Sat.01.June: 0.13 And... I've gotten all of May posted to the “sites” and now, for a bit, time to get some music onto G's Minds channel. Then? Off to (I HOPE)... sleep. - June... Mum's birthday... and I noticed, oddly, that I went to New Russia to look at the place on 17 May. MAMA? HELP! PLEASE!? Let all go well. I DO want to move out of and away from here, can't take more of this abuse and bull-shit, and it's in the Adirondacks! PLEASE? - And then too... the truck... on the 25th it'll be a year. I can't believe it. A year already. (And it still needs work but... it's rolling and I'm please and happy with it.) - Moving along... here's to June. - 2.47 INCREDIBLE! I managed to post 10 more tunes to the channel, add them to the list on the site, posted a “comment WITH image” on the Voy. Times are rollin'. - I've had my vinegar, taken a Robax AND naproxen (because my back is “tight”). - Weather for today is expected to be “civil” but RAIN tonight through Sunday! (I'm just hoping that the old woman's truck will be ready to roll away on Monday... she's got delusions of travel... and I do NOT want to put all the mileage on MY truck... unless, of course, I'm off to “home” to leave a “deposit”). - Anyway... time to try for a nap. I'm really not all that tired right now. I WAS, at about 19.30 (last night)... Friday... but HAD to WAIT (again!) for time to get to the shower. Well? Here's to trying. It's been a good evenight. - 10.17 The clothes are in the washer, the “morning routine” is done. She toddled out about maybe 30 minutes ago... I stayed in bed until 10.00.... having slept through the night with one exception... to pee, at some point in time! YAY! About 7 hours of SLEEP! Enough? No, but then... I could probably sleep for 24 hours and it wouldn't be enough. - Here's a laugh: As I was getting up and about, the phone rang. In my “stage whisper” I said to me: “Oh hi Jacquie....” and... SURE ENOUGH! IT WAS! “Just checking...” Right. Aren't you the kind one. To think... Pammie worked in some kind of “Crisis Rehab” for years (with nuns, Catholic... figures... typical) and Davie worked as maintenance, for the same shit-group Jacquie did. Nice people. SO VERY KIND, COMPASSIONATE AND UNDERSTANDING. Yep... Oh well. At least she (HLS) is aware of what was said. Let's see if there isn't a “turn around”, a bit of “theatrics” of “compassion”, if for no other reason than to “make a liar” out of the “out-sider”. (Even THAT would be a plus... as far as I'm concerned.) - Oh... I should add something here: This morning, before going to bed, I did a bit of a check on Shit-Bag Cooper... mostly to find his phone number and the block it on the house-phone, if possible. WELL! Some-how it's listed, on “Dun and Broadstreet” as being a BUSINESS! “Landscaping”! To LOL! Perhaps it's pissed because it wants to take THIS property over, at profit? “Value/Income”: 150.000USD and TWO employees! Well... let's see how we can ... WHAT we can do with that. Things will roll... and “kindness” will be returned. That's the way love goes. - Now, I'm just hoping for enough time to get my clothes dry here and dressed before the “return”. (And, of course, there was wet wash in the machine... so that'll have to be re-run... or something.) - ON WITH THE DAY! Or... what-ever. - 10.28 Clothes in the dryer! YAY! - Oh and... grey skies... and nothing much on my “agenda”... no “work” to speak of. Fine! -

***** 10.50 TRUCK REGISTRATION PAID!!! ON-LINE! RECEIPT AND CONFIRMATION ON THE ACCOUNT!!! 76USD!!! NOT BAD!!! AND WHAT A RELIEF TO HAVE HAD THE MONEY AT THE TIME WHEN NEEDED AND NOW... NO NEED TO THINK ABOUT IT!!! PAID!!! REGISTERED!!! INSURED!!! LEGAL ME!!! *****

Now there's the reason I woke up this morning. I have to grab copies of the receipt/temp reg. and PRINT! YAY! - 11.05 AND THE REGISTRATION IS PRINTED, FOLDED, FILED! The clothes finished the first round of dryer. (I should go have a nap!) - 22.40 The place is freezing! She rolled in at about 20.30, went to the yard with Hallie and Minou, came back in... went directly for the recliner. Just headed to bed about 15 minutes ago. Me? I had an hours' nap at about 16.00, got the little ones their dinner and have been on Minds (G's) all evening. I don't care either. Having a bit of roll dipped in that “peanut butter”... it's the third of the kind... “meal”. - Thankfully, I have the radiator here though, other-wise, this place would be IMPOSSIBLE! (Yeah... I'm going to ring Alden on Monday... now that my “bills” are paid... see if I can't get away with a “binder” of a month's rent. I'll hope it can be done. I'm in no rush to get there... I mean, if he's worried about the condition of the place. But it would do my heart MUCH GREATNESS to know I have a “HOME” to go to...) - 24.47 (I refuse to give in to 02 June!) Well... more time wasted on soc.med. (Woodhualer) and the place is quiet. I'd REALLY like a drink (and will, most likely, HAVE to get another bottle of vodka since... well... she's not going to be going away any more!). - Tired? A little but nothing serious enough for even a lie-down. Oh, the doom of it all. Oh well... - At least I got the registration paid during the day. Insurance, registration, inspection... all legal. How charming. It was, I suppose, a great day. - It's raining... shame I didn't get some knot-weed or “J'em artichokes” in during the day. Perhaps tomorrow?

Sun.02.June: 1.53 NOT good BUT thankfully, she'll be off to church by about 9.30. (Jes will be taking her there on his way to “the gym”... He says that if he doesn't do his “work-outs” he gets light-headed and dizzy... sounds familiar... goodness knows... good thing I have work to do... which he does as well but...) I've NO idea how she's getting back. She never mentioned, I never asked. I suppose I'll be asked... last minute. - Still checking for telephone/Internet service in New Russia. Doesn't look too promising. Satellite appears the way to go but I don't want that “dish” on the building. I guess I could ask the PO, since they're in the same house... Probably the best. TV? Probably not. I doubt I'd miss it, really, since I've gone so many years with-out anyway and I get my “prgrammes” and news on-line. We shall see. - Have had my vinegar/water. Measured this time. The “recommendation” is 20ml... I've been at 70! Almost ,25 cup! Oh my! Oh well. If it works to keep the legs fine... so be it. - Anyway... one more smoke and to bed. Nothing on the agenda for the day but... I'm SURE SOMETHING will come up (to piss the day). - 10.00 and the 8.00 alarm sounded and again, as always, I “dozed”, thinking it mere moments when... I heard a bit of a “thump” in the house, and then... silence. I laid on the bed, so comfortable, not wanting to get up, waiting for a knock on the door (and “Could you take me to church?”) but it never came. So... 9.40... I got up, coffee, pee, dressed, smoke and when I came in, opened the door to the room and... THERE... Hallie and Minou at the door... and nobody else. Note on the kitchen table: “I have gone to church. Will be back early afternoon.” OK. Well... at least her “friends” are pitching in a bit. About time “the village helped”... (raise the child). So I'm just waiting for the morning “BM”... for what-ever that's to be, considering yesterday's intake was nothing but peanut butter and rolls... 3, to be exact. But apparently, it was sufficient because I feel rather “OK” this morning. - As for this morning... 17°, cloudy, and “storms” in the forecast. We shall see. - Oddly, I woke this morning, thinking of New Russia, and the little attic window that needs replacing. Going to sleep, I was, again, working the “architectural logistics” of the “kitchen”. Hey, it gives me peace of mind to do so. I'm “seeing” me in the place. It's said that that's how it's done. We shall see... when tomorrow comes and I put in the call to send some cash. PLEASE? MAMA? PLEASE? At this point, I'll send money, even if I'm stuck here for a while... pay “rent” as we go along... just to be able to know “I've a HOME”... with rooms I can wander, not locked in this 10x14ft, 1 window, 1 door, dark hole in the back corner of the place. I SO NEED THAT! - Looking for a banque, telephone, Internet helps too, I must say. The distractions and diversions are a blessing. - And now... let's see what I can do to fill the day. Tomorrow is going to be... I'M HOPING HER TRUCK WILL BE READY TO ROLL BY THE MORNING (OR LATE MORNING/EARLY AFTER-NOON, LATEST)! She's got all sorts of “plans” that require travel to BTV... and I just don't want the mileage on my truck. I've 100mi. to travel... to get “Home”. - OK. Fine... move along. What will be... will be. - 12.26 and in she rolls... the house is cold, the rain is falling out-side, she comments on the cold in the house and says “I turned the furnace off. It's June.” I reply that I was raised to think of it as: the month has nothing to do with the temperature, if it's June and it's cold, one has nothing to do with the other. (I'm fucking fed-up with the ignorance and stupidity. Say you're saving the oil and stop being a fucking moron.) - Anyway, indeed, it's colder IN-side than out, but OUT-side it's drizzling. And she managed to make it to Jesus and back. OH PLEASE DEAR GODS AND FATE... LET THE MESSAGE COME EARLY TOMORROW MORNING THAT HER TRUCK IS READY TO ROLL! There's not much more my mind and soul can handle. This is mimicking the morons of the Shelter days! - 16.21 Back from a run... RUN... to get a small bottle of v, then to Hannaford's for franks and rolls (coffee and V8)... “meal”... Drove by “Stix'n'Stuff”... closed... Christians. And I get back, mention (because she was at the kitchen door), getting coffee. “Why didn't you do that when we were out?” Well... because of food stamps and... no doubt... because YOU DON'T like that I'm using the gas YOU paid. Am I right? (No, I didn't say, but...) - And so... she's in the green-house and I'm about to have cold franks on “rolls” with V8... Fuck. - 20.39 and sadly, what was supposed to have been a 30-minute nap rolled into an HOUR! Now... let's see IF I can get to sleep at a civil hour tonight. - Just in from a smoke. And (20.55) I hear the kitchen door closing. I hope the cat's in the house. Anyway, I HEAR THE FROGS TRILLING OFF IN THE BROOK! GOOD NEWS! THE BROOK'S CLEAN ENOUGH TO SUPPORT LIFE! Bad news... the “Summer” has arrived. - Oh well... so much for that. - Earlier, at about 16.30, I did have 4 franks on 3 rolls, V8 and apple turn-over. So I've had “meal”, for all it's worth. Ah, how I laid in bed, moments ago and thought: Gee... I've kept to this little room, there's been no place in the fridge for me to put “my” food; I've kept my toiletries in the room, no place to put them in the loo; no dishes or cooking utensils in the kitchen; there's been no indication of my presence in the house-proper. The only indication has been a vehicle in the yard, and even THAT'S been out of the way... NOT in nor near the drive. Imagine that. Yep. And for the longest of the while of my presence, I haven't eaten “her” food. Never mind the receipts I've kept from when I was getting more for FS and when we'd go shopping, out of 100USD or more, only but about about 10-20 was anything *I* wanted. Well then... that said... It looks more and more like I'll do rather OK on my own... Now, just to get a place where I can BE “on my own”... (Hopefully tomorrow will bring me closer to that point.) - “Tomorrow”... she'd mentioned something about going to the job to collect her things, she wants to go to soc.sec. or something. I just HOPE she doesn't plan on being driven about. It's not that I don't want to... though I don't... it's more that I don't want the wear and tear on the truck! I've got 100mi. to get “home”! Well... I'd asked earlier today if she'd heard from the mechanic and she said she'll ring him tomorrow, in the after-noon. We'll see how that turns out. - Right now, I've a feeling she's heading for bed (21.03). - I've been working on “lists” for the music postings to G's Minds... I've got about 5, so that covers 5 weeks, Fridays. There's MORE I'd like to post along the way, mostly from the iPod. So I can work on that ... or not. -

Back to soc.med. Maybe a drink. I've got a tooth-ache... lower right again. Figures. - 22.16 Minou's just gone out into the house. Let's see how it all rolls. (He's used to sleeping in the qunt's room... he deserves HIS comfort! SHE deserves NONE! I REALLY have to look into finding a suitable home for him. I could take him with me, but he'd have to be confined to in-doors... being on Rte.9 and all. And that's not fair. It's like Noel... all over again. Fuck me!) - 24.41 Not letting this day go... Had last smoke and the vinegar. Minou left and hasn't returned to the room, but HE'S IN THE HOUSE! - I did some soc.med. and then look-up for cedar clapboard... CAN'T FIND THE FUCKING CLAPBOARD ANY-WHERE! I've NO idea where that package in the barn came from but at any rate, it runs, where I saw, over 100USD/25sq.ft. so *I'M NOT* forking out THAT much for *HER* barn! I'll make due with what's there and that's that. Fuck this! - Tooth still aching but... I don't want to start filling now... might check with the dentist to see what can be done about the situation. I don't know for certain. There's the truck... the HOME... and neither of them here. - Not really tired... a little hungry but not “enough” to start digging into crisps. No “beverage” tonight either. That's more fun on the week-end with soc.med. - Anyway... time to wrap this up... Hopefully BED AND SLEEP by 1.00.

Mon.03.Jun: 8.17 Up... at 8.00 exactly, coffee, pee (bottle), dressed, out for a smoke. Minou on the porch and the kitchen door flies open.. Ms. Hallie come to “kiss” good-morning. She's limping a touch. Hmmmm... And... the door closes. There. The morning is officially “open”. So I have my smoke, in the cool breeze, and all 3 of us come in via the little room. I've managed to clean the clench-guard. “Morning”. It's going to be like this... and I'm dreading it. - Feeling? Well... not great, not bad. Was better in bed of course. Oh well. “Typical”. Plans? At some point I'll have to haul her to Richford. Don't know much about the rest. Hoping to be able to get in touch with Alden. Yes, indeed... “Send Money Stop”. PLEASE!!! that it goes well. And as the week rolls, we'll see how laundry and showering work through. We'll see. No sense getting all anxious about it now. - Well, well... well... to see how to “fill the day” ahead. There's really nothing needing to be done. Oddly, the only item left on my “List” is the roof leak. There's a bit of clapboarding to be done on the barn as well. But other than that... I'm “up to date” with it all... ALL... - I'd LIKE, EVER SO MUCH, to find an accessible stand of knot-weed, grab some and put it along the back fence. I'll have to ponder and plan that. There's some at the bridge on the Square Rd. behind the church. Just have to figure access. Maybe there might be some at the “Green Bunion” residence? I might go up there to have a look. Meanwhile... thinking. There's GOT to be SOME... Accessibility is the key. Just have to ponder. - Now... to begin the day... with... what-ever. - 15.51 WOW! THIS day went by! AND... I'm just back from driving Ms. Hoozy to fetch HER truck! THANK YOU!!! I stopped at “Dollar General”, Richford, of course, to get “shampoo” for MY truck, **SNAX*** for Minou, and “sugar for later”. Came back via the Middle Road, looking for knot-weed and, oddly enough, the easiest stand? Rachel's! So, when I see her at the PO, I'll simply ask to pull some. - The morning though...

PAM RANG Mme. TO SUGGEST SOME SORT OF SOMETHING FOR THE BIRTHDAY! AND NEVER MENTIONED THAT I'D TALKED TO THEM. IN OTHER WORDS, PASSING AS THE “CONCERNED FRIEND”! FUCKING BACK-STABBING HYPOCRITE! Well... Mme. here heard my opinion and... it's done. Makes no difference, I'm sure. FUKKIT!

And... FINALLY got Mme. to register with “chomage”. Told her what I could, what I recommend (make a list of potential employers, make an appointment at CIBC...)... she's back on the recliner claiming she got “all the chores for the day” done. Yeah... well, she's aware that if she chooses to ignore my assistance, the assistance will stop. No probs. no more. - Fine. NAP? Yep... I've got one coming. Then “meal”... at this rate. I truly can't believe the day passed so quickly! Oh well, indeed. - Now... HOPEFULLY she'll be in BTV tomorrow retrieving her “shit” from the job... and I can RING ALDEN IN PEACE! (And take a shower, make a wash, clean the house... or something.) - 19.43 4 more franks and 3 more rolls gone. The V8 is finished. And too, the cookies gotten at Dollar General... all at about 17.30... right after my 45-minute nap which didn't do much good because I could just about get into bed now for the night but don't dare until I can be certain Minou is in the house. Ah... but I almost forgot to mention... when I got back from my little “jaunt” to Dollar General after the fetching of the truck... THE FURNACE WAS RUNNING! Well... the temperature now is only about 8° an not much cooler than it's been all day. Matter of fact, the radiator's been on all day (at a quarter up but still) and it's quite warm in the room .... where I've been watching “Was It Something I Said”, hosted by David Mitchel... all evening. - 21.32 and believe it or not... in jammies... getting ready to go to bed! Tired. And not in the mood for “beverage”, snax or soc.med. Just tired. So? May as well go to bed. Stiffness in the neck and such could play into it. But what-ever it is... may as well try for some sleep. (Watch... I get into bed and wake up... as usual.) What-ever. - Tomorrow, at least for a few hours, she'll be on the road, I'll be able to wash... clothes, linens, me. That'll be nice. And then, next week... she'll be on the road for at least a few days. More washing and perhaps an evening to enjoy “beverages”. - Still trying to “budget” for the new place and that too, it playing on the fatigue... the “not being certain”. And it's going to be “tight” with the money too. But better to have a place and tighten the belt than to know, for certain, I'll be trapped here for eternity. We shall see. I can ring Alden tomorrow... when I've the place to do so. - Cold again tonight. And tomorrow, from what I see. There's really not HOT coming in the foreseeable 14 days ahead. Summer will be brief this year... if at all. (I'd like to pass it in the Adirondacks... please.) - Well... off to getting the “finals of the day” done... vinegar and such. Hopefully... a sleep through the night and a brilliant tomorrow... yeah... right... hopefully. (And I believe she's still in the parlour. None of my concern.)

Tue.04.Jun: 0.25 Well... THAT obviously didn't work well... but now? After all the soc.med, I hear the furnace up again and it's time for the “final rinse” of water and off to the bed! NAP-TIME! At last! - 8.03 and in from a smoke and Mme. at table on the phone. Slept right through the entire night. HOORAY! And dozed after the 7.00, got up and out of bed at 7.51. Pee, coffee, dressed and... - The sun is shining, the air is cool, the grass is wet, the day has commenced and I know it because the arthritis in the neck serves to remind. Ah... and now? TO figure what to do with this day, and face the mysteries that are... WTF will she be doing to waste the time that she SHOULD be using to get her-self prepped for what's to come. But as I said, clearly, yesterday: I am here to help until the help is either rejected, deflected or simply ignored. - And with that? Tuesday. - 14.30 On the nose. - Well.. she's on the road and it's been quite the day. This morning rolled slowly at first, but Rachel was at the PO so I toddled over to ask about getting the knot-weed from her culvert and... YES! So I should be going over at some point this after-noon. SPIFFY! The fence-line! Came back to diddle about a bit on-line and for some reason, did a “vanity search” to find... on “mylife”... OUTSTANDING LIENS! WELL! I WONDERED! So I invested the dollar (from the “Gift Card”) to find that records indicate out-standing liens for about THREE GRAND... WALTER! “Sunbyrd”. BUT... for MONTHS AFTER I'D LEFT!!! SOME-HOW, THERE ARE COURT ORDERS TO COLLECT RENT AFTER I'D MOVED OUT! HEY! WTF? Well... good to know and I put a note on the “mylife” shit-site to the effect that “he was gone” when the charges were filed. I'll have to do a bit of work on that, so it seems. AND... for schitzengiggles, I looked-up Mme... Nothing untoward except a “I wouldn't be her friend” posted in January of THIS year! Yes, I told her about it. Now... it could be Stanhope, or shit-bag Cooper, but... what-ever. She's not concerned and neither am I. Let it be. As it were. - NEXT on the agenda... I toddled back to the PO with the “Gift Card” and... bought a money order for the 47USD on the card! The card is gone, the money order is mine... now I can either wait and cash it at the PO or deposit... deposit is more likely. GOOD! Money back in MY hands. - Meanwhile, just tried to ring Alden... no answer. IF at all POSSIBLE... I'd LIKE to get some money to him! Just as a “binder” of sorts... something to make it so that *I* have SOME peace of mind. OK. Oh well... Mme. is off to BTV to collect her “personals” from “Howard”, she's got a truck-load of tomato plants going to Georgia and Winooski, and she left AND CAME BACK, AS I HAD MY BLANKETS IN THE WASHER... for her “gym stuff”. So, that tells me that, should all go well enough, she'll be out and gone for the duration of the day (probably won't roll in until after sun-down). So I'll try Alden again later. - Fine... right now? Jammies in the washer, blankets in the dryer... I'll dry my stuff and then put HER wet laundry in the dryer. (Of course, she leaves wet wash in the washer...) - OH... and by the way... she baked pies this morning... of course... to take along for... whom-ever. Never for the house. GODS FORBID! - Oh well ok and shit. I have the hydrant to dig and a couple of things to keep me busy. I can go make the deposit tomorrow morning (especially if she's around). Have to find something edible for today's “meal” at some point. So... off I go... toddling again. (Also have to make a run for smokes at some point... no emergency but...) Shit to keep one busy. - 19.22 FOOD! BUT I CAN'T GET ALDEN ON THE PHONE! Tried twice today. And he doesn't have “voice-mail”. Oh well... I'll keep trying. - MEANWHILE THE KNOT-WEED IS PLANTED! ALL ALONG THE FENCE-LINE! YES! AND... I'M TO UNDERTAND THAT IT'S SUPPOSE TO RAIN TONIGHT/TOMORROW! WONDERFUL! - Quite the interesting day, all told. Rachel was working at the PO this morning. Gave permission to remove some knot-weed! Mme. HLS left at some point after noon and so I got all my washing done, save the clothes, which will be done later, when I shower because of the digging and planting of knot-weed. At about 16.00 I rolled over to “chez Vezina” and met Mr. We chatted, mostly about knot-weed (which he'd started to cut down but Rachel came back on time to stop him, thankfully) and a bit about the postal service. I got busy... digging-up some rather hefty roots. I believe there were 11 REALLY GREAT ONES, and the same in small. Tossed them all into the back of the truck and immediately got to the planting... with iPod in ear... thankfully because shit-bag came out as I was planting. I barely heard something about “New Yorkers” and “stupid” and the “property line”. I made no indication that I heard any of it and continued planting. He stormed into the house and moments later came out on the phone (or so it appeared). I didn't catch the chat but I've NO doubt it was supposed to be something that was supposed to piss me off. I continued planting and got ALL of the knot-weed planted from front to back along the fence. Should be quite the sight when it “takes”. At 18.49 it was FINISHED!!! And I came into the house. (Oh yeah... when I got back from digging, it was about 17.00 and so I fed the little ones... of course. SHE couldn't be bothered... as usual.) And so, “WORK” done, I toddled to the store for my sammich, V8 and a “3 Musketeers” bar which I'm looking forward to having any minute now. The sun is still in the sky, but setting. I tried Alden. And so... my day is DONE! OH OH OH... I HOOVERED TOO. YES INDEED! THE LITTLE HOUSE-NIGGER *IS THAT GOOD*, you'll not mind my saying and pointing-out the obvious. - Only concern is the truck. I don't put it past that shit-bag to damage it. Pay-back will be such an inconvenience... and swift. HOW I HATE BEING HERE IN THIS FUCKING HELL-HOLE! AND THE OLD QUNT IS WORTHLESS. BUT... COURT, LAWYERS... TIME... I'LL HAVE A BRAND NEW TRUCK! And she'll be in a Nursing/Care Home. End of that. Time to “tidy” me and EAT! - 21.08 Truck parked against the back of the house... the little ones and I went for a stroll (and shit-bag was wandering about the back fence... “investigating”, no doubt... wait until they ALL see what's gone in there...), came in, they had snax, I hit the shower and am now out of that, clothes in the wash and no word from the qunt. Oh well... When I get ready for bed... fuck this, fuck this house, fuck the property, fuck the whole mess. (I might even have me a “beverage” tonight... to “celebrate” the “plantings”.) - Oh... PS: The sammich? STALE BREAD!

