t talked with the Twat but he left the message “as we talked about”. “She lied.” says Dickface. So… They’re all aware of the fact that they all lie. Obviously, it’s the only way they know how to communicate with one-another. And as Dickface sat at table, I asked “Do you remember how you and I first met?” “Yeah.” says he. NO… in fact, he didn’t. So I said, “You came rushing to tell me about not burning. But when there was a large fire last night, you said nothing. Well sir, you’re on my shit-list, to be sure.” Makes no difference. – Alas and oh well… My “work” is done and finished. It’s hot out there and I’m worn. No more work til Thursday. YAY! – PS:
In this morning’s post, came the letter of confirmation that the money stolen from my soc.sec. is now, officially, returned. Yeah? 280 of it is right here, with me. The rest? Is in the bottles of vodka, tonic and such. I didn’t need a letter of approval… the money is mine and now… it’s MINE! Fuck.
So ends the day. I NEED a shower… and a laundry… and this evening, I’ll venture putting the Subaru into the barn. If the barn burns, I’ll take the matter to the courts… in New York. I plan to get another vehicle then sell this one. So? So…. – Footnote: little Twat is at the plant table with Mme. I’m seeing some kind of damage coming to her plants. Just noting… for “Schitzengiggles”. – 20.10 Floors Hoovered. Kitchen basins, clean. I had the left-over chicken and mashed potatoes… went to the store for “lime” tonic, cheese and rolls for tomorrow, crisps for tonight and ice cream. (Forgot the franks for Hallie. But there’s tomorrow.) Bed and jammies are clean. Covers are on the rinse. Tub is sprayed with Clorox. And we’re in from the 8pm walk. All’s settled… for a while. I’ve got a program at 22.00 and then shower and to tele and to bed and HOPEFULLY to sleep THROUGH the night. OH…
I took the mower to the extra garden area this afternoon before Mme. left for work (at 16.30). It’s mowed quite nicely. She’s got more area back there. (She ought to make a little “table” of sorts for her tending – that she never does – or harvesting, but… fuck that idea.) It would have been a delight to mow more but… FUKDATSHIT!
And so, the 5225 in-breeds are burning again, tonight. But I must say, they’ve planted all along the front of the house, put in a little “wishing well”. Shame though… they’re more in-breeds, to be sure. – Now? Me? Not sure. No sense shower right now and other than my clothes, there’s no laundry. And the plants are on the porch, the door and window, shut. Just time… time… time. – 23.37 Watched “One Strange Rock” and it was off to teeth-brushing and a good hot shower! The clothes are in the wash. The bed linens are clean. And I’m rather exhausted. V-ton is poured and the lights in the house are going out. – Note: There’s been the most horrific banging up-stairs tonight. Not steady, but it sounded as if somebody was actually down here. – Mr. Twat took his vehicle out for a spin and it’s parked IN the drive tonight. Just noting. – Now? Time to get the fuck out of this day and into bed!

Tue.15.May: 8.25 Critters fed. Recycs out. And all the rest on hits grey, but warmish morn. And after a night of one, but PIANFUL SPASM. Right leg. Shortly after having fallen asleep… at about 1.30. Alas. But I did a bit of work yesterday, shovelling the old “compost”, so I suppose it was due. – Other-wise, yes, I could go back to sleep but my “me” is up and awake so… ’tis time to fill the day… one might suppose. – 22.19 and the day is done and I’m showered and “accomplished”? Nothing… really… did more on sorting the image files and bringing the blog and site up to date, but other than that… nothing. It was a pleasant day though. I see rain for Sunday so it looks like the lawn won’t get done for another TWO weeks. Oh well… not my loss. – Went to the store to get franks for Hallie (and ice cream and tonic and crisps for me). There’s a guy who’s always very nice to me, he called from his truck asking if I’m OK, did I go away for the Winter. “I always see you in the front yard, or doing something. I never see you not doing something out-side so I wondered.” How nice. Nice fellow. I don’t know who he is though. Oh well. Just nice to know that somebody DOES notice the work I’ve done in town… as I told Mme. – And after that? Left-over bit of chicken with rice and peas for “meal” and the 8pm walk with the critters, followed by “Roseanne” and… nothing again. Just a lounge on the recliner with Mimou on my lap. He cries a lot lately. I hope he doesn’t have any more medical troubles. I’m already sick to fucking death of hearing “He’s my 1000$ cat.” Fuck off. She’s SO typically “Catholic”… “Christian”… won’t do anything for others unless it brings her recognition. Oh well. – And that flat in Rouses Point I sent the message to? Rented. E-mail came today, signed by “Wei”. Asian? In Rouses Point? Best to keep looking. – On that note… I’m off to tele and hopefully to SLEEP THROUGH! V-ton and naproxen tonight! – OH… the furnace is on… forecast for 4° tonight… chill of 0-1°!

Wed.16.May: 0.31 and lights out. Hoping the vodka and naproxen provide a good night’s sleep. – 7.19 DREAM I was in a great deal of pain and asked Mum for some sleeping pills to help me sleep through the night. On the table (the old kitchen table) she placed a few plastic bags of some pills and some “paisley” shaped, plastic cases, long and thin, that she referred to as “fingers”. They were white or blue “depending on which pharmacy made the pills” she said. The “fingers” were stronger than the pills and I could take a “finger” with a pill if I needed to. But then she brought what looked like a “cellophane” butterfly. It was purple coloured, about the size of two hands, and had been broken/torn. THAT was THE drug to help with sleep. Just tear a bit of the cellophane wings and let it dissolve on the tongue and BAM! Sleep! – Oddly, yes, I DID sleep through the night. But last night’s “Roseanne” was about her and her over-use of pain pills. Not only did she have prescriptions, but she had bottles of others that friends and neighbours gave her. “Dan” was upset with her. Said she, she’s got major pain in her knee and they couldn’t afford the 3k surgery. Said Dan, “I have a bad back.” Roseanne answered: “When your back hurts, you spend 2 weeks on the couch and I wait on you hand and foot. When my knee hurts, I clean the house, do the laundry, do the grocery shopping, take care of the kids.” (Did THAT ever sound too familiar!) Add to that, on one episode of “QI” before bed, there was one on insects and a comparison between moths and butterflies. “Why butterflies?” Stephen Fry asked. Apparently they’re mutations or evolutions from moths. Why “butter”? Because the originals were only yellow… like butter. So some-how, the pain pills and butterflies crashed together in my dream. As for the pain and the need to sleep in the dream? I can’t say because, to the best of my knowledge, I slept through the night, no spasms nor back troubles… at least, none that I’m aware of. But the pain is deep in my unconscious mind… obviously.

TODAY’S NOTE: ***** “YOU LAZY BASTARD. IF YOU DON’T WATCH YOUR STEP YOU’LL BE LEAVING HERE IN A CASKET!” ***** RICHARD COOPER

Anyway, WOW… I woke at about 6.50 and snoozed until the 7.15 alarm! Got up, no pain. No pain all through the night! I must’ve slept quite peacefully too because my hair isn’t all over the place. (My face is puffy, as usual, but I really must’ve slept!) The trick? Take the naproxen with the first sip of v-ton, and have TWO “regular” v-tons with some crisps. Sure, it helps to have something for “meal” as well, I’m sure. But WOW…. a great night’s sleep. – Now? Off we go… and then come back to finish jotting about that DREAM! – 8.49 It was about 8.15 or so, when I let the critters out this morning… and there, on the porch, by the kitchen door… Mr. Twat. He came in, paused, then left, and as he headed for his own door, past the porch windows, out-side, I noticed his position: as if hiding something held close to his right side. So… if anything goes missing… there we have it. – Meanwhile, Mimou is using the litter-box noticeably less. It’s cleaned. A bit of fresh litter. And the garbage is at the curb. My daily “chores” are complete. Odd… nothing to do. The lawn is covered in dandelions. The grass is growing almost knee-high. But… nope… it won’t be mowed… not today. Not until that vehicle is removed from the premises. We shall see. Oh, and… rain in the forecast for Sunday. What a shame. (If only the sarcasm could be audible in the typed words.) – 18.29
IT WAS JUST ABOUT 17.00, I’D JUST FINISHED THE LEFT-OVER RICE AND PEAS FOR “MEAL”, HAVING COME IN FROM ABOUT 3 HOURS OF DIGGING MORE OF THE OLD “COMPOST” PILE OUT BACK. I WAS SITTING IN THE RECLINER, WHEN THERE WAS A TAPPING AT THE KITCHEN DOOR. “DICKFACE”… COME TO TELL ME “YOU DIDN’T PUT THE GARBAGE OUT THIS MORNING.” WHAT GARBAGE? “THOSE LIMBS AND TREES OUT THERE.” HE POINTED TO THE GREEN-HOUSE. “SHE SAID…” I TOLD HIM I DON’T WANT TO HEAR WHAT “SHE SAID”. “WHY NOT?” BECAUSE SHE’S A LIAR. BESIDES, SHE DIDN’T TELL ME SHE WANTED ANYTHING PUT OUT IN THE GARBAGE. “WELL… I BROUGHT THE ROLLER OVER.” THAT’S NICE. WHO’S GOING TO DO THE ROLLING? “SHE SAID YOU ARE.” AH, YEAH, RIGHT, AND SHE TOLD ME THAT YOU WERE COMING OVER TO DO THE ROLLING. “WELL? ARE YOU GONNA DO IT?” HELL NO! AND THEN HE PROCEEDS INTO A DIATRIBE ABOUT THE LAWN… AFTER I’D TOLD HIM THAT I WAS GOING TO DO IT WHEN THE CAR WAS OFF THE PREMISES. (IT’S ALREADY BEEN AGREED THAT IT WAS TO BE DONE ON SUNDAY.) SO HE STARTS TO TELL ME THAT I’M LAZY! IMAGINE THAT, AND I ASKED, PLAIN AND SIMPLE “WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE TALKING TO? I MIND MY OWN BUSINESS AND I SUGGEST THE REST OF THIS TOWN DO THE SAME AND CRAWL THE FUCK BACK OUT OF MY COLON. THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE WILL BE WHEN I GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND NEVER HAVE TO STEP BACK INTO THIS IN-BRED STATE AGAIN.” “YOU’VE BEEN SAYING THAT FOR 5 YEARS.” SAYS THE IDIOT. AND HE GOES WALKING OUT THE DOOR WITH THE FINAL COMMENT:

