March 2018

Purim 5767
4 March 2007
Riverdale Train Station

Thu.01.March.2018: PURIM! (Remember Purim, Margot?) – 7.54 and morning routine is done already. Awakened by Ms. Hallie this morning, and up and running along. There’s a wash prepped and waiting for the cycle. And, meanwhile, it’s grey, wet, warmish, and certainly not a “sunny morning” out-side the windows. Well, there wouldn’t be, of course. I’d like to drive along to NY this morning (at some point), to see these places in the sun-shine. But then again, “cloudy” is the Northern norm, maybe it’s better to see it all in the drear. We shall see. – And so… Purim. No synagogue to decorate. And nobody around who has the slightest idea of the little holiday. Again… my thoughts and memories are my own. Gee. Remember the time when we thought: We’ll go to Vermont, where there’s no connection to the past, and we’ll dump all the bull-shit and, as Penelope said, “re-write” life? It looks like we didn’t try hard enough… or… as Schmulik said, no matter where you go, you’ll always be “you”. And so here “I” am. – No sense in even thinking about it. Time to get to the regularly scheduled programming. – I feel a bit like shit. How wonderful. New month. Little holiday. And all is as all usually is. – Fuck. – 10.47 2nd load of washing is just spinning. Clothes and “bed-sheets”. 1st load was sherpa and pillow-cases, just finishing the dry. Goodwill boots have been “oiled” again and I’m wearing them to work the oil in. The “oiling cloth” has been hand-washed and will go into the next wash. The little scissors have been cleaned (something I’ve wanted to do for a while now). The last of the coffee jars have been packed and I got to put the grass shears into the “Hardware” box. The pillows have been measured… in the event I ever get out of here and to a store that sells plastic storage (I’m opting for plastic to keep the pillows and towels fresh). The house is “tidy”. And out-side? Well, what would have been a “drizzle” in warmer times is JUST touching on a bit of “flocons”. Fuck! But I figure: If I could get “lunch” for the critters by noon and get out of here just after, I don’t MUST be back until 17.00 at least. Gives me and hour “there”, and hour “back” and 3 hours to “browse”. IF the weather changes for any better… it’s off and away today. If not? I’ll just fill the day, as I usually do. – I could use a bit of a nap already. Sick. And very sad, indeed. – Beep! The wash and dry are done. Next round. – 21.38 SHOWERED. READY FOR BED! AND…
SIX SIX FLATS LINED-UP TO LOOK AT TOMORROW! THREE IN ROUSES POINT AND THREE IN CHAMPLAIN! WHAT A PURIM THIS HAS BEEN!
Admittedly, none are making my heart “dance” in particular, but it’s SIX MORE potentials than I’ve had all along. One of them is ON the lake, but IN the village of Rouses Point. Another, that I don’t even know is still available, is ON the Chazy River in Champlain. Well? We shall see about them tomorrow. It DOES feel a bit better, having “potentials”. – And ALL of my washing is DONE! The only thing left now is the shower curtain and to clean the house. – Meanwhile, I have to note: For the 8pm “stroll” this evening, we all walked round the house and coming to the front, Mimou headed up one of the maples! SO CUTE! SO KITTY! SO MINOU! He looked so precious up there on the limb. AND HE GOT HIMSELF DOWN AGAIN TOO! So, it’s a GREAT comfort to know that he CAN get up a tree if need be. Bless him. And he’s had his “snax”. Ms. Hallie had TWO franks this evening. – My “meal” was two chicken fukkitz sammiches and a bit of ice cream and tonight, I’ve crisps with my v-ton. – Now, I’ve got to message Mme. She tells that she’s booked in a motel for Saturday night because there’s some kind of “marathon” closing the “Sky Bridge” on Sunday and they’d have to leave at 3am. Nice that she’s got the means to do so… after a 2-plus week holiday in Florida… at no expense, I’m sure. – Well… off I go. I need a good sleep tonight. Tomorrow? Hectic, to say the least. But… off to find a “HOME”… from which to leave.

Fri.2.Mar: 7.24 Yes, 7.24 and the critters were out, have had breakfast, I’ve had m’coffe’n’smoke, and m’guts are in knots. Well, yes, of course they are. And if memory serves, the first time I had those”Lays Dill Pickle” crisps, the morning after was as this morning (after) is: gut troubles. Anyway… it’s grey. It’s chilly. And “Neige en cours”, -1° at present with a high of only 2 expected. Mimou is chatty. And I’ve got to get to the loo… and plot the rest of the day. I don’t MUST be any-where until 12.30 which means I don’t MUST be out until 11.30. But… well… As it’s been all along with the “musts”… All I MUST do is simply… DO. And when all is DONE, it will be. So with that in mind… On with the day: LET’S PLAY COUNTDOWN! – 10.02 Route mapped. HORRID WEATHER IN THE FORECAST! FUCK ME, of course. But at least Champlain isn’t far from Rouses Point nor from here. It shouldn’t take me but a few hours to cover it all… especially considering I’ve only on confirmed viewing. Anyway… when I think about it, through my life-time, MOST of my truly “important” errands have been conducted in “foul” weather. So why should shit change now? Eh? Just plod along and when it’s over… it’s over. – (But yes, I’m thoroughly angered at the moment.) – 10.45 Off to the showers! Meanwhile, the stomping above serves as incentive. – Weather’s still grey, cold, a bit of wind kicking-up. But… Oh, and the “application” for the Lake St. place arrived. SERIOUSLY! WTAF? It’s actually intrusive! Oh well… good that I’m not “sold on” the place to begin with. – Meanwhile, I’ve a mapped-route for this trip. Should go very well… and quickly. I can only hope… Indeed… I can only hope. – 19.35 AND THE POUNDING UP-STAIRS IS AWFUL! BUT… I just hope they do more damage than can be repaired with simple fixes. I’m not really any closer to being out of here at the moment, but I’ve got a few things to help me along. – Anyway… the whole “apartment hunt” really didn’t take all that long at all! I left the hole at 11.30 exactly and by about 12.20 I was AT the Lake St. building where the first thing that caught my eye was a note on a down-stairs, street door: WALK LIGHTLY! MY FATHER IS OLD, NOT DEAF! I got to speak with the old guy who told me how the folks over him stomp. Point 1: No good. Point 2: The building reminded me of RockPark. So we chatted a few moments in the cold and he told me the “efficiency” was round back. Yep… the back yard IS ON the lake. But the flat is just above ground level, tiny, under a stair-way. It was about 12.40 and no sign of Scott so, I simply got into the truck and headed on my rounds… Pratt St. which didn’t look too bad but not too good. Priscilla was kind of nice but I doubt it’s as quiet as claimed. So I headed into Champlain… and THAT was speedy! I got to drive over Elm street. Depressing road, that, into the centre of town, which is rather like the poorest section of Richford… even to the river (Great Chazy)! Up Main to see the green house which is rather cute, then to Locust and THAT house is really very rather cute. In fact, I was thinking about calling right away to go have a look-see tomorrow… but I haven’t as yet. Believe it or not, I managed to get back to Rouses Point in enough time to meet Scott and look at the Lake St. place. NOPE! It’s a kitchen with a bit of a water closet with shower and a bed-room… not large but comfy but… BUT… the bed-room window is under the steps (somebody would be above) and there’d be people, most likely, passing by all the while. I’d NEVER be able to have the curtains open… much like here in the shit-hole! So why would I pay 525 for that? Noise over-head. No privacy. No day-light. No way! But I was kind and polite and said that I had 6 places to look at today and would let him know. (I’ll do that tonight… e-mail… politely… no thank you.) And I was back to the Fuck-hole JUST as the weather turned! A touch of snow… Headed to the Walmart in St. Albans for Hallie and Mimou treats, eggs to replace the ones I’d eaten (I eat 3 I buy 12 but I’ve already eaten 3 of those too). Got 2 Flat-Fix and a LARGE can of WD40 (for the wheels, I hope), a bit of toiletries for me and a large, plastic bin for the pillows and towels. (Pain in the arse putting it into the room where it’s not conspicuous.) By about 16.00 I was back. – I’M PISSED WITH ME THOUGH! I SHOULD HAVE DONE ALL OF THIS LAST WEEK AND DURING THIS WEEK! WHAT A FUCK-TARD AM I? But, although the places I saw today were cute… nothing said “YES!” so, maybe… MAYBE there’s something better out there… waiting until the weather gets better. (If only *I* can hold on and out long enough.) – And so, I’ve only just had some chicken fukkitz with eggs. “Meal” at 19.00. And it’s almost time to take the critters out for a stroll. – Tomorrow morning I want to wake at 6.00 because on Sunday I have to wake at 5.00 so I’m working my way into the shit. – OK. Yes… 19.51 and Mimou is in the room. Ms. Hallie will be here too, soon enough. A stroll… and a shower… yes… another… and to bed for me!

Sat.3.Mar: 6.40 Didn’t get to sleep until almost mid-night last night and here I am, up and about and feeling none the better for it. Why? So I can be exhausted early enough tonight to get to sleep so as to be awake by 5.00 tomorrow. Yes, the days of relative “peace” come to and end. And I seriously doubt that tomorrow is going to be pleasant. Then comes Monday… the day, surely, will be annoying, the rummaging through all of the junk mail (there’s a box STUFFED with it and, no doubt, it’s all going to end in the wood-stove… more paper-ash to be cleaned out by… yours truly). Complaints about the weather. Complaints about the house. And the ever-running whine of “I have to go to work to keep a roof over our heads.” As if even the dog and cat aren’t aware of the fact. Yes, of course. What bothers me most is, I’d LOVE to be working, but if I stay here, that’s completely out of the question. But never mind that. Thanks to the attitudes of you and yours, as long as I remain in this shit-hole, “work” isn’t in my future. – Anyway, today? I’ve a bit of a list: making sure my washing is done, and the garbage I’ve accumulated over the past few days is disposed of some-where, some-how. Hopefully, only for the 2 days. Floors to be done. Litter-box to be emptied. And tomorrow’s weather forecast? “Neige fondant”… “sluch” becoming rain. Lovely! There’s gas to be put into the truck. I’ve still got the 100 she gave me before she left. I’m choosing to put gas into the truck out of the 100 I’ve left of my own money so I can give her her 100 back. Will she simply say “That’s for you for taking care of things.”? Or will she take it back? To be seen. (Sorry, but I can’t help but think: A kennel for Hallie alone would be 25 per day. But that’s not the point. And I can’t help but think of the little “extras” I’ve done over the course of being here… things that she’d pay her cronies, dearly. I need to rid my mind of that and those.) – Now, just waiting for the summoning to serve breakfast. Oddly, the critters are still asleep, some-where in the house. – Another grey day out-side. Another day. – I could ring-up the 2 places in Champlain and ask about seeing them. I need to get water for the plants. Odd… I hesitate to ask the new folks in the Glidden house if I could trapse across the yards to get to the Groat. Why? Just because that’s the way things have turned here. “Don’t ask anything of any-one round here.” And “Dont’ give anybody the benefit of any doubt.” What a fuck-hole, this. – On with the day and let’s hope I can muddle through… with-out a nap. – 18.53 I dozed for a while on the recliner this afternoon and with great effort, got up at about 16.30 and… HEADED OUT THE DOOR TO ENOSBURGH! 5 PACKS OF SMOKES (at 40,02) AND THEN OFF TO THE SHELL FOR GAS TO STUFF THE TRUCK’S TANK AND THE REST INTO THE GAS CANISTER FOR THE SUBARU! (29 filled the truck. 11 filled the canister. 40 total there.) Then into the truck and back to the hole where I immediately put all the gas into the Subaru. (I’m waiting for the spill round the gas tank to dry before trying to run the engine.) Went over for today’s mail. Nothing for me (thankfully) and mostly more shit-mail for Mme. – Came in at about 17,30 and fed the critters and finished my chicken fukkitz and 2 rolls and the bit of ice cream. My “food” is now GONE! – Emptied the littler box, nice and clean and took the critters out for a smoke. Now? There’s Hoovering and a bit of mopping to be done, a small wash, a thorough shower and all’s done. HOPEFULLY to bed by 21.00 and asleep by 22.00 at the very latest!!! Tomorrow morning is 5am WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP!!! – But, I must say: I’m happy with the accomplishments thus far… few though the are. – PS: 47$ left on the card… it’s what will show if/when the attorney’s go after the account. – 21.52 The last of the washes is on the spin, shower done, floors clean, house in order, tank FULL in the truck, much in the Subaru, 2 “FlatFix” and a can of WD40 for the Subaru and the room’s been saged. The critters didn’t get their 8pm stroll though. But they’ll have to be up and out and breakfasted early tomorrow. I’ve had a v-ton and there’s a v-soda waiting. Let’s hope for a full, solid, restful night of sleep. There was quite the rumbling up-stairs this evening. That little Twat is a fucking beast. But I know not to complain because, well, I don’t matter. That’s the fact. – I still have to notify Scott that I’m not taking the place in Rouses Point. No. Why move to some-place where there’s already a sign about stomping? Really. – And so, the spin is done. Time for the dry. – The thermostat is back down to 65F. Message sent to Mme. – Tomorrow is “neige fondante”, -1 and high of about 2 with encore du neige. Good for her. (I’ll light the wood-stove before leaving in the morning. She’ll never be able to say that she came back to a nasty house… ever.) Fuck me. – The end.

Sun.4.Mar: 5.07 and so it begins… and although not too badly, I’ve got fucking head-ache! And at 4.14 I woke, for no reason and went back to sleep. At 4.14 I felt fine. 45 minutes later and it’s all shit. Well, of course it is! AND my index finger, right hand, is sore as Hell! Cracked, burning behind the finger nail and sensitive and all that. And let’s add that it’s cold in the house too. Yes indeed. Well? Let’s see when I’ve got to shit. I’ve had my coffee and pee. A smoke. A shit. A shower perhaps and…? – Hallie’s laying on the dining/computer-room floor already. I see no sense bringing her to the airport this morning. Oh well. (I think I want to go back to bed.) – 5.23 Just in from a smoke. Mimou is awake, in the kitchen. And it’s not too awfully cold out there (or, I’m still not awake yet). – 7.17 and it’s off to the shower! The stove took ONE match to light. Yep… no more to be said about that. – 23.11 And after quite the day, in bed. No shower, but teeth brushed. Must to start looking “well” for the potential new abode. – Anyway… This morning, I pulled out of the drive at exactly 8.00 on the truck clock and took my time, relatively, getting to the airport and pulled in at 9.10! Not bad at all. It began snowing, of course, about 10 minutes before I left, but it wasn’t bad at all, driving. Still, going along the Northway brought back memories or trips from Montréal and Plattsburgh. The memories, no matter how long ago, are still so vivid, so deep and today, painful. But there’s a comfort in being back in New York… and I want, so much, to be back. And how almost odd it was, driving through Rouses Point and Champlain and knowing so much MORE about the towns… after Friday’s visit. Anyway, got to the airport to find that the most convenient parking lot was closed! So I had to drive round and round to finally park where there wasn’t a space. But I was ready to deal with my fellow “New Yorkers”, if there’d been some kind of confrontation. There wasn’t… thankfully. – Had to wait anyway for the disembarking passengers and after a bit of a wait, there she was… Mme. had returned. Since there was no checked baggage, we went directly to the truck and in the cleared weather, drove directly back to the house. She prepared herself a bit of breakfast. She’d been up from since 4.00! And we had coffee together. We got back by about 11.00. She went through the mail and of course, tossed the “junk” into the stove. More paper ashes. But it makes no difference anyway. Just more of the same work to dump it in the back… on Tuesday. And when coffee was done, I came to the room to take a bit of a nap. And a “nap” it was… almost 3 hours! I heard her knock at the door at about 17.00 but didn’t wake until 17.30. She’d already cooked-up some “Chinese” and rice and there was some for me too! (I wolfed some down and she offered a drink so I made one… rye and water… and when it was done, I did the washing-up… The kitchen is tidy, stove clean, dishes put up.) – She got “Murder On The Orient Express” on the TV and we watched that. It was a good film and I enjoyed it. When it finished at 21.00, she took the critters for a brief walk and we sat to watch a bit of the “Academy Awards” until just now. I had another small rye and water… but it doesn’t seem to be working enough to put me to sleep. – Anyway, tomorrow evening she’s back to work and I’m back to the house (with-out the truck) until Thursday again. “Normal”. Although, after the trip to NY and the flat-hunting, my mood and mind-set are different. I’m a bit more at peace with myself. – OH! And the 100$ she’d left with me? It was in an envelope with the bottle return money… she gave it to me. Why? I don’t know, really, but I’m accepting it. I’ll have to get it into the account though. (I might ask to for the truck to run to the banque tomorrow. It’ll bring my account up to 5k. I have to be careful not to get above 10k though. But 5k! Imagine that. I’ve NEVER had that much in an account in my entire life. Still, today, that much isn’t all that much, not to mention, it’s still only about 4k in USD… but I’ve never had that much in an account either! Shame, really, that it doesn’t accrue interest. But I’m just as happy having it. After all… the next move is the last.) – And so, the night comes, there’s more snow on the ground and very little more falling. “Life” in this place, returns to the regular. Indeed. And tomorrow evening? Slam back to the generally normal routine. But at least the house is tidy and there isn’t much to be done. I can amuse me in other ways. AND… I got thanked for “keeping the place together”. Sure. She had nothing to worry about, nothing to think about, nothing to be concerned about. I’m “that good”. Like Kathy Scicina said: “I went away for almost a month and never even gave the post office a thought. I knew that you’d handle what-ever came along.” Yeah… they do that. But no matter… I’m still not quite good enough for the matter that mean the most to me… like now… a truck and a place to live in until I die. “Life”…. FUCK!