Wed.05.Jun: 1.38 TOO LATE AGAIN! - She rolled in at 22.10... asked if anything happened during her absence. I said “Nothing unusual.” I DID manage to tell her of the knot-weed. She's OBVIOUSLY NOT happy about it. I wish her luck trying to get rid of it... especially since it's supposed to rain through from 2.00 this morning until about Thursday, meaning it'll get a nice watering, the soil round the roots will settle and when the warmth comes... it will be delighted. - Soc.med. mostly and a v-ton (and yes, vinegar after). And now? To NAP! - Nice to be showered and in a clean bed. - 9.06 The garbage is out (so of course, I'm dressed). Had to have a one-sided “chat” with the old thing who's sitting at table, doing something, writing cheques and the likes. I DID say “Bonne Anniversaire” but... never mind. - So I was out of bed at 8.27, and I want to go back to bed. Fukkit. - We god a drizzle over-night... round about 3.00 (when I got up to have a pee). NOT ENOUGH RAIN for the new “flowers” at the fence. But it's grey skies... there's hope (if there's hope at all). - And for the day? Well... I should get smokes... vinegar... deposit my money order. I suppose. It's only going to go to paying the phone again, but hey... it's a month of phone service so... money in... money out. - Let's see how the day goes. Perhaps I'll get to chat with Alden. If not today, I'll try tomorrow when she's off to the dentist. - Wednesday already. Imagine that. Just imagine that. - Nothing on the agenda. I could put the clapboard on the barn, put an “ash wash' on them... there's two piles of stove ash in the garden that would put a bit of “grey” on them. We shall see... (said the blind man). - Oh well... on with... the day. - 9.44 Up-dates to the site Journals... done. Charming. - 12.25 Well... morning's gone and Journal's are up-dated and soc.med. is, for the time-being, covered. Time to “roll” with SOMETHING to keep the rest of the day “occupied”. I'm a touch tired, will have to ponder “meal” for later... nothing here at the moment. Alas. -
18.41 Heading out into the rain to KFC. - WORKED until 18.00,
finishing the clapboard in the barn (and gave it all a “wash” of stove ash and water... which is coming off in the rain, as expected),
then repaired the hay cart by cutting the edge off the wood from the “pen” from the basement.
Then went up into the upper barn to put a screen in the East-facing window. Yes, working in pigeon shit.
Potted the geraniums and put them out at the benches,
and trimmed the St.T. flower-bed shrubs.
And when it was all done? Offered a beer. So? So... off I go... for “meal”. - Oh yeah... her birthday... BFD. -
21.39 And off I went... KFC. 9,01$ for 3 pieces of chicken (NOT fatty!), little smashed potato with gravy, biscuit. “Filling”? Pretty much so. Oh, and a “Mountain Dew”. Well... hot food tonight. How novel. I ate in the parking lot and then went to Hannaford's for vinegar, franks, rolls, cookies (f'layduh), and the last jar of coffee on the shelf! FS! YAY! - Managed to reach Alden and offer money. He sounds concerned about my income vs. expenses, even at such low rent. His concern is heating. But, he says he's planning on being at the place on ... the 17th! The place isn't rented. But it sounds like, aside from his concerns, I'm “in”. We shall see. We're supposed to “talk” between now and the 17th. (I'm keeping my mind on being there... July or August... and plotting even 1 month's security and 2 months' rent. We shall see... but I'm seeing me there.) I'm just relieved to have gotten in touch with him... in the parking lot of Hannaford's. I guess that's what a truck is for. - When I finally got back at about 20.40, Minou was there to greet me with all sorts of “Hello!” and such! Poor little thing. (The old thing said, when I got it: “I figured you'd be back and could bring him in then.” Yeah? More like you resent him because he's rather attached to me. What-ever. I gave the little ones their snax for the night and cuddles all round. - I'm just waiting for her to go to bed so I can get a shower... I'M ITCHING AS IF SOMETHING'S BITING MY NECK AND UPPER BACK! - (21.55 Message from Dorothy... she's at Donna's. I don't know why. She sends: “Guess where I am.” WTF? I jokingly replied “The delivery room.” “Hahah. No at Donna's.” She's been there a week. “Going home tomorrow.” Honestly. - Oh... and the old thing's finally gone to bed... SHOWER TIME AT LAST!) - Meanwhile, there's a light rain falling which is good for the knot-weed. I've got my crisps for later (if needed) and cookies... mint creme chocolate... Hannaford's own brand. I need to check the cost of registering the truck (and insurance) in NY now... and a bunch of other stuff so I can be prepared to “submit a financial statement” on the 17th. - ANYwayyyy... - 23.07 JUST OUT OF A SHOWER! FINALLY AT LAST! A good HOT one too! AND... when I'd done, I sprayed “Clorox Clean-Up” and rinsed... just so the last “fragrance” is “bleach”. (I sprayed BEFORE too because she's got “fungicide” in the loo and I see that one of her toes is “dark blue”! FUCK!) - Anyway... shower done... time for SOMETHING! (I have to work on a “Financial Statement and references now too. The financials aren't bad... it's the bloody references! Ev is the only one I have... really. I don't trust this one here. She's a fucker, to be sure.)

Thu.06.Jun:
Aunt Barbara died.
2.04 Officially another day. Just finished with soc.med. and a tall v-ton, had my last smoke and am ready for the sack. The rain is still falling, there's a branch on the maple that's drooping... From the rain? I don't know. Fortunately, it's on the South side of the walk to up-stairs and NOT on the rest of the tree (the truck is parked at the porch again tonight). - Had the v-ton with the cookies. NOT a good combo but... - She'll be out in the morning... dentist. I doubt I can sleep in but there's really nothing to be done round here. Imagine THAT! I'll probably toss my clothes in for a “quick” wash... should I get out of bed on time. Hoover and perhaps mop. It's the “weekly” thing to do. A run to Sutton would be in order. And all the while I'm thinking: HOLD YOUR MONEY FOR THE 17th! Oh well... Things... they roll along. (I still have a “reserve” of 3Cusd.) And I'm still seeing me in New Russia. - Well? Time to try for some sleep. I've had vinegar too. Let's just hope. - 9.50 Sun is shining, comfy breezes blowing, birds chirping... and... I' m JUST getting out of bed! Dozing, all morning. A quick dream (that woke me) about somebody in the back, running some kind of close-mowing machine along the back fence where I've planted a collection of stuff. I yelled about all of my work and... woke up. Feeling? Like I'd slept under the wheels of a tractor-trailer. The v-ton? I doubt it. The one episode of spasm at 4.00 this morning? I doubt that too. Just me... just the way it is. - Now, to find something to “pass the day”. Perhaps weeding the lilies? I don't really know. HLS said something about running her tiller this after-noon. Well... there's time before that. (She's in the loo at the moment. “Dental appointment” at some time. Don't know where or when. Oh well. Never mind all that. Time to ... what-ever here. - 13.16 WELL!!! Spoke with the truck insurance... LOWER! And she just roled back in.. oh well... But thus far, NR is CHEAPER than staying in VT! Must to list... this evening. Now? Out the door we go. Why? Because. - 21.44 A perfectly marvellous day shot to Hell. Though I DID get to chat with Rachel when I went over to thank her for the knot-weed. THAT was a bit of fun, I suppose, since I've nothing much against her to speak of. AND I found out that SHE TOO, avoids the local store! So... anyway... - I no sooner came back in, ready to make busy round the grounds and HLS was seated at table, reading her “Handbok” for chomage... and that was the end of the day. I started to “assist”. WELL! We managed to get through some of the chapters there-in which included me learning that she's getting about 485USD PER FUCKING WEEK ON CHOMAGE! 1640usd/MONTH! I WANT TO FUCKING PUKE! And that rolled into getting on-line to make an appointment for CIBC on the 19th, at about 16.00 in the evening, and her saying that “we” can go some-where to eat that evening after. Charming. (right) THEN... on to setting her up with the “Job Link” that she'll need in conjunction with chomage. That took another hour out of the day. By the time we'd done, it was about 17.00 and she offered 2 franks for “meal” and I accepted. She went to the store, brought back rolls and 2 salads and we ate. At least I got a “meal”. (I still have a package of franks and some rolls for tomorrow and Saturday.) - In between, I've been making my “financial”. With a “pension” and “site maintenance” (phantasy), I can clear this all quite nicely. The reality? Well, imagine, except for the cost of heating oil, the truck will cost me less (reg., insp., and even the license change). Cost of gas is higher but travel is shorter to the real market. But, if I take the TRUE financial... I'm going to be rather TIGHT, having only but about 35USD/week to “live” on... “food” and no smokes and no booze. Never mind furniture. This is going to take some more working. Still... when I think about it over-all... moving from here and staying in VT? OUT OF THE QUESTION! NO WAY! Good thing I got to plot this all out. NY it is! (And New Russia it is... Period.) - No further word from Dorothy today. Honestly, I don't understand the message last evening. I wonder: is she on some sort of meds? Or just wonky. Which-ever. No concern, really. - And there. At 20.00 I took the little ones out for “stroll” and gave them snax. HLS headed off to bed at about 21.00. And here I am. - Tomorrow evening she'll be off with Pammie and Davie to dine. (She actually invited me along! I declined, of course, with excuses of “I might be tempted to say something like 'Did you ever find that therapist?' And we laughed. I mean... if I were to attend, it would mean somebody would pay my way? I would assume, anyway. Nope. Besides, Friday night? I'll be able to shower, start the week-end nice.) - And so, here I am, trying to figure a way to get some extra money. I wish I could figure how to sell the old machines in the barn... especially next week! Must to ponder. - For now... I'm having a v-ton! Fukkit! And will wrap the day soon... SOON... I HOPE... And for a night's sleep... I HOPE.

Fri.07.Jun: CHEQUE
This week has gone by so incredibly quickly that I'm in disbelief! “Time” is passing so quickly that it actually noticeable! - Well... done with soc.med. Tomorrow's forecast: clear and 20s/ Me. Right now? 2 v-tons, one light. One last smoke... off to bed! Nothing of shattering import on the list. Weed lilies... should the sun shine. A little yard work. I need to keep occupied... instead of thinking “rental” and “Adirondacks.” But right now... last smoke and to BED! - 1.14 Note to self: Home Care... check bookmarks! - 8.45 I've been awake from since about 7.50 but laying in the bed, dozing, thinking of shit and got up and out of bed at 8.40. - Lawn-mowing day. Surely, there's something going to be said about the matter. (“Doesn't need...”) Anyway, I should go get smokes (Sutton) and deposit the money order (Anusburgh) ass swell. Shit to do. But right now... I'm just in one of those “annoyed” frames... Arden/Alden what-ever... I know he's concerned about the rent and might be concerned about me making it over there, but... this morning, it's hitting me as negative. (Oh... and there are Home Care agencies in Elizabethtown... and Plattsburgh... part time work... ) So I'll just move along with the day. Hey! Tonight I can SHOWER in peace! YAY! - Bye. - 12.12 Well... Mme. has left the building... “Lunch with Caroline” and an oil change/inspection of the truck. BUT... this morning? As expected: this evening will be “help with the chomage”. Oh well... - MEANWHILE...
TODAY'S POST BROUGHT SUCH MAGNIFICENT DELIGHT AND SURPRISES!!! FIRST... THE REGISTRATION STICKER IS HERE! TALK ABOUT “LEGAL”! IT'S BEEN YEARS! AND NOW, REGISTRATION IS DONE FOR ANOTHER YEAR!
AND... A CHEQUE... FROM THE TREASURY... DEPT. OF ED! ONE REFUND ON ONE DEDUCTION FROM MY SOC.SEC.! I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY, BUT I ALMOST DROPPED WHEN I OPENED THE ENVELOPE! I'M ALL IN A STATE NOW... WONDERING WHAT TO DO WITH IT! (Thought: Take it, cash it, deposit it some-where and then just send it back to them... It's not that I have no use for it... but at the rate “life” goes, it'll either be taken back at some point, or... well... it just MIGHT help getting those conniving bastards off my back... even for a little while. I'm pondering.) BUT WHAT A SHOCK! A DELIGHTFUL SHOCK!
SO... I'm deciding between mowing the lawn or cleaning the truck right now. Martine sent word that she's coming to fetch some parcels. I asked Jacquie to ask her to bring a pack of smokes (which will carry me through the week-end... I've one more in the truck). I'll pay her in USD if she'd like. No prob. Save me the trip to Sutton today. We shall see... but it does confine me to the place for the duration. Oh well... Probably for the best. - The fukkinest shame is that I have to go through anxieties over mowing! But... there's music... iPod in the ear and away we ride! It SHOULD be done. If there's gas... I'll mow. But for now? STICKER ON THE TRUCK! And away. - Spent the morning on the G's Minds. Music posted, correspondence complete. Nice way to see in the week-end... and Shabbat. - 21.57 Luce and Jean-Guy are here! Arrived just as I got out of a cold shower! - 22.38 Well, they've left, with their items... leaving all the boxes on the kitchen floor because Mme. says “Oh just leave them there. Jude will take them out on Tuesday.” Jude needs to get the actual fuck out of here! VITE! But it WAS rather funny watching the two of them taking toys out of boxes, t-shirts, pyjamas... What a couple, Luce and Jean-Guy! Of course, they didn't bring a pack of smokes so... SUNDAY... I'm off to Sutton. How lovely for me. Eh? It's typical... Never mind a quick stop at the dép... Never mind... just never mind. - MEANWHILE... ME... TODAY... THE FLOWER BEDS GOT WEEDED NICELY, THE IRISES AT THE BARN GOT “TRIMMED”... “CUT” ROUND NICE AND CLEAN. AND NEXT (all this whilst SHE was off to “lunch with Caroline”) THE ENTIRE YARD GOT MOWED! AND IT LOOKS INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL! (Fuck the rest of them... those who aren't offended just won't notice.) And she rolled in as I was mowing. All told... I didn't get done with the work until about 16.00! ALMOST FOUR HOURS OF WORK! HEY! I'VE EARNED MY ROOM FOR THE MONTH! - The next thing on the agenda? Well, she DIDN'T go to dinner this evening. She'll be going on Sunday now. What-the-fuck-ever. BUT... INSTEAD, I GOT STUCK TRYING TO KEEP MY HEART IN MY CHEST AND MY HEAD FROM EXPLODING TRYING TO “TEACH” HER HOW TO APPLY FOR WORK ON-LINE! JEEZUS KRISTE IN THE FUCKING HEAVENS, IT *IS* THE VERY SAME AS TRYING TO TEACH AN AUTISTIC 2-YEAR-OLD HOW TO MAKE AN ANGEL FOOD CAKE! (Not really... teaching the kid would be easier, by far!) 2 APPLICATIONS TOOK UNTIL... 20.00!!! ANOTHER FOUR FUCKING HOURS! AND OF COURSE, SHE *STILL* HAS NO CLUE. (Pisses me off when I think: and *I* have to be scrutinised for a flat?) I'LL NOTE RIGHT HERE THAT I HAVE EVERY REASON TO BELIEVE THAT SHE EXPECTS ME TO MAKE THE 3 MORE SHE NEEDS FOR THE COMING WEEK. YEAH? YOU'VE LOST YOUR 498$/WEEK IF YOU'RE DEPENDING ON ME THERE. AND WHEN ALL THE FUCKING ABOUT WAS DONE? A BAKED POTATO AND THE LEFT-OVER SALAD FROM LAST NIGHT FOR “MEAL”. YEP-YEP. NOPE NOPE. WHAT-EVER WHO THE FUCK CARES? (I'm having peanut butter as I type.) And so, that was this day. OH... And she's planning on trying the tiller tomorrow! Right... Work... for me... A-FUCKING-GAIN! But... we shall see how THAT turns out when we get to it.
Now for some news: AUNT BARB DIED... *** YESTERDAY ***!!! HERE WE GO... LET'S ACTUALLY DOCUMENT TODAY'S FARCE FROM THE SOUTH. (I swear dear Cousine Dorothy is either on meds or SHOULD be....)
D: Yesterday 18.17 “Made it home. Barbara yeomans died today”
M: Glad to know you made it back, safe'n'sound. Bless dear Barbara. (That's why I'm SO glad you & I got to visit. Come a point in time when we don't know who'd next... & when. & the days seem to pass by so damned FAST anymore.)
D: Truer words were never spoken
M: (This morning) We got SUN & 70° t'day! HOW STRANGE! I need to get some yard work done.
D: It's suppose to rain here all weekend. I hope so cause it's so dry
M: (Sent a photo of the barn.)
I just got the siding on Wednesday. Covered some holes. “Patch job”. It's been nothing but rain here since the snow stopped. (Frown emoji)
D: You are amazing on the things you do
You have to promise this winter you will do some pictures for me.
M: Bet NOBODY'D EVER thought I'd be doin this in my life-time... bein' a “City-folk” type. Best way to spend the “old” years... keepin'busy.
I'm grown' old fer sher... BUT I'LL BE DAMNED IF I'LL DO IT GRACEFULLY! (Tongue out emoji)
D: True. It bugs me so bad that I have vision problems and leg issues but it hinders me some but I'm still pushing ahead. You are awesom to keep doing what your doing
M: O Darlin', I jus tlike to leave a neat place behind. & lately it would seem my Uber is sittin' @ the door with the engine runnin', the plane's waitin' to taxi along the runway. I just pass the time @ hand.
D: LOL.
(The rest is my rant on needed to get out of here.)
No word since.
Another fucking case for the books. But... it doesn't matter, makes no difference. - OK. 23.10 and my clothes are washed. I'm showered... NO FUCKING HOT WATER AGAIN TONIGHT AND HLS FINDS IT AMUSING. FUKTARD, THAT ONE. But, at least, I'm clean and my clothes are too. On Sunday, I'll run to Sutton to get my smokes (and some food), take my time at it, and when she's out, I'll clean this room. (The rest of the place can go the fuck to Hell! I'll do what I want on Monday when she's gone... YAY... She says she's coming back on Sunday... I don't care... as long as it's not earlier. - Time for a “beverage” tonight, some crisps. I'd have a frank... I might just anyway... I brushed my teeth before the shower... I can always go in and do them again, if need be. Right now... I'm really quite hungry... Gee... I wonder the fuck why. -

Sat.08.Jun: 1.07 Heading to bed... TIRED!!! One v-ton and wipe-out! Of course... my rest is well EARNED! But that doesn't matter. here. - 9.13 Dressed and such but got out of bed at 9.06 after laying there for hours, dozing in and out, on and off from since about 6.00. I don't give a shit and have no fucks to give. - Odd...no spasms or pee-breaks through the night! I've NO idea how THAT could have possibly happened. But, so it did and here we are and it's another “sunny-shiney” day and let's just see what rolls in to fuck it all to Hell's blazes. Shall we? Oh, indeed, we shall. - I'm stepping out for a smoke. - 9.25 In from smoke AND MAGNANT SPRAYED THIS MORNING! THE AIR IS *** THICK *** WITH *** SHIT ***!!! CLEAR SKIES. BRIGHT SUN. WARM BREEZE. AND *** SHIT *** !!! Getting out of here isn't just a matter of comfort... it's a matter of LIFE OR DEATH !!! FUCK !!! - I'm heading into the hole now... for a “Bonjour”. GOD HELP ME! - But as I stepped out the door to the porch... MINOU! PRECIOUS LITTLE MAN. - 19.00 AND... on a day of “rest”: I made a bit of a “border”, using the old fence and a piece of black garden runner, round the stump out front, filled it with soil and planted marigolds in. “Wonderful”? No. Serves the purpose? Yes. FINALLY got her to help with the garden hydrant. Nope. Can't find the leak but if the hose is open full, less water fills the ditch. So the barrels are full and so too, the water changed in Ms. Hallie's “Tchvimming pool”. Just in from sweeping the front walks too. - This morning started with her god-damned job searches a-fucking-gain. And AGAIN... I came to the fucking rescue with “ideas” to cover her fucking arse. I'm so fucking nice. (Moron.) Took until almost 13.00 before we both got the fuck out of the house! But I accomplished... whilst she re-potted seedlings. Oh... she tried to start the tiller and it wouldn't so, what does she do? Kills the battery. She TRIED to start it with NO GAS in the tank. Anyway... she rang Adam who said he's “busy for the next 48 hours” but will come over. So she takes the battery charger from the porch and puts it into the barn... where there's no electric! When I told her that there's no electric in the barn, she insisted that there is. When I told her there hasn't been for as long as I've been going in there and that it's not a good idea to have electric running in there anyway... she fixated on it. One of these days... Anyway, I don't know what Adam's expected to do but apparently he asked if I would be here whilst she's gone. Let's see how THAT turns out. (Me? I do more than enough round here, fuck that garden shit!) - Noting: She's off to see Jesus at the moment and at 17.00 she was here... sitting at table... AND FUCKING WOULDN'T FUCKING FEED THE LITTLE ONES! FUCKING WOULDN'T. Toddled off with the expectation that I would. So... what I did was... fed the little ones, of course, and cleaned, with “Armorall” and the new can of “shampoo/cleaner”, the inside of the truck. (Wanted to get “her” out of there anyway. It's done. - 19.10 She's just rolling back in. Let's see... she made potato salad today... said something about burgers tonight. When? 22.00? - OH AND MEANWHILE TOO... SHE'D PUT HER TOMOATO PLANTS ON THE SOUTH-YARD TABLE AND MENTIONED “3$ EACH”. LO! AND BEHOLD! SHE'S IN THE WHERE-EVER AND A GUY PULLS UP. “HOW MUCH FOR THE TOMATOES?” I TELL HIM. HE TAKES 3, GIVES ME A TENNER, I GIVE HIM A BUCK AND THEN SHE COMES TO THE DOOR. I GAVE HER THE 10. “You can say all you want about me, but one thing you can't say is that I'm a thief.” SHE GAVE ME 5 SINGLES “So you have change.” and the dollar I gave the guy. I GOT 50%! IMAGINE THAT! (So... what-ever sells whilst she's away is mine! FTS!) - OK. She's come to offer the burger. I've eaten from garbage bins... I'll be ill tomorrow. But I'll eat. (6 franks and 5 rolls that I have to the side... for tomorrow.) - I'm SO FUCKING BLOODY TIRED! - 24.22 Adding this to today... thought it's actually tomorrow: I DID have a burger for “meal” with potato salad, AND FOR SOME REASON (which I DO believe I KNOW... full-well) SHE ALSO WENT TO THE STORE FOR ROLLS AND GOT ME TWO “TWITSTED TEAS”, LARGE, A BOTTLE OF CHOCOLATE MILK AND CHOCOLATE DONUTS! Why? Because, usually, she gives me money when she goes on her trips, but this time, I doubt there'll be any of that. Not, mind, that I care. It went back into the house-hold some-how anyway. Ah, but she DID mention that IF I get to Walmarde, I have to get snax for Hallie! (Meanwhile, Minou is running out of dry food as well... no mention of that. Though she HAS stocked-up on the tins so...) - OH OH OH THIS EVENING I ORDERED TENNIE LEONARD'S CD! (IN MY HEART THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A LITTL EPLACE CALLED YOU AND ME) FROM AMAZON *AND* SHE'S GOT A NEW, DULL, WEB-SITE! SOME OF MY PHOTOS ARE ON THERE BUT THE MAIN ONE, HER AT HER DESK... THEY CUT-OUT ONLY HER (did a HORRIBLE job of it too). AND I SENT HER A MESSAGE VIA THE SITE! THERE'S A VIDEO OF HER, FROM THIS YEAR, MAY, I BELIEVE. THE POOR DEAR... AGED... WHAT-EVER IT WAS THAT “GOT HER” TO KEEP HER FROM SEEING PEOPLE (me, anyway) SOME TIME AGO MUST HAVE BEEN QUITE SERIOUS. THEN TOO, SHE'S IN HER 70s NOW. SHE *IS* A TRULY REMARKABLE PERSON, AND THE BEST OF ALL PEOPLE WHO I MET VIA BRADSHAW. IT'LL BE INTERESTING TO SEE IF SHE REPLIES. I'D LIKE TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH HER. (I'd like to be able to see her but... travel? We'll have to see how that works out. If anything, it would be driving part of the way, taking a train or something into The City. We shall see.) - Anyway, there we have it. Now... on to tomorrow...

