September 2011

01/09/2011 at 08:01 (Edit)
7.42 HoBe And so I get to 6W-107 just past 20.00 last night to find a “notice” on my locker: Remove all items from top, nothing on floor or bed. I washed my scrubs… They dried on top of the locker. – The fellow who over-sees sign-in remembers me and my bed number! – The radio volume went down, then off at 23.00. – This morning, RUDELY awakened: Darsevid closed the door at about 2.15. At 4.00 the floor-cleaning crew was at it in the hall, cleaning and banging. I must swear, they make as much noise as they possibly can… intentionally. It must be intentional; nobody can find enough material in an empty hall to make that much noise. And, at 4.00? So I went for a pee, returned to the dark dorm for my coffee and toddled off to brush my teeth. I’d truly rather have slept MUCH longer but… Then to the shower, dress and OUT! – I arr’d at 34th just as the M16 did! 5.40. At the A by 5.46 and… waited for the 6.09 train to Rockaway. It was a Lefferts. I took it, half-slept along the way and grabbed the Rock A at Euclid. – Waldbaums for yoghurt and PopTarts and here I am. – Terribly tired this morning. Still trying to compensate for the horrid week-end, last. – The dorm is a bit of a mess due to the repairs to cover the incompetence about the place. Callahan coming up. Each day the lockers and beds get moved and never returned to their place. Such a delight. We’re Homeless… useless, no value, due no respect. Turn us about with-out a care. Oh well. – 8.00 Time to get on with this day.
22:40 (Edit)
22.17 6W-107 and the crack smoking is in full swing as Da(rse)vid talks to himself, stoned. A new addition to the monthly foray: he’s peeing on the floor this month. It just keeps getting better. Saying anything is useless. I talked with A.S. on it. We agreed: It’s once a month, he (David) isn’t violent, we know what we’re dealing with and, if WE bitch, WE get moved. Since 3 of 4 of us get along… we’ll settle. – So… Mr.E. goes into hospital tonight. FUUUUK ME! Hopefully he’ll be back on Saturday. But… And Monday is Holiday Pay! DAMN IT! – Mrs. cooked eggplant parmagiana yesterday and made extra for me. I had half for lunch. She gave me the rest to take! I can’t bring that in here but accepted it. Oddly, as I was coming back tonight, young guy comes on the L, homeless. I passed it on to him. Either way, a Homeless man got fed with Mrs.’ cooking today. – Mr. was in combat mode this morning. Bed-bath, breakfast and not much more. – After work, to PenLib. 2 more tunes on the iPod: French and reggae. OK. I shouldn’t but… – No rush returning, so I got in at 21.00. Signed. Chatted with A.S.1 a bit. Have showered. – 22.31 Radio blaring. David talking into his locker. I truly want to hurt him… or put his radio out of service. But I’ll be up at 4.30 tomorrow morning. I’ll think of something. Indeed. – I’m getting hot flashes lately. Hormones? I certainly hope not. I kept myself so… so… so what all those years. Creation can’t put the Big Kabash on me now! (and the radio volume goes up). – We’re in for a rough night. They’re in for a rough morning… if not a rough night. – 22.36 David gets up, turns on the light. An idea for 4.30. – I’m to understand the case-workers are quite familiar with him. I see Khen on Sunday. I believe I’ll be asking for that single. I have to complete the mandatory annual on the 20th. Keeping the cert is in my best interest. Then… POUF! GOTS T’GO! – Time to try for SOME sleep now (and David babbles on).

02/09/2011 at 20:17 (Edit)
19.53 Q60 Bwy/QnsBlvd:
*At about 6.30 I boarded the 6.00 M34 at 34th/1st headed to MadAv. for the Q32 to Woodside for the Q53 to B116 and the post office (Rockaway Park).
*From the P.O., boarded the Q53 back to QnsBlvd for the Q60 to 2ndAv where I immediately got the M15 back to 34thSt for an immediate M16 to HeraldSq. from where I strolled to the PIC office. There, I handed-in my Prof.Eval. and completed my Spvsr.Eval. and changed the mailing addresse and dir.dep. to TD!
*The R train to CityHall, MCU where they won’t let me close the svgs. and keep the cq. So? Screw ‘em! The pay will go to TD and MCU can suck arse.
*Walked to ChurchSt. p.o. for m.o. to dep. MOST of MCU into TD. Had lovely chat with clerk. Walked up to Bwy to TD. Dep. and lovely chat.
*’A’ train from Chambers to RockBlvd. Q53 to PenLib (Rockaway again) until about 17.30.
*Q53 to MetropolitanAv. Staples to copy docs for Khen on Sunday.
*Walked to 71st/Metro for 19.00 Q23 to QnsBlvd. Stopped at RiteAid. Crisps and coffee(tinned) for dinner (just finished).
*Q60 on QnsBlvd… the one from which I now journal.
At 2ndAv/60th, I shall board an M15 south-bound to 30th… and return to the hell that is the shelter. Hell tonight only because of David. But… may he be laying on his bed rotting quietly but quickly when I arrive and may death come rapidly. Amen. Amen.
I WANT A BLOODY FAG! At 45thSt/QnsBlvd. Almost to the bridge back to that God-forsaken island of Manhattan. Soon… this day will be… gone.
Tomorrow? I’m not certain but I’ve no work. Mr.E being in hosp. Beach if good weather. Sort/Pack storage if not. The morning will tell… when I wake again at 5.00 (to GET OUT QUICKLY!). OH! This morning, as I left, I flipped the light on. Sorry Anthony and Guillermo. Eat shit David!

03/09/2011 at 09:41 (Edit)
9.30 M15 It’s a damned shame to have a day off from work and to have absolutely NO idea what to do. So accustomed to working, I’m at such a loss here, this morning. – Last night was restless. David, up and down, in and out of the room. And my leg cramps are getting much worse. I wonder WTF that’s about. The fingers on my left hand too. – Well, this morning we’re headed for Pier 17, Century 21. Then… mayhaps the beach or somewhere to get/buy boxes to pack (properly) storage. The weather is fine for the beach but it’s the laundry after… in a face basin with “leaded” water… that turns whites into beige… and leaves an odour. Well. Well. Soon this day will be done.
13:13 (Edit)
13.08 Flushing train to Q53: Although the chatting with the fellow at Alamo was REALLY fun, I spent ENTIRELY TOO MUCH on stupid stuff. But… And underwear at Century? THE PRICES WENT UP BY 2-3 DOLLARS! Fukkerz! Still, I need new underwear. Bought 2… gift card. – There in NO “finance” in the “Financial Dist.” SCREWED!
13:32 (Edit)
99 John (Duncanson and Holt), 95 Wall (Chemical Bank), Barclays Bank Bldg… residential. This city is GONE! – 13.26 On the Q53. NO AIR CONDITIONING! Bloody HOT! – Hazy day. Not a “beach” day for me. Too damned hot. I’m going to Staples, look into boxes. Then to storage to sort and hopefully re-pack. – The guy at Alamo knew BVT. Says there’s “a lot of homeless” there. This is NOT good news. I’m staring at a seriously major depression as it is. News like this is a speeding car headed for a very high, rocky cliff. – 2 Cadbury bars and tinned coffee. Meal. – The sun is beating in through the bus window. I’m hot, tired.
14:03 (Edit)
13.58 FUK! Fell asleep and woke at JamaicaAv! 14.03 Q53 Myrtle. SO TIRED!
17:38 (Edit)
17.30 I-Hop on LibertyAv! I ordered a fried chicken dinner. God help me. Hot food. Nothing substantial in 2 days and now this? OK! – Storage: Bought 8 boxes at Staples (gift card). 3 are packed. 1 is “tossed”. I got tired and decided it was time to go… SHIT! I had to STUFF the locker! I PRAY Mr.E. doesn’t come back until tomorrow evening. I NEED to get a whole day to “fix” my mess.
19:09 (Edit)
19.04 Q53 back to… This is the difficult part, having eaten (4pc. fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, biscuit, salad, coffee, cola), talked with a charming waitress… and being “People” only to go back to where I have to watch everything and everyone and deal with junkies, thugs and general shit, and become a piece of paper and a number. Well, for a while I was “human”. I won’t do it again too soon. But for what it was, it was good.

04/09/2011 at 09:58 (Edit)
9.45 Q32 36thSt/QBlvd To think, I slept-in until 7.34 this morning, coffee, loo, shower, leisurely dress. Signed the roster at about 8.30-something. Nr.8. By 9.18 I was out of the bldg. and now, I’m already back in Queens! M15 to 57th and as I waited for this bus I untangled several metres of black thread. (Finished the task moments after boarding the bus. YAY ME! ALRIGHT! OK! WOOT-WOOPIE HURRAH! and shit.) If it can all go THIS well THIS morning, why can’t the World go THIS well EVERY day? Fuk. – Last night I tweeted until almost 24.00. (The bus driver just told a passenger “Chief! You wanna use your cell phone? Go to the back of the bus!” BusNr.6082 for the record.) Tweets done, lights out. David woke once (that I know of), lights on, opened his locker, lights out. Cruz(E3) tells me David’s flat broke already. Hr just got his cheque on the 1st! Blown on crack. How the hell? Useless humanity. Where’s Aldous Huxley when we need him? – WOODSIDE! 9.56. I’m about an hour ahead of where I thought I’d be this morning.
10:31 (Edit)
10.15 Q53 Something, I fear, is about to go terribly wrong: I had time to get coffee, cake and cigs. Finish the cake and coffee and board 3rd on the bus. Got a good seat. It’s all just too “good”, too “right”. HOWEVER we’ve another spiffy driver who just yelled at a passenger for dumping rolled coins into the fare-box. “You can’t just do that. If I can’t un-jam that, you know what the next step is? Out of service! You watch everybody get off the bus.” It’s bus 3727 by-the-by. – 10.20 on the route. A hazy day again. If this was a regular week-day I’d most likely go to the beach. But it’s a holiday and the temperatures will be high 20′s. I’m going to pack the stuff in storage. This Summer has left me completely defeated. – Khen tells me this morning, she was a Biologist back in the USSR (you don’t know how lucky you are boy. Back in the US back in the US back in the USSR) (I’m old. I digress.) Another professional in the bowels of NYC society. She just couldn’t make it in her profession when she came here. – She also tells how horribly SHE was treated at the ParkAv Shelter! She says “I just wouldn’t let them do that to me… even with my poor English.” “Humble Dignity” I call that. SO MANY MORE should learn that. – I have to start writing notes about that ParkAv incident. Only a week ago and things are fading from memory. – OK. 10.30 GrandAv/QBlvd. I need the loo…
16:08 (Edit)
16.06 OceanPkwy Mr.E is back! HOLIDAY PAY TOMORROW! – 8 boxes packed this morning. I need 8 more. DAMN! And I threw so much out! – I truly miss ocean air. The water in it.
16:14 (Edit)
There’s a certain “feel” on the skin and in the lungs. (Truth? I just SO HATE Manhattan.) – Now to KingsHwy. A blanket for the cool nights. My legs cramp so terribly lately when it gets cool at might (tho so seldom). – Storage is closed tomorrow. I’d’ve packed but… HOLIDAY PAY! YAY! – SheepsheadBsy. 16.13 Another day just went right by. – Fatigued and dehydrating now.
21:59 (Edit)
21.38 HOT as HELL in this dorm tonight! SLIGHT draft. I just hope my shirt and jeans dry before I leave in the morning. When I finally got in at about 17.30 I washed. Jeans, shirt, unders, 3 pairs of socks. The towel got a blast of bleach and… it’s STILL BEIGE and it STILL gets funky when wet! If that’s cotton they wove dead boll weavles into it! I need a new towel! – But 3 new t-shirts (1,99$ each) and a new shirt (16,99) in a most interesting shade of something between dark teal and steel blue. Even the gal at Jackie’s commented on the colour. – Well. I didn’t go to KingsHwy. Decided to come right back here. The damned train ran SO BLOODY SLOWLY ALL THE WAY IN! For most of the trip I slept. Hot. Humid. And at 34thSt? Bloody tourists just scattered all over. 25min wait for the cross-town bus. I was quite ick by the time I got in here. But I was solo! Had a chat with the DHS guard about how stoopid some of these residents are. He made the perfect comment: “If these people had any respect and sense, we wouldn’t have to be here.” WOAH! SO TRUE! UNDENIABLY! – Tonight is WBAI night: old radio shows and “Standards”. Good radio. Good for mind-wandering down MemoryLn. – 10mins to bed-check. I’m totally fatigued but not too sleepy. A nice vodka-tonic would be most welcome this eve. I was looking forward to one tomorrow… at 413. But no… work… again. Alas. – 21.53 Cruz just in. I said: We waited-up for you. “You did?” Of course we did. “Oh that’s nice of you. I didn’t think anybody cared.” (He’s already told me he’ll actually miss me when one of us goes.) – And now? I need to get some rest. Some broad was at the sign-in table tonight. I wonder about bed-check… we’re half-nekkid in here tonight. (And I’m waiting to get some shit about my wash being on the locker. Shit. It’ll be gone by about 5.30) – Holiday/Sunday commute in the morning… SHOOT ME NOW!

05/09/2011 at 20:32 (Edit)
20.05 6w107 This morning I was at 34th by about 5.45 or so… No bus for the longest so I walked over to 33rd/Park. 3 mins. for the 6 and the trains were running 23mins apart! OK. 14thSt. to the L. MORE waiting and signs that made no sense. I got on. At 3rd… wait… and wait… Announcements: 1.Waiting to space trains. 2.Held by dispatch. 3.Train traffic. 4.Signal trouble. 5.Construction, trains running slow. I GOT OUT! AN HOUR HAD PASSED and I was at 14th/2nd waiting for the M14! FINALLY! A bus… to 8thAv to WAIT for an A that ran LOCAL all the way! I clocked-in at 8.05. – Mrs.E. was waiting for me out-side. “I’m so afraid you wouldn’t come!” PIC/VNS gave her all sorts of crap yesterday. Even sent somebody at 14.00. SHE and Marilyn BOTH specified they wanted ME on the case. PIC tried to tell her/them they had to take whom-ever! (Now I know what I’m dealing with… Back-stabbers.) Anyway… we get into the house, she says “Make your coffee.” We talk. She says “Good luck.” and leaves. I finally got Mr. out of bed (with minor probs.) at 10.00! No shower. Light wash. It’s all I could get. – The day? I had oatmeal and 2 yoghurts for breakfast. Lunch, 2 eggs. Ensure. FELL ASLEEP from 14.00-14.29! Mr. on the recliner all day. Tired. – Left 17.15 A to 34th… slept again. At 34th some idiot comes to ME to ask about the bus. WHY? I look like I know? Like I’m a nice guy? SHIT! The answer only took a nod. – How I truly HATE NYC! Sorry Mama. It’s nothing like it used to be. I think you’d hate it now too. – Back at the Dung-heap at 19.00. In and up to the floor. (Note: Nice guy, good looking, 5thFl. Victor, talked with me, introduced himself. My “new Charlie”? I wouldn’t mind.) – Got to chatting with Sec.Gd. on the floor here. Mentioned the “E2″ situation. She came to see… HE WAS HER NEIGHBOUR IN THE BRONX! GOT TOSSED BECAUSE OF DRUGS AND NOISE &c! Imagine THAT! She said we should file a complaint down-stairs. But… it wouldn’t do us any good. Still, she said let her know if we need…
20:38 (Edit)
20.32 Last night’s wash is still damp. I’m sweating. 27degrees in here. I’m SUPER sensitive to heat lately. I sweat like mad, even in a breeze! Old age? “Man”opause? SHIT! Need to go NORTH! SOON! – Finished the last 2 PopTarts. Time to sign. Coffee made for morning. I need s shave (not happening). – Oh, one of the air fresheners in the locker leaks. Woah! Smells… pretty?
1. 8539266 said, on 06/09/2011 at 05:51 (Edit)
5.41 at 34th/1st The day commences. Almost caught with a smoke this morning. Just a warning from the hall. – 5.46 M16 arriving! I’m about to be EARLY… in the drizzle. Almost didn’t bring the umbrella. – Last night, at about 22.06, the kind sec.gd. announced “Gentlemen, it’s after 10.” Darsevid had just turned the radio off. All went ever so quiet. – This morning, I woke at 4.21… no alarm. – It’s delightfully cool this morning. Thank the Weather Gods. – Now? Running early. I’ve confidence that the MTA will “adjust” that. – Ever so overly-friendly, chatty driver. This city HATES peace, silence, night, serenity. I… HATE this city.