IMAGINE THAT. ME. THE “LAZY BASTARD”. WELL… HE WENT OUT, AND ROLLED… THE ENTIRE GARDEN… EVEN THE PART WHERE THERE’S TO BE PLANTING. AND AS I TYPE… .HE’S MOWING THE BACK… BY THE GARDEN. MOWING. LOOKING FOR BROWNIE POINTS? I’D IMAGINE. WELL, GOOD THAT I MET LYLE WHEN I CAME TO TOWN. I REMEMBER THE FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH THAT FAT LITTLE IDIOT, DICKFACE, ROLLING UP OVER THE YARDS TO SCOLD ME ABOUT BURNING OLD WOOD SCRAPS IN AN OLD OIL DRUM. I ALSO REMEMBER THE BURNING THAT’S BEEN GOING ON AT 5225 ON A REGULAR BASIS AND NOTHING’S BEING SAID. I ALSO REMEMBER ALL OF THE WORK THAT I’VE DONE ROUND HERE, LIKE CLEARNING OUT BEHIND THE OLD PHONE SHED, FROM WEEDS TO SCRAP, THE 2 ENTIRE SUMMERS OF PLANTING AND WEEDING AND TENDING THE VEGETABLE GARDEN, THE RECLAMATION OF THE LILY-BEDS, AND NOW, THE FLOWER BEDS AT THE PHONE SHED AND BACK YARD. I REMEMBER THE WORK, TRIMMING THE TREES, WITH A HAND-SAW, AT 172, AND BRINGING THE GRAVEL OVER FROM THERE TO THE FRONT OF 5199 TO PUT ROUND THE BENCHES. I REMEMBER CUTTING LIMBS FROM THE TREES ON THIS PROPERTY AND CUTTING THEM DOWN FOR THE WOOD-STOVE. AND I REMEMBER STACKING SOME, MAYBE, 6 OR MORE CORDS OF FIRE-WOOD, THEN MOVING AT LEAST 2 FROM THE BACK TO THE GARAGE. YES, I REMEMBER… AND THAT’S JUST AT 5199. I REMEMBER PAINTING AND GLAZING IN THE WHITE ROOM. I REMEMBER CLEANING OUT THE LITTLE ROOM WHERE I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME THESE DAYS. I REMEMBER MAKING SURE THE HOUSE IS CLEANED EVERY WEEK. I REMEMBER PUTTING THE SCREEN DOOR ON FOR THE LITTLE ROOM. I REMEMBER CLEANING OUT THE BARN… HERE (AS WELL AS AT 5225). YES… “LAZY BASTARD”, ME. WELL… LET’S SEE WHERE THIS ALL GOES. I’VE GOT THE FEELING… IN MY GUT, THAT IT’S ONLY GOING TO ESCALATE. WHY? BECAUSE THAT’S THE NATURE OF THIS TOWN… THESE IN-BREEDS: THEY’RE NEVER HAPPY UNLESS THERE’S SHIT FLYING. AND, AS TODAY, WHEN THERE’S NO SHIT FLYING, THEY GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO CREATE SOME. IF EVER ANYBODY EVER WONDERED WHY IN-BREEDING, INCEST, HAD TO BE MADE ILLEGAL, AS WELL AS UNETHICAL… HERE IS THE EVEIDENCE. INDEED.
Meanwhile, the battery for the Subaru is on the charger on the porch. I tried to move it today and the key makes the “alarm”, the cabin light lights but flickers. Odd… it wasn’t all that long ago when it started right up. I wonder what happened. But, thankfully, the battery is on the charger. Hopefully, that’s the only problem. If not, it looks like I’m going to have to settle for putting money into it and when comes time to move… hopefully I’ll have the necessary money for the rent (I put another post on Crgslst this morning), and I’ll be able to make the necessary trips… just to get out of and away from here. – The kitchen door is locked, as is the screen for the little room. Dickface is still out in the yard on the mower. I can say, with all assurance, that he’ll be back to the house to continue his bull-shit. Again I say: I was most fortunate to have met Lyle when I came to this shit-hole. The town didn’t like him… they didn’t like Cecil… and now it’s my turn. Let it be so. I don’t care. It’s merely an annoyance… like gnats and mosquitoes on a Summer night. Nothing can be done to stop them, nothing will ever eliminate the nuisance, so one simply rolls along… and gets as far from them as possible, as soon as possible. – Well? There might be a walk at 8pm this evening and there might not. At any rate, it’s going to be another “early” evening. I’ve still got to do the floors though. And that’s that about that. – 22.03 Showered. Wash in the washer. Clean jammies. Kitchen floor, mopped. (My plants have been re-potted with some of the “compost” from out back.) The geraniums from the white room are in the planters out front. One is in the pot out back. All have a helping of “compost”. I took the remainder of that “organic potting mixture” that I’d bought for my plants (and they don’t like… and doesn’t hold much moisture for them) and dumped (almost the whole bag) into the bed by the phone shed. My “contribution”… being the *** LAZY BASTARD *** that I am. And we went for the 8pm walk… round the house. Hallie got the rest of the franks I BOUGHT… Mimou got crunchies for over-night. The kitchen is tidy. The floors are clean. I’m clean and a v-ton has been started… with a naproxen. – This fucking day is fucking done. – Tomorrow, I shall wake, as usual (if I’m so cursed) to the regularly-scheduled daily morning prayer: Oh fuck, I’m not dead. Amen.

Thu.17.May: 1.38 Just finishing a rant on twtr about this shit-hole state. Re-posted them to Minds as well. 2 v-tons and a naproxen… hoping the “right” people will note the posts. Hey! If it means getting the fuck out of here… Trust my gut… and don’t give a shit. (Can’t wait til Mme. gets back. Surely, there’s going to be SOMETHING “mentioned”. Give a fuck? Nope. Not me.) – Pondering another v-ton and an episode of “Not Going Out”. Too wound-up right now. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to have a smoke at the porch window… no doubt, the Coopers are watching… Fat, useless bags of rancid lard. – 8.54 Woke at 8.48 and could STILL go right back to sleep, THREE v-tons last night, for a night-sweat night of sleep. But thankfully, no spasms. And first thought? “You lazy bastard. You’ll go out of here in a casket.” from the obese in-breed whose equally obese daughter won’t take a job that was handed to her (OK… so it’s working in a state home), so he has to provide for her. Great base for comparison, that. – Anyway, I’m dressed and had coffee, the critters are out and about and the day, grey as it is, commences. As usual: fuck… I’m not dead. – 11.13 Just noting before up-dating all Journal pages: The Subaru battery DID need charging. By about 21.00 last night, it was fully charged. This morning, it still is. I have to get me together, put it back in and HOPE LIKE ALL FUCKING HELL that THAT’S the ONLY thing that kept the car from starting yesterday. – Still no word from or sign of Mme. and me? After looking for transport and flats, I’m actually ready to fall asleep here at the table. – Still grey. Cool and damp. Forecast is for 18° and sun… I wonder… – 11.53 Phone message just now from Dickface: “I’ll talk to you about your tenant there, later.” I sit in this house, in this room, minding my own business and, as is the case across the state, these in-breeds DEMAND that there be some sort of conflict. They go out of their way to create conflict. It’s been a silent morning… but they simply can’t tolerate that. Oh well. No sense in getting worked-up over it. It’s the way they are. It truly is like being trapped in a state institution for the severely mentally ill. – 12.47 JUST as I laid down for a quick nap… Mme. returns… HERE WE GO! – 13.10 Well… the situation with Dickface was discussed. She noticed the lawn was mowed and I told her: he waited until 5pm to come over and start shit. SHE says that he told her that HE would roll the garden. So? So here, indeed, we go… conflicts and conflicting stories. I’ve no doubt… the shit will be flying. But, just another day in Shitholia. – 16.51 and the “compost” pile is as done as it’s going to be… by me. Levelled across to the fence and raked rather clean. And the yard is “done”… AGAIN… more clean area… to be fucked at a later date. – 22.01 SHOWERED! Ah… Mme. snoozed as usual this evening and at about 18.00 I headed over to the store for turkey, cheese, crisps and a bottle of tonic. Came back, had half the turkey and some slices of “cheese” on the last 2 rolls I had here. “Meal”. Filling and OK, to be sure. Better than the nothing I would have had, since I was never invited to dine. Mme. had a bite when she came in and then slept until about 20.00 when she took the critters out for their walk and when she returned… went right to bed! Image that! (It occurred to me a little while ago… Lyle died on the 15th of this month… Cecil died on the 16th. Lyle, 2 years ago… Cecil… 3.. I believe.) Anyway… by 21.00 I went into the quick shower and now… I’m ready to hit the bed and the tele. Tomorrow is another day… unless, of course, my fortune and luck change and I die in my sleep tonight which would be lovely and so, I won’t count on it. – Found a new animation software… Very much like the old “Flash” but with some differences I’ll have to learn… tomorrow… or Saturday. – Meanwhile, time to close this day. Thankfully, obese dickface didn’t make an appearance. Well… there’s always tomorrow. – And I still have to try getting the Subaru into the barn. If the barn falls (from the weight of the barn at 5225 which is OBIVOUSLY SHIFTING) or if it burns with the car in it… I get to sue… perhaps for the cost of a truck. – OH! THERE’S ANOTHER DEBIT TO THE SOC.MED. CARD! THE BALANCE IS OVER-DRAWN BY ABOUT 21$!!! THE FUCKERS! I’LL HAVE TO PHONE THEM TOMORROW TO FIND OUT WHAT THE FUCK THEY’RE PLAYING NOW. IF THEY TAKE THIS MONEY TOO, I’LL GET ONLY 850 FOR THIS MONTH AND I’M JUST ABOUT READY TO MURDER AS IT IS. QUNTS! – Letting the thought go until tomorrow… time for a DRINK (or 2). – At least the Journals (blog and site) are current until 11.53 this morning. Must keep that up to date… in case somebody actually pays any attention… which I highly doubt.