Sun.09.Jun: 0.26 JUST in from a smoke after a QUICK SHOWER at mid-night. I just couldn't go to bed with the dust and dirt from today's work on me. And it was HOT... “Dial” soap. Refreshing. Have had my vinegar because, for some reason, Twisted Tea causes leg and other muscle spasms. The vinegar seems to keep them at bay. Don't know why... but it does. Anyway, feeling MUCH better. - Must get to bed at a civil hour (as if) because... trip to Sutton! Necessary today. And this evening, she'll be at dinner with Pammie and Davie. Tomorrow, she's off on the road for the week. Charming. But for now... soc.med. as my face “dries” and then... HOPEFULLY to sleep. - The window is open tonight. The plants are on the porch. The radiator is taking the “chill” out of the room but I'll turn it off for bed. FIRST NIGHT! YAY! - (And I'm anxious about New Russia. It will be WONDERFUL to be able to shower when... and to take clothes out of the luggage... they've been in there for YEARS now. How the time has gone by SO FUCKING QUICKLY!) I probably should... perhaps during the week, take it all out, give it all a good washing and re-packing. Something to look forward to. (Right.) - 1.49 Time for a bottle-pee and to bed! (Some-what light.. hopefully properly hydrated and no spasms... but I'm not counting on it.) - 8.21 and with one pee-break through the night... up at 8.05! (AND... I'm going to add here just because... with an absolutely incredible hard-on! For NO obvious reason or cause... there is was. What a waste... here. OK... moving on...) Sun is shining and I've already checked: 15°. Not that I care or that it matters for any particular reason other than making sure that I won't be opening the porch door to dead plants. But imagine... sleeping through another night! Especially considering that my legs were in a bit of spasm as I was wand'ring through the soc.med. Well! VINEGAR BEFORE BED AT ALL TIMES, IT IS! Because THAT'S the ONLY change I've made in life of late and it appears to make a difference. - Almost 8 hours' rest... But let's be fair and note: Yep... I COULD go back to bed and try for MORE sleep. But that's a “normal” morning. - OK. At some point it's to be “on the road” and off to “ALL THE WAY, Canada”. I don't like it but I guess things happen that way... (doo-doot, dee-yada-doo, doot-doot.) - 13.46 WHAT A MORNING! Left at about 11.30, headed straight for Sutton via Richford and... the truck BOUNCES at 40mph! Great. I kept going then noticed... BRAKING... HARD PULL TO THE RIGHT! FUCK! And of course... in SUTTON, on THAT old road! OK. Fine. The border went too damned easily, of course something had to go wrong. SO I park in Brunet parking and toddle across to Couche Tard... NO CARTONS! NO PLAYERS EXCEPT THE 20/PACK! I got 4 packs. Saved me some money BUT... THE FUCKING CIBC CARD DOESN'T WORK! COMMUNITY! (OK. So THAT saved me some money too, come to think. USD/CAD LESS. BUT... 4 packs not 8, and 40 smokes not 200! Off I go, back to the truck and up to IGA. Laundry soap, yoghurt (for me and HLS), “Igloo” juices, turn-overs AND Minou food AND Hallie snax!... and ON THE ROAD AGAIN... back through Richford for another zip across. Figures. I wanted to get “222s” and vitamins but, NOT on the US card. Well, I get back to the hole and her “Alish” is here. NO prob at all. I just pulled in front of the garage, came in, un-packed groceries, rang CIBC.., I can go to the branch tomorrow and get a new card! WOOHOO! (Of course... tomorrow... more travel in the truck. Oh well... No prob. At least it's only to Bedford.) - And now, at 14.10, HLS and friend are off to the lake with Hallie. HLS started to clean her truck and I'm betting that all the cleaners and shit will remain where they are, on the back stoop... which is where they'll remain until SHE puts them some-where. I'll attend the house, the grounds, the little ones... but I'm NOT her Nanny! - And so I've had my yoghurt, having a pastry... and I believe I'll try to repair the speakers in the truck... it's a sunny (but HOT) day out there. May as well do something. (Besides... she's off to “dine” this evening... I can make a wash... of me and clothes... should need be.) - RIDICULOUS! - 18.55 She's just rolling in and I'VE PUT THE FAN IN THE WINDOW! had 2 franks with some potato salad for “meal” and... the day rolls into evening. - Tried ringing Denis but she came back.. 2 rings. Oh well. The number will register on his phone. (Not that he cares... and at this point, neither do I.) - No thumb again... Sliced it on the truck. Nice. - 21.57 SHE'S CERTIFIED! TWO HOURS! BUT WE DID IT! She told me that they told her that she couldn't certify until after mid-night tonight. I said “Let's run through it for schitzengiggles.” NEVER expecting it to go through. But... after the tedium of her NOT paying attention, for TWO hours, she clicked “SUBMIT” and... “CONFIRMATION” NUMBER PRINTED AND FILED! SHE'S DONE... until NEXT Sunday. BUT... IT'S DONE! WOW! I FEEL WONDERFUL! I'VE DONE IT AGAIN! “Thanks? There are no thanks.” as Mama used to say. The thanks are that I feel better now that it's done! - I feel I could use a shower.. I don't really need one because the only WORK I did today was... I FIXED THE FRONT SPEAKER IN THE TRUCK! IMAGINE THAT! YES IT DID. IT WAS THE CONNECTION! It was a PAIN... literally, because I gashed my thumb, and the panel wouldn't go back on but it's done. Now... to try for the other side and see how THAT works out. If they work... I've saved THAT money! (If not, I'm satisfied with just the one speaker for the time. - So now, the window fan has brought the room temperature down to 71F. I have it set to stop at 70F. It's pulling the heat out tonight. We'll see how it all works out in the morning. The plants are on the porch where they'll get the “night air” and the day's sun. “Summer” has arrived. And now? I'M GOING TO HAVE A V-TON! THAT'S THAT FOR ALL OF THIS! - 22.27 V-TON! Soc.med. then HOPEFULLY... SLEEP! - BANQUES RUN TOMORROW MORNING. A cheque and money order in the USD and a new card in the CAD. (I might deposit the 3c USD in the CAD as well... just to get it out of my possession... and NOT in the USA!)

Mon.10.Jun: Double digit! - 0.28 2 v-tons. Much soc.med. Time for last smoke and bed! - 8.08 Up at 7.52, though I woke earlier again and just went back to sleep. But no interruptions through the night. How charming. Still, this morning, now, as I'm awake? I feel like SHIT for some reason (and no, not the v-tons... it's just in general... and could damned well be from heat). Anyway... had first coffee, getting banquing stuff together and... in a bit will be off. Need the loo before hitting the road but that's fine. - Yeah... sinuses and head-ache. It's beginning to feel a lot like “Summer”... Oh well... - 14.35 JUST getting back from the running this morning... I believe I left at about 10.30! WHAT a morning it was! IN ENOSBURGH, AT THE BANQUE... THE DRIVER'S SIDE DOOR WON'T CLOSE PROPERLY! THE LATCH DOESN'T MOVE! I MUST HAVE FUCKED SOMETHING WITH ALL THE FUCKING ABOUT WITH THE SPEAKER YESTERDAY! FUCK ME! JUST FUCK ME! - Meanwhile... It'll have to wait. Things to attend to right away and then... Meal and DRINKS! I deserve a drink today! - 16.13 Let's get this on record... OK! Well... Yogi got here at about 9.30 I believe, and the two of them packed the truck up. Poor Yogi, limping about, having injured her foot disassembling pallets and moving fire-wood! Imagine? (Meanwhile, HLS... “Madame” whines about stacking a dish-washer!) I didn't have to do anything, thankfully, to assist and it was close to 10.00 when they finally rolled away (after a couple trips back into the house by HLS, of course.) - Shortly there-after, I simply gathered the cheque, money order and my little things and headed up across the great frontier! - NOW... of NOTE: The guy at CAD simply took my card, asked the usual questions and NEVER BOTHERED TO SCAN THE CARD! HEY! I didn't ask, didn't say... just drove up the Dutch and into Bedford. - At the banque, it was rather an ordeal where they had to check the card... in the ABM! Good thing I had 2c to put into the account because we used the machine for it. (“We” being the teller and m'self.) No envelopes! Amazing stuff. The machine scans each bill, showing an image on the screen, it “knows” the amount and posts! AND... the machine took the card. BUT, as the teller told me, the machine reads the strip, not the chip. So... she gave me a choice of getting a new card right away or waiting. I took the “immediate” option which meant going back into the banque and the other teller. OK. A few papers and signatures later... Off I toddled with a new card! (No name on it though. But I don't need my name on it. I had to sign it in front of the teller anyway.) - Across to Metro! (HAD to get SOMETHING to bring back.) Donuts, vinegar, “Bistros” for Tuesday and Wednesday evenings, two Krema yoghurts... little stuff. THE CARD WORKED! HAPPY HAPPY ME! I was back into the truck and back on the road... US border was quite busy! About 5 ahead of me but we all rolled through like clock-work. - Down the road, through the town, off to Enosburgh to the other banque where I cashed the cheque, deposited the money order and spent the longest while chatting with the teller about my past, her attitude toward the present... etc. Longer than I'd planned but it was enjoyable. - THAT'S WHEN I DISCOVERED THE TROUBLE WITH THE TRUCK DOOR! After some “fingering”, I got the door to close and headed to Hannaford's for tonic (and snax for Hallie). I climbed out the passenger's door there. - OK... NEXT on the list... into town... VODKA! Yep... got that too (after sliding in and out of the passenger's door). AND... ON THE ROAD BACK TO THE HELL-HOLE! - Got back at almost 14.00! Poor little ones... all alone, no lunch. So they got lunch snax and I had to get to work changing my Skype phone payments over. I'm going “all American” on the recurring payments. But... WHAT A FUCKING DISASTER THAT WAS! - The site wouldn't let me simply change the card payments info and I had to search all over the fucking Internet to FINALLY get “Live Chat”! (19.08 HAD to take a NAP!) Somebody names “Eunice” came on and, although I expected Hell... she actually DID make suggestions that prompted me through the process! So! The phone is now coming off the US account! Saves me every month now! (I DID give her all sorts of praise... being the “me” who I am.) - FINE! I was off to START cleaning this place. And on the stove, where I intended to fry tonight's franks, there was some kind of “spill” in the stove eye in the back! A GLOP! So as I cleaned the stove, I got dinner for the little ones, then fried 2 franks (2 left for tomorrow) and got to watch about 45 minutes of “The Five”! As I ate, I washed the whites and the jammies and such too! - Now, the blankets are in the wash as I type this, waiting for the time to take the little ones on a “stroll”. Then? It's “snax” for them, showers for me and a winding-down after the day. - The curse of having to repair the truck door hangs over my head, but... all in time. My “running” is done, save, the returns on the empty bottles which isn't as urgent as today's errands. So? So... - Message from Mme. at about 18.45... They're where-ever they are and going out to dinner. (Oh, today, she received a 900-plus dollar commission from “Jesus Selling”. She's left it here, pending her account at CIBC. BUT... indeed... left no money “for emergencies”. Ah... but she can afford to travel for a week, dining out... So? (Last night I asked the Heavens to make this New Russia dream a reality unless there's some reason I must stay... like, for her, and if there's a reason, to let me know... no “hints” or “messages”... just let me know. I see this evening... all is well. She'll just have to learn to pay attention, especially where her 498/week unemployment comes in. I've had more than my fill of “giving”. Which reminds: the garbage in the kitchen? STUFFED AGAIN! TYPICAL) - Almost time for stroll. More before the end of day... no doubt.

Tue.11.Jun: 1.07 JUST out of the shower! I was watching some “Weather Channel” shows and they don't run on the hour... when I finally got up from the recliner, it was already past mid-night. I thought it only about 23.30 or so! BUT, because of “events”, I call it that, (boot), I truly needed to shower. Clean jammies and bed-linens demanded. So? Into the scrubbing shower I went. And now? The clothes are in the washer. It's to be a LATE one this time. - Out-side, there's a light rain falling... ON THE PLANTS! They'll be THRILLED, I'm sure. And I'm THRILLED to be able to put them into the rain and breeze. Forecast was for 9° tonight (Tuesday) but changed to 11, so that's not TOO bad. But the day? Rain. Either no, or difficult working on the truck door (the part for which runs just over 200USD!). Well? As for the truck: the door, the brakes, the alignment, the cluster, the air conditioning... As for New Russia? It's not looking promising any longer. I'm on the verge of “devastation” right now. But? I'll just have to keep looking. That 500 rent... will never happen again. I keep thinking: Against many strong odds, I managed to make it through the nights at The Fort... into the Shelter... back to work... and out of the Shelter and all the way to VT. Against all the strong odds... I made it. I did it then... I can do it again. And I WILL! - For now, right now, the fan is pulling in the fresh night air. The washer is going. I'm sitting here ready for bed... There are matters that need to be dealt with in the immediate future. All things will pass... one way or another. - Time to put these 7 pages here on-line. Pass the time... pass the time. - 1.24 Pages up-loaded to on-line. “If I should die before I wake...” Charming. - 2.48 Wash is done. Rain is falling. Fan is pulling in cool air. Time for nothing more than a nap. It's going to be one of “those” days coming. - 9.03 Breakfast served and recyc. at the curb. It was difficult, to say the least, getting out of the bed at 8.40 and it's difficult dodging the temptation to go right back to bed. - Nice, grey, drizzly morning out there. The plants must be enjoying the breezes and the water on their leaves. But me? I've got a stone in the lungs this morning. That, after a night of no vinegar, no back brace and no spasms. “A night” I say... more like a “nap”. But, here we are, another day. Imagine that. “Another day”. What to be done with it? House-cleaning! At the exceptionally very least. This place is a horror. (But of course it is.) Only way to know what will be done with the time is... when the time has run out. And that's my attitude. (At least it takes Adam off the hook of coming to till the garden... and me, working on the hydrant.) - Moving along... - OH! Noticed, before going off to bed this morning... THE TENNIE LEONARD CD HAS “SHIPPED”... FROM * ALBANY * NY! IMAGINE IMAGINE IMAGINE THAT. Due to arrive here by Thursday, I could have driven down to get it. Oh well. - 9.11 Checking the tracking on the CD: Left Albany last night, is in Jersey City this morning. (From there, it'll probably be off to Nashua, NH, then into BTV before getting here.) How fucking stupid! Albany to the Northway to Rouses Point across to St-Albans. But nope... The USPS knows better. Morons. That's why it takes 3 days. Idiots. - 12.07 And as the little ones have their “lunch”, the place is “tidied”, the litter box is emptied, the Hoovering is done and with care (since it's only me and the little ones in the place until Saturday), fucking fur from one end to the other, new bag in the Hoover too, the sofa blanket is in the drier (STENCH!), and the only thing left to do is MOP!, which will happen after the little ones have lunched. Oh, garbage is bagged, recycling has been carted. Busy morning... and all on barely 5-6 hours of “sleep”. And round and round in my head is the thought:
”I was hoping you'd Hoover because there's so much fur all over the house.” (Why? YOU CAN'T do it? I saw you using the Hoover on the truck... when it was to your immediate, personal advantage.)
“Oh, don't worry about the boxes. Judah will put it all out in the recycling on Tuesday.” (Right. The house-nigger will attend.)
I'm rather giving up on the New Russia place at this point, but all the while I can't get the facts out of my mind: Clean air will be better for my lungs, cleaning a place and having it remain clean will be a blessing, not to mention there won't be any 3-year-old autistic child running behind me to fuck the cleaning and order... I just have to keep focused, and keep looking... and keep alive the notion that yes, one day, soon, I'll be able to toss everything into the truck and drive off into the sun-set... where I'll actually be able to “live until I die”. Amen. - So now... it's a matter of waiting until I can mop the floors and have done with it all. After that? Don't know. Can't say. Don't care. My “WORK” here will be complete... until... - 15.46 WELL! Took a nap for about an hour, got up, got to the kitchen floor mopping... with “Clean-Up” and Lysol. And now it's “drying”. This place is truly a “shit-hole”! Even after Hoovering with care, the mopping was a fucking MESS! But, it's “done”... for now... until Friday (I suppose). The “house-work” is complete. Now... what I need to do is get to the “me” work... a bit of trimming and such. Thankfully, there's time. Oh, post's in too. Nothing to “celebrate” or mention. - Now, to wait fr 17.00 (16.30?) and “meal” time. Hopefully this place will stay “semi-comfortable” through the week. - The rain's stopped. Still grey skies. A bit cooler today. I brought the plants to the porch. Might have to bring them in again for the night. We shall see what's to be. I'm off to sit in front of the tele for a bit. - 20.33 and everybody's had snax. The house-work is done. I dozed for about and hour on the recliner. Looking forward to a shower and getting to bed at a rather civil hour tonight. - During stroll, as we walked along the lilies, shit-bag came out with Willow, made insulting comments which I ignored. He then encouraged Willow to come into the yard to attack Minou! I didn't even look up, waiting. Thankfully, nothing happened. But Hallie growled. It would have been “interesting” to see Hallie rip into Willow, had she come round the fence. I don't wish injury to Willow but... - Well? time to wrap this day up. Look for a place again. Hopefully, one day, ever so soon, something will come available at RP or Champlain. - Oh, sent word about the “encouraged attack” to HLS. (No doubt, the message time/space is wasted. Fucktard, that one.) - Moving along...
(1.00 on Wed: Moron comes back at 20.40: “What is the matter with him> Did he come over & that dog she is usually is tied up. Where was minou he usually doesn't go to far. Good for Hallie.” I didn't reply and am not going to bother.)

Wed.12.Jun: 1.03 HERE WE FUCKING GO AGAIN! About an hour and a half ago, I was in the bath-room only to hear the water running up-stairs. Ah... seems Dimballs had a bit of “company” because there was a black car in the drive... gee... I suppose I “know” what the shower was for. (Not that I want to think too much on it.) But again? Another late night? Oh well... I used the time to have a beverage and to make a new “contact” page on the G's site... with a form... that's been test and it functions nicely. Then posted a “Post” to the WP blog... maybe it'll drive to the site and channel. What-ever. Just so long as none of it goes silent... or stale. And so now... time to get me into a quick shower. Luckily it won't take much scrubbing tonight (this morning). Then? A hope for sleep and a good morning and a good day and HOPEFULLY I can repair the truck door m'self! Anyway, nothing's sure until it's happened. - Oh and... checked the flats. Nothing really in RP or Champlain and the New Russia is still listed. Oh well... on-ward and where-ever-ward we go. - 1.38 Showered (in sufficient hot water... the black car in the drive is gone) and waiting for the face to “dry”. A bit of soc.med. and a second beverage and it's off to “nap” because that's what it's going to be again this mornight. - 3.25 Going to bed! THIS is going to be HELL in 5 hours! - 9.32 and at 8.40 I just gave up, after 3 alarms, and got out of bed... and RIGHT into the whole of the morning. Breakfast, served, coffee had, clench guards all, are soaking in vinegar, managed a trip to the loo, a smoke, took food out of packages (Bistros in a bag, donuts in a bowl) and the packaging went into the 2 bags of garbage that are at the curb. And, quite frankly, I don't know how I managed because the chest was FULL when I got up! The over-night was horrific! Coughing. Congested. I was awake and asleep and not asleep and half awake almost ALL through. No spasms though. That's good. But the congestion in the chest... Well. We can't have a “good” night. And so, with all this said, looks like another day of “floating through” on MAYBE about 4 hours sleep/rest/what-ever... again. Honestly, I'm at “If NR comes available, I'll give the entire June cheque with what I have to my name, 3 months of rent, up front, just to have a place that isn't here.” But... I'm not putting my “all” on it. What will be... will be. - Now, out-side, the sun is shining, the sky is clear. “Agenda”? Perhaps working on the truck door. I must have done something when I “fixed” the speaker. And there's the other speaker that needs to be addressed so, there's reason to get to it. Let's just see how/if this old body can handle it all, and the only way to know that? End of day... which is NOT going to be the beginning of tomorrow! NOT AGAIN. - 20.04 All in and had snax. And for a day of dragging, and I truly had to “DRAG” my body about this place... I was out the door at noon and...
Got the weeds and grasses out of the stone round the benches at the corner.
Got ALL of the dandelions up from the front yard (it looks like “lawn”!). Did so with a pry-tool and pull.
Had my “meal” at 17.00 and then...
RE-did the back porch... there's a “Café” with two chairs now.
And that brought us up to the stroll which was just round the house, not to the back yard much because Minou started CRYING. Yesterday must have made an impression. (I'm not mentioning it to HLS... I don't need the fucking aggravation. But I DID send 3 photos of the “Café”. I don't give a shit what she thinks... about it, about anything,) And we didn't have to put up with shit-bag! YAY! - And I checked the truck door today. Seems to be working. I'll just have to keep mind of it. - And now? Well, I DO need a shower tonight. Not really in the mood, but it'll feel better for sleeping. - All told, so little done but what DID get done... it feels better to have doe something. - Time to decide about a beverage. I'd very much like one. But not to get shit-faced... just to have. - The sun s still very much in the sky too. Such a waste. It would be delightful to be able to sit out back, or even on the porch, but the truth is... I don't have the energy. (I could use that Primatene. Was considering asking HLS, if she passed a Walgreens, but I didn't get my smokes from Luce and I KNOW I won't get anything from HLS either so... no sense asking. I'll have to get into Plattsburgh... on my way to New Russia perhaps.) - 23.05 SHOWERED! AND BEARD TRIMMED. AND I FOUND A NEW FACE FLANNEL! (Just in time too... the old one is “see-thru” in the centre at this point... just a little “augmentation of income”... let's just call it.) - Got a reply from the “Café” photos: “WOW”. BFD. Never mind. It's done. - Now? Time for a beverage. No... NO 3.00 off to bed tonight! Not that there's anything pressing for tomorrow. Though, last check on the CD: “it's on its way”... Last time USPS posted that, the package was lost. Well, it's due tomorrow. We shall see. - Nice evening. Cool. Clear, I believe. The forecast for Friday is “rain” but if it doesn't the lawn will get mowed. Monday is the 17th. Mama's 86th. I was thinking of going to MHV for the day but with the truck and such... and no word from Denis... and HLS has a rendez-vous at CIBC on Tuesday (and I'm going to put my “loose” cash into my account... if not much of what's in Community... I'll decide that either Friday or Monday... just to get it out of the country and the US banque, now that I've cashed that govt. cheque) and I have to be at NOTCH on Wednesday at 9.00. So? So. - Anyway... time for that “beverage”! - As for NR, I've a feeling Alden's going for the “HUD” applicant he'd mentioned. HUD will pay 800/mo. and I'm almost certain he'd rather have that... in spite of what he'll probably get to live in the place. There's been no word from him. He said he'd be up on Monday but would let me know before. Oh well... I just have to keep looking. (There's a place in RP... I just have to wait and keep looking for it.) - 24.22 still a bit of beverage left in the glass but I'm falling asleep so... it's “gulp and go”. I'm tired... going to bed. Let's see what the night throws me under.