06/09/2011 at 21:23 (Edit)
21.07 6w107 22deg. in here! Breeze! And the light’s on (I put it on). Out-side, the rains are falling. A very cool night (and me with-out a blanket). No complaints though. No sweat! Literally. And oddly, tonight I don’t feel compelled to shower. – The day went well enough. Mr. was a delight but he’s got the trots. Hopefully not C.Dif. And I was on the Good list all day. – An hour at SIBL tonight. Only the catch-up on ParkAv. (Admittedly, music… So.African! My old music collection is coming back!) – And now, 2 pound cake slices before bed. – Vivian (the Greek sec.gd.) is on the floor tonight. She remembers me, I remember her. Old times. – Darsevid is quite fidgety. Gee. Radio on. Baseball. – And I’m looking forward to closing this day. T.I.R.E.D.

07/09/2011 at 22:14 (Edit)
22.02 There were things I wanted to note today, thoughts mostly. But I can’t remember. Alas. – The rains are coming. Rumour is, through the week-end. Today it came and went. This evening it wasn’t bad but just a bit ago, strong wind! (SHIT! Humid and back up to “82″ coming again. NO!) I got up on the sill to close the top window a bit (on request fm. 1&3). Last night somebody closed the damned door! It cuts the ventilation! And I have to get ready for work in darkness. Well…. – Tomorrow we’re to remove linens from the bed so mattresses can be inspected. The Callahan is coming. – Mr.E. has quite a case of the trots. If they don’t stop tomorrow I’ll become concerned. Truly. – Mrs. made lasagna and brought a large plate over for me. – Well. No shower again. I don’t feel ick. No heat/humidity/sweat! – Woke at 5 this morning. Made work by 7.33. – I need a blanket. I’m sleeping in scrubs under 2 doubled sheets. – Time for sleep. CBS.FM on the radio tonight. Low volume. And I’ve had 4 PopTarts. – G’night.

08/09/2011 at 06:11 (Edit)
6.06 FlushingTrain CourtSq. At 3.50 the light came on. Darsevid. WTF? Ticking & banging about in his locker. I had my coffee, plugged in the iPod to charge, laid back down. Woke, 4.30. – RAIN this morning.
06:39 (Edit)
6.19 on a bitter-cold Q53. In the mini-deluge, I walked o Park/28th having JUST missed an M15. Not thinking, I headed down the stairs and to the train… UP-town! And so it came to pass that I am where I am at the moment. – Nothing says “Morning, NYC” as well as being drenched on a cold bus at 6.24 in the morning. – *Observation: I am 2 distinct persons. When out of the shelter, I can be compassionate, civilised, enjoy listening to my music, bopping a bit to the beat. BUT… as I return to the shelter, I become defencive, alert, aware and music becomes an annoyance, a distraction. I’m more apt to ‘fight to kill’. I become the antithesis of who/what I am “generally”. I’ve noticed this more lately. I’ve become aware of it. Not to say that it’s negative in any manner. But as I have said before: Considering child-hood and more recent years (journalled and not) I’m surprisingly stronger than I’d ever thought. – Yesterday I bought Tallis Scholars, Missa Et ecce terrae motus (Antoine Brumel)… the entire (9,99$). This morning’s music. How I remember that morning, walking along the Hudson to 95 Wall and, so VIVIDLY in my mind, I looked up at the WTC Towers and “saw” them in flames, smelled the smoke, felt the trembling! It happened well before 11Sept2001. I was listening to this same music then.
08:01 (Edit)
7.52 Q53 to HoBe at B94 I’m late but don’t really care. I caught the most amazing rainbow as I went to the P.O. this morning. And as I stood on BCD taking some photos, the Q53 I’d come into Rockaway on stopped, the driver yells “That rainbow is falling right on the WTC!” and so it was. Sometimes we actually are where we should be when we should be there. And now, 7.57 BroadChannel? the sun is just BRILLIANT! (And French… Roch Voisine “Au bout de l’ile” on the iPod) There are fleeting moments during the course of a life-time when…
08:05 (Edit)
8.00 BrdChnl For some reason, my mind has me headed to Middle Village but I’m going to HoBe! Short circuit in the brain this morning. And THIS morning I’ve NO emotional attachment to Rockaway… as if the heart is dead.
2. 8539266 said, on 08/09/2011 at 20:22 (Edit)
20.14 Aqueduct/N.Conduit A train. I left PenLib at just past 19.35. I’m praying I make sign-in! – A good day. Mr.E. in good spirits, no trots, bed bath, ate a great breakfast. Daughter brought pizza. I ate the rest of the lasagna and a slice! – At PenLib, copied the rainbow pics to WordPress. Copied ALL images from phone to Flash. Printed a “Callahan”. Grabbed images to Flash-drive and HTML for statements. Productive. Joel was quite chatty. Too bad I couldn’t stay longer. Ah, but I don’t reside there of late. – Today got HOT! Tonight, warm, humid. – Bed inspection today. I wonder what awaits. – UNDERGROUND!
22:31 (Edit)
22.05 6w107 The Coalition is JUST finishing “bed inspection” on the floor! ALL day we’re out but they wait, send one woman to inspect some 800 beds and she checks the corridors, slop sinks, showers, et al! And tomorrow will be similar. Such is the routine of the Homeless… to be at the mercy of…. ? But in THIS little corner of Hades we don’t get peace until at least 23.00 when the bloody baseball is done. So it really doesn’t matter much anyway. Even now the radio’s going and our David Hall is fukking with the volume. No peace… – The trip back? Shocking! I was coming into the building at 21.15. The shuttle came in due course. The A zipped in and down the line. The L was running close. Worst part was the M15 bus: NOT ONE on the ave. so I walked from 14th. JUST MISSED a limited at 24th. Bastard pulled away from the curb AS I ARRIVED. Typical NYC of late. Then we had the usual idiots at the entrance: slow to put things into the x-ray, shit in pockets, &c. I walked up to the floor. A wonderful security guard who be-friended me last time I was here met me at the top of the stairs. Then Singleton comes buzzing by (comments to security “He’s a sweet man.” pointing at me). – Signed in at about 21.30! MADE IT! OK! – The woman from The Coalition looked into the room. Alleges floors and painting will commence tomorrow. (The Callahan is Wednesday.) Beds to be stripped AGAIN tomorrow. Oh well. – Meanwhile, I’m going to try for SOME kind of rest. Tomorrow’s “Run Day” after work. – (David’s bumping his locker, fidgeting in the bed, belching. THAT NEEDS to GO!) – One closing comment: As the woman fm. Coalition was in the hall, a guy fm. 3rdFl comes out of the shower in nothing but a bed-sheet wrapped like a toga! SO FUNNY… It surprised the woman who instructed, politely, that he’d better get some clothes in. Just so funny. – Enough… the day is done (the bloody baseball is not… unfortunately). I want a smoke but…

09/09/2011 at 06:04 (Edit)
6.00 M34 A bit of pain this morning. Dull. Like post-kick. Lower ab. Not cramp. – Ever so tired. – Warm weather at 6.00. Is the hot weather back? Please no. – MadAv. 6.03. Friday commences. Wk-end off. BFD!
08:04 (Edit)
7.42 O.K.! HERE WE GO!: A 6.23 A train to FarRock! How pleasant? Quite, particularly because of the fellow sitting across-diagonally headed for JFK/SFO (too bad I couldn’t fit into carry-on… heh.heh.heh.) And funny? I tried taking a couple of pics and…next thing I know I’m looking up, at my station, as the doors close! NO PROB. Off at HoBe/JFK. Nice stroll from there. Probably about as far as N.Conduit but much more residential (Old HoBe). Quite the delight, whilst listening to “The Lunatics Have Taken Over The Asylum” (indeed they have… 30thSt. and here at HoBe…) Clock-in, 7.16. – At about 7.45 Mrs.E. comes by. Tells me, Mr.E. was “a very bad boy” last night and in pain… yelling because of, let’s call it “bottom pain”. Well, yes, his hole is a bit raw. That’s why I made-up the mixture to apply! Says Mrs. “I told Mrln. ‘J. does everything he can. He takes GOOD care of your father.” SO! I’ve been correct all along about the daughter… bad-mouthing me. OK. From now on, SHE’S on my “Watch-The-Back-stabbing-Bitch” list. – I AM SO BLOODY TIRED OF THIS SHIT! I spend 9hrs/day with HER father, she buzzes in 5-10 minutes. SHE won’t help her Mum or tend to HER father so I, a non-family person comes in. Right. FukU dear. – Meanwhile we’re all a-buzz about terrorist attacks this week-end. Bloody morons. Over-kill sensationalism. I’m quite fed-up with that as much. – Finish my coffee. Smoke. Pee. Begin the day. – Fukkit!
11:33 (Edit)
11.10 VENT-TIME! Just got a call from Guerda C.O.C. She tells me that Marilyn-the-Daughter claims that Mr.E. has a decubitus! (Subsequently, Mrs.E. swears Marilyn didn’t say that.) Wife says she’s happy I’m here. Says it’s a misunderstanding or miscommunication. Me? I’m tired of the “second guessing”.
3. 8539266 said, on 09/09/2011 at 11:36 (Edit)
This morning, PIC screwed my dir.dep. but TD fixed it. Now my cq. and svg. is with TD! I’m moving closer to moving out and moving on!
21:48 (Edit)
21.19 6w107 Left HoBe at just past 17.00 with Mr. in good mood (and wet drawers for his daughter to deal with). Mrs. was delightful but sorry that I wouldn’t be there on the wk-end. If I didn’t want the little bit of income I get (VERY LITTLE) I wouldn’t be back at all. But my goal is Thanksgiving… Canadian in BVT. With dir.dep. into the same banque now, saving should be easier, goal more attainable. I hope. So; as I’m leaving, the guy down-stairs wants to talk. Talk about some “bomb” on Sunday. Talk about how “we” should’ve taken out al Queda in the “5 or 6-day war” (Israel). Talk about how “we” (the U.S.) must be in Israel because “you” (Jews) will just kill EVERYbody so the U.S. has to “control you”. Ah… HowardBeach. – I got the Q11 up to Staples. Got 8 more boxes. A packed, OLD Q11 to Liberty. Dropped the boxes, got more Vit.C at storage. Peed and left. Cigs. at CVS and by 19.15 was on my way back to the Dung-heap. – As I’m walking up 1st, having come off the bus, a young fellow (White) asks for directions to the shelter. He had a cane and terrible limp. I took him along. Got him in. Waited for him to go through security. (Several bottles of very good cologne!) Then parted at the lift… after giving directions to “Intake”. In the past, some people here were kind to me. I pass that kindness along. – OH KAY! For tonight’s *story*: I flip on the light to come into the room and David Hall (of bed E2) gets up mumbling something about a “stupid ass”. He’s obviously pissed because I put on the light. Odd; he doesn’t mind putting the light on, off, on, off during the course of a night. Personally, I ignore him, watching from the corner of my eye. The radio is on (of course). I get my little wash together and head across the hall. Next thing, David pops in, looks about, leaves. No prob. – When I come back, Nr.1 is situating his bed. Seems David’s smoking and such, in general, is disturbing. We’ll be heading for Admin on Sunday. If they’d move just him and me into a 2bed it would be fine with me. We’ll see what…
21:51 (Edit)
21.49 Waiting for “BED-CHECK”. A smoke and I’m DONE! My eyes are closing already.

10/09/2011 at 08:41 (Edit)
8.36 59/3rd Just missed the Q32!.20mibs to wait and can’t see the bloody screen on this piece of shit phone. No journal. No twitter.
09:14 (Edit)
8.56 Q32 64th/3rd So last night’s wash wasn’t dry this morning. And I cut the 4.30 alarms and woke at 7.30! Well, it doesn’t look like I’ll be getting the beach (A.FUKKING.GAIN) this wk-end. Over-cast. Breezy. (Fuk this phone and the typos!) – “Tony”(1) (finally intro’d his self this morning) and I are to go to someone tomorrow concerning David(2). Cruz(3) tells me, this morning, David’s complaining because Tony complained about the smoking in the room! Sorry? WTF? Smoking ANY-where in the bldg. is prohibited… PARTICULARLY IN THE ROOM! WHAT THE FUK gives shit like David the sense of entitlement and exemption to rules and regulations? It’s things like him that have stopped me from being socially helpful. And call it/me what you will but MY PERSONAL, DIRECT OBSERVATION has/have shown: CERTAIN ETHNICITIES are more prone to such crap. Period. AND… I’m to understand that David has stated that “Whites” are “trying to take over” in the shelter! Staff and residents! According to David Hall, Whites “have to go”. I’m thinking: time to post a pic of this one here. Shall do, ASAP indeed. – Meanwhile, back in Queens… to storage to re-pack. PenLib to print “paypuhz” for tomorrow’s visit with Khen. Maybe a trot to 413(!) weather permitting. – I’m in jeans and t-shirt. Odd… not scrubs.
13:42 (Edit)
13.33 Q53 to The Rock. 3 hours in storage again and STILL not right. 16 boxes, neatly packed and still stuff to be organised. This is not “me”. But then, who knows? – My back is out too. – No beach. No sun. No shit… rather… all shit. Now to hope to get time on the library PC to print a statement for tomorrow. And the account of ParkAv Shelter STILL needs to be completed. – Meanwhile, traffic is miserable on CrossBay and our “driver” keeps aiming for stop lights. These are the days. – The big buzz is that we’re to be bombed tomorrow. If so, I’d like to know where and when. I’ll be at the site. Kah…boom (‘n’shit). Bunch o’ dumbasses who buy into this bunk. – Headache to go with back-ache. Jolly la dee da. – N.CHANNEL AT LAST! 13.42. FU.U.U.U.K!