Fri.18.May: 8.08 and was lights out at 0.24. Woke just before the 7.15 alarm and dozed for the 8.00. Oh well… No reason to be awake today anyway. – BUT…. something occurred to me this morning, as I dressed:
On Tuesday night, the Twat got the care running and after sun-set, took it out for a brief spin. So… it IS moveable. On Wednesday, Dickface comes over… at end of day, to tell me that I failed to put the garbage out that morning, citing the clutter in front of the green-house, which I wasn’t told needed to be put out. THEN proceeds into a rant about me not wanting to roll the yard, which I was told HE was going to do. Calls me a “lazy bastard” and THEN HE ROLLS AND MOWS the back part of the yard. On Thursday, Mme. Qunt returns and soon after her arrival, SHE comments that she noticed the Twat’s car has been moved AND inquires about Dickface having mowed. Now, based on the event of 30 August, 2017, when SHE LIED to the police about the condition of the garden gate which I’d repaired, and Twat ripped from the post and then LIED about not being able to contact the Twat, and the subsequent phone message from Twat, “As we talked about”, one can (and does) surmise that SHE knew that the car was moveable, and, because she’s already admitted that she keeps in touch with Dickface whilst she’s at work, consorted with the obese fat-sack, so as to say that the car was moved and to enquire about the lawn being mowed. Fatsack (Dickface) says he’ll mow and then come to me to instigate and create confrontation and conflict. And SHE returns in the hope of escalating the conflict. – Simple, really, and completely in course with Steve and Tara accusing me of assaulting Tara, Diane insisting upon maintaining the charge of embezzlement, Fran keeping me awake on the night before my test for the job at the post office and then telling me that I’m no longer welcome in her home, Doug promising to have the Ford repaired and then accusing me of breach of promise to make payments on it in spite of HIS failure to effect promised repairs, Silas and the Order of Protection, Shedrick writing me up shortly after my hire at the post office for offences against policy that occurred BEFORE I was hired… It’s ALL in line. It also conforms to the statement of Jack Malone when I first came to this Shithole, when he came to compliment me on all the work I’d been doing at 5225 when he said, and I thought it was general sarcasm but subsequently proved to be a statement of absolute fact “You’re making the rest of them look bad.” Yes, indeed. There we have the motive. Now, let’s add to this, Rachel’s statement about Cecil having had a “drinking problem”, (and her statement… along with Lisa making the same statement… “You make the rest of us look bad.”). As I stated to Fatsack AND to Mme., I mind my own business, keep very busy and away from the rest of the town and others come out of their way to come to me to incite conflict. I make them look bad AND they, like retarded little children, delight in conflict, having nothing productive to do with their existences. Yep… the entire situation has been contrived. Where it goes from here and what it becomes depends on my reaction and response. Well? No. I’ll not be participating in the bull-shit and nonsense. As I’ve been thinking all along: This is very much the same as residing, long-term, in a state-run mental institution, a combination of “Wingdale” and “Wassaic”… psychotic retards. I’ve worked in such an environment… as an employee, and those surrounding me these years are nothing more nor less than what were referred to as “clients”… or, in the “old days”… “patients”. They’re mentally ill and in need of some sort of care. Apparently, that’s my “job” here… a “job” and nothing more. A continuation of my education in a subject that’s always intrigued me: Psychology. Class is still in session, and I’ve moved up to the most pathetic of cases. Although it tires me, it’s my responsibility to learn, for what-ever reason, to simply deal with the fact that like terminal cancer, there is no “cure” for these cases, and like those in “community residences”, until such time when others are employed to provide for these repulsive little creatures, it’s my “duty” to simply ride along… and simply hope that they’ll self-destruct, removing the burden that it them, from healthy and properly-functioning society in general. What a pitiful way to begin a new, bright and sunny, yet cool, morning. But, such is the existence here, in Shitholia. – MEANWHILE… I was out having a smoke at about 23.30 last night and that little “creature” I’ve seen only a few times before, running along the road at night, came to the window! it stands only about 2ft tall, has a face shaped some-what similar to a possum, on a rather thin body, with a long tail that curl up and over the body, and the legs are exceptionally long and thin. I can’t say what colours it is, exactly, because it was dark, but it’s dark, perhaps grey, and white. It came scurrying in from the road and over to the picnic table where the Twats’ dog pees, and there it stayed, sniffing about, like a dog would. When it finally noticed me standing silently in the porch window, it stopped, stared up at me for a moment and then scurried back out and across the street. It’s the length of the legs and tail and the shape of the head that intrigues me. And it’s rather almost normal to see a cat gone a bit stray at night but not a dog. And if this IS a dog, it’s a rather strange breed… or cross-breed. And what, I wonder, is it doing out at such late hours, since I’ve seen it before, even on the coldest of Winter nights? Just another mutation, I suppose, common and to be expected, in this shit-hole of mutations, in-breeds, cross-breeds and cross-species. – OK then… 8.57. The washing machine is running. I was out for a smoke and Mme. let the cat out. Hallie didn’t want to come out. She stood in the door and talked with Hallie but never even acknowledged my presence. – Time to get to the matters at hand: Transport and housing … and curiosity call to the DirExp morons (who are nothing different from the general idiots and morons of this shit-hole, right here). – If there IS a “Heaven” and we ARE to work our way into it… THIS is my task. Indeed, I’ve proven my worthiness. How I DO envy the dead. “There is no ‘Hell’ after this. THIS is ‘Hell’, and after this, there’s only peace.” – 17.13 LAWN IS MOWED!!! TWAT-BOY MOVED THE CAR AT 14.30… AND, OF COURSE, BEFORE I’D FINISHED, RUSHED OVER TO THE P.O. TO MOVE IT BACK. ME? I IGNORED IT AND CONTINUED WITH THE WORK AT HAND. AND AM JUST FINISHING, MOWING OVER MUCH OF WHAT-EVER WAS ON THE GROUNDS, INCLUDING A CRUSHED TOMATO CAGE WHICH, OF COURSE, JAMMED IN THE MOWER-BLADE AND CUT MY LEFT HAND. BUT… WTF? IT’S DONE. AND I DON’T GIVE A SHIT. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here with the iPod at almost full volume… G’s. And missing Dennis rips at my heart. Oh well… “Such is life.” – Oh… rand DirExp before the lawn… the first idiot gave me a list of charges that don’t appear any-where on any statement. The second idiot informed me that the “reversals” were “provisional” (or some such shit) and that “they” could reverse them when “they” wanted. So the card remains some 20$ “over-drawn”. I can kiss that money off come the next soc.sec. payment. But THAT will be posted next Wednesday morning by 1.00 and by 1.10 it will be off and gone… what-ever it is. – And so, there we have it. And I’m hoping to simply take a shower, wrap this day and get down to my v-ton(s). No munchies for to… OH WAIT!!! I’ve got turkey and cheese! Either now or when the rest of the house goes to bed. I’m in no mood to eat at the moment. Fuck. – 20.59 SHOWERED and waiting for the rest of the house to get out of the way. – Nice “meal” of “chicken pot pie” which here, is saucy chicken and veg under biscuits. Rye and ginger with. Nice salad. And I’ve still got the turkey and cheese for later if I want. – But it went along well enough after the lawn-mowing which was DUSTY and so, the shower was most welcome. (And I managed to get it in whilst Mme. took the critters for a stroll. – OH… almost failed to mention: *** Last night, as I was in the shower and the house was dark, a stranger came up on the front porch… about 21.00 or so, and frightened Mme. Mimou was focused, says she, for an hour, on the window. I told her it’s happened before and yes, I’m glad she’s experienced it now. She’s feigned all sorts of trauma over it. Well m’dear, gee, you had somebody else in the house you could turn to. Says she, she was going to come to my door. Well? She could have done. I’d’ve made quite the scene of chivalry and such… but in my heart? Apathy. So now she’s gotten a taste of the insanity that is this hole. Thank you again… Fate, Karma… whom-so-ever is responsible. – And so, the lawn is done, the place is “orderly” and I’m hopeful that the forecast rains come… Saturday and Sunday. – Mme. will be going to Plattsburgh tomorrow. She thinks I’ll be going with. I shan’t. Nope. Stuck in the truck with the dog. Stuck with driving. Nope. Better to be here. I can work on learning the new soft-ware and… perhaps eating my turkey and cheese… no rolls. What-ever. – Time for v-ton and tele! Perhaps I’ll get to sleep at a civil hour tonight. It’s also time for naproxen. – Farewell to another day. Fuck this town and it’s in-breeds. The “lazy bastard” did the work … yet again… today. – (PS: Another fire at 5225 goes un-noticed… particularly by fat-boy.)

Sat.19.May: 8.00 and rudely awakened by what sounded like a knock on the door… but apparently was Hallie. Mme. was in the yard, chasing a large, grey cat. (As I had my smoke I was informed that there’d been a “fight”. Mimou will have no other cat on his estate. Oh well.) And me? I’d be quite happy to simply go right back to bed… to sleep the day away. It’s bright, clear and cool this morning. And the lawn is mowed nicely. – I need to find a way to get out of the trip to Plattsburgh. Isn’t it odd? Once upon a time I’d’ve loved to go, but as I noted yesterday: I’ll be driving and stuck in the truck with Hallie… not to mention, it’ll be like all other “trips”, if there’s any place I’d like to go to, we won’t. And that’s not to mention the flinching and wrenching and commenting on my driving. And I’m really not in any particularly good mood to put up with more of that shit. Oh well… Bon voyage, Mme. (My guts churn with the very notion.) – I’m dressed, have had coffee and smoke. I suppose this day is… “commenced”. – Fuck me. – 20.46 AND THE PAIN IN MY LEFT LEG IS ALMOST DIBILITATING! HORRIBLE, LIKE A MUSCLE SPASM ONLY IT RUNS THE ENTIRE LENGTH FROM HIP TO FOOT. Got a new medication at Jean Coutu today and have taken one before the naproxen wears off. It’s been about 15 minutes since I took the methocarbamol… and only about 7 hours since I took the naproxen. Maybe when I have the vodka it’ll all kick in? At this point, I don’t care if it just knocks me out for the night. EVEN IN MY KNEE… THE PAIN IS HORRIFIC! – BUT… I DID go with Mme. to Rona, Cowansville, and I DID help with the 10 bags of mulch. Yeah, well… “lazy bastard” that I am. Then we stopped at Jean Coutu where I got my laundry soap… at only 2,77CAD!!! Imagine if I’d paid USD! And I got the citronella spray, a tube of toothpaste (fucking GEL again though) and the new pain meds. Next was on to St. Hubert where we got the poutine and chicken to go and came back to the house to eat. – I’m just rather amazed that I got to go to Jean Coutu! (And had I known the la Parisienne was going to be so cheap… I’d’ve gotten another! Oh well… One thing though… I realised that Cowansville isn’t all that far away… maybe 30 minutes, so the next time I get the truck… WALMART! – The TV is out tonight so I hooked Mme. into the Internet so she could watch the “Royal Wedding” for about and hour or more and she’s just finishing “Watters”. “Dish” TV doesn’t offer Fox on-line (“Douche” TV, as I call it) so, I don’t suppose she’ll be able to watch Jeanine tonight. – Anyway… so much for today. I’m just hoping the pain will be gone for the night! – 21.34 smoke and nap.

Sun.20.May: 5.05 WELL… all through the night, almost every 3 hours, I was awake. Have discovered that PULLING my left knee to my chest and truly PULLING the muscle, works for a while. BUT… I still can’t stand nor can I sit for too long. Good thing, I can sit in this deck chair at the table in the room… with my knee to my chin… and it helps a touch. – Have just taken TWO of the new tablets with my vit.C and coffee. Let’s see how the day progresses. – 9.21 Just up from a 2-hour “nap”. The left leg was so painful and I tried taking 2 of those new muscle relaxers this morning. Well, seems they do the same thing Flexeril does: groggy, and always wanting to sleep. Just came in from a smoke on the porch where I have to stand with the left foot up on the window sill. Came in, sat on the chair at the table and almost dozed right back off to sleep… sitting. Sitting is the only pain-free position now. I looked into tetanus, thinking maybe it was from that scratch on the old tomato cage. OK. Could maybe possibly be, but I think it’s more a pinched nerve in the back again. – Anyway, as I napped, I had a confusing DREAM:
I was sort of living in an old, abandoned ware-house of sorts, had all my belongings in boxes in there. Had to leave for to get something from the house where I’d resided, not far away. As I was gone, the entire street where the ware-house was, lined on both sides with old ware-houses, had become a huge, week-end flea market, and when I returned, it was packed full of people, booths set up, all along the row. I thought of my jeans that I wanted to sell and had to go get them… some street away in another house. So I went to get them… in a little house located in a West Indian neighbourhood. I tried to move along quickly, tried running at one point, but couldn’t get the speed up. Something about my legs wouldn’t let me move quickly. At one point, there was, in a distance, some soca music playing. “Comin’ Hot-Hot-Hot”. I tried dancing a bit to it but couldn’t… because of my legs. And when I finally got back to the ware-house, it was packed with people who’d gone through my boxes and un-packed them! A little woman was coming through the crowd with a bundle of pine branches in her arms, trying to get out of the building through the crowd. (I wonder if the pine wasn’t because I could, in my sleep, smell the pine needles I have in the paper bags, beside the bed. I saved them from the Christmas tree, to get rid of the stench that sometimes comes through that wall. They’re not strongly scented, but once in a while I can smell them.) I worried that these people were simply going in and taking my belongings. But the crowds were so thick I could make it into the building and my legs wouldn’t get me up the stairs. I woke from that dream, groggy… My legs were fine and it was difficult to actually wake up.
And so now… I see that Mr. Twat’s car is gone from the drive. – Mme. is off to church. – It’s a grey, warmish, rainy morning. And me? I could go right back to sleep. Time for another coffee, I think. – 10.20 The house is empty! Save for me and Mimou. And I’ve just come from the loo for a while of… nothing. My head aches a bit. But I suppose it’s to be expected, with all the strange contortions I have to take in order not to be in PAIN. Oh well… another day. – 17.05 Well… Mme. returned at about 13.00, we chatted briefly, she started cooking something, and I came back into the room for a while and, at about 15.30 I laid down for another nap… with the alarm set for 16.00… and just woke… to an empty house and Mimou in the yard. She’s gone with Hallie again… in the truck. Oh well. So it goes. – But I had another strange dream as I slept, from which I woke:
I’d gone into the kitchen to see two dogs, big, black, and a cat… they were picking at an animal of some kind. Mme. was on the floor in an opposite corner, crouched, face down. I went to the dogs to see what they had, it was squeaking as they picked at it. I said to Mme. “Do you see what they have there?” She noddled. She was sickened by it but did nothing to stop it. So I went to the dogs and went to grab their poor prey and one turned and grabbed my hand with its teeth. I looked at the dog and said “I’ll break your fucking neck if you try that shit with ME!” and kicked the dogs and cat away from what was a VERY large black bird. I went out to the yard and the bird came RUNNING to me, as if begging me to save it. As I picked it up, one of the dogs came over to me and grabbed the bird by the beak and shook it’s head. I held the bird closer and the dog went away. I woke before I knew whether or not the dog had broken the bird’s neck.
These meds are making me groggy all the time. (I told Mme. about them being similar to Flexeril. What-ever…) And these dreams. Well! – So anyway, the sky is clearing out-side, Mimou is still out there, I’ve got the room door open. The Twats are still away. No vehicles in the drive or yard. And nobody in the house. – I wonder if I’ll get hungry at all. If I do, there’s a little oatmeal left in the box. But… – And the pain in my left leg lingers. – What-ever will be, will be. – 20.09 I’ve busied my-self with making images for animated gifs for the Tilden site… all the photos, scaled and put on a dark back-ground. Thinking of adding it to each page for each bunker and the beaches. It’s interesting, looking at how it all was as of 2010… Harris West was CLEAN! It’s now painted all grey. And the beaches were so clean. Nothing like they are these days as I see on the Internet. Humanity… what destructive slobs. Well… it’s to be expected, what, with all the kids going into schools and plowing-out 10 or more people. As I fall apart more and more, I become thankful for fewer and fewer days. – Meanwhile, the house is still empty… in fact, it’s empty down-stairs because even Mimou is out! No word as the where or what or why or when from Mme. I’m just “here”… But Mimou got fed at 17.00 and the dirty dishes are washed and in the rack and the stove-top is clean. – I haven’t eaten all day… and now it’s too late… to go to the store or to hit the fridge (even though there are left-overs in there… I think… but I wouldn’t dare… not unless there’s nobody here). I wasn’t sure if she’d be back to eat and so… I don’t touch. Oh well… it’s to be an interesting morning, tomorrow. No food, just meds. And in an hour, I’ll take another 2 tablets for the night. They’re really not helping, but I’ll take them… and perhaps with a v-ton. If nothing else, THAT should put me to sleep through the night. No food, meds and vodka. As if I give a shit (which I hope I won’t do in my sleep since they say incontinence is a “side-effect”). – Mme.’s atty, Peter, rang earlier. I wonder “wassupwidat”. Selling the house? Re-writing the will? Well… she’s got a trip planned for the first week of June… and she’s expecting me to be here. – The Twats returned… only one car in the drive. Even Mme. said, earlier, that we’d talked about mowing today but anybody with any sense (which eliminates Franklin) would know that mowing isn’t done in the rain. Hmm… maybe the vehicle’s in the garage being repaired… sold.. .what-ever… none of my business no matter. – And so now… to “amuse” me until 21.00 when it will be meds. time again and then… to bed… hopefully to sleep. Perhaps maybe a bit of tele. Perhaps maybe, a bit of v-ton. We shall see. – I have to get Mimou back in the house though.- 20.33 and as I’m getting ready to head out for “last smoke” and get Mimou in… Hallie’s face at the kitchen door. 20.20. And in they roll, all la-dee-dah. So I went out for my smoke, Hallie made her rounds, Mimou pee’ed and shat in the little flower bed, where he tends to like. It’s cute: as if he waited for the 8pm “walk” with his “big sister”. And now, I’m back in the room, Mme. is on the phone, the doors are closed and all is as all is. – Now… no doubt, she’ll go to bed because there won’t be any TV. And me? We shall see. – Nope… of course she doesn’t pay attention… so she’s taken the critters out for a “stroll”. Well? None of my business. I’m just a little fuck-tard, mow the lawn, save her 70-140 per month. 70 if Curtis does it twice. 100 if the Twats do it once. 140 if Curtis does it 4 times. Add the 300 per month for kennel for Hallie or the extra she’d deduct from the Twats’ rent if they looked in on Hallie whilst she goes to work. And never mind… her road trips. Ah… but I’m a “lazy bastard”… “verbally abusive”… and all the rest. Makes no difference… at least I can keep me busy… in this little room… out of the way. Oh, she did ask if I’d eaten and I told her the story of waiting for her return and the store being closed. She went to the fridge to point out the left-overs, suggested I heat something. Truth is: I’m not hungry… it’s more a matter of knowing that I should eat. But I don’t want to. (I’d rather have my v-ton… so hopefully, she will go right to bed. I can take my meds with one.) – 22.52 and toying with the notion of v-ton and tele. Took 2 more muscle relaxers and had a bit of oatmeal… plain… with just water. Tomorrow… I’ll go for the coconut oil too… just to “cleanse” and hope that helps the situation. I know it’s pinched nerves… I know it’s my spine. But… WTF and what EVUH. Anyway, I suppose it’s time to at least try for “normality” at the end of the day. Mme. went at 22.00. So the house is…