Thu.13.Jun: 8.30 And I heard the... “bells”? the alarms at 7.00 and at 8.00 and snoozed until 8.25, having slept... SLEPT...THROUGH... the night! ALL through the night. And, except for the lack of oxygen, all is quite, amazingly, well this morn! AND breakfasts have been served, coffee, smoke, and ALL. Done. The skies are grey, the air is warm, and another day commences. Considering the forecast for tomorrow's mowing (rain) I probably could mow today... but I seriously doubt that I shall. No. If I have to skip the week, I've no problem with that. So I'll just roll with the day and see what comes of it... when it's done.
TENNIE'S CD ARRIVED!!! I PICKED IT UP AT THE P.O. AT ABOUT 10.45 AND HAVE BEEN WORKING WITH IT SINCE!!! “OPEN” PACKAGING BUT PERFECT CONDITION!!! PLAYS BEAUTIFULLY!!! AND I'VE BURNED A COPY, PUT THE SONGS ON THE iPOD SO I NOW HAVE THREE COPIES OF THE DISC!!! AND WHAT MEMORIES, LISTENING TO THE SONGS INCLUDING... “A LITTLE SPACE”!!! BRADSHAW, TENNIE... SO MANY MEMORIES!!! WHAT A DAY!!! Now... if ONLY I could get in touch with Tennie. But the truth is, I'm almost afraid that she's “not around”. Oh, I'll keep trying to find her. Meanwhile... I HAVE THE CD AGAIN!!! I'M AMAZED!!!
The little ones have had their “lunch snax”. The skies are still grey, and there's quite a chill in this shit-box. But all's quiet. I'm a touch hungry but there's really almost nothing to be eaten. And I'm too damned lazy and cheap to drive off to get anything. Oh well... story of my existence. - 21.26 OUT OF THE SHOWER (because Dimballs has the “hareem” back again tonight already, damnit)! HAD to GRAB it whilst there's hot water. But it's not a bad idea, really. Maybe it'll get me into bed at a civil hour. Maybe...? - BUT... THERE'S *** NEWS *** THIS EVENING!!!
AT 15.12 I ACTUALLY RANG *** TENNIE *** !!! She has her home phone number on her web-site and I never really paid any attention until today. So? I figured “No harm in calling, since her number's on the site.” WELL... she appears to have the old “answering machine” with a beautiful message so, “at the tone” I left my name and number and a message. At 16.16 my phone rings back (the ATT number)! TENNIE! Didn't remember me until I mentioned Bradshaw and then it ALL came back to her! WHAT A THRILL! A DELIGHT! A MARVEL! A WONDER! A BLESSING! TO CHAT WITH HER AFTER ALL THESE YEARS! We spoke for only about 6 minutes because she was “in a meeting” but those 6 minutes were FANTASTIC! She says we'll talk when she has more time. (We'll see how that works... I remember, very well, the same “suggestion” from years ago. But it was nice to hear.) She's working with Russel, from “Broadway Beat/Applause Video”! He's still around! How WONDERFUL! (I remember his other half, Eliot, went into jail for a bit, came back with AIDS. Nice to know Russel's still alive and kicking, as it were.) ANYWAY... THAT IS MY THRILL DU JOUR TODAY!!! ***
And now, recently, I've been working on a “new site” for Tennie. Hers is so blah and slapped together. She deserves something that reflects her more... especially since she's going “out of circulation”. I'm putting effort into this and can put it on my “Design” site for her review. Can't hurt and it keeps my mind occupied. - And too, along with such and said, a letter came to HLS today, from “Chomage”. Seems they aren't paying this past week because they're “investigating” some stuff. (I wouldn't doubt it's her bull-shit claim, with the typos and shit that she sent in on Sunday but... none of my business. If she won't put in any effort to make things presentable... let THEM tell her... and grill her. I'm tired of trying. She'll learn as I did: Hard knocks.) When it arrived, I sent a message asking if she wanted me to open it. Reply “Please do.” I did. Took photos of the letter, upper part and lower part and sent those with a little message of “encouragement”. What the results will be... will be. (She still has to certify on Sunday... with 3 more attempts/efforts. Let's see how THAT goes. I've NO doubt she won't be prepared. I don't care... just roll along.) - And my food stock is done. Tomorrow and Saturday will, most likely, be “sammiches”. Oh well. My “eating days” are almost at an end. Alas. - But, WHAT A “TENNIE LEONARD DAY” this was! The CD AND the PERSON! “Life” has been “Belle”! - Now... showered, time for a beverage and soon to snooze. All else is attended. How charming.

Fri.14.Jun: 2.13 Well... I worked on the “Tennie” site for a while then went to the soc.med. and here I am, at the bottom of the second “beverage” and looking at another “nap-night”. Oh well... Good though, to have the Tennie site to keep my mind off of “here”. I'm not thrilled with the way it's going but I put a LOT of work into the photo thus far and that's looking rather nice. - Today's Friday... music to the G's to post! (And, sadly, the last full day of peace in the shit-hole.) Oh well... time to have last smoke, rinse of the mouth and off to the covers. It's a damp and chilly one again tonight. So much for “Summer”. Pffftttt....fuk. - 8.37 and out of bed at 8.05. ALL of the “morning routine” is complete and there's concrete in the lungs this morn. Gee. “Out of all of this in December”? Winter's not a “convenient” month. But then again... cremation. - Charming thoughts on a sunny day. - There's Tennie's site to complete first. And that's my goal. - I'll see about mowing as the day progresses. I see 70% rain in the “après-midi”, 80% in the “soir” so and therefore... mowing is about 0%. No regrets. - On with the day... rolling along. - 10.56 and as I'm working on a Tennie photo... the phone... ALDEN! Looks like I'm IN!!! IN!!! IN!!! He's pulled his back out (I'll have to bring him some “Robax') but is planning on driving into NR on Monday! And... ALL APPEARS TO BE PERFECT! So... THAT makes “living” worth the getting up in the morn. Indeed! Now, back to Ms. Leonard. - 22.36 The house hasn't been cleaned, no word about the return of... Spent ALL day with Tennie's “home page”! Still not 100% happy about it but... - Ran to the store at about 16.30 for chicken fukkitz and rolls. 3 rolls, 12 fukkitz, finished the ice cream. “Meal”. Watched a bit of tele. One nap of about 30 mins. all day. I'm tired... and still have to shower. BUT... music to G's first. Hopefully there'll be hot water! - I'm on the last pack of 20 smokes too. Off to Bedford on Sunday... - Oh... and another 42USD out tomorrow... phone service! SHIT! Oh well... there's cash strewn and stashed about. Not “enough” but “enough”. - 24.29 HEADING OFF TO THE SHOWER... CLOTHES IN A “QUICK”! Had a v-ton... and will probably have another before the clothes are done... Oh well... “Peace” is soon to die round here... “tomorrow”.

Sat.15.Jun: 1.36 OUT OF THE SHOWER AT LAST! The wash is going onto the rinse/spin... AT LAST! And the room is being SAGED!!! just to be “sure”. And I'm EXHAUSTED! I could just get into bed... but the clothes need to finish first. I might just have me another v-ton... “might”. But no matter. - I was looking about the room before the shower and thinking that I have to “re-arrange” and perhaps, re-pack since this relocation looks to be going in the right direction. Well? Something else to “occupy” my time... when I'm not out and about the yard... “packing, listing, arranging...” prepping. And then... one day... - Truth be known... it's going to be VERY difficult with-out Hallie and Minou. But the fact is: I've left others, lost others... and here I am. So? - Interesting bit: I wonder if it'll help my lungs. I shouldn't doubt that it will. - OK. Off to “tidying” before bed. - 3.01 Last smoke... - 9.24 The “morning routine” is done. I didn't crawl out of bed (with chagrin) until 8.45! Oh well. Almost 6 hours of what-ever it is that I had during the night. At least it was through the night (morning?). - Silly me... forgot to put the beans up to soak yesterday. But, they're soakin' now! So... - Meanwhile, it's a very “heavy-chested” morning, this one is. VERY heavy. I'd quite the smoking but I've got a feeling that, at this point, THAT would be a terrible thing. There's no reversing anything at this juncture. And removing all the smoke, tar, and such would probably just give what-ever is in my lungs the chance to run amok, and right now, I'm too close to going back to the “Home state”, to the Adirondacks where I've thought of being for some 30 or more years (at this point in my existence). So, I just need to roll along, keep on keepin' on... I DO have to must say though, it most certainly DOES appear to be that I AM “going home to die”. It's going to be a bit hectic (and my anxiety level, where the truck is concerned, is outrageously high of late) at first. But, all that can be done is take it all as it comes. Let's just see what happens on Monday. (The weather forecast is for sun-shine... at any rate.) - So, there's a floor to be mopped, this room to be Hoovered and moving my truck “out of her way”. Then back to Tennie's site. Let's just move through that much and... - 11.48 and the floors are DONE! The place is “settled”... the post is in. And I'm feeling rather, generally... “heavy” over-all. “Air”... as I've suspected all along, really, it's all about “air”... and the lack of it. But... on we go. - At least the shit-box is “in order”. No “evidence” of my existence here... as it should be. (I keep remembering when I told her: “I don't have my toiletries in 'your' bath-room, don't have my clothes about the place, quite frankly, there's NO evidence of my presence, other than in that little room.” and she replied “Yes, and I appreciate that.” Tits on a trout and general bollocks. You're welcome. What will this place look like a week after I'm out? I don't care. But 200 miles is a long way to travel... and for no appreciation or respect. - (My heart shreds itself when I think of Hallie and Minou... NOBODY round here will give them the love and attention they so deserve. But I, most certainly, can't take them with me. Besides, there's no “safe” place for either of them. And as for Minou? Well! The entire Adirondack range surrounds the place, full of all sorts of beasts that would have him as “snax”. I couldn't live with the thought....) - 21.26 Well, the rolled into the drive shortly after 19.00, poor Yogi climbed out of the truck and didn't even come into the house. (As I'm to understand, she was hoping to be back early today... Yeah, well, there are those of us who know better.) She (Yogi) drove her car round to the back to get some veggie plants and took off to home. Mme. came in and fixed her-self some franks, prepared her beans for tomorrow (never noticing that they'd been soaking only since this morning), sat at table, opened a beer for me and we chatted, “curtly” about “chomage” and not too much about the events that happened round here other than the shit-bag threatening Minou. Well? That matter was closed when she suggested that I take some sort of action (which I don't recall now because I don't care) and I said “It isn't much longer for me around here and you'll be dealing with it as you will.” She replied “I know...” (as she will reply when she wants a matter dropped). Fucking self-serving idiot, that one. Oh, as I gave the little ones their 8pm snax, she asked about Hallie's food and said “I'll have to go back to getting a bag of that dry food and giving her one can of food a day.” (Meanwhile, she's got a “conference call” coming on the 25th... and she's already making excuses that she's going to slap chomage with. She won't listen... and I'm not forcing the issue. Again... self-serving.) - So just now, I've returned to the little room. I hear her getting ready to go to bed. Hey, HER house is in order. That's that. - Funny... first thing she said when she got out of the truck: “Was Adam here?” No... of course he wasn't. “He said he was coming to charge the battery and start the tiller!” (Your “friends”... you know... “friends”... those folks I don't have any of.) Makes no never mind to me. - And so... when she sent word, at 17.11 saying they were in “Sharon” and would be “late” and back in about 2 hours, I managed to heat the rest of the fukkitz and had them, 2 rolls... “meal”. Daily intake. At least it was hot (heated). I'm a bit hungry at the moment, there's crisps... but I don't want to get into that now... no “beverage” tonight because she's off to Jesus and to feed the town (I mentioned the presence of shit-bag tomorrow... I can only HOPE the manage to, at least, cross paths... what a hoot) and I NEED to get to Bedford for smokes (and some food too... of course... yoghurt at the very least). Not drinking won't make the morning any better but... I also need to “cleanse” the system a bit... so it'll be vinegar and to bed... very soon, at this rate. I'm a bit tired AND I could use the sleep. - Another day passes and peace has left the premises. - She's going to be in a “bind” when I leave... but in my heart and soul all I can think of is how much I've done has been taken for granted, that she told others that I'm “verbally abusive”, that she didn't bother to intervene when her “Michael” threatened me, making it difficult to maintain the property, that she didn't bother to intervene (as home-owner) with ANY of the bull-shit from shit-bag, AND put ALL of the onus on ME when he phoned her. You know? It's as “usual”... as has been said: I'm here for as long as I'm needed and then I move along. My “needed” time here is done. There's the hydrant that needs repairs and that's about it. Oh, and a leak in the roof. But... she's got cronies... “friends”. She pays them. At least THEY get that much. I just worry about the little ones. But... again... I can't stay here... It's time to move on, away, where-ever, what-ever. - Off to some soc.med. and then... to bed. About 9 smokes left. And a need for rest.

Sun.16.Jun: 0.59 AND... the soc.med. (G's) was actually some kind of FUN! (And I got “Jury Duty” THRICE at 25 “tokens” each... If I get the credit as promised... I'm over 500! Damned shame I can't pay rent with them!) Anyway... time for vinegar. 7 smokes in the pack... 1 before hitting the pillows. THANKFULLY I CAN go “shopping” tomorrow. (Please that the truck holds together... for this trip AND to NR!) There's enough in the CAD to get smokes AND food! - The rain stopped. I was going to put the plants out for the night but there isn't supposed to be enough rain to make it worth the effort. I'll have to see about getting to a brook. (Been thinking about asking the Pammie-Davies for access to the wet-lands... Maybe I'll bring the container(s) with me tomorrow and get something from the lake? Or bog? Or...) - Anyway, we're back to the door being closed and I have to pee so... “bottle” again? Oh... one day, before I kick-off, to be able to exist like a human again! - 1.57 OFF TO BED! (And I can smell the beans cooking in the cooker in the kitchen...) - 9.06 Leg spasms at about 4.30, the alarm at 7.00 and 8.00 and... I acknowledged and went along with my “repose” until 8.57. So fuckit, fukkit, just. And in spite of no beverage last night, woke feeling like shit as usual. Head-ache, stuffy nose and of course, lungs full of shit. - Mme. is, most certainly, round the corner at Jesus' place. There's “mass” and breakfasts to be served today. Oh my! Me? I'm thankful for the clouds in the sky and the Dimball's vehicle in the yard. No mowing t'day! - 9.19 I open the door to the porch, to step out for a smoke and... A FACE AND LUNGS FULL OF SHIT IN THE AIR! How charming (not). How typical, indeed. - But the MOST PRECIOUS EVENT OF ANY DAY... MINOU COMES TROTTING OVER TO THE WALK, LAYS DOWN AND ROLLS ABOUT! When I walked over to him, I could hear THE PURRING! Oh... dat's my little Mayun. As sweet as they come. Just as sweet as sweet can be. Breaks my heart... I've little-to-no doubt she'll ignore him... and Hallie. But him more-so. Ah... he and I have SO much in common. If there IS a “God” who DOES take care of the beasts, that He be especially kind... to these two... Hallie and Minou. (Though, to be honest, I have little... closer to “no” faith in such pharie-tales.) Amen. - 5 smokes in the pack... time enough for this old body to kick itself into “functioning”. One coffee down, one to go... and then? On with my errand of the day... (More “hope”, especially where the truck's concerned. Always something... always something. And TOMORROW... another chapter.) - 11.14 Getting ready to (hopefully) run the errand du jour BUT MUST to make note:
Noticing shit-bag mowing his lawn this morning AND... where he USED to use the walk-behind mower to “trim” round trees and along the fence-line... HE'S NOW MIMICKING MY METHOD of using the ride-on! I see him manipulating round and about, forward and reverse, all the while, fat arse in the seat. Ah... so my suspicions of being “stalked”, as it were, are confirmed. “Fucking idiot” that he claims that I am, another of my speculations turns “fact”: It annoys him to be shown the “fucking idiot” that HE actually is. I believe it's known, professionally, as “projection”. Well? All the more reason to get out of and away from here. As Jack Malone did say: “You're making everybody else look bad.” No, I'm not “making them look bad”... merely bringing to attention the actual inferiorities of the populace. Amen.
And so, with this note, social media roaming complete, and the impending doom of the return of ... I'll serve lunch to the little ones and be on my way. Can't mow because there's a vehicle in the drive (and I dare not request its removal), not to mention, there's probably a lack of gasoline for the mower. (As I type, I hear the “CRUNCH” as shit-bag mows over the pine cones that fall from HIS trees... the very cones he telephoned to whine about because I merely move those on this side of the fence into the “No-Mow Zone”. More to my favour.) I'm NOT going to put my limited funds into the maintenance of this property any more. (I'm not bringing in 2k in Social Security per month, don't have multiple thousands in a “Retirement Fund” to fall back on, never have and am not now, collecting 900-1k/month in “rental income”, and have never seen the likes of almost 500/month in “Chomage”. Yes, I understand that there are expenses associated with the maintenance of this place. But I also understand doling-out 5, 10, 25$ cheques to all sorts of corporate beggars. Alas, there comes a time when sanity must take precedence... and my need to leave here, if for no other reason than “health”, mental and physical is now tantamount to all else. As Ev put it: “You've spent your life doing good for others... It's time to do good for YOU.” And, as Ayn Rand wrote: Some degree of selfishness is necessary to survival. I know that what I'm experiencing lately, with lungs and such is irreversible, but... If I'm to “waste”, in all certainty, I do NOT want to do so here. My failing health will only be spoken of as an “undeserved inconvenience”. Once again, negating all “good” and “kindness”. I'll NOT give another that opportunity... ESPECIALLY NOT IN THIS SHIT-HOLE! - Now... time to move along. - 11.37 All Journals are up-to-the-moment... I don't dare to leave with-out making sure that “particulars” are properly recorded. Oh... the pleasures of... “on-line”, not, mind, that anybody would ever (in any likelihood, make all the necessary connections and realise that THIS is me. Still... it's comforting to know that the facts are recorded.) I have to toddle. “KADIMA”... as it were. - 16.25 As she “works” on her Jesus orders... and I'm FINALLY settling back in... I DID make the run to Bedford, at last, at about 12.30! I did move the book-case from the white room to the porch, then put little “things” (bird feeders, the “geraniums”, some books from the shelf in the white room, &c.) on the shelves, to make it appear “there for a purpose”. It seems to be fine, providing a “block” between the “Café-Bistro” area and the porch door to this room. That's what I wanted. So... we shall see what sort of response it gets. (Thus far... nothing has been said, but, considering who we're dealing with, that comes as no surprise.) Next, I'd stepped out to the yard to “trim” the “shrubs” at the “St-T” flower bed and then, came back in to get “lunch snax” for the little ones. Got the fright of my life when I couldn't locate HALLIE! I still don't know where she was hiding, but I went round the entire house looking for her, having served “lunch”. All sorts of thoughts rushed through my head! Shit-bag rang the “warden” or took her, she went over to the church... she was laying some-where, dead.. All sorts of thoughts. But as I was coming from looking on the front porch... she was in the kitchen, munching away. I took advantage of the situation and went for the truck! - THE PULLING TO THE RIGHT IS MUCH WORSE TODAY! IT WAS RATHER AN EFFORT TO DRIVE ALONG! - Stopped at the Pammie-Davie's to ask about accessing the wet-lands for plant water. Dave understood. Fine. - Next! Crossing into St-Armand was a snap, thankfully. The Dalpé is “barrée” for some reason (because it's a shit road?) so I had to turn round and take the Dutch in. No prob. It's better paved (for all it's worth, anyway). But still... THE PULLING ON THE TRUCK IS BAD! - Straight to “Sonic” (or “SuperSoir” as it's known) where I got THE LAST CARTON OF PLAYERS THAT THEY HAVE!!! Seems NOBODY'S receiving their “commande” for smokes these days! Well! (And yes, the price is up again... 111CAD! 3CAD more than the last time I was there and almost 30CAD more than Sutton, but... I saved on the gas and distance.) - Off to Métro for “cover shopping”... Krema, vinegar, Boston Creme donuts, P'tit QC fromage... 35CAD exactly! And back into the truck and to the “frontiere” where, coming back was another snap. YAY! But the PULLING IS ONLY WORSE AND WORSE. TOMORROW MORNING I'M GOING TO TRY TO GET CHAMPLAIN CHEVY TO AT LEAST LOOK AT THE SITUATION AND HOPE IT'S ONLY AND ALIGNMENT OR SOMETHING OF THE SORT. As it went... I was back at bout 15.29 or so. I honestly don't know where the time is going lately! Days are RUSHING by! - When I arrived... HLS was in and at the computer... fucking about with her “Jesus” spread sheet orders. Some sort of “saving” error she fucked up whilst away. So? To the save was me! And then I FINALLY got to un-pack my shit from the day. - Dave came by an jumped the battery in the Bollens. It's now connected to the charger, in the yard, by the back walk (my parking space!). Not sure if it's actually charging but... it did roll from the barn to the walk. - Then, of course, there was more “Help Desk” with HLS. And that being done... accounts are now reconciled and I'm doing all I can to keep from having a “lie-down”... in the hopes of getting to sleep (bed) early tonight so as to be up and about and at Champlain Chevy by 9-9.30 tomorrow (for the “report” on what's wrong with the truck THIS time). - As for the truck? I'm just HOPING that I can use the truck to get to and from NR if need be tomorrow, AND that “repairs” will be cheap, quick, easy, simple. (Yeah... right.) - Well... as I say, this day went by ENTIRELY TOO QUICKLY! (It's already 16.47 and she's banging about in the kitchen. I've had my one Krema so I'm “good” for now. There's cheese and rolls for later, if need be.) - I suppose I'll see the day out working on Tennie's site. I just really want to go to sleep right now but... NO! - 23.24 Well... for “meal” I had a yoghurt and since I've had 3 donuts. I'm fine. Have had my vinegar and am getting ready to try for sleep. Need to be “rested” to take the truck in with the hopes that they'll find what's wrong and that it'll be easy-fixin! (PLEASE! Looks like Life is going to make this move to NR as difficult as possible, but, as I keep thinking... leaving NYC wasn't easy... but I managed!) - This evening, I was offered pasta and sauce with my beer. I declined. I was hungry enough, but the pots she cooked in had been used to prepare the beans and weren't washed! Not to mention, she'd fried beef in a skillet that she managed to use and give to the dog in the 24 hours she's been back so... NO... thank you... I'll starve quietly. - As for the rest of the evening... nothing... just nothing. A bit more (a little bit) work on Tennie's pages and a few moments of tele in the parlour and that's that. - And now? It's truly time... INTO BED BY MID-NIGHT! - 23.40 The old phone reminded me of tomorrow... Mama... 86 years. - I'm ready for bed. And it's COLD in here!