10/09/2011 at 18:23 (Edit)
18.17 Q22 B149 to… return. Got my statement at PenLib. Q53 to “my” Waldbaums. And a late lunch at the table by the Ft.Tilden P.O. The sky had cleared. The breeze was delightfully cool. Lunch was renewing. And so, a stroll to 13 (and a quick 413). – No huge waves. No horses! No Kimmie. No Brian. The Fort is… some-what some-how desolate. Sad. – I want to get some soil before I leave.
18:51 (Edit)
18.35 Q53 I boarded at 18.30. It took this long to connect to Internet. – Coming in, Fat Tim or Jim or what-ever (he owes me 7,47$ for the beer… 3 years ago) was on the street, Phil and his bit of stuff were on the porch. On the way out of RockPark… B116 is empty. Even here, at B94, the bus has plenty of empty seats. Rockaway is done for the season. Time to rest and recover from the Summer. “They” (D4D) have gone home. It’s now that I miss it. But this evening I thought: I won’t come back. Too many people I want never to see again. To Neponsit? Oh… it might have been. But no. No more NYC. No more NYS. No more NY. Enough. Enough. I’ll miss JamaicaBay. I’ll miss The Atlantic. I already miss Tilden. But it’s time… time to leave. Time… – Now to Staples. A photo-copy and back into that god-forsaken city. The peace of today was welcomed, needed, appreciated and short-lived. Soon… one way or another… I’ll make it last. Soon and very soon.
21:49 (Edit)
21.36 6w107 Comment: This morning, as I waited for the Q32, a man came walking round the corner, he carried a small ironing board. I saw it as a surf board, then a boogie board. Rockaway. Board under arm is for the beach. Culture. – OK. A tweet from P.J. “Stay uptown…” tomorrow. Apparently the news is carrying much about NYC being bombed tomorrow. As I got off the bus at 30th/2nd this evening at about 20.25, the police pulled an SUV over. Flash-lights out. The inspection! At the end if the Q60 run in The City, cops, flares and more inspections. Yes. Al Queda won in 2001. And every year we are reminded of their victory. I remember every time I think of Wall Street and the whole “FormerFinancialDistrict”. GONE! And my C.V.? So little is verifiable any more… everything is GONE. – Time to leave… for the final time. – DavidNote: Quite flatulent again tonight. Loud, in volume. LOUD, in odour. And now, 21.48, muttering and mumbling something indecipherable. MICA! He SHOULD be “Psych”… and NOT “GenPop”. But… we’ll see what tomorrow brings.

11/09/2011 at 08:16 (Edit)
DREAM:(6w107 8.37) I was in somebody’s home, not mine, not a shelter. In a good mood. We (the other guy and I) were getting ready to go some-where. I looked in the mirror and noticed my hair was quite long in the back. I commented that I needed a hair-cut and was disturbed by this because there was no place to go to. – Something happened, I don’t know what, to put me in an extremely BAD mood! I was on the phone to Air Canada. Bought a ticket to Montreal but with no particular date. I had to go through some pre-flight interrogation, similar to customs but it involved interrogation. Where was I going? Montreal. When? As soon as I get to the aeroport. Why? To get out of and away from here! For how long? I don’t know just now. What am I taking? EVERYTHING! Where will I be staying? Anywhere I can find. – A young, thin, blonde, wavy-haired guy conducted the interrogation. Meanwhile, a young, short, dark-haired gal grabbed my back-pack from the floor, began to rummage through it. I didn’t want her to see/know what was in it:
“Why are you searching through that now? I’ll be re-packing it. It’s not packed for the trip.”
“It’s not packed for your trip?”
The guy told her “Leave it alone if he’s going to re-pack.” She out it down. I zipped it closed.
Next thing, I’m being told there’s ANOTHER procedure. Go to a counter. I became enraged! ONLY for ME! Others passed after the 1st bit! I had to queue at another counter with about 7-8 non-English speakers who were, I thought, being deported. This time, a large book in the desk. Reading and math. The book was hand-written. I was the only one required to read it! I lost my temper, refusing to participate. I YELLED! HOLLERED! I was allowed to pass. – Back in my room it occurred to me: Ticket purchased by no date! I had to ring-up Air Canada to find out when I was leaving. “Any time.” I was told. I woke, aggravated.
08:32 (Edit)
8.29 5thFl.”Lounge” I AM SUDDENLY SO DAMNED TIRED! I was fine when I woke. Fine when I showered. Then, as I noted the dream all energy drained from me! Tightness in chest. Hands trembling. Eyes unable to stay open. THAT tired. Inexplicable.
10:36 (Edit)
10.06 60th/1st Just watched the Q60 leave! But that’s not the “best”. Oh no. This morning’s CaseWorker news: Housing Interview… TUESDAY AT 15.00… BROOKLYN! BED-STUY I believe! Rent is 30% of income. OK. Good for 1yr. Sect.8HPD (after 1yr I can apply to ANY OTHER HPD). The KICK? *** If I refuse (or decline) OR if I don’t go to (or miss) the interview it’s not “FTC” (FailureToComply) it’s a “Sanctionable VIOLATION”: “out on the streets, NO SHELTER SERVICES ANYWHERE for 3-6 MONTHS. (I’m told it’s a Bloomberg decree.) There’s NO recourse. There’s NO appeal. Only SANCTION. PERIOD! – Essentially, needing to work to receive income toward financial success and independence has NOTHING to do with Bloomberg’s agenda. So? I must call for the day off on Tuesday… I was going to request a half day for DSS/FoodStamps (another service that disregards WORKING people). Now? It’s the ENTIRE day! The “System” is built to ensure the failure of those who seek and need its help. But it’s also built to guarantee its own existence… eternally. Understandably… there’s employment and cash-flow involved… not for the “Client”… for the “System”. In essence: Fuk the Client, s/he’s useless to begin with. – I shall go, to DSS in the morning AND to HPD in the afternoon. We shall see what comes of it. I’m NOT “defeated”; I’m tired and disgusted and fed-up. Fortunately I tend to trust (with-in reasonable limits) my CaseWorker. We shall see. *** – Next issue: ** David. I asked if 2 of us in the room complain, will it get him out. “They will tell you that this is not a hotel and if you are uncomfortable where you are, you don’t have to stay here.” There are SO many people seeking shelter in NYC now that they’ll do ANYthing to encourage the Homeless residents to leave. She (the CaseWorker) KNOWS of David (“piece of shit”) and his own CW (Crawford) can’t get rid of him! No telling why. But… maybe my housing is the blessing. I can “take care of” David… then leave. A thought for contemplation and planning. **
10:39 (Edit)
10.36 Q60 42ndSt/QnsBlvd. Over-cast. No beach again today. Not as tired. But HUNGRY! Plan? A few hours at storage, perhaps lunch at Tilden. Early back to Dung-heap. I MUST wash my work scrubs early so they’ll be dry tomorrow.
14:50 (Edit)
14.45 M15 Easex/Delancy fm the J: If I’m correct and 1013 is where the “Housing” is being offered, it’s a “3/4″ which means sharing, perhaps having a “bed-room” for which I’d pay rent and SHARING kitchen and bath and front door. Could be me, alone in “the room” or bunk-beds. Could be 2 or MORE in the flat. And the place is ON the J elevated! And yes… BedStuy. *** I don’t have enough money yet, to land comfortably on my feet but… I’M PACKING TODAY… TO JUMP! ***
15:32 (Edit)
15.10 5thFl”Lounge” with 5 others in waiting and Khen, just calling from the list. – I’m ever so tired. My blood sugar is plummeting. My lips and arms are tingling. I think I need to eat but there’s no time for that. I need to know wha…. 15.26 DONE! I’m still not certain where to get into the bldg but… Khen tells that the place is beautiful: Single occupancy, sep. loo, stove, micro, table, 2 chairs, bed. Reg. rent: 962/mo. For me: 30% of my income. BUT… she’d sent 3 before me: 2 “not Black”, 1 Latino. All 3 liked the place. None accepted. We shall see. – Meanwhile, Da(rse)vid is in bed, radio a-blarin’. I’m dropping things in my locker and will try to figure something to eat… something, somewhere.
16:56 (Edit)
16.47 The river park. Meal: Buddig pastrami(2) on roll. Fage yoghurt(1). Choc.Chip PopTart(2). Sm.bottle Vit.Water(SturD). Food! And ad I began, a gull caught a crab (so funny… a gull catching crabs… I did that and had to douse in kerosene to get rid of them!). – The scent of the river isn’t so very pleasant but it IS welcome. I miss being on the ocean. Alas. – It’s getting chilly. I’ve wash to do. Meet with Tony. Should get going. – I’ve no cash any more. Victor needed money so I gave him my bag of change. A few dollars in it. But he asked so nicely and he does, I’m pretty sure, need. If not? The money will burn him. If he does need, may it bring him good health. – I want a smoke. Can’t have one here. Esp. because of the cretins and urchins (a.k.a. children) (screaming like banshees, the little shits). – Toodles.
17:55 (Edit)
17.45 6w107 Tomorrow’s work clothes are on the locker to dry. Smellin’ GAINfully good! Da(rse)vid STILL in the bed, radio on, volume low, he’s under his blankey. I guess crack-heads catch a chill at 25 degrees. Worthless piece of worthlessness. Awful. Simply disgusting. HE is the Homeless that people attend; the Homeless that nobody wants. And THAT is what makes existence difficult for all Homeless. “Take ‘em down” Hall. – And Tony? Supposed to be here at 17.00? Another one? No show. I don’t care. I can’t care. – IT MOVED! Da(rse)vid moved! To go to dinner. Oh what I COULD do in his absence to make him miserable. But a)I’m too tired and b)I just don’t want to be bothered at the moment. So perhaps I’ll nap. – Still waiting for the “big boom”.

12/09/2011 at 11:08 (Edit)
10.52 HoBe I had an entire entry done just now but dozed momentarily and erased the whole thing! I’m on the very edge of a “Burn-out/Melt-down”, physically and menralky(mentally) (fukking phone). – At 10.38 I rang Melanie to get tomorrow off and she went into a tirade about ME putting HER into a “situation”. “You can’t call me today to tell me you need off tomorrow!” FUK U darling! I didn’t learn about the housing shit (DHS) until yesterday when your tired arse wasn’t at work. AND I don’t WANT to go to the DHS appointment to interview for an apartment I don’t want in a boro I’ve never lived in, in a neighbourhood where I’m likely to be assaulted, mugged, robbed or murdered. (But our mayor/dictator Michael Bloomberg DEMANDS it and I, being Homeless, and no longer eligible for nor entitled to courtesy, respect, consideration or dignity. Toss me as suits YOUR fancy.) As well, DSS lost my paper-work so now I HAVE to go into the office! – The phone charger isn’t working properly. I had the phone on charger for 4 hours last night and NO CHARGE! – Mr.E. is officially “Hospice” now and I’ll probably be dismissed from the case… soon. – I’m teetering ON THE EDGE…
17:49 (Edit)
17.44 PenLib This day went well enough. But one thing on my mind: Marilyn rang to say they’re asking to keep the same team when Carmine goes Hospice. However, she mentioned that her Mum “has issues with” me. “Issues”? OK. Let her find better.
21:52 (Edit)
21.24 6w107 Another day… I don’t know how, but I wasted the whole hour at PenLib. Nothing accomplished in an hour. (David has a new toy! The radio is on, volume at reasonable, but he’s got his mobile working and he’s got annoyingly loud ring-tones that, because we’re all in here, he’s running through. A 64 year old “brat” complete with infantile tantrums. He does his “people” great justice. Between him… oh, now we do our little “mumble’n’groan”… him and the fly in this room… give me the fly. Oddly, it comes to me… David’s just TOO filthy, even for a fly.) Where was I? Oh yes. The new acct. at the banque isn’t open yet. Cust.Svce. today tells it takes 48 hours to appear. Oh well. Expect nothing and never be disappointed. But I got some pictures to here (WordPress) to insert along the way. That was my “accomplishment”. left at just past 19.00. The Shuttle caught an open S.Channel bridge but only momentarily. I got back into the Dung-heap by about 20.30. Sign-in on 5. A hearty hello from Victor (in passing). – Rumour has it: Tomorrow’s the Callahan. Interestingly, one thin cost of “floor wax” has been hastily slapped on the floor here AND THERE’S NO DRINKING WATER! The cooler hasn’t a bottle installed and there are none to be found. But tomorrow, round-about 5.00, the pounding on the door and the announcement “BREAKFAST!” The shelter ENSURES that NO RESIDENTS are in during the “inspection”. EVERYbody MUST be OUT! (Even, I think, David. But I don’t know for certain.) I remember 2 of them: I recall the 1st, vividly… the shout of “Brrread fox!!!” first thing in the morning. I’m not clear about the 2nd. It’s probably documented here some-where. – 21.47 Cruz just put the lights out. D.Hall was laying in bed but, per always, NOW he decides to rummage in his locker, in the dark.) – Work? Oh Marilyn came by. She was SO sweet and kind. In spite of her earlier “issues” bit. Well, no matter. Hospice to come. Maria came in at 17.03 all nice-nice. And I said nothing about not being there tomorrow…
21:57 (Edit)
… She can add that to her “issues” with me. Shame: I adore Hospice cases/work. I’ll do ALL for Carmine… and precious little else. – I’m beginning to nod here! SO TIRED! May as well crash now. No shower tonight. I’m too sleepy… Goo night.