Mon.21.May: 4.24 Went to bed, as it were, after 2 episodes of “Would I Lie To You?” and a regular-strength v-ton… at 0.32. Woke to being drenched with sweat and in PAIN PAIN PAIN! Still the left leg. Well… it’s almost pill time anyway so I’m up, have taken my meds and vitC. and coffee… and had a pee in the bottle. Time for a smoke. – Fuck me. – 6.55 NAP TIME! (I’ve got an Ace on the knee… it seems to help… a little.) – 9.10 and… up from the nap. AND… (9.46) back from a bit of a stint in the loo! FINALLY! SOMETHING has come through! It’s been almost 3 days of nothing. I wonder what my bowels have to do with all of this. Anyway, the major pain seems to be in the bone, radiating out into the muscle. Interesting. The Ace bandage stopped giving much relief though. And there’s 10 bags of mulch in the truck that have to be taken out. I’ll have to move the truck, since Mme. parked it facing the yard and parked beside the house. I’m thinking I’ll put them into the hay cart, cover with a tarp… securely, and park it all by the green-house. I’m tempted to get at the lily bed… ONLY to be doing something… in the sun. But can’t sit on the ground because it’s soaked after all the rain. Oh… things and shit and bull-shit. And the Twats’ other car is gone from the property too… I could be mowing. But… never mind. – Mme. claims she had a bad night last night. Hallie was whining and they were all up at 3.00. Oh yes? “I lost a good 2 hours of sleep because of that.” whines she. Oh… how awful for you. Well, good luck with the rest of your day. And Rick is supposed to be here this morning… yet again. No word. No sign. No shit. Vermont. – Well… on with the day. – I’d done a complete set of 220 for the Tilden animation this morning from 4-7… it doesn’t work properly. Go figure. To think: once upon a time I was a wiz at all of this. Then again… I’m using “free-ware” now… you get what you pay. – 10.44 Ms. Pammy & Davey have just left. Came for some manure. (Yeah… I know! TOO typical.) So I’m going to try to get the mulch out of the truck… at the very least. Her comes PAIN! – 13.18Got most of the lilies weeded quite nicely… well, as “nicely” as I damned-well feel. At least the lilies are separated from the weeds and grasses from drive to first tree. AND, when I got to where I wanted to stop for today, I came to the kitchen (maybe 10 minutes or so ago) to find Mme. fucking about with her mobile. I told her I was taking the mower to the weeds and as she started to tell me about her fucking phone, I went to the barn, got the mower. The Twats’ car was gone so I tried to take advantage of the opportunity. AH… I NO SOONER GOT TO THE MOWING AND… IN THE DRIVE THEY CAME. ME? I JUST CONTINUED WITH THE MOWING… AND WHEN DONE… RODE COMPLETELY ROUND THE HOUSE TO AVOID THEM… only to find Mr. Twat driving into the drive from the front of the house. What a merry little bunch of QUNTS this entire crew are. But MY work is DONE… for the next few days. Nothing will be done (on the property here) until late Thursday. AND… of course, there’s rain in the forecast for Monday so… if no mowing on Friday again… no mowing… period. – That said… I’ll have to make a note of the Coffee Crisp later. Now I need a coffee (I’m hungry) and it seems the naproxen works better… that and the fact that I’ve been sitting, stooped over all morning. But and how-ever… the PAIN is STILL in that leg! (I happened to notice it’s the leg used for the brake/clutch on the mower. I wonder if I didn’t some-how annoy the knee. Makes no matter. Today’s “work” is done.) More on the Coffee Crisp later. – 21.37 THE PAIN IN MY LEG IS INCREDIBLE TONIGHT! – Mme. strolled out the door at about 16.40… in just enough time to dodge feeding the little ones. Typical. And before that? She took a stroll over to the lilies and came back to say “There wasn’t a lot of weeding in the lilies.” What? I didn’t do a lot of work? Or I didn’t leave a lot of weeds to be pulled next time? More “typical”. Do the work and listen to the whining. Oh… it’s as I said: “I must have been murdered when I was in the shelter, so I got on a plane and landed in Hell.” What-ever. It’s been done. SO TOO… ALL MY LAUNDRY! Bed linens, jammies, work clothes, and the green jacket! There’s packing to be done tomorrow… the jacket will got back into the “Winter” box, ready to be tossed into a vehicle and taken away… or… left behind with other disgusting memories. We shall see. What ever is to be done, will be done. – Rick is supposed to come back tomorrow morning between 7 and 8.00. How delightful! Early morning whether I like it or not. And tonight, if the fucking Douche TV is working, another episode of “One Strange Rock” until 23.00, after which… a SHOWER… in a tub that’s been bleaching in “Clean-Up” from since about 18.00. – Oh! And the floors got Hoovered and mopped already too. Rich was here today, sat with Mme. and had a beer… so he’ll see the difference… save the kitchen table which I refuse to even “tidy”. Fuck. – Did I mention? The 10 bags of mulch are in the hay cart, covered under a tarp that I folded and tucked carefully… and is now rather blowing in the wind. She just can’t leave well-enough alone. But it’s as Jack Malone said: “You’re making the ret of them look bad.” and they stop at nothing to let it be known that they don’t appreciate it. – Now… the TV is on in the parlour… Poor Hallie is in bed already and Mimou is about the house some-where. We went for the 8pm stroll. I made it down the lily bed and to the corner benches… and HAD to sit down and rub my aching leg. I’ve taken a naproxen (2 today) and am hoping the vodka will help. (I’ll have to get more on the week-end… some-how. The pain is excruciating. I’d like to know what’s causing it: tendon, muscle separation, dislocated knee? What-ever it is… hopefully it’ll heal on its own. If not? I don’t know… – 23.49 Last of the wash, save a sweat-shirt, in the wash and I’m SHOWERED, though excruciatingly painfully!!! And I see that my left leg, from the knee to the ankle is swollen. So? So. – But I got to see my TV tonight… and had a rather double-double v-ton as I watched. And I’m now having my “usual”. – The house is settled. The washer is washing and I’m off to a smoke… then to my v-ton… I’ve crisps tonight too… a bit of tele, dry the clothes and hope to sleep at some point during the night.

