1990: Moved to HudsonHarbour, Wappingers Falls. - Mack Bradley - Attended Dutchess County Community College for Psychology. - Left Calvary to work at Wingdale Psych. - Began my "Psych" studies at Dutchess Country Community College. - Bought new Nissan Sentra, black, 5-speed. It helped my commute to Calvary. Prior, I'd taken night trains and walked down the tracks from Poughkeepsie station to
Wappingers. I had to leave work at exactly 11pm to catch the Pelham local to 125th Street for the MetroNorth to Poughkeepsie. If I missed any trains, I'd be stuck for the night. So I'd arrive at Poughkeepsie by about 1am and, all too often, have to walk the tracks, along the Hudson River, back down to Wappingers... in the dark. I'd get "home" at about 2am, shower, get a little sleep and then, get back on a train to NYC at noon. It was tough going.

When I got the car, it was a little easier. Still, there were many nights that I'd leave work to get home on time to spend some time with Mack. One evening, it snowed so badly that I couldn't find the Taconic. I navigated simply by "gut", but I made it. When I arrived, I found that Mack had gone out with-out me! He knew I hurried to be with him, but, as usual (for me and my life), it didn't matter. So I was home... alone... Or, I'd change my clothes, get into the car and drive out to Middletown to meet him. He wasn't always happy to see me and my efforts were... well... in vain.

1991: Cold-punched at work at Wingdale. Broken jaw and teeth. No Workers' Comp. awarded. I lost the car and the flat: The people at Wingdale didn't like me at all. I learned that it was because I worked too hard – much harder than the rest, and my training at Calvary put me in a position more of the Charge Nurse than my peers. Resentment. So one evening, they antagonised a particular patient with whom I had a great rapport, before I got on duty. As I brought him (the patient) to dinner that evening, he suddenly acted-out and punched me in the jaw. It dislocated my jaw and broke my front teeth. When I asked to have a doctor examine me, the doctor said that he could find nothing wrong. So I took myself over to Vassar Hospital in Poughkeepsie where they did an x-ray... As I waited for the results of that, I had to relocate my own jaw. – Subsequently, the Charge Nurse denied witnessing the incident on the ward and, at a hearing on the case, she accused me of having broken my own jaw whilst en route to Vassar! My Compensation claim was denied. I was left with no income. Still, Wingdale wouldn't take me back to work, claiming that I wasn't "well enough" to return. – One morning, very early, I was awakened by the sound of a truck outside my window. I woke to find the car being repossessed! I was living under a dispossess for the flat. I had no money for food, shelter, utilities... anything! I was losing everything! I tried to get back to work, but to no avail. – By the grace of Mack, I redeemed the car and got a job at Vassar Hospital, Cardiology. But, by then, it was too little and too late. I was so far behind that I couldn't catch-up with my expenses. I had to move.

1992: NOEL!!!!! – Summer, moved toLake Shore, Ulsterville from Wappingers. - Josephine Barbalinaldo. - Got a most beautiful little place in New Prospect. I loved it there. So peaceful. So wonderful. Josephine Barbalinaldo was a charming woman. But she had had a brain tumour that took its toll on her. She'd swing through moods and the likes. I did the best I could by her: keeping the property, mowing the lawn, cleaning the pool, effecting repairs around the house. I worked like a slave most of the time. But I didn't mind it at all. Again, to no avail. I couldn't keep up with rent and expenses. The car was finally lost for good.Met Lou Triggianni at the Maverick – in Glenford! A kiss in the rain. First time I'd ever "cheated" on a relationship but I was left alone most of the time when I would drive home from work at high speeds along the Taconic to be with Mack only to find that he'd already gone to Christopher Street Bar in Middletown without me. I was feeling quite abandoned and alone and Lou happened into my life at just the right time. Little did I know, he was holding on to "Charlie"... his spouse of many years, who had recently died. As this relationship progressed, it turned macabre. Lou was still very much in love with Charlie and, to this day, I still don't understand why he bothered to lead me to believe that I had a relationship of any kind with him. He and I would spend some of the most magnificent nights together in New Prospect. And he would always offer to bring me where I needed to go when I lost the car. (I'd bought an old Datsun from a neighbour, for 50 dollars. But the entire car died one night when I was coming home from work at the Middletown Galleria. Then, for 400 dollars, I bought a 1980 Audi from somebody in Cornwall. The entire front end of that was shot. When I took it to the garage for repairs, the mechanic told me it would cost 23 hundred dollars just to bring it to pass inspection! I drove the car for as long as I could in that condition and one day, when I could no longer control it, I left it at the garage... to let them sell it for parts, leaving me with no car.)Eventually, I got the job at Vassar Hospital. (These events aren't following chronological order but I'm just recording them at this point. The years are pretty close. But then, is the chronological order important or simply the fact that they happened? I don't know for certain any more.)NOEL was my little cat. I was alone on Christmas Eve this year and, in the darkness outside I kept hearing little "meows". I looked out the door and saw nothing in the snow. But after a while, I turned on the light and stepped outside. There she was! A tiny ball of black fur, in the snow, alone, like me. So I brought her in, gave her a bit of milk and, well, she not only made herself comfy in my home but in my heart as well. I named her NOEL because of the evening when she came into my life. She was a blessing to me... she was my little salvation. She became my very best companion and Friend. I loved her so very much and she loved me as well.