13/09/2011 at 06:47 (Edit)
6.40 M34 Major hoo-ha’s this morn. The Callahan at the Dung-heap. And some kinda disastre at Park/34th. (and 68degF) Last night I had to laugh (to my-self): Security yelling in the echoing halls (per usual disrespect) at about 23.30. David jumps up and closes (taxi accident on Park) the door, goes back to bed, turns his radio on. I mean, WTF? Noise in the hall bugs so turn the radio on. Bloodyfukking retard to be certain.
08:02 (Edit)
8.01 88th/Boyd! FUUUUK! An HOUR fm. 34th.
10:07 (Edit)
9.48 Q22 B73 TEN MINUTES JUST TO LOG ON! – Got to the FS office shortly after 8.30 and the queue JUST to get IN was down the block! At about 9.37 some nasty bitch was giving RETURN DATES (mine is on Thurs.) because “I only got 1 worker an’ I ain’t gon make her take all y’all!” So, I let her do her speech, telling me to be here at 8.30, bring all my papers and that my case will be closed on the 16th. I didn’t bother to look at her, in mid-speech, took my ticket with 9/15 written on it and walked out. FUKKIN WASTE, THEM. ANOTHER DAY OF LOST PAY? Because THEY’RE INCOMOETENT! – Beautiful beach weather. But I’m headed to the banque to check on the savings acct. PenLib opens at 13.00. Too late. – THIS is to be a day that, IF I don’t go for my pills and Atropa martini (OH! And Atropa is now “in season” for fresh!) it will be ONLY because of my resolve to make somebody ELSE suffer. THAT is my “today’s goal”. – 10.01 B96/RBB waiting for the Q53. TWO Q22s. And I’m HUNGRY now. FUK! – As I waited at FS, 2 guys, from Drug ReHab. Swan Lake! One admitted to going into Monticello, stealing somebody’s air conditioner from their window to install in the rehab house. Proudly too. (White). And I’m TRYING to work for an HONEST dollar? Y’know? *I’M* the one who’s got it wrong. Seriously. Time to TAKE what I can… no matter what/how.
10:12 (Edit)
10.08 THIS Q21 CHANGED FROM A Q53 AS IT PULLED TO THE BUS STOP! This world is irreparably, hopelessly fukd up. And I’m sick and tired of it… ALL of it. Now… local all the bloody way! FUK! Life is a curse… but today, others will go down.
10:22 (Edit)
About this morning: I woke at 5.00 exactly. The phone/alarm was charging over-night but had turned itself OFF! So I woke “luckily”. Late. But… ShitShowerDress. At about 6.15 some goon flips the lights on, prances in and announces “Gentlemen! Put ALL of your things in your locker before you leave. Linens. Pillows. Everything. Don’t leave ANYTHING out. No shoes under the bed. Inspection today. Things might get lost in the scuffle.” Shit-for-brains. “might get lost”? More like: WILL be TAKEN. I was dressed, paid no mind, walked out. MY “EVERYTHING” was already packed in the locker. (I just hope I remembered to LOCK the damned thing.) – (I am SO BLOODY TIRED right now. And SO AGGRAVATED! 10.21! THIS DAY IS SCREWED… NO… FUKKD! Hopeless.) –
14:45 (Edit)
14.25 J train to Myrtle. WAHOO! Savings now with TD! Wondering if I should just tell the racists at MCU to stuff the accts there or… Y’know? Next “adventure”: Screw the racists at MCU. I heart TD. Especially since THEY phoned me! Yes they did! Saw my twits on Twitter, DM a phone nr. and BrrrrrrING! There they was! So. OK! – Catch-up: From the Bitchpit of Rockaway DSS FS via Q22 to Q53 to Q54 to TD. MAGNIFICENT chat with the REALLY NICE “Trontonienne” who opened the acct. and talked “Canada”, “Ontario” and “Quebec”. LUV IT! Next: Q54 to Staples where the same bloody copier is jammed like it has been EVERY time I’ve been there in the past month or more. A woman was copying reams and when she paused, I asked if I could make 2 copies (Dir.Dep. form for PIC). SHE LET ME MAKE COPIES ON HER CARD! 22cents. But… C’MON! WOW! How GREAT of her! THANK YOU WONDERFUL LADY! Out of Staples and a walk to the P.O. on MetroAv. Nasty Asian clerk but the place was empty! Brief. Dir.Dep. for posted Certified. ReturnReceipt. And to the street again. CVS for tinned Starbucks, 2 “Balance” power bars (210 cals. ea.) and a pack of cigs. (TD rang whilst I was there). TO THE LIBRARY (N.Forest) to up-load images to WordPress. – At 14.02 I was en route to Q53. Nice schmooze with a woman named Peggy. TWO Q53′s and a Q21 came in about 7 minutes. And AS I got to the platform, the J pulled in! And here I am: J train heading to Chauncey. 4 more stops (at 14.41) for the MTA to fuk me into bloody pulp. I’m not hanging to this “apartment” but I MOST CERTAINLY WILL NOT BE “IN VIOLATION”!!! Well… my guts are knotted in anxiety and I’ve had to pee from since about 10.00 this morning. Here we go. (I wonder which CW will be at the interview. Khen please!)
21:51 (Edit)
21.29 6w107 Having my nightly PopTarts before bed… bostonhomeless! – OK NOW! How to begin? Well, I made it to the bldg. by 14.50. But thankfully, there was a woman at the corner who confirmed (as I’d thought on Sunday), the addresse isn’t 1031… the entrance is round the corner at 880! Leave it to DHS to fuk things up. And had I NOT found the entrance and missed the appointment I’d’ve been thrown out of the shelter AND SANCTIONED 1-3 months! BASTARDS! Slick shit… like always. So I go in. A man & woman behind a glass. I needed to sign in. But WOW is the lobby well-appointed! OK then. We got chatting. Great fun. I was directed down a few steps and to the right to a charming seating area. As I looked round the corner expecting Khenkina or Crawford I see… PEACE! Bless her! She seemed distant at first but we got talking. I was able to tell her how much she actually helped me cope when we’d first met. She truly does want to help Homeless guys get back on their feet. But she tries, if there’s hope she keeps trying; if not, she retreats and focuses on those who try to better their lot. Anyway… a Ms. White came to talk with her. I know this Ms. White from some-where but I just can’t place her. Next came Ms. Green(e) to see me, alone, for general questions. (Both women, by-the-by, are Black.) We went to her office. When I did the gentlemanly thing, allowing her to go in first, she declined. “Can’t see ‘em when they’re behind you.” I joked. Her expression led me to believe that was IT. Bur she was most pleasant, asking income questions, telling me about the apartment (capped at 611$), a light talk about the GenPop there. (I need to try for sleep: .social workers . mine, Black guy. Very nice. I’m thinking ParkAv)
21:52 (Edit)
New linens (starched/ironed), blanket, mattress, shit pillow.

14/09/2011 at 05:41 (Edit)
5.40 After quite the night with our David Hall (E2) I’m at the bus at 5.39.
13:48 (Edit)
13.08 HoBe I want to finish yesterday’s events: From what I understand, the place is all “Single Occupancy”. There’s “24-hour Security”; all visitors must be signed in and no one is allowed to “stay” more than 14 days. (It’s like a mini Century Village of sorts.) There was no mention of “percentage of income” for rent, only a “cap” of 611$. Me? I’m thinking: WHY would I want to PAY rent of THAT amount on a place in a neighbourhood that I DON’T feel safe in and DON’T want to live in? Well, as I’m to understand, it’s just another “Bloomberg”: In the shelter and working? NO! You WORK? You’re OUT! No matter what, how or where. A place, ANY place becomes available, you GO! Is CAMBA (the owner of the bldg.) happy? Not really. But they’ve little choice. They have the place, I’m in the shelter, I work, they MUST take me and I MUST accept. The ONLY way it fails is if my income doesn’t allow me to pay the rent (what-ever that is). OK. I was positive in tone, co-operative in manner. The Gentleman at all times. I made it more “social” than “interview”. I don’t care about getting this place. I don’t. Another point: Ms. Green mentioned apartments above, to left and right but not below. Ground floor? – Shuffled across the hall to meet a Mr. ? (can’t recall his name… didn’t get it from the beginning.) My “CaseWorker”! If I need social services, some kind of tenant intervention, he’s the one I go to. HE asked for more personal information. Arrests? Drugs? He copied driver’s license, birth cert., passport, soc.sec. Do I LIKE that? No. Not at all. Do I care? SHIT NO. I’ve been prepared for “The Grand Check-Out” for a while. Fuk me over… push me out. Even my “Good-bye” is written (soon to be added here or on DeadArtist). Again, I was charming. NO-ONE can say I wasn’t co-operative. Fukkem. Period. – The whole process took about 30 minutes. The previous interview lasted about 90 seconds, says Peace. OK. Fine. I really don’t care. But I smile. I congratulated Mr. on having such a lovely bldg. “A little Heaven in the middle of Hell”
14:13 (Edit)
That’s how HE described it. That prompted me to ask: BedStuy or Bushwick? The place is in BUSHWICK! VIOLENT BUSHWICK! Bloomberg and DHS will DUMP ME into Bushwick. Again… I see and learn one MOST IMPORTANT FACT: NOBODY GIVES A FUK ABOUT ME, THE PERSON. NOOOO BODY! – With that in mind, I asked Peace how she was getting back to the shelter. I thought she’d be brought back by van. Nope. DHS drove here there… and dumped her. She told me “I was SO HAPPY when you came! I knew YOU would know how I can get back.” So fukkme. And, of course, I DID get her back to where she could clock out. We took the J to Essex and the M15… We parted at 30th/1st. She yelled to me “Thank you!” – I walked up to 34th for the bus to SIBL… I STILL hadn’t eaten and STILL needed to PEE!
15:34 (Edit)
What crap! I was SO exhausted by 18.40 when I got to SIBL. Imagine? About the same arrival time as when I worked the whole day! I worked on the ParkAvShelter journal entry, on the FlashDrive and… RED SCREEN! I’ve NO idea what got saved but there’s SO MUCH missing and the longer I take to finish, the more I forget. (OLD AGE, DAMN ME!) Well, I left at about 19.00… defeated by fatigue… and not eating! – M16 to 28th. As much as I hate to, I went to Gristede’s: 2 Buddig pastrami, 2 small stale rolls, a vanilla Hershey’s drink, box of PopTarts, a bottle of Fiji water (they’d taken ALL of our bottled water from the shelter and I NEED my morning coffee). On the corner, I tore the rolls open, put the pastrami in each and took a walk to eat. Across 28th to 3rd, up to 32nd and to 1st. The rolls kept sticking in my throat but I knew I HAD to eat before going back into the Dung-heap. It was painful, but it was food. – Getting in at 19.45 (yup, 19.45) went easy. In fact, as my back-pack came through the x-ray, the DHS guy grabbed it so that the water bottle (in the bag) wouldn’t spill! They actually TRUST ME! – In the dorm/room/cell, David wad in. I flipped the light on. A bag of crisp, fresh linens, a slightly torn pillow, “new” mattress. Ah… what these pricks do to cover the truth for a Callahan! Even then, pillow and mattress are slightly torn. But I just don’t care. I just DON’T.
16:48 (Edit)
Well… to finish with a BANG! Literally… The bed got wiped-down and made-up. I showed Tony “hospital corners”. He’s really looking into the CHHA training. Obviously he wants to get out of his current situation and I know, all too well and directly personally what that’s like and where he is (flashbacks of me!). We were having a pleasant evening. Even Cruz was enjoying the evening snd then David Hall, the one who will NOT so much as leave the building… EVER… (suspicious, that, as Tony and I discussed earlier this evening) our crack-smoking Parolee got ticked. The radio volume went to HIGH and the mumbling, muttering and pacing began. The rest of us just went about our business. By the way, water has been returned to the cooler. I made my coffee. – Signed for the bed at about 20.35, showered and settled in for the night (27 degrees again). – The lights were off, door slightly open, 23.00 or so when David got up and closed it, mumbling something at nobody in particular. Next thing I hear is his ring-tones! 23.15, dark, quiet and he’s playing with his ring-tones! I got up, grabbed my toilet paper and headed for the loo. I didn’t “go” all day anyway. BUT… I must’ve pushed the door open a tad too… BANG! I paid it no mind and went to the loo to “sit a bit”. A few moments later, David came in to pee… and probably check to see where I’d gone. Dumb shit. I ignored. WHEN I WENT BACK TO THE ROOM? I noticed the closer-gadget had been pulled from the top of the door! SOooo… it no longer closed by itself! HAH! I left it W.I.D.E. OPEN and went back to bed. A moment later, Cruz gets up, goes to the loo. When he came back he tried closing the door… it stayed open a bit through the night. Well… funny thing: Earlier, Tony said that David’s lucky that “we’re” not the kind to “kick his ass”. I said “Maybe YOU’RE not…” and told him how I’d welcome the opportunity… out of the shelter. Now the door’s busted. OK? OK THEN! Wednesday night should be interesting…
16:51 (Edit)
16.48 HoBe Wednesday. Up at 4.30 this morning and never tried to be quiet. By about 5.39 I was at the bus. I headed for the P.O. On B116 I saw Geoff(RAA!) but didn’t acknowledge. I’ve nothing to say… to ANYBODY ANY MORE.
17:51 (Edit)
17.49 At the P.O., the lettre confirming our TWENTY-FIVE CENT RISE IN PAY! BFD! I went to Waldbaums for food. It was 7.39 already. Man! MTA can fukup a day. – Got to the job at about 8.12…
18:03 (Edit)
17.58 A Train (waiting) I get to the top of the stairs and Maria is mopping the floor. “You had me so scared! I made Guerda call your office when the girl came instead of you! I thought you were sick or never coming back!” I actually got the opportunity to confirm: she actually DID! As Guerda told me: “YOU were MISSED!” Even Marilyn rang to make sure I was on. (underground)
19:44 (Edit)
SIBL 19.42 The Park Ave notes have been added to the August page! At last! There’s probably a lot more that could be added but the gist is there! – I’m feeling like shit! Scratchy throat, funny nose. I hope it’s just fatigue and stress and that it’ll be gone in the morning. I actually DREAD going to that room tonight! No doubt there’s be some kind on confrontation because of last night. But… WTF do I care. Really? Right now… I stayed a little extra after work to talk with Mrs. She needed the conversation. I wish I could’ve stayed longer. – Got here and got done and that’s what counts at the moment. – I need to pee and really should before they close the loo so… until I’m back in 6w-107… CHOW 4 NOW.

15/09/2011 at 05:42 (Edit)
5.35 34th/1st (72deg) Woke at 4.12 this morning. Head aches. Feeling fatigued. Last night was a rip: Cruz was stoned, had a LOUD phone conversation followed by dumfuks coming in, turning the lights on, buying cigarettes and such. Must’ve been 23.30 when it finally stopped. David played with his radio until same time. I wonder how it is that I don’t simply collapse. – 5.42 M16
05:49 (Edit)
5.43 M16 About 10 on the bus… YELLING! (The guy from the room next st the shelter just got on. He doesn’t speak to me. Just as well. I’ve nothing to say.) – Vit.C tabs went down wrong this morning. Stuck in my gut. It’s to be one of THOSE days. – What I wouldn’t give for quiet. – Today I get screwed out of FS. Bloodyfukking bastards. But work and income are more important now. FS won’t get me OUT OF NY!
06:53 (Edit)
(40 minutes from 34th to Boyd… AND a xfer at Grant!. And I half-slept all the way. TIRED!) I need to get to the P.O. TODAY, send my time-sheet. – Phone fukling-up sgaim.
09:18 (Edit)
9.10 HoBe For the record: I got here at 7.03! Awake 30 minutes earlier than usual and I arrive to work at about the usual. Do I hate this city. Every “Real NYer” I’ve spoken with in the past few months agrees: this city, the whole thing, has turned to shit. Meanwhile, I’m so damned tired I keep nodding off. At one point, in PennStn, I felt as if I couldn’t take the stairs. Waiting for the train, I almost fell asleep standing on the platform… uncontrollably. But I WANT ENOUGH MONEY to GET OUT OF HERE and not have to worry for a while, so here I am. – It’s good being here though. Comforting to know how much my efforts are appreciated. It makes ALL the difference in Creation. – I have to go find something to eat…
19:19 (Edit)
SIBL 17.13 I can’t believe I made it here! I stayed a bit longer at the house (work) and as I got to the bus stop, there was the bus! And I knew the driver and we chatted along the route. At Liberty, I made it up to the platform as the train pulled in and took that to 34th. – Went to the Main P.O. to post the time sheet. Used the automated. Quite nice, really. Then, if you can imagine this, AS I got to the corner to catch the bus? There it was! And here I am! And 21 minutes remaining! – The weather’s gone really nice: the temperatures dropped very suddenly. This morning was hot and humid. Carmine was in good spirits but we went through another clean’n’change on the floor. In the bed-room this morning. But all went very well and he LAUGHED so much because of being on the floor. What shocks me in a way is that I have the strength to pick him up and put him on a chair! Especially since I’m feeling as if I’m coming down with a cold. (I think the “cold” symptoms are actually FATIGUE from not having slept well in the past few nights. David is being a pain in the arse. Not to mention the anxieties associated with the FS and that Housing farce.) As Mum used to say “This too shall pass.” (I wish I would.) – I’ve eaten rather well today, thanks to the food in the house. I even fell deep asleep for about 20 minutes whilst Carmine dozed! So, the day was quite OK all told. – Time sheet posted. An e-mail to PJ. And here I am… indeed.