Tue.22.May: 1.54 *Be awake at 1.00 tomorrow morning to move the money! * At this rate, I probably WILL be awake. THE PAIN IS HORRIFIC!!!
8.18 Up all through the night. Took a few quick naps, sitting at the table, pillows piled on it, leaning forward, wrapped in the “sheets” from the bed. THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN!!! If there was somebody here to take care of the little ones, I’d’ve rung EMERGENCY and gone to hospital. Seriously. And this morning, I was still awake at about 7.00, let the little ones out at about 7.30 and went back onto the bed… for about 30 minutes’ “dozing”. Got up, got them breakfast, let them back in… and only BARELY made it through it all. My left leg is so INCREDIBLY PAINFUL NOW!!! And during the night I discovered a “spot” in the left but-cheek where it appears, the pain comes from. Sciatica? No matter what, I’ve the feeling, as it were, that this is going to require surgery to “repair”. It ain’t no joke no more. And the horror to add to the terror is my fear of the anti-semitism in this state. My history here for the past 7 years isn’t assuring at all. I’m in for quite the shit-slinging if I go for help. And if I don’t go, I’m in for complete disability… which WILL kill me out-right. In fact, during the night, I pondered, ever so definitely seriously, hitting the BDMs… BOTH. DEATH, even here, is the happier alternative. THIS IS INCREDIBLE! But I changed my computer screen “wall-paper” to a photo of Mimou… as a reminder of HIS suffering, and how HE managed to make it through, never letting on that he MUST have been in HORRIFIC PAIN. He’s become my “Inspiration” to continue as best I can. But if this isn’t any better by Thursday when the Mme. returns… I’ll have her dump me on the steps of the hospital and let the world take me from there. Looks like I’ll be “getting things together” for that between now and then. I KNOW, TOO WELL, what going into hospital is… Just more HELL! But I NEED to get me together to be able to get out of here. AND… as I think about it, MAYBE I’ll be able to get “disability” income instead of this shit Soc.Sec. that’s being played with. It was a thought and consideration before… the only thing I DON’T like about this is the potential hospital stay… AND THE POTENTIAL surgery that will, I’ve NO doubt at all, will DESTROY me… and most likely, intentionally. Well? DEATH? HERE I COME!
And meanwhile, at 8.32, as I expected, there’s no sign of Rick whom, it was said only yesterday, by Mme., would be here today between 7-8.00. I’m up and dressed, having taken TWO NAPROXEN already, the critters are fed, Mimou is back out, Hallie is in. And, as is typical of this shit-hole… Well, I can’t really put any blame on Rick. Were I in his place, I wouldn’t be here either. He’s supposed to replace 3 windows up-stairs… chez les Twats. Mr. Twat is in, so I wouldn’t want to be near THAT either. It’s rather like me, not working round this place unless SHE’S (Mme. Princess Qunt) is present. No, I can’t blame him at all. I don’t like this nonsense. The work should have been done at least a month ago… if not longer. And then there’s the “talk” after any work gets done round here, about how “inferior” it is. Hell, Gary (I believe is his name) Vinci came by the other day: “I was talking with Pam G. and she said you might be looking for somebody to install some windows.” Oh yes? YOU, Mr. V., were supposed to re-paint the back porch after having power-washed it… in October… 2017! Not only have you NOT done… you’ve not shown until just now. And no, I can’t say that I blame you either… since you had to keep coming back to get paid for the bit of work you’d done on the front porch. Oh, it’s all just “typical” round here. Mme. insists upon getting locals to do the work. They do shitty jobs because she’s a shitty customer. They charge outrageous fees for what bit of work they DO do, she makes excuses not to pay and, well… it’s as I say all the while: “Work done ‘Vermont-style’, half-assed and horse-shit.” (And I’m thinking about surgery as well here now.) – Nothing more to be said. I need to get to the loo. I just hope I can get back up off the toilet when the time comes to do so. Not to mention: round here, the moment my arse meets the seat… THAT’S when somebody shows at the door. It’s all about the “scat”… they’re attracted to it… no matter the source. “Typical”. – OH OH OH… AND I JUST CHECKED THE BALANCE ON MY SOC.SEC. ACCT: THIS MORNING, THE 23$ HAS BEEN RETURNED! A BALANCE OF 3,33 ON ACCOUNT. PLUS 876,35 SHOULD GIVE 879,68, LESS THE 1,50 “FEE”, 878,18 OR… 875 TO TRANSFER IMMEDIATELY! (1116,57 market as of now. 1095,24 “final”… a loss of 21,33CAD “fee”… fuck all these “fees”… just to get and keep my cash! But it brings my acct. to 6747,20CAD or.. 5283USD this morning. WAY SHORT OF WHERE MY ACCOUNT SHOULD BE… FUCK THE USA.) WELL THEN, KIND OF GIVES ME GOOD CAUSE TO USE THE SLEEPLESSNESS AT 1.00 TOMORROW MORNING. GET IT ALL THE FUCK OUT OF THAT ACCOUNT… OFF THE CARD… THE MOMENT IT GETS POSTED. (And yes, a little something to make “disability” payments look brighter.) – 8.53 Rick’s arrived. Poor little fellow. “Bless his heart”… as it were. – Off to the rest of what-ever this day has in store. I’m useless… for the most part… and I still need the loo. – 9.04 Just have to make a note: there’s a HORRID STENCH in the hall, out-side the door to this little room… smells like old laundry-wash-water. No sign of a leak, but it’s certainly NOT because of me… I did all my washing last night and there wasn’t any stench. But I HAVE heard water running up-stairs this morning. Yep… leak, too be sure. Looks like I’ll have to SECURELY PACK MY THINGS… should I be off to hospital. Princess Qunt will be hauling in the in-breed to tear things apart and MY belongings will be destroyed! I NEED to get out of here!!! NOW! – 22.45 Well… the day is over and… I’ve done… nothing with it. Just managed to hobble about now and again. Didn’t… COULDN’T take the little folks out for a stroll this evening. BUT… I DID manage to get in TWO naps of just over an hour… just woke from the second. They weren’t “restful”, I didn’t actually “sleep” in either of them, but at least I laid down for those hours. And now I’ll keep up and awake until I transfer my money out to Wells and get the transfer to the banque done. After that? THEN… I’ll be able to shower and get to bed… until about 8.00, when it will be time to let the little ones out, get them breakfast and put out the trash… as it were. – Rick worked up-stairs today, said nothing to me except at one point when he was passing through and asked how I am. I merely “grunted”. No sense saying much of anything to anybody about anything. After that, I didn’t see him. He left with-out a word. Right. Well? I won’t worry about having the house open for him in the morning then. “You’re welcome everybody.” – Did find a few images that had, some-how, gone “missing” from this journal and 8539266. Nothing serious. They just didn’t, some-how, transfer. Good catching that. – And it was grey and damp all day. – There’s a HORRIBLE STENCH in the loo tonight. It was there all day and I had to close the door. Just a moment ago, when I went in to use it, the stench was REALLY STRONG. Smells as if the washing line for the plumbing has backed-up. Oh well then. Let Mme. deal with it when she returns. I’ve taken my things out of there, especially the towel, lest the stench permeate them. It most certainly wasn’t anything *I* did to cause it. So I’m not going to fret over it. – Meanwhile… I can get back to working on and with some more images. I’ve a few from the Internet on Tilden that I’m thinking of adding. “Schematics” for the most part. Why not? Eh? And I’ve got a few “animations” left that I’d like to do. I won’t be able to “render” them tonight though… not, at least, until my “Forex” is done. – The TV is still on in the parlour, but Hallie’s behaving rather strangely tonight. She’d come into the room here as I napped, a few times and I’ve just seen her on the kitchen floor. I wonder… but I’m not worrying unless, for some reason, she’ll have to go out. I hope not. – Odd, really, how the pain in my legs always worsens at night. Annoying as all shit too. – 23.24 and the Twats are up there pounding on the floors! Of course, even if Mme. Q. was in, SHE wouldn’t DARE say a thing to them. But then… trash is trash.

Wed.23.May: 2.17 WELL! THAT’S DONE! At about 1.15 the soc.sec. posted to the card, on-line, and I IMMEDIATELY transferred the 875 to Wells. NEXT… the transfer to OFX and almost immediately, the confirmations on all. I sent the “screen cap” to OFX and now… that’s DONE! – Meanwhile, all the coconut oil I’ve eaten isn’t working its way through and the pain in the left leg continues. At about 8 this morning (22 May), I took 2 naproxen. Again at 14.00, the same. 20.00 and just took another 2. It would be nice if a v-ton would help me get to some sleep for a little while. Of course, now, I’ve got only less than 6 hours, but it would be a relief. – Have the radiator on. It’s chilly in the house and foggy out. The sun will be up in a little while. – At about 1.45 or so, a car came to a screeching stop at the top of the hill by the Magnant farm. I wonder if one of the little night creatures has been murdered. I wonder: WHY do I have to be witness to this shit… even at these horrid hours of the day? – Speaking of which… I’ve got to get the garbage out in a little while. Well… one more smoke at least. No shower though. I’ve got all day tomorrow for that. – AT LEAST THE MONEY’S ON IT’S WAY AWAY FROM THAT CARD! It won’t be STOLEN NOW! – 2.38 v-ton and try for some sleep. It’s going to be a rough day ahead. – 10.57 Crawled out of bed at about 8.20… un-willignly, of course, but it was a “must”. Dressed immediately, and slowly and rather PAINFULLY, and got right to 2 more naproxen with coffee and then on to the little ones… breakfast to be served. A quick smoke and off to the loo! Yes, I took my time and had a bit of a BM… but certainly not as I believe it should be. I’ve NO idea where food and the coconut oil are at this point. But at least SOMETHING was gotten rid of this morning. Rick arrived as I sat there, came in and went directly up the stairs to the Twats’ residence. I just stayed on the carsie until I felt I was done. Then out to the kitchen to clean the litter-box and get the trash together. Two bags AND the shit in front of the green-house to the curb… with me bent over all the while. Can’t stand up properly with-out more PAIN. But… it was a chore completed. – Back in, I checked the e-mails and received a response to my transfer of this morning, asking for a “screen shot” of the transaction. It was attached to the confirmation I received this morning and the subsequent “screen shot” I’d sent. Oh well… I have a bit of trust in OFX. They’ll find all that they need. A quick check of the balance on the DirExp card shows that the transfer to Wells is still recorded. Time alone… As for the rest of this morning? Just wasting time away for the most part, staying seated as long as possible. It’s the only position that’s relatively pain-free. – And now, I’m cold. It’s awful, this “weakness”. My body’s fighting the constant pain at all times and even though it’s not cold out there, it’s chilly and damp in this house… even with the radiator beside me. I’m just exhausted from it all. And, always fearful of taking a nap… since laying down only brings on the pain. This morning, after the 4-hour “nap”, I woke with painful legs and back. Well… I’ve got today to consider going to hospital tomorrow. We shall see how this day progresses and how the PAIN moves along. I’d like to have a lie-down right about now but the fear of pain keeps me up and awake. – The floors should be re-done today. And there’s SO much I’d like to do in the yard. But… no. I’m just going to “pamper” me today… whilst I may. If the old thing arranges to have no vehicles in my way on Friday, and weather permits, the lawn will be done again. (If she doesn’t, as I’ve told her… the lawn won’t be done again until the next time she takes responsibility for making sure that there are no vehicles about. I’m not going to “worry” over or about any of it any longer.) – Well… that said, it’s back to being “busy”… or “occupied” at the very least. I’ve got a bit of washing to do, but that’s going to wait. The washer up-stairs was running already this morning… the loo still smells of the run-off. Alas. Oh well. Fukkitall. – 19.31 What a delightfully wasted day of accomplishing almost nothing at all. I only JUST Hoovered, and went to the store for “Vanilla Yoghurt” and a bottle of tonic. Had a small scoop of the left-over “pot pie” for “meal”. Still no appetite and still a bit on the painful side, though not as bad as yesterday or the day before. Actually, back to “drop foot”. But at least I don’t feel like tearing the world apart (though a few punched faces of the “locals” would be pure delight). I did get all of the basics for the Tilden photo animations done. I’ll have to create the files and render. But the imports are complete. – Rick took the good broom up-stairs today and left it there. So? No broom. Not a prob. I’ll just Hoover from now on. None of my concern. Not my broom, not my house, not my contractor, not my statesman, not my problem. – All the garbage is gone so… – And I just might go with the little ones for a bit of a stroll round the house this evening… and then come back in and shower. I need a bit of a shave but… we shall see. – It will be an early-to-bed night tonight. Not that I expect to get any sleep. But at least the house will be wound-down. – Tomorrow, weather permitting, there will be light yard work. Perhaps the lilies. And IF possible, Friday will be mowing and hopefully no further injury to me. – There were 2 nice flats on Crgslst this evening, neither too close to the lake though. And no trucks… damn it. THAT’S the important bit. – But the money is en route to the banque and that’s a relief. – Now… I’ll have to shell out some cash for more vodka, considering it’s going on the banque. But we must do what we must do… and I must do that! – The lap-top “up-dated” this evening. I can’t wait to see what kind of bull-shit has been pulled. – Never a calm or peaceful moment. – 22.52 SHOWERED thoroughly and I simply trimmed my neck, no shave tonight, my leg couldn’t stand that long. The wash is on the rinse and all’s other-wise… other-wise. – *Note*: before showering, I sat on the toilet a while, to see if anything more would “empty” and I noticed SO MANY DARK BLUE VEINS on my left foot! REALLY NASTY! So I’m wondering: Could the pain in my left leg be “DVT”? A clot? Oh, wouldn’t THAT be marvy? If it is and it comes loose, through the heart and away I go! And you know? I wouldn’t mind at all. Between the pain in the left leg and the stiffness I’ve had in the left side of my neck… It WOULD be luverlee. BANG! GONE! DONE! Something to look forward to. – And, tonight the virus scan found something it didn’t like. Possibly associated with my Utoob down-loader. It’s in “quarantine” now and I’m leaving it there. I’ll see what it’s about sooner or later. I just have to keep my back-ups backed-up. – As I sit here, my hip seems to be better, pain-wise, but the left calf is still throbbing. Probably no trips to the ER as I’d thought. Well… maybe next time… particularly if the pain in the leg actually IS a DVT. Oh… imagine. – Just put the lights out in the parlour. Hallie is on the floor and Mimou is on the pillow on the sofa. The house is calm. (I “saged” this evening. Perhaps it helps?) – And now… as the clothes tumble in the dryer, it’s time for v-ton and tele. There’s a bag of crisps to go with. And tomorrow? Tomorrow will attend to itself. My only true concern tonight: sleep… through… restful… no waking until morning. Please…