Mon.5.Mar: 9.03 Didn’t get to sleep until almost 2.00 this morning. Heard the 7.00 alarm and dozed. Heard the 8.00 alarm and dozed. Woke a few moments ago and have pee’d (bottle), smoked, brushed my teeth, rinsed the bite-guard (with which I slept last night due to the ache in the upper, rear left tooth), had my “loo”. As I smoked, the critters were let out (of course), and there was a “Good morning”. The day, the grey and white day, has commenced. I’m feeling like shit though. The tooth is causing sinus trouble (or the sinus trouble is causing tooth trouble… one can never be too certain about such things) and I’ve a bit of head-ache. But here we are… another “regular” day. – Yesterday came the e-mail confirming the transfer to CIBC. Another full month of soc.sec. to the account. And I worry (of course I do) about how to get it all moved to some-where “safe”. Though, in this day and age, there is no “safe” place… other than cash… in the mattress. Oh well. Lief is a misery. – Thought though, this morning, as I’ve had before: “Bitcoin” is “crypto-currency”, numbers of nothing. One can’t have a pocket full of loose Bitcoin. But then too, even something like this soc.sec. is the same. I have a plastic card with an identification number on it. I log into a “web-site” where I can see a number that represents currency. But there’s really no currency there, nothing I can stuff into my pocket or toss into a jar, perhaps lay on a table some-where. It’s just digits that create a number, a “quantity” of nothing. I effect a “transfer” of that number to the computer of a banque located some distance away. I don’t go to the banque. I don’t physically hand anything to any person nor do I place any material item into or onto anything, any place. The number simply transfers, invisibly, by electronic pulse across some bit of wire, or by signal in the sky, and it registers as a scratch on some plate, a “disc” as it’s called. There, it remains until it’s further transferred, in the same manner, to another computer, else-where, and the process continues until such time when the number (of nothing) is finally scratched, “burned”, “written” on the final “disc” at the destination that I wish… at “my banque”. At my banque, this number is added, on a computer, in digital, electronic form, to the number that has been registered some-where on a disc on a computer with a number that identifies that the total sum of figures represented is associated with my name (or number, as in “account number”). The total is referred to as “dollars” which were, historically, physical matter, bits of paper that represented the very digits and numbers and sums, but now represent nothing but digits, abstract, obscure and intangible. The total remains registered as a digital scratch (or burn) on a disc until such time when I “shop” for something, until I “make a purchase” of some good or service. Then, the very same process takes places where-by, “electronically”, and again with-out the actual handling of any material (currency), the amount of my purchase, the “number”, is subtracted from the total accumulated on the disc under the number that represents my owner-ship of the number (total “value” of my “account”) and all the digits and numbers are transmitted, written, burned scratched or other-wise registered with the “accounts” of the merchant with whom I’ve conducted business. Again, I’ve handed nothing to anybody, nobody has physically received any tangible matter, no pockets stuffed, no jars filled, nothing on the table, nothing up my sleeve, nothing stashed away in my shoe. Now then, if there’s some-one who claims that I “owe” them a particular quantity, a particular “number” (what once was “cash”, “currency”, “money” if you will), they no longer have to come to me to receive the payment of a debt. Today, completely and utterly with-out my knowledge or awareness, many people (businesses) can simply contact the banque where my sum, total, number is registered and in complete silence, with-out verbal, audible communication, a number, sum-total figure can be subtracted from the total of my account and transferred to the account of a complete stranger. Only when I am notified that this transaction has taken place will I be aware of the occurrence. Essentially, I have been robbed, because something of mine, this number representing my “total” or “balance on account” has been taken with-out my knowledge or permission. Thankfully, I suppose, these days, a robbery can be effected with-out any actual, physical threat or injury. There’s not blood-shed, trauma to one’s person, no violence. Just as there is nothing tangible about the original payment of “funds” (the “number”), nor abut the transfer of same, there’s nothing tangible about the robbery. And all of this intangibility brings everything back to “Bitcoin”… nothing tangible, nothing in a pocket, in a jar, on a table… nothing but a word. One note how-ever: just as there’s really nothing tangible about all of this “currency”, there’s nothing tangible about any of the parties involved with all of this activity. I, the person recording this account, exist only to my-self, in actuality. I do not see the person assigning the original number that has been added to the number identifying my “account”. Nor do I see the electronic recordings of the transfers of that number or, if there is at all, any person involved in any manner with the transfers, those or them who track said transfers. I don’t see the recipient at “my banque”. Often, I don’t see the merchant from whom I’ve purchased some goods or services. I certainly don’t see where the number-total of my purchase goes and arrives. And in the even that some-one decides to “rob” me, I don’t see that individual, nor the cohorts who aid in the robbery transaction. The merchant is identified by a number, the robber is as well, and I am identified as a number and none of us can be stuffed into a pocket, a jar, tossed on a table … until such time when our “number” is tracked to us, as a tangible, non-abstract individual, at which time, if deemed necessary for any particular reason or purpose, some damage or trauma to our person is necessary (incarceration, for example) THEN all of this electronic blip, transmission, transference, writing, burning, etching, recording leaves the realm of wires and radio waves, turns physical… the “numbers” all remain ethereal, but the human being associated with the numbers can be accosted, physically injured (or rewarded… usually by some recognition, celebration or the likes, as in the case of a “lottery winning”… which again, in and of itself, is… a number, written, burnt, etched, scratched onto a disc that exists in some metallic or plastic box in some rather remote location).
Thoughts in the morning. “Life” is ridiculous. – And time has passed and none of what I’ve thought and recorded matters to anybody, any-where, any more or less than the time in which I’ve existed… or… even the fact that I continue to exist. – On with the day! I’m going to try to combine all the “domains” I’ve got into one account. Before I went to sleep last night I found that “JAKesslerDesign.com” is available. I bought it. The “plural” domain? I’m stuck with that shit. But at least I’ve got it all “right” now… across the board. It just makes 5 domains to deal with. Ah… one of these days I’ll build the sites, get back into the hosting aspect, figure it all out, have it running… and drop dead. Amen. –

21.17 Yes, 21.17 and I’m in bed. Not showered, but done. Mme. left at about 14.30, I took a touch of a snooze for about 30 minutes. Got up, rang GoDaddy for some tech advice. All the domains are under “Design”. UNfortunately, I can’t cancel the incorrect plural domain so I’m stuck with it for 2 years now. But it’s pointing to the blog as well as the correct one so, no trouble there, really. Then… heated the left-overs from last night. Fed the critters and washed the dishes then… spent some time on-line for a bit. Suddenly, I had a craving… sugar. Ah HAH! Into the kitchen, scraped a bit of brown sugar from the stone in the bag (she doesn’t seal things well at all), added and egg, some flour, a bit of water to dissolve the sugar, baking soda and… bang… onto a foil-covered cookie sheet. COOKIES! Well, not so much cookies as round discs of sugar with, OH, WHITE CHOCOLATE chips. They’re in the fridge, “hardening” over-night. But I ate a couple already and that’s probably why I’m ready for bed already. – Cookies done, out for the evening stroll… the 8pm stroll at 9pm. It was a delight. Not too bitterly cold. (I hope it gets warm enough to start the Subaru! AND… to douse it with some WD40, even though the general advice on-line is against it… still, there are some who do it and say that it works well enough so I’ll give it a try. The inspection paper is brutally stuck to the window. I have to figure a way to get THAT yellow one off. Probably when the sun warms it up better. But it’s driving me a touch angry, none-the-less.) – And so, as I was putting my slippers on in the kitchen, Mimou jumped up on my leg and DUG INTO IT! Right through the jeans! As if I don’t have MORE than enough PAIN in my body, especially in my legs and back! FUCK! – So I’m not in a “jolliest” of moods, but it’s best to let it pass. He meant no harm and yes, I DO so very much LOVE the little shit. – And with this, a light v-ton, a touch of tele and hopefully to sleep until tomorrow when hopefully, I’ll rise refreshed. (Yeah, right, sure, fuck.) – 21.35 Just checked the banque and the deposit is posted! Had I gone up today with the cash that Mme. gave me I’d be at 5k! I’ve NEVER had this much money in an account in my life! (I’m just waiting for the hands to get grabbing at it… which I KNOW is coming! BASTARD FUCKS!) Made the transfer on Wednesday last and here it is! VITE! NEW HOME TIME!

Tue.6.Mar: 8.13 2 smokes. The “kids” had breakfast and “Tinkle-time”. I’ve had coffee and loo. And now the kids are back in the house. – I was up at 7.15. Upper left rear tooth is “off”, stiffness in the neck on the same side. And I’m not feeling “about my-self” this bright and clear morning. Something, as they say, is terribly off. The rack of dishes from last evening is all put up and away. And there’s a stove to be cleaned and re-started. And after that? Not sure. – This morning’s pondering: With 5k in the banque (4kUSD) I could probably get a civil vehicle now and then re-start the “moving expenses”. If only I knew how much/little was coming in the near future. But with a civil vehicle (which will probably cost me a fortune because of taking the Subaru off the road), the moving would be easier and I could get up and out and about again with greater freedom. Selling off the Subaru would be the “re-start”, for about 300. I just don’t know. But what’s worse is the threat that SOMEBODY is going to seize the account and leave me with nothing again. There’s always “something”. Meanwhile, I continue to think of all the people I’ve met who’ve managed to kick back and be supported by “the state”. Worthless as they are. It’s a sickening state of affairs… and one that continues… day and night. – Well… another morning. – Forecast for the next week: snow EVERY day! Winter lingers. – 10.58 and by 10.30… WOOD-STOVE CLEANED AND SET-UP FOR ANOTHER 1-MATCH START, WOOD STACKED IN THE KITCHEN WITH ENOUGH TO BURN THROUGH TOMORROW NICELY, ALL OF THE “KINDLING” FROM THE YARD IS ON THE PORCH, THE PORCH IS SWEPT, THE FLOORS ARE HOOVERED *** AND THE SUBARU RAN FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES, THERE’S ALMOST A FULL TANK OF GAS, AND THE “INSPECTION” IS BLUE!!! *** But Mimou is making me a bit crazy with the “whining”. There’s MORE than enough food and water. He and Hallie have been out all morning because I left the kitchen door open as I worked (and the house is still warm… or I’m feverish… which-ever). But I’ve no heart nor patience for the sound. Precious little fur-ball, Mimou. But it DOES sound too similar to whining and whining is something I’ve had QUITE TOO MUCH of over the past almost 7 years. (And as I type this, the pounding from up-stairs too. THAT fucking shit, along with the darkness of this “little room” feeds and nourishes my determination to get the fuck out of and away from here.) – Anyway, the house is in order again… save the kitchen table which I’m not bothering with. And on Thursday… Mme. Chaos will return to fuck this place back to the shit-hole in which she’s most comfortable. As I thought, looking at the yard today, remembering all the efforts and work I’d put into it here AND at 5225: Some people are just comfortable living worse than wild boars, or pig wallowing in their own shit; there’s nothing we can do about it. No sense fretting. Just let them be. They know no better. – And on with the day… what-ever that means. I should get something to eat tonight. I don’t want to be so bothered. – I’m just THRILLED that the Subaru started and ran… quietly. And though the sticker isn’t the proper shade of blue, at least it’s not yellow any more. This is all quite a comfort to me. AND… a full tank of gas! Now, to get air into the tyres and loosen the rusty bits. – 17.46 “Meal”: rolls, chicken fukkitz, cheese, followed by ice cream and my stomach has been “off” all day. A sharpest pain just above the “supra-pubic” on the left. I’ve NO idea what it is or what’s causing it but it’s sharp, quick and quite almost debilitating. But the day went along and now it comes to a close with the sun setting on the North of the Highgate Street in stead of not even making it as far as the street. Winter comes to a bit of a close, but with a BANG! The forecast into and through the week-end… constant snow. Hey! I’m not complaining about that. It gives me more snow to melt for plant water! (All I need to do is figure HOW to get the snow in to melt it since I won’t be able to use the steel bowl whilst Mme. is about. Oh well. Never let it be said that life is easy.) – And now… I’m in the mood to shower and get to bed. But I can’t. The critters have to go out at least once more for the night. So, I’ll amuse me some-how and try to stay awake. – Started to watch the news as I used to enjoy so much. But I can’t. I just can’t watch. The “Liberals” get on there and I have no tolerance for the ignorance and stupidity. I guess I’m just “old”. – Tomorrow I MUST phone EV! She’s been on my mind all day but I just don’t feel “right” about calling her. But I don’t feel “right” about not calling. Tomorrow… it’s supposed to snow anyway so… – 21.54 SHOWERED, in bed, lights in the house are out. V-ton at bed-side and hopefully this day is DONE! – Nothing out of the ordinary for the day, thankfully. I’m just glad there’s a full tank of gas in the Subaru, the sticker is blue and it runs. Now to get air in the tyres and hope that nothing falls off in the mean-while. – There were 2 or 3 trucks on Crgslst today, under 2k but too far away. Hopefully the Spring will bring more. All I need is something that will get me across the lake. It would be nice to have one that would bring me to Georgia. I could go visit… in my “last days”. But perhaps it’s best to leave well-enough alone. “Reunions” have never proven any good in the past. – And with that, it’s tele time and a nice beverage and hopefully… SLEEP.

Wed.7.Mar: 7.26 The critters are fed and out in the yard. The garbage and tins are at the curb (together). I’ve been “up” from since 5.15, rudely awakened by stabbing gut cramps. Been to the loo twice. I think it’s the crisps from last night. So I’m functioning, right now, on about 5 hours’ sleep and none too happy about it. But the morning “chores” are done and this new, grey, crisp day has begun. I’ll probably go for a lie-down in a bit… if the critters allow. – This morning I wonder: Since Mme. is at work on Wednesdays, and Wednesday is garbage day, who would’ve been taking it out for her? Who will take it out for her when I’m gone? The litter box gets emptied on Wednesdays. I wonder who’ll do that for her as well. I do recall, from time-to-time, being told “She appreciates what you do around here.” Shame, that, that I don’t believe a single thing anybody says round here. But, never mind. It’s done. – The stove is readied for the match but I see the porch thermometer reading 40F. Not really cold enough to start the stove… with the furnace going. – I rather dread Friday. Supposedly there’s another cord of wood being delivered. It would be convenient, to me, to have it dumped at and in the garage. I seriously doubt that’s going to happen. Well? If it doesn’t, I’ll either leave it where it is or simply toss it in the back again. I won’t be dragging/hauling it from the yard to the garage this time. I’m just not in any physical condition to do so. I’ve moving to do and I’m not putting my health in any jeopardy round here. – And so, I’m feeling the lack of rest right about now. Time to let the critters in and try for a nap. And my gut is still cramping. – Oh what a beautiful morning. Fuck. – Twatshit is awake… I hear it on the stair-way. Oh joy. – Fuck. – 11.30 By 8.00, I was back in bed, dressed, under the blankets and back to sleep until 11.15! Another quick run to the loo. Gas only. But the “taste” of blood in my mouth. There isn’t any blood, only the “taste”. And other-wise, I feel “run-down”. But that could be because of the “nap”. Salmonella? The chicken fukkitz? I wonder. Time will tell. – It’s flurrying out there now. Not enough to make plant water. But the snows have commenced? Hmm… – Well, let’s see what we can make of the time left to the day. – Oh… Hallie and Mimou came into the room and laid on the floor as I slept. I wonder what THEY know, other than I was in bed when I’m usually up and about. They “know something”, it would seem. – On with the afternoon for now. And I’ve decided not to wash things. Perhaps I’ll do the jammies. But really, all was laundered only 4 days ago. I’ll be wearing things out at this rate. – 21.18 Showered. The clothes are on the spin. The floor is Hoovered. The kitchen floor, mopped. The room has been saged. And the day is done, done, done. So too, am I. I slept rather on and off all through the day. No wonder, that. But at least the place looks fine. “Meal” wrappers are in the stove which is burning nicely, providing heat to the kitchen and house. (There’s a bit of ice cream left in the freezer. I’ll decide what to do with that tomorrow. Perhaps leave it for Mme. and her coffee? Or… down the drain, as usual. But, all said, I’m satisfied with the way things are at the moment… for as much as is possible. – I didn’t phone Ev today. I’m a bit upset with me about that. But it is what it is. – So when the clothes are done with the spin, into the dryer and me into bed. The critters are already tucked away. I’ll turn the TV off, the lights out and call this all “done”. Tomorrow… back to the regular stress and staying tucked in the room as much as possible. There’s a cord of wood due on Friday. More work to be done stacking. She’s NO clue how fortunate she is. Next year… – There was a slight bit of snow during the day. It melted away promptly. There’s only the bit of a dusting tonight. And all the while, there are horror reports of “Nor’easters” on the coast. Oh well. Thankfully, plant water isn’t a major concern just now. There’s time for that as well. – I need to decide, once and for all, what to do with the Subaru and where to reside. NY or QC. – Pain in the groin tonight too. Hopefully it will pass before sleep time.