Mon.17.Jun: MAMA. - 7.33 and I've had coffee and am semi-dressed. Got up and out of bed at 7.25, oddly enough, feeling quite well! I'd woken at about 6.35 (or, rather, was rudely awoken by the idiot in the kitchen, but at least is wasn't TERRIBLY shaking) and dozed until the 7.00 alarm then dozed until the 7.30 alarm. The night? 2 pee-breaks, 1 with minor spasm. Other-wise... that was almost some 7 hours of “bed time”! Anyway, when I got up to have coffee, I was feeling really quite fine. No heaviness in the chest, no hacking cough, no sinus congestion... I was beginning to be a bit “concerned”. BUT... all is returning to “normal” as the minutes tick by. Sinuses are filling, head is getting heavier, the world is getting lighter, chest is turning weighty... and the hacking is working its way into the day as well. So... no, I didn't die in my sleep last night... looks like I'll be carrying on with the routine, the agenda, the day as planned. -

- 8.38 and time to get this shit-ball day rolling. Mme. is yammering on the phone. I've already seen her in the fucking kitchen (pots, pans, dishes, shit all over the place). When I went out for my smoke, Minou came to greet me and wanted to come in when I did. I brought him in, thinking he might want a few more nibbles of his breakfast (he did). As he went into the kitchen she commented that she'd heard him at the door but “wouldn't let him in”. Indeed. Yet she expects others (ME) to be of help and support to her. - I need to get the truck to the mechanic, have them check the wheels, brakes, such things. IF Alden makes it to NR, I MUST get to see him... I NEED to, MUST go “HOME”... now, more-so than ever before... it's “time”... in more ways and for more reasons that meet the eye. - Time to roll here... 2nd coffee... 2nd smoke... and ROLL! - 12.28 AND... Went to “Anusberg”... Champlain Chevy says it's... THE BRAKE... FRONT RIGHT! I have to check my paper-work, but I believe that WAS done! I'll check. Says “James” the “Service Manager”, the line collapses as the brakes and fluid heat, causing the calipre to sieze... from time-to-time. No worries about anything “falling off”. I've an appointment for Monday-week, 7.30! IF it goes as suspected... another 300USD! Oh well... at least I know I can make the trip to NR this week... (?) (I HOPE!) - Next on the agenda... 55USD fucked. 40 in the truck, 15 for the mower. (I told HLS when I returned at about noon. “Thank you.” was all. But at least it was acknowledged which is more than usual.) I gave her the receipt, keeping a copy for me... as a “reminder”. - At about 12.15 Alden rang! He'll be leaving MA tomorrow and will be in NR Wed. and Thu.! YAY! I'll set sights for Thursday because tomorrow evening is “Haul the old lady to Bedford”... Wednesday is haul ME to Richford at 9.00 for MORE BLOOD WORK (and “God” only knows what other “news”). So Thursday... in the rain... off to the Adirondacks! “Rain”... it's always been a source of good fortune for me. “Full week”! - And now... the other yoghurt and I'm off to mow the lawn... and *FTW*. - 20.26 and she's on the recliner... the little ones haven't been out. AND it's been another day from BLOODY FUCKING HELL today because... I mowed the lawn AND it's truly been confirmed... Richard L. Cooper is clinically certifiably PSYCHOTIC! - 21.11 Waiting for her to go to bed so I can shower and clean my clothes! Fuck. - Anyway... I've given snax to the little ones and closed the house for the night... BUT the dusk/dawn light is turned on. I just checked... it's on. Good! Why? Well I got to mow the lawn today whilst Mme. tilled the garden. As I mowed down along the lilies, shit-bag came out and placed 2 cinder blocks at the Hanna Rd. end of his fence... ON THE 5199 SIDE of the fence. I simply mowed along as usual. BUT... as I was mowing, he came back, put a metal rod into the ground and put the cinder blocks on the rod so as to make it more difficult/impossible to move the blocks! Result? Well, I can't mow the lawn between the fence and the lilies. Fine with me. Not my property. Not my circus. I continued to mow only to the property-side of the flowers, on the side-walk side. Ah... but then I went to mow the front yard and when I got to the benches, the largest stones from under the benches were in the grass! I KNOW they weren't there before because I'd weeded on Thursday last. The mower hit one stone and I stopped mowing round the benches! Come subsequently... I had the chance to talk with Jordan Andrews, now of 5225 who told me that he's found large stones on his property... in the BACK yard! He's also noticed tyre tracks across his back yard, coming from the Coopers'. So... all previous events considered... indeed, shit-bag's certifiably psychotic! I told Mme. about the new information and, of course, she tried to put the blame full-face on ME! Ah... but from the chat with 5225 this evening, Jordan tells me that shit-bag's told him that we're BOTH his targets. I told Mme. this... nope... still, the blame goes on me. Well, she's been informed that when I'm no longer here, she'll be the only target and I will give her the same support she's given me: NONE! She's also been informed that when the truck goes in to the mechanic next week. I'm going to have them look for signs of “malice”... intentional damage, and should they confirm any, I'll be heading directly to the sheriff's office and a lawyer... law suits for damage and negligence are about to begin and NOBODY is “friend”. Bottom line: One way or another, I will be in NR this week and one way or another, I'll secure this flat... and one way or another... I'm gone. As I said, quite clearly, to Mme.: Since there's NO support, no law enforcement and no attention given to remedy ANY of these attacks on me and mine, I will do what *I* MUST do to protect me... no matter the action. Basically... she can go to Hell for all I care. I'm returning “kindness” as has been given to me. But indeed... Cooper IS clinically psychotic... but then again... so are the rest of them. This place is worse than Newburgh! I'm OUT! Even if I have to starve to get out. - And there we have it. - So, I was offered “rice” for “meal” this evening. I had the “Tea” and said that I would go to the store for a sandwich. I went. I got half pound of turkey and some onion dip (for crisps later because I've no doubt I'll be having a v-ton tonight). Luckily, I'd gotten REAL rolls yesterday at Métro. 2 rolls, turkey and P'tit QC cheese... “meal”. I've got 3 donuts left too... later. - 21.33 She's FINALLY off to bed! SHOWER AND LAUNDRY TIME FOR ME! (And I don't give a shit!) - Checked the out-door light again. It's dim, for some reason. I'll check when all traces of sun-light are gone. If it doesn't work... I'll just start putting the other walk-way light on at night. (Both trucks are parked in the back tonight. Forecast is for clear nights until Wednesday so that's fine.) - I'll have to park the truck in front tomorrow evening though. I suspect I'll be accompanying Mme. to the banque for the 16.00 rendez-vous and I don't want the truck where it can be seen by shit-bag and I certainly don't want it “hidden” in the back. THIS SHIT NEEDS TO END! (I've seen that stress is a major exacerbation of emphysema... I'll be mentioning the stress here, on Wednesday's “health check”. Best to have this situation documented. Perhaps I'll get assistance with leaving? I doubt it. This fucking institution state is beyond all that... fucking retards.) - Well and OK. Time to pass another 15-20 minutes before heading to the shower (at 22.00). Hey! At least the property is dutifully maintained. (I'll be slowing that to a halt soon. I've MORE than PAID for my time and space in this place. It's time to “balance the books”.) - OH! Almost forgot... I had to “help” the old thing with her “chomage” again today. Yeah, she's put in the info. I made it all easier for her but... she aggravated by asking for help and as I gave it, she started looking at calendars and went off onto other things that caught her attention. Mack said that the retarded adults he dealt with at Wassaic were like ducklings... easily distracted and would wander off. This old thing is no different! It's exasperating! But, the day is coming when she'll be 100% on her own and then... ? Then... - Again, I have to say that my heart breaks because, again, today, I gave the little ones their “lunch” AND “dinner”. She's so self-absorbed! I fear for their welfare... especially Minou who's so attached to me. BUT HIM, like me, he's a survivor... it's how he came to be here. Ah... another little cat who breaks my heart. I swore it wouldn't happen... Alas. - Time to prep for bathing... and a night of restless bed. “Restless” because I'll be attentive to ANY “presence” on the property. - OH! I checked the state statutes on “Trespass”? These idiots don't consider it “trespass” unless the individual has been told, then notified in writing or signs are posted. What fuckery! So? 2 or 3 signs on posts... 1 at the corner facing Coopers', another at the corner facing the Hanna Rd. and another some-where along that line... perhaps close to the drive... so nobody will be tempted to enter that way. And I'll be sure to “notify” Dimballs... to keep an eye on HIS vehicle since Cooper has it out for EVERYBODY who is in residence at this address. (I'll be sure to mention the comments made about the previous tenants as well... just to be clear.) - I do NOT need this bull-shit! (Should find a way to “Dox” the shit-bag... A little something to work on... in addition to the report to the IRS.) - 22.39 Out of the shower. Clothes in the wash on 28-min. cycle. There were clothes in the washer so I put them into the dryer but I've a strange feeling they weren't clean! And something in there smelled “odd”... in the room and in the yard! So after about 10 minutes (on a 15-min. cycle) I took them out. Well? We'll find out in the morning. Would serve her right... leaving filthy clothes in the washer all the time. I'm tired of doing her washing too. I keep to my-self, doing my washing when she's not here (most of the time) or when she's in bed. I'm fucking fed-the-fuck-up with being “considerate” and receiving no consideration in return. FUCK THIS SHIT! - Anyway... time for a vodka-grapefruit juice. Hey! The doc says to eat fruits. I've got the juices... nobody said not to “augment” the fruits. - Oh... and that LED bulb isn't working properly in the out-side fixture. I'll just have to invest in a FLOOD light. What a pity. It “might annoy the neighbours”. Ppffttt!

Tue.18.Jun: 2.00 and yes... I've had TWO “beverages” (and a shit-load of crisps and dip... DEE-LISH!) but I'm “fatigued” and not “tired”. Spent all the while on G's Minds... thanking people, mostly. It DOES mean a lot to me when folks support the Minds' channel. Anyway, it's WAY later than I wanted to get to bed. I enjoyed getting up before 9.00 yesterday. But the truth is... (and nobody here can handle “truth”... fucking mentally retarded in-breeds) I can't give a fuck, shit nor a care. There's NO reason for me to be awake and about before any particular time. And now that the yard-work is done... only thing is to plant sun-flowers along the fucking fence. - I've had my vinaigre... (Odd.. after 2 “beverages” I can't spell that in English!) and my last smoke. Time to get into bed! At least there's nothing on the the “agenda” until 16.00 or so. Éniwé... off I go. - MANY “Thanks” to the folks on Minds... G's, for their support though. THAT is important... to me. - I'm just REALLY UN-comfortable about the shit across the yard. Fuck! Well? The only hope now is that all works out well on Thursday! Even if I pay rent and don't get to move immediately, at least I'll have “residence” back in NY! (I NEED to get a BED! And a place to sit! But... once I get the place, the rest will happen. I just need to know that I don't technically “reside” here.) I can only keep “Hope” in the heart. - Off I go! For a “nap”. - 10.01 MY “morning routine” is done and I crawled out from under the blankets (reluctantly) at 9.48 this marvellous morn! Sadly, my jeans are in the dryer because, well... it was another cool night. But that's fine. All else is done. I'm not sure where HLS is but the truck is here and I'm certain she's toddling about some-where. - As for this day ahead... nothing... at 16.00, she's got a rendez-vous in Bedford (which should be “fascinatingly painful” for somebody... but not me...) but before that... nothing... nothing that I give a shit about, anyway. I MIGHT, should the sprit to do something move me, plant flowers along the garden fence. Or, I might plant the rest of the knot-weed! Or I might just sod it all and roll along.- At the moment, “Cynthiahhhhh” (Lyle's “das Queen”) Gates has rolled into the drive for tomato plants. (I believe I saw her pay... but can't be certain because, well, the old thing here doesn't get “life”. GIVE AWAY! the whole fucking lot and whine about having nothing. Anyway... none of my concern.) - And so, it's 10.12, the jeans have dried and are on and I'm dressed and it's time for a smoke, I believe. (I'd much rather just go back to bed, to be honest.) - I think I'll work a bit more on Tennie's site. WHY the fuck NOT? Eh? - 14.30 And I helped with un-rolling and placing a plastic runner in the new-tilled garden and then went on to mowing the one patch that hasn't been mowed, mostly to mulch-down the straw, in the hopes SOMETHING green will grow. Weeded round the blue-berry bushes... which are, to my amazement, producing little blue berries! - Also, had a “chat” with Jordan Andrews again. He mentioned that shit-bag doesn't “approve” of me being here, in the same house, with Mme.! Now! REALLY! As Mme. said when I told her: as if HE has ANY “moral compass”! Was also informed that shit-bag's telling folks not to trust either Mme. nor I. Yeah? OK. We then discussed the statutes of “trespass” and “tree trimming” and indeed... if Mme. wants the pine limbs cut from her side of the property line... it is, in fact, the law, she most certainly may. (She's considering. I'm laughing.) - Well it proved a wonderful day, after an extremely sharp beginning when I lost it and went off on her about “help” with the garden. I told her I DON'T WANT TO! And I told her why... considering she'd been telling shit-bag that everything he doesn't like is MY doing. Well... that's in the open. And of course... she got the help... for which I got “thanked”. - 19.50 At about 15.30 we were off... to Bedford... to the banque! A stop in Highgate for gas and... she was 15 minutes late, of course. But we sat together, chatted nicely with “Alexandra” and... the account is no established! After, we stopped for a bite to eat at the “Greek Pizzeria” and resto. She had “beef” (a boneless piece of a large size) and I has “viande fumée”. She said she enjoyed the beef. Me? The chips tasted rather “sweet”, not to my liking, the quantity of meat on the sandwich was minute and more like “cold cuts” than “smoke meat”. But the beer was OK. 45CAD! And certainly not worth it... as far as I'm concerned. But she was hungry and so... - I drove back (imagine that) and we were back in by 19.03. - A HOT day today! And yes, I'll be showering the dust of the yard off before heading for bed tonight. - Alden rang at 19.18. I was in the loo and heard the muttered message. (I don't like this new phone... blaring my calls! MUST work on that!) Anyway... in town until further notice, but sure through to Saturday! I'll have to ring him back, try for Thursday. (Mme. will be in BTV but that's fine.) Yes indeed... once I figure the finances... looks like Baby's going HOME AT LAST! - 19.59 and the litter box is emptied, the little ones are in for the night. HLS is out on the royal recliner. I'm looking forward to my shower and hopefully, a night of REST for tomorrow's “MD” appointment. This day is DONE! I even took the little ones out for a stroll...at around 19.00... early but... - And, as for this moment... “Tomorrow starts the same ol' shit again.” - 22-fucking-44 and only NOW am I getting to use the fucking shower! Oh well... This too shall pass. - 23.16 OUT OF THE SHOWER AT LAST! - And with my “”fasting time” approaching at mid-night... I'm having a v-ton! Because? Fuck It! If it shows in the blood-work... so be it. Let them know the facts. - Now... wait until my face “dries” and off to seepie-nigh-night. FUKKIT!

Wed.19.Jun: 1.15 First of all, I'm about to regret this hour. Second of all, had a “proper” v-ton and now am a bit “munchie” but I don't dare finish the crisps and dip. Third of all and maybe “most important”... I stepped out to the porch a few moments ago, for a smoke and THE DAMNED LIGHT IN THE DUSK/DAWN FIXTURE IS BRILLIANT! AND I MEAN ***BRILLIANT***!!! LIGHTS UP THE ENTIRE PORCH! ONE BULB! INCREDIBLE! Must have been the cold that kept it dim last night. BUT IT'S AMAZING! And Mme. said the “flood light” annoyed Mr. Shit-bag? THIS should put things proper! It's AMAZING! - Meanwhile... one more smoke for the road. I MUST be up and about not later than about 7.00 so this IS going to be a (5-hour) nap tonight. May it be UN-FUCKING-INTERRUPTED! - 1.26 *** NEWS FLASH!!! THE LIGHT ***IS*** A “MOTION SENSOR”!!! I'M JUST IN FROM LAST SMOKE AND THE LIGHT WAS DIM AGAIN, SO I STEPPED OUT TO THE WALK AND... “CLICK”... BRILLIANT!!! SO IT DOES SENSE SOMEBODY IN THE BACK YARD! NOW I WONDER WHO (OR WHAT) TRIPPED IT EARLIER! BUT, NO MATTER. I'M THRILLED! *** OK... Vinegar for the legs and off to nap. - THIS is going to piss shit-bag off! YAY ME! - 7.10 feeling like utter SHIT! The last hour I remember seeing on the clock was “3”, and it was plus something. So I'm truly on “NAP” here this morning and feeling all the worse for it. Yes, I got to bed at about 1.30. I was up at about 2.35 to pee. Right thigh SPASM at 3.-something. The the snooze. Heard the 6.00 alarm and let that one go. Heard the 7.00 alarm and turned it off, laying there, worrying about falling asleep until 8.00 and needing to rush and at 7.10... right calf SPASM!!! So much for an “UN-FUCKING-INTERRUPTED” NAP! - So I suppose it's time to get me together. There's a road to be travelled, “Lady Doc” to be seen... shit'n'stuff to do. (And to be honest... I'd like to do both... :shit AND stuff... or, at least shit and puke.) AND I have to ring Alden today! (Thankfully I didn't say we'd meet after my appointment today!) - But HEY! Funny about that light on the drive though. Eh? MOTION SENSOR! WOO-HAH! AND... IT WORKS! - 11.43 and... back WITH NEWS...
Got to the NOTCH at 8.55... GREAT! Primary cause for appointment? The stiffness in my neck which is now confirmd: arthritis for which “Physical Therapy” was offered (and I, of course, declined because arthritis is irreversible and PT is a money-making joke... how well *I* know this).
Bloods are perfect (or as close to as it.)
Nodules are present but obviously not serious enough to cause any actual concern on either party.
Jenna is leaving in July to “go back to CT”! My next appointment: March 2020.
And... I was out of there... with all my blood!
So, being in the area and on the road, I headed into Anusberg in search of “No Trespassing” signs. At ACE, there wasn't a soul about to offer ANY assistance. I roamed an aisle or so and left. Strolled over to Bates' where the young fellow showed me a generic sign and suggested looking on-line for REALLY GREAT signs. (I shall do so. WTF?)
NEXT... Being in Anusberg, I decided to TRY Rite Aid... for “Primatene” and...
Stopped at the Pharmacy to inquire... the fellow said they had the pills but not the inhaler. The gal suggested looking in “the aisle” and so, the fellow and I went and...
PRIMATENE !!! I GOT IT! 30USD but it's a NECCESSITY and so, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS... I'LL BE BREATHING AGAIN! When the gal rang it up, she was THRILLED to see it back and was aghast at the price! “I remember this was 12$!” Oh... being “old” and “remembering”. But... 160 doses at 30USD... I'm fine with that AND it's perfect timing because....
RANG ALDEN FROM THE PARKING LOT... I'M OFF TO NEW RUSSIA TOMORROW TO “talk about figures and details”! I'll presume I'm OK saying: I'M GOING BACK TO NY! IT APPEARS *THAT* CERTAIN!
Well... for now, I need the loo and get a bit of “work” done round this hole. More later... - 15.08 ALMOST got the sunflowers in but... as WE were working, she decided to come in and hit the recliner. I didn't know where she was so I looked in the living-room. Ah... she wants another plastic runner down, plant another something some-where... and there she is, on the recliner. No prob. I'd cut the trench for the sunflowers, laid them out where they might go and headed back out to plant... and she shows up. “Look at those sunflowers!” and “You want to mix them a little.” (That's how I'd had them laid out along the fence but...) She goes at them, taking them out of the pack. So I just said “You really DO see me as the idiot he (shit-bag) claims me to be. Well, go ahead, do it your way, do it your-self.” and I just got up, gathered “my” tools and started away. “I haven't slept since yesterday and still work.” I said. “Can I have the cart?” (Daisy's) “No. You have one in there.” (the barn) Truth of the matter is... I got back here, helped a bit making the rows for the corn, then repaired the wheel on the old wheel-barrow, went to work cutting the “sod” for the sunflowers, laid the “sod” into the ruts in the yard... and I'm a sweating mess at the moment. I mean, this morning, she went to make an application to “UVM Hosp.” and it got a bit involved and I didn't have the time to get into it. But as I said: everything on the computer is the same as it would be on paper, but she doesn't bother to read anything and just rolls along... on to something else. I'm tired of that. She truly does expect somebody ELSE to do the “work” for her, in many respects. She's the child who does something, fucks it up because somebody else will come along and do it. Well? NR or not... I've crossed that line. No more doing. - So now I'm back from the store, quarter pound turkey, chcoc-milk, donut stix. Time for something to eat and then shower and then to bed. Had I known it was going to turn out like this, I could be in NR now... But... As it is, I have to come up with 5cUSD for tomorrow, I should think. But I'm going to offer 3 months up front... 1 sec. and 2 paid. We shall see. Next week, this time, I'll have the 1k (not really but...). I can only hope. - I'm falling asleep here... sitting... dirty and sweaty. JEEZUS! - 21.39 SHOWERED AND THE CLOTHES ARE WASHING (on a 40-min... with 29 mins. remaining). And earlier, I took a shot of.... PRIMATENE and YES, it still DOES make a difference! - All is peaceful in the place tonight... thankfully. BUT... SHIT-BAG GOT TO HLS TODAY! AS SHE WAS WORKING IN THE GARDEN, THE PSYCH-TARD GOT ON HIS MOWER AND FOR A GOOD HALF HOUR AT LEAST, JUST MOWED BACK AND FORTH ALONG THE FENCE! HE'D ONLY JUST MOWED WHEN I DID (MONDAY, I BELIEVE), SO IT WASN'T NECESSARY. HE DID IT JUST TO ANTAGONISE HER! AND NOW SHE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN PUTTING UP WITH ALL ALONG! It's not that I'm getting any pleasure out of her discomfort today, but I AM happy that she now KNOWS what SHIT I've put up with for so long... and SHE rather ignored. (Although, I DO have to admit... from what I've seen in this incest-pit, I DO suppose I understand WHY she won't confront him or his situation. AND this evening, she told of how, when she was being threatened by Stanhope, she'd contacted the police AND THEY REFUSED TO HELP HER! SERIOUSLY... THIS STATE TRULY IS EVERY BIT THE SHIT-HOLE IT SMELLS LIKE! Well... things will change when I'm no longer an actual “resident”... I'm looking forward to the ability to “let loose”... and being able to toddle off. Franklin will know what I know of them... and they'll be assured that I'll let others know as well... in the most damaging manner possible. “Pay-back is a bitch... but revenge is a mother-fucker”. THIS “Flatlander Mother-Fucker” is about to have his day. Amen. - And so on that note, I'm sadly getting that “over-drive” kick, that “time for bed and I'm afraid to go there” extra boost. - Just had 2 donuts sticks and some choco-milk... going for a smoke (on the highly lit porch... the light is on FULL for some reason), then, whilst the wash washes and dries... “BEVERAGE”! And hopefully... COMATOSE tonight... all the way through!

Thu.20.Jun: 1.08 Too much soc.med. and one rather strong v-ton and now it's time to TRY for a NAP! - 8.18 and up out of bed after a night of ... HELL !!! It was miserable! I got up from the table/lap-top, got me “together” lights all set and such and IMMEDIATELY as I laid down... IMMEDIATELY!!! THE RIGHT LEG WENT TO SPASM!!! I got up, got the pain under control, laid down, more pain, got up, laid down, for about half an hour. At last, I found a position to lay in, (“Fowlers”-ish) that wasn't “comfortable” but it stopped the spasms and, dozed until about 2.30 when I had to PEE! And that started the whole “comfortable v. spasm” positioning over again! - OK. So from let's call it 3.00 until about 8.00, five fucking hours... FIVE hours, after Tuesday night of about the same “NO sleep”/restless night... here we go a-fucking-gain! - I think to my-self: Either I'm doing this nonsense to me, with anticipatory anxieties and the likes or, it's another case of having to FIGHT LIKE A MISERABLE, GUTTER-SUCKING BIT OF SHIT to get something (some place) better, work your arse AND balls off because NOTHING is EVER going to be handed to you. I don't know... I just don't know. - ANYway... another day comes along and this one holds a trip, a voyage, a journey... and the threats of DELUGE! BUT... THE ADIRONDACKS!!! (It's 8.39 now, I believe the rains have begun... and I need to get me up and about. I've had coffee, would like a smoke... though I wouldn't because of “morning chest” and the sort. But... HERE we go! Let me see if I can't stuff a quick shower in before 10.00. HAH!) - 9.12 and the time is suddenly doing the “jump”... from “plenty of time” to “WTF happened to the time?” - It's going to be a little “tough” but I'm going to get a money order for 500 this morning... just to have with. It'll leave me with the 100 in 5s and the 200 in the “light”. So it's not as if I'm flat broke. It would have been easier if all of this could have happened NEXT week, but? “Life” is not “easier”. And, I have to keep in mind that I'm not “destitute” again. So? So... Besides... it's a “rainy” sort of day and rain has always been a sign of “good”. We shall see... I keep telling Mme. not to get all anxious about things she doesn't know and can't control... I need to take my own “advise” (as they say on soc.med.) - I just wish my bowels would settle! (Those damned donuts... and the choco-milk... and the v-ton... crisps, dip... I asked for this... Moron that I can be.) - Happy day... that's that. - 9.36 Pages up-loaded! Journals up-to-date. Now... to get me rolling along here. HERE GOES! - 10.28 Showered... by tub and rain... and the money order is purchased (5c). My guts are trying to blow themselves clear but... HLS is in the garden... in the rain. What a day. Oh well. And now I've got 35USD cash to my name (plus the 120 in 5s but I never actually acknowledge them). So? I suppose, for now, all's well. The only thing left for the day is to make it to NR and back... AND BACK... WITH-OUT “INCIDENT”! And the only way to know that for certain is... DO IT! - 10.50 and .... we're off... into the rain! Here's with HOPE of a “Home-state” residence on return. - 6.18 and I was IN the room at 17.58 and OF COURSE... SHE'S NO-WHERE TO BE SEEN! A note left on the table that “Hallie is with me”... no Minou about. But he's back, and has had dinner and I'm having mine (2 rolls with turkey cold-cuts and more P'Tit QC cheese that I got in Hannaford's in Swanton, where I stopped to buy FOUR “NO TRESPASSING” signs). And so... all THAT typed, said and done...

I drove through some torrential rains, especially through my favourite area of “Chesterfield/Willsboro”, in BOTH directions. And it POURED down with rain whilst there. So? Rain brings blessings again. - Oddly though, I thought I'd be more “elated” or something, but right now, I'm SO EXHAUSTED... from poor sleep last night and all the driving and such. Just EXHAUSTED! I wanted, so much, as I was driving, to simply snooze. I probably could have done... pulled over at a “rest” area, but didn't. And I'm rather glad because I got IN this place at 17.58 (and HLS said she'd be back by 18.00..., of course, she can't tell time so...). Oh yes, and indeed, got HOME and back with-out “incident”! Thankfully! It's been a GREAT DAY! - And now... 18.39, I'm done eating my “sammiches”, no sign of HLS. - 19.11 She's rolled-on... and I've helped un-load the truck and now... we're off to making a job app. - SHE BOUGHT FOOD AND SNAX FOR MINOU! I'M THRILLED! - I told Dorothy about the new place... Now let's see if she passes the word. (I surely hope not!) - I want to nap but.. work calls. (Beverages tonight, to be sure!) - 22.11 WELL... “we” got her another application on-line AND to on-line banquing AND all is done and all are in their beds. THIS day is DONE! AND I've poured me a “Thank You Mama” beverage! Tomorrow, at some point, we'll get another job application done and meanwhile, I have to work on getting my NYS license back and all the rest of the shit... like gas, oil, lights, phone, web... I've got 10 days before the whole thing goes into effect... AND next Wednesday... there's the automatic 500 removed from the monthly income! THIS ain't no subscription here! (Thankfully, it ain't no “lease” neither. But...) - Anyway... it's drizzling out there. It's comfy in here. And I'm on to a “regular” night... and then to bed... and hope for an IRregular night... one WITH SLEEP! - 23.47 It's taken me all this time to get the pages of this Journal to look CLOSE to what I want them to look like (STILL can't figure how to increase a font size with all the to e new coding shit but...)! But I DID get the attention-grabbers for today... images and colours and such. Not exactly as I want, but it's good... IT'S GOOD! And I've had a rather “hefty beverage” and am about to have the 2nd and I don't care tonight because tomorrow? Well... and the day after? Well... and the day after? Well... So much for so much... I'M A “NOO YAWKUH” AGAIN! (I still have to figure the budgets and the furnishings... but there's time... not much, but there's time.)

