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Fri.01.Jan.2021 (20.33 HOLY SHIT!!! I JUST CHECKED THE “VT” ACCOUNT, TO CONFIRM THAT THERE'S ALL THE MONEY IN THERE THAT I'D BUDGETED AND... THE $600 “COVID RELIEF” PAYMENT WAS POSTED TODAY!!! I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS! JUST WHEN I WAS THINKING THAT I HAVE TO GET MORE VIT.C AND NAPROXEN and I'd like to get that chair for Yonah's room! WHAT IN...??? I'M JUST GETTING READY TO SHOWER, POUR A MARTINI AND HEAD TO THE FUTON AND THIS!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! THE GOVERNMENT IS STILL BICKERING ABOUT THE $2k PAYMENTS BUT THE $600 IS THERE! AVAILABLE! ON A FRIDAY NIGHT... A “HOLIDAY” NIGHT! FIRST SOC.SEC. COMES IN TIME TO PAY BILLS AND NOW THIS! MORE HEATING OIL! AND GAS FOR THE TRUCK! AND PAYMENTS DUE ON SERVERS AND DOMAINS! HELL! SO IT ISN'T 2k BUT HOLY SHIT!!! Yeah... I'm about to die... soon... I've NO doubt! : 0.44 3 martinis... D's cookies after peanut butter on challah. My chest is fine. The furnace is just kicking up. Watched “Birds of a Feather”. Theresa rang earlier. I SCRUBBED with “Algemarin” in the shower, lounged in the robe. smoked in the living room... I'm going to bed now... clean sheets... FUCK! OH JUST FUCK! 2021! FUCK! But it came into a clean, settled, quiet house... with a beautiful mourning dove perched in her own room... safe, warm, plenty of food and water... and SO LOVED! -9.42 SO... just wrapped-up yesterday which is “last year”. The 7.30 alarm woke me, this morning, but, as it is of a morning, getting out of the bed was, well, a bit of an effort. Not that I felt miserable... I felt quite well, in fact; clean linens, house in order, all quite peaceful. I dozed until 8.00-ish, wanted SO much to just luxuriate in the quiet but... Yonah... the card-board that blocks the head-lights had to be removed so... up and about and kettle on and the new day, new month, fucking new fucking year commenced. And I've managed to get dressed... in yesterday's clothes, fresh under-bits though, stepped out for a halfie, on the front porch. It's “cool” out there but not “January cold”, and the sky's clearing... a bit of sun-shine coming in. New Russia is it's usual “almost silent” and me? I have NO idea HOW, but it appears I slept absolutely still through the night and woke with nothing worse than the usual “tightness in the throat”, “heaviness in the chest”, neither of which were “there” when I woke but came creeping, as they do, as my morning thoughts began to intrude... no “horrific” thoughts, just the awareness of bills paid, house in order, no wall-banging through the night from next-door... But, what-ever it is that's launched its attack on me, woke shortly after I did... and though I'm NOT, even in the slightest, “hung-over” (and I almost expected that to be the case... 3 martinis... how stupid of me)... here I am. - Plans for the day? Well, other than getting “files” together, images onto servers for the 2020 Journal, a bit of a “re-working” of the “financial files” to tidy and such... other than the “MUST” to work in a daily walk from now on, in the hope that that will lighten the “stomach-chest-lung” shit... Black-eyed peas for meal tonight, a martini to follow and off to bed. How lovely; first thoughts of the day are plans for the end-of-day. What-ever happens in between is almost... irrelevant. Not to mention... I'd already like a snooze (then again, I recall seeing “1.20” on a clock before getting to “sleep” so last night's “repose” was more like an extended “snooze”). Oh well... at least there's some sun-shine. And away we go... Right, then. - 20.16 Well... the first day of the first month of this whole new shit-show comes to a close. It was a “difficult” day for breathing and such but... as seems usual, the evening brings reprieve. I don't understand it. - Accomplishment? Well... I've got a “directory” of December images that need to be incorporated and put to the server. I DID manage to cook-up black-eyed peas and rice... “stew veg” mix and the chicken breast. And it was quite good, actually. A little under-seasoned, but good. And ice cream after. - I'm just “heating” a stainless steel bowl of more sand for Yonah. I'd put some of the previous batch into a styro-tray for her, hoping she'd “bathe” but she spent most of the after-noon SITTING in it... when she wasn't eating it! THANKFULLY, it was boiled and baked! At one point, I happened to look in just in time to see her PICK UP A PIECE OF LOOSE GRASS AND THROW IT OUT OF THE WAY OF HER FOOD DISH! I LAUGHED!!!!! IT TRULY WAS SO FUNNY! She's such an amazing little bundle of feathers. And speaking of “feathers”, she's REGOWING NEW TAIL FEATHERS AT LAST! How I do so wish I could just give her full run of the entire house, but I'm so afraid she'll hit a window or wall. One of these days I'll give it another try (or not... I don't want ANY injury now... she's so close to being FREE again! And when she is, I'll be “free to join her”). - Got a couple of text messages from Theresa today too. Her Cynthia isn't around these days so I'm “back on the list”, I suppose. Oh well... that's the way it goes. - Other-wise, it's been another “nothing” sort of day. - I'll have to make a run to the FamDoll on the week-end. Smokes AND more rice! I didn't realise I was so low on that. There's still enough of what I cooked with the peas tonight for another whole meal tomorrow evening which is comforting. Starting the year with money in the banque, food, paid bills and enough HEAP for at least 2 more deliveries of oil. The electric has been “budgeted” too. - 20.38 JUST NOTED AT THE BEGINNING, THE POSTING OF THE $600 “COVID AID” AND HAVE RECONCILED THE ACCOUNT ON MY RECORDS! I'M IN DISBELIEF! THE FUNDS ARE AVAILABLE, BUT “POST DATED” FOR MONDAY. STILL! INSTEAD OF THE 100 AND SOME I'D BUDGETED FOR THE REST OF THE MONTH... THERE'S NOW OVER 700! NOT THAT I'M ABOUT TO GO SHOP-HAPPY, BUT THERE'S MONEY FOR OIL!!! (And the furnace is running as I type. And there's a snow in the forecast.) WELL HOLY SHIT! AND, I'VE RECONCILED THE ACCOUNT! UN-BELIEVEABLE! - OK! So NOW I'm REALLY off to the shower and REALLY going to have that martini! Yeah... I'm going to be dead soon... Fate will NOT allow me to actually be able to fully enjoy this spate of “comfort and consolation”. To think... It's taken SIXTY-FIVE FUCKING YEARS OF HELL to get here... to this situation in these circumstances, in my “little place in the Adirondacks”. It really, truly is AMAZING, how my existence has become a “Life” since coming here. (Now... if only I didn't have to hear the thumping and banging next door. BUT HEY! It's NOT a Homeless shelter! I'm NOT sitting here, wrapped in 5 layers of clothing, with aching muscles and bones from the cold. There's FOOD in the house! The truck is running! I'm NOT BITCHING! - OFF TO THE SHOWER! - 23.27 First day... done. 2 martinis. I've eaten tomorrow night's chicken as “nosh”. It's OK. Had a whole smoke, half at a time, watching “Birds of a Feather”. And now... I can't help but be torn apart: the money came in, the bills got paid, food in the house... all of the “good”... Life WON'T be that generous... Take Yonah? I wouldn't be surprised... Devastated? No. But there'd be nothing left. And it would be “common”, “typical”, “normal”. She's my existence, my heart, my soul now. Just to see her fly free again... Life would do that. - I'm off to bed. It's Saturday tomorrow. The pee-oh will be open, sadly. Thankfully Mr. Bungbang stopped early-on. I'm going to bed.
Sat.02.Jan: 8.57 and ***** S*N*O*W ***** It started just before I headed to bed last night and, when I woke (at about 8.00), I heard the distinct sound of “muffle” out-side, drew the curtain back a touch and THERE IT WAS. It must have continued through the night. Quite the scene. And it's only just now stopped. Goodness me. This one's going to be around for a while, to be sure. And so, Mr. “Mayor” has been to the pee-oh to clear the ramp. John's been by to plough the lot and down the drive. I'm not about to be bollocksed, on principle. (I USED to clear MY offices... THIS one can do the same. I pay for the box service, as do the others. The others are under no obligation to maintain the office other-wise. Fukkem.) Besides, this morning, I've got some “cement in the chest” (aside from the fact that it's Saturday) and a “goal” to be about and healthy(ish) until March (and right now it feels as if I should settle for 3pm today). Anyway and other-wise... Here comes the “January-February Winter”, I suppose. And we roll along. - I've still got to actually close 2020 on the Journals... still sort and code the images for December... and decide what it is I “have” to do and “want” to do with the “wind-fall” money in the account. A bike? External back-up drive? Banker's chair? Iron lung? Server? Domains? There's no lack of sensible applications. And “savings”? Bollocks and cobblers, as it were. With the time-at-hand and “half-pence on the pound” (so to speak) “interest”, it isn't worth it. Oh well... On with the day. - Yonah's up and about. I'm dressed and in from a couple of drags on a smoke (not even half this morning). On with the day... Eh? - 14.19 The sun is shining. Yonah is soaking it in and up. The snow is melting. And I've cleared the back and just in front (John did a thorough plough this morning, to my delight, and I've only just cleared for the front door... no more, no less). AND... 2020 IS CLOSED ON THE SERVER!!! PHOTOS ADDED TO “THE SITE” AND A LINK TO IT ON THE “ANNUAL PAGES” FROM THE WORDPRESS. FINALLY!!! Now, the WP will connect to the site. I've been feeling rather “dragged”, “heavy”, “light-headed” ALL morning! Only just now have I been able to actually move about, have a smoke. It's been, what I'd call, a “miserable” morning. But, I'm sure there are MUCH WORSE to come... eventually. So I won't whine about it. - Moving along now, I'll “note” the 2021 pages on both Journals and be caught-up. Charming! - I almost fear that I'll have to take a run into town tonight. Thankfully, the road is clear. It would be nice (and responsible of me) if I could dodge a run tonight. I don't cherish the notion of night driving. But we shall see. Smokes, mostly. As I say... we shall see. I'm hoping to be “mature” about the day and get to bed “ON TIME” tonight... we shall see. - Meanwhile... I've been “properly productive” today, thus far. And it's a delight to see the sun shining in through the windows... a delight. - 23.37 I'm hungry... and there's a smoke and a half left. But I managed to clean-up the VT running registre AND... I broke-down and ordered a “2Tb Seagate” which is supposed to be here by Friday. Well? I do need it. Why? Well... just in case I manage to “survive” much longer. (Meanwhile... THE FUKTARD NEXT DOOR JUST CAME BOUNDING IN!!! JEEZUS KRISTE! ANIMALS BEHAVE WITH MORE CIVILITY! SLAMMING DOORS. BOUNDING ACROSS THE FLOOR! WTAF? ANYWAY.... I ALSO GOT THE JOURNALS ON-LINE! INLCUDED SOME “CHRISTMAS” VIDEOS. Pleased with that. - Tonight's meal of rice and peas with a few veggies and the last of the ice cream wasn't nearly enough to ward-off all hunger. But, in one respect, I imagine it's better... I've got the “massive bloating belly” now and I wonder if that doesn't have something to do with much of my general malaise in the stomach, behind the sternum, and the belching. I've had my 2 hot waters and vit.C already... at about 20.45. - Got caught-up “corresponding” with Gina this evening and that stalled me a touch. Then I went to put the clean registre onto the “Seagate” and well... space is running out. I NEED to focus on cleaning shit up and out and away... especially images! I KNOW there's a LOT (TOO MUCH, in fact) that I don't really need to keep... for ANY reason. But dumping it all onto the new drive and keeping the others for serious work... will make it easier (to continue ignoring, no doubt). When I'm dead, somebody's going to have a BLAST with this shit! Oh well... Never mind. - At the moment, aside from being annoyed by the “thing” next door, I'm feeling, as usual at night, better than I've felt all day. And now, I'm considering trying to do nothing more than “snooze” on the futon. FamDoll opens at 8.00 and I need ice cream and meat... or something that I shouldn't spend “cash” on. We'll see how it rolls when I get out of here. I WANT to be out and back before the entire day is wasted. There's “flocons” in the forecast and not above 0°. We shall see. - Right now... time for that “snooze”. I'm skipping the Naproxen tonight to see how that goes. Between the vit.E every other day for a while and maybe cutting back on the Naproxen... But NEVER cutting back on the vit.C!!! (Which I SHOULD have ordered when I placed the order for the Seagate! AGAIN I forget shit!) Oh well... we'll see how it all runs along... or out.
Sun.03.Jan: 11.25 It's already been QUITE the DAY! - After a late night of getting to bed at about mid-night... multiple “dreamlettes” of HORROR!
First, there was a short one that had “sister” in it, and she'd done something horrific to me, something about having taken EVERYTHING from me, and me being Homeless (yes, another one of those... this has become “psychotic” at this point, since it's a “recurring theme”). I woke from that one at about 3.00 and had to pee, so I got up, pee'ed and went back to bed.
Number 2: I was in a 6th-floor flat in an old building, in a rather “seedy” neighbourhood, like the worst are of, perhaps “Newburgh”. There were 2 guys in the street, signing. (I can't recall what they were singing but they were, in the dream, quite wonderful.) When they'd finished, the 3 other people in the street applauded and so too, did I, from the window of the flat. There was another person in the flat... “Rey” (from the Shelter, of all people) and he too, applauded, heartily. But THEN, he decided to give some money to the guys in the street BUT, instead of going down the stairs, he climbed out the window, with his back to the building, to lower him-self down by the windows! I kept thinking of him slipping, missing a window-ledge, couldn't figure HOW he intended to get from window-to-window and became focused, obsessed with the thought of him slipping, and crashing to the street! My entire body was spinning with the aching of TERROR and I couldn't get out of that PANIC! I woke, briefly, it was about 4.30... and I dozed back off...
The next one was THE HORROR! I was in a high-rise, “pre-war”, brick, old building, in somebody else's flat. The room was rather narrow, not very brightly lit, rather small, and the way the building had been constructed, it was “separate” from the rest of the building, a sort of “breeze-way” on 2 sides, open to a “court-yard” in the front. I went into the WORST case of “ACROPHOBIA”! The dizziness, the physical PAIN, the inability to move... I was paralyzed with the FEAR! And SICK to my stomach! I stood, frozen, at the “building-end” of the room and kept telling the other people in the room (there were about 3 or 4... I knew 1 or 2 but not closely, it was as a gathering of people, perhaps for a “business” of some sort, but not “social”) that I needed to lay down on the floor, close my eyes and they'd have to drag me into the flat-proper. There was some other element in it all that, logically and sanely, had NOTHING to do with the acrophobia but I kept insisting that it needed to be done, or I'd either remain there, on the spot, until I passed out or I'd be on the floor, stuck! Nobody really reacted or responded and the more I kept telling them I needed help, the worse I felt, because I was becoming aware of the psychosis, the psychotic behaviour I was exhibiting. But I COULDN'T MOVE... AND I BEGAN WAKING FROM THE DREAM, WITH THE TERROR RAGING THROUGH MY MIND, THE “PAIN” ASSOCIATED WITH THE FEAR, ALL THROUGH MY BODY! I woke, kicking my legs, half-aware that I was dreaming and that, in order to get out of the situation, I HAD to WAKE UP COMPLETELY! BUT I WAS STUCK BETWEEN SLEEP AND WAKE! AND I WAS IN TERROR! When I finally DID wake, I glanced at the clock... it was about 6.30... I looked, noted the time, thought of the 7.30 alarm that was set, re-counted the previous dreams and dozed back to sleep until the alarm sounded, I turned it off, fell back to sleep and FINALLY WOKE and got out of bed at 8.00!
I've been “off” all morning. My body feels “deprived of air”, breathing's been fine but not “sufficient”. I've coughed-up nothing out of the ordinary, nothing “horrid”, no thicker than usual. There's no “congestion”, not “pain in the chest/lungs, save the bit in the mid-sternum region. It seems that those dreams were “panic/anxiety attacks”... IN MY SLEEP! AM I LOSING MY MIND NOW? I SWEAR THAT MOST OF MY DIFFICULTIES ARE SPYCHOSOMATIC AT THIS POINT. SURE, THERE'S “SOMETHING” NOT “CORRECT” IN MY LUNGS, BUT THIS IS GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE... WELL... IF THERE'S NO ORGANIC CAUSE, THIS PANIC/ANXIETY IN MY SLEEP DEMANDS ATTENTION! (And me, with all those “psychology” courses... Well, it's as I've always said: Psychologists can lie to the patient and the patient can believe what the psychologist says, but... BUT it takes a PARTICULALRY SPECIAL psychologist to lie to him/her-self and believe it.) - Well then, I opened Yona's place this morning... it NEEDS CLEANING TODAY, got the coffee done, grabbed a couple drags off the last smoke. Even THAT'S just a bit of an effort of late. At about 9.45 I headed out to the truck to clean it all off. There was QUITE A LOT of snow on there so it took me a while to clear it all off, but it gave the truck plenty of “warm-up” time, to be sure. And even as I cleaned the truck, I became so tired that I was close to being able to simply get into the truck and have a nap! But... I didn't, of course. - So... ON the road, I noticed an “imbalance” in the “handling” of the steering... THE FRONT PASSENGER-SIDE TYRE IS LOW AGAIN! THE ONE I HAD TO HAVE THE TRUCK TOWED TO BE REPAIRED IN VT! I DID make it to FamDoll (rice, a cookie-sheet for Yonah's sand, “ToasterPastries”... smokes, of course). Casey was the only one on, we chatted a bit and I asked her where one might get air for the tyre. She said “Stewart's” where it's free. Well, that was encouraging. So, I rolled over to Stewart's and gave it a go... and it did NOTHING. The air was coming through the hose but it didn't seem to go into the tyre! So I took a roll up to the Sunoco station where... THE PUMPS HAVE BEEN REMOVED! NO GAS IN E-TOWN EXCEPT STEWART'S NOW! Turned round, hoping to stop at “NAPA”... CLOSED! FUCK! Back into FamDollar and TEN BUCKS for a can of “FlatFix”... for “Standard” tyres! Hey! I don't WANT to but... if I must. Tomorrow, I'll check with Richie and see what he can do... There goes the $600... of course. OF-BLOODY-FUCKING-COURSE! Oh well... “Can't take it with”. But I have to say that it looked a bit better when I got back to the back yard. Hopefully it'll hold-over through the night. - AND, MEANWHILE... as I was cleaning the truck, Mr. Bangtheboom next door came out, looking as if he'd just crawled from under the blankets... he's back to work tomorrow! HOPEFULLY, the “bed-time” will return AND a bit less “bang bang” at mid-night... We shall see. He doesn't seem “talkative” and I tend to wonder why. I don't “care”... just wonder. - And now, 12.11, the furnace is running, the sun is still being hidden, it's not all that cold out, I've just had 2 of those “FamDollTarts” and today's vit.C and D. No E today... see if that helps with the stomach and belching and such. And... I'm JUST getting to the 2nd “real” coffee of the day! So much for the “full cover-all” day I'd hoped for. Oh well... ON with what-ever's to come! (I dread the “reconciliation” for the account now... with the extra 10 blown on “FlatFix”.) Well? Can't have happiness forever. Eh? - 15.30 Well? Pizza will probably be “meal” this evening. - Yonah's house was “swept” nicely. I cut her more broccoli and it didn't take her moments before it got scattered. I have to laugh though. And much was put out for the other birds in the back because it's beginning to “go” (I'll have to cook or freeze the rest very soon). - ORDERED MORE VIT.C AND NAPROXEN TODAY! FOUND THE C AT JUST OVER 17$! GRABBED IT! - And since I got a cookie sheet for Yonah's sand, I've put that into the oven to bake, clean and dry as well. - Since? Pissed the day away on soc.med. I'm tired. - OH YEAH... *** NEWS *** EARLIER, I STEPPED OUT TO HAVE A SMOKE AND CHECK THE TYRE... IN MY SLIPPERS... AND... AS MY FOOT HIT THE ICY STEP... HAD I NOT BEEN HANGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE ANYWAY... I WOULDN'T BE TYPING THIS RIGHT NOW... I'D BE HALF DEAD WITH A BROKEN BACK AND NECK!!!!! WHAT A FUCKING ESCAPE! AGAIN... THOSE “ANGELS”!!! HEY! I *** NEED *** TO BE AROUND UNTIL, AT THE VERY LEAST, THE WARM WEATHER! YONAH!!! SHE WILL GO FREE... IN SAFETY!!! BUT WOW, DID THAT SLIP EVER SEND MY BLOOD, HORMONES AND ENZYMES RUSHING! - 20.45 Just in from a stroll round the back to check the tyre. “Mlle. Morgan/Morgen” has her auto on the run, warming-up. There was a bit of a snow-fall this evening, again. And the banging next door... and the floor-thumping... well... hopefully it'll be done in short time. Meanwhile, the tyre IS a bit on the “low” but inflated. I'll try Richie tomorrow morning and HOPE he can do something about it... “reasonably priced”. Yeah... I'm willing to forfeit the income. I really have no choice. And then? If I'm still about... and the extra 1400 comes in... looks like I'm in for some wheels and tyres? Or at least... a wheel... hopefully I can match what's on there... with-out coughing-up a lung. (I probably have only one anyway.) - 3rd watch of “Birds of a Feather”. I've had my vit.C and will go to bed when “tele” is done. Early to bed... and HOPEFULLY to SLEEP... through the night... with-out HORRORS! - 21.44 “Bomper” is still up and about but not too bad at this point. I'm worried about the tyre. Yonah's light is out and her little “card-board” protection against cold and head-lights has been up for a bit. I'm popping out for a halfie and then popping into bed... DREADING what THIS night's going to shove on me. But... we'll give it a try. If it's an all-nighter, one way or the other... so be it. Oh... no Naproxen tonight. Cutting back... giving that a try. Cut back on the vit.E, the Naproxen... anything except the vit.C... (I got a rather supportive message on the Group on Gab this evening. Vit.C chatting. Who knows? Maybe the pain and such is some kind of “healing” and “re-org of nasty tissue in there. After all... what I cough up isn't all that bad... in fact... it's actually a bit better than what it's been in the past. Who knows? Eh? - (Grasping? Nah... I know too much better.)