Thu.8.Mar: 8.13 The snow is falling quite nicely for plant water (on Monday, no doubt). At 6.26 I was rudely awakened by the sounds of repeated thumping on the stairs to chez Twats. Shortly there-after came the demands of the Mimou. I was up, coffee, pee, breakfast served, stove-restarted, critters out, smoke, loo, dressed, re-fill my weekly water bottles (for morning coffees), let the critters in, 2nd smoke, dressed. And the day rolls along. And it’s chilled in this dump of a shit-hole. 22° in this dark, little cell. And the house thermostat was returned to 64F last night. No messages from Mme. so there’s no telling when she’ll be rolling back in. And I’m not shovelling the walk because there’s more traction to snow than the potential ice that could build were I to clear the snow away. Of course, this means there’ll be snow at the garage tomorrow when (if) the wood is delivered. I’m not looking forward to that (other than, if there’s any… ANY pain involved, we’re off tot he E.R. and I’ll be well on my way to “disability” payments). And so… another day in the Shit-hole commences. Fuck. – 11.55 and all returns to “normal”. The snow is steadily falling and Mme. has returned at about 10.00. I’m having a tea and ready to return to bed. And it’s COLD in this room! The stove is going well enough, it’s not really all that cold out, but this room won’t warm and the radiator is almost at “full”. Well… nothing can be done about it. – The day shall roll along… and along… and along. – 18.51 I was invited to dine this evening… chicken and rice with mixed veggies. “Food”. “Meal”. I’d had 2 of my sugar cookies earlier today to take the edge off the hunger. Ah, but it’s no different from other days: when she’s here, I don’t eat. Anyway… – I made 2 new “adverts” for the jeans and the fishing gear and posted. Even created a new “Ello” account and posted there as well. Let’s see how it turns out. The adverts are nice, professional. Now, if only others would get it into their other-wise empty skulls: re-post. But I’ve learnt not to depend on such things. But it passed the day and I’ve done something about this situation. – And now, we wait until 19.00 when Mme. hits the road again. “Choir practise” tonight. Yeah… what-ever. At least she knows the critters are cared-for (he typed with a hefty tone of sarcasm). – And so, I’m looking at a rather “early” night tonight. “Avoidance” at it’s best. But that’s fine. It is as it should be. – The snow has stopped falling. We had a considerable amount but the ground and air are just warm enough that the roads are quite clear. It’s a “wet” snow too. Would have been great for plant water. Alas. – 21.59 Jammies on. Last smoke. And I’m off to the bed. Mme. and Cie. are in the living-room. The dinner pots and pans are washed and put up. I’ve taken a naproxyn for tomorrow. Should hold me until 10.00. Feeling a bit “off” though. Sinus. Or tooth. Or both. But I’m going to read through the magazines I’d collected at the Plattsburgh airport and then try for some sleep. It’s warm enough at last in the room. It might get a bit “too” warm over-night but this room needs the heat in the walls and such to maintain some degree of comfort so I’ll leave the radiator on and the bottom of the door covered with the roll of sheets I’d put together to block light and cold. (Of course, the cold will come through the wall from the kitchen anyway but…) Oh, and the stove is stoked. So this day is done. Mme. came back from “choir” at about 21.00 or so and took the critters out for their stroll. Good for her. – And now… DONE! Even the lap-top has been backed-up.

Fri.9.Mar: 6.15 I just woke from a dream and as I type, my stomach’s sour horrible taste in my mouth. Oddly, I didn’t have a drink before sleep and I read through some of the brochures of “The Adirondack Coast” as they’re calling it these days. I must have been to sleep just before mid-night. I had an alarm set for 6.30 anyway.
BUT THE DREAM:
A group of us were sitting on some sort of rocky cliff. We were bankers of some sort or another, like “Wall Street” guys, well dressed an such. The cliff was really quite steep and in some places the rocks were too jagged so we were spread about the cliff wall and different heights. The “presentation” we were being given was held at the bottom of this cliff. It was almost sort of like Romans sitting in a coliseum. As I sat, rather uncomfortable about the height at which I was placed, I started “carving” a huge rock away from the cliff by digging dirt out from around it with my foot. Another guy loosened another one and I kicked it and watched it fall. It didn’t hit anybody, just fell to the bottom of what-ever sort of place were were. When it fell though, I had to leave the meeting because I wasn’t feeling well, I figured the cliff was falling apart and I needed to get off of it and away. So indeed, I did leave… But immediately, I was at another sort of gathering or meeting, sitting in a field or meadow or on some sort of subway-like platform. That was all un-certain. But I was with some guys I “knew”. Friends of some sort but they weren’t people I actually do know, they were more “representations” of those I know. As we’re all gathered, I noticed, off in a distance, the pinks and pink-orange colours and the rectangular shapes of some buildings against the sky and their contrast with the blue sky and the colour of the setting sun. I wanted to take a photo of it so I went to the car to get my camera/phone. As I’m reaching for the phone, some guy, a stranger, comes along and gets me into the car and he drives away as I’m explaining why I wanted my phone. “We’re going to the Gaydar.” he tells me, which I know to be some sort of Gay bar. “They”, others, (as I understood in the dream, Bob, Lyle and their cronies) wanted to “observe” me in the place. They wanted me to prove I’m Gay. They believed I was lying and trying to “pass” for some reason. I was nervous, a bit frightened and annoyed all at the same time. But I couldn’t get away because I was in the car and we were rolling along. We did go to some pace but not a bar. I was surrounded by people and I realised they all wanted me to PROVE that I’m Gay. They’re arrogant, pompous, pretentious, blunt, crude and condescending. I tell them that I don’t need to prove anything about my-self to any of them, that I neither need nor want any of them in my life and I politely bid them “good-bye”. They make it all so theatrical, being falsely polite yet arrogant. They bid me good-bye, shaking my hand but I’m very much aware that there’s something terribly wrong with and about them all. None of them is “right” in the head, they’ll all “off”. – I leave the place and I start walking along the street. It’s very much like Washington Street in Newburgh, but with much taller buildings, more like NYC. I’m heading toward Broadway, there’s a park of sorts on my right (where Washington’s Headquarters is on Washington St. in Newburgh). It’s nigh, dark, the street is wet as if right after a rain. It’s a warm enough night. I’m holding a throw-pillow, perhaps that I’d taken from the place I’d just left. It’s in a cover of sorts, like old cotton fabric. I un-zip this cover and the pillow inside is old, covered with a tapestry-like covering. I mindlessly start tearing at the cover until there’s a hole in it and the stuffing begins coming out of it. I’ve ruined it but I don’t care. I keep walking. I don’t know where to go now that I’m no longer allowed back to where I was. I’m aware of being very alone. I cross the main street (Broadway, Newburgh). I head toward Oma’s. She lives in an old, stone church (St. Pat’s). I go there and into the “house”, thinking I’m alone. Oma isn’t there. The place need work and cleaning. It’s not filthy, but it’s “old”, dusty, and bit of cobwebs here and there, but I’m fine, comfortable with being there. Suddenly, somebody buzzes himself in through the front door! Then another does the same. These people live in the building, in various apartments or rooms about the place, mostly up-stairs! The first one who came in is T. Mack! I’m disgusted but can’t do anything about it since all of these people are obviously tenants. Another one comes in and he starts wandering about. I have to move from room to room to simply avoid him. They’re all part of the previous crew who were in the place that wasn’t a bar. I was rather nervous, annoyed, anxious and as I moved about the rooms I realised that I couldn’t lock any of the doors against them. I leave the house and begin wandering about walk-ways out-side. There are gates and such, like chain-link fencing and they “lock” by pulling on the gate to catch something or another. They’re only about a metre in height but I keep trying and failing to lock any of them. There are all sorts of people in the back yard, having a party and I can’t lock these gates! My anxiety intensifies as I make my way about. At the party, there’s some emaciated, haggard-looking woman of about late 20s or early 30s, dressed in rather rags, hair dishevelled. She’s loud, obnoxious. She’s talking with one of my “accusers”. She tells him “You’re gonna have to get her back home. She needs that. She needs to be there. Mothers need their homes and their kids. She needs to know that they need her.” I understand that the guy she’s talking to is feigning that his mother is dying from cancer. I know she’s not and I’m disgusted with the whole charade… and… I wake from the dream.
6.56 and I’m just in from my smoke. There’s a “mist” of snowy sort of precipitation falling and the air is so still. The trees are covered in snow and it’s rather relatively warm out there (or, it’s because it’s 27° in the room). I wonder if my “removed” feeling is because of the naproxen I took before sleep last night. I see that my left eye-lid is drooping. Puffy and loose. Hmmmm…. palsy of some sort? Sure. Why not? Gee, and to think I didn’t have a drink before bed last night. And apparently, I got enough sleep. Oh well. I’ve had coffee, smoke, pee’ed in the bottle. And the day commences. – There’s a cord of wood due to be delivered this morning. I have to open the garage door (for my convenience). Mme. claims it’s to arrive at 8.00. “It doesn’t have to be stacked right away.” she’d said. No? What? You’re going to go out to the drive to get wood in? Highly rather doubtful. Or, do it and then mention to the cronies that “He didn’t bring it in.” and then get a cronie to come? Lena, perhaps. Like the last cord in the back yard. Oh… I don’t know. But it’ll keep me occupied for the morning, stacking. I’ll do so at a slow pace. The last one took until 23.30. We shall see at day’s end. – At least I’m not in any particular sort of pain this morning… yet. And tonight, I’ll shower before bed anyway. – I’ve typed “notes” about the dream. I’ll fill them in later. – I should go open the garage right away, whilst the house is “quiet”. I just don’t want to be bothered. And Mimou is awake. A I passed the kitchen door, he was sitting there, in the kitchen. I get the feeling he’s attached to me, my little “Friend”. – 8.55 AND the fire-wood has arrived. Thankfully, the garage door was open. Hopefully most of it landed IN the garage. I’m charging the iPod… there’s a day’s work ahead. I’m feeling a touch “better” than I did when I woke. But then, I was on Minds for a while… so that got the circulation and the head in motion. I’m only “partially” motivated to stack wood. Only partially. But it will help to pass the day away whilst Mme. does what-ever it is that gives her existence “meaning”. – 21.36 I never did get to filling in the details of the dream of this morning/last night. But… the wood had no sooner been dumped and I was at it. Took about 4 hours and the back pain struck almost at the end. When I’d done, I came in and Jacquie asked if I wanted a drink or tea. I said I wanted a drink and.. she went to the store to exchange the Sprite for ginger ale! Me? I took my naproxen with water and then, when we sat for dinner (haddock in beer batter, cous-cous and carrots) I had a stiff rye and ginger. I had the left-over been before dinner too. It “helped” ease the pain but didn’t get rid of it so I’ve taken another naproxen… with water. – When dinner was done, I washed the pots and such and put them up, re-stoked the stove (it’s banging out the heat tonight). – We watched a bit of TV. She fell asleep and I went in and showered. She never knew. And so, at about 20.30, I was ready for bed, I woke her, we chatted a bit and now, she’s gone to bed, the down-stairs is still and the Twats are in full pound. In one respect, I do feel a bit sorry for her. They’re pounding directly over her bed. In another respect I accept that she has control over it but refuses so… Just desserts. – So now? I’ll check a bit of my soc.med. but no tele tonight. – Oh… a letter arrived from the Dept. of Ed today with a history of the student loan. 9k principal and 4k interest. The letter was quite nice. Succinct but in no manner, insulting. But again, they refer to the collection agency who referred me to them. Round and round we go. Typical. I’ll just wait and see what comes at month’s end and then go at it with a vengeance. Right now I have to decide about the car/vehicle and where I’m going to move to. – And oh too… today Mme. mentioned that the kennel she used to use in Winooski has closed as of 24 February. That means, I’m gone and she’s no place to put Hallie or Mimou when she goes to work. There we have it. But I can’t stay here much longer. I MUST move on and along. What happens after, happens. – One more note: I’d only just finished stacking the wood in the garage and sweeping (didn’t do such a marvellous job of it though, I must admit) when Pammy showed at the door. I was still in my back brace. Pammy said “I drove by and saw the wood delivery and when I came back it was gone! I thought somebody’d stolen the wood!” Yeah. Right. Dim-with. But, thinkst I, she saw me in my brace. These shits in this town. And then she says that I did such a wonderful job attending the house during Jacquie’s absence. Yeah? How in Fuck’s name would you know? You never stopped by. Kriste, these shit-bags are amazing. – In closing, Mme. wants to go to a cabane a sucre next Sunday. Me? I don’t care to. But it will be in QC. Maybe it would behoove me… to speak French. We shall see. – Time to call this day… fucked. – Shabbat shalom.

Sat.10.Mar: 1.35 I’ve been laying in bed with the dull pain in my back and the fucking leg cramps in my right leg!!! I’m SO fucking tired right now but too pissed to sleep because… well… I FUCKING CAN’T SLEEP! No matter what position I lay in bed, the fucking cramps come along. And I’m on a double naproxen! So oh fucking well… I’m up and sitting at the table in the room typing this shit and my legs are STILL cramping and I’m exhausted! Can’t beat it? Don’t. Eventually exhaustion will slam in and I’ll just pass the fuck out. – 2.17 just got all the details of last night’s/yesterday’s dream in. It’s difficult typing for some reason. Fatigue? The naproxen? The fact that I ate about 4 of those “sugar cookies” I’d made the other day? Too much sugar? My typing is horrific! My fingers don’t really want to move, I’m make typos and my spelling is horrible even though I know how to spell these words, I keep making mistakes. Too much sugar, I’m thinking. And fatigue! I’m fucking tired! – I’m going to try to get back into bed and see what happens. – 10.09 And at 9.36 I was back up, awake and moving about. And I must say, pain-free at long last. It was well after 2.00 this morning when, as expected, exhaustion put me to sleep. But, I can’t complain, waking pain-free some-what made it all worth the inconvenience. – And it’s a grey morning, chilly. I’m just in from smoke. Had a chat with Mme. who is planning on washing kitchen windows today. – Odd… I’m still having a bit of trouble typing and spelling and such this morning though. Oh well. At least I woke with mobility. And it’s on with the day. Plan: “clean-up the external drive. There are duplicate files, especially the images that need to be “purged” and so, there we have it. Shabbat. Nothing tedious. – A thought this morning: When Mme. mentioned to her Pammy yesterday, plans for the cabane a sucre, it sounded as if she wanted Pammy and Davey to go as well. Ah, thinkst I, if I’m going along, they certainly won’t. Oh well. I won’t go. (To be honest, the idea of being trapped with them for an entire day isn’t something I’d enjoy, even in the least. It’s not “fun” being with people who dislike you for reasons of their general stupidity.) – 21.40 now, but tomorrow it will be 22.40. “Daylight Savings” time begins already! The utter stupidity. Its usefulness is gone. But… – And I’m just in from last smoke (I hope). The snow is still falling lightly (I’m glad for that, so on Monday I’ll re-fill the plant water bottles), and the Twats, it seems, have left the poor dog out all day! He’s been out there every time I’d gone out during the day. If they’ve left him out like that, may Karma address… promptly. – Well, the day has passed. I’ve begun sorting out the images on the external drive. Over 5k! The “Asus” file is going to be the heaviest. I’ve pulled all to the lap-top to work on them and then I can get to the others. Anything to keep occupied and in the room and out of the house for the week-end. – This evening, invited to dine. Mashed potatoes, the last of last season’s crop, with minced beef, mushrooms and gravy and a salad. I can’t chew salad but did my best. And after, I did the washing-up… I had to javel a plate and a skillet and the griddle because she insists on letting the dog lick them! Of course, the cast iron got super-heated after. And now, all dishes are put up, the kitchen is neat, the stove is stoked highly for the over-night and I brought in a bucket of kindling which still had snow on it. The garage doesn’t get warm enough to melt the snow unless there’s sun-shine. Oh well. Hopefully it will all be dry enough for the morning. If not? Oh well. – Gleaned rentals this evening. A lovely little house in Westport NY, affordable and cute and could have been rather nice, but the contact: John Lease… Newburgh! NO FUCKING WAY! The only listing in Rouses Point is that one I saw on Lake. Yeah… good luck finding anybody of quality to take a place where there’s a noise complaint sign in the front door. Oh well. And Locust St. is still open in Champlain. Looking at the trucks, the one I thought I’d like very much that I saw yesterday is gone already. Must have been VERY great. Fuck me. Well, I can only hope that it means better to come. There are a few nice places listed in Montréal, available 1 July (of course). I’ll still have to consider, I suppose. If I were to take one there I wouldn’t have to think too much about a vehicle, but the moving part will present a bit of difficulty with customs and shit. Oh well… there’s still time… I think. It’s all a matter of how long I can hold out. – It was a relatively pain-free day, over all. Hopefully it will be an equally pain-free night tonight. – And it’s been warm enough in the room where I’ve spent most of the day. – So now? I doubt there’ll be tele, though I found a rather interesting film/show in German today and watched a bit of it and actually understood quite a lot. The language is still in my mind… some-where. Comforting. – Now, for another gleaning of the images and then to (hopefully) sleep. Tomorrow is… well… Mme. goes to church. I wonder if she’ll ask if I “need anything in Enosburgh”. Not yet. I’ve smokes to last until next Sunday if I continue to smoke properly.