16/09/2011 at 08:23 (Edit)
8.17 HoBe Yesterday: Forgot to mention… GARY Russo (T6/7) “Subway Sinatra” on Fox5 “Inside…something…”. Imagine? His 2 girls and “wife”. His little girl being her usual anti-social and the wife in tears… fat bitch the public should only know the truth. Personally, I don’t think G’s THAT much like Sinatra but he IS GOOD! and I’m hoping the publicity brings him MUCH (and the “wife” doesn’t benefit from his hard work any more).
08:25 (Edit)
’twas 13deg at JFK at 5.00 this morn! YEAH-HOO! – I’ve tickle in throat, bit of a cough, drippy nose. Hopefully it’s nothing.
17:49 (Edit)
17.31 Q11 to Staples. Sneezy. Scratchy throat. Not good. Last night, TonyE1 told me his CW had these Sx. “Something going around.” And I’ve got bloofyfukking DavidE2 closing the damned door at night, no bloody ventilation. Well, let’s hope I have a “bug” and spread it to the others then and that THEY get it worse. – This morning, I kind of took my time and connections were amazing! The train pulled in only moments after I got to the station AND it was the Rockaway train! Clock-in 7.13. Carmine? MARVELOUS MOOD! ALL DAY! OK. So he slumped to the bed-room floor this morning and Maria saw. But he laughed making me laugh making her smile. All was well. – My pay… HERE WE WENT AGAIN! Only THIS time TD couldn’t find the money (I believe it was the Latina rep who didn’t want to bother looking). So I rang Marcia at the office, who changed dir.dep. to cq. I wanted svg. But at this point, I’ll handle the xfer. Just PAY ME! When I called TD the 2nd time? The rep found the deposits: one was 2,12$… Retro-pay because of the wopping 25cent pay rise this month. O woot (shit). So, we’ll expect some drama next Friday… again. – The strange bit: my bal. is actually what my 60% should be! Of course, NO FUKKING FOOD STAMPS might change that but I’ve actually saved 60% of my income with-out trying! How odd. How great. – MyrtleAv. To be continued…

17/09/2011 at 05:57 (Edit)
5.51 34th/1st Temp:53F In “the city that never sleeps” the first M16 from here is at 5.13. The next is at 6.03 then 6.33. First M16 at 6.49! That’s Saturday. On Sunday, first M16 5.13, 5.58, 6.57. First M34 6.27. And now? At 5.55? The sign tells me that the M16 is DELAYED!!! BULL-SHIT!
06:49 (Edit)
M16 E R QnsCtr 6.47
11:35 (Edit)
11.12 HoBe Arr’d 7.13! Great! I walk in, Maria’s in the kitchen and Carmine’s sitting at the edge of the bed… the hospital bed is coming today on top of everything. I had to land RUNNING! After a slow while and a breakfast (Maria even made french toast for me!) we got to the SHOWER! I was SO relieved! It’s been days of bed baths. And so, dried and dressed and to table (we left the bath-room in the chair). No sooner did we make it, showered &c. when… VOMIT! Floor, fridge, my shoes, his shirt and pants. And not once but twice. Starting all over… clean the floor, him. I went into “Yeah well” mode and soon had everything cleaned… floor and all. Diaper and furniture… by 10.30.
11:39 (Edit)
11.39 Nodding off!
21:34 (Edit)
21.13 So Maria left after the fiasco and I hit something to eat whilst Carmine rested. He’d lost palour, grey-blue pale lips but it returned. So we let him rest. – AT 13.00 (not before) Marilyn and Lou came to relieve me. I headed to the 53 to PenLib. There, I printed the weekly statement on a PC that fukked my template. But… done. AND I GOT, on iTunes, “REACH OUT OF THE DARKNESS” FRIENDS AND LOVERS! I think it’s SO groovy now. – Q53 (Native New Yorker on the radio… Mama?) (and Cruz3 takes it upon himself to close the light… he’s drunk again tonight. You can smell it when you walk in the room.) OK. 53 to storage for antihistamines (DayQuil) and an argument. I asked the Pakis in the lift if they were going to 4. She said “No.” and when I got to the floor, there they were. (Walkin In Rhythm… KINGSTON, Frank, Chrissy) I commented. She was in the mood. But I let it go. THEN, in the aisle, HE wanted me to remove the step-ladder to get by. I made room. They’re diagonally across. Speaking what-ever she clearly said “Fukyou!”. I ignored, got my tablets. – RiteAid: cigs, soap, shampoo, 2 vitamin bars (starving me), clear bands for m’teeth. – The 53 to 32. Off at the library to “twit”-a-bit. Had a conversation going tonight and then… the battery went! – Walked to 41/2nd. 15 bus. – In at about 19.53 to David… in silence until 20.23! THEN the radio went on! (And still is.) I signed, shaved, showered. Ate 4 PopTarts. And it’s 20deg in here, in the dark, in the nobody’s talking. But Tony and I exchange knowing looks. – Soon to bed… HOPE for sleep at 22.00.

18/09/2011 at 06:22 (Edit)
6.10 34/1st Even transport in NYC is no longer “work-friendly” with buses not running all night, spacing between them and week-end schedules being so sparse. This city has become “Bumpkinville”. Time to… say good-bye. – Not bad: 56F. – My sinuses are kicking butt this morning and congestion in the chest. No meds last night. I don’t want anything to make me “out if it” until I can’t take any more. The population on the ward is changing again. And Cruz3 has gone mad. Last night he was telling David2 “NOBODY could sing like he could! He had a great voice!” (Louie Armstrong!) Cruz2 now IDs himself as Black. Sucking-up to David. Oh well. Fukkim. I need. – Meanwhile, the charger for this bloody phone is shot. I need a new one… and NOT “at no 20 bucks neither”! – I almost rather dread work today. The daughter/son-in-law will be in. I just don’t appreciate being ignored. – The hospital bed is in though. Jolly. – M34!
20:36 (Edit)
20.09 6w107 “The Shadow” on the radio!!! Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows. Hahahahahahaha…
The day… M16 to the E which took me to JacksonHts where the bloody R wasn’t running! So I went up to take the Q53 from 75th/Bwy. Got to work… 8bloodyfukking30! Didn’t clock-in. (Carmine signed a time sheet which posted from Farley at 16.10 this evening). Louie was at the house with Maria. The hosp. bed and transport chair (YAY!) arrived. Carmine was still asleep. Louie made me a coffee and left. Maria made Carmine’s bkfst. (A subtle hint: get C. out of bed.) Then she left. C. got a great bed-bath because of the hosp. bed. His bum-rash is looking very good, thanks to Danielle’s concoction and my application of same. And he was in good spirits! I got him into the transport and yo the DINING table! He enjoyed that. – It was a non-stop morning. Always something to do. It went by quickly… and very well. – Got the 13.08 Q11 and an A to Fulton for the Woodlawn train to City Hall, Pelham local to 28th. Arr’d just past 14.30. Walked to the Dung-heap. Appointment with Khenkina today. THAT went very well. We discussed Tolstoy! and Russian. We’re figuring I’m not getting the Bushwick place. I told her I’m saving for rent and a ticket OUT of NY. She smiled. She’s got a cold or something. But in moments, I was out. I was in her office in brief moments too. Almost no waiting! – Back out the door. M34 to MadAv. Staples to copy the time sheet (in case), a stroll to
21:57 (Edit)
Jack’s for 2 ponchos (I keep one in the back-pack, gave the other to the guy from Borden when we were at ParkAv but for 99cents? Two more while supplies last), box of envelopes (for time sheets, Irish Spring and noshes. Then to the P.O. to post the aforementioned time sheet and then… Intended to go to RiteAid for toilet paper, dough drops and razors. Intended to find a new charger fir this damned phone upon which I now tap (21.49). And DID? Got on an M16 and strolled into the Dung-heap at 17.00. Straightened the locker. Washed some under-things and… I wanted to nap but that didn’t happen either. – Now, 21.55 and I’m showered and ready for lights out. – And back down to half-charge in the phone. Tomorrow… “normalcy” in HoBe… O THANK THE METAPHYSICAL!

19/09/2011 at 06:05 (Edit)
5.58 M34 “Hey. You could at least close the door. You BROKE it.” (David Hall at about 5.50) – No time to shit this morning. Woke at 5.03. REALLY TIRED. REALLY CONGESTED, chest. Brush teeth. Shower. Dress. When I came back to the room from the shower, the door was closed, the funk was awful. Flatulence! D.H. Tony h covered his head against it. So I left the door open (for light and fresh air). – As I’m leaving, I got to the water cooler and hear “Hey!”… softly enough. I looked round. David standing at the fire doors. I waved him off… wordlessly.
22:31 (Edit)
22.05 6w107 Got in at about 21.20! Went to PenLib after work. Q53 to QnsBlvd. Waited for a Q60 that didn’t come. So, M to Roosevelt. F to 34th. M16 to 28th. RiteAid for cough drops and razors. WALKED the 6 flights. Signed and to here. “Everybody home.” – This morning, 7.16 clock-in. Fairly easy day. Figured how to wash and dress C. in the bed. Good going. And his appetite was stupendous! It makes me happy when he eats well. So little left in his life. At least let him enjoy food. – Maria cooked manicotti last night. I had 3 for lunch. Hot food! And, during the day? Not much to report. – This week the UN General Assembly. Pres. in town. Traffic screwed. This afternoon, water main break on UWS. Screwed subway (A,B,C,…) so I took the alt. transport. – Now, 22.18, light still on, radio on, David out of the room, Tony asleep (he’ll be working for Parks! Bless him. They provide shirt, pants, (22.20 David just came scuffing in, mumbled something, un-plugged the radio, put it on top of his locker and scurried out. Hmm…) cap, jacket and boots! (I just put out the light. No doubt David will bitch.) – No shower tonight. Too late. Tomorrow I have to be at the office by 8.30. Too bad I won’t sleep later… much. From here to there is a snap. I could sleep in until 7.00 … but I won’t. Shit. No staying around in here! – 22.27 Somebody came through the fire doors and belted “HEY!” And there’s an acrid smell wafting into the room. I wonder… crack in the loo? – Aw… 22.29 David’s in, right to bed. No doubt he’s been party to the acrid smoking… Crack-a-lackey. – 4 PopTarts. Time to try for some… “sleep”. Hopefully NO SNEEZING (me).

20/09/2011 at 09:33 (Edit)
9.20 Q32 33/Mad Drizzle! No umbrella! But… Woke at 6.30. Just peed, brushed teeth, showered, dressed. Rode M34 with Tony. ***David tells him (Tony) that we “Whites” have got to go. I’m a “Muthuhfukking Jew” who “really” has to go. I told Tony that I know David’s on some kind of parole and as long ad he doesn’t touch me or mine, I ignore him. I know he’s trying for physical confrontation so it appears I’m the aggressor. NOT HAPPENING! Honestly; HE gets away with the radio (prohibited in the shelter), playing it through the night (prohibited), smoking cigarettes AND CRACK IN THE DORM (prohibited) and now the racial shit? And WE have to go. Well, this is where I start to have MY fun… AUTONOMY… and total disregard for others. Yoobetcha. (I wish I could find his charges/criminal records. Will have to work on that.)*** – The City is a disastre this morning. The U.N. Genl. Assembly screwing traffic. But I will NOT take the subway. – Stopped at Jack’s this morning. New phone charger (5$), deod.(3$), new reading glasses (3$). I’m good. – Got ONE box… BOX of gloves for work. I’m set. Takes so little. – And I’m QUITE QUITE QUITE HUNGRY! FOOD DAMNIT!
21:44 (Edit)
21.22 6w107 I come in this evening to a note a-top the locker: SEE KHEN TOMORROW AT 8 r/t SECOND HOUSING APPOINTMENT ON THU. AT 14.00. I’m going to lose TEN GODDAMNED BLOODYFUKKING HOURS OF PAY THIS WEEK! Because of a damned place I don’t want in a neighbourhood that’s UNSAFE because Bloomberg wangled some shit about MANDATING this housing shit! If I don’t “comply” I get “sanctioned”, tossed out of the ENTIRE shelter system for 30-90 days! More stress. More shit. I think of P.J.: Stick with it, don’t jump before I’m truly ready. But this is getting me… physically. – This morning’s fiasco with the mandatory visit to the office cost me 3,5hrs. When I asked to make the time up? It has to be done at once, same day. Work until 20.30! I have to be in the shelter by 22.00! I’d get in JUST IN TIME TO LOSE MY BED! OK? AND… I think about getting to work and clocking in 30-45minutes early almost EVERY day for 2,5months. Add: not getting proper over-time pay for 10hours on week-ends. This is mounting inside… weighing too heavily on the mind. David Hall’s “They got to go.” (Tony and I… The “White” ones in the room.) Radio, defiantly loud (even now, 21.37). This is ALL with-in a breath of… THE END. I work so hard to get out of this and it just keeps running into morons who thwart. Death. The end. Death. The REAL peace. Time… running rapidly… out. – 19 days. 19 days. 19 days. – Guerda came to the house today. Saw C’s bruise. (I FORGOT TO TAKE THE ASA OUT OF HIS MEDS! FUKFUKFUK!) We talked. She talked to Marilyn. Things should settle. – Melanie got a dose of “me”… calling about 5 times during the day. Mrs. took the last call as I was cleaning shit before leaving. – Mimi rang twice. “If you ever come back to NY please call me.” – I’m tired. Time for a quick smoke. FUK THIS DAMNED DAY!
22:32 (Edit)
22.20 Dark. Door closed. David starts moaning loudly! 22.23 Hacking something out of his throat. Yelling “Can’t sleep!” Radio on… not “too” loud. – I’m thinking: Atropa is in season, I’ve some put up already, many pills available. Perhaps it’s time to check out… just… check out. (But I’m takin’ some down with me when I go. One way or another.) – 22.26 David yells “I got a bad cough.” Cough cough. It’s all intentional. He’s trying to annoy somebody into fighting with him. I guess the weed he smoked in the shower room earlier wasn’t good stuff. – If the conviction record I saw earlier today is his, I think his weed and crack are violations of parole? It might not be good if the Parole Board got involved…. – I’m going for a nap. Tomorrow I’ll NOT linger about in here. 4.30 here we come.