Mon.04.Jan: 6.44 And THAT was an almost-Wonderful night! Lights out at 22.30... I did roll about for a good part of the night, waking, turning, “re-positioning” as it were, but falling right back to pleasant sleep until... about 4.30, which is when I woke, rested, but decided to take another hour, which I did and at 5.30, decided to wake, but didn't until I heard the 6.30 alarm which is when I woke and here I am, coffee ready and... other than a bit of “heaviness/discomfort/pain” in the chest... there was a good 8 hours of rest. - Even had the quickest, momentary dream which I will not just because: I was laying on a nice bed in a place that more resembled a bar than a bed-room (ah... the “Good Days”), naked, save a black loafer on my crotch. Instead of an “alarm” to wake, some attractive fellow came over to the bed and removed the shoe... and then he gave it to a little “Danny DeVito” type of fellow who was supposed to be making breakfast for all of us and as he took the shoe he said “I really enjoy the experience of cooking for you lot, there's always something different to work with. Take this, for instance, good quality, nicely-worn... and still warm and fresh.” Sadly... I woke from this one. After Saturday night's horrors, it would have been fun to see where this one went. - And so, today... It was a year ago that Joan died. I wonder if she'll be “back round”... I wonder if she'll come by to pick me up... or shove me out, which-ever as it were. - Have to give Richie a call and HOPE about the tyre this morning. And... fill the day with things to do. Well, Hell... I'm up, had vitamins. Am in robe (and shoe, to be honest... and why not). It's still rather dark at 6.55 but the forecast is for sun... So? So... - 10.33 Just in from clearing the truck and checking the oil tank... AND OUT OF BREATH! WOOZY TIMES. Well, the tyre is “low” but not “terrible”. All now and ice off the truck though and I rant it whilst cleaning so it got to “warm up”. As for the oil? HALF TANK. 6 WEEKS! There's a good 200 gals left on HEAP and if I could hold the 6wks/half-tank, it would take me to just past the mid-point of March, and a half tank to begin the next season... provided, of course, that there isn't a particularly cold snap AND... of course, that I'm still “around” after than point (which I don't really see happening, at the rate this old body's crumbling). - OK. Time to phone Richie about the tyre... and then, I ought to roll to Westport for gas, since THAT tank is down a quarter and to fill at this point is cheaper than at a half (or less). What I'd LIKE to do is go back to snooze. I did take one from 8.30-9.15, my typical “good for 2 hours” after a great night of sleep. Oh well... It ain't gonna get no better, This is how “life” is going to be from now on... every day, a little worse. I keep thinking of Mum: she was “OK” for months after the Dx... it was her last 2 weeks that were miserable. Let's see if I can't pull another 4 months, get Yonah back out and then... I won't have to care. (The rent's paid now, through February. In March, through April. In April, through May. Cleaning this place out and re-renting will be easier then. And today is 1 year since Joan died and I can't help but just notice... “Life” for every-one else, goes on... Her place is re-rented and inhabited. We come, we go... and nothing changes. Me next? Probably.) - 10.56 Appointment with Richie... 9.00... THURSDAY! SO... now it's to be a matter of keeping an eye on the tyre and HOPING! Oh well... (Let's see if I'm even breathing on Thursday. Hey, I did say I'm in no rush... I lied.) - 13.23 Only JUST getting to have mid-day vits. because the TRAIL NORTH ACCOUNT WAS HACKED... FOR $1.00... BY SOME “CHRISTIAN CHURCH”!!! NOW I HAVE TO GO INTO TOWN FOR A NEW DEBIT CARD AND KEEP A CAREFUL WATCH ON THE ACCOUNT! AT LEAST THE CREDIT UNION CANCELLED THE TRANSACTION! THERE'S ONLY 4,55 IN THE ACCOUNT, THANKFULLY... I'D CONSIDERED TRANSFERRING FROM VT TO NY... NOW I HAVE TO WATCH THE SAVINGS! “CHRISTIANS”... THEY NEVER CEASE TO UP-HOLD MY LOW ESTEEM FOR THEM. (Now I wonder how they got the card number.) But I posted to Twtr... I'll have to post to Gab as well. Too bad I can't post to “FB”! HAH! Shit-bags. - 15.08 WOW! DID THIS DAY EVER PASS TOO QUICKLY! But... I got the tray of sand in for Yonah... and, of course, she's pecking at it! I'd rather she eat the “grit” but, if she insists on the sand (which, thankfully, has been rinsed, boiled and baked), I'll have to think of some other way for her to “clean/bathe”. Well, as I've said, I'm becoming quite the “authority” on mourning doves at this rate. Mayhaps I should write an “e-brochure”? Oh... “lol”... not. - Also printed a new sign for the front door which more-clearly indicates “POST OFFICE” (with logo) USE OTHER DOOR. I really need to get to work on the new sign. There's just little “details” that need to be done on it. MAYBE before I kick-off... MAYBE. - And I “cleared” the back walk as well. There's still some ice on it but it's a bit better. The movement, motion and exercise took away the “heaviness” in the chest... for the most part. It's still in the upper-centre now, but I've had tea and the “CDE” vits. so... - Meal, tonight, will be franks... which are still rather frozen. And the package “inflated” in the freezer! Odd. Too bad I can't get the trye on the truck to do like-wise. And as for that, hopefully tomorrow it'll be good enough to take me into town for the new banque card (and maybe even to Westport for gas). - Oh well... the day didn't go ANYTHING as I'd thought it might (sign painting, &c.) but that's OK. Just another day. - 22.49 This is what I get for “just one episode” which ran into 2 and could have been 3. Sadly, nothing to nosh with, so I've done with the peanut-butter. I NEED to STOP this “just eating for the sake of...”! Thankfully, Yonah's in the house else I'd be smoking my-self to a rapid death in here. But the weight's GOT to go! Seriously! I've started losing and already feel a touch better. That GUT all but stretched me out and I don't doubt it's got something to do with the “stomach troubles”... the pain, in the chest and throat. “GERD” as well. Anyway... no shopping until Friday now anyway. And this month, about 13$ less on the “budget card”. Oh well. - Meanwhile, I pulled a LOT of images off the 500Gb Seagate... the one with the “financials” on. Getting ready to transfer all to the new 2Tb on Friday. There's a LOT of work to be done, cleaning shit up and out. It'll keep me “occupied” come the week-end. - And now, I've had my vit.C and 2 hot waters as well. I don't really want to go to bed, but I MUST! AND... I've checked the banques and all there seems fine. Now, to hope for the tyre in the morning. Well? We can't always be happy all the time. Eh? At least the rent's paid (though it hasn't yet cleared). And the electric, the Internet/phone, and next week, a call for oil for heating. Yonah's well... and I suspect, sleeping (in spite of the noise in the house... at least she's not out there, alone, freezing or getting frost-bite). I was thinking: I could simply put the cage out back, on the porch, leave the door open. She'll leave... and if she wants, she could come back of a night. Or... she'd be better off just going with the flock. What-ever. There's time to ponder. I just SO WORRY about her in this yard. I MUST fence the “feed area” off for her and the others. Have to figure it out... for the Spring. Can't really do it now... as the ground's frozen. - Mr. Bang-bang's rolled in at about 22.30... I hear “stirring”. Oh... one of these days. - So that's that for the day... time to wrap it up. Hopefully another night of SLEEP! (No Naproxen.)
Tue.05.Jan: 9.39 Heard the 6.30 alarm, turned it off, laid in bed, feeling rather “well”, pondered the day's “events” (going to get the new banque card, perhaps some gas, maybe a roll of quarters to get air for the tyre mean-while, &c.) and when I rolled over again and looked at the clock... 8.03! Oh well... at least I did manage a night of sleep, no pee-breaks and no dreams. But, it's as it's become of late: as I laid in the bed, I felt quite fine... and gradually, the pressure built in the upper-centre chest and the “usual discomfort” commenced. I wake feeling fine... no congestion, no pressure, no pain... and then, it comes. I'd almost swear that most of it is “psychosomatic”... I'm literally “thinking” my-self into “un-wellness”. Then I start to question my sanity: this refusal to go to hospital, to confide in “medics”... to “trust” ANY of them. Am I actually tossing my sanity out through my ears? Or what? And so, it goes, and the morning moves along. Snow on the ground. Grey in the sky. Not really terribly cold. Certainly not “sultry” nor “balmy”. And coffee's almost done (last beaker at hand). I'm in from sweeping the back walk-way and checking the tyre on the truck which, from where I stood in the drive, appears to be “driveable” this morn. As I type, the “pressure” in the chest “lumps” larger and higher. One of these days... it just feels as if I need to belch a large bubble of gas or perhaps vomit a clump of some-thing. What-ever. There it is... here I am... and the day moves along. I've been to the loo. Nothing “note-worthy” there. So, pass a little time and then head out on the road. Trying to decide whether or not to stop at market for anything. There are provisions needed... I'd just rather wait until Saturday... but then, Saturday, the excuse will be “Saturday”. There's enough chicken and beef in the freezer to go through until then, but that empties the freezer completely. I'd rather not do that... there's something just a tad “final” about it. (Yeah... psychotic.) We'll see how the truck rolls... and what I accomplish... when *I* get rolling. And so... it's “another, common, typical day”... of neuroses and psychoses and... oh, the vit.C and Naproxen shipped this morning. Charming. - 11.49 MADE IT TO TOWN, NEW CARD, BACK AND ACTIVATED... YONA. I DON'T LIKE THE NEW NUMBER, NOR THE EXP. DATE, NOR THE DIGITS OVER-ALL. I'D LIKE TO THROAT-PUNCH THOSE “CHRISTIANS”, BUT... the truck got cleared of snow and ice, got a heating-up and a run, the tyre was fine for the trip, I ran the truck over the snow in the parking area of the drive instead of shovelling, and I made it “there and back” before noon. Moments, really. And so... there really isn't any more on the “agenda” before Thursday. I'm thinking: there's precious little in the house to eat, but a week's “fasting”, of sorts, will be good for getting rid of some of this “gut” I've developed which might be good for a host of other shit... such as the “indigestion and belching” (maybe I need to “get rid” of some-thing “in there” that's causing all this “disturbance”), which might alleviate some of the “discomfort”. Only one way to find out... Then, on Saturday night or on Sunday (for the next round of “sales at market”... since there's really nothing there this week that I want, save, the eggs, but those can wait) at which time, I'll have had the tyre checked. All said, I've NO excuse for all this psychotic anxiety, though I truly AM at a point where I'm finding my-self questioning my-self... becoming a neurotic-psychotic old thing, creating drama and disturbance where none actually exists. (Lunch cancer gone to the brain? Oh JOLLY! ANOTHER tangent! I'm so fucked-in-the-head.) - Anyway, “TEA-TIME”! And mid-day vits. (the replacements of which have “shipped” today). On with the show... bloody circus that it is. - 21.52 Meal? 4 franks and boiled “Stir Fry” with that “chocolate mix” from “Darlene”(?). Not really “filling” but something better than nothing. Tomorrow... pasta, perhaps, or pizza (I doubt it) or I'll throw together a “stew” with the minced beef. We shall see. - HEY! I GOT THE WHOLE PAGE OF ALL OF THE PHOTOS AND VIDEOS OF YONAH DONE! *** AND *** I'VE FOUND THE CODING FOR A BIT OF A “SLIDE” PROJECT! JUST WORKING ON THE “FINER POINTS” THIS EVENING! I'M EXCITED! AND NOTHING ON THE CALENDAR FOR TOMORROW! WOOHOO! AND IF THIS SLIDE-SHOW (AS IT WERE) WORKS... I'M ON TO THE REST OF THE PHOTO PAGES!!! (WAY OVER-DUE!) - And so now, I've had my night-time vit.C, had a Naproxen and at 21.00. 22.00 should be lights-out but I'd like to get in ONE episode of “Birds of a Feather”. (I was gleaning the bios of the cast and the show and am hooked! I'll be so sad when it's over but... I'll never forget it. Maybe, if I can find some space some-where, I'll start grabbing some episodes to keep handy... as if I'll live long enough to enjoy them.) - Anyway, feeling rather “OK” this evening. Typical... at the end of the day I feel better... until I get to bed. - And Shit-bag is banging about on the walls and thumping about on the floor. It didn't go to work today either... Tuesday-Wednesday off? Oh well. At least it works. - And so that's that for that. The end of another “day”.
Wed.06.Jan: 6.21 Not sure why... Didn't get to sleep until, well, last I looked at the clock it was 0.09, but, at about 4.30, I woke, from sleep, not to pee, just because I woke, and I laid in the bed until 5.55 and then... got up, put the kettle on, got dressed, made the coffee, took THREE (3) vit.Cs this morning (new “regimen” I'm trying today: 3 morn, 2 tea, 3 meal, 2 bed... up the stakes to 10g/day just to see what it'll do... I believe I read some-where that 11g/day is the max allowable to “play” with... we shall see), with a Naproxen, which I'd taken last night as well. So, here I am. BUT... I'm excited about the page of Yonah's photos, so it isn't a matter of wand;ring about wond'ring what to do with the time. AND, it isn't all that cold this morning (or I've got fever... or maybe I died in my sleep and “routine” is keeping the spirit moving, eh?). So here I am. Here we are. Maybe it's good to be up at this hour. Tomorrow I have to be at Richie's at 9.00... - 11.13 Day's “due” is done... post is in. Notice from a collection agency for the chest x-ray... I'll send them a “financial statement” during the week... or when I get around to it, and another “Life Insurance offer” from AAA. Honestly! 100$/month! But they sent nice “return labels” for mail... as if I do SO much of that. - And the sun is shining in on Yonah this morning and THAT'S about ALL that matters... and she's well... and THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. - ONE ITEM WELL-WORTH THE MENTION: THIS MORNING, WHEN I FILLED THE BACK FEEDER, TWO LITTLE NUTHATCHES CAME RUSHING OVER! CHIRPING A STORM! SO CHATTY! AND ONE LANDED DIRECTLY ON MY HEAD! THANKFULLY, I HAD A CAP ON. BUT IT WAS JUST SO CUTE! THEY MUST WATCH FOR ME. AND THEY'RE NOT, IN THE LEAST, AFRAID. IT DOES SO MUCH GOOD FOR THIS WEARY SOUL OF MINE - And, I laid for a 45-min. snooze earlier and the “texts” came in... Theresa. More on her “2nd husband”. Seems he was “discovered” in “late decay”, alone. “No foul play”. Folks say he was “a loner”. Ah... reminds me of Zur... They “discovered” him because, as the doorman put it, an “odour in the hall-way”. They figured he'd been in there about 2 weeks... same as Theresa's ex. I see that happening to me. But I'm not worrying about it. JUST AS LONG AS I GET YONAH BACK OUT! - And the work on the “photo slides” progresses rather nicely... and I'm returning to that. - I should bake some bread or something... I'm just not in the mood. Oh well... I'll be sorry later. But there are “English muffins” in the fridge so all is not lost. Tonight, I'll throw some “beef and rice and such” together. Tomorrow... Richie. - 21.23 *********** YONAH IS ON THE INTERNET!!! *** ALL OF HER PHOTOS ARE HERE... ON THE SERVER... AS A PAGE ***** AND ***** A “SLIDE-SHOW”!!! ***** ALL OF HER PHOTOS *** AND *** HER VIDEOS!!! ***** I worked on the pages on and off ALL day today and JUST THIS MOMENT, UP-LOADED EVERY-THING... NEW PHOTO PAGE... NEW “SLIDE-SHOW... A NEW “DIRECTORY” THAT NOW RUNS TO 2025 AND LINKS TO THE PHOTO-INDEX WHERE ***** YONAH ***** NOW RESIDES AND PRESIDES!***** Yeah... I'm excited. FINALLY, a PhotoPage done! And HOPEFULLY, when I get the new external Seagate (FRIDAY?), and get all the images put where they belong... MORE will be added... and once THAT'S done... and Yonah is with her flock... I CAN KEEL! - Right now though, I've just had a ramekin of oatmeal and 2nd hot water with my vit.C and Naproxen. “Meal” was a mess of minced burger, rice and “stew veg”. There's enough for tomorrow as well. - And so... I'm going to grab a smoke, an episode of “Birds of a Feather” (because THIS little bird of a BEAUIFUL feather is on her perch... seepie-nigh-night). - Oh... and it turned into a HELLISH DAY... politically. The Capitol bldg. was attacked by “OUR PEOPLE”... so it's claimed. But Trump held a rally for THOUSANDS... and at the end, asked everybody to leave in peace. He always says “We love you”. Well... the “Left” fucked things up and turned, as they do, to riot. Hey... “Civil War”? Fine with me! I'll start right here... at home. - 22.50 The day is DONE!
Thu.07.Jan: 10.53 THIS has been “THE DAY” already. Didn't get out of bed until almost 6.30, dragged along for morning coffee and 3g vit.c with Naproxen. Got to Richie at 9.05. Ben took the tyre off, scrubbed some “rust” off the wheel and re-mounted the tyre. No “leaks”, and the wheel is OK! 30$, but WELL worth the investment. I asked about the oil pressure and Richie says it's “normal”. And we chatted about yesterday's fiasco in DC. Even HE'S suspicious... “Republicans never resort to violence.” (He's right.) “It was too damned easy for them to just walk into the building. It's suspicious.” Me? Comfort in knowing I'm amongst “friends”... politically, anyway. AND he chatted about “Artie”, who used to live here. Dear Artie... the day the Troopers took his keys, that morning, Artie had gone into town and on his way home, hit about 3 other vehicles. The banque had to re-po the truck and Richie described it as “He looked like he'd run a demolition derby with it.” Richie thinks Artie's died. Then we got into “Geraldine”... Oh the stories this morning! And as I stood, chatting, my body took off... to the breezes. It's been an “episodic” sort of day, thus far. So I rolled into town, grabbed the cash... at the ATM... ON THE NEW CARD... Stopped at FamDoll for a new tote for paper-work and smokes. Had the most delightful chat with Casey about retail, stupid people who read signs and pay no attention, that sort of thing. Had a few laughs. Had a laugh with Bubba and rolled back to pay Richie. The sun is shining. It's “crisp” out there this morning. And at 10.45 I toddled back into the house to a feisty Yonah... in “her” sun-shine. My love. My heart. My soul. My spirit. My “LIFE”... literally, And now? Finish morning coffee and attend to that “collection” notice that claims they have the right to grab my Soc.Sec.! Yeah? I'll fucking blow some-body out of Creation! I'll do what I can and see where it goes. I pay, begrudgingly as all Hell. But... let's see if I can't get away with 20$ or so. Can't say “No” until I try. - Other-wise... Ms. Moron of the Pee-Oh is just banging the paper-towels and will be rolling out of town in short order. - All told, it would appear I've “settled” in a little hamlet to which I am quite “normal”. I AM a “fit” and it's comforting. We're OK... for “the final days”. - 11.08 Nothing in today's post. Good news. - The whites are in the basin on the soak. The day rolls... “Another” day... rolls... - 14.06 And the sun is still shining, brilliantly. I've just put the paper-works into the new “tote”, put a box under Yonah's house to raise it up a touch higher and have Hoovered there-after. Other-wise... it's been a day of soc.med. I still can't get over this morning... and the chat with Richie and Casey and... I've also checked the banques... including CIBC (which I MUST get some money back into... although I don't see me ever using it or gaining access to it again... I'll be dead before the border opens again... fuckers). So, I suppose it's been “OK” for the day. - I could almost snooze, but I don't want to. Let's see what more can be done... Shall we? Surely. WTF? Why not? - 24.14 Had my vit. & Naproxen and 2 episodes of “Birds of a Feather” and was SO happy to see it was only 22.30... and then... got caught up in soc.med. The political shit is FLYING these days. Bravo! And now... I damned-well need to get a nap! And the house has a chill tonight... or I do. I hope it's not some “UTI” or the likes. Well... for tonight, the thermostat goes up a notch. I don't want Yonah in there all fluffed against the cold. As for tomorrow? There's food in the house and I believe I'm going to fill the truck with a non-ethanol at Stewart's. I read that it's actually better for the engine. Only a quarter tank. We'll see how it rolls. Other than that? Thankfully, nothing pressing. The new Seagate and the next vits. and Naproxen are due tomorrow evening... UPS. We shall see. It would be nice. - Time for snooze. It's been another 10gram day.
