October 2011

01/10/2011 at 15:53 (Edit)
15.38 Leaving B116 on Q53. I’m wondering how long the ride back will be. This morning, I left the shelter at 4.50 and didn’t clock in until 7.23! The goddamned 5.28 Q32 never showed! So I walked from 34th, up to GCT for the Flushing train to Woodside and the Q53. If nothing else, it strengthens my resolve to get out of here. When I arrived, EXHAUSTED, C. was awake and Mrs. was there… JUMP RIGHT INTO WORK! Shower and all. At one point, I went to grab my yoghurt and Mrs. found something for me to do. I dropped the yoghurt into the sink. Disgusted. She RUSHED C. into the shower, RUSHED him through breakfast, RUSHED him through lunch. I mean… SHIT! – All day I’ve been in that horrible exhaustion mode. – After work, PenLib. Not as much accomplished as I’d hoped but pretty good. I just need sleep.
17:44 (Edit)
17.43 at 49/5th.
19:52 (Edit)
19.11 6w107 Re-entry to the Dung-heap: 18.10 (sortie at 4.50) 15.38 to 18.10 3 buses, 3 hours! (I’m eating more PopTarts. These will make it 8 for the day. I’m hungry and they don’t do much to stop the hunger.) And, to think I woke at 4.10… 15 hours ago. A 15-hour day on about 4 hours of sleep. BURN-OUT! – (19.36 I did it again! Dropped off. Hit “Back”, FUKKED AN ENTRY!) – At PenLib I managed yo print some “inventory” pages for the DA Journal. (To think someone may be reading it already in my “lost” FlashDrive. Oh well.). A 59$ fare on the 24th is looking good! CHECK-OUT of NYC! YEAH! I should have about 2G by then. Not great but… SANITY LIES TO THE NORTH! – A Q53 to RiteAid B108/RBB for 2pks cigs. I’ve smoked almost a whole pack since this morning. – Walked to B116 via the Freeway. Stopped at MetroPCS to inquire about getting a VT nr. but was told it couldn’t be done here. Cust.Svce. MIGHT be able but… and svce. in BTV is sketchy. I might have to go ATT. (GrandCentral now Google is out.). – Across the street to get next week’s carfare and onto Q53 to Woodside. – I followed OccupyWallSt en route. The tension and the numbers are rising. They “took” the Brooklyn Bridge! I just hope this movement REALLY takes hold ALL over. (I saw it coming WAY ling ago.) The economy and people are shit of late. THIS is the “wake-up” call. I must recall L.C. (HRM) when I told her that true Marxism works only in comics and NOT in reality. She disagreed. These days prove me right. I’m rather excited about it. It’s well past due for an over-throw of govt. here. (Cig.break.)
20:16 (Edit)
19.57 (quickie) I’m ambiguous about what it might do to NYC. As much as I’ve come to actually H.A.T.E. this place, it is, after all, my “Home-Town”. But SO VERY much has changed and been destroyed here. It’s just another tedious and over-populated ghetto these days. Business is gone. As someone recently put it: “It’s nothing more than a tourist attraction thriving on nothing more than hype and reputation.” Dead. Gone. And well worth leaving. But if OccupyWallSt brings it down, all the better. Destroyed by REVOLUTION! Me? I want to do a t/sweat shirt in solidarity. Then leave it behind. – Back to the trip… got the M34 to 1st just in time for the rain. But nothing terrible. A breeze through down-stairs to find David asleep… imagine that. HIS PHONE CHARGER WAS PLUGGED INTO THE OUTLET BEHIND MY BED AND THE OTHER END (no phone) WAS TUCKED UNDER MY FOLDED MATTRESS! OK! I quietly returned the charger to him, asked if he had his phone. He did. And he mumbled/grumbled a “Thank you”. FUK! THE FUKKER! FUKKING ROUND MY BED! Well, ANOTHER reason to GET OUT of ALL of this! SOON! – I’m so damned tired. But I put on jeans and polo shirt. I’m fatigued and feeling the cold tonight. – Oh. Bumped into Victor on the stairs. He began cute chat… then asked for 50cents. FUKKER! Oh well. Never mind. I’ve learned to say “NO.” nicely. I NEED MY MONEY NOW MORE THAN EVER! NOT SHARING. – And so it’s 20.12 already! Soon time to sign for the bed that gives no comfort and allows no sleep. Tomorrow I’ll inquire into a single or double room… see about re-locating for the next couple of weeks. – I’m apprehensive about tonight…crack night, radio night. Tomorrow will be another early start. I NEED REST! AND I MUST REMEMBER: KHEN AT 15.00!!! I’ve been forgetting, making other plans for the evening. – Next week-end… LAUNDER THE WINTER JACKETS!

02/10/2011 at 07:16 (Edit)
6.41 Woodside:
.Early mornings screwed by buses and trains that never run,
.Guts twisted in anxiety,
.Never being able to depend on information given,
.Being trapped in tunnels bored through solid bedrock, 40, 50, 60 feet down,
.Rats running through stagnant water in tunnels,
.People trying to keep warm, dry, sitting on benches in parks, tunnels, subways,
.Police being required to remove Homeless persons,
.Homeless persons,
.The stench of “food”, garbage, body odour, bad breath, decaying flesh,
.Unidentifiable liquids on bus and subway seats and floors and sidewalks,
.Staggering, swaying, swerving directionless and confused pedestrians,
.Dodging, weaving people,
.Being pushed, shoved, struck with hand-bags, shopping bags, back-packs,
.Having yo tolerate having feet stepped on,
.Spanish,
.Being late because of the MTA: no-show buses, alleged construction,
.Blatant bias in free fares, extra stops on MTA buses,
.People screaming and yelling yet standing not a metre apart,
.Radio, mobile phone, amplified sound especially where prohibited,
.”Sorrrry. No English.”
.No Natural absolute darkness… EVER!
.Constant fatigue,
.Constantly moving,
.No benches or places to simply sit to catch a breath,
.Not wanting to take a breath because of stench or debris in the air,
.Everyone being referred to as “Bitch” or “Motherfucker”, Nigger or “M’nigger”,
.Disregard, disrespect, discourtesy,
.Concrete barricades,
.Security and police in buildings, parks, stores, churches, synagogues,
.Working EVERY waking moment,
.No time to make a small wash,
.Expectations of giving more for less,
.”You got a cigarette or something?” FIRST THING IN THE MORNING!
.Racial bias, “reverse discrimination”, PANDERING,
.Traffic,
.Not ONE spot of QUIET ANYWHERE,
.Inconsideration of person,
.Taxation with-out evidence of where it’s used,
.FILTHY PUBLIC TRANSPORT,
Sunday. I woke at 4.02, coughing fit. Ear-plugs (last night I took 2 asa ay about 21.45. At 22.30, 2 ear-plugs…) in the indentation, centre of the bed. I rolled over, turned the alarm off..
11:04 (Edit)
10.55 HoBe I can’t keep my eyes open! And got here at about 7.30 or so. No sooner did Maria say ” Make your coffee.” she went in to wake Carmine! And he was COMBATIVE as all HELL! He’s dressed and disheveled, in the recliner now. AND I PULLED SOMETHING, RIGHT GROIN! FUKME AND FML! – At 9.56 GaryPIC rang to ask if I clocked-in on my mobile! More bull-shit? – Today’s Khen. I’d like tolgo to OccupyWallSt if I can muster the energy. – THIS WEEK IS “CV WEEK”! Re-cap. Re-do. SEND TO VNA BTV. I’m OUT! MUST, MUST, MUST! Take a chance. Take a leap. Take the jump. – And not knowing what the trains will be like is miserable. I NEED to see Khen. Especially since I got all the paper-work done ahead… big fukking deal. – I’m sick of having no time for me.
11:05 (Edit)
PS: Autumn is here. I’m sitting here with sweat-shirt on. Chilly… at long last.

