| DEADARTIST Tales of Lembrook |
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DeadArtist: Comments 2008: March |
March 20081. Saturday: Out the door at 9h16 Return at 20h59! 2. Sunday: Dep: 8h22. Ret:21h40 – Artists are bringing in their works for the up-coming RAA exhibit and I can’t describe the PAIN seeing the water-colours and remembering mine! To think… I could be making a FORTUNE right now! I could be making enough to get a place of my own. Never mind the fact that my only jacket is wearing thin! It took enough out of me to leave the sTudio and walk down to 116th street. But that, some-how, eases my heart and soul. I gathered some more shells and stones. I wonder if the sea-jar will make anything. I wonder if I’ll have the stamina to survive until the warm weather. I doubt both. – This evening when I got back, Kalbah offered me a MOW dinner and I accepted. BUT, I had to WORK for it. I’d been out all day and yet, she found something for me to do… install some shelf dividers in what she calls the “guest closet”. It’s where I hang my jacket and suit. Of course… Then came the search for the plastic panties that she insists she needs and then decided she didn’t. Well. We got to sleep at 23h35… or about that… I’d no sooner put my head down and she had to pfutz. Typical. 3. Monday: Out 8h30 Ret 21h36 – I cut my hair today! YAY! Long due and I feel a little better. Did it before Kalbah woke to bug me and still, I was out the door by 8h30! – HAD TO GET A NEW METROCARD TOO! 81 DOLLARS! I’m running out of cash but I MUST have my fare OUT of that place. So, it means I have to use it more and more and more! 4. Tuesday:HEART SHAPED STONE FROM THE BEACH! Went for a little stroll (since I’m spending just about every day at the sTudio now… except Wed. and Thurs. when P. isn’t there… but that’s about to change with the better weather and my wandering around the old Fort) before going to the sTudio this morning and what do I find at the water’s edge? A HEART-SHAPED STONE! OK. I’m over this thing about God and all. But there must be something in Nature that put that stone there just as I walked that beach and something that made me find it. A heart-shaped stone! I’m impressed. – When I got back to the hell-hole this evening, I was truly starved BUT NO food was offered. I guess it’s because there was no work to be done so that I could “pay” my way. Well, I’ve already told her that I’m living-out what she owes me. She’ll have to be aware… not me. 5. Wednesday: Out 8h02 Ret: 21h40 Went out to the BBLib this morning, got my 30 minutes immediately and then took the bus out to the sTudio where I actually got to paint the walls for the coming exhibit. Was left alone to finish from 13-14h and then went for an investigative stroll on the dunes. Found one of the old bunkers that I was told about yesterday! This one, you have to crawl down to get into! So I’ll need the better flashlight for further exploration and that’s what I intend to do tomorrow if the weather is what it’s supposed to be. – Anyway, it’s almost 21h and I’m at the FDLib and ready to head back to the HellHole. I dread it. I could use a shower. Maybe I’ll just go ahead and take one. And I’m hungry. I wonder if food will be offered… I doubt it. \ Had a MOW! 6. Thursday: Out 8h16 having no-where in particular to go to today, I headed to Seaside, taking the 2 to the end of the line (and having to wait for the one to Flatbush!). Got the Q35 to 116th and dropped into the SSLib for my 30 mins on-line (where I’m trying to clean this blog up!). – Went over to Job Lot and spoke with Sam about the sign in the window again. He said they haven’t really made any decisions and in the meantime, another store is lending them people. He told me to drop by ever couple of day sto say “Hi” and remind him that I’m available. I don’t know why this can’t be easier. – Then, got bumped from the Q22 as it drove away from the corner. I was going to go over to the sTudio but didn’t. Took the A to the C to the Franklin Shuttle to BBLib where I am now (15h28) and will go to the 99-cent store and to FDLib before heading back to hell. – I went to the 99-cent store and got my pitas and some chocolate spread from Israel for my samichiz! Bought the cow a magnifying “sheet” which she won’t appreciate. Then got on the Q to Coney for the D to FD Lib. I’ve been here since about 18h15. It’s 20h30 as I type. I made an appointment for a