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Sat.09.Jan: 2.14 I didn't realise it got this late! Been “migrating” from Twitter... Nordländer is now on Minds. These are miserable times. Trump's been knocked off Twitter. Anyway... I have to nap... literally. I have to be up to get Yonah together in about 6 hours! - 9.30!!! BECAUSE I DIDN'T GET OUT OF BED UNTIL 8.45! Had it not been for Yonah here, I'd STILL be in bed! THAT was a miserable 7 hours, I can say. It was around 3.00 and I was still awake, laying in the bed, just unable to get a comfortable position. And at around 4.00... FEET SPASMS! And when I sat up to put the socks on, since that often helps relieve the pain... THIGH SPASM! I've little doubt it's because of the slouching over the lap-top until so very late, creating a “Nordländer” on Minds (which picked-up rather quickly, I must say) and bringing the Gab(länder) up to the moment. Then, keeping up with the correspondence and correspondents on the Twatter. I still can't help but see this horror as the dark days leading to a repeat of pre-WWII Germany. Silencing the President. People at pitch aggravation. Somebody posted to Twatter, this morning (before I logged-out) that he too, expected the eventual fall of the “American Empire” but that he too, never expected it in his life-time. Oh well. - Meanwhile, coffee at hand. An over-cast morning. Not too cold out there. I'm just in from re-filling the feeders. - The bitch-box next door has been up and running from since about 8.40. - Yonah's up and about. She COO'ED AT ME THIS MORNING! God bless, love and keep her safe and may she be in perfect shape to take her place back with her flock... SOON! - My chest is tight. My lower back is tight. But I'm coughing-up clear or white and not brown, black or green. A little congestion, but certainly noticeably NOT like it was for a while, not so long ago. - I'm pondering the re-newals of domains and hosting. I'd LIKE to make a contribution to Gab and Minds as well, but their “set amounts” are considerably higher than they were a while back. Of course, that's to be expected but it would be nice to know that they're there. It's some-thing to ponder. - Time for the morning loo. (I'll check to see if I'm still permitted access to the Twatter... curiosity only. A check on the status before retiring this morning, showed I'm “marked” for “potentially harmful”. YAY ME! Mother would be so proud. Ah... the 60s and 70s. And now, today, I'm just past the front gate on the path to death... and still the rebel.) - 16.45 And there's still day-light! And that threw me off because I'd snoozed for about 30 minutes until about 15.15, went back to cleaning the 500G Seagate and lost track of time! Meal is only just in the oven! Oh well... late meal tonight. - Pissed the morning away on soc.med., between keeping the new accounts up-to-date and responding to 3 accounts of messages and correspondences. Not pleased with me on that but it's time I can't retrieve. - I've been oddly “chilled” all day. The thermostat is up to 70F and I'm still chilled. Urine is painless and clear. No “pains” other than the usual “heaviness” of chest and, thankfully, that's not debilitating. I can't figure what's “wrong”. Surely, it'll “manifest” when least convenient. “ER”? I seriously doubt that. I'd sooner go to NorthWest... St-Albans! And THAT'S a trip I'd rather not take. So we shall see. It very well may be the “bombardment” of vit.C. This old body... I tellya. - Mean-while, the transfer of images from Seagate to lap-top is taking a LOT of space on the lap-top. And moving from lap-top to 2T Seagate will take quite the while. Some-thing I'll do at bed-time, over-night, I suppose. - Tomorrow there's a bit of shopping to be done. Food and cleaning supplies. A “whole package” deal. - I'm most seriously considering parting with the money left (500) and paying the hosting and domains... tomorrow. (Or, perhaps tonight, when my brain goes dim.) - Yonah's house needs cleaning again. She's quite active of late. Poor dear. “Brooding season” is approaching. But, we're almost at mid-January. February will be the “COLD snaps” and then... HOPEFULLY the warmer nights to come. I'd LOVE it if the 18° nights would come SOON! But, “Life” is NEVER THAT “fair”. - Moving along... Meal at 17.30 at this rate. - 16.45 And off to post this to the servers. - 17.01 Just put the Journal on the servers. A little more space on the lap-top... VERY little more but... I feel better knowing it's on servers. - 23.36 Here we go again! EVERY night... but, time is up! Meal was done and washing-up as well with-in 30 minutes again. I've had my night vits. and Naproxen at 21.00. Watched “Birds of a Feather”. Scanned the soc.med. Now... last smoke and BED! I HOPE to sleep through tonight!
Sun.10.Jan: 8.24 And there we have it. I was up at 6.30, of my own. I was up at 7.30, with the alarm. And at 8.30, I damned-well could have stayed in bed but... Yonah's up, the kettle's on, there's a “rock” in my chest this morning but the phlegm is white/clear. And it's already “double-digit date”. I ought to go to market. I ought to work on the images. I ought to make a chair. I ought to finish the PO sign. I ought... Let's see what I “DO”... when THIS day is done too. - 22.02 I can't believe this... nothing down ALL DAY! Well... I DID manage to keep “occupied” and so... (off to a quick last smoke before a shower and bed) - Got a late start to the day, of course. But DID manage to get to the FamDoll for smokes, Grabbed a panel of sheer for the front window. If I'm going to do the “half” that I thought about, I'll need another one. It isn't of much use, only the bottom on the PO window though. That would have to be full length. I'm pondering. - Next stop was Tops for what fit into the green tote... Almost 50-fucking-dollars and they had nothing on the shelves or in the meats. I got thighs again, ice cream, a pizza, eggs to make more bread and some yolk for Yonah. But it was depressing and aggravating. Nothing on the shelves... on a Sunday. And it wasn't as if the place was packed! Speaking of which... check-out was fuking rude. There was a woman before me with a large order and nobody offered to help her pack! The gal just let her be and took my items and began scanning before the woman had a chance to leave! Then, she just shoved my stuff to the end and as I packed, she took the next customer. Handed me my receipt and said “There ya go.” Fucking bitch! THEN, I get home, start to clean the chicken, as I do... FAT AND SKIN! THE FUCKERS! When I'm in next, I'm going to bitch about it this time. Fucking rip-off! But there's 4 more in the freeze and the breasts, so there's “something” edible... for what it's worth. Shitters, the lot of them. - Yonah's place got a good cleaning today, before I left. That tray of gravel presented a bit of a trouble, but we managed. And she's SO CUTE! There was the usual flying about but she seems to be getting used to me pfutzing about in there. I DO SO LOVE HER. And still, I'm looking forward to the day she's back in her own. I'll miss her terribly. I go out and all I think about is her, alone in the house. Today, again, I thought: it's going to be “heavy” with emptiness when she's gone. But then... I doubt it'll be for long. I don't think I'll be around to end of Summer this year. She actually IS the sole reason I bother hanging on for anything now. - As I was cleaning the chicken, the phone rang... EV! The fucking phone lost the call but I called back, scared shitless that it was Lois calling to say that Ev had died. First try, the machine picked up... Lois's voice! I was sick! Tried back immediately and EV answered! She'd called to say “Thank you” for the card! We talked until 17.00 almost on the mark! It was such a delight talking with her. She's doing so incredibly well. her neighbours are a delight, so caring. She's missing her “social life” these days, with everything in The City being shut. (Fucking miserable shit-bags... they don't fucking care about the Hell they create for others.) She's waiting to get her “vaccination” too. I dread that. But, people will do what they will. Anyway, we had WONDERFUL chat, about The City in the 50s and 60s, her “history” of her fist place, meeting Moe... It's a pure delight talking with her. Damned shame but I won't go down there. I won't take the truck and besides, I couldn't impose staying the night and it's a long drive and it I took the train, which I could do easily, these days, there's only the one (morons that those are with the trains now). I'd have to spend the night. (I suppose I could check into the Shelter... Now THERE'S a hoot! Eh? Get my old bed back. Yeah... no... the “old crew”is long gone by now. I hope they're all safe and sound and settled well.) - So meal was at 17.00. Chicken and veg. Ice cream with chocolate sauce after. Washing-up and all... done... of course... by 18.00. - I grabbed a 30-minute snooze and worked on the “Asus” images a touch, followed by a bit of a spree through the soc.med. - These are incredibly dark times, and it's obvious on the soc.med. Gab is down because Andrew's working on new servers to compensate for what I call the “losers” migrating from Twitter and the likes. The new “Nordlander” on Minds is dragging with “subscriptions”. But I'm not “famous” so... it makes little difference to me, one way or the other. Eventually (sooner, probably), I'll be “off of them altogether” anyway. - And so, for the past hour, “Birds of a Feather”. I'll run out of those soon. But it's nice to have whilst I have it. - Was thinking of shower at 21.30. It's already 22,27 now. Mr. “Boomboom” came in at about 20.30 or so. I don't care if my shower disturbs but right now, I'm thinking I'll pass again. I'm tired and really ought to be in bed before 23.00 tonight. Not that there's much on the agenda tomorrow except arguing with a bill collector and calling for oil. How I DREAD calling for oil! I shouldn't. They have the fucking money. I need to work on changing companies if I'm to be here next season. As for the bill collector? Well... I'll get it to 5$ and they'll settle. Or... in these days, I'll just tell them that if they refuse, I'll just take it to the Governor's office and beyond. They can deal with THAT bureau. A money order and stamp and that's that. There'll be more from the hospital too, I'm sure. But we'll take it as it comes. I'm tired of the bull-shit. - Meanwhile, I need to re-new hosting and domains as well... before I spend the money I have now. THAT'LL put me in a bind for the rest of the month but... it's money I wouldn't have had anyway. - And so, 2 hot waters, 4 PopTarts (I'm sick of me with that shit! I need to lose the weight!), 2 Cs and a Naproxen. It's time to close this day down. If I get tomorrow, I'll deal with it then. Nothing to be done tonight. - All told though, the sun shone, Yonah's place got freshened. All is well.
AND I MUST MENTION/NOTE: WHEN I CALL “YONAH”, SHE MOVES HER MOUTH, AS IF SHE'S SAYING SOMETHING! SHE RECOGNISES HER NAME! AND WHEN I SAY “I LOVE YOU”, SHE DOES THE SAME THING!!! YESTERDAY, SHE COO'ED WHILE I WAS IN WITH HER. AND TODAY, AFTER THE “CLEANING” SHE PERCHED, CALMLY, WHEN I WENT BACK IN TO CHAT WITH HER! IT'LL BE 3 MONTHS ON WEDNESDAY! I'M SO BLESSED. I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK OF WHAT GINA SAID “YOU NEED EACH-OTHER”. YES, I SUPPOSE WE DO.
Mon.11.Jan: 7.04 First alarm at 6.00...off. Second alarm at 6.30... off. Pulled myself out of the bed when the clock on the shelf read 7.00. Kettle's on and I've NO idea why I'm bothering this morning. It was another night of feet spasms, and back pains, followed, oddly enough, by a morning of back pains and a “burning” sensation in the chest. (7.12 which just got a bit better, the “burning chest”, with morning coffee.) - Biz to do this morn. Collectors and oil. I'm REALLY pissed that calling for oil bothers me this much. I don't trust those shits at Avery! But, they have the money on my account already, and if I don't use it, they lose it (but then, so too, does the county AND I'll get less in 2021... if I'm here to need any at all). Still... Oh well. That's for later. - I NEED to wash my arse! Noticed last night, under the covers. It's not “shitty”... but it gives a “pong”. I'm turned to one of “those old men”.. I probably offend when I go out now. Imagine? After all the years of 2 showers daily, at minimum. I suppose it was bound to happen. - Well.. no sitting here on this. I need to move about too. Spend money I don't have. Something. In 9 days, waking up won't be worth it... EXCEPT FOR YONAH! - 18.46 Just in from a smoke and chat with Dan who said to drop by when-ever... coffee, etc. Nice. I mentioned Becky screaming in the PO loo and he said that she did the same thing just this morning: he came for his mail, asked how she's doing and she said “I hate this fucking job!” So I'm not the only one saying. - In other “news”... I DID call Avery this morning. 100 gals delivered tomorrow. And there's just over 100 more on the account. Very nice. I didn't get to the “radiology” shit though... so there's something left to “address”... in time. - Meal? Chicken with rice cooked with veggies. - Soc.med. here and there during the day. - Nothing much to mention. - Yonah had egg today. She's already “perched” with the light on... SO SWEET! - I NEED a shower before bed tonight, no matter what and NOT getting to bed at mid-night. - Chest? Feeling “solid” but fine enough and better than this morning. - OH! HOSTING HAS BEEN RE-NEWED FOR ANOTHER 2 YEARS! NEXT... DOMAINS. - 22.32 “Birds of a Feather”. Vit.C and water. Last smoke. Need... MUST shower. Off to bed! LATE a-fucking-gain. - Addendum du jour: THERE WAS ANOTHER DEBIT ON THE NY ACCOUNT TODAY! ANOTHER “'CHRISTIAN”. I phoned. Erica told me that it was a “left-over” from the old card that had re-posted. It was from the previous attempt and that she'd deleted it and that I shouldn't worry. She's dealing with another customer with the same situation so they're aware that there's a scam involved. Still... pisses me off. Thankfully, I don't pay the bills from that account, still... it's concerning.
Tue.12.Jan: 9.49 With clouds in the sky, light dusting on the ground, a touch of “heavy” in the chest, Yonah's light is on, Baroque music, moron in the office next-door... and I truly did not want to get out of bed this morning... hearing the alarms, turning them off and, at about 7.30, hearing the bloody plough pass for a DUSTING on the Hill. What got me out of the bed, at about 7.47, was the sound of multiple, light “taps” on the door, and a call of “HEY!”. Oddly enough... I must have heard it in my sleep because there was nothing “there” to have caused it. But, I got up, put the kettle on, opened Yonah's place because she was awake on her perch, got dressed and commenced the day. I DID shower before bed, last night. A good scrubbing. And into bed, fresh out of the shower, a few more pages of Kafka before lights-out at mid-night and, thankfully, right to sleep... through the night. Oh well... OK... there we have it. - Last evening, Dan told me that exit 33 is open again, making Plattsburgh trips easier... not that I have any plans for such. But it's nice to know. - So now? Well.. .vit.C is due today. There's a book floating about the country... “Out of the Whirlwind”. And I need to “report the metre reading for the electric”. Other-wise... it's all just other-wise. Yes, there's the “radiology bill” but I'm not “too” concerned with/about that. And “politics” is physically disgusting. So we shall see how the day rolls along. Oh, I did get the “under-things” washed. Hanging on the rack. “Accomplishment”... for all it's worth. - I'm still tired. Not really tired... just... tired. I'm blessed though... I don't HAVE to deal with the shit here, in “No-where-in-particular”... yet. But I can't help but think: this new “regime” is about to make life miserable for us... very soon. - 12.54 Avery delivered 99,9gals today... OIL PRICE UP 30-CENTS/GALLON SINCE 01.DEC.2020!!! BROUGHT THE TANK UP TO ONLY 75%!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? I'VE GOT ONE MORE DELIVERY OF 100gals LEFT ON HEAP NOW. IT MIGHT CARRY ME THROUGH TO APRIL... UNLESS OIL GOES BACK UP TO 3$/GALLON, WHICH I EXPECT, WITH THIS NEW SHIT-FUCK GOVERNMENT! *** AND, THE INSULATION A-TOP THE CELLAR DOOR IS OUT OF WHACK, IT APPEARS THE SHED HAS SHIFTED. IT'S BEEN QUITE THE MORNING, TO SAY THE LEAST. - I submitted the electric reading this morning too. There's 45$ on account there. The “Balance Due” should be interesting, come the end of the month. I've NO doubt the cost for THAT has increased as well. Trump isn't even out of office yet and already the shit is beginning to pile deeper. We're in for 4 years of this! (I'm not though... I doubt I'll be around when it reaches “Intolerable”.) - Time for tea-vits. Toasted bread, butter and that “grape stuff”, I should think. Oh well... - 17.00 A-FUCKING-HOUR-AND-A-FUCKING HALF TO PUT A FUCKING LITTLE CORNER SHELF UP OVER THE TOASTER-OVEN FOR THE GLASS-WARE BECAUSE I COULDN'T FIND SPACE OF RTHE COUNTER SHIT FOR TEA! NOT IN A GOOD MOOD! - 22.08 Well... Vit.C arrived. Just left at the door whilst I was heating last night's left-over rice... which was tonight's “meal”. Had ice cream well after, with tonight's vit.C and Naproxen whilst watching “Birds of a Feather”. Did some soc.med. too. - It's been one of those “nothing to show for” days. Still pissed about the shelf for the glass-ware though. In that corner, hanging by wire. Can't put a shelf on it because the cow in the PO bangs the wall with the bloody towel dispenser. Fucking people get on my nerves! (And today, that's not difficult. Even now, the fuck-pig-shit next door is banging about. IT doesn't even acknowledge my presence of late. Gee... FUCK OFF! Desperate thing... It's “Morgen/an”, as I saw one evening, is a common cow. He's one of those... no taste, no class, just desperate... and a miserable attitude. NOTHING like he was when Hannah was about. Oh well... my day is about to arrive... it usually does.) - Just finishing the last (second) hot water. Had a bit of yoghurt earlier. Tired but not “enough”. - There's a “damp chill” in the house tonight. Thermostat is still set at 65F. Yonah's been “in the dark” from since 20.00.
SHE ACTUALLY COO'S AT ME WHEN I TALK TO HER LATELY! SHE DID IT YESTERDAY BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A COINCIDENCE, OR INDIGESTION OR SOMETHING OF THAT SORT! BUT TODAY, WHEN I MENTION HER NAME OR SAY “I LOVE YOU”, INSTEAD OF MAKING LITTLE MOVEMENTS WITH HER BEAK... SHE COO'ED!!! *MAYBE* SHE *KNOWS* HOW MUCH I DO LOVE HER! *MAYBE* SHE'S COMING TO UNDERSTAND THAT I'M *NOT* TRYING TO HARM HER! Maybe I'm projecting... but THE COO'ING IS LIKE VOICES OF HEAVEN TO ME! YES... WE WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THESE COLD MONTHS AND YES, FIRST SIGN OF NO MORE FREEZING... SHE'S OFF WITH HER FLOCKS!!! I HOPE! PLEASE!!!
Time for last smoke, teeth and bed. Tomorrow? I don't know... It will be what it turns out to have been. - 22.49 Ordered more vit.C. I was thinking about doing it, and the price was the same place as today's order which is good til 2024. I looked at it, thought about it but then realised, with all this bull-shit about flu and such... it might go “unavailable” so... better to have than not. And at 10/day... 500 is only 50 days which is short of 2 months... March or so. Plus what I have already. Still... better to have than not and if I want to try “upping” the daily dose, say 11g, I can. (Received, by the way, a message from somebody who's been doing the vit.C Tx... 30g per treatment... IV, of course. Says that not only did it stop tumour growth, it's brought reduction. Well... 30 pills per day is a bit much... and I know it's supposed to be only 1x/wk. Still... it's quite promising... IF that's what my trouble is. Anyway... there's more C coming and SHOULD be just over 2c in the account. (THAT, I'll have to keep an eye on... looks like I might be closing the chequing at Train North though... Yes, Erica did phone back... at about 14.10... I must have been in the cellar checking the depressing oil level. Sent a message via web this evening... we shall see. Fucking “Christians”. - OK... off to that smoke and to bed!
Wed.13.Dec.... YONAH 3 MONTHS!!!: 9.20 Poor start to the night, last. Into bed, lights out by mid-night, up at 1.-something, with foot cramps! Then again at about 2-something to pee. Then again at 3-something out of a strange dream that had something to do with a hospital and some ditz and strange scrubs and a stain on them and just a sort of bizarre “theme”. I don't remember it all, just that it was “disturbing”; sort of a “Calvary” days and “Liz-town” combined. The morning's alarms sounded. I'd gone to bed with the resolve of waking with them, trying to get back to a “normal” sleep routine but... 8.30 again. - It's another “heavy-chest” morning, this. Not much phlegm and what comes up is the “new normal” of not much and mostly “white/clear”. But the “knives” are back. Inhale too deeply and they radiate out, mostly from centre and mostly to the left. The “rock” is in there as I type. But nothing debilitating.- I've had my “loo”. I have to wonder where all the “intake” is going because the “output” isn't as much, and it's rather solid, and a bit on the “dark” side. Oh well... Bombarding the body with the vit.C... surely that's taking some sort of toll on the old chassis. - THREE MONTHS. Doesn't seem possible. But we're over the “half-way to warmer weather” point. And Yonah appears to be in good shape this morning. I'll have to run to market to get her veggies. I wish I knew of something “special” that she'd enjoy. I wish I could trust the both of us to give her a “schpritz” either in the shower or kitchen basin. I'm just so afraid she'll injure herself again and I don't want set-backs. OH! How I look forward to her taking open flight again! - Needs of the day? Well... that “collections” shit, for one. Been looking into other banques to move from the credit union. Champlain in town is more convenient, but on the MC system. I don't like that. ADK in on Visa but closest is in Saranac Lake, Lake Placid, Plattsburgh. Too far away. Not much in the way of “choices”. Will have to phone Trail North again today, no doubt. I don't like that somebody got access to my account there AND that the damned transaction is still there... considering Erica said I'm the 2nd account with the same problem and although it's only a dollar... Not to mention, the Liz-town branch is completely CLOSED until further notice... AGAIN... allegedly because somebody allegedly contracted that flu... so they close the entire branch... inconsiderate, at the very least. - MUST get to photos as well. I'm growing impatient with me about them. - And there we have it. “Marketing for Yonah” is tantamount. - Pondering work on the “PO Sign” as well. - Well? Sitting here is getting nothing done. On, we carry. -
11.21 I'M SITTING IN THE KITCHEN, COO'ING TO YONAH AND SHE'S COO'ING BACK!!!
22.10 Well? Another day... gone by. I've had my 2 hots waters, some yoghurt, 2 PopTarts, 2 vitC, 1 Naproxen and last smoke. Time to get the day wrapped. Yonah's been “nigh-night” since about 19.30. The NY account is “under warning”. We'll see how “Christian” the “Christians” are (“very”, I expect). The VT account has just about 180, enough for cuttle bone and gas to get it/them. I'm hoping to sleep through the night, wake with the ability to make the trip and get it/them for Yonah... in the morning. Early start. Early done. Might have to take the garbage to the dump too... or... hopefully it won't be necessary. Anyway... I want her to have what she needs and maybe I can find some good eats for her as well... nourishing and healthy and all. Or... something to help her occupy/pass her time with a bit more pleasure. It'll be grand to see her well and flying about... soon. - And so, meal was fine. Rice, beef, veg. all at once. A touch under-seasoned though. Although, my sense of taste seems to be going. Still, filling and meat, starch and veg. Ice cream after. Fine. - More photos got sorted and MORE to be sorted. AND SO MANY DUPLICATES ALL OVER THIS LAP-TOP! I truly lost control. Well... that's what this new external drive is all about: organisation. - So... that's that for this. Off we go... hopefully... as I say... to sleep. (Especially since it appears the Naproxen isn't keeping the contractions away... of course, sitting at this damned table all day isn't any good... and so much for the “daily WALK this year”. I ought to be slammed! - 22.37
The photo Liz took, at the White House... I have to trace-back the year... I think it was 2003... very possibly... 18 years ago... when I was at CTN... Imagine... IMAGINE!!! 18 YEARS AGO! How positively sad I looked... and today? “Bitter”. An improvement, I'd say.