21/09/2011 at 05:42 (Edit)
5.35 30/2nd To the guy in the lift with mop, yellow bucket and nasty-assed attitude… Mr. “ExCUSE me!”: Guess I showed YOUR ass when I helped you get that fukkin’bucket out of the damned lift. Huh? Dick! – Forgot to mention for last eve: TWO calls from Mimi D. If I come back to NY, please call her.
05:43 (Edit)
REALLY REALLY BAAAD MOOD THIS MORN.
07:18 (Edit)
7.06 Dearest Lydia:
I did not make the 8am rendez-vous this morning because, you see, I have an agenda and positive plans for my rather near future, neither of which include you, the shelter, DHS or anything even remotely associated with any of such items, persons or topics. This morning I chose to go to work, to earn a guaranteed income rather than forfeit several hours’ income to sit with you discussing potential, but guaranteed housing in a neighbourhood which will jeapordise my general well-being in the first place. I NEED my income. Therefore, I NEED my employment. I will NOT jeapordise my employment simply because some idiot, removed from and certainly not concerned with or about my well-fare pulled my name off some obscure list and decided to play with my future well-being.
I will, however, make the appointment scheduled for tomorrow (though not happily). You may verify that point by contacting the person(s) whom I shall, no doubt meet, including but nit limited to the security person(s) with whom I shall registre upon entrance to the premises.
Period.
19.22 SIBL With 24 minutes on the PC and not much else to do I’ll try to add a couple of the day’s events here… OK. This morning was a fright since David(E2) was yelling (I’m supposing it was in his sleep) all through the night! For the briefest while the room went silent and I fell asleep. I’m returning to the general attitude I once had here (D18): “Just so long as he kills me straight-off, I don’t much care what happens to me in my sleep. Hopefully I won’t be in pain, be a burden, linger. Just DIE!” I need sleep now more than ever and I’m not being allowed to get it. Especially in light of the rumour that David would like to see Tony and I “out” of the room… one way or another. (Note: Last evening I checked on-line to see if I could find why he’s on parole? There are several David Halls listed on the NYS Corrections site but there’s one that fits his location and age. “DWI and 2 counts Drugs”. “Released”. Yeah. Into the shelter! FUKUS!) I’m shutting-down lately. Not worrying so much about what happens (to me anyway). – So back to this morning: I woke at 4.30 and just got right up and right to the affairs of the morning: ocffee, shit, shower, dress, out. I decided that getting the income from today at work was more important than sitting with Khen for what-ever time for what-ever she had to tell me or any papers she probably wanted to give to me. Was it the right decision? To me, it was. – Got to the house (HoBe) just past 7.00. Mrs. was at home. Marilyn took the day off (WHY?). I knew that didn’t mean well for my day and sure enough… C. was asleep when I arrived but Mrs. decided he HAD to wake up THEN! So I just gave in, put my coffee on and went to work… BEFORE 8.00! Mrs. put the breakfast on… AGAIN this morning before Mr. was even cleaned! and then left. HURRAY! – The clean-up went well and we were at table just after 8.00 and he ate exceptionally well. – The day was rolling along well until… Marilyn decided to come over (and that’s never good). She wants to know how to get C. out for a while! The man can’t stand ton his own legs to get dressed, rarely walks more than 10 steps and she wants him to descend 12 stairs in the house and then 7 granite steps out-side! She mentioned a stair-chair thing. I told her that was fine for inside but that I certainly won’t be taking the responsibility to take him down those granite stairs. “That’s not what I’m asking here.” she snaps and proceeds to leave. – I’m fed-up with this bull-shit! I actually told her that I spend and average of 55 hours/week with him. They get about 45 minutes-1 hour OFF THE CLOCK every morning. SHE wants certain things done certain ways. I invited her to begin looking for somebody who can do the job better. I don’t really care any longer. I won’t hurt C. no matter what and her intrusions aren’t worth the aggravation. – OK. This afternoon I told Mrs. that I have an appointment tomorrow. I MUST leave at 1:00pm. She was OK with that. When I told her that it would take me about 2 hours she said “Don’t worry.” We’ll see where this goes. But I DO HAVE TO MUST ATTEND THE SECOND INTERVIEW! And so I shall. – Left at 17.00 this evening and when I got to the bus (Q53) a message: Aziz is back! on the 8th floor! I left him a message. I’m looking rather forward to seeing him this evening. I hope he stops by. – OK. Up to now… and now to include this. – Here’s hoping for a quiet night. I have things to accomplish in the morning and WORK to get to!

8539266 said, on 22/09/2011 at 07:01 (Edit)
6.43 Q21 157th/90th HoBe to P.O. LAST NIGHT… I go to sign, 20.45, note on the list: see case worker. Dick-heads, the lot of them. My CW LEAVES at 16.00. How about THAT? Well, I knew it was about the Housing interview so I went to the dorm to relax (what-ever). Round about 21.55, knock-knock. “FOUR!? They’re calling for you. See your CW on 5.” (She’s not there!) I go. On 5, the NastyNigerian sec.gd. “May I help you?” “I’ve been summoned.” “E4? This way. Come.” Into the office. Lipinsky! O JOLLY FUN. He reaches up on the table, tosses a print-out. A note from Khenkina… See her tomorrow (today) at 8! I thank Mr.L. and depart. – HOW? SOMEBODY JUST TELL ME HOW WE ARE EXPECTED TO JAUNT ABOUT THE CITY, SIT WITH WORTHLESS CASE “HANDLERS” (NOT “WORKERS”), TAKING TIME OFF FROM OUR JOBS, MAINTAIN INCOME, IMPROVE OUR LOT? WTF? TELL ME I’VE A BLOODY INTERVIEW! TELL ME WHERE (THEY CAN’T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT) AND WHEN. LEAVE ME A NOTE THEN LEAVE ME THE FUK ALONE!!! I expect some Dept. of Homeless Svces. retaliation… I didn’t “see” my CW yesterday and sure as shit won’t today. But I WILL make the interview! – Up at 4.02 this morn. and so was David. Smoking in the loo. He doesn’t even hide – RockPk. 7.01

8539266 said, on 22/09/2011 at 07:38 (Edit)
7.25 Q53 RBB/B101 to HoBe Besutiful morning. Foggy. Warm. Humid. Rockaway. As I’m in the P.O. the phone. Aziz!! Now on the 2nd fl. I hope to see him this evening. – 2 correctly addressed pay advices, a note from W.End Temple… tkts for Yom Kippur: 350$ (un)HolyShit! (THE MOST important day and 350$! The world is just wrong.) A lettre fm. TD: Can’t open the acct. pls. call CustSvce (see CaseWorker…fuk). OK. Done. – WALDBAUMS: 1 jar coffee, 2 yoghurts, sm. tin appricots… 10$ but QUICK! – The bus. – 7.32 BC, 16/CBB. – Been trying to figure how to get to BVT for 2 days, 1 night, job search. Cost. Time. Shelter there. Shelter here. If I had the money I could figure the rest. Buy between PIC (lost 3,5hrs annual health) and DHS housing bull-shit, it’s going to be Hell getting the money. (I’m trying to figure how to remedy the cash aspect… no matter HOW at this juncture… NO matter HOW! Seriously…) – Off to No.Channel. HERE WE GO! This day officially begins. (KILL ME! PLEASE JUST KILL ME!)

8539266 said, on 22/09/2011 at 08:39 (Edit)
8.36 HoBe I’m all a-flutter. Rang Khen this morning to tell her I’ll be at the interview today. SHE answered the phone AND THANKED me for calling her!!! Said “You’ll be fine. You’re an adult and responsible…”. Courtesy. Resoect. Dignity. And hugs from @nsignia. My day is complete…

8539266 said, on 22/09/2011 at 19:03 (Edit)
18.44 Q53 I CAN’T FIND THE FLASH DRIVE AND THE USB FOR THE PHONE! I DON’T THINK I LEFT THEM AT SIBL LAST NIGHT & A CALL TO THEIR SECURITY TELLS THAT THEY WEREN’T FOUND OR TURNED-IN. I’M TERRIFIED TO THINK I LEFT THE LITTLE CASE IN MY SWEAT-SHIRT & IT FELL OUT ON THE STREET IN FRONT OF THE SHELTER OR ON THE SCANNER! HOPEFULLY IT’S IN MY LOCKER. I’LL FIND OUT WHEN I GET BACK TO THE DUNG-HEAP THIS EVENING. – Next FIASCO: The bloody interview. I left the house at 13.01, Q11 to LibertyAv. A to BwyJct for the J. Arr’d 14.08. Ms.White was charming and appeared appreciative when I was honest enough to tell her of the variations in my income. THEN SHE COPIED MY 6 PAYSTUBS AND SAID I DON’T QUALIFY FOR THE PLACE ANYWAY! NOT 30% OF INCOME (Khenkina & Ochiaga)! NOT 611$/MO. (Ms.Greene)! 619$/mo.! BUT MY INCOME FOR 55hrs/wk DOESN’T QUALIFY ME FOR FUKKING HPD LOW INCOME HOUSING! THIS HAS GOT TO GO! Not to mention I’ve lost a day’s pay because of the first interview and could have lost ANOTHER (had Mrs.E. not been so kind today)! So, Ms.White, bldg. Manageresse, said they’ll keep my file and if my finances change, I can let her know. (I didn’t want the damned place anyway so…) – Same travel back to work to arrive at 15.14. Not bad. Not good. But not bad. – C. was changed (t-shirt) and had eaten his lunch in my absence. Still, we made up for the lull at the last minute when I had to change him on the floor!

8539266 said, on 22/09/2011 at 19:31 (Edit)
19.20 61st/Roosevelt OK!OK! SOMEBODY PLEASE CANCEL THIS DAY OR CANCEL ME IMMEDIATELY! I just missed the Q32 because I had to call the banque because they put a HOLD on my accounts because somebody removed my “physical addresse” on the records! I can NOT take ANY MORE OF THIS SHIT TODAY! END! PERIOD! NO MORE! NO MORE! NO MORE! – Obviously I didn’t go to the library… Pen or SIBL. I’d no sooner gotten to the bus after work (Q11) when my bowels decided it was “NOW!”. So I had to go back to the house… IMMEDIATELY! Decided to go to RiteAid: cigs, toilet paper(for the shelter) and then to storage to lighten my back-psck (but not by enough). Then decided to take the buses back. As I was journalling on the 53, the banque rang. Then Aziz. I got off the bus and tried voice-mail… NOISE! Couldn’t hear for shit! Then the bloody call got fukking dropped! – Sinuses are a mess. I’m tired as all oldfuk. Entering this on the phone is a pain because this shitphone stylusshit makes errors. I’m at THE END!!! NOMORENOMORENOMORENOMORE!

8539266 said, on 22/09/2011 at 19:40 (Edit)
19.37 ***** THE DAMNED PHONE CHANGED PAGES ON ME AND THE ENTRY WENT TO THE WRONG PLACE! YES, I’M SCREAMING THIS SO LOUDLY IN MY MIND THAT I’VE PHYSICALLY GOT HEAD-ACHE AND SORE THROAT!

8539266 said, on 22/09/2011 at 19:42 (Edit)
I’ve the week-end off and all the necessities to “Check-the-fuk OUT” of this World… FOREVER! Tonight that is my solace. And I shall be planning the week-end round it. To be sure. NO MORE!

8539266 said, on 23/09/2011 at 19:24 (Edit)
19.06 Q60 HELL. That almost covers it. After a restless night of David & Cruz, lights on, lights off… Up at 4.03, no potty, brush teeth, shower, dress, out. A to storage to put-up linens and asst. items not used regularly. I’ve got to clear my life of “things”. Losing the USB and Flash eats at me. – It was still quite dark when the train came up at 80th. And rather dark when I went in to storage. I packed a box (I had a box!) and left. 7.something. Q53 to work… – THEN… TD! When I got off the bus I rang to talk with CustomerSvce. “Shirley”, the poor woman. But WOW! Did she ever come through! Got the addresse back on, had the holds lifted, saved the savings acct., put my dir.dep. into savings… 58 minutes and 39 seconds! She was a delight! Even when I said “This is not MY fault and I’m not hangung up until it’s settled. I’ll take it to the Banquing Authority AND Twitter!. SHE DID IT! By this afternoon all was back to normal.. including my shit pay for last week. I’m amazed. – Meanwhile, Twitter support was much needed and came. Tammy in particular today. It still amazes: Total strangers are more supportive thanl’friends’/’family’. Sad. – I’ve looked: MetroPCS kiosk, RadioShack, BestBuy, Target for USB and Flash drive today. Nothing. Tomorrow I’ll need the Flash: SIBL at 11.00 at 10$. The USB? Not sure. This nut-bust city opens at 11.00! Then, tomorrow, PenLib to print ststement. – Meanwhile… it’s HOT, MUGGY, RAINY! And I’m exausted, sweaty and nauseous om this bus at 28th/QnsPlz.

8539266 said, on 23/09/2011 at 19:37 (Edit)
19.35 60th/2nd I look up at the lights in the windows of the apartments, thinking of the peace and comfort and the sadness in my heart sours my stomach. – Depression.

8539266 said, on 24/09/2011 at 10:37 (Edit)
10.11 GreeleySq. In a “city that never sleeps” nothing opens before 11.00. This whole place is one, very large… LIE. – Last night went rather well: I had my PopTarts, put my head on the pillow, ear-plug in and off I went… to sleep… until about 8.00 this morning! (almost 9 hrs. of SLEEP! at last, at LONG last!) (I’m still tired though). David had the radio on but very low. Interesting turn after the verbal and quite animated confrontation with Tony. But I cannot complain about the night save Cruz who comes into the room well after 22.00 and gets on the phone, rummages through the locker. It’s amazing, the complete absence of respect amongst some. – 10.20 A Black man sits on a chair here. He’s clean. Nicely dressed, casual He has a guitar on his back He strikes a conversation with a young Black couple, she is braiding his hair. The guitar-man is pleasant, makes light talk, compliments the young couple. The young male responds: “Do I know you?” He repeats this several times then, “I don’t know you.” Guitar-man pleasantly says “I’. just complimenting you.” The male responds “You don’t know me; you don’t have to compliment me.” Welcome to NYC. What a conglomerate of multi-faceted low-life and other useless shit. I’m rather glad my Mum’s not here to see what her “Home” has become. This is not the NYC I grew up in. Just useless trash. – This morning I shat’n’showered, “organised” the locker. Still a mess and some laundry to be done. (And I NEED a hair-cut!). Alone in the room with David who slept until almost 9.00. He didn’t speak, I’m happy to report. – I dressed… left. Strolled to here. – This phone is a MetroPieCeofShit. The screen calibration is off and won’t recalibrate. Many typos corrected. Annoying. – 10.33 Table Hockey/Soccer/Football/bullshit just set up. Competitive. This can lead to no good. – SIBL opens at 11. I’ll get a new Flash drive there, some computer time, then to… the PENINSULA! (I’d like a coffee just now.) – A small break in the clouds, light breeze, high humidity, just warm enough.