PC earlier and missed it! So I tried for another and got one! YAY! So Here’s to the ruination of the day ever so soon. No food to be offered tonight, I’ll bet. – Right now I’m hot and tired. Burning from fatigue of course. I need to get out of this mess! Somehow. Anyhow. – Imagine this: Food was offered and accepted and we had a nice little repast. I even got the fish dinner …. kosher even! that was after I’d spent the better part of the evening in the FDLib. Oddly… I’d gotten my appointment on the pc for 19h15 and set my alarm on the cell for 19h30! I realised the error at 19h25 but I got another, later appointment which took tme to closing! YAY! 7. Friday: A realtively lost day. P. wasn’t expected at the sTudio so I decided that I wouldn’t go. Got to the SDLib at 10h and had to wait for the idiot techs to fix the system. That took until abotu 11h and believe it or not, I got time until almost 14h! At that point, I managed to fill out 2 applications for Michael’s which I will deliver, in person, in the coming week. Then back to the flat to gulp a sandwich (standing at the sink, of course, because she just won’t let me alone in the kitchen! I don’t know what she expects me to take from in there, but…) Then a quick shower and off to services this evening at RT. Daniel showed. We had a wonderful chicken dinner (HOT FOOD!) and I got back to the flat at after 22h. – She’s already making a big deal about Daylight Savings time tomorrow and that fact that I will HAVE to help with changing the clocks. The woman’s got only about 10-15 of them around the place. So… I’m not looking forward to losing the hour on Sunday. Of course, the reception is on Sunday. She’s already telling me that it will be a hardship on her to get to bed an hour earlier so that I can get enough sleep. She makes her points quite well. 8. Saturday: It’s just overcast this morning and threatening to DELUGE between 13-19h. It’s 10h28 at the Sd lib and I’m off and running, of course. I didn’t sleep at all last night. For some reason I was sweaty and couldn’t shut down! Fatigued right now but moving along. Thankfully it’s not freezing cold. After this I intend to go for the paper… For most people that means down the stairs and across the street. For me it’s down the stairs, across the street, on the bus to the train, to the transfer to the shuttle, up the block. For me aits almost 6 hours travel. Oh well. I don’t want to be around too long at the Hellhole anyway. 9. Sunday: Because of getting almost no sleep last night, I woke, completely exhausted this morning… late! Got into the shower and had to bolt around the flat. Headed directly out to the sTudio via the Nr.2 train and made some really great time. The weather was wonderful and the reception was a complete success. I stayed for the whole thing. P. dropped me at the bus (just outside the gate) and I took the bus back to Flatbush to see about the timing. It really does pay to take it but the people? Not the greatest quality. – Stopped at the FDlib before getting back to the flat. Too early. Just about 21h30 or something. I’ll have to check. Of course, had to sit and listen to the diatribe of the day, in which I have no interest anymore. Couldn’t watch TV for the mute. Got up at about 22h to fix a sandwich because the cow had been sitting in the throne all the while and of course, suddenly, she had to accomplish some business in the kitchen! So out into the trash went the beginnings of my food. I went to sleep with nothing but the noshes from the reception in my system! I want to stay out of her way and wait until I can do what I must and not be in the way. But she makes a conscious effort to squeeze into any place I am, especially the kitchen. As if she’s afraid I’ll eat something that she should have. It makes me sick. I had planned on submitting my applications for Michael’s tomorrow, in person. So, again tonight, no food and she wouldn’t allow me to get to sleep until midnight. I told her that I’m trying my best to do everything I must to get the fk out of the place but that she’s not helping me in any way. She’s as dense as mercury in this and just keeps pulling her sht. I told her: one of these days I’ll just walk out, do myself in and that will be it. She’ll be responsible for everything I leave behind. She wanted to know how she’ll know that I won’t be back. I said, when I don’t come back, you’ll know. 10. Monday: 9h20 at FDlib. I had some printing that needed to be done so I came to the 4th floor. This trash bucket library still hasn’t gotten the printing problem solved. Incompetent morons in this system. So I get to do what I wanted to do with only half of what I feel I need. I wanted to type a cover letter for my applications to Michael’s. Screwed! But why should it be any different than any other day? – I’m tired too. Not enough sleep last night. – Well… here’s to making the best of the crap I’m dealt (again) this morning. 