Thu.14.Jan.6.39 Well, I THOUGHT I was out of the bed at 6.30 but that couldn't be because I'm already up, dressed, had the first coffee and vits. and a half-smoke on the front porch. What-ever time it was, I woke between the 6 and 6.30 alarms anyway... again, not having heard the 6.00 alarm, for some reason. And so, I'm determined, this morning, to NOT waste the day and time and get me to Plattsburgh... YONAH SHOULD HAVE A CUTTLEBONE AT THE VERY LEAST! - How do I “feel” this morning? Not “bad”. Only slightly “heavy” in the chest. Other-wise... fine. - Last night, in bed, directly, no reading, must have been by 23.00. Let's see how I manage to “roll”. Meanwhile... on with the ... what-ever. - 9.38 OK... Soc.med. is done. Back feeder, full. Sand on the back walk. Coffee done. MORE FILES on the iPod for Yonah this morning. And I'm STILL DREADING the drive and shopping BUT... YONAH takes priority. (I'm a shaking mess. THIS is just ridiculous!) - 16.35 OK... so I was on the road at 10.30 and got back at about 14.15... “Accomplishments”? BULL-SHIT! The drive up went as fine as could be expected. Sadly, over-cast, but not bad at all. (HEY! The truck runs! NO complaints at all on that point. THANKFULLY!) Got to Plattsburgh and parked by Michael's. Stopped at Staples for “columnar”... 12$! Nope. Out the door and to PetLand (or what-the-fuck-ever)... NOT A SINGLE CUTTLE-BONE... NOR MUCH OF ANY-THING ON THE SHELVES! And when I inquired after the cuttle-bone... “We're out of them. But we'll be getting a delivery tomorrow.” Oh fukkoff! Did chat with a woman who was buying a canary... Broke my heart!!! She separated what was obviously a pair and the little one left behind OBVIOUSLY missed the companion. What a fucking SHIT! It HURT me to the core, to see that! So, I was in a miserable frame of mind and heart, nothing on the shelves... pissed-off, out the door and into Michael's where I DID manage to get a spool of ribbon (too fancy but 79-cents as opposed to 5$!) and 8 glass jars for the water-colours that will be re-constituted at over 6$ per set of 4! JEEZUS KRISTE! The prices. Nothing from TJ Max. Nothing from Home Goods and off to Walmarde where I had to wander aisles... for an eternity... of course, with my “face cover” round my neck... fukkem. The stores are relatively EMPTY! No stock. Few shoppers. But I DID GET YONAH'S CUTTLE-BONE... TWO OF THEM! And only 1,12$ each! Made up for it on the covers for the stove-top hobs. 13$ for 4! Grabbed more showering shampoo, a columnar book (now I have to transfer the banque accounts over... something ELSE to “occupy” time... fukkme), and a very few other items that pulled over 30$ and I could have simply put it all into my pockets. Fine... I knew it was getting late, and I actually felt hear-sick about leaving Yonah alone, so I rolled to Stewart's for gas... Non-ethanol... over 3$/gallon!!! BUT... 15,50$ FIILLED THE TANK! And so... I rolled out of Plattsburgh... noticing how EMPTY the strip is... ALL OF THE EATERIES ARE CLOSED! Angered and depressed me to the quick... I couldn't wait to get back on the Northway, home to Yonah and lock the world out! - Oddly... the trip TO Plattsburgh used a quarter tank... the trip back (getting off the Northway at exit 33, YAY)... the needle didn't move! I can't figure it. And I listened to the radio... an “oldies” station... MTL radio is no longer coming across the border... so it would seem. - BACK at the house, a cuttle-bone is now in Yonah's place. I don't know if she'll figure what it's for but there it is and I feel better it's there (and I hope she uses it). - (16.50 and the shit-bag next door must have just come in ... BANG... fucking vermin.) - STILL waiting to hear about the dollar I'm owed by the thieving “Christians” and have decided to NOT use the credit union account except to pay the loan. IF I get the extra 1400$ that was promised us, I'll pay the loan off, keep the chequing down at 5$ AND the savings as well. I'll keep the accounts open so that, if I need cash, I'll send it from VT to NY. But since Trail North KNEW that the dollar is a scam and they paid it anyway... FUKKEM! And I'll pursue that issue at a later time. - Of note: Stepped out for a smoke and Alvin happened by. He just couldn't wait to thrash Trump! So I put a stop to that chat immediately. We discussed “fire-wood” & I managed to mention that I want to change oil suppliers because Avery's just not dependable. - And there we are, to the moment... - Left-over rice is on the heat for “meal”. Ice cream... hot water and to bed... I'm exhausted! (I need a shower too... there's “something gone wrong” with BMs of late... “residue”. Like an old, feeble man, ready to die.) - OH... the exercise and singing in the truck has been nice for the lungs, I must say. - 16.55 time to start prepping for meal. - I'm aggravated, annoyed, with the world in general... and the banging next door isn't making the mood any better. I'd like to snooze but won't. Hopefully it'll help with sleep tonight. - Were Yonah not here, I'd have music blasting and the house, shaking. Fucking low-life next door. - 21.30 Off to the shower! Have had yoghurt, PopTarts, “Brids of a Feather”. Just finishing 2nd hot water. - Had a couple of lines with Gina on the Twats. - It's just “warm” enough tonight to be “damp”... Damp-chill. Nasty! - Yonah's all in for the night. - I've got the stopper on the shower and the hot water pulling... fucking no pressure... at this fucking hour. - Next? Moron next door. Oh well... And tomorrow? A fight with the fucking Christians. THAT'S going to be jolly... Social media... here I come. (Maybe with a nice “incl.” to the major news.)
Fri.15.Jan: 7.03 Up. Dressed. Coffee. Smoke. Slept through the night, no pee-breaks. Woke of my own at about 6.00. Out of bed at 6.30. Feeling as if I'd been on a martini-binge last night. Charming. And as I stood on the porch, as the morning light begins to creep up o'er the Eastern hills, some dolt, with NJ plates, comes rolling round off the Hill, barely missing the corner of the porch. Another one, at the PO Boxes... with radio blaring... “NPR”! GOOD KRISTE! Goes to the box, leisurely takes the post, returns to the car... not a word, nor an acknowledgement. Hey, I don't really mind. I doubt I'd have anything to say to it anyway. BUT... FIRST THING IN THE MORNING... POLITICS. JEEZUS! Oh well... sets the day, I suppose. Or maybe it's just that I'm feeling “odd”... “off”... what-ever. AND... looking forward... the bloody Christians, the bloody radiology... and then? We'll figure as it goes along. No sense just laying back and waiting to be “removed” from this old world. Let'em know we was here! Eh? (Too much Cockney before bed, it looks like.) - So, with-out further ado and delay... let's get on with the “correspondences”. - 15.15 What a fucking fucked day THIS is! FINALLY... JUST managed to file complaints with the TX and NY AGs, send the e-mail to the thieving “Christians” to notify them of the complaints. THEN... printing a letter to the “collectors” was easy enough (including a “Financial Statement” that accounts for all but about 6 per-cent of my income... and it's not too far from actual... shit) BUT... the ENVELOPE! WELL! I ALMOST TOSSED THE DAMNED PRINTER OUT THE BACK DOOR! (Truly, I was about to rip the whole thing apart...aggravation.) But, well... it's done... now all I need do is get to Westport to the PO there for a MO and off it all goes... out and away. (And then I get to look forward to a monthly trip to Westport for MO again... I'll NOT send a cheque!) AND... it appears I need to move my chequing and such to “Champlain Nat'l.”. I'll leave the CU open... until the loan is paid. But from now on, “banquing relationships” will be taken from TNFCU. I've had enough. It's actually THEIR fault that the transaction went through. THEY paid it... instead of simply deleting it completely. Oh well... I've sent them a copy of the e-mail sent to “Burchfield”... let's see what THEIR response it. I've a feeling I'll be looking at a fight. (If not for all this “covid” bull-shit, I'd just march into the main office in Ticonderoga... since I have to go to Westport anyway. - Meanwhile... I'm in Ms. Yonah's room. I tried to be “comfy” with her but she FREAKED! So, she's “preening” as I sit at the little work-table, typing. We're listening to “Country QC” music at the moment. The sun has gone. The clouds have taken the skies. And the after-noon rolls (careening) into evening. Another day... Friday... done, pretty much. - 22.00 3 episodes of “Birds of a Feather” (season 12... I'm going to REALLY miss this show), 2 hot waters, 3 slices of bread with choco and peanut butter and... vitc.C and Naproxen. And now? Quick smoke and to bed. Why? Partly because I'm a bit weary, mostly because it's the thing to do. - Happened to look back, this evening, to 2016, whilst trying to move photos (again) and noticed... This chest pain isn't all that “new”... I had it in 2016... at 5225. 4 (or 5) years after moving to VT! I was in a “lot of pain” quite often as well. (Ah... a Journal... ) AND, the phlegm? I'd forgotten about the “string” I'd coughed-up back then... solid, “3cm”, pale green. So this “chest” bit? Well... compared to 2016, it's “better”. NOT that I expect it to be “fine”, but... at least this isn't any sort of “recent development”. - OK. That said, it's time to wrap this night up... and let poor Yonah get her rest... - I've got about 7 juice bottles flattened on the kitchen floor. I might go to the dump tomorrow... if the threatened SNOW STORM we're supposed to get at about 2.00 doesn't snow us all under. (If it does? Well... I'll just have to try and stuff the plastic in the bin with the rest and wait til Tuesday... I suppose... no worry.) - Off to bed then.
Sat.16.Jan:
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Sun.17.Jan: 6.56 Finished Kafka's “Brief” last night, after a “passable” shower, and lights went out by 23.00. AND... I do believe I slept through the night to wake at about 4.00, for no reason, and went back to sleep until about 5.30, when I woke again, for no reason, and went back to sleep until 6.30 which is when, for no reason, I got out of bed. And now, coffee's done, under-items are in the basin on the soak, I'm dressed and in from a few drags on the front porch (my chest is a bit on the “tight” side this morning) and Yonah's door is closed until the “Coo-coo-coo” comes and we'll REALLY start the day. The snow is still out there, but the main is clear. The Town Clowns have nee through twice already... for no reason. Another day... But THIS morning, as I had my smoke, in that brief while of a few drags, “Morning Thought”:
ALL of THIS... this “existence”, what we call “Life”, is actually nothing... “FUTILE”, really, purposeless. Our birth, the time we're about, all the art, architecture, the roads, “building”, moving, manipulating... there's really NO purpose other than our own comfort. IF, what “science” claims about “Creation” has any truth, fact, that shit was floating about in some “space” and suddenly imploded, exploded and congealed some-how, forming all these orbs, “planets”... AND, IF there's any truth, fact to the theories of the future, where-in, the “order” that supports and sustains what we call “life”, follows through as all things ON this planet, from “people” to all that “people” create... “gravity” will change, the orbits will change, the planets will be pulled into the sun and incinerated or the sun will burn out and all will become dark, cold... no matter what is or is not to be, there's NO sense, purpose to ANY of it. Here, on this planet we call Earth, over the term and time of all history, there's been a constant cycle of “birth and death”... NONE of the people who were here 5000 years ago exist. Their villages, towns, what they called “cities” are gone. Trees, flowers... the “little ones” that crawled, walked, ran, flew, swam... gone. It's as if we're all just “here for the holiday”... a “visit”, as it were. It's like “a holiday abroad” so to speak. Here we are, for our 10, 20, 50, 60, 80 years or so, the duration and accommodations pre-planned some-how, along with the “entertainment” and “amusements”. “Birth”? Seriously... sperms, eggs, the very action of “birth”, some little version of a “being”, shoved through an opening, be it a mini version or an egg... the pain, discomfort, what-ever. Even cells... popping, ripping, tearing apart. It's all, what we refer to as “violent”... it's “negative”. Blood here and there. And then? Off you go after “learning” to become mobile... from cells to “beings”, wandering about, to “fight”, in some way or another, for “survival”. This “holiday package” doesn't even come with the basic necessities. Nothing is given a chance to decide whether or not it WANTS to “exist”, nor WHERE it will exists, under what conditions... Seeds of trees and flowers drop where they are and there they are, in a wood or meadow. Birds lay eggs in a nest where-ever it is they happen to be, the eggs hatch, the little birds “become” and... there, no choice in the matter at all. People? Same shit. “Conceived” in a delightful bed, in a comfy room or the back-seat of a car that could be broken-down in a “yard” or on a street corner some-where, then “BANG”... a “person” born... in comfort, surrounded by all sorts of “OO” and “AWwww...” or “OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO WITH THIS?” And ALL, from seed to person and every-thing in between... simply goes on for what-ever time it does, be it 3 minutes, 3 hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades... it simply “does... fighting for some-thing, all the way; food, shelter, warmth, coolness... and then? Gone... just like the house/nest/car/shack/shed it existed in... gone. And, over-all... over ALL... days continue to pass, as they've done for all the days before, new beings come, manipulate their surroundings, building, tearing-down, switching, changing, re-arranging and... “die” and it all means, serves... nothing. For SOME period of “time” SOME will remember the existence of SOME being, structure, thing but, how-ever, none-the-more nor none-the-less... ALL of this has NO purpose in view of the fact that ALL of this will come to the very same as ALL of what came before... It NEVER existed. And “god”? A “heavenly” some-thing that “created” it all? That “perfect” force/being? Well... OK. If it's PERFECT, then we, all that exist, would be pleased with our finality, and ALL of this would be free of strife and pain (although, strife and pain are relative... and depend on the perception of the one experience them... this is true). Oh... it's just nonsense, really. Enough... time for another coffee. Yonah's up. Some-how the “light-block card-board” dropped to the floor so I've opened the curtains... another day... commences.
I suppose I'm just trying to make my “tomorrows” easier to handle, mentally (indeed... “mentally”). I, personally, don't see “good” coming from this new “regime” that will be installed on Wednesday. The best I can hope for it that none of it's doings effect me here... in this little old house. “Costs” will come in to gnaw away... but there are doors and windows to keep the rest out and away. I'm not optimistic about any of it, and here we are, being buried under it... rather like the snow that fell yesterday... and the snow that's said to be coming. - Happy Sunday. I want another coffee and I've got to use the loo. - 22.02 Well, it's been a day and but now it's oh-vuh, and though I ought to care, they shove all up their.... It really was quite “occupied”, I got my paper-work done for tomorrow... the “Claim” for Trail North. It's supposed to be “notarized” but I'm not bothering. They've got my bloody signature on file. Dolts. I should have my money back but they decided to pay it so... - I had to shovel the back walk again this evening. The snow came down off the roof. And as I shovelled, Alivn came over to offer a roof-rake. We chatted. I don't now why I bother, really. - This morning, I made it to FamDoll for smokes and ribbons... plastic, and fancy, 2 for a dollar, one set in orange, the other in yellow. Sat with Yonah to cut them. - This morning, before leaving, got my under-things washed and now they're dry, on the rack. I'd grated the left-over carrots and put them out back. The birds don't want them and neither do the squirrels! I wonder what's wrong with them. Not getting them for Yonah ever again. She didn't eat them either, come to think of it. - And the squirrels completely destroyed the “tube feeder”, so I cut wire to extend the regular feeder so they can't get at it and moved it back to where it was. I can still see it from the kitchen window... just lower now. - Went to market. Chatted with Julius. Told him that I know about him “declining” the “vax”. He tells me the “girl-friend” heard that there's a possibility of it making her sterile so she's “declining” as well. I cheered him for it. (Also told him about the last batch of chicken I'd bought, being mostly fat and skin. I don't expect anything to come of that.) Saw Nancy in the lot at market and chatted a little. Can't figure her out. She's nice enough, but seems to have a “chip”. Oh well... Fukkit. - Most of the morning was passed cleaning the 500G external. It's down to only the banquing, servers and pass-words now... AT LAST! - Most photos are now on the lap-top, waiting to be sorted. That's a life-time effort, i fear, but... such is my “life-time” these days. - “Meal”... 5 eggs with veggies, ice cream. I had 5 “Ho-Hos” this evening. Almost 4$ bucks for a box of 10 and they're MINI! We're all so fucked. Prices up, quantity and quality down. Makes me sick! Played for idiots. But I'm sure it's about to become a LOT worse... after Wednesday's “installation” of the new “dictator”. I can't get it out of my gut that the country's going full “Communist” from now on. It's a grand time to be close to dead. - On a better venue... Yonah was chatty with me again, today. My heart's breaking. Her “mating” season is coming. I can't tell if she's “chatting” or 'mourning”. I SO want the weather to change so she can be free again! I LOVE her so much, want nothing but comforts for her. I cut another little limb for her to perch on, higher up in the cage. But she needs to be FREE! I know that. I'll be empty when she's gone, but I'll feel horrible keeping her in here much longer. She coo'ed a bit after I put the light out at about 19.30. Poor little soul. - “Birds of a Feather” series is almost complete. 3 more episodes. I'll be lost with-out that as well. Time for “changes” again... and I don't like that. - I SHOULD get to writing... the Homeless sequel. It's been a lot of years, but there's so much documentation... I just have to condense it some-how. “Green Mountains Black Skies”... It started that way... never really had the chance to “come to life”. Won't do me any good though. And there's a re-write, with fewer “particulars”, of “Bitter-Sweet Bitterness”. - Oh well. - I seem to have a touch of the “liquids” today as well. Vit.C is supposed to do that but it would've happened sooner. Can't figure what could be causing it today. - And, oddly, as I sit here tonight, I “sense” the slightest fragrance of a perfume, cologne or something. It “wafts”, almost imperceptibly, past my nose. Can't figure it. “Spirit”? Who? Why? Here? I don't know. - Anyway... it's time to get to bed. I want to get to Westport, to the PO, in the morning. There's snow in the forecast. Hopefully not much. And I should get gas on the way back. Down 1/8th tank. - I thought I might have a drink whilst watching “Birds of a Feather” this evening. It would have been nice, though, they “celebrated Dorian's 70th” on one episode and it got to me... I've got 4 more years until... mine... I doubt I'll make it but... Probably better I wasn't having that drink. (I want to be up, about and alert in the morning... early!) - So, time for teeth brush, lights out. I've had last smoke. - 80 left to my name now until the 3rd. But the bills are paid (until the electric comes which I'm SURE will be MUCH more than the 45 already paid by “relief”), and there's food in the house and on the card (85 on that, fuck). - Off we go... Check the hours for the PO in Westport and done! Sunday... is gone... too soon. HEY! At least I got some “exercise” today... cleaning the truck off, shovelling the walk. BFD.
Mon.18.Jan: 6.55 Thankfully, I woke, of my own, at about 6.30... I'd put the phone/alarm off yesterday, to stop the 7.00 alarm and didn't turn the thing back on. Ah... to bed by not later than 23.00... and up at 6.30. But WHY did I HAVE to be up by 6.30? The PO Westport doesn't open until 8.00, is open until noon... and there's a dusting of snow on the road. Oh well.... here I am, dressed, coffee, half-smoke and the day has commenced, in a bit of pain, I must admit... right, upper chest, of course, But this morning's “phlegm” was the “usual” (of the past several years) thick, clear, a few small “clumps”. Then again, 'tis said that CA-Lung has no symptoms in early stages... it's when there ARE symptoms. (Can't help but think of Tante Irma: “I had a pain in my shoulder-blade...” She had the chemo and the sort and went on for some years. It finally “got her” though. Mother said “Making the bed took my breath.” She went through a quick chemo... and left in 6 months. It doesn't matter. It all ends the same... one way... or another.) - I can't find the bill from that Collections place! Wanted to put the “cents” into the money order today, but I can't, for the life of me, remember where I put the bill! Imagine? Me! So “orderly”. Fuck. Went in to look for it last night before going to bed. I'll check in Yonah's room when she wakes. I'm in no particular hurry at the moment... though traffic is rolling along on the main, there's no need to panic or rush at the moment. So? Let's have a coffee... and ... - 10.25 Had to Hoover. On m'way out! - 11.00 JUST BACK IN FROM FILLING THE TANK AT STEWART'S... AND IT'S A “DARK DAY”... TO BEGIN... I GOT MY SHIT TOGETHER TO GO ROLLING INTO WETSPORT AND... COULDN'T FIND THE KEYS TO THE TRUCK! COME TO LEARN... I'D LEFT THEM IN THE TRUCK, PARKED OUT BACK, OVER-NIGHT, BY THE GARAGE!!! THEN... I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY AT THAT HOUR, THERE WAS NO SIGN OF ANYBODY COMING TO OPEN THE POST OFFICE... BUT, I GOT ON THE ROAD, AND ROLLED ALONG WHEN, JUST BEFORE THE “LOBDELL BRIDGE”... TODAY'S A BLOODY HOLIDAY! “MLK”!!! FED OFFICES AND BANQUES ARE CLOSED!!! FUCKING SHIT!!! THANKFULLY, I REMEMBERED BEFORE HEADING COMPLETELY OUT OF TOWN TO WESTPORT... BEFORE GETTING ALL THE WAY TO WESTPORT TO FIND THE P.O. CLOSED!!! WHAT... IN FUX NAME IS WRONG WITH MY HEAD?!?!? Well? At least the gas tank is full.. and only 12,50$ (for 3,755gallons... gas prices are on the rise already... But this morning I see Comrade Biden will be cutting our oil supplies from Canada, come Wednesday... We here are SO FUCKED... and haemorrhoids will be BLEEDING!) So now, I have to work on shaking-off the obvious depression that's kicking-in these days. AND... just accepting this morning's “over-sights” as “to be expected”. - It doesn't do well to add that, before leaving, I “swept” Yonah's house and went to put fresh food in for her and... going to put the container of the “mixed seed” on the “work-table”, my hand hit the back of the chair and HALF of what was in the container went ALL OVER THE TABLE AND ONTO THE FLOOR! BRAINS AREN'T EVEN TOAST... THEY'RE CRUMBS! SO... I scooped what was on the table, put it into the back feeder (which was almost full this morning and is almost empty now... fuck), got out the Hoover, and, at about 9.00 this morning, the house got Hoovered. OK. Something that needed to be done... still... - So now... I believe I'll have a snooze! No PO. - OH AND BUT OH... AS I CAME BACK HOME FROM GETTING GASSED... SOME OLD SHIT HAD PARKED DIRECTLY ACROSS THE FUCKING BLOODY DRIVE OFF THE MAIN!!! PO CLOSED AND THE OLD FUKTARD BLOCKS *MY* DRIVE-WAY! I HAD TO BACK IN OFF SIMONDS HILL... AND, BECAUSE OF THE ICE, HAD QUITE THE TIME OF IT! YEAH... I'M NOT SURE WHY, BUT I'M AVOIDINIG HAVING A VODKA-TONIC RIGHT NOW. I'M FRAZZLED AND PISSED AND ANGRY AND MAD!!! REALLY TIME TO LOOK ELSE-WHERE! - That said... “life” moves on. I'M SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE YONAH IN THE HOUSE, IN MY LIFE. And the rest of the world ought to be thankful as well because, at this juncture... there's no telling and I refuse to take responsibility for what I'd LIKE to be doing right now... - Moving along... Fuck! - 15.00 Chicken from yesterday is in the freezer with one on hold for tonight's “meal”. There's been a touch of SUN during the day. - I'm just off the phone with Alden... 45 minutes of “chat”. (He must be lonely.) HAD to phone him... I've had almost NO HOT water pressure all day so I went to check the pipe going into the PO to see if that qunt hasn't left the tap open... I'm still not positive, but I have reason to believe she she does... the pipe from the heater is hot, gets warm toward the turn to go into the PO and from there, it's not as “cold” is I believe it ought to be. BUT... WORSE... there's been a MAJOR SHIFT in the entrance to the cellar. The 4x4 on the left-facing, won't wedge, the insulation from above was literally torn from where it was attached to the floor-boards. So, it being “structural” I rang Alden (who said he'd have his fellers from “Hance” stop by to look... Plumbers to check a foundation... as I think: they'll come, bang about in the dark, claim they “worked”... Oh well. Thankfully, the floor up here appears to be intact. We shall see. - And so... another day comes to a close. Soon, meal, then bed. Tomorrow, we'll try again for Westport. (There's only 60-something available in the account, after rent, electric and such, so no “shopping”, but there's nothing “needed” at the moment anyway.) - I'm still feeling “heavy” from this morning. But... I'm moving about and still in a relatively “foul” mood... generally. - I could stand a snooze... - 22.45 I'm 2 heavy v-tons in, mournfully finished “Birds of a Feather” and am watching current Yootuoob recent videos of the cast. Mournfully. I've lost “friends”. Now I have to go look for more or others. Contemplating cutting my hair before showering. It's going to be a difficult morning tomorrow but I can't say that I give a shit. - Realised... I was a “token”, one of those “classical catches” when I was young. Nothing more or less. “Trophy” that 's what it was called. Compared to the likes of name I cant remember now. And I did my best to ward it all off because I knew it, somehow. Even Donna said that I had the same “attraction” that the old man had”. But I wanted sincerity... never found it. Pathetic. Really. But that's what I needed... “NEEDED”, and never found it. I'm tired now. But I want to get this down. Anyway. Here i am... :living the dream”... Id' like to have Viv come and visit. So much I want to type but I'm too tired... The drinks helped tonight.