8539266 said, on 24/09/2011 at 12:06 (Edit)
12.04 SIBL It kills me, but I just got the replacement for the Flash drive. THERE’S SO MUCH TO RE-CAPTURE! It takes SO LONG!! And to think that it wasn’t all that long ago I stood at 34th/Mad, so relived that I’d actually backed-up ALL the journals and ALL the history! Only to sit here at the very beginning… AGAIN! There is NO love in Creation. Just hate. And to that hate I add my own this morning: May s/he who has my Flash Drive and USB cable watch and feel their children ROT, slowly and for Eternity… in their loins! (I wish the same for my siblings, by the way). – 15 minute extension on the time but I have to get to PenLib. And this computer won’t get me to the MCU log in! You know? There’s always something to fuk a day.

8539266 said, on 24/09/2011 at 18:02 (Edit)
17.48 Q53 161/CBB I’ve traveled much to accomplish little. A quicl stop in an “electronics” store on 33rd for USB. He didn’t have. Suggested “RadioShack” at the old Gimbles. – SIBL, Flash, some D.A.Journal. – Staples (Gimbles 34th) where they have the USB at 20$ (6ft.long). I didn’t buy. – The D to W.4 for the A to RockBlvd to the Q53 to PenLib. – MCU NOT functioning! No bloody statement. I’ve begun my own om Kingston. Once done, I’ll just manipulate and be done. But for now… I’m going to Staples/MetroAve, copy pay-stub. Must have “paypuhz” for tomorrow. – After the library, meal at TributePark: 2 Buddigs on 1 roll, 2 Fage, 1 sliced peaches, 1 tinned coffee, some PopCorners. I’m stuffed… for now. It was SO PEACEful on the bay. SO comfortable. And today, again, so painful to leave Rockaway. Alas. – Now, 18.01 Woodhaven/Atlantic, I’m exhausted. Chronic exhaustion. Hmpf

nyc8539266 said, on 25/09/2011 at 11:56 (Edit)
11.36 MMLib Had to print the statement and had to buy a print card for 2$. – Last night as I waited for the M15 at 60th, I hear “On no.”. It was Tony. He’d just come from the Q32 that my Q60 had followed in! So we took the bus together and had some time to chat about things. How fun! – Both got in and signed right away and I walk into the room to find… a NOTICE of “Mandatory” meeting on MONDAY at 11.00! laying on the bed! WTF? I went into a total drop! I really can’t take any more of this shit from DHS and I can’t take any more time from work let alone ANOTHER last minute call-out! Well, I’ve packed a bunch of things to take to storage. The locker is emptying out niceley. As of last night I figured, if they FORCE me to attend this meeting, I’ll be fired, meaning I’ll have NOTHING to do here any longer. So, I’ll just go… GO! Get a ticket to BVT and JUMP! As I said to Tony: They can’t do anything more to me and I don’t really care any longer. I can’t care any longer. I just simply can’t. – I packed, took my shower and went right on to Twitter. This time on Twitter, I went directly to Gov. Cuomo and Bloomberg. (Tony is sitting at the computer directly in front of me! How odd! Life!) Posted until almost mid-night hitting every-one I could think of. (Tony just left… no hello, no goodbye. Some people from the shelter are funny that way.) Jut kept posting and posting. This morning? No replies. I wonder. But now I’m even MORE BITTER about all those so-called “We Help The Homeless” groups and people out there. They do shit! And we have to eat it. Fukem! The end. I’ve always known that if I’m to get along I have to do ALL on my own. But this is just sick! Especially when it comes to having to save a damned job… one I don’t particularly like but keep. – Now, I have laundry that needs to be done. For some reason my socks are terrible. You’d never know I bathe twice daily. And I’ve got t-shirts that will probably never come clean again. I’d go back to the shelter to get the wash done but I don’t dare. According to Khen, somebody might come by with a copy of the “Mandate” and want me to sign it. As long as I don’t sign, there’s really no proof that I received the notice. Besides, Khen spoke with another CW who agreed: Just don’t go! That was this morning… and this morning I was there are 8.30 or so. 3 names on the list! WOW! So few! (It’s nice weather though…) When I told Khen about the “mandate” she was pissed! She even showed me where she’d posted that I work and that I provide income statements and that I shouldn’t have to attend the damned P.A. meeting! Again, the DHS shows that it doesn’t have a clue about what’s going on in the world. Butt-holes and morons! Anyway, it was left that I don’t have to attend and that work is more important. “I understand…” she said. Yes, she does. But the idiots in power certainly don’t. I expect trouble from this… – So… the night went well enough. I woke at about 5.45 with the alarm. Did my morning duties and grabbed the M34, walked up to MMLib. Stopped for coffee en route (1$/small!). Had my “Popcorners” with coffee in front of the Olde Library where I bumped into the Jamaican guy from the dorm next door. We chatted a while and I came here. – Time’s running out and I have to get back to the shelter to bring Khen the statement and then to get that bag of stuff to storage. – If all goes the way I believe it will, I’ll be at a train station or bust station on Wednesday morning… heading for the BIG JUMP to BVT!

8539266 said, on 25/09/2011 at 17:43 (Edit)
17.17 Q53 B94 just leaving The Rock… painfully. It’s a calm, quiet evening here, the kind I loved so. I don’t deserve to have to go back to the noise and filth of Manhattan. And I’m so tired that I know every joint and bone in my body. Eyes hurt too. – Well, I got Khen’s statement printed and was back at her desk by shortly before 13.00. She was at lunch, a CW told me to leave the statement on her desk. I did, under her key-board. Went up to the room to get the bag I packed last night, a gulp of water and a package of PopTarts (I was HUNGRY!). Oh, I told Khen about the altercatiom involving David. She was too pre-occupied with my “Mandatory” calamity. AND she gave E11 (a 2-bed dorm) to some nut-case! I snoozed; I loozed.) As I was walking into the dorm, David was resting… in bed. He’d gotten up and TRIED to bump into me at the door. I dodged, said nothing. Averted his attempt at starting trouble. Bag out, quick pee (David in the loo), out the door! – M15 to 63rd. I should have gotten off at 57th. Walked round until I got to the Q60 to Woodhaven and the 11 to LibertyAv. Storage. I repacked stuff into a “Trader Joe’s” bag and left. But at one point. I felt as though I just couldn’t make it! Drained of all energy. I sat on the steps-ladder a while. – Out to RiteAid for cigs. Immediate Q53! To The Rock, Waldbaums 3 knishes, 1 yoghurt, 1 sm. tin apricot, tin of coffee, meal. Tribut Park. – Done. The day and I are DONE. –

8539266 said, on 25/09/2011 at 17:46 (Edit)
17.17 Q53 B94 just leaving The Rock… painfully. It’s a calm, quiet evening here, the kind I loved so. I don’t deserve to have to go back to the noise and filth of Manhattan. And I’m so tired that I know every joint and bone in my body. Eyes hurt too. – Well, I got Khen’s statement printed and was back at her desk by shortly before 13.00. She was at lunch, a CW told me to leave the statement on her desk. I did, under her key-board. Went up to the room to get the bag I packed last night, a gulp of water and a package of PopTarts (I was HUNGRY!). Oh, I told Khen about the altercatiom involving David. She was too pre-occupied with my “Mandatory” calamity. AND she gave E11 (a 2-bed dorm) to some nut-case! I snoozed; I loozed.) As I was walking into the dorm, David was resting… in bed. He’d gotten up and TRIED to bump into me at the door. I dodged, said nothing. Averted his attempt at starting trouble. Bag out, quick pee (David in the loo), out the door! – M15 to 63rd. I should have gotten off at 57th. Walked round until I got to the Q60 to Woodhaven and the 11 to LibertyAv. Storage. I repacked stuff into a “Trader Joe’s” bag and left. But at one point. I felt as though I just couldn’t make it! Drained of all energy. I sat on the steps-ladder a while. – Out to RiteAid for cigs. Immediate Q53! To The Rock, Waldbaums 3 knishes, 1 yoghurt, 1 sm. tin apricot, tin of coffee, meal. whitechoc Tribut Park. – Done. The day and I are DONE. – Dessert? Pecan cookies with white chocolate. DEE-LISH! -It…

8539266 said, on 26/09/2011 at 06:10 (Edit)
6.04 M16 Feelings of “Forboding” this morning. – Woke at 4.25. Lsdt nihht’s laundry is still wet (because the bloody door was shut, no ventilation, fuk). – My fresh, clean towel, used once, smells sour. Is it my body? If so, why? – Amd why am I so late? – What about the “mandatory” meeting today? Will Khen take care or will I be with CWs all night tonight? Trsnsferred? Relocated? – Knots. Fukking day.

8539266 said, on 26/09/2011 at 12:47 (Edit)
12.31 HoBe Not in the mind-set to communicate with anybody today. I think I’m just burnt. Toasted. Charcoal. Ash. – Can’t get my mind off of what I should expect when I get back to the Dung-heap this evening. They’re a spiteful, nasty, filthy apathetic bunch, Department of Homeless Services. Capable of just about any nasty moves to make life miserable. And having been told I have no right to be in the shelter, and having excellent cause to believe Eunice Reid, Dir. is quite racist, along with so many of the “staff”, I trust them only to shove obstacles in my path. And I KNOW David is capable of pulling unimaginable shit… and getting away with it. He smokes, cigarettes and crack IN THE ROOM, drinks in the room, plays the radio all night (radios being prohibited to others). I anticipate destruction of my bed or something. It’s all just too, too much now. – I looked at BVT rents last night. My savings doesn’t help. – I work so long and often that I have no time to accomplish anything at all. And the pay-cheque makes nothing worth the while. – This morning I woke just past 4.00 to get here at 7.15. Even the commute is getting to me! – I don’t know if Khen got the statement I left on her desk yesterday. – And… I just want to… need to sleep, sleep. – Laundry is pretty much dry. – C. isn’t eating. Mrs. fed him breakfast this morning. – I’m in a foul mood.

8539266 said, on 26/09/2011 at 12:51 (Edit)
I nodded onyy a moment at the end of that entry and woke to panic thinking I’d rested the stylus on “back”. – Had oatmeal/1egg this morning. – I just need some time for me…

8539266 said, on 26/09/2011 at 19:53 (Edit)
19.29 Q53 S.Channel I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE again tonight. (It’s dark already too.) First, because I want “Home”. Second, because I’ve a miserable feeling about what’s waiting for me at the Dung-heap: A note to “see caseworker”, just going in there, David’s bull-shit. I’m TIRED. My head is throbbing. I’m rather hungry. I’m burnt. – C. was in better spirits as I left this eve. Mrs. suggested I go to PA tomorrow. She’s concerned about my FoodStamps. Yes, I’d like to have them back but not via the shelter. Rockaway will probably change my office to Manhattan! NO NO NO! I NEED as much connection to Rovkaway as possible, now more than ever. Besides, I’m hoping to hair-cut tomorrow. – The hour at PenLib was productive AND the USB for the phone works! Photos on Flash again. – I have to re-build my CB though ESP. since PJ tells me there are MANY HealthCare jobs and free “LNA” courses in BVT! I’m on m’way! But I MIGHT HAVE to go “shelter” at the beginning. Y’know? As I think, there are many in the Dung-heap who travel by shelters. Why the fuk shouldn’t I? REALLY! A notion to sleep on. A “HOPE” I haven’t had in a VERY LONG while. (19.43 157thAv.) I’ll ponder… – Got the imgs. for statements too! I can work those at SIBL now. Little by little I’ll re-re-build. – Lately, I keep thinking: The HATE of/for/about the sibs is still so strong. THEY got the chance to save, housing, furniture, financial help, college… I got 140$. THEN THEY tossed my EVERYTHING when I was stupid enough to trust them! HATE BURNS BRIGHTLY INSIDE! I wish not one second of good for them. And, no doubt, Sarah and Michael have been poisoned against me. Fuk. – Well… all will be what it will be. – (19.51 AtlanticAv) Q60 or 32? 60 I think. – For now… music. I may as well “enjoy these moments”. My only REAL REST. – BURNT!

8539266 said, on 26/09/2011 at 22:25 (Edit)
22.00 Showered and… Left PenLib for the 19.26 Q53, Q60, M15 and came in at 21.20! WOW! The guard at the x-ray was on a “You got a nail clipper in there?” thing. But the guard after that recognises me. “Go ‘head Doc.” (22.03 Cruz just walked in and the phone-thing.) (David still has the radio going.) So I was relieved. I think she (at x-ray) was just trying to piss us off by stalling the queue. Sign-in is 20.30-22. Well, about 20.30-?before22.00 (BED-CHECK! is supposed to be at 22.00.) We’ve some who get ha.ha’s by stalling the queue and watching some of the retards go insane with worry about missing sign-in. Just another bit of the Sadism. – Walked up to the floor to be told sign-in’s on 5. Back down. No prob. No “notations” on the roster. Then up to see IF there was a “memo” on the ned. Nothing. So, in my own silence, I made off to the shower. I’m choosing to not speak. Nothing to say, really. – That shit that Khen put into bed 11 is turning into the disturbance I figured on. Waltzes into the room, “Loosies! Heh heh heh.” and now (22.14) yammering in the hall. (In addition to the BLARING RADIO!) – OH! A note: I’m to understand that Security has come into the room and un-plugged David’s radio. It’s prohibited as I thought. But, as usual, he plugs it right back in and that’s the end of the matter. What I wouldn’t give to know particulars (and his P.O.). – When I leave here it’s going to be ANOTHER period of re-adjustment. My nerves are SO SHOT that the slightest “tick” or “click” in here sends shocks through my body. Bad enough I have 2 completely different personas: 1.Out-side, considerate, respectful. 2.IN-side here, crude, protected and selfishly apathetic. I remember the last time took almost a year to “settle”. This time might be longer… but tonight I’ll ponder VT. Diversion/Distraction. – Santiago just came in. Bed-check done… and the radio volume went down! Not A LOT BUT… WOW!

8539266 said, on 26/09/2011 at 22:33 (Edit)
PS: IF you’ve come here in response to my tirade of last night, I hope you enjoy reading. The kindness, courtesy or consideration of a Twitter reply would have been nice. But all things considered? No reply/response was expected. After all, I’m just some worthless piece of Homeless shit. Right? I work so the government snatches taxes from me. As is the “American way”… pay for abuse.