03/10/2011 at 07:18 (Edit)
6.48 Q53 Unbelievably exhausted! Yesterday, Sunday, came the final decision: Ready or other-wise, on the 24th I will be on a flight to BTV. I am no longer able, by any means, to handle or cope with any more of this horrid existence. NOW it MUST STOP and staying here, in NYC is nothing but stagnation. There are no opportunities for Life or Living. I’m tired… of so much and so many things. One thing in particular: As I strolled through the RockPark Waldbaums on Saturday morning I noticed the Atropa is back in season. Atropa. Death. I could pick fresh, add to the cocktail I’ve been brewing for about a year, and ingest even more. Death. Mine. Death. It’s all I look forward to any more. Why? Because I’m tired. Every morning I wake, increasingly tired, in a shelter, to go to work on a job that pays only enough to keep me in a shelter where I wait for Death to come to take me. I am miserable. And only I can change that. So, with no options here, with no potential for change, no visible opportunities to find even the smallest bit of something better, it is time to walk away and not look back. It is time to go. This is obviously not the place I’m supposed to be. Today, I’ll go to the library, and from a computer that is not mine, I’ll book my first step toward… BETTER… or at least the opportunity to find, make, be BETTER. – 7.07 Myrtle. Yesterday: Up at 4.10. No time to shit. Just move… The morning was Hell. Carmine’s not feeling well and shows it by being nasty and combative, then sleeping. I managed, but not up to snuff. At 13.00 I was ready to bolt, looking forward to leaving. – The Q11 ran late. The connection to the A was immediate. The L was delayed. The M15 ran late and hit EVERY red light on the avenue. I RAN up to the 5th floor to see Khenkina. During our appointment I told her of the 24th. She said “I don’t blame you.” and “I understand.” And I believe. She told how, working with people who WILL NOT do ANYTHING with their time, their lives is getting to her. She does understand. And she’s going…
07:21 (Edit)
on vacation. She’ll return when I’m gone. I can honestly say I’ll miss her. Compassionate. – 7.21 109Av./CBB
10:16 (Edit)
(9.49 HoBe) SO! Another quick meeting was done and she was on to the next and I was out the door and up to my locker to change… NEW SHIRT and jeans and the only foot-wear I have… work sneakers. I was off to “Occupy Wall Street” at last! – One quick tweet on Twitter led to several responses of so much support! I charged out the door of that shelter with a conviction and confidence I haven’t experienced in YEARS! Across 30th to Lex where a bus to City Hall came almost immediately! The trip was pretty amazing. The Bowery. Chinatown. Neighbourhoods I haven’t seen in for-ever. It was exciting. It was a bit sad… to think I’m feeling so “shoved out” of the city that’s been “home” and by a petty little tyrant who’s NOT a NY’er yet managed to turn the place over to the rudest idiots. But that’s not the point. It’s simply time to leave before this place sucks me any deeper. – Well, the bus trip gave a bit of a boost to the need to go… A police stop! Where the bus passes under some building, the driver had to stop at a police kiosk! Then again as we left from under the bldg.! Even city buses! As if we 5 passengers were Terrorists.
10:46 (Edit)
When I got out of the bus I was pretty taken by the view of what’s now called the “Freedom Tower” at what USED to be WTC. So I stopped to grab a photo. It’s not the towers and it’ll never replace the really great photos I HAD (fuk you Cyndi Littlewhorebitch Psycho) of the WTC. And I don’t appreciate it for many reasons but… Touristy, and something to send along to Twitter. – ON TO LIBERTY PARK! The crowd wasn’t as large as I’d expected but just knowing what it represented over-took me. Wow! I wanted to yell, I wanted to cry, I wanted to hug just about everybody! To think I was actually part of something that about 2 years ago I said should and would happen was almost over-whelming! I grabbed a few shots of the park and people and went to send them along to Twitter… NO STYLUS! THIS time it was G.O.N.E.! I traced my steps…
20:33 (Edit)
20.25 Woodside 7 Stn. Life is happening so quickly all of a sudden! I’m booked out of here! Reserved at PenLib. Of all the places. Of ALL places. But it’s done… one way. – An e-mail from PJ: offered to meet me at the airport. And I just spoke with “hardlynormal” and we’re to meet tomorrow evening. – I’m in a state of dumfounded numbness … maybe shock. – The planes into LGA are so close here and in the distance I see them land. The train pulls in. I don’t know if I’ll miss this but… the fact is: I MUST GET AWAY!
8539266 said, on 09/10/2011 at 10:02 (Edit)
Fucked again! How typical. (I’d had an entire entry done and the damned site failed to registre my e-mail addresse! Everything lost! But… we continue… KADIMA!)
06:44
6.40 Q60 QnsBlvd/65thP Riding into the sunrise. Dead, dead tired! I haven’t been eating proper food for about a week. Coping with the Big Jump 2 weeks from today. David disappeared on Friday-last. Ariel Berlin, 74y/o Israeli came in.
07:07
6.53 Q53 QnsPlz I’m the only “White” on the bus. And most likely the only one who can speak English. I left the shelter in darkness. It’s day-light. I’ve been trying to find affordable/local housing in BTV. Some nice leads. This morning I must transfer funds to chequing to cover 7 days in a hostel. Then 3 more pay-cheques. I want to sleep. Painfully tired again this morning. On into the night: Ariel clunking and eating crisps, Cruz clunking, Tony un-settled. This morning I woke at 4.48. I didn’t hear ANY of 6 alarms! – Passing 90-60. How stupid I was to under-charge. How hurtful to be turned-out. How stupid I was. – There’s quite a bit to catch-up on here. And so much more reeling in my head. Packing is the major concern… when and what. – My limbs ache from fatigue. And the band plays on.
07:13
4 Oct. Tuesday. THE high-light of today was meeting with Mark.hardlynormal. (I can’t journal now. Tired.)
09:43
9.37 Q53 A day off. The HOLIDAY OFF! Carmine went into hospital at 13.00 yesterday and I wasn’t told! I could have stayed in bed! Bit I’m on my way to the banque to transfer what I’ll need for the BTV reservation, then to storage.. I’m going to nap… on the beach! SLEEP!