Tue.19.Jan: 0.15 I've cut my hairs... SHORT! Just put on the “air cutter” attachment and had at it! It didn't turn out too badly. And if it did... FUKKIT! We're going full-Communist, and I don't give a shit. Oddly, the left-over “Porcelana” (what-ever) has taken a lot of the “creases” away too. But when I wake, I'm sure they'll all be back. But... I don't care! And had a WONDERFUL shower too. So... now... off to NAP! I NEED to be up to get Yonah comfy in the morning. Y'know... the v-tons seem to have “cleansed”... stress, caring... all the bull-shit. I took 3 vit.C with and no Naproxen... but... I FEEL 100% better. It probably IS most “stress”. Well... we shall see... in 6 hours. - 8.42 Getting out of the bed at 7.30 was an effort, but I managed. Not that the 2 hefty v-tons had anything to do with it this morning... thankfully (since they were, pretty much, half'n'half, as usual). I just didn't want to get out of the bed. BUT... I did and rolled along with the usual morning routine until a few moments ago when, on the carsie, I see the notice that UPS was here at 10.00 yesterday but “experienced difficulty” with a delivery attempt. FUCK ME! The snow in front of the house! SO... NOW... I'm just in from shovelling JUST enough of an access to the front door. Thankfully, the snow is dry and not packed. And I tossed a bit of sand on the ice. Just enough for UPS to get to the porch... and the rest can go to Hell... Vit.C... not due until about the 25th, according to the previous “notices”. Never mind, this “shipper” doesn't just supply the tracking... I have to DIG for it. Oh well... this bottle will give me 1000 tabs plus what's in the fridge. I'll be fine for a couple of months (at my current doses). - MEANWHILE... Ms. Yonah has been MOST VOCIFEROUS this morning! My dread: “Brooding season”. She's looking for a companion... and I'm useless in that. And this morning is -14°. We're not getting up to even mid-single digits in the foreseeable future and she's been in here for the past 3 months and never had the opportunity to “adapt” to the cold. AND... I went out this morning to fill the back-porch feeder and the jays have managed to empty it already... Yonah wouldn't stand a chance of getting anything to eat! If I could figure a way to put up an “aviary” of some sort, or a little “box” of some kind, open to the out-side AND heated... Oh... If only to just make it through February... at the very least. Sure, “Winter” doesn't “naturally” end until March, and even in May, well... “planting” doesn't come until the end of May/beginning of June. But February is the brunt... If she and I can make it through that month... That's all I'm hoping for. - Well? UPS is supposed to be here again today. I want to get to Westport. Clouds in the sky this morning. Snow on the way in a matter of a couple hours. Just a pure delight all round. At least there's a full tank of gas in the truck... Westport PO is open and will be so until noon. Fine. We'll get to it... in time. - Just ran through the typos of last night before showering (after the drinks). Yes, indeed... as I stood on the front porch, having last smoke, I DID realise that, all those years of “youth and beauty” (as it were)... as Bradshaw called it, “Classic masculine beauty”. Peter called me the “trophy”. Paul used to say “You could walk in and have anything you want.” Steve called me “aloof”. Nobody knew, really, except... that one “stutz” who, after a night in the bath-tub, told me I was “nothing but a baby in barbed-wire”. Yeah? Yeah... I suppose I was... indeed. I didn't want to be a “trophy”... I wanted the relationship that my mother said I'd never have (I see that she was correct)... because the books said so. That's all I wanted... a relationship based on love, or at least honest caring. Paul was only partially correct: I probably could have had anything I wanted... of the selection being offered... but I couldn't have the one thing that I TRULY wanted... a relationship deeper than the moment. Well, I saw me this morning, in the mirror... I DID cut the hairs quite short and, to my eye, it looks ridiculous now, because of the thinning and such. But... there I am, it is... And to be realistic, I always wear a cap of some sort anyway, and it's not as if I “go” any-where where my appearance makes any difference or matter. (Not to mention, this morning, I'm in a pair of jeans that won't close... again... I suppose I should get a pair that fit properly... this is uncomfortable... and I'm becoming another of those old men who just give up on it all.) - I need to get me together... and on the road... and what-ever. Why? “Because”... I suppose. - 19.59 Let's get on with the day... OK. The GOOD NEWS IS... THE PATRIOT AND TRUMP FLAGS ARRIVED TODAY! I MUST find a pole to put the Patriot flag on, and figure where, on the front of the house, I'll display it! (Surely, it'll raise a brow, but... MY HOUSE, I PAY to reside here... FUKKEMALL! - So, I left the house to got to the PO at about 12-something. so I believe, bit it must have been later, because, on-line, the PO site claimed that the office would be open at 13.00... HAH! I got there at about 13.45-ish and it was closed! The sign on the door read open at 14.00! It's only a 14mi. drive, so I may have left here later. Any-way... I had to sit in the truck for a while, waiting. So, when the office opened, I went in... the only one there, thankfully. Asked for the money order and a book of the “Winter” stamps... the clerk said she couldn't sell them because they'd just received them and they hadn't been put into the computer system. Ah... but she said that she had “flags” and when I told her that I wanted the “Winter” stamps, specifically, she said she could do something for me if I had a minute. Of course I did! (I'm old, retired, dull, useless...) She did her “something” and I got the money order for 5$ and the booklette of stamps and brought it all to the counter where I completed the money order. BUT, AS I was finishing, some “Lib-type” comes in and asks if I'd mind taking the paper-work to the outer lobby, where there were 3 of them waiting to get in. Seems only one person is permitted at the counter area at a time. Dumfux! I said that I was just about done and yes, I DID mind. So I completed what needed to be done, put the money order into the envelope and lick-sealed it, which I didn't want to do but I'd forgotten to bring the glue! OK... So... the “collectors” will get their fiver and the Credit Union will get their “form”... eventually. Meanwhile, on a note... I received an e-mail response to my complaints from the AG in TX and the NY State “Finance” dept who will “forward to the appropriate division”. At least I got a reply. Fine... the “important” stuff was done. - On the ride back, there was the slightest snow falling but nothing worth considering. I stopped at FamDoll and got a box of their “toaster pastries” and 2 packs of smokes. (Needless to say... my “remaining budget” for the next 2 weeks is WAY BELOW minimum necessary. I've got through entirely too much money now! But the rent and electric and Internet are accounted for. - I was back before 15.00 and with Yonah. - Her house got a “house-keeping” today. The little sweet-heart. And that was the end of the day. I waited for UPS to come with the delivery they claim was delayed because of some difficulty yesterday. (I shovelled the front so there wouldn't be any “difficulty” today.) - Fine... passed the rest of the time until it was time to put “meal” on which was just the left-over rice from last night. It had veggies so it was some-what “healthy”, and there was enough to be quite filling too. - Round about 17.30, Corey came by to deliver the vits. I said that I was sorry that I hadn't shovelled yesterday and he told me that he didn't have the delivery for me yesterday so he didn't understand the “difficulty”. Oh well... I thanked him for his service, as I always do and was relieved to have the 2nd bottle of vit.C (which is now in the cup-board... Good I opened the parcel... the “sell-by on this one is 8/24... the previous bottle is 9/24. So the dates are important and now I know which bottle to attack next. - Have been watching “One Foot In The Grave”... didn't really enjoy it when it was on tele and it's still as tedious as I'd remembered. Can't find any other things to watch so I'll have to do some searching... it appears. Just having first hot water and vits. and Naproxen. - Yonah's light was out at about 19.00 or so... poor sweet-heart. SHE YAWNED as I spoke with her. I'll have to make it so that her “schedule” runs along with sun-set now... She'll need that when she's back out. - AND... it's SNOWING again this evening. Fine. I've nothing on for tomorrow. I can bring the garbage to the dump on Thursday... though I'll need to buy more stickers on Saturday... since that's the only day they sell them and I'm NOT paying more in Lewis just because that's what they do... re-sell at a profit. Fukdatshit. - Feeling ill-at-ease this evening and pondering being in bed by 21.00 which means I'll either read (Kafka tonight... Kaplan's actually turning out to be just another lazy Liberal where Judaism is concerned... either that or I'm just over-sensitive to bull-shit of late) or I'll try for sleep and be up and about at 4.00 tomorrow. I NEED to focus on cleaning the photos and images! AND I NEED to get that damned POST OFFICE SIGN DONE! - Oh... I'm just annoyed... anxious... and fed-up with the fuckery of this “covid” bull-shit... not to mention, I'm NOT looking forward to the Biden installation tomorrow. It's all about to become a Socialist HELL... and I DO fear... these tyrants are going to make certain that there will never be another “election” in this country again. Oh well... I'm not planing on being in it for much longer than Spring anyway... When Yonah is free again... - For now... there's one more water to be had. The shit-bags next door are thumping about the place. Fuktards. I've no patience left for them either. I mean... Yesterday, when I was in the cellar, I heard somebody Hoovering but when I knocked... nobody answered. If that's how that new bitch wants be be... then so be it. “New York Style” neighbouring. - AND... tomorrow... 47 years ago G's was torched. I've been working on a bit of an animation to post on social media. I'll have to work on a statement of sorts for the site and the soc.med. accounts. I believe the Minds account is still up and running with the music list. Will have to check... Not in the mood tonight. (Earlier today I thought of having a drink and working on G's... but right now... anyway, the fire started at about 23.00 on the night of the 20th... tomorrow night then.) - I'm “tired”... but it's more annoyance than fatigue... AND THIS NOT BEING ABLE TO CLOSE MY JEANS... I need to let this go... for the night. - 22.08 Can't figure how I manged to be up this late! Well... Made the error of gleaning the soc.med. Gab's still fucking about. Twitter? Too loaded with utter stupidity, ignorance and fuckerie. My guts are churning from all the “Oh! So surprised! DC looks like China!” WHAT that fuck? But I did see from Gina, sent a reply. TOMORROW? NO FUCKING SOCIAL MEDIA AND DODGE THE NEWS! OR... I might murder somebody! I'm burnt out. - Last smoke... off to bed... Up to open the curtains for Yonah tomorrow and... avoid the world!
Wed.20.Jan: 9.15 Today... this house is officially in “Double Mourning”... 47 years ago, tonight... 6 fire companies responded to a call to the grounds of what had been the most beautiful respite, shelter, sanctuary 100s of people from around the world had come to, for a night, a day, week-end... retreat, to enjoy the company of loving friends, Friends, acquaintances. George was a perfect host in every way. Pat, Brenda... ALL were pure delight. And we all participated in each-other's and one-another's joys, celebrations, tragedies, equally, compassionately and empathetically. There really were no actual “strangers” amongst us. Those who came did so of their own accord, as a purposeful destination. “New faces” became “old Friends”, “old Friends” became true “Family”. Oh sure, just as good Friends and Family have their differences, none were immune to the occasional disputes, debates, discrepancies. But most often, the tensions dissipated and disappeared as the sun rose on the next new day... or... not very long there-after. G's was our “Home”, George made that a certainty. And in our Home, all were truly brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, children... in one manner or another, we were, indeed, and in fact, “Family”, close or “extended”. The music played, from dance-in-joy, through romantic and to solemn. And we danced... celebratorily, seductively, amourously, intro- and retro-spectively; we danced together, even when apparently solo, none danced truly alone... we celebrated and mourned... together. G's' life-time wasn't “long”, in the common accounting of time, in calendar days, weeks, months, years, but with-in it's relatively short span, generations came, passed, “lived, laughed, cried, loved”. The “elders” passed, either moving on or moving else-where. We were young, no matter our age, and mobile. Most of us were just beginning to become part of the greater world, universe. The others? They were enjoying the final vestiges of the glories of so many moments, acquired and accumulated, listening to the music of the juke-box and the voices of all those around them... absorbing the variety of all that is a human existence and then... moving, as we all do, in one manner or another, on-ward to where-ever it is that all things eventually pass along to. But we ALL LIVED!!! LIFE was abundant, in a minute's time, a month, a year, and it was LIVED!!! in, for and with all that Life is and can be. And as it is with “Life”, people, places, from bucolic meadow or forest, to the steel structures of Earthly cities... G's too, was forced to succumb to the inevitable eventuality, and as a phoenix is consumed by raging fire, so too, G's was engulfed, enveloped, consumed. It never “rose from the ashes” materially, but, as is obvious by these words, almost a half-century later, one can say that G's was never completely consumed by those flames, that night. In spite of all the efforts made by those who intentionally endeavoured to delay or even thwart the attempts of 6 fire companies to save the life of Mr. G's, the place, the music, the people, the memories survive. And though those of us who harbour G's' memories in our fading hearts and souls have passed and will soon pass into the silence that removes all, eventually, here, the legacy is passed to the future. Those of you who were never so blessed with the walks through the meadows, along the wooded path to the spring-fed swimming pool, a night of dancing to the music of the juke-box, watching the sun rise over “Round Hill” of a Summer morning, falling in Love... well, hopefully this brief account will spark in your heart, your own “Mr. G's Round Hill Lodge”, inspire you to dance to the music that surrounded our hearts and encourage you to LIVE, to the fullest, the truly brief life-time you have at hand, and hopefully, you'll pass along this legacy of the resort at the end of the old dirt drive, up on the hill, where LIFE WAS LIVED... and George will forever live on... in hearts that will follow those of us who loved and appreciated him with all that we were.
Good morning, New China.
May the curse that is you be soon-lifted,
the wounds you inflict heal quickly,
the blood you shed be replenished,
the lives you destroy be remembered,
and your life-time be exceptionally short
never to be repeated.
9.59 Up at 6,00 and again at 6.30... out of bed at 6.38... kettle on, trip to the loo, a set of clothes into the basins to soak. Dressed. Fill the back feeder. Coffee, half-smoke. Out to the back to clear last night's snow from the walk (a considerable amount, to be sure). Back in-side to wash the clothes and hang them on the rack in the shower. Remove the “holiday lights” from the front windows (there'll be no cause for “glitz and glitter” from now own... today is “Installation Day” and the “double mourning” of G's AND what was been the “USA”). Then to sit, compose what's here, thus far. - Ms. Yonah has shed another feather this morning... the top is “notched”, as have been others before. She “chatted” silently with me this morning. Her radio is on now, quietly, curtain opened to the brilliant day out there. Blue skies, white snows... And me? “Heavy-chested”, “dull-headed”... but moving along, along, along... moving... and about to snooze! WTF? I want NOTHING to do with “out there” today (as Yonah coo's in her room... THE LOVE!!!). I've got a “G's” to up-date, photos to sort, a sign to paint... food in the house. I've not shovelled the front and won't. So? So... here we are. - 14.39 Got paper-work together and filed... with Ms. Yonah. Made the “gif” for G's and posted it and a blog-post to the different soc.med. accounts (with “gratitude” to “Nordländer”). Replied to a message from Gina on Twatters. Gab is up and running delightfully! The sun's been here and there. And now, I want a snooze before stuffing chicken in to bake for meal... and NO dessert tonight, save ONE package of toaster pastries from FamDoll... I'm NOT going to market today! And another day rolls away... - 19.09 Well... the darkest days have officially come into being... the idiot has been installed and is already in full swing... bringing the country to the Hell it and it's ilk have created. I managed to avoid the day's bull-shit-show, watched the news at 17.00 and heard about the “event”. Didn't pay much attention until they broke in with the “signing of the first 'Executive Orders'”... yeah... we're fucked. - Meanwhile, earlier, I got my statement from Soc.Sec. for taxes, checked the “web-sites” for Fed and State... and, again, I don't need to file... the standard deduction not only eliminates all income, but it's greater than all income! So that's a great beginning... I'll just let them all take the taxes they've stolen... it's not worth the effort of going after the few dollars... not to mention, bringing attention to me again. - And paper-work is all filed away, again. (And as I type, listening to the “Mr.G's” collection, the dolts next-door come to life... as they do, after sun-set... as do all psychotics.. AND YONAH'S LIGHTS ARE OUT FOR THE NIGHT! I fucking HATE those shits next-door. BUT... I DO know that I COULD get worse... and since he won't come to New Russia, there's NO telling WHAT Alden will rent to if/when they leave, so I put up with this... Can't have perfect peace. Eh?) - I have to do bed linens tomorrow. I don't know WHERE or HOW that shit got on there again but there it is. I could change them tonight and shower but I'm just not in the mood. I slept on them last night... I'll get them washed first thing in the morning tomorrow... HOWEVER... I'm having a hot water now... and WILL have a drink before bed tonight... 47 years... Ah... those nights... beer, beer and more beer and scotch, scotch, scotch and if I tried that shit now? I'd be floor, floor, loo, loo... pain, pain, PAIN. So I'll have my beverage here, at home, and “behave” so as to not regret the morning... not to mention, I need to be “all about m'self” for YONAH! Sweetest-heart! - Thought of ringing Denis this evening... then thought better of it... then considered... then re-considered... Truth is... I don't truly want to be in touch with him. Yes, I'm still “in love with” 47 years ago... but he DID prove him-self to be what I did know him to be: self-serving. He's truly “Newburgh”... even after all these years... and I do NOT want THAT in my life. I've been through too much, worked too hard to be where I am today... not filthy wealthy, but certainly not self-serving and in a slum where the paint is peeling from the ceiling, the place is in darkness and I don't dare to open the door to visitors. So, best leave it all as it is... what-ever it is... - Now? I'll see if I can't find another “Brit com” to occupy an evening... Soc.med. is just too much. - One note: Earlier tonight, as I was boiling the veg and noodles (to go with the last chicken thighs in the freezer... it's boneless breast for a while now), the pot boiled over. I was a touch stunned and upset and the PAIN IN MY CHEST WAS HORRIFIC! I THOUGHT I WAS LITERALLY HAVING A HEART ATTACK... *THE* HEART ATTACK! Deep belching helped relieve the pain though. But I've read that excessive burping is heart-related. (Of course it's advised to consult a doctor immediately... Never mind all that. Just get me through the cold and Yonah flying freely in the warmth. Poor baby. I think she's “broody”... MUST get her through this so she can get back to “her man”.) - 22.55 Watching “Are You Being Served Again” again... had a v-ton and a half... bread with that grape butter and butter and 3 vit.C. -15° tonight... mid-week expected to be -23° chill. Well? February... I'm usually correct about February. - Wondering were “George” is tonight and thankful to him. Got an “empty” feeling in my core though... There's no place to “go back to” any more. No place. It's all gone... ALL of it... ALL of them. It's not comfortable any more, being “here”, “this way”. But Yonah... I actually thought of going to Eric and Meghan to ask if they'd take her in until warm weather comes but... NO! I won't. She's my love, heart and soul and I wouldn't trust a damned other to take proper care of her. Besides... I was only thinking of “if anything were to happen to me”. Well... she and I are together... and my heart is her protection. - OK. So... it was a bit of fun on the soc.med. I believe I'll have to get back to the old accounts though. On Minds, there are 100s... on Gab... not as many... Twitter? Well... it's the old accounts. But I don't really want to be bothered any more. - So... once-over with the checking and off to bed. (“Soiled” linens, to be washed in the morning.) - There's that chill in here tonight. But more chill to come. I have to check, in the morning, the HEAP and the tank. There'll be no freezing THIS Winter...!!! (And the furnace just kicked. I'd set it to 70F... it'll go back down to 65F for bed.)