Thu.24.May: 2.21 IT’S NOT HOW MUCH STRENGTH YOU HAVE…. IT’S HOW MUCH ANGER YOU HAVE. – 10.31 Well… I didn’t get to bed until 4.05 but got up at 8.00 to open the doors for the little ones… and went back to bed… until 9.00, when I got up to get them breakfast… and went back to bed until, well, just now. And just now, I feel like total SHIT! Yep… 2 and a half (as it were) v-tons last night/this morning. Never a good idea, especially with all the naproxen running through my veins and precious little food. The good news: my back is better. The bad news: my left calf is worse. Just looked-up the symptoms of DVT and it would appear that that’s what this is. Treatment? Blood thinners and compression socks. That’s good. No surgery. And the diagnostics? Non-invasive. Not that I have any intention of going for any diagnostics. If thinners is all they’ll give me, I’ve got a body FULL of those. And as for the compression socks, I’m wearing the ave bandage already. So… treated. I’ll just have to put up with the pain for a while. (I’ve got photos of Mimou on the lap-top as my reminder. He did, indeed, suffer… in silence. Poor little guy. And Hallie too, with that god-awful lump on her back, a couple of Summers ago. So, I can too… I’ll just plod about as best as I can.) Got head-ache and a bit of nausea this morning as well. But that’s to be expected, considering lack of food, a touch of “over-indulgence” and lack of proper rest. Oh… and “bed rest” is contra-indicated for the leg. How funny. – Anyway… here we are, another sunny day… and the house? No word from Mme. No Rick (who, for 2 days, was up-stairs, allegedly replacing windows – which hasn’t been done, as can be verified by the presence of the 3 windows still in the garage, BUT didn’t make all sorts of banging, even though he wears those heavy work-boots… UN-like the shit-bag Twats who, already at 8.30 this morning, were stomping about). None of my business. I’ve things to “occupy my time” with until…. Maybe the lawn can/will get mowed today? I won’t do that unless the Mme. of the house is in. But I see a bit of drizzle in tomorrow’s forecast and out-right rain for Saturday and Sunday. Alas… poor Mme. Her house will look like shit. I could go have at the lilies, but even there, I’d prefer the presence of the “home-owner”. Oh well… Oh well indeed. The day commenced with-out my presence or intervention. It will pass as likely. No cause for concern. – Amen. – 11.27 and 19° in the room. Out-side, even with the full sun shining, the air is chilled. And my leg? Even with the ace bandage on, the muscle goes into spasm. The back heals and now this. Yep… falling apart. – 11.44 Mme. returns. Here we go people! – 16.08
LAWN COMPLETELY MOWED. SECOND TIME. PREVIOUS MOWING WAS ALL EXCEPT THE GARDEN. THAT WAS LAST SUNDAY. SO THIS IS TWICE FOR THE MONTH OF MAY. JUST NOTING. I STARTED AT ABOUT NOON. FOUR HOURS. AND “MR. PHIL” GOT A GOOD FACE-FULL OF THE DUST. HE SAT HIS OLD ARSE ON THE BENCH AND I MOWED AS I NEEDED. NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY. I SIMPLY IGNORED THE FACT THAT HE WAS THERE. ANYWAY… IT’S DONE.
Of course, Mme. waltzes in and FIRST words out of her mouth to me “Do have a hand?” She bought more garden shit that needed to be taken out of the truck and a huge fuscia which I’ve hung on the bracket where the large bird feeder has been. Had to climb a ladder with my bum leg (the leg that cramped thrice as I mowed). Well? Mme. dear, best appreciate what you have because you don’t know what you’ve got ’til I’m gone. – She’s sacked-out on the sofa… of course. – But I got a good dose of sun-shine and the ace bandage probably helped a bit. But as I type, I can feel the muscles moving about, trying to spasm again. Never mind. Just never mind. – 21.57 SHOWERED! And did I ever NEED one, after kicking up all that dust in the yard as I mowed. Black crud in the nose and on my feet! Goo thing I got it all off before getting into bed. But again, I waited until Mme. went to bed… moments ago. But I MUST add here… she made egg salad and made me TWO sammiches this evening! So I wonder… No I don’t… she’s got a week’s travel planned for the 1st week of June and another for the 1st week of July (I happened to over-hear… CT again) and a week’s vacation the 2nd week of July. So of course… MUST be kind to the one who’ll be watching the house, minding the property and attending the little folks. What everrrr… I just need to keep focused on the truck and the flat! (There’s a cute one in Altona… I’m thinking… pondering, and one in Au Sable Forks… I’m pondering…) – But at least the shower is done and I’m off for my smoke. – My left leg is PAINFUL again tonight. The ace bandage did a little to “help” but it’s all still there… the pain. And the veins in my left foot were BLUE again when I came out of the shower. Probably DVT… but nothing to be done about it. Below the knee isn’t considered life-threatening, and treatment is blood thinners… naproxen thins for 12 hours per dose and I’m taking double doses … well… actually quadruple doses: 2T q6h when “normal” is 1T q12. Oh well. it’s fine. – Smoke and v-ton time! – 23.43 Second v-ton gulped… the WiFi went out. Third episode of “Not Going Out” had just begun. Figures. My leg is starting to ache again. Well… looks like time to try for… dare I even… sleep. FUCK!

Fri.25.May: 9.34 I was up at 9.00, almost on the dot, am dressed in filthy work clothes, have bottle-pee’ed, had coffee, 2 naprosen, vit.C, and… ace bandage on. Rick is roaming about. Honestly, I almost should have to laugh. Mme. whined about how he’s charging her by the hour, was here for 3 days and installed only one window and yet, she brings him back. So I know how they’ve all talked about me and my work. Karma, Fate, what-ever it is, it’s always been a friend to me, letting me know what goes on behind my back. – As for the night… the WiFi came back but I didn’t have the stamina to watch the last episode of “NGO”. No prob. But there was one horrific bout of leg pain, BOTH legs, at about 3.45 this morning. I woke, almost drenched in sweat. Swapped-out pillows and went back to sleep. Woke, this morning, flat on my back. The left leg is throbbing, wrapped, tightly, in the ace bandage. We shall see how this day progresses. – I’d like, ever so much, to get to Walmarde, get a new ace bandage, perhaps a heating pad, along with a few other items. But, I don’t think I should bother asking for the truck. Why? I don’t really know why it bothers me. After all… the running theme, from Lyle to Mme. seems to be “You don’t ask for help.” No, I don’t “ask” for anything, really, and yet, there’s “talk”. Truth is, as I’ve come to learn and believe to be true: Allowing the opinions of others to take such importance is to give these opinionated degenerates some degree of importance, esteem… and, factually, I KNOW they’re neither worth nor deserving of any. I SHOULD simply avail myself, request directly (since implication and innuendo don’t register with any of them). As “dear Marge” used to say: “Ask, and you have a 50/50, yes/no. Don’t ask and you have a 100 per-cent no.” Oh well… let’s see how it goes. Truth be told, I’m rather nervous about driving anyway. Should my foot cramp/spasm whilst driving… a slammed break, or a sudden acceleration. Ah… I’m falling apart. – There’s work to be done on the lilies. There’s a chance of rain during the day. There’s a grey haze to the sky. And it’s rather on the “hot” side… along with hammering and the likes. Rick’s actually doing something (perhaps only making noise). ’tis another day… Damn it. – 18.41 Well… the day is shot to Hell and wasted beyond description. I dressed in the filthy clothes, thinking I’d go weed the lilies, then saw that there was rain coming so… Mme. and Lena worked in the garden and I waited for the rain to come and go. Thought? When the rain came, they’d stop in the garden and perhaps we could run to Cowansville. Actuality? The rain never came so I wasted time in the room all fucking day. Took a couple of “naps”, the latest of which I’ve just woken from. Other than that… nothing at all. Fuck. – And now… at this hour, Mme. has awakened from her nap and… so it looks like this is going to be a “foodless” day through. I didn’t get to the store whilst she napped and I’m certainly not going to bother now. Oh well… it’s not really like I can’t skip a whole day. – AND… I’ve not taken any naprosen since this morning! Pain? A bit. But nothing that I can’t handle. Either I’ve got enough meds in my blood to take care of it or… I’m just getting used to it. Either way… we shall see what happens tonight when it’s time to sleep… not that I care any longer. – But… no rain came, the sun will set soon behind the clouds in the sky. Mme. said we might go to Cowansville together tomorrow. I’m not planning on it, to be honest. – Oh, Rick got the 3 windows in today. Imagine that. – 20.00 and it’s officially a “foodless’ day. Obviously, Mme. isn’t cooking and there’s been no offer of left-overs or the likes. Either she’s taking it for granted that I’d help myself (and she should know by now that I don’t take food unless offered or invited) or… it’s of no importance. How-ever, this afternoon, as Rick was leaving, she DID offer a beer… but I declined because, honestly, I didn’t want a beer at that time… nor now, for that matter. Oh well… There’s a tin of lentils in the “box” and a bit of oatmeal left. So… there we have it. – The rains are lightly drizzling now, at long last and they’re out for a stroll. – I just checked the iPod to add 2 tunes (one for G’s and another for the 80’s) and what a fucking mess that was. Songs mixed all over the place and iTunes asking me to agree to “share” my library… as if. Not to mention, the listing doesn’t appear correctly on the lap-top. I don’t know… more interference and bull-shit. It’s tiring. – So… for now, to “occupy the time” until it’s time to go to bed, which won’t be too late tonight… and that’s a guarantee. Even if it’s a night of “naps”. Hopefully no pain either. I’m going to try to get away with-out naprosen tonight. Let’s see how THAT works out. – Oh… Gary V. came by a few moments ago. He’s supposed to paint and repair the porch windows at some time. I’ve got my plants on the porch. I wonder if/when I’ll be advised to move them… or will it become another “Lap-top Fuck-up”? I’ll have to remain VERY AWARE. – 21.24 The house is dark and I’m in bed. Ace bandage is off and the varicose veins in my feet are UGLY! Well, here’s to hoping for a night of sleep through. I’m not hungry but I really probably should eat the oatmeal or something. Too late though. – Mimou is at the door, whining. I wonder why he didn’t go to sleep. Maybe because I wasn’t in the house all day… save for mere moments. I don’t know. But I’m not going to be too concerned about it for now. If he doesn’t go to bed soon… or by the time I go, I’ll bring him into the room, though I doubt he’ll stay. Hey… he’s got the whole house now… food and litter-box. Hopefully there’s something for him to eat in the kitchen. Mme. was asleep at 17.00… no telling if she thought to feed the little ones. I wouldn’t put it past her to “forget”. Oh well. – I’m going to get a little tele in before lights out. Should be an “interesting” night. – It’s FINALLY raining, and this day is truly “gone”… wasted… fucked.

Sat.26.May: 0.31 and so much for early night. Well, I had the rest of the oatmeal, no v-ton, not really tired, but my left leg isn’t throbbing… yet. So? Perhaps a smoke and try for a rest. Oh… Twats’ vehicle is back in the drive. Looks like no mowing… for a while… again. Mme. says she’ll be terribly busy the week-end next. Oh well anyway. – 8.07 and I woke, on my own, just before the 7.30. Why? I don’t really know… I don’t know why I got up and dressed. But I did, and I am and I’ve have my coffee and smoke, and a chat with Mme. who wants to get an “early” start to Walmarde this morning, lunch at the little resto, “Bodega” and then mass at 18.00 tonight. Hmmmm… oh well. I’ll have to try to toss a shower in because I’m dressed in filth again this morning. Ace bandage is on. The leg is (and probably will remain) painful this morning. But hopefully I’ll manage a trip through Walmarde, at the very least. (Yes, it’s drizzly, wet, having rained last night so there’ll be no “gardening”. Alas.) – 10.42 Showered. Dressed. Feeling feverish and a touch nauseaus. (And of course, the dog has to come along too. Fuck.) – 16.39 AND WE’RE BACK… WITH FLEURS! Left at about 11.00, skipped across at Frelighsburg with no trouble… and up to Walmarde where I got my Neutrogena, a pillow for between my knees at night, TWO ace bandages for about 2$ each (CHEAP), a citronella KIT again at last, a little jar of Nutella (for muchingish), and some vit.K (let’s see if it helps with anything… there’s a month’s supply). AH… Mme. how-ever, got TWO little packs of SNAPDRAGONS, bag of grass seed and some other stuff and we were off to Canadian Tire… where she got her “trim” for the little flower bed and… down to Aux 2 Clochers for duck poutine (me), a ham-cheese sammich (she), a beer each (at almost 48$CAD). And across into the US… NO TROUBLE! AVEC LES FLEURS! (Yeah, I’m quite tickled about that.) – Stopped at Rick’s place up on the Gallup Rd. Nice little house and he had a trailer across the road for rent! NOT, mind anybody, that I’d want to stay in this shit-hole, but… it might have been nice up there. Anyway… back at the “home” now, balanced the account and the day’s done… though Mme. expects me to go seed the front yard. Well? It did rain this morning, but my LEG FUCKING HURTS. SO…. we shal l see. She’s on the phone but hoping to nap before 6pm mass. I’ll be stuck with her all day tomorrow… seeding and weeding for me… to “keep busy”. – And so, it was a lovely sort of day, indeed. – (The bad part is that the amount I spent is the amount I spent. Thankfully I’m still above 5k and with the new deposit coming, 6.666,00!)