Fri.21.Jun: 0.26 2 beverages... and now... since I've brought the Journals to-date... I'm off to the bed... and hopes of SLEEP! There's SO much I want to do (soc.med. , &c.) but I'm going to “try” for a “nap”. But right now... today, tonight, I'm back in NY... some place to leave to if/when I ever... EVER have to hear “Go find some-place else...” I HAVE that now! (And I can ponder, in sincerity... how the fuck to furnish it!) - Seepie-night-night time. - 13.13 I FINALLY got up and out of the bed at about 8.30!!! SLEPT THROUGH THE ENTIRE NIGHT, SAVE ONE PEE-BREAK AT ABOUT 3.30!!! AMAZING! - AND IT WAS QUITE THE MORNING, THIS ONE. MUCH ACCOMPLISHED... INDEED! - Sent a little text to Dorothy about NR. And of course, that suddenly stopped, as she usually does. - Next on the line... rang the NR PO to check the “postal address” AND... NOT ONLY HAS THE NEWS OF MY “RESIDENCE” REACHED THE PO... THE POST MISTRESS TELLS THAT SHE'S FROM RUTLAND VT *** AND HER HUBBY, WHOM I MET YESTERDAY, WAS *** BORN IN NEWBURGH! *** JEEZUS! BUT... I NOW HAVE MY POSTAL ADDRESS: POB 5! YEP... I'M THERE! OK... next in the line of biz, I checked the status of my NY driver's license. Sadly, it was cancelled when I took the VT license so I'll have to re-apply again! Though, at least, it's still easier because I have a valid license at this point (and to think, my NYS license would expire in August of this year). Oh well... - Spoke with EV today too... for quite some time. Told her of the move. She sounded well. And thankfully, HLS was out the door when I woke (and rolled in round about 12.00) so I could chat away with all of the nice people. - Now I'm trying to change my appointment for the truck and had to go on-line because every time I call Champlain Chevy, I get disconnected. Oh well. - It's bee “a morning” and I want to get music posted to the G's social media and then out to post the No Trespassing signs. (SO much better... now that I'm no longer an actual “resident” of the premises.) - As for the new place... I still haven't discussed it with HLS... and probably won't... for a long while yet. - 14.00 Music posted soc.med. and now... I'm FUCKING TIRED! But... off and out into the air... and sporadic sun-shine. WTF? Why not? (Because I WANT TO SLEEP!) - 20.59 And the house goes silent...

Meanwhile, I got to chat, this morning, with EV at some length. Told her of the move. She wished me well and best fortune. She sounded quite good and will be at the lake in a couple of weeks. Very nice. - And so... I hear the recliner crash. She's up to go to bed and I can finally shower before getting ready m'self. I'm not feeling at all well tonight... THE SHORTEST NIGHT OF THE YEAR... TOMORROW WE START WITH SHORTER DAYS AGAIN! FUCK! - And yes, I DID help with tonight's un-employment and she got TWO MORE jobs for the week, giving her the three needed. But the way it's set now, she can apply for a multitude of positions with UVM hospital with little effort. The other jobs? I don't give a shit. - It's all going to be rather “interesting” from here on. I've no doubt she'll dismiss tonight's events... as she does... primarily because she “needs” help with her efforts. But, I've also no doubt that she'll attempt something to make my leaving difficult. - (She just came out of the loo, stopped at the door to “whine”... “Naheet.” I replied “Have a good night's sleep.” There's nothing more than I can say. - My teeth hurt. My head hurts. My chest hurts. I'm exhausted... from all the stress, the bull-shit, the 8 years of it all. There's much to be done, most importantly, finding money to pay for the PO Box, the rent... the utilities... At the rate things are now, I'll have no utilities for July... I need propane for the hot water, oil for the furnace, a deposit for the electric, the phone, the Internet... AND rent for August! AND, I don't know what's coming with the “new payment plan” on the student loan issue and how little I can get away with there. (Of course, with my current finances, ANY payment above 5$ will be nothing but hard-ship so...) - Well? I closed my eyes, got on a plane and came to Vermont... I'll close my eyes, get in the truck, and drive off to NY... what is to be will be. - I need a shower! (And I HOPE there's enough for at least ONE beverage tonight...) - 21.44 Got everything on both Journals... so I'm satisfied with that much. Now... to attend to cleaning. (Almost tempted to make a wash but it really isn't necessary.)

Sat.22.Jun: 1.40 Heading for bed... Out of vodka and will see how to get more later. I NEED IT NOW! Last smoke. No more soc.med. - 2.05 Last smoke and to bed! - NOT looking forward to the morning! Fuck. - 11.12... yes, I've stayed in bed until almost noon! And “Why?” WELL!

But at 4.-something, I had to get up because of leg SPASMS and to pee and all had returned to stillness, the light coming in under the door, was out. So? I simply resigned and resolved to stay in bed until I felt I wanted to get up this morning. And to be honest, even at 11.12, I didn't “want” to get up, but the leg cramps and spasms, the need to pee and the general notion of being up and about won out... and so, here I am. WHAT IN FUX NAME? SHE'S FLIPPING! THANK THE GODS I'VE A PLACE TO GO TO... IN 9 DAYS FROM NOW. NOT TO MENTION, IN 4 DAYS WHEN I'LL BE ABLE TO DO BANQUING, AND PERHAPS SOME ERRANDS IN PREPARATION FOR THE DAY WHEN I PUT EVERYTHING HERE INTO THE TRUCK AND HEAD OUT OF THIS SHIT-HOLE, O'ER THE MOUNTAINS AND INTO THE LITTLE VALLEY VILLAGE. SHE'S MADE IT ALL THE EASIER AND ATTRACTIVE TO DRIVE AWAY... WITH REAR-VIEW MIRROR DRAPED. IT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING. BUT AS I SAID JUST LAST EVENING: I LEAVE THIS STATE WITH NOTHING BUT ***** REPULSION *****! AMEN.
And now it's 11.42, on a beautifully sunny day. I'm just in from morning smoke on the porch. She came out, in house-coat. “Morning.” in a bit of a grumpy, whiney snap. Not that it matters to me how she is this morning. Hallie came over for “kisses” and Mme. turned on heel and returned to the kitchen. Me? I've nothing really, on any agenda for the day. Thought, perhaps, of planting some flowers in the beds... to pass the time. Indeed, there's a beautiful day out there for such activities. Tennie's web pages... before it's too late to up-load them. (I've still got to get THAT matter settled as well... in 9 days... phone/Internet, gas, electric, the likes.) Oh well. As is always the way “Life” rolls, the only way to know how the day is, is to wait until it's come to a close. In the meanwhile, we roll with the similarities of... ***** THE SHELTER DAYS ***** ... just float along with the breezes of time. - So much for those delightful plans of peaceful departure. But then, I suppose the current atmosphere is the fault of both sides. I should have just kept my mouth shut and let her be as she is, and as she will be. (But, I certainly do NOT regret having said what was said... She HASN'T any “friends” and, from what I can gather, she's accustomed to somebody always bailing her out of everything. With her “employment”, she has the support of a “union” who has already assigned her an attorney. More than I've ever had. Spoiled little shit. And I look at the accounts (told and witnessed) of her battles with Cecil, the account of Raymond (or what-ever) taking the gun to her, that her kids wanted her in a home, and the others who feign “love and caring” not wanting to be bothered with her legal affairs as something as simply as “Power of Attorney”... that I over-heard her mention “Jess” to be given such. Honestly... NO! MOST CERTAINLY, *I* DO NOT, DO NOT want anything to do with ANY of such bull-shit. But that she's got relatives and established acquaintances who RUN FROM her in time of need... I doubt I need know more. - 11.54 and I hear her say, from the kitchen door “Well, I'm going for the mail.” To whom? No idea. - 12.00 And, taking advantage of the opportunity, I rinsed the pee-bottle and my clench-guard and as I opened the door to the hall....
INDEED!!! THE METAL FILING CABINET IS IN THE DOOR TO THE WHITE ROOM! MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, AS IT WERE... THE FUCKING IDIOT MOVED IT, FOR NO APPARENT REASON OR CAUSE... AS OTHERS IN THE PLACE WERE TRYING TO SLEEP, AS ONE DOES AT SUCH HOURS. ***** AND ***** I SEE, IN THE KITCHEN, WHEN I WENT TO GET THE PIECE OF MAIL THAT ARRIVED... SHE PUT MINOU'S FOOD IN THE VERY FAR CORNER OF HIS LITTLE CAGE AND TURNED ONE OF THE WOODEN BOXES HE GETS UP THERE ON, OPEN-SIDE UP AND HAS STARTED FILLING IT WITH PAINT BRUSHES AND SHIT... MAKING IT ALL THE MORE DIFFICULT FOR HIM TO GET TO HIS FOOD! AGAIN... AS USUAL, AS IS “NORMAL” FOR THE PSYCHOTIC OLD FUCK... ABUSE OF THE LITTLE ONE! HOW FUCKING, BLOODLY MISERABLE... HOW BLOODY-FUCKING TYPICAL OF THIS PLACE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO PREVENT HIS POSSIBLE SUFFERING HERE! I HAVE TO SEE IF I CAN'T FIND SOME WAY TO GET HIM INTO A “LOVING” HOME BEFORE I'M GONE FROM HERE. MY HEART IS IN SHATTERS! (It's Noel again... It truly is... But SHE had a most loving home, I know that to be certain. Here, “loving” anything is impossible.) I'd like to puke right about now.
Time to roll along... until the call to the loo is stronger than I can dodge. Noon... here we go. - 14.11 I've been working on this month's entries, putting in tables, back-ground colours, changing fonts, and the likes. I just went out to the porch for a smoke and in the garden, Mme. has COMPANY as she lays more runners. TWO young gals. WONDERFUL! Earlier, she was talking with 5225 at the fence and shit-bag came out, on the mower, running back and forth along the fence-line... instigating as usual. BUT... JUST NOW, I LOOK OUT TO SEE THAT OBESE FUCK AT THE FENCE, ON 5225's PROPERTY, FEIGNING SOME KIND OF CLIPPING OR SUCH! JUST MOMENTS BEFORE, IT WAS BUSY PRUNING A PINE TREE... AT THE FENCE! HE'S INTENTIONALLY, LITERALLY INSTIGATING! I'M ALMOST IN AWE OVER THE BLATANT ABSENCE OF ANY RESPECT FOR OTHERS, FOR PROPERTY, FOR PROPERTY LINES! WHAT A LESSON THIS SHIT-BAG IS ON JUST HOW LOW HUMANITY CAN GO AND BE! NOT ONLY WHERE IT'S CONCERNED, BUT FOR THIS ENTIRE STATE, SINCE, IN “NORMAL SOCIETY”, ONE COULD CONTACT “LAW ENFORCEMENT” AND HAVE SOME SORT OF “RESTRAINING” ACTION TAKEN, BUT NOT HERE... NOT IN “VERMONT”. - 15.05 And everybody's back to their own corners. HLS is in the kitchen, the Andrews kids are back at home, and shit-bag is... of course, with nobody to antagonise, back in the stalls. And by the way, HLS DID mention “Did you see what I did with the filing cabinet?” Said I “I HEARD it!” “Well, I couldn't sleep.” Fuck you... moron. But, I say nothing because, in short order, she'll be on her own in this house... and in the yard... and in general. Life awards what's deserved... in most cases anyway. - And now... I'm back to working on this Journal... simply because... well... THIS has been ONE HELL OF A MONTH and deserves a bit of extra attention. - 19.16 WELL! Much has happened since I managed to get all the pages up-dated on the two Journals. I put in a bit of extra work on them for this month... effects, and texts, and audio and gifs and such. This has become one totally fuck-wind of a month! So I wanted something “extra” to closely describe it... colours, images, audio... such. AND I managed to get an audio file on the WP blog! Learnt new coding today. Imagine that. - HLS took off for Jesus (fucking hypocrite, that one... but a perfect stereo-type representative of the ilk) at about 17.15 or so. After, she'll be doing some sort of “rally” in St-Albans for cancer survivors. Says “I should be back around 10.” Yeah... fuck you! She wouldn't give Minou his dinner this evening and got told about it, via my chat with the little man. Just as she said when it came to the fucking noise this morning... “Sorry.” Yes, you are, though more toward “pathetic” than “sorry”. She truly can make me sick to my stomach. - Meanwhile, I posted a “HELP” to find a good home for Minou, on my “author” Minds channel and FLORIA MAGNIFICO came through almost immediately! “Private Messages” back and forth and exchange of e-mail (and I gave her the Troy number for text). She's posting word on her social media in search. She's in Southern ONTARIO but has friends and such in VT! So they'll ALL be looking! I just don't want him here, where he'll OBVIOUSLY be resented, and probably neglected... left out over-night, no matter the weather, late meals served with hefty doses of resentment. Moving away might be difficult for him, but I have to remember Cubby and Shadow... it was HELL losing them, but the photos from the couple who adopted them were precious and even Lyle agreed... it was best for them. I just HAVE to have faith and trust that the same can be found for Minou. I HAVE to! - No beverages tonight. Firstly, I really can't afford to spend the little money I have (all on cards now), and, I don't suppose I should anyway. Tonight, I'll hope for a night of sleep... un-like last night. (I have to mention that I DID manage to throw in a comment: “It reminded me of the nights in the Shelter.” She didn't appreciate that at all, but I HAD said, earlier, that it was a matter of considering the others in the house. I DO hope she took the intended insult directly to heart. Fucking old, nasty, crust qunt.) - 19.33 Just in from a smoke with Mimou on my lap. Jack was in the yard too, on his way across from the garden and back home. Mimou saw him but stayed on my lap for quite the while. The “choice” was obvious. But he got up and so have I done. - Meanwhile, the “file cabinet” is in the door-way to the white room, right where she left it. I know that if I leave it there and leave here, it'll stay there until it rots or is moved when the house is sold... which-ever comes first. And, quite honestly, I don't care. I was going to re-arrange the room, having removed the book-case. But now? I'll be damned. - So, I've got some time here... could shower. Could make a wash. Could do stuff but don't want to. She says she'll be taking Hallie to the lake tomorrow, for shampoo and the likes. There'll be time then too. I won't go with them. Besides, I have to ring Alden at some point, tell him that I'll probably be detained from move-in for about a week. (It's good not being pressured... yet.) And I have to find a bed, table, chair... at the very least. Get a shower curtain, something for the floors, the utilities set. I'm planning on a trip... Thursday morning... to get to the PO. Get the postal address set. THEN I can move forward with all the rest. “Billing” address and such. HOPEFULLY this will be another month of 100 per-cent soc.sec.! No matter... I'll have to budget at what-ever comes. It's going to be rough at first, but it's an opportunity that can't be allowed to pass and... it's not for a very long duration anyway... with my health and such. So? So... we do what we must, make the best of it all. And I shall. I shall indeed. - I've learnt here... especially from the freak at 5225: roll with it as suits MY needs and take all there is. No rush. No obligations. Besides... if she truly wants me out, SHE'LL have to serve papers... which, as I've seen, can linger long. I can continue to pay rent, have a “home” to go to. And then toddle off. I HAD to come to learn things... I've learnt. - Now... on with the evening and moments of peace. I'll be taking the little ones for stroll soon, and then... Then. - 20.05 NOT ONLY a reply from Floria on Minds... but somebody in central VT! A friend of Floria's! I HAVE to get back to them and get this rolling! Find my little man a loving home... I MUST KEEP THINKING CUBBY AND SHADOW!!! THIS WILL work the same way! He'll be treated like royalty, by some-one able to give him all the love and adoration he so deserves! FAITH! - Now... I have to take them on evening stroll, get snax. - 20.24 and stroll has been done, snax have been served... including a bit of “half'n'half for Mimou! (My heart is breaking but... Cubby and Shadow... MUST keep thinking of them!) - And as for me? It won't be long before I'll just give up on this day and head for the bed. She (the old thing) said “10”... I KNOW that means “10” of anything... could be an hour... morning or night... could be a day/date, a month... anything. Fucking irresponsible shit. - Anyway... rolling along. - 21.19 There are THREE people on Minds working on finding a home for Mimou now! And one's in “Central VT”! California, VT and Ontario! Imagine! Let's hope! Good people, caring. (Now let's see what kind of response it evokes when a home is found... The old qunt will screech at me... I'm sure. But fuck that. Anyway...) - I'm giving her some time to get back before I head for bed. (I'd LUV a drink but... there's none and so we deal with it.) - Actually, there was just a bit of dry vermouth left... I'm having that. (Just noticed... it smells like “church wine”! I wonder... IS THAT what “church wine” actually is? Probably. Huh?) - 22.45 SHOCK! It rolled in at about 22.15! and is now prepping for bed... AND IT BETTER GET THERE AND STAY THERE! FUCK! (Thankfully, I do believe it has some kind of engagement tomorrow so... I'll hope.) - Meanwhile, I'm working on the new bed... the cost of lumber and such. There's going to be some sawing but that's fine. The frame will be about 130 and now for the mattress. - 23.38 I've gone “shopping” for beds. I've thanked the folks who are helping find a HOME for Mimou. There's ALL kinds of noise coming from every which way around the place. Hollering across at the PO, some sort of screeching from over on the Square. Oh... Tomorrow she's supposed to be going off to Ste-Anne's for a few hours! YAY! I've done some budgeting (depressing but exciting). And figuring how to heat the place (probably with the oil heaters/radiators). At least I don't have to panic about oil for the heat for a couple of months. That's a relief. So, we'll see how the rest rolls along. I'll have to consider some sort of little job too. There's a Dollar General in “E-town”. I'll have to look into that. Not far. A few hours. Not a bad idea. And I'll see what else is there when I get there. This CAN work. Have to see about sheets for the windows too. “Goodwill” and that sort of thing I suppose. Oh well... Things and stuff. One day at a time. - Meanwhile, nothing to drink except water. Nothing to eat except crisps. I'm about to get into bed and HOPE that old qunt doesn't get up in the middle of the night and try to move the file cabinet into the white room. (I wouldn't and don't doubt she'll try.) Fuck.

Sun.23.Jun: 0.45 All done. Time for last smoke, vinegar and HOPE for a night of SLEEP! - 0.58 Odd... getting ready to get into bed and having the EXACT SAME ANXIETIES ABOUT A NIGHT'S SLEEP THAT I USED TO HAVE IN THE SHELTER! Oh yes... it IS time to get the fuck out of here! - 9.02 and shock of ages... I managed to sleep through until 8.39 which is when I reluctantly got up and out of bed. And now, here I sit, dressed, even with the sherpa on, wondering why I feel more comfortable with this thing on. Once upon a time, today's temperature would have been energising, and wonderfully comfortable. Not so these days. And breathing is a conscious effort. Alas... indeed... looks like the whole “Home to die” is now the matter of fact. Oh well... at least it's not happening here. - (Gotta chuckle... Mimou got a bird this morning... laid it at the kitchen door, as he does. I noticed it when I went out to have my smoke. He was on the window, waiting. When I stepped out, all sorts of “Good mornings!”. And then I saw the bird. She just opened the door, I hear, and said “Where'd you get that bird? Ugh.” Oh, old thing, not to worry. If matters run properly, no birds, no Minou, no me... soon. Then you can run your life, as it is, as you want, wont, wish and desire. We won't be here to annoy you. Isn't that comforting?) - I've nothing, really, on the agenda for today. I should think in terms of some kind of edibles, since there's nothing here now. I could use more biotine... Sutton. I could get that and something to eat at IGA I suppose. All the money's in the banque there. Thursday is going to be “the” day. I'll have to be out of here by about 7.00 or 8.00 at the latest, get to the PO and such. Maybe get at least some of the lumber for the bed. I can leave it at NR, accumulate at a pace. - Today, at some point, I'll ring Alden. Maybe he'll be there on Thursday? I could give him the rent then. If not, I can get the MO at the PO in NR and post from there. Wednesday is to the Community to get the cash. (I should have about 498 left after rent for the flat and PO.) Meanwhile... meanwhile... meanwhile.... - Right now, she's in the loo. Today's “event” will be her “chomage” claim. I'm in no... NO frame of mind to be “helpful”... with that or anything else. This moving was supposed to be peaceful. Ah... but this is Ver-fucking-mont... NOTHING can be “peaceful” here. Oh well... we shall see... as the day rolls along. - HEY! At least I managed to get absolutely EVERY-thing posted to both Journals last night... right up to the end of yesterday. The days are coming when everything will be done off-line until... - Time to check e-mails and such to see about a new home for Mimou... who is crying at the hall-way door as I type. - 11.33 Well? She's packing the fishing shit (intending to simply drop it at PammieDavie's), expressed her “displeasure” about the bird on the porch (sadly, the female cardinal... but I doubt she knows that), to which I replied “Well, you kill to eat and so do they.” and followed with a remark to Minou “We'll find you a nice home where you'll be loved.” and let it all go at that. She's just packing (“Because I can't move all this.”). And now... I'm about to head out to the yard... plant some flowers and have done with the day. (I'm tired... one of these days, that will stop.) - 16.15 At 11.30 I was already out in the yard, clipping round the St-T garden... It left round about noon... came out, dropped some packs of flowers to be planted and toddled off... Drop off her shit at Pammie's, pick up her “Lis” and off to the lake they went. Me? I got zinnias, snap-dragons and marigolds planted in the St-T and phone shed flower beds, planted some in a pot on the South porch, fertilised and watered all. THEN came in, shoved the filing cabinet out of my way, grabbed the Hoover and did the porch, this little room and dining-kitchen. DONE! FUCK this shit-hole! - At about 14..15 I DID take a break and >b>rang Alden who says he's painted, put up shades and light fixtures, pulled up the old rugs, scraped the floors, was just coming back from Lowes where he bought 3 new rugs. And he asked if the old qunt was moving in with me! (He didn't think so but he asked.) JEEZUS KRISTE AL MAITEE!!! FUCK NO! And that's been made clear. Also, as he put it, I'll be moving in “in dribs and drabs” and he's perfectly fine with that. So? So. It's TRULY OFFICIAL NOW... ALL'S WELL AND I RESIDE IN NEW RUSSIA! FUCK THIS SHIT-HOLE! - And so now, I need to find funds for food. ONE roll left... nothing but tea and coffee to drink. (I'm toying with a run for vodka...) - 22.51 AND TOY NO MORE! I RAN! I GOT VODKA! And stopped at Hannaford's for shitty turkey and rolls, cookies and 2 tonics... ON THE FS CARD! Saved cash! (All 11USD of it but still...) I took off from this shit-hole at about 14.30 and as i head across the County Rd. (Highgate-Frankling) who do I pass coming back toward Franklin but Mme. with her Lis in! Luckily I wasn't recognised and so I just continued on. At the liquor store, the CIBC card wouldn't work for ANYTHING so I had to dip into the 60USD. No prob. really. There's still 60 in there and no expenses coming. Then it was off to Hannaford's because, well, I DO have to eat (these days, in particular because not eating daily makes the rest of the days miserable). I was back by about 17.15 and NO Mme.! So I got dinner for Minou and then made 2 rolls with horseradish sauce and “Catalina” dressing with the turkey (quite good, I must say). En route back, there was a new song on CKOI and I got that off line and onto the iPod AND the G's Minds AND site! THEN I LOOK OUT TO SEE HLS DRIVE THROUGH THE BACK YARD! BUT... BUT... She had her Lis with BUT THEY DIDN'T STOP! (She told me later that she drove through to show Lis how I keep the property... yeah... what-the-fuck-ever... NOW it's important to you? FUCK OFF!) OK... Then sat down to eat whilst watching “Mock The Week” which, oddly, was only about a week old! HEY! “Meal” done and the show almost done... it finally rolls in... must have been about 19.00 all nicey-nicey. Noticed the flowers but AFTER I'D SAID THAT I'D GOTTEN UP ALL THE FUR-BALLS AROUND THE PLACE, SHE IMMEDIATELY GETS TO BRUSHING HALLIE... IN THE KITCHEN!!! MOST OF THE FUR WENT INTO A PLASTIC BAG BUT... YOU'D NEVER KNOW THE PLACE WAS HOOVERED... IT DIDN'T TAKE 30 MINUTES! YEP... MAKING IT EVEN EASIER TO GET OUT AND AWAY! OH... and she wants to know when I'll be out of here because she wants to make a “day trip” to Latham for Jesus-selling! Oh well.. Even easier yet to simply go and not come back. She offered a beer. I declined. Asked if I'd eaten and IMMEDIATELY added that she wasn't hungry because she'd had a “soft ice cream”... or... as the tards call them... “Creemee”. Gee... thanks. Glad I ate already. - And so... the evening rolled along. We watched some nonsense with some couple walking a cable over Times Square. But then it was 22.00 and time for... she went to the loo, I gather my things... and I'm out of the shower and my clothes are in the washer (40-minute cycle tonight). That's that for that and this day! - IT'S TIME FOR BEVERAGE!