Thu.21.Jan: 7.41 Later than I'd wanted, the sheets are on the line... and frozen, of course, as a light flurry of snow drifts in the morning air. - Gab is fucking about again, this morning. I've checked the other soc.med. and the météo... flocons this morning and nuages for the rest. - Trash day? Not sure. Ought, but can't get more stickers, which are needed since I'm not sure I can stuff all of this into one bag and I've got only 2 stickers. Looks like Saturday. (God will understand.) - I literally forced me out of bed at the 6.00 alarm. I'm not “ill”... just very tired. A snooze is in the near future now. And why not? Eh? I wanted to get the linens washed and so they are. - Other-wise, I did manage to sleep through the night, woke a touch “heavy in the chest” but nothing that kept me from moving along with the lavage. - Ought to ring the abattoir, give them a bit of what they gave me: rudeness. Can't help but think: were I here illegally, in the country and state, I'd never receive a bill for medical. Fuck... I could give birth and all would be “volunteer”. Well... we'll see how it rolls. (There's still the “collectors” and their response to my “offer”... fukkem.) - And there we have it. First “full day” of Socialism, this. Let's see how it rolls along. (I'm fucking sick to my guts but... I suppose this all had to happen... I used to “know” it would, even as a child... just never expected to LIVE it. BUT... I managed to make it through the 30th St. Shelter... a few months on the beach on the dunes, in the grasses, under the over-growth, sleeping in the back of a VW on Drury Lane, cottage cheese from the A&P... What the fuck? Eh? At least I've a furnace, roof, walls, floors, windows... food in the fridge and a place to cook it, plates from which to eat, a table at which to sit... “Life is disappointing? Fughedaboudit! In here, Life is beeyoodeeful.”) - Yonah calls... LOVE HER! - 8.14 Yonah's house is clean. Fresh food and water and broccoli, this morning. Her “light” is on and she's having breakfast. I LOVE TO SEE HER EATING! BUT... SHE'S SHEDDING FEATHERS AGAIN. I have to wonder if it's not just “usual”. Most of them appear “healthy” though. There was a time there where they were malformed. I SO WISH I KNEW MORE ABOUT HER! But... - I need a snooze. The morning's necessary work is done. Another day commences... and now it seems to be rushing, because I dread “chatting” with the oafs at “UVM Medical”. It's about the “V” bit. The world, it seems, is over-taken by dolts. Oh... my patience. Oh well. - 11.23 Snooze it was... for 90 minutes, which would be the same as sleeping-in until 7.30. No prob. I laid down, no alarm, and fell right to sleep on the futon. And now... am just in from the post where... THE NYSEG BILL... AT 145$!!! WAS WAITING! JUST LOWER THAN LAST JANUARY'S BILL!!! EVEN WITH THE 45$ CREDIT... THIS MONTH'S BILL IS 102 AND I'D “BUDGETED” 60! WELL? Looks like I have to RE-BUDGET here... and dip into the Internet/phone at 75. There goes about 45$... on top of which, there's the “UVM BS” bill. WELL! MY goodness. So much for that. And I've NO doubt that NEXT month's electric will be closer to 250-280! It's the furnace that does it. So? I've finally learnt the “general Winter costs”. Time to figure stuffing extra to the side. I see a “cash jar” or “separate account at Community”, which is something I've been thinking about for a while now anyway. If ONLY that 1400$ would come NOW! But I don't see that happening until April again. (Ah... then there's the next oil delivery. I've a feeling I'll be bringing the tank down to the 1/8th that I came in here on. Well... we just have to do what we have to do... until such time we don't have to do... anything... ever again. No sense fretting the damned thing. It will be what it will be. - I'm still tired... and more-so with this bill-shit. But, we move along. I think I want to work more on the “PO” sign... put in the arrows and call it “done”! Can't figure how to put the clear coat on though, since it can't be done in the house... NOT healthy for little Yonah. No prob. And can't paint the bracket black either. Again... no prob... I don't care about signs... I DO care about Yonah who has been listening to her “collection” this morning AND she's eaten ALL of the broccoli I cut for her this morning. She REALLY LIKES HER BROCCOLI! (I wonder how she'll get more when she's back with the flock. I need to build a special “dove feeder platform” for her and the flock.) - Oh... and the sheets are still quite solid. I'll have to figure how to get them off the line. Always a little some-thing to keep the “stress level present”. Not that any “stress” is appropriate. - (I don't dare to go look at the oil tank either.) - Well... the day has rolled along... and that's that. - And too, no “dessert” after meal tonight. I'm not going to go for any. But I've already had mid-day vits. with left-over morning coffee... there's that. Fine. - 16.26 We're ALMOST “THERE”... the END of the “business day”! AND I rang the abattoir, and told the nice “Mrs. Bradey” (or that's what I believe she mumbled... another Black woman... reminded me of Georgia and Soc.Sec.) that I'd forwarded the bill to Medicaid last month already and have heard nothing as yet, am expecting a return to my call of this morning. (Oma used to say “How can you expected to be trusted when you lie like that?” Said I, “Business is business. They lie to us, therefore they deserve reciprocity.” And so they get it.) But the chat was some-what “kindly”... Will have to follow-up indeed. - OK! THAT done, believe it or not, I ADDED RED TO THE PO SIGN *AND* I HAVE THE BRACKET PIECES CUT! MITRED AND ALL! Sawing on the kitchen sink again. *AND* THE “HORNETS' NEST” HAS BEGUN! Sorted through the news-papers in Yonah's room, brought some to the kitchen basin, put in warm water and glue and slapped the pieces (pain in the arse... and, literally, my back) onto the balloon... with added glue. IT IS HANGING IN THE “WASH CUBBY” IN THE KITCHEN TO DRY! WHERE THAT ENERGY AND DRIVE CAME FROM IS ANYBODY'S GUESS. I'D WANTED TO SNOOZE AGAIN! OH WELL... I'VE “ACCOMPLISHED” SOME THINGS TODAY! *AND* THE BED LINENS ARE DRY! Not thrilled though. When I pulled them off the line. VERY FROZEN STIFF, the flat sheet, OF FUCKING COURSE, rubbed against the porch so there's a grey schmutz on it. But it's not bad enough to warrant a re-wash. The pillow cases and the fitted sheet are laying on the bed, the flat is on the rack in the living-room by the heat. I don't like doing that because I don't know what blows into the house through the registres, but, there it is and I'll be able to make the bed tonight... with the “nicer” “Walmarde” schitzenpillakäses! Imagine? THREE CHORES... in ONE after-noon! And to “celebrate” my accomplishments? Going to fucking bed on time tonight. NOT, mind, that there's anything on the agenda for tomorrow... which, it just occurred to me, if Friday already. (Not happy, but, I'll have to run to the dump on Saturday... to get rid of the garbage and get more stickers. MORE MONEY! Oh fuck anyway.) - Tonight's chicken is in the oven... left-over noodles and veg will go in for the last few minutes, to warm. Meal... and then... nothing, really. - All the while... little Yonah is listening to the radio with her light on. Her left wing isn't looking well this evening. It drops lower under her when she rests. I don't like that. I'm terrified that she's not going to be able to fly when the time comes. But I'll keep the hope in my heart and expect “due Divine intervention”. I do LOVE her so VERY much, will be “empty” when she's gone back to her flock, but... she I brought her in to care for her so that she CAN go back to her “normal” life! And I will NOT accept ANYTHING LESS! - Fine... my back is sore. Not sure why, but... there's a Naproxen coming tonight... and a quick shower. - So the electric is paid. If I run short of oil, I can use the radiators... keep Yonah warm at the very least. Other-wise... there's nothing I can do to decrease the usage any much more. I sit in mostly darkness as it is. But there's no more “holiday lights” so there's that much less. I don't care, really. It'll all work out... eventually. And there's a possible $1200 coming... one of these days... “possible”. We shall take it as it comes... I've been MUCH WORSE OFF! Indeed! - 21.52 Off to the shower after making the bed. Had the 2 hot waters, vit.c and Naproxen at 20.00. Couple episodes of “Grace and Favour”. Fun on Twitter with “Pengy” this evening. Can't wait for Gab to comeback though. - THERE'S BITTER COLD COMING NEXT WEEK! -23° BY THURSDAY. WELL? THE RADIATORS ARE STILL AVAILABLE. - Off we go... There was an excuse to go into town tomorrow but I can't think of what it was... but the truck will HAVE to be given a run after all this cold and snow... I dread to think of Thursday. - Still... I actually DID get SOME-THINGS done today. Pretty good.
Fri.22.Jan: 8.42 after waking, on my own, at just past 7.00 (I forgot to turn the alarm on... again). And last night/this morning, ONE trip to the loo at... 2.34. I just had to note that hour. I haven't had to make a loo-trip at night in a while. - Last night, before retiring, after making the bed (FRESH LINENS), had a rather brief, but thorough shower too, and had time to read a bit before lights out. Very nice, indeed. Now, this morning, as I checked the météo, a “RED BANNER”, warning of some serious snow to come to “Northern NY”. “White-outs” and the sort. But the “radar” shows that it should dump on Albany and not make it's way this far North. I'm thinking of heading into town, get more broccoli for Yonah (I've minced what was in the fridge, added a Brussel sprout and ground the re-dried oat-meal... tossed it at the end of the walk... we shall see how that goes over with the “flocks”... I filled the feeder at about 7.30 and it's almost empty again, already, and there isn't much seed left in the house and I really can't afford more until next week...), and, perhaps, some sort of “dessert” for me for the week-end, and another little bottle of glue for the “hornets' nest” which dried nicely over-night. (Now, I wonder... will I live to see it hanging on the front porch or not. Then again, last night, before getting into bed, I recalled that I didn't expect to be here this Winter... at the end of last Summer. One never knows. That's the “glory” of existence.) - Thus far, this morning's been “OK”. Not too “heavy”, but the temperature is at the “chilled-damp” point again so, no matter what the actual temperature is in this old house, it still feels “chilled” because of the dampness. The furnace has run a couple of times. I'd like to know how much is in the tank but then again, I don't want to know. There's only one more “100 gal” delivery left on the account. But the forecast for the next week is “-23” for a while... not just a simply “one night dip”. Ah... February. And we haven't had the “January thaw”... and January is just rolling by. Oh well. - Today's “agenda”? “Hornets' nest”, getting this lap-top Journal posted to the server (and G's will have to be re-newed in 2 weeks), a bit of house-keeping for the place (a bit), and other-wise... not sure. I can't do a “clear coat” on the “PO” sign unless we go above freezing, so... but at least the cutting is done on that. I ought to get some kind of “bolts” for it... Aubuchon's... lord help me. We'll see when I get out of here. And there's still a shit-load of photos to sort through. I have the “desire” but just not the “will”. Typical of me of late. So here I sit, typing, passing the time... the time... the time... “The Hours”... 'one comes along and it passes, and then there's another to follow... and another, and another, and another after that.' “Budget-Fudging” puts me in a “dark” mind-set. But at least there's money... especially for the rent. And the electric is paid, so, should it actually get as cold as threatened, there are the little radiators. They won't make the place “tropical”, but closing-off a room or two... Yonah, in particular, will be of a great comfort. - Well, OK then. Time to roll along. I've browsed the Twatsline and this morning's e-mails. Let's see how the day moves. (I'll head into town whilst the qunt is in the office... dodge the village idiots.) - And Yonah is coo'ing. She was up when I got out of bed. PRECIOUS! She's got the radio on now. - 12.48 DID IT! FamDoll... The kitchen roll came in last night, so I un-packed 2 cases, put them on the shelf, grabbed 2 for me... got the dish liquid AND a little towel for WHEN Yonah gets her “shower” (on of these days soon). Off to market where I GOT THE GARLIC AND CORAINDER as well as ice cream, a pizza, broccoli for Yonah... FULL SHOPPING! *AND* it appears I'll get away with only ONE bag at the skip tomorrow! I AM SO RELIEVED! And now... broccoli is on the rinse, oat-meal and tea at table... and the morning was worth waking to/for. (Let's see how the after-noon will fuck about; shall we? Oh, indeed! Let's SHALL!) - 22.00 On the mark... and I'm out of the shower, 2 episodes of “Grace and Favour”... Kitchen settled. House was Hoovered today. And the skip is open tomorrow 9-15.00. Hopefully, the roads will be clear and all will just roll along with-out “incident”. - Meal: chicken breast (large... I had half) and noodles. Left-overs tomorrow night, no prob. - I put another layer of paper on the “hornets' nest” and it's already dry! This house is entirely too dry... for Yonah, in particular. I NEED to get her into a shower! (She's got a little towel now.) - Other-wise? I can't say much for the day. But it did get warm enough (2°) to melt a lot of snow. Tonight, the icicles are impressively long. Thankfully, the bitterness in the forecast is only Sunday night at -19 then, back to “normal”. And the “storm” that was forecast this morning never happened. - I've cleaned-out all the posts on “Gaston's” Twat account and all but the most recent 2 weeks on Nordländer. I wish Gab would get their shit together. I'm leaving that Twitter shit. I'll keep the account up (see what the news is until things get better with Gab and Minds). Keep “space” on servers. (I know of such things.) - Meanwhile... off to bed. Why? Because I can! - The furnace is running. I'm still thinking: I used a bit less electric this year, January bill, than last, but still... almost 100$ jump for Winter. That old furnace. Oh well. - SATURDAY tomorrow! (And I can get away for a while from the PO.) I don't like “getting away”. I don't spend all day with her, but I just feel terrible leaving Yonah alone. (I'm going to be a right mess when she's gone... hopefully I'll follow shortly behind her... we'll “meet up” on a little limb some-where. One never knows.) - I'll have to get this posted to the servers... 15 pages here already. Not good to just keep them on a lap-top... so I've learnt... the hard way. - Now... let's hope the apes next door at least try to resemble humans... of a degree of civility... I'm not counting on it.
Sat.23.Jan: 7.43 Coffee. Vits. Yonah's curtain is open. And last night, the lights went out at pretty close to 22.30!I tried to read but just couldn't, so, lights out it was until another one of those “hours” of consecutive digits: 12.34 (or, 0.34, but on the “civie-clock”...) for a pee. Just as I'd commented that I don't have to get up during the night. Oh well.. up, pee, and immediately back to bed. AND I had a DREAM
that began just before I woke to pee AND when I'd pee'ed and gone back to sleep, picked-up where it'd left off! I don't recall all of the particulars but in the “pre-pee”, I was packing things together to move from one neighbourhood in The Bronx to another, from a flat that was nice, in the West Bronx, to a place that was in a “less-nice” building/neighbourhood, like 138th or such... In part A I'd either just begun packing or was at the end of; there were those “small items” about that I was upset about trying to find packing-space for. Part B, (post-pee), the flat got larger by a few rooms and I was remembering more items that needed to be packed AND I didn't REALLY want to move to the new place because, well, it wasn't as nice a neighbourhood, or building, or flat. It was “bad” at all, some-what like going from the old Bedford Park to, let's say Creston Ave. Bedford Park being more “homey”, residential, folksy, and Creston being more “business”, and less “folksy”. And I was feeling quite “lonely” because I didn't know anybody in the new place, and I was beginning to feel quite “alone” even before the move. I wasn't “alone” in the current flat. There was some-body else there... “Who” wasn't at all clear... Male? Female? Age? In the dream, I just “knew” who it was, was comfortable with him/her, I wasn't moving because of being “forced out”, in fact, I don't even know why I was moving out at all. I wanted to move, but I didn't want to leave... as it were. Anyway... I didn't wake out of this dream... it seems to have stopped, as I recall, when the “emptiness, loneliness”, started to become just a bit too “heavy and dark”... the last thing I recall is standing in a hall-way that went from living-to-bed-rooms, looking out of a window and becoming quite mournful about leaving and fearful of being alone...
Now... the need for finding space for moving? The garbage in the one bag (which will be out of here in a while, thankfully). As for the “loneliness”? That bit struck at me on Wednesday again... thinking of G's... being here, in NY, having the truck... and even if I were to drive all that distance... *”NOTHING”* is *THERE*!!! *”NOTHING”* and *”NO-BODY”* and *”NO PLACE FOR ANY-BODY TO BE”* even if some-body were to be there. It was a bit of a shock to the system, as it is, of later years, when it comes to the surface of the mind. I don't know... There's nothing I can do about it but keep moving along... until... I can't “move” and there's no need to do so. - OK then... I'm starting to wake up. It's been difficult this morning, even after all that sleep! Figure 22.30 last night until 7.30 this morning. NINE HOURS, with a slight break. Yeah... too much sleep? Or... But first coffee's catching, I'm at table in the robe, Yonah's got her “doves” playing... and there's a distinct “chill” in the house this morning. Thermostat registres fine. The furnace just kicked a bit. But it's that “non-specific” sort of chill... the house it-self. And between tonight and Monday, Sunday, as I recall, being the major PLUMMET... Oh well... Radiators up and running tonight, it need be, and tomorrow to be sure, should the need present! (I'm hoping to hold out on the oil for at least another 2 weeks... AT LEAST!) - Fine... Today? Off to the skip. The “hornets' nest looks MUCH smoother with yesterday's layer of cut strips. Today, I'll put the “texture” bits on to make it look more like a “nest” than a “ball”. Other than that? Bollocks... perhaps. It's too chilly to start putting poor Yonah into showers. So... we shall see how it all rolls out. - 9.49 MINUS 25 TONIGHT!!!! - 12.49 MADE IT TO THE TIP THIS MORNING! (NO TAG) GOT 5 MORE TAGS AND... LEFT AT 11.00 AND WAS BACK BEFORE 11.45! OH! THE DIFFERENCE FROM THIS MONTH, LAST YEAR! And now... a bit of oat-meal with vits. - The sun is brilliant but the temp is chilled. I'm NOT looking forward to tonight... but, cost or no... radiators WILL be running... in Yonah's room, to be absolutely POSITIVELY! - I see that my book arrived in Albany on Tuesday the 19th and SAT THE FUCK THERE UNTIL YESTERDAY (22nd) WHEN IT ALLEGEDLY “DEPARTED”... WHICH MEANS IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE TODAY BUT... IT ISN'T. FUCKING INCOMPETENT SHIT-BAGS. - 16.34 The paper-work on the “hornets' nest” is DONE!!! And now it hangs, in the “laundry alcove” (“alcove”... pffft!) to dry, and in this house, as things are, that should take only over-night. AND, with the temperatures dropping as threatened, indeed, over-night. Tomorrow? PAINT! AND... DONE! Then to figure where to hang it, on the front porch. If it works, I'll make another for the back porch... IF I'm still breathing at the time. - And “meal” is in the toaster oven, warming. Yonah is “basking” under her light. Her room is tidy again. And HER radiator is plugged in and running... in preparation for a cold night ahead. (It's a relief knowing the electric bill is paid... until the next one which I'm expecting to be up-wards close to 300... but I'm NOT going to fret over it. There's no sense. And we're NOT going to sit in here, freezing! I did enough of that shit last Winter, thank you. This very well might be my last any-way. Fukkit!) - Ah... the garbage is gone. The house is settled. I've actually DONE some-thing with the day... including a 30-minute snooze. The mourning doves have been to the back walk for evening nosh. There's still quite a bit of seed out there though. I hope they come back for more. (And I'll see if I can safely - not a fucking chance of that - budget in another bag of seed before the next income.) - Indeed... “things” are fine. I'm blessed this evening. - 16.50 All on the servers. The next step... images... but not now... the toaster oven just said “PING”! Almost meal time. -23.18 and it's heading for that -26°. I've re-lit the terracotta in the living-room, radiator on in Yonah's room, PO-side curtains drawn. Thankfully, the furnace isn't running at the moment. A few episodes of “Grace and Favour”, three hot waters and vits.Naproxen with the last 2 English muffins and butter. This day is done. (And I've been out for smokes and DAMN! it IS CRISP out there!) - Earlier, I was on the soc.med., the Gab “Author”, and created a “Lung Cancer Group” on the advice of somebody who has a general Cancer Group. (My “intro” post didn't make it though... Gab's still a touch fuked.) Anyway... In the silence... YONAH STARTED COO'ING! IN THE DARK ROOM! I WENT IN TO SEE HER. THANKFULLY, SHE'S OK. BUT IT TOUCHED ME... COO'ING... AT NIGHT? IN THE DARK? My heart breaks for her, being alone. But at -26°... she'll be healthy come the warmer weather and out with her flock in no time... I'm sure. - Well... time for a last drag, brushing of teeth and off to bed! Up by 7.00, one way or the other... Yonah's curtains are closed tonight as well... to keep the cold out of that room. Her door's been ajar all evening... keeping the warmth in there. (Hopefully there'll be enough warmth in the rest of the house so as not to need a constantly running furnace.)