Sun.11.Mar: 10.35 Well… I woke at “8.00” which obviously is 9.00. Had my pee and coffee and went out for my smoke to see that Mme. had already left for “Jesus”. And the snow is still falling, heavier now than earlier, but it’s obviously been falling through the night. We’re really seeing the efforts of Winter to linger as long as possible. A quick glean of the forecast shows that, with a few breaks, this is going to continue through net week as well. Good for me: I’ll get the plant water tomorrow, no prob. – Meanwhile, I’m on day 2 of no BM. I’ll just hope last night’s salad pushes through soon. If not… well gee, I don’t know. There’ll be pain in future. – All the clocks are now turned ahead. I did the 2 in the kitchen just now. – And with that done… it’s out for 2nd smoke and another coffee and on with this day… for what-ever reason I can think of. – Oddly, last night I took the cash that I should put into the banque, as a reminder that I’ll be needing smokes. Thought: if asked if I need anything in Enosburgh, I’d get another carton. Ah… when I don’t “need” anything, I’m asked. It’s “typical”. Nothing can be done to change it so… we roll along. Makes no sense to even try changing any of it. – Another day… – 24.24 And if I were to try to tell what I’ve accomplished with this day, in all honesty… NOTHING! I’ve been awake for most of it. Took a nap from 16.30-17.30 but other than that? I’ve been in the room all day… mostly looking at videos and mucking about with the phone. For what? Nothing, obviously. – Had a bowl of oatmeal in the room at about 18.00 and then a bit of “dinner” with Mme. in the kitchen. Only a bite. Salad and noodles with Stroganoff that she’d put together. But tonight’s dishes are in the machine. I’m not bothering. There are 2 days coming when I can deal with that, and of course, some have to be javelled. But again, time is coming. – It was a day where I just felt “off” about this place… house, town, county, state. But I kept it all to my-self, as is most of the time. – And it snowed for most of the day too. Good for me because when she leaves tomorrow, the bowl comes out, the stove gets stoked and the snow gets turned to plant water. I’ve got 6 bottles to fill. – And so, now that it’s after 21.00 on the “new” clock (20.00 on the actual), it’s time to try for some sleep some-how. I’m tired enough, I think. I’m concerned about BM though. I don’t know where food is going because it’s not passing through and I know that if it doesn’t, I’ll be in PAIN. It presses, some-how, on my back. Oh well. – One point of fact that I mentioned just a bit ago: Good thing I went out there and hauled the fire-wood into the garage right away… With all the snow we’ve had, it would have been almost worthless… almost impossible to get into the house. BUT… never mind that. Eh? I’m a general fuck-up and fuck-off. I’ve NO clue as to ANYTHING I speak on. So, at least *I* have the wood available for MY needs… not to say that the furnace won’t be up tomorrow night as usual. – And so, the down-stairs house is all tucked away. The Twats have let the dog out for the 21.30 (and then, of course, there’ll be the 23.30 by which time I hope to be at least on my way to SLEEP). And the day is done. Tomorrow, I believe Mme. has to leave early for some appointments so… and so.

Mon.12.Mar: 8.21 Woke to the 7.00 alarm, I don’t honestly know why. And most of my personal morning routine is done. I should be sitting in the loo but here I am, dressed, sitting at the table, typing. Things I’d like to be doing but don’t. Plant water, for example. But none-the-less, here I sit. Got a full night’s sleep last night. One v-ton and 3 episodes of “8 Out Of 10 Cats”. No leg cramps either. And woke to a relatively clear morning, rather on the warmish side. Looking and feeling none the worse. Another day. – Here we go. – 14.20
ADKChamplain.com
DeadArtist.de
JAKesslerDesign.com
JudahAKessler.com
MrGsRoundHillNY.com
I’m about to become SO *OCCUPIED* now with…
THREE YEARS OF HOSTING PAID FOR FOR ALL OF THESE DOMAIN NAMES!!!
AND… JUDAHAKESSLER WAS FREE! (Although it really wasn’t because I got stuck with the plural designs but…)
And Mme. has departed until Thursday and now I’m hungry and excited and I’ve been on-line with the Customer Support from GoDaddy for most of the morning and I can’t believe all of this bull-shit that I’ve done! (OK. So it cut into the banque for about 234CAD. But I can’t help but think, especially on a day when I receive another “We’re fucking you out of your Social Security” note… SPEND IT WHILST YE MAY! – And on that note… time to get me mobile. There’s a day out there and I must get to it. – 16.12 The first bowl of snow is becoming water on the stove. The fire-wood has been stacked in the kitchen with enough for, at least, tomorrow as well. The floor was swept but not ready for a mop. The ash bucket has been emptied. There’s a load of clothes in the washer. All that in 2 hours. And I can’t help but remember being told “Pay me for the time you’ve been here.” Yeah… right. One day dearie… one day. – But of course, I’ve got a bit of a tooth-ache on the bottom right really broken tooth. Can’t have a “perfect” sort of day. Eh? But… My resolve is to get all the “work” done before bed tonight and work on REAL web-sites beginning tomorrow. (That’s my resolve anyway.) – All said, it’s been quite the day. And of course, thanks to the stupidity of “Day-light Savings”, the fucking day is almost gone. Oh well.. 2 more bowls of snow (I hope) and the “harder” bit is done. A bit of Hoovering, mopping and a couple more laundries and all will be done… until the next time. – OH! AND ALL THE NEW DOMAINS ARE FUNCTIONING! THEY’RE ALL “DOT COMS”! HOORAH! – 24.02 SHOWERED. 6 BOTTLES OF PLANT WATER. The stove seems to be keeping the house “comfortable”. And I’m in the Adidas running pants tonight, I have to repair the oldest grey sweat pants tomorrow. – But I’ve got server space for the web-sites, which I’ll have to begin working with and on over these couple of days. And I’m rather happy about that. The floors still need doing BUT I clipped my toe-nails tonight as well. They needed it and I can still get to them… albeit on the vanity. But they’re done. Perhaps I’ll “trim” my “hairs” too. I don’t know. But at any rate, fresh linens on the bed and fresh me to get to them. I’m debating about watching tele since it’s rather late. But tomorrow… peace… There’d BETTER be peace!

Tue.13.Mar: 8.28 The snow is falling (imagine that) out there in the world, the critters have had breakfast, the stove is re-lit, I’ve had m’smoke and am about to have m’loo. Slept a little too “high” on the freshened pillows and feeling the 3 rye’n’gingers and v-ton of last night and early this morn, having not gone to sleep until after 1.00 this morning. There’s a load of washing in the machine (let’s see if it goes on the spin because last night the machine refused to do so). And… I see, this morning, that the Twats’ dog is now peeing on the kindling pile out back. Right up on it and peeing. How charming. Of course, it comes to no good saying because nothing will be done about it. Thankfully it’s really almost of no use because it’s all the tiny branches from the cut limbs. Still… – Mimou is out there some-where. Just hopefully still alive and not shredded by the “Koba” of up-stairs. – I’ve a bit of head-ache and wishing I were still asleep. But no… I heard the 7.00 alarm, followed by the barking of Ms. Hallie when Mrs. Twat left the building to take the spore off to school. (School… a lot of good that does. They don’t teach “Civility” any longer.) And then came the 8.00 alarm and more nonsense from the critters. SO… another day commences with a list of “To Be Done”. – Today, I see, that I have to actually make a “Schedule” of my time. I’ve web-sites to work on, sweats to repair, and I REALLY SHOULD get to that crochet work on the little “snow-flake” doilies that I bought the thread for. Not to mention the un-finished “scarf” I’d bought the yarn for. Oh well… “Time Management”, here I come. – Off to the loo! – 9.25 Wash in the dryer and a “productive” loo-time at last! And there’s a list to do and I’d just like to go back to bed. Well… at least Mimou’s back in the house, safe and sound. – 22.09 WELL! AT ABOUT 21.00 THIS EVENING, I WAS WINDING-DOWN, SITTING ON THE RECLINER, WATCHING A BIT OF TV WHEN I HEARD STOMPING ON THE FRONT PORCH. FROM WHERE I WAS SITTING, I COULD SEE SOMEBODY WALKING BY THE FRONT DOOR AS IF TRYING TO SEE IF ANYBODY WAS INSIDE. S/HE DIDN’T KNOCK. JUST SWERVED SIDE-TO-SIDE A BIT, AS IF TRYING TO GET A BETTER LOOK INSIDE. I GOT UP, WENT TO THE ROOM, PUT ON MY JACKET, GRABBED MY WORK GLOVES AND THE PIPE, WENT TO THE KITCHEN, PUT ON MY BOOTS AND BY THE TIME I GOT OUT THE FRONT DOOR THERE WAS NOTHING BUT A SET OF FOOT-PRINTS IN THE SNOW ON THE PORCH. THEY WENT DOWN TO THE FRONT STEP, BUT ODDLY, THEY DIDN’T GO ANY-WHERE FROM THERE, NOR DID THEY COME BACK UP! BUT… THEY DID GO ROUND THE HOUSE TO THE SOUTH-SIDE. SO I HEADED OUT, WITH PIPE IN HAND, READY TO BASH THE SKULL OF ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO BE IN SIGHT. NOBODY. WHO EVER IT WAS WAS GONE. HOW-EVER… SO TOO WAS THE CAT!!! HE MUST HAVE SNUCK OUT WHEN I OPENED THE FRONT DOOR! SO… ROUND THE HOUSE I WENT, LOOKING FOR HIM FOR ABOUT ANOTHER 20 MINUTES! I NOTICED THE FOOT-PRINTS ON THE PORCH WENT ROUND TO THE SOUTH SIDE AND, OF COURSE, LEAD, CLOSE TO THE HOUSE, TO THE STAIRS… TO THE TWATS’ RESIDENCE. I CAME BACK IN, PISSED AS ALL HELL ABOUT SOMEBODY LURKING ON THE PORCH AT NIGHT AND NOW, NOT BEING ABLE TO FIND THE CAT! I WENT TO THE KITCHEN, GOT A BAG OF TREATS AND STEPPED OUT THE BACK DOOR, RATTLED THE BAG. NOTHING. I WENT TO THE FRONT DOOR AND STEPPED OUT, RATTLED THE BAG AND THERE HE WAS, AT THE DOOR. AH, I GET HIM IN AND THE DOG MAKES A DASH TOGET OUT! WELL! LET’S JUST SAY, SHE’S NOT LIKELY TO TRY THAT SHIT AGAIN TOO SOON. GOT MY KNEE IN HER FACE AS I WENT TO BLOCK HER. Still rather pissed, I went back into the kitchen, with snow on my boots, changed into my slippers, put my jacket and hat and the pipe and gloves back into the room, went to the living-room, turned off the TV and lights and went for my shower. WHAT the ACTUAL FUCK? Lurking about the front porch on a snowy night at 21.00? No sense speaking on it to the HouseQunt. It’ll simply be brushed to the side and I’LL be the one to be blamed for something or another anyway. FUCK ME! I NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF AND AWAY FROM THIS SHIT-BAG SHIT-HOLE RETARD RESORT. – Meanwhile, spent all day trying to get files onto the server for DeadArtist. I just can’t figure this shit out. Finally gave up at about 20.00. I’ll try again tomorrow. At least I’m learning something new (old) again. – It was about 16.30 and I ventured over to the store for bread, chick fukkitz, ice cream, tonic and crisps. Chatted briefly with Deb and returned. It was lovely. The snow’s been falling lightly all day and the temperature is hovering at about 0… but a warm 0. “Meal” was the rest of the rice, the left-over couscous and a piece of fish. Ice cream after. More “starch” and “carbs” than anything else. But it served as a “meal” of sorts. And now I’ve a box of chicken fukkitz that have to be gotten rid of some-how. Hopefully the weather will make it so I can keep them on the porch in the “fridge box”. – The floors all got Hoovered today. – There’s another “pile” of vomit on the rug in the living-room. I’m NOT cleaning this one up. Mme. can deal with this one. She’s the one feeding the dog all sorts of shit which makes her gassy and obviously ill. I’ve cleaned 2 up before already. Not this one. Let somebody find it (hopefully by stepping in it). – And now, there’s a final bit of washing in the machine on “Hand-wash”. I’ll pop that into the dryer on about an hour of “low”… I’ve got a sweater in there and the Adidas running pants. And whilst that runs… tele and v-ton. – I’m in the frame of mind to close the door to the room tonight and not get out of bed tomorrow until *I* am fucking ready. We shall see. – Meanwhile, thankfully, no bull-shit messages from Mme. Well of course not… her fucking Retard Resort is being tended and she knows it. This ol’ Hise Nigger’s just the greatest. Fuck.

Wed.14.Mar: 10.00 and I’m still in jammies. Up at about 8.20, breakfast served and all the rest and the longest while on the loo. The “crisps” of last night taking their time coming through. – We had a veritable “blizzard” over-night and there’s FEET of snow out there all round this morning! Amazing! Like Winter waited, stock-piled and then dumped all at once. AND… it’s STILL coming down ever so lightly, but still coming. Forecast says it’s going to continue through most of the day too. I’m considering a bit of shovelling… “considering”. I don’t feel much like being bothered though and wondering if garbage will be collected today. Oh well… we’ll see where this all goes (has gone) when the day is over. If need be, I’ll just bag what’s here and put it on the porch or something. I don’t really care at all. – There’s “work” to be done on the sites today. I should get to it. I “should” get to something, I suppose. I just don’t have the interest… in anything much at all this morning. Not that I’m feeling “ill”… just quite apathetic. – Sadly, there’s no school today either (of course, because the pansies shouldn’t be out in some “snow”) so there’s much reminder of the presence of twats above. Alas. – Well… on with what-ever. I’m not bothering with the wood-stove. The thermostat is up and the house is “comfortable” at present. Save the fire-wood until… She’ll make short work of burning through that when she returns. – 13.47 The back walk is shovelled and cleared to the concrete… ice-free! Mail’s in. Stove cleaned and set-up for the next fire. And my back is painful, my guts feel like rock. But the “work” is done… that filthy, 4-letter word… “work”. And the snow is still falling, ever so lightly. But the day has been fucked. I’ve gotten NOTHING done toward the web-sites. Oh well. Jammies are in the dryer. Tea water is on the fire. I want a bloody NAP! – 22.42 And another day ends and NOTHING done with the sites again. But tomorrow… floors get done and I get to work on them! Period! And I’ve got Friday, Saturday and Sunday to stay busy. (And on Sunday… I’ll be hoping that Pammy and Davey will be going with Mme. to the cabane á sucre so I can dodge that fiasco completely. (I didn’t want to go from the beginning. I mentioned the one in Peru, NY. SHE went all stupid on-line and then told Pammy about it. So? So… GO! Alone, if need be. I don’t want to be a part of it.) ANYwayyyy… The thermostat is back down to 64F. The shovelling got done. I sent pictures of the work to Mme. Of course… no gratitude. And I sent a photo of the snow on the Subaru. Mr. Twat went to shovel Mrs. Twat’s vehicle off today. She parked beside the Subaru, probably to keep out of the drive so uncle Bertie could plow… which he did… only HALF. Anyway, Mr. Twat brought the little Twat out to sled down the mound whilst Mr. busied with shovelling the vehicle. I went out after to find that they’d (he’d?) taken some snow off the hood of the Subaru. Yes, indeed, I DID make mention of it to Mme. saying that, had *I* touched “their” vehicle in such manner, there’d be threatening phone calls and the likes, but it doesn’t matter because the dumbshit house-keeper doesn’t matter round here, and I hope they’ll attend her home and critters as well when I’m gone from here. Message sent and ignored. She’s as fucking retarded as one can get before being taken off the streets. – And so, as I type, the Twats’ dog has been out from since about 21.30 and is still running up and down the stairs. – I’m showered, clothes in the washer for the last of this week. I’m tired but with the laundry, I’ll be up for a v-ton (or 2) and some tele. The little ones are sleeping in the parlour. The stove is fully stoked and ready to roar through the night, particularly to compensate for the oil that’s not being used by… here. (Another 380$-worth was delivered yesterday… but Mme. DID say that the Twats are covering that expense so I feel NO remourse… not that I would anyway… fuck… I’m not sitting in here freezing. Even now, the radiator is up 3/4 of full.) – On that note… I’m off to snoozey time. No Mme. until tomorrow evening! YAY US here! – 23.10 AND THEIR FUCKING DOG IS STILL RUNNING UP AND DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS!