If you’re here because of #WorkingHomeless this is one account.

8539266 said, on 27/09/2011 at 17:25 (Edit)
17.18 Q41 Lindenwood HAIR-CUT! At the job… again. But… HAIR-CUT none-the-less. And genetallu(generally)(fuk this phonr) a great day. C. was in a good mood. Legs were strong. Appetite, good. Me? I had oatmeal for bkfst., Italian beans and rice (with an egg beaten into it) for lunch. Hot food! – Fixed the umbrella this morning. My sad’n’sorry “life” is all “on the job”. – I had to xfer fm. svgs. to cqg. The phone comes due again. Septembre is almost gone. I wish I was. – Now to SIBL.

8539266 said, on 27/09/2011 at 21:39 (Edit)
21.20 6W107 Lights are out, radio on (of course). – Left C. in a very good mood, nicely clean. Mrs. says “Dietary” coming tomorrow. I shall play the role of “Stoopit”. – Q41 to A to F to SIBL by about 18.25. – A couple iTunes and more DeadArtist on Flash. (I forgot to pay the phone… OK tomorrow.) – E-mail from PJ. Info on Soc.Svces. Truth? I don’t want that there. Shelter? Maybe. For BRIEFLY! But nothing else. Still, the LNA sounds good and he mentioned VNS and some other places. If I must… – Back into the Dung-heap by 20.20. Same guards on the entrance. The guy from last night says “What’s up, Doc?” You know? I appreciate that… not being treated like a dreg and a bit of humour. Nice. I don’t know why he’s nice. But I’ll not ask. – Walked up the stairs. I’d bought water tonight… in case. So of course… water in the cooler. Oh well. The water cost me a buck. – 1&2 were in. I flipped the light, 1 gets up and leaves. I went about my business. Washed a t-shirt, extra scrubs pants. Signed… no “memo”. I’m still waiting. Showered. – (21.33 and Cruz’s telephone starts.) – When I came back from shower the lights were off… I’d locked my locker… FUKKEM. Light on, locker open, light off. Here me be. – A really nice night: A snap in the breeze, low, low clouds, you can see them moving through the lower fog. Humid (which is why I did so little wash) but the chill makes it delightful. Interesting how many leaves are down in Rockaway and how lush this bloody island shit-hole is. Ah… soon… NO MORE! NO NO NO NO MORE! – Only 2 PopTarts tonight. I could use 6.

8539266 said, on 28/09/2011 at 21:38 (Edit)
21.11 6W107 To the young Indian fellow snd his lady-friend: It was a delight talking with you this evening. I hope you both find much success in your endeavours and I hope you have a better understanding of the Homeless and the Working Homeless. Do remember: “Residents” not “inmates”. But most important… ANY person can find him/herself in this system. Homelessness does not discriminate. One pay-cheque or two… it’s that quick, that easy. Good searching on the building. Its history is quite rich… the building is undeserving of what has been done to it and the disrespect it receives. Housing the Homeless is rather honourable but housing some of what is in here and what destruction has taken place is sad. That mankind is capable of such disrespect and destruction is even sadder. – If I may, I suggest you give this a try, for a night or two (no more however). Come. Experience the system first-hand. It’s open to all (by law). You’re always free to leave when you wish and to stay for as long as you’re able to take it. You’ll never get a better education: Sociology, Psychology, Psychiatry, Xenophobia, Racism, and so much more. Meanwhile, feel free to contact me via my e-mail or on Twitter. And know that I thank you for listening and I sincerely wish you both, all the best.

Last night I got a bit of wash done (but it didn’t dry completely today at work and I HAD to bleach the t-shirt because of little rust spots from the locker). – I was out of here early and thanks to MTA, arrived at 8.08 to work. Fukkem. C. was sitting at the edge of the bed, ready to GO! So this morning he got a good shower (may there be more). He was brill today for the dietician and C.O.C. And WOW! Do I ever get support from my C.O.C.! Trust too! It’s a pleasure talking with her and she does NOT want me off this case! Comforting. – The day went quickly somehow and I was off to SIBL. – The Q11 skipped a bus. Late to the A, L, 6. SIBL at 18.45. Immed. PC. PHONE PAID! Hurray! E-mail from PJ…

8539266 said, on 28/09/2011 at 21:53 (Edit)
21.39 Job leads! But I tried to down-load the pdf application to the Flash? Typical NYPL… couldn’t! Save to “desktop” BUT CAN’T ACCESS IT! Must wait for tomorrow… QPL… YAY THEM! Not muvh more accomplished there tonight. Out by 20.00. – Coming into the Dung-heap, the 2 folks addressed were standing out-side the gate. She looked rather “struck” by the place and mentioned something about it looking frightening. (21.44 David’s got the radio blaring, is fukking with his ring-tones. Crux gets up, cuts the light, closes the door, he’s fukkimg about in his locker. And the room stinks… Tony and I bathe daily; the other 2? I’ve yet to see David even carry soap and Cruz? Maybe weekly. Disrespectful. Inconsiderate. Discourteous. Just low… low… low.) We talked a bit. She askef if the place hired CNAs. He wanted to photographe. They were a delight. Truly. – So in… no prob. Walked up again. Put the light on. Signed. Showered. My towel has that odour! And this is a different towel. I don’t get it. – I’ve eaten SIX PopTarts! Not good. Though I should shit freely in the morning. – 21.51… radio, dark, foul odour… another night. – Happyfukkin New Year. And the 1st if the month is coming… David and crack-o time a-comin! (Some idiot’s trying the soda machine in the hall… the banging will come… BINGO! SLAM BANG BAM…!

8539266 said, on 28/09/2011 at 22:46 (Edit)
22.41 WFAN BLARING! People coming and going. David smoking, playing ring-tones. Cruz on the phone, banging the locker. The place stinks of feet. Just un-real. Santiago just brought a bag of food to Cruz… plastic bag rattling now… with a yankees game on radio. I need to get OUT of here! N.E.E.D.!

8539266 said, on 29/09/2011 at 05:53 (Edit)
5.50 M15SBS fm 33rd/2nd A vety difficult morning, this. It was almost impossible to lift my head from the pillow. Quite difficult to get to the carsie. Showering was an effort. Dressing took concentration

8539266 said, on 29/09/2011 at 07:02 (Edit)
6.57 Q21

In 56 years… I’ve never even once, for the briefest moment, had a reason to “live”.

Always being consciously aware:
Every passing second bringing me one second closer to Death.

Neither fearing nor welcoming it. Rather… looking forward to it.

8539266 said, on 29/09/2011 at 07:03 (Edit)
Just tired… I can feel it… in my marrow… literally.

8539266 said, on 29/09/2011 at 07:33 (Edit)
7.25 HoBe By age 2, responsibility of another… brother.
Age 5, I could change a diaper… not my own, feed an infant.
Age 7, smoking cigarettes… inhaling, belting shots of rye.
Age 10, total infant care… save breast feeding.
Age 13, total responsibility for house-hold.
Age 17, told leaving home was imperative (“One of these days he’ll kill you…”), 100,2 miles from “home”, no job, no money, no furniture, total care of a cancerous child.
Age 33, bury my 55 year old Mum.
Age 56, nothing is left… nothing at all.

8539266 said, on 29/09/2011 at 22:17 (Edit)
21.35 6W107 CBS.FM tonight. (Arses in the hall giving banshee screeches at each-other. Yes indeed, house the homeless. Like I’d want THAT living ANY-where even remotely near to ehere I’d be paying to live or reside. Fuk! They’re not even animals! More “refuse”.) I have to say that, last night, as soon as I put the phone away and laid down, David turned the volume down on his radio. At brief moments I could almost think he has SOME capacity for sensibility. But those moments are brief, fleeting. Then he returns to “David”. Of course, Saturday is the 1st… we’re in for 3 days of crack’n’smoke. – MEANWHILE… This morning I left earlier than usual, walked up to 33rd for the M15SBS… L to A to Q53… quick stop for PopTarts, yoghurt. Work by 7.20! Im this city, there’s no “winning”. – The day went well and QUICKLY! At one point, Melanie rang… to confirm my presence yesterday. I gave the call to C.! Too funny. He doesn’t know my name, thinks I’m a guy who comes to be with him during the day. Then told her I’d got there at 9.30! She was pissed with me. I, however, was most amused. When I rang her back I gave Marilyn’s number. She (Melanie) never called. I told her I’m sending a time sheet (out at the Farley P.O. this evening at about 20.25 or so). “You did the follow-up…” Well yes I did… bitch. SHIT! – So the day went slong… almost non-fukking-stop! Cook. Clean. Clean. Change. Cook. Just constant, save a 20min. nod. – After, PenLib! Immed. PC AND I HAVE THE “VNA” APPLICATION!!! PRINT AND FLASH!!! QUEENS RULES! AND copied the time sheet there! – Somehow I lost time though. Took the shuttle, A to 34th P.O. and came into the Dumg-heap at 21.00! I left PenLib at about 19.00! – ANYway… It’s 22.13. David’s looking at his mobile. Ring-tones again tonight? Crack-at-Home(less) shopping? – Tony got a call from an agency in Bklyn. HHA training. I hope it goes well for him. Me? I’m looking at 11.21.10 to get OUT OF HERE! Today’s e-mail from PJ has given me new Hope! (Sylvia “Pillow Talk”. She died today. More… gone.)

8539266 said, on 29/09/2011 at 22:20 (Edit)
Quick to Twitter then… lights out. No “BED-CHECK!!!” tonight. Hmmm… BUT THE ONLY GOOD SHOWER ON THE FLOOR IS OUT OF SERVICE! Possible leak in the wall but…

8539266 said, on 30/09/2011 at 10:54 (Edit)
10.00 HoBe THIS is a morning worth the entry. (Please, that I stay awake!) – Last night again, the radio volume went down when I laid down to sleep (Sleep? Well…) at about 22.45. I don’t know why David’s trying to be considerate but I don’t know what’s to come the werk-end. – This morning was another difficult one. It was almost painful getting out of bed. I WANTED to sleep! But at 4.20 I actually BOLTED! No time to shit, I peed, brushed my teeth, grabbed a very quick shower, dressed, threw my sleep-scrubs and laundry soap into a bag, locked the locker, turned the mattress and… OUT! Was at 33rd/2nd by 5.15 to JUST MISS the local M15! But an SBS came shortly. I was running. A 10bloody-minute wait for the L to BwyJct for another 10 bloody-minute wait for an A to RockBlvd. for a packed Q53 to RockPark! (10.22 C.’s on the move. I’ve no time to SHIT!) To the P.O. where, AT LONG LAST, the pay-advice, post-marked 22 Sept., arrived! Out… to arrive at the bus (Q53) just to watch THIS one pull from the curb! I waited. By now I was feeling the major fatige. My eyes began feeling puffed and heavy, and I was aware of missing Potty-Time this morning. But, on-ward! KADIMA! And across the bay we went. – At the house, open door, bad sign, and yes, it was. C. was awake. Mrs. cooking bloody breakfast! It was only about 7.35! I clocked-in, put my back-pack down and… RIGHT TO WASHING… BED-BATH. And C. was in no mood to help. (As I’d said before coming in: Oh just FUK me to a bloody stump… NOW and have done with it.) BUT, BUT, BUT I DID IT! Wash, dry, dress, to table, as Mrs. was putting food on. Seein all was accomplished, she left. That’s when I went into my own action for the day: Scrubs into a bucket to soak. Strip the bed. Check delivery status of the dir.dep. notice posted “Certified” on 13.9. Delivered on 15.9 (I STILL haven’t received the Return Receipt!!! Fuk the P.O.)

8539266 said, on 30/09/2011 at 11:14 (Edit)
11.03 I’ll be destroyed momentarily at this rate. – ANYway… Spoke with Marcia. The dir.dep. SHOULD be corrected… AGAIN! – ALL THAT, non-stop, accomplished before 10.00! And i DO mean “non-stop”. JEEEEEZ US! – And now? The scrubs are on the chair by the fan. C. has been on the move and antsy. Mrs. dropped by with groceries. I had a brief moment in the loo. And I’m fed-up with this day already. – SHOOT ME… NOW!

8539266 said, on 30/09/2011 at 17:26 (Edit)
17.11 Waiting for the A. My anxiety level is… on EXPLODE! Tomorrow is the 1st of the month: David will have his crack this week-end. The room will be full of it and his suppliers. Lights on and off all night. Locker-banging all through. A fukking ball game too. RADIO BLARING! Tonight I’ll pack a “subway kit”. I’ll be riding the rails all night to get rest. – I just missed the bloody bus this evening. It buzzed bu JUST before I got to the stop. Why? Becsuse clock-out takes so long! – I left the house with-out a word. Daniella is there. C. decided to get moving and frisky at 16.40! And with shit in the trousers! Major effort at last moment. – The iPod UN-charged whilst plugged into the wall so now I HAVE to hear fukking Trash: Spanish, save for every 3rd word: Muthufukkuh. – Journalling on this phone is a bloody pain. – And now? OH JOY! Some bitch brings her crumb-snatchers.. on the train ay rush hour! – SPICS MAKE ME SICK! Calling people “maricon” like we don’t understand. DEPORTATION! Or burn them! SOMETHING! – I just paid the phone through Octobre. Tomorrow is storage. – I work so fukking hard for shit and there’s somebody with their hand in my banque account before the ball-point ink dries on the book. – I’m right ON the edge today. – 17.25 Where the FUK is the damned train? There hasn’t evrn been one through to Rockawau since I got here! FUK THIS CITY! YRILY… TRULY! And fuk this phoneshit too.

(31 September 2011)8539266 said, on 01/10/2011 at 05:27 (Edit)
5.08 Mad/34th (*According to MTA.INFO there should be a Q32 in 20 minutes. Right.*) Well, to end Sept., I made it to MMLib and got an immediate PC… OK. 20 minute wait, but… as I waited I copied my pay-advice. One week-end item done. THEN, on the PC, I got the statement done… with-out a glitch! BOTH week-end items… DONE! Hit the bus schedules, AND PRINTED IT ALL! I walked out of there at least one day ahead of my-self on two accounts. And early enough to casually get back to the Dung-heap. Somethimg went terribly awry because simething went terribly right. (I’ll pay dearly for it, no doubt. Nothing goes right for free.) – Back at the Dung-heap, a sail-through entrance, a walk up the stairs to a reasonable volume on the radio, and no smoke in the room. (5.19 M16 just passed. Note.) (There’s a rat trying to cross 34th.) Tony was chatty about his interview in Bklyn. today. Seems he’s found a good agency. Free training, good opening salary, nice perks, not 1199. If I planned on staying in NYC I’d look into it. Hmmm… – No PopTarts tonight. Got right into getting ready for trying for some (SOME) sleep (sleep?). By 22.00 the lights were out… the radio was on, reasonable volume, NO DAVID in the room however. And my anxiety level was up: getting ANY rest tonight, David coming and going in a crack-rage, those sorts of things. – I don’t know exactly when it was, but shortly after 22.00 I dozed off.