Mon.24.Jun: Fête Nationale! 0.46 The washing is done! The room is comfy cool. And I've finished “beverage 2” (considering... in passing... beverage THREE). Passed the time on “author's” Minds, and checked my e-mails for homes for Minou. It's all promising. I'm not oblivious to the hard-ships that are to come. But I look out on the yard here tonight and I say “I've done exceptionally well.” What “she” does with it is her concern, not mine. I can leave here with a light heart and soul. I came to “protect” her. She chose to remain retarded. For all the time I've been here, this place has been maintained, it's cost her nothing. It's SAVED her HUNDREDS... MANY HUNDREDS! I've done exceptionally well. - Thursday, should all go... the mailing address will be established, I'm considering spending the night in New Russia. Sleeping bag on the floor. I'll have to check the hot water situation, in case of need of shower. But, this morning, I'm more “excited” than “anxious”. - (I probably shouldn't go for the 3rd “beverage” but... ) There's SO much I want to say to some people. But there's nobody to tell. “They” don't give a shit. And all the while, my heart shatters repeatedly... Minou. She's a miserable old shit, when it comes to him. But I'm inspired (by folks on Minds) to ask about New Russia. MAYBE there's somebody THERE! I'll have to ask Joan, my new neighbour. She has a cat. She's extremely compassionate. I WILL ask her! On Thursday, because, on Thursday, I don't have to run away... I'll be... *”HOME”*. MY place, and nobody else's! - I'm tired now. But still a bit exhilarated knowing... THIS is NOT my “home”... THIS is NOT my residence... THIS is NOT my “primary”. Let's see how it rolls. - 2.38 and 3 v-tons later... I'm off to bed. The rest of today should prove “interesting”. (Meanwhile... my sights are set on Wednesday for banqing and Thursday... for going HOME!) - 11.23 At just before 11.00 (I was still in bed, waiting for the hour anyway... yes... I did hear the alarms this morning and chose to ignore because... well... I was still awake at 3.00, wanted the “sleep” that I was getting through the night, once the congestion stopped whistling in my ears and chest, and I rather knew it would be a difficult morning... following THREE v-tons the night before) came the pounding on the door and the shrieks of “Is anybody home? Mail-lady!” So... I'm up and about... and the day commences. She's out there at the green-house, prepping to go to the garden, I've had first coffee and smoke whilst reading a letter from NOTCH about the PA leaving and me being re-assigned to the “PCP” I'd requested (and am registered with anyway... I believe), a letter from AAA showing how my insurance was decided, using a credit score of either “98” or “80” or “No Score” (as if I care) *** AND THE POB APPLICATION IN A USPS ENVELOPE POST-MARKED... “NEW RUSSIA NY”! WOO-HOO!!! *** with a sticky-note attached “Enjoy Today”. How cute. - Anyway... indeed, feeling a touch “run down” as expected, but nothing out of the ordinary. I had a dream at some point and I can't recall any of it other than that it was, for a change, a pleasant one, which is why I can't recall any of it, to be sure. No spasms that I recall. And there were things I'd thought of doing today, but I'll be damned if I can recall any of that either. So? I'm off to do what I can do with the time I have... At least this day will pass quickly... since I'm starting it at mid-point. Alas... OK... No prob. (I need a second coffee.) - The “activities” will come on Wednesday. Enjoy the “leisure” whilst ye may, Eh? - 12.36 MUCH to do with the POB application but... can't concentrate. Heading out to “weed” something. Oh well... No rush... thankfully... YET. - 17.06 meal after MAYHEM! - 21.04 I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS... I'VE LOST MY EAR-RING! NO IDEA WHEN OR WHERE OR HOW... I'VE BEEN WATCHING TELE (BRIT), REACHED UP TO MOVE THE EAR-RING AND... GONE! SO... TOMORROW? WE'RE OFF TO WALMARDE... HOPING IN CAN AFFORD A NEW ONE. FUCK! HEY! I GAVE UP THE NIP-RING... I'M NOT LOSING THE EAR-RING NOW! ESPECIALLY AFTER THIS DAY... WHAT A FUCK... - Pulled the fucking grass along the garden fence, then passed the mower to mulch the weeds... put flowers in the little “coir” hangers on the front porch... but now I'm filthy. But that's not the worst... THIS EVENING, AGAIN, SHE WANTED HELP WITH HER CHOMAGE. SO I SAID: I'M SITTING THROUGH THIS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BUT YOU'LL DO IT ON YOUR OWN. WOW! TALK ABOUT BOLLOCKS AND BULL-SHIT... IT STARTED WITH HER FUCKING LOSING ONE OF THE PRINT-OUTS FROM A JOB APP! OKAAAAAAAY! NEXT? INTO THE “PAGES”, ONTO THE “JOB SEARCH”... HAD TO “SUBMIT” ABOUT 4 TIMES. WHY? DUNNO. “WHAT DO I DO?” HEY! I MIGHT NOT BE HERE NEXT MONDAY... READ THE FUCKING SCREENS! SHE WON'T... I MEAN, LITERALLY WILL NOT! WHY? NOT A FUCKING CLUE BUT... OK... FINALLY GOT IT, *KNOWS* FULL-WELL SHE NEEDS THE “CONFIRMATION NUMBER”... ON PAST THE FUCKING PAGE BECAUSE... SHE WON'T ... WILL NOT READ THE FUCKING MESASGES ON THE FUCKING SCREEN! AH... WE “BACK” TO THE CONFIRMATION SCREEN, PRINT IT OUT AND... SHIT HITS THE FAN... SHE'S ALL OVER THE FUCKING SITE NOW *AND YES... HER SHIT GOT ERASED!!!* SO NOW WE DON'T KNOW WHETHER IT ACTUALLY TOOK OR NOT ***AND*** INSTEAD OF CLICKING “EXIT” TO ACTUALLY REGISTER EVERYTHING? SHE FUCKING CLOSES THE BROWSER (WHICH I'VE BEEN TELLING HER NOT TO DO... FOR THREE FUCKING YEARS NOW)! THEN... THEN THEN THEN SHE GETS ALL FUCK-ABOUT WITH ME AND THE “ALL I WANTED WAS A LITTLE HELP. I JUST WANTED YOU TO HELP ME A LITTLE BIT.” OH JUST JOLLY FUKKALL FUKKME WAT-THE-FUCK! THREE BLOODY... FUCKING... BLOODY-FUCKING YEARS I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET HER TO BE INDEPENDENT AND TO BLOODY-FUCKING-WELL PAY ATTENTION AND? Yeah... I've had it... burnt to a crisp. - Fine... do I want a hamburger? Yes, that would be lovely... NO... NOT fired in a skillet that's been licked by the dog. (I had a bit of turkey left from last evening, and some rolls.) I went to the store, package of cookies, bottle of choco-milk... jar of turkey gravy. Gravy on the rolls, turkey... cookies and choco-milk after. - Meanwhile... I'm sick to my stomach because of the aggravation this evening... literally. - At 20.00, Minou came to call... time for stroll and snax. Ah... the old qunt? On the fucking recliner, as usual. - 21.19 and I need a shower... And tomorrow? Recylcing day. OH YEAH... GARBAGE... AGAIN... ON THE PORCH... ROTTING!!! GARBAGE DOESN'T GO UNTIL WEDNESDAY AND THE STENCH OF ROT IN THAT BAG! THE FUCKING THING IS OUT-SIDE THE PORCH DOOR. - If nothing else... leaving here, even to an UN-furnsihed place with major expenses is looking better and easier as the seconds tick. - FUCK! - 22.44 FINALLY out of the shower with limited hot water... Dimballs is getting laid, one might assume, considering the vehicle in the drive. - I've put the nip-ring in my ear and was particularly careful about washing that ear but... BUT... a rinse and... no ring in the ear! Thankfully, it was in the tub! So it's back in for now... I'll take it out before sleep and tomorrow morning... OFF I GO TO Walmarde... and HOPE they have (at least) the ear-ring! (wm.ca has what I want... but only on-fucking-line!) - OK. So now... washing of me is done. Washing of clothes will wait until tomorrow evening. I've a bit of yard-work I'd like to get to tomorrow so I don't need clean clothes (and since I'll be going to Walmarde... I don't care). - The expenses of this moving are starting to get to me. But I know that, with time, things will “catch-up” and all will be well. - Meanwhile, the form for the PO is done, envelope for the rent is done... And the return address: “NY” is a pure delight. (I'll probably be writing more often to folks now... though, I'm not counting on it because everybody's all “WRITE ME!” and NONE of them ever write back so, it's my time, paper, postage, expense no matter how it's viewed... for nothing. - OK. A little soc.med. Mayhaps A (ONE!!!!!) beverage and off to the bed for a hope of sleep (though I'm not counting on it... either spasm or that spastic old thing down the hall...) THIS TRULY IS MIMICKING THE SHELTER! - 22.59 Decided against the beverage. Have had the vinegar. Soc.med. check and bed.

Tue.25.Jun: 1.09 No beverage, just vinegar... possibly one more because the other wasn't much. (I'm finishing a bottle again... 2 “Allens” though. Things are running sparse, but the cause is worthy.) There were nice messages on the Minds Author... and from Willie too! “Thanks” posted from Mimou. (I told HLS that I posted for a home for him, on social media. Her response:
”I invested 1000 dollars in that cat and he's mine! You can't give him away.”
I said, quietly, “I'm not giving him away, I'm just taking the added responsibility off your plate and finding him a home where he'll be loved. There are people in Ontario, Oregon and even Rutland, helping him.” And it was left at that. (It's all about the money to her.) - Anyway... it's time to get some rest. My back “pinged” and I'm not happy about that! And I want to get to Walmarde first thing in the morning... and then to get rid of the empty liquor bottles (at 15-cents a shot). So? Last smoke. Last vinegar. Off to the blankies and HOPE for SLEEP! Fuck. - 9.09 NO BOOZE! NO PILLS! ALL SLEEP... although not immediately because the congestion kept me up until almost 2.45. So, it's another 6-hour night, give or take. But... sleep it was and sleep I did. And the worst part of a day now is waking, in no pain, no respiratory distress, just laying there comfortably because that's where I want to stay for the day... laying there, painless. Yes, I was up with the 8.00 alarm... but nope... even though I want to get to Walmarde SOON... better to stay in bed. (Even now... the chest is beginning to become uncomfortable... and all I've had is half my first coffee... the “day” now commences.) Anyway.... there was a bit of a DREAM with all of this was well;
I was alone, in a hotel, on some sort of trip, in bed, sleeping well. Woke up and looked at the clock. It was 6.23pm (18.23) and I thought “That's odd, they never told us what time we were leaving.” (Apparently, I was there with some group. I don't know what the purpose of the trip nor the group. Just that there we were and we were supposed to be leaving the hotel that day/evening but there'd been no mention of when.) Anyway, I though that 7.00 (19.00) would be a sensible time to get a bus (though there was no thought of what bus or where we'd be going other than out of the hotel) and that I'd get up, get my things together, go down to the hotel lobby. Surely, somebody there would have some information. So, in the dark, I got up and walked along a bit of a hall-way in my “room”. It was dark, rather very dark, with only dim light coming from some rooms or such along the hall-way. As I walked toward the closet/loo/some room, in the distance I saw John (brother) duck into a room just ahead on my left. “He'd know about the bus, and since he's here, we could go together I tried to call to him but because I'd just woke up, I couldn't get my voice. (I've had that happen many times in dreams, usually when frightened or angry.) I flailed arms and made whispers but it wasn't until I got into the room where he was that he realised that I was there. He too, was getting things together to leave but he didn't know when or any other particulars either. So I was annoyed, but not angry, and I was relieved because I wasn't alone in this situation. So, as John and I are packing, Joe comes into the room as well. There's no surprise that either of them are there... apparently they were with the group as well though, what they were doing in my room is... was... what-ever. Joe too is a bit annoyed at the fact that there was no specific mention of our departure and that we were just taking it for granted that we were leaving tonight, at this hour. It's true, that. No mention of time, day, date of departure and the truth was, at that point, we weren't even sure if we were trying to leave early or that the group had already left and we'd already missed the bus! And as we were talking about this, Cindy, for a briefest moment, appeared in another room off the hall, made some sort of snarky comment about the 3 of us knowing nothing and then went away. We continued our packing and the dream ended.... I didn't “wake” from it... I had to cough to clear the lungs, that's when I recounted it and thought that I MUST remember the time on the clock because things like that usually have some basis in fact. And it might have been almost 3.00-something this morning when I glanced at the clock on the table in this room as I turned to cough, clear and drift back off to sleep.
And there we have it. - And now it's 9.30 and I need to finish my coffee, get me together (in my filthy clothes that I didn't wash last night because I thought it was supposed to be another sunny day today and I was going to weed the hollyhocks but it appears over-cast and so well... I'll just have to do my best with what I have and GET OUT OF HERE SOON TO GET THE EAR-RING (and redeem my empty bottles). - I'd like to go back to bed. (And, quite honestly, for some reason, this morning, have a “rub-out”... which is odd.) But... up, coffee, dress, and away we roll (I DO HOPE). - Another fucking day... and OH! The suspense of what's to come along! (I also have to get things together to get them out of here... I need to, at least begin, moving out!) - 11.52 MADE IT THERE! MADE IT BACK! She was gone when I left. She's whining on the phone as I return. I don't know to whom, but all sorts of “I'm a nice person...”. BS! - Moving along... No, Walmarde did NOT have the ear-rings as advertised so I now have a “hinged”, surgical steel loop in the ear. It's actually for “pierced freaks”, “cartilage” the packaging reads, but it serves the purpose-immediate. AND... I got a different set with the little “ball”, just in case I'd need that (but I don't see that need coming any time too soon)... 15USD instead of the 26 for the gold. SAVED! AND... the empties, to the tune of 1,05USD, are gone! What I don't quite understand is the gas gauge because it appears the truck didn't use any fuel. Oh well. - I HAVE TO PEE! - 12.36 WELL... I've taken the opportunity to tell the old thing of the results of all the travels to the MD. “Nodules”, emphysema, the works. Does she comprehend? No. She's too deep in the “Pity Party”, making excuses for not grasping... it's pathetic. But I've had my say and whether or not she chooses to accept or even try to understand is none of my concern at this juncture. I've said. It's done. I move along. - Meanwhile, the rains are falling. They're expected to end by about 15.00 which gives enough time to get out and weed the hollyhocks, which is what I wanted to do with this day anyway. The plants are on the stoop, getting a “rinse”. And my chest has elephants on it. BUT... the day rolls along. - 19.07 The hollyhocks got weeded right after the rains. All cleaned nicely, and the seedlings planted in the bed. THEN I was offered and accepted a burger and some salad for “meal”. (Let's see if I have the trots tonight.) The sun is now shining. Rain (of course) in the forecast for tomorrow through the week-end. And my green cap is fresh out of the washer. Mme. had her “chomage interview” today. Sounds like it went well. I didn't sit to listen. I've filed papers, burned those that had personal info. on. And now, I truly could take a nap (as Mme. is doing on the recliner) but... I won't. I don't know about “evening stroll” since Hallie injured her foot or leg yesterday and is limping noticeably. But... HOPEFULLY, I won't be waiting for the shower and washer at 23.00 tonight! Hey! At least I got to Walmarde and returned the bottles this morning and got the flower-bed done. And I'm not whining about being tired... from doing jack-shit-fukkall. - 22.36 SHOWERED and the new ring is still in the ear. Nice. BUT... the piercing in the nipple is GONE! HEALED-OVER! GONE COMPLETELY! So? No more of that any longer. Quite sad, really... that was a “gift” from Marc! Well? Life goes on and more gets lost and so... I'm going home to die anyway... Soon, NONE of ANYTHING will be of ANY circumstance or matter anyway. - And so, the back brace got hand-washed in the face basin (after a good bleaching, to be certain). It's in the dryer now... low heat... hopefully to be dry enough to wear tonight. If not? I'll just see how it goes. It obviously needed washing... the water in the basin was FILTHY! And clothes are in the washer. The “budget” for tomorrow and Thursday is done... leaving e with about 87USD and from THAT I have to get gas for the truck! (Though, 4oo will be going into Community... let's hope the brake on the truck holds? Shall we? Indeed.) - Now, for a thought in the shower...

The business of the “thrombocytopaenia”... *** From back in the days of Peninsula Hospital (NYC8539266), it's been said by “Health Care folk” that that's what I've had UNTIL... TWO draws here, in the past couple of months PROVED that the cells just “clump” and that I do NOT have ANY troubles with my blood! NOW... AS FOR “NODULES”... YES, I DO HAVE TROUBLE WITH BREATHING, DO HAVE TROUBLE WITH EXPELLING PHLEGM AND MUCOUS, I DO HAVE TROUBLE WITH MY BLOOD-OXYGEN LEVEL (and tonight I DO have SOME “pain” in the chest)... AND YES, I PROBABLY DO HAVE A NODULE OR SOMETHING IN/ON THE LUNGS... AND I SHOULDN'T DOUBT A CASE OF “EMPHYSEMA” AS WELL... BUT *** IS IT, I ASK, IS IT JUST EVEN POSSIBLE THAT THIS “NODULES CONCERN” IS SIMPLY... THAT... “CONCERN”... JUST LIKE THE THROMBOCYTOAENIA WAS FOR SUCH A TERRIBLY LONG TIME? I MEAN... SERIOUSLY... INDEED, THE PURPOSE OF GOING BACK TO NY *IS* TO FALL ILL (IF NECESSARY) AND TO DIE THERE. BUT... AND HOW-EVER, *IF* THE LUNG SITUATION WERE MORE SERIOUS, ONE WOULD SUSPECT THAT MORE ATTENTION WOULD HAVE BEEN GIVEN TO THE MATTER? (THOUGH, NONE WAS GIVEN TO THE BLOOD SITUATION, EXCEPT FOR JENNA WHO INSISTED UPON REPEATED DRAWS... AND *SHE* DIDN'T INSIST UPON ANYTHING WHERE THE LUNGS ARE CONCERNED.) AND... THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS... I HAVE BREATHING DIFFICULTIES *EVERY* SUMMER! YES, THIS SUMMER *IS* MORE DIFFICULT, BUT I'M OLDER AND HAVE INHALED MORE SHIT AND THE SCAT-RAT-IN-BREEDS ARE SPRAYING MORE EVEN OF LATE SO... That all said, I have NO idea why I'm including it in this Journal other than it was a though t in the shower and I after the shower, I thought I'd add it. And so I've done.

Moving on along... I AM smoking less because it's just “uncomfortable”. But... the clothes are in for a 40-min. and the brace is in the dryer on 30. So I'm up for a bit longer and I DO believe I'll have a v-ton tonight... and so... I'll also have a smoke. - Other-wise... the fucking GNATS IN THIS ROOM... THE MOSQUITOES ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE! And fresh out of the shower and something in my left eye... OH... speaking of eyes... they look MUCH clearer tonight than they did when I went to Walmarde today... “EXERCISE”... (I'm going to be doing some exploring in the mountains, I tell you that much! Photos and such!) - 23.01 Just a note to self, as a matter of jotting to commit to memory (if that's at all possible any more): 2c in the light, 1c in 5s, 20 in 25s. there's 320 in the “stash”.

Wed.26.Jun: 1.19 Well... the wash is done, the soc.sec. is on the card, I'm still on the first v-ton and it's all but just about done. Somebody's spraying SHIT because I can smell it in the air! FUCK! It's going to be wonderful not having that funk in the air. The back-brace is still wet so none of that tonight. I can only hope the v-ton helps. And... it's time for a last smoke. (Probably a vinegar anyway.) And a nap... nap indeed... I've got running to do tomorrow, a couple of purchases for Thursday and perhaps a bit of “help” round this shit-hole. - Off we go. - (My teeth hurt tonight.) - 9.45 and up at 9.06 feeling “under it all” rather. But THE GARBAGE WAS BROUGHT TO THE CURB! I'M QUITE AMAZED. (Although, 6 bags from up-stairs probably reminded. Oh well.) Before I got out of bed, alarms are set for tomorrow... I have to be up at about 5.00 to be out of here by 7.00. It's going to be a little “difficult”. But... we'll do what we must. Meanwhile, this morning... I'm off to get my soc.sec. which is full amount, and it appears I'll be getting gas for the mower as well. Perhaps 10USD should do it. (We're up to 25... I don't mind but... she paid Lenahan 100 for using HER mower and HER gas... as SHE tells it, to mow HER lawn. Now I'm PAYING to mow HER lawn with money I don't have and can ill-afford to piss away. BUT... I see it as: I've done GREAT work... and continue so to do.) - Anywhile... there's a LOT of humidity in the air this sunny morn and it feels as if it's filling these old lungs. “Heavy”. But... I'm clean, clothes are clean and there's an errand to run. (I believe I'll stop and get my cleaning supplies whilst in Anusburgh this morn... then straight HOME tomorrow morning. (“Home”... imagine that... It's been a long, long time.) - 12.32 Running is done... reconciliations are done... gas in the truck for tomorrow... done, done and done. Got back at about 11.40. Sun's shining. Somebody down the road has burned to the ground. Hmmm... - And so I have bleach, cloths, a shower curtain, a bucket for tomorrow... and it cost a HELL OF A LOT MORE THAN I ANTICIPATED OR WANTED TO SPEND! SHIT! ABOUT 30USD! (Oh well... today we start to learn to live on the 300 I have left... for propane for the hot water, the electric, phone/Internet... this is starting VERY rough... but then again... I've little doubt I'll be hauled out of the place and into the local hospice in short order anyway. We simply roll along.) - I'm off to mow the lawn before it gets too high. - Tonight... INTO BED EARLY because tomorrow OUT OF BED AND ON THE ROAD EARLY! (I mentioned it as I got Mme. to work her on-line banquing and she asked “Where do you have to go?” and I answered... softly... “Home.”) - Meanwhile, feeling rather shitty... and there's nothing but rolls in here to eat today. HAH! “Austerity” begins! - 21.25 SHOWERED and clothes in the wash and Mme. on the recliner, Hallie and Minou in the living-room watching EWTN... and I'm in from a smoke. It all took until 21.20 but... HEY! THE ENTIRE LAWN GOT NICELY MOWED TODAY... NOON TO ABOUT 17.00. (And I did the back yard of the phone company on account of I just wanted to.) I'll leave this place in PERFECT order (and nothing can be said... although plenty will be, I'm sure). - I'd gone over to the store for turkey, dip, crisps, macaroni salad and choco-milk and was offered pasta which I accepted because I said that I'd gotten the food and it was realised by BOTH of us at the same time... LUNCH FOR TOMORROW! YAY! So rolls and all... in the little cooler and the “freezer bag”/sprain reducer from the ER is in the freezer. (I'll take it out in a bit and put it into the cooler for the morning.) - There's a full tank of gas in the truck. Cash for rent and POB is in the bag. We're ready to roll come sun-rise! (Now... to get to sleep tonight and wake with the ability to tolerate the drive!) - Oh... the under-wear... Hanes? TOTAL SHIT! NUTS OUT ALL OVER THE PLACE. The package reads that “satisfaction” is “guaranteed” and if not satisfied, return them. Indeed... they're getting returned, with the receipt. Fuck this shit! I swear... I SWEAR it's a plot to sterilise every male on the planet, the way under-wear is made these days. Cheap shit fabric and legs that cut your nuts off. Honestly. It's no wonder there aren't any “MEN” coming up in the ranks of humanity! - That said... I hear the wash going to spin. I'll toss hers back into the machine when I put mine into the dryer. Tonight, when the clothes are done, I'm going to TRY to get some sleep. I've been exhausted all day, but as the spin cycle commences, I seem to be waking. NOT GOOD! - Oh, and about the yard? The hay cart AND the Bolens are back in the barn! The place looks REALLY GOOD! Co-operation today. - And a note: She's got a week-away planned for the week of 14 July... she mentioned something about me coming here to watch the house and the little ones... considering the drive... for a week, but never asked and never said anything to me about the 14th. I had to over-hear it when she was on the phone with her Pammie! WTAF? What shit! Things will never change. - Tomorrow, I'm not planning on rushing, just soaking and wiping fridge, sinks, shower, toilet... “personals”, take measurements of rooms, look at the carpets (I'm afraid of those... blue, I suspect). I need to get something for the windows too. And then? Perhaps the gas for hot water. I'm hoping there's some tomorrow. If not... off to get a pot to heat on the stove. I don't want to use the electric but... - 21.50 My clothes in the dryer. Her clothes in the washer. Her in the loo. We're all winding-down. Yes, it would seem that, by the time the washings are done... so too, am I. (The only hope: a complete night of SLEEP! It's hot tonight... Let's hope not too hot.) - This actually is rather insane, it's not as if I haven't done these trips before. And THIS one is only 2 hours... 97mi... not all the fuckway to the Hudson Valley or Catskills. And it CERTAINLY isn't from The Bronx to Laval! It's just the time constraint. And truth be told... the PO opens at 9 and closes at 11... there's IS a 2-hour window there. But... it would be better to arrive at 9.00 than at 10.30. Oh well... - 21.58 The Journals are up-to-date as of now. I'm keeping them running... as if anybody other than me gives a shit.