Sun.27.May:9.fucking.44 after a fucking night of left leg PAINS! Oh.. and those 2$ “ace” bandages? The clip for the one I opened is total shit. And the clips pull the fucking bandages apart! Anyway, the fucking leg is painful even now. I woke twice during the night DRENCHED IN FUCKING SWEAT! So now I know why this room stinks. And even now, I’m up, leg pain, and sweating. So… Hello Sunday! Fuck. I want to get into Enosburgh for coffee and vodka. Fuck. And that’s all I’m to say. Time to get dressed in filth and hope to salvage SOME part of this fucking day. – 10.13 OK Time to start this fucking day. – 16.44 Showered… having raked, seeded, watered the front of the house… then cleaned-out the “rose” at the corner of the front porch… then weeded (“Vermont-style”) the peonies along the front drive and putting-down mulch. I mowed the weeds that were removed from the peonies. I’d started to take them to the back where I cleaned the “compost” but decided to simply mow them. That covered from about 11.00-15.30 and then, Mme. invited me to have a beer, she gathered some lilacs in a vase and toddled off to her Pammy’s at about 16.00. I headed directly for the shower and feel quite good at the moment. After the shower, I passed the Hoover, mostly for this room but in the kitchen too. No sooner had I done, Pork-fuck in-breed came by. Stood at the kitchen door. “Is Jacqueline around?” “She’s at Pam’s.” I replied and came to the room to make-up the bed. – Today? Oh, it was quite the scene. Pork-fuck DROVE HIS TRUCK over to collect plants that Mme. had told him he could have. Pam drove HER vehicle over to collect plants as well. Ah… but I’m feeling quite well about me: I was working in the peonies, having done the lawn, as Pammy and Mme. came strolling by. Pammy yelled “Hello” and waved, and I simply waved back, continuing my work. The tread over the freshly-seeded lawn. I don’t give a shit… honestly. On their way back Pammy said “Looking beautiful for Memorial Day.” I ignored it completely. So? Between that and Pork-fucker, I’m establishing the boundaries. Go the fuck away, leave me the fuck alone, I’ve no use of or for any of you and I owe you not even the most minimal of civility… “Do unto others…” as it is. Anyway, I’d had one sip of the beer and when I thought of going to finish it, I realised that it was open, on the kitchen table, and that pork-fucker had been in the kitchen, alone. The entire can went down the toilet. I don’t trust him… to that extent. There’ll be nothing said about it… unless Mme. brings it up. No sense. It’s done. – She’s planning on a bit of work in the garden tomorrow. I’m planning on (hoping) for a run into town… coffee and vodka, to be sure. – For now? The day is all but done. Mimou needs dinner soon. I know there won’t be any here. Mme. will stuff herself with her “friends” (poor idiot… she thinks of them as her “friends”). But my “week-end” is coming. OH! What will the town do whilst she’s away? As I believe… she’ll be back from work on Thursday, said she’d be here on Friday, maybe Saturday, maybe Sunday but then off with her Maryrose for a week, come Monday. And this house will be “non-welcoming” to the town until her return. And me? I’ll be doing what-ever I damned-well want… maybe nothing, maybe something, but… – I’m tired right now and could probably go to sleep but… not yet. It’s just nice to be clean… having actually worked about the place. How sad: again, I know more about this place than the owner. Ah… but I’m just a “lodger”. Fucking in-bred morons. – 19.34 The plants are back on the porch since the rain stopped. Mme. fried the container of chicken livers that’s been in the freezer for who-knows-how-long… fried them in bacon fat, of all things (but they were good, I must admit). “Meal”. She’d obviously come back from some wine at Pammy’s. And she asked how I enjoyed the beer and I told her… the truth… if for no other reason than to drive the point in deeper: I’ve no respect for anybody in this town any longer, I don’t trust any of them at all any more, and I’ll no longer hold my tongue… so long as they mind their own business and leave me alone… as I’ve left them alone for all the years I’ve been here. – Anyway, I’ve got the heater on to take the chill and damp out of this room. The doors are closed and the place is… well… it is. Mme. is snoozing on the recliner. And me? I’m about ready to prep for bed… a nap, I’m sure. I will, no doubt, be rudely awakened shortly by PAIN! – Tomorrow I’ll have the truck for a quick trip into town. Coffee and vodka are on the list. Other than that? Nothing, really. I might try to run over to St-A… get my empties returned and 2 more full bottles (even though there’s room for only 1 more as of right now). I could use some t-shirts (for sleep and wear)… the only place available: Walmarde. Yeah, cost me a fortune but… that’s what it’s there for. – No post office or banque in the states tomorrow. So? So… And Mme. says she wants to work in the garden for a while before going to work. – Next week, she’ll leave for work on Monday and will be back on Friday… she says. So only one day more than usual. Oh well and alas. But she’s mentioned my caring for Hallie several times of late. I KNOW what the “appreciation” is. – OK. Time to wind this day down and out… for a little while anyway. The bed-things are icky because of last night’s sweat-fest but… it’s all I’ve got and I’m rather tired anyway… and I KNOW I can’t look forward to a calm night of sleep… through. – Nap time! – 22.45 I did go right to bed after that entry and… on sched… 21.34, ZING! FUCKING CRAMP, KEFT LEG! BUT… I fell back to sleep until 22.28 and here I am, heading out for a smoke to return to a v-ton and tele. FUCK THE FUCK OUT OF ME! – 23.00 In from a smoke, v-ton poured and a thought: Mark Vinci is supposed to come paint the back porch. The caulking and paint have been bought, he’s dropped by a couple of times but it’s been almost a week now. Ah, I could, very well, do the job and the materials would cost her the same. BUT… as history has proved: If I were to do the work, there’d be no payment for the labour… when Mark does it, she’ll pay him. (How-ever, she DID say, just this evening, that she was glad Rick Jones didn’t come by because she owes him for putting in the 4 windows and she can’t afford to give him any money. Imagine that. – One more note: She wants to go to Montreal for my birthday again… HER birthday is the 5th June. Gee. Well. We’ll have to figure ANOTHER dodge off MY birthday this year (I’ve managed the past 2). And she’ll be away for hers. Oh well. It’s all the way it works. (PLEASE… IF ANYBODY SEES THIS, DO NOT MAKE IT SO THAT I’M HERE FOR MY BIRTHDAY… LET ME BE DEAD, IN PEACE, IN NY!!!) – Tele time.

Mon.28.May: 1.33 Thanks for the 3-hour nap… Now… all’s back to “normal”. Time for last smoke. Let’s see… I should be awake again, in PAIN, by… 3.00.- 8.26 woke at 8.18! - 9.30 I can't believe that I actually slept through the night last night... and no bandage on my leg, and with a pillow for my knees. Yes, I managed a full night of sleep. What worries me is that I slept through the 7.00 alarm. Either that or, I turned it off. Oh well. What-ever. And it's a chilly, grey morning. - Chatted with Mme. this morning and decided that I'm not going to take a run for vodka, coffee and the likes. I mean, I've got 4 jars of coffee and enough vodka for the week. T-shirts is the only other thing I can think of that I need, as it were. But FS come in at the end of this week and I can get more coffee with that... if I wait. So, I'll wait. There's still more weeding in the lilies that can keep me “occupied”. And there's the “parade” coming through. O JOY! (Fuck.) The entire town will be closed-off from about 10-12.00. Mme. has a 15.00 appointment today so she'll be leaving early. MY “week-end” will commence then. And as I say, there's enough coffee and vodka and smokes to last through. I'm fine. - I had a dream last night... something about not trusting people. I can't recall what it was or who was in it. Either that or it's just a memory of one of the episodes of “Not Going Out”. I really can't recall. - And so, I'll change out of “clean” clothing and into the dirty, and get me together and out the door. Have to check the weather. It feels and looks like rain to come. Last night the forecast was for sun and a chance of light rain. But right now, it feels more like just rain (or snow... tee-hee). - But I still can't believe that I actually slept, pain-free, through all those hours. I'm certainly NOT thinking that the pain is about to go. Especially considering that, last night, before I went to sleep (sleep), I noticed that I had to ankles on the left foot. Hey, maybe there's more “wrong” that I'm giving credit for. Oh well... I'm in the frame of mind where being dead is still better than being here. “If I should die before I wake”... who the fuck really gives a shit? - Amen. - 19.25 Mme. left at about 16.00 (after lying about having an appointment at 15.00… typical). I was talking with “Amanda” (I believe) next door and her hubby. So, Mme. gone, my work for the next few days is DONE! I finished weeding the far end of the lilies today, then got a fucking little note of “permission” to mow. Yes, I told her: “When you get permission to have the lawn mowed, I’ll mow up the weeds. Other-wise, they’ll be there until you get back.” “Permission from who?” she asked. “Your boss, up-stairs.” I replied. She jotted a note which I put into plastic to keep with me. And off I went… mowing weeds, moving rocks (a-fucking-gain), and the “daffodils” got mowed too. Is it a great job? Nope. Do I give a shit? Nope. Anyway… I then put the petunias in the pots out front and watered the new seed. When done, Mme. had finished digging up 2 box-alders from the garden and she was all whiney about how difficult they were. Yeah, well… tough shit. She told me to chat with the new neighbours, and so I did… and did I ever! They got the basics of the Gliddens (“I’ve heard nice things about Lyle.” said the husband.), Bob apparently screwed them round and about calling the shit in the barn “antiques”. They can’t get full insurance on the house because of shit they didn’t know and that Gordon lied to them about. And I told them about those two… and some of the other folks in town. They’ve already been struck by Pork-sucker and the Mrs. So? My work is… well… the seeds are planted. – Now… I come into the house to… THE FUCKING SIMMER FLAME ON ON THE FUCKING STOVE AND A WAD OF PAPER TOWELS BESIDE IT! (21.26 have had my franks and ice cream, waiting for “One Strange Rock” and then… SHOWER-TIME!) And so anyway… yeah, so there was the fire on the stove and the paper towels! Thankfully, no fire in the house BUT… I sent a text message to Mme. pointing it out “in case somebody reported smoke in the house”. She NEEDS to be SLAPPED into the reality that she’s actually NOT fit to be in this house alone. It’s not the first time she’s left the fire on. And she whines about paying propane. Not to mention… one day she WILL set fire to this place! Irresponsible, self-absorbed… the lot. And so, I got to cleaning the stove, the dishes in the sink, Hoovering the floors and mopping. Then, a quick trip to the store (primarily because there are NO “left-overs” to be eaten in the place) to clean the FS card to empty, except for a few cents. Ice cream, rolls, a package of franks (for me), a bottle of tonic and a bag of crisps (for tonight, if I can stay awake long enough… which looks doubtful because I’m exhausted even as I type). Back to the house to cook 4 franks, 3 rolls and various condiments, followed by “orange-vanilla” ice cream. The ice cream case was empty, save MANY containers of “cherry vanilla”. Honestly, that store stock shit that nobody wants. It’s always been that way. A chat with Deb on the state of affairs of the youngsters and such and back to the house to eat. – We all took the 8pm stroll where I got to look at my “work” on the lilies. One can see the lilies now… but there’s a lot of “clean-up” work to be done on them. (I’d love to do the work, but I just don’t have the interest any longer… after years of the abuse of doing the work only to have it fucked up… and the “owner” of this shit-heap vying against me.) Walk done, back in. Bed linens and jammies are clean. Just clothes to be done now… after the shower. – And now, the doors are closed, the night is comfortable but in this house it’s cold. I’ve got the radiator on again. Tough shit for all. – Up-stairs, something’s been vibrating on the ceiling above my head in the parlour. Trash… White trash. – Still no reply from Mme. about the fire. Well… at least it’s been “documented”. – 23.52 SHOWERED! SCRUBBED! Clothes in on “Extra Heavy” dirt. And I’m feeling OK. Especially with the ace bandage off my leg for a while. We shall see how this works out. It hurts, there’s a bit of red and a purple splotch on the shin. But at least it’s not the “I want to vomit” degree of pain. And so… the tonic is beside the lap-top and it’s “V-TON TIME”! Good-bye Monday!