Tuesday 11 Octobre 2011 BklynCenLib 11.04 I’ve just come from OWS where I dropped a bag full of those huge, heavy-weight plastic bags from the shelter. They make excellent ponchos and are excellent for storing clothing and such. Cruz gives them to me almost daily and I know that the people in Zucotti Park can use them. I wish, I SO WISH that I could hit a lottery. There’s so much more I’d like to do for these brave souls. But that is my life… it was my Mum’s life too: Wishing to be able to do more. Well… – We do what we can. – Now? There is much to catch-up on and never enough time. So… I continue. – In my heart I carry the encouragement of all those kind people on Twitter. Strangers who do more for me than ANY of the so-called “family” I know are out there, alive, living their lives oblivious to me. I cannot, in my heart, wish any of them well. But I certainly am more than Thankful to the kind people I’ve met on Twitter. The are all the Spirits of my Mother. When we ask God for help, it’s not His voice we hear but His voice and His support in the People He sends with His message: I am here.

Nyc 8539266
metro.October2011.final
The days are numbered in the relatively few and I am looking forward to escape. Every day I pray that this will go well. Will it be better than how it is now? I don’t know. Perhaps not. But in any case, it will be different. This is another opportunity that I will not let pass. There are new people… people… PEOPLE to meet. There is a new environment in which I might be able to LIVE instead of EXIST. And if I fail to take this chance, I’ll never know what might have been. If I succeed, all the better. And if I fail? There is no “fail”, there is only experience and learn. Mistakes are made only when we fail to learn from experience. When we learn, the mistakes become education. I am going to be educated. (I have tried to leave this world so many times. I have not failed at that, I have learned that the World is not worth the anxiety.)
12/10/2011 at 08:23
8.16 Q32 to Queens. Odd how the street signs are situated so (45th/Mad) they’re difficult to see when riding the bus. – I’ve many days to recount here and not much memory of them. Seems from the moment I clicked to purchase the ticket, Life, Time, all began whirling like dried Autumn leaves in a pre-Winter wind storm. One might say “Life began to happen.” One “might” but one won’t. – This is being done on the bus, the phone. I might repeat entries. Alas, my humanity, old age, the confusion of too much in too little time. I continue…

1. 08:50
4.Oct.Tuesday: This is where things really began spinning. It was a work-day and what can be said about that? Not a particularly easy day. I do recall because I was looking forward to meeting “hardlynormal” (Mark) from Twitter. I wanted to be “presentable”. I wanted too much… as usual. Carmine was in “mood”, combative. But, rather “so” I did only the essentials to care. Still, I ended-up worked-out. At 17.00 Maria took her time coming back which made me anxious. I say: HONESTLY! I’ve arrived early every morning, off the clock, considering HER comfort and, as usual, reciprocity is not forthcoming. But… shortly after 17.00 I was en route to The City. – Thanks to the technology of today (Twitter) I could “follow” Mark’s trip in from NJ and know that my anxious rushing wasn’t too necessary. My surprise came when he said he’s from Binghamton! DAMN! Imagine? When I think of it, just my familial ties to this State… covering so much territory! (Best I’m leaving it.) So I took the buses into town and arrived at his hotel with time to spare. – Funny: I sat diagonally across the street (fm. Roger Smith) to wait, on the steps of the building, something I’ve rarely done in life, never giving my-self the opportunity to sit… just sit. Scanning the area between twitters I notice a guy in front of the hotel looking at a mobile and entering something. Instinctually I knew it was Mark, posting to Twitter. Indeed it was. (Peter always said I never give enough credit to my instincts.) He went in, checked-in and returned. I strolled across the street and ducked round the corner Came the msg. “Where are you?” and the reply “Put the phone down.” It’s rather odd these days: There’s no need to ask “Dr. Livingston?” We know who the other person is via intuition or photos, but in any event… technology. All it took was a look and a grin. Quick “formal” intro… off and on the move.
09:35 (Edit)
We strolled a bit, hurried because it was already about 19.00 and I, of course, had my curfew, looking for an “affordable” place to grab a bite. “Affordable”? “Reasonable”? In this hell-hole of un-reality? We went to Pershing Square, a place I’ve often pondered but never got to… and because of time restrictions, didn’t really get to enjoy. Still, Mark is fascinating, travelled, knowledgeable and an absolute delight. Even in our rushed conversation I enjoyed every running second. (He had a bowl of chili, I had a salad… GREENS! Coke. Coffee. 40$! This city is mad! This country is mad! He got the bill. I’m forever grateful.) We discussed Homelessness, Canada, several topics. And as we/I waited for the bus at 42/2 he asked if I’d like to be interviewed on camera, tell my feelings on Bloomberg. I was honoured, but pressed for time and… I don’t think anybody could use the footage in public if I was to be candid and honest on the topic. I respectfully declined. – The bus came. We parted. I was quite taken by the experience: Meeting someone from Twitter, someone who KNOWS my “DHS”, knows the shelter system, is travelled, and respected in his field of documentary. Wow! – Back at the Dung-heap, all was usual. It’s not so oppressive though, since David is gone. Though Ariel isn’t to be completely trusted. He’s playing Tony for the fool; claiming he’s been in the shelter a short while, doesn’t know anything, old man, aches and such. I simply suggested to Tony, beware. That’s all. – Shower. To bed. Day done.
09:42 (Edit)

5.Oct.Wednesday: Other than getting to work EXTREMELY tired, I don’t recall much of the day. Fatigue is doing that lately… wiping-out days. I’m finding my-self on buses, correct bus, correct direction, but not remembering WHICH bus and sometimes forgetting WHERE I’m heading. The fatigue is godawful!
2. 8539266 said, on 12/10/2011 at 09:52 (Edit)

6.Oct.Thursday: Of course it was another work day and the usual. I’m no longer enjoying it. The stress of the commute to get there early, and not even the 45minutes to make coffee, read the paper. And Carmine’s been awake and nasty when I arrive. Nobody changes his wet things from 17.00 when I leave so I come in to a MESS! Maria complains about all sorts of things lately: She drops mentions of my not answering my telephone (one time!), how wonderful OTHER people from OTHER agencies have been, and the likes. I was letting it roll off my back until today when I told her that she’d have somebody new to come in very shortly. Yes, I told her that I’m leaving… her, the agency, NYC and NYS. Her reaction? “God bless you. You have to do what you have to do.” Fuk me then. NOTHING is ever appreciated. – And so, this evening, I headed off to the PenLib there-in to print a nice CV for VNA and to research the LNA requirements and training. Yup… folks are making the departure MUCH easier! And I suppose I’m thankful for that. Meanwhile… they should all… you’ll pardon the expression… go right the fuk to jolly hell!
12:45 (Edit)