2008.10.March (PostTime: 11.16) To give thanks and praise NOT to an entity in the sky but to that part of my self that encouraged me, gave me the energy to accomplish (even somethihng as trivial as waking up), gave me the notions/edias to pursue for my happiness. (Think art: the notion born from soething inner – INTERIOR – soul, spirit, not exterior. The accomplishmnet of a piece of art equals inner perserverence. Finding RAA – SELF-driven detrmination). The praise and thanks are to THAT part of ME. THAT is the notion of God: the unexplainable ENERGY that is the successful, creative, compassionate AND PASSIONATE ME! (PostTime: 11.17) A previous: (PostTime: 11.30) 11. Tuesday: 12. Wednesday: Highlights of the day: 13. Thursday: 14h30 at BBlib. Left the flat at 7h54 this morning. The housegirl was supposed to be there yesterday (so of course, I left in the morning, having made sure that things were in order to make her job quick and effective) but she decided NOT to show AGAIN! So, at about 22h30 LAST NIGHT I’m informed that she will be there at 9h30 THIS morning… AFTER I said that I was going to be able to sleep a little later this morning! I’d intended to sleep a little later, go to Seaside this afternoon and then to the FDlib and on from there. BUT, as I told the fat old cow last night: White people have to sk sht from the as of the ngr all the time these days and I’m no exception. So now, here I am, exhausted from lack of sleep. My bowels feel like they’re ready to explode! It was supposed to be a warm day but there’s still a chill in the air and I’m over-dressed for travel. But, this is my lot in life and I keep going. Just keep going. – From here I’ll head ,by bus, to “Home” for the afternoon. There isn’t anybody at the sTudio so I’ll just wing it… like usual. I’d hoped to be able to do a wash today and go to services this wk-end. Doesn’t look like that’s happening. But then, if it doesn’t, it’s because I’m letting it not happen. I just don’t have the energy to fight with the cow and her crap. So, we shall see what happens as time passes. I just want to get so far away from her, from there, from it all. 14. Friday: I’;d wanted to go to services this evening but because I couldn’t do my laundry, I had nothing to wear so I didn’t bother coming back for it. The cow almost sounded pleased when she learned that I wouldn’t attend. 15. Saturday: Can you imagine? It was TWENTY YEARS AGO TODAY! Remember last year? Why the hell am I still here this year? – As it turned out, I had a really wonderful time at RAA. Tommy and Tony and I went into the old silo at the fort! To think, I wouldn’t have done such a thing before this time last year. But now? I really just don’t care one way or the other. It’s been a LOT of investigating at the fort these past couple of weeks. In and out of the old batteries, under the ground, in the darkness, ALONE! I just don’t care and can’t care any more. Still, the day went well, all told. What a shame to have to come back to that flat though and to the horrible bch who didn’t care last year and still… no, now cares even less. – I’m very tired these days. I’m trying to get out of that place as early as possible and return as late as possible. Still, she finds a way to turn the evening sour before getting to sleep, so I go to sleep upset and wake in a hurry to run away. One of these nights I’ll just swallow my ticket out, lay on the sofa and go. – Oh, oddly enough, it was rainy as all hell today. Just like last year. And the weather report was for snow tomorrow. Just like last year! How strange is that? 16. Sunday: YAY! Left that hole at 7h58 and went directly out to RAA. It was a rainy/drizzly day but when I got there, Tommy had a crew assembled and so, we went out to the fort. I have now managed to see EVERY “known” battery under the ground! How bittersweet. So when I said so, I was told: No… now you have to go find the ones we DIDN’T know about. So there! I have a new adventure. 