1993: February, moved to Roosa Gap! Loved that house. It was truly wonderful. So peaceful. Noel and I spent many hours in the yard, alone. Lou was supposed to move in with me but moved in with David, the assistant Manager at Lechter's. - Worked at Lechter's and Nature's Elements, Middletown Galleria Mall. - Lost the place at Roosa Gap because Lou promised to help me get to work on time but was always late. I was fired from Vassar because of it. Vickie, my charge Nurse, Respiratory, simply told me that, coming to work 15-30 minutes late wasn't acceptable anymore and that she had to replace me. The same scenario happened at Lechter's... too late, too often.

By some "fortune", I was able to move in to Parkchester with Emmie Cafiero in September. She had a spare room to offer. It was a difficult move for me. I was no longer in a NYC frame of mind and it was intimidating, looking for work, competing with the city folk again. But, eventually, I landed a job with Chemical Bank on Water Street. It paid miserably but it paid.

I had to leave Noel with Joe when I moved and eventually, left her with Joe because I didn't have the heart to bring her from the great outdoors and open spaces of the Shawangunks to the confinement of a flat in the city. I cried, miserably, for many months, missing her so much. My heart broke... truly.

This year, I met John Maughn in October. - Moved into Estie's on Metropolitain Avenue in November. John Maughn moved in with me. He was a serious coke addict. He would leave for several days and I eventually learned that he was spending the time with a fellow coke addict. I had to throw him out.

The best part of this year was when I finally enrolled in the New School, psychology. - Met Jeannine!!!!! We had a most wonderful time. - I had the job at Chemical Bank, 55 Water Street and then 95 Wall Street. - Moved from Parkchester to Jane Street.

1994: Moved from Jane Street to 14th Street. No electric for a month or more. The building was being renovated and the landlord was a slip-shod case, getting by with only what was visible on the surface to the inspectors. But I perservered. It was rather interesting. Still, paying 17 hundred dollars per month for rent with these conditions. And the flat was only 17 x 22 feet! In retrospect, taking that place was folly!

1995: August of this year I moved to 3150 Rochambeau A67! A truly magnficent place! Affordable and comfortable and soaked with daylight. I started my own Internet/Web business and was doing fairly well for quite some time. It was a pleasure.

1996: As much as I try, I can't recall anything about this year... I'm old... I'm tired... the memories fade... Although I still remember the song "Breakfast At Tiffany's" by Deep Blue, "Where Do You Go" by No Mercy and "Always Forever" by Donna Lewis.

1997: Met Bradshaw Smith at the LURE. –... For our "first date" he took me to see "As Bees In Honey Drown" at the Lucille Lortel Theatre on Christopher Street and then RUSHED me to a cab up to Rockefeller Centre to see Amanda McBroom at Rainbows and Stars (26 September).

1998: *The Lion King had opened at the New Amsterdam Theatre in November, the waiting list was already almost 2 years long but Bradshaw got tickets for both of us in Spring of this year! I also went with him to pre-view "Beauty Queen of Lenane" (Martin McDonagh) at the Walter Kerr theatre (round about April). - Later in the Summer, one evening, I walked to the Angelika in SoHo, alone, to see "American History X".

1999: This was a very strange and rather hectic year. The talk was that computers were going to come crashing to a halt because they'd all been programmed to deal with years beginning "19" and the common "expiration" years entered in data was "1999". It was thought that everything would simply "expire" or be deleted and all things "computer" would simply stop. I'd been working for Chemical Bank, 95 Wall, 3rd floor, for about 5 years already and was called to work with the "Y2K" team, primarily because I knew the banque, the systems, was pretty good at Access data-bases AND I knew the "old" computer programming languages that would be necessary to re-program in case of a massive failure. Chemical had just "acquired" Chase Bank and my new "Manager" was "legacy Chase". Jane McDaisy who openly and boldly hated me for what-ever reason she had. Her "team" consisted primarily of Chase cronies, young and rather stupid, generally speaking, but they were "her people" and I wasn't. Well, it turned out that shortly after Yom Kippur 2000, she managed to get me out of the banque completely on trumped-up bull-shit. My almost 6 years of working my way up the ranks in Chemical Bank (now "Chase"... the BIGGEST mistake ever made) was shot... THIS much I will NEVER forget... nor forgive! - There were rumours of threats to blow-up Times Square on New Year's Eve this year. I was on Rochambeau, still "with" Bradshaw and he wanted me to come stay with him (on 43rd st.). I begged him to come up-town and bring "Puddy" (Tat) with him. He came, none-too-happily but I felt better knowing that no matter what, they'd be safe. - December 1999 rolled out, January 2000 rolled in and the world went on... as if nothing had changed at all. - Meanwhile, in April of this year I got to see "Lonesome West" another McDonagh play, at the Lyceum AND "Kat And The Kings" at the Cort Theatre, in August. To think, we'd gone to the Opening Night party and the cast was sweet enough to autograph a poster for me! Ah, that probably got some un-deserving bastard quite a bit of an income... or maybe the person who snatched it with the rest of my life wasn't bright enough to realise it's monetary value (though, the sentimental value to me was and remains greater than can be compared).