7.Oct.Friday (OKeeDokee this is catching up rather well. 12.34 PenLib and I’m on my 3rd session! Leaving here is going to be so tough!)(Actually, leaving Rockaway isn’t easy. For some unknown reason, I’ve developed an attachment to this place… stupid, ignorant and nasty as it can be. But I digress…) Today was In-Service and Hand-In-Resignation Day. I have to admit something strange: In my head I kept planning my commute to the office from Rockaway, yet, I’m actually only several blocks away! Isn’t it strange how the brain will manifest what it wants at times? I had all the travel anxieties associated with travel from Rockaway and yet, all the while, I was aware of the fact that I was only a brief walk away! OK. This is going for serious burn-out. – Well, the In-Service went rather well… or well enough. After a morning of being rather pissed about the whole ordeal, a Manager came in to talk with us… that ended my silent pissed-off! I opened up when one of the girls mentioned being bumped off her case and that was that! I told, mentioned names, pulled out my calendar book, gave dates! What did it get me? “I’m going to bring this to the District Manager.” Right-Oh! As if that’s going to do anything for me. I WANT THAT MONEY FOR THE DAY I WAS SCHEDULED FOR! Now I need it even more! – That done, I dropped by to see Ramdai. When I handed her the resignation she just went silent for a bit and then looked at me “I don’t believe this! I had a feeling this was coming but… I don’t believe this!” She was upset. She told me how she enjoyed working with me and when we were done she told me that I should use her telephone number as a reference. Wow! Better than a letter! (Of course, I wonder what kind of references I’ll be getting from the Estremos. Morons that they’ve been. We’ll see.) I left the office feeling relieved and yet a little apprehensive. It’ll be tough leaving Ramdai. She’s been more than fair with me. She’s been a great supervisor. But I MUST MUST MUST get the HELL OUT of this city! – From my calendar book I see that I got my weekly “statement” done. MMLib where I copied a few things and printed the statement. Khen must have her papers for the crazies who collect it! I don’t want anybody giving her a hard time on my account! – And so, it was time to return to the Dung-heap for the night. – Today was Yom Kippur… I did NOT fast and I did NOT feel ANY guilt at all. My existence is atonement. And as I’ve known real hunger, I will not fast!
12:52 (Edit)

8.Oct.Saturday Yom Kippur: Up rather late. I decided not to set the alarm this morning and take it as it came. I was up on time to get running anyway and so I did… A BEAUTIFUL BEACH DAY WASTED… The trains are all fukked again this week-end (making the departure that much easier) so it was buses all the way. The M15 to the Q60 to the Q53 to Liberty where I got the jackets out of storage and grabbed the Q21 to the laundry on CBB. The place is lovely and the machines use CARDS not cash! I wish I’d found the place earlier! Very nice indeed! I brought my linens and some under-things to wash along with the jackets. The linens got 2 Oxy-thingies and the jackets? Well, I forgot to remove some hand-warmers from one and so, it tossed in the machine. Luckily it did no damage. – I honestly don’t know how, but laundry is pretty much all I got accomplished today. – Oh yes, there was a trip to Staples to get copies of my letters and certifications for the application. But that was about it! Done! By the time I returned to the Dung-heap, I’d spent 8 hours for nothing really, but laundry! And the weather was perfect for the beach… though a bit too hot! Well, so much for Yom Kippur.
3. nyc8539266 said, on 12/10/2011 at 13:05 (Edit)

9.Oct.Sunday: Khen in the morning. She gave me a meal ticket through the 25th when she’ll be back from holiday. We both know that I won’t be there and we got to say our “Fare Well”. I’ll miss her terribly. She’s been very fair, most kind and gracious. I wish there was some way to thank her but… maybe one day I’ll ring her. (12.53 and I’m getting dozey. I need something to eat! 33 minutes left on the computer! WOW!) – Believe it or not, I haven’t the slightest idea at the moment, what I did with the rest of the day! At some point I posted the application to VNA… got pissed because the Express Enveloppe cost me over 20$ to post! and it wouldn’t be delivered until TUESDAY! FUKKERS! But I don’t recall which day I posted it! THIS is what I’ve come to. No memory. I’m burning out fast!
13:10 (Edit)

10.Oct.Monday Thanksgiving/Columbus Day: Yes indeed, I WENT TO THE BEACH TODAY! – I busted my damned back and arse to get to the bus this morning to get to friggin work on time! The M15 to the Q60 to the Q53 to get to the bloody house by about 7.00. The paper was there. The door wasn’t open. I read the paper for about 45 minutes and then… the door was locked! I rang the bell. Maria answered: “My husb is inna de hosp.” HE WENT IN YESTERDAY AT 13.00! NOBODY LET ME KNOW! SCREWED SCREWED SCREWED! HOLIDAY PAY! I NEED THIS INCOME SO BADLY NOW AND HERE THIS SHIT HAPPENS! When I rang Melanie she simply said “Nobody told US.” Melanie? Go to hell! – I had a coffee and left. Maria and Cie. Can pretty much go to hell as well. – On the Q53… Went to storage, got my beach things, changed in the loo at storage and headed out the door! Quick stop at Compare Market for some food and right to the beach! It was TOO HOT though! Figures. But I managed to get in an hour and out of that hour, about 45 minutes of SLEEP! THAT’S what I went there for in the first place! I was SO DAMNED TIRED that I was physically sick and ached in every joint in my body. This is how I’ve been lately though. – After the sun? 413! Yes indeed. The only regret is that I didn’t have a drink before and during… and then after. But it was well worth the trip there today yoobetcha! Then it struck me: These are the last 2 weeks I’ll be taking this stroll. It’ll be a LONG trip to get here after the 24th. Bitter-sweet, just as it’s been ever since I came to Rockaway. Bitter-sweet. – I went directly to storage to return the beach things and change. FINALLY! MY FIRST DAY AT THE BEACH! – Nothing to say about the Dung-heap. The trip back was too quick tho.
13:18 (Edit)

11.Oct.Tuesday ANOTHER BLOODY DAY OFF! NO PAY! I’M SO DAMNED PISSED RIGHT NOW I COULD BASH SOMEBODY. – But certainly not a wasted day. – BklnCenLib first thing this morning where I got a couple of things done on the Journals and some music for the iPod. – The B41 to the Junction and a browse in Target. I’d decided that I’d do a banner of some kind for Occupy Wall Street this evening. Nothing in Target but… Loewe’s! Home Depot! Canvass tarp! Back on the bus and a Q35 ride to Loewe’s for a 4×5 tarp and a wide Sharpie marker! – The Q35 to the PenLib for an hour and when that was done, I asked if I could use a table to make the banner. I got it! I got the “Working Homeless” banner done! At the Peninsula Library! I was ready! – Q53 o the J train and away we went! – This evening, at OWS I met a guy who lives in the Shelter (4th floor), He paints signs there. Met 2 young girls on the J who are part of OWS Art and Culture. Go my banner photographed a few times and was filmed talking with some college girls who are worried there’ll be nothing for them when they finish studies. There was a camera guy filming the talk! I’m becoming “something” or another! – Well, THAT was an interesting night and I might have more to add later. Right now, 10 minutes on the computer… and 10 seconds left of me… SO TIRED!
13:18 (Edit)

Brings us up to 12 October, Wednesday. PenLib EXHAUSTED AND NEED THE POTTY!