Thu.15.Mar: OMG Ides of March * AND * 32 YEARS!!! Christ! How the time has passed and how SO very much has happened since then. AND… I still have the papers and the letter I sent to Mum! Imagine THAT! I STILL HAVE THAT MUCH OF MY “LIFE”!!! (Thus far… No doubt SOMEBODY will want to take THAT too.) And I still recall that night with Joe Corkedale… and the Bible… and the name. I still remember… that… and so much… and TOO much more.

16.15 DeadArtist IS DONE, UP, RUNNING, AND FUNCTIONING!

10.00 AND… HERE WE GO! Woke with the 8.00 alarm and bolted out of the bed to coffee, pee, breakfast for the critters, let them out, have a smoke, back in to stoke the wood-stove. Let Hallie back in. It was time to RUN to the loo! I’d swear I’ve got salmonella. Very pale beige stool, the sudden on-set of the “urgency” and it just runs out. Not liquid, but there’s no real consistency to it. This is day 3 or 4 of the same. The chicken fukkitz? The tortilla crisps? What-ever it is… But last evening, before shower, I weighed-in at 177lbs so I’m not losing any weight. So I’m not going to “worry” about it. Anyway, I got my soc.med. in on the loo. Meanwhile, the snow continued to fall through the night (and falls even as I type) so the back walk needs clearing again. I’m not going to bother about it today. Nope. The icicles from the roof are “clawing” at the windows. I SO love that. “North Country” (which I need to stop using here since it’s an actually documented region of NY State and NOT this shit-hole). Took some photos again this morning. Mimou came in and I got to the Hoover AND the mop AND tidy the place. (The vomit in the living-rooom is still there although it’s been moved closer to the sofa… I’m not touching it.) But the “house-work” of the day is DONE! Odd… but I now look at the house-cleaning the very same way I did in the Shelter: As Rick put it… “I wasn’t raised in dirt; there’s no reason I should have to live in it now, just because I’m Homeless.” and I see this place as a “shelter” in its own. After all… the calibre of “persons” here is very much identical to many of the residents of the Homeless shelter in NYC… filthy and slovenly. – Moving along… the “house” work is done, as far as I’m concerned and so, I’ve resolved to getting WEB-WORK done today AND perhaps, some crochet. Time to get a “SCHEDULE” here and stick with it! WORK to be done and paying so fucking much attention to the rest of this shit is stupid. – In closing here: THE TWATS LEFT THAT POOR DOG OUT ALL NIGHT LAST NIGHT! I’D GONE OUT FOR LAST SMOKE AT ABOUT 0.30 AND THE POOR THING WAS STILL ON THE STAIRS! I’ll “mention” it to Mme. No doubt, it’ll mean nothing because, well, either she’s deluded her-self into viewing those vermin as her “children” (which, I’ve no doubt she’s done) OR, she’s afraid of them… particularly the Mr. Twat, OR, she actually and honestly doesn’t have the mental or developmental capacity to comprehend the abuse she accepts from them (like leaving their vehicle on her septic tank even when she asks them not to, them lying to her about having the dog with-out permission and then when she wanted to raise the rent because of the dog and other things, she bought the sob story Mrs. Twat gave and instead of the 200$ she wanted, the 150$ she dropped it down to… she got 50$… “moron”… Anyway… SHE, Mme., CLAIMS THAT *I* “VERBALL ABUSE” HER! WHAT A TOTAL SHIT! ALL THE WHILE SHE ACCEPTS THE GENERAL ABUSE DOLED-OUT BY THE TWATS UP-STAIRS! Yeah? FUCK YOU, QUNT! One day… It’s as I thought last night: The last person to fuck me over lost her child to cancer, her husband lost his car when a tree limb fell on it. I didn’t ask for such horrors, specifically, but I’ll be praying for the redress here… accordingly. I’m NOT an evil person. To the contrary, I’m a hyper-empathetic person who cares all too much. But I’ll NOT take the abuse and disrespect from strangers! I put up with all too much bull-shit and attempts to murder me for the first 16 years of my existence… from the idiot who sired me. I’ll NOT take shit from those who don’t have the basic decency to even try to get to know me. Fuck off. Fuck you. Fuck ALL. – Amen. – Now… on to WORK! – (Look at this… 32 years later. It doesn’t seem possible. It’s been as many years passed as some of today’s twits and twats are aged… and THEY’RE a total waste of a good towel stain.) – 16.14 Well, it’s been an other-wise un-producive sort of day (again). The floors got done, I had 3 rolls with butter and molasses and then too a nap of just over an hour. Am currently trying (again) to create the DeadArtist site. THIS is a royal PAIN. – BUT I DID GET THE BACK WALK BACK TO CLEAR and Uncle Bertie’s been by to plow the half of the drive again. There’s a bit of sun-light coming through the clouds AND…
ON THE BACK PORCH, A 6FT PRY-BAR HAS BEEN DELIVERED… TO Mr. TWAT!!! NOW, WHAT WOULD THE LIKES OF THAT NEED A 6FT PRY-BAR FOR? I WONDER. I’VE SIMPLY MOVED IT FARTHER INTO THE PORCH AND WILL HAVE Mme. LOOK AT IT WHEN SHE GETS IN… WHICH WILL BE… HOPEFULLY, IN ABOUT AN HOUR OR SO. A PRY-BAR? A RATHER WEIGHTY AND LONG PRY-BAR? Hmmmmmm.
And so, I’ve now got head-ache wondering WTAF the pry-bar is for. But… back to the site. I’ve up-loaded a zip file of all the documents I created… unfortunately, ALL of them… even my notes, which have no business being on the server. But with trial and error… hopefully I’ll be able to clean them up when done. – It’s chilly in this room. The stove is going in the kitchen and it’s warm close to that. Oh well… at least Mme. comes to a clean house and fire in the stove. Yeah… as if she’ll ever find anybody else to do all this shit. None of my concern.
DEADARTIST.de IS UP AND RUNNING AS ITS OWN DOMAIN!!!
AFTER ALL THAT WORK ON ALL THOSE DOCUMENTS, THE DESTRUCTION OF THE TOSHIBA, THE RE-BUILDING ON THE DELL… DeadArtist LIVES! ON-LINE! INDEPENDENT OF THE BLOG! MY LIFE IS NOW PUBLIC! MY “LEGACY” WILL LIVE, ON ITS OWN, OF ITS OWN VOLITION. BORN, AS IT WERE, TO LIVE INDEPENDENT OF OTHERS. AND MY STORY IS NOW AVAILABLE FOR ALL TO VIEW!!! AT LONG, LONG LAST!!! I’m almost rather numb in disbelief. But there it is… I typed the URL: deadartist.de and THERE IT IS! AT LAST! (One of these days I should try to get this Journal on… Perhaps the next domain purchase? We shall see.)
Done. *ACCOMPLISHED*. – 23.46 She came in at about 19.00 WITH A CARTON OF SMOKES! Anyway, she got told about the pry-rod and the Twats’ dog being out all night last night. She was pissed about the dog. – Mrs. Twat DID come to ask about a “package” being delivered. NOTE! I’d moved the rod into the porch… when I told her there’d been no “package” delivered, she left and then CAME BACK AND TOOK THE ROD FROM THE PORCH WITH-OUT SAYING! (I told Mme. that I didn’t look at the address, figured it was metal, heavy and was for her André.) Anyway, I helped by bringing in the bag of dog food and listened as she yammered about troubles at work and such. I was JUST finishing the left-over stroganoff when she came in. I don’t think she’d eaten today and sadly, I’d finished the left-overs in the fridge. Well… she had her wine, we watched a bit of TV and by 21.30 we were all “out” for the night. – I’ve been gleaning the new sites of today and posting a bit of “notices” about G’s and looking at coding. I have to re-learn so much! – Just glanced the Crgslst. Nothing much in NY but a nice truck in S.BTV for 1999$. No doubt, by tomorrow, it’ll be LONG GONE. I took the number. Maybe I’ll call anyway. It looks too good to be true anyway. – Tomorrow? CODING! And aside from that? Not sure. But I’m not concerned. – No “nibblies” tonight. Let’s see how the bowels are tomorrow. – Maybe a touch of tele. I’m tired, but I’d like a v-ton anyway. – Day’s DONE! At last! (Now to make it through until Monday with-out mayhem.)

Fri.16.Mar: 7.45 Mme. at the computer, me in from a smoke, clouds in the sky, looks like it’s gonna snow, it’s gonna SNOW! again. And I’m feeling rather like shit. Didn’t get to sleep until almost 2.00 and here I am, up, dressed and about already. There’s a violation of some kind of law in all of this. I should be sleeping, soundly and peacefully. But… I’m still where I’ve been and here, there is no sleep. But there’s a day of working on G’s ahead and that’s a relief, a respite, an escape. And I may as well get at it. There’s also a 2nd coffee to come. As I woke though, my stomach whined. I finished the crumbs of the crisps last night with a v-ton. Let’s see what havoc it brings to this day. I mean… certainly… why not? Just… why not? – 21.42 Dinner is done and it’s time for the house to settle. Mme. is just heading for the loo for nightly preps for sleep. I’ve had 2 rather hefty rye and gingers, and rather satisfied with a day’s work on the new “G’s” site. SO much to re-learn and so much “new” coding to be learnt. But I’m doing it. – 22.01 All in bed and I’m exhausted! Took 2 naps during the day but the 5 hours’ sleep last night countered the naps. – Dinner was quite nice tonight: salmon in butter sauce, fettucine and mixed veg. I had “enough”. I need to lose some poundage anyway. No dessert and no “crisps” before bed. It’ll do me good. – The day went along quite well. I spent most of it in the room, working on G’s site. There’s more I’d like to do tonight but… I’ll watch a bit of “tele” to end the day and hopefully get a good night’s sleep tonight. The dishes are in the machine, running and I did the washing-up anyway. The kitchen is, of course, a mess, but it’s fine. – I want to start on a “statement”, the history of G’s as I know it, but not tonight. There’s a LOT of work to be done with the music! I’ve got 110 tunes from the era, only 71 on the “Juke Box” page and ALL of them will have to have an individual page to open for play since I’m not linking to the “video” pages any more. (I don’t want to risk the video pages being brought down, as some already have done. So… it’s a bit more work, providing my own copies. But at least I CAN.) – Anyway, it’s a time of reflection and, well… Winter is grabbing hold once again, the cold is back and so, there’ll be time in for all the coding and work to be done. By Spring weather, G’s will no longer be a simple blog and the site will no longer be a dream. – For now… the house is calm (makes me nervous… not even the stomping on the stairs of dog and bitches), all are “in for the night” and it’s tele time and then… HOPEFULLY sleep. – Oh… I told Mme. I’m not going on Sunday. “They’ll be more comfortable with-out me. I’d be more comfortable with-out them. It’ll work well all round. Besides, I’ve got things I want to attend with the time.” “Well,” says she, “since you’re not going on Sunday, we’ll have to take a trip to Montréal.” Yep. OK. Fine. I suggested “Apartment hunting” instead. Those shits up the road, Pammy and Davey, had better come through for her!!! She wants to go to the cabane á sucre! Me? I’d like to go, but NOT under the circumstances. Oh well. Time… again… time. – Right now it’s “time” to close this day.

Sat.17.Mar: 9.20 Yes, and only just out of bed. It was wonderful, laying there until I felt the obligation to get out of bed, pondering what to do with the pages of G’s site. And the sky is clear, the sun is brilliant, the winds are howling through the door and it’s -11 or something of the sort. I was “out” at about mid-night last night. Woke this morning to a bit of a tooth-ache, upper left. Last night I checked the prices of that “Clear Choice” teeth replacement: up-wards of 50-60k! Nope. Looks like I’ll be “shopping around”. And the Medi-caid-care don’t cover the cost of teeth (nor eyes, for that matter). One would think that they would. I mean, teeth and proper eating, eyes for proper seeing would keep us all well “functioning”. But alas, the mentality of the being-human hasn’t evolved to such levels of intelligence and rational logic. One of these days I’ll think of some way to attend to it all myself… and then die… no doubt, with a healthy smile for my cremation. – Meanwhile, I’ve no idea what the house is doing, but there’s stirring about. And my own intention is to get to business this morning. Yeah, it’s Shabbat, but working on G’s site gives me delight, and that’s what the day is supposed to be… relaxation and enjoyment. So, on that note… we commence. Much to do… Let’s have at it then. – 23.51 TEMPLATES ARE SET FOR G’S NEW SITE! Almost a complete copy of the blog and looking quite nice, I must say. And re-learning all the coding is wonderful! (I still have to figure out the “contact” bit which is going to involve some sort of “PHP” coding, but hey! We’re rolling right along here on the second site!) AND, I’ve learnt that, to “code” this journal for the blog, I have to use tags of “strong” and “em” but the old tags of “b” and “i” are perfectly fine for general coding so that makes it easier… for me. – MEANWHILE… HAD CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE FOR DINNER TONIGHT AND IT WAS JUST JACQUIE AND I. She did all that cooking for the two of us! I’m rather honoured, to be quite honest. And it was delicious! A tad salty, even by her own admission, but it was delicious! And it didn’t stick in my other-wise terrible teeth. But, something isn’t agreeing with me and I’ve had an emergency run to the loo already… twice. Water. I wonder… Maybe it was the cabbage. But in any event, the wonderfulness of the meal was all well worth it. – And so, tonight again, no v-ton. More because of my stomach than anything else. I should just get to sleep, but I’ll catch an episode of something on “tele” and then head off to sleep. Quite honestly, I’m rather excited about the G’s site coming along and looking forward to at least “almost” finishing it all tomorrow whilst I have the house and Jacquie and Pammy-Davey are off to sugaring themselves. (And yes, in all honesty, I’d MUCH rather work on G’s than toddle about with them.) – And so, the day went by and I spent most of it in the room, so it all went peacefully. Jacquie went through more old papers from a file cabinet when she wasn’t cooking. I spent my time in silence in the room, save a tea break and a few others jut to keep in touch, as it were. Thankfully… another day, another quite snappy cold but crystal clear day has gone.

Sun.18.Mar: 6.53 I woke of my own, and am in from my smoke. Opened the back door. Had my smoke, in peace and as I came back into the room, I heard the kitchen door open. MADE IT! But… BUT… my stomach’s churning again. I WANT TO GET TO WORK ON G’S! Delays, delays, delays. Oh well… Let’s see how this works along. I’m awake early and getting more time on the coding. I won’t waste this time. – 23.08 DONE WITH THE JUKE BOX PAGES! HAD TO GET ABOUT 20 MISSING FILES FOR THE MUSIC, SOME I EVEN HAD TO GO BACK TO FUKTUBE FOR… AND THOSE SHITS HAVE STOPPED DOWN-LOADING PROPERLY! I HAD TO GET THEM AS MP3s! NO MORE VIDEO… IT COMES WITH-OUT THE AUDIO PARTS. ANYWAY… 109 MUSIC FILES READY FOR THE SERVER, WITH THE MAIN JUKE-BOX PAGE AND EACH TUNE HAS IT’S OWN PAGE AS WELL!!! I’VE ONLY JUST FINISHED… BUT WHAT AN ACCOMPLISHMENT. 16 HOURS OF WORK! – Mme. DID go to Québe with Pammy and Davey today. 4 hours and she was back by 17.00 JUST as I’d started eating my 15 chicken fukkitz! I was at the table. working on the site when she got in. I didn’t bother getting up… just stuffed the fukkitz in my mouth and continued to work. So that’s all I’ve had to eat all day. Not that I can’t afford to lose some weight anyway. – But it was a “me and the site” day. And I asked Mme. to check the music page because they don’t have links or “close window” options. I even put in an ANIMATED little fellow with an arrow pointing to the tab to close, with a message saying close the page with the tab… NOPE! She didn’t see it. DENSE! PATHETIC! I’ve been telling her for about a year now “Read the entire page!” Fuck. Anyway, there’s “fill-ins” now and I’ve got to see about a “Contact” form and participation posts. But right now… it’s looking quite good. – OH!!! I’M TO BELIEVE (TOLD BY Mme.) THAT, THIS MORNING IT WAS MINUS “17”… MINUS 27°!!! RIGHT NOW IT’S MINUS 11. SO MUCH FOR “SPRING”. – Well… 23.17 I want a smoke, drink and some sleep.