Thu.27.Jun: 0.37 had a v-ton and a half... with soc.med. It's going to be a difficult but not impossible day ahead. Anyway... last smoke... vinegar and to bed... with hope of rest. - 6.47 Up at 5.49 and dressed and coffee and bottle/guard rinse and Mme. on the porch and I WANT TO GO BACK TO SLEEP and the thought of driving in “commuter traffic” on the Northway and that I could leave at 7.30 and sleep a bit longer and now I see why I'm so damned tired. Not to mention having to pee or shit on the road and the worries that the truck will hold together and the heat to come... I don't know. BUT... there's no sense in worrying about it all... it's just another trip AND THIS TIME... I'm not “visiting”... I'm going HOME! (Also, thought this morning: I've got all those clothes and such that have been packed for the past 3 years... they need washing. If she's gone for a week, the 14th... I could get ALL of my things freshly laundered and move CLEAN clothing. THAT would be nice. I'll have to ponder that possibility.) - Meanwhile... time to get me together and on the road... but I have to hit the loo first. Well? HERE WE GO!

*(Fri.28.Jun: 932 THIS is about to prove “different” today because YESTERDAY was QUITE the day! Indeed, I DID get out of VT at about 7.00 and I DID get to New Russia by about 9.00. And from there, the day rolled along, non-stop, of course. FINALLY, at about 20.03 on Thursday evening, I HAD to lay down on the bed for, what I thought might be a “civil nap” BUT... as it turned-out, it was almost TWELVE HOURS OF SLEEPING-THROUGH! So today, now, here, I'm going to try to re-cap...)

*Continuing Thu.17.Jun: From review of the last entry this morning at shortly after mid-night this morning, I see... I heard the 5.00 alarm and hit “snooze” for 5 minutes instead of “Off”. I'd thought I'd get the extra hour of what-ever it was and get up at about 6.00 but... at 5.05 I got up. Essentially, on about 4 hours of that “sleep” I usually get which is never enough anyway, no matter how much or little. Got dressed, had coffee, smoke, the usual. Of course, Mme. was already up and about and sitting on the porch reading Jesus. But I went about my business, getting “things” together to bring along for the trip “Home”... Coffees, lunch, change of shirt... stuff. By 7.00, I was off, ready and rolling along in the clear, warm morning, heading West... “Go WEST...”. - The drive was fine, really, and I listened to CKOI, mostly to see how far I could hold a French radio station. Come to find out, by the time I got to Lewis, it was most static, so it appears I won't be able to get MTL radio unless I do something about antennae. Jut another something to ponder along. But, as I say, the travel went quite well and I DID arrive only just shortly after 9.00 to find the Post Office CLOSED!!! SHIT! Figures. I bust balls to get there and the PM is late. (I've no tolerance for such BS because *I* would have been ripped from Hell to breakfast if I'd opened late... never mind, being “written up” for being there early. Fuck.) I toddled round to the back of the house to find Joan up in the kitchen. So I called in to ask about the PO. She didn't appear to be very happy to see me (Oh well... THIS is going to prove “delightful” I see) but said that Jess couldn't make it in and that some-body else was en route. No prob. (But isn't it fun to be in a place where the customers know the goings-on of the postal service?) - The back door to “my” flat was open, screen door shut, so I went in... IT WAS AMAZING! NEW, BROWN CARPETING IN THE LIVING-ROOM, NEW GREY CARPETING IN EACH OF THE 2 BED-ROOMS, THE PLACE WAS IMMACULATE AND THERE WAS A NEW PACKAGE OF TOILET TISSUE IN THE LOO! Essentially, there was nothing for me to do but bleach the shower, the fridge, and such. I COULD have moved-in as it was... had I any furnishings. There were bottles of dish soap, “Pine Sol” and “Mr. Clean” on the kitchen counter as well! INCREDIBLE! CLEAN! WOW! So I got MY stuff together and began to bleach the shower. (I don't like the shower... the walls are flimsy, the seams need caulking, there's a metal bar that goes round the in-side that's cheap shit and will be in the way, stickers on the floor... but, I keep thinking: the place is inexpensive and in my current health, it isn't for all that long... I'll “adjust”.) - Must have been round about 9.30 when somebody showed at the PO to open and indeed, lessons on the new place commenced: The town's folk all gather on the front porch whilst the PM sorts and cases... and they all chit-chat there, AT MY LIVING-ROOM WINDOW! So, I see it's to be that way EVERY morning... I've no doubt. Curtains are, obviously, a MUST. But truly, it isn't all too bad. It could be a lot worse... I mean, the PO is open 9-11.00... 9.00 is an OK time to be awakened, and by 11.00 they all toddle away. I gave the gal time to sort and case and chat and when all had settled, round about 10.00-ish, I went over with my papers and cash. - The gal there was kind enough. The office is REALLY tiny... maybe the size of the loo at 5199! Anyway, she knew that I was moving in (of course), took my application and then asked if Alden hadn't given me something with the NR address on it. “I'll leave this for Jess to figure out.” she said, but took my money, gave me my keys. (I believe she put the info into WebBATS and I can only hope because I didn't get a receipt for the Box... my fault... but I HAVE THE KEYS FOR BOX 5 so I suppose that's good enough. I got the money order for the 500 to send off to Alden, when back to the kitchen, filled it in and took a paper towel to jot a note on it so I could wrap the MO AND to thank him for all the work he'd put into the place. Stamp on, I put it into the out-going post for the day. Stopped back at Joan's to ask about Internet... She has a “Home Health Aide”... I hear, the gal does her laundry because I can HEAR just about EVERY activity through the walls! (Choice of “bed-room” made... certainly NOT the one adjoining Joan's place! To be sure.) Again, she didn't appear to be all “neighbourly” so... I didn't dare chat about anything more... and went back to work on finishing the loo... shower, med.chest, toilet, basin... and moved on to the fridge which was bad, saw for the front where the doors close. So, it all got a hefty coat of bleach anyway. Sadly, NO HOT WATER, so there wasn't a whole lot to be done about the shelving and such. Still... as I left it, I un-plugged the fridge and left it open to air-dry. But, I'm ahead of m'self here... - At about 11.30, I took a break... I wanted a smoke and I just don't believe I should dare to do so too close to the house (that's to be addressed as time passes... I'll either stop completely now or...) and I HAVE been curious about the proximity of the river, so I took a stroll down Simonds Hill to find that the river is really quite close, sadly, the property IS “Posted” but the water flows EVER SO clear! Quite the delight. (I'll have to check about “bathing”... hmmm...) And the walk was quite good, especially for the “breathing” of late. I also took photos of the views, the river, the bridge, the road, the mountains. Perfectly beautiful skies and sun-shine. Amazing... Oh yes, and when the PO closes... the place goes quiet, although, there are an interesting number of vehicles that travel Simonds Hill... considering how steep it is and that it really isn't going to-from any-where in particular. But never mind. Back at the house, I tossed a sandwich together, sat on the front porch and had it and the macaroni salad... “Meal” (as it turned out). Then back to “work” bleaching and measuring rooms. - TO MY CHAGRIN, NEITHER ROOM IS LARGE ENOUGH FOR A “FULL-SIZE” BED! BUT... IT DOES SAVE ME MONEY ON FURNISHING! AND... the place IS nicely bright with sun-shine... WHAT a delight, in contrast to the “little room” under the porch, recessed, and the need for a lamp all the time. - Well? I worked until my fingers got to be too sore to continue. The bleach, taking hold of the tips. Got most of the work done and took a look out back at the propane tanks. I need gas for the hot water! Took photos of the labels on the 2 tanks there... the large one is “Ameri” in Ticonderoga and the one marked “Apt 1” is “Ameri” Plattsburgh! THIS is just getting to be a pain! I found the electric meter... I believe. (Oh... everything in the place says that I'm in “1” but Jess put “2” on the box application. More matter to be settled.) So I've got more work cut out in the coming week, where utilities are concerned. BUT... ANY... way.... That done, I went, tidied the place up and didn't DARE address Joan any further. - Went into what will be the bed-room and sat on the floor, leaned against the wall and... I DOZED-OFF FOR MAYBE 10 OR 15 MINUTES! I WAS SO FUCKING EXHAUSTED!!!! It was about 13.30 as I saw on the phone (which doesn't get ANY service over there so THAT'S ANOTHER matter than needs addressing!!! I might just figure a way to get it on the WiFi as is here... I'll have to check.) - So... I suppose I can say that it was about 14.00 when I got back into the truck to head back to New England... Sun still shining and all. Truly though, had I a bed, chair and table there today, I'd probably stayed much later, if not over-night. Alas. - The drive to the Northway went by quite quickly. I didn't even recall having gone through E-Town! (Fatigue) BUT ON THE NORTHWAY... JUST AS I GOT ON THE NORTHWAY... THE TRIP TURNED SHITTY.... *** THE “CHECK ENGINE” LIGHT IS ON!!! *** WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? WHAT THE FUCKING ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK? FUCK!!!! The engine runs fine. Even the wheels and brakes are fine. And so, all the way... the 97mi... the 2 hours on the road, I kept thinking: “EGR, Cat.Converter, some sort of function that needs adjusting.. what... WHAT could it possibly be now? And WHERE am I going to get the money for THIS? BUT... thankfully, I have an appointment for Monday already...” and I rolled along, in silence, listening for any sort of strange sounds - Made it all the way back to 5199 with-out so much as a variation in anything and it was, of course, already, something after 16.00. Mme. in the garden and Hallie running to greet me! So I strolled over to the garden, which, says Mme., is complete, save the grass seed at the end (which, as I type, I recall, I offered to do... yeah, what-ever). At least it's down to a more sane, workable size now. And we chatted a bit and I told her of the condition of the place (just to drive a point of how much care SHE put into up-stairs and the difference between “responsible, civil, human occupancy” and what SHE'S got). We then retired to the porch where we discussed expenses of utilities in both places and how she should be getting more than she's getting for rent up-stairs, including, but not limited to the added expense of trash removal because he's a fucking, lazy slob. - ***** SHE'S GOT A ROAD TRIP PLANNED, THE WEEK OF 14 JULY! “I'll probably have to go alone. And the places I used to go to don't take pets any more.” says she... Fucking hint-hint... as if. But hey, until I have furnishings... it's really not too much of an inconvenience for me... though I have to get my utilities over there. Not to mention... I'd like to wash all the stuff in that luggage before bringing it and I can do that here... in that week... because I didn't do it when I SHOULD have done it when she was gone for the previous week. So? So, it might turn out to be OK. Thankfully, I'm in no SHOVE this time in my life, to RUN LIKE HELL TO GET AWAY!... YET. ***** - THEN it was move on to HER job-searches where, were all things “normal” and dealings were with somebody who paid ANY fucking attention, would have been all of about 20 minutes at most, took us to almost 19.00!!! And oh! OH! I DID FIND THE “LOST” PAPER-WORK FROM LAST WEEK THAT SHE INSISTED SHE'D THROWN OUT! IN THE FILE CABINET. SHE CAN'T EVEN FILE PROPERLY! I've no doubt she got sacked because the current regime down to her old job doesn't have the “sympathy for the old thing” that the previous regime had and that the sacking was due. But... - I was offered franks and salad for “meal” but honestly, the thought of eating off those filthy cooking utensils, AND the anxiety of the “Check Engine” AND the lack of proper rest... I declined. Had a “Twisted Tea” because she'd bought them and I doubt she'll drink them. Not to mention, I thought it might help with a bit of sleep... little did I know. - And so... the clock ran and at about 20.00 I was EXHAUSTED! She was sacked on the recliner and I knew the little ones should be taken out but I just got utterly selfish and... I decided to try to take a “nap”. Changed from jeans to sweat pants and by about 20.03, I laid down on the bed, with no alarms set. I figured I'd sleep until, and if I got up at mid-night or 2.00 or what-ever, I'd get up then. No prob...

Fri.28.Jun: (11.10 and I'm still at the recap...) As it turned out through the night... I woke at about 21.00 and decided to just lay there... dozed back off until... as I recall... about 3-something, got up, pee'ed (bottle, of course) and immediately went back to bed until about 5-something, at which time I thought I'd just wait for an alarm. The 8.00 alarm sounded, I turned it off and... well... as I contemplated staying in bed, the realisation of 12 hours in bed encouraged getting up... and, at 8.06 I did. And, so, here I am... - Now, fortunately, she had some runnings to do in Anusburgh this morning, so, as she did, I managed to get MY linens laundered. And just now, she's returned, as my linens finished drying and my “sheets” (as they are) have been tossed into the dryer. (I'm making NO secrets of my laundry at this juncture). In the mean-while, I've managed to re-fill my water bottles, gone through the stuff I brought with yesterday, and brought this all up to current (leaving, I'm sure, some details of something but I don't care). - The sun is shining, breezes blowing, she's off to get the post, says she's going to put the remaining fishing poles in the truck to take to Pammie's at some point. Tomorrow she'll be on the road again and anyway... there's the day! Hey. (Fuck.) - Me? I'm tired. Down to the last pack of smokes (in the truck). No money to get more (well... I could but I'm trying to decide whether or not I actually want to). One sandwich left in the cooler (turkey and rolls...) and I'm not sure about what I'll do about that... There's money on the FS card so... Honestly, I'm not in the mood to think of such things because getting the truck together and getting back “Home” is more important at this juncture. - I still have to get to the matters of utilities... and moving in and furnishings of some sort. So? So... ON WE GO WITH THE DAY... I suppose. It will be what it was when it's done. At least the bedding and bath are clean for tonight... let's see if I can be too. - 11.33 I can't believe it but... the laundry's almost done, the Journals are posted, caught-up to the moment. Now... on with MY actual “necessities”. - It's a “difficult” morning... with breathing, thinking and the such. Feeling a bit on the “light-headed” side. But... there's shit to be done and calls to be made and... OFF I GO! *KADIMA!* as I say. -14.50 OK. So I contacted “Amerigas” Plattsburgh who tells me that Ticonderoga now handles NR. Diana, nice gal, said she sent a message to the Tic office to contact me. We shall see. - Then I went out to the garden, whilst Mme. went to drop more fishing poles at Pammie's, and raked, seeded, strawed the area by the fence. I finished JUST as he returned! DONE! Really. Perfect timing all round. And now? I'm sweaty, exhausted, and no call from the gas company. Alas. - 22.26 SHOWERED BEVERAGE

Sat.29.Jun: 1.38 So I'm showered (thoroughly because the bed-time linens are clean tonight)... I've passed the hours from since 22.16 (last evening, as it were) posting to G's Minds... tonight being the “bi-lingual” listing of music... and trying to get the G's site to-date but I just CAN'T!!! Also working on Tennie's pages... I just can't any longer. Too tired. And either this lap-top has gone “Vermont Retard” or my fingers, and fatigue are fucking up. So I'm done with TWO v-tons, going for my 3rd smoke since shower (I breathe SO much easier at night) and then to “nap”... though I've not much incentive to do much before noon which is when “Mme.” will be leaving for another of her jaunts. Anyway... all sorts of bed-linens are clean and so? So... FUCK! - 8.29 A VERY heavy morning, this. Heavy on the chest, heavy on the eyes, heavy on the head... heavy. Could be weather-related... it obviously did NOT rain as it was expected to do last night/this morning, the skies are grey though, and the air is “thick”... humidity and such. But I'm up and there's G's and T's(Tennie) to be dealt with and so... I roll along. - 16.13 Out of the shower... clothes in the washer. I started the day “repairing” the shit-posts on Minds last night. Spelling, links... all sorts of shit! Then put the good listings on the site... with little graphic and references to the “Alternative Language” versions of... 11 songs! 22 in all. And THEN... moved on to Tennie's workings. - Mme. left at about noon-ish... The sun came out and it's been that way ever since... Not that one has anything to do with the other... just that it was supposed to rain... it didn't. - And now... nothing... I mean NOTHING for me to eat... and I'm hungry, of course. And the smokes are down to the last half of the last pack. I just might not bother getting any more, just to see how breathing goes. No promises. - Anyway... I DID get to shower and I'm happy about that. My jammies are a bit “off” from last night's sweating, but they can't be washed again! Too much. So, here I sit... in jammies again. Fukkit. - Back to the Tennie-site.

Sun.30.Jun: 1.58 I'm going to be quite sorry that I've done this AGAIN... but I've worked on Tennie's pages ALL DAY... indeed... and now I'm going to bed! No soc.med... nothing... just going to bed. - It's been raining. It's “cool” in the room tonight/this morning. But it's better than sweating. - ALL of my clothes are CLEAN! ALL of the bed linens are CLEAN! And I need to take, at the very least, a nap. - 9.04 and a “nap”, again, it was. The alarms sounded and I just did NOT want to get up and out of bed! But... 8.50 and I did... to an empty place. Note on table “Hallie is w/me” and she's off and running. I believe she went to help Yogi today so it's to be another one of “those” days... empty place. - Have gotten my “morning routine” done and just in from a smoke on the porch where I see COOPER IS OUT THERE SPRAYING HERBICIDE AT THE BACK GATE! AS I SAW, HE'S SPRAYING ON THE PROPERTY OF 5225 NOW. Alas... none of my business... and just more reason to get out and away. My insides are trembling. I don't enjoy being in such close proximity to a psychotic shit-bag. - Meanwhile, the OTHER reason for the “tremblings”.... the truck, the expenses, the propane, electric, oil expenses in NR. Tomorrow, all becomes “legal”, “legitimate”... and tomorrow morning, I have to bring the truck into the garage! At one point, for some reason, early this morning, I woke, shaking, sweating... in my sleep I was thinking of the costs associated with this move. Tight-chested, not pleasant, I woke, briefly, and then, some-how, dozed again. Truth is... THIS really isn't much different from the jump from the Shelter to Vermont. I mean... THAT move was “EXTREME”... no job, no income, extremely limited funds, no network, no people, no place to actually call a place to “be”, and 100s of miles away, in a place I'd never been before. It's been difficult for the years here, but, I really must keep in mind that, no matter what... here I am today...typing on this lap-top. “Alive”? Well... only to the definition of the term. But still... Things are not going to be perfectly bucolic... but things will settle... one day... or... they'll find me as I said... “Home to die.” - For now... Tennie's work is almost done. For the most part, it's “clean-up”. Then? I'll put it on my hosting server, send word and see what comes of it. - Oh... another item: Tomorrow is the first of July. As usual, I wonder... about the 100. NOT, mind, that it'll make all that much difference in the state of affairs with all the new expenses. But... I'm down to 4 smokes, half a jar of coffee and 4 rolls. (Oh... the more things change, the more they remain the same.) - As it is with ALL things in Creation... “Time alone will tell what is to be.” - Right now, it's time for the loo and to get along with this rather grey and, thankfully, damp day. (It did rain last night... good for the garden... and such.) - Oh... let me add about yesterday: At about 16.00, I went over to the store, got a bag of rolls, a tin of that “Dinty Moore Stew” and a little cup of “ice cream”. “Meal”. (Dinty is now trying too escape.) - 22.34 TRANSFERRING THE NEW *TENNIE* SITE TO THE SERVER!!! AT LONG LAST! AND YES, I MUST SAY THAT I AM PROUD OF IT!* - Let's re-cap the day... All working on the site: images, pages, the photo gallery in particular, was quite the challenge. New scripts, and “shadows” on images... an iframe, 27 thumb-nails and 27 pages to go with it all. But it's DONE... for now, any-way. - This evening, I was offered and accepted some pasta with sauce. I'll be sorry but... it's “food” of some sort. - Have resorted to “Re-Smokes” again... One “Players” left. I thought I'd be able to simply stop it altogether but, seems, not. Oh well. But I will NOT piss away 12$ for a pack of nonsense at the store. Maybe tomorrow, if I have ANY money left to my name at all, I MIGHT run to Sutton for a few packs... We shall see. - I'm also curious as to whether or not I'll get the “usual” 100 tomorrow or Tuesday as well... Not counting on it though. - All the while... this house is being CLEANED-OUT! The fishing gear is gone. So too, the little rack from the kitchen.. (the “gun” rack... All toddled up to Pammie's. (She's turned into the “dump” for this place. I just wonder how much she's selling all the equipment for, considering most of it would go for 100$ or more. Oh well... none of my business. I wasn't asked about it.) But it IS rather “disturbing” after a fashion, to see all of this stuff gone. The place is emptying. - And of course, Mme. should have been on her “certification” for the week... nope... excuses. Hey! 489$ per week and she's not bothering? I'm not bothering either. I know she's planning on me being here all the while... I'm planning on not being ANY-where in a while. Alas. - And other than that? Well... tomorrow morning I have to be at the mechanic at 8.30 AND SHE'S GOING OFF TO COWANSVILLE! I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT I'LL DO WHILST THE TRUCK IS IN THE SHOP! Hopefully, the “Check Engine” situation is minuscule and I can get away with only ONE brake job. (I barely have 350$ to my name at this point! And I HAVE to get back HOME... to do stuff and to TRY to get some things in there!) It DOES shake me terribly, but there really isn't anything I can do about it. Time... just time... - Well... one more video file to up-load to the server. I've backed everything up for the month... including all the Tennie-works. - Pondering a (ONE) beverage... just pondering because there's nothing to nosh with AND I have to be up and about and rolling well tomorrow. I SHOULD be in bed already but... Let's see how long the rolling papers hold and I'll have another Re-Smoke before bed... THAT should be delightful on the lungs over night (but I've a feeling I'll be making good on it all tomorrow... probably might have to walk back here. SUCH FUN! Heart attack? Too easy. Not to mention... I DON'T TECHNICALLY RESIDE HERE ANY MORE... I'M “NEW RUSSIA” AS OF MID-NIGHT!) - OH, ALMOST FORGOT... SHE COMES ROLLING IN FROM HER PAMMIES THIS AFTER-NOON AND AS I GO TO THE KITCHEN, SHE'S GETTING OUT THE POTS... “WE HAVE TO BOIL THE WATER.” “Since when?” I asked. “OH, A DAY OR TWO.” says she. REALLY? I'VE BEEN DRINKING THE WATER, HAVE BOTTLES OF IT STORED AND... WELL... “There should have been a notice on the door.” says she. “Didn't you get the mail yesterday?” asks I. “I think so.” whines she. Well... there SHOULD have been a notice on the door THERE. But... never mind. Idiot. - 24.28 DONE UP-LOADED CORRECTED WORKING! SENT A MESSAGE TO (I HOPE) TENNIE! NOW FOR A NAP! - SHIT!