13/10/2011 at 11:23 (Edit)
(10.48 and FINALLY back at work! Screwed out of holiday pay and bitter about it but…) – On Monday 10.10 I was unbelievably exhausted and in SUCH NEED of sleep that I was in pain. Thankfully, it was beach weather (yes, in October) so I did what I should have done… everything was closed for the holiday… I headed to THE BEACH! Only an hour or so. Had a little lunch and collapsed. Slept about 45 minutes but it was just enough. – After the nap, I took THE BEST visit to my 413 for relief in the coolness. 413 RELIEF! – How odd it felt to realise: No telling when I’ll be back here, where I’d slept, Homeless, on the ground, in the open, for so many months. I’ll miss the place. But it’s the strangest thing: I have no anxieties, no pangs about leaving. I wonder why. – Back to storage to leave beach things and dress in shelter clothes (yes, I changed right there in the aisle) and on the buses back to the shelter. The day was done.

11OctTuesday

12Oct.Wednesday: ANOTHER day off… NO PAY! But ACCOMPLISHED! Headed out this morning to the buses. ROCKAWAY! NOTHING at the P.O. Doesn’t THAT figure? Off to…Library. And to my amazement, I got a computer immediately and when my hour was up I asked for another and got TWO! Funstonbunkerwolf AND Dunessojourner are on the Flash! 3 down and, well, a lot more to go in about 11 days. Anyway. It was on the 53 bus to Waldbaums: FOOD! and to the 35bus.

15/10/2011 at 06:11 (Edit)
6.08 M15 42nd/1st To wake in the morning in the shelter, shower in a communal stall, then ride past the U.N. is sickening.
06:35 (Edit)
6.18 Q60 pulling out at 60th. This morning my conexions are amazing! – There is so much I’d like to catch-up on. But the horrid fatigue that grips during the day is little short of an atrocity. I don’t think it’s all physical. There isn’t a moment when my mind isn’t reeling with trying to plan for the days to come. Financially, I’m certainly not prepared… not comfortably anyway. And what should have been 10 days of shelter at least has been cut down to a mere 7. In only 7 days I must find a place in which to reside in a town completely unknown, in the midst of people… unknown. No guaranteed job. Qualified for many things but assured of nothing. I don’t know how to pack my few belongings for the flight. So many new rules and regulations now. To think, once, a long, long time ago, I used to fly as easily as walking from room-to-room in my own home. Today the very notion cramps my gut. Things are nothing like “the same”. It sometimes becomes over-whelming. It sometimes becomes murderous. But blindly, I just keep moving along. I don’t know how and I try not to think about it. – I can’t… well, I suppose I could… change my mind and stay if needed. But I’ve resigned from work here and already told of my departure. Surely, Khenkina would understand, but as surely, the “system” will not. I doubt I’d be able to rescind the resignation. And I doubt I’d be able to cope with much more time in the shelter. AND… I’m certainly NOT in a position to find housing in NYC at this moment. TRAPPED! But like a rat in some lab cage, I adapt, closing my mind against my trepidations, ever moving forward… like a lemming… to the sea.
06:44 (Edit)
6.36 60thSt/QBB We are riding into the sun-rise. This morning, so far, the timing is great. But I am disgustingly early. And there’s no place to pass time at this hour. No place to sit comfortably and wait. I’ve out-run myself. – Queens. The most diverse place on earth. Languages. Cultures. Nations. This bus. I’m hearing ay least 4 different languages.. simultaneously: Haitian Creole, Spanish, Portuguese, and shockingly… English. It’s amazing. It’s rather stimulating. It’s fascinating. But when I think how hard I work, a native-born, to reside in a shelter… it’s maddening!
07:09 (Edit)
6.49 Waiting for… at Woodhaven. This is the last Saturday! The last Saturday morning I’ll stand here, on a corner I’ve become familiar and comfortable with. In a place that was, until only about 4 short years ago, strange territory but has since become “Home”. Queens. Imagine. “Home”. I no longer have any emotional ties to The Bronx. Once was a time ioyyuuuooioipoipipipipiiiiipiiikuhhh (6.55 Q11 that string was entred in my pocket. I’ll leave it in.) when I couldn’t possibly imagine being anywhere else on Earth. The Bronx is my history, my ancestry, my heritage. The Bronx was my “Home”. It was “Beautiful”. Today? “My” Bronck’s is gone, much like EVERY bit of EVERY thing that WAS “me”. Today, “I” am different. “I” am changed. “I” am new. And “I” am still changing. I am oft’times amazed at how changed “I” am (and yet still some-what so “same”). I am truly awe-struck at how I’ve adapted to so much, survived so much. And today, how I manage to take yet another assault in stride… alone… so totally ALONE. Alone. Alone. It truly is “awesome”. – 7.06 Day-light. Day-light. Myrtle/Woodhaven. Woodhaven. I used to hear the name on the radio and dream of being on Woodhaven Blvd. Today I’m here. Jamaica Ave. Today, I’m here. I’m here and the days are disappearing. But today, I’m here…
07:19 (Edit)
*For Wednesday 12 Oct. 2011* 2 rolls (paid 1… so what?), Buddig corned beef, 1 Fage, peaches, coffee. The 35 to Tilden to lunch at the concrete table across from 102… where my P.O. used to be. Over-cast, windy, chilly. I didn’t care. Peaceful. Calm. I needed that. I need more of that. I glanced about. Soon this will be only memory. I’ll leave it and won’t be able to simply hop on a bus to lunch here, or stroll here. Soon… (7.18 HoBe already! TOO EARLY! How?)