Mon.19.Mar: 7.28 Up and feeling like complete SHIT this morning. Head-ache, leg cramps, bloody nose. THIS is why I don’t like going to sleep at night: fear of the morning. – Plans for the site this morning. Work to be done. On we go. –

17.46 G’S IS DONE, UP, RUNNING, AND FUNCTIONING!

– 21.45 And although both of my legs are in spasm right now, my entire being is in a state of “floating”. I’m “tired”… not “exhausted”, just nicely “tired”. G’S IS ON THE ETHER AT LAST! As I sleep tonight, the “web spiders” will be crawling about, discovering its existence. In a few days, it will appear on searches. G’s will have risen out of ashes and darkness. My “life” is finally done. Yes, I have a few more domains to work with, but years ago I thought I was doing damned well with 2 CDs of music. About 30 songs. Tonight, there’s a collection, that can be shared by the entirety of humanity, around the entire planet, of 109 songs! That’s GOT to be a few juke-boxes. It spans about 3 years and more, since some of the music goes back to the 50’s. My story is told. Dennis’ story too. Bernadette is there, with Dewey, Ronny, Dolphy, even Don Marsh. Jasper, Speedy, Bubby, they’re there too. And Downing Park. We’re all there… and there are more to be added. The story is told, and the world can now know G’s and a much, MUCH better time in Creation. And I’m really rather at peace. – “Meal”… when Mme. left, I got the left-over noodles and sauce, the salmon. No dessert though. But I don’t much care about that. I washed the dishes and scrubbed the stove, singing and dancing to the music of G’s. AND… the site and music work on the PHONE! – When the dishes were done, Hallie and Mimou and I went out for a stroll. It’s cold out, yes, but not miserably cold. And the walk was leisurely. We came in, I poured a light rye and ginger and lounged for a couple of hours on the recliner. Tired. I’m tired now. – And tonight I feel as if I could close my eyes to sleep… and not bother waking up. Sadly, I’m here. I wish I were else-where, alone. That way I COULD go to sleep tonight… and not wake up. – My real “work” is done. My true “purpose” of so many years, is complete, as far as I’m concerned. – And so now, not bothering with a shower or laundry, tonight, I’m in my jammies and off to bed. – A little note: I washed the dishes in tepid water. The Twats managed to go through the 50 gallons of hot water in the tank. Gee… I already know that if I decided to (or remember to) mention it to “Mme.” it won’t make a bit of difference. She’ll make excuses. Oh well. – Today, Adam (Kane) came by. I’d heard her talking with somebody in the kitchen earlier. Oh well… It would have been nice to see him, I suppose. But she said he asked if I was still here. I can imagine what THAT chat went like: “Yeah… he just won’t leave.” I’ve heard it before. Still… I’m of some “use”. After all… it would cost her plenty to have Hallie in care and no telling what she’d do about Mimou. Thankfully, she can just put food and water out for him. But Hallie? That’s a situation that’s going to cost her. Oh well… it’s of no importance to her, really. Here or not… my presence is merely a “convenience” as usual. – But G’S IS ON THE INTERNET! And I’m quite happy. (I just wish I had the energy to celebrate.)

Tue.20.Mar. SPRING 2018: 6.23 and at the table, in from a smoke, had my coffee. – Was in bed by about mid-night. Then up at 2.00 with right leg spasms. Took a pee and went back to bed. Then up at 4.00 with right leg spasms. Walked the house as the foot wouldn’t return to normal. Went back to bed. Then up at 6.00… with right leg spasm. And so I’m up. No sense even trying to get back to bed. And as I came in from smoke, Mimou is now awake. Met me at the door of the room. “Meow”. Good morning? What-ever. I’m up now. There’ll be naps, no doubt, today. – Feeling like an old wash-rag too. SO tired! – Oh well. – 6.51 Well, 9 typed pages of this Journal are on the blog and the delightful “welcome” du jour: WordPress fucks up a bit. Changed the format of basic “Arial” font that I’m using on the lap-top to something other. My quote marks in the colour coding were ignored and it added its own, turning my “red” fonts to “lime green”. My “strong”, as it the want of WP, tags were fucked. Just another reason to celebrate having removed G’s from them. (Today I believe I’m going to play about with “Design” or the Author blog. There’s new coding and effects I want to try. WHY? I don’t know, really. But it keeps my mind off of my imprisonment. – Anyway… moving along. ’twill soon be time for the critters. – “Spring”… fuck. – 10.01 The wood is stacked in the kitchen. The wood is RE-stacked in the garage. The wood-stove is cleaned-out AND the glass is washed. The ash buckets (2) are emptied in the back. The snow on the roof of the garage, along the back walk, has been chopped off, no more icicles dangling. The kitchen floor is swept. The recycling is out. The sun is shining. The sky is clear. And yes, there IS a bit of “warmth” to today’s sun. Charming. And me? My back aches, of course, from the wood-hauling. But the work is done… DONE! For now, anyway. – I’m tired. – 21.54 Showered and in bed at long last! After a rather well-wasted day, save the morning work. At about noon, I was “done” and went back to bed until about 13.30. Then, at about 14.30, I went to the library to CLOSE THE Fuxbook account for good. I’ve had more than I can stand of them meddling and instigating. It’s been on the news… AGAIN… that they SELL “profiles” and information of users… for political purposes now. Between that and the meddling in the 2016 Presidential election, I’ve had more than I can stand. So… I started to delete all the images and such but found a way to down-load them all (after having deleted about a dozen, sadly) and put in to have it killed. If I log back with-in 14 days, I can re-activate. But I’ve already deleted other accounts completely and I don’t use it any more and those with whom I’ve corresponded haven’t been much of much. I’ll miss the Newburgh group a touch. There were some nice photos on there. But I can find them along the Internet if I want them. – By about 15.30 I went to the store for cream of celery soup for my pasta (from Metro), ice cream, bread, 2 tonics and 2 bags of DILL PICKLE CRISPS! And… back into the house to eat and feed the little ones. After that? TV. Nothing much on this one since Mme. screwed the good channels. But she needs her local Shit-hole news, the Fox and her Jesus news and that’s about all that’s on there, save sad “travel” and “food” and “shopping” which she doesn’t bother with. Oh well. – And so, by about 21.00 I was in the shower. The clothes are in the wash. – I stepped out for a smoke and Mrs. Twat rolled in (at 22.00) AND THE FUCKING DOG FOOD THAT Mme. ORDERED (DOG… NOT CAT… DUMBASS) GOT DELIVERED TO THEM! OF COURSE, IT SAT UP THERE ALL THE WHILE. THAT SHIT-BAG SAD-ASS “HUSBAND” COULDN’T BRING IT DOWN. (But it’s heavy… so he let HER bring it… what a fag.) Anyway, I’m not opening it. I was fresh out of the shower and had to haul it to the dining-room table. And that’s where it’s staying. – So the stove is stuffed and the thermostat is still at 70F and the house is comfy. Mimou is on the sofa. Ms. Hallie is on “her” bed. And the day is done and so am I. Let’s hope for a NIGHT OF FUCKING SLEEP TONIGHT! and a better tomorrow. The only necessity is taking out the garbage which, by the way WEIGHS ABOUT AS MUCH AS I DO! I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK SHE STUFFED INTO THAT FUCKING BACK BUT THIS IS A BIT ABUSIVE! SURE! NOW THAT I’M THE ONE HAULING THE SHIT OUT, SHE PUTS ALL SORTS OF SHIT IN IT! FUCKER! Garbage out and mop the kitchen floor. The Hoovering got done today. (I’ll do the little room again tomorrow evening.) – That’s that for now. Tele time (and a v-ton, fuck).

Wed.21.Mar: 9.18 and, I woke, on my own, the “alarm phone” had been turned off, imagine that, by 8.00 AND BY 8.23, I’d had my coffee, let the little ones out and back in for breakfast, put the garbage out, had my smoke and re-started the wood-stove! (The rest of the time between then and now was spent on the loo… casually, for a change.) And now… it’s “on with the day” and a bit more site-building! – Odd though, I think, this morning, of how my days HAD to commence with the radio… music and such. But in recent years, entire days go by in silence. I don’t even want to listen to music any more. I find it annoying. And the radio? The only station I actually like any more is the “oldies” station, but the radio in the room doesn’t pull that one in. WNBZ has become shit radio. Head-banging crap for the most part. And on the week-ends, all that “religious” nonsense. Ah… thankfully I’ve got other things to occupy my mind. And I’m LEARNING! I’m still learning the new coding. Learning… I guess that’s a positive, especially considering that I’m surrounded by general idiots who not only won’t learn but obviously can’t. Are they better or worse off than I? Makes no difference to me. Even pond scum serves some purpose… I suppose. – Well… time to get rolling here. I’ve got mail forms and bulletin boards and another site to build. Away… we… go! – 12.01 WELL! AS I was getting to the new animation for G’s banner, came the text: Open the Chewy box. OK. WELL! FOOD FOR HALLIE AND MIMOU! SO… I took one of the plastic storage bins and moved it into the kitchen. Top drawer: Hallie, middle drawer: Mimou, bottom drawer: treats. AND the counter space beside the sink is CLEAR (for today… no doubt, tomorrow, Mme. will have it cluttered yet again). Photos taken and sent along. The packaging is, for the most part, carbon in the wood-stove. And the place is “tidy” once again. And NOW… back to WORK! Fuck. – 22.04 Hoovered. Mopped. Showered. Dishes away. Thermostat back at 64F(uck). Stove stuffed. Lights out. Under garments and bath linens in the wash. Day is DONE. – TODAY, I LEARNT HOW TO MAKE AN ANIMATED GIF ON GIMP! AND IT LOOKS FINE! (It would look better in “Flash” but I’m not about to get that, being Adobe and WAY over-priced now.) “Search light” across the banner of G’s on the Juke Box. Very OK. Nothing spectacular. Just a little “something” there. – It took me most of the day (save the hour nap). So I’m rather satisfied with the day. The rest of the work? Like the other domains? There’s 4 days of being in the room coming. Plenty of time for that. – The critters liked their new foods today. – Nothing “horrid” in today’s post for me. Nice relief, that. – And now? A message from Mme.: will be back early after-noon tomorrow which means… I imagine… some-thing like 17.00. WHAT-Evuh! – Watched a bit of this food program today. It followed the Erie Canal towns and I cried. I MISS NY! (STATE). One day… soon… some-how. – Now? A bit of tele whilst the laundry gets done and HOPEFULLY A NIGHT OF RESTFUL SLEEP AHEAD! THIS SPASMS THROUGH THE NIGHT IS PISSING ME OFF… AND EXHAUSTING ME.

Thu.22.Mar: 8.29 I’ve been up from since just before 7.00. Woke on my own after a full night’s sleep (for a change)! And ALL of this morning’s “routine” is complete. And now, I could go right back to sleep. Typical morning… typical “cold” morning (2 days into “Spring”). And, with the dawning of a “new day”, the same anxieties of “GET OUT!” and “MOVE ALONG!” and the “You’re verbally abusive.” and the general bull-shit that has become “common-place”. And it’s COLD in this room, cold in the house. Honestly. Oh well. There’s coding to do and to learn today so… on we go! – “The more things change, the more they remain the same.” – 22.48 and the house is only JUST gone to bed! Mme. got a new phone today… and trying to “help” her has been frustrating as all… usual. And, of course, she rolled in, threw some raviolis together, we had some and she was out to choir where she “confided” with her “friends” who advised her to return the new phone instead of trying to learn how to use it. What a bunch of fuck-ups! So, she got a “lecture” from me (of course) which included “You say I’m ‘verbally abusive’ but you’re emotionally abusive. I’ve tried to be helpful, but you’ve told me to to fuck myself in every way possible short of saying it. I know you’re ‘friends’ know more about everything than I do. But at least I’ve tried.” Well… I ended up getting her set-up with the necessary connections to the ggl and shit that goes with new phones. She’s got Skype now and Hangouts and the rest and all’s working well enough. She just needs to learn the “new” stuff. She’s a mess… actually got to crying to somebody on the house-phone about it. Well? It’s a work in progress. We shall see. – Meanwhile, I’m still trying to get the “Comments” set-up on G’s. I’m learning new shit. She just won’t and, well… that’s all there is to that. – Tomorrow she’ll be on the road again… BTV… Hallie to the “spa” and she’ll be out dining and such. Me? I’ll be here… as usual. No fucking sense to any of it but… it’s the way it is. – Right now I’m rather tired but I don’t know that I’ll sleep well tonight. Hey! I had a good night last night. No sense expecting 2 nights in a row. – Thus is the word of the day. (FUCK!)

Fri.23.Mar:

21.59 JA Kessler Design IS DONE, UP, RUNNING, AND FUNCTIONING!

JA Kessler Design is ON-LINE! 8.21 and feeling like absolute shit. Didn’t get to sleep until a bit after 2.00. Two episodes of “QI” and a rather slightly too strong v-ton. But no spasms and not nearly enough sleep. But I heard the 7.00 alarm… went back to sleep until the 8.00 alarm and dozed about 10 minutes, deeply enough to have a bit of a DREAM:
A group of us were in so sort of conference area. All men. Much like the Shelter. But we were in court for various reasons and charges. A very tall blonde woman asked what charges we were there for (we all had a manilla folder containing records of our case and she was co-ordinating us some-how). When she asked “What are you here for?” of the group, I answered “Which is a question you NEVER answer to a woman like this because she doesn’t need to know such things. The less she knows, the safer she is, and ‘safe’ is what we need her to be. That way she’ll NEVER be implicated in any way.” and I smiled. She leaned over toward me, with a smile, put her arm round me and gave me a hug.
Now, I wonder what the Hell brought THAT sort of dream on. – Anyway, that was it and I woke up. – Of course, at 7.00, I also woke to the “clunk and clang” of the shovel in the wood-stove. A “typical” morning here. – And so now, the room is warm, my sinuses are drippy, my head is heavy and my general feeling is “ick”. I need the loo but don’t want to venture out of the room just yet. The longer I stay in, the shorter the time of hearing “the same old song”. And speaking of “song”, for some reason, in my head I have “They smile in your face, all the time they want to take your place, the back-stabbers”. Charming wake-up. – On with the day. There’s coding to be done, amongst other things. Why? I truly don’t know. But… – 21.59 AND JA Kessler Design IS OFFICIALLY UP, LIVE, MY CODING AND RUNNING! Like G’s, the “contact” page is still on the WPblog. But the rest? HEY! I even got the “slider” effect on the pages! Fixed back-ground with over-size table! I thought of it this morning and.. .well… got right to it. JUST NOW… the whole thing is complete!!!! – Other-wsie, It was quite the day:

AT ABOUT 13.00 I WENT OUT TO THE KITCHEN TO PUT TEA WATER ON AND WHEN I GOT THERE I HEARD THE STOVE TICKING. WENT OVER TO FIND THAT THE “SIMMER” FLAME HAD EXTINGUISHED AND THE STOVE WAS STILL SPEWING PROPANE!!! THE KITCHEN STUNK! THE GAS WAS ALREADY BUILDING *AND* THE WOOD-STOVE WAS BURNING!!! I IMMEDIATELY SHUT THE GAS, PUT BOTH CEILING FANS ON “FULL” SPEED, OPENED THE KITCHEN DOOR AND PUT ON THE EXHAUST FAN (WHICH WASN’T BRILLIANT, CONSIDERING I WAS PULLING PROPANE OUT INTO THE GARAGE WHICH WASN’T MUCH BETTER THAN HAVING IT IN THE HOUSE. SO I STOPPED THAT SHORTLY THERE-AFTER.) NOW, IMAGINE: HAD I NOT BEEN IN THE HOUSE TO DISCOVER THIS, THE KITCHEN WOULD HAVE FILLED WITH THE PROPANE, THE WOOD-STOVE BURNING AND… BOOM!!! EXPLOSION AND FLAMES! *AND* Mr. TWAT UP-STAIRS WITH THE BABY! NEVER MIND THAT MIMOU AND I WERE IN THE HOUSE! BY 13.17 I’D SENT TWO TEXT MESSAGES TO Mme. AND GOT NO RESPONSE! SO AT ABOUT 13.20 I RANG HER PHONE… IMMEDIATE VOICE-FUCKING-MAIL! HOW CHARMING. THE HOUSE WAS ON THE BRINK OF TOTAL DESTRUCTION AND SHE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE HER FUCKING PHONE ON! TELLS ME *ALL* I REALLY NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS PLACE AND MY PLACE IN IT. FUCKING IDIOT, THAT ONE. (AS IF I DIDN’T KNOW THAT ALREADY. AS DARLENE SAID “YOU KNOW SHE’S NOT ALL RIGHT.” NO… SHE’S NOT “RIGHT” AT ALL!) – ANYWAY, IT TURNED OUT THAT Mme. RETURNED AT JUST BEFORE 17.00 AND WHEN I TOLD HER ABOUT THE SITUATION, SHE BRUSHED IT OFF WITH “HOW COULD I DO THAT?” AND WHEN I MENTIONED THE POTENTIAL INJURIES TO THE SHITS UP-STAIRS… THE USUAL “BLAND AFFECT”. SHE TRULY JUST DOESN’T HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY TO COMPREHEND THE POTENTIAL OF HER NEGLIGENCE! NOR DOES SHE HAVE THE CAPACITY TO APPRECIATE THE RESULTS OF MY PRESENCE AND INTERVENTION. THERE REALLY ISN’T ANY MORE THAT NEED BE SAID ON THE MATTER. “RETARD”… *FULL* RETARD. – It brought back to mind the similar incident at 5225 when Lyle had left the gas on on THEIR stove and I discovered it there as well. – THESE “PEOPLE” HERE TRULY *ARE* AN INFERIOR SPECIES! – Oh well. I did what I did, what had to be done. Again, today: Live and Learn. – NONE OF THEM ARE WORTH AN EFFORT.