Sun.24.Jan:16.09 Well... the sun shone brilliantly all day, and with it, the winds blew and the temperatures were as threatened... though, at the moment, météo claims a -5/-13... HOW-EVER... when I finally dragged my tired arse out of the bed this morning... at about 7.30-ish, it was -23° with the chill. And tonight (and the next week-plus) doesn't look much better/warmer. I've just closed both sets of curtains in the living-room... probably for the month. Ah well... “February”. Thankfully, the radiator kept Yona's room warm, and that's all that I truly care about. I'd put the thermostat down to 62F last night and started to read before lights out, but got only a few lines read and couldn't stay awake for much more than that. Alas. - This morning, I was awakened by a HORRID DREAM... It was brief, but “concerning”. In the dream, I was laying in bed, string at the heat registre because it was making the strangest “gasping” sound. I thought that the motor on the furnace was breaking-down and was worrying that the house would suddenly be plunged into freezing. As I laid there, in very dim light, a panic set in, and I began thinking of how best to keep SOME warmth in the house, and as I pondered... I began to wake up... and as I woke, I realised, THE “GASPING” SOUND IN THE DREAM WAS ME!!! I'd been laying on my back, mouth open, my throat and mouth were dry and there was a “congestion” high in my throat! It was similar to being awakened by one's own snoring! Well, upon discovering that the sound of my own congestion was bad enough to penetrate into my dreams, I got up, out of the bed, put on my robe, went to check on Yonah first thing. Seeing that she was OK, I proceeded with the regular mourning routine of putting the kettle on, toddling to the loo, making coffee, getting dressed. Tossed about 10 hands-full of seed on the back walk for the birds. It was a BITTER morning and I wanted them to have some-thing to eat! Poor little things. And from thence... the morning rolled along. - I'd wanted to start the truck, roll into FamDoll for some cleaner for the shower and loo drain (to get rid of the gurgling from the next-door washing machine), but as the morning went, and I checked the 37 in the account, I decided that “shopping” wasn't necessary and... instead... I put a good coat of “grey” paint on... the “hornets' nest”! Indeed! Mixed black with gesso, and got the entire thing covered! “Accomplishment”... I suppose. AND, I worked with Yonah who has been SO “chatty” with me today. (Now, if only I could get her to not fear my hands... AND get her into a bit of a shower... I've just gone in to see her. She stands right at the edge of the cage and I can get my face SO CLOSE, but “hands”? Nope... Oh well... I accept her tolerance level of me... and I appreciate it... to my very core.) So we were together for some time, as she basked in her sun-light, in the warmth of her room. - I “hahd-berld” 3 eggs too and she's had her yolk today. I was going to put in broccoli, but, she's already had some of that in the past recent days. Perhaps tomorrow. But she DOES enjoy egg yolk and broccoli. (I have to wonder if she'll miss it when she's back out with the flock. But I'm thinking of leaving the cage out on the back porch, door open, with her dishes of food and water... just in case. It'll be interesting to see if she ever returns. Who knows? Maybe she'll be a “house-mate” for the Winter months... for as long as I'm about. Who knows?). - And I managed a 20-minute snooze from 14.45. I'm a touch “weary” today, a tiny bit “painful” more than “heavy”. But nothing to put me on the floor (yet). - And so... tonight's chicken is in the toaster oven for the past 45 minutes. I'll toss some noodles, I suppose, call it “meal”. There's a bit of ice cream in there for after. And tonight, before bed... a quick shower. - Spent some time on the soc.med. Managed to get into the “Author” account on the Twatboard AND WIPED IT OUT! I'm leaving it up, but empty now... with directions to go to Minds and the “Frog Pond”. “The great migration”. We'll see how it evolves. Many are leaving the Twatboard. One of these days... if the current “regime” doesn't pull it out completely... again... which I suspect is in the works any-way. - There was a post some-where, claiming our $2k isn't coming because the regime has opted to piss OUR taxes away on some “housing” project in Honduras. Between that and the new policy of releasing illegals AND working toward an open border... I'm at the point where “accents” (“Spanish”) are no longer tolerable. Indeed, they're free to wander about, but I'm under no obligation to accept, tolerate or be civil to any of them. I'm tired of this bull-shit! And I'm too old to pretend. - Well... that much said here... didn't get to the photos again today. But, if this cold weather is to stay a while... there's nothing dragging me out the door any time too soon. Now... on to “meal”. - Yonah is listening to the radio... “hits of the 80s” are playing. Her “full spectrum” is on. I'll have to close her curtains soon... the house is taking a chill and I see no reason why she should have to take one as well. - 20.39 and aside from a few “thumps and thuds” next door... THE FUKTARDS START THEIR FUCKING BANGING AND THUMPING AND THUDDING AND SHIT-FUCKERIE NOW... AT THE END OF THE DAY! Oh... to have the opportunity to speak on this... I'd rather the damned place was empty at this juncture. This does NOT bode well for future... though Julius HAS said that “they” are thinking of leaving in March... but then again... that one's been “thinking” about leaving since Hannah left... Ah... when Hannah was here, even the little shit was civil. This piece of stuff from Moriah... well.. Poor Yonah heard it and coo'ed! Her light is out now (I was late... and I'm heart-sick) so I'm HOPING THE SHIT-SHOW next door is done... but... sadly, I doubt it. - Now... time for night Cs and off to a shower and bed! - 22.52 Off to the shower! -22 tonight.
Mon.25.Jan: 12.28 It's been another non-stop morning, this. - Dragged me out of the bed at 7.30... dozing through 3 alarms, as it were, and feeling (again), as if I hadn't slept all night. There were 2 trips to the loo and a “foot contraction”, right foot again. I put the socks on and that helps. But maybe it was the interruptions, but as I say, I had to drag me out of the bed. Well, once out, things just rolled along, from putting the kettle on to shaving broccoli for Yonah, house-keeping this morning (poor thing, first thing in the morning). Coffee, vits., put some extra seed and the left-over broccoli out for the “flocks on the walk”. Got dressed and went to work on a lighter grey on the “hornets' nest”, with a touch of “texture”. I'm finished with it until I can put on a coat of clear matte! THEN I added a bit of another “arrow” in the “PO” sign and started to put another coat on the black lettering. Sadly, the paint I used is more “wrought iron flat”... and it's on the “P” and “O”. I'll have to re-re-work that... at some point. But I had time with Yonah... in her sun-shine. - When I went for the post today... *”OUT OF THE WHIRLWIND”* ARRIVED TODAY... IT WAS POSTED ON THE 8th!!! ODD, AS I THINK: IT TOOK 4 DAYS FOR A BOOK TO GET FROM WESTPORT TO THERESA, BUT WHEN I ORDER... OVER 2 WEEKS! Of course, it sat in Albany for a few days... incompetent morons. BUT IT'S HERE... *AND* AUTOGRAPHED... THERE'S AN INSCRIPTION, BUT IT'S AUTOGRAPHED!!! AND IN MAGNFICIENT CONDITION!!! I'M SO HAPPY AND IMPRESSED!!! As i finished my smoke, Cliff came over for his post. Talk about “in need of a hair-cut”! ANOTHER one... I asked when he'd last taken a cut... “13 March”. I don't understand these people. Anyway... he was, oddly, with-out a “mask”! Surely... a mis-step. And just now, I stepped out for a smoke and Eric had come for HIS post so I told him that Yonah is still here... He's a “Birder”, and we chatted about mourning doves. He appears rather impressed that she's still here, doing so well. I made a point of making it known that she'll be released come the warmer weather because I feel it's too cold right now and she's adapted to the in-door temperature. Well... Mr. “Birder” (knowing it all, of course) appears to approve (not that it makes any difference to me, to be honest... I just want it to be known that she's well). But he wasn't aware of how to “sex” mourning doves! Well! Indeed. What-ever. - Nell's husband came for his post and we spoke briefly. HE'S DRIVING ABOUT WEARING A MASK (in a “Volvo”... of course... tells me all I need to know... LC always said that Volvo drivers are the worst... over-cautious... and I've noticed, over the years, they're not very bright, generally, though Mr. Nell speaks several languages, successful in some sort of “university consulting”... another of our local “PhDs”... never mind that)!!! But... so be it. (I can't wait until the “Patriot” flag is mounted. OH! I'm SURE the shit will hit the fan then! But, I think of Jeff and his political bull-shit signs... I'm taking MY turn/time and fukkemall.) - And so, here I am, finally getting to a point where the morning rush is done. - The sun is shining. The bright rooms are comfy warm. The living-room is still cool enough to keep the furnace kicking from time-to-time, but the curtains are closed. Oh well. I probably should check the oil but... I don't want to know right now. Surely there's sufficient for a while. I keep thinking: Just make it through the week-end and... February. I might just call and tell “Avery” to dump what-ever's left on HEAP into the tank. (From what I've seen on the soc.med. there will be no “$1400” coming... this “regime” is pocketing every fucking penny they've been given access to... I'm waiting for a notice from Soc.Sec. telling that they're decreasing the monthly payments... no doubt, there'll be no “COLA” this year... we're officially “Communist” now... fuck.) - I've had mid-day vits. I should have a little something to eat with but... I should think about making more bread as well. I should run the truck? I WANT to take a nap! We'll see how that all works out... tonight... at end of day. I can't care... I just can't. - I should ring the abattoir about their bill, but I don't want to be bothered with that today. I'm just thrilled about the new book! (I'd almost like to get back into bed and read the rest of the day away... truth be told, this morning, honestly, if Yonah weren't here... I'd've not bothered getting up and out of bed. It's one of “those” days...) - 22.18 Well... Had to have a chat with Alvin this evening. Sadly, I saw him walking round the house at about 16.00 and when I went out front, there it was. “Delightful”. I really can't say that I “enjoy”the chats but... And then some fellow whose name I never got (but of course, he knows mine) came by for his post. We've chatted before. Nice enough. But he made a comment “I haven't missed the post office and stepped into your house yet.” and added “You've got enough signs up about it.” At the time, I wasn't as “bent” as I've become. But... fukkemall. - Meal was sufficient. Whole chicken breast, tossed the broccoli in with some rice. Cooked the chicken in the toaster-oven. It works quite well. Hopefully used much less electric. And of course, the rice, on the stove-top hob. - Yonah's been in the dark since about 20.00 and I've been watching a “new” Brit-com... 2 episodes. Not bad. Maybe I'll get into it. - It's cold again tonight but not as bad as last night and the furnace isn't constantly running, thankfully. - Moron next-door came in round about 16.45 whilst I chatted with Alvin. I SO wanted to make a comment but didn't... I'm glad about that now, but the banging got going at 20.00 again. Pissed me off. It's been quiet since. - So that's that. - Perry's ice cream is on sale this week. I'll run to market tomorrow... give the truck a run, grab a pack of smokes. There's 30 in the account and 68 on the card. Tight week ahead. This has been the “5-week” stretch and I can feel it. - Have had 2 hot waters and vits.Naprox. Time to turn in... I've got another book to read!!!! “Autographed”! I remember reading it when I worked at Zim... I can still see me, in the office, on a Saturday, looking out the window of the 18th floor... into the harbour. Funny... how some things stick in the head. - 22.38 Gab's a royal fuck-up again tonight. And the furnace just kicked... Off to bed!
Tue.26.Jan: 8.19 Did it AGAIN! Slept-in until almost 8.00! 2 loo trips during the night, but other-wise, save the horrid dream, I slept. And now, dressed, coffee, vits., a smoke in the back, food for the birds (on the walk), this over-cast morning commenced with a “tightness” in the chest, as opposed to the “heaviness”. Ah... and THEN, I just happened to notice “dirt” on the snow at the gas tank... a propane delivery, this morning at 7.12... 21,5gals at... $2,79! Gas has gone UP by 30¢/GALLON! We're being SHREDDED ALREADY by the “new regime”! Domestic gas and oil are being shut-down! This means the fuel oil prices will be UP too, which means... I'll be lucky if I can get another 100 gallons for February on what's left in HEAP! I'll HAVE to check this morning and have the whole lot dumped into the tank... SOON! AND... go into serious rationing. (Or, look into an “Emergency HEAP”, and hope there's a bit left in THAT till... but can't count on it... and the furnace, as if reading as I type, kicks.) - As for the “tightness”, I can't help but think that the morons at the abattoir couldn't find anything “wrong” expect the “nodule” on the upper-right in the lungs... plopped a Dx of “vertigo” so this “pain and discomfort” must be “anxiety”? What-ever. I'm in a state right now where the rent cheque will go out tomorrow, for February, which, technically covers February and March... the rest can wait. This morning, I'll go out for some food and smokes and we'll “bother with” the rest as it comes. Soc.Sec. comes in 8 days. I can cut the gas bill down from 59,99 to 55,69 even if paid next Wednesday. I've always paid with-in the first 3 days... most of the time either the day of or the day after. this time they can wait. - 12.00 Back from a “town run” where, I left the house believing there was about 60 on the food, but after spending about 20, the final balance is 86! I really ought to check this BEFORE embarquing. Although... the “cash” is down to about 10, unless I start juggling into the loan payment, which I could do, but shouldn't do because, well, this morning, I went through the fuel bills, to record last year with this and... I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH FOR ANOTHER 100 GALLONS OF FUEL UNLESS I PAY ABOUT 30!!! (I'm NOT going down to check the level today... the old “system”' won't take the jolt... I pulled into the drive after market-run and the truck STUCK... real wheel over the little dip... so I had to go out and SHOVEL... THANKFULLY, 4-WHEEL DRIVE GOT ME OUT... and there's MORE SNOW in the near fore-cast! Alas... but the shovelling and anxiety took a bit of a kick to the chest, so NO MORE “shocks”. Fucking bad enough I'm looking at a gas bill... AND an almost 300 in electric come next bill.) - I have to remember: this is a “5-week” gap between income, and that's always tight. And, February is the WORST month of the year with expenses... March will begin to bring things down again. AT LEAST YONAH (who is “chatting” as I type) IS SAFE, WARM, HAS FOOD, WATER, SHELTER AND LOVE!!! (And is she ever chatty at the moment!) I think the poor dear is “broody”! MUST look into this here! I HOPE her being in here doesn't harm her!!! Mating season is about to begin. AND... cold weather won't break for another month, at least! - Well... time for mid-day meds, as it were. - OH... “Nordlander” is shut out of Twats... as expected. No prob. The one's I “lose” from there aren't worth the bother. We move along... again. - A NOTE: AS I WAS COMING INTO THE HOUSE FROM SHOVELLING, JOHN PULLED THROUGH... THE DRIVE, FOR SOME REASON. I GOT TO CHAT WITH HIM. “I've been thinking of you for the past couple of weeks.” said I. “Why? What do you need?” asked he. “Nothing, thanks. Just that, I believe you and I are in the vast minority here, in town.” “Yes, I suppose you're right.” said he. “Looking at the news, I can't help but think 'Well, you got what you asked for.” “I suppose they have.” said he. “Well, thank you for the comfort.” said I. And he rolled away. At least my political stand is now clear. (Can't wait to put the “Patriot” flag up now!) - Moving along... - 16.25 Took a snooze earlier and now....
PISSED! BEYOND DESCRIPTIVES!!!! THE CHICKEN I BOUGHT THIS MORNING WAS *FILTH*!!! BLOOD! FAT! AND ACTUAL *TAIL FEATHERS*!!! FUCKIG DISGUSTING! I'D'VE BEEN BETTER GETTING A FRESHLY-KILLED CHICKEN AND PLUCKING AND CLEANING IT MY-FUCKING-SELF!!! *** THEN *** AFTER A FUCKING 60$ DELVERY OF FUCKING GAS THIS MORNING? AS I'M WASHING THE DAMNED BOWL... THE WATER PRESSURE (HOT) GOES DOWN TO A FUCKING TRICKLE *AND* *WARM* AT BEST!!! I'M JUST UP FROM THE BLOODY CELLAR... IN THE SNOW THAT'S FUCKING FALLING... THE HEATER PILOT FLAME IS BURNING BUT IT'S NOT “UP” TO HEAT THE WATER!!! THE *** GOOD *** NEWS? THE FURNACE IS BETWEEN HALF AND 3/4! SO THAT'S GOOD NEWS... NOT DOWN TO HALF YET! SO I WON'T BE IN A PANIC ABOUT HEATING THE HOUSE FOR A WHILE... YET. BUT THIS BULL-SHIT WITH THE WATER PRESSURE AND TEMPERATURE HAS ME WOUND. *AND* WHAT DOESN'T HELP MATTERS... Mme. Moriah HAS ARRIVED AS WELL. CAN'T WAIT TO LET ALDEN KNOW THAT THERE'S TWO OF THEM ACTUALLY IN RESDIENCE... MAYBE HE CAN GET MORE RENT? I DOUBT HE WILL, BUT... “FATE” HAS A WAY WITH THESE MATTERS... I'LL HOPE. JUST SO FUCKING PISSED ABOUT THE HOT WATER... AND THE CHICKEN... ALL OF WHICH IS IN THE OVEN NOW... ALL 6 PIECES. I'm figuring I'll just cook them all and as needed, re-heat in the toaster oven. Might be cheaper... cooking 6 pieces in the large oven & then, a mere “re-heat in the toaster-oven. STILL... IF NOT FOR YONAH, THIS PLACE WOULD BE *ROCKIN'* RIGHT NOW...
At least the furnace is running... and there's oil in the tank. I need a fucking drink! (There's enough in there for 2 martinis anyway. - 21.43 And the snow is still falling, the furnace is still running (I'd turned it up a while ago, to start the warmth in Yonah's room when I put her radiator on... at about 19.00). A few episodes of “Whatever Happened To The Lads” (the new series of Brits... from the 70s). 2 hot waters, vits., Naproxen and too much ice cream. The rent cheque for February is in the blue box. The Internet bill is in the e-mail... tomorrow the bill for the gas will be there as well... and tonight, I can't give shit nor fuck. At least the hot water came back. And I'm of to last smoke and bed. Why? Because... soc.med. isn't much of much these days and it's not worth being up at mid-night. So... off we go then... another day's passed. -
21.56 Just had a smoke on the front porch. The main's not been cleared. That new “rule” about “reduced salting”. It's pretty though. And the snow's stopped. Forecast says there's more to come. But as I had my smoke, I had a thought:
I want to put Yonah's cage out on the back porch, leave the door open and let HER decide when she wants to leave. I thought: wouldn't it be something if she actually felt secure in there, enough to go find a “guy” and “bring him to HER place... I'll leave her nesting in there for her, and food and water. But imagine if she decided to “raise her family” in there? Even if just for the season? It brought tears to my eyes... something that doesn't happen these days. I haven't had an actual “cry” in the longest while. But the thought of 2 little eggs in there, and her raising her young... here... in “Her Home” away from a branch or a flower pot or some old sort of scrap some-where. Well... “time”... that'll tell. Though I more see it as her finding a guy and him taking her away.... as it ought to be anyway. I'll never know what becomes of her. But, truth is, for these few months, she's the only reason I've been taking any care of me. Gina said “You need each-other.” She'll never know how spot-on she is. But it's not so much that *I need her*. I'd be wasting away by now... there's time for that... come the Summer.
Well... teeth and a book and bed now.
Wed.27.Jan: 14.33 Just in from another market run... ice cream on sale, butter on sale and I needed grated cheese and so I got flour and cinnamon and yoghurt which I'm going to try in the next batch of bread. AND, it got me out of the house, the truck cleared off of last night's snow... And I got out of bed at about 6.00 this morning because I was awake and felt like getting out of bed... with the usual “aspirations”, none of which have been accomplished because I pissed the morning away... of course. - Mr. “Lad” next-door is stuck in the snow. He had to go get “granfadder's” truck to get to work, but now, can't really plough the drive... not that I mind. (I saw it in the market but thankfully, it didn't see me.) Anyway... HAD to have a “new car”. HAD to have 'sportsy”. Well? Now the “new, sportsy” car is stuck in the snow... at the back curve of the drive. It was a bit of a “do” for me to get the truck back in, but... THANK THE GODS FOR 4-WHEEL DRIVE! And so, here I am. - YONAH HAS BEEN “CHATTING” WITH ME AGAIN, TODAY!!! I JUST GO IN, SAY “HELLO” AND I GET COO IN RETURN! And it breaks my heart to leave her in the house, alone. And when I'm out, my heart misses her. I don't spend a lot of time in with her, mostly because I don't want her to become “too” close and trusting of people. But just knowing she's there, safe, sheltered, protected, more than enough to eat and drink, under her “full spectrum” light on these over-cast, grey days... listening to “her” radio... I SO wish I could see her out there, with a flock. But even again, this week-end, we're looking at -30s!!! And she's been in here all this Winter. I wouldn't dare put her out, not sure that she'd become part of a good flock who could provide her with the necessary shelter and warmth. So? We wait a bit longer. - And now... I WANT a snooze! I had a broken, light 20-minute this morning as the “folks of New Russia” came to screech and bang at the PO. And I HAVE Hoovered... and Yonah got some house-keeping this morning. - I want to work on the images. I want to work on the PO sign. I want to bake some bread and, perhaps, “Heunle” (too lazy to get the umlaut) for “evening vits. and tele”, but I WANT a snooze... It takes nothing to tire me. (I just read, last evening, that “fatigue” and “stomach spasms” are associated with large doses of vit.C... and my stomach was so bad at this morning's snooze that it was actually “PAINFUL”. Oh well... if it's “cleansing” the rest of the system... I can handle this... It's only a few more weeks) - 16.49 Chicken in the oven, heating. Rice on the hob, boiling. At about 15.00 I decided to make my horrid cookies (and they ARE horrid... too much baking soda... but... I made'em... I eat'em... like it/them or not). Ah... But...
I'd no sooner gotten the first 2 dozen done and was taking them from the pan when... “Knock-knock-knock” on the back door. Mr. Moron, could I help him and his “granfadder” get his car out of the snow-bank! HAH! Well? I've NO idea why (I suppose I do... because, it's as Peter said: “You can move to any-where but you'll always be who you are.”... Shit4Brains)... I said I would, just needed a moment to get the cookies out of the oven. And so I did. One batch out, the next batch in. Turned the oven off and out the door. OH! I just don't know. First of all, the kid's fucking car is too light, sporty and worthless in the North. “Granfadder's” about as useless as tin tits on a trout. I shoved some sand under the front tyres AND instructed “Use 1st gear.” Well? We got the “toy” out from the little gully and no sooner had we when... the fucking thing got stuck on the back drive! It's useless in snow... never mind on the pack-snow and ice on the drive. Next thing... Alvin comes over. Of course, the Biddy HAD to come. So Moron-boi got in the car again. Jeff, Alvin and m'self pushed and got him rolling. Jeff told him to park... in front of the PO shed for the night (since he leaves WELL before 9.00) and he, Jeff, ploughed, as best he could, the back drive. I moved the truck to the front of the PO for the while and then backed round onto the Hill and into the drive. Just got back in about 30 minutes ago. Well? I've done my “good deed” and will be fucked to bloody death for it.... soon, I should think. (It did help with my chest/stomach though, I must admit.)
Honestly, I don't know about these folks who don't know how to get out of snow... and JEFF! Born, raised, lived here ALL his 75 years! Honestly! But it was a bit of fun... 3 old geysers out there pushing a useless “Millennial”. - And so, meal is on the heat. The day is gone. I've got NOTHING to say for being awake in it other than a trip to market and helping with the car. Useless... generally. OK. House-keeping for Yonah... And she seems to appreciate it... the LOVE! She's just had a snack and is looking out the window... digesting. (And a couple of mourning doves are in the back, grabbing what-ever seed is left out there before night-fall.) - There we have it. I'm disgusted with me, for the most part. But... that's how my days go... I suppose. - 23.40 I was going to have a shower tonight but... I CHECKED THE Mr. G's E-MAIL ACCOUNT AND ALONG WITH ALL THE “STUFF” FROM SUBSCRIPTIONS TO BLOGS... SOMEBODY SENT A COPY OF AN ARTICLE FROM A “GAY” NEWS-PAPER PRINTED IN 1973 ABOUT A HAUNTING OF ROOM 8! WOW! (SADLY, THE GUY SENT THE E-MAIL IN SEPTEMBER! BUT I REPLIED AND CODED A PAGE FOR THE IMAGE AND ADDED TO THE BLOG AND THE FORUM AND SENT AN E-MAIL TO THE GUY TO TELL HIM! AND HE'S GOT HIS OWN WEB-SITE ABOUT HAUNTED GAY PLACES AROUND THE WORLD AND IT'S QUITE PRESENTABLE! ANYWAY... THERE YOU HAVE IT AND NOW I'M GOING TO BED!