18/10/2011 at 13:01 (Edit)
12.49 Q32 to Queens. Indeed Jewel RN lodged quite the complaint against me! But Jay Conelly was remarkably and shockingly kind! Melanie and Shawn were … there. Jay asked where I was going & as I went to answer I noticed a UVM sticker on his file cabinet! He pointed out SEVERAL green VT caps and, well, his office is LOADED with VT! He lived in BTV! Then, he assured me that the complaint would not be revealed in ANY reference requests. When I said that I’d tendered my resignation he asked the effective date. When I said “Friday” he said “We’ll accept it effective today.” When I said I’m angry over lost income he asked “What are we talking about here? What’s it worth?” I said Lawyer & Labour Board… I’m being paid through Friday. He gave me his card w/direct phone “If you run into any trouble in BTV call me.”
18/10/2011 at 14:19 (Edit)
14.11 Q53 to Rock. It’s either over or the stress has peaked but I woke up at 81st/NorthernBlvd Q32! Fell asleep on the bus! Haven’t done that in YEARS! One stop before the end of the line. Thankfully, not far from the 53. OK. Back on track. Late. But we’ll salvage something. Current concern is filling these days. I’ve packing, sorting, moving from locker to storage. A bit on laundry (jeans, 2 pair). The oddest feeling is that I’m being paid. True, it’s the very least they could do. I’ve lost vacation/sick pay due. But, this is rather a god-send. – Now to get on with the day.
18:53 (Edit)
18.38 SIBL Somebody fukked this damned computer up royally and this is all I’m going to get out of a 63minute session! 18 fukking minutes left! BULLSHIT! Let me try to catch-up with what-ever I can at this point. – I can’t remember what happened on the days I missed journaling. These days have been so hectic. One thing I can say is:
On SATURDAY 15 OCTOBER Some RN who never gave her name came to the house to perform some kind of Eval. NASTY! RUDE! JUST A SIMPLE BITCH! ARGUMENTATIVE! Well, she got it back and went storming out the door, slamming it. She yelled at me “I’ve even gotten complaints from the family!” and when I asked “From whom?” she tightened her lips against her teeth and yelled “THAT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!” She spent the longest while out-side with Maria and, ohshit, Marilyn! When Maria came back into the house she denied having said anything and that if there was any trouble, I should tell PIC to contact HER directly! – Y’know? I KNEW this was going to end up in a pile of nasty shit and so…

1. 8539266 said, on 15/10/2011 at 22:1522.10 6w107 Bitch RN did my supervisory eval today. Almost sent me “home” at non! Fuk huh. – Bought a hoodie. “Occupy Wal Street” written in wide marker on the back. – Occupied Times Square! ” Had 3 truly wonderful conversations! Got photo’ed SO MANY times! Left at 20.50. Walked back to the Dung-heap. NO MEAL TKT! No probs getting in. Signed-in no prob. I’m “known”.

SUNDAY 16 OCTOBER

MONDAY 17 OCTOBER I just got to work at about 8.00. I wasn’t in any rush. Why bother? I knew already then that I’d be pulled. But nothing happened and no calls came until 16.39 when Melanie rang to tell me “Don’t go to work tomorrow. You have to come into the office!” I didn’t bother to ask why. I knew. I went next door to tell Maria that I’m being pulled. She appeared terribly upset. Well, she is: Now she has to watch somebody new, she has to make sure that nothing gets reported, too much for her to think about. I wish I could say that I’m sorry for her… I’m not. She told me again that I shouldn’t answer any questions and just tell PIC to ring her directly. HOWEVER! MARILYN was ANYTHING BUT sorry to know that I’d be pulled and she did nothing to hide it. She simply said “Good luck with what-ever you do from here.” as if she knew she’d gotten me fired! which, essentially, she did… I left, went to PenLib for an hour and then back to the Dung-heap. I’m too pre-occupied right now with my own life to be concerned with somebody else’s. – ***** NEWS NEWS NEWS The Hostel kept contacting me about closing at the end of the month. PJ sent a ref to a place called the North Star. It’s not too far from BTV and on the Nr.6 bus (as I learned). Well, I rang them. The nightly rates were a bit more than the Hostel (but they weren’t about to close). I asked about weekly rates and THERE! NOT BAD! 250! I RESERVED FOR THE 25TH FOR A WEEK AND I CAN RENEW AS I GO ALONG! I HAVE HOUSING IN VT! I JUST ABOUT SHAT MY DRAWERS! (Now the only thing left is the job!) HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY ME! I CAN’T WAIT! I Feel so much better now, knowing that I’m not going up there to absolutely nothing. Will it work out for the very long term? I have no way of knowing. But the fact is, I’m going. I’M GOING TO VT! And the security of knowing that there’s someplace to go TO is more relief that I can tell. OK. So the place might not be perfect. No doubt they’ll give me some horrid little hole that stinks to all Hell and back. But give me a window, enough warmth and a bit of peace and quiet, a place to keep clean and a place to eat… sitting… not rushing… in silence? I’ll clean the rest! It’s a start and that’s exactly what I need right now… a start in some place I’ve never been in, no history, no drama, no bullshit! I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW! ***** – Tonight I stopped at OWS to 4 more plastic bags. The guy was thrilled when I told him “They’re big enough to sleep in. I know. I’ve done it.” And then came the panic of getting back to the Dung-heap in time to sign. I did. In spite of the shit at the front door with the x-ray STILL not working! Now we have no x-ray and only ONE SHOWER ON THE FLOOR FOR SOME 35-PLUS MEN TO VIE FOR! LIFE AT THE DUNG-HEAP!
19:07 (Edit)
19.04 SIBL with 7 minutes remaining. This computer is SO FUKKED! – Anyway. After the little encounter with Jay and the girls, I went to say Bye and Thanks to Ramdai and spent the longest while there with her. I got a lettre stating that my “RESIGNATION” is effective today! As Ramdai pointed out, “Save that. It shows that you resigned and weren’t fired.” Leave it to Ramdai. Thank you my Darling! – Left there and went to Jack’s for something to eat: 2 cheese pastries and a vanilla Coke. Caught the Q32 with intentions of going to the PO and PenLib. – FELL ASLEEP TO ALMOST THE END OF THE LINE! So I just found my way back to the bus and back to the Q53. By the time I got to the PO is was too late to cram anything much into the day so I got right back on the Q53, Q32 and here I am. A day wasted. But… a day I’m being paid for.
22:32 (Edit)
21.49 6W107 Oddly, it’ll be tough leaving these guys. I told Tony tonight. Poor guy. All I can sincerely hope for is that this bung-hole of sepsis puts somebody decent in my bed… for his sake. He’s ambitious, caring, respectful, respectable. I hope he gets somebody like himself in here. – I looked at the calendar just now. Hard to fathom: Sunday I’ll spend my last day here in NYC. Will I miss any of it? I can honestly say: I seriously doubt it. But WOW are the days just slipping by! – Well, it’s late, a good chat with Cruz, this phone is pissing me off & I’. hungry. Time for sleep.