And so, now, here, at 22.24, I hear Mme. in the loo. Off to sleep for her. – I had a corned beef on rye sandwich and she finished her “lunch” this evening. I had a beer. She had her wine. – As I’d suspected, she’d tried to return her new phone but some-how, she came back with it. But she’d turned it off and that’s why I couldn’t get in touch with her. Imagine that! – Meanwhile, I spent the whole day working on the “Design” site. A lot of “trial and error” but at long last… I’ve now got “DeadArtist”, “Mr.G’s” and “JAKesslerDesign” up and running. And yes, I’m fucking proud of my work. It won’t make me rich, won’t make me famous, won’t mean a damned thing to many, but I’ve done it. And they’re on “Auto Re-new” so, as long as the banque account is active and has funds to cover… the sites will remain up, running and active. My “continued presence”. – And so, now that everybody here is off to bed, I can settle-down my-self. I’ve got my “Author’s” site to build yet, and the “ADK Champlain” and the sites will be done. FIVE all told. And in some pretty fucking great time! And my “HTML-mind-set” is returning! And I’m learning NEW! Not bad. – Hopefully tonight will bring sleep through. Yeah, I’ll have a v-ton (or 2) to “celebrate” the new site. NOW I HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO BUILD “CONTACT” AND “COMMENT” PAGES! Something to wake for another day… Fuck me.

Sat.24.Mar: 16.53!!! I SLEPT-IN UNTIL 9.35 THIS MORNING!!! SO-FUCKING-THERE! BUT… woke, had coffee, bottle-pee’ed, smoked and got right to work on the “favicons” for G’s and Design! Had to re-make them, then have them “converted” on-line, add code to the pages, up-load it all… THEN… got into a rather shitty “advert” for Design which is now posted to Minds and Twitter. And all the while… this day PASSED! I can hardly believe it’s almost 17.00 already! Wow! But… the important thing is: thus far, no “drama”. – And now, I’m hungry, with nothing to eat in the room, save a bag of crisps. There’s no gas for cooking… as I’d suspected, because it all went out into the kitchen yesterday, and Mme. won’t be calling for more until Monday. Oh well… never mind all that. But I’m having some chocolate raisins at the moment (and that will probably be all I’ll eat today). (I’ll have to remember to get to the store tomorrow… for some kind of shit or another, when Mme. goes off to church.) – 24.04 A day of eating only cold oatmeal. I was offered, at about 19.00, a burger, but declined. I’d been sleeping for the past hour or more and just didn’t really feel in the mood to sit at table. Oh well. – At 20.15, Mme. was watching a rental movie so I took the critters out for their stroll… and enjoyed the time with them. – Came back in, chatted a bit and returned to the room where I’ve been all day, working on the “Author” site… and re-learning “iframes”. Still learning. – By about 22.30, all went to bed. I continued to work on the site. – But, at about 24.00 I stepped out for a smoke and… THE DELIGHTS OF LIVING IN NO-WHERE: Somebody down the N. Sheldon Rd. shot a few rounds from a shot-gun and THE ECHO TONIGHT, IN THE CRISP, COLD AIR, ECHOED FAR OFF OUT TOWARD E. HIGHGATE… FOR THE LONGEST. IT SOUNDED LIKE A JET, FAR ABOVE. The stillness of the air, the silence of the night… these are the things that I love so much about here. What a shame it’s in a place I hate equally. – Well… time for a v-ton. I’m going to see if I can’t grab the truck on Monday to get more vodka. The figures reveal that the Tea is MUCH more expensive. I’ll have to come up with a “ruse” of some kind to go alone. But… no sense in not trying. – Now for a bit of a drink and a bit of tele and HOPE for a night of SLEEP! – I hear the heat coming up. She’s had the fucking thing set at 64F (she says 65 but I know better) and the house has been COLD all day. Oh well… at least I have the heater in the room and can lounge comfortably in t-shirt and sweat pants.)

Sun.25.Mar: 8.28 and I give up, I SIMPLY GIVE UP!!! Didn’t get to sleep until about 2.00 this morning (again) and another 2 v-tons. Then, at about 6.45 BANG! CLANG! DING! BANG!SLAM! SCRAPE! CRUCH! THUMP! CLANG-CLANG! BANG! SCRAPE! SCRAPE! BANG! DING! DING-DING-CLANG! THUMP! THUMP! THE FUCKING QUNT WAS AT THE WOOD-STOVE WITH A VENGEANCE! IT SOUNDED AS IF SHE WERE ACTUALLY AND, QUITE LITERALLY THROWING THINGS ABOUT! I laid in the bed, just waiting for the 7.00 alarm and when, at last, it sounded, I turned it off… by which time, the fucking bloody fracas in the kitchen had stopped and I drifted back to semi-sleep as I thought about lay-outs for the “Author’s” site AAAAaaaaannnnnddd…
DREAM
The heels of my boots (Goodwill) came off and with them, the entire sole… both boots, after a fashion similar to the buck work-boots. So I had to glue them back together and as I was doing, “John” was making remarks about my capabilities and finances and the likes, all negative and nasty of course, my life, time and existence being wasted. As I finished gluing the soles back, I was in somebody else’s house and needed to get out and away… just really needed to get out of that place. I went looking for my clothes and noticed my sleep-wear: there was water and some kind of brown and blue “goo” on my sweat pants and water on my t-shirt. There was a young boy roaming about the house holding and carrying wet clothes. I suspected the damage to my clothing was because of him and some mischief he’d caused. I went to the loo to put my things in the washer and there were wet items all over, on shelves, in the sink, on the toilet (it was a bit like 5199). Angered and annoyed, I wanted to go back to bed because I was so tired but feigned that I was supposed to go to work that morning, that I’d a new job – but because of the soiled, wet pyjamas, I couldn’t go to bed and because of all the water about the house from the brat’s nonsense, I couldn’t get dressed. I had to get things cleaned and so I wandered about the house trying to keep up with all the damage the brat was inflicting. Meanwhile, I was on the mobile with (?Ev,Em,Rina,Janice,Fran?) and in spite of the fact that I was roaring angry, I was explaining and describing the conditions of the house rather calmly but curtly. Of course, as is usual (in reality), it did no good at all. The situation was simply brushed-off, dismissed. And I woke…. Rudely awakened by more banging about in the kitchen… ash-pots, shovels, banging, banging, banging… again, as if it’s intentional. (She truly IS mentally ill.) – 8.40, just finishing a few notes on this morning. Have bottle-pee’ed, dressed, had coffee and am off and out to smoke. Mme. Qunthebanger will (hopefully) be off to church soon. (I entertained the idea of taking the truck if offered, to get food at the market and vodka but… I’ll wait and hope to have the truck tomorrow and not as much time constraint. – 11.40 Well, I broke into the cash-on-hand, got cottage cheese (again) for “meal”, 2 crisps for tonight and 2 Teas (also for tonight). Charming. The sky is clear, the snow is brilliant and there’s a bit of warmth to the sun and I went to the store and back immediately. Have been working on the “Author” site and not pleased. Trying “iframe” and it appeared nicer in my mind than on the page. I’ll probably stick with the “blog” format… modified so as not to duplicated “G’s”. But I’m tired… quite tired, and not pleased with the results of the day’s work. Tired. And as I sit here in the room, door open, cold from the house creeping in, Mimou on the floor at my side, the “thumping of the Twats” rolls about the place and Mme. is off to Jesus. Yeah… “charming”. – 21.54 Another day, warm as it was, working on the “Author” site and images and the likes. Another day of a bit of confrontation because “I’m going to Verizon tomorrow and getting them to put everything back on the old phone.” She got told about “patience” and “learning” and how she doesn’t want to learn anything. Well… I showed and helped and I HAVE to give up on this. She truly doesn’t want to learn. She just wants everything handed to her. She was spoiled and disappointed as a child… and she’ll never grow out of that. I have to let it all go. – Anyway, tonight we had a bit of corned beef. I’d had a container of cottage cheese at lunch so I suppose I’ve “eaten”. Dinner ran right through me though. Something about the corned beef I’m imagining. – Anyway… I’m calling it “quits” for the day. I need to get some sleep tonight. Hopefully I’ll get the audacity to ask for the truck EARLY in the morning. I need vodka! (And I need a bit more coffee I should think.) – Done… time for jammies, Tea and tele.

Mon.26.Mar: (dont forget yesterday’s dream) 7.42 And I don’t know how or why I’m up, dressed and in from a smoke but… here I am. I was still awake at 2.38 this morning, having gone to “lights out” at about mid-night. One Tea and 2 bags of crisps. Maybe it’s because it wasn’t one bag of crisps and 2 v-tons? Well, what-ever. – Silly, short DREAM though: standing in an atrium of sorts, in a very high tower-building, like WTC or so, dark, and there was water dripping down. I asked some gal if we shouldn’t tell somebody. Next thing, I was in an upper office and a white, telescopic scaffolding of sorts came round the building, past the window, swaying in the wind. I saw it and got physically ill and had to head down to the lower floor. It made me queazy. As I was headed for the stairs to the first floor, I woke. – And there we have it. The day begins and I’m back to working on the “Author’s” site. – Clear morning out there. – Oh… of note: it looks like the Twats’ dog is peeing blood. It’s obvious in the snow. – On with the day. – 16.12 She BOLTED, LATE, to take Hallie to the vet’s and in about an hour, returned, in a flurry of chaos, and moments later… out the door. Ah… no cooking gas in the house, no wood in the kitchen, I see that she’s been at the wood in the garage… and leaving the fucking flue in the stove wide open. The kitchen is a mess, filth on the floor. She left clothes in the dryer. Honestly? FUCK! And I didn’t get to Enosburgh. She’s still talking about needing to go back to Verizon about the phone. I’m just relieved that she’s GONE AT LAST! – I’ve been working on the “Author’s” site all day. EXHAUSTED! I think I want a drink, but I have to think of something I can prepare for dinner tonight… in a microwave. What shit! Good thing for me that I’ve dealt with worse and had less. Another person would be out of their mind. Oh well…. at least, as I think, there’s peace in the house and I can put it together as fits and suits me… for a while… again. I swear she’s retarded. – 21.34 By 17.00 I was feeding the critters. By 17.30 I was stuffing the left-over corned-beef and salad down my throat. 18.00? NAP! 18.30? Hoover and mop ALL the floors! 19.00? STORE for 4 Teas, bread, ice cream, chicken fukkitz, frozen shitty pizaa (I was still hungry). 20.00 we went for the nightly stroll and 20.30 I was back at work on the site… and I’m DONE for the day. I don’t even have the incentive to shower. I’m wrecked! – 10.22 SHOWERED! IN BED! TEA ON THE SHELF! LIGHTS OUT! – I’m HEAVY tonight. Realised that the Twats’ dog hasn’t been out all day… and this morning, the BLOOD in the snow! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IN SHIT’S NAME? HAVE THEY KILLED ANOTHER ONE? – Forgot to mention: when I went to the store this evening, chatted with Deb. She’s quite disgusted… she works for DHS and now has OT coming (April, of course) keying H1B visas and she’s disgusted because the jobs aren’t going to Americans. When I asked whether she believes that American “won’t take” the jobs she replied “Yes, because they’ve gotten lazy, especially the young ones. And when I think of this state, it makes me sick.” Then she said “I hope he stops this chain migration.” Imagine that? A functioning brain cell in the town! – Anyway… tele time. I’ve work on the site to get to tomorrow. – I’ve saged the place tonight… primarily because of “Koba”. May his precious little spirit run free and wild with his pack. – I want to seriously damage somebody and something in this place… SERIOUSLY! Tonight it’s terrible.

Tue: 27.Mar: 8.20 following a fitful night (morning?) of sleep with leg spasms. It must be the Tea. One is OK. Two is no good. And I’m feeling rather “ick” this morning. But the “routine” in done. The stove needs to be cleaned and set-up again. That’s the “house agenda” for the day. And perhaps the propane delivery at some point. I’d shovel the tank clear, if I were in a frame of mind to be “thoughtful”, but I’m not and so I won’t. I’m being a “Vermonter” this morning… “me”. – And still no sign of Koba, no thumping up and or down the stairs. And Mrs. Twat’s car is in the drive again, this morning. Oh well… – And there’s work on the site to be done… MUCH work to be done there. I shan’t be with-out something to “do”. – Sky’s clear. Chilly air. And there’s a bit of washing to be done. So… there we have it: reasons to wake in the morning. – I got to “sleep” at about 1.00. Mimou woke me just before the 8.00 alarm. There’s a nap in the future. – Anyway… on with it… I suppose. – 10.11 The floors are clean from yesterday. The stove is clean and re-set as of this morning. The ash-bucket is empty. Jammies and linens are in the dryer, blankets, in the wash. Second coffee prepped. And there we have it. On with the day. – Fuck. – 23.09 AND … SHOWERED! SCRUBBED! CLOTHES IN THE WASH! AND THE AUTHOR’S SITE IS ALMOST COMPLETE! Worked on it ALL DAY today! Save the constant interruptions of having to let the critters out, let them in, let them out, let them in… – No propane delivery today. But I don’t give a shit. I just had to forego my tea. No prob. I’ve done with-out before… done with-out much more than tea. – Chicken fukkitz for “meal” today. – The 8pm “stroll”. And it was all back to the site. – SHAVED tonight too! Imagine DAT! – And as I went to lean into the shower to get the gel-douche to shave, I pulled the strap off my “flip flop”! That fucking “rug” she’s got there… AND… the fact that my legs and feet are almost useless because of my broken back… I don’t lift my feet high enough or properly any more and the sides of foot-wear get caught in rugs and shit. BUT… thankfully, I have the glue and got the flip-flop back together. These are the ones I’d bought in Brooklyn when I moved to Rockaway! They’ve seen me across the beaches, along the avenues and boulevards of Rockaway to Neponsit and Tilden and beyond. I’m not about to part with them. I’ve had ALL TOO MUCH of my life ripped from me already. I’ve almost nothing left… and I’m not parting with what little I have. – Mimou has spent much of the day with me and is in the room now as I type. Hallie’s been in “her” room. – One message from Mme. today and I replied and got no further reply. Good on that. – But the litter box is cleaned. The stove is cleaned and set to start. A quick mop of the kitchen floor is all that’s really about necessary at this point. Tomorrow is garbage day and that’s almost ready to tie and roll. – Tomorrow’s also my first day of fucked social security. (I was going to check the post office this evening but it appears that Mme. took the bloody key with her. I’ll have to “ask” for the shit tomorrow… under the guise of “I know the box will be stuffed soon.” Anyway, It’s going to be interesting, seeing how bloody fucking much is taken from me… AGAIN! Well? I said I probably wouldn’t get ANY of my money. Or, at least not all of what was told. And… again… I NAILED IT! SPOT ON! As I thought last night before heading for sleep: I’ll just take what I get and take it out of the country and out of the economy. I can now remove myself from this shit-hole of thieves, blood-suckers and general fuck-all fucktards and, if that’s the way I need to go? So be it. It’s not a LOT of money I’ll be taking, but at least I’ll be taking it away and supporting another economy. Who know? Maybe I’ll get “Permanent Residence”. I can try. – So now, time to get to one more Tea. I had one whilst working on the site. Hopefully the spacing will allow me a night of no spasms. But I’m not counting on it. – Another day… done… and it’s raining out there! (We still have April to get through… 13 April, 2013… leaving Richford in an ice storm. I’ll never forget it. I wonder how Ivan’s doing these days. I don’t give a shit about how “Schmulik” and the merry band of criminals are doing.)