Thu.28Jan: 7.55 and dressed, in from a smoke on the back porch in this morning's “coolness”, seeds on the back walk. I NEED MORE of that... especially with the forecast for the next 3 days/nights. -23, -24, -24, and then a sultry -16 on Sunday night. I'm going to “heavily juggle” the budget... get another bag of seeds. The birds are going to need all the food and energy possible, to get through these next few nights. I can't give a shit about the rest of the bills at the moment... I just hope the morons at Avery don't try to put the card through... the RENT is on that account! Looks like I need to figure a way to separate all that. The extra $1400 would come in handy, but our “new regime” has pulled that out. So... it's going to be tough, but, February is a short month... it's a 4-week stretch until next income in March so, times will be tight and tough, but at least not for 5 weeks. I'll have to see if I can't find some-thing else, food-wise, to get or make for the birds as well. - Meanwhile, I don't know what happened over the course of last night, but I woke, this morning, feeling “hung-over”. The only thing “different” I ate yesterday was 4 of those “cookies”. I wonder what I did... other-wise. And it was difficult to get to sleep last night. I did go directly to bed after posting the news of “Ken Summers” and the “haunting of room 8”. But I couldn't get comfortable enough to go to sleep. Must have been awake at 1.00, and then, at about 2.30, a loo-run. Heard this morning's alarms. First one, off... dozed to the second. Then the second one and what seemed to me moments of dozing was about an hour. So, at about 7.30 I noticed the clock and got out of bed... primarily for Yonah. - Had an odd sort of DREAM too...:
I was with some other folks, guys, mostly guys, all of us in our 30s or so. “Labourers” of a sort. We were queuing for some sort of buses, in a lot. But there were more of us than there were buses. It was a public transport system, under the operations of the company we all worked for. “Short buses”, as they were, grey, which was the predominant colouration of the dream, in all. Our clothes were shades of grey, the buses, the lot, the “bus shelters”, the sky... The dream wasn't “black and white”... it was just all grey. We all a-massed, waiting for the buses and there was a mob-scene when, at last, the buses opened and guys got in. The buses were packed to capacity and then some and it was one bus short of all of us. I ended-up being left behind with a bunch of others guys and we had to walk to where-ever it was we were all going. I got in with 2 others and we headed along. On the way to where-ever it was we were going, we passed through a street of old brown-stones, in an obviously “poorer” part of the town and the other 2 decided we were going to burgle one of the houses. I went along with the plot and plan and was appointed “look-out”. We went up the front stair-way and when we got to the front door, it was un-locked, so, in we went. The other 2 seemed to now exactly where to look for what-ever it was they wanted and I was posted at the door, looking through the bevelled glass for any-body coming. As the other 2 went through the house, some-body arrived on the street. I let the guys know and they just sat, on a high-back chair and on an old sofa, as if they were supposed to be there. 2 gals came in... “rough round the edges”, they were, maybe in their late 20s. When they came in, apparently they knew the other 2 guys and were pleased to see them. So we all sat down to chat, friendly. One gal lit a smoke and I commented about how nice it was to be able to smoke in the house. She, the older of the 2, black hair cut short, heavy-set, told me to have a smoke if I wanted. I didn't. But the chatting continued. I took a seat by a window. There was another young fellow laying on a sort of “window-bench” in front of me... and he was masturbating, nonchalantly, as if it were perfectly normal to so do. He was at my eye level and I mostly ignored him as we we all chatted away. Out-side the window, the sun shone in a brilliant, clear, blue sky. At some point in all the chatting, there were innuendos interjected, nothing really all too obvious, but amusing, to a point. I made a few which brought the fellow on the window-bench to climax. But nobody took any notice of the event... not even the guy him-self! he just looked at me, with a rather pleased smile and I commented something along the lines of being “responsible” for “that” with my participation in the conversation. He simply, and very matter-of-fact, thanked me for the aid. “I should have known.” I said. He said that I probably did and it was fine.
From THIS, I woke, not at all “excited” by any of it. The whole dream was just so “matter-of-fact”. I've NO idea what brought it on... from the dreary workers through the burglary that really wasn't or was to the fellow on the window-bench. Odd... so odd, which is why I include it here. - OK. 8.23 and -7/-13... the furnace is running, Yonah is coo'ing. Her light and radio are on. And I'm just here, quietly, at kitchen table. Goodness! She's vocal this morning. I wonder if it's because she's comfortable-enough to coo, is she calling out (because “mating” season is soon), or is she calling because she's lonely. I keep thinking that other birds will “chirp”, as canaries and the likes do. This coo'ing is a dove's version (and softer, to be sure) of that. But, as is to their name, it does sound almost melancholy. “Mourning”, as it were. I'll have to see if, whilst I bake bread today, which I must do, and the eggs are out warming to room temperature, I can't get her to the kitchen or some-where she can me closer. They're a “flocking bird” and I'm pretty sure she misses her flock. BUT... with the temperatures in the forecast now... she'd bloody-well freeze to her death out there now. Well? For what-ever reason, she's keeping me going so I can keep her alive. As Gina put it “You need each-other.” I suppose we do. - As for the day... working on the PO sign, going through images... especially on the “Servers” directory! Last evening, after adding the new image, I backed the servers up to the Seagate and noticed there's “Asus” images and video in the “Servers” directory! They've NO place there... so there's CLEANING TO BE DONE! There AND on the Seagate! (The 500G is about half-full already!) Bread has to be baked. And budget has to be juggled... So... there's something to be done. As for the seed for the birds, I'm thinking that tomorrow might be best for that... after a night of -21 or -23 or what-ever we're slammed with. (The fuckerie with the hot water yesterday was actually a blessing... because I got to see how much oil is in the furnace tank and so, won't be in such a panic the next few days. Now to figure how to budget in another 100 gallons... in February. With what's left on the HEAP and the rising cost of oil... thanks to the “regime”... Well, we'll all be living in our own “Communist Over-throw” novel... Tolstoy, here we come! - Right now... coffee time! - 21.54 Well... the freeze is blowing down from what-ever North there is up the main. Just in from last smoke on the front porch, under a clear sky. And YES! IT'S COLD OUT THERE! But by 5.00 tomorrow morning... BLAM! - “Meal” was filling, but the last piece of chicken tasted rather “odd”... “old”. Yes, I ate it any-way. Ah... the furnace is just kicking. The radiator is on in the kitchen, set to “4” as is the one in Yonah's room. It's been quiet through though. Can't complain about that. No doubt, the rest of the night will make-up for the lost time. As for meal... chicken and left-over rice. There's more rice for tomorrow and I'll have to think of what goes with. Not worried. I've decided to “dip” into the budget, take the “loan” payment set aside and get seed for the birds, maybe a pack of smokes, give the truck a run (hopefully it'll start) and can drop into the market for something toxic. - Spent some time on the soc.med. earlier. No “snooze”. Sent an e-mail to Gina and Theresa. - Just really down about this political situation. It bodes of nothing but evil. The old shit-bag's been “signing” all sorts of “Executive Orders” that are bound to pull the entire country out of existence. Ah... to live through the down-fall of the “American Empire”. And here, in NY... the shit's deeper than the snow, colder than the pack-ice. Oh well... I'll get Yonah back on the wing and none of it will make any difference to me anyway... sooner or later. - I've opened the water in the shower with the stopper on. Hopefully it'll pull some pressure (but I doubt it). - My bowels are “off” tonight. Constant feel of gas or the need to “go”. Nerves? The shit food from the market? Both? Neither? Vit.C? Who knows? Oh well... a nice shower and off to bed. - Got quite a bit done on the image-sorting though. There's that to keep me busy. - Just thought, as I stood on the porch: I don't believe a sign on bracket will hold against some of the winds here. I'll have to think that one out a bit more. - Anyway, don't want to get to bed too late, and Yonah's door's been shut to keep the heat in (and the smoke from my “quickies in the parlour” out. Well... let's wrap this up then. Another night... and more to read ahead... still reading “The Burrow”. I don't know why, but it gives me both a sense of “un-settled” and “comfort”.... Kafka... imagine....
Fri.29.Jan: 8.01 Finally out of bed at 7.05... and forced again, this morning. Still had that “hung-over” feeling. BUT... HAD to get up, open Yonah's curtains even though... as I checked, -18/-23° out there this morning. Anyway... the house wasn't all too intolerably cold, thankfully. So it was up, put the kettle on, open the curtains, crank the furnace to about 70F to REALLY get the warmth going in this old place, mix the left-over older bread with the rest of the seed in the jug... get dressed, have coffee and vits. and... OUT THE BACK DOOR to FEED THE LITTLE ONES OUT THERE! INDEED... SNIPPY COLD!!! THANKFULLY NOT AS BLASTED COLD as expected though. - OK... then... I'VE DECIDED, THIS MORNING, THAT FOOD FOR THE BIRDS IS MORE NECESSARY THAN MUCH ELSE THESE NEXT FEW DAYS... AND... I CHECKED THE NY ACCT... TO TRANSFER FROM “Save” to “cheque” (because, well... I don't want much in that account, what with the obvious ability of anybody to “dip into” it) AND, AS OF YESTERDAY... FINALLY... 22 DAYS LATER... I GOT THE $1.00 BACK, NOTED AS “FINAL FRAUD”... FUCK YOU! 22 DAYS AND ALL THAT LETTRE-SENDING! SO... MOST OF THE SAVINGS IS NOW IN THE CHEQUING AND WHEN THE BIZes OPEN... I'M ON THE ROAD... (hopefully the truck won't mind)! FEED FOR THE BIRDIE-FOLKS, I'LL PUT GAS INTO THE TRUCK (before the Communists jack the price per gallon up to $10), grab some smokes... and that's that! As for the February bills? They can fucking wait until I re-budget. I'm TIRED TIRED FUCKING FED THE FUCK UP at this juncture! REALLY! And so THAT is how we begin the day that ends the week at the end of the first fucking month of another fucking year. -
Now I wish I could remember last night's “dreamlette”... short, woke me to pee, but it had to do with some little girl with a God-awful nasty attitude... OH WAIT!!! YONAH! YES! THAT'S IT! I'd put her cage out into the yard, not this yard, but a large yard, on a picnic-sort of table, so that she'd get the sun-shine. This little shit-bitch of a brat-child lived in the house next door and had come over to climb on the table and, as brat-shits will, “torment” Yonah! So, seeing this, I went out to bring Yonah back to the house and as I grabbed for the handle on the cage, which was in the centre on the top, I noticed some tangled silver wire wrapped about the cage and handle! The handle had been broken off the cage and the front “door” had been mangled! That little qunt had tried to pry the cage apart to get at Yonah! And Yonah? NOT very pleased, rather excited and annoyed! ME? I WAS FUCKING LIVID! I said some-thing to the shit-brat about learning to keep her fucking hands off things that aren't on her property, don't belong to her and as I headed back to the house, her fucking MOTHER came STORMING AT ME, SCREAMING ABOUT HOW DARE I SPEAK TO HER CHILD THAT WAY AND THAT SHE, the mother, WAS ABOUT TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME! I brought Yonah into a “green-house” sort of structure and when I'd put her cage on a table, turned to the MOTHER-QUNT, at the FULL-READY to literally PUNCH THE LIVING BREATH OUT OF HER... and THAT's when I woke... to go for a pee.
WOW! The dream came back to me! When I went back to bed, after the loo, I laid down and thought that I ought to write the dream down, considering the RAGE associated with it AND YONAH! But I dozed back off and slept until just before this morning's 6.00 alarm which, when I heard it, I turned it off... heard the 6.30 alarm and did the same and then... the 7.00 alarm which I turned off, laid in bed, feeling a touch shitty and then decided it was time to get the fuck out of the bed! - There we have it! To the moment. - just before starting this, I'd put the furnace back to 20° and it's kicking again... We're in for a ride for the next several days, with this cold. BUT... It's FEBRUARY... on Monday so... HERE COMES WHAT'S LEFT OF WINTER!!! - I'm running out of steam already... I wonder why. But then again... it really isn't anything “new”... this is how I actually am MOST days... since the past years in VT. Oh well... Time to toddle along. The “shops” are open already. Not sure when Aubuchon's gets round to starting so there's no particular mad dash. But soon... ON THE ROAD (I sincerely hope). - And Ms. Yonah has been COO'ING the morning along this morning! I wonder: Other birds chirp... canaries, finches, even parrots and the likes, and it's claimed they do because they're comfortable enough in their environment... is Yonah “comfortable” here, enough to coo? I can only hope. - 10.22 And the morning rolls along... Got the “whites” washed and on the rack. A little “humidity” in the house. - Can't figure what's going on with the bowels this morning... a lot of “gas” and “schemring”. It's annoying. But it is what it is. - The funds are transferred, so shopping comes when the qunts leave next door. - The sky is clear, the sun is bright, the jays have “cleared” the back walk and I've just put sand on the ice. Ready to go. - And I'm not “tired” but... I just don't know... ill-at-ease. Oh well... that's “normal”. - 14.15 OK! Got out! Got about! Got back! Got things! Got it done! Left at about 11.20 and was back by 12.20... Aubuchon's for the large bag of seed, Stewart's to fill the tank by forcing 20$ of the 91octane and 10¢/gallon MORE IN 10 DAYS!!! FUCK! 3,40$/GALLON NOW! BUT... the tank is full and Non-Ethanol so I can rest a little easier knowing there's MUCH less water-soaking shit in the tank AND it's a higher octane that burns hotter... in this -30° weather. Fine... Tops? Franks for meal tonight and tomorrow because, no boneless chicken (and I will NOT buy thighs again), but PopTarts 2/5$ and Turmeric and olive oil (and “Bavarian Creme” donuts of which I've had 1 and no, not worth it). Then, to FamDoll for a pack of smokes, another candle and more Aveeno hand creme which is needed. - Got back, sifted seed for Yonah, poured more on the back walk for the out-side flocks, had 3 slices of bread with butter for tea. - Of note: Amerigas came to fill the PO tank and I just happened to notice the driver coming onto the back walk to check my tank. Oh... I anticipate some kind of bull-shit! And... I'm quite most ready to have at it! There's almost 30gals in a tank in the garage that I paid for... Alden had to come to the house, spend money on a part that wasn't necessary, because Amerigas didn't give a shit. So? So... Hey! I'm in NO mood! And I'm CERTAINLY NOT in a mood to be “kind”... “NYC come-back”! - Other-wise, the truck is back in the yard. I'm back in the house. Tea is done. Thankfully, the furnace isn't running too much. And, well... there's about 4$ in savings, 10 in chequing in the NY account and I don't care. The birds will eat well and THAT'S what matters to me! - I want a snooze... in the sun-shine (and then a little house-keeping for Yonah). - 21.34 Temperature's dropping. Yonah's light went out at about 19.00. I've had another donut and 2 PopTarts and am feeling... “off”... might be too much sugar or... what-ever. The house has it's usual “chill”. I noticed the power difference between the out-let in Yonah's room and the “washer” alcove. The radiator in Yonah's room gets much warmer at the same setting as the one in the kitchen (4). This place is not un-like a tenement in old Harlem or The Bronx. But... here it is. - I've put in 3 episodes of “The Lads”... finished season 1. Thankfully there's a season 2 for tomorrow. But now... it's time for last smoke, teeth-brushing and off to bed. I've got some seed with cod liver oil settling tonight. I'm afraid of Yonah having to lay (if, in fact she's a “layer”) and there are accounts of hens having trouble. One account said that the cod liver oil helped so... hopefully she won't mind tomorrow... she didn't much like it the last time though. - And I've still got all that gas, and bloating in the stomach. - OH! happened to see a post by Theresa... on Minds... from a day or so ago. She's claiming “Stage 3 CHF”. I don't doubt she's in a tough way, but gee... I guess I was there when needed and now I'm not so... Time to post to the soc.med., no time to drop a line or make a call... Story of my life, that. Like Donna and Dorothy and the “OH I'VE MISSED YOU!”... They're all the same. It used to actually “hurt” me. SO much has changed over the years. Hey, I can't complain. A little place in the Adirondacks... when I'm old and useless... for the last days. Look at this! AND... YONAH! WHAT A LOVE!
Sat.30.Jan: 6.46 OK. So I'm up and about... still in robe, but, on first actual coffee, had a few drags in the living-room (smoke), the little washing is off the rack and on the shelf, and I've pulled a new tooth-paste from the “Pharm” box... “Canadian”... imaginez-le, vous. “Bulk-buy” pays off again. Saved me a trip to some-where and another 5$ or so. Lights went out at 22.30 last night and I was up at 5.00, but the bed was so comfy, I stayed in until 6.06 (and still didn't want to get up and out... I wonder just how long I COULD, actually, manage to stay in bed... if I'd give me the chance). The furnace is pulling another shit-show, this morning: running but the force of air coming out to heat is minimal. I don't understand but I'm not going to bother. “Hance was came by to check it.” said Alden. Yeah, I'd heard them banging about... just like when they sent “Corey” over to sit in the cellar, in the dark, staring at the water heater for 20 minutes. Never mind... at least the house isn't freezing. The radiators were on last night. I've turned the kitchen one off. Besides, what can they do, really? NYSEG can't cut the power until April. My payment history is “timely”. They can't get what I don't have and... according to what I see, they can't go after my Soc.Sec. (although, with the new federal regime, that's probably been changed). And so, here I sit, at table, in robe, slightly chilled, wondering how it is that I'm up and about another day... Light in the head, heavy in the chest, having hacked-up what-ever settled in the night... and off on another day's “journey”. Have to get to Yonah's place today, full clean. There's a batch of “cod liver oil seed” waiting for her... and the “flocks out-side”, since I made almost a full 500g batch. The terra-cotta is glowing in the living-room (for all the good that does... though I suppose it does some-better-than-none). And I don't want to get dressed for the day, since I don't “have” to go out into it at all. - It's -16/-22 out there. -12/-15 for the day's “high”. -22/-27 for tonight's low. PLUS 2/-1 ON FRIDAY-WEEK! (On Monday, I'll have to deal with what-ever's left on the HEAP and have it dumped into the tank. That'll take care of this year... or not.) Oh well and alas and all sorts of such shit. And now, I suppose, 'tis time to toddle, dress and get on with the fuckerie that is... A NEW DAY! (Tah-bloody-fucking-dah.) - 21.45 And I did it... spent the entire day... the ENTIRE day sorting through more images. I'm still only on the “Asus” directory too! I don't know how Alvin does it. He takes photos and goes through them. Though he did say he's still going through the photos they took in Italy (with emphasis on the “T”) last year. Oh well... - Poor Yonah was alone most of the day. I'll be in there tomorrow though... “house-keeping” and changing the “oiled” seed back to her regular. Precious little one. Her radiator's been on most of the day. And they'll both be on tonight, as well... I see that by 5.00 tomorrow... -22/-27! - Oh well... Saturday's done and Sunday's to come... and NO PO! YAY! - I've done 3 episodes of “Lads”, had 3 hot waters tonight. No shower... I'm going to bed. Why? Not sure. I could stay up as long as... but this is as long as I can stand. Off to bed, book and hopefully, a night's sleep... though I'll have a loo run in course... 3 waters.
Sun.31.Jan: 7.39 AND... the first month of this “new” year, comes to a close... 11 more to go... IF... - I did wake, at about 5.00, but dozed as I considered getting out of bed. Next thing was the 7.00 alarm. And then the 7.05 which was really 7.00 because the little old phone is about 5-6 minutes ahead. That's when I finally, and reluctantly got up and about. Yonah was, of course, already up and about and so, she's got fresh breakfast and water (but is in serious need of house-keeping, I must say). - I hacked-up a usual morning clot, went about the business of coffee and such, got dressed, went out to put breakfast on the back walk for the little ones in the out of doors... -23/-29° out there, according to météo this morning! Skies are clear, so I shouldn't doubt the cold. It's “snappy” out there, to be sure. -10/-13° for today's “high”. Monday night through Tuesday, warnings of “tempête” with much snow, though the tele reports show that that should be to the South and not up here. As it is with all, we shall see. Meanwhile, it's “snappy”... as I had my smoke I heard Alvin's house give a “crack” in the cold. - Me, other-wise, a little on the “painful” side this morning. Upper chest, of course, but nothing “horrifically drastic”. And a day ahead of “what-ever will be, will be”. I'm planning on running the truck at some point, for a while. No-where to go to but... That's what it is. - For now... loo-time and... rolling along. - 22.24 Late to the shower but heading there. - A day of waste, for the most part, after this morning's THOROUGH house-keeping. I even took Yonah out to the kitchen whilst I reinforced under her cage with some boards. It turned-out really well! And she's none-the-worse for the event. WHAT A LOVE! - Replied to Gina and Theresa AND this evening, Ken Summers. - Other-wise, tried a 10z and well... nope. But there are those days. No prob. Just a bit of “wasted time”. - This evening, got “taken”... Went looking for the records on the property for G's... thought I might find a bit of history on the place. Tried to “purchase” a record for $1 but as soon as I'd paid, with the NY card, they came back and said they had no records! So I checked the account... $18.95 got taken out! I got on with their “chat” and told them that I'd filed a police report. Well... “3-5 business days” to get my money back and now I'm 8$ and change over-drawn on the account! Thankfully, I'd taken money out of the savings so they can't transfer that. But we shall see how this plays out tomorrow... and over-draft charges. I'm PISSED! Tomorrow, I'll post to “TrustPilot” since the company is on there. Misleading bull-shit. Still, there's nothing I can do about it now. More incentive to open the “savings” at Community and have done with TicTrailNorth... other than the loan. (Damned shame we're not getting that extra “stimulus”. Oh well... as I thought today: I'm used to juggling budgets... and making payments and the likes.) - End of the month. - I see that storm is working its way into Albany tonight. We're supposed to get 15cm of snow on Tuesday. Delightful. Hey! It'll insulate the house better... if nothing else. - I need to get the truck running tomorrow. No place to go but, better to run it some-how/where for a bit, especially if we're going to get snow dumped on Tuesday. - I need that shower tonight... Time to get a move along. - Yep, end of a month... the first month of the year... Tomorrow... February already. But closer to the warmer weather and sending the little one back to the flocks. - I'm tired but not. In pain but not. Need a shower and that's definite.