19/10/2011 at 08:28 (Edit)
8.19 M15 to OWS. Rain. After a difficult, restless night and no time to shit this morning. My back is teetering on painful. Stress. Trying to figure how to pack and what to pack. Then get laundry in. Today is linens. I wanted to get another blanket (for OWS). Well, I’ve 3 big bags. Not much, but maybe they’ll help keep 3 people dry today. – St. Marks. I never did get to look for an ear-ring… to replace my Pegasus that my “sister” heartlessly threw away with my entire life. – Leaving here is necessary. – The rain subsided… until I’m off the bus, no doubt.
10:53 (Edit)
10.30 DunkinDonuts Liberty/Woodhaven POURING WITH RAIN! 3 donuts, 1 coffee: 5$! Unreasonable! Unrealistic! Unsatisfactory. But necessary. – I can’t believe it’s still morning! I’ve been moving all along. – Got off the bus at Wall/Water. Walked up Wall. I actually wanted to weep. The businesses are gone. The banques are gone. Brokers are gone. GONE! Hotels and condos. Part of Wall is barricaded, security kiosks, small pillars of red light. Foreboding. Horrid. Defeated. No “suits” on the almost empty streets. Defeated. No “finance”. Defeated. Depressing. Just depressing. When I got to Comfort at OWS it felt good. “Good”. Here, people who know that it WAS better and CAN BE better again were congregated, under tarps, in ponchos, in the rain. A guy I’d spoken with one night on the week-end recognised me! “Are you still going to Burlington?” He remembered! The world should know: These are not stupid people here. Rather, these are the BRILLIANT people, the ones who know that things are terribly wrong and MUST be made right… NOW, today. Not later. Not after recess. – I left the 3 bags. They were appreciated. – The A station is moved somehow. I ducked into the R. – Standing on the bright, new Cortlandt stn. platform, one of the worst-hit 10 years ago I hear “OccupyWallStreet”. A fellow with the words on a white wrist-band. From Boston. Now No. NH. Came to “Occupy” and see NYC. Headed for the MNH, C train. We rode tog. to 34th. Downtown F to W.4th. He took up-town C. I took down-town A. – Rain stopped. Storage. PACKING!
19/10/2011 at 17:19 (Edit)
17.11 HoBeJFK Stn. Just back from my trial run to Terminal5. And, absolutely sick! The AirTrain stops a forever away from the terminal. Walks and moving wwlk-wqys away. Rules. Regulations. Restrictions. Security. Military. Shoe and clothing removal. Degrading Dehumanising. (17.16 A. And I never thought I’d say but, it’s nice to be on a subway!.) Isolation of terminals. Plexiglass. Scanners. Cameras. – I say it now as I’ve said all along: The U.S. LOST on 11 Sept. 2001. This nation lies DEFEATED!
19:30 (Edit)
19.23 SIBL 9 minutes left on the computer. I’ve just added a little note written on 15 Aug. 08 to the DA Journal. Interesting how I shouldn’t be here this evening, typing this. Why the hell I’m still around is anybody’s guess. But I am. And I’m heading into a dream, or what was a dream a while ago. – Got to storage and tried to pack. TRIED! I just can’t seem to get my head around this! And not being sure how much I’ll need right away and how much I CAN bring with me and how much I’ll be able to get onto the plane. There’s just too many variables involved. I don’t have all that much. If I could get a van, just a regular van, I could bring the entire lot with me in one trip. But… that’s not an option right now. – Got my hour and some at PenLib today. Printed more info for BTV. When I get there, by the time I get there, I’ll have the whole damned thing memorized! Not bad. I just hope this North Star is nice. I almost dread getting into a room that reeks of cigarettes. But there’s only one way to find out and if it’s that bad, well, I’ve put up with the shelter for so long. I’ll clean! Period. (Just let me get work right away!) – I digress. I do that a lot lately. I can’t keep my brain focused on one thing for very long. Too much happening in too little time. – I still can’t get over the fact that Marilyin essentially got me FIRED! Had I not put in my resignation when I did, I’d be “Fired” right now. FUK! After all I did for her father. Well, it’s her guilt over not doing for him her-self. Not to mention, the shame she should feel. Take it out on me. Why not? – The security at JFK made me sick and now I’m even more-so thinking I’ll have to put up with that at the shelter for a few more night! It’s degrading! – But in 5 more days… actually… 6 more days when I get to the North Star (I like the way that sounds), I’ll be free… again!

20/10/2011 at 09:20 (Edit)
8.55 Q32 Going to drop more at storage this morning then to (hopefully) find one piece of (affordable) luggage for checked-bag on Monday. I need to bring both warm and cold weather items. The baggage I have just won’t accomodate. – Last night, Tony was quite conversational. 23.30 was lights out. A bit of a shame that the room goes good as I’m leaving. I could have certainly used a few more weeks of income before this move. But, as with all Life: It is what it is. No more. No less. – I wonder about my resignation. Had I not, had the move not been imminent, would all be any different. – This morning, round 5.30, Ortiz and someone from the courts came in, with flash-light (kind of them, but Ortiz is kind), checking for “E2E2E2″. Tony pointed. They looked. They left. Ariel feigned not knowing why they’d come. I don’t like that old man. He’s asked Tony and Cruz if I’d give him a shave, asked me if Tony and I would witness his Will, plays… – 9.10 Some idiot comes up to me to lecture me about wearing a kippa on q holiday! I shouldn’t draw attention to myself. If I’m not Jewish I shouldn’t wear the kippa because it’s disrespectful! I told him that, as a Jew I understand NEVER to judge anyone because we don’t know their circumstances. Pompous fake piety! – so Ariel plays the role of not knowing the routine, whines that the room is too cold… On and on. And now the courts are checking for him at 5.30 in the morning. – HAH! THIS, (and the JEW-ON-THE-BUS) Dear Reader, is why most of the world hates Jews. FYI. And why I’m glad to be leaving, moving on and out. – I could use a loo. Another morning of no time to shit. And here I am, 59th/Lex 9.19am.
16:42 (Edit)
16.33 I-Hop. 10,87$ CinnaFrench toast, 2 eggs, hashbrwns, coffee. – Argument with the turd in unit 4274… AGAIN! Told the desk. The wife claimed I started it. The desk said the woman’s daft anyway. – NEW LUGGAGE. ON SALE. PENNY’s QUEENS PLAZA. 40% OFF! EVERYTHING WILL FIT! – Storage looks a bit emptier. I have nothing left in this life. – 13,87 with tip. I’m full. – OK. What next? SIBL I suppose… on the holiday where I should schul-hop all night. Oh… screw me. Really. (Kippa is off.)
22:41 (Edit)
22.32 6W-107 OK. No shit. The door is closed. In the dark, Cruz is clearing his congestion. Rumbling congestion. And AS – as in WHILST – he’s clearing/rumbling I hear a young (maybe 35-40 y/o) male voice, from somewhere in the vicinity of the end of his locker say “Sounds good.” with a touch of sarcasm in the tone. I was on Twitter here. I looked up in the direction of the voice and as I did so, the door to the room opened enough for someone to walk out into the hall. Now, Cruz, 60y/o, PuertoRican, slight accent. Berlin, 74y/o, stereo-typical “Jewish” accent. Smith, 56y/o, Queens accent. – This IS THE ORIGINAL Bellevue Hospital. – I leave this entry at that.