Wed.28.Mar: 1.29 CONFIRMED: I’M NOW GETTING ONLY 876.35 PER MONTH ON SOCIAL SECURITY! 154.00 LESS! FUCKING SHIT-BAGS. WELL? FORMAL DECLARATION OF WAR. BEDFORD IT IS! (Because even the 800 comes to 1k at current rate.) FUCK THIS CUNT-TREE! – 3.06 I’d been laying in bed, not thinking, necessarily, about the reduction and… I’m awake again, in from a smoke, coffee at the table and I’m back to work on the site. Hopefully I’ll be awake at 8.00 to feed the critters and take out the trash. After that? I can nap during the day. – I feel as if I’m coming down with a cold or something too. – Oh well… on with the day. I also have to figure how much to transfer out to the banque today. Things to ponder. – Tally ho. –
9.40 THE AUTHOR SITE IS DONE!

Yes! It IS! JUST this very moment! Links back and forth, in and out, on and off of the “contact” and the WP blog! OK! So another one done! This has been a productive month! And this morning? That it’s done? WELL… I laid down at about 7.00, had the alarm set for 8.00 and truly *half-slept* for almost the hour. I say *half-slept* because I think I had a dream about Bob and his chums coming to the house (where-ever it was that I was at the time) and taking vehicles from the yard… in the snow… in the approximately 2 metres of snow that was on the ground! And just before I woke, I was being hauled away, IN a small truck that one of the idiots had come along and snatched up in some sort of “claw” that held the vehicle above theirs. I was reaching out of the door of the truck I was in, knocking on the driver’s-side window of the truck that was hauling me away! Some-how, things in the dream got hectic and rather frightening and I drifted out of the “dream” and had no idea what time it was. Looked at the “phone/clock”… 7.59. – SO! I got up, fed the critters, bagged the garbage, put clothes over my jammies (which I’m still wearing) and we all headed out to put the garbage at the curb. I came back in, as foggy and light-headed as I could be and still stand, had a smoke and got right back to the site until… FINISHED! OFFICIALLY MINE! (Though I REALLY REALLY REALLY MUST HAVE TO LEARN MY OWN “CONTACT” AND “FORUM” CODING… and now that the major, initial work is done, that’s the very next item on the agenda.) – And so, Ms. Hallie and Mr. Mimou have come in from the damp and grey out-of-doors. She is back in her room. He is here, in the little room, on his pillow. And me? I’m off for a smoke and I’m not sure what with the rest of the day. Fuck me, there’s supposed to be a propane delivery at some point this week and Mme. insists that the fellow has to come into the house to re-start the stove. I don’t know why but… what-ever. If I’m awake? Fine. If I’m not awake? Fine. I don’t, can’t and won’t give either a fuck, a shit or… neither. – At some point, when my head is clear, I have to get my money out of this country too. The longer it sits in some U.S. banque, the longer the U.S. has to play with it and I’ll not have such fuckery going on. (I’m just happy that I can get it OUT of here!) – 20.00 Stroll done. G’s AND Author SITES ARE UP-DATED AND DONE (for now… until I get the forums and contacts in there, but not tonight… I’m BURNT-OUT!)!!! There were “tweaks” to be done on both sites, little links, adding colour, and I found a bit of prose written in 2014, dedicated to Dennis, so I added it to the G’s site. Yes, I kept busy for most of the day and had only 3, 1-hour naps all through. Now, I’m hoping one Tea and a couple naproxen will put me to sleep tonight and KEEP me there until morning when I’ll simply mop the kitchen floor and call the day “done”. – Mimou’s been quite the one all through the day… wanting affection and attention. Almost drove me insane. But he’s such a sweet little thing. I worry that he’s got another ailment. I surely hope not. (Meanwhile, I wonder about not seeing Koba of late. Not that it’s brought the thumping down any. They’re at it even as I type. Twats.) – And I didn’t get round to transferring funds to the banque today. Not to mention, I want to see about getting at these bastards. 30 years of paying on that shit loan when the Fed is GIVING FREE education to ILLEGALS! Imagine: being REWARDED for being a criminal. I need to figure out a way to do that… There’s always “disability”. And I’ll be looking into that in the coming days, to be sure. It’s said that that can’t be garnished. We shall, indeed, see. If so, I’ll be on it… to be certain. Fuck this nonsense. Really. – So now it’s time to get to the shower and to the bed. A LITTLE tele, a Tea and some naproxen and… HOPEFULLY… NOTHING until tomorrow morning. This has been a HELL of a day. – 20.55 Showered. I’ve moved back out of the loo (one of these days it might be nice to be able to leave my toiletries where they actually belong… again. It’s been almost 5 years since… well… no… it’s been almost 10 years since I was able to leave a tooth-brush in the loo. Fuck me!) And the wash is on the spin. Toss it to the dryer. A little tele. Hopefully the two naproxen will kick me out of consciousness until at least 5.00 tomorrow. – I’ve a feeling Mimou is going to be a bit of a nuisance over-night. He’s been “high maintenance” all day. Bless him though. – Well… spin’s done! Off with the rest of this shit and… TO SLEEP… FUCK ME DAMN IT!

Thu.29.Mar: 8.08 At 7.26 I was up, out of bed, having coffee… Off to pee. Into the kitchen to prep breakfast for the brood. One match to the wood-stove and lit. Let them out. Have a smoke. Me, back in to Hoover this room, prep the mop-bucket and wait until Hallie (at least) came back in. No sense mopping before that because of muddy tracks. Fine… called her. She came in. Mimou’s still out there, some-where. Mopped the floor. And… now… I’m done. And all after a night of SLEEP! save the 3.30 SPASM in the right leg. – Lights went out at about 23.30. At 3.30 this morning, SPASMS! HAD TO WALK ABOUT THE FUCKING PLACE FOR A WHILE. IT DIDN’T HELP MUCH BUT ENOUGH TO GET BACK INTO BED AND… DIE! Woke to the 6.00 alarm and dozed. Never heard the 7.00 alarm but certainly heard the call of the cat. The two naproxen are still, obviously, in effect because this morning’s relatively pain-free (thus far). But the most important: the stove’s lit, the floors are clean, the house is “in order” (including the thermostat back down to 64F, fuck me, I’d forgotten to do that last night). I’ve NO idea as to when the Mme. will roll in and I don’t much give a shit. MY work is DONE! – On with this grey, damp, metly sort of day. Fuck. – 22.02 Ready for bed. I’ve been working on the re-make of the ART blog… and I’ve actually created some REALLY interesting effects on this one, including the translucent back-grounds on tables! I’m fascinated and could actually work through the night but… no. I’m heading for a Tea and naproxen and tele and HOPEFULLY SLEEP! Not another night like last night where, at about 3.30 I was up with SPASMS again. – Mme. arrived around noon today, made some snarky remark about not caring that there’s been no propane delivery. She said they’d be here when they make their next rounds. Imagine THAT! No cooking and nobody gives a shit. Typical of this shit-hole. So she made her-self a tuna sandwich, had that and before long, was asleep on the recliner. I should have asked for the truck then but didn’t. I’m a moron. – But about 18.45 she was out the door again. To visit her Lis and to the church for choir. Didn’t bother to say she was leaving and left me with the critters. I bolted over to the store for FOOD! Half pound turkey cold-cuts, rolls, 2 Teas, 2 crisps. Came back to the room and made 2 sandwiches with just the turkey. It isn’t much but it helped with the hypoglycaemia I was feeling. – At 20.00, I let them out, into the rain. When they came back in, sadly, no “snax” tonight. I came back into the room to continue working. – It was about 21.00-something when Mme. returned. I think she took the critters out… I don’t know… I don’t give a shit. And… she went off to bed. – I’m just in from a smoke, having gone and brushed teeth, washed face and pee’ed. THE HOUSE IS FREEZING! COLD. DAMP. MISERABLE! I DID get the stove started this morning and, of course, she’s got the fucking thing loaded with paper ash. I checked it at 20.30, stirred the embers and left it as it was. Fuck her! She wants to freeze? Fine with me. I’ve got the radiator up just over half and on “Max” switches and it’s only 15° in this room. I’m NOT going to be in here in the cold and damp, especially considering the spasms. – Well… oh… because I wasn’t paying attention, instead of taking the one naproxen, I took 2 vit.C… with the one naproxen. Oh well… let’s see what that does. – And now… the day’s wrapped and so am I. Mme. had sent a text yesterday saying she had to go back to BTV tomorrow… Let’s see if I can’t get to the vodka store at some point. Tomorrow night is erev Pesach.

Fri.30.Mar: 1.52 Been up from since trying to get to sleep at about 23.30. I can feel the spasms begin and so, the anxiety keeps me awake. Tried working on the new Art site. Learnt how to centre image layers and that making this “slide show” is a pain in the arse. And now, I need to take a shit and don’t want to go to the loo. Oh well… will try for a “nap”. It’s going to be another fucked day tomorrow. Hag sameach! Fuck me. – 8.49 Just up, dress and… I don’t know what’s next but I’m fucking tired. – 9.20 She’s gone. Left a note on the kitchen table: “I will be back late afternoon”. Damned good thing I didn’t get up at 6.00 to ask for the truck this morning. Oh well… Off to work I go. Still trying to create a “gallery” for the Arts site. – Mimou was on the porch when I went out of the room. Now he and Hallie are in “their” room. – And it’s another grey and very wet morning. – 11.25 AND I JUST HAD TO CLEAN AND RE-START THE STOVE BECAUSE OF THE COLD AND DAMP IN THE HOUSE. HAD TO RUMMAGE THROUGH ALL SORTS OF “JESUS” MAIL FOR PAPER AND GET THE WOOD IN FRO THE GARAGE. – THERE WAS NO WATER IN THE BOWL FOR HALLIE. MIMOU’S FOOD WAS SIMPLY TOSSED INTO A DISH (IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT I SPECIFICALLY TOLD HER TO ADD WATER AND THIN IT FOR HIM IF HE’S EXPECTED TO EAT IT). HAD TO WASH THE CRITTER DISHES BEFORE FEEDING AND WATERING. – THE PROPANE WASN’T DELIVERED BECAUSE THEY “FOUND THE TANK EMPTY” AND “COUDLN’T PERFORM SAFETY CHECKS”. NO COOKING. NO HEAT IN THE KITCHEN, SAVE THE WOOD-STOVE. – SHE’S A GLORIOUS FUCK-UP, THAT ONE. OFF TO HER “JESUS” SHIT TODAY AND RUNNING ABOUT. AND THE HOUSE CAN GO TO HELL… EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT HER NIGGER IS TAKING CARE OF IT! – FUCK ME! EH? YEAH? WELL, NO. FUCK *YOU*… QUNT! – Meanwhile, I’m still working on all the images for the Art site. And the house is quiet… thus far. I’m tired. I’m rather a bit hungry but not much. And yes, I’M RIP-ROARING, BLOODY-FUCKING PISSED BEYOND DESCRIPTION. – 19.42 and of course, she’s gone again… rolled in at about 17.10, whining about how it’s been a “dragging” day. Brought kitty litter, franks for Hallie and some other shit (no smokes), asked if I was hungry, I said “No.” she replied “I asked.” and I brought the litter in and came back to the room. (I’d been napping for the past 15 minutes or so, but, thankfully, she didn’t notice when she came in… in silence.) – I’m working with a program that’s a free replacement for the old “Flash” and trying to remember what I knew and learn what I don’t. So, at about 18.00 she knocks on the door to say that she’s leaving again and should be back by about 21.00. I didn’t bother to say much. I mean, really, what the fuck is there to say? Tonight’s Pesach… I need a couple of things in Enosburgh. So I’ll be running about (IF I CAN GET THE FUCKING TRUCK FOR AN HOUR TOMORROW) on Pesach AND Shabbat! You know? Fuck her and her fucking “Jesus” bull-shit. They’re ALL exactly alike: fucking self-serving hypocrites. Fucking nasty shits and douche-bags… the lot of them. Just fucking nasty. – BUT….
I GOT TO TALK WITH EV THIS EVENING! SHE WAS HAPPY TO HEAR FROM ME, IS STILL KEEPING WELL, WAS GOING TO GO TO CT FOR PESACH BUT DECIDED IT WAS TOO MUCH BOTHER TO PACK AND GO ONLY FOR A WEEK-END. BUT WE CHATTED FOR A GOOD 20 MINUTES OR MORE. IT WAS A DELIGHT TO TALK WITH HER!
And so, now, I’m about to get the critters together and out for their stroll. The stove has been going all day and the fucking house is still fucking COLD. But, soon enough, I’ll close the door to the room and it’ll warm up in here a bit. – I was (am) hoping to get a quick shower in before bed tonight… just because. We shall see….. – 20.42 SHOWERED! Critters and I went for a stroll. The stove is stoked and I’m in my jammies, ready for a night. Pesach… WHAT-evuh. And no, she ain’t back yet. – Talking to Ev reminds me of how isolated I really am. And tomorrow, Cynthia… 46. Seems like only the other week instead of 40 years ago. Anyway… That’s how it is. Time passes and shit piles. – I feel rather awful about the critters though. All day, alone. Especially Mimou… he’s so affectionate and attached. But he’s laying by the stove, warm, whilst, out-side, it’s breezy, very damp and chilly. He’s got a “home” now and that’s what’s important. – Tomorrow, I’m pondering the likelihood of a walk into Enosburgh. Pondering. We shall see how the weather is (and my old body). Should be a nice diversion… and time-consuming too. – For now, I’m trying to decide whether or not to open the Tea. Probably will though. It’s a “holiday”. – And so, another day comes to and end. – And I’m barely remembering the old Flash and fiddling with the new soft-ware. Soon enough… I suppose. –

Sat.31.Mar: Happy Birthday little Precious Gift. – 8.24 I heard the 6.00 alarm and dozed. Didn’t hear the 7.00 alarm at all. With the 8.00 alarm, I woke… and started to doze and decided to get up… though, I can’t think “why”. The sun is bright. The temperature is tolerable. And I want to go back to sleep. – Had a bit of a dream about being at some sort of “Farmer’s Market” run by Viv. Had a chat with “Kerry” there and mentioned that I should be nicer to Viv because we might become neighbours soon; I had to move to Quebec. I was about to tell “Kerry” about the finances when I woke. So, it would seem that this is all on my mind some-where. Oh well. But it was also about “having” to move out of here because of the intolerable conditions. Yeah, even the house-work and the Twats are in my head. So? “Just another day.” – Not sure about the “walk” to Enosburgh today. But I just don’t want to bother asking for the truck because I don’t know what Mme. Jesus’ plans are for the day. Certainly, tomorrow is mass… “mess”? Oh well. We shall see what comes as the day progresses. – For me? I still have the new soft-ware to learn. There’s a diversion/distraction. And a few pages of the site to be composed. As Mama used to say: “We shall see.” – 22.45
MY ART SITE IS ON-LINE ON THE INTERNET ON ITS OWN!!!
Not all done… of course there’s the “contact” form and such which links off to the WordPress. But it’s DONE! SAFE! AND INDEPENDENT! – And Mme.? Left at 18.30… returned at about 20.20 and will be gone, of course, again, tomorrow. – I’ve been in a REALLY miserable mood all day, but managed to muddle through the site-work. Not, mind, that it makes any difference to anybody, but at least it has an “URL” of sorts now. – And all day, I had 2 rolls with the butter that I’d bought… I really don’t remember when. Nothing more. Nothing less… And this evening? I got into the mood: fixed quite a LARGE rye and ginger. I think I finished the ginger ale too but I don’t give a shit. There was quite the bit of rye in there and that’s all that mattered. So, right now, I’m hungry and tired and quite excited about the “new site”. – Mme. is in the loo. I’m in the room about to have a smoke. What happens with the rest of the night? I don’t give a shit, so long as there’s no spasms.