Tue.29.May: 2.26 and… LIGHTS OUT! – 8.55 critters are out and fed. Recycling is at the curb. And me? I THINK I slept through the night. I don’t want to be awake right now, but I THINK I slept through the night. And with-out the bandage, apparently… because it was all un-done under the sheet this morning. The leg is still sore. But I managed this morning’s “about” with-out. Oh… maybe one of these days I’ll be “normal” again. – It’s forecast to be a hot one today. There are remnant clouds from last night’s weather, but the sun is brutally hot already. It would be a lovely day to simply lounge in the sun-shine (or work on the lily bed… NOT!). But I’m not planning on much of anything at all… really. I just don’t want to be bothered. And so… there we have it. Another day begins. Fuck me. – 16.41 WELL! As days go… this one certainly did. (Dare I say it? No bandage and no pain on the leg. I’m scared now… quite shitless. There’s something lurking… and it’ll probably smash me to bits tonight.) – On my “stupid and probably un-necessary list of things I wanted to do but didn’t: Trim my finger-claws, empty the butts for “re-smoke”, get the machete from the barn and clean it up… and ALL of them are DONE! The equivalent of 7 jars of re-smoke! The little bag I’d started to fill is now all but completely full. Yes, rolling papers and not a worry about having a smoke. And the machete is now bed-side in waiting. The next thing was to get the litter box cleaned and garbage ready for tomorrow morning. Done and done. The littler box wasn’t all too bad because Mimou is no using the little flower bed… the St. Tony and The Kid flower bed. Which reminds: the snapdragons that have been crushed… Hallie. She’s been EATING the “ProBooster” fertiliser I’d put in there. Stupid dog. But, oh well, it’s as I said when Mme. told me she and her Pammy had started walking on the new grass seed out front: What grows will grow and what doesn’t won’t. I don’t care. – But all said, I’m quite rather impressed, considering I was considering going back to bed this morning and here it is… almost time to fry the franks and feet the little folks. This day passed quite quickly. No complaints. I’m glad for it. Tomorrow? Pull the trash and done. (Damned shame: today would have been a delightful day to mow a lawn that could use a “trim”. Oh well again, and alas again. Fuck it.) – 21.35 Walk taken. Roseanne has been cancelled because she voiced the opinions of the rest of us (which, in America, these days, is a crime… unless it’s Liberetation). So it’s to be an “early” night… or what-ever. – (PS: An entire day with-out a bandage on my leg… thus far.)

Wed.30.May: 1.30 good morning and good night (I hope). – 8.58 With the exception of some sort of “BED-CHECK!” in the middle of the night, when Mimou came into the room, whining, I DID manage a night-through of sleep. And woke, briefly, just before the 8.00 alarm, heard it, turned it off and dozed until… moments ago. And now, the morning chores are done: breakfast and trash. The sun is shining. Another spiffy day for mowing… fucked. But I’m not concerned. (One thing though: I forgot to put grass seed on the South lawn. Not, mind, that it’ll grow over there but… I figure I’ll mow – hahahah – and then seed.) – Feeling quite like shit this morning. Can’t say why. Slept with the bandage on the leg, not too tightly, and woke to the old throbbing. Well… we don’t have tomorrow… nor today… but we had yesterdayayayay. What-the-fuck-ever. – And, well, imagine this: One more day left of May and in comes June… Half the fucking year is fucking gone already… not to mention… the days will start getting shorter again. AND… on the 26th… FIVE FUCKING YEARS IN THIS SHIT-HOLE TOWN! FIVE FUCKING YEARS! (That’s usually my “cycle” so maybe… just MAYBE… THIS is the year I get OUT of here! I can only hope.) – As for today’s agenda? Perhaps some working in the back yard… the hollyhocks or in front of the barn. Nothing on the street and certainly nothing round the Twat-mobile. The place looks a bit “neglected”, but… there’s nothing to be done about that. – A note to me though: The place smells of tobacco! The room, the porch. I can’t get the odour out. And all because of the re-smoke yesterday. Oh well. Oh my. On with the day. – 11.36 And we’re off and out the door to work… “work”… on the little flower-beds in the back-yard… mostly because I do believe I NEED the sun-shine. If not for that… I wouldn’t bother. – 22.31 And THIS day is a WRAP! Showered and STUFFED! Almost 3/4lb pasta with “pizza sauce” and cheese. I cooked the angel hair, then fried it in the skillet with the sauce, covered it all in cheese and melted in the nuker. FILLING! Indeed! AND an entire container of ice cream through the evening. Imagine THAT! – As for the day: Well… at 11.36 I was out the door and by about 14.45 I was back in. I completely cleaned the little hollyhocks “garden” and moved (rolled) a large stone from the yard into the centre of it. It’ll be a pain in somebody’s arse some day. But for now, it’s there. And I cleaned-up the “lilies” at the barn as well. The weeds and grasses are on the lawn, waiting to be mowed… when-ever. But it was a nice, full afternoon in the sun… and WITH-OUT A BANDAGE ON MY LEG! (I might put it on for the night though… just to be on the “safe” side. We shall see. – When I came in, I got the little window fan from the white room, cleaned it and put wire on either end… loops… there are hooks on the door frame to the porch and it hangs rather nicely there. So, if the Twats’ dog doesn’t shit-up the area out-side the porch window, I’ve got a fan… SINCE I CAN’T OPEN THE FUCKING WINDOW IN THIS ROOM FOR THE ROTTING GARBAGE RIGHT OUT-SIDE IT. It’s on now, circulating the air in here. Perhaps tonight, I’ll have it blow into the room. The angle is perfect… to the bed. – Shaved and trimmed my beard before showering tonight. – But just to remind me that I’m “me”, my back teeth on the left are sore. I’ve made another bite-guard and tomorrow I’ll put some “filling” into them. Hopefully there won’t be a night of pain tonight… Of course, no pain, not me. – Mme. sent word: she’s got an “appointment” tomorrow after work and such, will be back “later afternoon”. What-ever. At least I won’t have to jump to get the floors together. And I won’t be doing any work either. – Oh… had to use my banque card for tonight’s “meal”. I was going to order pizza, but… In the exchange, it cost me just over 4$ from US to CAD. But I HAD to eat SOMETHING (not as much as I did, but…) – And so, the wash is in the washer and I’m off to turn off the TV and lights. – All said, it was a productive day, as if it means anything to anybody round here. But the most important point is that I got sun. That’s probably a part of all of my aches and such: VitD and the likes. Oh well. – Now, I set my sights on Friday… coffee, vodka and such things as. Perhaps some sorely needed new t-shirts as well. We shall see. Indeed… we shall see. – For now, pondering a v-ton and tele. I’m on the last bottle of vodka again. It hasn’t been opened yet but still… it’s the thought of being on the “last bottle”. Imagine that, I’m concerned about vodka. Well, it HAS made shit round here more tolerable. (I should have it for breakfast as well.)

Thu.31.May: Michael would be 26 today. Imagine that. 4 years short of 30! Time… Why am I still breathing? – 8.43 and truly… TRULY a morning where I wish I hadn’t woke. A night of sweating, teeth throbbing, leg throbbing, and everything in the washer already this morning… drooling. Woke with stomach cramps and a run to the loo. Too much pasta and ice cream last evening. Acrid bm. And I look as if I’d spent the night in the Sahara… dehydrated. I’d re-set an alarm for 9.00 but… never mind that. I’m up… little ones are fed and out, I’ve had coffee and smoke, and I’m dressed. The sun is shining and the temperatures are already in the 20s. My fingers are swolen. Welcome to “Summer”. Comfy enough to simply put on a shirt, trousers and flip-flops… and hot enough to cause all the aches that come with over-heated. (And even as I type this, the guts are churning. It’s almost as if… the stress…) Anyway, the day has commenced. I’ll just have to shake this all off… but for now… BACK TO THE LOO! – At some point, I’ll have to fill those teeth. I just want to make certain that there’s nothing stuck in there or… the pain will be worse. – 11.49 I’m giving up and giving in… and trying to dodge the tooth pain. Off to weed what’s left of the “berry bushes” in the back yard. I need the distraction. – 17.31 Well… the “berry bushes” in the yard got weeded nicely (not great but enough). The area in front of the green-house? The tree got cut down and the stump from the pole got hatcheted down below ground level. The area behind that little “flower bed” of St.T. got cleaned AND the fucking plants in the green-house got watered. And Mme. rolled in at about 15.00 and noticed… nothing. In fact, she proceeded to water the plants on the table in front of the green-house… AGAIN! Yep. – Just before she rolled in, some old broad came by. “Did your father die a couple of years ago?” (Cecil… the fucking idiot bitch.) “My father died some years ago but I assure you, he had nothing to do with Vermont”. said I. She wanted to know where they got the ducks they had. When I told her that I didn’t know:” Well, you’re quite worthless.” Imagine THAT! She got informed that with-out me, this house wouldn’t be here and she got told about the threats of the Twat. I told her to come back when Jacquie was in. She left. Imagine that. ANOTHER ONE! These retards are never-ending. – And so… I took a break, had a rye-ginger and Mme. crashed out on the recliner. Of course she did. I went out and put grass seed on the South lawn and raked the stone under the benches and now? I’m through. Time for a shower… and get ready to bed. I’ve had enough already. – Oh… tomorrow? I wanted to get to my food, coffee, vodka and t-shirts. Nope. Suddenly, there are plans for the entire day. Oh yes? Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Imagine that. She’s off on Monday… “vacation”. So? Me? I get the fuck. BUT… SHE gets one in return because the lawn won’t be mowed now for at least another week. So? So. There we have it. – Right now I need a shower and since there’s nothing to eat (thankfully I stuffed me yesterday)… probably ready for bed. Enough is enough. – Meanwhile, my teeth won’t close properly so I don’t want to put the fillings in yet. Maybe tomorrow… since I’ll have nothing else to do. I just don’t have any care or fucks or shits to give on the matter. – 21.05 Poor Mme., no TV so she’s in the loo prepping to go to bed. Me? I had a little bit of the left-over cheese from last night’s smorgasbord (as it were), and a tea-spoon of Nutella. There’s a bag of crisps if I decide (and I probably will) to have a v-ton before bed. – HEY! I was offered a FAN for the room! AND… I was offered the shower! BUT… when she went for her walk with the little ones, I took my shower… and discovered: I’m sun-burned on arms and neck! Officially “Redneck” tonight. – Thankfully, the night has cooled a bit so sleeping might be pleasant… if there’s no leg pains. – But eating? Well, it just goes to show: there’s no concern about that… even to me getting to the market tomorrow. Oh well. Karma will handle it all. She’ll be on the road from Monday through Friday. Good luck with that. – So, I’m ready to climb onto the bed… with freshly cleaned linens, in my freshly cleaned jammies which I did this morning. Very nice indeed. – Now, if only my teeth would re-align so I could tend to them. But I won’t ask for miracles. – I’m actually tired right now. Hopefully tired enough to have a drink, an episode (or 2) of tele and a night of sleeping through. I did a lot of work round this shit-hole today. Too bad I can’t mow the lawn. But… it’s looked worse. And if it gets too bad, she can pay Curtis the 35$. I don’t give a shit. – HOLY FUCK! TOMORROW IS JUNE ALREADY! I NEED TO GET A DAMNED TRUCK AND A FLAT AWAY FROM HERE!