21/10/2011 at 14:18 (Edit)
14.05 Q53 to Q32 to SIBL. Out this morning at about 6.30. M34 to F to A to storage. PACKED! – A call from Vermont Respite! JOB OFFER! HOSPICE! But I need VT LNA. OK. But, a JOB already! – PopTarts, coffee at Compare. Q53 to PenLib for 2 sessions. Much look-up on maps. E-mail to VBON r/t LNA test. Confirmation of radio interview for Thurs. – Joel said he’s sorry I’m leaving. Goodbyes. – Q21 to RiteAid. Cigs. Coke. – Q22 to B116. P.O. PAYSTUBS! Current and “Bonus”, taxed 500$ (450$)? – Q53. – This phone is fukking up. – BroadChannel 14.15. Road. Trees. The N.ChannelBr. Good-bye. JamaicaBay. Soon… lac Champlain. Soon… REAL SOON! – The clock runs faster than I.
21:34 (Edit)
21.19 Aziz just came in to wish me good luck on the move up-state. I told Khenkina and Tony. Hmmm… How, I wonder, did the news get to the 2nd floor? Hmmm… Now my anxieties mount. 2 more days. What bull-shit will somebody pull? – No hot water tonight. I’m off to a cold ante-bed shower. – Scrubs washed. Sox washed. Sox and bottoms hanging in the window.
1. 8539266 said, on 22/10/2011 at 10:13 (Edit)
10.05 6W107 Cruz is still in bed. Tony went to bkfst. (He invited me but I thought I had too much to do.) Ariel is… out. AND I CAN’T FOCUS ON ANY ONE THOUGHT LONG ENOUGH TO COMPLETE IT! It’s down to the last little things & they’re the most difficult. Hair-cut. Laundry. The fact that I have to WEAR clothes to DO laundry. Planning Monday’s departure time. OWS to drop blankets (I am NOT leaving them here & not taking them with.) What I can take, what I can’t take. How much. How little. The bloody curfew. TIME! NO TIME! And yammering in the hall. It’s breaking. AND AZIZ KNOWING ABOUT ME! KNOWING I’M LEAVING! FUX AROUND WITH MY HEAD. EXPECTING SOME KIND OF SHIT. – Anticipatory Anxieties. That’s all it really is.

22/10/2011 at 13:58 (Edit)
Our government is the potent, omnipresent teacher. Crime is contagious. If the government becomes a law-breaker, it breeds contempt for the law; it invites every man to become a law unto himself, it invites anarchy.
Louis D. Brandeis
1856-1941
Associate Supreme Court Justice
14:04 (Edit)
13.58 6W107 Ariel is back but WOW! All is so quiet! And I? I have a fresh hair-cut and beard-trim. Nose and eyebrows as well. Today I noticed THREE SUPER-LONG eye-brow hairs! Amazing! – I’ve let my-self go so much to shit of late. – Locker cleared and a bag ready to go to storage. – This day is gone. But the hair-cut was necessary as was the beard trim. Now? A shower, out to storage, and hopefully find time to eat. 8 PopTarts all day yesterday. Not good. No wonder I’m feeling cold (in 22,5degrees in here… SUN BLARING IN! DELIGHTFUL!)
15:28 (Edit)
15.24 M34 Hair cit. Beard trimmed. Jammyscrubs hanging to dry. And I am en route to storage at last! AND SO BLEATIN HUNGRY!
17:40 (Edit)
17.37 I HOP (yes… again) I need to stop this but… FOOD! – Carrying Monday’s clothes back to the shelter. Tomorrow MORNING is LAUNDRY! Then… Monday. – I’m on a verge.
17:42 (Edit)
Amost forgot… PENELOPE PHONED TODAY! As I was on the bus. “Jud! I got your call-back…” WTF? I’ve nothing to say to “huh”. Very strange.

23/10/2011 at 11:02 (Edit)
10.48 “Luxury” laundry on Rockaway Blvd., Ozone Park – Woke a bit late but not too bad. Tony invited me to breakfast again. I’ve the feeling the room will miss me. But I keep thinking of how George left 1st, then Rey, leaving me with that shit that came into 5W-101 D18. THAT won’t happen again. And so, Ariel was a bit chatty. All is so “cozy” in that room now. I sometimes wonder… If I stayed one .onth longer it would be much better, financially. Yet, knowing DHS and, as Uloma calls it, “de seestem”, the longer I remain, the better my chances of being screwed some-how. Better to leave now. – Cool shower. Strip bed. As I got to the stairs, the guard (haggy thing, hair a-skew) grabbed for her log book. I’m suspicious: Only Khenkina and Tony were told of my leaving. Now, Cruz and Aziz know. How did word get about and what am I to expect? My nerves are up until I’m out of the bldg. tomorrow morning. – M34 to F to A. – Storage went quickly until I needed to change into black jeans. Some shit-head held the loo for the longest while! So I went back up to change at the locker and came here. – The attendante is SO kind, helping me get a card, choosing a machine. Very sweet. The place is clean too. – Thankfully, today I’ve change for tomorrow’s bus to BTV. All’s going along well. (Hopefully the dryer will dry well. I can pack my jeans today and… I’m finished… until tomorrow.)
16:27 (Edit)
16.18 MMLib This is the sort of day that reminds me of how and why it is so important to get out of and away from NYC. 2 hours to get from Rockaway to Mid-town. Had to stand on the 32 bus most of the way (that, after the driver closed me in the door then wouldn’t open the back door to let people out!). There are several co.piters open but my “appointment” is for 17.30 at 15mins! And the WiFi is so slow that the battery on the iPod is running out and I’ve accomplished NOTHING! Somebody at this table stinks of mutton. It’s disgustimg all round. Oh and now funky-Homeless. Nice reminders: GET THE BLOODY HELL OUT! (Tomorrow morning… should’ve been THIS morning.)
2. 8539266 said, on 23/10/2011 at 16:36 (Edit)
16.32 True to NYC form, no WiFi on the 5th floor! Outlet to charge or plug in one’s lap-top but no WiFi. Everything in this city has gone half-assed. Time to leave. THIS is no longer the city I spent most of my life in an used to love. THIS is an inexcusable farce and I’m very much out of it.
23/10/2011 at 22:43 (Edit)
22.29 6W-107 Tonight I close NYC8539266. I do so, sadly. My dorm-mates are a delight, over-all. Tonight Tony was intrigued by the Hebrew language and we talked much on the topic. He talked about his 6-months of living out-side of Burlington and attending a Town Hall meeting.. extending the hours of public busses. It was killed. – Ariel joined the conversation on Hebrew. Cruz is more concerned about my well-being in the new place. – Tonight we signed on 5. The halls here are familiar. The noise, echoed yelling, the odours, it’s all familiar. – This is a tough night… a tough night. – I’ve taken a sm. half Xanax. It’s all.. so very bitter-sweet. May the guys get a respectable and respectful replacement. (I feel as if I’m leaving Family.)
Tomorrow, I return to:
DeadArtist
Good night… Belleview.

LoupNordique