17. Monday. A crisp, clear day and out the door at 7h47 to RAA for the day of drawing and talking with Penelope. After, an hour at Seasisde library and back to Fordham where there’s no printing and I’ve sent a nasty message to the Mayor, Governor and library. (This place is going to the dogs! There’s noise all over the place! It’s almost like Brighton!) So, the horror for this time is that I can’t afford a new MetroCard AND and entry into the next RAA exhibit! I’ve got 80 in my wallet and I’ll need that for the new card if I’m to survive. That means no food either and the cow isn’t offering lately. So… I’ve got 15 days left on the card. I’m getting nervous and depressed about this. Panic is setting in. Hopefully, the weather will get warm soon and I can move into Battery Kessler! Imagine THAT! 18. Tuesday: Found a little “Igloo” (I call them Hobbit Holes) in the over-growth off the old road at the Fort! Tommy didn’t know about this one. 19. 20. Thursday: Nobody at RAA but I headed out to Riis to speak with anybody there about the Fort. Met Janise who told me about a position with Natl Parks for a Ranger. She gave me the info. I BOLTED back to The Bx Central Lib to get the form completed and managed to get all the paper-work done on the computer JUST IN TIME! 21. Friday: At T6 this morning by 9h30 and Janise came by to get the application and papers for the Ranger position! 22. 23. Sunday: It was Easter. Everything was closed. I left the flat by 8h04 anyway and headed out to the Fort. Took my time. Nice day. Good weather. I looked for the rails and found an under-used path off Marshall. Followed it and FOUND 411! Beautiful bunker. Arches! Can’t wait to tell Tommy and see if he knows of it! 24. Monday: 25. Tuesday: Well, the btch is back to her sht! I was out the door at 7h53 this morning and off to RAA for an other-wise really delightful, yet rather calm day. I hadn’t eaten well because I didn’t have anything to make, save the 2 slices of MOW bread and some peanut butter. So I was a little hungry. Still, being at RAA was a delight. I manged to get in a couple hours of searching and found the TWO AK-AKs in the bramble and briar! I was happy about that. Any discovery out in the fort makes me happy. – So I get on the train, come to The Bronx Central Library for the evening. I get some time on-line and work on some flyers. OK. take the Bx22 to Paul for the Bx10 (killing time) and get into the flat at 21h45. Well! The cow isn’t feeling at all well these days (see Kalbahjournal) and this evening was no exception. But I don’t have it in me to feel any compassion for her anymore. And if a reason is needed, here it comes… She asks me if I want dinner, I tell her yes. I needed something warm to eat. As I get to the kitchen to begin, she tells me that Alisha is coming to take care of her until she can get somebody to come in a couple days each week AND stay over-night! She’s full of sht and I know it! She just wants me out! I made the error of telling her that I applied for that parks job and now she’s trying what she can to make me ruin my chances at this one. She’s done this before and here she goes again. But then she re-offers the 400 dollars bit as usual and tells me, when I ask when Alisha is coming… 26. Wednesday: Up and out by 7h42 and off to Queens Central Library, Local History from 10h30 to 15h. Found more info on the Fort and had a good time being in there. Besides, I can’t afford more cigarettes, am on my last pack and this keeps me from smoking. 27. Thursday 28. Friday: Imagine this: I left this morning, at 7h47 and please don’t ask me what I did all day because I’m logging this on Tuesday, 1 April… BUT that’s not the point of this entry. I got back at 20h44 and she was in the loo. When she came out, all was as well as can be expected lately. She’s always in a miserable mood and complaining about her pains and aches and crap like that. 29. Saturday: Left at 7h58 and returned at 24h48. I was at The Fort until 22h tonight. We got a little group together to go scouting in 411 and 511 and then went back to sTudio6 to hang for a while. Ordered pizza. Had something to drink. Tom and I went with Christie and Matt to T4 for a while. I was in no hurry to get back to the hell hole. 30. Sunday: Out the door this morning at 7h49 on only about 5 hours’ sleep. back out to The Fort and sanity. 31. Monday: |